#lincoln!joel☠️
Text
As ugly as he seems. Left in Lincoln pt. 6
8.4k words, dark dbf!Joel x virgin f!reader
story master list / spotify playlist / joel master
You would've given anything for Joel to wake up and ravage you. “s’what I mean, baby,” he murmured sleepily into your hair. "Can't trust myself." He groaned softly as his palm brought you tighter against him.
WARNINGS: I8+, grinding, light somnophilia, thigh fucking, fingering, oral f receiving, P in V just the tip, reader menstruates, angst, pet names and praise, toxic dark joel, pining, obsession, horror vibes. he's sweet with reader, but he is. . . unhinged. NO Y/N.
—---
You were back home in your room, lying in bed looking at the stain on the ceiling when it all became hazy. You kept staring until your eyes watered and you could no longer see the spot at all. The air was thick with smoke and dread. There was shouting outside. You went to your bedroom window and opened it. The night was dark, but a flickering glow illuminated the scene in your backyard. The door to the spider shed was moving, flapping violently. When it opened, Joel Miller emerged in a white tank top and jeans and an ax slung over his shoulder. He stared at you but didn’t say a word or even nod.
He charged slowly but deliberately toward the house until he was out of sight and a loud crack downstairs told you he was swinging the ax. At the other end of the house, the shouting outside intensified. As Joel continued axing down the door, you followed the shouting down the hall and looked out a window facing the front yard. Bill and Frank were in the middle of the street fighting off infected who were crawling toward the house. Bill was shooting at them. Frank was futilely trying to put the fire out with a hose.
Frank saw you in the window and shouted, “STAY UPSTAIRS!”
The cracking at the door turned into splintering, then boots thudding up the stairs. You ran into the hall just as Joel crested the top landing. His biceps were smudged with ash but glistening and his hair was wild. He lunged toward you and crouched down, wrapping his arms around you in a hug before hoisting you over his shoulder to carry you. He carried you downstairs and to the kitchen where he unlocked the shredded back door. Once you got outside, Joel didn’t stop. He kept walking away from the house. Not toward his house, not toward anywhere. Over his shoulder, you could see the house shrink into the distance. The shouting continued but faded as Joel carried you away. Then, with a loud boom, the house was completely engulfed in flames.
You tried to scream, tried to beg Joel to save your fathers, but you couldn’t make a noise.
—------
You woke up at Joel’s house gasping for air and heard yourself making an awful noise, more like a murder of crows than anything human. You sat up and took deep breaths. Frank’s note repeated in your head: We love you so much. Protect yourself.
Within seconds, footsteps were ascending the stairs. The bedroom door opened, and Joel rushed over with a look of panic on his face. He was in boxers and a tight, white t-shirt.
He sat down and hugged your head to his chest. “Shhhhhhh, I’ve got you….. You’re okay. . . . you’re okay.” You felt safer in his big arms, but the dread wouldn’t leave you and you couldn’t slow your heart rate. When you didn’t stop sniffling, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I had a nightmare”
“‘About what, darlin’?”
“Our house was on fire and it felt like everyone was gonna die.”
He rubbed your back. “We’re okay, the house is okay.”
“I mean my family’s house.”
“Oh,” he muttered and his hand paused for a moment. He kissed your head, then his hand resumed its slow circles on the bare skin above your nightgown. “Oh, darlin’. That sounds like a real bad dream.”
“It felt so real.”
“I know, honey.” He held you tight and planted a kiss on the crown of your head.
You were so grateful to him for everything, but suddenly felt guilty about being at his house instead of yours. You told him, “I should be there taking care of things. I’m doing a bad job.”
But at the same time, going back there was the last thing you wanted. It was so scary, so lonely at your house before Joel came and saved you. It was terrifying to think about. You had to go back, the dream ripped open something deep in the back of your mind, something you couldn’t even discern, but which compelled you. You hoped Joel wouldn’t let you stay there alone. Of course he wouldn’t, you told yourself.
“You’re safer here, darlin’.”
“I know,” you whispered. “But I’m worried.”
He sighed. “Okay, peaches,” His large hand squeezed your arm and he kissed your head again. “We’ll go over there in the mornin’. How’s that?”
Relief washed over you at the sound of Joel’s offer. Finally the tension in between your shoulder blades began to release. “Thanks.” It was still the dead of night.
Joel asked, “Got room for an old man?” He seemed hesitant to leave you alone. Knowing he wouldn’t leave you finally helped your heart rate to begin to slow.
You nodded and Joel slipped into your bed. He put his big arm under your neck and hugged you from behind. He nestled you into him as a little spoon and held you tight as you fell asleep. Nowhere felt safer than Joel’s arms.
—------------
When you woke up, it was still dark. You had drifted slightly forward in the bed, and Joel’s embrace had loosened. Needing to be closer to him, you scooted back into his chest. He cupped your breast with a sigh, then curved his body against yours again. His breathing suggested he was still asleep. As he nestled his knees behind yours, the solid shape of his cock sent a shock of desire through you. Its shape and warmth were unmistakable, even though it was all new to you. Your body certainly recognized it and began to prepare itself for what it wanted.
You pushed your ass back against him and his body rewarded you with a twitch of his cock. He let out soft noise somewhere between a grunt and a whimper. You pushed back again, and his hips gently pushed forward. You slowly moved your hand to grab the bottom hem of your nightgown and tug it down so your bare nipple would be against his hand. As soon as the satin was out of the way, your nipple hardened against his palm and you caught a whimper in your chest before it had a voice. Joel’s palm pressed against your breast, and he sighed as his manhood swelled harder against your ass.
You would’ve given anything for Joel to wake up and ravage you, but you knew he wouldn’t. For a minute, you tried to ignore it all. You focused on his breathing. Even his breathing was masculine and protective. You had almost fallen back asleep when he began to massage your breast, and his hips began to push his wood against you at a slow, regular rhythm through the thin barrier of his boxers. Joel’s mouth was pressed into your hair and his body was actively cradling yours, no longer asleep. You were throbbing and a warm pool was forming between your legs.
You loosely tangled your fingers with Joel’s. His lower body broke away, and for a moment you regretted your gesture, as if it had snapped him out of a sleepful indulgence. But then his hips returned, and you gasped at the contact of his smooth, bare cock. It rested warm and hard against you with the head nudging the top of your crack.
“‘S’what I mean, baby,” he murmured sleepily into your hair. “Can’t trust myself.” He groaned softly as his palm flattened your breast and the same arm pulled you tighter against him. You began to reach behind you, but he intercepted your hand and held it against your chest instead. His massive palm cradled your own hand gently around your breast then left it there while he pulled down your panties. After taking them off, he wrapped his arm over you again.
With one arm under your pillow, he backed up enough to get clearance for his ample morning wood. He wedged his foot between your ankles to lift your leg ever so slightly, then nestled his cock between your thighs, right up against your throbbing seam.
Joel groaned at your wetness as his erection slid forward between your thighs, and you gasped when the thick head of his cock came to rest at your clit.
“Oh, darlin’,” he breathed. “I feel how bad you want it.” His arm flexed under your pillow. “Poor thing, all wet and swollen”
When you didn’t respond, he added “s’a good thing, baby. This all for me?”
“Yeah,” you whispered.
“God damn,” he sighed and dragged his cock back. The crown stopped short of your entrance before reversing toward your clit again, and you whimpered. Your belly was warm and tingly.
Joel’s hand lightly grazed your abdomen on its way to your mound, then rested there. His cock slid back, and two fingers took its place where your wetness pooled. He swirled his finger gently and slowly. “‘s’perfect,” he whispered to himself.
He dipped his fingers halfway in and you gasped at the welcome stretch. He brought the wetness to your clit and began to draw circles. With his fingers out of the way, his cock slid forward again, bypassing your tight, wet hole, which spasmed at the proximity. “Oh, baby,” he breathed into your hair. “It’s too much to bear,” he groaned at a low, shaky pitch. Surely not compared to what he was doing to you.
Just the thought of him inside you–the thought of him occupying your body–was enough to tug at your tear ducts. Tears of need. He slid his cock back, then forward again, and when the tip reached your clit, it also met his fingers. You were getting pressure from both directions, and the tension in your belly threatened to burst. God, you wanted him, needed him.
He thrust his hips up against your ass with a sigh, moving his cock a little further, deeper between your thighs, as his hips flattened the plush of your asscheeks. Ohh, he knew how to make you feel good. Further, then back. Deeper, then back. He rocked in small movements, and the wet friction with your clit drove you crazy.
“Joel, please.” You pushed your ass back into him and your bodies moved in rhythm.
“Mm hmm, love feelin’ ya, baby.” Joel drove his cock a little faster, and his breathing became more labored.
“Me too,” you whimpered. He rubbed your clit as he fucked your thighs.
“I want it bad, baby. You feel that?”
“yea-I, it’s so, it’s so big.”
“When I’m real big and hard, that’s for you, baby.” His thrusts intensified. His breath was heavy and warm against your ear. “That’s all for you,” he whispered.
“Yes,” you whined.
He moved his hand back to your breast and you looked down. You watched the head of his cock appear and disappear between them and felt a new rush of arousal. The head was swollen and darker than you’d remembered.
Your spine arched and you whimpered, “Joel.”
He thrust hard with a grunt, laid his palm on your mound, and covered the head of his cock with his fingers as you began to pulse against him. He groaned with the throb of your climax and finally lost some composure. “God damn, I wanna fill you up.”
Your body jerked against him. “I, I– Joel-”
“Just, oh God, stuff you full of me.” His breath was ragged.
“I–” What you wanted to say was, I need it, I need you to. He kept thrusting between your slippery thighs, and kept you pulsing. Your waves of pleasure echoed, smaller and farther apart.
You pulled yourself together to ask, “Can, can I feel you come?”
“Wanna feel me come?” he panted as he fucked the warm, wet little pocket so close to where you wanted him.
“Yeah,” you whispered as he continued to accelerate.
“Yeah,” he repeated and kept thrusting.
“Please,” you asked.
“Go ‘head.”
He moved his hand back to your breast, groping you slowly but hungrily as he made room for your hand. His arm held you still as he railed between your thighs. “Oh, god damn,” he breathed into your hair as you cupped your hand around the tip of his cock. . “Oh, god-” Then he shuddered -- When his cock pulsed between your legs, it was so big, so powerful, like it was trying to push your thighs apart. A new wave of pleasure surged through you. You gasped as his hot load filled your palm. His breath was ragged against your hair, his chest heaving against your back. The warm, white spend kept coming, and coming. You held your hand steady as best you could as your heat twitched against him and his balls emptied.
You were both still and quiet, with his arm draped over you. His cum was still in your hand, but you didn’t want him to move. Once his cock began to soften, he slid it out from between your legs. He whispered, “I love you, baby” and kissed you on the head before going to get you a washcloth. Then you went to take a shower and he made the bed.
—-----
After breakfast, Joel walked with you down the street to your house. It felt like you were leaving a safe place. The broken asphalt was littered with debris from the storm, but it felt less spooky than when the two of you made the opposite walk, from your house to Joel’s. As your house came into view, you felt relieved that it looked intact, but guilty for leaving it unattended. Irrational as it was, you were also fearful, as if the house might be decaying from the inside out. The closer you got, the more you knew the terrible dream hadn’t faded from your mind. The mood of your nightmare followed you and made you envision the worst. You imagined the insides of the house gutted from a fire. Tall, black sheets, pieces of your life peeling off the walls. You imagined the insides grown over with weeds and mold. Then infected.
The dream made you see Frank’s note differently. Cautionary. It even made you see Joel differently. He saved you in the dream, but something felt wrong. He saved you, you kept reminding yourself. He saved you from the fire.
You knew these feelings would fade, but Joel could tell you were unsettled. He stopped you when you were coming up to your house. “You okay, darlin’?” Only then did you realize you had tears in your eyes.
“Y-yeah,” you stammered.
“C’mere, baby, I know it was scary.” He wrapped you in a hug. “Everything’s fine, you’ll see.”
Joel peeked his head inside the front door and gave the all-clear, then he checked the gardens while you went inside. You went to Bill and Frank’s room to make sure everything was okay and ready for them to come back. It was silly, but you checked under the bed, and behind the shower curtain, and even in the closet, looking for anything bad. Something lurking, growing, falling apart. You felt like there must be evidence of your neglect somewhere but you couldn’t find it.
While you were in their closet, a gray metal box caught your eye. You weren’t looking for it, but you were familiar with it. When you saw it, you had a strong impulse to take what was in it, lest a fire or horde of infected take it. It had been years since you opened the box, but it was just as it was. Your biological father’s wedding ring, a custom knife from your mother, and a loaded gun. You hesitated, then heard Frank’s words again: Protect yourself. You took a messenger bag of Frank’s off the closet shelf and nestled the objects in a zippered compartment.
—-
While Joel was still outside, you went upstairs and packed a few articles of clothing, an extra pair of shoes, and a book in the bag. You wondered if you should plan to stay in your own house again. Joel could stay there, too. It felt foregone that you and Joel would stay together, wherever you were, and thank God.
When you came downstairs from your room, you sat on the sofa. You recalled the first time Joel came over and comforted you right there. The rush you felt when he first embraced you and the aching throb when you felt him get hard. None of that had changed. You still felt it every time. The only thing that had changed was you. A void had opened up inside of you that only he could fill.
When Joel came back inside, he stopped at the threshold of the living room and looked at you sitting on the sofa. He put his hands behind his back, jutted his chest forward and stretched without taking his eyes off you.
He asked, “Ya miss it?” It was a casual enough question, the way he said it.
“Kinda,” you said. “But I feel at home when I’m with you.”
His face became serious and he stopped mid-stretch. He dropped his hands to his sides and his brows knitted as he approached. He sat down and put his arm around you. “You dunno how glad I am to hear that.”
