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doublebattled · 2 months

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stealing my banner from my other blog because fuck it I might as well. detailed headcanon on Isshu, ancient unovan history (nothing that could be construed as modern, literally just up to the Heroes of Truth and Ideals), and the surviving culture. All of this is written AS IS KNOWN BY MODERN DAY HISTORIANS. This is largely why I am writing it on this blog instead of Adair's; lots of names are omitted because those have been lost, it's incomplete and in places not actually wholly accurate to the slightly more detailed version of canon that would be found over on @fusionbolts. I also have a lot of links embedded to other headcanons. So lets get into it.

The Foundation of Isshu

While the vast majority of Isshu's history is forgotten to time, there are a few oral traditions and folktales that have persisted, one of which being the most foundational to their culture: the founding of Isshu and Isshurem's pact with humankind. As expected, the details of the tale are somewhat fuzzy, being literal centuries old, but the core of it remains fundamentally the same:

In the distant past, there was a time when the differences between humans and pokemon seemed impossible to bridge; they lived entirely separate from each other and fought often. At this time there lived a young boy who was born with a gift that allowed him to speak with pokémon. This boy, who walked freely between the worlds of human and pokémon, sought out the Great Dragon, arbiter of balance, to help him bring about peace between their kinds. They forged a pact, that human and pokemon kind would walk side by side forevermore.

At least, that's the general gist of it. (A longer version of it exists on one of my older blogs, if you're so inclined. Fair warning I wrote it like five years ago. Probably more.)

This foundation myth is fundamental to Isshu's spiritual beliefs and their relationship to pokémon, information which can be found here. However, Isshurem has always been core to its belief system as the nation's sort of guardian deity, with the name "Isshurem" itself literally meaning Guardian of Isshu. In the old days, leadership of the nation meant being Isshurem's partner.

The Golden Age

Very little is known in detail about the golden age of Isshu Culture as much of it was destroyed, lost to time, untranslatable until very recently, etc. Part of it is the result of Unova's very tumultuous history and the eventual fall of Isshu, and part of it is just due to the fact that it's a very, very old culture and a lot of their written history fell victim to time. BUT,

The Golden Age of Isshu was, as the name would imply, the height of their civilization, but historically speaking—virtually none of it still remains. The only structures still standing from the Golden Age are the League Building and Dragonspiral Tower. Historians who have been able to study the few remaining writings from the era have also managed to learn something about "seals", a form of ancient "technology" developed by the people of Isshu that made their quality of life quite remarkable by ancient standards. It's also what gave us Golett and Golurk! Nobody knows how, though. The Golett that exist are... all of them. Ever. The art itself has been lost, but remnants of it remain in modern Isshu art and traditional crafts.

The original written language of Isshu has also largely been lost—or so it was thought until the Abyssal ruins were uncovered and translated, allowing them to serve as a sort of Rosetta Stone for the original alphabet. The modern version still follows many of the same grammatical rules (and uses the same pronoun system!), but beyond that, there's little resemblance.

In short: little is known about Ancient Isshu, but it was believed their civilization was highly advanced for the time. They were, perhaps because of their advanced technology, or perhaps due to their distance from many other regions, an extremely isolationist culture and did not have much exchange, cultural or otherwise, with the other large civilizations at the time. That was, until...

The Fall of Isshu

Short version: colonialism happened.

The long version: Paldea, Kalos, and Galar sometimes just got done fighting a real big war and somebody (we won't name names) set off a superweapon and just decimated both armies entirely.

Wars are very expensive and this was a large problem for everybody, so with this on top of it, two of those countries came out pretty broke and the third was having its own problems with a giant space worm and some dogs. It was a bad time! The solution? INVADE SOME OTHER COUNTRIES ABOUT IT!

Again, this is a particular part of history that is not especially well-documented from the Isshu/Unova side of things. Historians know that Isshu's rather limited military force was not prepared for the attacks, which made them a pretty easy target. We also know the then-sovereign of Isshu was killed in the ensuing conflict, and the original dragon was presumably quite badly wounded, which ultimately led to Isshu's utter defeat at the hands of invading foreign forces. (It is believed that the Abyssal Ruins, dating back to that general era, are a tomb or memorial for the last King.)

This is the period in which most of Isshu culture was lost. Either it was taken by foreign forces (which is why we have Golett outside of Unova!) or destroyed utterly. For the next two centuries, much of the remnants of these people lived in the northern, mountainous regions of their country, where they could live more or less in peace. At this point, the Village of Dragons becomes the last bastion of Isshu civilization, and remains that way for... pretty much the rest of their history.

The Isshu people were not treated well during this time, as tends to happen with colonialism. I will not go into heavy detail as I think we can all fill in the gaps as to what that means, but it wasn't a great scene. (Slightly further detail on all of that and the leadup to the Unovan Revolution can be found here.)

In the meantime, the three major countries that had done that colonialism and also had done a war with each other right before... started fighting again. Shocking. It was less of a full-on war and more infrequent, but definitely regular territorial squabbles that, unfortunately, the remaining Isshu got dragged into. So you know what that means!

The Unovan Revolution / Foundation of Unova

Two brothers and a dragon do a revolution! Again, this is not an especially well documented period of history, but it is heavily mythologized thanks to it being the precursor to Reshiram and Zekrom. The short version is a couple of guys found Isshurem, who most people thought was dead, and it helped them do a revolution. (The full story is much more complicated than that, but you get the idea.)

As you can imagine, this was incredibly important. Arguably, the foundation of Unova was the only thing that allowed Isshu culture to survive in any form during the modern day. But it wasn't without its problems. As with any colonial state, people were, uh, having some complex feelings about who rightfully belonged there and who didn't, the direction of this new country, etc. etc., which would inevitably create a schism between the two brothers who started the revolution, and... Well, we know the story from there. Three dragons!

The ensuing conflict(s) and family drama would drive the then-kings to their deaths and leave the dragons stuck in rocks for a few millennium while the new Unova got to mythologize them.

There is reason to believe that while the Heroes of Truth and Ideals were both in agreement of trying to restore and preserve Isshu culture (generally accepted as being the culture they came from), their successor let it languish for unknown reasons, presumably political. (Ironically, it's pretty well known that their successor was the progenitor of the Harmonia royal line... Harmonia being an Isshu name.)

Modern Isshu Culture

As to be expected, there are still remnants of Isshu's culture and people within Unova, particularly in the northeast. While it's been through some extremely tumultuous times, even after Unova's founding, there have been some troubles with homogenization. But, nevertheless, there remains a handful of people who consider themselves Isshu and keep a few key cultural practices (copy and pasted from another headcanon, you're welcome):

1. Isshu do not (traditionally) use pokéballs. Tradition is to find and befriend a partner pokémon without catching them. Now, mind you, in the modern day and age, this isn't always practical, so some would opt to capture a pokémon after formally befriending them, particularly if their partner was especially large, dangerous, etc. However, a partner pokémon is typically kept outside of their pokéball as much as possible.

2. Isshu do not eat farm-raised meat, but wild-caught meat is acceptable. Again, practically speaking, this is somewhat difficult in the modern day: that accounts for, y'know, most meat products. Depending on where they live, many Isshu are effectively vegetarian or pescatarian. (The rules regarding animal byproduct, like in gelatin, are a little loosey goosey, but it's generally regarded as fine: ultimately, it abides by another core principle of Isshu culture, which is to respect the body of what you hunt/kill as to not let it go to waste. What isn't used should be returned to where it was found and returned to nature.)

3. Though far from a hard rule by any means, Isshu marriage tradition dictates that the couple exchange emblems of their partner pokémon when engaged, so the couple is symbolically always together. It's all very cute.

4. The major cultural holidays take place on the summer and winter solstices, with the latter being the cultural new year, much like how other cultures recognize a lunar new year. Minor holidays are on the equinoxes.

5. Again, this is far from a hard rule, but music is a very important component of Isshu culture. Many of their core mores and norms are born from concepts that are, culturally and linguistically, tied very HEAVILY to music. As such, it's extremely common for Isshu children to learn how to play an instrument.

#hit the books ★ { headcanon. }#alright here it is #it's not especially detailed but it is the tldr version #there are a lot more fuckin complicated thigns i could get into with relation to Why isshu culture got squashed by poke-europe but like #we can figure it out right.#it was far from an incredibly socially equal culture but its social heirarchy did have ppl who were traditionally oppressed in -#- poke-europe like aura users and psychics at the Top

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galpalaven · 2 years

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coral, diamond, dolamite, emerald for all your hunters and Nya

!!!! gonna be under the cut because it's gonna be really fucking long lmfao

Nox Pendragon

coral: how my OC views the natural world

Nox grew up in the capital of her home country of Ravaya, and the Ravay people are very tied to the natural spirits that live within the jungle that presses up against the edges of the city. There are temples scattered throughout the city, and the central Air Temple at the perfect center of the city where many people spend time asking for guidance and protection from the spirits. The jungle especially is seen as a sort of benevolent deity that that the people of her home country are very reverent of.

In short, she's been raised to respect and almost revere nature, and as such tends to do her best to avoid leaving a footprint on nature whenever she can.

diamond: a sex headcanon

Nox is on the ace spectrum, and her demisexuality meant that she never really found anyone that she wanted to date and have sex with at any point when she was in her early twenties. So technically still a virgin lol

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Nox suffers from night terrors, and has since she was a baby. She doesn't know that there's a reason for that, but her dad does. Lol.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

One of Nox's love languages is physical touch. If she loves someone, she's the type to run her fingers through your hair or rub your back or hold your hand.

Ilya loves this, of course, and leans into every single touch.

Ilya Fisher

coral: how my OC views the natural world

As a creature of the sea, their life is very tied to the natural world. While siren religions only worships one god, the moons are seen as spiritual gifts, as guardians of their people and feature in many of the holy days celebrated by the sirens.

All that being said, they has a reverence for the spirits that make up Nox's people's religion, and can often be seen visiting water temples on the surface to center themself when things are getting hard.

diamond: a sex headcanon

He has never had sex outside of his human ex-boyfriend. Not that he didn't have opportunities, but sex isn't a super big thing for many sirens as their sense of touch is a lot less than humans.

The sex they did have with their ex was ummmmm not good. Not even sure I would personally classify it as 'having sex' when it was just them Giving and being Used and never receiving.

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Ilya struggles to sleep much. Sirens only sleep between 3 and 6 hours a night, but his human form needs more sleep. He's known to push himself to stay awake and fight the urge to sleep until he crashes for like 16 straight hours lmao.

He has a caffeine addiction in human form as a result.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

Ilya is an acts of service type of man. He likes to bring Nox things he found that he thinks she'd like, or maybe cook her something. It was also how he showed love to his family back home--hell, the whole reason he is searching for a runecaster that can help him is an act of service to help his family.

Hunters

Riley Chang

coral: how my OC views the natural world

Riley doesn't particularly have any feelings about nature one way or another. She likes being outside sometimes, but not enough to like go hiking or have houseplants or anything. She'd like to have a cat someday, though.

diamond: a sex headcanon

As a demisexual, Riley has not actually ever had sex. She's never been close enough to anyone to experience attraction until Adair, so that will be an interesting thing for the two of them to navigate when they finally get together lol

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Riley grew up co-sleeping with her parents when she was a kid, so she actually sleeps better with someone else in the room. She'll be very happy when they move in together and she gets to cuddle with them every night.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

Riley's similar to Nox in the way she shows affection. Adair struggles with every casual touch when she runs her fingers through their hair or rubs their shoulders or almost holds their hand. A Mess.

