tell me who i run to (if not you) | anthony beauvillier | Ep 3. Pal-entine's Day
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Episode synopsis:Tito returns her kindness by being a shoulder Evie can lean on when she is having a hard time after all-star break. She tells him it’s anxiety about work. He brings her a box of pastries and they cuddle on the couch all day; he doesn’t realize it’s Valentine’s Day.
Later, a hook-up goes very wrong.
A/N: You can refer to cover page for the series summary, author's notes, tropes, general warnings and other fun tidbits.
This series contains mature themes. Minors DNI.
Warnings: This episode contains mentions of a past toxic relationship and sex that occurs off screen.
Disclaimer: This series is set in Chicago but does not mention the name of the team.
Word count: 4.8k // 44.5k
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Pal-entine’s Day
Evie — February 10
It’s late when Evie finishes work for the day. She rubs her eyes and finishes her cup of tea, which is now less than lukewarm. She sighs. This was kind of her own doing. She didn’t work as much as she should’ve in January, especially in the week that Tito stayed over, which means she’s feeling more behind than she would like them to be. Not to mention, this latest work she was editing was full of so many glaring issues that the document has more comments than text at this point.
She puts her phone down and rests her head on the table.
She doesn’t regret it. Tito had been clearly so down in the dumps after his wrist injury. She had taken him to the different museums, touristy sights, and fun restaurants around town that she had been meaning to get to; she had thought that she would catch up on her work when he was in Florida with his brother’s family during Bye Week.
She doesn’t regret it because their adventures brightened his mood every time, his glowing smile seared on the inside of her eyelids. She thinks about the time she had taken him to the Skating Ribbon in Maggie Daley Park on a particularly bad day.
He had come back from the rink dejected after being told he couldn’t join no-contact practice yet. He had been cleared to skate, though. So, the joy on his face when he stepped onto the ice again, even if it was a park and not an NHL arena, made them both feel a hundred pounds lighter.
She doesn’t regret it. It’s just that— Unfortunately, her plan to catch up on work during Bye Week didn't happen. The day after Tito left for Florida, her apartment felt startlingly empty.
It reminded her of when she had first moved to Chicago. She had just a couple of boxes and suitcases. She left behind all the remnants of her life with Pierre. Those plates, pillows, and knickknacks didn’t feel like they belonged in her life anymore. That’s why she moved, right? To get a clean start at age 28.
It wasn’t just stuff she had left behind. It was her whole life, a life that had looked increasingly foreign in those final months anyway. All of their friends, all of their stuff, all of their memories. He could keep them. She just wanted out.
Those first months in Chicago had felt so lonely, living without anyone else for the first time ever. It was hard to make friends in a new city, so she spent a lot of time just in her apartment. The thought kept creeping into her head that she would probably be alone forever and regret leaving her seemingly perfect relationship behind in Toronto.
She downloaded and deleted Bumble probably ten times in the first few months.
Eventually, she met Kelsey, Leanne, and the others at a work-sponsored holiday party. They were unhappy that she hadn’t reached out sooner. So, with them dragging her out of her house a few times a week to whatever restaurant, bar, or event, she eventually settled into life in Chicago. Looking back, she’s not quite sure when her one-bedroom apartment started to feel like home.
That's why she’s so shocked to find herself once again feeling unsettled. Her sleep hasn’t been great either, making her sluggish and heavy. In the week or so since Tito left for Florida, she has only left her house twice. Both of them were to see him play when he returned to the lineup after the All-Star break.
When she looks around her apartment, she can see the small pile of his clothes that sits at the far end of the couch. She had washed them while he was away and folded them so they would be clean when he came back.
That was a week ago.
She’s happy that he’s back at training and back in the line-up. She appreciates the rigorous schedule that he's sticking to to get back to the top of his game.
She understands that means she takes a back seat. It’s just that she wishes a little part of her didn’t resent it or herself for missing his company that she didn’t know she had gotten so used to.