You nodded, and when you looked up at him, his eyes were softer than you’d ever seen them. A new, gentler shade of brown. He took your cheeks in his hands and kissed you deeply.
“Need anything else before we go home?” Joel asked.
“Nah.” You picked up the messenger bag and saw Joel eyeing it.
You thought he might ask what was in it, but all he said was, “Neat bag,” and for some reason, you were relieved.
You trusted Joel completely but felt better when you were also “being smart,” as Bill would say. A person can only count on themself, you were taught. You got the sense Joel would like for you to leave everything to him, but he was only human. You had to protect yourself, too.
—---
On the way back to Joel’s house, there seemed to be something on his mind. “Look, peaches,” he started. “I’m sorry ‘bout this mornin’, in bed . . .” This ignited an unexpected flicker of anger in you. What did he need to be sorry about?
“Why?” you asked.
“Uh. . .”
“I wish you wouldn’t be sorry,” you added earnestly.
“Well, I’m sorry anyway.”
Incredulous, you asked, “What part do you regret?”
“No, baby, no, no, no.” He stopped walking and took your hands in his. “Nothin’ to regret. I just–I felt like I almost lost control.”
You scoffed. “I wish you would’ve.”
He squeezed your hands. “I want everything to be special for you. I’m not gonna catch you off guard like that.”
You asked, “You’re gonna tell me when, then?”
“We’ll decide together.” Right. Whatever.
It put you in a bad mood, so you started walking again, kicked a stick in the road, and changed the subject.
—-----
That night, over dinner, you asked, “How’s Tommy?” When Joel got back from the QZ, you had been so focused on Frank that you forgot to ask.
“Didn’t catch him,” Joel said.
“Oh, sorry.” After eating another bite, you asked, “Why doesn’t he ever come visit?”
Joel finished chewing and said, “I reckon Maria and the kids keep’m busy.”
“I don’t even remember what he looks like.”
“What are you talkin’ ‘bout? He looks like me, younger, less handsome.” Joel winked at you. Then he went to a kitchen drawer to get a leather wallet. He took out a worn, faded photograph of the two of them and handed it to you. They looked so young. They were both in work shirts and hard hats. Joel was strikingly handsome, but nothing compared to now. He looked happy, but you preferred his weathered scowl. Tommy looked shy compared to Joel. Tommy’s hair was longer and his arms were crossed, while Joel had an arm around Tommy’s shoulder.
You nodded, “a lot less handsome.” and Joel laughed. “But only because you’re that good looking,” you added. “I still don’t get why they don’t just move here,” you said. Joel had told you before: The farm life wasn’t for everybody. But from what Joel said about the QZ, that idea didn’t make much sense to you. If the QZ was so bad, why would anyone prefer it to Lincoln? And if the QZ wasn’t so bad, why were you never allowed to visit it?
Joel was quiet, and there was something about the quiet that unsettled you.
It came out of your mouth before you registered the thought. “Is he alive?”
“What? Tommy?” Joel’s face changed completely. “What kind of question is that? He looked at you like you were crazy. "‘Course he’s alive. Bill's stayin' with'm.”
You weren't even sure why you asked. “Sorry.”
Joel's face softened. "No, no, I'm sorry, darlin'." He put down his fork. “Truth is, I wish he would visit. But I don’t think he much likes seein’ me.”
“Why? You’re brothers.”
“I reckon it brings back bad memories.”
“Like what?”
Joel sat back in his chair and rubbed one side of his beard. “Things we did. . . Things I did." He shook his head and looked at the ceiling. Quieter, he added, “things I’ve done.”
You were quiet for a minute. You knew the answer, but you still asked, “Bad things? Like killing people?”
“Necessary things.” He nodded to himself.
“But you only killed bad people, right?”
Joel crossed his arms and his legs. “I don’t wanna scare ya, darlin’.”
“Please tell me, I wanna know all of you.”
He shook his head.
“Not just bad people,” you whispered in conclusion.
He swallowed, then looked at the table as he softly admitted, “Anyone who was in the way.” He didn’t look at you for a few seconds, then cautiously, his eyes began to rise to meet yours. “I would never, ever hurt you, darlin’. You’re the last person in the world I would–”
“I know,” you cut him off and took his hand.
His brows knitted as he searched your face.
"Darlin', the outbreak, it changed people. It's not somethin' ya can leave out there, either. If you knew what the world was like. . ." he trailed off.
You didn't talk for a few minutes, and in that time, something came over you. You didn’t know what the world was like. You heard that more times than you could count growing up. You were sick of not knowing. You might have been the only person left in the world who didn’t know. This was your chance, with Bill gone, if Joel could just take you out, even for a few hours one day.
Joel kept looking at your face as if he was trying to read your mind. Then you broke the silence: "Show me."
Joel looked over his shoulder toward the orchard. "Show – show you?" He swallowed.
"You said if I knew what the world was like. Show me. Take me out there. Just for a day."
He shook his head and looked down like there was no possible way, like it was such a definite no, it wasn’t even worth the energy of convincing you.
You insisted, "I know you can protect me." If anyone could protect you, Joel could.
"Peaches–"
"Take me out. Or you're gonna keep saying that for the rest of our lives, I just know it. That I don't know what it's like. Everyone says that."
"What did you just say?"
"Please, Joel, give me a chance, I know you can protect me."
"The rest of our lives," he repeated, marveling at your words, ignoring your point.
You swallowed and your cheeks burned.
He nodded, "That's right, baby."
—----
After dinner, Joel did some work outside and you stewed–about him holding out on you sexually, about him not wanting to ever take you out into the world. That night, all you did was kiss on the sofa and listen to his whispers about the rest of your lives. Once the kisses heated up and he hardened against your thigh, you said you didn’t feel well. If he wasn’t going to give you what you wanted, you didn’t want him getting you all riled up. When you said you didn’t feel well, Joel didn’t ask any questions aside from what you needed and how he could help.
When you went to bed, you thought about what he said. Things I’ve done. You thought about the Red Sox caps. And you slipped back into your fairy tale where he had done the worst things just to have you. It shouldn’t have made you feel better, but it did. It made you feel better, not worse. You knew in your gut Joel wanted you, and once you finally put your bodies together, you knew there would be no taking them apart.
—----------------------
The next day, you really did feel crummy. You went to the bathroom and found out why. You got your period. You had everything you needed – Joel had stocked your room really well, which made you emotional, and you felt bad for being mad at him.
After dinner, Joel came in from working outside and found you curled up on the sofa. He came over with two glasses of water.
“You okay, darlin’?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired. I don’t feel that good.”
“What doesn't feel good?”
“I have cramps. I just feel pretty bad. ”
He looked at you then sat down on the sofa. “What can I do?”
“You’re sweet,” you said. “Nothing you can do, though.”
“Well, mind if I join ya?”
You made room for him. Before he joined you on the sofa, he retrieved a plastic baggy from the kitchen and offered you a painkiller. You accepted half of one. Before it had a chance to kick in, you whined wordlessly as you tried to get comfortable.
“How ‘bout I run you a bath, darlin’?”
“Okay.”
“Bathtub’s nicer down here,” he said.
You went to get your bathrobe from upstairs and curled up on his bed while his bathtub was filling up. When the water stopped, you walked into the bathroom. It was nice, like Bill and Frank’s. The counter had two sinks. The bathtub was separate from the shower. It was a big garden tub nestled in its own nook in front of a window, with a ledge behind the end without the faucet.
Joel was sitting on the ledge with his sleeves rolled up, checking the water for you. “See how that feels.”
You dipped a toe in and nodded, then stood there for a moment until you realized he didn’t plan to leave.
“Ah,” he put his hands on his knees to stand up. “Lemme grab you a towel.”
—
You were still a little shy to get completely nude in front of him, but you wanted him to see how far you’d come in trusting him and being comfortable. By now, you were confident in Joel’s genuine appreciation for your body and every part of you.
You hung the robe on a hook on the wall, then stepped into the tub and sank into the water before he got back. You felt less exposed that way.
He put a stack of folded towels on the ledge behind the bath, then smoothed his hair with one hand. You looked at him and admired his big, veiny hands and forearms.
“How’s it feel?” he asked.
“Better already,” you told him.
“Good.” His eyes sparkled as he admired your body through the water then met your gaze again. “Want me to leave?”
You shook your head. “No, but – do you have to be so. . .” you looked him up and down and his brows knitted in concern. “Dressed?”
His face relaxed, then he raised his eyebrows and pointed at himself. “You want me undressed?”
You nodded and he began to unbutton his shirt. You didn’t watch the whole time, letting your eyes drift to the window. In a way, watching someone undress or dress felt more intrusive than seeing them naked. He stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, then neatly folded his shirt and jeans and set them on the bathroom counter.
He asked, “Better?”
“Yeah.”
“Good,” he softly pinched your cheek. You wanted those strong arms around you more than anything, but you worried about your period. He was so neat and clean all the time that it was hard to imagine him willingly exposing himself to anyone else’s fluids.
“You could get in,” you offered. “Except for the blood,” you added apologetically. There was only a small diluted plume.
He cracked a smile and looked at you with soft eyes. “Blood don’t bother me, peaches,” he said. “Not one bit.”
“Really?”
“Not yours,” he clarified.
“It’s not like regular blood, sometimes there-”
He interrupted softly, “I know what a period is, darlin’. I’m almost sixty years old,” he chuckled. “Went to non-FEDRA school, too.”
“Almost sixty?” It gave you a rush to hear and a rush to say.
“If ya round up. That weird? Thought ya knew that, baby.” You knew he was in his late fifties. You celebrated his birthday at one of your last dinners. But somehow, hearing the number “sixty” was wild.
“It’s not weird.” You shook your head earnestly and suppressed a smile. It was flattering that Joel, with all that life experience, loved you. It was sexy, too.
Joel sighed. “So, am I cordially invited?” He eyed the water with a subtle smile, then he reached into the bath and gently caressed your lower abdomen. “It’s natural, darlin’. It’s beautiful.” He gripped the side of the tub and leaned in for a kiss. Then he pulled back and looked in your eyes. “Every part of you is beautiful. I’m just sorry it hurts.”
“Yeah,” you said. “Come on in.”
—---------
He stood up and faced you, then took off his white t-shirt. It was the first time you’d seen him shirtless in the daylight. He was weathered and tan. Scarred and strong. Strong, but soft enough to be comfortable. He dropped his boxers without shame. You averted your gaze, but what you saw of him made you even more amazed at how big it could get. You were flattered to have that effect.
You scooted forward to make room for Joel to get in behind you.
“You want me there?”
You wanted him everywhere, but you nodded. He stepped into the tub behind you and braced himself on both sides as he moved his feet forward. He settled in around you with a small splash, his thighs gently squeezing yours. He slid his huge hands under your arms to loosely embrace your torso then leaned back against the porcelain with a sigh, bringing you with him. You could feel his soft package and hair against you. You tried to relax into him, and he kissed you on the head.
He rested one of his hands on your lower belly. “You know we got the other half’a that pill, too, if ya need it,” he muttered.
“Thank you, Joel,” you said. “For everything.”
He planted another kiss on your head. “It’s my privilege, darlin’.”
He held you in silence, softly stroking your sides. Soon enough, you really relaxed back into him. You focused on the rise and fall of his chest under your back. You felt so attached to him, so in love with him you could cry. Suddenly, the idea of not having him wrapped around you at any point in your life made it hard to enjoy when he was. You knew you were emotional.
—---
Joel’s breathing became so slow and regular that you thought he fell asleep. You glanced back to check, and he was wide awake.
“Thought you fell asleep,” you whispered.
“No, darlin’.” He kissed you on the cheek, then you caught him looking at the water and you followed his eyes, looking for anything embarrassing he could have noticed.
He used two fingers to nudge your face back to look at him. “I love you,” he said, then kissed you on the lips. He whispered, “I dunno if I can ever show ya how much, but I’ll try.”
“I love you, too,” you said and felt your eyes gathering tears.
Joel sat up a little, concerned. “What’s wrong, baby.”
“I just wanna be with you forever,” you whimpered.
“Well that’s what we’re gonna do, baby.”
“Yeah, but. . .”
His heart rate sped up against your back.
“What if we can’t?” you asked.
He sighed and hugged you reassuringly. “Told ya there’s nothin’ in this world that can stop us bein’ together.” Your arms and his were crossed in front of you. He held both your hands, and kissed you on the head again.
—---------------------------
You were quiet for a minute, but still thinking. You asked, “What about when Bill and Frank get back?”
He took in a chest full of air, lifting you on his stomach. He released your hands as he exhaled. “What about it, darlin’.”
“What if they — I mean, I guess I’ll go back — I’ll go back to our house, right?”
Joel was quiet then asked softly but flatly, “Is that what you want?”
“No,” you answered quickly.
“Then why would ya?” He sounded more confused than hurt.
“Cause they’re my family.” Your tears began to silently fall.
“Look, peaches. I know you love’em, but you’re grown, You make your own choices.”
“I know,” you agreed.
“You decide who to be with. Ellie loves Riley. They’re a family now, the two of them. I shouldn’ta stopped her, right?”
“Right,” you whispered.
“We’ll be our own family, darlin’. You and me.”
Tears stopped up your nose and you sniffled, unsure if it could be that simple. “That’s what I want,” you whispered.
“That’s what we’ll do,” he reassured you.
“I just worry about, I don’t know. Maybe it’s not the same as going off with someone my age.”
“Ah,” Joel said. “You think they’d have a problem with it bein’ me.”
“I dunno, what do you think?” you asked him.
“I sure hope not, but you know’em better, baby.”
You sighed and stared at the water.
Joel continued, “I hope they want you to be with who you love. But if they don’t, is that gonna stop ya?”
