#mourning the loss of my fucking
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Something about Hua Cheng's expression here is killing me--I know this is supposed to be a delicate moment of reassurance but the pure hater energy radiating off of him is just immaculate
#tgcf#hua cheng#xie lian#hualian#words cannot express how much I love hua cheng being a hater#hua cheng in this pic is that energy when you keep spamming the A button when an npc you don't like won't stop talking#like his face when lang qianqiu keeps going on and on about his parents meeting an untimely unjust and grisly end#is so 'it was hundreds of years ago and it wasn't even gege's fault for fucks sake grow up'#'leave my goddamn wife alone he raised you with love and diligence'#'you had your bloody revenge what more do you want. figure it out far away from us.'#spoken like a true ghost king who slaps eming every single time it expresses a single inconvenient emotion he has#every day i have to resist the urge to gush about hc he's just hilarious and peak every single time i love him#no notes just banger after banger after banger#that's the face of a man who was orphaned as a child and clawed his way through life to survive and keep his loved one alive + well#a bastion of unmoving strength for 800 years#unmoved by the whining of a young man born with everything and mourning the loss of his innocence way past his expiration date#10/10 hua cheng you've done it again#hc said 'oh? a traumatic life event? we have several dozens of those git gud'#and honestly i mean that with no malice i just feel like lang qianqiu is old enough to start parsing the world in a more nuanced way ;;;;;#as much as xl thought lying to him was the best outcome hc was right--the truth d o e s matter--and not just to absolve xl#its also about giving lang qianqiu closure and moving on. about qi rong facing the consequences of his actions#so much of what is wrong with the heavenly court is the obsession with maintaining appearances over being sincere#and so much of what hc adores about xl is that xl was never really interested in those empty words and empty sentiments#he truly wanted people to prosper and live well no matter the cost to himself
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my least favorite thing in the world is when people go "oh,,,, 🥺 god must have needed an angel,,,," in the wake of a loved one's death. like,,, fr???? the all-powerful god, lord of everything, maker of the universe or whatever the fuck, just,,, DESPERATELY needed a 25-year-old dumbass SOOO bad RIGHT NOW??? was there a car he needed someone to identify the make and model of without anyone asking???? like???? did they just REALLY need someone to drink bud light and play COD for him???? heaven just DEEPLY needs someone to come up and pet cats and this was the ONLY OPTION????
#like obviously if you experience a loss and this is something that brings YOU comfort. by all means#but i am so fucking sick of ppl projecting this onto me. like. specifically ppl who BARELY EVEN KNEW HIM#like. i just. everyone can mourn in this own way but i nEED PPL TO STOP SAYING THIS TO ME#LIKE#esp when like!!! me and my immediate family!!! and not even religious and never have been!!! and neither was he!!! like!!!#oh ok aunt chris GOD NEEDED AN ANGEL uh huh SURE. my little brother had such a UNIQUE FUCKING SKILLSET. NO ONE ELSE COULD FIT THE BILL#fuck outta here#vent#personal#grief#family death#death#sibling death#tw sibling death#tw family death#tw grief#religion#tw religion
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I had a dream yesterday. And I've always had weird dreams. Creepy or bizzare or both. Though they've always told a narrative. They've always been long drawn out stories with dialogue and characters and a goal and a beginning and usually an end.
Yesterday I dreamt of walking down my street. It was dark and I was with an old friend. I knew in the dream they were an old friend, one I hadn't met since I was a teenager, maybe longer. But now, awake, I can't recall their face.
We were going somewhere to find something. In the dream I knew where we were going and what we hoped to recover. Now the details are murky.
I was apprehensive in the dream. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had tried this before, with more people, with more old friends, and that I had failed. And like a game resetting I had started at the beginning again. Except none of the others were given a second chance and I was here now with a new companion, walking back towards the same fate. My friend remained oblivious and happy. We were talking about the neighbourhoods and houses we were passing. I think I dismissed the flashing images of my 'first try' as deja vu or anxiety.
