#mixed signals but all you need to know is that I'm. gone from this blog LMFAO bye | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

threenorth · 9 months

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From oldest to newest.

Robin, you are more then enough if you want me to be something, be yourself. I like you how. Ever you are or will ever be.

Aaron, I'm sticking around I'm not going anywhere like I said if I'm going somewhere it's right back to you.

Parker (like spiderman but your technically Peter and I'm Zendaya) i'm forever grateful to of met you, I don't know if I would be here, without you...

Ben, I don't think there's any mixed signals maybe your interpretation is wrong? But if there are mixed signals I'd clarify that I don't believe there are any.

You, it always will work out, just need to give it some time apprnelty patience is annoying one but that's something...

R, my world was in darkness lost without you all I felt was pain, and saw your face reminding me of pain rather then the goodness you provided. Flowering my garden but all I had was pain of rain, in my my world was never the same, I was suffering through it trying to put up a brave wall but it was all a lie... I'm sure I've said that before...

Matthew, (John Devers song for his son?) that's fair I didn't think I'd have to associate your face with pain and grief lost in a mix of what's up or down, and when I thought about coming back all I got was nothing and Apprently to put your happiness first (the first call with that man who will not be named in 2018) and the part your blog told me to. Stay gone that was roughly the last time I looked at it and didn't see the log cabin till a few years to late...

Robert (frost the man who would change my life the path untaken) cowboy, yeeeeeeaaaaaayah.

*cracks an air whip * whooooplassh.

Moon, same here bestie but we got alot to Goss about, when it's time I can want to nerodivergt truma dump 😂 and relearn what I should of asked but didn't want to make you have to live through it painfully so I never asked...maybe once when your feeling head strong and I can hold your hand and kiss you... And I also know the game plan incase it goes... Yknow...

Marcel (proust is pretty depressing but intersting..) I only dated one person since us and that fell to crap, s.m she was an interesting case of saying she's ace and I thought she was lying to me, and that was interesting... I'll tell you about the people in my life but to be fair, I don't remember much because I don't care about them, and the story of life is only one sided and it's an interesting one... None the less...

Fk, yes it would be easier and safer for you to come here but I'm looking at Washington or Melbourne for the money, I think I could do a few years in Washington for the money but I don't think you can get into Australia without some neat paperwork...lucky for you I'm almost a tricitzen.

Cosmo, (stars and cosmos) I miss you too.

Forth, (after tom baker) it pains me we had to end the way we did, I take full blame for it... I'd hope at some point you asked a psychologist and they might of been able to give you an answer to me crying my eyes out then *pooof*per say but again not everyone had the full story and you must of seen the depressing posts occasionally to know I still had issues but those days were when I felt it the most and probably in breakdown...and then certain posts must of also told you that I knew what day it was like your birthday. Anyway enough about the past for now 😂 we're future focused.

Elliot,

Car park is a eunonism, and I really hope this isn't yours because I'm trying not to laugh but I think I know what your referring to but I'd rather ask in person, given I have some questions 😂

And technically I guess my car broke down? 😂

So same? I mean no wait? You erghhh... Yeah another time.

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olivedoesmagic · 2 years

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Hey Olive! I was looking through your old journal entries, and I noticed something called "Reality sickness" can you provide more information and context? Also I have a friend I'm worried about I believe he's attempting to respawn? What do I do and if it comes to that how do I make sure he does so safely? Thankyou! -Respawn Anon

I will not at this point give you a guide on resawning. I will link a short and sweep idiot version from a story my friend is writing about me and my friends (danlging threads in a clockwork of reds a dj time au), but that is the most you will get out of me and I only link it out of pure nececity for someone I know who reads this blog.

(The gist of it is, you resapwn because you truly and utterly wish to die. you respawn because you just can't take it anymore, and you get help to do it from spirits. You respawn not because you want to be an avitar the last airbender bender, or because you want to be a pokemon trainer or sailor moon esc magickal girl or visit a dr -most respwaners cant use scripts with the atempt- but because you truly and utterly wish to die and this is your last resort or your already on your death bed) I successfully respawned and I've done so many times, but I always end up where I need to be in proper realities where everything is the same but slightly off. I don't halucinate and I've been to worlds where google had its old logo, song lyrics were totally off and changed, and tumblr was tardis blue with a lighter shade rather than where we are now.