She doesn’t pester him, though, not when he was on vacation and not now that he’s been back training. He still texts her every day, and she tries not to get too excited when he does, being mindful to not be too suffocating and demanding of his time and attention.
She figures it’s probably not a bad idea to realign her priorities: to focus on her work and on the book that she wants to finally finish soon.
Tito — February 14
Tito watches as the sky begins to lighten and decides to just give up on going back to sleep. He reaches over and checks his phone.
5:48 am.
Great.
He unlocks his phone, which opens to the text thread with Evie he had been staring at after the game last night.
Monday, 4:46 pm
evie 🧁: sorry, i don’t think i’ll be coming to the game tomorrow. i’m just totally under water with work right now.
To evie 🧁: damn, that sucks. i’m sorry. do you want me to come over with some dinner tonight?
To evie 🧁: or after the game tomorrow?
He didn’t receive a reply until past midnight that night.
Yesterday, 1:18 am
evie 🧁: nah, it’s okay
To evie 🧁: good morning to you too. how're you doing? work hasn’t killed you right? i can bring over some lunch. i bet you havent been eating much.
Read
He quickly swipes out of his messages and locks his phone again.
He stares out the window. They have only known each other for less than two months, but not hearing from Evie for so long throws him off-kilter.
This is so unusual, given their typical rhythm, that even if work has been busy, he’s worried, and underneath the worry, he’s confused. It seemed unlike Evie to not be open with him about whatever was bothering her— at least, he thought she was.
A little while later, he finds himself sitting in front of her favorite bakery on his way to her apartment. He waits for the clock to hit 9 a.m. before he heads in and picks up breakfast for them both: a selection of pastries and two coffees. It’s busier than he expects, but there are still plenty of their favorites left.
He’s been to Evie’s building enough times now that the doorman recognizes him and buzzes him up the elevator straight away with a nod. It’s only when he's standing outside her door that he realizes he should've probably texted beforehand to make sure she was free.
Too late now. Tito rings her doorbell, his heart in his throat as he listens for any sound inside.
Somewhere between 30 seconds and 10 minutes later, he hears some shuffling, and the door opens slowly. Standing in the entryway is Evie rubbing her eyes with the sleeve of his Canucks hoodie, sleep shorts barely peaking out under the hem. He rips his eyes away from the soft skin of her legs.
She startles when she sees him, her eyes wide. Her messy hair and fuzzy slippers only intensify the warm fondness buzzing in his chest.
“Um, hi,” she says, stepping aside to wave him in. “What’s all this?”
“Nice hoodie,” he beams at her, a crooked smile tugging on the corner of his lips.
“What?” She looks down and immediately covers her face with her hands. “Oh shit, this is yours. I was just grabbing the first hoodie I saw, and it was sitting on my— I’m sorry, do you want it back? I can go change.”
“Hey,” he says gently, setting the food down on the kitchen counter. “No, keep it on. I can’t really wear it out anymore, and it looks good on you.”
She cracks a smile for the first time this morning.
“Here, I brought you some breakfast and coffee— peppermint mocha, half sweet, with oat milk. I figured you might need something stronger with all the late nights you’ve been working.”
She stares at him silently for a long time before reaching for the coffee and whispering a quiet, “Thanks.”
He smiles at her and pulls her in for a quick hug, feeling some of the tightness in his chest melt away as he breathes in her scent. As he pulls back, he waves her to the couch.
“Go, sit.” He pushes her gently. “I’ll bring over the food.”
As if on cue, her stomach grumbles. “What did you get? Oh! Oooh! Good Ambler. My favorite,” she says excitedly, finally looking more like herself.
He smiles to himself as he puts the food down on the coffee table. “Yeah, I know! I got us the quiche and a bunch of their pastries.” He opens the box and watches as her eyes light up.
She laughs, “Wow, you really went all out.”
“I guess I did,” he shrugs.
They eat in a comfortable silence for a while, both deep in thought. It’s been a few days since Tito has set foot in her apartment. He feels more at home here than in his own place. There are touches of Evie everywhere.
