#murderbot as internet drama shorts
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Murderbot, after Amena tells it 2.0 is its baby: Am I pregant?
Murderbot, as the horror slowly dawns on it: Am I gregnant?
Murderbot, turning to ART: Is there a possibly that I’m pegrent?
ART, starting to consider the idea itself: Could I be pregonate?
ART, consulting its coding manuals: Am I pegnate? Help!
ART, watching 2.0 load in slowly: Thirty-eight plus two weeks… pregananant?
Murderbot, monitoring its clients: Dangerops prangent sex?
Murderbot, asking for their professional medical opinion: Will it hurt baby top of his head?
ART, judging its humans on their choices: Can you down a twenty foot waterslide pegnat?
ART, watching the class science experiment grow at an alarming rate: I think my dog is pregernet
Both, trying to figure out the ethics of creating 2.0: How do I know if I’m prengan?
ART: Can I be prregnant?
Murderbot, realizing it’s ART who’s hosting the code: Can u get pregante?
ART: And am I pregegnant…
Both, accepting 2.0’s sacrifice: …or am I okay?
#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#murderbot as internet drama shorts#how is prangent formed#network effect spoilers
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Murderbot, accepting a task for Station Security: Good evening. Is this available?
Indah: Yes, it is.
(Murderbot regrets its decision)
Murderbot: Please leave me alone, we are sleeping.
Indah: Huh?
Murderbot: No more contacting, please, thanks. Appreciate
Indah: You contacted me
Murderbot: I know, I’m no longer interested! Please stop contacting me now, I will contact attorney general (Pin-Lee) if you do not stop. (Fumbles feed closed) Thsnks
Indah: (utter confusion)
#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#murderbot as internet drama shorts#just another way i spend my valuable free time
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Mensah (as everyone sits at a restaurant table, reading the menu): Which salad dressing is your favorite?
Gurathin: Ken’s Steakhouse Blue Cheese dressing.
Murderbot: Blue cheese has mold in it.
Pin-Lee: Blue cheese-
Murderbot: Blue cheese has mold in it.
Ratthi: Blue cheese-
Murderbot: Blue cheese has mold in it!
Arada: Ranch!
Murderbot: Ranch is good.
Overse: Blue cheese-
Murderbot: There is mold in blue cheese, gross!
ART, in its drone body that can’t eat: Depends a lot on what kind of salad I put it on. I imagine raspberry tastes good with chicken or turkey, nuts or seeds and fruit, while chunky blue cheese might be yummy with tuna, perhaps. Personally, I like a honey-mustard dressing.
Murderbot, sitting next to ART: Oh. So you like chunky mold dressing, huh? Blue cheese has mold in it.
Three, genuinely confused: Blue cheese has mold in it?
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Ratthi: Be honest. Do you wash your legs when you take a shower?
Pin-Lee: Nothing worse than a greasy knee pit. I wouldn’t dare leave the hams unwashed!
Gurathin: I have naturally clean legs, so it’s a waste of time.
Murderbot: Y’all really don’t wash your legs? Life is short but it ain’t that short!
Gurathin: I don’t use big soup, try again.
Mensah: SecUnit, where have you been?
(Murderbot goes through various flashbacks of its journeys…)
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Murderbot: Hahaha, my ship broke my walls
Gurathin: Oh dang.
Murderbot: It weighs over 15 billion pounds.
Gurathin: 1.5 billion?
Murderbot: Nope, add another 0 to that.
Gurathin: There’s no way it can be that much.
Murderbot: We got documents telling us its weight.
Gurathin: The record for weight was 1.3 billion on Earth.
Murderbot: Okay well this- this ship isn’t from here, Gurathin, you can’t be calling me a lair when I have damn documents in this bitch.
Murderbot: And you sure don’t know everything about a ship, asshole.
Murderbot: So kinda get over yourself.
Murderbot: Calling me a lair, that’s real funny, don’t you think? You haven’t even seen this ship, this ship is bigger and huger than any ship I’ve rid.
Murderbot: And it’s 10 times the size of yours.
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Murderbot: Please help.
Murderbot: I’m out of media.
Murderbot: Please drop a packet at my address in the station feed between 2 and 2:01 AM today.
(Sunday)
Murderbot: I don’t want to meet people.
Murderbot: I don’t want new friends.
Murderbot: I just need media.
Murderbot: Media is important to me.
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Murderbot: Gurathin, keep my name out of your thin mouth.
Mensah: What did Gurathin do, SecUnit?
Murderbot: He stole my broccoli casserole recipe eight years ago and claimed it was his.
Pin-Lee (quietly): He claimed it was his.
Ratthi (dancing dramatically): You’re not talking aboit my bfriend Gurathin he a crietsn lady!
Murderbot (looming over Ratthi): He’s a rotten. Recipe-stealing bitch. Ratthi.
(Ratthi can’t believe what he’s hearing.)
Murderbot (turning toward the camera): Careful who your friends are.
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