Theodora Blackburn

coral: how my OC views the natural world

Theo was raised Jewish and still practices as an adult. There are a lot of nature based holidays that she does observe when she has the time. She has a reverence for nature, though she's not super interested in like hiking or anything.

diamond: a sex headcanon

Of all the characters up here, she has had the most sex lol. She's bisexual, and did her fair share of experimentation in college. Never Have I Ever with her might be a bit challenging lmao

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Theo suffers from insomnia. It's so bad that she honestly just lives like this and pretends like its not having a real effect on her. She sleeps a few hours at a time most nights, and its a very light sleep that doesn't really give her any fucking rest.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

Theo is cuddly. She likes to sit right up next to people she loves, to run her fingers through their hair and let them rest their head on her chest and fall asleep on the couch. She's also an acts of service bitch who will draw her love a bath and cook dinner if they've had a bad day.

Frankie Nakamura

coral: how my OC views the natural world

Frankie is absolutely clueless about most things in nature. All she knows is she gets sneezy in the spring and that plants need water sometimes. She wants to be someone who has plants and a cute little garden, but she's just not got it in her.

She'll just have to live with helping Blane with their garden someday.

diamond: a sex headcanon

Frankie has had sex before, and it was fun. That being said, she has a very low libido, and feels no real need to seek it out at any given time. On the odd occasion her hormones act up, she's not above using a vibe to help ease that discomfort.

The fact that Blane is ace will not bother her in the slightest.

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Miss Girl could sleep through a hurricane. Heaviest sleeper in the world. She might be dead. Someone poke her and see if she's breathing.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

Being there. Even if it's just sitting nearby and doing her own thing. She also likes to cuddle and bring snacks or dinner to you if you're feeling down.

#my ocs #long post

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catebeesart · 2 years

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OC masterpost below

Baldur's Gate 3

Brân Fraith (he/him) - half drow, College of lore bard. History teacher :)

Xanthi (they/them) - halfling storm sorcerer Durge??, still very underdeveloped

Dragon Age

Verena Dora Lyudmila Aeducan (she/her) - main worldstate HoF

Rozerin Tabris (she/her) - alternate HoF where Alistair is happy and in love because he deserves it

Marian Hawke (she/they) - one and only Hawke for most worldstates

Eelis Lavellan (he/him) - main inquisitor whom I love like a son

Winifred Trevelyan (she/her) - non-inky Trevelyan from Eelis's worldstate

(worldstate info and non-da ocs under the cut)

Verena Aeducan (She/her) demisexual, born 9:01 Dragon

Noble Dwarf Rogue, Duelist + Legionnare specialization

Supported the mages

Persuaded Isolde to kill Connor

Retrieved the Ashes

Stopped the curse and let Zathrian die :)

Destroyed the anvil + Supported Bhelen (after messing with him for a bit)

Alistair and Anora rule

No ritual, Loghain dead

Saved Amaranthine + the Keep didn't fall

Married Zevran

Adopted a bunch of young Crow recruits

IF CURE FOR BLIGHT WASN'T FOUND: she refuses to leave on her Calling and stays with Zevran and the kids for as long as she can, Morrigan made her a little poison morsel for when she turns ghouly

Rozerin Tabris (she/her) trans, born 9:06 Dragon

City Elf Warrior, Champion + Guardian specialization

Anora Rules, Alistair stays with the Wardens

She and Alistair call each other spouses but they never had a ceremony (for obvious trauma-related reasons)

Marian Hawke (she/they) genderfluid, aroace, born 9:07 Dragon

Human Warrior, Berserker specialization

Mostly blue personality

Friends with everyone <3 ('cept Aveline )

Bethany is in the circle

Dueled the Arishok

Sided with the mages

Pretended to kill Anders ;) (a new choice that I made up)

Escaped to Ferelden with Beth, Fenris and Peach the mabari

Found a little house outside of South Reach to lay low in

Opened a little school for farmer children to learn to read and count after Inquisition. Rarely goes back to Kirkwall, but Varric opened a similar institute in her name in Lowtown

After Peach they get a new mabari named Plum

Eelis Lavellan (he/him), born 9:14 Dragon

Dalish archer Rogue, Assassin specialization

Allied with mages

Briala rules through Gaspard???? (I literally don't know)

Pardoned the Wardens + Stroud left in the Fade

Drank from the Well

Married Dorian

Softened Leliana became Divine

Disbanded the Inquisition

Total grudge against Solas >:C

Eventually moved to Tevinter

Family: Hilja (she/her) younger sibling, Maarit (she/her) mother, Amavel "Veli" (he/him) best friend + Aquila Racina (she/her) Dorian's apprentice who's basically their child

Winifred Trevelyan (she/her) queer, born 8:97 Dragon

Human Mage, resident Glyph expert

Sent to the Ostwick circle at 13 after hiding her magic for several years

Had a child while in the circle in 9:18, who was brought up by her brother

Joined the Inquisition with the Redcliffe mages

In a relationship with Blackwall

Family: parents Lady Beatrice and Lord Tristan, uncle Knight Commander Urien, son Aderyn, and brothers Aidan with daughters Philippa and Joan, and Liam with son Lucas

The Arcana

Arianne Eliades (she/her) - Julian's wife, check @selfsacrificingfools for my Arcana backlog

Original stuff:

Gabriel Sharp and Thomas Adair, my queer Edwardian morticians <3

Agata Morgenstern (she/her) and Julia Philippe de Fervidor (they/them), both characters from a dating sim that lives in my head

Drawn To The Flames, an urban fantasy story starring: Adelaide Petran-Fouque (she/they), Nina Otxoa (she/her), Bram (they/them), Cat Andersen (he/him also, little/babby), Gabi Petran-Fouque (he/him), Hamlet Towers (he/him), Vasilisa (she/her)

Mare Scarlett (she/he/they) human ranger, DnD character I never used

I have a billion more but they're mostly retired I'm afraid

#my ocs #oc summary #bees talk

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the-cookie-jar-system · 2 years

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To Do List (0 requests, 141 planned, 141 overall)

here's a to do list! please check this when sending in requests, its a good way of checking if we got your request or not or if your request is similar/the same as someone else's or is planned! (please resend if it hasn't been added in 1-3 days <3) requests always take priority and the planned have no planned times to be finished, message me if you find a gender already made about something i plan, if you see something you were planning to make (like a song gender, not my own personal world/characters etc), go ahead and make it and just DM me or send me an anon letting me know! however please do not coin my character related genders without my permission, even if i do know you! X = not started D = definition done P = pronouns done F = flag done

Requests! (0)

Planned (these aren't requested but just things I want to do, 141)!

@the-cookie-jar-system

PRIORITY (miscallaneous, please don't do these ones if you know I want to! 1)

Gender relating to WoW

MUSIC RELATED (5)

SONGS (4) Gender relating to American Cliché by FINNEAS (X) Gender relating to Get Jinxed by League of Legends, Djerv (X) Gender relating to Stalker's Tango by Autoheart (X) Gender relating to Dismemberment Song by Bluekid (X) ARTISTS (1) Gender relating to Girls Rituals (X)

@corlaic-genders

CORLA (135)

WORLD/GENERALLY RELATED (20)! Gender relating to Corla, my world! (D) (P) Gender relating to being fluid through Corla related genders! (D) (P)Gender relating to Erif (D) (P) Gender relating to Kinalai (D) (P) Gender relating to Latavia (X) Gender relating to Ruinika (X) Gender relating to Shaterna (X) Gender relating to the Void (X) Gender relating to the CoRrUpTiOn (X) Gender relating to Kakian (basically hell ig) (X) Gender relating to Zian (basically heaven ig) (X) Gender relating to Baghlia's Domain (purgatory) (X) Gender relating to Judea (a religion) (X) Gender relating to Yaing (a religion and the name of a character) (X) Gender relating to Purple Lotus Faction (X) Gender relating to Yellow Sunflower Faction (X) Gender relating to Dark Faction (X) Gender relating to Silver Cardoon Faction (X) Gender relating to Green Scilla Faction (X) Gender relating to Hakunaad (X)

Gender relating to Project Huzlip (X) SPECIES (5) Gender relating to Bestias from Corla (X) Gender relating to Cinnaswirls from Corla (X) Gender relating to Floptails from Corla (X) Gender relating to Hearteaters from Corla (X) Gender relating to Miscs from Corla (X) CHARACTERS GODS (8) Gender relating to Ariolo Vitta from Corla (X) Gender relating to Yuyi Vitta from Corla (X) Gender relating to Yin Yaing from Corla (X) Gender relating to Yan Yaing from Corla (X) Gender relating to Yaing from Corla (X) Gender relating to Baghlia from Corla (X) Gender relating to Beatrice from Corla (X) Gender relating to Solluna from Corla (X) ELEMENT GUARDIANS (5) Gender relating to Jason, the Guardian of the Dark from Corla (X) Gender relating to Larry, the Guardian of the Earth from Corla (X) Gender relating to Yellian, the Guardian of the Air from Corla (X) Gender relating to Nedrian, the Guardian of the Fire from Corla (X) Gender relating to Adair, the Guardian of the Water from Corla (X) ROSEUS (12) Gender relating to Bryan from Corla (X) Gender relating to Vika from Corla (X) Gender relating to Jessica from Corla (X) Gender relating to Konko from Corla (X) Gender relating to Iris from Corla (X) Gender relating to Lily from Corla (X) Gender relating to Skele from Corla (X) Gender relating to Mr Rock from Corla (X) Gender relating to Crimson from Corla (X) Gender relating to Cloud from Corla (X) Gender relating to Cloudia from Corla (X) Gender relating to Widow from Corla (X) THE EXPLOSIONS OF GRAND MOUNTAIN HIGH (8) Gender relating to Zaiden (Human) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Zaiden (Zombie) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Zomb (Zombie Cat) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Night (Human) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Night(mare) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Jay from Corla (X) Gender relating to Brian (Council Leader) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Grand Mountain High from Corla (X) PURPLE LOTUS FACTION (22) Gender relating to Dima Honey from Corla (D) Gender relating to Charlotte Fire from Corla (X) Gender relating to Dosian Fire from Corla (X) Gender relating to Zaithesso Fire from Corla (X) Gender relating to Claudia "Chobo" Wobo from Corla (X) Gender relating to Chiaco Wobo from Corla (X) Gender relating to Chitabov Wobo from Corla (X) Gender relating to Cheptimun Aloon from Corla (X) Gender relating to Chian Aloon from Corla (X) Gender relating to Gastelande (Remembered) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Gastelande (Forgotten) from Corla (X) Gender relating to W-7 from Corla (X) Gender relating to I-6 from Corla (X) Gender relating to Kilat from Corla (X) Gender relating to the Amos Sisters (band) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Scarlet Amos from Corla (X) Gender relating to Ursula Amos from Corla (X) Gender relating to Therese Amos from Corla (X) Gender relating to Ash(lyn) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Eclipse (Sun) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Eclipse (Moon) from Corla (X) Gender relating to Solor from Corla (X) YELLOW SUNFLOWER FACTION / DARK FACTION (17) Gender relating to Zina "Zippy" Daphine from Corla (X) Gender relating to Aesphor Daphine from Corla (X) Gender relating to Pethelis Daphine from Corla (X) Gender relating to Vin(cent) Ocean from