She has shelves next to the TV console that are covered in books. There are at least five more books spread around the room. Her fuzzy blanket is draped across the back of the couch. There are candles on her coffee table, sitting next to colorful coasters with bad book puns on them. Unhung art and posters are leaning against the bottom of the walls. The space is so clearly lived in and loved.
Although, as he looks around, he can see the signs that things might be a bit off. There are dirty dishes piled up in the sink when there usually wouldn’t be any. There are stacks of papers spread across various surfaces. A box next to the bin for the overflowing trash. He counts at least seven mugs of mostly drunk tea around the space.
He frowns.
“So,” he starts cautiously, “how've you been?” He winces at how awkward that sounds.
“Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Busy? I guess mainly.” She stares at the muffin in her hands, pointedly avoiding his skeptical expression.
He sighs and reaches over, his broad hand lightly covering her wrist. “Hey, I feel like something has been off recently, and I want to know what’s going on. Is it just work that’s been crazy? Or is there something else?”
Evie looks up at him finally; their eyes meet, both assessing the other. He can see the dark circles that dull her tired eyes, her expression pained.
“Yeah, I’ve just been having trouble getting stuff done. But it’s not a big deal. It’s fine, though. I can handle it.” She frowns and picks at the remaining half of the muffin.
“Hey,” Tito says gently. He reaches out, takes the muffin, and puts it down before taking her hands in his. The movement makes them turn to each other. “It’s okay if you’re struggling. Just tell me how I can help. I won’t judge you, okay?”
She shakes her head, tugging her hands back and hugging them to her body. “Yeah, I know, but I’m okay. I don’t want to be a pain—”
“Evie,” he says gently, “Asking for help doesn’t make you a pain. Look, we’re friends, right? You were there for me last month when I was having a really bad time. And now I want to be here for you. You should let me help where I can. Or at least tell me what’s wrong. I can’t guarantee I’ll always say or do the right thing, but I’ll listen, and I’ll try to help where I can, okay?”
She looks at him, searching his face for a lie and not finding one in his open and caring expression. “Okay,” she whispers with a small smile.
“Okay.”
He hands her back her muffin, and they finish up their breakfast. He takes their trash to the kitchen, and despite her complaints, he does the dishes as he makes them both a cup of tea.
When he sits back down on the couch, he finally speaks again, “So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Or at least, if there’s anything I can do to help?”
She heaves a big sigh but does smile at him warmly before settling into the couch. “I guess I just had a kinda bad week last week? I'm kinda behind on stuff, and I got really in my head about it. Remember how I told you I moved here after a bad breakup? Well…” She shrugs.
“You don’t need to explain if you don’t want to. I know it sucks. I mean, I haven’t dated anyone seriously since before the pandemic. But we actually broke up like January 2020, so those first few months in lockdown were really rough. Just bad feelings and a whole lot of time.”
She looks up at him, “Oh. I had no idea.”
“It’s not a big deal. That was quite a few years ago at this point, anyway. I’m over it now, but— I’m just saying that I know it can be hard.”
“Yeah,” she nods, fiddling with her mug before finally saying, “Honestly, I’m not that bummed about the breakup. It wasn’t bad or anything. Or at least nothing bad happened. Things just sort of just… I don’t know. I was just feeling like shit all the time.
“By the time I left, I had already been mentally checked out for a while, so I wasn’t really sad at all anymore. It was mainly hard because our lives were so entwined.
“We had gone to grad school together, and we were working at the same company. We had all the same friends, and everyone loved him, you know? So, it was hard to leave that behind.”
He reaches out and squeezes her knee, encouraging her to keep talking.
“It’s just… I hate it, feeling like I’m falling behind.”
“Like on work?”
She nods weakly.
“Well, if it’s anything I’ve had to learn in my career, you’re more than your productivity. You don’t need to be perfectly productive all the time to be contributing something.”
“Yeah… it’s just that—” Evie sighs.
“What?”
She swallows heavily and looks out the window. “It’s just that… I hate feeling behind at work because it makes me feel like I’m behind on my career. And that’s really all I have right now. After— Like, I’m 28 years old, and what do I have to show for it.”
