#my heart is SO full after seeing this
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writing down my thoughts as I rewatch “Pabu”, this is the most incoherent I’ve ever been, be prepared ROFL
what planet are they on in the opening scene? how long have they been hanging out with Phee? has she been in regular contact with them ever since “Entombed”? I NEED TO KNOW
love that Omega was at the table with Phee the whole time, and Phee used the excuse that she was teaching Omega her trade, we love to see it 🥰
I RECOGNIZED STEVE BLUM’S VOICE INSTANTLY AND NEARLY WENT FERAL
Phee handing that poisoned drink to Omega was really funny to me for some reason LOL
Hunter and Wrecker. HUNTER AND WRECKER. LORDY HELP ME. as if I wasn’t already in love with those two... D A M N 😍😍😍
nah fr Hunter flinging his blade at that worm was LITERALLY SOMETHING I WROTE IN MLWTBB OVER A YEAR AGO WTF
I just need that entire fight sequence embedded behind my eyelids plz, it was SO good \o/
TECH PLAYING SOLITARE ON TOP OF GONKY, I DIED 🤣
all of Phee’s comments about Omega, gurl knows what’s up (and Hunter totally agreed with her)
why was that message from Cid so freaking ominous??? ma’am??? where did this animosity come from all of a sudden??? srsly I feel like the “Cid is a villain now” thing came out of nowhere (despite what happened in “Faster” but I digress... idk it just doesn’t sit right with me ok lskjdfgklfdkj)
they’ve been away for THREE WEEKS doing what exactly???? hanging out with Phee??? traveling to nowhere in particular???? I NEED ANSWERS PLZ
I can NOT believe Pabu is literally just Palma Flora (a city in Wildemount that I set my DnD campaign in 2 years ago). literally the events that happened in this episode were VERY similar to that adventure from the Wildemount guide, and I am cackling about it haha
Phee literally being female space Indiana Jones was not on my bingo card, but I’m not complaining about it, good for her \o/
NOT WRECKER WITH THE “you’ve got some competition!” TO TECH I LEGIT LOST MY MIND OMFG
SERIOUSLY I CAN’T BELIEVE TECH/PHEE IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE LSKJFGUIHGLFKDJ
the way Tech stopped when Phee started walking to the museum.... BRUH. DOES YOU HAVE A CRUSH MAYHAPS 👀
Omega immediately befriending Lyana made me SO happy, she finally has a friend her age (which I KNOW Phee thought of on purpose, she brought them all there for OMEGA’S sake, I KNOW IT) 🥰
“do you know everyone here?” “of course! we’re all like family!” YOU DON’T SAY 👀👀👀
THE MONKEYS. they’re so cute and I want 20 of them thanks 🥰
“I... have not heard her laugh like that in some time” *SCREAMS INTO MY HANDS*
to no one’s surprise, I’ve been monitoring Hunter like a HAWK, and I’m pretty sure that man never stopped smiling from the moment they landed on Pabu OMFG. I know everyone is talking about Omega’s happiness, but HUNTER WAS HAPPY TOO. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. AAAAAAAAAAAAA
speaking of...
