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peterxwade24 · 3 years

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Broken Hearts and New Beginnings

Chapter 5

(This chapter is titled “Laughter is the Best Medicine” on AO3.)

Adrien looked at his friends, or the three who were sitting with him right now, before a frown marred his otherwise handsome face. A pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders and a head rested on top of his.

“Whatcha thinking so hard about?” Roy asked as the rest of his friend group settled into some of the open chairs.

Adrien frowned, watching as a beautiful blonde, Steph, sat beside Nino and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “Have any of you seen Marinette?”

Marinette’s Parisian friends shook their heads before Marinette’s Gothamite friends shook their heads. Tim tapped a finger against his lips before a lightbulb appeared to illuminate over his head. “What was her last class before she was supposed to meet us here?”

Sabrina glanced down at her phone before looking at the rest of the group. “American History.” Sabrina frowned. “Nothing about that class should have set her off, it’s not like it was Modern US History which might have something involving the explosion which killed her soulmate.”

Roy, Tim and Kon all let out sharp gasps before looking between each other. They knew what explosion killed Marinette’s soulmate, but they also knew that her soulmate was in the building at the moment, because there was only one person they’d seen react to her.

Chloé studied their Gothamite companions before her attention was drawn by a commotion deeper in the cafeteria. She shot up from her seat, the chair clattering to the ground from the force she left the chair from, before she stormed over into the fray. Her friends’ eyes tracked her movements into the fray before they noticed a familiar head of teal hair surrounded by the rest of her class.

Marinette had hoped to be able to quietly walk through the cafeteria and get to the table she and her friends had claimed without any confrontation, but that all changed when Lila suddenly stood up and threw herself into Marinette’s path.

Lila let out a cry of pain, drawing the rest of the class’s attention. “How could you Marinette?” Lila pressed her hands against her ankle and her cheek, pressing hard enough to leave the areas red. "What did I ever do to you?"

Marinette's eyes grew colder, roaming over Lila's form on the ground before she glanced around at their gathered classmates. "For the record, I didn't touch her. She threw herself into my path, and onto the ground, without provocation." She simply shrugged while she waited for the class to rise to their feet. "You can all turn this into a bigger scene than it needs to be, or you can sit back down and go back to your conversations."

The class looked around at each other, some acknowledging their class president's words and going back to their conversations while others continued to stand their ground.

Marinette sighed before nodding, her teal hair moving with the motion and falling out of its carefully put back together style. "Okay. Let's get this over with. Kim is going to threaten me, some silly threat that pales in comparison to the pain I felt when my soulmate was blown to pieces." Marinette's face contorted into a grimace as she remembered that night. "Alya will screech like a harpy while Alix frowns trying to figure out why I'm not the same person I was six years ago. Max will spout some scientific or numeric mumbo-jumbo." Marinette looked up, seeing Chloé's familiar head of blonde hair, before an easy smile crossed her face. "I guess we don't get to have a nice conversation. Oops?"

Chloé smiled at Marinette and would have continued walking if an arm hadn't settled around Marinette's shoulders.

"I'll have you know, that as you're all here as Bruce Wayne's guests you must abide by his rules, which include no bullying of any kind." Jason tipped his head towards his siblings and friends. “And I’ll make sure that my father knows what’s been said here.”

---

Bruce Wayne smiled at the teens gathered in the auditorium, his smile the fake one he shows to the board members when they grate on his nerves. “Good afternoon students. As many of you know, I’m Bruce Wayne.” He moved from behind the podium to stand at the front of the stage. “It has come to my attention that some of you are not following the rules. The rules are in place for a reason, and that reason is to prevent anyone else becoming like the Joker.”

A stunned hush fell over the gathered crowd. Bruce’s blue eyes sought out the blue eyes of his sons, remembering the tragedy that had already befallen their family because of the Joker.

“For our Parisian guests who may not know who the Joker is, the Joker is a menace to society who murders people for the thrill of it.” Bruce’s face fell for a moment before his expression fell back into his professional board approved smile. “We have a staunch no bullying policy in place here in Gotham, and we’d greatly appreciate it if you abided by our rules and policies while you’re in our city.”

---

Marinette frowned at her friends, she loved them but she couldn’t understand why they were dragging her around Gotham. Chloé pulled on her left arm while Adrien pulled on her right, Sabrina and Nino flanked the trio with smiles on their faces.

“‘Rinette. Just chillax. You’ll have fun and enjoy yourself. You can overthink yourself to death when we’re back in Paris. Please, just try to have some fun.” Chloé begged her friend while looking into her sad blue eyes. “Please.”

Adrien leaned his head on Marinette’s shoulder and pouted. “Bug, please. Just try to have some fun with us.”

