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dearsnow · 7 months

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ORLANDO (FIRST KISS)

- charlie, your best friend, attempts to set you up with the crush he is convinced you have. (charlie dalton x gn!reader, includes some neil being a good friend, slight angst into fluff, happy au, no beta we die like real men)

word count: 2,647

a/n - i love charlie so much oh my god 😭 hopefully there’s more to come with him! i’m planning a very long fic for him, hopefully similar in feeling to my neil fic “the last time” :) this is slightly inspired by the song “orlando” by leith ross so pls check them out!!

It’s 1:32 AM on a Friday night (Saturday, technically, but that rarely seems to matter), and Charlie Dalton is refusing to let you sleep.

“You’ve got to tell me. I swear, cross my heart, I won’t tell a soul.” He begs.

Charlie has been your best friend for god knows how long. You met so long ago that you don’t even remember how or why; it just was. That’s exactly what your relationship is. There’s really no rhyme or reason, considering you would detest anyone else with his personality, but you’re friends anyways, and you love him with all your heart. Opposites attract, you suppose. You don’t know for sure. Most days, including today, he is extremely and desperately annoying.

You slump down onto his bed, covering your eyes with your hands. He’s gotten it into his mind that you have a crush, and he won’t rest until he finds out who it is. Lucky you.

“Charlie, it’s no one.” You groan, peeking past your fingers to stare at him with a cross expression. “Even if I did like someone, I wouldn’t tell you.”

The problem is, you do like someone, and he’s sitting right in front of you with messy hair and pajama pants.

Your feelings for him, just like your meeting, are so far buried in the past that you couldn’t dig them up with an excavator. One day, you suppose, you just started to fall in love with him. He’s annoying and rich and a total smart-ass, but you love him. In some soft, quiet ways, he is the kindest boy you’ve ever met.

He notices when you get cut off mid-conversation or when you’re just a little too uncomfortable to talk to the person in front of you. He knows you like the back of his hand and puts his knowledge to use without ever having to ask, like how he always gets you exactly what you want on your birthday. He’s smart and energized and a breath of fresh air, no matter how stale the room is. And, of course, though you would rarely tell him, he is dashingly handsome.

He sits up straighter and begins listing every boy you’ve ever come in contact with. “Meeks? You always did like his type. Ooh, or Pitts? He’s a pitiful lady-killer. Todd is another good choice. Knox has got his thing with Chris, so you probably wouldn’t like him unless you’re into getting your heart broken.” He stops his ranting to take a breath, then continues on. “You cannot like Cameron because if you do, I won’t ever talk to you again. It isn’t Cameron, right?”

You scoff. “I don’t have a crush. Stop trying to guess a person that doesn’t exist.”

“Neil?” He questions. You hesitate just a bit before waving away his suggestion. Neil is a very good friend of both yours and his, and truthfully, he would definitely be the best boyfriend out of all of them. Despite that, you do not love him like you love Charlie. Not even close.

He catches on to your hesitation with scary accuracy. The tilt of your head, the twitch of your hand, the way the corners of your mouth almost curved up into a smile. Charlie feels his heart drop. “Oh my god, it’s Neil. Of course it’s Neil, it’s always Neil! You like Neil.” Neil is, unbeknownst to him, a complete catch. It makes sense that you would like him. After all, he’s kind, outgoing, and a whole lot nicer than Charlie is. That doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Like you, Charlie doesn’t exactly know when you came into his life. Maybe a stuffy dinner party or a prep event- all that matters to him is that you’re here now, and he loves you. He does, however, know when he started loving you.

It was seventh grade at a school dance, and you had decided to go with a boy he barely knew. When the boy asked you out with a pocketed rose and a shy smile, Charlie felt his blood boiling. How dare he, he thought, take you away from him? You’re his best friend. He would have bought you an entire flower shop had you said the word.

Seeing you waltz with him in your pretty outfit, as awkward and stiff as you both were, was too much for him to bear. Charlie left early, prompting you to follow him. The scene that resulted was one you both tried heavily to erase.

