#my s/i doesn't like being alone much and Levi happens to be the last one to sleep at night | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

animeyanderelover · 3 years

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If this isn't to much, could I request for yandere Eren, Jean, Levi (Attack On Titan) Sebastian, Claude, Snake, Ash (Black Butler) Azusa (Diabolik Lovers) Shuu Tsukiyama, Kuki Urie (Tokyo Ghoul) [all separate] reaction to their f!s/o [human darling for nonhuman yanderes] dying after she gives birth to her first baby/ies, with her last words being "They are so beautiful."? Would they blame their child or blame the doctors or who would they blame for their darling's death? How would they treat/raise their child? Please and thank you 😊 remember to take care 🤗

If you are uncomfortable with this you can ignore it

Wow, another heartbreak coming your and my way💔. Do not read if this triggers you.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, isolation, manipulation, breeding kink, pregnancy, dependence, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, s/o dies whilst giving birth

They are so beautiful

Sebastian Michaelis

🐈‍⬛He was in the request about the s/o nearly dying whilst giving birth so I don't have really much to add in here, but I'll do it anyways. Demons are not creatures who are known to settle down and start a family, they only do it to continue their kind and unless a demon doesn't have a mate, they don't see the reason in starting a family in the first place as well. Sebastian shares this mindset as well, he never thought about a family until he met you, his darling mate. Even from there on he needs a bit until he finally wishes to start a family with his darling, of course only if she doesn't have anything against it as well. It's weird for others to think about a demon like him starting to enjoy the thought of a small child at one point, most likely when he is sure that his darling loves him as well. Sebastian himself might have never expected to be the domestic type, but he comes to enjoy it nevertheless.

🐈‍⬛He convinces his master to let him finish earlier and finish tasks quicker, often with the help of his demonic powers so he can hurry as quickly as possible back to his darling and take care of her. It is a natural instinct for a demon like him to want to spend every second with his mate if she should be sick, hurt or pregnant, though he is in a way clingy anyways. Of course he doesn't exactly know how things will work with a hybrid child coming their way, even he as a really old demon is left clueless. But from what he knows from the demon and human biology, he will use to make himself a picture of how things might turn out.

🐈‍⬛Sebastian is pretty aware that a half-breed is never really welcomed in the supernatural world, though they are rare in the first place. He never minded about such things before, he was always amused about this topic. But now with a half-demon baby, his baby, he grows more protective than he would be already anyways. He doesn't want anything happening to his mate nor to the small child inside of her which is why he grows extremely uneasy to leave his darling alone, especially the closer she gets to giving birth. He kind of knows when she will give birth though which is why he takes the a few days off shortly before her water breaks.

🐈‍⬛Sebastian doesn't even let her in a hospital or calls doctors, he wants to do all of this by himself. He doesn't want to risk anything and since he doesn't know if the infant might perhaps change in their demon form whilst the doctors are checking over them, there will be problem because not only will rumors spread around, his master and other supernatural beings might find out about this as well and then he would bring his whole family in troubles which he doesn't want to do. Next to that Sebastian wants that moment only to be for him, his darling and their precious child to witness. Other people shouldn't be involved.

🐈‍⬛Whilst Sebastian was extremely careful with everything he did, knowing that carrying a demon inside of his s/o could take it's troll on her body and tire her more out than usual, he still felt confident enough in his abilities. Sebastian knows certainly of the fact that women can have troubles whilst giving birth and in some cases even die and whilst the chance was slim, he was in the worst case scenario prepared to handle this as well. And the thing with Sebastian is that he would definitely turn his darling into a demon if worst comes to worst. It's the last option, but he'll definitely use it if it's needed.

🐈‍⬛So despite all of this having his darling still dying on him might just shatter not only his heart and sanity, but also his complete confidence since Sebastian is not used to failing with something and even if it was a small mistake, he could always fix it. But right now he seems to have truly hit the bottom of his abilities and knowing that it is his darling who had to lose her life because of this makes this all extremely devastating for the demon. He doesn't lose his cool though, not yet. As a demon he has some more skills than others have and personally feel like he refuses to give up afterwards, searching for ways to bring his darling back to life and transform her.

🐈‍⬛That being said, he suffers from the moment his s/o stopped breathing extreme pain in his heart, but he doesn't acknowledge it, or at least tries to do so, and instead concentrates on finding a solution. So whilst he might have not an immediate outburst, for Sebastian it is an extreme slowly killing poison that starts taking affects after a few days of hastily and more and more desperately searching from his side, having not found a solution to bring you back to life. It is the first time in Sebastian's life that he senses failure and whilst he wouldn't have minded in any other scenario, he slowly breaks on the knowledge of not being able to safe his darling.

🐈‍⬛Sebastian has no other to blame, but himself which is on the long shot the worst thing for him. It's not like he thinks anyone else would have helped his darling better than him, but knowing that even he can't do anything makes him seriously question himself if there is someone who can and slowly he starts losing hope. Of course he could blame his daughter for all of this as well, but he can't manage to do so. So the one who will die because of his darling's death is he himself, though not physically. He is not familiar with feelings like despair or agony, it is the first time feeling those and these feelings will be for the rest of his life with him because losing a mate is for a demon a indirect death sentence.

🐈‍⬛They die on the inside as well. After he somewhat finally accepted that not even he could save his s/o, he finally had his outburst and it shook literally the whole world because for the first time he truly lost control, his deformed real demon form exposing itself and the whole aura in the surroundings turning heavy, suffocant and deadly, one taste of it tasting almost rotten and burning in the lungs. A wrath inside of it which tells every living being to not get too close to the source of it and gruesome hisses, growlings and even apopletic roars filling the air, accompanied by the thunder and lightnings of a sudden storm.

🐈‍⬛Of course Sebastian could also blame his little daughter for all of this, she is somewhat at fault for it since she took much energy from her mother and if it wouldn't have been for her, this might have never happened. But Sebastian is not able to do so, not when his father instincts kicked in as soon as he sensed her for the first time in his darling's belly and this only enhanced after seeing her, covered in body fluids, for the first time. And especially after he finally came to accept that his darling can't be brought back to life, he grew extremely protective as well as clingy. His darling loved the little girl as well.

🐈‍⬛Sebastian knows that too well since he was directly next to her when he showed her their little baby only moments before she died. But sadly he can't spend as much time with her as he would like, having to continue working as a servant in the manor and doing his job to fulfill the contract. In reality he just wishes to be a rogue and finally get out of this. Ciel and the servants notice that something happened because Sebastian lost that snarkiness and his playfullness about him a bit, instead appearing often deeply in thoughts and giving off a rather sad vibe. Ciel questions him about this as well, worried that this might affect his butler's work.

🐈‍⬛In the end, after Ciel found out because he will know at one point that Sebastian is in love, he would guess that something might have happened to you and he ends up allowing Sebastian to bring his daughter over to the manor since she is only a toddler and not able to control her abilities nor can take care of herself. Whilst Sebastian is initially more unsure about it, the distance between him and his baby makes him go extremely crazy and so he decides to accept the offer of his master and bring his little daughter over to keep a closer eye on her.

🐈‍⬛All the servants start a battle on who can become the favorite uncle or aunt for the girl, cooing over the little baby and trying to babysit as good as possible. Ciel connects the spots quickly afterwards, but decides against asking Sebastian if he is right, not wanting to trigger a unwanted reaction from the man. Sebastian on the other hand spends every second he has with his daughter since she carries a part of his darling with her and she is their child for which Sebastian would do everything to protect her. To a certain extent his protectiveness is justified since she is only half-demon and for that hated by many others.

🐈‍⬛ After he takes Ciel's soul, he most likely leaves the place to dedicate all his time into teaching his daughter how to control her powers and about the world and it doesn't happen often that a demon is close to their child. Especially not that close like Sebastian is to his daughter. He lets her socialize for the most part, but messing with her is bad and if someone should attack her, they have in less than a second a deformed, black and smoggy monster towering over them, glowing eyes staring with a look filled with bloodlust at them and claws stretching out to kill whoever endangered his daughter.

Claude Faustus

🕷️Ah yes, Claude. As I already told you countless times, I see him being the younger demon than Sebastian is and for that he thinks a bit differently. He doesn't really want to have a child, though he still wants to settle down with his darling after finally finishing the goddamn contract he has with Alois. Alois is exactly the reason why Claude doesn't want to have a child at the beginning, at least one of the main ones. He already has one brat he has to satisfy and so another little baby to take care of makes him feel more iffy, not completely sure how to feel about it, though not completely disliking the thought either. He needs far more time than Sebastian does until he has some sort of daily rhythm, knowing how to switch wisely between being in the manor and spending time with his darling without upsetting his childish master.

🕷️He would probably be more into having a child after his master is gone and he can dedicate his time to you properly, though he as well can not exactly avoid going through heat where he has more animalistic instincts taking over him. Such times are dangerous because the need and the desire to breed his darling is extremely present in such moments, though he won't force her into anything if she doesn't want it as well since he himself is for a long time a bit unsure what to do. As I said, I picture him as younger than Sebastian is.

🕷However, once he does sense that he has gotten his darling pregnant he quite literally has no time to complain or feel conflicted, it's like something washes over him and suddenly he has to be always near her and the child. A sudden and growing attachment being there between him and the growing lump in darling's belly, making her feel more at ease knowing how pessimistic he used to be about this whole topic. Claude himself is a bit surprised, but it is maybe just because it is your child we're talking about which is why he feels that way. And surprisingly he does not care that the baby is a half-breed, being normally always the more narrowed-mided one and disliking hybrids.

🕷️There are troubles if he is still working for the blonde boy because Claude has less patience than Sebastian has, meaning he just wants to storm back as fast as possible and take care of you, especially after he realized, more accurately sensed, that you were carrying two babies. He is somewhat more tense afterwards and the other demons will realize it as well, making him more rash in his actions and less willing to go through his master's ridiculous tantrums when he could in the meantime just look after his mate and the two children she is having inside of her.

🕷Worried because he knows that this can have a huge impact on the body. Since the babies are half-demons, he doesn't know what exactly might go wrong and how much energy they drain from you, it puts him more at edge but he for sure won't tell anyone about it, he'll go berserk if someone does as much as getting anywhere near his pregnant s/o. Especially if it is another demon or magic creature. It makes him feeling somewhat uneasy because the most he can do is trying to collect as much knowledge as he has about the biology of demons and humans and piece the rest together.

🕷️But whilst he might know that he has a slight disadvantage in here, Claude still is confident enough in himself that he will be able to handle all of this himself, meaning he won't bring his darling into a hospital. Instead she'll give birth in the cottage she already lives in, a isolated place where no one will be able to interrupt him and his darling during this difficult, but also exciting moment. Similar to Sebastian, Claude wants to keep this moment for himself and for his future little family. He definitely finds a way to be there that day, just knowing when his darling will give birth.

🕷Claude would also be ready to turn his darling into a demon if something should go wrong during birth. But he just doubts he would have to do this, feeling like no matter how less he might know about the child, he would still be able to pull it off just fine. It is this way of thinking that has him breaking later on, sensing the overwhelming feeling of failure and death after something starts going wrong, stressing himself out when suddenly complications start and all he can do is jst doing the best he can with his powers to soothe his darling's pain a bit and help her not fainting, not when having to give birth to not only one, but two children.

🕷️In here the difference in experience and patience is really visible because Claude has his feelings less under control than Sebastian has, leading him to having a near breakdown even then and there, parts of his real form showing up and disappearing again, Claude not being able to get a solid grip on himself and instead being too occupied with the brewing pain and sorrow inside of him, his self-control being like the eye of a growing storm of insanity. Of course he also ends up searching for a way to bring his darling back to life, but he is from the very beginning on so much more rash and brutal with it, starting to become more careless and reckless with the mess he might leave behind.

🕷His self-esteem is in much bigger danger than Sebastian's is since he knows that in comparison to others he still has some things to learn. It is his impatience that has him snapping way faster and whilst both of the demons outbursts are scary, horrendous forms showing themselves, Claude might be the one who charges straightforward violently which ends up being fatal for everything near him because whatever walks past him in this condition will be ripped into tiny pieces. Afterwards Claude suddenly starts feeling...less confident in himself and becomes so much more bitter.

🕷️And different from Sebastian, Claude is also ready to abandon his work and duties he has as a butler so he can take care of his two little sons who need his attention much more than the brat needs. He might have wanted to blame the babies for the death of his s/o, but similar to Sebastian he also felt the natural desire to protect his children when he sensed them and now that his darling is dead and she still managed to say in her dying breath that both of tem look beautiful, his boys are all he has left. It is almost desperation judging from the way he latches onto those two, feeling like he is rotting from the inside after your death. Instead he places some of the blame on Alois, not being able to handle all the guilt and blame himself without breaking under it.

🕷He can't take that great responsibility like Sebastian can, not with this situation. He is just incredibly distraught and traumatized afterwards, in pure despair trying to push his fault on someone else, although knowing that he can only blame himself. Claude's sudden rude and always tense and impatient behavior still shows everyone that something happened, but he sure as heck won't tell anyone about this, especially the other demons. He might just end up threatening Hannah into convincing the master into letting her do some of the work because different from Sebastian who still wants to finish the contract with Ciel, Claude is not being that strict, making it clear that he will kill Alois the moment the boy annoys him.

🕷️Claude is even more eager to finish all of this than Sebastian is since he has to feel more at edge due to four other demons being in the same manor as him and working there, demons who might not be too happy when finding out that he helped creating half-demons, his own children. Claude just can not deal as good with all of this as can and since he is the less patient demon in general, he straightforward despises every second he has to spend in the manor. The knowledge that he has two small children with demonic powers who are not able to look after themselves is just too much for him, especially since those two are the last persons he has by now left and who truly do matter to him.

🕷He devotes all his time into taking care of those two and whilst he might somewhat distance himself a bit emotionally at first, not completely knowing how to grow closer to them after everything that just happened so recently, he gets the hang of it rather quickly and that without him even realizing it at first. Different from Sebastian he is more strict and less playful than Sebastian which is mirrored in the way he raises his two sons. Of course Claude loves both of them more than any other living being on this planet and will all too gladly break everyone's neck who gets too close, but he is also a lot more stern and controlling, not really letting the two boys making friends. Even if they do learn to control their abilities. He just manipulates both of them into thinking that they need for the time being only each other and their father.

Snake

⚕️By all means, I do not really see him really thinking about such a thing since Snake himself is utterly desperate when it comes to his darling. All he really wants is love and adoration from her. That is pretty much the only thing on Snake's mind and his darling is for Snake without a doubt the centre of his world, he genuinely thinks that a life without her is not one worth living. He was also heavily mistreated as a child due to him being a hybrid of some sorts, people thought of him as a freak and the only thing they saw him being good for was to make money, degrading him to a mere attraction in a cage people could watch and talk over. That is the kind of life Snake has been living and after he lost his family once again, the whole circus, and Ciel lied shamelessly to him, he started working as a footman for him without knowing the truth.

⚕️So with him being a human-snake hybrid I do not know how far the word heat might fit him since he is quite submissive, in the innocent and not so innocent sense. Might have it better under control, but he has his more wild moments as well and if his darling wants a child, he would be incredible insecure about it, not thinking he would be a really good father and scared he child might be frightened of him and his snakes. They would probably end up inheriting scales due to him being a hybrid.

⚕️He becomes anxious people would treat his child just like they used to treat him and the mere imagination makes him enter a nervous nerve-wracking kind of shock, not wanting to make his own children suffer just because he is the way he is. Especially if his darling should be already pregnant he will have extremely mixed emotions. On the one hand he is joyous, we're still talking about his flesh and blood that is growing inside of you and his snakes themselves are just thrilled by all of this, already not being able to wait to meet their master's baby. But at the same time snake is also worried about too much to let him really be completely happy, making him not saying everything and just staring at you.

⚕️The other servants find out and especially Mey-Rin, Finny and Bardroy congratulate him for this, Ciel and Sebastian also expressing their best wishes for all of this so Snake has a lot of support. But it doesn't lift the weight he has to carry in his mind, so many insecurities regarding pregnancy, birth and how to even raise a child. He has just no idea what to do and it is obvious from everyone which ends in all of them giving him advices and helping him, even the demon and his master themselves because despite everything Ciel does seem to look a bit after his servants.

⚕️Sebastian is more curious, knowing that Snake is a hybrid. Especially his snakes will also enourage him and they themselves are already very protective over the little one, wrapping themselves around his darling's growing belly and always lingering near her, poisonous creatures being ready to protect her, no matter what and they do talk a lot to the embryo which makes Snake feel glad since he understands what they mean. It helps putting his jittery nerves at ease and even he can't withstand the growing need to be near his s/o and protect her and the child, calming himself a bit down over time and just enjoying the feeling of movements in her belly, caused by his own little baby.