“as a father, you couldn’t ask for a better place to raise a child”
*INHALES SHARPLY*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
literally I was SHAKING after that line, I am a WRECK and I will NEVER RECOVER
ALSO
“a little stability might do you all some good“ I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN SAYING THAT THE ENTIRE TIME THANK YOU PHEE
it’s not just for Omega, they ALL need this, they ALL need a safe place where they can just live life and not have to worry about anything, PLEASE they need it so bad 😭
space sushi is canon. SPACE SUSHI IS CANON. HALLELUJAH \o/
the way Hunter told Omega to “have fun”... MY DADGUM HEART. SIR. I’M ALREADY IN LOVE WITH YOU PLZ 🥺😭💙
“I’m full! I am NEVER full!” STOOOOOOOP. this poor man has never had a decent meal in his LIFE, I am SOBBINGGGGGGG
and then Tech “I will note the date and time to commemorate such a momentous occasion” PLZ SLKFJGHGLFKDJS
crying actual tears at Omega out on the boat, smelling the ocean, feeling the sun on her face, and reminiscing about Kamino... MY SWEET BABY 🥺🥺🥺💙💙💙
and then Lyana with “doesn’t that get lonely” after hearing that they’ve never stayed in one place for very long... GURL. I FELT THAT. I LIVED THAT. O O F 💔
Phee practically dragging Tech over to the corner to see the lights; she even grabbed his wrist, the menace. she’s got it BAD for him, and he totally feels the same way, I LOVE THEM 🥰
Hunter noticed the monkeys were acting weird, but I KNOW he also felt the vibrations in the earth before anyone else. my man is just that good ok 😌
are tremors common for islands like that? I have no knowledge on the subject. my initial thought was OMG THE ISLAND IS ACTUALLY A DORMANT VOLCANO because of the shape of it?? idk LOL
Hunter ABSOLUTELY could feel the vibrations. “I don’t think it’s over yet” HE KNEW. HE COULD FEEL IT. HE’S THAT GOOD 😤
the fact that it’s been 30 YEARS since the last sea surge, and another one just so happened on the same day TBB showed up. @jam-n-ham and I joked that they brought a curse to the island ROFL
the warning alarm sounding like a foghorn was a nice touch 👌🏻
all of that water receding so quickly was TERRIFYING 😰
Hunter quickly taking charge and telling everyone what to do in his usual calm demeanor, my GOSH I love this man 😩💙
Wrecker sticking with Shep while Phee stuck with Tech, no surprise there 🤗
Omega sounded so scared when she called Hunter, oh my poor baby 😭💔
Tech and Phee with the grappling hook 👀😏
Wrecker immediately picking up the old guy and running off with him, I love him so much 😂
this episode marked the THIRD time we got pilot Hunter, and I am LIVING for it. Tech, please give him the wheel more often 😍🥰
also, I am suddenly reminded of “why is Omega hanging off the ship?!” after rescuing the girls; how’s that for an unscheduled study break? 😝
Wrecker putting the old guy on his back and climbing up the ladder like it was NOTHING 🥵
honestly, one of the most heartwarming things was seeing all the people helping each other during this crisis. when Wrecker came up the ladder, several people grabbed the old guy and helped him up, then several more grabbed Wrecker when Shep was about to fall. Shep was right, the whole island is like one big family 🥺💙
that shot of the island from the following day was devastating 💔
Tech and Phee still hanging out; he literally is just following her around now 😁
WRECKER OMEGA AND LYANA SLEEPING UNDER THE TREE 🥺🥺🥺💙💙💙
absolutely OBSESSED with that moment between Tech and Phee when she stops him, what am I saying, I’m obsessed with all the moments between them, I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS CANON FR LDKFJGHJUIGOFLDK
Hunter wanting to stay so they can help rebuild the damaged homes 🥺 as if he needed another excuse to stay amiright 😜
“I had the same idea” “did’ya now?” SLDFJGHIOHGLFDKSJHD
SRSLY THEIR SMILES AT EACH OTHER HELLO??????? YOUR HONOR THEY’RE IN LOOOOOOOOOOVE 🥰🥰🥰
the fact that Shep reiterated that they’re welcome there... y’all they finally have a HOME 😭😭💙💙
and that’s it! end of the episode. man. just pure serotonin from start to finish 💙
and yeah, I know we all have the same thought. “it’s not gonna last!!” WELL MAYBE THIS TIME THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT HUH, EVER THINK OF THAT???