I've reset time several times but under no circumstances am i gona teach shmoes on the internet how to do these things. It's dangerous. I worked my ass off to learn how to renew and respawn and everything, and I'm afraid if I just post that to somewhere tumblr where people wish to visit and ISEKAI themselves that I send a bad message as a reality shifter and more! I consider myself a role model for the pop cutlure and time magick community and if I go around bragging about my respawns with in depth books on how to do it? What kind of fucking mesage does that send to my braids and my beads?

So yes. You can respawn. But if you think an anime is going to be written about you tough luck. [Link goes to tv tropes] so yeah. Um. That's messed up. my biggest um advice for your friend is to negoitate with their deiteis about this. Sometimes your gods WILL LET YOU DIE. I just have a weird spell on me where I keep coming back. My "clones" pick up the slack, alternate sleves in other worlds where I didn't sucseed or my life stays ended there.

We are in revelations and its kind of important I help usher in the second era and help the end time prophet and I can't do those things if I'm dead. Hence the gods- brining my back a gazillion times. Most people will never be me. Once you hit that button? Bam! gone for good. So like- Don't respwan don't do that. Just know if your extremely sucidal that that is your get out of jail free card to escape death. Now reality sickness cus I'm kind of disturbed by your general question is when you reality shift or time hop, or time skip to many times and you sort of get realities blurred and mixed up. I have magick charm and code in this diary and blog. It will keep updating no matter what reality I'm in. I do sliders shit. Okay? I sometimes get stuck in other worlds, and I update my blog from them! I'm a weirdo! But reality sickness is the result of this sort of work, where you get your "canons" your "worlds" mixed up with each other.

It's fairly common and usually signals you need a break. Though sometimes with reality sickness you don't want one and feel like you cant take one. It's just your mind gettiing jumbled as a result of too much shifting. That's it.

Thanks for your ask I wish you and your friend well, and I really hope it never has to come to that. You can physically manifest and go to an alternate reality without dying! I WOULD KNOW. You jsut need to get advanced. But this journal and all the others works I link and give you info on will one day hopefully get you there!

-Olive Brimstone

7/18/2022

9:56 AM

#depression #otherkin #canon #respawn #reality shifting #sliders

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n5md · 3 years

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Cloudwalker

In our newly relaunched "Learn more about..." interviews, we switch up the continuity slightly and focus on just one release: Gimmik's Cloudwalker. Martin kindly agreed to answer a few questions to kick off what we'll refer to as v2 of the "Learn More About..." blog.

While Entre Les Chambres was the actual return of Gimmik to the public eye, Cloudwalker is more of a return to form. It is undeniably Gimmik; however, Cloudwalker treads some new ground for you. Can you shed some light on how the creative process changed from Entre Les Chambres / Deux Nouvelles and how those two albums might have influenced Cloudwalker?

Very well observed - they did influence Cloudwalker! Entre Les Chambres and Deux Nouvelles were both produced under technically limited circumstances. On top of that, I thought that no one will ever hear this material. Luckily it was not the case, and I got the chance to become a member of the n5MD family. When you produce with the idea that the material will never get released, it gives you a lot of room and space. You are not concerned about expectations. The music can flow and evolve freely. The calm nature of those albums helped that process. It was research where I experienced myself more as a witness than a composer. For me, that is a new approach. This approach was still the same when I produced Cloudwalker. That is the reason why the tracks are so diverse. Short Wave Memories and In My Family do not have anything in common, but that is the way they evolved, without me constructing anything. The most significant difference is that Cloudwalker was produced in a proper studio environment. Plus, I took a step into eurorack, which brings a very unpredictable element. And yes, that is Mutable Elements "Rings'' what you hear on In My Family. I was working on a self-generative patch with "Marbles'' when all of a sudden, the melody appeared...

I think you sent me In My Family shortly after you finished it, and it was one of the darkest days of the early pandemic; where our local government-issued curfews and such. It was the track that I needed at that moment; it brightened my day. It's very cool that the melody was a generative experiment gone right. I seem to remember you have quite a bit of the Mutable Instruments modules. Modular, to me, seems like a bit of a wormhole of experimentation. So, how do you stay focused when experimenting with new sounds and textures to bring, say, one of your Modular Nature tracks, which you have on your Youtube channel, to life.