⚕️Ciel is generous enough to give him a bit more free time and the human servants are gladly ready to work a bit more so their friend can have the time of special bonding he currently needs with his darling and their growing child. The young lord might even willing to help a bit with paying a good doctor to check on you every once in a while since Snake is financially not the strongest, though the other servants also support him with their monthly payment. Ciel merely piles this all up a bit with some of his money. The closer his darling gets to giving birth, the more his mind seems to turn away from other things to the point where he can't even focus anymore when he is not near her.

⚕️Whilst this does annoy Ciel a bit, Sebastian explains to him that this is completely normal for someone like Snake to feel the aching need to be near his pregnant mate. In that point Sebastian does show sympathy which ends with Ciel just giving Snake a break to be with his darling, still paying for him. The day his darling's water breaks down is the moment where Snake just forgets what to do, a dizzy emotion wave of fear and excitement hitting him without him knowing what to do and his snakes will be te ones guiding him through all of this.

⚕️His snakes are more infuriated than he is the moment his darling dies on him shortly after having seen the two most adorable babies. A little boy and a little girl, both his children. And in that one moment Snake was just happy, finally seeing the babies him and his snakes have been waiting for, more beautiful than he had ever imagined. For a short moment he forgot through how much drowning and agonizing fear he just went all this time, he wants to embrace his new family and tell his darling how happy he is. How much he loves her, how gorgeous their children are, just like she told them.

⚕️All Snake wants is his deserved happiness after everything that happened. He just clings onto his darling's hand desperately after she stopped moving, her smile still gracing her face, having died at the very least happily. But she left him alone in the process and all of a sudden his world darkens up, all joy and happiness he has known so far getting tainted and leaving him with only a broken heart and an empty soul left. At first he just starts crying, sobbing over his world he has just lost. That is the moment before suddenly the doctors try to slowly move him away and to take his darling and his children away from him. Because that is the moment Snake shows that he can be different as well.

⚕️He quite literally hisses at whoever tries to do so, staring with the quivering and blazing eyes of a wild animal at whoever does as much as trying to touch either his darling or one of the twins and all the other snakes join him quickly. Their warning hisses only work as more madness in that one moment and he blames it on them, though he knows that he is at fault as well. His snakes think so as well and in that one moment he is just blinded by rage and it is only thanks to the Phantomive household holding him back to not kill them that he stops.

⚕️Especially Ciel holds him back him since he doesn't want to dirty his name by needing to label one of his servants as a killer, though he also doesn't care if Snake kills them later on. But Snake afterwards does not care, after getting over his mad frenzy having completely worn him out with the last bit of strength and emotions he had left inside of him. But now he feels like there is nothing left to continue, nothing that makes him feel truly like he is wanted and alive anymore and he takes a break afterwards, refusing to do anything at all. Spends the following days with crying over his lost darling and sitting in front of her grave, craving at least a bit the feeling to be close to her.

⚕️He will never find the same warmth his darling possessed anywhere again, she was the only one who ever truly loved him and without her he feels terribly cold on the inside. But with that being said, he discovers soon after a new light in his life, one that even seems to be similar to his darling, to be completely precise he discovers two new lights. His little twins. His snakes force him to spend as much time as possible with them, knowing otherwise Snake will just continue living in despair. The animals themselves make it their personal job to protect these two precious baby snakes with all their lives, not wanting to put Snake through another trauma on which he will completely break and die. He barely clings onto the last bit of energy he has which is only thanks to the toddlers in the first place.

⚕️Snake feels a natural desire to be with his babies all the time and after he has lost you, these two are the only things he has left from you. He simply can not take another loss, not after what he has went through, this is a mutual understanding for him and his snakes. He manages to work again, though he takes the babies with him and lets the snakes watch over both of them when he is doing his tasks and all the other servants totally coo over the babies. Both of them turn out to share the same abilities as Snake has, talking to snakes and they do have some scales on them, though Snake still believes that they are still the most beautiful children he's ever seen. No wonder when you were their mother. But he is still skeptical to let both of them too much out of his sight, he needs to be with them all the time, he is extremely co-dependent on his daughter and son.

Ash Landers

▫️It comes to my advantage that I already wrote NSFW Hc’s for him because I think I mentioned it already a bit in there, but once someone gets him started he develops a small breeding kink. In all honesty, he doesn’t want to have children himself, but given the fact that he believes that his darling is the definition of purity, he believes the children of hers will be just as well. He also finds himself attracted to the thought of his darling being pregnant, though his paranoia holds him for a very, very long time back. Even after he has gotten the smallest bit over his overly paranoid behavior, he is still reluctant about all of it, but he can still lose himself in the moment and won’t be able to stop himself from coming inside of you. Ash panics afterwards quite a bit since he knows that there is the possibility that he might get you pregnant.

▫️He notices the signs long before his darling does and is even the one who senses the small baby long before the first signs might become visible. Instantly tells his darling, already being in a bit of despair, grabbing his hair and apologizing for having put a child inside of you, looking messed up before his darling calms him down and tells him that it is fine. That she is not angry and that she is actually happy with this. It is not like Ash himself isn’t happy, he is, but doesn’t know it just yet. He is currently a bit too overwhelmed by his feelings of shame because whilst he did imagine and secretly wanted to get his darling pregnant, he did not expect it to happen so soon.

▫️Knowing these news now has him abandoning any sort of duty, not even daring to leave you for the following months alone and since he controls the Queen anyways, he can make a lot of things happen. Luckily he does possess a huge knowledge about human biology and his own kind’s biology. With time he manages to show his happiness a bit more, specially because he feels the little one, sensing their innocence which he wants to keep. He actually knows that he is sinning, creating a hybrid. But the child is already so much more pure than any other being, his darling not being included, that he thinks that no one has the right to harm them.

▫️Of course it should be understandable that he won’t let doctors or any other person come near his darling, finding himself growing more and more uneasy. Until he has reached the point where he thinks that food that has been too long in the presence of others might harm you or the baby inside of your belly which is why he ends up checking over pretty much everything he delivers you at least three times. He’s afraid that even the slightest thing might be fatal. Kind of refusing to touch his darling’s belly at first, though at one point he won’t be able to resist anymore.

▫️He tears up when he feels the baby moving as well, he has worse mood swings than his darling has during her pregnancy. Similar to Sebastian and Claude he is also able to predict when the birth of the baby will be and he is something between thrilled and terrified, being too aware that this will be beyond painful for his darling, all because of him. It makes his mind race, blaming himself already heavily and it has him almost going back to hurting himself if it wouldn’t be for the current situation where he knows that he can’t effort to be dysfunctional, he has to be at his best shale so he can assure that both, mother and baby will be safe and healthy.

▫️He was simply too horrified that people would dirty his darling and the newborn baby and he also can’t stand the thought of anyone else witnessing a moment of a mother giving birth to an truly innocent and young infant. A child who heaven will smile upon. Ash himself didn’t think he was worthy either, despite the child which was about to be born was his own. But he doesn’t trust anyone else either so he was the best choice from all. This kind of thinking was the only thing that managed to soothe him a bit which was before he witnessed his darling entering labor pain and going through the process of giving birth.

▫️Ash feels like he is being tortured simply by watching so. He does try to bite his teeth together and prevent himself from having a meltdown, not when the life of her child is at sake and he tries his best to work with tears eyes, suppressing the need of sobbing out loudly and letting himself getting distracted. But that changes in less than a millisecond when he notices that something went very wrong and different from others he has less control over his emotions. He suddenly doesn’t know what to do anymore, trying to stop the pain with his abilities as an angel, talking with his darling to try to make her focus on other things.

▫️Whilst his darling is by the end of this completely physically done, he is mentally which is visible. He looks unhealthily pale and has somehow managed to bite his lips and the inside of his mouth bloody, not even caring in that one moment. He just continues to bite down, pure anxiety controlling him and not making him think clearly. It is only after the child is born, a small girl with white hair just like his, that he feels something besides anxiety and tormenting paranoia awakening inside of him whilst holding the little angel in his arms.

▫️Hard for him to tell what it is, he has problems to differ between the negative and positive emotions who are clashing against each other. What be knows is that the tears he cries now are those of happiness. He’s been blessed with a healthy and utterly gorgeous pure little girl. Ash feels for the first time truly like a father should do instead of only being fixated on keeping baby and darling safe from harm, seeing it as his only job. This child is his as well, his little daughter he needs to protect. But as much as he would like to stare at her in awe, he needs to also quickly take care of his darling, still knowing with agonizing awareness that she is not out of danger just yet and he also needs to let her see the most beautiful child she has just given birth to.

▫️It is so incredibly hard to describe how he feels after having been forced to witness all of this, a touching and blindingly beautiful scene where his darling whispered how beautiful the little girl was before she left. The woman Ash vowed to keep safe. The person he viewed as his whole reason to accept. Losing the person you dedicated your whole life to whilst thinking it's your fault does so much more than just shattering you, it erases everything you once carried inside of you. The angel goes on a rampage after having screamed his lungs out and crying rivers of tears over his darling.

▫️He takes the fury of an angel out on everyone he happens to meet, a pure maniacal rage having been awakened within him and for that one time he lets everything out. But what is left for him afterwards? He failed as a guardian angel to protect you and whilst he also searches for a way to bring you back to life, he has already failed and lost which brings him to the point where he can't do anything anymore, having forgotten how to do even the most simplest tasks and it does indeed push him to the brink of taking his own life as well. He does not think that he is worthy anymore which is why his daughter is indeed a miracle, his only reason to not do so. He can't leave her in this impure and cruel world unprotected.

▫️He is still somewhat of a terrible father to have for obvious reasons. Let's start with the fact that he is the worst case of overprotective, he viewed his darling as his purpose in life, he lost that purpose with her death. The only reason why he is still here is because he wants to be with his daughter and not let her die in this rotten world as well. He doesn't think he will be able to protect her completely either, his confidence has been shattered with you dying and he just thinks even lower of himself than before. So he is bound to not let his daughter out at all, refusing to risk getting her hurt from even the slightest brush of the wind. His daughter is not allowed to do anything at all with him keeping her from the outside world as well as not even letting her do things inside the place he has her shielded from the world which is bad for a small child who wants to see the world and learn new things.

▫️Next to that he is solely dependent on his little daughter since it is not even a joke when I say that she is the reason why he is still alive, if she leaves him as well, Ash will take his own life as well which makes his nerves tremble all the time. He does most of the things she asks him to do as long as it does not require her leaving the house or doing something that is too dangerous in his opinion. Whilst he also doesn't mean to do so, he pushes all of his paranoia on the little child which can end up with her being scared of what is beyond the four walls she lives in without even knowing it. Worst might just be if his daughter herself happens to witness how he hurts himself as a punishment because no small child wants to see her father suffering like this, although he will instantly drop whatever he was doing when he realizes she's watching him.

Eren Yeager

👊He went through some major changes during his life, though he is pretty much determined to have a baby with you, a thought which he has from a very early start of his obsession and crazed love with you. And he never stops thinking about it either, though with time he learns to keep quiet about it since he isn't as goofy and energetic as he used to be, having matured and thinking more about this all and what he would have to do in order to keep his future family safe. Eren is pretty much rock-solid that he wants to give his child a good and nice childhood different from what he had to go through and also swears that he will be a better father than Grisha was. He still watches over how his darling feels about it, though every time he sees a toddler it becomes clear to him just how much he wants this and he ends up telling his darling at one point bluntly what he wants which is shocking as well as a bit funny.

👊Eren is thoroughly with pretty much everything as soon as it has been confirmed that you're indeed pregnant with his child which manages to make him smile happily, something that isn't as commonly as it used to be when the both of you were younger, though he does it more around you than around others. He wants to be prepared and make sure everything will be alright which is why he hires a good medic and he insists on doing daily check-ups to make sure that his darling and the baby are doing fine.

👊Because despite being thrilled to meet in a few months his child, he is paranoid and worries that something still might go wrong, a imagination that is a nightmare for him and actually does give him a few nightmares from time to time where he has to recall all he has already lost. At one point he becomes pretty much the personal caretaker of his darling and at a certain point of the pregnancy he refuses to let her go out too much or get in contact with other people, only Armin and Mikasa are allowed near her, both busily suggesting names. Eren still is even with them a possessive freak, looking up on how he reacts sensible when someone else wants to touch the swollen stomach of his darling over which he gets in rather silly arguments with a dead serious face.

👊Doesn't let others in on what is going and how you're and the little baby are doing, the only person who do really know are his childhood friends and the doctors who look after your health and the one of the baby a bit during all of this. Eren himself is by now busily into exciting father-to-be mode, decorating together with Mikasa and Armin a room for the little one and his mind is running with possible names for a girl or a boy, taking also some suggestions from his best friends and his darling and deciding ultimately to wait until the baby is born and to choose then a name.

👊He constantly wants to be in company of his darling and during the final weeks he settles completely down to watch over you. And the only persons he really lets him join whilst bringing you to the hospital are Armin and Mikasa, everyone else won't be really allowed near, not even when they're comrades. But even his best friends have troubles holding him back when he notices what is going on, both having to ress him on the floor and dragging him out, Armin yelling sense into him which manages to make him stop from transforming into a Titan and destroying the whole building out of sheer panic, reminding Eren that he might kill you and the soon to be born baby.

👊It doesn't keep him from lashing violently out though, not even from his own friends who try to keep him out of the room his darling is currently giving birth in, not wanting him to disturb the medics from doing what they're supposed to do and it ends in a literal fight, Eren struggling violently to dash back in the room with Mikasa and Armin doing all they can to stop him, grabbing him and pulling him back only so he can trash angrily around again. It is honestly only after the shrill and loud wails of a baby suddenly fill the tension, making all three pause shocked and looking at the door seperating all of them from getting in.

👊And Eren is the first one to react, pushing both of his friends out of the way and charging back into the room, slamming the doors with a loud bang open which startles everyone inside of the room. And he does not care who is in his way, just shoving everyone away only to take a look at his sweaty and exhausted darling, trying to calm his shaky breath down a bit. He snaps at the doctors to inform him what just happened and if she's fine and if the baby is healthy with cold aggression before turning his attention quickly back to both, baby and mother and trying to start a conversation with her that it's now fine. That the worst part is over and that she should take a look at the little boy she just gave birth to.

👊Eerie silence falls over everything only seconds after his darling finally managed to gather her strength and look at the freshly born baby, smiling for the first time in hours and mumbling how beautiful he is before going limb. Eren realizes this with panic and shakes her slightly, calling her name in a voice laced with desperation for a minute or more before going quiet. He just stands there in front of his dead darling, pressing his nails deeply into the flesh of his palms and starting to tremble furiously, tears dripping down his face whilst doing so.

👊Armin and Mikasa cry as well, both are heartbroken after having seen all of this and know how important his darling was for Eren. The black-haired girl is the first one who rushes to him to give him comfort, to try to make him snap out of this and talks softly with him and wants to hug him, wailing herself since she saw his darling as a really close friend of hers. But the moment she touches him, Eren suddenly jerks away, an unhinged look on his face and screams at her to not touch him, to not come near him nor his dead s/o and the little baby. It gives everyone the chills and slowly he turns his gaze to the medics who were supposed to help you, his look telling them everything.

👊The doctors had to leave the room or otherwise Eren might have been ready to strangle them if it wouldn't have been for his friends stopping him once more, keeping him in the room where he can't transform whilst his s/o and the baby are still in there and. In a desperate attempt Armin rushes to press the child in front of his vision, making Eren instantly stop fighting and throwing violent fists, not wanting to hurt his son and just taking him from Armin. One look at the infant is all it takes before he finally has his mental breakdown, starting to cry despite not wanting to do so in front of his friends.

👊But he can't hold his emotions from pouring out of his eyes anymore. This is not how Eren wanted things to go, especially after all he has went through and whilst he lost people before, he didn't imagine to lose you only seconds after having delievered, after all the terror was finally over and he thought he could be happy. Hard to say what keeps him from going on a rampage afterwards and commiting mass murder and smashing the medics who couldn't help you to wet stains under his feet because he is mad at them, though knowing that it's not really their fault. But blaming them is so much easier.

👊The only thing that truly seems to matter for Eren afterwards is his little son, the only person he seems to be really be able to let a bit of his pain leave him for a while. Eren wants to keep the promise he has made to himself. He wants to be a good father for the small boy, but this is a bit hard after everything that he has gone through and with the sudden death of his darling he somewhat clings in a desperate move on his son. The only thing on his mind by now is to protect his son, to keep him safe, to not let anyone hurt him. That's what haunts him and his mind and leads him to the paranoia level where he stays in the same room as he is, mostly because the bedroom still reminds him too much of you and your scent is still present which is totally killing him. Not like he can manage to get much sleep either, he just spends hours watching silently over his son and probably manages to doze off a bit whilst doing so.

👊Before he shoots up the moment the screams and the engraved image of your death wake him up again and make him stare intensely at the infant, terrified that something might happen to him. Eren kind of decides that he knows best what's for his child and due to that he sometimes does things that might upset him and make him cry, but he is still a child and doesn't know yet whilst Eren believes that he knows better. The only persons he won't really threaten and let them be with his son are his childhood friends whilst around everyone else he tends to keep his son rather close to him. He also forbids his son to join the scouts or to do anything involved with fighting. Whilst more unlikely, if his son gets in extreme dangers his Titan goes beyond feral, a wild and brutal beast destroying everything in it's path only to pick the shaking child gently up and whether in Titan form or in his normal form, he checks obsessively for any sort of wounds and scratches his son might have gotten.

