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sharksa-shivers · 10 months

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Hi lol

My name is Sharksa Shivers or Tiff, whatever, either works lol and i am migrating here now. I still have a twitter (i am not calling it X, fuck that lol, you know it's a twitter) The muskrat has been fucking up alot of shit over there so uhhhhhh might as well make another page online so people can find me cuz idk how long a burning building can stay standing so yknow...

Just in case tho- twatter: https://twitter.com/Sharksa_Shivers Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ02ooJ9RYKAV9uIUQum1Gg Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/sharksa-shivers (ima be honest lads, i ain't reposting every art ever on here so check my DA for my full art gallary lol. All my art garbo is there lol)

I'm p friendly but snarky and sometimes i got no chill but cuz of anxiety, that will probably be reeled in alot but i'd love to talk and make some more internet friends cuz i'm a lonely motherfucker, that'd be nice lol... Guess i will be trying to learn how this site works cuz i have no clue lol...Never had a tumblr before so uhhhhh yeah lol... Also i like to swear and say fuck and be edgy so uhhhh hopefully you're alright with self end life jokes and uhhhhh other stuff like that cuz otherwiseeeeeee you probs wanna head on out lmaoooo If you decide to show up and be a lil shit, i will not hesitate to use that block button lololol...Also if you decide to take my sfw art as weird fetish shit cuz i've had that prob on DA, that will absolutely earn you a block. Also peeps that make me uncomfy in general/spambots also will get hit with the blocc. I'll talk to anybody usually but if you wanna be rude, i'll probs block you if you decide to do that lol. Just be a normalass person and we won't have any issues. A new one too cuz of shit; uhhhh hazbin/helluva antis do not fucking talk to me or come near me, y'all make me feel so goddamn unsafe, i am not joking. You don't have to like the show but if you genuinely are like harassing people who like the show, you're getting hit with a fatass block so fast, i swear to god. Yes i'm serious and it's my page soooooooo i don't really have to explain myself either. Just leave. idc, leave, bye lmao.

My serieses and whatnot lol A NOTE: MY STUFF IS NOT FOR KIDS...SO PLEASE JUST BE LIKE...RESPONSIBLE. I'M NOT POSTING NSFW SHIT BUT LIKE I'M NOT GONNA CUT OUT MATURE THEMES EITHER SO PLEASE LIKE...VIEWER DISCRESTION ADVISED...THIS GOES FOR LIKE ANYTHING I MAKE IN GENERAL.

--- Kidnapped revolves around The Trio, a team of 3 demon fighters in training. Consisting of Sharky Sharkson, Max Bone and Kristy Miller, these 3 teenagers work towards the goal of defeating a genocidal immortal cult leader shadowdemon known as Demon Drop whenever he comes back from an alternative dimension. Training The Trio, powerful fire mer Orange Hair does her best to provide The Trio with the skills and resources they need to take down Demon Drop when he returns...Why is it called Kidnapped then? Because Orange Hair kidnapped Kristy to make this team happen and that's when our story begins, with Kristy having to come to terms with all of this...

Roomies --- Skylar is a loud and asshole-y chameleon with dreams of becoming a musician. Axel is a very nerdy and nice dog dude whos trying his best to live a good life. Together, these 2 are polar opposites and roommates...Maybe even something more in the future if Axel can figure out his true feelings for Skylar over time. These 2 get into quite alot of shenaigans and have to deal with whatever life throws at them both.

(Note: Roomies is my side series and it's undergoing some major needed work over time. It's probably not gonna be updated a ton as a result but i am working on it on and off whenever i get more inspired lol.)

Plz tag art as #KidnappedSeriesFanart or #RoomiesSeriesFanart if you wanna give me fanart or something to...Or tag me, whatever, i'd love to see it!!! (am not expecting but people have wanted to a few times and i'm cool af with that as long as you aren't...Yknow, gross and whatever lol...)

ALSO!!!! Just cuz i post dialog stuff/rambling stuff from/about Kidnapped/Roomies doesn't mean they will be in the final projects...But it doesn't mean it won't make it in either lol so take it with a grain of salt. I needa share more stuff to get any sort of audience imo sooooooooo ima share these cuz these get the points across more then random artpieces in my mind so yeah lol... EVERYTHING IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE, PLEASE KEEP IN MIND...

Ik fandoms are a big thing here sooooooo here's some stuff i'm super into lol: -Regular Show (hyperfixation atm) (Also simp king Mordecai is my fave character, argue with the wall lmaooooooo) -Owl House -Steven Universe -Final Space -Tangled The Series -Amphibia (less so after the finale tho, ngl, oof) -Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (both lol, antis get the fuck lost, y'all make me feel real goddamn unsafe.) -If it's animated, i'm probably gonna be super into it lmao, i don't watch alotta live action stuff, i'm sorry oof X-X

Will say tho, i probably won't interact much other then like...Maybe an opinion here or there or just...Sharing art i like lol, i ain't lookin for drama or fights, plz no, i do not need it over silly cartoon shows that make my brain make seratonin juices lol

Other shiz i like: -Hiveswap (Homestuck too but Hiveswap moreso ngl lol) -Castle Swimmer -BIG into Elemental rn, we'll see how long that sticks lol -Mystery Flesh Pit National Park (fave internet story, god, i love the cosmic abomination, horror pit lol) -If it is shark/ocean/mer related, yes i want to see it, give it to me NOW...