Nino nudged Adrien’s back and nodded ahead of them. “Soulmate incoming.”

Adrien straightened up, letting go of Marinette’s arm, and smiled at his soulmate. He searched the faces surrounding his soulmate and nudged Nino back. “Soulmate incoming.”

Sabrina rolled her eyes at the two boys and took up Adrien’s spot on Marinette’s right side. “Those two are so helpless.”

Chloé laughed and nodded. “You’re just as helpless when it comes to Luka and Kagami.” She continued to pull Marinette in the direction of their Gotham friends.

“Those three are the cutest though.” Marinette laughed along with her friends.

---

Jason stood beside Steph and watched as she turned to look at her soulmate. His eyes glanced over their Parisian friends before they were drawn to Marinette, and he felt his heart skip a beat when he saw her smiling and heard her laughing. Jason let a smile spread on his face and couldn’t help but wonder what it’d feel like to hold her in his arms.

Conner slapped Jason on the shoulder, drawing Jason back from his thoughts, and smiled. “Having fun?”

“Don’t you know it.”

Taglist:

@mystery-5-5 @moonlightstar64

#maribat #ml crossover #mlb crossover #ml x dc #mlb x dc #Broken Hearts and New Beginnings #BHaNB

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

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April 10: 2x14 Wolf in the Fold

Watched Wolf in the Fold last night. The only thing I really remembered about this ep going in was that it was a Scotty ep. Which is true but also… slightly misleading. Also that it had to do with Jack the Ripper—which is more true than I remembered!

A decadent intro… I get why Spock isn’t here but I actually DO think he would be into it.

Matchmaker Kirk lol.

Scotty is so awkward. This is the other detail I remembered from this ep, actually: how Scotty wants to applaud using his hands no matter what. (Even with those cool lights RIGHT THERE lol). Old Aberdeen pub crawler…

This is honestly such a bizarre back story: Scotty got a concussion because someone who happened to be a woman made a mistake and now not only is his head all funny but he has a “total resentment toward women.” Like okay, nothing creepily sexist in that concept. Also –they ultimately barely even use it! I know it’s the implied rationale for why he would suddenly start murdering women and also not remembering it but it’s like such a flimsy excuse that they never say it out loud in so many words for fear it should sound too stupid. Which it would. Honestly, you really only need the concussion imo. Why go into the weird misogyny thing at all?

And now Kirk and Bons head off to a brothel, giving me a total resentment toward men.

Nice eerie fog out here. Very Aberdeenian.

Okay, so this woman was stabbed a dozen times but she only screamed once? And then a second later, Scotty had somehow teleported several feet away, still holding the knife? He’s good at his job but he’s not that good. This is already deeply suspicious.

“Therapeutic shore leave.” Trying to cure his hatred of ladies lmao.

So this weird little bald man, Hengist, from Rigel IV. Is he an alien? I suppose he must be. Rigellians are a race, as we know from Journey to Babel. It’s not always clear to me which groups of people are Earth colonists who have migrated to or been born on other planets and which are humanoid aliens.

The Aurelians are a gentle, harmless people. Cute. I like these aliens.

I wish we could hire aliens to be our administrators. Alien Overlord and Taylor.

“I’ll be taking over, since I am the highest official.” He out-officialed him.

I like this guy and his slightly creepy empath priestess wife. I feel like Spock would like them, too.

Speaking of: Spock in the captain’s chair. Hot.

I don’t get how this planet is the only space port around. Like… could not any planet be a space port? What does that even mean?

Oh no, a woman with the lie detector machine! She must be incompetent and/or to be despised.

I love Sybo’s outfit. Her hair and jewelry too. Honestly just a great head-to-toe look.

Another murder! Sorry but this one is on the Aurelian for just leaving the murder weapon out there unattended.

Generally speaking, the costume and set people are doing allllll the work in this episode.

Hengist went to look for suspects and he came up with the victim’s father and fiancé?? He’s not even trying lol. Anyway, he obviously did it.

How can you NOT tell if a lock was picked or not? I mean I know McCoy is a doctor, not a locksmith, but come on. It can’t be that ambiguous.

Spooky mumbo-jumbo.

Interesting that Spock doesn’t trust the mumbo-jumbo either. I guess he only approves of it when it’s Vulcan.

When Sybo says “monstrous evil” the camera is looking right at Hengist. Not suspicious at all. He’s only clearly railroading Scotty, looked right at the second victim before she was killed, was in the perfect position to take the murder weapon after it was carelessly left about, and is the most obvious non-Scotty suspect here.

I love how loyal Bones is. He literally saw Scotty holding Sybo and the knife with blood on his hands and is like “It’s impossible he could have done it.”