It was night when we started off from my street. No time passed, but it was bright and early a step away, on the next street. There was something safe about my small dark street with its one light, and I felt we had left that safety behind.
This new neighbourhood was idyllic. Sunny and green with little houses. But there were no people. I don't think there was any noise at all, aside from the two of us.
We passed a pair of cottages that were painted to look like little green frogs. They had one connected garden with a little fence and archways and garden seats painted to look like toadstools. I told my friend I'd like to live there. That when we got what we came for we should go see the cottages, invite others and have a lunch on the toadstools.
At the end of the street was a white wall and a large gate, behind it stood an old fashioned bungalow with a sprawling garden dotted by bushes. The bunglow's veranda wrapped all the way around it, all the doors leading to the inside of the house were open wide, and we could see a courtyard in the middle. There was antique furniture throughout the house, making it difficult to navigate through. But they made good hiding spots. We knew we needed to hide. That we weren't supposed to be there. That whatever we were taking, we'd be stealing. I think we got caught last time, my other old friends and I.
There was an older lady. A servant. I could see her from my hiding spot. She was talking to someone. I don't think I could make out what they were saying, can you hear noise in dreams? But I knew she was talking about us. Telling someone that we had come here.
I only ever saw who she was talking to through their reflection in the glass doors. Whoever it was she looked like my next-door neighbour who had passed away almost a year ago. The one who used to make little bouquets of this plant the cats liked, tied together with a red ribbon, and toss it into our garden for them to find. We never spoke much, but I miss her.
She looked exactly like her. Except her hands didn't make sense. They just kept going and going till they almost reached the ground. I didn't understand why at first. I had to keep staring at that reflection. I thought maybe something was wrong with it. That maybe it was distorted? It was her nails. It was her nails that were wrong. They were long and sharp and dirty and I knew I had felt them once, against my skin, against my flesh, tearing into me. Maybe it's just because it was a dream, but it's an odd feeling to know you had died once and you were going to die again, that even the extra steps you took to prevent it hadn't really changed anything. There was a strange disconnect to it.
We crept around the bungalow. It was really just one long circular corridor packed with furniture, with a courtyard in the middle. I think she knew we were there. I think she was hunting us. But whatever we came for it was more important than whatever fate had met my previous companions (Becoming a corpse? Becoming a meal?)
The more we stayed there, the more I just knew things. Like how that wasn't really my old neighbour. How whatever it was just looked like her. To appear safe and friendly and comforting, maybe, to me specifically. I knew why the whole neighbourhood was empty, of course. I knew what had happened to all the people. I knew why the houses were so well kept though, so welcoming, designed to draw people in.
We got what we came for. It was further than we had gotten last time. Or at least that's the impression I had. Then we ran. It, whatever it was, chased after us. We made it out of the gates and as we ran past the picturesque little houses, as we ran past the frog cottage I knew that one had been made just for me.
#then my dog woke me up at 4am!#the worst kind of dreams are where you live a whole life and fall in love with someone you've never met before and then you wake up#and suddenly you're mourning the loss and death of a life that never existed and people your brain made up for the lols#all while you're still groggy#that's one of the most fucked up sadistic shit your brain can pull on you and it's happened to me twice
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I've cleared out my twitter and now my blog here. I still have my side account for reblogging since I don't really post original content there. I'm just so depressed at the state of things online. There is no place to safely share work anymore, and I'm not sure if I even want to. I learned the hard way what kind of people most others are inside while I watched them choose restaurants, concerts, and conventions over other peoples lives during an ongoing pandemic. I think the only way to save myself is to close the door. It's been an experience. I will be on discord if you need to reach out.
#fuck AI#fuck tumblr#fuck you @ everyone who decided to ignore covid at the expense of lives#truly mourning the loss of all archives of my work online but i refuse to feed the machines#i could use glaze going forward but i have no will to continue
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oh my god.
i am never getting over young royals.