Uhhhhhrm, will update more later lolololol

If you needa contact me, hmu lol (tho i am usually easier to reach later in the day/at night tbh...Ima lil night owl buttttttt sometimes i do have to get up earlier so yknow, i could surprise ya... XD

Dividers are NOT MINE; Go check out cafekitsune for these, they got some really pretty ones lol Link to the galaxy banners: https://www.tumblr.com/cafekitsune/727305515676418048/%F0%9D%90%8F%F0%9D%90%80%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91%F0%9D%90%8D-%F0%9D%90%81%F0%9D%90%80%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91%F0%9D%90%92-galaxy

Commissions? Nope, not atm. Idk if i will ever do those tbh lol... Art trades? Depends on the timing but hmu and we'll see!! Usually I'll say yes cuz it's p fun lol. (I would prefer to know the person/be mutuals tho so i am not doing free art for Johnny Mcrando yknow?) Gift art? I am always open to peeps making art for me so you can if you want. On my end, depends lol...Maybe if i'm up for it. Do you ever do fanart? I would do so much Regular Show fanart if my brain was not fried 24/7 with Kidnapped stuff so...dfhjfdhjfdhfd I wouldn't follow me for the hopes of that alas but perhaps someday, i have done it before!! :p

#Sharksa Shivers #UwU

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msparp-hell · 9 months

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On the person calling everyone pedophiles, I see them entertain asks that like, suggest having Underage means grooming is easier and as a victim I kinda lost my shit because my grooming happened from people who were morally against underage, noncon and incest. Like, straight up the fictional morals didn’t match their actions, I was groomed through the ro community on a few different occasions.

And basically I’m tired of the rhetoric that like, it’s safer if you ban that topic because you get rid of the grooming tool. Which no, you don’t. The roleplaying is the grooming tool and there’s no wat to get rid of it to protect it. I want, so desperately, for people to stop pretending that like, there isn’t a cognitive dissonance with people who hurt kids, and that these people don’t openly say they hate and want to kill pedophiles as well.

It’s tiring and frustrating and just enables grooming and as someone who never takes part in these discussions, I hate that I am always triggered under the guise of protecting survivors and kids.

It makes me feel like they don’t care about grooming survivors UNLESS they got groomed by underage, which, hate to break it to everyone who was groomed by it, it’s actually very rare for sexual content or porn to be used unless the minor was already engaging and positive to that, because it’s too risky.

Grooming is about building trust and rapport, Roleplaying is so easy to do, and to gain an emotional investment in the characters.

And considering at no point did I rp a minor with an adult (unless you count a sfw parent and child RP between me and my groomer, after we had characters that were adults in a relationship beforehand), and I still ended up being groomed, I think these people are stupid and I’m sick and tired of being triggered because people are acting like my groomers and their enablers 24/7 when talking about an ADULT ONLY RP SITE!!!

I don’t even really use MXRP except to write with my partner nowadays, but like, I can guarantee I have seen more open pedophiles in sfw, anti-pedophilia chat groups than I have nsfw/18+, underage allowed chat groups.

Because one typically has a higher rate of minors than the other one. And typically these people get into positions of power and make friends with people in charge and then get away with it. They’re usually beloved by communities or friends with people who are.

Openly being into lolisho and underage content typically makes that very hard and harder still to get into consistent contact with minors, especially to build up trust and rapport.

i mean yeah what's gonna have more groomers, the "18+ no kids allowed and if you're even 51% suspected of being a kid you get banned" group or the "this is a safe place for kids to be uwu" group??? no fucking brainer lmao

i would be much more concerned about children being around adults who bill themselves as Safe For Kids Trust Me than ones who are like "begone minor" like, uh, every single platform (sans older iterations of msparp) ive ever seen that has underage content on it lmfao

people act like parp inherently had groomers bc it allowed underage when it was really bc its old management (and that of adjacent sites e.g. charat) were just... straight up groomers who allowed and encouraged minors writing nsfw on the site

#anon #asks #msparp #mxrp

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mccoys-killer-queen · 4 years

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Here it is- this week’s playlist (1/31)

My attempt at a so called “radio show” where I recommend 10 songs to everyone. Take it or leave it, I’ll still do this either way lmao.

This week I gotta start off with some of my more obvious picks. There’s gonna be a lot of feel-good songs, as this is my first time doing this, and wanna start off strong. Plus, most of my all time favorites are feel-good songs.

Links to the songs are provided!

1.) I Don’t Want To Lose You- REO Speedwagon (1988) Okay, let’s get these guys out of the way first. As you all probably know by now, I’m the biggest sucker for REO on the planet, and I do believe I know I am the entirety of their fandom on this website. Some of the first music I ever remember hearing was by these guys, and even though you’re all probably sick of me talking about them, give this quick song a try to start things off. It’s super strong, and it BOPS- PERIOD. Today I had to pick up my sister and had this blasted the whole way there. This one is the leading song off of REO’s 1988 greatest hits album, and was made/included as a bonus track for it..

2.) Rockin’ Into the Night- 38 Special (1979) I feel like this list would be incomplete without including the first song I can recall ever listening to. My mother would normally drive me and my sisters to wherever she went when I was a toddler, and she’d always play her CDs in the car. One in particular that was circulated a lot was her 20th Century Masters: 38 Special disc. It was played so often that little me in the car seat behind her had it glued to the inside of my brain so early in life. I can’t say why I remember this song in particular as the “first one ever”, but I probably think it’s because of the over enunciated and consistent line of stressed syllables in the chorus. That ROCK-IN-IN-TO-THE-NIGHT just sounded like pure gibberish to a 3 year old. I guess it fascinated me somehow.