So many of the “truth discovery” devices on TOS are truly creepy. Like they’re all clear plot devices, and for that reason depicted as completely reliable, and the more completely reliable they are, the more deeply disturbing they become upon any reflection at all.

That’s a pretty computer though. All those pretty flashing lights! And it runs on floppy disks.

I literally just remembered what happened.

“Scotty, lie to me, how old are you?” / “Twenty-two, Sir.” Yeah, I’d say that’s a lie.

So like this allegedly all-powerful computer is literally just a lie detector. That’s it! A lie detector that picks up on psychological signs of lying, just like our lie detectors today. I mean… you could have just said that straight out. All they do is show what a person believes to be true, so in the case where someone truly doesn’t remember something, the usefulness is… limited.

My mom suggested a Vulcan mind meld which, actually, would pretty much solve the problem! But for once Spock actually treats it like something serious and not to be thrown out as a solution to all problems at the merest suggestion.

Someone needs to do a fashion line based entirely on the Argellian outfits.

Spock is internally eye-rolling at all this drama. I feel like he’s a real advocate for the computers today. That’s like… really his only role.

The computer’s linguistics banks don’t know what this word means? Maybe we should get Uhura on the case.

Plot twist: the killer was Jack the Ripper the WHOLE TIME! The last one you’d ever expect.

I don’t get how the computer made the leap from Redjac to Jack the Ripper since that is not a real word and no one outside of this episode of TOS has ever used it for Jack the Ripper.

“Everyone feeds on death, even vegetarians.” So dark, Spock. So emo.

Aw, alien creatures that derive sustenance from love. Adorable. There should have been an episode devoted to them. (Wait a minute…. Idea coming on…)

Speaking of gaseous cloud aliens…the Companion?

This episode really relies a lot on the computer to provide information and otherwise move the plot along.

Kirk keeps ignoring everyone to just talk to Spock.

“Cloud the issue” lol that’s a good pun. (Already can’t remember who said it but… point stands.)

The cloud entity feeds on women because they are more easily and deeply terrified. That sounds fake but okay. It’s also not in keeping with what Sybo said, is it? She mentioned a hatred of women. That’s not the same as finding women useful.

Hmm, when do we get our Martian Colonies, @ perseverance?

Oh, Rigel IV, you say? There seems to be a Rigellian right here!

This whole history of the entity is bizarre. The first killing sprees (that we know of) are on Earth, and Kirk specifically says that when man left Earth to explore, he took this with him. Does that mean… the cloud creature/entity originated on Earth? Truly a bizarre hypothesis, when you think about it.

Are you the entity, Sir?

There is actually very little Scotty in this Scotty-centric episode.

Lol the knife originates with the hill people of Rigel IV. What is this, Deliverance?

Omg Kirk punched the entity right out of that man!

So to summarize: “Jack the Ripper is actually a gaseous cloud that is capable of infecting the computer system of the Enterprise, thus hijacking the whole ship” is the basic, wacky concept of this episode.

This tranquilizer could quiet a volcano. Where was it during the volcano scene in STID hmm?

Kirk’s plan to keep people from being scared by the maniacal voice of the entity: Tranquilize the entire ship. That’s why he’s paid the big bucks.

Yet another twist on the old Kirk v. Computer plot. Time to use Math to defeat it.

Kirk is so unimpressed with the entity. “Eh, shut that off.” He would not be moved by a haunted house.

“This is the first time I’ve heard a malfunction threaten us.” Sulu can man his post AND be funny; he’s multi-talented.

Kirk and Spock don��t need tranquilizers because they’re smart enough to know this high-pitched voice yelling random threats just isn’t actually scary.

Kirk is really insistent that Sulu man his frickin’ post!

Oh no, not PI!! My nemesis, PI!

I’m really living for Sulu here.

If the entity entered a tranquilized person, it might take up knitting. I gotta say, that doesn’t make any sense as a plot point but I like it anyway.

That was a very efficient tranquilizing job! Everyone in a 400+ person ship in like 10 minutes? Get the medical team on the Enterprise in charge of the vaccine distribution stat.

Kirk just outright assumes that Spock won’t be a hospitable entity choice. And he’s not even wrong! The entity chooses the dead body over Spock or Kirk. It knows when it’s not wanted.

Hengist has been revived!

The entity is honestly, truly hilarious. Die, die, everybody die! Kill! Kill you all! Maniacal laughter! All while being carried by a still utterly unimpressed Kirk down the halls of the ship.

Spock’s like “get out of the way, you tranquilized idiot. Got some entity-scattering to do.”

“I gave them a pretty big shot, Jim!” Think you might have slightly overdone it, Bones? You didn’t need to make everyone useless for 6 hours for a problem that was solved in 5 minutes!