He studies her face and squeezes her knee again, drawing her gaze back to him. “Who told you that?”
“What?”
“Who told you that you’re behind on life?”
“Well… Pierre? I guess. My ex. He used to talk about success milestones—”
“Success what?” he interrupts.
She powers on. “Just, like, things I should accomplish by a certain age. And when I left, you know? I set back my life? Single again. Starting over. And when I left, Pierre kinda pointed that out. And all I have left is my career— a struggling career.”
“Okay, honestly?” He says, fuming, “Fuck Pierre. Like, what the fuck is that?”
“No,” she shakes her head, chewing on her bottom lip, “No. I don’t— He’s right.”
“He isn't right.” He's sitting up now, fully facing her. “He's not— Firstly, your career isn't struggling. You have a job you enjoy, and from everything I’ve heard from Kelsey and Leanne, you’re fucking good at it. You’re making progress with finishing your book every week, which is awesome. I see you working your ass off all the time. And on top of all that, you're a great fucking friend. And a great fucking person.”
He shakes his head and sighs loudly. “Evie, you don’t have to complete some stupid made-up checklist to be successful. Only you get to decide what counts as success in your life. That's the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Honestly, Evie, I'm saying this as your friend, fuck Pierre for making you feel lesser and smaller with this bullshit.”
She looks at him, her face betraying her surprise at his outburst. His cheeks are warm and probably a little flushed, but he doesn’t care. He can feel the anger in his veins, opening and closing his fists to dispel some of the energy.
“I guess?” she says finally. “Pierre’s really not a bad guy. He’s a good person. We just— He just wasn’t a good fit for me.”
“Okay,” he concedes, silently disagreeing with her assessment.
“Thanks, though. For saying that. It means a lot.” She reaches out and squeezes his clenched fists. “Thank you. I'm okay, really. Overall, in the grand scheme of things, anyway. I’m sorry I didn’t come to your game yesterday.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to come to every game. It’s just an offer.” He smiles softly. “I mean, I’d love to have you there, obviously, but I’ll understand if you don't.”
“Okay,” she smiles back.
“So, do you think you can take today off? I think you might be a little burnt out.”
She sighs and looks at her phone, the emails trickling in. She knows she has the time; she always makes herself finish far earlier than whatever deadline her director gives her. She fires off a quick message to the group, telling them she’s taking a mental health day, before putting her phone face down on the coffee table.
“Yeah,” she smiles, “I can take today off.”
“Good,” he beams. He puts his arm around Evie’s waist and pulls her into his side. He reaches for the remote. “That’s good because I haven’t seen any Brooklyn Nine-Nine in like two weeks, and I know the next episode is a Halloween heist episode, and it’s been killing me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, dummy. That’s our show. I can’t watch it without you.”
She laughs, “Okay.”
He puts on the show, smiling as it plays the cold open. He turns to her and tugs her in closer.
“Hey, Evie?”
“Yeah?”
“Please just tell me what’s bothering you next time, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. I will. I promise.” She smiles up at him from his side, and he feels his chest tighten.
A few episodes later, they've slid down on the couch so that she’s almost lying on top of him. He looks down at her head on his chest to see her sound asleep. He pauses the show and pulls out his phone.
To jason dickinson: yo, do you have any more restaurant recs? evie’s been having a rough week, i’m thinking maybe taking her out for dinner today might cheer her up
jason dickinson: eyyyyyyy get it!!!!!!
To jason dickinson: ????? get what???
jason dickinson: uh? is this a trick question?
To jason dickinson: no?
jason dickinson: a date? laid? idk
To jason dickinson: WHAT?!!!!
jason dickinson: you’re asking for a date spot right?
To jason dickinson: wtf jason, no. we’ve been through this. we’re just friends.
jason dickinson: riiiiiiight. just friends who ask for a date spot on valentine’s day
Tito’s eyes widen as he glances at the calendar app on his phone.
February 14.