“Charlie, what’s wrong?” You panted, hurrying after him as fast as your pinchy shoes would allow. “Charlie. Charlie! Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing. Just go away.” He sniffled. You turned the corner to see him sitting on a curb, tears tracking down his face. If you knew one thing about Charlie Dalton, it was that he hated crying. You sat down next to him, but he turned to face the trees to his left.

“What happened?” You asked gently. How he despised your gentle care.

“I hate you. Go away.” His voice broke in the middle of his sentence. “I never want to see you again.”

Something in you snapped in that moment, something angry and sad all at once. He was hurting, and you loathed it, but Charlie always got what he wanted in the end.

You stood up and left, muttering a “sorry” over your shoulder.

He tried to avoid you for a while after that, but as with all fated things, he couldn’t stay away for long. He went back to you without a hint of apology, and you took him. Begrudgingly, you just couldn’t be without your best friend for very long.

He knew he loved you then, and that fact hasn’t changed in the present.

“I don’t like Neil.” You insist. “Trust me.”

Charlie stands to pace around his room, talking with his hands as per usual. “Y’know, you always seem smiley around him. I should’ve seen it coming, really. The way you talk to him can’t be platonic.” You sigh from the bed, and Charlie flops down beside you. You can feel the heat radiating from his skin. It’s pleasant, like a ray of sun on a cold day. You instinctively move closer to him as he opens his mouth. “I could probably get you a date with him. Not that you couldn’t do it yourself, but,” he pauses, a hint of hurt humor in his eyes, “I could be your wingman.”

He doesn’t want to be. He really doesn’t want to be, but what can he do? He would rather see you happy with Neil than miserable with no one. Despite how much he hates it, he’s gotten over most of his prepubescent jealousy. He knows deep down in the very achingly sad part of him that you don’t love him. At least, not the way he loves you.

You’re facing him, your nose inches away from his chest as your heart pounds in yours. He really wants you to get with Neil. Well, if that’s how he feels, you don’t feel the need to reject the offer. Maybe this is just the thing you need. What’s the point in pining after him when he’s actively trying to set you up with his second best friend?

“Yeah. That… I would like that.” Charlie’s heart crumbles in his chest.

“Then I’ll get right on it.” He grins. Behind the smile, sadness is swimming in his eyes, but you don’t bother to look at them.

It’s winter break, one of Charlie’s favorite times of the year, but he doesn’t think he’s ever felt this sad before.

By the time the next weekend rolled around, you had almost forgotten about Charlie’s proposed setup. But, on this Saturday when you’re cozy in your room, Neil comes knocking at your door.

You open the door, slightly surprised. He’s holding a bouquet of flowers with a small grin on his face. They’re your favorite flowers.

“Hi.” He says. His voice is breathless.

You raise your eyebrows, but for some reason, you can’t help but smile. Neil is standing in your doorway, and you feel like you know what he’s going to ask. “Hey.”

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” He implores, holding the bouquet out for you to take. “It doesn’t have to be right now, but… I’m ready if you are.” He’s dressed in a crisp suit, and if you’re being honest, you’d hate to make him go home without putting it to use.

You laugh lightly, the feeling bubbling out of your stomach. “Yeah, I’d love that. Just let me get ready and I’ll be out in ten minutes.”

Two days prior to Saturday, Charlie proposed a dead poets town trip. They were milling around, bouncing from shop to shop before Charlie clasped Neil on the shoulder.

“What do you think about Y/N?”

Neil turned, confused. “What do you mean?”

There was a smirk on Charlie’s face, but he hesitated like he didn’t actually want to say the words he was about to say. “I mean, I think you two would be a pretty cute couple.”

Neil let out a huff of air, almost in disbelief. “You’ve been in love with them since seventh grade, Nuwanda. Don’t try to act like you aren’t.”

Charlie gasped exaggeratedly and put a hand over his heart. “How dare you suggest that! I just want the best for my dearest friends.” The others laughed. Every single one of them knew that Charlie harbored deep feelings for you- and every single one of them knew he would never admit it. “Look, just one date. Ask them out on Saturday. They really like you, and I know they’re free, so they can’t pull any excuses.”