This is one of those moments, Kirk trying to get Spock to see the pretty ladies with him, when Spock seems super gay. Like, I don’t even think he is, that’s not my reading of him, and I also assume that wasn’t the intention here, but that’s just so clearly how it reads.

Aw, Kirk doesn’t want to go the strip club alone. Poor bb.

Weird how Lt. Leslie was in this when he died in the last episode.

Overall, I’d actually have to say that was a very crack-y episode. I liked the ending the best because it was so ridiculous.

What I don’t understand, in addition to whether or not the entity was really supposed to be from Earth, was how it came to be Hengist. Like, it can enter and leave bodies (or computers) at will, so perhaps it just entered Hengist, a normal Rigellian, at some point. But if that’s so, putting him on the transporter and scattering him into space was a pretty cruel thing to do. Also, why did he die (or appear to die) when the entity wasn’t in him? That implies he is the entity’s physical form. But then, first of all, how is also a Rigellian? Like did the entity mate with a Rigellian? Did the entity take over a baby Rigellian? Did the entity just claim to be Rigellian but is really just humanoid in its physical form—we did establish that some aliens, like this one, or creatures or whatever, are gaseous sometimes and solid others, so maybe its solid form is humanoid. Which would fit well with it originating in Earth, although that also brings a new and perhaps unintentional layer of creepiness to the story. I have to assume that’s the situation, but still, wild. And it doesn’t explain this: why does Hengist “die” when the entity “leaves” him, as opposed to just disappear entirely when the entity changes form??

Anyway, I know I’m overthinking this very wacky premise. Overall, I think the episode was fine. It didn’t have enough Scotty (for being a “Scotty episode”) and it changed genres an awful lot for 50 minutes. There was a tad too much misogyny going on. And overall I didn’t feel like the characters—even Kirk, and in actuality this was a Kirk episode much more than a Scotty episode, and purposefully so—were at their most interesting. Tbh Sulu ultimately stole the show in the final minutes.

Next up is the Trouble with Tribbles! Also a funny episode but at least undeniably purposefully so!

#the year 2021 #2021: star trek #star trek tos #wolf in the fold

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windfighter · 4 years

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Day 4 of learning Redstone

@ the-halemaster said:

what about small auto-smelter, a firework show, and armor equipper? Those should teach you some more about hoppers and dispensers in a decently simple way. I think the firework show is a good simple one that should be fun for you to watch as you're testing too.

Those were some really good suggestions so I dove straight into it (after a couple of days’ distraction by other stuff), meaning here we are for

I call it day but it’s actually more session, but whatever :P We made it BIG this time. Okay not that big but today’s builds were the biggest to date (although the manual sugarcane farm beg to differ)

We started off small as one do. This is actually something I made already in my semi-survival world so it went flawlessly and painless this time. The first time I had to ask friends for help because I couldn’t understand why the fuel didn’t enter the furnace and then I learned you have to add the fuel from the side. This time I knew and putting this together took only a short moment.

“But what if”, I thought to myself, “hnNnnN BigGeR”

What if bigger indeed and stuff started going wrong. First the cart flew off at the end of the rail (I added the blocks to stop that from happening and make he cart move) and then the cart stopped wherever it was when I flicked the lever off and then it wouldn’t start moving again. had to experiment and added a redstone torch to the end of the rail and now the cart wouldn’t stop.

What if... bigger.

I started out with fewer furnaces than there is up there, I had to add a couple to make the redstone torch not power the rail closest to the chests. Success! The cart kept going until it came back home and restarting it worked! The problem? When it was parked it filled up the first furnace and when it wasn’t parked it filled all of them except the first one. FRUSTRATION

But what if... even bigger

It’s only a few blocks bigger but it solved the unintentional furnace-loading! I had to move the redstone power source from the end of the rail to make sure it powered enough rails to keep the cart moving as I wanted it too but as a result I also learned that I can expand this as far as I want to! Not sure how effective that would be though if I’m honest...

And yes, there’s a minecart at the back as well to put the fuel in the furnaces! That caused some trouble at first because it kept connecting to the upper rail but eventually we managed to make them run next to each other.

But that was enough of working smelters so we moved on to the next mission: Fireworks! The fireworks the creative mode supplied were boring so first I had to learn how to make fancy fireworks, but then we could get working on it!