#like#ughhhh#it may sound weird or silly#but i woke up some hours ago#and i realised once again that it's over (i haven't watched the doc yet but the story is over)#and i loved it. i love it. i will love it forever. yes.#but#it was much more than a show#not only for me i know#just i for one 1. fully realised and embraced my identity through yr#2. had comfort and company during the worst times in my life#3. fell in love with the writing of all the characters and the acting and. EVERYTHINH#and i know it couldn't have been any other way the story was written for three seasons#but i believe i am allowed to miss all of the above and also the fandom#the fandom and their wonderful analyses and silly memes and everything in between#it's all so bittersweet#and i wouldn't have it any other way#<333333#**imagine simon's song playing in the background**#thank you lisa ambjörn#and everyone#they are fucking stars#young royals#anyway#ignore me#i am almost twenty mourning the loss of my favourite show#as if it's not going to be there#(which is nothing to be ashamed of in general!!! i specifically am just embarrassing from head to toe)#disclaimer: i am on my ✨period✨ so naturally i have been crying at random times since yesterday
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#who wants to love me <3#pierre gasly#f1#*rins#*pg10#*gif#okay but can we talk abt the at garage.#it's so clean and beautiful like desensitized modern architecture i know t his is not The garage but still.#the white blue color scheme#i fuck with the navy heavily and i will mourn your loss.#alpine blue i will not comment on it. it is very. marketable.#but at color scheme my eternal love.#okay yes. mainly bc its white and i canjust stick my curves layer places.#still. is it not enough to love a crisp color scheme. is it not enough to mourn such a loss
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I've seen a few takes here and there about precisely how Durge was 'made' but I feel like "they chestbursted out of a murder victim Gnoll Style" doesn't pop up as much as it should
#picking draconic sorcerer before knowing the twist has resulted in somewhat twisty headcanons for my dear Noah boy#his face and body is not his own -- once upon a time there was someone else who looked like this#there's a family out there still mourning the loss of their child and right here is its horrifically desecrated corpse#//#bg3#noah ishvyrm#durge#like i was 99% certain we were a bhaalspawn but#i didn't expect to be a build a bear bhaalspawn yanno?#where did you get the black dragon blood bhaal#the last one you fucked was a blue and look how that turned out
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kinda drives me up a wall when people go "hey i think x action in a war/combat scenario is inhumane and cruel and shitty" and someone responds with "oh but within the laws of war it's allowed or there's procedure for it etc etc". it doesn't have to be a war crime to be unforgivable man it's a shitty rulebook anyway
#like whether or not something's bad isn't determined by whether or not it adheres to arbitrary rules people made up and never obey#i thought we all knew that already. c'mon man. get a grip#obviously war crimes are bad but that's not where the badness potential ends y'know#this post is due to my dad talking about smth i sent him mentioning US troops firing on a bunch of guys in smth on deserters and he was lik#well they're not like citizens or refugees or deserters they're retreating enemy combattants. so it's different.#it IS different but isn't it still like. overly brutal? idk.#like would you want them to pursue Your ppl regardless? are they not allowed mercy just because you proved stronger? your positions could#be swapped easily and you'd think that as fellow combattants you would feel that deeply. idk maybe i'm just too soft or whatever but like.#seems stupid to me. war generally seems stupid to me but this specifically right now seems stupid to me#yes i know there are practical concerns and sacrifices in combat that make sense when you're actually there and me saying there should be n#wars and we should make it a fucking priority to not have wars doesn't mean ppl already in a decision-making role in the field should do#what i (an idealist) would do. they're responsible for minimizing loss and shit. whatever. doesn't mean it's not fucked up anyway.#and that's assuming the best case scenario for a leader in such a position. usually they just want to minimize Their side's losses. usually#by maximizing the other side's. or they just want to win and will sacrifice anyone for it if it's practical#which happens a Lot. usually it's a mix of the latter two to my understanding#as if americans' lives matter more than anyone else's and the other side doesn't have a right to mourn bc they offended us somehow#ugh that shit irks me so bad dude. there'll be like a terrorist attack in europe or smth and the news'll be like#ONE AMERICAN WAS KILLED. and twenty swiss. THE AMERICAN WAS VISITING FAMILY THERE ON SUNDAY MORNING WHEN TRAGEDY STRUCK etc etc#fucking hate that. i don't care if they're on 'my team' or whatever they're all equally human and equally dead#why the hell should i care if one of them was an american. just say 21 people died. like i get reporting on it briefly ig to like notify#ppl At Best but like. it's so grating. why can't you be normal about other people fucking goddamn you#why is this a controversial statement. why is giving a shit about people killing each other (often for like 10 ppl's financial gain) wrong#like. come on. i don't care if they 'deserve it' or whatever because i don't think they do. and even if they Did i don't think it's#America's Time To Step Up!!! every time smth like this happens (but only when it is financially beneficial to us to do so#such that we ignore atrocities all the fucking time bc it's inconvenient. we're not superheros. we're cops.)