“I just don’t know.” Neil admitted. “They’re great and all, but I’d feel bad if I stole away your crush of four years.”

“You won’t be stealing anything, my boy. Just think about it.” Charlie knew he was lying, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he also knew that somehow, he was making the right decision.

Like all of your romantic endeavors, your date with Neil is slightly awkward. He’s your friend, sure, but you’ve never really thought about him like this before. You never even considered dating him. It’s always been Charlie. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to broaden your horizons.

After the initial tension, you would like to believe it went well. Neil walks you out of the restaurant, holding your arm. He’s smiling, and you feel your own expression falter. You like him, you really do, but some part of you knows that he will never be Charlie.

He leans closer to you, almost close enough to touch. Your heart pounds in your chest as he whispers something into your ear. “Don’t look, but Charlie’s watching. Pretend I’m kissing you.”

You’re taken aback as your eyes try to search for his brown hair, but after a second, you comply. You shut your eyes and thread your fingers through Neil’s. To anyone else, especially anyone inside of the restaurant, it looks like you’re smashing tongues with him.

Neil walks you home as the day fades into night, and as much as you ask, your questions are left unanswered with a sly wink.

“I can’t believe you would do that.” Charlie rages. “It was meant to be a date, not a date and a tongue fuck! That was their first kiss, Neil, and you’ve stripped them of it!” He doesn’t know why he’s so outrageously enraged. It was a quick kiss from the boy you’ve been crushing on. He should be overjoyed for you.

“It wasn’t like that, Charlie. Just ask them.” Neil is surprisingly calm, considering his friend is screaming at him. “Ask them. Go on.” He pushes Charlie’s shoulder. “I walked them home.”

Charlie grumbles, his gut twisted into shaking, angry knots. “I will. If they tell me you did anything weird, though, you’re dead.” Neil shakes his head.

“I think you’d kill me even if I didn’t kiss them.”

For the second time, you hear a knock at your door. This one is loud and frenzied, but through the haze, you can tell who it is. Who else would knock so harshly at 11:23 at night? It’s a good four hours after your date, so it definitely can’t be Neil.

You open the door, clad in pajamas and a frown. “Seriously, Charlie? You’re gonna wake the whole neighborhood.”

“Did he kiss you?” Ah, straight to the point. He’s never one to beat around the bush.

“What’s it to you?” You defend. “You didn’t care about that possibility when you wanted me to date him.” You cross your arms. Why the hell is he so upset? You don’t understand anything about this. His motives, his feelings, right now, they’re more confusing than he’s ever been. Well, save for one night. Oddly, this reminds you of that dance a few years back. You don’t want that to happen again, so whatever’s going on has to stop.

He opens his mouth and then closes it like he’s actually considering what he wants to say for the first time in his life. “I just…” A defeated expression tugs his face down. Your heart plummets. You rarely ever see him crestfallen. The last time was four years ago, and you had hoped you would never see him like that again.

He turns to walk away. He can’t do it, he just can’t. He’s walking so fast the pavement under his feet is a blur, and you chase after him.

“Charlie, what are you-“ He turns, seeing the confusion on your face.

When he looks at you, all Charlie can see is love. He loves your voice, the curve of your lips, the way you do anything and everything. In that moment, when he sees you with tired eyes, his inhibitions flee like rabbits from a wolf. Maybe, just maybe, he can.

Before you can ask, yet after you see the fire in his eyes, he grabs your arm and cuts you off.

“Can I kiss you?”

You’re taken aback for a moment, lips parted, not speaking a word. His hair is messy and the tear tracks on his cheeks glisten in the street lights. It’s like everything you’ve ever wanted has sprung to life before your eyes. “Yes, but-“

He presses his lips to yours, effectively cutting off any further communication once again. His grip on you softens as his hands reach up to cup your face. Your eyes flutter shut, and a million different things race through your mind. All you can consciously think is that you never want it to end.