Jean Kirschstein

🐴That guy would be at first not all too keen on having children, not because he doesn't want some, but because he never really thinks about it too much at first. Jean is during the first or the first two years in this relationship too focused on making his darling happy and to never make her regret for accepting his love confession since he is a bit more warily about this. Jean just thinks very highly of his darling and sees her somewhat above him which is why he is scared she might think so too and leave him in the process. Because whilst some people think of him as a flirt, he is in reality just very flustered when with you just as much as he is jealous. But once he has gotten over this part of his life, he somewhat starts thinking about how he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and the thought of a nice house with you being the mother of his children is involved in this.

🐴Once he does gets his darling pregnant, he becomes a stuttering and flustered mess, not knowing how to react at first and what to do. Should he comfort you? Encourage you? No matter how frozen his body might be, his brain certainly overturns itself, he is just totally overjoyed and he tears only shortly afterwards up out of pure happiness which leads him finally to embrace his s/o in a tight hug whilst praising her in a shaking voice and thanking her for this surprise. Sasha and Connie find quickly out.

🐴Mainly because Jean has to blurt it out to someone and this someone ends up being his two best friends. And both are definitely happy for Jean and you as well, Sasha already starting to think of possible names whilst Connie teases Jean a bit, knowing that he is a bit fidgety now which ends in Jean getting somewhat annoyed with him. But ultimately he is just super worried about what he is supposed to do and how he can be from some help for you because he wants to do something so he can feel useful. His friends help him asking around for a doctor who will assist during birth and who checks on them and in general help him a lot. Both always calm him down and Sasha is even friendly enough to bring some food over for you.

🐴Sasha wants to be the aunt for the baby just as much as Connie wants to be the uncle and whilst Jean tells them that this is ridiculous, he appreciates the help. Originally he actually didn't plan on talking to the belly of his darling since he thought it would look weird for others, but once she starts showing and he can feel the baby moving their limbs, he threw that worry of his out of the window. Instead he became a fairly huge talker and became totally doting. He also did so much for his darling, everyone knew how important this all was for him.

🐴Soon all of his friends find out and everyone congratulates him for his soon-to-be family. He never liked Yeager near you and that didn't change once, though he knows Eren wouldn't attack you or otherwise he will go violent as well. Jean certainly has jittery nerves during the following months which is visible from the way he panicks if his darling has her mood sings or someone makes fun of her which ends with him shouting his lungs out. Connie and Sasha had to accompany him to the hospital when your water broke down because he was an absolute chaos, so incredibly anxious and nervous, positively terrified at first of all of this.

🐴He has his emotional breakdown fairly early, to be specific the moment he finally realized that something was not going the way it should be which filled him with horror and despite his friends trying to calm him down. He ignored them, his mind only being able to focus on his s/o in that moment, erasing any other unwanted and not needed informations and before he could do anything to disturb the people from their work, Sasha and Connie see no other way besides physically restricting him, his shaking form and clenched fists telling them that he might let go of his temper at any moment which had to be stopped by them.

🐴It is still easier to lure him away from his darling, he doesn't seem to burst out what makes his friends worry, but they still think it's best to bring him outside since he flinches visibly every time his darling lets out another scream. It is only after they managed to push him extremely slowly out of the room that he finally does something which makes his friends feel extremely sad and heart-broken. He starts sobbing, lightly pushing against them and begging them to let him stay with his darling. He knows that he might bother the doctors, but please. Please don't take him away from his angel.

🐴He kind of loses strength the more this torture continues, Connie has to support him or else he might collapse at any moment and by now he is in a worrying condition as well. Breaks out in cold sweat, face having gone nearly white and breath going in a very erratic rhythm. He feels physically sick at this point, his stomach churning and his head pounding with the screams of his darling. His friends try to calm him as good as they can, though they are frightened as well. It is only after the cries of a baby are heard inside the room and a nurse comes out to tell them that she has given a successful birth to twins that Jean finally seems to regain some of his strength.

🐴He staggers whilst rushing inside next to the bed of his darling and see her and his two children with his own eyes. He is still far too struck with panic to relax just now, though he definitely cries tears for his daughter and his son as well the moment he sees both of them for the first time. He does what he did already a long time before they were even out, doting on them in real life whilst also trying to somehow distract his darling from all the agony she had to go through the last long hours, wanting to somehow distract her by talking to her and let her see their babies.

🐴For a very short moment Jean is almost blacking out when he realizes what has happened, his darling suddenly died on him after having finally taken a good look at their twins and mumbling how beautiful they look. For a short moment the searing and drumming pain in his heart takes over everything and makes him feel like a deadly poison is spreading like a wildfire inside of him, making him collapse to his knees which leads Sasha and Connie rushing quickly to him.

🐴Sasha breaks out in sobs as well whilst Coonie looks disturbed, both trying to stop their friend from losing consciousness due to his breath, Jean feeling like he can not take any oxygen in anymore, gasping for air like someone is strangling him to death. The doctors of course try to help him from fainting, but the moment they start talking to him in hopes of calming him down, he turns more vicious, shouting at them that they're at fault, that they didn't do their job right. He does not possess the needed power to become physically violent, his whole body having gone numb, but he yells at them for a few minutes before stopping, all energy leaving him and instead agony puncturing his whole being from everywhere.

🐴He can not live without his darling, it is like he forgot how to do so afterwards which is why all of his friends look after him, all being extremely saddened about this. But Jean also starts scaring them a bit, him having random outbursts where he starts screaming and crying, losing all of his self-control and he somewhat lashes out on his surroundings whilst doing so. They of course try to help him, but he refuses any help and it is not until they tell him either he gets help or they will take the babies away so they won't get in danger from him. And the first time they did this, Jean had just straightforward another panic attack, sobbing to not take them away from him as well and that he would much rather die than hurting a single strand of hair on them. Without a single doubt his son and daughter are the sole and single rock in his ocean of craziness by now, his only sanity he has left after his darling has left him.

🐴And bringing them into the argument, Jean gets professional help from someone, knowing that he might really end up scaring his own kids which is something he can't effort to go through and with time he learns to not have his loud outbursts anymore. Instead he bawls his eyes silently in private out. Jean turns out to be a very doting parent, but he has his scars from the death of his darling and they will always be visible, even for his own children. He is paranoid as well and only truly trusts Connie and Sasha with the babies and babysitting them and he is also very overbearing to have as a father, he literally can't bring himself to leave them out of his sight for too long and if he does, he almost loses it. He is fairly aware that this is not how he should be as a father, but he has just shattered after the death of you and if he were to lose his children as well, he would want to die as well.

(Let's just act like Sasha is still alive😭)

Levi Ackerman

⚔️Levi turns away whenever someone asks him if he plans on starting a family with his darling, always either changing the topic or giving someone a silent glare that tells them to stop talking. It can give off the wrong impression and some think he doesn't like the imagination of it. No wonder, judging from how rough he can be and constantly calls the younger soldiers brats. But that is not true. Much more on the opposite, Levi actually thought about having a small family with you as well. But he is just incredibly insecure. The world he lives in is a dangerous place, filled with so many factors that can possess a threat to a small child. He himself had not a very happy childhood to start with, he was forced to watch his own mother die and Kenny was not that caring to him and that also leads him to being doubtful next to the scary imagination that something might go wrong during pregnancy which could harm you or the baby.

⚔️He doesn't know really how to feel when his darling telly him that she might be pregnant, fear and worries clouding his mind and taking happiness away from him to feel in that moment. He wants a confirmation as quickly as possible, making an appointment by the doctor only for them to indeed tell him that his darling is pregnant and he stays silent. There are a lot of things he has to go through in his mind now, feeling like he is just too unprepared to feel glad about all of this for now and the night after he won't be able to sleep even for a single minute, a heavy pressure suddenly being put on him, one that actually manages to crack his usually stoic facade.

⚔️That is why he seeks the company of his darling, because he feels like he can be completely honest with her and confesses that he is worrying himself sick over the possible worst case scenarios whilst also admitting that he is not sure if he would be a good father. He needs reassurement from her in that moment so he can feel more at ease. He decides to keep the pregnancy a secret at first so no one will disturb you, though people notice his growing protectiveness, that he runs back and forth to ask for a good team of medics and the fact that your stomach seems to grow more and more and confront him about it and at one point he just admits that he is going to be a father in the near future.

⚔️Becomes his darling's personal guardian the further both of them process in the pregnancy, snapping at everyone he thinks off as too curious which is pretty much everyone. Hange is truly someone who tests his nerves daily because they are more thrilled than anyone else from the people he knows and they somewhat have a weird fascination with his darling's belly, constantly asking her for premission to touch it. But even if you allow it, Levi just drags them away instantly, muttering a string of warnings.

⚔️Hange somewhat teases him a lot, knowing that he is by now totally in love with the child inside of his darling's belly, but tries to keep composure because he would like to avoid teasing. He wants to stay with his darling during the pregnancy, though also being dutiful with his position as a commander. But Erwin decides at one point to let him take a break for a bit, saying that he should enjoy time with his soon to be family and Hange tells him before he leaves that he needs to tell them when your water breaks. He spends the time before birth a lot with doting on his darling and preparing breakfast, lunch, dinner, washing clothes and enjoying time with his darling and her enlarged belly, feeling the movements of the little one inside which make him smile.

⚔️Whilst usually someone who keeps even under extreme stress composure, he is not able to stand for once strong and calm, desperation and fear written all over his face. He is not crying, but he is damn close to doing so. Levi absolutely doesn't want to leave his darling, instead yelling at the doctors that they should do their work. He has troubles keeping his composure which is obvious and given the situation, it makes everyone only feel more nervous as well because if Levi seems to be on edge, it affects all those around him as well since he is a pillar everyone can rely on.

⚔️It is not like he didn’t already lose a whole bunch of people, but his darling does not have to count to those people. What brings him even more to draining quite a bit in fear are the circumstances because if fate is really that cruel to let her die whilst giving birth to their child, he will never be able to get over this tormenting turn of events. This shouldn’t have been like this! Why?For the sake of his darling he’ll try to stay calm and help her, talk to her, let her squeeze his hand and break it if necessary. All she has to do is survive! That’s all he’s asking for! Please don’t die on him and the baby!

⚔️Levi was never someone to let his alert down, he was taught better than that. This is the reason why he will not feel soothed nor relieved when the child is finally being born, screams and cries echoing through the room. And there she is, his little baby girl. Levi probably refuses to hold the baby at first, insisting that his s/o should have the honor of holding her first. As cruel as it may sound, but he thinks that if his darling could die any minute, she should at the very least have seen their daughter. It makes him emotional when he sees how happy and proud his darling seems to be when getting to hold the baby.

⚔️A smile graces her features and she hushes how beautiful she is. And afterwards there is just silence, from everyone in this room when they finally realize that she died only seconds after having spoken her last words. Levi doesn’t do anything except staring with a blank expression and a cold heart at the scene in front of him, continuing to cling onto the cold hand of his love. The doctors try to do their job, trying to bring his wife back to life and Hange is asked to lead him out of here. He doesn’t protest either, he just complies. Maybe because he knows there’s nothing anyone could do anymore. His darling is dead.

⚔️Levi wouldn’t really blame anyone because he no one could have saved his darling just as much as no one was really responsible for this. He has no one he can turn his wrath against and this leaves him empty. He is used to having people he loves dying on him, but it doesn’t mean it gets easier handling the pain, no matter what. On the outside he might actually continue looking like his normal self, only more cold and harsh on others and mentioning his darling’s name is a sensitive thing for him. Talking about it is even worse because that is when he turns a bit of his anger against the culprit.

⚔️He just refuses to talk about it and no one knows what his condition is and if they should worry or not. Hange is the only one who is persistent enough to reach out to him and the only one who can succeed. Levi opens up to them at one point and admits that he is overwhelmed, in pain and can rarely get sleep at all with the little amount of sleep he gets anyways. And he is stressed out, having to work for the scouts whilst at the same time having to attend to the needs of his daughter. He feels lonely and is afraid of leaving his daughter alone. There is no one besides him to look after her. Levi doesn't show his sadness whilst in front of others, but he cries when in private.

⚔️Levi still continues pushing forward and doing what he is used to do, this is just how he is. He carries all the sorrow and pain alone and the only people who really do help him are Hange and his child. Especially his child is the only person who is afterwards able to soothe him, to help him relaxing and taking things a bit lighter. Levi can simply not hate his daughter nor blame her for the death of his darling, she is the only thing he has left from her. It should be obvious, but Levi refuses to let his daughter be part of the scouts because whilst his darling might have been a scout herself, after losing her as well, he gets incredibly protective over his child. He just plainly forbids it and that will be the end of the discussion. The little girl will grow up seeing the completely different side from him than many others do. He opens up to his daughter and shows her his softest side, she only experiences love instead of the stern and harsh act he often puts up around others.

⚔️Hange is gladly the babysitter from time to time when Levi is busy and whilst Levi trusts them, he warns them to not do anything stupid with his little baby. And Hange takes this very seriously, knowing how much this child means to Levi. He is not a really isolating father since he wants his child to have a healthier childhood than he had so he lets her play around outside as long as he can keep a sharp eye on her and guarantee she will not hurt herself. And hygiene is a very important aspect to him so the room of the child will be the cleanest and neatest it could be. Additionally he continues doting on his daughter similar to how he used to do when his darling was still alive in the sense that he cooks and cleans for her whenever he can and buys her small things she might like. He also doesn’t want his daughter to see him as a hero for all he did for humanity and additionally he fears that she might resent him if he dies during one of his missions. This is why he tries to stay alive.

Azusa Mukami

🔪Azusa is quite the complicated guy to look at. No one of the Mukami brothers had a very nice childhood, they were all abandoned, mistreated and nearly killed if it wouldn't have been for Karl Heinz. In general Azusa is extremely depedent on his darling, he views her as his ultimate reason to live and all he wants is her love. In his own wrapped and messed up way which would be cuts and pain he wants love, though he appreciates normal things like kisses and cuddles as well. So before he should even think about family it is important to help him stopping to be persistent of his darling giving him the pain he thinks he needs. It's not like Azusa would even think about a family, the only thing he thinks about is his darling and how much he craves for her and all the love she could give him. This is really the only thing he can focus on for now so there is no space for children.

🔪So this all happened mostly as an accident with not even Azusa realizing at first what was going on until the first symptoms appeared, nausea in the morning, sudden ravenous appetite for something and much more. You are his angel and so it should be obvious he panicked when seeing you more and more in conditions where you had to throw up and felt miserable. Of course he pleads his brothers to help you and they could not reject him. Not when he was crying already over such a small thing and they knew it would not end well if they wouldn't do something quickly.

🔪And after Ruki did a checkup on you and realized stunned what the problem was, everyone was informed and it came as a surprise for everyone. Azusa probably never expected this to happen nor did any Yuma or Kou. Carrying a hybrid is hard, especially if you are a human and it can take a toll on your body which is why Azusa has two different reactions on this. He is horrified once Ruki tells him what might go all wrong and how much you might have to suffer and his insecurities about himself are another factor that ruins him the mood. But he also feels softness for the baby since it is also yours.

🔪An advantage Azusa has in here is that he has not to take care of his pregnant darling alone, he has his three brothers who can help him. This is good because Azusa doesn’t really know what to do with a pregnant woman, he never once had any sort of experience with it nor did he really get the chance to be told a lot about that topic which is why Ruki sees the need to take care of that lack of knowledge. Because despite caring for the green-haired boy, Ruki also thinks Azusa has to learn how to look a bit after himself and his darling since he is going to be a father in only a few months which doesn’t leave much time.

🔪He has to learn how to take care of a baby and how to raise a child properly. Because whilst all his brothers will always be good uncles, they promise him and his darling this, they surely will not take care of the baby alone. Azusa has to learn how to have more confidence with himself and that he will be a good father because whilst he is already whipped for the baby, he feels like he will not be a good enough father. This does not stop him from clinging on his darling even more since he starts feeling more protective and despite initial fear, at one point he wants to touch his darling’s belly.

🔪Since Ruki has the most medic knowledge, he is pretty much the only one who is an actual help and for that will help Azusa’s darling with the process of giving birth as good as he can, though he is worried that something will go wrong. Azusa had this fear as well, but he was able to start awaiting birth a bit more since he wanted to meet his child. But for Azusa this all is just pretty much torture before he even gets to know that there are complications because the screams of his darling are like burning flames scratching and biting in his heart, a pain he can not bring himself to enjoy.