I honestly think we’re meant to assume the worst, but it’ll end up being ok. sure, Omega getting captured by the Empire is absolutely still going to happen. but I think Pabu overall is going to remain a safe spot for them to return to, similar to Ord Mantell. they’ll finally have a real home. and it would be completely dissatisfying to have that all taken away just for the sake of ✨drama✨. let this show be the ONE time everything turns out ok in the end, please Jen and Brad, I am BEGGING you 😫🙏🏻
#the bad batch#star wars the bad batch#tbb season 2#anyway I'm going to have this episode on repeat until next week thanks#for the rest of my life actually#this might be my new favorite episode of the show PERIOD#my heart is SO full after seeing this#what a prime example of that SW hope that the franchise promotes#so so SO grateful for this show in general#I'm getting mushy and emotional all over again#sldkfjgsldkfjs#star warz#tbb spoilers
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Been reading Law Novel 👍
(super legally and not at all from a Google Docs English fan translation 👀)
WOLF ONE PIECE I KNOW YOURE NOT CANON BUT YOU REMAIN FOREVER FAMOUS TO MEEEE!!!
(Handwriting translations under the cut)
1-
Law: Junk-ya this is Bepo. He’s a polar bear and he’s going to live with us now. Be nice
Bepo: He brought me here without explaining anything..sorry….
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I like this sad old man :)
3-
Wolf: I swear, I let ONE kid stay - out of pure convenience - and they just kept multiplying!
Dadan: Tell me about it…
Both of them, thinking: I LOVE MY FUCKIN KIIIIDDDDSSSS!!!!
#tho I do acknowledge that wolf’s role - at least towards Law - is not exactly parental#which is one of the reasons Law likes it so much - since he’s being taken seriously after all the Trauma™️#but regardless it’s full of love and they are ‘his kids’ - as in the kids he houses and who follow him around and feel happy living with him#they’re family. but maybe not in the father-son way like you may define his and Cora’s relationship#but the love and safety that comes from having a kind adult to look out for you and prepare you for life as you go through it#or the joy of having a young person in your house who looks up to you and brings joy/meaning to your life is all still there#it’s kinda the same for Dadan actually - though different cuz of the ages and ways that she got her kids are much different- especially Ace#plus wolf does it voluntarily lmao. not to diss Dadan ofc I love her - but it’s sweet to see how non-reluctant this guy is#Law has always been so loved - even if he kept losing the people who loved him for a while - and it makes me so emotional#anyway i love him#he’s canon in my heart stfu 😭#one piece#one piece fanart#my art#trafalgardwaterlaw#trafalgar law#one piece law#law novel#novel law#one piece novel law#wolf one piece#genius inventor wolf#one piece wolf#one piece bepo#bepo one piece#curly dadan#one piece dadan#heart pirates
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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Elena of Avalor is genuinely such a good show.
#Personal#You know I've never forgotten about this show for a single day even after it ended#Just thinking about it makes me happy already but I recently listened to all the songs again#and directly interacting with the show and rewatching the clips from it hits so much different#I really need to do a full rewatch someday I haven't watched the show in ages#Just episodes I love most or something random for the content making purposes which is certainly not the same as watching for pure enjoymen#I probably realized it long ago but I'm currently in the 'analyzing my life' state of mind#and this show means so much to me on a personal level too because it brings up so many important topics to me as a person#And it just does it so well it's clear to see that creators actually cared about the story they wanted to tell#And really EoA also has absolutely fascinating and unique worldbuilding#and in the combination of important not trivial messages and dynamic layered characters this is just such a solid show#It really deserved to get more recognition#I wouldn't even say attention because lots of attention may cause more harm than good#It's actually more about recognition and acknowledgement#Really I'm not even talking about what a huge impact being a part of the fandom has had on my life#it's worth the whole separate post#I'm just talking about the show itself and how great and meaningful it is#Anyway EoA warms my heart and I'm so happy I encountered this show
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I haven’t yet decided how I’m going to be posting about Missing Link (whether to do it here or on my actual KH blog, how much to really say, etc.) - but you can rest assured that I definitely will once I start playing it, since I once again got into the beta test