#not saying america shouldn't do anything bc like. idk. you screw everyone over to have all the power maybe you should use that influence fo#good. but my definition of 'good' is wayyyy way different from everybody who's ever held office here apparently so like. nuts to that#eugh. anyway im cutting myself off here rant over. for now
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I have so many posts in drafts about Palestine and I still just don't even know what to say or where to start
#how do i talk about my extremely zionist early education#how do i talk about my birthright trip at age 13 and the impact it had on me as a jew and as a human on this planet#how do i talk about my childhood rabbi reaching out the kids i grew up with offering support for those mourning the loss of history#and also those mourning the lives of colonizers (who ultimately are jews seeking a safe space after hardship at the great expense of others#my fucking guts have been clenched for days i feel like a shell#my mom is more worried about sending my transfem sister to college on her own in the inner city now not bc she's trans but bc she's jewish.#not to mention i always say im 'raised jewish' not actually jewish bc im not! im not jewish ive bever had a conversion.#what fucking right do i have#all i know is my upbringing and my ability as an adult to unpack it.#and how many things that i was taught are WRONG#i didnt get a christian brainwashing a got a zionist brainwashing#anyways all this to say theres always a lot of regard for Palestinian suffering on here as there should be in these situations#but young jews have a fucking weight on them right now like you just would not believe#not that its equal to or greater than the trauma of being palestinian. but just that its not mentioned right now#thats all ive got to say. idk yall are welcome to ask me more about this i just had to spew some of it#might delete#cam talks#if it isnt clear im fully pro palestine and my goal isnt to be any sort of devils advocate here. im just in a very complicated sort of pain#if i posted that email from my middle school rabbi here he would be doxxed and hate crimed.#and you know. i dont like the guy. but the fact that i know thats what would happen tells you a lot.
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ive said this already but shadowhearts personal questline literally changed me on a fundamental level you guys. ik this game only came out two or three months ago idk but ive never been so moved by a scene in a video game in my entire life. i was uglyyyyy crying during it like it was so beautiful and heartfelt and gut wretching, so bittersweet. it was such a painful and beautiful ending to such a well-thought out storyline and im just so grateful i got to experience it, bc truly... spectacular stuff. whoever wrote shadowheart im kissing you on the forehead
#bg3 spoilers#DONT READ THIS IF U DONT WANNA GET SPOILED OK! ok#when she tells viconia...#let it go mother. embrace loss.#GOOSEBUMPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ugh so fucking good#and the final encounter with shart's parents... oh goddddddddddddddd#something abt mourning the loss of something you never got to truly experiene#idk my relationship w myparents is EXTREMELY different from shart's. bc i remember everything they did to me and also theyre awful lol#but the feeling of mourning the parents you never got to have... yeah that one stung
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FMK phoenix, ilsa and benji
you bastard those are all my wives!!!!!!!!!! even benji. he counts as a wife to me
in the spirit of the game i won’t say fuck it marrying all three but just know in your heart that i want to do that
fuck phoenix (she is so hot). you already know i wish i could marry her but alas…
marry benji. he’s literally my bae no one is more marryable than benji. sorry to phoenix and ilsa but we can always be a polycule
kill ilsa (AND HEAR ME OUT.) she’s so badass i wouldn’t even succeed in killing her. she would kill me instead and i could die happy at the hands of a beautiful woman
#ask box#ask game#ask me anything#mourning the loss of my me-phoenix-benji-ilsa polycule where we all love each other and we’re all married#fuck marry kill asks
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I write a lot to deal with my emotions and to process (right now I am processing a lot of anger, still). I don't share a lot of it, but I did write something to post on fetlife yesterday having to do with my friend, Remy's, death. The circles of people I have over there have no real context or frame of reference for any of it though. Since I'm still vaguely furry-adjacent, I figured maybe people (all like.. five of you) would get more mileage out of it here, so I'm crossposting it.
