#me my depression and my apathy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bandzboy · 6 days

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it’s starting to get embarrassing having to beg these people to gaf abt a genocide i am not gonna lie lmfao i am so tired and these idols can’t even do the bare minimum i just feel dumb every time i go on twt or weverse and i’m met with nothing but silence

#it’s exhausting #i am so tired of this industry #truly at my wits end #what else should we even do anymore to get you to care #it’s crazy to me it’s making me question everything that i’ve been supporting for YEARS #it’s just depressing as someone who enjoys music #this is not how artists should be like #moral apathy is scary #tris.txt

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flowercrowngods · 8 months

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tried to get nice things for myself. 1 dead 3 injured

#that voice inside my head saying: you’re not worthy of nice things!!!#that other box is inside my head saying: you’re incapable of feeling joy so getting nice things will only be a reminder of that and how the #illusion of nice things is better than the reality of them due to your absolute emotional numbness so don’t even try #and another voice tiny tiny voice saying: things cost money #it’s the same thing always always always i hate it #everyone showing me their little trinkets and their funky little internet ordered things and comfort items and i’m there like #wow i’d sure like to experience that kinda joy one day #but alas the depression and absolute apathy has infested every last cell of this being and the only outcome is repression #blah

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pwrettiessblog · 8 months

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I hate to smack of interest in everything. Nothing makes me happy anymore.

Apathy is killing me.

#apathy #apatia #girlblog #downtown aesthetic #downtown girl #depressing shit #who i am #life is not fair #what have i done #what have i become #what have i fucking done #what happened #what the fuck #whats wrong with me #my diary #diary #dear diary

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kittlyns · 23 days

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It is so insane to feel everyone getting sick of you. Like goddamn I'm sorry I'm going through what may be my worst year yet but you putting up with me is somehow equivalent to christ on the fucking cross all of a sudden.

#really just goes to show that ultimately people close to you may not care abt your mental health as soon as it starts to affect them #we can talk abt depression and burnout and exhaustion until the cows come home but the second you stop putting on a happy optimistic facade #no one gives a shit anymore and you should suck it up so you're not bothering others #which is crazy. cuz I try to keep my problems to myself. I internalize a lot of the anguish I feel on a daily basis so no one else has #to deal with it.#but I've had a really bad. really long. exhausting and excruciating few weeks. and then you tell me the one thing I've had to look forward #to isn't gonna happen bc of some stupid shit. like fine. whatever. the apathy is kicking in so I'll get over it faster.#but god forbid you sulk for a night.#god forbid you be sad and disappointed and stressed when literally everything in your life sucks at the moment.#guess I'll put those yucky emotions away and go back to being yout stupid fucking court jester or whatever #it's all rage now. can't use that one either tho.#they gotta do this shit on my one Saturday off this month too. god forbid I have one fucking day.

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thepartyishere · 1 month

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I am not ashamed to admit how much of my mental state is reliant on Bears in Trees

#apathy is boring is my mantra right now #desperately trying to claw myself out of depression #i want to have fun!!!!#i love my friends they make me happy!!!!!#please please please #bears in trees #slippery slimey

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tarotphil · 2 months

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#so the thing going on w me lately #has been a big depression induced apathy #where only the content I’ve been enjoying has been sparking basically any emotion #and I’ve been trying to lean into the things I like bc!!! there’s really no point in being embarrassed about liking things #especially if they’re the only things making me happy yk #dan and phil being one of the main things #anyway basically this is the a preamble to me saying i want to make a bunch of edits mashing dnp with my most random interests #it will be diabolical. target audience of like. 5 people #maximizing on endorphins

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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i went on a walk and came back 60% more evil

#snap chats #you know that meme of spiderman holding back the bus while a kids walking across the street thats me @ myself right now #STOPPPP STOP BEING SAD STOP THINKING OF SAD THINGS TO DRAW OUUUUUGGGH theyd be SOOOO nice tho..#NOOOOO STOPPPPP its JUST angst for Everyone involved #this is what i mean my dad a fucking LIAR he be like 'go on a walk to feel better :)' father i came back with the intent to harm #with the intent to harm all ten people invested in the arakawa family i have come to be cruel #but NO. NO i said no more. wheres that electric fly swatter i need one of those #i have CUTE and WHOLESOME things on the menu THAT is the OBJECTIVE #my mental health keeps getting worse and it shows im trying to fight it with family fun time #who tf made that graphic of the mate in charge of ghibli movies and he's depressed as all hell im tryna live like that #i might be dying inside but let me make something pretty at LEAST #okokok let me actually start drawin onea them sweet things. the urge to lie down all day is strong but i shant i must be stronger #also dont walk outside it hot as hell out. im built like a lizard though thats perfect for me #but tryna sit in a cold place afterwards No Thanks.#ok my head hurts bye lets see if i come back with anything or the apathy wins