FAMILY CHARACS (X) Gender elating to Gogh Ocean from Corla (X) Gender relating to Von Ocean from Corla (X) Gender relating to Blank @#!? from Corla (X) Gender relating to Aturinas Tura from Corla (X) Gender relating to Azinmorr Tura from Corla (X) Gender relating to Akiayo Tura from Corla (X) Gender relating to Akio Tura from Corla (X) Gender relating to Ad Tura from Corla (X) Gender relating to Akkior Tura from Corla (X) Gender relating to Aniakin Tura from Corla (X) Gender relating to Nasho Tura from Corla (X) Gender relating to Blue Spirit from Corla (X) GREEN SCILLA FACTION (8) Gender relating to Shade "Shattered" Holtin from Corla (X) Gender relating to Chasan Holtin from Corla (X) Gender relating to Forcas Holtin from Corla (X) Gender relating to Valokant from Corla (X) Gender relating to Zatharias from Corla (X) Gender relating to Buttercupss from Corla (X) Gender relating to Jinx from Corla (X) Gender relating to Pasaeph from Corla (X) SILVER CARDOON FACTION (10) Gender relating to Slate "Slash" Sacheal from Corla (X) Gender relating to GlXtch from Corla (X) Gender relating to Darren from Corla (X) Gender relating to Zac from Corla (X) Gender relating to Viktor from Corla (X) Gender relating to Dave from Corla (X) Gender relating to Tommy from Corla (X) Gender relating to It from Corla (X) Gender relating to Azur from Corla (X) Gender relating to Ashkian from Corla (X) KINALAI (they are apart of no faction, 8) Gender relating to Charlie from Corla(X) Gender relating to Nick from Corla (X) Gender relating to Kiash from Corla (X) Gender relating to Algae from Corla/Daylight SMP/Moonlight SMP/Dusk SMP/Multiple Roleplays (X) Gender relating to Alex from Corla (X) Gender relating to Kat from Corla (X) Gender relating to Kit from Corla (X) Gender relating to Ghost from Corla PROJECT HUZLIP Gender relating to Tomah (X) Gender relating to Rhom (X) Gender relating to David (X) Gender relating to Eversap (X) Gender relating to Lixue (X) WEIRDCORE CHARACTERS (have no name for the group yet, 12) Gender relating to Darling<3 from Corla (X) Gender relating to Beloved from Corla (X) Gender relating to Ieyrikn from Corla (X) Gender relating to Beau from Corla (X) Gender relating to Hive from Corla (X) Gender relating to Vein from Corla (X) Gender relating to Joke from Corla (X) Gender relating to Tooth Faery from Corla (X) Gender relating to Angelica from Corla (X) Gender relating to Bloxxiane from Corla (X) Gender relating to Forcastia from Corla (X) Gender relating to Loading... from Corla (X)

#cookiejarsystem #long post #to do list #mogai #xenogender

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isfjmel-phleg · 4 years

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I should have put together something rather more analytical and thoughtful, but for now I’m out of clever connections and instead am going to ramble about probably my favorite of the supporting roles.

Have we talked before about what a good character Adair is? Like, unexpectedly good. By the standards of the genre, such a role could easily have been a flat antagonist, a stock role, someone who exists solely to make things difficult for the protagonists. But Wodehouse’s writing was of such quality at this point that he took the trouble to give some depth to a supporting role in a story for boys.

The very fact that such a character as Adair is an antagonist for most of the story is unusual for the genre. He has a lot in common with some of Wodehouse’s earlier and less complex schoolboy heroes--prowess in sports, a sense of honor, leadership skills, devotion to his school. In short, the ideal hero (not for nothing does Wodehouse cite the “Blue-eyed Hero” trope after casually mentioning that Adair literally fits that criteria). And in any other story, Mike and Psmith would have been questionable and potentially villainous outsiders whose dastardly deeds must be put a stop to. (Something along the lines of Rand-Brown and Ruthven in The Gold Bat.)

But although Wodehouse subverts these expectations, he never exchanges one black-and-white set of characterizations for another. Mike and Psmith are the heroes, but they are flawed and must change. And Adair is in conflict with them, but that does not stop him from also being a genuinely decent fellow. It’s not a case of good disorder versus evil order. Just different people whose motives happen to clash.

So Wodehouse bypasses making Adair a stock role by expanding his character beyond The Sedleigh-Obsessed Ideal Schoolboy. It’s seldom that we learn much about the home lives of Wodehouse’s schoolboys. Mike is an exception since his family relationships drive the plot of his first appearance; the off-handed vague allusions to unseen family members that Psmith provides are more typical. But with Adair, the narrator informs us from the start that his parents are dead and all he’s got is an elderly, ailing guardian whom he isn’t close to, and this is why Sedleigh matters so much to him. This school is his only support system. His family. Viewed in this light, Adair’s obsession with Sedleigh is not just a weird quirk but something human, something with the ring of truth to it (not unlike Wodehouse’s own feelings toward his school, in spirit if not in identical detail). Wodehouse also gives Adair some unexpected qualities and features that complicate his driven, successful persona. We get to see Adair be a bit vulnerable and self-critical, sure all his hard work hasn’t been enough. It’s mentioned in passing that he missed out on a chance to box at Aldershot after spraining his wrist (training too hard?), so he’s no stranger to failure and disappointment. And we go nearly the entire book before learning that he is Irish--and thus a minority and perhaps initially a bit of an outsider at his very English school. All of these things allow Adair to be a sympathetic character from the beginning, establishing that he is the sort of person with whom Mike might be friends, were they not at odds.

In addition to being an antagonist most of the time, Adair serves as a foil to the protagonists. He is what Mike could have been if he were more dedicated. Like Mike, he’s not naturally good at schoolwork, but where Mike has dealt with inadequacy by goofing off, Adair has put in a lot of extra effort to improve his marks. He is a businesslike natural leader, a role Mike feels nervous about the prospect of taking on as Wrykyn’s cricket captain. But the boys share intense loyalty and hot tempers that can get the better of them--reminding us that they’re not so different. Meanwhile, Adair’s genuinely serious approach to everything about school life contrasts Psmith’s habitual flippancy. He has the earnestness that Psmith mocks, but like Psmith, he might be burying himself in a role too. Psmith copes with his issues by adopting an above-it-all persona that masks the more loyal, conventional side of his nature. Adair copes with his own sense of inadequacy by devoting himself to Sedleigh and self-improvement--at the expense, perhaps, of enjoying life and having close connections (we never see him with friends before he and Mike make up, and he seems closer to Downing--his father figure?--than anyone else).

In a lot of ways, Adair comes across as almost the third main character. Perhaps there’s something of that in the story’s original title--The Lost Lambs. Perhaps, in a way, this description extends not only to Mike and Psmith, but to the Irish orphan who came to find his fold at his small and unremarkable but ultimately welcoming school.

#Psmith Pseptember #Mike and Psmith #Adair #Mike Jackson #Psmith #P. G. Wodehouse

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mightystargazer · 4 years

Text

Another year gone, another readinglist done!

W. Michael Gear Outpost

W. Michael Gear Abandoned

Angela Carter The Bloody Chamber

Sue Burke Semiosis

Rob Dircks Don't Touch the Blue Stuff!

Laurie Forest the iron flower

Joseph Nassise urban Enemies: a collection

Ezekiel Boone The Mansion

Richtel, Matt Dead on Arrival

Wilkie Martin Inspector Hobbes and the Blood

Wilkie Martin Inspector Hobbes and The Curse

Wilkie Martin Inspector Hobbes & The Gold Digger

Wilkie Martin Inspector Hobbes and The Bones

A. American Home Coming

Adam J. Wright Lost Soul

Adam J. Wright Buried Memory

Adam J. Wright Dark Magic

Adam J. Wright Dead Ground

Adam J. Wright Shadow Land

Robert Bevan Critical Failures VI

Darynda Jones Grave on the Right

Darynda Jones Grave on the Left

Darynda Jones Third Grave Dead Ahead

Darynda Jones Grave Beneath My Feet

Darynda Jones Grave Past the Light

Darynda Jones Grave on the Edge

Darynda Jones Grave and No Body

Darynda Jones Grave After Dark

Darynda Jones Brighter Than the Sun

Darynda Jones Dirt on Ninth Grave

Darynda Jones The Curse of Tenth Grave

Darynda Jones Eleventh Grave in Moonlight

Dan Simmons The Terror

Warren Fahy Fragment

Tim McBain The Scattered and the Dead

Scott Thomas Kill Creek

Kurt Anderson Resurrection Pass

Larry Correia Son of the Black Sword

Larry Correia House of Assassins

Chuck Wendig Blackbird

Chuck Wendig Mockingbird

Chuck Wendig The Cormerant

Chuck Wendig Thunderbird

Karen Thompson Walker The Dreamers

Hank Green An Absolutely Remarkable Thing

C.T. Phipps The Tournament of Supervillainy 5

Peter Clines 14

Peter Clines The Fold

Peter Clines Dead Moon

Sean Schubert Infection

Sean Schubert Containment

Sean Schubert Mitigation

Sean Schubert Resolution

James Marshall Smith Hybrid

Mark Tufo Demon Wars

Alan Dean Foster Interlopers

Anthony Melchiorri The Tide

Anthony Melchiorri Breakwater

Anthony Melchiorri Salvage

Anthony Melchiorri Deadrise

Anthony Melchiorri Iron Wind

Anthony Melchiorri Dead Ashore

Anthony Melchiorri Ghost Fleet

Anthony Melchiorri Devil to Pay

Scott Medbury Heel Week

Scott Medbury On The Run

Scott Medbury Cold Comfort

Scott Medbury Rude Shock

Terry Pratchett/Neil Gaiman Good omens

Barry J. Hutchison The Sidekicks Initiative

Catherynne M. Valente The Refrigerator Monologues

Ike Hamill Super Apex

J.H. Moncrieff Monsters in Our Wake

John Connolly The Underbury Witches

Jonathan Maberry Dead of Night

Lydia Kang Quackery

Tomi Adeyemi Children of Blood and Bone

Thomas Morris The Mystery of the Exploding Teeth

John A.Keel The Complete Guide To Mysterious Beings

Ted Dekker ADAM

Richard K. Morgan Altered Carbon

Ransom Riggs A Map of Days

Kevin Hearne Death & Honey

Benjamin Wallace Boom box 1

Benjamin Wallace Boom box 2

Benjamin Wallace Boom box 3

Benjamin Wallace Revenge of the Apocalypse

Victor LaValle The Changeling

Rick Chesler Sawfish

Nathan Barnes The Reaper Virus

Michael brent Collings The Deep

Bill Heavey If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat

Bill Heavey It's Only Slow Food Until You Try to Eat It

Bill Heavey Should the Tent Be Burning Like That

Jenny Lawson Let's Pretend This Never Happened

Mark Tufo The Spirit Clearing

Ambrose Ibsen Asylum

Ambrose Ibsen Forest

Ambrose Ibsen The Occupant

Stephen King The Man in the Black Suit

Sam Sykes The City Stained Red

Peter Meredith The Queen Unthroned

Peter Meredith The Queen Enslaved

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction Red Line

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction Horizon

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction Edge

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction Age

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction Evolution

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction End

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction Aftermath

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction Lost

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction War

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Missions from the Extinction Cycle