When he pulls away, breathless, something new is shining in his eyes. “I hope that wasn’t bad for a second kiss.” He smiles. He’s still worried, more so than he’s ever been, but that was the most amazing thing he thinks he’s ever done.

“Second? Charlie, that was my first.”

He pauses. “So Neil didn’t kiss you?”

You laugh, and upon seeing his even more excited face, you laugh so hard you double over. He joins, and your giggles are probably too loud for how late it is. “No! God no, he told me to pretend because you were watching.” Your voice comes out humorous and strained, with so much joy behind the tone that Charlie can feel himself starting to laugh again. “Were- Were you in the restaurant for our whole date?”

“Yeah.” He chokes out. “I couldn’t just let the love of my life date some other guy without my knowledge, right?”

“Oh, totally. Maybe you should ask me out next time, then, to completely avoid this whole scenario.” He pulls you in, laughing against your shoulder.

“Sure. Yeah, I think I will. Next time, I’ll make sure of it.”

#solar eclipse.#charlie dalton x reader #charlie dalton #dead poets society #dead poets society x reader #dead poets fandom #dead poets fanfic #dps #dps fanfiction #dps fandom #dps x reader #dps charlie

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desire-mona · 7 days

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more modern poets hcs for greenie!

charlie -

charlie used to post like "annoying gay ppl vs normal gay ppl" memes, had a huge turnaround and they cringe when they think of that time. mentioning blaire white or kalvin garrah would make him jump

has an "i <3 milfs" design of every article of clothing, could make an entire i <3 milfs outfit. shirt, hat, pants, socks, belt, shoes, hoodie, you name it.

todd -

todd is nonbinary bc he is autistic and autistic ppl generally view gender differently. not debating this. this is a fact and this is canon. they/he/she todd anderson, what of it.

chronic procrastinator when it comes to anything besides school. they will put off doctors appointments, finishing tv shows, even charging their phone.

neil -

doesnt use tiktok but he watches todd scroll thru her fyp sometimes and gets very mad at those "acting pov" videos. hes like "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ACTING POINT OF VIEW" "POINT OF VIEW YOU ONLY HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF WORDS???????? WHAT DOES THAT MEEEEEAN"

i see ppl saying that neil would be a swiftie but i would like to suggest that he's a big ethel cain fan, a collection of songs that tell a fictional character's story? tell me thats not right up his alley

meeks -

i dont think this is the type of math meeks bases a career off of but i do think he rly pays attention to architecture and city layouts and stuff. will forever complain abt how inconvenient it is to have a car centered society and how every place should be walkable OR have public transport

collects records despite not having a record player, tapes despite not having a walkman, and cds despite using his cd player maybe 3 times a year. quite honestly its just to have a physical collection of his music taste

pitts -

pitts went thru a "nice guy/ vaguely incel-ular" phase in middle school, but he didnt talk to a singular woman in those years. by the time it went away there was no harm done to anyone but himself and a very annoyed meeks who had to listen to how girls "only go for assholes"

he has a fashion sense so good that ppl online *ask* him to post fit checks, he doesnt do any if theyre not requested of him. pitts is also the one with the biggest online presence, most notably tiktok and twitter

knox -

type of guy to constantly post shit like "like for a tbh" or post anonymous question things on his story. nobody interacts with any of it so he usually just deletes them after half a day

haaaaaaaates texting and will either send very long voice messages or just ask to call whoever he's talking to (me fr i send ppl voice msgs almost exclusively)

cameron -

cam is suuuuuuuper creeped out by ai "art", especially the ai washing feet commercial during the superbowl, which he had nightmares about for a week

his parents are constantly trying weird diets (most notably keto) so he has the weirdest assortment of random ingredients in his pantry. has come up with the strangest "meals" any one of those boys have ever seen

#desire mona #hopefully this drowns out the unrelated dark academia posts and taylor swift screenshots #yall today is hc post day pls fill the dps tag with dps stuff #dead poets society #charlie dalton #todd anderson #neil perry #steven meeks #gerard pitts #knox overstreet #richard cameron #banger #mona mentioned user flaming green

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ameliterature · 3 years

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Hey bestie pls could you do a Chameron drabble where the other poets didn't know they were dating, and they find out :) Thank you! <3

"Cameron, you fink, why dontcha bother someone else with your stupid factoid." Charlie insults his roommate from across the cave.