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loveofastarvingdog · 1 year

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the thing about stagnating and festering is that they both happen when you leave something alone for too long

#timothy's txts.#the two modes of my depression is like. rankling and active and desperate emotions #and then numbness and apathy and lethargy.#and getting to a point in my life where i have external pressures and schedules that force me to do things #has been essential in keeping me moving forward

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mephorash · 8 months

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My ultimate motive for wanting to be "normal" is selfish as are the rest of my desires. This is SO FUCKING BORING. Anyone but the person closest to me could drop dead and it would effectively change nothing about my emotional state. I can't connect to anything besides things I can logically understand or enjoy so people ultimately disinterest me beyond their ability to conversate about topics I like. I guess I'll smoke more weed and listen to more black metal.

#buzgie ❁#this isnt depression. ive been like this i was very young #not constantly though #although it feels like it because of the DID #I can't imagine anything other than apathy #it's all I know #I have very weak emotions until i suddenly dont. my therapists often get mad at me for not showing emotions right #nobody talks about the boredom of sociopathic apathy. it occasionally feels like a knife being twisted inside of me #i am truly in my own world. i have isolated myself in my own little kingdom. i am impenetrable #and i am so bored #personal post

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pantestudines · 11 months

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I'm gonna get back on the wheel. Gonna rededicate myself. Gonna fling myself into the infinite mysteries and arm myself with the tools to understand them. I'm gonna participate in academia. Gonna read papers, write my thoughts down, and engage in discussion with my colleagues. Gonna send emails like its nothing. Gonna communicate my understanding of said infinite mysteries to whoever will listen. I'm gonna, as a mentor once advised me to do, "attempt to know everything". I'm gonna define my goals clearly and walk towards them with purpose. I have to.

#sorry sorry this is a little cringe im just.#ok. so im working full time at a fast food place because i didnt get into grad school this year #i didnt get into grad school because i didnt apply to enough places because i procrastinated because i was depressed and scared of change #now that i have passed this. and i know this. i can continue forward.#im still kinda depressed and scared of change #but now i can recognize that fear and confront it #I will cut my apathy and my indecision about science and learning and paleontology like a dead stem and make myself better for it #i will find myself in my work #and there is plenty of work to be done #anyways uh dont mind me. just using my blog to work out some things

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pisstheon · 9 months

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#everyone in my family is so extremely depressed rn #my mom has to handle a failing marriage and a shitty workplace along a mentally ill family #my dad is fully immersed in delusions and thinks we hate him #my brother is failing at uni and is suffering from my parents situation and cries every day #i feel stuck and suffer from everythibg mentioned above and i cant do anything bc my long time therapist i havent seen in a while doesnt #have a free space for me anymore #nothing is going right. nothing is going right. im afraid my anxiety and my suicidal thoughts are gonna come back snd i dont know what to do #im stuck in apathy and spend my days staring at screens in the hope that my mind wont go in bad places #or to avoid hearing my parents fight again and again and again #i feel so powerless. and empty. like a shell or a puppet #i feel like a puppet

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eggsaladnightmares · 10 months

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I love having an identity crisis again/s. I am fully aware it’s cause I never concluded the last one but I kinda thought it would just go away.