Drew Hayes Super Powereds Year 4

Dean Koontz Odd Thomas

Patrick F McManus Kerplunk! Stories

Mark Wayne McGinnis The Simpleton

Mark Wayne McGinnis The Simpleton Quest

John Connolly A Book of Bones

Drew Hayes Corpies

Nathan Ballingrud Wounds

Michael Todd Torn Asunder

Michael Todd Killing Is My Business

Michael Todd And Business Is Good

Marty Ross The Darkwater Bride

Richard Porter Top Gear Epic Failures 50 Great Motoring Cock-Ups

Parker Peevyhouse The Echo Room

P. K. Hawkins Shark Infested Waters

M. R. James The Conception of Terror Tales

Broad Reach Publishing I, Zombie

Bobby Hall Supermarket

Terry Pratchett Night Watch

Patrick F McManus Never Sniff a Gift Fish

Michael Talbot The Bog

Michael Edelson Seed

Matthew Scott Hansen The Shadowkiller

Jonathan Maberry Ghost Road Blues

Jonathan Maberry Dead Man's Song

Jonathan Maberry Bad Moon Rising

Jonathan Maberry Property Condemned

Jonathan Maberry Darkness on the Edge of Town

Chris Angus Flypaper

Dean Koontz The Night Window

John P. Logsdon Platoon F Big Ass Bundle

Robert Tomoguchi The Scribbled Victims

Richard MacLean Smith Unexplained

Mark Edwards The Retreat

Dennis E. Taylor Outland

Bobby Adair Freedom's Siege

Bobby Adair Freedom's Fire

Bobby Adair Freedom's Fury

Bobby Adair Freedom's Fray

Bobby Adair Freedom's Fist

Bobby Adair Freedom's Fall

Bobby Adair Freedom's Fate

William Gibson Alien III

Terry Brooks Running with the Demon

Steven Campbell Hard Luck Hank

Neal Stephenson Reamde

Neal Stephenson Fall, or Dodge in Hell

J.F. Holmes Irregular Scout Team One

Michael Stephen Fuchs Odyssey

Kameron Hurley The Light Brigade

TTC History of Ancient Egypt

Justin Cronin The Passage

Justin Cronin The Twelve

Justin Cronin The City of Mirrors

J.N. Chaney Orion Colony

J.N. Chaney Orion Uncharted

J.N. Chaney Orion Awakened

Christopher Dowell The Adventures of Badass Mike

Barry J. Hutchison Sentienced to Death

Adam Savage Every Tool's a Hammer

Rob Dircks Gigi Make Paradox

Eric Rickstad What Remains of Her

Robert Bevan 6d6

L. L. Akers Fight like a Man

L. L. Akers Shoot Like a Girl

L. L. Akers Run Like the Wind

Jonathan Mayberry Broken Lands

Alexander C. Kane Andrea Vernon and the Superhero-Industrial Complex

A.R. Shaw The China Pandemic

A.R. Shaw The Cascade Preppers

A.R. Shaw The Last Infidels mp3

A.R. Shaw The Malefic Nation

A.R. Shaw The Bitter Earth

Jim C. Hines Terminal Uprising

Mark Tufo Dog Days of War

Rick Gualtieri Get Bent!

Brian Keene Darkness on the Edge of Town

Christopher Moore Practical Demonkeeping

Christopher Moore The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

Christopher Moore The Stupidest Angel

Chuck Wendig Wanderers

John Connolly Conquest

John Connolly Empire

John Connolly Dominion

C. J. Tudor The Taking of Annie Thorne

Wellington, David The Last Astronaut

S. Bennett A Womans Journey with the Worlds Worst Behaved Dog

Levi Black Red Right Hand

Levi Black Black Goat Blues

Eoin Colfer Artemis Fowl

Eoin Colfer The Arctic Incident

Eoin Colfer The Eternity Code

Eoin Colfer The Opal Deception

Eoin Colfer The Lost Colony

Eoin Colfer The Time Paradox

Eoin Colfer The Atlantis Complex

Eoin Colfer The Last Guardian

Ambrose Ibsen Transmission

Daniel Green End Time

Daniel Green The Breaking

Daniel Green The Rising

Patrick F McManus The Bear in the Attic

Mark Tufo Encounters

Mark Tufo Reckoning

Mark Tufo Conquest

Mark Tufo From the Ashes

Mark Tufo Into the Fire

Mark Tufo Victory's Defeat

Mark Tufo Defeat's Victory

Brett Battles Mine

Caitlin Starling the luminous dead

Craig A. Falconer Not Alone

Craig A. Falconer Second Contact

Craig A. Falconer The Final Call

Gardner Dozois Down These Strange Streets

Greig Beck Primordia

Kevin Hearne Kill the Farm Boy

Kevin Hearne No Country for Old Gnomes

Kathleen Meyer How to Shit in the Woods

Joe Hill NOS4A2

Drew Hayes The Case of the Damaged Detective

Simon Haynes Robot vs Dragons

Nora Roberts Blood Brothers

Nora Roberts The Hollows

Nora Roberts The Pagan Stone

Peter F. Hamilton The Reality Dysfunction

Paul Tremblay The Cabin at the End of the World

Gerry Griffiths Down from Beast Mountain

Eoin Colfer The Reluctant Assassin

Eoin Colfer The Hangman's Revolution

Eoin Colfer The Forever Man

C A Fletcher A Boy and His Dog at the End of the World

N.C. Reed Odd Billy Todd

Stephen King The Shining

Stephen King Doctor Sleep

Richard J. Dewhurst The Ancient Giants Who Ruled America

Laird Barron The Croning

Keith C. Blackmore The Troll Hunter

J.L. McPherson The Gorge

Erin Bowman Contagion

Erin Bowman Immunity

Stephen King The Institute

Douglas Adams Starship Titanic

Lee Murray Into the Mist

Lee Mountford The Mark

Keith C. Blackmore White Sands, Red Steel

Joe Hill The Fireman

Barry J. Hutchison The Hunt for Reduk Topa

Greig Beck Return to the Lost World

Greig Beck The Lost World

Ted Dekker Obsessed

James D. Prescott Extinction Code

James D. Prescott Extinction Countdown

James D. Prescott Extinction Crisis

James D. Prescott Missions from the Extinction Cycle 2

Dean Koontz Strange Highways

Mira Grant Rolling in the Deep

Mira Grant Into the Drowning Deep

Luke Romyn Ash

Thomas Olde Heuvelt Hex

Jeremiah Knight Hunger

Jeremiah Knight Feast

T. Kingfisher The Twisted Ones

Patrick F McManus The Horse in My Garage

Jeff Strand Wolf Hunt

Jeff Strand Wolf Hunt 2

Annie Wilder Trucker Ghost Stories

Kathryn Croft The Girl with No Past

Larry Correia Monster Hunter International

Larry Correia Vendetta

Larry Correia Alpha

Larry Correia Legion

Larry Correia Nemesis

Larry Correia Siege

Larry Correia Guardian

Nicholas Sansbury Smith Extinction Inferno

Jack Townsend Tales from the Gas Station

Dean R Koontz Phantoms

Scott Sigler Blood Is Red

Stephen Chbosky Imaginary Friend

Larry Correia Grunge

Larry Correia Sinners

Larry Correia Saints

Larry Correia The Monster Hunter Files

Dean Koontz Innocence

Hugh Howey Half Way Home

Shaun Hamill A Cosmology of Monsters

Cameron Milan Zombie Slayer!!

Charles Soule The Oracle Year

Christopher Moore Practical Demonkeeping

Christopher Moore The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

Christopher Moore The Stupidest Ange

Iain Rob Wright Sea Sick

Iain Rob Wright Ravage

Iain Rob Wright Savage

Keith C. Blackmore 131 Days

Keith C. Blackmore House of Pain

Keith C. Blackmore Spikes and Edges

Keith C. Blackmore About the Blood

Keith C. Blackmore To Thunderous Applause

Kevin Hearne The Princess Beard

Adrian Tchaikovsky Walking to Aldebaran

Cixin Liu Supernova Era

Dave Pedneau Night, Winter, and Death

Dean Koontz Nameless

Jack Hunt As We Fall

Jack Hunt As We Break

Katherine Arden Small Spaces

Katherine Arden Dead Voices

Larry Correia #1 in Customer Service

Myke Cole The Armored Saint

Myke Cole The Sacred Throne

Myke Cole The Killing Light

C. T. Phipps The Future of Supervillainy

Charlie Huston The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death

T.W. Piperbrook St. Matthews

T.W. Piperbrook Onset

T.W. Piperbrook Crossroads

T.W. Piperbrook Wasteland

Paul Tremblay Disappearance at Devil’s Rock

Ferrett Steinmetz The Sol Majestic

Grady Hendrix Horrorstör

Mark Tufo The Perfect Betrayal

William Goldman The Princess Bride

Joseph John The Eighth Day

Stephen King Gwendy's Button Box

Richard Chizmar Gwendy's Magic Feather

Ronald Malfi Snow

Robert Bevan Critical Failures VII

Mark Tufo Winter's Rising

Mark Tufo Cedar's Conflict

Mark Tufo The Edge of Deceit

Michael McBride Unidentified

Scott Sigler Infected

Scott Sigler Contagious

Prescott, James D The Genesis Conspiracy

Michael Crichton Andromeda Strain

Michael Crichton The Andromeda Evolution

Melanie Golding Little Darlings

Iain Rob Wright Escape!

Ambrose Ibsen Midnight in a Perfect World

Scott Baron Bad Luck Charlie

Scott Baron Space Pirate Charlie

Scott Baron The Dragon Mage

#reading #readinglist #books #audiobooks #list

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frostinmyshadows · 5 years

Text

Please read all of this. It will be hard, but I really, really need you to.

I had a nightmare about you the night before last. I was reliving the moment you told me you couldn’t love me over and over and over. I woke up panicked, sweat sticking me to the sheets. I’ve been revisiting that nightmare ever since. I wish it had only been just that; a simple nightmare. Not a memory. One of my last memories of you.

I’ve spent the last seven months mourning you. At times hating you. I’ve officially been apart from you for longer than I was with you. It had gotten easier, being alone. It had gotten easier to suppress the memories, to ignore the parts of me that are stuck on you. and the parts of me I left behind with you that day. But the last few weeks I’ve felt myself slipping. I’m having a hard time writing more poems about loving you when one of the last things you said to me was that you couldn’t love me.

What would have happened if I hadn’t done what I did, in the end? What would have happened if I had simply left, and gone home, and carried on? Part of me wonders if you would have called me a few days later, missing me, taking everything back. But another part of me fears that you would have treated me like you treat a lot of people in your life- disposable. I watched during our time together the ways you found new friends, made them think you cared about them a hell of a lot more than you actually did, had a really intense relationship, and then it ended. You told me yourself that you didn’t know why you had this habit of making people think they meant more to you than they did. The whole time we were friends I feared that I was just another one of these relationships. That I would be disposed of shortly, and that I better just enjoy our friendship while it lasted. And the day you said those terrible things to me, I felt that my fear had come true.