“I hope not.”
“You . . .hope not?” His heart pounded under you.
His voice became serious and less measured. “It’s up to you and me, darlin’. We’re the ones who decide. No one else.”
You nodded, sighed, and wiped your eyes. The tub squeaked under him as he shifted so you could look at each other. You met his eyes for a moment, and he brushed a tear off your cheek. He brought a hand to cup your cheek. You looked down and continued, “I just don’t see how–”
“Marry me, peaches.” He said it softly, but it seemed to echo off the porcelain. Your heart went to your throat as you kept hearing it in your head. You stammered, “What?” and he just nodded. You asked, “How?”
“Marriage is just a decision. It means we decide we’re our own family, just the two of us, and nothin’ can take us apart.”
You softly gasped. “Joel. . . .”
“Ain’t that just what we want?” You were still processing it when he asked again, “that’s what you want, right?”
Your heart raced. You wanted it, you just didn’t see how it could be that simple. “Yeah, it’s what I want, but-”
“Then what’s the ‘but’ if bein’ together is all that matters?”
You must have looked upset, because he became apologetic. “I’m sorry darlin’, I know it’s a lot, learnin’ how all this works.” He cupped your cheek again. “I’m givin’ you my heart right now.” Looking into his eyes in that moment, feeling his skin on yours, you’d never been more sure of anything.
You reassured him, “There’s no ‘but’. I’m giving you mine, too.”
He closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them again, they were watery.
“I’m gonna ask you again, and I’m serious.”
“Okay,”
“Will you marry me,” he said in a near-whisper.
You looked from his eyes to his mouth and back and the how didn’t matter anymore. You nodded. “Yes,” you whispered. “That’s what I want.”
He exhaled and choked on a tearful laugh of relief, then he nodded with you. “I know it is, baby.” He kissed you long and soft on the lips. “But it feels good to make it official.” He wrapped his arms around you tight and kissed you on the head, then laid back against the tub, bringing you with him so you were both laid back, facing the faucet again.
—--------
“So what now?” You asked. “How do you make it official?”
“Well, I reckon it is, baby,” he said above your head. Your heart jumped, and not in a bad way. It felt like you were in a good dream.
He stroked your sides. “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”
You asked, “We don’t have to do anything else?”
Joel sighed, then mused, “I reckon we could dress up nice and do somethin’ to celebrate.”
“Like what?” You adjusted your position between his legs.
He lowered his voice. “Like whatever you want.” He brought his lips to your ear. “Whatever you really, really want.” Your clit twitched and you were unsure if the gush between your legs was blood or arousal. You didn’t look to check.
“Really?”
“If you’re ready.”
“Now?”
“How ‘bout tomorrow, if you’re feelin’ better?”
“Yeah. . .”
He kissed you on the cheek again, then you turned your head for your lips to meet his. He pulled back to look at you and your tears of fear–fear of being without him–had been replaced by tears of relief. Hearing his conviction and seeing it on his face, that was what you needed. It was just a conversation, but somehow, it changed everything. If no one could take you and Joel apart, and you felt like you had what you needed forever.
He moved back to be fully behind you again and let you relax so you weren’t craning your neck to kiss him. He sighed and his big hands roved your front, one of them coming to rest on your breast.
His voice echoed hoarsely in the bathtub nook. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too.”
He pulled you closer into him and his cock twitched against your lower back. “We’re gonna have a beautiful life together.”
“Yeah,” you agreed.
Joel said, “As long as we’re together, that’s all we need, right?”
“Yeah,” you nodded. It felt too good to be true.
—------------------
Joel held both your breasts with you lying back against him in the tub. He palmed them over the waterline, then released the light pressure and used his palms to graze your nipples in light circles until they hardened. The desire that grew between your legs drowned out any echo of the cramps that led you into the bath.
His other hand carefully slid down between your legs. He fingered your floating curls, caressed your mound, then his whole hand cupped your bleeding seam. He used that hand to gently pull you into him and his manhood swelled against you. Then he brought his hand up to your lower abdomen and lightly stroked your skin. “How ya feelin’?” he murmured.
“So much better,” you said.
“I can kiss it even better if ya want.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Course I don’t. . . if ya don’t want.” His cock jumped and he sighed. “Let’s get ready for bed. How ‘bout that.”
“Yeah,” you nodded.
“Wanna rest in bed a li’l bit?” His voice told you he didn’t want to rest.
“Yeah,” you nodded. Even if he wouldn’t be inside you that night, you finally knew when it would be. It felt less cruel.
Joel pushed himself up onto the ledge behind you, the firm tip of his cock grazing up your lower back, then stepped out onto the bath mat. He tied a towel around himself, leaving a significant tent, then held out a hand. You held onto him for balance as you stepped out, and he wrapped a towel around you. You dried yourself off, then bundled up in the bath robe. Joel grabbed another towel from the linen closet on his way out of the restroom.
“Just the nightgown, baby. Nothin’ else.”
While you were upstairs changing, he dried himself off, combed his hair, got dressed for bed, and laid a towel out on the comforter.
—--------
Joel was sitting on the side of the bed in his boxers and t-shirt when you walked in wearing just the nightgown. He opened his arms for you, and you stood between his knees. He held your hands and just looked at you for a few seconds, taking in all of you. His eyes watered.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he wrapped his hands around your ass and buried his face between your breasts. He looked up at you and his eyes were still sparkling when he said, “So, so beautiful.” He guided you to lie down on the towel.
He kneeled on the bed, nudged your knees apart, and got between your legs. He lifted your nightgown up and planted a kiss on your mound, then your clit, before hovering over your body and putting his arms down on either side of your abdomen. He lowered himself as close as possible while being careful not to put any pressure where he thought you might be hurting. At that point, you were only aching for him.
He gave you a deep, long kiss on the lips then kissed each of your breasts and let his hips lay into the bed between your legs. It all started gentle, but he was overtaken by lust. He dipped his head to suck your neck, and as he dragged his lips down your chest, his eyes closed and his brows knitted together.
He lowered your nightgown under your breasts. His jaw flexed as he sucked the bottom of your breast, and a brush of his nose hardened your nipple.
Your back arched and your whole body erupted in goosebumps. He moaned into your skin as he sucked one breast and palmed the other. His ass flexed as his hips rocked into the bed. You wished his hips were rocking into you instead. You wrapped your legs around him and your knees under his arms urged him up toward you. “Joel, please.”
“Don’t wanna hurt ya, darlin’.”
“You’re not gonna.” You tried to pull him up more urgently, dying for his loins against yours. He read your face and cracked half a smile. You must have looked so desperate.
“Okay, baby,” he whispered and let you pull him just where you wanted him. Oh god, the wave of arousal his hardness sent through your body.
“Can you take off your clothes,” you whispered.
He wordlessly slipped out of his t-shirt and boxers and the sight of his erection made you weak. He let you wrap your legs around him and pull him into you again. His hard cock met your mound. He sighed at the skin-to-skin contact and a look of pain spread over his face. He lowered himself more, pressing his arousal against you, nudging your clit. You whimpered as a bolt of need shot through your already weeping core.
“I’m ready,” you said. “I want you inside me.”
“Almost,” he replied. “Tomorrow, remember?”
You groaned in frustration. “Is it because of my period?”
“Course not, baby.” He kissed his way down your stomach and put your thighs over his shoulders. He planted a kiss on your clit, then licked into your seam. He moaned and prodded your entrance with his tongue, then swirled it around your clit, his hips rocking into the mattress again. He let one leg down and fingered you before devouring you with his mouth again. You could feel it building in your belly, but it wasn’t how you wanted to come. You wanted to feel him.
“Come back,” you whined. “Please. I wanna feel you against me, like the first time you made me come.” He slid his fingers out of you, and tore his mouth away, wiping both on his discarded boxers.
He held his cock as he looked at your body with heavy eyelids. He got in position between your legs, swiped the head of his cock through your slick, and laid his shaft onto your mound. He leaned forward, kissed you deeply and the stiffness of his arousal was hot against your skin. You throbbed as he began to grind against you. You ached to be filled by him. Only one more day, but it felt too long.
He swiped his cock between your legs to get it wet again, and he hesitated with the swollen head at your entrance. “Ohh, baby,” he sighed, lingering with his tip right there, where only a push of his hips would do it.
Your whole body went weak as it tried to suck him in.
You asked, “Can you try it, just a little bit?”
“Oh, darlin’,” he groaned. He shook his head no, then brought his tip back above your clit. His cock slid hard and wet against you.
“Please Joel,” you begged. “To make sure I'm ready.” You held his arms with both hands. "Tomorrow can’t be perfect if I’m not ready."
He laughed softly. “You want it that bad, don’t ya.”
He leaned over you and kissed your head, then your lips. Once again, he gathered your wetness with the tip of his cock, making your walls twitch. He pressed the tip firmly against your most sensitive place and exhaled raggedly as you throbbed against him. He used his tip to massage your swollen clit. Your chest swelled with a sigh and arch of your back. He closed his eyes and groaned, and the distress on his face told you he was hanging onto his last shred of restraint.
“Put it in, just a little,” you whispered.
“Just a little,” he finally agreed.
—----
He put your knees up a little bit, then aligned his body over yours and nudged your entrance with the head of his cock. It felt so right. You’d never wanted anything as bad as you wanted him. He pushed the curve of his tip in just far enough to stay notched there as he hovered over you with both arms on the bed. The crown still wasn’t breaching your walls, but when he looked down at you and pushed a little further, you felt a slight burn with the stretch.
“How’s it feel,” he asked.
“G, g, good,” you whimpered. “So good.”
He laughed silently at how much was left to go.
“Am I ready enough? Can you tell?”
“Let’s see, baby.” He slowly pushed his hips forward, giving you his entire massive tip and you groaned. It felt even better than you imagined.
“Just a little more,” you whined.
He pushed a smidgen further. The stretch felt like you were being spread open and made into something else, something combined with him. You felt your face contorting and your spine arched with the beautiful stretch. “Oh Joel,” you gasped. “I—it-”
“Breathe, baby.”
He brought his hips back ever so slightly, then moved it in and out of you in small, shallow pulses. It felt so right, your eyes welled up in tears.
“That’s all, baby,” he whispered. “That’s all for now,” but he kept doing it, pushing just slightly in and out of you. You watched his arms flex and his face twist as he kept giving you the tip.
“Ah,” He bit his lip as he gently fucked you with his tip. “Oh God, I wanna–ohh,” he cut himself off with a groan, then sighed, "wanna stuff my whole self inside ya baby."
“Please do it,” you begged. “please-”
“Oh, fuck—"
"Don't stop-”
“-i, i–i gotta” He groaned, then pulled out. He held his cock while he lifted his knees to straddle you and press your thighs together. Then he slid his cock between your thighs, right up against your folds. He thrust into your thighs just twice and came, slowly moving it back and forward, painting your folds with his warm seed. “Feel–feel too good, baby.”
The pulsation of his cock sent you for your own orgasm. You gasped and writhed and whimpered his name as you came against his cock. You were hugging his cock so tight, your pulsations beating into each other’s loins so hard.
He lowered his weight onto you as you both finished. Then he got on his side next to you.
"I want you to do that inside me " you told him.
He dipped his fingers between your legs, into his cum.
"Want me to fill ya up with that?"
"Yeah."
"Leave it inside ya?"
"Yeah."
He whistled silently, then murmured, "can't wait to, baby." His face was pink and his temples glistened.
He kissed you on the lips, then you laid in silence for a minute.
You sighed and said, "that felt really good, being full of you like that."
"Ohh, darlin'," he laughed. "''m afraid ya don't know what full means." He read your eyes, kissed you tenderly, then whispered, "Yet."
You bit your lip, then he kissed you again.
“I’ll run the shower for ya.” Joel went to the bathroom and the water turned on in the standing shower.
You followed him, and as he checked the water temperature you asked, “Am I gonna have your last name?”
“I reckon ya do,” he said and planted a kiss on your lips.
—-----------
After your shower, you got dressed for bed again, and Joel asked you to sleep with him. He dozed off quickly, but you didn’t. You were too excited. Once you did drift off, you slept light.
In the middle of the night, you heard a vehicle and urgently woke Joel up. He didn't hear it.
“I swear, Joel,” you insisted, but it stopped.
“It’s okay, baby,” he reassured you. “Just a dream.”
He held you and kissed you until your heart rate slowed and you drifted off to the feeling of his breathing.
—----------
PSA. 💒 According to Joel, they're married now. They just are, that's all there is to it. Only thing left to do is "celebrate" 🍆
------------
THANK YOU sooo much for reading and engaging!! I appreciate your comments, discussion, sharing, and reblogs so much, I can't even tell you. Especially when I get labeled so quickly so often. I love you guys! I see you in the wild and I'm like, aw I love them.
And if you're new - I also have another dbf!Joel series, non-horror, but still somewhat of a twist (Trouble AU) at the top of my joel master list. The master list also has a virgin section lol.
-----------
All Joel:@ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea@evyiione@xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious@chernayawidow@ambassadortotrilliusprime@not-a-unique-snowflake-blog@jasminespringtime @romanarose@fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore@blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires@taeslarityy@str84pedro@lokanda @kyloispunk @filthfairy@fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine@worhols@fan-fiction-floozy@cutesyscreenname @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl@feministfanboi@gracieispunk@prettypartyfavor@am-3-thyst@babeincolor@milla-frenchy@switchbladedreamz@within-the-depths@am-3-thyst@may-machin@pedromania91 @sloanexx@paleidiot
@gab-thelamb-onthemoon
#joel miller x reader#joel miller fic#dark!joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#dbf!joel miller#toxicanonymity ☠️#lincoln!joel☠️#joel miller smut#cw age gap
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Apple juice.
