I’ve been puzzling over what Jamie meant in this passage after which he had been flogged for claiming a bit of tartan as his:
He felt relieved at once of many things. Of the weight of immediate responsibility, of the necessity for decision. Temptation was gone, along with the possibility of it. More important, the burden of anger had lifted; perhaps it was gone for good. So, he thought, through the gathering fog, John Grey had given him back his destiny. Almost, he could be grateful.
Temptation for what- to have sex with lord John? Surely not! What did he feel tempted to do?
this is a very intriguing question, @lilyfleur10
I think it was temptation to seek friendship with John - to see them as intellectual equals. To see them as people who, under different circumstances, could have been good friends.
Because the circumstances in which they meet (again) are inherently unequal. And Jamie perhaps let himself forget that, even for a moment - that's how desperate he is for connection (it's been years since he sent Claire away), for someone who could be his intellectual equal. For at Ardsmuir, he is Mac Dubh - the leader of his men, the man that all other men look up to. He himself has nobody to look up to - let alone, nobody on the same level as him. No peers.
Certainly no friends.
And he realizes - crushingly - that it's much easier to shut that door, to take it to the extreme to both push John away and to push himself away from John. It's much easier to live alone. Separate. Isolated. After all - it's what he did when he lived in the cave. It's a lonely life, but it's safer because there's no risk of being let down - being abandoned - by other people.
That's why Jamie's "burden" was lifted. He closed the door tightly on his own humanity. Choosing to exist, not to live.
It's quite heartbreaking.
Which is why it's so, so rewarding to see his transformation when Claire returns.
AHHHHHH OUTLANDER SEASON 7 TRAILER IS FINALLY HERE AND IT LOOKS SO GOOD THERES SO MUCH TO UNPACK IM LOSING MY MINDDDDDD BUT JHRCCCCCCC IT LOOKS EPIC😭😭😭
Did anyone notice that Sam put a happy Mother’s Day post with his Sassanach gin with the song Moon River playing which so happens to be from one of Caitriona’s favorite movies “Breakfast at Tiffany’s . What a romantic jesture. That’s our Sam, he’s amazing