🔪This is the exact reason why Ruki wants him out the moment something does go wrong, not wanting to put his brother through his own nightmare to have to witness this. So he tells Kou and Yuma to bring him out, voice sounding stressed and seeing Ruki panicking tells everyone that something is wrong. The first step for Azusa to fall into despair. He won’t hurt his brothers, but he pleads with a trembling voice to be let in again, to be near his darling or at the very least for Ruki to tell him that she’ll make it. Please tell him she’ll make it. But Ruki can not and that has Azusa already breaking down in the first place where his brothers try their best to console him.

🔪He will only be let in once the worst part is over and the baby is born, Ruki looking pretty tired with his nerves, but nothing in comparison to Azusa who looks nothing, but terrified and finished with everything, voice having gone hoarse from all the crying and sobbing. He barely seems to have the needed strength to walk, but he wants to see his darling and if it wouldn’t be for Kou helping him inside, he would have crawled on the ground. And that is when he finally sees the little child that his darling has given birth too, a gorgeous little girl which radiates off light.

🔪It’s when Azusa is temporarily able to wipe his tears away with a small smile on his face, although he is still in a shaking condition. There is this short moment where he feels quite harmonious, a fleeing time where Azusa feels like he has everything he could ever need, his two angel girls. It is only after he senses that his darling stopped breathing that he feels something inside of him being completely crushed with Ruki cussing out loudly and snapping to get out of here, proceeding to somehow bring Azusa’s darling back to life and in the worst case scenario transforming her, something Azusa is not fine with.

🔪But it all fails in the end and Azusa is being left with only what was once his heart. He blacks out only shortly after Ruki had to confirm that his darling is dead, not being able to look Azusa in his eyes whilst telling him the truth. There is this really short moment Azusa is in denial, not wanting to believe that his goddess has left him. But she did and after that Azusa just doesn’t know anymore what he is here for. His darling was for him the whole reason why he lived and losing her is like losing himself as well. Why is he even alive anymore? There is no reason if his darling is gone!!

🔪The last thing he remembers before pain and aching takes over all of his five senses is his wish to just never wake up again from all of this. When he wakes up, he is in a bed, surrounded by all of his brothers who seem to be all very exhausted and worried to death, jumping up when noticing that he is awake again. And Azusa…just asks if one of his brothers can just kill him, not thinking he has the strength to live anymore. It’s horrifying to hear for his brothers, but Ruki already did make up a plan since he knew that this might happen which is the moment he just quickly gets Azusa’s child and lays her on his chest for him to get back to his senses.

🔪Ah, so there is a reason why he should continue to live, Azusa finds that out after he got to marvel over his baby quite a long time since he refused to let go when he got to see and feel her for the first time. This is a relief for all of his brothers who had the worst possible scenario in their heads, but his daughter seems to be all Azusa needs to continue. And that is meant in the literal sense. His daughter is all Azusa needs in his life which is discovered quickly by all the other Mukami brothers. And whilst they know this is not healthy and try to teach Azusa to also live without believing that the toddler is his life, they all fail constantly because at this point Azusa threatens to hurt himself if they don't let him be with his child and everyone knows he will do it which is why they have no choice, but do as he says.

🔪 All they can do is making sure that nothing happens to his girl or otherwise Azusa will do the worst thing to himself just to reunited with his love and their daughter. All dependence he used to have on his darling is being transferred to the baby and in an even stronger sense since Azusa gives himself all the fault for you dying and for that killing the mother of his daughter. At the very least he is aware enough to realize that he can not force his own child to hurt him and give her a knife, he doesn't want to traumatize her. Instead he goes for all sorts of physical affection from her. A few examples are how he constantly either carries her around or holds her hand, not wanting to really let go of her. He is fine with letting her go outside in the garden, though he fears that the Sakamaki brothers might find out about her and wanting to torment him a bit by taking her and this fear he shares with all his brothers which is why everyone is protective over the kid.

Shuu Tsukiyama

🍷It is mostly to blame on his father that Shuu suddenly is so eager to have a family, even though you will have to thank Mirumo a lot since he lectures his son to treat you like a gentleman should treat his significant other. Of course Shuu is aware that the chances of getting his darling successfully pregnant and ensuring that the infant will be healthy and a half ghoul are pretty rare in the first place since humans and ghouls do not mix very well. This is why he asks his father almost desperately for help since his old man has connections and friends all over the place. But Mirumo will only help after he is sure Shuu's darling wants to have children just as much as Shuu wants and has also clarified to her that with bearing the child of a ghoul certain risks and dangers are involved. If you are still determined, Mirumo will keep his word and start searching for all help he can get.

🍷Shuu is over the hills and far away when he gets the confirmation that he has succeeded in getting his darling pregnant and he was absolutely theatrically about it, making a huge fuss about it and in the next moment he has his darling already hidden in his arms and showers her with praises and kisses, he literally tears up in joy. Still though, his father does not miss the chance to grab him and talk in a strict voice with him that he is not allowed to touch the baby and even think about tasting them because it's Mirumo's grandchild and he will not let Shuu even think about hurting the baby.

🍷Shuu's reaction to this is pure indignantion, shocked that his father would think he could ever do this. He does know why his father might have suspected this, but he is a changed man now and the talk with his father will lead him to definitely convincing his darling once again that he doesn't intend on ever harming the growing baby inside of her. Shuu just wants to start a new life with his darling and live a happy life with her and the small one. Granted, at one point his behavior is annoying because by now he doesn't let you do anything by yourself anymore, but he just wants to make sure that you do not push yourself or the baby, or as later found out, babies.

🍷Shuu is totally thrilled about the thought of having two adorable princesses living in the manor and all the servants grow excited over all of this as well, simply because Shuu is at one point skipping through the house and smiling like a lovesick fool due to all the joy inside of his heart. By now he is only gushing over his darling and her growing bump and he has a small heart attack whenever he can feel the babies moving inside of her. Of course he knows that consuming human flesh is truly not easy for his darling to do.

🍷It is pure horror and this is maybe the only thing he feels sorry about, but at this point it might end deadly if she stops doing this since her pregnancy has already progressed too far. He tries to make her forget about all of this by planning with her about the future life of the babies including the names and dear lord, he can not decide on which name he wants to choose and comes up with a hundreds of different names, only with fitting meanings for his daughters and he mostly wants to give them a french name as well. Talking about the things he buys for both of them before they are even born is truly astonishing and we didn't even include the servants yet who also prepare gifts.

🍷Shuu doesn't really think about what might go wrong, he is too settled on the thought of his own happy family which is why he hates it when his father tells him that he should not be too careless. He despises thinking about the worst case scenario. And in that one moment where everything subdues to the chaos and growing panic and fear, someone will have to hold him down, restrain him physically or else he will go violently against the people he hired, thinking of them as useless and only hurting his darling even more.

🍷It is hard even for Mirumo to stay calm in this situation, feeling anxiety and doubts nagging on his heart and mind, but he knows that if he shows that he is scared as well, everyone in this house will give up hope. He can not let that happen and for that reason tries to talk with his son get him back to his senses since he has given up on rational thinking, instead begging, yelling, sobbing and crying. He wants to see his darling! Let him! That guy has just a full down meltdown, everything inside of him blurrying and making it impossible to stay calm, not when he is blinded from the despair and the growing nightmare that becomes more and more realistic to him. Even his father trying to calm him down does barely the job.

🍷But what other choice does Shuu have besides putting faith in his father's words? He wants to hope, wants to hear that everything will be fine and his darling and his daughters will make it out just fine. And so he stops twisting and throwing a violent tantrum, instead just continuing to cry out of fear that he will lose everything in one single day. There is a spark of hope in the heavy and suffocating atmosphere the moment there are suddenly two simultaneously wails heard, causing everyone to look with slightly repaired hope at the room.

🍷The door opens to reveal one of the doctors, looking beyond finished and a still conflicted expression on their face at everyone who is waiting outside. Not like Shuu cares, he suddenly jerks upwards, causing whoever held him down to let go and just focuses on dashing inside, needing to mend the pain inside of him by seeing that his three girls are fine. Really, all he wants is finally knowing that the worst nightmare of his life is over. But instead he only gets to see what breaks so much more than just confidence, spirit and heart. And after having heard what his darling had to say to their babies and dying, he stops in his tracks, just watching in horror the scene in front of him.

🍷Who should he kill for this? The most obvious choice would be the doctors and his now broken soul whispers evil and malicious things in his head, now that he is too weak to resist. And that is why he all of a sudden goes on a short lunatic rampage, wanting to make someone suffer because someone has to pay for this. His hatred is turned to all the nurses and doctors and from the look he is giving them, they know what he is planning and all the servants and his father notice as well. And all have to work together to stop him from really hurting someone.

🍷Although no one of the servants have the willpower to hurt their master, not when they cry together with him. This leaves Mirumo with no other choice, but to do so, having to hurt his son badly enough so he won't have the strength to fight anymore since this is the only way to stop him and even he will not be able to suppress his tears, not believing that he was just forced to do this and knowing that even he was not able to do anything. It is not only Shuu who has from now on painful scars and wounds, but the whole household has and the rest of the day will be spend by everyone mourning and crying over the death of Shuu's darling.

🍷I'm pretty sure if it wouldn't be for his daughters, he would end up exactly like he did when Kaneki went missing, miserably and sick and that is actually how he is the first week after the death of his darling. He is too weak to do anything, something having robbed him from his strength and humor and it worries everyone deeply as much as it hurts them to see Shuu in such bad shape. But thanks to his two babies Shuu gets so much faster over it than it might have taken him without them because they give him something he just needs now. Maybe he is reminded that both of them need him and maybe also because he fears if he dies as well, they will one day get in great danger and he won't be there to protect them. It makes him even in his worst sickness paranoid and before he knows it.

🍷He is getting better again and the moment he is strong enough again is the moment he latches with utter fear and pain on these two small toddlers he has now. And he doesn't want to let both of them go anywhere near outside except in the garden he has, but he is too afraid someone will hunt them down since they're half ghouls. This paranoid behavior is pointed out by his father who thinks that it is not right from Shuu to keep the two children away from humans as well as other ghouls since they need the contact with other children and humans to learn. It ends in terrible arguments where Shuu ends up crying and trembling, even going against his own father. The two have enough persons around them already! He does not want to lose them as well! This opinion of Shuu is actually seen quite different from everyone in the household since they're people who have grown just as paranoid as he is, Kanae for example, as well as people who are on his father's side. But all would absolutely die for his daughters.

Kuki Urie

🖤Kuki is more iffy about the thought of starting a family with his darling and not because it would be not likely for him to have a healthy child with his darling since he is not a ghoul. It is rather because he has bad experiences with a family since he had to suffer from the loss of his father whilst he was still a child and it affected him until this very day. He is not willing to put his child through the same pain he had to go through, he will not let it happen. Next to that he is, despite being all too ready to be more harsh and mean against others when necessary, very responsible and would only want to start a family once he knows he is financially stable and has married his darling. That's when he might start considering settling down for a more domestic life with a child or two to love and look after, of course only if his darling wants it as well.

🖤He is not instantly ready to let everyone know about all of this, he doesn't want people to annoy him and you over it and sure as hell also doesn't want the people from the CCG getting curious about what might be with the child since he is a Quinx because he won't let anyone touch his darling, especially not since she is carrying their baby. Kuki is just not willing to let anyone interrupt the happiness he feels when it is confirmed by a doctor that his darling is really pregnant. He just wants to enjoy the news a bit before coming up with a solution on how to tell his comrades, friends and the CCG people about all of this.

🖤He plans on taking a break and dedicating time to his lover and the small family he is about to have. Saiko and Tooru are the first people he lets in on this secret since those two are his closest friends and both of them are happy and congratulate him for this great news. The hardest part is probably telling the higher-ups about this and Kuki is more tense when telling him the reason why he demands a break, he's not asking for it. There certainly is tension between him and whoever he needs to ask for this, but Saiko and Tooru as well as maybe even Juuzou will put in some good words for him.

🖤Kuki is honestly ready to become his darling's personal slave so much more during the pregnancy and will do absolutely anything to make sure that she is being taken care off so her and the baby will be after the birth both healthy. And he works his ass off for this sole purpose and this might lead him to babying his darling a lot more than he already did before because he views her as more fragile now that she has their child inside of him. This why he has his darling rather sit down and let him handle all the work instead of doing it herself.

🖤Even carrying a laundry basket seems to be too big of a deal and he does all the house chores without complaining once about it plus busily designing a room for the little one. This only becomes more and more extreme the more time passes by and even if you protest against all of this, Kuki will not stop. He's happy with what he does. He is not too keen on letting too many people visit you whilst being pregnant and if it is someone from the CCG he slams the door closed and locks it up before they can even blink. The only persons who are allowed to come over are Saiko and Tooru, but even around them he will be a bit cautious. He is a fan of touching his darling's belly a lot.

🖤Maybe the CCG offered him a special place where his darling would give birth just in case the baby will somehow have gotten affected by him being a Quinx and whilst Kuki reacts at first rather outraged that the CCG wants to get involved so much in all of this and accuses them of wanting to only examine his child, which is understandable, in the end someone is able to calm him down enough so he sees the rather positive aspects from all of this as well and that it might just be the best choice he has. So after long and tiring arguments, he finally agrees to all of this.

🖤Even though he voiced his distrust and warnings out to them because if they touch either his darling or his child in the wrong way, he won’t hesitate to hurt them. But at the very least the offer of the CCG was genuine and they do not mean to hurt Kuki’s beloved ones, they would just want to avoid chaos in the hospital. It’s not like this puts Kuki at ease, but Saiko and Tooru promise to be there with him which he appreciates more than he admits. And so you can guess who had to literally fight him so he would not lose it completely and slaughter anyone he can hurt, Saiko and Tooru plus a few people from the CCG desperate to hold a man back who loses his mind whenever hearing the screams of his darling.

🖤He just knew that something was wrong when he was suddenly dragged out of the room his darling was brought to when giving birth! He knew he couldn’t trust those people! It’s all their fault! He is dangerous because he is about to lose control, his one kakugan staring quivering and crying around whilst his kakuhou has already been activated, the intention to fight his way through visible on the way he looks at everyone. And it is only because Saiko yells at him if he wishes to die in here before even having seen the child and repeating exactly what his father did.

🖤It functions as the last control he latches himself on so he won’t hurt anyone. Not when being surrounded by people who might kill him if he leaves them no other choice. Instead he has to wait, time being the worst thing he has ever to endure and he can not stop the nausea inside of him from listening to the continued screams and painful cries he hears, trying to block them out. And he was already balancing on the brink of letting go of everything and the thing that finally managed to give him the final push was being forced to watch his darling dying on him and the boy she had given birth too only moments ago. Why? Why did this have to happen to him all the times?

🖤On that day a lot of things were destroyed and Saiko and Tooru were forced to fight physically against their friend whose mind was just clouded from pain and wrath against those he blamed for his darling’s death. And so, with a lot of initial hesitation and refusing, both found themselves forced to hurt their friend heavily until he collapsed, his body needing time to regenerate itself. And when he woke later on up, he just knew that he had lost everything he had fought so hard for and had cared so much for. And that hurt.

🖤It was like he was all of a sudden that small boy again who had a fragile heart and couldn’t handle the pain and all the other emotions that were currently poisoning the insides of him, causing his body to experience how it felt to be killed on the insides, ripped to shreds there. He just felt like he had failed in protecting the one person he had dedicated everything too. Why was he still so pathetic and weak? The anger and hatred inside of him had numbed, although he still had those hateful and disdainful thoughts against the doctors, but not the motivation to get his revenge. It wouldn’t change the fact that you were dead. Maybe it was just time to throw in the towel. He obviously was not strong enough to protect anyone.

🖤And that is where Kuki is wrong which he discovers quickly the next time some of the doctors visit him to check on him which ends with him forbidding them to come anywhere near him, feeling extremely bitter against them. That is before he sees the small bundle in one of their arms, moving and making small noises which has him realizing who that exactly is. And he gladly ignores the pain and all the troubles he has to limp over to them just to take a good look at his son and also get the chance to hold the small one for the first time in his arms. It is his son after all so he has every right to do so. So his son becomes Kuki's reason to continue getting stronger and not take things the way they are. But afterwards he will never be able to look at the CCG the same way and he loathes the mere imagination to let even one of them near his little son and if this should happen in real life.

🖤He always pulls his child behind him whilst staring down at the person in front of him. There are not many people to start with whom he would trust with his kid, Tooru and Saiko are the only persons he trusts enough to let them watch over his son for some time when he is gone. He doesn't want to die, not bearing the thought of making the child lose both of his parents and in manys aspects he also starts blaming himself for the death of his darling which is wy he almost feels like he owes his son the duty to live. Should be obvious, but he will never allow his son to become what he is, not with his faith in the CCG being broken and the only reason he is still with them is because it would be hard getting out of it as a Quinx and he also needs the money to give his son a good future. He will provide for his son.

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bestruction · 3 years

Text

Aot boys as a type of ex

Warning: Slightly NSFW on Eren’s part, angst (maybe? idk lol).

Characters: Eren, Levi, Armin, Jean and Reiner.