Joel x reader (by Lincoln Joel)
fics by blorbos
It's a beautiful fall day in the orchard and you and Joel are going to pick some apples. Conveniently he is the only man in town so you don't have to worry about any unwelcome intrustions, but even if the town was full of men you would only want to be by his side.
"Peaches, that dress looks beautiful on you. I knew it would."
"Thanks for finding it for me, Joel. It's so thoughtful and not creepy at all that you stocked an entire room for me just in case I would somehow end up at your house."
Joel nods sincerely and rolls up the sleeves of his green plaid shirt. You core all the apples and make the juice and notice Joel is getting an erection.
Joel notices you noticing, and explains "Forgive me, darlin, but this reminds me of how juicy your pussy is." He gives you a boost onto the counter then spreads your legs and takes down your panties. He fingers you and licks it off and says "you taste even better than apple juice."
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
Apple Blossom. Left in Lincoln, pt. 4
7.5k / dads best friend!Joel x virgin!Reader
story master list / joel miller master list
His cheeks turned a little pink and his eyes lit up. He handed you the rag. "What?" you asked. “Nothin',” he said softly and shook his head. “You sure are pretty, darlin’. That’s all.” He dried his hands then gave your butt a squeeze. The moment of domesticity almost made you forget the town was rotting away beneath your feet.
WARNINGS: I8+ mdni, slow-burn horror w/ potentially disturbing implicit content, big girthy age gap (20s/50s), plot, angst, toxic/dark fluff, gaslighting, manipulation, pressure, grooming, grinding, fingering, oral M receiving, pet names and praise. Very TOXIC, dark Joel. Impaired editing.
You fell asleep in Joel’s arms and woke up alone in your bed. The apple blossom was gone from your night stand. You showered and got dressed. You couldn’t find your baseball cap and realized the last time you wore it was in Joel’s orchard. When you came downstairs, Bill and Frank's bedroom door was open. Before you could investigate, you heard screeching outside, then cursing. You ran to the door. Joel was waving his arms and a crow was flying away from him. He had a screwdriver in one hand. He stood up and smoothed his shirt and a feather floated away from him. He was wearing Frank's clothes with his hair freshly slicked back from a shower.
You went outside and looked down at the open vent. You asked, “How’d you get it to come out?”
Joel shrugged with his arms hanging heavy at his sides. "Nowhere else to go. Gotta be patient sometimes.” He bent one knee and put the hand with the screwdriver on his hip, looking up at the roof of the house. He squinted at the chimney. “I reckon we left the fireplace vent open the other night.”
You approached Joel and he extended his free hand for a hug. He stroked your head and looked at you lovingly. You were still taking that in - the fact that Joel told you he loved you. He gave you a kiss on the head and inhaled your scent. Then he went to screw the vent back into the side of the house, and your eyes followed his ass. That was one thing about Joel always having his shirt tucked in - You were very aware of his ass. He was so muscular, almost statuesque to you. His proportions reminded you of classic art.
Joel glanced back as he bent over and your cheeks burned as you looked away from his body.
“Can we plant the strawberries today?” You asked.
“Not the season, darlin’. Won’t survive.”
“Ours are still alive," you said.
“Really?” he asked skeptically.
"Yeah, they just never fruited."
“Show me.” Joel finished screwing the vent back into place then stood up and brushed off his knees.
You led him to the failed strawberry patch and showed him the plants.
“Well I’ll be damned,” Joel said and squatted down to finger the leaves. "You wanna bring’em, guess we can try it."
You were excited to surprise Frank and Bill with fresh strawberries. Once they fruited, maybe you could transplant them somewhere at home too.
"Grab a spade and bucket outta the shed. Some of that cloth, too."
You returned with the requested supplies and Joel said, "Alright, I’ll work on this and you can pick some veggies to take with us if ya want."
“We’re not coming back today?”
“Not ‘til we figure out what’s goin’ on, darlin’.” He put his hands on his knees and stood back up with a groan. “Anything else you wanna plant from here? Arugula?”
You were still processing the idea of leaving home for multiple days. “Sure. Wait, what if we get the computers back up to check the cameras?” you asked. “Then we can see if it’s safe.”
He wiped his brow with the back of the flannel sleeve. “Just looked at ‘em. All static. Lines must've been cut. Been down at least a few days."
"What??" A pit formed in your stomach. This whole time, you should’ve been even more scared than you were. Joel sensed your fear. He stepped forward and put his arm around you. He cradled your head against him. He smelled a little like Frank.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m not leavin’ you again," he reassured you. The low vibration of his voice in his chest was an extra layer to the hug.
You tried to shake off the dark mood that fell over you. "Can we make apple juice?” you asked.
“Sure we can, peaches.”
-
Joel uprooted some strawberry and arugula while you picked vegetables then brought them inside. You got out the empty apple juice jar to take with you and took the cider jar out of the fridge, too.
Joel walked in and froze. “You’re not drinkin’ that, are ya?”
“No,” you said, but you didn’t want to offend him since he brewed it. “Not right now.”
“But you did?” He stepped forward and looked so serious. Your face went cold.
“Well, no-”
"You shouldn’t be drinkin’ without me, darlin’. It’s not safe.” There was an air of judgment in his voice. You were embarrassed, but shouldn't have been. You were old enough to drink and your house was full of wine. You could have a drink alone if you wanted to. Joel extended his hand and looked at you sternly. “Gimme that.” You felt defensive as if you had done something wrong. Even knowing you hadn't. You suddenly realized you had no idea where his bottle of whiskey was that he left there days ago. He might have thought you drank it, too. You were mortified.
“I was just gonna pour it out so we could use the jar,” you explained as he opened the cider. Joel's face softened and he poured it out in the sink.
“Got plenty of jars at home, baby. Good idea though." He rinsed the jar then patted the back of your head tenderly. It wasn't enough to soothe the feeling of being scolded, but the feeling would fade. You had bigger things to worry about anyway. He just wanted to keep you safe.
-
On the walk to Joel’s house, you told him all about the night before. How Abe didn’t come by, then you heard Abe's truck, but didn’t see him. You told him about the songs playing on the radio station, which gave you chills to even think about.
Joel heard the distress in your voice and stopped dead in his tracks, disturbed. “Sorry I wasn’t there, darlin’. Never shoulda left ya." He took a deep, ragged breath in. He cupped your cheek. “Guess I didn’t wanna be a bother if ya didn't want me stickin' around.”
You felt a wave of guilt for sending him home each night. You imagined him walking alone in the dark worrying about you, thinking he was bothering you.
"It's okay, Joel," you reassured him. "I should've asked you to stay."
"It's not okay, baby.” He shook his head at himself, then looked at you with grave concern. “What if somethin' happened?"
"Well, I guess it didn’t. I'm okay," you said.
He sighed and cradled the back of your head.
"But I'm worried about Abe," you added.
Joel dropped his hand, and looked off into the distance, jaw muscle flexing.
"What if he's in trouble?" you asked.
Joel took a deep breath and looked in the direction of Abe’s property. "Tell ya what, darlin'. I'll go check on him today, how’s that sound?”
The distress melted away from your face. “Thank you,” you gushed and wrapped him in a hug. He kissed the top of your head.
A bird cried and both of you turned toward the sound. It was a crow. It followed you the rest of the way to Joel's house, squawking obnoxiously.
-
It was your first time being in Joel’s house. It was about as neat and clean as you expected for the most part. It smelled woodsy and nutty, like pine and almonds, and faintly of apples. He led you upstairs to a spare bedroom and left you there to get settled in. He said to let him know if you needed anything.
You walked around the room and picked things up. There was a dresser, a vanity, and a mirror. On top of the vanity was a jewelry box and a hairbrush. A stationary set. There was a stool at the vanity and a box fan on the floor.
Everything was so perfect and comfortable. It was what you imagined a hotel might be like. Clean and cozy. You sat down on the neatly made bed and took your shoes off. Joel came back a few minutes later and stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He looked around the room then nervously put his hands in his pockets. He asked, "What do you think?"
"It's amazing."
He looked relieved. He came over to sit next to you on the bed. "Good," he said. He smiled and his eyes scanned your body. He caressed your neck and planted a kiss on your cheek.
"Can we pick apples to make the juice today?"
"Not today, darlin'. Not 'til we're sure it's safe." He raised your hand to his mouth and kissed it. "Got some apples in the kitchen, though."
-
Joel made lunch and told you about the different improvements he made to the house and orchard in the past few years. You asked for a tour and he said you could have one after he knew the community was secure. He got up and took the dishes to the sink. He turned on the water to wash them and you got up and volunteered to do them instead. It seemed only fair since he made lunch. You stood next to him at the sink and reached for the rag. His cheeks turned a little pink and his eyes lit up. He hesitantly handed you the rag with a slight smile.
“What?” you asked.
“Nothin',” he said softly and shook his head, looking at the floor. He looked back up at you and sucked his bottom lip. “You sure are pretty, darlin’. That’s all.” He dried his hands on a clean towel, then gave your butt a little squeeze. You smiled and giggled silently. The moment of domesticity made you forget the town was rotting away beneath your feet.
Joel moved to stand close behind you and put his hands on your hips. He spoke softly into the crown of your head. “I'll go take a look around the neighborhood and check on Abe.”
You turned your head and nodded, “thank you, Joel.”
His voice got low and serious, but remained gentle. “Stay here. Don't go outside.”
You nodded again.
“You don't answer the door for anyone but me. Real important, okay?"
You put down the dish in your hand and turned around to face him fully. "Okay."
"Even if you think you know 'em. Don't know who could be infected." He swallowed regretfully.
You nodded in agreement, "Okay."
His hands on either side of your hips casually caged you against the sink. He gently pressed his hips, then his lips into yours.
“Back before sundown,” he muttered.
He put on a jacket, went down to the cellar, and returned with two firearms. He handed you a pistol, put on his jacket, and kissed you goodbye. He winked as he left, then locked the door behind him from the outside.
-
While Joel was out, you got curious and bored. You walked around the house. The first door you tried to open was locked. The second one led down to the cellar. You took a few steps down and tried to reach the light string that hung from the ceiling. it swung away. After another step down, the door behind you began to close. You panicked and lunged up the stairs to keep it open. That was stupid. You could have gotten locked in. You scurried up the stairs back into the living room. Once you caught your breath, you shut the door behind you and didn't go back.
Another door was a closet. Jackets, hats, boots. You saw an old Red Sox hat and your heart skipped a beat. Your first thought was Jesse. Your heart pounded in your chest and you weren’t sure why. It was probably yours. Joel must have scooped it up when you left it in the orchard. It could have faded from the elements. You had the strongest urge to touch and smell the hat, but you didn’t dare disturb it. Joel seemed like the type to know exactly how things were. You didn't want him to know you were snooping.
You didn’t try any more doors after that. You went back to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and there were two crates of jars, one of them locked. You looked around the opposite counter from where you had been doing the dishes. A basket of apples, a jar of apple seeds. A fresh branch in a vase of water with a budding blossom. You held up the vase and smelled the bud.
You were startled from the moment by a faint scraping and clinking sound outside. You fumbled the vase and almost dropped it but caught it. Your pulse sped up and your eyes darted to the window. You put the vase down and walked to the kitchen door which looked out into the backyard and orchard. You put your hand on the knob, then changed your mind, Joel’s cautionary words fresh in your ears. You stood at the window and looked. You didn’t see anything. You heard it again. It sounded like it was coming from the back of the orchard, which you couldn’t see. All you saw was dirt, grass, a fire pit, neat rows of tree after tree, dead leaves tumbling across the ground with the wind. Maybe it was the wind.
When you heard it again, you were unsettled enough to step away from the window. You went back up to the bedroom, figuring it was the safest place. You covered yourself in the quilt and hugged one of several pillows, waiting for Joel's return, hiding, praying no one was around. Hoping no one could possibly know you were there. Grateful you weren't home alone at a time like this. You kept the bedroom door open so you'd be able to see trouble if it came.
-
You dozed off and awoke when the back door to the kitchen unlocked downstairs. Your heart raced and it took a moment to remember where you were. It was almost dusk outside. You quietly slid out from under the quilt and prepared to cautiously venture downstairs, assuming it was Joel who just came in the house. A door closed downstairs, then the water heater turned on. You pulled the quilt back over you and turned off the light, waiting in the dark. After about ten minutes of lying there slowing your heart rate, the water turned off. A few minutes later, a door opened downstairs again. You wished you could fast forward to the next time you'd be in Joel's arms.
You felt a presence. "Joel?" It came out far quieter than you intended, but you were too afraid to repeat it louder. The stairs quietly creaked with padded footsteps. The creaking got closer and closer, then stopped. You sat frozen, looking at a looming shadow in the hall, trying to make sense of it as Joel’s silhouette. The shape looked jagged, angry, nothing like him.
“Peaches?” his voice made you jump; it was much closer than you thought. Your hand came to your chest as he stepped into view and asked, “You okay? Thought you might be nappin', didn't wanna wake ya up.'”
"I'm okay," you said and took a deep breath. "What's going on?"
Joel approached the bed and sat down with his hand on your knee. He was freshly showered and dressed in his own clothes again.
"I think Abe left, darlin'."
"Left?? Why??"
"I dunno, sugar. It was like he just packed up."
You were stunned. Abe couldn't possibly have packed up and left. This didn't explain anything at all. You'd have to see it to believe it.
"No. He wouldn't just leave," you said and got de ja vu. You were quiet. Nothing felt right. You spent the whole afternoon scared and alone, and now this?
"Sorry, peaches. Didn't know you were close."
"We weren't. I just - I'm surprised. He didn't say anything this week, did he?"
"Sure didn't."
"Just like Jesse,” you whispered.