Working with a modular system is entirely different. My approach is always a question. What will happen if I connect this with that and modulate with this? Then you start patching, and the results are entirely different from what I expected - a lot more exciting and better! In the beginning, I thought modular was about rebuilding synth voices. So I started emulating the signal-flow path of a 101 for a start. I missed the whole point of modular... A system has a life of its own and takes you to completely different places, and sometimes I do not even understand the results. (-: But that is not important. The decision to work with modular is to avoid walking down paths I have taken too many times when composing. What keeps you focused is your ear. The trick is to learn when to stop. In the beginning, I lost a lot of great patches when the result was already at 90%. When trying to reach 100%, my tweaks destroyed that patch's beauty, and I never found a way back to 90%. That happened a lot of times in the beginning. A modular system really helps to learn when to let go… (laughing). I chose Mutable Instruments because those modules are very focused on musical and harmonic results.

So, going back to Cloudwalker, how did it feel getting back to basics as far as Gimmik goes. People may not know that Entre Les Chambres and Deux Nouvelles were made for very personal listening. Care to shed a little light on those two, and more importantly, what made you want to go past those themes and bring Gimmik full circle for Cloudwalker?

Entre Les Chambres and Deux Nouvelles were NOT a conscious decision. Those were a necessity! The title Entre Les Chambres means "between two rooms", the space that is between two rooms. That is nowhere! It mirrors how I felt at that moment. There were many significant changes in my life, luckily nothing concerning my family, but still major changes. In order to cope with it all, I started making ambient tracks. It was the only thing that helped me to cope and focus again. The tracks happened by themselves. Listening to them and working on those albums was a calming experience. When they were finished, I played them to Chris, and he convinced me that he liked them. That led to the decision to make those first tapes. Later I sent them to you. Your reaction was very motivating because the music got released. With that motivation and getting back into a studio environment, the Cloudwalker tracks just poured out of me very quickly - it felt terrific to go back to the studio. My family gave me the time to work in my studio, and you and Chris gave very motivating feedback! From my perspective, this makes Cloudwalker my most important album so far, and I am very thankful for this chance! Another key element is that you gave me total freedom regarding artwork, choosing tracks, and their order. Just great!

Well, I knew going in that you know what you are doing. So I shouldn't have needed to step in and manage such details. For release prep, I'm available to take care of the details that an artist doesn't have access to or the working knowledge. You and Chris ran Toytronics, and you are a graphic artist as well, so I knew that you know the drill. If something was glaring or didn't work under the n5 stylistic umbrella, it is my job to say something, but I was pretty confident that wouldn't happen. I also know that after you completed the tracks, you took a great deal of time to get them to flow perfectly and also fit on four LP sides—your care in craft shows, and it's been great to work with you.

You brought up Chris, and there is an Abfahrt Hinwl remix on Cloudwalker, so; I'm going to ask. Are we going to hear some new Abfahrt Hinwl soon?

Thank you, as I said, that means a lot to me. And I still think that it is a fortunate situation. The AH RMX of Sailing Everest on Cloudwalker was just me, to be honest. That is why I used an abbreviation - AH. It is more a hint. It has a lot of the Abfahrt Hinwil ingredients. We tried to revive the project and realized that working over a distance via the internet does not work for either of us. The key of Abfahrt Hinwil was that we worked in the same room, at the same time, with the same equipment - listening to what the other one does - giving an immediate reaction. The most important point is communication, which has to happen immediately - you need to respond straight away, not with a delay. Today we find ourselves in two different life situations. We both would like to continue. After an online experiment, we realized it would be only possible when we visit each other and then work in the same studio. That is not possible at the moment, and Covid plays a significant role in that.

Ah, I see; Abfahrt Hinwil was you and Chris basically feeding off one another; also, there are cheques and balances, which is great to have. I completely understand why it would not be feasible to do it from a distance effectively. So, I'd like to pivot to these little builds I see on your Instagram. You recently sent me a pic of a peculiar little box that looks to be a synth. Assuming this is something you built (loving the stickering, by the way). What is this, and does it appear on Cloudwalker?

