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#literally sobbing at the old one. what Was that
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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kenobster · 1 month
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Everything about recovery is just so unfair.
You're living a certain way, probably because it's been the only way that made you feel okay, and then you find out that your way of living isn't serving you as well as you thought it was. So you have to learn from scratch how to live a completely different way. At a time when you're at your lowest, when you're most exhausted, when you most need to feel safe, you have to do the opposite of what has been helping. It's the only way to get better.
Worse, everyone else has had a huge head start. Years and years ago, they all learned how to do the things that you're just barely learning now. And whether or not they mean to, they expect you to know how to do the things you don't know how to do. If you're frustrated or struggling or just need a break sometimes from this New Way of Living, then that's too bad. Your mental health is your responsibility now. You're expected to take expert accountability for things you only have a novice's understanding of — and at a time when you're the most prone to the habits the pain has been causing you.
It's just so impossibly hard, and you have to do it all without even an ounce of hope that it'll get any easier.
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imissjensi · 2 years
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listen listen listen that part in nightfall where bronte is incredibly understanding of amy needing to be in the lost cities and him excited to see a human experience it for the first time in thousands of years and when greyfell bends to let bronte fly him and bronte goes “well i’ll be…” like an old man seeing something astonishing is SO FUCKING GOOD OMG
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galpalaven · 1 year
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-muffled because I'm hiding my face in my hands- ...Mortal Kombat OC
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red1sart · 1 year
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MOBHEADS HOW WE FEELING
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the-acid-pear · 1 year
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Yall dont even know how badly down i was for this guy back in the day. Mf had me eating off the palm of his hand.
#luly talks#im pretty sure hes the main reason why im so into eyepatches in characters#at least one of the reasons at least#he was so hot AND FOR WHAT#TO SPEND HALF OF THE GAME JUST PUKING BLOOD#i remember close to nothing about this game but that scene had little kid me like sobbing and screaming and ripping my hair off#im exaggerating but not entirely im sure i cried when it looked like he was going to die#fucking okegom itself had me eating off the palm of their hand when i was a kid which#ITS BAD I KNOW LMAO but man. zany emoji but man. these silly little characters had me ON MY KNEES i swear to god#i dont actually remember if i was down as bad for anyone in wadanohara i guess. idate? and the octopus#but it was NOTHING like what me and wodahs had. or nega. although w nega it was platonic love i didnt wanna fuck that thing#i spoke of nega before the moment he died was one of the hardest blows kid me took#i mean they fucking crucified my man. they nailed him to the fucking cross. i was like 8.#my 8 year old ass did NOT need to see my at the time all time fave be fucking crucified i literally was crying so fucking hard#this sort of *grips table* way of interacting w shit did carry me to UT where when papyrus died i was like NOOOOOOOOOOO#bc i used to be a papyrus girlie yeah#part time sans girlie too i mean who wasnt back then but it was platonic never wished to fuck him#i dont remember if i didnt wanna fuck paps tho#i DO remember wanting to fuck grillby tho KFAJDHBGJH#when i got into lisa i was already too old and too normal to go as crazy anymore#no games ever managed to make me as emotional as Mogeko Castle and TGG just cuz of wodahs tho
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astrxealis · 1 year
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good morning 🥺
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorrey ... not active ..... lots going on but also not (?)#IDK anyways i've reconnected w an old friend who's a childhood friend bcs shes the daughter of my mom's friend ^___^#she said she's gna get into the 1975 more !! but she's alrdy going to the arctic monkey's concert soon which is super cool#and i rmbr our mom asked me and lune if we knew them too <3 but we didn't know there was a legit concert SOBS#yeah miss her a lot and it's sweet how wnvr we do reconnect a bit it always so happens we're into the same thing of sorts :((#AND THEN! wow idk i've grown a lil less hesitant. somehow. idk. literally replied to the story on ig of a guy ik but haven't talked to in ag#ages* purely bcs he kept posting like woaaa based game and then ff6 best ff so i was like SO TRUE but have u played 14#and he has NOT but does want to and then wow we could have had a lil convo but i left to watch a movie sorry bro <//3#what else ... hmm ..... WELL. an old friend from all the way in 6th grade. okay so we often message each other a bit just like 'hey wna be#grpmates' or smth like that and that one time where they gave me a lil help for the chem grp work and i'm like. just comfy talking like#myself fr BUT THENNN messaged me sometime last week bcs. like smth w a grpwork and they got anxious they did smth wrong#bcs no one in the gc replied to them (sorry i didn't either SOBS) T___T ended up turning the convo to 'hey wt abt i finally try to talk w u#properly more' and HELL YEAHHH we both r the kinds that talk/type a lot but sometimes dip and disappear how lovely /gen LMAO <3#idk. uhm. with the school fair we have booths and shifts for the booths and my group is the one with uhh the 4 kids who i'm often groups#with and they're all the. yk kids. ppl who i'd get along w and i've been classmates w all of em b4 but you see they're a grp of friends now#RAGHH ONE OF THEM IK LIKES PERSONA (MULTIPLE?? IDK. they once were like yo apollo u seem like u like persona lol#IDK WHAT THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN but yes i do have akechi and ren charms on my backpack for school#AND THEN ONE is into like gi pjsk a lot of rhythm games and gacha mobile but all like uhh. yeah? tot love live bandori ... still cool fr tho#she's rlly nice tbh lol ^___^ wait tbh all of them are HELP but uhm idk but it's nice when ppl r nice to me#tbf that's literally how i got my first crush BUT WE DON'T TALK ABT THAT !! yk sometimes i unconsciously wonder abt her or look for her and#then i did see her again after a few months since seeing her early in on the school year bcs shes in basketball and i hung out at the uhh#covered court w my best friend whos in another varsity bcs we stayed late at school that day to help out w fair preparations!