But when I got home from inpatient, I spent hours and hours poring over the notes you wrote me, looking at the pictures, the friendship bracelet you made me, the silver bracelets with the date we met on it. I spent hours upon hours in therapy trying to piece together the puzzle, how you could have written me these things and given me those gifts, if just weeks later you’d decide you couldn’t love me and didn’t want me in your life anymore. There was this great divide between these things, and what you said that last day. If you don’t remember the things you wrote to me, here are some examples:

“This is the gayest thing I’ve ever done. You find pockets of happiness in the most unexpected places. Amidst a world seemingly tumbling down around me, I found one. This time, my pocket is you, Em. You’re humming and fixing your hair in the reflection in the window. You’re wearing all burgundy but who cares. Oliver is making noise and rustling in tissue paper. We’re putting up Christmas lights and decorating the tree in November, going to any store open at 1 am. Tonight, you’re not alone in the dark, and I’ve learned that hot chocolate has caffeine. Now, it’s almost 4 am. I’ve got class in a few hours, but it doesn’t matter. The sun is starting to touch the tips of the horizon and I know I’ll be tired, but my best friend is sleeping in the other room, our kitten is sleeping on the back of a chair next to the Christmas tree we decorated. The lights are a little out of focus, and it’s okay. I’m safe at home, at home in a pocket of happy, watching life unfold through my runny egg (tear) eyes. I never thought I’d make it here, Em. Thanks for being my home.” -11/29

“... I know with 100% certainty that without you in my life I would not be here, alive, writing this. You are my guardian angel, and I thank our she-god every fucking day for that. You know more about me than anyone or anything that has ever existed, and you still love me. When I tell you something that in my head I’m like, “this is it, this is my most unloveable moment, I deserve no compassion or love right now,” you shower me in it. That in itself is the greatest gift you could ever give me. You’ve loved me in a way that has given me the freedom to grow and be myself, which is the best way you could ever love someone... I love you Emily Adair, even when I think you’re the dumbest person to ever live, and even when you don’t fold towels into perfectly proportioned thirds. We’re two pods in a pea and we’ll always be slices from the same pie. I know these last months haven’t been walks in the park, but I’ll walk with you in light or in dark. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will keep loving you, you digbat.” -2/14

The list from my fridge of the weird food combinations I eat. The parking slip from when we went to Arctic Monkeys in Seattle. A receipt from a Thai restaurant. The lotto ticket you bought with my money and then forgot to ever check up on. The polaroid of yours and Oliver’s footprints on our balcony from the first snow. My “I Voted” sticker, which for some reason you saved. The valet ticket from when we went to Twenty One Pilots. The lady bug you stitched me, with my nickname: “Love Bug.” (I have to tell you that it stings that you call Emma “Lady Bug.” I mean, come on. Emily, Love Bug. Emma, Lady Bug. When I learned that, it was like watching you replace me in the most literal way possible.) A sticky note: “You’re a star, I’m drunk, your love would be too much.” The photo strips we took at some point that winter, on the back of one of them you wrote “Two pods in a pea. I love you. Slices from the same pie.” The ad we put out when searching for a roommate. The polaroids from Halloween, you in your hippo suit, me in my Commander’s Wife dress. A polaroid of you and Oliver. The ring you gave me. One of your car keys, which I had carried on my keychain. Finally, a thumb drive that has every picture and video I’d ever taken of us on it. All of this is kept in the box you gave me for Valentine’s Day.

How could you have loved me with such impossible intensity, and then decide you didn't want me anymore?

I understand that taking care of me burnt you out. But the thing is, I never asked you to take care of me. I could feel, as the months went on, that the scale of our friendship was vastly imbalanced. I started to resent the way that you felt the need to do everything for me, the way you were clearly doing more for me than I could have possibly done for you, being so sick. And I think part of the reason you felt compelled to do so much for me is because it distracted you from your own problems. I began to understand that you were doing to me what I had done to G. I just gave, and gave, and gave to him without him asking me too, me trying to rescue him while expecting an equal amount of effort towards me in return, when he was so incredibly depressed that he couldn’t have possibly done so. The resentment grew between us, me resenting him for not being as good of a friend, him resenting me for putting him in a position where he felt he constantly was indebted to me This revelation was what led me to meet him for coffee and apologize. I told you, afterwards, about this analogy between our relationships, and you nodded but I don’t think really understood what I was trying to say- that you needed to back off and take care of yourself, or else you would get burnt out, while I constantly felt indebted to you for things I never asked you to do in the first place. Trying to rescue me would eat you alive. And then, ultimately, our relationship would end with the same abruptness and pain that G and I’s did. You were trying to keep me afloat when we were both drowning.

Even when I did try to return the support to you, you would shut me out. If you were having a depressive episode (when you would spend a day or two in bed) I would try to help in whatever way possible, but you wouldn’t let me. You had a hard time being vulnerable. You isolated yourself, and wouldn’t let me be there for you. I felt so helpless. This made it especially hard to keep our scale balanced.

I can’t say enough how sorry I am for hurting you. I didn't see the impact my illness was having on you until you and Kelsey and our moms had that sort of intervention with me and you guys cried so hard, pleading me to go home for help. I’m so, so sorry for staying in the apartment as long as I did. I know I hurt you and Kelsey very much by staying when I got to that really terrible point, and if I could I would take it back. But in the moment, I couldn’t face the pain of leaving you. I wanted to keep living the way we had been, going on midnight runs to the store for holiday decorations and candy, getting high and spilling our guts to each other, doing absolutely everything with you that was giving me a purpose to live at that point. The idea of going home for months, where I would be so completely alone, was terrifying. Most of all, I was worried you would forget about me when I was gone. That our friendship would fade, and you’d move on to someone else. Which is why I panicked when you went days at a time not texting me, growing distant, and why I came up again so soon to visit. Which is when it all happened.

Those words you said were probably the worst possible way to say what you were trying to say. You could have simply said “I need to take care of myself right now, and that means we need some distance.” If our positions were swapped, saying the things you said wouldn’t have even occurred to me. I don’t understand how they could have to you. I want to know. I don’t understand. I just don’t. Even in the moment I remember asking if you could love me when I was healthy, and you said yes. I replied “I love you because you are you. In sickness and in health, in good times and bad. How could you choose to only love me in health?”

I know you’ve apologized, and explained the way you felt then and feel now. I appreciated that immensely. You have no idea how much it meant to me. And I do forgive you, for everything. But I just still can’t piece the puzzle together. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. Maybe it’s less of a puzzle and more of a shattered mirror. Too many millions of pieces to put together, leaving a distorted, hazy image even if they manage to be put together correctly. Maybe it’s possible that you really could have said those terrible things while still really loving me, though not letting yourself love me. Maybe these opposites were true, simultaneously.

Though it was mostly wonderful, our relationship was very codependent. I had lost my sense of identity with being ill and unable to live the way I always had, so I poured myself into you and made you my identity. Looking back, I see the red flags of our relationship. I so willfully ignored them at the time they occurred, but now I see how our relationship got to be the way it was. Our friendship was the most intense, beautiful thing I have ever experienced- but it had fatal flaws. We are imperfect humans, and we both fell into different traps with each other. I’ve spent a lot of time at home going to therapy and learning about how to have healthy, non-codependent relationships. I hope in the future we can both experience these relationships. I think it would be a good idea for you to learn about the topic as well. I put my entire self-worth in your hands, which I never should have done, and it ultimately almost killed me. I gave you too much power in my life. I didn’t understand balance, I didn’t know how to achieve interdependence instead of codependence. I didn’t understand how to set boundaries or follow yours. I just desperately loved and needed to be loved by you, at whatever the cost.

Since coming home, I’ve gained ten pounds. I’ve fixed my posture. My issues with eating have virtually disappeared. I’ve tried several new treatments, including ketamine therapy for my mental health and fibromyalgia pain; (it didn’t work, but it was fun while it lasted.) I’m back in college. I have a steady job. I have a couple of friends, including G. I learned that I have Infection from Chronic Mold Exposure, my doctors said it was probably the black mold that was in the bathroom at our apartment (we had our house checked and it came out clean.) There was probably some also in the hole they made in my bathroom wall that time. I believe this is what made me so sick in Bellingham, to get better only in a matter of weeks in La Center. This realization has made me very, very angry. What would have happened to us if I had never gotten so sick in the first place?

I’m so fucking angry that this all happened. I hate the fact that I’m not with you right now, decorating our Christmas tree early and watching holiday movies. I hate the fact that I can’t remember your smell. I hate that I’m starting to forget the sweet sound of your voice- thank god I have the videos we made to remind me. They help me remember the sound of your laugh, and all of your facial expressions. I hate that we aren’t laughing like crazy together on the kitchen floor right this minute, unable to compose ourselves over some stupid joke. I hate the fact that we aren’t grocery shopping together, singing along to the music in the car together. I hate the fact that we aren’t leaving each other cute notes, I hate the fact that we aren’t sleeping just down the hall from each other. I hate the fact that I couldn’t be there for you when that disgusting guy did that to you, that I couldn’t hold you tight and kiss your forehead and tell you that everything was going to be okay. I hate the fact that I won’t be spending my 21st birthday with you by my side. I hate the fact that our memories are finished being made. I’m angry about so, so many things, but being angry won’t bring you back. It won’t reverse what happened.

I want you to know that you will always and forever be the first girl I loved. I don’t know if I will ever really stop loving you. I don’t think I can. You are simply a part of my heart. It’s so, incredibly painful, and some days I don’t think I can move forward. I fear I will never have the same level of connection with anyone ever again. I fear every relationship will pale in comparison to ours. I fear I will spend my life comparing everyone I meet to you. I fear I will always be alone. I fear so many things. Mostly, I think I just fear that our time together was the best my life will ever get. That it’s all downhill from here.

If you ever even for a second doubt that you are loved, just read To The Girl With The Hazel Eyes. I meant every word of it, I poured my entire heart into it. You are the most special, beautiful ray of light that I have ever met, and I’m so sorry, and so unbelievably angry, that our time together had to end. I made mistakes. You made mistakes. We tore each other apart, in the end. We burned so bright we burnt out. But that flame was warm and beautiful while it lasted. I will always be chasing that light.

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iluvtv · 3 years

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Still Watching: A Love Letter to my Mom

The content below has not been censored for your consideration as neither the Real Housewives nor my mother would have approved of such blasphemy.

The decline in blogging was conveniently intentional.

There were other projects.

My career as a TV critic wasn’t exactly gaining steam.

My readership technically wasn’t booming.

For a time there had been an unmistakable fulfillment in my blogging habits.

Full disclosure: this work held undeniable titillation, provoked as it were by the vain echoes of my own subconscious. It was too enticing not to indulge the ego, booming, unselfconsciously through the page as I “eloquently” deciphered probable intentions of a writer’s room.

But was this self-aggrandizing, albeit surely intellectually stimulating task truly worthwhile?