"It's not a factoid, Charlie, all I'm saying is that if we keep-"

"I don't wanna hear it-" Charlie cuts him off again. "Anyway, Neil, go ahead, start the meeting." He tosses his eyes onto Neil, obviously concerned by the friction between the two roommates.

As they recited their opening poem, Neil tossed his own look back at Todd, shifting his eyes to Charlie and back at Todd to signal the subject of his worry. Todd, having built an amazing sense of telepathy with Neil, sensed the concern and signaled him that they'll talk about it later.

Later into the night, a bit past midnight, the poets returned to their dorm undetected.

Neil and Todd retired into their room, the one right across Charlie and Cameron. "What was up with those two, huh?"

"I dunno, I feel like Charlie and Cameron are fighting again." Todd said, sitting beside Neil on his bed.

"Maybe I should talk to Charlie tomorrow, y'know? I hate to see two friends fight, especially during meetings."

Todd shrugged nervously "Yeah, I hope they could stop being enemies for once."

"I fucking love you," Charlie says breathlessly as he closed the door behind him and Cameron. He started pressing gentle yet passionate kisses onto Cameron's cheek. His desperate hugs were enough to let Cameron know he was apologizing for something.

"Really? Seemed like you were really annoyed by me a while ago," Cameron rolled his eyes at Charlie.

"Look, I told you once, I'm not gonna say it again: When you tell the group random facts, I find you REALLY ATTRACTIVE. If you're gonna respect the fact I'm tryin' to hide my rabid attraction to you, you better stop being so cute in public." Charlie kisses Cameron's forehead.

Cameron rolls his eyes, smiling at how he even ended up with Charlie. Perhaps it was that one time he confessed to Charlie-- obviously, but perhaps it was that time he and Charlie got too close too fast during one argument that everything became warm and fuzzy.

Either way, he likes seeing Charlie like this. He was surprisingly affectionate and gentle with how he handled their relationship. He only really "overreacted" how much he hated Cameron in public, but he always made up for it behind closed doors. Charlie is especially cute when he tells Cameron about his entire day before they go to bed, and the fact that Cameron had enough space for all of Charlie's stupid stories in his brain was remarkable.

Charlie Dalton was, in his own words, whipped for Richard Cameron. He'd do anything for Cameron, if it meant making him realize he was sorry for all those years they fought or times he insulted him, or if it also meant trying to show him how much he wasn't as uptight as they both thought. Charlie tried his best to make Cameron see how much he likes him. But he just couldn't risk outing them both to their group. It wasn't fair. Cameron wasn't ready to show their relationship to anyone and Charlie was willing to wait.

One day, in another DPS meeting, the boys were huddled up by the cave again, listening to Charlie play his saxophone (he kind of pointed towards Cameron) and he would sway slowly along.

Something caught Cameron's eye, in his peripheral caught Neil and Todd's hands secretly intertwine while no one else was looking. And at that instant, Cameron didn't feel nervous or alone, or even embarrassed. If the two people he cared about (aside from Charlie) could possibly be in a relationship, then they'd understand him and Charlie. And with their influence, it wouldn't be too bad.

"Hey guys," Cameron started. Charlie lowered his saxophone as he slowly decreased his volume to listen to Cameron. "Did you know-"

Charlie blasted an incoherent jumble of notes to mask Cameron's upcoming factoid.

"That--"

Another louder jumble of notes.

"I--"

An even louder, more annoying jumble of notes. The others were starting to get pissed off.

"Damn it, Charlie, let Cameron finish!" Neil snapped. "I know he and you haven't been friendly recently but, Jesus, could you give him a break?" Todd looked at Neil and back at Charlie, shocked and embarrassed.

"T-thanks, Neil but-"

"It's okay, Cameron, go on, tell us anything, and we won't let Charlie butt in."