3.) Roll Away the Stone- Mott the Hoople (1973)

So far on this list, I’ve only included songs from my distant past. This song, I’ve only gotten into within the past two years (and that goes for Mott in general), so to me, it’s still a song from my very recent present. This is by far my favorite Mott song, cos it’s just so joyful, hopeful and fun (not to mention it has a nice, bright, mellow, catchy 70s vibe. Kind of half-hippie, if you will). That opening riff is undeniable. I feel like you guys will like this song apart from the others on this list- it gives off some energy that I feel will fit a lot of people I know on here. This song is definitely the odd man out on this week’s list.

4.) Sad Songs (Say So Much)- Elton John (1984) Ah, Elton. How do you pick only one song by him? I only picked this one because it was probably the only good thing that came out of my first job. I worked at a department store, and heard the same 50 songs EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I’d never heard of this when I started working there, but in due time, it was just about the only thing I had to look forward to every day in that job besides going home. It’s a real 80′s-sounding anthem about “suffering enough to write it down” in which he and Bernie really capture the universal feeling of shoveling sad songs into your ongoing dumpster fire of sadness.

5.) Shakin’- Eddie Money (1982)

I was deeply hurt by this wonderful man’s passing in September of 2019, and still find it hard to believe. I grew up on some of Eddie’s hits and hardly ever knew it until very recent years, and, like many, I wish he had more time with us. It’s songs like this one that act like a cage and trap the memory of any wonderful time, making Eddie still very much alive. This song was definitely my summer anthem of last year, and I feel like upon listening to it, y’all will suddenly feel like it’s a hot summer evening, you’re in love, and you’re heading out for a good drive. Eddie’s music lets the good times roll, indeed.

6.) My Kinda Lover- Billy Squier (1981) I know my followers really like The Dirt, and I watched it again this week, so I had to include one of the few non-Crue songs from the movie. This song was used when Vince is singing at the pool party, and the Crue guys meet him. This is one of those songs where when I willingly listened to it for the first time, I went “wait, that’s THIS song??” Of course I’ve heard this before, but I never knew the name of it, or who it was by. It’s such a swinging, confident, bold, happy song about sticking with your lover because you just can’t see yourself doing anything else. Fucking adorable, and catchy as all fuck. Probably in my top 3 out of everything on this list. Someone on this site recently said that Billy Squier deserves more love on here- and I AGREE.

7.) Urgent- Foreigner (1981) This song doesn’t just bop, or bang, but it grooves. That sax just hits you in the best spot, the bass is just uGh- so good, and I can’t stop myself from busting a move at least a little bit whenever this comes on. Yes, this song is very horny, but it does it so so poetically, maturely, and it does it in all seriousness. This seriousness, I feel, is partly because it’s about a relationship between two people that is purely for the passion, but both parties believe that their lust for each other is always of the utmost urgency. What a topic for a song! Great song about a bad relationship.

8.) Photograph- Def Leppard (1983) Duh. Of course Leppard was gonna come in here sooner or later. And I know, I’m starting off with a cliche Leppard song, but this one also just so happens to be my second most favorite song of all time. A fast-paced, tragic anthem of being in love with a photograph because the real person is either dead or not real. Maybe it hits a little too close to home, being in the classic rock fandom and all, but you can’t deny that this song just SLAMS in every way imaginable. Booming guitars, earth-shattering drums, tragic lyrics, and every time Joe screams in this, I just fall in love even more. Not to mention the backing vocals are to DIE for.

9.) Hammer to Fall- Queen (1984) Also duh. You want a song that gives off Queen’s Big Dick Energy? Here ya go. I personally never heard of this song until I saw Bohemian Rhapsody in theaters, but boy, am I glad I did. This is one of those Queen songs where you can clearly say “boy, this ROCKS”. Definitely one of Queen’s more mature songs, but in the best of ways. They just scream it flat out for you, “What the hell we fighting for?!” For me, Roger’s drums are the best part of this one. Hits a huge crowd through lyrics as well as the huge rock and roll energy it gives off. Truly a Live Aid-worthy song.

10.) Only the Young- Journey (1985) I’m ending this list with this song because it really gets my excitement up a lot. Every time that intro hits me, I just feel like sprinting up a fucking mountain, across a huge bridge, or through a wide open space. This one really makes me feel like I’m running to something that I’m really excited about, or heading on an exciting adventure. It gives off that 80s energy of having more power to the youth of the generation, talking about how they’re a “generation waiting for dawn”, even after the “golden age” that preceded them that they’re expected to live up to. They’re also called brave because they have to live through the promises and lies that they “dare to tell”. In a time with so much hate towards the younger generations, I think it’s important to remember an empowering song like this. Get that excitement up, take pride in your young generation- “the bold and the strong”- and go sprint up a fucking mountain. This one’s also the first track off Journey’s 1988 greatest hits album.

Even if you take the time to listen to one of these songs, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed!