Joel inhaled through his nose as though calming himself.
“I don't understand it," you said.
Joel was quiet for a moment. "People leave, darlin'. But I promise you I won't. Not ever."
You mustered half a grateful smile and indulged him. “Promise?”
"Never.” He looked gravely serious. “Not unless I take you with me,” he said softer.
“Thanks,” you said.
He shook his head. “I mean it, peaches. Nothin' in this world could take me away from you." He stroked your thigh and leaned in for a much-needed kiss.
Then he put his arm around you, rubbed your shoulder, and leaned his temple against yours. You sat side by side on the bed in silence for a minute, then Joel said, “been a rough day or two, huh?"
You nodded pensively.
"I know what we need."
"What?"
"How 'bout a special dinner?” he lifted your chin with his finger and your eyes met his affectionately. "There she is."
"Okay."
"Put on somethin' nice, I'll get cookin'."
“Oh, I didn’t bring much,” you said, embarrassed.
“Let's check the closet,” he said with a wink. "See what got left behind."
He kissed you on the head and stood up. It was a shallow closet that rolled open from two doors to expose a single rack of clothes. He rolled open the left door and there were five or six dresses. They didn't look like anything Ellie or Tess would wear and you didn't know who else could have left them behind. Whoever lived there before, you supposed.
Joel pulled out two coathangers. A floral wrap dress and a low cut burgundy sweater dress. "See what ya like," he said softly with a sparkle in his eye. "Take your time. I'll get cookin'." He winked and put the hangers back in the closet before leaving you to the task.
You stayed seated on the bed and stared into space for a while, thinking about Abe. Then you got up and put on the burgundy dress. It was a perfect fit. You stood in front of the vanity as the smell of fried rabbit wafted upstairs. You primped yourself and touched your neck, looking yourself in the eyes. You wanted to be happy, but your eyes were sad. You opened a dresser drawer looking for socks. Sure enough, there was a small drawer full of socks and stockings. Another drawer full of underwear, and even the same type of fabric washable pads you had to use for your period. You dreaded your period coming in a few days. That probably wasn't helping your mood.
-
Joel served a candlelit dinner at a card table in his living room. He said it was safer away from the windows at night. He wanted to give it another day or two to make sure the community was safe. He was walking to the table with a bottle of wine and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw you in the dress. He put down the bottle and said. "My lands, peaches." He wet his lips. "C'mere, gorgeous." He rubbed your forearms with his thumbs and looked you up and down. "You're so goddamn beautiful," he whispered.
"You look nice, too," you said. He chuckled. He wasn't wearing anything out of the ordinary but he always looked nice. He took your head in both hands and kissed you softly. Then he looked at you again, wrapped his arms around you, and kissed you harder with an "Mmm," into your mouth.
He pulled out your chair for you at the table. He poured your wine, served you salad with no cucumbers, rabbit, eggplant, and applesauce. The salad dressing was incredible. He made it himself. "secret's in the basil" he said proudly. "Gotta mash it up real good, let the flavor out. If ya like it, we got more to plant out back. Rosemary, too. Make us a little herb garden.” You smiled. The applesauce was amazing, too.
He got up and retrieved a stone bowl from the counter. "Fresh cinnamon sticks. I crush’em up dry first. Then add just a little apple to the cinnamon, mash it up so it’s all wet, then add that to the rest at the end." He tasted the cinnamon mixture with his finger. “Kinda spicy.” He dipped his pinky for more and held it up to your mouth. "Go on," he said. You held eye contact with him as your tongue met his pinky. The cinnamon was strong. Delicious. He took a deep breath as you sucked his digit clean. "Good girl," he whispered, watching you in a trance. He put the bowl back on the counter. “Use it for cobbler, too. We can make some if ya want.” You never knew Joel was such a good chef.
-
You ate quietly. You wanted to let Joel’s nice dinner take your mind off things, but it didn't. You didn't want to grill him about Abe's house or say anything negative at all since he put so much effort into the meal. He put so much effort into making you feel good in general. So you tried to pretend you were okay, but he sensed your mood.
After cleaning up from dinner, the two of you sat down on his sofa in the living room. He brought whiskey and a bag of pills and put them on the coffee table with two glasses. “Need a good night’s sleep,” he muttered as he sat down and poured a glass. “How ‘bout you?”
You didn’t say anything.
“What’s wrong, peaches?”
You were quiet, but he didn’t let you off the hook. He looked at you, expecting an answer. Finally, you blurted out, “I’m lonely.”
Joel looked confused. “We’re together now, baby."
The tears welled up over your eyes. “Not right this second. I mean in general.”
Joel swallowed, then nodded. “Must get lonely on your own. Why don’t you stay here with me?” He took a sip, put down his drink, and scooted closer. He rubbed your back.
You ignored his offer, frustrated that he didn't get it or didn’t care. “Everyone's gone,” you said and started to cry. “Everyone left.”
Joel’s face darkened and his jaw clenched. His body tensed and he stopped rubbing your back. He sank back into the sofa and clasped his hands in his lap. You turned around to face him, expecting more comfort, but he didn’t look at you or open his arms.
“Not sure what to say to that, peaches," he said flatly. He took another sip of his drink. "You mean the world to me, and it sounds like I’m nobody to you.”
“Of course not,” you said. Your heart dropped at your foolishness. Here was the one person you had left. The best person who could possibly be left. Someone who would take care of you no matter what it took. Someone who cared more about you than anything or anyone else. And instead of being grateful, you acted like he was nothing.
Joel nodded slowly, looking down with a scowl. He swallowed.
You said, "I just miss them, that's all."
His eyes intensified and he took a deep, calming breath.
“Bill and Frank, I mean,” you clarified, desperate not to make it worse.
"I know ya do," he said in a near whisper, still looking down.
You continued, your tears slowing but not stopping. "It doesn't feel right here with everyone gone."
“Doesn’t feel right here,” he repeated. He raised his eyebrows and bit his tongue, sticking it into his cheek.
You looked away, sensing that you hurt him but unsure what to do. You sat in silence for what felt like several minutes, both of you looking straight ahead. Your back felt so cold without him comforting you.
When you looked back at Joel, his eyes were glistening. “You're enough for me, peaches.” His voice cracked. “You’re all I need in the world.” He dabbed his eye and your heart broke. "Nothin' feels more right than bein' with you. I love you that much.”
No one ever made you feel that way before, like you were their entire world. His affection overwhelmed you. It felt like he cared as much about you as Bill and Frank, just in a different way.
"I love you too, Joel." You squeezed his thigh reassuringly.
“No, darlin'. I’m in love with you. I don’t care about anything else.”
You turned toward him and tried to meet his eyes. “I’m in love with you, too.”
He finally stroked your back. “You might think so, darlin’.” He sighed. “And I ‘preciate you sayin’ it. . . But when you say, ‘it doesn’t feel right here’. . .” He dabbed his eye again. “I gotta wonder.”
“I do, Joel.”
“I dunno if you understand love, darlin’. Or you wouldn’t say that. And you wouldn’t feel lonely.”
You were overwhelmed and confused. It didn’t make sense to you. “I wouldn’t miss my parents?”
“Course you’d miss’em,” he conceded. “But you wouldn’t feel lonely.”
“Guess that’s what I meant,” you said. He nodded and his face warmed slightly. "Plus, I'm worried about Frank," you said and started crying again. Something was tugging at your gut. You felt worse, not better.
Joel started to say something, but didn't. He rubbed your back. “I know, darlin’. He poured you a glass of whiskey and composed himself. “They’d be proud of ya, how you’re doin’.”
You laughed through your tears. “Sorry,” you sniffled. “I didn’t mean I was lonely. I’m not.”
“Okay, darlin’,” he whispered
You couldn’t tell if he really forgave you. Your whole face felt tense.
-
Joel looked at you and a look of deep concern washed across his face, realizing how bad he made you feel. “Hey, hey. . . . c’mere. . . “ He rubbed your back. You scooted closer and hugged him from the side. He brought your far leg into his lap so you were twisted over him. “Shhhh,” he said and kissed your forehead, but something was still off about him. “It’s okay, baby.” He softened but still felt more distant than usual, like he wasn’t sure he could believe you. The distance made you panic.
“I love you, I really do,” you said.
He drank the rest of his whiskey and bent forward to put the glass down, then stretched his arm out on top of the sofa. You tucked one leg under yourself and rested the other leg over his lap. He draped his hand on your knee, but didn’t make a move to pull you closer. You climbed into his lap, suddenly more concerned about his feelings than anything else.
You wanted to be closer to him, as close as possible. You wanted him wrapped around you, inside you. You wanted to be a part of him and for him to be a part of you. You kissed him on the cheek. He smiled but didn’t look at you, not really. He looked at your eyes but it felt like he was looking past them. “Joel,” you whined, eyes welling up at the lack of validation. You cupped his face in both your hands and kissed him. His lips pressed softly into yours. You looked back and forth between his eyes, trying to connect enough to show him how much you meant it.
“I wanna be with you,” you whispered. “I don’t care about anything else.”
Something behind his eyes flickered on. “You mean that, peaches? You don’t care about anything else?”
You nodded and pressed your lips into his again.
He asked, “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
His hands embraced your back and the affection returned to his eyes full-force like it was in the morning. He wet his lips.
“Good,” he whispered. “It’s you and me, darlin’. We only got each other.”
You nodded.
-
He looked from your eyes to your mouth and back, closed his eyes, cradled the back of your head, and kissed you deeply. He held you and kissed you, the taste of whiskey fading after a few seconds as your mouths combined. He pulled you closer into his lap and his jeans hardened against your dress and panties, making your core tingle. He moaned into your mouth and your panties moistened rapidly. His cock was big, and feeling it get so hard just for you made you feel special. Earlier, when you said you wanted him inside you, he said you were still being shy with him. He said you hadn’t even touched it yet, that you weren’t giving him everything.
You wanted to show him you could give him everything. His big hands pulled you close and his hips lifted your body as he licked into your mouth. His hard cock pressed perfectly against your clit as his hips moved. You reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, then tugged his shirt up and he let you untuck it. He was truly in the moment. He was yours. You gently grabbed at the bulge in his jeans – it was more than a handful – and he thrust into your palm with a sigh.
You broke the kiss to unzip his jeans, and he watched you like it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. You slid your hand into his pants and softly gasped as you felt the stiff outline of his cock through his boxers. His hips lifted into your hand with a soft grunt and he said, “Givin’ me everything, aren’t ya baby?”
You nodded earnestly. He slid his hand between your legs, ghosting your clit over your panties, making you moan.
“Wanna make you feel good,” you whispered, groping his hard cock and feeling a wet spot at the tip.
“Always feel good when I'm with you, darlin’.”
“Want it in my mouth,” you said.
He inhaled sharply. “Fuck, darlin’.” His eyes widened. “That what you want?”
“Yeah,” you nodded and got down on the carpet.
You got out of the way while he took his jeans off for you.
He spread his knees again and pulled the waistband of his boxers down below his balls. He wrapped his fingers around the shaft with his thumb at the tip. Butterflies swarmed between your legs at the sight of his strong hand holding his cock at attention for you. You nestled yourself between his legs.
“You sure?” he asked and looked you over.
You wet your lips and nodded without taking your eyes off his imposing cock.
“Alright, darlin’.” He looked at you with pride and curiosity.
You held his cock at the base and opened your mouth, hovering over the tip.
“Just a little kiss,” he murmured.
You pressed your lips against the tip and kissed it, sucking the salty precum into your mouth.
“Good girl,” he sighed. “Now a little at a time.”
You wrapped your lips around the tip and licked it, looking up at his face for approval. The look on his face made you wet. Joel sighed and tried not to lift his hips. “Good. Doin’ great, baby.”
You sucked a little more of him into your mouth. He was so big, the head alone seemed to stretch your jaw.
“Good, baby. Nice and slow, not too much.” His velvety tip grazed the roof of your mouth. You throbbed between the legs, wishing so badly to have him there instead. But you had to show him you could give him everything.
You braced the shaft at the base and the humidity of his salt and pepper hair made you throb more. You sucked and tongued his shaft and looked up at him for approval.
“Good girl,” he nodded. His validation made you slurp more of him into your mouth, a little too much, and you started gagging.
“Easy, darlin’, hold on,” he chuckled. “Take a breather,” he said.
You were a little embarrassed. “I wanna do it,” you whispered.
“Okay,” he smiled. “How ‘bout you lick it, get it real wet for us.”
You salivated at the sight of his cock in his hand and licked him from base to tip three times - once on the underside, and once from each side.
“Now use your hand, darlin’.” You hesitantly wrapped your fingers and thumb around his shaft and he swelled into your hand. His cock dwarfed your fingers, making you wetter. You were salivating.
You asked, “Are you sure you don’t want my mouth?”
“Darlin’, I love your hands.”
He covered your hand with his and stroked himself with it.
His hips thrust into your hand and it was so easy to imagine yourself impaled on his cock, it was all you could think about.
“Give it another kiss, baby.”
You brought the tip into your mouth again, then licked his cock from base to tip and sucked the head again, curiously tonguing the salty slit. You left as much saliva as you could.
“Good girl,” he murmured and took your hand in his again.
You ached to have him inside you. You wet your lips thirstily.
He watched your face as his breath grew heavier. “Whatcha thinkin’ bout, peaches?”
You had a feeling he knew. You looked down at his cock then back up at him, then away.
“Don’t be shy, baby.”
You looked up and made eye contact. “Putting our bodies together,” you said breathily and watched his face melt into a puddle of want.
He inhaled through his nose, then murmured, “Want that real bad, don’t ya?”
You nodded.
“Why’s that, darlin’?” His lips glistened and his eyes were half-lidded.
“Wanna feel you inside me.”