A/N: I was listening to Hurt so good by Astrid S and this popped in my head god knows why.

Summary: One person can assume many titles in the lives of others. So what title would your boyfriend take on when you two broke up?

Masterlist

Eren - The ex, but never the ex in fact.

Eren is an intense guy (as I said before). With him are no halves or pieces. He would want you completely because he would also give himself to you completely, which would end up being a double-edged sword. On the bright side: He is there. It's literally impossible for you to feel alone when he is around. He would always make you notice him, make you feel him in every part of your mind and body. If you needed him, he would be by your side in a heartbeat and ready to do anything to help. He always made you have sure that he loves you. On the bad side: This intensity would not disappear or diminish when you argue. Big and long arguments for a not-so-important reason or not important at all are common for you two. He is also impulsive. So you could expect to be hurt after that. All of these discussions would undermine your relationship. It got to the point where you felt like stepping on eggs next to him, waiting for the next tears.

Sometimes he would apologize when he realized he was wrong but when none of you changed your mind thanks to pride or anger, you would end up trapped in each other's arms in some random room of the house without clothes and sweaty. Too breathless to continue to exchange barbs. All frustration is discounted in your body's movements and his. That would become a cycle of discussions and make-up sex. You always push each other away and met again. The last time you said you never wanted to see Eren again, it would be just before the next time you were on his bed or he on yours. You knew it wasn't healthy for either of you, that you had to stop at some point, but how?

Levi - The ex who leaves you before the relationship ends.

Getting close to Levi would be a difficult task since the beginning of the relationship. Thanks to all the traumas that he suffered throughout his life. He lost his mother very early, did not have a healthy childhood, was abandoned by the person he believed to be his father, and lost countless friends. Because of so many losses since a young age, he unconsciously relates the pain of losing someone with the act of building bonds. He would be afraid to connect with others, including you. In fact, especially you. You who more than anyone accepts and try to understand the man behind all his strength. You who makes his heart speed just by smiling. You, that just the idea of losing scares him more than anything. So the more he gets attached to you, the more distant he will become. It's like a way of protecting himself. It would be easier for him to say that he loved you if he didn't love you so much.

It would start with something simple, like not having time to see you, which would be understandable in the beginning due to his position. But with time, you would notice that he would not insist on leaving the room or coming to you, and when he did come to you, it would be as if there was a great wall between the two of you. He would always be distant even when present. So you would end up wondering if he really felt the same. And overtime feeling lonely. When you broke up, he watched you turn away and tell himself that things would be better this way. You would find someone better, someone who would be able to answer your affection as you deserve, someone who really deserves you ... But why couldn't that someone be him?

Armin - The ex who remains your friend.

Armin has always been a sweet boy. He always respected your limits, and before being your boyfriend, he would also be your best friend. You would talk about everything. Dialogue would be one of the pillars of a relationship with him. He would make you feel safe, but no matter how many times you two talked, his insecurity would keep him from feeling the same way. He was always comparing himself to others, and as much as he tried not to project it on you, it would end up happening. He would end up trapped in a web of thoughts like: "If I were as agile as Jean, I could protect you better" "If I were brave like Eren, you would be more proud to be by my side".

As I said, you would be friends before lovers, and that's why you would talk about it and come to the conclusion that the best thing for both of you would be the break-up. Armin knew he needed to take care of his own insecurities first. Before trying to take care of a relationship. He didn't want to let these things interfere with the affection for each other. So it was a mutual decision. Even after that, you would still be close, helping each other to grow as a person until you two are ready to be together again.

Jean - The ex who doesn't understand why the break-up.

Jean would be a perfect boyfriend. He would treat you well, he would communicate when he doesn't like something, and he would always try to make some simple gesture for you. The problem is that: He would believe so faithfully in "I'm a good boyfriend" that when you complain about something, he disregards it. Do you want to talk about an unresolved argument between the two of you? No, thank you. In his mind, it would already be resolved. So why go back to the subject? Why are you being so dramatic? He's always so nice to you.

So when you announce the end, tired of being the least heard. He'll look at you and ask you why, but even after listening carefully to each of your words, he still wouldn't understand why you chose to end it all. If nothing he has done so far has been enough for you, what else would it be? What did you want from him?

Reiner - The ex you never forget.

After years of relationship with Reiner, you would have learned a lot about the man behind that strong image and him about who you were when no one was looking. Of course, you would have arguments and disagreements like every couple, but nothing too serious. Nothing that would make you not want to look at him afterward. When your relationship started to cool down, there would be no culprits. It would just be an unexplained eventuality. It would not be as if all the affection you had for each other disappeared overnight. In fact, such your affection did not disappear even if the love was no longer the same. You would wonder why and so would he, but as I said before: There would be no culprits. No cheating. No jealousy. No hurts to count. The time you spent together would have been good for both of you, and unfortunately, it was over.

You always remember him with a smile on your face, and it would take time to relate again. After all, he would have left a high standard to be reached.

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justanotherlifeff · 3 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff. THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER

6 months later

"Oi Hanji! Give her something for the pain and do something fucking useful for once!" Levi growled as (Y/N) almost sprained his hand with a squeeze as she held his hand during another contraction. Levi deeply regretted teaching her those exercises to improve her strength all those months back. "Calm down Levi. I'm not the doctor here and I am not using some experimental pain killer that I made without any human testing on my best friend." Hanji replied to him calmly. Levi was loosing his grip as he wasn't ready for it.

When (Y/N) told him that her water broke at dawn, he panicked more than he ever did in his entire life. More than when Kenny taught him how to use knives by almost killing him. "Sir, we can't allow you to stay here... She will have her delivery soon..." a nurse meekly told the fuming captain, only to receive a deadly glare from him. If looks could kill, the nurse would've been dead by now. "Levi, listen to them. They delivered more babies than most of the survey corps’ titan kills." Hanji tried to reason with him. However, that seemed to stop working for the last 8 hours, after (Y/N)'s contractions began. "Levi, as the commander of the survey corps, I command you to get the fuck out of this room." Hanji told him in a commanding tone as she lost all patience with him. He was testing her like a spoilt child for the last 8 hours about almost everything.

Levi fell asleep on the chair in the waiting room. Hanji was sitting beside him, quiet sleepy herself. At least she took an afternoon nap yesterday and she felt immensely guilty for giving a huge pile of paperwork to Levi the same day. He had been working all day and wasn't able to sleep at night too as (Y/N)'s contractions started at dawn. Buying their home at Trost was a great decision as the hospital was nearby as (Y/N) had a hard time riding a horse to get there. Both Levi squad and (Y/N) squad was there except Marie, who apparently had a headache.

Hanji personally never liked Marie either and she agreed with Levi about the fact that this girl was trying to double cross (Y/N). However, Hanji saw why (Y/N) refused to let her go. If she only cooperated, she could've been a good asset to the team. It had been 2 more hours since Hanji got Levi to get out of the delivery room, 10 hours since (Y/N)'s water broke. After these agonising two hours, a nurse entered the waiting room with a pained look but a smile while rubbing her hands. It didn't take long for Hanji to figure out that she offered (Y/N) to hold her hand, given that her hand looked red. Watching the nurse, Hanji was barely able to tap Levi's shoulder twice as he jerked awake and asked the nurse in panic.

"Is (Y/N) okay?". Hanji realised that Levi took the pained look on the nurse's face as a signal to something is wrong other than the fact that (Y/N) squeezed the soul out the poor woman's hand. "Yes they both are fine. They are cleaning the baby as we speak. Congratulations Mr Ackerman. It's a boy. Would you like to see them?" The nurse asked with a smile. Hanji noticed that Levi looked paler than usual. His hands were shaking a bit too. "Yes." Levi answered after getting a grip on himself.

Levi followed the nurse into the cabin where (Y/N) had been transferred. Everyone else followed too. They were made to wait till (Y/N) was transferred into the cabin but that didn't take too long. As the nurse opened the door and walked in, Levi saw a scene that he, even in his wildest dreams never imagined. There on the bed right opposite to the door laid (Y/N), a small white bundle in her arms. She looked tired, almost as if she would pass out but there was a slight smile on her face as her eyes were filled with curiosity and love as she looked at the small bundle. "She doesn't look like herself at all..." Levi internally thought.

Yes, (Y/N) didn't have the look of a ruthless killer anymore. She looked different. "She's giving off the same expression that my mother used to have..." Levi thought curiously as he stepped towards (Y/N). That's when he realised why (Y/N) had such a sudden change. That's because what he saw affected him too. Almost as greatly as it did to (Y/N). Inside the small, there was this small baby, with raven hair, eyes the exact copy of Levi, only they were (E/C) instead of the steel grey that Levi's eyes hold. "He even got that constipated look" Hanji muttered as she followed Levi towards (Y/N).

At this point, Levi sat down abruptly on the chair right in front of the bed. His legs were shaking. There was no balance in his body. Years of training, his unbreakable balance, his extreme reflexes, all gone after looking at this sight. "I have a kid..." Levi's voice croaked out suddenly. Both his squad, (Y/N)'s squad, Hanji and (Y/N) herself looked at him as if they just saw something extremely unexpected happen. It was unexpected after all. Levi, the person who never got his guard down after meeting Kenny, was weak, vulnerable and he didn't bother hiding it.

"Levi, are you okay?" Hanji asked Levi before anyone else as everyone was extremely taken aback by Levi's actions. Even (Y/N) was taken aback as she never saw Levi like this. "Levi... " (Y/N) tried to say but her voice was raspy as her throat was dry. Without saying any more, (Y/N), extended a hand towards his, held his hand gently, trying to make him feel better. "Can I hold...it?" Levi muttered, as he got some grip on himself after (Y/N) held his hand. "Oi Levi! Don't call your own son it!" Hanji exclaimed. "Hanji, let him be. I'm sure he's having a hard time processing it all. I am too." (Y/N) told Hanji, her voice still raspy. The nurse helped to take the baby from (Y/N)'s arms and gave it to Levi, teaching how to hold the baby.

The baby simply stared at Levi, as if he was hugely disappointed with the fact that he was taken from his mother. Levi just stared at the baby for a few moments. He had a family now. He found someone who gave him the reason to live on and now he has a child, someone who he could give the good childhood he never got. Hesitantly, Levi placed a light kiss on the baby's forehead, surprising the whole group of people in the room, not surprising (Y/N) too much as she saw Levi showing emotions before. (Y/N) just smiled, knowing that the man before her was at peace.

They both were at peace. Her dreams came true. She now has a family. The both of them finally found happiness. "You guys, I'll contact the Reeves company and get meat for you all. Sasha, you will be cooking and arranging everything at my house. I'll pay for everything." Levi told everyone, looking at them with a small smile on his face. "M-meat? You will buy meat for us?" Sasha stammered before shouting out, "HEICHOU! YOU ARE THE BEST SQUAD LEADER ANYONE CAN POSSIBLY GET!" while crying like a maniac. Everyone else looked happy and thanked Levi for the treat.

"Guys, get out now. I need some rest" (Y/N) stated after a while. Everyone already took turns to hold the baby and Levi proved to be an overprotective father, as he inspected everyone as they took the baby and snapped at Connie when he made a mistake trying to hold the baby. No one wanted to leave though, as the baby was just too cute to leave alone. After some groans of disappointment, they all left. All except Levi.

"What will we name him?" (Y/N) asked him. She didn't want to bring the topic up in front of the others as she didn't want their contribution in this matter. "What about Farlan?" Levi answered after thinking for a moment. "Sure. It's a nice name. Farlan Ackerman sounds good." (Y/N) answered with a smile. The baby was asleep on the cot beside the bed. Levi looked at him and sighed. "Yeah. It sounds nice" He answered, a small smile forming on his face. He then walked towards (Y/N), patted her head gently and said, "Take some rest. I'll be back soon. I'll have to take a nap myself.". That's when (Y/N) noticed how tired he looked. Levi was used to being sleep deprived. That's not what tired him. What tired him was the amount of tension he went through for the last 11 hours. He very much needed a nap.

(Y/N) was woken by the sound of the door of the cabin opening. She had a sound sleep as the nurses took care of Farlan except for the times when he had to be fed. (Y/N) noticed that it was already evening as she saw the orange light coming from the window into the room. It was Pixis who just entered the room. Of course, it didn't surprise (Y/N). After what he did on her wedding, she came to acknowledge the fact that Pixis was completely unpredictable.

"I see that I have a grandchild now." Pixis stated with a smirk. "Yes. That part was obvious." (Y/N) replied with a stoic expression. "Don't be so bland (Y/N). I'm just here to see the baby. I haven't seen many new-borns in my lifetime." Pixis answered as he walked towards the cot. "Did you ever see me when I was a baby?" (Y/N) asked in return. Pixis stopped in front of the cot and answered, "No. I didn't.". He tried to hide it but his voice showed some remorse and so, (Y/N) didn't further question him. "His eyes look a lot like Levi. What's his name?" Pixis asked (Y/N), as he looked at the sleeping baby. "Farlan" (Y/N) answered. "Ah I see." Pixis answered. Before he could say anything more, Levi entered the room.

He just came back after getting the best sleep of his life as he felt like the happiest person on earth. However, seeing Pixis there worried him. That guy abandoned (Y/N) after all. "Should I give you some privacy?" he asked (Y/N) as he figured that (Y/N) would like to talk to Pixis alone. After all, their relationship was worse than just shaky and Levi thought that him being there would just make things more awkward. "No it's fine. You can stay" (Y/N) answered. After Levi entered the room, Pixis told him, "Congratulations on being a father" with a smile.

"Thank you." Levi answered curtly. The baby was awake by now as Pixis picked him up. "So, we all will pretend as if we are one big happy family?" Levi asked Pixis, raising an eyebrow. After all, the last thing Levi expected was that he would see Pixis holding his son. "Whatever helps him sleep at night" (Y/N) scoffed. To that Pixis let out a brief laugh before saying, "No wonder you're my daughter. However, you've got the sharp tongue of your mother...". At that, (Y/N) stopped him and said, "Don't compare me to that foul woman." with a frown.

"Okay. I won't. Anyway, I will have to take my leave now. And Levi, everyone likes to play family at some point. I won't deny that I'm the reason for which (Y/N) had a horrible life but we can't change that now can we?" Pixis answered before keeping Farlan in the cot and leaving the room. "Are you okay (Y/N)?" Levi asked (Y/N) as he didn't know how (Y/N) felt about the whole thing. "Yeah I'm fine. I personally don't accept him as my father but I'm glad that Farlan will probably have a grandfather. At this point, the only thing I care about is Farlan's happiness as I already found mine" (Y/N) told him with a smile.

1 month and a week later

(Y/N) made certain errors in her prediction from 6 months ago. She had her delivery a week before it was predicted. Farlan however, was healthier than ever. She also took more than a month to recover. A month and half to be exact. Thus, the expedition had to be delayed for a week. Levi didn't even have to push Hanji about it because Hanji figured out how long (Y/N) would actually take to recover a few weeks after she gave birth. She made all the arrangements for the delay of the expeditions by then much to (Y/N)'s disappointment. She however couldn't complain later when she really took a week more to recover. That gave them two weeks to eradicate all titans left in Wall Maria.

Hundreds of titans were killed using the executioner from hell before winter. The plan was that there would be two expeditions. Each with 3 days worth of supply. The survey corps would be divided into two groups. One would be travelling from Trost, eastwards, facing every titan on the way and travelling in groups, 2 squads in each, to attract the titans till they reach Utopia. The other would be travelling from Utopia, westwards till they reach Trost. The only two strategists capable of leading a team if something went terribly wrong were Hanji and (Y/N), with Hanji clearly being better than (Y/N) due to her longer experience in battle. Thus, it was decided that (Y/N), along with Levi's experience, would lead the group from Trost while Hanji would lead the group from Utopia.

The Survey corps had 201 members by now, Levi squad having an extra. The usual squad had 5 members including the squad leader. 20 squads would be there on each group. The formation would be such that every group of two squads would be 10 km apart from eachother. If something went wrong with the formation, red smoke signals would be used. (Y/N) squad and Levi squad, partnered with two other squads, would be positioned in the middle of the formation so that they could immediately run to help if any other squad is harmed. It would, however, take about an hour to get the formation done as the distance between wall Maria and Wall Rose is 100 km and survey corps horses could run at a speed of 80km/hr. Levi squad will give Armin to Hanji squad so that the other team could use the strength they are lacking due to the absence of either one of Levi, (Y/N) or a titan shifter, given that, Armin was the most powerful titan shifter on the team.

Thus, the team from Trost would have a hundred members while the team from Utopia would have a hundred and one. The survival rate this time, would only be a 50% however as everyone is expected to charge straight at the titans instead of running.

"You all will be using your 3DMG to go and get all the dummies cut. However, from today till the expedition, you'll all be competing against (Y/N) here. If any of you can get around the forest before her, congratulations, you stand a chance against her if she just got out of a delivery. If any of you gets tangled in your own wire again, I swear I'll kick you out of the survey corps." Levi lectured all the cadets. (Y/N) joined them as planned today, so that she can brush up her training. The last night, Levi personally took (Y/N) to check if she can use 3DMG, and (Y/N) surprised him.

