autumn disaster boys

my religion

All they were-all they ever had been-was a pair of sunflowers who each believed the other was the sun.

me when the trope is the only way they could’ve had a happy ending was if they never met.

and i love you so much, i’m going to let you kill me.

nicole dollanganger / micah nemerever / yves olade / hannibal / tvtropes / florence and the machine / ada limón / richard siken / phoebe bridgers / euphoria / ethel cain

These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever ♟️

Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love achillean relationships that test the boundaries of morality and sanity (hannigram, Paul and Julian and etc). But the pure lack of crazed lesbians is starting to get on my nerves. I want to see bloody, murderous, cannibalistic sapphics who are completely obsessed with each other and I’m tired of pretending I don’t.

thinking about how important it was for julian fromme that the murder was “mutually assured destruction”, how he was so concerned that the blame would be split equally between him and paul, how he didn’t want paul to be the one to actually murder stephanek. all of this for paul. because he wanted them to be united by this crime.

and how when paul accused him of uncosciously making sure he survived no matter what, julian couldn’t speak. he “looked at him with something that could have been pity as easily as horror”, and then had a panic attack.

a wave of guilt and terror and shock started to hit him, because if he had murdered a man for paul and still paul didn't believe him, still suspected him of manipulating him, then he had killed him for nothing.

I know that Paul and Julian are like murderers and assholes and all that but Paul was so real for offering to kill his boyfriend's homophobic parents as soon as he met them

winter pauljulian ❄

THESE VIOLENT DELIGHTS - Julian and Paul

I think Julian understood Paul very well. He could see through him, what he wanted, what he felt, his innate lust to kill just so he could feel something, he even understood what Paul wanted to do at the end.

But Paul only saw in Julian what he wanted to see. This fiesty and assertive male, who was smart, beautiful and rich. But Julian was a lot more, he was sensitive, he wanted to take care of Paul. He was just a boy craving for love. That's probably why he always hung out at Paul's...to feel the familial love

And since it's from Paul's POV, we'll never really know what Julian felt, or how he was as a person. We see him through Paul's lens, which is very smudgy.

Paul's insecurities made him blind to Julian's feelings and wants. He could never believe in Julian's love and even if he did, he didn't think he deserved it.

Did some spot rereading of These Violent Delights and now I'm tearing up it's just. Reading it the first time I was so deep in the unreliable narrator mess of Paul's head but looking at it like this I'm just. It's so much more obvious how much Julian really loves him, no matter how deeply Paul convinces himself that that couldn't possibly be true. He spends so long trying to convince him of it, but Paul's so completely wrapped up in his self-loathing that it breeds the resentment he so fears. I just. What they had. What they could've had if they'd both had access to therapy.

A COLLAGE INSPIRED BY @micahnemerever’s THESE VIOLENT DELIGHTS