This is a small tidbit of furry history. Before you fly off the handle and send me anon hate, please take a minute to read all of this through. Plus think about what type of person would absolutely fucking loathe both queer people involved in WWII reenacting, and queer people dressing in uniform to do weird kink shit. (it's supposed to be fascists that idealize the era, they would have an aneurysm, but this is a trick question because apparently everybody loathes it)
Anyway. Pushing the Feldpost Envelope (furries and nazis and death in here.)
"History lesson.
I'm at the third year of my home furcon in 2005, attending opening ceremonies, wearing my officer's cap. All day, I've been nervously eyeing someone also in an officer's cap, albeit a different branch, worried that they're either going to be confrontational, or that they're a bad actor and a bigot. We'd unknowingly run in the same circles for a couple years now, but had yet to cross paths in any significant way until today.
"I like your hat" he smiled and piped up after the ceremonies were over. I, a very anxious sixteen year old girl at the time, had a flood of relief wash over me now that the ice had been broken and he didn't seem like a total asshole (joke's on me, Remy was still an asshole, just usually the good kind). "I like yours too..!" I chimed back. And the rest was history. "Living history", actually.
A couple months prior, Remy had created the Nazi Furs community, which I wound up co-running and co-moderating. The goal was to create a space for people with a genuine interest in history and reenacting (which despite the name wasn't limited to the German side of things) and/or for those who get their rocks off in uniform, a little more tucked away from early 2000s internet shock value, and most importantly protected from actual racists, bigots, and all around pieces of shit (which took a hell of a lot of work). Furries tend to cover the whole gamut of kink, and while Remy and I both leaned further towards the leather subculture, we tried to make space for all of the spectrum as long as it was related to that specific time period in some way.
We were not a popular or well liked group. But we were a necessary group. This is the south, if you weren't a cishet good ol boy, it was frankly just not safe to venture into any reenacting groups around here at the time. So, we made our own space for it, to be gay and weird and ourselves while we ran around in the woods. Even in kink, we tried to push the envelope for what was "acceptable" in the eyes of larger communities and carve out a little trench for ourselves, because often in the most accepting places, people would still take issue (and still do). We did our best to push back against people feeling closeted or ashamed for what they were interested in, kink or not. Don't be a shitty person is all we asked. We were young and we stumbled a lot, but we tried our best.
Ultimately, with the shifting perspectives in the fandom, in kink, and in general with online spaces being cleansed to be more palatable and marketable, we lost the fight. Part of it came from the evolving political environment in the US, it did become impossibly hard to weed out bad actors, and not be seen/assumed as a bad actor yourself. But part of it is from lingering social norms on what is "okay" and "acceptable" (even in alternative subcultures), instead of remembering that some interests can be solely academic and not a reflection of your own personal world views. Bleeding over to kink, it's exactly the same, and some people have forgotten that kink should be weird and ugly and not acceptable, it should challenge your emotions and perspective sometimes. It is the opposite of social norms, it's not meant to be sanitized and diluted down for the masses to consume. It's meant for you, and your self expression, self exploration, and your kameraden who share that with you.
Remy died on January 26th. He was one of my very best friends, and there are not many people left on this planet who know me like he did. I rushed to clean his house of things his mother did not want, or need, to see, because I was the only one left to do so. He is survived by communities that did not want him and refuse to see the work he put in for people to have a place they felt accepted.