There’s honestly not anything at all to say about this. Pull the lever and lots of fireworks gets shot into the sky (one per pull but obviously you want to spamclick the lever). This was almost too easy (I might be level 5 now?!) so we quickly moved on

...to a spectacular failure. The idea was that if you shoot the observer with a bow it sends a signal that makes fireworks shoot out. I mean the redstone works, if you place a block infront it shoots out fireworks, but it didn’t work as I intended (target practice). I added a short note to try it when the next update comes but use target block instead of observer and then I moved on with the contraption you can see in the background

(the sign just says “ehehehe” because this was so much fun I had to add a note)

Played around with repeaters and the tickdelay, which I admittedly still doesn’t quite understand. Learned that repeater can power repeater. It’s not something I was questioning but now I know for sure. Most of those shoot up the fireworks at different times, but it’s still close enough that it absolutely MURDERS my laptop and it was hilarious. I need to learn how to make longer delays (just add a lot more repeaters I guess) but this was actually fun.

(and yes, there’s different kind of fireworks in all of those)

And lastly:

This guy here. A simple armor equipper seemed too easy after everything (haha jokes on me) so I made a device that gives you shield, sword, pickaxe, as well as the different armors when you step into it.

Could I go wrong with this? Yes, yes I could. I’m not sure what exactly went wrong but the lower left and right didn’t want to dispense their items to me. I solved it easily (there was a block behind them that somehow made them not work??? do not understand) and then I could equip all my stuff and go on my merry way

I think the wandering trader doesn’t approve of my armor because they kept running away from me...

Anyway I think that’s mission succeeded! I found a Mumbo-video with some different circuits I’m gonna try learning next, but any other fun suggestions are welcome!

#rambling #minecraft #redstone #i don't actually have any use of the supersmelter #I don't get enough stuff to smelt #(I'm not a very good minecraft player)#but I really wanted to learn how to make it #I kinda want to learn item elevators now #but woosh those things seems complicated

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wineanddinosaur · 4 years

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‘Clean Wine’ Marketers Make a Lot of Wild Claims, So We Asked Experts to Debunk Them

Ever since Cameron Diaz and Katherine Power announced the launch of their “clean wine” label, Avaline, the wine industry has been pushing back against yet another attempt to bring the “clean” wellness trend into the wine space. From tracking down details about Avaline to deriding the entire trend, much virtual ink has been spilled on the topic.

Avaline isn’t the only brand in this space, though, and all the so-called “clean wine” companies rely on seemingly compelling claims and marketing mumbo jumbo that, under scrutiny from experts and wine professionals, doesn’t pass muster. So, let’s investigate some of these claims.

Dry Farm Wines / The Claim:

“The authentic wines we procure are exceptionally interesting and compelling expressions of taste and pleasure. When a wine is alive and free from overreaching modern influence, the wine will whisper in nature’s perfect logic and design. The wine will express nature joyfully and perfectly.”

Chris Miller, Master Sommelier, owner and winemaker at Seabold Cellars, Marina, Calif.:

“Well, this statement wins first prize for the most flowery bullshit I’ve ever heard without saying a single thing.”

Margot Mazur, beverage director, Wild Child Wine Shop, Somerville, Mass.:

“These terms are there to paint a picture for a consumer — one that is not necessarily an honest reflection of the wineries, or how the wines are made. These are marketing terms used to convince consumers to make that purchase. Supporting small businesses who have done their research and are committed to serving wines without chemicals, wines made by small farmers, wines that tell a story about their culture and history, is the way to go.”

Jill Zimorski, Master Sommelier, educator at the American Wine School in Chicago:

“By including ‘authentic,’ ‘interesting,’ and ‘compelling’ in their wine description it implies that ‘other’ wines are made inauthentically or are less compelling or interesting. Modern advancements and technology are some of the things that have allowed delicious wine to be made. Period. Modernity isn’t inherently bad. Does this mean that the fermentation takes place in amphorae? Without temperature control? Because stainless steel is a modern technological development and without even researching, based on style and price point alone, I’d be willing to bet many of these wines are fermented in stainless steel.”

Jenn and Brian Patterson, owners, Black Sheep Wine and Spirits, Lisbon, Portugal:

“Wine is either organically produced or it isn’t, it either has a lot of added sulfur or it doesn’t — these things are objective. They may not be perfectly set up for the anthropomorphizing of a fermented beverage, but these are the things that matter to real natural wine lovers. Using language like this, in our opinion, only serves to further make sincere natural wine lovers look like weird fetishists who talk to their wine glasses expecting a response.”

Dry Farm Wines / The Claim:

“Love wine, hate hangovers? … Did you know when wine is naturally created without chemicals or irrigation and allowed to fully ferment – it has no sugar (or carbs) and there are no nasty side effects. Which means you can enjoy wine and feel great the next day!”

Zimorski:

“Oh, this is a landmine. What causes hangovers is an excess of alcohol, which all wine contains, and dehydration. To claim that ‘naturally created’ wines that weren’t irrigated doesn’t cause hangovers is hilarious. I’ll volunteer to be part of a study on this BS. I’d love to see some data about how wines made from unirrigated grapes don’t cause hangovers. This is absolutely absurd. And fun fact, the majority of wines which are fermented to dryness have little to no residual sugar. Which means, duh, few carbs. They can’t claim dibs on the low sugar/carb argument — all dry wines share that.”