"Well, I was gonna say the fact that I love Charlie Dalton, but I was kinda hoping him to butt in and say it with me." Cameron joked sheepishly.

Everyone in the cave had their jaws drop. Neil and Todd, trying to process if he was joking, Meeks and Pitts watching Charlie's shocked expression, and Knox who was rapidly turning his head back and forth to get everyone else's reaction.

"I--" Charlie's eyes were locked on Cameron.

"I know I was ashamed to admit it before, but I think it was because I was ashamed that I wasn't good enough for you. I wanna be good enough for you, I wanna show our friends that I'm not a fink, or I'm not some arrogant guy against you all the time-- Charlie, I really love you."

Charlie soon stood up from his spot and made his way over to Cameron, holding his face fondly.

Todd looked up at his friend, seemingly dazed and impressed, before looking back at Neil. "A-are they coming out before us?" He whispered to Neil.

Charlie gave Cameron a simple kiss on the lips, and even if it embarrassed his red-headed (and red-cheeked) boyfriend, he didn't mind it at all. "You're more than enough to me, Cam."

"Oh my god I think they are--" Neil replied to Todd.

Despite the fact Cameron and Charlie stole their thunder, Neil and Todd welcomed their relationship, congratulating them, urging the others to join in, the rest of them unsurprisingly quite ok with it.

That same night, when Charlie and Cameron returned to their rooms, lying down on the same bed, holding hands as they try to sleep.

"I can't believe you just finked about our own relationship." Charlie said, bringing up Cameron's hand to kiss it.

"Don't worry, they're the only people I'd tell it to, for now." Cameron turned to kiss his roommate good night, giving Charlie shivers down his whole spine. "Just say the word, I'll do it, babe."

Charlie Dalton is very much whipped for Richard Cameron.

#dps #dps drabble #is this even a drabble #it's a one shot #chameron #charlie dalton #richard camacho #richard cameron #todd anderson #anderperry hc #anderperry (minor)#dead poets society

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mortuus-poet · 3 years

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Hi :) my friend recommended me your Tumblr and I've asked stuff before so I thought maybe I should do it again

I really like the theme of this fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/33668362/chapters/83671462 and it hasnt been updated

TW: s3lfh@rm

I'd like to ask for headcanons about Todd dealing with depression and self harm (with Neil helping him cuz i luv anderperry)

I'm sorry if this triggers you, i wanted to see my favourite character dealing with similar struggles as me

Tysm anyways

Okay!! So, before I get into this, I do want to put a HUGE TW on this post, this post WILL mention self-harm and struggles with depression and anxiety.

I want to make it clear: I am by no means attempting to romanticize this topic, as someone who struggles with SH, that is the last thing I ever want to do. If I write something that seems like that, please do not hesitate to call me out.

Here we go! Last TW

Todd dealing with SH and depression/anxiety

Switching to Welton was extremely difficult for Todd, we know this

He felt the pressure of living up to his brothers standards, pleasing his parents, his teachers, and worrying about not fitting in

He always struggled with SH, since he was in grade school, so it was nothing new, but it definitely got a lot worse once he started at Welton

Meeting Neil, Charlie and all the others helped him feel more comfortable, but at the same point it kind of made it harder for him

He couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding in their dynamic, all of them having been friends for their previous years at Welton, a few even before that, and here he was trying to shove his way in

One night, Neil was out late at a play rehearsal and Todd had one of the worst anxiety attacks of his teen years

He wanted so desperately to go get Charlie or Knox, maybe even Meeks, but he couldn’t get himself to, he was so scared of what they would think about him, so he resorted to his usual coping mechanism, self harm

He didn’t want to, but it didn’t feel like he was in control, he didn’t feel like he had a choice

The next few days after that, he was really off, everyone noticed

He was talking even less than usual, walking behind the group instead of with them, wearing extra layers, always seemed to be making himself as small as he possibly could

What really worried them was the way he winced Every time someone touched his leg

Neil and Charlie were the first two who saw it

Charlie had gone to pat Todd’s leg after making a joke, but he quickly pulled his hand away when he saw the pained wince

He and Neil shared a quick, knowing look. Something was seriously wrong

Neil was cautious with Todd the rest of the day, keeping a close eye on him to notice every change in his behavior to see if he could figure out what was wrong

That night, when Todd got up to go to the restroom, Neil got a gut feeling that he needed to look through the trash

He felt weird about it, but he did it, and his heart suck to his feet when he saw the bloodied tissues. Him and charlie were right

Todd walked in right as Neil found them, both of them stopped and stared at each other

“Todd…?”