(laughing) That is a drone box handmade by a guy in Russia. Six oscillators, each one with a kill switch. Three standard range oscillators and 3 Sub. A very rough-sounding machine, great for drones. The filter sounds very nasty, just great. There is a little bit in the track Cloudwalker itself but washed out by Big Sky. The downside is that there is no midi, trigger gate, or voltage control. It is more of an experiment tool. The important parts of the track Cloudwalker have Mutable Instruments: Plaits and Tides 1, using the Sheep mode. Both outputs went into Warps, modulated by Stages. The little melody was played live on the Yamaha DX Reface, going into the Big Sky. It was all recorded live onto tape to 4 tracks to a Tascam 234. Then it was mixed the classic way, patchbay, fx, analog mixer main out to digital. 75% of the album was recorded to a Sound Devices MixPre-3 II.

It sounds like your Big Sky gets some action! Strymon makes some exceptional pedals. It seems like you can almost entirely make music out of the box if you needed to, which is excellent. So one last question: When we collaborated on the Cloudwalker one sheet text, you added something about the production tools "representing technology from 1958 to 2019," and I asked if 1958 was a type-o that needed to be corrected to 1985 when it was not. When people read that, I think they will be very curious as to what technology you utilized from that far back…

Yes, it is a great pedal, I love the sound and the fact that you get nice results very quickly.

1958- (laughing) There is an on oscilloscope from Russia, which can be seen in some of the videos on HIDDEN REALITY, and 2 vintage function generators. I got those old function generators from a close friend, he is an electronic engineer and professor for physics at a university. They got rid of all their old equipment, and he asked if I wanted to have something. He could not throw those old machines away, so he rescued them to his cellar. He changed the connections for me, so I can use them with the modular environment, using my standard patch cables. I used them a lot as modulation sources, as they can modulate extremely slow (like MI tides). But I have to admit that I got them for their looks in the first place…(laughing) - Those machines look like the machinery you see in Qs research center in old James Bond movies...

Order Cloudwalker now: US / UK / EU

Learn even more about Gimmik

#Bandcamp #mutable instruments #IDM #experimental electronica #gimmik #toytronic #Abfahrt Hinwl #n5MD #Austria #ambient

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theclaravoyant · 5 years

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Enjoying all your trans appreciation fan works and reblogs so much! I'm not sure if you'll know this but maybe some of your followers might? I have a character in an og work that's trans, but I identify as cis. Do you know of any writing blogs or spaces that could give me advice both on writing a trans character well and also on what plot lines I should or shouldn't give them?

Hi! I am so glad you are enjoying the works! Thanks for the ask, I will do my best to answer below the cut.

The first thing to think about is that everyone has different perspectives on what should be expected when writing experiences that aren’t necessarily your own, and what counts as ‘your own’ experiences. The number one piece of advice everyone gives is “do your research, listen to trans people” which is super important but I promise you, it will get confusing and possibly nervewracking trying to do it ‘right’ the more perspectives you hear. Yay. Just do your best and somebody somewhere will appreciate it; as with any writing and representation, remember that you will never be able to please everybody and as hard as that is, it’s just reality. You’re also not pleasing anybody by not writing trans characters at all, so you already can’t win. I will start off to say, as a nonbinary (trans) person, thank you for trying and for reaching out, and I hope others appreciate that effort too.

For me personally, I try to strike a balance which an author described once along the lines of “I can include [x people] in my stories, but I can’t write about being [x].” There are certain inner lives and experiences of people eg. from different cultures, different religions, different gender experiences etc than ourselves that we may never be able to fully capture, so we may be limited in the depths to which we can authentically explore their inner lives, BUT we can and should still include such characters. They may not necessarily be able to be our most main characters, due to these limitations in depth and authenticity, but we can still populate our world with them. I think this is where you should consider aiming if you aren’t already.

Finding this balance feeds into the sort of ‘stories you shouldn’t tell’ idea. The main three to avoid are all somewhat intertwined and they are:

- depression- voyeurism- guilt

Similarly to with a lot of same sex attracted characters, trans people tend to be most tired of our stories being about the Struggle, depression/suicide, abuse etc. It’s a valid consideration since it’s such a reality for many trans people, but it’s pretty much all the stories we have. (There’s also plenty of struggle for the parents coming to terms with things etc......... bit over that focus too tbh). This article calls it ‘the cis gaze’ and it dominates the current media landscape when it comes to trans stories; we’re getting more of them, but they’re all the same. Think of just about any mainstream trans story and then... try something else)