He breathed heavier as your hands slid up and down on his shaft. He asked, “How ya think it’s gonna feel?”
“I’m gonna be full of you. Attached to you.”
“Yeah, you will,” he nodded. His grip tightened around your hand as he stroked himself. “You’ll be so full of me, baby. ..”
“I really wanna be,” you whispered. You wanted it so bad you could cry. “I need to be.”
“You will be, baby,” he said soothingly. “You want your mouth filled up now?”
“Yeah,” you hovered your mouth near his cock again.
“Go ‘head, baby. Take it, it’s yours.” He took his hand away and put it gently on the back of your head.
You sucked the tip of his cock into your mouth again and made eye contact as you sucked.
He groaned and his thumb stroked the nape of your neck, then he lifted his hips and erupted in your mouth. His warm, salty spend hit the roof of your mouth, then the tip slid back along your palate, and he pulsed again. More cum hit the back of your throat. Your eyes watered and you swallowed.
“You did so good, baby.”
-
He tucked his cock into his boxers and spooned you on the sofa.
“Why’s it feel so good, doing that?” you asked.
“Doin’ what?”
“Just having it in my mouth.”
“S’posed to, baby. Your body’s gettin’ ready for mine.” His words sent a pang of desire between your legs. “Turns you on, right?” He reached under your dress and stroked your panties from the outside. He felt the dampness and murmured, “Guess it does.”
“A lot,” you said. He began stroking your clit rhythmically over the cotton. Your hips started to move on their own in his hand. You moaned softly.
He slid his hand into the front of your panties and thumbed your soft curls. “It’s ‘cause your special parts think I’m fixin’ to put mine right here.” He dipped his middle finger into the pool of wetness hanging at your entrance.
“I wish you would,” you sighed.
He groaned softly at those words, the blood already flowing back to his loins. “You really do, huh?” His voice was low and soft. “You really wanna be full of me.” He wet his fingers with your slick and began gently circling your clit. “Attached to me.”
“Yeah,” you said. “More than anything.”
“Love hearin’ that, peaches.” He held you tighter.
“I wanna give you everything,” you said.
“Gotta be ready, darlin’,” he said into the crown of your head.
“I’m ready.”
“Your body too, angel.” You could hear the smile in his voice.
“My body wants yours so bad,” you whined.
“Wantin’ it’s not enough, baby.”
You groaned in frustration.
“Well. . . you tell me, darlin’. You’ve had it in your mouth now. Think it’ll fit in this sweet little hole?” he swirled his finger around.
“I dunno,” you sighed. Your body didn’t care, it wanted whatever he would give you. “I’m sorry,” you muttered.
“For what?”
“Not having my body ready.”
“Oh peaches, I’m glad you’re not. It’ll be a privilege gettin’ you there.” He gently circled your clit.
“Really?”
“Of course, darlin’,” he said softly. “Sometimes they bloom late for a reason.” He dipped his finger into your wetness again. “And this one’s just for me, ain’t it?”
“Yeah,” you whispered.
“We’ll get there, baby. We’ll get there in time.”
“Okay,” you sighed.
“Let’s see how much you can handle,” he said. “See what it’ll take to get there.”
“Yeah,” you said. “Please.” You lifted your thigh to make more room for his hand.
He slowly slid half his middle finger into your tight, wet heat. You moaned at his first intrusion.
He sucked air in through his teeth. “How’s that feel, baby?”
“I want more.”
He took a deep breath and pushed his finger all the way in.
You whimpered, “yeah,” as your body adjusted.
“God damn,” he whispered as your cunt hugged his digit.
He curled his finger just slightly and you moaned again. “It’s so thick,” you said.
“See? Got a long way to go.” His cock twitched against your ass.
“No, it feels good,” you said as he slowly moved his finger inside you. “I want more.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” you answered impatiently.
“Just one more.” You squinted in frustration. Why just one more?
He took his middle finger out and flattened it alongside his ring finger. He slid them up and down your slippery seam before slowly plunging them inside together. It was a tight squeeze. “God damn,” he breathed. He paused half-way in.
“Feels so good,” you panted. “Keep going,” you begged.
“Don’t wanna hurt ya.”
“Doesn’t hurt at all.”
He slowly sank his two fingers into you completely. “Real snug,” he muttered. “You sure it doesn’t hurt?”
“Too snug? Is that bad?”
“No, no, not at all, baby. But it’s gonna take time to be ready.” He began to move the heel of his palm against your clit and you grinded back against it.
“God, Joel,” you sighed.
“Gonna take time,” he repeated. “‘fore you’re ready for this,” he said with a thrust of his hips, grinding himself into your ass, already fully erect again. He thrust against you again with a soft grunt.
You asked “You want it too, don’t you?”
“Course I do, baby,” he panted. “Gotta feel good for both of us, though. Gotta do it right.” He kissed your head and curled his fingers inside you, digging the meat of his hand against your clit again. “Gotta be real special.”
Your clit twitched against his hand and he said, “C’mon, baby,” moving his hand at a slow rhythm. “Every time you come, gets us closer to what we want.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, sugar.” He breathed heavily with his body enveloping yours, pumping his fingers deep in your cunt, pressing his palm against your clit.
You let your hips grind back unrestrained.
“There ya go, darlin’,” he said, pressing his hard cock against you as he moved his fingers. “Yeah, just like that.”
You closed your eyes and pretended his fingers were his cock. You knew his cock would feel even better.
“Can’t wait to be inside ya, baby,” he whispered. “Nothin’ I want more.” He slowly pumped his fingers deeper into you as your body opened up for him. “Wanna slide into this tight little hole,” he panted, his cock rutting gently against your ass. “Want you wrapped around me.” He rubbed his palm against your front. “Yeah. . .wrapped so tight around me, baby. Like ya can’t pull us apart” Your hips grinded into his hand with your climax in sight. “Gonna have you so full of me,” he breathed, then he moaned with a harder thrust against you. “Joined together,” he added. “Forever, baby. It’s forever,” he whispered in your ear. “Me and you.” You whined on the edge of your climax. “C’mon, baby,” he whispered, pumping his fingers, rocking his palm, grinding against your ass.
He thrust against your ass with a grunt, and his grunt in your ear was enough for you to see stars. “Joel,” you whined.
“Yeah,” he said as your climax seized you. You whimpered as you came. “Yeah, I got ya, baby,” he whispered. “Good girl.” He kissed your head.
-
He held you and caressed you as you bathed in the afterglow. It gave you clarity on how wrong you were earlier. You felt the things he felt. You realized how hurt you would have been if he said the same things – That he was lonely, that it didn’t feel right there.
“I’m not lonely,” you whispered. “And of course it feels right, bein’ with you.”
“Okay, baby.” He kissed your head.
“Guess I meant the town didn’t feel. . .” You meant the town. Your stomach dropped as you realized it.
The town. If Abe was really gone, you and Joel were the only two people left in Lincoln. Joel was the town. You couldn’t put your finger on why, but you felt like you might be sick.
“I know, darlin’,” he said obliviously. “But in a way, it’s nice we have this time together.” His arms tightened around you. “Silver lining. Right?” He sighed. “We’re together, don’t care about nothin’ else.”
“Right,” you whispered and tried not to think about it. You shivered and Joel rubbed your arms. “It’s chilly down here. Let’s get you tucked into bed.”
-
Joel showed you the restroom and your toiletries and towels. He offered you a painkiller to help you sleep. You didn’t want to take it, but he left it on the nightstand with a glass of whiskey in case you needed it. “Know it’s weird, sleepin’ somewhere new,” he said. He took a nightgown out of the dresser for you. He kissed you good night, then shut your door behind him.
You woke up in the middle of the night when you heard something metal clang then rumble outside. You felt safer with Joel in the house, but you wanted his arms around you. Maybe he’d let you climb in his bed. Surely he wouldn’t turn you away. He was being a gentleman, offering you a bed of your own. You opened your bedroom door as quietly as possible and gathered the courage to go downstairs.
Downstairs, you pushed his bedroom door open. “Joel?” you whispered. He didn’t answer. “Joel?” There was a flickering glow outside his window, which made it harder to see the inside of the room until your eyes adjusted.
He wasn’t in bed. Not the bathroom, either. You sat down on his bed and smoothed your hand over his pillow. You dipped your nose into the cotton and inhaled his scent, closing your eyes. It gave you a rush of comfort. A metal clang jolted you back to the moment and the flickering light brightened for a moment. Your heart raced. You carefully peeked out the window and faintly saw what looked to be the silhouette of Joel standing over a burning barrel. You felt like you should go back upstairs, as much as you wanted to curl up in his bed, inhaling his scent.
Your heart was beating too fast to get back to sleep, and you didn’t know why. You paced around the room and looked out the window. You sat at the vanity. You looked in the drawers. You were waiting to hear the door open downstairs. Then you could pretend to come down for the first time. Joel would comfort you, kiss you, cuddle you to sleep. But the door didn’t open downstairs. You paced more and sat on the bed. You opened the closet and looked at the dresses again. You held one up in the mirror.
You opened the other closet door and something caught your eye. In the back, on the very last hanger, there was a dress that made your breath hitch. White with lace sleeves. The longer you looked at it, the more butterflies gathered in your chest. Maybe your eyes betrayed you. It was too dark to tell. You closed the closet, took the painkiller, and got back in bed. You listened out for the door and tried to conjure the feeling of Joel’s arms around you. That was all you wanted.
-
Thank you so much for reading and engaging! Thank you for your patience, too. I love you guys!!!
I'm not sure if there will be one more part or two; I have to see how it writes. I feel like probably two, but it could be one long one with a little bit of a time jump.
-
All Joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @lokanda @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires @taeslarityy @str84pedro @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl @feministfanboi @gracieispunk @prettypartyfavor
Lincoln: @fan-fiction-floozy @ivyblxnde @lhymer1995 @sugarspiceanthrax @isimpforfictionalmen @zynbsblogg @swedishscumfuck @sadgirlstoohightocare @steveharringtonswh0re @skythighs @aoziety @leeeesahhh @jupitersmoon-cal @peekymoon @dtfawn
(ct'd in comments or reblogs)
#joel miller x reader#joel miller fic#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal#joel miller/reader#dbf!joel miller#dark!joel miller#creepy!joel miller#pervy!joel miller#toxicanonymity ☠️#lincoln!joel☠️#tw gaslighting#tw manipulation#pedro pascal characters#tw grooming#dbf!joel miller x innocent!reader#dbf!joel x innocent!reader#joel miller x innocent!reader#joel miller x virgin!reader#content label#cw age gap
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
The cold, cold night. Left in Lincoln, part 3
6.9k | dark!dad's best friend!Joel x virgin f!Reader
story master list / joel miller master list
You slid under the quilt face-down, half on top of him, not waiting for him to make room. You kissed his cheek and he smiled with his eyes. His hair was messier, and you liked it that way, but when you touched it he bristled, then raked his hand through to straighten it. "I love it," you said. He sighed with a twinkle in his eye. "Well, if she loves it."
WARNINGS: I8+ mdni, slow-burn horror w/ disturbing (implicit) content, big girthy age gap, "plot," angst, pining, toxic fluff, gaslighting, manipulation, pressure, fingering, oral F receiving, unsettling P in V sex dream, use of pet names and praise, trapped animal. Very TOXIC, dark Joel (psychological dead dove do not eat). Too long but didn't feel I could break it up. Smut may have edging properties sry just wrote what felt natural.
You tucked yourself into bed and admired the special apple blossom from Joel's orchard. You slowly rolled the little stem between your fingers, feeling guilty for making Joel walk home alone. He was so patient with you. So understanding. All he wanted was to be close to you. You hoped he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. You wanted to be close to him, too. You weren’t sure what was holding you back.
You put the flower on your nightstand and stared at the spot on your ceiling, trying to feel Joel’s arms around you. Soon, you were thinking about his stiff cock against you, between your legs. You ran your hands down your sides and thought about his hands guiding you up and down. You could hear the echo of him talking you through your orgasm. You touched yourself but didn’t get there. You wondered if he could teach you. But more than anything, you wanted to feel him against you, then inside you. Maybe you could have, if you hadn’t sent him home. You drifted off feeling guilty and regretful.
-
You dreamed of Joel. You were back on top of him, straddling him with your arms around his neck. You moved yourself up and down, gliding slickly and firmly against his shaft, doing it all on your own this time. You were grinding against his hard cock, his hands resting on your back. But something felt off. His face was clean-shaven and vacant. Void not only of enjoyment, but of recognition. He was in a trance, looking through you. He didn't speak at all.
You dragged yourself up his shaft one more time, and his cock stayed upright as you claimed the head. His eyes watered, but he remained perfectly still. You sank down on him, sliding easily into his lap. It didn't hurt. You felt nothing but full of him, filled to the brim, and it felt so right. He didn't blink. You pushed yourself up and started riding him. He finally looked at you, just as a clatter shook you awake in real life.
Your heart pounded in your ears. You got up and went straight to the window. Finally, the stillness in the air was gone, replaced by a howling wind. The clatter was most likely nothing sinister. Anything could have been bowled over by the wind. Regardless, you looked forward to putting your mind at ease the next day by looking at the surveillance footage with Abe. You left the curtain open a little to avoid pitch black darkness.
You needed to sleep. This was becoming unsustainable. You couldn’t have every noise jolting you awake, making you look over your shoulder. This fierce independence, it was a valiant effort. Bill would be proud, but you were tired of torturing yourself. You considered asking Joel to stay over in the future. You told yourself next time, you'd at least let him tuck you in. But something still held you back. You could feel it, even as you told yourself you should do it.
-
You slowly blinked awake when light poured in between your curtains. The apple blossom on your nightstand was wilted and discolored, the edges dark, but you couldn’t bear to throw it away. You wished you had put it in water. It was the most special flower in the world and you just let it shrivel. If you let Joel tuck you in, he would've taken good care of it.
