#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mongoosejpeg · 4 years

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Random concepts my brain comes up with (or just random things I think of)

I tried to avoid angst (and u!sides) but....I came up with a lot of angst (i think?)....ajdhdh sorryyyyyy

Also....dont question anything pls....im very sleep deprived and dont know anything and dont take anything to seriously

Also....theres very bad english in here so...yeah....

Warning: uh....might be u!sides.....idk ajshxh...itll be in the tags tho

Logan will quote a different school house rock song, everyday, to Virgil

Patton takes Romans sash and puts it around his forehead/waist cuz hes a pirate

Virgil steals Janus' cape and will be an airplane and everytime he passes a side he will say nyooommm

Roman will take Virgils makeup (who has a lot of different colors) and do the other sides makeup

Remus will take Logans glasses and wear them wrong on purpose cuz he knows it annoys Logan

Logan and Deceit don't do anything or take anything cuz theyre the parents™

Its legit canon that they have their own phones......Virgil has a lavender phone case, Logan has a gold case, Roman has a golden phone case, Patton has a red phone case (i think)

Everyday Virgil will give Patton a stone with a tiny piece of paper telling the meaning at the same time...everyday. virgil does this cuz 1. he has too many 2. it gives him smth to do and gets him to be a tiny bit productive

Janus has a bunch of plants a l o t o f p l a n t s like....almost an excessive amount

Dukexiety/tangled au.....repunzal as Virgil and flynn as remus (idk)

Logan t poses almost all the time

The way to tell Patton and Janus apart is that janus knows how babies are made (messenger falcons) and Patton does not

Virgil likes pasta with no sauce (pathta wif nu thathe) (if ya get the reference....good job)

Virgil has yet to have a debate with Patton, Janus and Remus

Every time there is a new disney movie roman will just be...*flappy hands* for like.....a good half hour before actually watching it

The mind vs. the heart is just an old married couple™ fight

"Oh ofc. i never wanted you to feel like you couldnt" like.....the way patton says it....sounds like a mix of Deceits voice and Pattons voice

Anytime the other sides/Thomas has a problem, Logan will dress up as Sherlock...and patton (no matter where he is) will pop up as Watson and the little arguement will happen everytime

Rhythm Redux has hints of Mandy goes to med school

Virgil is pretty short....not by much but still one of the shortest side. When his anxiety heightens, he grows taller for x hours. Then when he calms down, he goes back to his normal height

Remus would practice forbidden fruit all the time, so that when he and Thomas finally met, he wouldnt mess up (cuz ew...who wants tk mess up on their own song?). Sometimes he would scream it, especially when Virgil was around

In moving on pt.1 virgil said "no" and then his hand flew up to cover his mouth...which was deceit

Janus with a flower crown around his hat

Janus has a snek in his hat and its never ending...like a mandelbrot fractal

Logan info dumps about space and Janus is the only one who actually, truly listens

Are there healthy distractions has more analogical....

Logan will carry around a notebook and pen/pencil at all times....especially for Virgil...like...when he gets a panic or anxiety attack...logan will give him the notebook so he doesnt have to talk

Janus has several different bowler hats and the other sides (besides logan and maybe patton?) will steal all of them and hide them

Logan and Roman will watch movies together, purely to rewrite it....virgils there to have a disney debate with Roman

When Thomas gets really anxious, virgil will kick down a door and go through a window, feet first

they are their own villians

whats virgils, janus' and remus' biggest fears? Logan

All of the sides have/need glasses but Logan and Patton are the only ones who actually...wear them...obviously

For virgils birthday, Logan got Virgil a puzzle book (or Christmas)

Virgil met his new years resolution (like...he got it done)

*has to watch beauty and the beast for this one* technically....beauty and the beast isnt Stockholm Syndrom......belle traded herself so her father could be free....the beast never took maurice....he wondered into the castle by himself and got...captured....sooo technically...idk where im going with this ajsjxh

Virgil has a crap ton of funko pops

Everytime Patton goes into Virgils room, he'll come out scared of the curtains

When Roman said "you are nothing compared to the others" and his hand went over his mouth....was that deceit? like....him not wanting Thomas to even know about him or remus yet..or orange side?

"Im not evil" foreshadowing for remus

Patton can yell "i will physically fight you" as loud as logan can yell "falsehood"

Virgil is a Ravenclaw (i think we all knew this tho ajsjdh)

When Logan actually shows sadness (the like....one time he did) the other sides will give him validation (telling him hes right, he cool etc.) and just...give him love (they will also do this with the other sides too)

Logan will pop up and ask Thomas about the picture with circles that is hanging above Thomas's (?) couch.

Logan has yet to actually solve a problem by himself...... hes either used information they already knew, or needed/used the others help (sorry)

Virgils the only one Logans said "sorry" to....he usually says "apologies"

The dark sides have pan(heh) pancake and pillow fights (the darks sides....remus and Virgil and janus just stands there until something gets thrown at him....then he joins)

Every year for their birthday, Roman and Logan will always get a jar (or more) of crofters

Every time Logan has crofters (like...pb&j or toast or smth idkkkkk) he'll keep making puns for an hour straight (gay)

Virgil watched dhmis and got weirded out for like....a week

When Janus is around, Patton and Roman will make a bunch of snake puns and janus will stand there like :|

Logan is allergic to anything "sweet" like....butterfingers

Did....did you guys know...that the cast of sander sides....is...Thomas sanders....i just learned that....thats...crazy wow....when were you guys gonna tell me? (fun fact.....every fricken time thomas yawned in dwit....i yawned)

Virgil researches architecture or like.....studies it?

Remus and/or Janus is/are (?) a ghost....ok remus...

Remus is actually really smart and gets along with Logan pretty well

Virgil was the least...like...responsive(?) after forbidden fruit

Virgils eyes are more red in dwit (could just be Thomas and that he was tired or smth)

Whenever Remus walks past Patton, he'll take off his ears but then put them back on when he goes out of Pattons sight (english who?)

In the bloopers (not really but shhhhh) or smth when Remus knocked Logans teeth out, logan said "figuwawivwy"

Whenever Virgil "sounds the alarm" he (and maybe patton and remus) will go "weoo" for a few minutes as loud as he can

Logan has a baymax plush

Janus is obsessed with Hocus Pocus (despite Logan pointing out all the inconsistencies)

In clbg when patton said yes to thomas when he asked if there are anymore sides that were hidden away from him, he glanced at virgil (and logan) and virgil got super uncomfortable

Janus will always say the "you better watch out" vine

Everytime Logan has an idea, he'll say lightbulb out loud...like...just..."lightbulb" and the other sides just stare at him like.."wha-???" until he explains

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #elena speaks #ignore elena #long post #sanders sides angst

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revol-lover · 4 years

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i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok.

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though.

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend.

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020 but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic.

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

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