Brianne Cohen, DipWSET, wine educator and event producer in Los Angeles:

“I almost can’t entertain this with a response, but I will. Irrigation is not ‘bad’ in terms of making wine and certainly will have NO effect on whether the drinker ends up with a headache or not. Irrigation is used when the region the grapes are grown in does not have enough precipitation. Also, ALL wines have SOME sugar. Unfermented grapes start out with plenty of sugar, though most of the sugar is converted to alcohol during fermentation. To say a wine has no sugar is categorically incorrect as there are some sugars in a grape that are un-fermentable.”

Good Clean Wine / The Claim:

“All of our wines carry certifications listed on the table that indicate how clean the wine is. Symbols and letters on the label indicate the winemakers commitment to the environment, to the grape growing and to the winemaking process. To be classified and certified, both grape growers and wine makers must comply with strict standards regulated by the regions governing agencies. These ensure the quality, tradition and reliability of the wine.

Certifications to look for: CCSW, SIP, PEAS, LIVE, DOC, DOCG, IGT, IGP, AOC, DO, IPR, DAC, QbA, VDP, VT, VR, Landwein, QWPSR.”

Miller:

“This is so patently absurd. Only a couple of these certifications could be even remotely interpreted to denote ‘how clean a wine is.’ It’s like the person writing this copy got their wine education out of a 5-year-old’s coloring book.”

The Pattersons:

“Most of these are standard classifications used by European winemaking regions to tell you what you are drinking and what level of classification it has achieved. Thank you to Good Clean Wine for pointing out the obvious. As to the others, sure, knock yourself out doing research on SIP versus LIVE and let us all know why those were used, when USDA-approved organic certification is right there for the taking.”

Zimorski:

“Some of these are certifications (LIVE), some are acronyms for appellations (DOC, IPR). Some are high quality and specific (DAC, DOCG, AOP) and some are very generic (Landwein, VR). A consumer would have no way to understand or even differentiate between them.”

Cohen:

“Many wines carry these certifications and are not under the Good Clean Wine brand. This is marketing language that means nothing in terms of what’s in the glass. Literally, the rest of the wine world uses these certifications!”

Scout & Cellar / The Claim:

“For a wine to be considered Clean-Crafted™, it goes through two rounds of independent lab testing to guarantee that it’s free of yucky stuff like synthetic pesticides and chemical additives and has fewer than 100 ppm of total sulfites. We also evaluate and review farming and production practices to confirm that they are, in fact, Clean-Crafted™.”

Zimorski:

“Trade-marked Clean-Crafted: This is the first sign of BS.”

Cohen:

“Looks like Scout & Cellar is working on or has trademarked the term ‘Clean-Crafted’ when it comes to wine. They literally made this term up. The problem is that they’re intending for the term to indicate what’s in the bottle and it gives consumers the feeling that there is meaning behind that term. There is not. Producers know exactly what goes into their wines as far as pesticides and additives. This new term is solely marketing lingo trying to ‘clean-wash’ their wines, similar to the green-washing problem in wine.”

Miller:

“The childish language here is just moronic. I’m not even going to speak to anything else regarding this company’s wine philosophies, as it is an MLM [multi-level marketing company]. According to the U.S. Federal Trade Commission, 99 percent of people in an MLM lose money.”

The Pattersons:

“100 ppm is a lot of sulfur. Clearly and squarely in the middle, if not high zone for conventional wine making. Natural wine lovers have coalesced around 40 ppm as being the outer limits for a wine made naturally — many fans prefer a big fat zero in their added sulfur column. Bragging about 100 ppm is like Trump bragging about his intelligence test — just silly.”

Scout & Cellar / The Claim:

“Sulfites are naturally occurring antioxidant and antibacterial compounds in grapes and are utilized to protect the wine from oxygen until it reaches your glass. Because of the slow-crafted, intentional way Scout & Cellar wines are made, they require very little sulfur additions to remain stable. Most have less than 50ppm, all must have less than 100ppm. As a point of reference, the FDA allows up to 350ppm.”

Zimorski:

“What does slow-crafted and intentional mean? It’s a bunch of nonsense words strung together to sound like they mean something. And again, ppm of sulfur is mostly meaningless to consumers unless to perpetrate the debunked idea that sulfites cause headaches.”