#half of these songs are pretty short anyhow #reo speedwagon #38 special #mott the hoople #elton john #eddie money #billy squier #foreigner #def leppard #queen #journey #classic rock #weekly playlists #raydio gaga

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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735

Hola, hablas espanol? Un poco. Haha most of my Spanish is based off of context clues from similar words and phrases that we have in Filipino, and the very basic lessons I’ve gotten from Duolingo if that even counts, so I most likely would not survive a conversation. Overall though, I can read Spanish much more quickly and better than I can listen to/speak it. Music is playing right now, isn't it? What song? No but for some reason I have the OST of one of the Mario Kart 8 tracks playing in my head. Do you use AIM? What's your screen name? No, I didn’t really catch that era anymore. How many cell phones have you gone through in your life? I had two of the classic Nokia phones, a flip phone, a hand-me-down from my dad, two iPhone 5S, and my current iPhone 8 so that makes it a total of seven. Do you have a little sister? What's her name? Yeah. We’ve always called her Nina at home but for some reason she chose to go with her full first name in school and everywhere else, so it’s always a source of confusion when her friends and I are in the same room and we call her different names hahaha.

Who was the last person you screamed at? Why were you screaming? I think my mom? I was filming my dad doing one of the Tiktok dances (yep, my parents are into Tiktok lmaooooo) but my mom blocked the camera at some point so I jokingly yelled at her to go away. Can you crack your joints? Which ones? Just my fingers, which is all I ever feel like cracking anyway. What's your favorite name for a guy? And a girl? I repeat my fave girls’ names too much on this damn site, y’all know at least one of them by now. I don’t really think of boys’ names but I suppose my current favorite is Miguel. Are you good at answering trick questions? I don’t really encounter them a lot so I wouldn’t know. Do you use Myspace or Facebook? Or both? I don’t use Myspace/was never addicted to it the way I am to like Twitter now. I do use Facebook for various reasons – to stay connected to family, to be updated with announcements from school, to communicate for work, and to share memes hahahaha. Do you need spellcheck in order to spell things correctly? Not really. Sometimes I’ll Google a word before typing it out to be 100% sure but it’s only usually for words that are commonly misspelled, like ‘occasionally.’ Do you do too many surveys? How many have you done today? I don’t know if taking them daily counts as taking them too much but to be fair I only take one to three surveys a day. I definitely take much fewer surveys than I did, like, seven years ago when I would fill out ten a day. Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone? Who? I remember trying to like bands like The Summer Set, You Me At Six, The Maine, We Came As Romans, This Century, etc in Grade 6 because all the cooler, hipster kids liked them. UGH thinking about how I acted during that period is so cringe because I never even liked any of the fucking music but I tried so hard to, lmao. There were only three bands I ended up genuinely enjoying: All Time Low, Sleeping With Sirens, and We Are the In Crowd. After that I stopped paying attention to what people liked. Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? I think it was Macy. She has changed a lot and it’s obvious we are not as close as before and when we do talk it’s mostly awkward small talk. I don’t know what happened along the way, but I just hope she’s happy. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? I usually have stuff printed in school because with my dad not being home most of the time, my mom and brother never printing anything, and my sister living in a dorm, it doesn’t seem worth it to keep buying ink just for me. The last thing I printed was a news article I needed to turn in for business writing class. What's your favorite number? Is there any reason that's your favorite? 4. I honestly liked it initially because it’s Beyoncé’s favorite number so I just stuck with that answer for the longest time haha. What kind of shampoo do you use? Does it smell amazing? It’s one of the Dove shampoos. It’s nothing life-changing but seeing as it’s a hair care product, it of course smells nice and decent. Do you go to concerts? What was the last one you attended? Not a lot. I save my attendance for my absolute favorites which means that so far I’ve been to two Paramore shows and one One Direction show. I make sure they’re bigger, more mainstream acts that don’t happen in the Philippines a lot because it’s my dad who pays, and I wanna make sure what I’m asking him to treat me to is gonna be a super super worth it experience, if that makes sense. Have you ever had a conversation with someone through bulletins? I don’t think so. Do you shop online? With your own credit card, or someone else's? I have food delivered from online but I barely buy other stuff online. I use cash on delivery since I don’t own any kind of card. Who's your best friend? How long have you known each other? I’ve known Angela for 15 years and Gab for 9. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? She freaked out and thought we were rushing too much at 17, which she was right about. Have you ever gotten your nails done? Or do you get them done regularly? Never but Gabie keeps telling me that we should have a nail day hahahaha. Idk, I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of someone working on my fingers or toes or any part of my body. Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? Sure. I stepped out into our backyard to walk my dog for a few minutes in the afternoon; in the evening my family and I had dinner on our rooftop which is technically a part of outside. Tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. It was one of the more recent segments from a Korean reality show I watch. It’s not gonna be funny if I narrate it lmao but suffice it to say it’s a show about kids and their dads, and the kid that I watched in particular is exceptionally smart for his age and says a lot of witty things. One of the things he said was bullseye for me and I ended up nearly screaming in laughter at 3 AM. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? 2008. We never changed my bed from when we first moved here. Yes, I’d say it is. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? I loved playing at the sandbox because I found the texture really fun to touch and play with; I also liked the swing and the trapeze bars.