Todd broke down again, instantly hyperventilating and sobbing and apologizing profusely

Neil panicked, no doubt crying himself as he attempted to comfort his friend

He quickly pulled todd into a tight hug, carefully sitting both of them down on Neil’s bed as he shushed and comforted Todd

After about a half an hour, todd stopped crying, but he was still shaking and refusing to meet Neil’s eyes

(The rest of this will be in writing/story form)

“Todd, you know I’m not angry, right?”

Todd stayed silent, keeping his head down.

“I’m really not mad. I’m just- worried about you… we all are.”

Todd’s head snapped up, his eyes wide and afraid.

“The others know too?!”

“No no no! And-and they won’t know if you don’t want me to tell them, I promise, but you’ve been off for the last few days, we’ve all been worried sick about you, Todd.”

“I’m…im sorry, I don’t want to worry you guys-“

“Well, that’s part of what being a friend is. We love you Todd, I love you, we all just want you to be okay. Can… can I ask why?”

Todd went quiet again, the tension so thick you could slice it with a knife.

“I didn’t want to… I was just-I had an anxiety attack, and I didn’t want to annoy Charlie or Knox or any of the guys, I tried to stop myself but it didn’t feel like I was in control, I’m sor-“

“Todd, you don’t need to apologize. Look, I’ve been there before, okay? I’ve done the same thing, I know exactly what it feels like. I also know that Charlie, Knox and any of the others would never be annoyed if you came to them for help, shit, I think most of them would be flattered that you trusted them enough.”

Todd looked away again, obviously not believing a word Neil said. Neil sighed and grabbed Todd’s hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

“I know it’s hard, I know that better than anyone, but we love you, so much todd, all of us do, and we want you to be okay. You don’t have to ever tell us anything you don’t want to, but please, if you ever get the urge again can you just…come to one of us? Any of us, really. You don’t need to give details just-just talk to us, be with us, we care, and we’ll all help as much as we possibly can.”

Todd met Neil’s eyes, and Neil gave him a soft smile. Todd’s eyes grew glossy, a single tear slipping down his cheek.

“Yeah. Yeah I’ll try…”

Neil’s smile grew. He pulled Todd into a tight hug, and Todd couldn’t help but melt into the comforting touch.

“You’re so important to us Todd. Don’t ever think for a second that we don’t want you around, or that you’re annoying us. We love you so so so much. I love you, so much more than you know. Everyone here just wants you to be okay.”

“I…thank you, Neil.”

Back to HC style

The next day, Todd was already seeming a little better

Neil made sure to keep a close eye on him, but he acted like everything was normal, he knew it sucked to have the attention drawn to you when you weren’t feeling good, so he tried to avoid making that happen

The group was obviously thrilled that they had their Todd back, all of them talking to him and joking with him like they hadn’t seen him in days

Neil and Charlie looked at each other again, charlie giving him an “is everything okay?” Look, to which Neil simply nodded and grinned

Todd might not have been fantastic right now, but he was better than yesterday, and that’s all that really mattered

Please, if you ever have the urge to hurt yourself, reach out to someone you trust or find a way to distract yourself. I know what the feeling is like, I know it all too well, but I can also promise you that it is not worth it.

You are so important, and you do not deserve to be hurt.

If you need alternatives to self harming, please look at this list. It gives lots of good alternatives that are far better than harming yourself in anyway

You are loved, you are important, and you matter. <3

#dead poets society #steven meeks #neil perry #charlie dalton #deadpoetsociety #richard cameron #todd anderson #gerard pitts #knox overstreet #john keating #anderperry #stephan meeks #TW

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