I have no place in community anymore. But if anyone reading this feels ostracized for their interests or kinks, I feel the same so deeply inside me that it hurts my soul. You shouldn't have to feel that way. I do not have it in me anymore to try and create a space like Remy and I worked on in the past, but do know that you're not alone. I'll be here. I'm still here somehow."
-----
I would also like to add this summarized post that Remy made to the original group, the last post in the group, in 2017.
"In the wake of recent social unrest, we would like to take a moment to make a statement regarding this community.
Nazi_Furs was created by a bunch of nerds.
Yes, you read correctly. A bunch of big old nerdy nerds started nazi_furs to post stories, art, historical articles, images from WWII museums, reenacting and living history events, and sometimes little animated gifs of dancing hitlers that we thought were funny.
Most of our members were card carrying homosexuals. Almost all of our moderators were gay, trans, or some other color of "unacceptable" to ACTUAL NEO-NAZIS.
Many of us have well researched and thought out fursonas that inhabit a world set during WWII era Germany. The setting used in many movies like Bed-knobs and Broomsticks, Indiana Jones, Iron Sky, and Dead Snow lends itself well to fantasy. Setting talking animal people into this backdrop did not seem like such a huge clusterfuck at the time.
Nazis are a cliche', relegated to "the bad guys" in popular culture. The sharp uniforms, advanced military weapons and tactics, crackpot schemes, and paranormal ties are used all the time in modern media. They are a caricature of what they were 70+ years ago, much like ninjas (paid assassins) and pirates (murderers and thieves) are today. Once you have been relegated to a children's Halloween costume you no longer have the influence to command respect or fear.
Let us allow nazis to be just that, a cliche condemned to be the "bumbling bad guys". Let us laugh at them and rob them of any authority they feel they may have. There haven't been any "REAL" nazis since the downfall of the NSDAP in 1945, and any members of that movement would be pushing 90 by now.
The "alt-right" are not nazi_furs. They are hateful individuals putting on costumes pretending to be like people they do not understand who have been dead for years. These people WANT you to associate them with nazis, and calling them that only feeds their egos. Lets try not to do that.
If you take anything away from our group, let it be a reminder of our origins as nerdy nerds pouring over history books, saturating ourselves in history to better understand what happened in the 1930s and 40s. Take a look at our current situation we find ourselves in and ask yourselves if we are all doomed to repeat our past mistakes. Then focus your rage and disapproval in a productive manner. Get out there and vote the real racist out of office. Mobilize in peaceful protest, advocate for the oppressed and downtrodden. Make the world a better place than you found it."
I stepped away from the fandom when my home convention, RCFM, ended after a decade. I had been run into the ground, my wallet taken advantage of entirely too much, and I was burnt out beyond belief. Remy stayed more up to date on fandom things, I know there were issues with other "nazi" groups popping up that were inundated with the alt-right. There was no avoiding getting lumped in with them, so we eventually just enjoyed our interests in silence, away from everyone else.
To be completely honest, the majority of our time was spent in museums and hunting down weirdly specific esoteric research topics, which we'd then attempt to discuss while drunk around a fire (this is the academic way). It wasn't to idolize these people or politics, it was to understand an extremely complicated time period and what was born out of it. There are SO MANY absolutely fascinating aspects to study, not just "woo big scary gun death ubermench". What people saw most though, convention-wise at least, were the room parties where we could let our hair down and be WEIRD. Furcon room parties are fucking weird just as a baseline, throw some uniforms and sadomasochism in, sometimes some LSD, and... I mean yeah. And of course that's all that stuck in anybody's mind. Though, tbh, a lot of the time for the majority of the night, it was just a small circle of friends watching war movies and drinking. We came up with this (not) great idea to take a shot every time there was a depth charge in Das Boot, yeah I can't recommend that lmao.
Even from the reenacting standpoint, Remy was putting together a US medic impression (not even German! *clutches pearls*) over the past few years, because he was an EMT by trade. I've always reenacted a very inept Wehrmacht artillery officer who is a touch cowardly, not great at their job, and is usually relegated to office/paperwork. It's far from the edgy internet shock value people associated us with.