She was almost as good as before her pregnancy leave. Sure, she was still rough around some edges, her movements weren't as flawless as it was before, her speed decreased noticeably too but she still was better than all recruits combined. All the cadets were greatly interested in watching (Y/N) in action. (Y/N) was the only person in the entire Survey corps who's 3DMG skills were comparable to Levi's. Everyone knew that and as the new recruits never saw (Y/N) in action, competing her seemed like a very good sport to them. Defeating (Y/N) meant coming second to the strongest in humanity. Levi squad and (Y/N) squad however knew that it wasn't possible. "Everyone, assume positions!" Levi commanded and everyone ran to the line drawn in front of the forest. They all stood in line, ready to take off. "And go!" Levi instructed and everyone took off.

The new recruits were surprised to see (Y/N) getting way ahead of everyone at a speed that was impossible for them to reach. "What the hell? She isn't even using too much gas..." one of the recruits exclaimed. (Y/N) was out of their sight in no time and as they found the dummies, every one of them had a perfect slice cut off it's nape. There were 16 dummies in total. It took the others 30 minutes to find and cut down every single one of them and getting out while (Y/N) did the same in 13 minutes. Levi squad and (Y/N) squad took 25 minutes while Mikasa took 18. "Good work out there." Levi told (Y/N) as she flew out of the forest. "Well, I usually am faster than that." (Y/N) answered, as she got her blades in the sheathes in the 3DMG. "Yes. I know that. If you didn't just have a delivery last month, I'd have been disappointed." Levi answered to that. (Y/N) just gave a "mhhm" for reply before she spoke again.

"I'm not so sure if leaving Farlan with Hanji was a good idea..." (Y/N) muttered. "Well, he'll be fine." Levi answered casually. "Are you sure about that? Hanji did try to make him walk at the age of three weeks for her experiments... " (Y/N) muttered remembering the time when Hanji tried to test if Levi's genetics had something that made them become physically developed more easily than others given that all the other known ackermans, Kenny and Mikasa, had good fighting abilities. Of course, Hanji's experiments didn't work and Farlan got hurt and cried, which sounded more angry than pained, thus scaring Hanji to death as Levi gave Hanji a death glare once it happened. After all, Levi did try to kill a commander before.

5 days later

"Hanji, the milk is in the cupboard in the kitchen with the bottle. Boil the bottle before feeding Farlan. The nappies, shirts and blankets are in the third drawer in the wardrobe of mine and Levi's room. If Farlan wets himself, just take anything from there. I kept everything packed in a bag which is also in the wardrobe so that you can bring it when you come to the headquarters. And Hanji, don't try to do any experiments. I'm trusting you on this." (Y/N) explained Hanji. "You explained all of that to me every single day of this week you know." Hanji mentioned in a flat tone. "Well, I was just reminding you..." (Y/N) started before Hanji stopped her and said in a light tone, "Come on (Y/N)! I literally lead the survey corps! Farlan will be fine. Don't worry so much.". "Yeah... I guess I'm a bit too paranoid... Thanks for all the help Hanji." (Y/N) answered with a smile. "Yeah yeah I know. You'll be late for training if you keep trying to remind me stuff now. So, get out." Hanji pushed (Y/N) out of the house.

(Y/N) POV

When I reached the survey corps headquarter and walked in the training grounds, Levi was already there. "You're late. You're doing 50 laps after training." he told me with a frown. Yes, I obviously never got special treatment from him in case of work related matters. I appreciated it though as our personal lives shouldn't interfere with work. The female cadets looked happy with the fact that I got laps. Well, it doesn't matter. It isn't like they have the guts to make a move on Levi. "Well, assume positions now. I'll be following you all." Levi commanded everyone. I joined everyone in front of the starting line. "And go!" Levi instructed as we all shot forward.

"Make as less moves as possible. Preserve gas. Find the locations of the dummies and cut them." my mind kept repeating as I sped towards the forest. The slightest movements caught my attention as some recruits were left to move the dummies. One, two, three... My mind counted as I kept making perfect cuts on every dummy. Just as I landed outside the forest, I found no one. Of course, Levi mentioned that he will be following us in the next training exercise. He probably is with the other recruits.

After about 20 more minutes, everyone else appeared with Levi. Levi looked at me, his eyes showing appreciation. "You reached your previous records. Your moves are as good as before now. Good job." he complimented before turning to the new recruits and saying, "You all couldn't improve any more than 30 minutes in six fucking months and she did the same fucking job in 11 minutes by a week after having a delivery about a month and half ago. This is why I don't train brats like you all. I don't know how Shadis keeps his cool with you all.". He said all of that calmly with a stoic expression but the girls in the group almost started crying already. Levi then turned to my squad and his own squad and said, "You all did okay. There's still room for improvement though.". They all saluted and Levi motioned them to be at ease before looking at me and saying, "Well, what are you waiting for? Go get the laps done."

2 hours and 30 minutes later

I finally was done with the laps. Hanji came by with Farlan and saw me doing laps in the training grounds. 400 meters each lap. About 20 km. "And here I thought shorty was getting soft..." Hanji shook her head as she ran beside me carrying Farlan when she found me. "Well, he honestly got softer than before. I remember him shouting at me back when I took a minute to get a dummy down. Now he's saying his squad that they did a good job after they took 25 minutes to get 16 dummies." I answered. No wonder they weren't improving.

I went to my office to get the extra uniform I usually keep there incase if the one I'm wearing gets dirty. With that, I went to the female bathrooms and took a bath, changed my uniform, went to my office to grab the stack of paperwork Hanji told me that she would leave in my office and went for Levi's office. I knocked on his door and heard his voice saying, "State your name and business.". "It's (Y/N)." I answered. "Come in" I heard his voice, now sounding softer and went in his office. His table had three stacks of paperwork, his face showing the stress that he was on. I sat down with my own stack and started working silently, helping Levi with his paperwork sometimes while he helped me with mine. When I was done, he still had two stacks to complete. I looked at him, he looked tired. Thus, I got up, walked towards his chair and went under the table.

Back when I was about 6 months pregnant, I had this phase when I was horny all the time and that's when I found out that getting a blowjob while he's working calms Levi down when he has to do a lot of paperwork. Thus, this little tradition started where I helped him out every time I saw him struggling with work. I heard a sigh of content from him as I took his dick in my mouth, swirling my tongue around it's tip. I felt his hand on my hair, gently pushing me on his length. I didn't give him the chance to guide me as I started going all out on him, taking all of his length in my mouth and bobbing my head on it, my tongue working at it's tip the entire time. The gentle touch on my hair turned into a harsh grab as Levi took control, making my movements even faster.

I heard Levi's breathing getting disoriented and suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I stopped my assault on his dick so that he could answer the door without having any distractions. "State name and business" I heard him say with a flat monotone voice. He had this way of keeping his body entirely under control, which fascinated me to bits. "It's Cadet Schwarz. I need to talk to you, heichou." I heard Marie's voice. What is that girl upto? "Come in" Levi answered as I heard the door open and her footsteps coming into the room.

"Schwarz, the last time you were in my office, as much as I can recall, (Y/N) gave you a warning about your attire. Why are you violating the dress code again?" I heard Levi ask her. That's it. I know very well what she's trying to do. I'd have to write a report against her and probably give her a talk about backing off from my husband. "Heichou, I will get straight into point. I only joined the survey corps for you. When I heard that they were taking members in the Special operations squad, I thought it was your squad. However, I wasn't lucky enough and ended up in hers. Heichou, I can keep you much happier than she ever can. Just..." Levi stopped her before she said anything more.

"Listen, what you're doing is highly inappropriate. I'm a married man and I'm in a happy marriage. I even have a kid. Even if I wasn't married, I would never leave (Y/N) for anyone. So, I'll tell this to you for the last time, stop embarrassing yourself." Levi answered, in a stoic voice. "Is that right heichou? Then why does your face look so flustered? You know what heichou? You can be with your wife. She doesn't have to know what happens behind closed doors..." Marie continued. I quietly stuffed Levi's penis in his pants and started buttoning him up when I heard Levi's surprised and slightly disgusted voice saying, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?". To that, Marie replied, "I'm just trying to show you exactly what got you so flustered. Isn't that what you...".

"Enough" I spoke up, stopping Marie. I got up from under the table and Marie clearly understood why Levi was flustered after seeing my messy hair. "Marie, go to my office. We need to discuss your expulsion from the survey corps." I told her with a cold tone. "Expulsion? But I haven't broken any rules. By the way, isn't the commander the only person who can expel someone from the survey corps? You can't do that!" Marie scoffed. It was time to put her in her place. "Well, if you don't trust me on this, you can ask Levi if I was nominated to be the commander of the survey corps only a few months ago." I told her, my tone getting colder by the second.

Marie looked at Levi and Levi simply answered, "She's right. See, I told you to stop this bullshit. Even if (Y/N) didn't take actions, I would have.". "Actions? But I haven't broken any rule!.." I stopped her at that and told her, "Marie, five buttons of your shirt are opened. You just ignored a direct warning from a superior. If you think I didn’t write a report on you violating the dress code before, you are wrong. Of course, that alone can't get you kicked out of the survey corps but I also have further complains against you, which we will discuss in my office. So, go.". "No! I refuse to go!" Marie made a bitch face at me.

"You refuse to go? Well, you see, unfortunately as long as you are a survey corps soldier, I will be your superior. You will have to follow my orders or else the consequences would be severe." I told her in a commanding voice as she retreated from the office. "Thanks for having my back, Levi." I told him as he looked at me with worry. "No, it's fine. Just don't kill her." he told me, his eyes showing suspicion. "Don't worry. I won't kill her. I'll just ruin her career." I answered before getting out of Levi's office and going to mine.

Marie was already in the office. "Well, let's discuss your insubordination." I told her before sitting on my chair. "Sit down. You'd prefer not to fall on the floor after I tell you the few things I'm about to say." I told her, motioning to the chair in front of me. She sat and I started. "Do you know what happened to the last person who tried to take Levi from me?" I asked her. She looked uncomfortable at this point as she knew that I had her cornered. "No?" she answered.

"Her name was Petra Ral. She died on the 57th expedition. The female titan stomped on her. Surprisingly, the female titan was able to do that in my presence. The next expedition is coming soon and who knows, maybe you would be eaten by a titan too and I wouldn't be able to save you." I stopped. I saw her face losing colours. Just the reaction I wanted to see.

"You see, as your superior, I had to report every time you almost got the squad killed to the commander. The commander herself questioned your worth and I have been defending you for the whole time. However, it seems like you aren't fit to be in the survey corps anyway, even if I don't consider the fact that you tried to fuck my husband. Honestly, I shouldn't be telling you all these. I should just let you die on the next expedition. You just proved to me how worthless you are today.

However, ever since Farlan was born, I couldn't shake this feeling off me. I don't want to make your family suffer. I know how your mother would feel if you die. So, I would give you a second option. If I talk to the commander and expel you from the survey corps, that would be the end of your career in the military. If I don't do anything, you will die. If you give me a letter asking for a transfer to the Garrison or the Military police, your career would be saved, you would live and I could keep you out of my relationship. Now, go back to your room and decide what you want. I will be expecting a letter from you. You're dismissed." I explained to her in my monotone voice. With that, she left the room without a word. I rested my head on the head rest of the chair. "Fuck.. Farlan really changed everything..." I wondered. After all, I didn't feel like the cold hearted person I was anymore.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi smut #levi aot #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #captain levi #levi ackerman

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justanotherlifeff · 3 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff. THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER

Hanji's POV

Who knew that I would live to see the day when Levi would be staring at a girl with his mouth open? The wedding went more smoothly than expected. I have no clue about why Commander Pixis decided to walk (Y/N) down the aisle but I was sure that I would ask (Y/N) about it as soon as the wedding was over.

"When I met you for the first time, the look I saw in your eyes interested me. Back then, I wondered who you were, what might have happened to you because that day I saw my own reflection on you. After that, you kept proving to me that you were strong, stronger than any woman I had ever seen. When I finally knew who you were, I understood why you resembled me so much and the reason you are so strong. I never gave relationships any attention because I wasn't fond of being with someone who couldn't keep up with me or being with someone who could but might die on the process.

You were the only person that I knew had a huge chance of not dying and keeping up with me with the same time. I know how much you went through, yet, you kept your head up and moved on with life and I admire you for that. I wouldn't choose to be with anyone else other than you because I feel that we are two sides of the same coin. (Y/N), I want to be the person who will protect you from any harm coming to your way. I want to be the one who could make you feel the happiness that you deserve. I don't want you to feel any pain alone because I want to be there to share the pain with you, shield you from it if I could. I vow to keep all these promises till my last breath." Levi read from the piece of paper on his hand.

I had to admit that he worked hard for this one because something that emotional coming from him sounds unsettling.

"Ever since I was born, I never found a reason to live. This world was always a dark place for me. There was this one time when I thought that everything will fall into place but those dreams were shattered, making me fall into an endless abyss of desolation. That was until that day, when you gave me the cleaning duties of your quarters. I found someone who understood me. I believed that all of this world's cruelty were placed upon me but after talking to you, I realized that there were other damaged people to, as damaged as I am.

If I were to tell the truth, the first time I felt the need to be with you was when you comforted me while I was vulnerable, drunk and filthy instead of leaving me alone. I didn't intend to speak my heart out to you that day but the way you handled it, it made me realise that I looked at you in a way much more than just my captain. As you advised me, I don't regret any decisions that I have made on the way because all of it has lead to this day, the day when I can truly say that I am happy. Levi, I vow that I will fight anything on my way to keep it this way. I vow that nothing will come between us because for the first time, I found a reason to live." (Y/N) read from her page, with her smile growing.

I felt happy for (Y/N), as I remember, the first time I saw her, she had this never ending frown on her face. My first thought on that day was, "how did we end up with a female version of Levi?". I chuckled at the memory as I saw (Y/N) turn beet red as the priest told Levi to kiss the bride. Levi being himself, kissed (Y/N) with the usual frown on his face. Well, seems like this day was getting weirder and weirder as I saw Levi gape at (Y/N), I saw (Y/N) blush, and I saw both of them kiss public. God knows what I'll do when I start seeing little Levis running around...

No one's POV

After the wedding was over, people rushed to congratulate the newly wed couple. Levi handled the attention with his usual polite and serious demeanour but (Y/N), though she was both polite and serious too, was slightly flustered by the sudden bombardment of attention. As she struggled with all the guests, particularly all the jealous new cadets who were trying to make small talk with her, or more accurately, make her feel more tense than she already was, Hanji came to the rescue and scared them off by bringing up her titan experiments.

"That always works." Hanji chuckled before looking at (Y/N)'s pale face and asking, "Are you okay (Y/N)?". " I need to puke... Morning sickness... Help..." (Y/N) muttered, barely controlling herself from puking all over Hanji. "Oh dear... Let's get out of here." Hanji muttered as she made her way among the guests and helped (Y/N) get into the headquarters.

"Are you feeling better?" Hanji asked (Y/N) when she was done puking in the sink. "Yeah... I'll have to sit for a while.. Standing isn't helping... " (Y/N) muttered as an answer. To that, Hanji started walking with (Y/N) towards her office. It would be (Y/N)'s last time using that room in her office since she would be moving in to the house Levi bought.

"Why did Pixis walk down the aisle with you?" Hanji asked (Y/N) while walking beside her, her eyes glinting with curiosity. (Y/N) didn't answer to it right away. "It's probably best if you don't know." she answered after a moment of silence. "(Y/N), you could share anything with me you know. Have I ever judged you?" Hanji asked with a softened expression, putting a hand on (Y/N)'s shoulder. (Y/N) sighed at that and after a few more moments, said, "Promise me that you won't be too surprised and that you would forget that I ever told this to you.". " Well, if it involves humanity or Levi, I don't know if I can keep that promise because I'm a commander now and I have some responsibilities and Levi is my only other friend beside you." Hanji answered.

"Relax Hanji, it involves none. The truth is, Commander Pixis is my biological father. It's a rather long story that I don't want to repeat." (Y/N) answered with a sigh. To that Hanji smiled and replied, "okay, I didn't see that coming. Does Levi know?". " Yeah he does. He is the only other person besides you, myself and Commander Pixis to know about that, not counting my biological mother who is non existent to me at this point." (Y/N) answered as they reached her room. "Alright, I'll have to go inform Levi that you're resting and not feeling well and I have to deal with the guests too. I'll send Mikasa to give you company." Hanji answered as she went towards (Y/N)'s door.

However, she stopped at the door, looked back and said, "Hey, it's okay to have a weird backstory. Most of us around here have something like that. I mean, look at me, I love titans. I'm the last person who would judge you for something like that.". " Yeah I know. Thanks Hanji. For everything." (Y/N) answered with a smile. Hanji gave her a cheerful "you're welcome" before getting out of the room.