I kept falling back on this tricky notion of time management. Was taking copious amounts of notes regarding my viewing habits (a laborious task which required endless rewinds and thusly an inability to watch TV with others) coupled with the studious investment of actually researching and writing a cohesive piece which included a clear argument for television as a medium and thereby proving a consistent thesis, truly a valuable use of my time?

Not to mention, of course, the added effort of finagling my mother to invest her energies toward a strong copy-edit.

It was an investment, sure. But then again none of it was necessarily difficult at least in the classical sense of the word.

Actually, the engaging my mother bit was sort of easy. Not only was I skilled at the subtle art of stroking of her ego; “Your attention to detail is just so much better than mine. You are so smart…” I also possessed a valuable trump card which, admittedly, brought as much pleasure as my own voice: she actually liked my writing!

To have known my mother is to know what a huge compliment this fan-dom truly was.

My mother was proudly authentic. She had no shame over her inability to “fake it”.

This personality trait demanded a certain dedication on her part. She was famous for telling my girlfriends they looked like sluts at our eighth-grade dance and embarrassing fits at the market while her younger children tried to disappear into the kid’s seat of the shopping cart. Patronizing eye rolls were par for the course. When a third grade Hebrew School teacher lauded my literary skills my loving, supportive mother made it abundantly clear she didn’t think I was a bad writer but maybe just too… precious?

Admittedly, poetry about attempted genocide from an eight-year-old may hold some tonal issues.

No matter, after 30 years of practice I had found my niche. I was everything she seemed to be looking for in a writer: I would rather drink turpentine than emote and I like really “got” satire. Finally, my words were funny and thusly, the woman who had helped foster this cynical humor had little trouble understanding my intentions.

We fell into lockstep. Her killer, critical eye and unparalleled editing skills were a welcomed privilege. I was no longer precious. A trait which carried over in my ability to “take a note.” I fully understood the value of a critical red pen from a grammar die-hard. Particularly one, who not only had a deep ceded appreciation for my style (she helped cultivate it, after all) but also a keen understanding of the objective, which only a mother could boast.

I was fully aware what a priceless service this was.

And so, I kept watching. My notetaking became obsessive. Whenever I pondered this expense of time, I considered the reality: rewriting dialogue was improving my own. I was becoming a better writer.

Since both my mother and I were committing countless hours to the free and underappreciated service of my viewing recommendations, it didn’t take long for the shows and topics I bothered dissecting to be unequivocally dictated by her unapologetic tastes. Or better stated, my own experience of such.

As an aside, I’d be remiss not to note that in losing both my parents it has become abundantly clear that one’s guardians (especially good ones) mostly exist in relation to ourselves and our already noted inflated egos.

Basically, the television I studied, the theories I pondered, the conclusions I drew had to appeal in large part to Dale Allen Boland. This was a nuanced role. An honest woman of remarkable talent she also happened to be the strict television gatekeeper of my childhood. Back in the 90’s a desire for this blue light pulsed through my veins like an addict in search of her next hit. I hadn’t been picky at all back then. This was a time in my life when even Jerry Springer reruns in black and white, streamed through bunny ears in my Jr. High weight room took the edge off.

To be frank, while at first her editing felt crucial so as not to embarrass myself on the interwebs it soon became clear that the bigger part of my ask was just any sort of consistent audience. In time it became obvious that my mother hadn’t only become a fan, but she was, in fact, my blog’s only fan.

And as any good writer knows, you gotta’ appeal to your base.

It helped, of course, that my mother had been my earliest educator (dictator) of media. The San Francisco Chronicle’s Datebook and the New Yorker were mainstays next to the can, meaning my earliest poos were made all the more pleasurable by the accompaniment of Adair Lara and John Carrol. By 34 I was not only well versed in what she found tolerable, but also possessed a keen understanding of how to stylize this appeal.

Simpsons? Yes. Danielle Steele? Not so much. Had she given Danielle an opportunity? Of course not! But I was willing to play her game.

We both were expending a lot of energies at this point and since any real readership was in the slim to none margins it was crucial that we at least reward ourselves.

In retrospect I understand that this was actually how we enjoyed time together.

After she died my father noted that my mother and I had always shared a very special intellectual connection. A greater compliment than sharing a literary bond with Dale had never been given. In fact, in my father’s wake it is easy to see that this final gift from him may have been the most important. In saying so, he finally acknowledged what I’d always longed to hear. He respected, perhaps even envied not only my intelligence, but my mother’s too.

While I had given up on blogging years before their deaths, my diligent notetaking continued up until them. I accepted that my time critiquing television for free to a marginal audience had not been without purpose (though I missed the motive of the maternal connection it fostered until just now). I am well aware that through my efforts I had gained the confidence to write a novel. I understood that to maintain this skill set a continued attention to television’s minutia was critical.

But then, she died. Suddenly, grief allowed me space to achieve an entirely different and antithetical goal I’d set years earlier and had made no real efforts to achieve: to do less.

Finally I was able to let thoughts wave over me. I allowed flashes of “brilliance” to be fleeting. I relaxed into a space of agitated ease. I exclusively sought joy. In doing so I concurrently and without coincidence leaned into a brand of watching which had always been considered “just desserts.”

Bravo TV became a life raft. I watched Real Housewives and Summerhouse with a certain amused stillness I hadn’t exhibited since my complacent years as a co-ed.

The day following my mother’s memorial I listened to “Radio Andy” on Siris XM in a monotonous loop throughout the entire 6-hour drive home. I slept to Bravo podcasts. I read tweets from Bravo fan accounts during session breaks.

I noticed Bravo was keeping me smiling. The network and commentary was rewarding me with a source to which I could focus. I appreciated the humor.

Two months later my father died. Mind blank I leaned in harder to the quiet blankness this watching served.

But then, I noticed something.

Watching Kathryn Dennis of Southern Charm open a coke can with her teeth in a loudly expensive living room, next to her foam roller it occurred to me that these women were the antithesis of my own mother.

Vicky Gunvalson whooping it up at a classy resort represented everything my mother had no tolerance for.

To see these women as satirical requires a certain level of empathy for their antics that would have eluded Dale.

Their bad behavior was just too black and white. For my mom there would have been nothing charmingly relatable about a woman like Lisa Barlow of Salt Lake City, placatingly sipping a constant stream of fountain soda through a plastic straw while proudly bragging she wasn’t “like a regular mom,” proving this factoid by feeding her children drive through fast-food for every meal and ignoring their calls when she was at a party.

These are women that bat fake eyelashes and scream at each other through plastic pumped lips. They float effortlessly in azul pools in Mexico boosted by the silicone in their tits.

My mom also wasn’t a regular mom but she wouldn’t have found this indulgent brand of opulence at all inspirational, aspirational or relatable. She did not identify as a “powerhouse” or a woman who needed to tell other women that she “lifted up other women” over an expensive cocktail brunch with “40 of her closest girlfriends” all of whom wielded designer purses like coats of armor.

This trope, repeated often throughout every Housewives franchise for the past 20 years would have just pissed my mother off.

It’s not that she didn’t relate to women behaving badly this just wasn’t her brand of bad behavior. She maybe could have sympathized if they’d been wearing Walmart rather than Prada.

Lorelai Gilmore? Sure, why not? Emily Gilmore? Definitely not.

It’s funny because in a certain sense my mother’s proud authenticity and lack of shame in her outbursts would have made her an ideal housewife. But the weight these women put on things and beauty would have been too damn distracting to her.

In spite of being a woman whose love language was often a good screaming match she would have found any and all of the dramatic fights on Housewives absolutely insufferable.

And in spite of my deep love for the genre, convincing Dale that any of this was actually satire worth watching would have been an exercise in futility.

I embraced this factoid quietly and with little work on my end (other than setting the DVR to catch up on back seasons of Atlanta) I leaned into a space which never would have been tolerated.

It felt good.

It was my own.

In doing so, I came up with a million things about Bravo to share. Perhaps one day I will. God knows I need to create a new fan base.

But before I could even consider either changing the channel or sitting down to a blog analyzing how one housewife’s ludicrous and racist notion that eating chicken feet was somehow any different than eating chicken nuggets, I got this text from my mom’s best friend: “have you seen Derry Girls.”

Maybe an audience was asking for a resurrection, after all.

But as I flipped to Netflix and started a new note labeled “Derry Girls” it occurred to me that I first must come to terms with how much things have changed.

There is a certain level of self-actualization left amidst the cluttered grief of losing my parents. As I write this, I am continuously tempted to take a break for “Mom’s consideration”. Her feedback would have supplied an unrequited serotonin boost, like a gentle promise to my oh so evasive ego that there was purpose in my efforts, that the writing I was doing was valuable. When my mom was alive I always knew that someone would appreciate my continued efforts, making it tolerable to finish, and tidy, and publish. My mother was like a promise that not only my words but also I myself was worthwhile.

This chore of loving, maternal reassurance is, of course, now my own. A truth my mother, who never needed to brag about lifting up other women, would have celebrated.

Nothing would have made my mom happier than me making my own choices, editing my own words and being my own cheerleader Perhaps she died just to prove it. To know Dale Allen Boland is to suspend belief that she maybe could have made her last stubborn point through such dramatic means.

And to be totally frank; that is a storyline not even a housewife could pull off.

Thank you for being my greatest cheerleader. I love you Mom.

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paracawsal · 8 months

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finally got a decent shot of her petting the good boy 💖

#destiny 2 #my guardian adair

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chanaihimaa · 4 years

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♡ for chanai & your choice of my Fools :3c

Caim Adair

FRIENDS. childhood friends / work friends / family friends / recently friends / turning antagonistic / turning into something romantic / stable / falling apart / friendship of need / friendship of circumstance pen - pals or internet friends / coworkers / partners / other .

ROMANCE. childhood sweethearts / newly entered / soulmates / skinny love / unrequited from my muses side / unrequited from your muses side / friends with benefits / awkward / fading / turning toxic / toxic and destructive / other .

FAMILIAL BOND. sibling bond / older sibling figure to your muse / younger sibling figure to your muse / parental figure to your muse / parental figure to your muse / guardian figure / legal guardian / other .

ENEMIES. dangerous to themselves / dangerous to others / unpredictable / passionate / rivals / petty / developing into a sexual tension / developing into a romantic tension / based off family matters / based of circumstance / based of professional matters / based of misunderstandings or lies / other .

Castille Morgan

FRIENDS. childhood friends / work friends / family friends / recently friends / turning antagonistic / turning into something romantic / stable(ish) / falling apart / friendship of need / friendship of circumstance pen - pals or internet friends / coworkers / partners / other (complicated)

( @lesalia )

#lesalia #thanks for asking!#your beans are precious #!

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sarcasticace · 7 years

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So, I saw a post about some Choices cast swap and wanted to try my hand at… The Crown and The Freshman, book 1.

The Suitemates

Kenna Rys, MC, mother killed in ‘random’ alleyway mugging gone wrong. Father passed away years ago. Left in the care of her guardian, Gabriel Amarne, who controls her family’s fortune.

Dom Hunter, your childhood friend. Adopted, never knew his real parents. Designated smartass. Teachers don’t like him.

Val Greaves, one of your new suitemates with breathtaking anger issues. Also, somehow your best friend. How? Started a band with Sei. Don’t call her Valentina. Just… don’t.