#i refuse to like her again but i realize i like that familiarity with feelings and uhmm yeah shes cool ig i kinda wish i was less. uhm. shy#back then? you see i barely cld talk to her ... LIKE. she'd be like. heyy! and do shit sometimes and i WOULDN'T TALK or just smile and#mumble RAFGHHHFHFHDHH but she'd say hi to me and include me in things and jokes and it made me rlly /@!(@/'dmdkzn okay#AND sometimes when i do talk back I am SOOOO GODDAMN AWKWARD GOOD GODS anyways now i'm like. less awkward. or maybe i've just accepted it n#i'm cooler now B) and a lot more confident zEjfhejdjsnk. yeah. and uhmm yeah that's it#BUT YEAH nice classmate she asked me for a hug once lol and i notice she's affectionate w her friends n it reminds me of m y own bestie awhh#she sometimes talks to me which i rlly appreciate even if it prolly seems like i hate her sorry i just suck w talking
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daydream-draws · 2 years
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oh gifted kid burnout we’re really in for it now
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sometimes really really stupid things make me cry
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pretty-emo-dad · 2 years
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Yes Mike having the same backpack all these years is adorable yes it is symbolic and heart breaking
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birdmenmanga · 2 years
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absolutely horrifying that I can’t write bird essays and draw bird pictures at the same time
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antonblastdeluxe · 2 years
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The worst thing about shipping discourse is like, people crying that ‘people get HARASSED over ships, we deserve to have safe spaces’
Buddy I got harassed for calling out a homophobe and all I did was block a ton of people, stop victimizing yourself and do the same.
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chisungie · 7 months
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gremlingottoosilly · 30 days
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kidnapped!reader come crawling back to kidnapper!könig after she was somehow released because she doesn't have anyone else beside that cruel man who loves her so so much
imagine being able to escape the guy who held you in his basement for three months only to find out that literally, no one notices your disappearance...yeah, that can fuck anyone up. You just...you couldn't fucking believe it - you thought all of those people were your friends, you thought they truly cared about you, at least enough to file out a police report. You literally went to your old apartment and it's rented to some other people. You tried to contact your parents, and then you remember that you weren't talking to each other for at least half a year, even before the whole kidnapping thing. It's shameful, but when you're forced to sit at the police station while literally, everyone ignores your attempts to file a report - you can't put anything, you're not injured, you're wearing nice clothes, you literally look like you just rolled out from a bed and gone with your day. Kidnapping victims don't look like that, and this is what the eyes of the officer listening to you say. Maybe, this is why when Konig pulls up to whatever park bench you holed yourself into, you don't even try to resist. There is disappointment in his eyes, and you are almost too embarrassed to look at him. You just...you feel weird. You should be scared, you should attack him and call for help. You ask him if he could stop by some drive-through and get you some food. He does. Konig asks if the escape was worth it, and you mask your sobs with the sound of munching on your fries. He reaches down to pat your hair and says that if you ever pull something like this again, he will break your legs. You nod, kinda agreeing with him - you'd break your own legs at this rate. He fucks you like an animal the next minute you're back in the house - only barely prepping you before punishing your poor, abused cunt with his cock. It's a miracle you are not damaged down there, as he drags you in his hands and never lets you leave the bed for the rest of the night. He hugs you and kisses your forehead when you say that no one even cared that you disappeared. At least now you know who really is on your side. It's him. Always been him.
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satorudoll · 9 months
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Baby Gumi giving Toji the sus look when he saw the love bites on Mommy's chest
Toji forgot his baby has sharp senses for a baby and baby thought Toji ate his food or hurt Mommy lol
(im starting to feel like y'all wanna turn this acc into a toji thirst vault)
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Megumi always had a habit of looking up at his dad weird, the two year old boy always found his dad weird.
So he would spend most of his time toddling towards you and taking up any free space that was available next to you.
The baby boy loved to be in your arms very much, therefore everytime he woke up to find you already waiting there for him near his crib with a warm smile he'd try to get up on his small chubby legs holding onto the rail guards of the crib then forward one of his hands to make grabby hands at you.
You spent most of the day holding the baby boy in one arm and doing every other chore in your house while your husband was out for work because Megumi absolutely refused to leave your side unless he was in a deep slumber.
But as much competent the little boy was so was his dad, Megumi enjoyed all his fun time with you until it was time for his dad to come back from work, the two year old will get all pouty and fussy as soon as he'll hear the slamming of the front door and a loud "I'm home!" followed by the literal thudding of his dad's running feet.