#if only to show off arete and nothing else#heart of the void#child: calamitous excellence (arete)#selfshipping fankids#since that’s what they are! but I will also use them as my player character for missing link (unlike how I used aria for unchained/union x)#although.. so far I’ve seen a total of about three new story points that weren’t in the previous version#and one of them.. TENTATIVELY.. might give me reason to be present as aria#I don’t think I can really work out the story logistics until the full game comes out but. we’ll see. anything could happen#it’s kingdom hearts after all#of hearts and friendship (kingdom hearts)
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guys the world is so big n love is real
#7#multiple ppl sending me photos of the northern lights after i let them know it was gonna be visible#i didn't get to see it last night but also i did see it through my friends anyway 😖#sofi video calling me in the middle of the desert to say hi wish you were here but also we will be here some day like 🤧🤧🤧#in the middle of printing the photos from my latest trip to see friends & my heart is so full of all these memories &#the knowledge that these ppl i love n care abt love n care abt me too ouuguugggg
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just finished the new fantasy high episode and havent seen anyone talk abt this so i wanted to say i am 100. one HUNDRED PERCENT sure. that fuckin fourdogs was at that party invisibly (the One And Only buttfucker to NOT make an obvious appearance?? rules-follower or no, i dont believe that for a SECOND) and that she stole the piece of the cloud runner that went missing, and that the moment of her swipe was the "something" riz missed on his check -- i also really *hope* it wasn't oisin that made those damn ice mephits (or "muffets" as my beloved drunk adaine christened them lmao) act up like that, but immmmm pretty sure thats exactly what was goin on since it wouldve given his party member advantage/an easier access point :/
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy spoilers#listen i was oisin to be good & real & nice SO BAD. HOT RIPPED TATTED DRAGONBORN WIZARD ??? PLEASE#but. im also a suspicious-ass bitch lmao#also wait ik they spelled his name without the accent on his character art#but doesnt the name oisin have an accent over one of the i's?? idk jack abt shit so i could be wrong ofc#in any case. i like the concepts behhind the ratfuckers as a party (*except buddy. seeing him made me feel fucking ILL lmao.) but#i neeeeeeed them to get fucking TROUNCED by the bad kids. i NEED it. theyd be so much more tolerable if they got briefly asswhooped#like i think after that they could TOTALLY be friends and work together. before that?? FUCK no lmfao#anyway. i love-hate fishykitty whatserbucket and i need to see her lose#i cant wait for the ratgrinders to meet the unstoppable force that is the bad kids bigass hearts#deciding to team up with local shitheads & therefore turning them into op allies by sheer force of will and love#its happened to ragh its happened to aelwyn it kiiinda happened with kalina (jury's still out but my fingers are crossed!!)#spring break i believe in them!!!#bee speaks#its happening yall. i try to keep my incomprehensible blorboposting to a dull roar but now that im fully caught up on d20 i fear i may start#going full pepe silvia trying to figure this out#i cant binge it all in one go and have it rot thru my brain like slow-eating acid to leak thru in a contained matter#waiting for a new episode every week means i have time to THINK
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Obsessed with them again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#my art#Invader Zim#Irken oc#River#Lonn#hello I went for one walk after breakfast and my depression has been temp cured im not kidding#shocking that leaving your house and seeing the sun DOES help#anyway plz fucking enjoy I love them so much#they bring me so ssosoososos much joy my heart feels full again#lonn and river 5ever#I’ve also got major hots for human river >_>#he’s gunna haunt me#not like I don’t already have the hots for river sfdghfedjgefjygef
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.
#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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I am but a measly 2:00:15 into the genre-defining "Riku is Gay" video, but like. Damn, Tennelle Flowers is a cinematic genius. I've remained so thoroughly enthralled by the tasteful spacing of audio commentary, clips from the games, and excerpts from the novels/writer interviews that I've hardly even noticed the time passing. What is this video laced with, man- I love video essays, but usually I have to rewind a gazillion times due to my attention slipping against my will.
That collage of comparison clips from KH2 Beast's arc and Riku's KH1-KH2 arc is killing me, man. Ever wish you could tattoo a part of a video to your forehead? Apparently, now I do.