Rose Blake, designated ‘mom’ friend. Tired of your shit, won’t say it to your face though. Always smiling, bakes a lot. You’ll never go hungry.

Whitlock, 15-year-old engineer major. Smartest person in the world on campus. ‘Helps’ you with your homework

Tevan Drammir, has better hair than you. Never takes a bad picture. Never. Like not possible, don’t even try.

Other Students…

Sei Rhuka, started a band with Val. Doesn’t care about your shit (she does). Has better grades than you.

Tristen Blake, Rose’s twin brother. Overprotective, super annoying. Can’t grow a beard, perpetual peach fuzz.

Raydan Lykel, the senior. Studies under Professor Amarne trying to finish his first script. Sneaks up on everyone without even trying.

Zenobia Nevrakis, Queen President of Kappa Phi Sigma. No one likes her, doesn’t care. She doesn’t like them more.

Annelyse Adair, the real queen of Kappa Phi Sigma. Everyone likes her, not as much as she likes everyone. Don’t piss her off.

Marco Nevrakis, captain of the football team. Jerk. Fuck that guy.

Kailani Keawe, wants to join the football team. Captain won’t let her join. Could BE the football team.

Noa Keawe, Kailani’s twin. Just wants one day of peace and quiet. Is that too much to ask? Is it? Studying to be an architect.

Stormholt University faculty

Principal Leon Stirling, also coaches football. Had a ‘thing’ with your mother. Conversations are weird, but he’s cool.

Professor Gabriel Amarne, English department. Kenna’s guardian. Has cancer.

Professor Anu Rhuka, History department. Sei’s grandfather. Totally not some sort of master martial artist.

#The Crown and The Freshman #PlayChoices

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clan-fuildarach · 7 years

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marital tension

a quick look into rosa’s daily life and her relationship with atropa and corin. also foreshadowing for tomorrow’s Big Update ayy

Somewhere in the depths of the ramshackle city that had grown up outside fortress Dorchadas, a rooster crowed.

Rosa groaned, dragging a hand over her face to scrub away her sleep. Her hair was a greasy tangled nest around her head. When she opened her eyes there was a brief moment of Where am I? when she saw the bare rafters above her head. She was not in the royal suite, that was certain. Then the night before crashed into her like a physical force and she sat up.

Ember's hand fell off her chest. Rosa glanced back; Ember, a mercenary, was still asleep, her scarred limbs spread-eagled and her cropped hair sticking up at the back. Rosa reached out as if to nudge her awake, but at the last moment her hand faltered and fell to her side.

Instead, she slipped carefully out of bed and collected her commoner disguise from the floor. The plain cotton clothing grated against her skin, which felt hot and sensitive from the night before. She carefully caught up her hair and wound a headscarf around it, wincing a little as the rough cloth touched the bite marks that trailed under her ear and down the side of her neck.

Finally, she laced up her boots and headed for the door. This was no royal suite; Ember was lucky enough to have two rooms to live in. Her kitchen was crowded against the wall, close to the bed. It made entry and exit easy and mostly unimpeded.

As she pushed the front door open, there was a rustle from behind her.

“Wait,” Ember said, her sleepy voice thick with confusion. “Hey, where are you going?”

Rosa left.

Hunching her shoulders against the gazes of the dragons who crowded the street outside, she set off back towards the fortress. As she went she passed by a seedy inn, where her own bodyguard, Myra, had been staying the night. Her armour hidden by a long cloak, Myra clanked a little as she ran to greet Rosa.

“Morning, Your Majesty,” she said, lowering her voice to a whisper. “You know, it would make my job a lot easier if you didn't disappear on me every night.”

“But you still found me,” Rosa said, beckoning.

Myra snorted, nodding. She was a large, no-nonsense sort of woman with a broadsword almost as long as Rosa was tall strapped to her back under her cloak. “One day I'll be waiting out here and you won't come back, and then I'll be out of a job.”

“Nonsense,” Rosa said, “any noble in the court would sacrifice a first-born to have you as their bodyguard.”

They approached the enormous fortress doors, which were currently held open to allow the flow of traders and handservants to enter the court for their morning rounds. Rosa and her escort blended in with the crowd. Myra eyed each passer-by with a practised look of suspicion.

“Who was the lucky lady last night, then?” she said.

“A wildclaw mercenary,” Rosa said quietly, her gaze set dead ahead. It felt as if her chest was slowly being crushed as she recalled the night before. She didn't want to go back to the court. She wanted to lie in Ember's arms all morning and have breakfast with her.

“Mercenaries, warriors, pit-fighters,” Myra said. “I'm sensing a pattern here, Your Majesty.”

Rosa simply nodded. She didn't want to explain why she tended to go for the rougher sort of woman when she could hardly walk down the street without spotting at least five girls she could imagine spending the rest of her life with. The trappings of femininity could be beautiful on someone else, but lately all they did was remind her of her own life, of the splendour of court, of everything she wanted to get away from.

Somehow, she'd thought that being queen would be different. She'd thought she'd have enough power, finally, to do whatever she wanted. But that was not what had happened. As soon as Corin was of age, she'd promised herself, it would be time for her to abdicate.

She and Myra made it back to the royal suite un-accosted. It was so early in the morning that there was no one of consequence around to see her slip back into her quarters; the nobles tended to sleep in.

Half an hour later she emerged from her room, dressed like a queen once again, cocooned in her finery. Her head held high, she joined her family in the breakfast room and took a seat, pushing her chair as far away from Atropa as she could. He didn't glance up as she entered, engrossed in some documents emblazoned with the Winterborn crest.

Corin didn't react much to her entrance, either, which was unusual for him. He poked at his breakfast, apparently deep in thought. There were dark rings under his eyes.

“Well, Corin,” Rosa said, trying to inject a bright tone into her voice, “what are you doing today? Meeting up with Prince Angelo again?”

Corin nodded. “Mm. Maybe.”

“You should invite him round for dinner one day,” Rosa said, with the fervent hope that no outside royalty would ever see what her home life was really like.

Atropa turned a page with a rustle, speaking without looking up. “You'd better not be neglecting your classes.”

Corin nodded again, then abruptly pushed back his chair and rose to his feet. “I have to meet my tutor now,” he said. “Can I be excused?”

“Fine,” Atropa said with a wave of the hand. “Remember to pay attention to him, this time. He told me yesterday that you weren't...” He trailed off with a short sigh. Corin was already gone.

Rosa no longer had any reason to stay; she'd already made a point of never being alone in a room with Atropa, a habit established well before her coronation. After marrying Adair, she'd gone to live in the Winterborn hold with all his adoptive brothers, including Atropa. When she'd finally left, incredibly relieved at the prospect of never ever having to interact with Atropa again, she had done her best to forget about what she had witnessed in the hold.

Zaer had known, of course, that she was massively uncomfortable around Atropa. Which was exactly why he'd been sent over to marry her after her coronation.

“You're too soft on him,” Atropa said, folding shut his documents.

“Forgive me,” Rosa said, her voice icy cold, “if I refuse to take parental advice from a beast.”

He sighed, as if she was simply being unreasonable. “You know I'm right,” he said, “and in five years when he can't handle his own responsibilities, you'll wish you had listened.”

She paused with her hand on the door handle. “My son will be a king,” she said, a touch of pride in her tone, “not a spineless, glorified merchant - nor a filthy excuse for a dragon, like you.”

“He's my son too,” Atropa said softly, meeting her eyes for the first time. “in fact, he's more mine than yours. Once he's older he'll see that there's more worth in the company than there is in this archaic monarchy business.”

She wrenched the door open. “I'm not wasting my time arguing with the likes of you. Go fuck a corpse or something, we’re done here.”

“One more thing,” Atropa said, as if the two of them had merely been arguing about a stain on the tablecloth. “It's about Corin's bodyguard.”

Rosa had to linger on the threshold. “What about him?” She could only sort of picture the bodyguard in question; brightly coloured and small for a guardian, but deadly with a rapier. He'd always seemed amiable enough.

“He's unsuitable for the job,” Atropa said, the first shred of annoyance entering his tone. “He didn't turn up for almost three days, and now he seems constantly on the verge of falling asleep. He's not vigilant enough to be a bodyguard.”

Rosa was torn for a moment, between her desire to oppose every single decision Atropa ever made, and her common sense telling her that this really was not appropriate bodyguard behaviour. She compromised; “Fine. I will find a new bodyguard for him. Myra will know someone.”

“Very good,” Atropa said, opening his document again and reaching for his teacup.

With a suppressed snarl, Rosa slammed the door shut in her wake.

#quill darach #rosa cd #atropa cd #myra cd #ember cd #u guys remember ember right???#corin cd

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anjelicjazz · 7 years

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GET TO KNOW ME!!! I got tagged by the amazeballs @theloudmute so here goes :) Favorite place : Pine Island Florida. It's the little known local spot with the cutest beach and you can walk out soooooo far before you even start to have water go past your knees. It's a secret though....shhhh!!! Relationship status:married Favorite color:blue Pets: a three legged Sheppard named Champion. He's not happy right now cuz he has the cone of shame on lol. Last song I listened to: we're in this together now by Nine Inch Nails cuz I'm obsessed with it! Favorite tv show: Supernatural cuz Castiel is my guardian Angel rofl. First fandom: Dragon Ball Z count? Yeah well if it doesn't it should!!! Hobbies: Drawing,painting,digital art (new found obsession), crocheting,knitting,making dream catchers,collecting crystals and pretty stoned,reading,and watching anime and YouTube. Books I'm currently reading:The Contamination series by T.W.Piperbrook, The Death series by Tamara Blodgett, The Slow Burn series by:Bobby Adair,and The Angel Warriors series by Immortal Angel. Yes...all of those...at once....plus fanfics on tumblr lol Favorite book: I don't have one single fav . But I will reread anything by Pierce Anthony twice over no joke. Worst thing I've ever tasted: brussel sprouts....seriously those things are sinfully disgusting!!!! Gonna tag @signatureartsblug and @heliasoul in the hopes of getting to know them better 😀

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sankey2608 · 5 years

Link

England vs Ireland 1st Test 2019 (IRE vs ENG )

Match Details and Preview

We are Working hard to get best Information for you.

The full Squad of England (ENG)

Joe Root (c), Moeen Ali, Rory Burns, Sam Curran, Jonny Bairstow, Stuart Broad, Joe Denly, Jack Leach, Jason Roy, Olly Stone, Chris Woakes.

The full Squad of (IRE)

William Porterfield (c), Boyd Rankin, Simi Singh, Paul Stirling, Stuart Thompson, Lorcan Tucker, Gary Wilson, Craig Young, Mark Adair, Andrew Balbirnie, Andrew McBrine, James McCollum, Tim Murtagh, Kevin O’Brien

Updated News and Expected Playing 11

England (ENG)

They declared Final Playing 11 for this match. Their Openers are Unstoppable Since Worldcup Start and Scoring Consistent 100+ Partnership for first Wicket, For Ireland Bairstow and Roy are Main Threats and they have to discover their wickets generally anticipate enormous innings from both. J Root is their Main Piller in Top request and He was driving run scorer for England in Worldcup with 549 runs. R Burns and J Denly is their new additon for this lone Test againts Ireland, Burns having great ongoing records while Denly strugelling a ton in Recent time. S Curran and M Ali are their Main All-rounders who can contribute in both the office, both can do trudge hitting great. Test Specialist S Broad and Inform C Woakes will lead their pace assault with Youngster O Stone help them. J Leach and Moeen Ali will be their turn bowling choices.