Have you ever buried a time capsule with a friend? Did you dig it up yet? Nope. I find them very interesting though. Tell me one thing you'd like to change in 2010. There's gotta be something. That was a whole-ass decade ago, holy shit. I don’t remember what I sought for 2010 back in 2009 but I imagine one of them is for me to find a friend to be with because it was in 2010 that two of my closest friends, Andi and Angel, both migrated to New Zealand and Canada. Spoiler alert: I didn’t, and I was sad the entire year. Do you have or want any tattoos? Of what? Yes. The only design I can think of right now is my dog’s pawprint. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, it was in my parents’ old Mitsubishi Lancer. I was with my mom and I drove too close to curbs/walls the entire time haha. Do any of your friends drink excess amounts of alcohol? Do you? JM drank a lot at the start of the quarantine to the point that I started to get worried, but I think he’s lessened his intake in the last few weeks. Other than him I don’t know anyone with a drinking problem. I certainly don’t have one. What color is your favorite hoodie? When did you get it? Hoodies aren’t really my thing so I don’t have a favorite one. How many pairs of shoes do you have? Are they under your bed? Around 10-15 would be a safe guess. They’re in a shoe rack in a bodega-like space underneath our stairs. What exactly is under your bed? Is it a mess? Not a mess. I just have my old WWE magazines and other various magazines that I collected as a teenager with Beyoncé and Kristen Stewart on the cover stored in two large containers. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Not by the police, lol byeeeeeeeeeeee What's your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? I join games a lot more and I’m generally friendlier and louder. I can be the first two when I’m sober, just a lot more reserved. When was the last time you bled? What happened? I caught a mosquito sucking blood off of my knee a week ago. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Nope. Do you actually have a calendar on your wall? What are the pictures of? I do not. When are you planning on moving out of your parents' house? In 2-3 years when I’ve saved enough, probably. I’m itching to do it as soon as I can though. Tell me about your day today. :) It was my parents’ 23rd wedding anniversary so we had a bigger brunch that consisted of pancit Malabon, several sticks of barbecue, sisig, and various kakanin to celebrate. The afternoon was uneventful and I just spent most of it brushing up on my Spanish lessons hah, then I had a quick siesta; then for dinner we had burgers from a local place that recently opened again while the quarantine is ongoing. Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any pets? I LOVE dogs, except for chihuahuas which I genuinely am unable to start liking because of (most of) their personalities. I will definitely care for one if I see them starving at a road but ugh idk, I just like all other dogs a lot more. And I know there are cuddly and behaved chihuahuas out there but I’ve simply seen more feisty ones and since then it’s been hard to have my mind changed about them. Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you? My sister graduated in 2018. Have you ever been on a cruise? How many? Where did they go? Yeah, just once, for my 18th birthday. I went to China, Japan, and South Korea.

#survey #surveys

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mimimariet · 5 years

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month 3

Not really documenting how my meds are affecting me or anything anymore. (Just did a 1 week review LOL) Cause I’m still in depressive slumps. Though now it’s like. I’ll be a manic piece of shit during work and I come home and I’m immediately depressed. This has been going on for the last 2 weeks, almost 3. I’m wondering if theres more to me than I think there is? I’m questioning my own brain now. I know my home is a toxic environment and work is just a good distraction but my god it’s soooooooooooooooo fucking annoying going back to how I was MONTHS PRIOR to this medication. I am fully aware I need a doctor in the psych field. To actually better treat my bipolar and shit. I always mention how the last time it went i was seeing a dude who would tell me I’d amount to nothing and live under the bridge I should walk over cause I was obese.

Y’know my meds now made me put on 10 pounds. My diet.. hasn’t changed. I had consistently stayed 166 for MONTHS and 2 months into this medication I’ve put on 10 pounds.

And I’m still emotionally fucking unstable and of course I’m terrified of losing the people I hold dear to me. Which. Isn’t a lot. But still. Cause it fucking happened before. “Oh I love you, your mental health won’t scare ME off!” And then you vanished, weird. I’m having deja vu.

The things I’ve noticed:

My mania is more apparent and holy shit am I annoying, my mom should’ve aborted me.

My energy is really weird.

I sleep heavily instead of lightly ? I guess. Cause it makes you sleep. So. Eh.

Optimistic at weird times.

I’ve become a little more socially inclusive whereas I was becoming extremely exclusive / isolated.

Things that seem to remain the same:

Crying every night over my own agony when I know it could be worse but my brain keeps telling me to just fucking die and reminds me of every bad interaction I’ve had with people and how my life is literally stagnant.

I am emotionally draining and I don’t know why people associate with me at all. I’m no one of high importance, I know my worth, but I’m reminded I should really fucking get a grip and stop believing that. I do know my qualities as a person: I’m fun, high energy and loving. I’m also bitter and really fucking cold when there’s been nothing on the receiving end. Which.. you know.. is when it’s time to cut out people. Really. I rather avoid any unnecessary drama. I know there’s no way to actually say “hey, I’m leaving. Don’t be mad, it’s just me. Not you. I’m still here though.” I have enough drama in this household. Life is just weird ? Like. My homes toxic. Not only mentally but jesus this house is DISGUSTING. Florida is SHITTY IN GENERAL. The people here.. god bless them.

I’ve been nothing but stressed. And terrified I’m gonna lose people from me just.. always being depressed. Reaching out all “hey i’m here if you need me” like that really doesn’t do anything for me and I’m sorry but it’s useless. I don’t really need a pep talk or a reminder either. I just need to get a grip. I just wanna be happy but I’ll never achieve that.

On top of that I worry about my love life. I know people love me and ooohh my amazing qualities ^_^ but I feel like.. I’ll never find someone who will just look at me and go “ABSOLUTELY. MINE. THE BEST. I LOVE U. WED ME.” and be comfortable with me and work with my fuckery (and my hideousness cause I’ll never be happy with whomst I see in the mirror..). I’m nooooooooot looking for anyone though. Also have trust issues. Thumbs up. (I fall in love pretty quickly, but I’ll neeever do dating sites or the such.)