Levi POV

It was a shitty experience really. Not the part where I got married to (Y/N), that was amazing, but the part where I had to talk to those snobby women, trying to make it seem like (Y/N) isn't the best person I could possibly be with, or the jealous men who seemed to have a thing for (Y/N) but didn't deserve to be anywhere near her, or the older officials, trying to make it seem that I am an asshole who got a girl pregnant before wedlock or that (Y/N) is not a good person because she let that happen.

I, of course, made sure they knew that something was wrong with their pea sized brains, in the most polite way possible. I would kill Hanji for inviting these good for nothing worthless pieces of shits to my wedding. It was time for lunch and I was sitting beside (Y/N) on the lunch table. I had to admit that Sasha and Jean from my squad did a good job cooking. I asked her if she was okay after she arrived and she brushed it off. Judging by her face though, I knew she didn't have any appetite for food. All she had been eating daily were potatoes. If my kid turns out to be a complete maniac like Sasha, I'll probably go broke only by buying food.

Thankfully, Hanji made Sasha steam some potatoes for (Y/N) and (Y/N) was able to eat that without barfing on any of the people on the table. I wouldn't mind if she barfed on those shitty guests though. When lunch was over, the sun was almost setting. The guests from other military branches went away while the cadets and other members of the scout regiment stayed in the dining hall. Mine and (Y/N)'s squad, as they were held responsible for keeping the whole arrangement in place, went off to clean the tables and get the buffet tables out of the dining hall for some reason. I was sitting with (Y/N), talking about the annoying guests. "...and then I told this girl that (Y/N) is the most beautiful person I've met but thanks for your congratulations. You should've seen her face. It looked like it was leaking shit." I told (Y/N) before noticing that she was shivering slightly.

"Are you cold?" I asked her, eyeing the very revealing dress. "Yeah... This dress doesn't cover my back..." she answered, her teeth slightly clattering. To that, I took my coat off and put it on her shoulder. She immediately wrapped it around her like a shawl. "Feeling better?" I asked her before she gave me a slight smile and answered, "Yes". We talk for a while before my squad got their chores done and took her away to sit with them while I got stuck with Hanji.

A few hours later

The wedding was over but it seemed like Hanji brought alcohol for the whole scout regiment. Apparantly they will be celebrating at night. "You do know that they will have training tomorrow right?" I told her. "Come on Levi! Let them have some fun. Besides, you just got married! Take a day off and show (Y/N) some good time, you know what I mean" Hanji winked at me as I gave her a look of disgust. "I don't think the comma..." I trailed off. "I don't think the commander would allow it" was something I always used to get out of whatever shitty idea Hanji got in her messed up head but seems like I couldn't do that anymore because Hanji is the commander now.

"Well, I as commander, give you a day off." Hanji told me in a smug voice. "Fine. By the way, who will be training these brats?" I asked Hanji, giving a nasty look towards the recruits in the dining hall where everyone was chatting. I already disliked most of them because of their views on my wedding. I understand that they had a thing for me or (Y/N), I faced people like that before but the ship already had sailed for me and I didn't see the point of them trying anymore. It just seemed like a pain. (Y/N) was sitting with my squad, chatting with them, specially the gloomy brat, Mikasa. I had no clue how (Y/N) was friends with that girl as it seemed like all she knew was to glare at me or hate on me whereas (Y/N) usually did quiet the opposite.

"You'll be training them. You're the best soldier around here and if they are trained by you for that many months, I’m sure they will get better fighting skills than most new veterans." Hanji explained. "Okay. I'll do it" I told her with a stoic expression. "The party for the night will begin soon. I expect you not to back out from the wedding dance." Hanji told me with a smile as she looked away. That shitty glasses must be kidding. "Is this some shitty joke of yours?" I asked her, with a monotone voice. "Nope. It's not. I want this to be memorable. After all, it's all going good for you right? Give us some entertainment out of it, Levi" Hanji told me before shouting out, "Attention cadets!". All the cadets stood up and saluted towards her as she was the commander. "At ease soldiers. I was proposing, don't you all want the famous grumpy couple among us dance together?" Hanji shouted with enthusiasm.

The cadets shouted a loud yes, my squad being the loudest. "That's right! Let's make them dance!" Hanji shouted. "Hanji... I'll kill you in sleep." I warned her. "Dance! Dance! Dance!" Hanji started a chant and the whole regiment joined. I looked at (Y/N) and her face was beet red. "Tch." I made a sound of annoyance before I walked towards (Y/N). "He's really doing it..." I heard the cadets muttering in shock. Of course, they wouldn't expect me to dance. I wasn't planning to either but, well, if the commander says so, I decided to let loose a bit. I knew how to dance, as I've attended more than enough charity events and other military events with Hanji, representing the survey corps and Hanji always pushed me into dancing. I had no idea if (Y/N) knew how to dance.

"Oi Albert! Get the violin out and play something!" Hanji shouted at a meek boy among the cadets who ran to the corner of the dining hall, where a violin that I didn't previously notice laid. As I reached (Y/N), she stood up. I was still in my grey shirt and (Y/N) was still in her wedding dress. (Y/N) still had my coat on her shoulder. "Do you know how to dance?" I asked her so that she won't embarrass herself. "Uncle Erwin taught me." she told me meekly. Of course he did. After all, (Y/N) did spend a lot of time with him. The boy started playing a cheerful but slow melody on his violin as I took (Y/N)'s hand in mine. Hanji motioned us to go to the open area where the buffet tables usually stand. Now I knew why they moved the tables. Shitty glasses had it planned all along. I took (Y/N) there, put a hand on her waist and took one of her hands. She laid her other hand on my shoulder and we danced.

"Erwin did a good job teaching you how to dance." I commented as I twirled her by her hand. Her steps were flawless. "Thanks. It didn't go to well with singing though." (Y/N) muttered, with her usual frown on her face. I had my stoic expression on too as none of us had any intention to dance and were sort of forced into it thanks to that shitty glasses. As the music was over, Hanji walked over to us and said, "You two looked like there were sticks up your asses.". " I'd love to make you experience that you know." (Y/N) muttered, stealing my words.

"Hey, I probably won't want that. After all, it didn't sound too comfortable 'that day'" Hanji mentioned with a wink. She was talking about the day she walked on us. "Would you mind if I kill her someday?" I asked (Y/N) with a stoic expression. "I don't know who she is." (Y/N) answered with a monotone voice. "Oi! I'm supposed to be the two your friend!" Hanji whined before (Y/N) flicked her forehead and told her, "Thanks for planning the wedding. It was amazing.". To that, Hanji gave (Y/N) a tight hug, almost squeezing all the air out of her and saying, "See Levi? She's better than you.". "Whatever you say shitty glasses." I answered as (Y/N) choked out "I can't breathe!".

We had dinner after a while and (Y/N) had potatoes once again. She made me promise that I would have to buy her meat after her first trimester. It was time to go home. Our new home. Thinking about it made me feel like someone punched me in the gut but somehow the feeling was good. After dinner, we rode on the carriage that Hanji booked for us and went towards our home.

No one's POV

Guitar strumming from so ist es immer (the theme from the no regrets spinoff) begins

Levi turned the key to the door of their home but stopped before opening the door. This was it. This was a new beginning for him. He felt (Y/N)'s hand on his shoulder, trying to give him the courage to start this life with her. With that he opened the door and stepped in the house with her.

Die Stühle liegen sehr eng

The chairs lie so close

Both of them looked around the small cosy living room. This was the life both of them always wanted and their dreams were coming true.

Wir reden die ganze Nacht lang

We talk all night long

Levi and (Y/N) looked at each other, both knowing that they reached their goal towards happiness. With that, Levi kissed (Y/N) on her lips.

Dieser niedrige Raum ist nicht schlecht

This lower room isn't bad

Back at the headquarters, Eren watched all his comrades and friends drink and have fun.

Wir können uns gut verstehen

We understand eachother so well

Eren was reminded of the memories of his father. This was only the beginning of the big storm ahead, he thought.

So ist es immer, unser Licht ist nur das

Just like it always is, this is just our light

Eren was called to join the others by Connie. A small smile formed on his face.

Trinken und singen wir, begrüßen morgen

We drink and we sing, we welcome tomorrow

Eren remembers the time when the old Levi squad was alive, when (Y/N) was a newbie and everyone drank and had fun. He knew he would lose many of these dear comrades too as he joined them, ready for the storm ahead.

So ist es immer, unter'm riesigen Himmel

Just like it always is, under the enormous sky

(Y/N) and Levi were in their bedroom, still kissing. Everything finally fell into place for them.

Leben wir zusammen, die Nacht ist lang

We live together, the night is long

(Y/N) breaks the kiss, looking at Levi with bright eyes and a smile

Da die Sterne nicht leuchten

The stars don't shine

Levi saw (Y/N) looking at him as if he is the most precious thing to her. He understood the feeling because he felt the same.

Kann der Mond auf diese Stadt nicht scheinen

You can't see the moon in this city.

(Y/N)'s smile got bigger as her hand reached for Levi's cheek.

Schauten wir das Licht selbst an

We looked at the light itself

"Levi..." (Y/N) said softly. Levi looked into her eyes, waiting for her to finish.

Singen wir unter dem Sternenmeer

Singing under the starry sea

"...I love you" (Y/N) finished. Levi's eyes widened as he never heard these three words from (Y/N), or anyone except years ago, from his mother. "I love you too" Levi answered after a moment as he got himself together.

Chairs so close and room so small

Levi pulled (Y/N) closer to him before he pushed her on the bed

You and I talk all the night long

Their clothes laid discarded on the ground

Meagre this space but serves us so well

Levi entered her, for the first time, making love instead of just lustful sex.

We comrades have stories to tell

As they both had an orgasm, Levi buried his face on the crook of her neck, hiding the tears of happiness in his eyes. (Y/N) however didn't try hiding it as she wore a smile on her face as a few drops of tears escaped her eyes.

And it's always like that in the evening time

(Y/N) and Levi sat at the dining table for a cup of tea before bed.

We drink and we sing when our fighting is done

As (Y/N) sipped from her cup, she heard the sound of thunder and she got up from her chair to look out of the window at the sudden downpour.

And it's always so we live under the burnt clouds

Levi saw (Y/N) go for the door to the backyard. He followed her to see what she was about to do

Ease our burden, long is the night

(Y/N) stepped out of the house and held her hand forward, out of the space under the roof and let the drops of rain fall on her hand.

Just as no stars can be seen

(Y/N) suddenly stepped out from the shelter of the roof, spreaded her hands like the wings of a bird and let herself get drenched in the rain. She never enjoyed the rain before.

We all starve for a moonbeam on our town

Levi looked at her from the door with surprise as he didn't expect her to do something like this.

We must all gather as one

(Y/N) turned at him and held a hand out at him, asking him to join her.

Sing with hope and the fear will be gone

After giving it a thought, Levi held (Y/N)'s hand.

Die Stühle liegen sehr eng

The chairs lie so close

(Y/N) was surprised too as she didn't think Levi would agree to this.

You and I talk all the night long

Slowly, Levi stepped out in the rain too. He didn't enjoy rain ever either, specially after Isabelle and Farlan...

Dieser niedrige Raum ist nicht schlecht

This lower room isn't bad

(Y/N) suddenly had a sneaky smirk on her face as she pulled harshly on Levi's hand making him fall on the mud

We comrades have stories to tell

Levi was shocked and angry because of the sudden action as he hated dirt but (Y/N)'s giggle threw all the anger away from his mind.

So ist es immer, denn immer im Ertrag

Just like it always is, always profiting

An evil glint formed on Levi's eyes before he pulled (Y/N) onto him, getting mud all over her as well.

We drink and we sing when our fighting is done

When (Y/N) was over the shock of falling, she busted out laughing, throwing more mud on Levi's face.

So ist es immer, we live under the burnt clouds

Just like it always is, we live under the burnt clouds

Levi does the same, a big smile forming on his face before he began to laugh as well

Ease our burden, long is the night

They both threw mud at eachother like children, as if they never lost their childhood to circumstances.

Da die Sterne nicht leuchten

The stars don't shine

They both sat on the muddy ground, drenched in the rain under the cloudy sky. Levi didn't know that a dark sky could seem this beautiful

We all starve for a moonbeam on our town

He realized that what made it all beautiful wasn't the environment, it was the woman beside him.

Schauten wir das Licht selbst an

We looked at the light itself

Levi and (Y/N) looked at eachother before (Y/N) pulled him into a timid kiss

Sing with hope and the fear will be gone

As the kiss ended, Levi ran his hands in (Y/N)'s dirty hair and said, "Oi brat, let's get cleaned up."

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi smut #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #captain levi #levi ackerman

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justanotherlifeff · 3 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

The plan for the 68th expedition was made with the help of Eren's father's diaries. He mentioned that the port used my the Marleyans was the closest to Shiganshina. With Hanji's calculations, it was certain that if the beast titan, cart titan and Reiner was still in wall Maria, they would most likely be in Shiganshina as it would be their easiest escape route. However, to be safe, an elite squad would be sent to each district of Wall Maria. For the 68th expedition, Armin was assigned under (Y/N) squad, who would search the Shiganshina district.

Originally, Hanji preferred Levi squad to do it, but, (Y/N) insisted to let her do it for personal reasons. Mikasa and Jean from Levi squad would form a squad of their own, with Mikasa's strength and Jean's ability to bring a situation under control. Two elite garrison soldiers would be assigned with them too as their squad is the weakest. They would be scouting the least likely area where the enemies could be camping, Hammerfell district. It's by far the coldest region in the entire walls and the destroyed abandoned villages make the place unliveable as there is no food or shelter left in that area.

Diana from (Y/N)'s squad would be assigned to Levi squad in behalf of Armin. They would be scouting Stohll district, while Hanji and her new squad would be scouting Helgen district. The expedition in the inner walls would be taken over by none other than the commander of Garrison himself, given that approximately all the titans in wall Maria are killed. The same formation as the last expedition would be used, only, everyone would start at Trost and go to the opposite direction and eventually meet at Utopia. However, unlike the last expedition, this one would be taking place for 4 days instead of 3 as it was decided that the Garrison and Survey corps will take a look at the area twice, with 10 hours of constant scouting each day.

After reaching Utopia, both teams would travel in opposite directions again till they meet at Trost again. The squads that are sent to the districts would return by two days and report to the supreme commander. If a squad doesn't come back, the whole battalion would be sent to that district. Marie Schwarz was immediately expelled from the Garrison as soon as Hanji's letter reached Pixis. There were speculations among the Garrison about how someone can be expelled in a few hour's notice when the process usually takes at least a day, but, they didn't know that Pixis took such quick measures because (Y/N)'s safety was compromised.

Like always, he took measures for the betterment of his daughter, out of love, but in a way that wasn't visible. This was his way of caring. A criminal offence against Marie Schwarz was charged and she was taken into custody by the military police. Her trial was to take place after the expeditions were over. Retaking Wall Maria was far more important at this point.

This expedition started off like the previous, only, Levi squad went towards Karanese, Mikasa squad went towards Utopia, Hanji squad went towards Krovla the day before the expedition. (Y/N) squad remained at Trost. The expedition started at 6am sharp, similar to the last expedition. This time, commander Pixis was leading the expedition. The commanding squad and the most elite squad was placed in the middle for backup, similar to the last expedition. Pixis commanded one group while an elite garrison soldier was in charge of commanding the other. After the expedition started, (Y/N) galloped towards Shiganshina, her heart thumping vigorously. She had a very personal reason to want to go there. She needed to see Erwin's grave.

(Y/N) POV

3 months back

"(Y/N), it's too dangerous. You're not going." Levi spoke sternly towards me. We were at the fifth expedition planning meeting. The first four meetings were held to discuss formation and this one, the last one, was held to discuss the squad distribution on the 68th expedition. Levi, of course, was against the idea of me taking my squad to Shiganshina right as I mentioned it. "Levi is right, (Y/N). Right now, you're a completely variable factor. After you have given birth, there is no way of telling if you would be fit enough to even go on the expeditions, let alone the most dangerous zone in wall Maria." Hanji told me, eyeing the huge bulge on my stomach.

"I know what I'm talking about. Just give me a chance. You can make backup plans in case if I can't make it. It's very important to me." I tried to reason with Hanji. "(Y/N), don't make decisions with emotions..." Hanji tried to intervene but I stopped her. "I'm the last person to make emotional decisions, Hanji. Levi can judge if I'm fit enough to go. Levi can't handle both Eren and Armin at the same time. The military police is already bringing questions about Armin's titan shifting powers. Place him under me and the trouble will be solved. Levi showed that he could control Eren and I can control Armin because he owes me my uncle's life. If I'm not fit enough, you can put plan B in action and Levi could go there instead if me." I explained.

Everyone was silent for a while before Hanji spoke. "Well, that seems fair enough..." she said but was interrupted by Levi. "This is bullshit. I can't allow a wounded soldier on battle. I made that mistake once already." he stated in an angered voice. "Levi, can we discuss this alone?" I asked him calmly. "Okay, you two discuss this and get into a plan by the next meeting. Everyone is dismissed." Hanji declared, clearly trying to break the tension in the room between Levi and I.