By the time you got dressed, It was almost afternoon. The wind brought with it a cold front. You put on jeans, a flannel shirt, boots, and a jacket to do some chores and groundskeeping. You stayed close to the house so you wouldn’t miss Abe when he came. You tended the garden, evaluating what you could harvest before protecting it from the cold. The cold brought other challenges, too. You were nervous about using the heater for the first time on your own.
You looked up at your bedroom window, curious how much someone could see from outside if you were to open your curtains all the way. As you were looking, you heard a similar sound to the rustling you heard at night. With a slight echo, yet somehow quieter. You tried to sense where the noise was coming from and spotted a vent on the back of the house, close to the ground.
You stood up and brushed the dirt off your knees as you slowly walked toward the house. The closer you got, the louder the sound. You crouched down and looked at the vent. The noise subsided. You laid down on your belly and inspected the metal, trying to look through the slits, but you couldn’t see anything. You would have to get a screwdriver if you really wanted to look.
You got back up on your knees and sat there listening for a minute, fingering the cool, metal flaps of the vent. You planted one foot on the ground to stand up, then the vent shook violently with an echoing crash. Your heart jumped and you instinctively hit back at the vent. The loud metal bang from your hand further startled you. Your heart raced. When you looked at the ground, there was a small, black feather. You went to the basement to get a screwdriver, but the door was locked. You darted inside but couldn’t find the key.
There had to be another screwdriver somewhere. Knowing Bill, the house was probably full of them, but you knew of one other place for sure. Since the noise had been tormenting you, the task felt urgent. So you went to the place you were sure of - a small, wooden storage shed next to the meat curing one. The shed was about the size of a small bedroom and there was something about it you didn’t like. Notably, one time you got a face full of spiderwebs.
It’s a vivid memory: You screamed and thrashed, even tore your shirt off over your head. Frank came running outside in a panic. You asked him to hose you down but instead he got you to calm down long enough for him to get all the webbing off. Then he held you still with his hands on your shoulders and told you to breathe. He took a big breath in with you then let it out. He said, “we’re gonna get through this, honey,” and he couldn’t finish the sentence without laughing. Once you could breathe again, you laughed too. All three of you referred to it as The Spider Shed after that.
The Spider Shed still wasn’t a happy place, despite the warm memory. Your palms were sweating as you got closer, and you wiped them on your flannel shirt. The door wasn’t all the way shut. There was a trick to shutting it and it came undone easily. It was on Bill’s list to fix. No spiderwebs in sight today, from the outside at least.
You were only a foot away from the shed when a big gust of wind made the door flap and creak. You took a deep breath, trying to slow your heart rate. Then you grabbed the metal handle and opened the door. Your breath hitched when you saw what looked like a thick cobweb. Once your eyes focused, you could see it was just a net trap. Fortunately, the tool box was right there, so you didn’t have to look around, much less go inside. You opened the box and got a screwdriver and flashlight. You pressed the button on the flashlight and it didn't work. You smacked the bottom and it flickered.
You went back to the vent, but the sound was gone. You unscrewed the corners of the metal plate anyway and carefully took it off. There were more feathers and a couple of sunflower seeds, but no sign of the bird. You weren’t sure what the vent was for, or how long you could leave the cover off, but you left it open while you finished the garden work, keeping an eye on any critters to make sure they wouldn’t meet the same fate. You were relieved to know the source of the sound.
–
You decided to make a little snack for you and Abe. Having company was so rare, and you wanted to show your appreciation. You sliced up some vegetables and homemade bread. You got out two glasses for drinks. It was too early for wine in your understanding.
You looked in the cooler and you were out of apple juice but there was still some cider left. The fact that it was from Joel made you want to taste it, but you weren’t clear on how strong it was. When you unscrewed the lid, it smelled weird which gave you your answer. No thank you. Maybe if Joel was there - you couldn't imagine you would have tried the whiskey without him.
Thinking about the apples made you feel warm and fuzzy for Joel. Thinking about the whiskey made you yearn for his touch. You badly wanted to go over there and make apple juice together, but you didn't want to miss Abe when he came by, so you stayed home. But as the day went on, there was still no sign of Abe. Even as it became late enough for wine.
-
You finally thought to turn on your radio. You turned it to Abe's station, and Call Me by Blondie was playing. It was on one of your favorite tapes. Frank always called it the gigolo song, which made you laugh. But your warm memory was soon overtaken by dread when you remembered the radio code. Eighties meant trouble. Someone might have breached the perimeter. You weren't sure which would be worse - Infected or people. Bill always said desperate people were more dangerous than anything, but Infected terrified you.
Next on the radio, the same song played again. Unsure if you forgot how long the song was, you brushed it off. But when it began to play a third time, your stomach turned. You opened the tape deck to make sure it was in fact the radio playing. The tape deck was empty. It was the radio, and there was no telling how many times the song had played before you turned it on. Twenty seconds into the fourth time you heard it, the music slowed down. Low and distorted, “Color me youuurr colloorrrrrr baaaaabyyyyy,” and your arms erupted in goosebumps. Then it abruptly cut off and there was silence. Just static. The hair on the back of your neck stood up.
You adjusted the antenna. Nothing. You checked the Boston QZ station to make sure there wasn't something wrong with your radio. You heard The Doors loud and clear. Then you put it back to Abe's channel and left it there. As haunting as the static was, it was your only way to find out what was going on - Unless you wanted to go out in the cold, dark night.
You wished Joel was with you. He would protect you. If Joel knew of any trouble, he would have come over immediately to make sure you were okay. So either he didn't know, or he couldn’t come. Your chest ached at the thought that something bad might have happened to him. You prayed he was okay.
-
You were tempted to walk to Joel’s house, but you tried to channel Bill. Bill’s voice in your head said you were already in the safest place possible, and you should stay put and arm yourself. The guns were in the basement, which was locked from both doors, inside and outside. You tried picking the outside lock first since the sun was going down. The air was chilly and your fingers were getting numb. You didn’t have any luck, but you remembered to put the vent back on. While you were on your knees doing it, you noticed a rock near the basement door. The key was underneath.
Once you got the door open, the basement was completely dark. None of the surveillance computers were on. Your heart went to your throat. Even though you hadn't checked the monitors, knowing they were there had given you comfort. You were convinced that the noises were harmless, but you were looking forward to seeing proof when Abe came by.
You turned on the light and looked at the wall of firearms. You got two guns, a long one and a short one, and brought the basement key with you.
-
You stayed inside listening to the dead leaves rustling loudly in the wind over the quiet static of the radio. And then finally, music. Cream, Sunshine of Your Love. You finally exhaled. Whatever trouble there was had been resolved, according to the radio code. And yet, it didn't resolve your nerves. You couldn't get the haunting, twisted version of Call Me out of your head. It drowned out the song you liked.
You got hungry and realized you hadn’t eaten. For a late dinner, you ate the snack you made for you and Abe. You hadn't seen any sign of trouble yet. You considered going to the basement and trying to fix all the surveillance, but the worst case scenario would be if a dangerous stranger ended up in there with you with a wall full of guns. So you kept it locked and stayed on the sofa, thinking about Joel. Worrying about Joel. Wishing Joel was there, until you calmed down enough to get sleepy.
You must have dozed off, because the sound of a vehicle jolted you awake. When you registered what sounded like Abe’s truck, you somewhat relaxed in relief, but by the time you reached the window, you couldn’t see it. At least he was okay. You went upstairs to bed and took the pistol with you. Tomorrow, in the daylight, you would walk to Joel’s house and find out what happened.
You were afraid of the dark that night and left your curtain cracked open despite the cold. You put the pistol on your nightstand and laid in your bed. Within minutes, the sounds started again. The flapping. The rustling. You let it fade into the background and focused on the sounds of the wind. The sound of dead leaves dancing around outside got louder and a chill fell over you. You got an extra quilt out from under your bed and bundled up, but it wasn’t just the weather. It was also the coldness of being without Joel. It was so cozy having his arms around you, you could hardly fathom how warm you’d be with him inside you. Your loins heated up at the thought of it.
-
You fell asleep, and it didn’t feel like you were asleep for long before you suddenly awoke. Your eyes adjusted to find a dark silhouette in the corner of your room. You nearly choked on your gasp, then sat up and grabbed the gun. You tried to steady your hands, hoping your eyes were deceiving you. You didn't aim it yet, hoping it was a shadow from outside.
"It's me, peaches." Joel cautiously stepped into the moonlight. He had his hands in a low surrender position, but was surprisingly calm. "You okay?” He looked at you concerned. “Can ya put that down for me?"
Your hand shook as you put the pistol back on your nightstand.
"Joel?”
"It's okay, baby. You're safe."
“What is going on?" Your heart raced, but you were glad Joel was there.
"Heard a car. Woke me up. Looked outside, saw someone walkin' over here." He stepped closer and put his hands down.
A pit formed in your stomach. He sat down on your bed and stroked the arm of your flannel pajamas.
"Came to check on ya.” He hesitated. “Don’t wanna scare ya, but your back door was open, darlin',” he said regretfully.
Your eyes hurt and all the skin on your head tightened. No wonder it got so chilly. You hoped he wouldn't notice what became of the apple blossom.
"Cleared the house. Had to see you were okay." You imagined him checking on you then being unable to pull himself away, so protective that he needed to quietly watch you all night.
"Thank you," you whispered, then told him, "The surveillance is down. Abe never came."
"Yeah," Joel whispered. "I dunno what’s goin’ on, but I can't leave you here alone, okay?"
You nodded. He took off his jacket, and you scooted over to make room for him, but he didn’t settle in. The rustling noise returned. Joel listened to it and studied your face. You didn't react, except to say “I think it’s a bird.”
“Hmm," he nodded thoughtfully. "Prolly so then, darlin’.” He squeezed your knee. He sat with you for a moment in silence, rubbing your arm comfortingly. “Goin’ downstairs, okay?" His voice was soft and reassuring. "So I can stop any trouble.”
“Don’t leave me,” you whispered.
He looked at you affectionately and his hand cupped your face.
"Please stay," you begged.
He looked conflicted. “Okay, baby. Just 'til you fall asleep.” He brought his feet up on the bed - his boots were already off. He settled in next to you. He stayed on top of the bedding but got under the top quilt when you offered it. He leaned on his side and put one forearm above your head on your pillow, draping his other arm over you. He smelled like clean laundry, and his hair was a little damp. “You okay?” he said in a smooth, near-whisper. “Bet that was scary.” He was so close to your ear, you could feel the wind and vibration of his voice and it gave you a chill of arousal.
“I’m okay now, yeah.”
"Soon as you fall asleep, I'm goin' down, k?" Joel’s head came closer to yours and you could smell notes of whiskey under his aftershave. He looked at you with concern. “I’ll be right downstairs.”
“Yeah.”
He pressed his lips to your forehead, then you looked at each other for a moment, and you lifted your head slightly off the pillow.
“Shhh,” he said, brow furled, and slid his hand under your head. You let your head down into his hand and watched his face soften. "You're safe, baby. I'm here."
His eyes closed as he put his forehead against yours. His nose brushed yours, then his lips pressed into yours and you pressed back. It sent a warm rush through your body, and you wanted more. He broke the kiss to look at you and his thumb brushed your temple. He kissed you again, tenderly on the top lip, then on the bottom, then pressed his lips into both of yours at an angle. His lips lingered there and parted, gently pulling at your mouth, not breaching it. He pulled away then planted one last, delicate kiss. “Night, peaches.”
He rested his head on the flannel of his bicep. You closed your eyes, but it took time to fall asleep. You slowed your breathing, and when you were almost asleep, Joel carefully got off the bed.
-
When you woke up, the house was warmer. Joel must have turned the heat on for you. You went downstairs and he was on the sofa. The poor guy stayed up all night keeping you safe. You sat on the edge of the couch and he stretched with a groan.
"Mornin', peaches." He set his hand on your lap.
In the light, you could see your flannel pants and button-up were similar to his shirt.
"Mornin'." You planned to ask him all about the night before, but once he was in front of you, you just wanted to be close to him. You could always ask him later over breakfast.
You slid under the quilt and laid face-down, half on top of him, not waiting for him to make room. You kissed his cheek and he smiled with his eyes. His hair was messier, and you liked it that way, but when you touched it he bristled, then raked his hand through to straighten it.
"I love it," you said.
He sighed with a twinkle in his eye, "well if she loves it," and stopped messing with it.
You smiled at him. He looked at you and his eyes darkened warmly. Then you felt a shape harden in his jeans and his hips lifted slightly. He hummed “Mmm,” as he looked at your mouth and brushed your elbow with his thumb.
"C'mere, gorgeous," he whispered and gave you a kiss, sending a rush through your body. He pulled back to look at you and he looked so tired. Your heart swelled at the thought of him staying up all night to protect you. Your desire swelled at the feeling of his arousal against you.
"You must be tired. Come take a nap with me," you urged. "It's warmer upstairs."
-
You got back on your bed and Joel stood at the foot of it, scanning your room. It was his first time there in the daylight. You could faintly see the thick silhouette of his dick in his jeans and you couldn’t take your eyes off it as he took off his jacket. He watched you watch him and his eyes darkened more. The mattress groaned under the weight of his knees. As he stretched out next to you, he sighed as if his bones ached, then laid his massive hand on your waist.
He looked from your eyes to your mouth and back then murmured lowly, "Nap really all you want?"
Your face burned as he watched your eyes expectantly. "Just wanna be with you," you answered quietly.
His deep voice became nearly a whisper. "Love hearin' that, baby."