Valentine’s Day.
Fuck.
Next to him, Evie stirs, yawning.
“Hey,” she says, her voice muffled, “You paused the show?”
“Yeah, you fell asleep.”
She chuckles. “I guess I did.” She looks up at him and frowns. “What’s up, Tito? You got a weird look on your face.”
“Oh, um. I just realized what day it was.”
“What day is it?” she looks at her phone.
“Yeah, it’s Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh!” she laughs, shaking her head. She pulls away, sitting up, and runs her fingers through her hair. “Okay? Did you have plans? I’m good here if you want to go.”
“What? No? What plans would I have?”
“I don’t know, Anthony. Maybe you’re an international man of mystery,” she laughs, lightly shoving his knee.
“Sure I am,” he says, rolling his eyes, “That’s not what I meant, though.”
“What did you mean then?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you have plans.” She gives him an unimpressed look. “Okay, well, maybe you don’t have plans. But I didn’t get you anything.”
“Do friends get friends Valentine’s Day gifts?”
He sucks in a breath. “I mean, no? I don’t know.”
“You did get me a whole box of pastries. I feel like that’s pretty good. I mean it’s not like I’ve ever celebrated Valentine’s Day before.”
He freezes, brows furrowed.
“What? You never celebrated with Pierre?”
“Nope,” she shakes her head.
“Weren’t you together for like five years?”
“Yep!” she shrugs. “He just wasn’t into that sort of stuff. He thought it was stupid and a waste of money.”
“Come on, what the fuck?” he says, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah, we never did anniversaries either. It’s not a big deal.”
“Please tell me he at least did birthdays.”
“I guess. I mean, he always got me birthday and Christmas presents, but usually nothing major. I always planned a dinner and stuff with our group of friends for my birthday.”
He studies her face, his brows furrowed.
She sits up. “What?”
“Seriously?”
She nods.
“I bet he always got you to plan his birthday parties too.” He rolls his eyes and sighs. “I don’t mean to be rude, but like. Fuck Pierre, man.”
She’s quiet for a second before saying softly, “It’s really not a big deal.”
He shakes his head. “I mean, sure, Valentine’s Day is kinda stupid and cheesy. But that’s the point. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use it as an excuse to show someone you love them.”
“Wow, Anthony. I didn’t know you were such a romantic,” she grins, bumping his shoulder.
“I’m not. He just sounds like he was being lazy and didn’t really care to try.”
“It’s really not that big of a deal, Tito. Guys're just like that.”
His eyes follow the sad smile she gives him, and he pauses. Her eyes are a little glassy, and her cheeks redder. He knows when to leave something be.
“Guys are absolutely not ‘just like that,’” he says, making air quotes. “But I’ll drop it.”
He lays back down, tugging on her arm. He mutters, “I just think that he should've cared enough to try, like, even a little bit.”
“God, you're such a sap. Imagine your teammates hearing about this.”
“I wouldn't be embarrassed, Evie. Like, at all,” he looks at her flatly.
She rolls her eyes and lays back down against him.
A few minutes later, she speaks up again. “So, you want to hit up some clubs tonight? Things always get hot and heavy on Valentine’s Day. Good night to pick-up.”
“It’s Wednesday, and I’ve got a game tomorrow,” he says, his voice hollow as he forces his eyes to stay on the screen.
“Lame,” she says, a relieved smile on her lips that he doesn't see.
Evie — March 2
When Evie comes to, she’s lying on her bed with her arm covering her eyes, panting. Her body still feels tingly, in the way it does after good, wild sex. It always leaves her a little dizzy and disoriented. She can hear the sound of heavy breathing next to her. She hums, pleased.
Her other outstretched hand is buried in soft hair. She tugs on a curl and smiles. She loves his curly hair. Evie has always had thick, straight hair, a blessing and a curse; it has never felt as soft as curly hair does. Her fingers twirl around the curl, playing with the springy coil.