GUESS I’VE NEVER REALLY LEARNED HOW TO COPE OR LET GO OF ANYTHING. I’ll hold a grudge and a heartbreak til I fucking DIE cause I’m just that unstable.

At the same time though, when people go on about never finding someone I’ll say “hey, you really don’t need anyone to live a fulfilling life. Love yaself” or some bullshit I spew. Like. I rather be alone. HOWEVER I CAN’T. CAUSE I NEED SOMEONE. I’m very.. ugh. I’m not clingy. I’m clingy but I’m not. I just want someone to claim and be claimed. I’m very devoted when I’m in love. Since for whatever reason people wanna say “clingy is toxic / abusive behavior” cool thanks I’m not abusive.. maybe a little toxic. I can’t be perfect all the time. I keep my fucking mouth shut don’t I? Not really.

I just wanna be coddled and properly loved. I’ve.. not really ever had that. Everything was restricted. I hate being touched but god damn it I wanna be held lmao. I wanna be comfortable.

With myself and with someone.

My faith is so extremely low and the other bit of all this is my focus on my art and my comics and blah blah It’s taking me So Long to DO ANYTHING. I’d step down to part time at my job but I’d lose my AMAZING BENEFITS. (my 5% discount at doctors offices cause I’ve limited travel! Lol! It cost me nearly $300 just to talk to someone about the meds I’m on and am almost out of! I still owe $100!!!! I tossed the bill out!!!!!!!!!!!) I need the full time hours especially if I want to move out of here. I’m stuck. I’M STUCK. I’m fucking STUCK. I don’t DRIVE YET. Lifes expensive and bitch I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS.

Things I’m fully aware of: I’m worth something, I have value and importance, I need to find actual help, I need to take the steps necessary for some healing process, I need to be on more than just 1 thing to keep my stable, I need to find balance and a system I can work with, I need to eat better and sleep better (Even tho my energy is very lunar fueled.) I can’t stress about the unknown, I need to do the scary things.

I don’t have an issue with opening up and vulnerability, I just get really embarrassed that I’m like this and I fucking breakdown crying when I do. Like. I can go on about everything in the book. Actually using my vocal cords for such a thing.. not entirely impossible.. Just extremely difficult.

Why even make things public? Hm? What’s the good in that? You’re just bitching for attention on the internet. No one needs to know about this! My aunt inquiring why, when I am 24 years old and am allowed to do as I fucking please.

Mental health is such a.. gently brushed on topic by a lot people and very focused on by a select few others. Acknowledgement is very important in this day and age. As a reminder to others looking, you’re not alone. Be it bipolar or bpd or PTSD etc etc.. When I was 13-17, no one was saying shit other than my doctor talking shit about me being useless. So y’know, 24 years old, still very much so struggling but still surviving. It hurts. It sucks. Eventually it’ll get better. I know on the internet it looks like everyones queer and sad which probably so, but it’s a little comforting to know that you’re not the only sad bitch. Cause you go about your business in a world where people just emit neurotypical behaviors and don’t understand, look at you like you’re a crackhead cause you’re manic af. Hello. Hi. It’s me you’re talking about.

Anyway, I’m not happy and I want to be happy. Being some nightly ritual of crying alone in your bed.. Is sooooooooooo exhausting..

#the bipolar

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i-like-your-genitalia · 7 years

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You are going to kill me... buuut all 200 questions? I'm keeping you busy and thinking about your life

200: My crush’s name is: Jennifer  

199: I was born in: a hospital? (Jks 1998) 

198: I am really: funny  

197: My cellphone company is: Lebara 

196: My eye color is: boring ol’ brown  

195: My shoe size is: a ladies 9 

194: My ring size is: I actually don’t know 

193: My height is: 5'10  

192: I am allergic to: nothing surprisingly  

191: My 1st car was: 1998 Subaru Legacy (the station wagon) 

190: My 1st job was: Checkout Worker 

189: Last book you read: The Accident Man 

188: My bed is: a king  

187: My pet: I don’t have one atm  

186: My best friend: Anushka  

185: My favorite shampoo is: I don’t have one (but I like anything coconut or tropical scented) 

184: Xbox or ps3: don’t care  

183: Piggy banks are: lit 

182: In my pockets: I’m a girl, only 20% of my clothes have pockets big enough to put anything in  

181: On my calendar: “Spotify Premium runs out on the 27th of August" 

180: Marriage is: Not married  

179: Spongebob can:  

178: My mom: is awesome  

177: The last three songs I bought were? Whatever I listened to last on Spotify?  

176: Last YouTube video watched: review on Aztec clay face mask  

175: How many cousins do you have? 4 step cousins and then 6 blood related cousins  

174: Do you have any siblings? Just a younger sister  

173: Are your parents divorced? Nah they still together and in love  

172: Are you taller than your mom? Only just  

171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the piano  

170: What did you do yesterday? Worked

[ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: kinda  

168: Luck: yes  

167: Fate: not really  

166: Yourself: sometimes  

165: Aliens: yes  

164: Heaven: yes  

163: Hell: no  

162: God: yes  

161: Horoscopes: I mostly enjoy the zodiac memes and compatibility and personality horoscopes  

160: Soul mates: yes, but I believe you have more than one  

159: Ghosts: yes  

158: Gay Marriage: big yes  

157: War: nope 

156: Orbs: it would be cool but I’m neutral  

155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ] 

154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs  

153: Drunk or High: Drunk  

152: Phone or Online: Online  

151: Red heads or Black haired: Red heads  

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Blondes  

149: Hot or cold: Hot  

148: Summer or winter: Summer  

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn  

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate  

145: Night or Day: Day  

144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges  

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly  

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Maccas  

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate  

140: Mac or PC: Mac 

139: Flip flops or high heels: High Heels  

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor  

137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke 

136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA 

135: Burried or cremated: Cremated  

134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing  

133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel  

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they? 