Also, a lot of trans stories still end up being kind of... voyeuristic? There’s a lot about transition, surgery, and especially body parts and sex, and it’s kinda objectifying and gross. There’s also the concept of deadname reveals - a deadname being usually the name assigned at birth, which falls out of use and can even be triggering when a person realises they are trans and/or transitions. I personally don’t mind the occasional deadname reveal and similar in stories, especially when the “trans people are inherently deceptive” trope is subverted, but seriously it is in SO MANY trans stories, usually as a Shocking Twist that doesn’t let trans people have a right to privacy of their backstories. Of course, there’s lots in any character’s backstory that is vulnerable to become a shocking twist, but with trans people it comes with added baggage of being outed against our will and being treated as inherently deceptive for trying to live our lives. There’s extra weight to shocking twists of a trans nature (whereas if the trans character’s shocking twist was, they were born in a different country or they’re actually an expert marksman or something, that’s got less baggage - you can still do twists! just be mindful of ones where transness of the character is the ‘punchline’ if you will). If you can avoid deadnaming altogether, I would recommend that, or at least or subvert it (eg, someone finds out deadname, doesn’t feel need to reveal this to the universe and/or helps keep it quiet) or discourage it (eg. only this character’s abusive parents deadname them).

The main thing with this is, don’t make the trans character feel guilty about being trans, or seem shady/deceptive or incomplete for being trans. Don’t frame it like it’s some terrible secret, or that they Must reveal that they are trans or else they’re lying to their friends/partner/etc. This is one of the reasons why deadname reveals are so problematic, whether they are done by another character (outing someone against their will... don’t make good guys do this) or by the character themselves out of a sense of obligation, fear, or shame.

DON’T, DO NOT HAVE TRANS VILLAINS PLEASE. I just don’t think we’re at a place yet where there’s enough balance for this to be equal. It tends to get at the whole “men disguise themselves as women to rape women” thing which is a big ew especially because real transphobes really exist and really think this.

Also, avoid “she used to be a dude” jokes or similar, especially when met with unimaginable horror/being a dealbreaker (sitcoms i’m looking at you)

Don’t worry though, there are a lot of things you CAN do to make good trans rep. A few things that I think are good are:

- if your character has physically or medically transitioned in some way, reference that; it doesn’t require mentions of genitals. maybe someone has to shave their face more often, take injections, wear or not wear a binder

- treat transition as an ongoing processes rather than a single cathartic moment

- maybe the character has an odd or unusual name, or goes by many names in different contexts

- maybe the character has a dark past that may include some of the above, but now they are living healthily and happily; this is more important than never having gone through the above

- the character is likely to be sensitive to misgendering (eg. if they are a man, being mistaken for a woman or described in feminine terms)

- give the character dreams and goals outside of transitioning

- explore and respect the diversity of trans experiences; it is not as straightforward as being ‘a man/woman trapped in a woman/man’s body’ (and while we’re at it, not every trans person aggressively hates or is traumatised by their body - if you want more on dysphoria I can definitely talk about that but this is getting a bit long so I’ll press on for now)

- involve the characters in loving romantic relationships; trans people, and especially trans women, tend to be really hypersexualised (even when seen as simultaneously repulsive), not as complete beings with love lives (and/or regular, healthy sex lives that aren’t inherently perverted pornographic messes). mixing this up is refreshing

- don’t only have one trans character. not saying that you have to think up a whole gaggle of trans folk in detail, make trans mainstream in your mythical society, or have 3/9 squad members be trans or something, but for example, maybe the trans character lives out of home with other trans characters, or maybe if they are feeling isolated from other trans people over the course of the story, they seek out an environment where other trans people are and all they need to mention is “I went down to [known queer hangout] the other day” or “this is my new friend, [new trans person]”. maybe a character finds out this character is trans and goes “oh yeah, like aunt such and such.” I know the struggle as a writer that comes with trying to do everything in depth and well and all, so something like this is a good way to signal that trans people aren’t alone in your world - which is something that many of us feel irl

- and above all, give them ‘normal’ character storylines that don’t revolve around them being trans, and then weave the transness through, rather than treating transness as their entire plot/point of being.

There are some more articles here and here, I have heard this is good, and there is more and more coming out lately (eg this tag) which may help you from here. I am happy to give further advice or detail if you like, but I hope this is a good starting point for you!

#writing #writing trans characters #trans characters #asks #replies #Anonymous #ask me stuff

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