"There's nothing to discuss. You're not going." Levi stated in a stoic tone as we entered our home. "Levi, you're not making all the decisions. I'm one of the four commanding squad leaders, so, I get to have some say in this whole thing. Sure, you're my superior but even Hanji agreed with me. Don't you think you're being a bit too possessive?" I asked him in an exasperated tone. "Why are you being so difficult? Can't you just try to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing?" Levi asked me, clearly angry. "Levi, I understand that the last time you let a wounded soldier go to battle, he died. That doesn't mean that I'll die too. I even proposed that I wouldn't go unless I'm in proper shape, and, don't even dare to say that I'm not fit enough when I am." I told him, getting angrier by the second.

Levi was sitting at the chair completely opposite to me and furthest from me on the dining table with a cup of tea. I, myself was drinking tea too. We just had a big fight over the topic and decided it was best to solve this over tea instead of trying to hurt eachother with words. "So, why do you object to this?" I broke the deafening silence. "Because I don't want you to die on me." Levi shrugged. "We already established the fact that I won't die if I'm fit enough. Why do you still object to it?" I asked him with patience.

"(Y/N), my mother died on me when I was a kid. I know how horrible that felt. I don't want that to happen to my kid. I'll be too devastated to take proper care of the kid myself. Besides, I don't know anything about taking care of a kid. I'm sure a kid living up here won't have the same lifestyle as a kid from the underground. If you're not there, how would I know if I am to teach my kid how to use a knife or not? Or if I am to fight with him to help him survive? Or if I am to make him try to get his own food? I just don't know how this works. You spent some of your childhood up here, (Y/N). You are the only person who can guide me to be a good father. Why don't you understand this? If you die, it would be devastating for both me and our child." Levi tried to explain.

"Levi, I promise, I won't die on you. Even if I have to abandon all of my comrades, I will come back alive. I promise you that. Please, have some faith in me. Just this one time. Please?" I told him in a soft voice. I know how much he loves me and I know that he wants me safe, but, I just have to do it. "You'll save yourself no matter what?" he muttered. I got up from my spot, walked towards him, sat on his lap, cupped his cheeks and raised his worried face towards mine. "I will. I promise." I whispered to him. "Okay. I'll think about it." he answered with a frown before pulling me into a kiss. After he broke the kiss, I smirked at him and said, "Heichou, seems like you're getting soft". "Don't push me, brat." Levi grunted which made me chuckle.

"Mhhm? You do know that I'm strong right? I could stab you right now if I want to." I answered with a sly smile. "Oh would you now? As much as I'm aware, you don't have any weapon on you." he answered with a challenging look. "But you have one on you don't you, heichou?" I muttered, the smirk never leaving my face as I sneaked the knife he always carries with him and with a fast movement, making the tip of it touch his throat. "So you weren't completely oblivious about stealing back when I gave you knife training..." Levi stated sardonically before snatching the knife from me and putting the knife on my throat.

"You've become such a minx now, Mrs Ackerman. Glad I taught you well." he muttered with a smooth voice as he breathed on my neck before pushing me away and saying, "Get off me now. I have two big piles of paperwork to deal with and I will have to write a written document about letting you go to the expedition if you're fit enough.". I got off him immediately with a smile.

Present day (Expedition day 1)

We reached Shiganshina in about one and a half hours. There were half decayed body parts scattered everywhere, poking out of the snow as we travelled towards the completely plummeted villages near the inner Wall. Everyone in my squad except myself and Armin looked pale, shocked by the violence. Armin witnessed this already and I caused enough death to get used to it. The door to the inner gate was completely blocked with boulders. "Search the houses that aren't already destroyed first. Search the walls then and if there's no sign of the enemy, we will leave our horses to search the city." I commanded and thus, everyone went to work.

It was afternoon when we were done with the search. There was no sign of enemies. "Let's take a lunch break before getting back to work." I commanded the squad. We were carrying our own food. Eating while there are half rotten and frozen corpses nearby wasn't appetizing at all but we had to do it to keep our health in check. "I thought we were missing out on the glory but seeing everything around here, I'm just glad to be alive..." Heinrich muttered.

The irony wasn't lost as he was the one complaining about not going on that expedition among my squad. I decided not to salt the wound. "It's alright to make mistakes. They all died for humanity. We can only salute to them and try to be liberated from the people outside the walls and make their dreams of freedom a reality." I told Heinrich with a determined tone. "You sound like Eren." I heard Armin mutter. He didn't talk the whole time and I knew why. "Don't compare me to that suicidal bastard. Sure, I want freedom but I'm not willing to die for it." I told him with a smile. I'm not willing to die for anyone except...

"If you're quiet because there will be a time when I'll go to take a look at Uncle Erwin and you'll have to be there, please don't feel guilty. What happened that day wasn't Levi or your fault. It was the beast titan, Marley and everyone who are against us Eldians that are responsible for his death, for every deceased soldier's death. If anyone has to face the consequences, it's them. Don't beat yourself up for it." I told Armin in a rather serious tone and my usual stoic voice. "I still feel sorry, (Y/N). It should be him sitting here and not me." Armin sighed. The atmosphere was as grim as ever. "But you're alive aren't you? Instead of grieving, make use of it. Make Uncle Erwin proud." I answered.

After we were done with lunch, we went into Shiganshina. I was back home. The buildings close to the inner wall were still intact but the ones closer to the outer wall were completely annihilated. I took a mental note to go back home, bring something from there. Anything. "Check the outer walls first. We will check the houses tommorow." I commanded everyone as I stood on top of the inner wall of Shiganshina, keeping watch of the horses. The safety of the horses were very important after all. I sat on top of the wall, my legs dangling from the edge as I tried to find my old home.

The place where I found unconditional love for the first time, the place where I stopped having any trust in people, the place that shaped me into the ruthless soldier that I was, till, I met Levi. Yes, who knew that an equally damaged person would fix me? That I would fix him too? The memories made me smile. The last time I was here, I knew deep down that I lost everything again and I vowed to myself not to get attached to anyone. Looks like I broke that promise to myself. The last time I was here, I lost my parents. Now, I have my so called biological parents but... I don't know how to feel about it. Pixis was a horrible father but he is the reason I'm alive today. He visited me a few times when I was pregnant and also when Farlan was born.

He walked me down the aisle... He tried to do as much as he could. It wasn't enough but the thought had to count for something. About my birth mother, I barely know anything about her except the fact that she is the most vile person I've met and I hope I didn't know anything about her existence. The last time I was here, I was considered to be a horrible person for killing a man due to self defence. Now, I'm a respected survey corps squad leader even if I've killed people only because they were in the way. When I left this place, I was a loner and now I have friends, real friends.

The last time I was here, I was (Y/N) (L/N). Now, I am (Y/N) Ackerman. Memories of training with Uncle Erwin, mom cooking breakfast, reading books at Uncle Erwin's library, planning to join the Garrison like my parents, life was so simple. A small nostalgic smile formed on my face. Before I realised, it was dark and my squad came back after checking the walls. There were no enemies hiding in the walls. We decided to spend the night on the walls as it gave us a better view on the surroundings.

Expedition day 2

I woke up to find Stephan sleeping on watch. This is how people get killed. Armin was on first watch, Heinrich on second, I was on third and Stephan was on the last watch. "Oi Stephan. Get the fuck up." I told him as I threw a bit of my bottle of water on his face. He jerked awake at that. "(Y/N)-san! I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed but I stopped him before he gave any excuse. "Don't try to give any excuses. We are supposed to be the second Special operations squad. We are supposed to be the squad second only to Levi squad. I won't tolerate such unprofessional behaviour. I'm ignoring it now as none of us is dead or kidnapped but don't let it happen again." I told him firmly.

"HAI!" he shouted out, completely nervous and flustered. I woke the others up and we all had our ration bars as breakfast. When we were done, I commanded them, "Heinrich, stay with the horses. The rest of us will check the houses that are not completely demolished. We have to be on our way back an hour before sundown. Don't waste any time now.". With that, everyone went into action. Before Armin went down the wall, I called him out. "Oi Armin! Wait a second!" I called him. "Huh? What?" Armin looked at me, confused. "I need to go to the house where Uncle Erwin was kept. Take me there." I muttered.

I wasn't ready for it. I would never be ready for it but I had to do this at some point. "Oh.. Okay.." Armin muttered. His face clearly showed he wasn't ready for it either. He flew off with his ODM gear while I followed. After what seemed like an eternity, we reached a small house, in average condition. The door was bolted shut due to the thick layer of snow on the road. "I guess we need to dig this up. Armin, we found shovels in the farms in the inner wall right? Get those. Fast." I commanded Armin before he shot off towards the wall again. I sat down on the snow after he left and touched the door. He's in there. He will not look the same. He will be just another half rotten and frozen body. Do I want to see that? Or should I live with the memory of him?

It felt like Armin came with the shovels too quickly. I wasn't able to make a decision. The others took shovels with them already as none of the doors could be opened for the snow. Armin and I forgot about it because we both were too nervous about this moment. We shovelled the snow away. It didn't take long and I knew that I had to face it as I couldn't make a decision between if I should or shouldn't. The door opened with a creak and I could see a dining room. Everything was shattered inside, broken glasses everywhere. A lone table and a few chairs sat in the middle of the room.

"He's upstairs. In a bedroom." Armin muttered before leading the way. I followed him mindlessly inside the house. This is it. I wasn't able to make a decision and so, I will have to face this. The bedroom door opened with a louder creak. The wooden door was rotten due to weather and lack of maintenance. As the door opened, I saw a small bed lying near the broken window. On the bed, laid a figure. I couldn't call that thing Uncle Erwin.

It was a red blob, shapeless, hairless, draped in the survey corps uniform. That wasn't Uncle Erwin. Uncle Erwin can't exist without his energetic blue eyes, perfect blonde hair, the hint of smile on his face... That thing couldn't be Uncle Erwin. My mind was racing, I was in the verge of yet another emotional breakdown but I controlled myself. I told myself, "You didn't change, (Y/N). Just because you have more empathy doesn't mean you can't face reality. Reality is disappointing. That's the remains of Uncle Erwin. It isn't him. It's the residue he left behind. It means nothing. The only thing meaningful was his life and that ceased to exist months back. A dead body doesn't mean anything.".

That's right. It doesn't mean anything. My memories of Uncle Erwin are the only things that matter. "(Y/N)? Are you okay?" Armin meeked in cautiously. He clearly was feeling uncomfortable, guilty and probably a bit scared by my silence. "I'm okay." I answered with a steady voice. I didn't feel pain anymore. I just had a numb feeling and a lot of memories to make up for the loss of Uncle Erwin. "I'm sorry (Y/N)" I heard Armin mutter, almost crying.

"Don't be sorry Armin. I'm glad you're alive. I'm glad you're not on that bed. Uncle Erwin suffered a lot in his entire life. I think he would appreciate being freed from this world. He lives on in my memories. That thing in front of me is just proof that he existed. It's nothing more than that." I told Armin, my voice not faltering for once. Armin probably thought that I got back to being as cold hearted as before but he was completely wrong. It wasn't the case at all. It's my love for Uncle Erwin, my trust in Levi's decision, the fact that I cared about my comrades and the fact that I was glad that Armin wasn't laying dead on that bed that helped me stay calm and accept the situation. I wasn't being emotionless, I was anything but emotionless as my head was filled with emotions. Only this time, they showed hope for a better future, and they hoped that Uncle Erwin is finally at peace.

We skipped lunch break and worked hard. We had do be done with checking and ride to Trost by evening. It took a long time to check every nook and cranny of every houses. We took turns to watch horses so that all of us gets some rest and food in the middle of working. We were done by 5 pm, working a total of 11 hours. "You all, get some rest and eat some food. I'll go take a look at something." I told my squad before getting down from the wall. We didn't take extra gas as we needed the ODM gear only to climb the wall or for special circumstances.

I flew towards my old home, which I didn't get to check as I was checking homes near the one where Uncle Erwin was kept. There were no enemies here and we didn't have to save our gas. I landed in front of my home. The windows were broken, the door was smashed, the wooden floors inside were rotten. It still was home. I entered to find a very familiar but rotten wooden table. Broken plates still in the sink of the attached kitchen. Mom never got to clean those... The instinctively, I went to the sitting room, the place I spent most of my time at home. A shelf there held a few books, all of them familiar. One book much much more than the others.

12 years ago

It's dark. They went away a while back. It hurts... It's dark... I'm hungry... I'm scared... Is that a bug there? Please don't come near me... Please... Please... Footsteps? Why? Why now? No... I can't take anymore... Not today... No... No... "Let's get this little bitch on the stage now." I heard a voice say. "She really was useful till the end eh? Even earned some money a while back. Though not enough to keep her here. The bitch keeps wailing every time. Irritates the customers away... Hope some rich pervert would buy her off today." I heard another man grunt.

They were unlocking the door. What's a stage? Buy me? What do they mean? I clutched my book close to me. I didn't read it for a long time. I was home when I read it the last time... It was about a girl who ran away from her mean step sisters and mother and entered a magical world. I always wanted to be like her and run away from this place and go to a magical place where there's nothing but happiness. I couldn't do that though... They locked me here... The book reminded me of my mother every time I held it. She bought it to me. She helped me escape this place with it for at least a while. I miss her... Even if she only scolded me, I miss her. She promised me that she would take me back home... Why isn't she here yet?

They entered the room. No... Please stay away... They didn't speak to me but grabbed me and picked me up and took me out. I was too scared to speak. They used to beat me if I shouted. Everyone hit me, cut me... I screamed louder every time... It made them do it more. I am used to it. The book fell into the room from my hand. No! Stop! I want my book! Stop! My mind screamed but my mouth made no sound. I stopped questioning them a long time ago. Questioning them only meant getting beaten. I was used to it but I didn't want to get beaten because of my own fault.

They took me to a well lit place. There was a weird raised place and weird metal things hanging from the wall behind the raised place. They did something with those metal things and my hands were stuck to the wall. This must be the stage. I've never seen anything like this before. I sat there for a long time. There were many old people in there. They looked at me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. They want to hurt me. I know that. Suddenly, something weird happened. It felt as if I didn't have to run away to the magic world. The magic world came to me.

Green cloaked men pooled into the room. They took the men sitting there away, beat some of them up, beat up the man who used to beat me all the time and hurt me in the other way. A blonde man approached me. I looked down in fear. It's a man. Men hurts me... Men are bad... He kneeled in front of me. "Don't be scared. You are safe now. No one will hurt you again." he told me in a soothing voice. It was different from the others. "Hanji! Give me a hair clip!" he told a young girl with brown hair. The girl smiled at me slightly and handed the man a hair clip. He used the hair clip and did something to the metal thing stuck to my hand. The others were doing the same to the girls with their hands stuck beside me. I was placed near the corner of the room, so, as soon as I was freed, I huddled up to the corner, hugged my legs, trying to hide my naked body and looked up at the man in fear.

"It's okay. Everything will be okay. What's your name dear?" he asked me with a kind smile. Like the pictures in my book. For the first time in years, I talked out of my own free will. Those men made me say things and call them master when they hurt me. I never talked on my own. "(Y/N)" I managed to croak out. "Nice to meet you, (Y/N). I'm Erwin. Everything is going to be okay." he told me with a kind smile. He then opened his cloak and put it around me. He clearly was different from those men. Those men took off the little clothes I had.

He gave me clothes. He stood up as I clutched the cloak around me. He held his hand out and said, "Can you get up? Take anything you need from here. We will take you above ground and give you a good family.". Shakily, I took his hand. I led him to my room and picked up the book and hugged the book. "Is that all?" he asked me. I nodded at him. "Okay, let's get you out of here now." he told me with a smile.

The next thing I knew was that I was sitting at a clean office. They gave me clothes of my size. Another girl wearing the same uniform as the blonde man gave me a bath. I was clean. There was food in front of me. Good food. I ate like a monster. I didn't let go of the book for once though except while taking the bath. The life I knew before was gone. I entered the magical world.

Present day

A small nostalgic smile formed on my face as I took the book in my hand. It took my parents months to make me let go of it. The cover was dusty and I blew it to remove the dust. I looked at the cover. "(Y/N)'s adventure to fairyland" written on it. My mother never bothered to give me a name. When she gave me the book, I decided my name was (Y/N). She picked it up from there, everyone did. I decided to take the book back home for Farlan as well as because of it's nostalgic value. I grabbed the book and flew back to the wall.

I sat with everyone, a ghost of a smile stuck on my lips and ate a ration bar. The atmosphere was condensed with melancholia. They really should clean the corpses up as soon as possible. This place is a health hazard as well as a grim reminder of the battle that costed the lives of hundreds of soldiers. We packed up and left for Trost right on time. All that was left to do was to get outside the walls and face our enemies.

To be continued....

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi x reader #levi attack on titan #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #captain levi #levi ackerman

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