131: Small town or Big city: Big city  

130: Wal-Mart or Target: I haven’t been to either  

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller  

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure  

127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast  

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: this is too cruel to answer  

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate  

124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney  

123: Yankees or Red Sox: um don’t care

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 

122: War: It’s expensive and unnecessary and should be a last resort. It’s not worth the lives lost, people injured and relocated. The monetary cost is ridiculous and it barley solves anything. It cause more issues and potentially more wars

121: George Bush: did 9/11 

120: Gay Marriage: It’s actually crazy how long and how much effort it took to get this accepted. And I just hope this right isn’t taken away!  

119: The presidential election: Donald Trump and Pence need to die or be locked up forever, I don’t even understand how anyone thought that Hilary Clinton would be worse.  

118: Abortion: Pro-choice for the win  

117: MySpace: I wasn’t old enough for this  

116: Reality TV: my guilty pleasure tbh  

115: Parents: I love my parents and they are good to me. But it would be great if they could be less homophobic.  

114: Back stabbers: I don’t know why people feel the need to intentionally hurt and embarrass someone, especially someone who isn’t prepared for it or trusts you  

113: Ebay: I don’t really use eBay  

112: Facebook: I use it to tag my non tumblr friends in memes and to stalk people  

111: Work: I’m sick of my job but I’m having to stick it out for now.  

110: My Neighbors: They are seasonal but if their kids could not move and rearrange the bedroom at the ass crack of dawn that would be fantastic  

109: Gas Prices: New Zealand, especially in the towns. Gas prices are so high. Spain isn’t so bad 

108: Designer Clothes: I’d rather have more clothes than one designer one  

107: College:  

106: Sports: I have zero hand eye coordination and therefore hate sports! But I will watch the Olympics  

105: My family: They are cool for the most part  

104: The future: is scary and it makes me wanna throw up if I think too much about it

[ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: like a week ago  

102: Last time you ate: I’m eating chocolate right now  

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: my grandparents and my cousins today  

100: Cried in front of someone: it’s been forever  

99: Went to a movie theater: like a good 6-8 months ago 

98: Took a vacation: ummm like 4 months ago  

97: Swam in a pool: yesterday  

96: Changed a diaper: not since my babysitting days  

95: Got my nails done: literally before I left New Zealand so 5 months ago 

94: Went to a wedding: it’s been years  

93: Broke a bone: never actually broken anything in my body  

92: Got a peircing: I got my ears pieced when I was 12  

91: Broke the law: Probably when I was driving, speeding or something but nothing I've been charged with lmao 

90: Texted: like a couple of hours ago

[ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: my sister  

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: having consistently good home cooked meals  

87: The last movie I saw: probably shrek  

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: being back in New Zealand! Or doing some travelling  

85: The thing im not looking forward to: working  

84: People call me: gay 83: The most difficult thing to do is: be honest  82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: I actually haven’t  

81: My zodiac sign is: Leo  

80: The first person i talked to today was: my girlfriend  

79: First time you had a crush: the first crush I remember, I was in year 4 (so 8 years old) and it was on this boy named Joseph  

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: I’m good at hiding things tbh  

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my sister when my mum and dad were talking shit  

76: Right now I am talking to: my sister and my friends from New Zealand  

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hairdressing tho I kinda would like to do pre school/nursery/kindergarten teaching  

74: I have/will get a job: currently working as front of house at a little supermarket  

73: Tomorrow: I’m working and doing house work 

72: Today: I slept and then worked  

71: Next Summer: I will hopefully be enjoying the sunshine  

70: Next Weekend: Working yet again and having dinner with my grandparents  

69: I have these pets: Definitely a cat, and also a dog  

68: The worst sound in the world: chalk or finger nails on a chalkboard  

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself  

66: People that make you happy: my sister, my friends and my girlfriend  

65: Last time I cried: when I watched beauty and the beast  

64: My friends are: absolutely incredible, I don’t deserve them 

63: My computer is: I don’t have one anymore  

62: My School: I’m not in school  

61: My Car: I don’t have a car atm  

60: I lose all respect for people who: are snakes  

59: The movie I cried at was: beauty and the beast 

58: Your hair color is: brown and boring  57: TV shows you watch: Atm limitless, shooter, Shetland, Rewatching Criminal Minds, AHS and Black Mirror 

56: Favorite web site: boohoo.com or iherb  

55: Your dream vacation: A cruise or a historical/relaxed tour of the ancient world  

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: in a tie between slamming my fingers in a car door or when I got a virus (it’s a really bad version of food poisoning) and I actually thought I was gonna die.  