The baby boy's brows would knit together and his tiny button nose would scrunch in distaste as soon as his dad would pull you away from his side to engulf you in a hug and lay bunch of his dirty smooches on your face.
ew, Megumi would think.
Megumi always got annoyed at his dad for doing these stuff to his mom, believing his mom was just a very nice lady to not turn his dad down.
The little boy knew his fun time was over as soon as his dad was home. He would toddle out of his room and find you sitting alone in the couch, peacefully watching television, then he would proceed to start running towards you almost tumbling in his steps just so he can climb up and sit down next to you.
But then the tall giant will casually walk in and let his entire body fall down horizontally on the couch, immediately planting his head on your thighs as well, leaving literally no space for Megumi.
The two year old boy would pause in literal disgust and shock,
This would get the two year old so mad that he would get down to pick up his toy spoon from the floor and start smacking it on the old man's head who in return would start yelling in surprise at why his son was being such a brat while you try pulling him away from his dad.
Now Megumi thought he has seen all the worst sides of his dad, until, one morning the baby boy wakes up way too early than usual due to a nightmare. Not finding you besides his crib he immediately manages to crawl up by standing on his little pile of plushies.
Megumi was indeed a smart baby.
Tumbling towards his parent's shared bedroom he could hear some weird noises coming as he got closer,
he was sure most of it were your voices though?
But you sounded like you were in pain??
He slowly opens the door which was already a bit agape,
he really couldn't understand what was going on since he was way too small and his vision could only go up so far.
But then he hears the loud sound of what he considered to be a slap along with the rough angry voice of his dad followed by your sobs,
he cannot believe his dad was hurting you ! Oh he always believed his dad was a mad man,
He was definitely worst than the monsters under his crib !
and that's all it takes for the baby boy's bottom lips to quiver and let the loudest wail out,
He felt like that helped because through his blurry vision he sees his dad immediately spring out of the bed, murmuring a string of what you taught him were "bad words" while fumbling around for something.
Your head pops out of the covers as soon as you were done fixing your night gown but the two year old was way too busy crying and rolling fat drops of tears down his red cheeks to realize that you had taken him in your arms.
"Gumi- baby what's wrong- " you try to rock him in your arms but that didn't seem to be helping,
"you are just like me kid, all grumpy early in the morning" His dad tries casually playing it off after slumping down besides you both,
but the 'just like me' causes the baby's cries to get even worst making you pass your husband a mad glare for saying that,
Toji stares at you both offended.
"I'm sorry, mommy wasn't there this morning- Won't happen again honey! I'll play with you all day today, we wont be able to play if you keep crying!" you smile as he starts to slowly quite down at those words.
"What a good little boy" You praise, slowly caressing his head and moving his little black baby hair away from his forehead.
His pout is still on his face as his vision moves down from your face but then it stops,
while Toji was joking at you about how he deserves the 'good boy' title as well and you were busy brushing him off, you both failed to notice the little boy's growing frown as he stared at all the purple bruises around your neck and collar bones.
He feels his vision start to get blurry again and then its there again,
His mouth opens wide showing off the two new set of teeth as he starts crying bloody murder.
You gasp in panic not understanding what had happened again.
As you tried to rock him again he tried getting away from your arms and instead stretching his hand towards his dad as he continued balling his eyes out.
That confused you and Toji,
He has never chosen Toji before for comfort as long as you were there,
But Toji was a little too happy to care,
"Does my little boy wanna be with daddy??" He coos, stretching his arms out for you to hand the baby to him,
"I knew you always had a soft spot for me kiddo" he gushes as soon as he takes his baby boy in his arms.
But the happiness didn't seem to have lasted long, because as soon as Megumi gets close to his dad's face his little hands flung up to grip on the locks of his dad's hair.
"What's u-" He yelps when the baby boy starts to twist and turn his fists while he continues to babble something only another baby could make out and sob like he was the one in pain,
"Oh god- baby you shouldn't do that come here-"
You try pulling Megumi back in your arms, but he is willing to take Toji's head along because he just wasn't loosening his grip.
"Gumi ! mommy will cry if you don't pay attention to her !" You make a pouty face and put your hands on your hips while Toji was busy yelping and cursing not caring that the little boy could hear everything
But that immediately gets the baby's attention because he instantly turns his head around and starts crawling to you as his cries slowly starts dying down.
"Demon child !" Toji points as he runs his hands through the locks of his hair, rubbing at the area that his son almost got him bald at,
You lift the baby up in your arms as you look at Toji,
"and don't you curse again in front of our baby" you knit your brows before turning your attention to the two year old and wiping the tears away from his puffy cheeks.
"So I'm the bad guy here??" Toji questions, looking defeated.
You shrug and walk away with Megumi in your arms who had finally gotten quite.
Oh you and Toji had a lot of explaining to do to this little boy, but that wasn't a headache you both were willing to take for Monday morning.
Maybe later at night, when Megumi will seemingly be a bit less pissed at his dad.
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☆ — REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED !
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jay8934 · 11 months
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Got a week of work experience starting tomorrow this ought to be fun
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