Miller:

“Low sulfur is great. Big believer. But the MLM here is purposefully misleading the audience. As a percentage of production volume, most well-made wine in the U.S., for example, is going to have between 75 ppm to 150 ppm of sulfur, and even the huge wine companies that just pump this stuff out usually don’t stray above 200 ppm all that often for anything but the kind of stuff, that — well, if you’re drinking it — just be glad they DID put that much sulfur in it.”

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Whenever possible, our wines are certified by an accredited third party (like the California Certified Organic Farmers).”

Zimorski:

“‘Whenever possible’ is awfully vague. I mean, whenever possible I try not to murder people.”

The Pattersons:

“In the U.S., for organics, there really is only one voice that matters and it’s the USDA. They set the standard on what constitutes organic — legally — and a product either is or it isn’t. Being approved by a third party or included in their club is nice, but it’s not really a certification in and of itself.”

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Because our wines are low sugar, that makes them low carb as well. Wonderful Wines are tested to ensure they contain 3g/100mL or less of carbohydrates.”

Zimorski:

“This claim is THE WORST. Dry wines (red, white, and sparkling) are low in sugar because most of it has been fermented into alcohol. This is like saying, ‘our carrots are low fat,’ when in fact all carrots are fat-free. It’s just reframing to suit the purposes of the advertisement. Also, most consumers have NO IDEA what 3g/100mL of carbohydrates even means unless they’re tracking macros for a keto diet.”

Miller:

“This fact applies to, I don’t know, about 95 percent of all half-decent wine on the planet? Almost all wines fall into these guidelines, unless producers are specifically trying to capture residual sugar for a sweeter style, are making fortified wine, or some of the ‘bigger’ styles.”

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Wonderful Wine Co. uses only plant-based ingredients (no fish bladders here!) because why use animal products when you could just, not?”

Miller:

“I have worked in wine production for almost 20 years and I have never seen a fish bladder in my life. They’re referring to an old-school practice: Still around for sure, but old-school. MOST wines are vegan. Again, this is like bragging about the sugar levels being so low. But they’re purposefully saying this in such a way that makes a consumer stop and think ‘Gosh, I’m so glad that THESE guys don’t do that kind of stuff…’”

The Pattersons:

“While I don’t have the figures to back it up, I would argue — strenuously — that less than .0001% of wineries on Earth still use animal-based products for fining, or the coagulation of proteins and solids that some wineries use before filtration. This is just pablum designed to make these wines appear special when they merely fall into the category that contains the overwhelming majority of wines produced on planet Earth.”

IN CONCLUSION

In examining the growing raft of “clean wine” marketers, a single question kept nagging us at VinePair. None of these companies reveal critical information about these wines, such as who grew it, who vinified it, and in some cases what vintage it is. Why is that? We asked the experts.

Miller:

“There are precisely four reasons not to tell you who produced the wine. 1. It’s a lifestyle-brand money grab by people who are good at social media, and they genuinely don’t even know themselves. 2. The actual wine producer doesn’t want to be associated with what’s in that bottle: They are selling off the barrels that they don’t want to use in their own labeled wines, so you’re getting a selection of their absolute worst juice, and only their worst juice, the stuff that there’s a good chance would’ve gone down the drain otherwise. 3. You could buy that producer’s ACTUALLY good wine cheaper than the crap they have here. 4. The wine company is lying to you about their sources, and they don’t want you to be able to fact-check.”

Shiels:

“These wine brands are marketing-based, not product-based. They market to consumers who are looking for a beverage they can feel good about, without too much work. As such, you just need fanciful copy and pretty pictures, not any real information.”

Zimorski:

“What’s frustrating is that it’s not just consumers seeing these ads in glossy magazines and saying … ‘huh, I’ll try that.’ In just my case: Multiple people I follow on social media have included links and codes to these or similar wines and I have sent them all unsolicited DMs explaining that they’re endorsing something that is marketing mumbo jumbo. These are folks who have running, cooking, healthy living presences — Instagram accounts, blogs, and websites with significant numbers of followers. They aren’t wine professionals, but they get sucked in, share a discount code or a link to their followers to purchase, and the ‘influencer effect’ takes over. I’ve had my best friends (not in the wine industry) and my mother send me messages inquiring about the validity of these wines. It’s a prolific problem and that it’s all built on wordsmithing and lifestyle imaging when it should be about the people, places, grapes, and methods.”

Mazur:

“I’d love a bit more visibility into these companies — what does ‘clean’ mean to them? Are you just looking at winemakers who don’t add sugar? Don’t add sulfites? Grow grapes organically? What about their labor practices — is that ‘clean?’ I’m assuming if you don’t even tell us who these producers are, you don’t actually have clear visibility into either their winemaking practices, their labor practices, or their political practices — or does that not matter as long as we don’t get hangovers?”