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium to well done  

52: My room is: relatively clean and currently got that minimal plant theme going  

51: My favorite celebrity is: Dua Lipa  

50: Where would you like to be: with @dysfunctionalgroup 

49: Do you want children: yeah one day  

48: Ever been in love: yes  

47: Who’s your best friend: Anushka  

46: More guy friends or girl friends: it used to be a balance but now mostly girl friends  

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: cute underwear and a good nights sleep  

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: 

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: yes 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: mentally but it’s not written down anywhere  

41: Have you pre-named your children: no, but I have some names I really like lined up  

40: Last person I got mad at: my sister  

39: I would like to move to: the Uk or NZ  

38: I wish I was a professional:

[ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: Reece’s pieces or skittles  

36: Vehicle: Kinda want a Range Rover or a Land Rover but in the old style. Or a classic car 

35: President: Obama 

34: State visited: ive never been to America  

33: Cellphone provider: Lebara  

32: Athlete: my bio teacher, she played for a big women’s netball team  

31: Actor: Jensen Ackles  

30: Actress: Gal Gadot  

29: Singer: Dua Lipa 

28: Band: The Internet

27: Clothing store: h&m or boohoo 

26: Grocery store: I don’t have one  

25: TV show: Brooklyn 99 

24: Movie: I have too many  

23: Website: this hell hole 

22: Animal: Cats or Goats  

21: Theme park: I’ve only been to Disney  

20: Holiday: Christmas and Halloween  

19: Sport to watch: Gymnastics  

18: Sport to play: None 

17: Magazine: who reads magazines anymore  

16: Book: the Mysterious Benedict Society  

15: Day of the week: Friday  

14: Beach: as long as it’s sandy I’m cool  

13: Concert attended: J Cole 

12: Thing to cook: Pizza and Sweet and Sour Pork  

11: Food: Cheesburgers  

10: Restaurant: Any that sell food I like  

9: Radio station: ZM

8: Yankee candle scent: most of them

7: Perfume: Dolce and Gabbana, Floral Drops

6: Flower: forget me nots

5: Color: Green

4: Talk show host: don’t have a fave

3: Comedian: don’t have a fave

2: Dog breed: Border Collie

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Guess you’ll never know

#all done #my asks #answered asks #ask me anything

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oodlyenough · 7 years

Text

A hundred million years ago @abadplanwellexecuted tagged me in this writing meme but I think at the time I wasn’t really doing a lot of writing so I never answered it. Anyway here we go!

Where do you publish your work? Where haven’t I published work at this point t b h. The mainstay now is AO3, and also Tumblr, I guess, which is the world’s most useless fic hosting site, but here we are. It used to be LJ. All my Doctor Who stuff is on Teaspoon. Way, way back in the day my HP fic always went on UnknowableRoom.org, shout out 2 my roomies. Sometimes but inconsistently I’ll use FF.net. For consistency I am thirty2flavors everywhere but here.

What medium/application/etc. do you write in or with? Google Docs! This started as a way of easily working on collab fic, and I used to write in MS Word and paste into Google, but now it’s just all Google all the time. It autosaves! Also the Google Drive smartphone app changed my life, I can jot down a line or edit or review or whatever anywheeeere.

Do you collaborate with others? Most of my best and longest DW fics were written with goldy_dollar, which was a lot of fun. I don’t think I’d ever be motivated to finish a 50k+ work if I was left to my own devices -- it’s great to be able to shove it off at someone else when I’m stuck on a scene, lmao, and to have a sounding board to plot with.

How much editing do you do before you publish? Well once a story is complete I usually only take a day or so to edit the final product, but I’m editing pretty consistently as I go along. I can usually pinpoint which sections I’m not happy with and which I want to flesh out more etc and I’ll hack at them as I go.

Do you listen to music when you write? I did this a lot when I was younger but now I find it distracting more than anything. I might listen to it while editing, or while desperately scrambling for a title, or while ...thinking about what I want to do with a story (as opposed to actually writing).

How do you decide what to write about? If we mean specifically what kind of stories I write (as opposed to what fandom/etc), usually it’s a combination of 1 which characters and/or relationships I’m most fascinated by and 2 which parts of the canon I want/need fleshed out more. So... here’s a set of characters, which of their experiences or thoughts or relationships do I want to expand on? What parts of their relationship did we not get to see that I am curious about? Etc. I like to write (and read) fic that expands on the canon rather than replacing it, so finding the moments that could use elaboration is usually key.

When do you write? Primarily at night but that’s not surprising I guess since I work regular hours.

How often do you write? When I am feeling ~inspired I write a lot quite often, probably at least for an hour or two a day. But then I go 10 months without writing a word, so it’s give and take.

Do you take requests? Why/why not? Not usually. I mean, I guess if someone were to submit some I wouldn’t be mad, I just have a no guarantee policy. Sometimes I do fic meme prompt things when I really want to write but have no idea what to write about, but those are usually risky and I am historically quite bad at fulfilling most prompts. I’m especially bad at fulfilling plot type prompts, like, “Character X/Character B soulmate AU” or something. I always pick and chose the open-to-interpretation song lyric/inspirational quote/one-liner prompts in those fic memes back in the day.

Is there any genre or type of story you want to write but are hesitant to? I guess it’d be cool if I could write longer stories on my own, but... I cannot. Plot’s hard. Feelings forever. Also once upon a time I used to entertain notions of writing original fiction but I think it is clear that ship has sailed.

Any inspirational quotes, videos, tricks, articles, etc. that help you stay motivated? lmao, no. My motivation is entirely “do I really like a thing right now and if so do I have a lot of things to say about it in fic form”. If the answer to either of those is no, nothing’s gonna help.

#adventures in fic writing #meme answers #fic stuff

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