#and like AAAA they Get it!#the KH1 displacement and insecurity#Riku seeing Xion as Sora#It's still not explained how Riku was able to remember Sora despite all of his other connections getting amnesia but loool-#ain't the world just FULL of unexplained mysteries#AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE COM NECKLACE THING#I also was like “huh- that memory can't have happened because Kairi wasn't at the islands before the meteor shower” so I figured it was#that maybe it was just fake but I wasn't SET on that- y'know? so like- the idea it was a Sora&Riku memory was so good#that bit about Riku originally meant to give Sora a charm in relation to the design of Oblivion being Sora's crown sealed the deal for me#and the novel excerpts are generally insane holy guacamole you don't just WRITE that stuff man#also they're (Tennelle Flowers) is just generally a wonderful narrator to listen to and I am rediscovering that after like 8 years or sm#from when I used to check out their Warriors stuff#anyway yeah can't wait to get to the ddd section- this is already third-eye-opening material- I'll probably just explode then#'Sora at the end of my outstretched hand was more important than anything else'#ARE YOU KIDDING ME#SHIT READS LIKE FANFICTION#kingdom hearts#sora#riku#kingdom hearts meta#soriku
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Aurora Borealis over Iowa. April 23rd-24th, 2023
#I'm still so amazed that I got to see this last night my heart is filled with childlike wonder and amazement whenever I think about it#I was so surprised to actually see how fast the waves move in person it was almost like there was a strobe light illuminating them#and how they were changing shapes and colors (though it was hard to see the colors with the naked eye) and the intensity of the glow#after being out there for about 20 minutes they slowly shifted to being above us and it was just magical to look up and see them#man am I lucky to have had the opportunity to see this last night I've always wanted to see them since I learned about them as a kid#someday I'll go somewhere where you can see their full colors and intensity :']#aurora borealis#northern lights#iowa#weather
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next on Sad Thoughts With Yue Qingyuan & Shen Jiu: one damaged kid stalling out should not be the sole line of defense between another damaged kid and his permanent downward spiral
#my heart fucking RAGES against yue qingyuan and i KNOW it's not his fault. i don't know why he sets something off in me#i hate him and i love him and i'm so so upset about him#the isolation of these two... even after all these years... Hurts Me. they still remain a 2-man unit. even on a mountain full of ppl#crying about fictional broken men again i see#svsss#yue qingyuan#shen jiu
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fanmerch is nuts, just found a perfumer on shopee that has genshin-inspired scents and so many reviews say they make sense for the characters?? is this it is the the beginning of my perfume era
#the reviews are so fucking funny with how specific they get#'smells like hugging your boyfriend after a day out' on alhaith*ms#'first spray punches you HARD but then it mellows down to something sweet that makes ur heart flutter' on wrios#'smells like a rich father' on d*lucshasjkdhsjfkhdsf HELP#'BRO SMELLS SO HANDSOME AND FRUITY 🍇🍇🍊🍒🍓🍓' on k*vehs ohhh my god#'starts off smelling like the laidback boy next door but turns to smelling like a fuckboi full of red flags over time' on ch*ldes 💀💀💀#i cant with these but my god im SOOO SO so curious... am i really going to buy a few samples...#each and every one has so many people saying they can see the character smelling like it...#to this day i still wish i managed to get the satan one when om cam out with perfumes >.> i actually liked how his was described...
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It's LITERALLY OCTOBER
#Oouuuuuuuuuiiiiiaaaagh#Saw someone cute today I'm soooo like#So. Like silly goofy I'm like ohhh they're looking at meeeee oh my goodness they're looking at me and I think they're cool#We should chatty taaaaaLk#But this was at a club meeting and I truly. I truly can't tell#If I'm just a bit self centered or if they're like INTERESTED#I'm soooo in soft mode today. This week. This life. Dude it's silly#I hope to see them again. Gonna make my friend who already wants to be friends with them... Let me third wheel 🤠😜🤗#I'm literally so quiet shy bad at talking it's awful. Like I'm sorry. But I'm just. Sooooo bad at talking about things. I don't remember#Anything ever how can I have opinions on songs or shows 😭 I don't even know their names 😭😭😭#But I am sooo full of observations and opinion even... Sometimes.. Sometimes.#I am literally so capable of being normal I just don't understand why it doesn't work out in certain settings. Cries#Anyways um.#IT'S OCTOBER LITERALLY WHO HAS AN OPEN HEART MIND AND ARMS LOL#Void talks#If you're in a club meeting and someone keeps looking over at you even though you're literally not saying anything. This means something?#Or you're just silly and they're surveying the room#Because after we were in a trio conversation n they kept looking over but I'm not sure if it was just to check if I was left out (which#Makes sense bc I could not contribute to the conversation meaningfully 🤧)#But even BEFORE? WHAT'S UR VIBE#Good at making eye contact maybe#I think I just like indulging in silly thoughts and entertaining myself#But also like. I feel like I'm being sooooo silly about it.#Melts.