#this is my aromantic arc lol #I can’t decide if I’m greyromantic or depressed #I’ve only ever had one crush naturally #everything else I’ve called a crush was me saying I want a crush and then obsessing over a person #that only happened like once and a half tho #(the half is a fictional character from when I was 11 we don’t talk about it)#the thing is I love the idea of being in love #I want it so much #it just never comes to me #but like I also never go outside and meet new people so maybe I’m just sheltered?#I also know id be just as happy to live out my life with a close friend instead of a traditional partner #don’t even get me started on my gender I am solely cis out of laziness and complete apathy #figuring out my sexuality was easy compared to this #that’s another part of the aro story I can’t figure out #I am very much sexually attracted to many people #I mean within the limits of my lesbianism #I just feel like all i see are arospec people who are also some sort of ace

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kittlyns · 7 months

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Samsung guy also had the audacity to tell me to "just make a new account" and I got so mad cuz like. my only hope of seeing any of my memories from the past 5 years of my life are connected to that one account, and it's not even a guarantee. But it's still a small hope and I'm not giving it up.

#so I told him my daughter died and my only chance of seeing her again if I was able to log in to the cloud from my samsung account #shitty thing to do? yes ofc.#but also I'm frustrated with people continuously telling me to just make new accounts when my entire life from the age of 10+ is trapped #inside of accounts that I'll never be able to get into again without the help of like. 3 key accounts.#and 2 of those 3 have done fuck all to help #I'm just tired and this entire week has been a nightmare.#and it has been 8 days now. 8 days of damn near endless agony.#I'm gonna get a goddamn ulcer at this rate #anyways. I'm gonna try again tomorrow. My mom will let me use her phone to call a few places and hopefully I can get everything sorted out #please. god. universe. whatever or whoever. the bitch that cursed my ass.#it was funny and I've learned a very valuable lesson of hubris and patience and whatever else I was supposed to learn #can I just be okay now. can it be over. can I get on with my life and go back to being depressed over stupid shit #I'm just soooooo tired now.#flip-flopping between apathy and rage is an exhausting exercise

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eue · 10 months

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to be bluntly unhinged for a moment does anyone else have actual PTSD from trying to be an identity politics politician at age 15 on tumblr dot com or is it just me

#i am still passionate about politics and human rights but you wont see me talking about stuff of that heavy nature here hardly at all #and i will mute or unfollow posts and blogs relating to the subject #its too stressful for me and triggering my depression #im unmedicated now for the first time in 13 years and im doing better than ever before mentally #in that regard i dont allow anything that makes me feel depressed or triggered to effect me #but my apathy only goes so far #i do indeed have to mute and unfollow people for this reason #see im basically posting something like this as a type of PTSD based insecurity #oof im gonna go do my silly little media managing things now #like im intending to use this blog for #epitxt

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the-sappho-of-lesbos · 2 years

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It’s annoying too because I hate the type of situations these turn me into.

Like objectively my mum didn’t do anything wrong and she’s not a bad person or anything.

But I have that “ick” feeling. Like I just want to lock myself away in my room not in a depressed way or an anxious way just an I don’t want to acknowledge anything outside of these four walls type of way.

#I hate that it gets to me and I hate what that says about me #and it’s one of those feelings were like just screaming and yelling at someone would release the energy #but nothing would be resolved so it wouldn’t feel good in the long run or fix anything #and it’s just not an appropriate way to respond #but also just seeing her makes me feel frustrated and trapped and like I’m being suffocated #but it doesn’t matter what I say to her or how I say it nothing will change because it never has #and it’s not her fault that the way she handles her depression is a trigger for my mental illnesses #that’s entirely on me and not on her to do anything about #so I can’t say anything and I’m just sitting here like I have the biggest ick #and it’s all my fault but I can’t do anything about it #and I don’t have anyone to like vent to or hang out with or call or get a hug from #I can’t like stay over a friends house for a few nights #or just go and be in the company of someone I like #it’s just me and the house and her and my brother lol #it just adds to this apathy I’m feeling #of just wanting to shut off and not deal with any of jt

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depresseddepot · 2 years

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it's daydream abt park dong hoon hours

#something abt that ''i learned i was strong enough to kill someone during puberty bitch'' speech against the loan shark really gets me #depressed middle aged business man beat the shit out of an abusive 20 year old and THAT is the shit i live for #that whole episode i was in like a state of euphoria man #something abt lee ji an's apathy and lack of visible emotion hits different #the way they portrayed emotion (esp guarded emotion) was somehow both incredibly realistic and artistic at the same time #incredible. wheres my depressed middle aged businessman to beat up the men that are mean to me #this post is all over. ily park dong hoon keep being cool as hell. also go to therapy please and maybe find a forest you can scream in #my mister #park dong hoon

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