Playing 11 :

J Roy J Bairstow (wk) J Root (C) R Burns J Denly S Curran M Ali C Woakes S Broad J Leach O Stone

(IRE)

They clean Sweeped ODI arrangement and T20 Series againts Zimbabwe and Expected to Play Fearless with Similer sort of energy. All-rounder Mark Adair and Fast Bowler Craig Young could make their Test debuts for Ireland. P Stirling and W Poterfield are Most Likely to open the innings, Stirling Doesn't require any introducation after his ongoing exhibition while W Poterfield Quite Poor in Recent time. A Balbirnie and J McCollum will COmplate their Top request, Both are Very Technical Batsman and Coming After Great Performance in Past Series. Experiecned K O'Brien and Wicket-guardian Batsman G Wilson will deal with their center request, Both Looks very poor in ongoing time. Imprint Adair is their Best All-rounder in Recent time and Impressed Really Well by Picking up Consistent wickets for group and Can do Slog Hitting great. B Rankin, Mark Adair and T Murtagh will deal with their pace assault while C Young and K O'brien will help them. A McBrine is their solitary turn bowling choice with Stirling can bowl if necessary.

Playing 11 :

P Stirling W Poterfield (C) A Balbirnie J McCollum K O`Brien G Wilson (wk) M Adair A McBrine C Young T Murtagh B Rankin

Player Battles

Betting Tips

England VS Ireland Match No. 35th 24 July England 🆚 Ireland Ⓜ️atch Winner 👉 England

Pitch Report :

Match to be played at Chester-le-Street’s

The pitch is excellent for the batting, record suggests that one should bat second but both of the teams have lost their matches while chasing so they’ll be looking for batting first

Avg 1st inn score 243 Avg 2nd inn score 180 Highest Total 314/4 (44.4 Ov) by ENG vs AUS Lowest Total 99/10 (26.1 Ov) by ENG vs SL Highest Chased Lowest Defended

Sri Lanka Vs South Africa Head To Head In ODI :

Matches Played 74 IRE Won 36 ENG Won 35 Tie/NR 03

Captain and Vice-captain Choice

Winning Chance :

ENG 60 IRE 30 NR 10

Player Analytics and Details :

Wicket Keeper

J Bairstow Red hot form - Consistent Performer - Must have C VC G Wilson Middle order - Safe L Tucker Impressive Recent Performance - Very Good Pick if plays

Batman's

P Stirling Their Best Player - Aggrestive Batsman - Consistent So far - Must have C VC J Roy Explosive Opener - Inform - Must have C VC J Root English Run Machine - Default C VC A Balbirnie Technical Batsman - Inform - Very Good Pick K O'brien Average recent performance - Technically Very Strong - Nice Pick R Burns Inform - Good Domestic Records - Very nice Pick J Denly Middle order - Average Recent Performance - Credit Saver W Porterfield Opens - Alternative form - Avoid in H2H

All-Rounder

M Adair Late Hitter + Full time pacer - Consistent Wicket taker - Must have J McCollum Inform - Middle order - Credit Saver pick S Curran Wicket taking Bowler + Hard Hitter - Good Pick M Ali Finger Spinner + Handy with Bat - Good pick

Bowlers

S Broad

Bowls with Variations - Always Pick Wickets - Must have

T Murtagh

Wicket taker - Good Recent outings - Very Good Pick

B Rankin

Their Best Bowler - Wicket taking Ability - Must have

C Young

Impressed Really Well Recenty - Good Credit Saver

C Woakes

Wicket taking Bowler - Must have

O Stone

Fast Bowler - Credit Saver Pick

A McBrine

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nettvnow-blog · 7 years

Text

Sweet Van Loan | The Raven

Sweet Van Loan's series, The Raven, based off of her original book series has been years in the making. Sporting a female-driven cast, heroines are left and right in this action-packed series. Now looking for funding for episodes 4-6, Van Loan took some time to chat with us to learn more about her series and the importance of depicting women in film.

netTVnow: Where did the idea for The Raven come from?

Sweet Van Loan: The Raven is actually based off the book series I authored. I had been a writer for a long time with over 30 books out. My original series spun-off as characters who outgrew their background roles and thus Jack Adair of The Goodnight & Loving Series had a friend named Jo who shared his haunting experiences. I've always wanted to have a character that I could relate to; the socially awkward girl who makes it work despite continuous self-doubt. Jo became that person. Her abandonment issues coupled with her ability to pick a fight in the most unlikely of situations made me want to write a series. I'm also a very big comic book fan, so masked vigilante? Yes, please.

One night I had a dream about it. It was outlandish and weird, so I wrote it down in my journal. I came back to it and before I could stop myself, I had my laptop open. I wrote the first book, featuring Adair, in one day. The rest, as they say, is history.

netTVnow: Can you give audiences a brief synopsis on the series?

SVL: Jo and Maja have been working together for a year after the death of The Phoenix. As Jo struggles with the weight of the legacy and responsibility of The Phoenix, the former cop has also had her doubts about becoming a vigilante. When a dangerous drug hits the streets of her home city, she and her team have to find a way to stop the spread of the deadly effects before it's too late...problem is, they are in way over their heads. Despite their efforts, The Guardian, The Veteran, The Spymaster and The Knight find themselves fighting an uphill battle that they just might lose.

netTVnow: You mentioned actually writing the The Raven book before turning it into a web series, what sparked that creative decision?

SVL: Creative peoples tend not to be any one thing. I am an author, yes, but I am also an actor, screenwriter and producer. Austin is my city and I love the film industry here, but it is so underrated. I've penned a few screenplays and I fiddled with the idea for a long time. Keep in mind, when I wrote The Raven, I had yet to publish a work. When I started getting my books published, I had so much fun watching these characters come to life in the minds of readers. I wanted to mix my passions and grow as a creative individual. The Raven was the series that people really liked, so I wrote the first script.

It was awful.

But I kept at it, honing it until I felt it was ready enough to get some film people to look at it. Somewhere along the line it became an obsession.

I have to say, our team is amazing. The Raven was a no-budget project and they worked hard despite time constraints and set backs. We learned so much from each other, burned a hell of lot of midnight oil and formed some great friendships throughout filming and now in post production.

netTVnow: I saw on your website that the series has been a project that’s been 8 years in the making with contributions from across the country. Can you elaborate more on how it all started and how you work across the country?

SVL: As an actor, I travel for work so I meet a lot of wonderful people. While I'm painfully shy, I open up when it comes to film, literature and such. I've been in film for almost 15 years so you can imagine how many people I've likely mentioned my little project to. It was just an idea, and then it became so much more. Friends started to share their suggestions and thoughts, some even red the original scripts and helped me with ideas to improve it. I remember being so jazzed about it all. We eventually coined the phrase "The Murder Crew" which we still use to describe people on Team Raven. You see, Maja, the spymaster on the series, leads a spy network known as the Crimson Crows. A group of actual crows is known as a "murder." Thus, The Murder Crew.

netTVnow: From what I've seen, the series looks great! What was it like filming some of those fight scenes? What was preparation like for that?

Here's a laugh. When we got to the "in production" stages, I was 110 lbs lanky, twiggy armed nerd type. I mean I'm a writer, man! And when we started casting I knew Jo was one of those characters....the ones I'd obsess over too much. We held audition after auditon and finally the casting director and I agreed that it would be best if I took the role so we could focus on the other characters.

But the fight scenes...I was not ready for.

Jo is a former Marine. She was a cop and even had a short stint in the CIA. While the books describe her as thin, she was exceptionally athletic. William Alexander (who plays Sebastian Lennox) and Justin Fischer (who plays The Knight Sergeant) had their hands full as they were jointly the stunt directors of episodes 1-3. They trained me and choreographed all the fights. These guys worked their butts off because we had a short time-frame to film due to our low budget.

I remember laughing a lot with them because I started out so small and lanky. They worked me hard but all of us wanted this project to work, so we burned all the midnight oil and really practiced. I didn't realize how many angles a camera guy would have to get. Our DP, Stephen Laughrun, his job was super hard. We'd walk away from a film day exhausted, jovial and sweaty. The guys are wonderful and very patient.

You see, writing a book is quite different than a film. Certain practicalities are not in play. Writing a fight scene in a book is great fun....little did I know how much work every single move was in real life. Moral of the story: Never underestimate Batman!

netTVnow: You described the female heroine as someone who can hold her own without losing femininity, what are you hoping audiences will take from the series?

SVL: The thing about femininity is that there is no one size fits all. Every woman is a force of nature and we adapt of femininity to fit our lifestyles and needs. Film sometimes downplays that, generalizing what womanhood is or should look like. I love this series because it celebrates women and what we are capable of.

The series has quite a few strong female characters, including Jo. Jo is feminine in the respect of her protective matriarchal personality. She is the leader and she tries to be very distant but in reality, she cares a great deal for her people.

The Spymaster Maja (played by Emery Welsh) is feminine more upfront. Poor Emery wore pencil dresses basically every film day because Maja dresses like a supermodel, but her soft and sweet demeanor underplays her ruthless and unwavering loyalty.

Kincaid (played by Lydia Pilot) is the maternal one, but don't think that makes her weak. Maternal instinct is dangerous and she has her own fight scenes in the series. Kincaid is a Knight known in the books as a legacy, meaning the descendant of Knights. She the best marksman on the team and proficient with both firearms and swords. I have to admit, Kincaid (in the books) looks nothing Like Lydia, but when we cast her we knew she was perfect. Lydia did an extremely good job playing Kincaid, because she has this fierceness in her personality. Thanks to her efforts (and William Alexander's sword training), Kincaid comes to life in a whole new way.

Then our antagonist in Episodes 1-3, Primrose Albright (played by Venus Monique), is more subtle in her femininity. She has a commanding presence and simply does not take no for an answer. What makes her great is that she is the big bad, but she need not even lift a gun. She has other methods.

netTVnow: What has your experience been like in the web series industry?

SVL: I'm learning a lot, and it's humbling. Being in film for so long, you sometimes make the mistake of thinking you pretty much have it figured out, but what made me fall in love with film to begin with was that you never lack in surprises. I've grown both as a performer and a creator. I still have plenty to learn, but we're hoping to bring on other crew as well as we film episodes 4-6!

netTVnow: Tell us more about The Yellow Project Studios.

SVL: I created The Yellow Project Studios to produce film projects that supported certain causes. It grew beyond that, as you know. It is associated with Van Loan Productions and that collaboration allowed for us to do this webseries.

netTVnow: Any upcoming projects to share?

vimeo

SVL: Yes - but I can't tell quite yet! I will be posting about it soon though. In the meantime, we are working on crowdfunding for episodes 4-6 of The Raven to continue the story of The Phoenix, so be on the lookout for that!

Follow Sweet Van Loan Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Website

#William Alexander #Justin Fischer #Sweet Van Loan #The Raven #Stephen Laughrun #Emery Welsh #Lydia Pilot #Venus Monique

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