The article ‘Clean Wine’ Marketers Make a Lot of Wild Claims, So We Asked Experts to Debunk Them appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/clean-wine-marketing-claims-debunked/

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johnboothus · 4 years

Text

Clean Wine Marketers Make a Lot of Wild Claims So We Asked Experts to Debunk Them

Dry Farm Wines / The Claim:

Chris Miller, Master Sommelier, owner and winemaker at Seabold Cellars, Marina, Calif.:

“Well, this statement wins first prize for the most flowery bullshit I’ve ever heard without saying a single thing.”

Margot Mazur, beverage director, Wild Child Wine Shop, Somerville, Mass.:

Jill Zimorski, Master Sommelier, educator at the American Wine School in Chicago:

Jenn and Brian Patterson, owners, Black Sheep Wine and Spirits, Lisbon, Portugal:

Dry Farm Wines / The Claim:

Zimorski:

Brianne Cohen, DipWSET, wine educator and event producer in Los Angeles:

Good Clean Wine / The Claim:

Certifications to look for: CCSW, SIP, PEAS, LIVE, DOC, DOCG, IGT, IGP, AOC, DO, IPR, DAC, QbA, VDP, VT, VR, Landwein, QWPSR.”

Miller:

The Pattersons:

Zimorski:

Cohen:

Scout & Cellar / The Claim:

Zimorski:

“Trade-marked Clean-Crafted: This is the first sign of BS.”

Cohen:

Miller:

The Pattersons:

Scout & Cellar / The Claim:

Zimorski:

Miller:

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Whenever possible, our wines are certified by an accredited third party (like the California Certified Organic Farmers).”

Zimorski:

“‘Whenever possible’ is awfully vague. I mean, whenever possible I try not to murder people.”

The Pattersons:

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Because our wines are low sugar, that makes them low carb as well. Wonderful Wines are tested to ensure they contain 3g/100mL or less of carbohydrates.”

Zimorski:

Miller:

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Wonderful Wine Co. uses only plant-based ingredients (no fish bladders here!) because why use animal products when you could just, not?”

Miller:

The Pattersons:

IN CONCLUSION

Miller:

Shiels:

Zimorski:

Mazur:

The article ‘Clean Wine’ Marketers Make a Lot of Wild Claims, So We Asked Experts to Debunk Them appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/clean-wine-marketing-claims-debunked/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/clean-wine-marketers-make-a-lot-of-wild-claims-so-we-asked-experts-to-debunk-them

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isaiahrippinus · 4 years

Text

‘Clean Wine’ Marketers Make a Lot of Wild Claims, So We Asked Experts to Debunk Them

Dry Farm Wines / The Claim:

Chris Miller, Master Sommelier, owner and winemaker at Seabold Cellars, Marina, Calif.:

“Well, this statement wins first prize for the most flowery bullshit I’ve ever heard without saying a single thing.”

Margot Mazur, beverage director, Wild Child Wine Shop, Somerville, Mass.:

Jill Zimorski, Master Sommelier, educator at the American Wine School in Chicago:

Jenn and Brian Patterson, owners, Black Sheep Wine and Spirits, Lisbon, Portugal:

Dry Farm Wines / The Claim:

Zimorski:

Brianne Cohen, DipWSET, wine educator and event producer in Los Angeles:

Good Clean Wine / The Claim:

Certifications to look for: CCSW, SIP, PEAS, LIVE, DOC, DOCG, IGT, IGP, AOC, DO, IPR, DAC, QbA, VDP, VT, VR, Landwein, QWPSR.”

Miller:

The Pattersons:

Zimorski:

Cohen:

Scout & Cellar / The Claim:

Zimorski:

“Trade-marked Clean-Crafted: This is the first sign of BS.”

Cohen:

Miller:

The Pattersons:

Scout & Cellar / The Claim:

Zimorski:

Miller:

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Whenever possible, our wines are certified by an accredited third party (like the California Certified Organic Farmers).”

Zimorski:

“‘Whenever possible’ is awfully vague. I mean, whenever possible I try not to murder people.”

The Pattersons:

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Because our wines are low sugar, that makes them low carb as well. Wonderful Wines are tested to ensure they contain 3g/100mL or less of carbohydrates.”

Zimorski:

Miller:

Winc’s Wonderful Wine Co. / The Claim:

“Wonderful Wine Co. uses only plant-based ingredients (no fish bladders here!) because why use animal products when you could just, not?”

Miller:

The Pattersons:

IN CONCLUSION

Miller:

Shiels:

Zimorski:

Mazur:

The article ‘Clean Wine’ Marketers Make a Lot of Wild Claims, So We Asked Experts to Debunk Them appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/clean-wine-marketing-claims-debunked/ source https://vinology1.tumblr.com/post/626885760334856192

0 notes