She thinks maybe Tito will let his hair grow even longer. He looks so good with longer hair that forms actual curls. The way it falls in front of his eyes a bit makes him look so soft. She thinks about how he lays on the couch lazily, his hair splayed out on the cushion, and how his shirt rides up to show the sliver of skin above his low-slung sweats when he gets comfortable.
The urge to ask him if he’s going to cut his hair soon overtakes her exhaustion, and she moves her arm to look over.
“So—” Evie starts before she furrows her brows.
At that moment, she notices that instead of Tito’s baby blues, she's met with a pair of wide-eyed browns. Her entire body freezes as the night slams back into her consciousness.
The dancing, the flirting, the meaningful looks, the cab ride home, the sex. God, the sex was fucking good. Her limbs hum in agreement as her chest tightens.
Well, these eyes gaze at her lazily, warm and soft. Evie’s hand is still in her curly mess of hair. The first thing she thinks is that it's actually longer than Tito’s hair is now before she immediately banishes his name from her mind completely.
Evie can’t seem to relax her body enough to free her voice, which is caught in her throat.
Shit, what is her name?
Natalie? Natalia? Natasha? Nat for sure—
“Don’t worry,” Nat states, smirking, “I’m not staying. Just trying to catch my breath before leaving.”
Evie can’t help but feel unsettled and disoriented, but she forces her mind to quieten. Nat is really hot, and they did have a really good night. Slowly, Evie puts a coy smile back on her face and blinks slowly at her.
“You don’t have to leave? If you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to kick you out.”
Evie has absolutely no idea why she just said that. She has never asked a hook-up if they want to stay. It must show on her face because Nat laughs. She shakes her head and presses another heated kiss to Evie’s lips, reminding her why she feels like she’s still floating outside of her body.
“I’ll get going.” Nat shakes her head and stands up, looking for her clothes in the mess on the floor. Evie probably should've cleaned up a little before going out.
She leans up on her elbows and lets her eyes trail down Nat’s body. Her mind finally focuses, and she whistles. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”
Nat laughs.
“Yes, baby girl. I’ve got to go to work tomorrow. This was very good, though,” Nat says while putting on her clothes. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask for your number or when we’ll see each other again. So you don’t need to give me the spiel. I knew— know what this was.”
Evie laughs at the exaggerated wink Nat gives her. She feels a little lighter with relief at that.
“Can I use your bathroom, though? Before I go.”
“Yeah, it’s right through there.”
“Thanks.” Nat sends her a warm smile before slipping into the bathroom.
Evie lays back down and rubs her eyes. That was fucking weird, what the—
Her bathroom door flies open.
“What the fuck?” Natalie says, holding up Tito’s bread trimmer.
“What?”
“Do you have a boyfriend or something? Did you just fucking use me to cheat on someone?”
“No?” Evie sits up, confused.
“Don’t fucking lie to me. I was willing to overlook the men’s shoes and coat in your entryway; maybe they’re a friend’s. I was willing to overlook the sweatshirts and sweatpants strewn around your room. I figured maybe you just like being comfortable.”
“What?” she squeaks through the lump in her throat.
Nat powers through her interruption. “But there’s a fucking beard trimmer in there. Two toothbrushes. Two towels. A curly-defining gel that you definitely don’t use. And the—”
“No, you’re—”
“Are you honestly going to tell me you live here alone? What stupid fucking excuse are you going to give me, huh? This is a one-bedroom apartment, dude. Whoever’s shit this is, he's definitely not your roommate.”
Evie stares at her, stunned, mouth opening and closing.
“God, you know what. Save it. I don’t want to fucking know,” she says before storming out of the bedroom.
Evie hugs her knees in stunned silence, watching from her bed as Nat grabs her coat and shoes. She pleads with her brain for something to say and comes up empty.
Nat throws her one last dirty look, her face twisting in a scowl at her continued silence. “Seriously, fuck you, Gigi.”
The sound of the front door slamming makes Evie jump. She just sits there, staring into empty space for so long that she feels her butt go numb.
She flops back onto her bed, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes.
“What the fuck just happened?” she says to her empty room.
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