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mayariviolet · 1 month

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Iris, Bruised Kisses and Quick Squeezes

⊹₊⋆ starring: kageyama tobio x actor!reader

summary: "And I don't want the world to see me. 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken- I just want you to know who I am."

Saying ‘I love you’ is hard, especially when the person you’re talking to wants everything to be perfect.

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cw: time skip tobio, mild angst, fluff, Kageyama pov, gn!reader (Don’t pay too much attention to the visuals. I just wanted to set the scene, hehe), suggestive themes (but for about two sentences).

a/n: SOMEONE STOP ME! I was just thinking of my 'selfships' and did this… also on ao3. This song deserves a huge shout-out because it's so Tobio-coded.

wc: ~1.1k

Tobio has never been the best with words. You knew that and never pressured him to say more than he should. You patiently waited whenever he was ready to talk or just sat in comfortable silence when the world became too much for either of you. A shared rare quietude was more than welcome, considering you two lived under a constant spotlight.

Tobio appreciated that more than anything. He appreciated how you asked nothing of him—a silent acknowledgment that you loved him no matter what. That's not to say there weren't other ways he could proclaim his love and appreciation, which didn't include tumbling over his words.

Stolen glances in a room full of people defined the early stages of your relationship. In more private moments, you held his hand in the car with tinted windows to hide from the benevolent media gaze and relentless gossip magazines- usually, back to whatever hotel he booked and scheduled so you could attend his away games (whenever your schedules align). You held his taped hand tighter after a challenging and stressful postgame interview.

One quick squeeze to ask if he's okay.

Tobio would respond with two to show that he was and interlocking your fingers whenever he wanted to discuss what bothered him later.

Of course, this little exchange applied to you as well.

Harsh blocking notes from a director while filming that you'd tell him about almost causing you to cry while grocery shopping - met with one quick squeeze of his hand. You'd return the exchange with two quick squeezes before returning to your quest to find a good wine to bring to the party.

Tobio surveyed any hint of distress, taking mental notes on what he could do to make you feel better. Sometimes, an annoying co-star and rumours of a budding romance happening on set during the press tour were met with Tobio holding your shaky hand and immediately interlocking your fingers with his. Driving home in silence after a frantic text from you asking to meet at whatever hotel or studio the interviews were taking place.

These little moments, accompanied by bruised kisses left only in places he could see, composed your relationship. They were a silent scream to a busy world, declaring that he was yours.

However, he wanted to say one thing that his body could never convey.

'I love you.'

Actually, he wanted to tell you that he loved you the first time he heard your real laugh. It's not the one you'd use with overly familiar people, and definitely not the one you'd use on screen or on stage. It was a laugh from the depths of your diaphragm, almost like an evil cackle. The first time Tobio heard it was when he decided to tell a stupid joke. Tobio knew it was a foolish joke because Shoyo told him it was. However, he decided to try it anyway because he had always thought it was funny.

His whole body relaxed when you clearly found it funny, too.

So after months and countless hints that you two were a couple in various interviews, you decided to take the leap and say, 'I love you.' Before walking the red carpet for a charity gala, he froze.

You looked incandescent. It's your first public appearance as a couple that didn't come from a shitty tabloid. Tobio could do it. He could finally say, 'I love you too.'

But he didn't.

The lighting wasn't right, and there was some lint on his suit that his stylist couldn't get out. The noises and camera shutters from outside the hotel were too much, so instead, he gave you a hurried kiss on the head, careful not to mess up your hair, and intertwined his hands with yours. He didn't miss the way your hand fell limp in his. He also didn't miss the empty laugh you let out in every carpet interview. Something he hadn't heard in months. Even on your press tours, the cracks of your authentic, not the heavily influenced PR persona, faded into obscurity.

But not tonight.

Tonight, you dawned on that mask he was too familiar with. The person you were before Tobio. He tried not to cry while answering questions about what designer he was wearing that night. All while you were dazzling the room in his peripheral.

On the ride back to the hotel, you kept your hands to yourself, thumb playing with the ring he'd given you years ago when you were just friends. That ring was always a non-negotiable whenever your stylist asked if you'd want to take it off for the night. Tobio didn't miss how you'd been playing with it all night.

After getting undressed and assistants ensuring that all the pieces picked by your respective stylists were secured and ready to return to the designers the following day, you'd settle into bed. You had your hair up, and an oversized sweater he'd given you hung just above your hips- giving a tiny peak at the bruised kisses he left the night before. Reaching across the nightstand to grab your phone, you continuously scroll while Tobio does his nighttime routine. The usual nighttime chatter between you, which filled the room, was replaced with the air conditioner's hum and a bustling city life.

'Good night, Tobio,' you hummed, placing your phone back on the nightstand before letting your eyes flutter close.

Tobio watched for a while as your chest rose and fell, your shoulders unravelling and subconsciously releasing the stress he caused. His gaze fixed on how at peace you looked, how beautiful you were. He realized that there was no 'perfect time.' Every time spent with you is perfect. You asked nothing of him. The least he could do is show you, tell you, whatever you want.

Before he can even think, he says, 'I love you too.'

Stirring in your slumber- he clambers to turn off the table lamp, anxious that you'd heard him. Before he could get up to sleep on the couch, you intuitively sling an arm across his chest as if it were second nature to pull him close. You squeeze him and snuggle into his chest before your soft snores fill the room. Tobio eases into the embrace, kissing you on the forehead. Snaking an arm underneath your head to act as another pillow, he pulls you closer to him and gives you two quick squeezes.

The scent of your shampoo is interwoven with the fresh linen sheets placed earlier that day. Tobio rubs your back until he drifts off to sleep, switching between quick squeezes and writing 'I love you so much' up and down your spine. As he teeters between consciousness and a deep REM sleep, he swears that you mumbled, 'I know.'

a/n: SHY TOBIO, I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOO!!! I was originally going to write a headcanon, but it just tumbled out of me! I think this is very on-brand for his character. I love you all, and I hope you're having a good week!

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