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i really dislike how modern day social media feminism revolves around (the hatred of) men and dating men. we really are walking back like 20 years of social progression and it drives me up the fucking wall
#if i felt like being more wordy and eloquent about the full scope of my feelings about this and analyzing who and why things are the way#they are i would#i think it would be very relatable and put into words what A LOT of ppl are feeling rn#unfortunately i'm a dumbass at heart so i WILL be instead making a meme#you'll know it when you see it#anyways this was inspired by this one comment i saw on a video from this influencer i've been watching since 2019 and we're abt the same ag#(i'm 24 and she's 26)#and i noticed a lot of her videos recently revolve around this starbucks feminism that's so popular online now#and someone was like FINALLY a video that doesn't revolve around men or dating#because her latest vid is a vlog she did#and that's when it truly clicked for me that modern day online feminism really is just centered around men#2013 online feminism was also annoyin but at least it was more productive in terms of conversation (ie the sex revolution and bopo movement#i thought after a while it was bad but man i did NOT see things devolving to this. we will never be free LOL#niyah.txt
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thinking about how the other day I felt happiness for the first time in a long time (like happiness about where I am at in life and joy for my future plans. Like I was working 8-4:30 and I was thinking about how I was going to do a few ubereats runs until 6ish after and then come home and get to write and crack open my kung fu binder again that I've been working with to prove to myself I'm ready to go back)
usually I just feel content at like a 5 sometimes if I go to a concert or whatever it can get up to 6,7,8. but that's it
and I have that persistent depression disorder. that i never remember how to spell.
So you can imagine my surprise when i genuinely just felt happy and at peace? And i had mania by fob album stuck in my head. life was good.
I then got sucker punched by my physical health symptoms that were really bad and almost collapsed and could not hold myself up so I was leaning on a cart not moving when it hit 4:30. And did not do anything that I planned to after work because of it.
BUT
the key is i felt happiness for the first time in forever.
#and the thing is I think it was because I finally decided it might be time for me to go back to kung fu after taking a year and a half off#because I quit because I couldn't get myself to go to lessons and then I also couldn't get myself to practice outside of class#PLUS at the time I had just started medication for my panic attacks had recently developed a tic disorder#and was working at a job that was slowly killing me#and I was really just trying to figure my shit out#(the last day I was really able to meaningfully attend was for my belt test that I passed but I had a massive panic midway through because#I had also started zoloft that day and it didn't occur to me taking a kung fu test designed to mimic a fight and breed endurance in a fight#aka get my heartrate up would be a bad idea with starting zoloft designed to slow my heart rate)#but the thing about kung fu is it was always something that brought so much joy and happiness#if I was struggling to get there I'd come home and be so energized and excited and happy#and I think I'm finally in a place where I can have it back? (idk juries still out on the health issues)#because I spent all of 2023 working on myself and my mental health and I quit my old job this past september#and I have a new job#plus a direction in life??? like I'm stage managering for some bands at a fest#and then later stage managering for a renn faire#while I'm working part time at target#and finally retail isn't my main gig (i used to be full time) but the side gig to take me where I want to go#And like recently I ran into someone from kung fu while I was working and they were so excited to see me#and I want to go back so bad because it's nice to know that she and a couple other people (she mentioned I was brought up recently) still#remember me and wonder where I went even a year and a half later
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