Nowadays I am usually running around in the woods alone, or getting the shit kicked out of me in uniform (consensually). I'm just less visible about it. I wish I didn't have to be. It feels very lonely, extremely so now that I've lost Remy. I think there was a good opportunity somewhere in there to push back against the alt-right by being very VERY gay and trans and queer and weird in uniform, destroy the image they were trying to create for themselves, but the current culture of the internet wouldn't have allowed that. I'm still going to keep doing that, just.. y'know, in my own space, on my own time.
I hope other people are out there being weird too. I'll be weird with you in spirit.
#text#I'm not going to be entertaining bad faith arguments on any of this fwiw#I'm happy to talk and reminisce on those years in the fandom and all the stuff we got up to#but I don't have the time or energy for people being shitty#I really just want to get shit out of my head to help me mourn#that's what a lot of this is#I'm mourning both the loss of one of my best friends and the loss of the space we tried to make for 'undesirable' kink#it really feels like all the work and struggle and effort put in by so many people over the past twenty years not just for that kink aspect#but for kink and queer spaces in general is just fucking GONE. like it was for nothing.#I don't really know where to go from here#I'm definitely struggling with that#anyway that's enough rambling for right now I think
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I haven't written fanfic in almost a decade so no guarantees this would actually be good, but what do my Wilderlore peeps think about a oneshot from Cyril's POV immediately after Runa rejects his apology
#wilderlore#the ever storms#i just feel like there's so much potential for angst there!!#runa may be my fave but i also love cyril he has so much depth to him#don't get me wrong he and Leopold are fucked for the way they treated Runa#but.. man Cyril lost both of his best friends the day Runa confronted Audrian#that's gotta be so hard to have to mourn the loss of both of them again and again#not because they're dead but because they don't want anything to do with you#(Runa also has to go through this but i think it's a little more obvious narratively)
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you want to reread archie so bad.... its a good comic book... ooooooo you wanna read it sooo badddd
I was an AVID Archie fan my life used to REVOLVE around Archie sonic. I’m already trying to read the Spider-Man comic books I think re-reading Archie would transform me into middle school autism me
#not a bad thing but I have to time it right HQJRJWJJ#I used rp Sally Acorn. and Sonic. I used to do the sonic voice all the time#my twin made it a point to read and understand and memorize ALL the knuckles lore. it was impressive and terrifying#they told me all about it and I was very confused#I remember being close to an emotional breakdown when Archie started having legal troubles and reboots and shit#I was so anguished by the loss of the Archie comics I refused to touch IDW for a while due to mourning#archie sonic#<- going to make a tag… Just In Case#I remember ranting to all my friends abt it all the time. my irl friends have never touched Archie in their lives but they know all abt it#I have Opinions#if the Archie scene as it is now existed back then I would have been unstoppable. as it is I find immense joy seeing like minded people#talking about it and being like ‘YES THANK GOD SOMEONE FELT THE SAME WAY’#back then all I had was the fucking sonic forums. genuinely forums for sonic comics#I had an account to read from this one site that used to upload all of them anc ategorized them by era run and special#rip to that place btw
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hate going back thru the internet archive and looking at what websites from my childhood used to look like and comparing them to what they are now. ill never forgive u for what u took from me.
#its a combination of flash no longer being supported + the abc3 to abcme rebrand + the sleekification of the entire fucking internet#www.abc.net.au/abc3/games i will never fucking forget you. it was one my childhood pillars#even just on the damn wayback snapshot theres so much more interactivity on the site than what it is currently#everyday i mourn the loss of abc3 and its rebrand. <- sad
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you ever see a lab rats gifset and almost start crying because you feel like your childhood is completely gone and over
#gonna vent in the tags so tw i guess#not that i ever had a childhood in the first place. i barely remember it#only thing i remember from it was the tv shows i watched#which was practically the only good thing#& lab rats was my main comfort one. always has always will be#and idk. i guess its just kinda now setting in that oh fuck.#I Am An Adult.#I Am No Longer A Child.#and mourning the loss of my childhood via lab rats lmao#idk i feel dumb
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