He got closer with a sigh then pulled you up against him. With both of you on your sides, he tenderly pressed his lips into yours, then the kiss heated up. His hand traveled down from your waist, over your ass, to your hamstring, and you found your knee hooking over his hip, bringing your loins closer. He sucked your soft lips, then parted them with his tongue and sucked your mouth.
For several minutes, you held him tight with his arms over yours and your faces joined together. You felt so much better in his arms, under his hands, between his lips. You felt safe and cared for. He softly moaned as he kissed you and his arousal swelled against you. He slipped his hand under your flannel top and lightly brushed your lower back which was beading with tiny droplets of sweat.
“You warm?” he whispered. His cheeks were pink and his lips were flushed.
“Yeah,” you answered.
Joel backed up enough to access your clothes. He slowly unbuttoned your top, planting a kiss on your mouth between each button, the hungry look in his eyes not matching his slow and patient pace. Then, with all the buttons unfastened, he gently hung the side you weren't lying on behind your back and the collar fell off your shoulder but the sleeve stayed on. He inhaled sharply at the sight of your breasts.
“My lands,” he murmured, hypnotized by your body. Then he looked back up to your eyes and said, “You’re so pretty I can hardly take it, darlin’.”
He pulled you tight against him and kissed you hard, inhaling deeply through his nose. Then he rolled toward you and his chest against yours turned you on your back. As he kissed you, he worked one of his knees between your thighs and you opened them. He kneeled between your legs and lowered his hips, pressing his jeans against your flannel clad crotch. You sighed at the swell of his hardness and he moaned “Mmm,” then tore his lips away from yours.
He kissed your cheek, then your chin, and your neck, where he paused to suck and lick. He made his way down to your shoulder, where he nudged your pajama top the rest of the way off. You took your arms out of the sleeves obediently, leaving the sleep shirt lying under you. He kissed between your breasts where there was a fine dew of humidity, and looked up at you as he dragged his lips down to your belly button, where he stopped to plant a long, open mouth kiss. His fingers hooked into your flannel waistband. You squirmed uncomfortably, which he expected.
“Baby, you’re perfect. I’ve seen you," he said. "So perfect. . . Like a beautiful blossom.” He pleaded softly with desperate eyes, "just trust me."
“Okay,” you whispered.
-
He slowly lowered your waistband, and you lifted your hips for him to take it under your butt. As soon as your hair was exposed, he laid his cheek down on it and hugged you with his hands against your ass cheeks, fingers pressing hungrily into your flesh, breathing deeply. He gently kissed the crease where your thigh met your pelvis, then lightly dragged his tongue along the other crease. He buried his mouth in your mound, inhaling and moaning softly. Then he dragged his lips down and his mouth engulfed your clit, gently prodding it with his tongue. It felt so good, but you still couldn’t quite relax. You were too self-conscious.
"You don't have to do that," you told him.
His voice was quiet and low. “Course I don’t, darlin’, if you don’t want me to.” He looked up at you from between your legs with big, sad eyes. “Doesn’t feel good?” He caressed one of your creases with his thumb. "Is it my beard? Shoulda shaved."
"No, it's fine," you said. He was so careful, his facial hair didn't bother you, and after your eerie dream, you didn't want to see him unshaven.
He hooked his thick digits into your waistband again, now midway down your thigh, and finished taking the pants off you. He sat between your naked legs fully clothed and rolled up his sleeves, forearms flexing. You were still tense. “It’s okay, baby. You can tell me what you want.”
His soothing voice made it spill right out of your mouth. What you'd been craving so bad. What you couldn't stop thinking about.
“I want you inside me.” Your face burned as soon as you said it. You looked down, unable to suck the words back into your mouth. Then you hesitantly looked back up at him.
His eyes were wide and his face relaxed in wonder, but he was quiet for a moment. Still and quiet.
“Baby, I’d like nothin’ more,” he murmured. And yet he was saying no, you could tell. Your tear ducts felt weak. “You’re not ready yet, peaches. We'll get there, I promise.” He acted like the two of you had all the time in the world.
"What do you mean I'm not ready?"
He twisted onto his side. "Well, you're still shy with me, darlin'. Haven't even touched it yet." He firmly cupped the hard shape in his jeans. "Gotta make sure you really want it." He wet his lips. His breaths grew heavier and his forearm flexed as he slowly rubbed himself a few times, watching your disappointment.
"Puttin' our bodies together like that. . .It's somethin' real special."
He rolled back onto his stomach and returned his head to hover between your legs but kept his eyes on your face. "Means givin' each other everything. And you gotta be sure, ‘cause you can't get it back." He rested his cheek on your inner thigh, caressing your outer thigh with his calloused hand. "If ya don't want me down here, you're not ready for it, peaches. You're not givin' me everything."
You were dejected and confused. Surely he had given himself to someone before, but he made it sound like it was his first time, too.
"Haven't you already. . . given yourself?"
"No, darlin'.” He shook his head. “Not even close. This is different."
"'Cause I've never done it?" Your eyes felt weaker and weaker.
"No. Different 'cause I love you, peaches."
Your waterline was overtaken by a tear, but not the one you expected. Joel pried his head away from your crotch and moved upward on your body to hover over you, resting his forearms to the sides of your torso.
He rested his chest and stomach on you, but not all his weight.
"Hey, it’s okay. I told you we'll get there."
"I'm not - I just - hearing you say that."
"That I love you?" He kissed a tear off your cheek.
You swallowed thickly. "Yeah."
“I think ya knew that, darlin’.” He planted a chaste kiss on your lips, then your cheek, swallowing another tear.
You wanted to say it back, but you didn’t want him to think you were just saying it because he said it.
"I don't know anything," you said. “I’m sorry.” You swallowed your shame, not meeting his eyes.
He looked concerned. “For what?”
“Not knowing how to love you.”
He allowed a moment of silence, reading your eyes, then said, "You’re doin’ perfect.” He kissed you again. "Just take your time, baby. And let me love you."
He lifted himself up, reached down between your legs, and dragged his thick middle finger through your slick. Then he slowly stroked you with two fingers and gently nestled your clit between them.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,�� you whispered. Opening your legs to him felt like the least you could do.
“Good girl.”
-
He paused on his way back down your body. He cupped a breast. His eyes took you in as he gently manipulated your flesh then planted a kiss just below the nipple. He did the same with your other breast.
His mouth returned between your legs, planting a kiss on your clit while holding eye contact. "Feel good?"
Your eyes closed and you took a deep breath. You were still tense.
"Talk to me, baby. What feels good? You want my hand?"
He reached down to your ankle and used three fingers to languidly trace a line all the way up to your knee, then down your thigh. He gave your thigh a slow squeeze, then brought his fingers between your legs. He slid the side of his index finger along your dripping seam, then began to caress your entrance without breaching it. He inhaled deeply, then gathered your wetness with several fingers and circled your clit gently. "You want this?"
You couldn't make words.
When you didn't answer right way, he took his hand away and silently sucked his fingers, closing his eyes in pleasure. He looked to you again for an answer, but didn’t press you for one.
He brought head down again. “Or you want it like this,” he murmured. He french kissed the spot between your clit and entrance, and you sighed. That was what you wanted. He perked up at the sound of your sigh and looked up at you with his mouth still occupied. He was determined to learn how to please you.
“Feels really good, but you don't have to do that,” you repeated.
He lifted his head and frowned. "Why wouldn't I wanna make you feel good?"
"Isn't it kinda gross?"
"Baby. Nothin' gross about havin' my face in the most special place in the world."
"Really?"
"Nowhere I'd rather be, peaches."
"You're just saying that."
"Feels good for me, too. Real good. It's s'posed to."
"You don't mind?"
"I love it. Turns me on. It’s s’posed to, darlin’, and it does. You got nothin’ to be shy about."
"Doesn’t taste bad?”
“Baby, you’re my favorite taste in the world.” He buried his nose in your clit and fingered the curls on your mound.
“You're not just doing it to make me feel good?"
He paused, then softly answered, “No. But even if I was. Long as you felt good, I’d love it.” He reached to massage your breast with one hand “But it turns me on a whole lot, you'll see.”
He pulled his head back, the bottom of his face shiny and pink, then got up on his knees, his eyes locked with yours.
-
He wasn’t wearing a belt. Your breath hitched as he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans so quickly in contrast to how slow he was doing everything else. He left the back of his flannel shirt tucked in as he took his stiff member out of his boxers. He held it in his hand only for a moment with his shirt out of the way so you could see. You had seen it before, but seeing it again, he sure was big. For a second you even felt foolish for wanting him inside you when he wouldn't fit. Still, a mere glimpse of it made you tingle wildly.
With how wet you were getting, you'd be even more embarrassed for him to put his head back down there. Unless it really was his favorite taste in the world.
He didn’t stroke himself, simply set his length outside his jeans, forming a tent under his flannel. “Lemme really taste you, baby, then you'll see.” He got back down on his elbows.
“Okay,” you said. By then, you were dying for his touch.
He put your legs over his shoulders and rested his hands on top of your thighs. He kissed your inner thigh again with his mouth closed, then planted a wetter kiss on the other one. He kissed his way closer and closer, dipping his tongue, pressing the flats of his teeth against your soft flesh. By the time he got there, you were dying for his mouth, no longer worried about what you tasted like.
First, he buried his nose in your little curls again, this time more desperately. He made his way down to your clit where the touch of his nose made you twitch and moan. He looked up at you from under the shadow of his brow and his eyes sparkled. He inhaled deeply through his nose, closed his eyes, then sighed from the bottom of his throat.
He pressed his mouth against your clit, then opened his lips. His tongue extended then lapped upward and dragged down. He did it a few more times and hummed “Mmm.” His brows tensed and his eyes wrinkled as he tasted you. His hands slid to your ass. He sucked and lapped with dedication, and it was unlike any feeling you could have imagined. It made you want to be filled so bad. Almost as soon as you thought it, he plunged his tongue into your tight, wet hole, pushing a moan out of you. He thrust it into you rhythmically, and his fingers dug into your flesh.
He came up for air and said, “Swear you got the sweetest nectar, baby. Can’t get enough.”
You believed him from the look on his face. Then he came to his knees again. He dragged a finger through your slick and held it up to your mouth. You wrapped your lips around his thick digits and it wasn't bad.
"Good girl."
He took his cock in his hand. It was even stiffer, more commanding than just moments before. It really did turn him on. The veins bulged. The tip throbbed angrier and weeped with precum. You were desperate for it. Salivating.
He murmured, “Believe me now?” as he brought his cock to your warmth. Your breath hitched and your whole core throbbed desperately. He dragged the head through your slick just enough to get himself wet. Your body tried to suck him in, but he wouldn't allow it. He sat back on his knees and stroked himself slowly. He was looking hungrily between your legs, then up at your face. He raised his eyebrows pleadingly for permission. He wanted more.
“I believe you.” you said. Your clit twitched.
-
His chest rose and fell with your go-ahead to continue. He didn’t hold back at all. He was ravenous, burying his nose and mouth between your legs, his tongue matting your hair as he licked and lapped and sucked.
One expansive hand held your hips down as the other occasionally stroked his cock. And then he held you with both hands, abandoning his own pleasure. You watched him, so handsome, hair falling out of place from where he haphazardly fixed it earlier. It's so sexy when he lets it go, like you’re the only thing in the world at that moment.
“Can you take your pants off?” You asked and he did it in a flash without a word, never taking his head away for more than a second. He kicked them onto the floor. It was so hot seeing him be messy. With both hands back on your body, his hips began to slowly grind into your mattress, a sight that made you even weaker as he devoured your beautiful blossom.
He traced your petals with long licks, gently dragging his lips, then sucked your clit, teasing it gently. He fucked you with his strong, slippery tongue again and you moaned at the feeling of being filled by anything. He sucked and swallowed as much as he could get, moaning, sighing. Your hips briefly lifted, and your body tensed as you felt yourself about to come. Joel felt it too. He groaned into your body, and the vibration of his deep voice made you weak.
He tried to meet your eyes, but you could barely keep them open. He wanted to talk you through it again, but didn't want to take his mouth away. You could tell. He was saying it with his eyes. That's it, baby, you're almost there. Stay with me. Come on, baby.
His hands found yours, interlacing your fingers. You held on tight. Then your hips rolled into his face and he moaned into your clit as you pinched your eyes shut and arched your back, letting pleasure seize you completely. His mouth went slack and rested against your convulsing warmth. He watched, captivated as you squeezed his hands and came.
"Good girl. Gorgeous." He squeezed your still-trembling thigh and got out from between your legs.
-
As you caught your breath, he came up next to you on the bed with a shiny face and held his aching member in his hand.
“I wanna touch it,” you said. “Can you show me how?”
“Get your hand wet for me,” he said softly between heavy breaths with a nod downward. You gathered your slick and reached your hand hesitantly toward him. “All yours, baby.” His chest rose and fell as he held it for you.
“Go ‘head,” he encouraged, giving you confidence. You wrapped your hand around his cock. It was so smooth and warm. You didn’t know what to do next. You froze.
“It’s okay, darlin’. Let’s do it like this.” His hand engulfed yours and moved it gently as he lifted his hips and fucked himself with your fist at a moderate pace.
“Love your hand, baby,” he managed between grunts. He was sweating with his flannel shirt still on. You marveled at the way the smooth skin of his shaft moved along the stiffness. You memorized the texture of it and the sound of him grunting.
It wasn’t long at all until agony spread across his face, then he groaned. He took his hand away and watched your face as his cock pulsed against your palm and his cum spilled into your fist. He sighed long and low.
"Good, darlin'. Real good." He pressed a kiss into your mouth then looked at his cum all over your hand. "Sit tight for me." He tucked himself away and went to the bathroom.
Meanwhile, you sniffed it. You got curious what it tasted like. You dipped the tip of your tongue into it just as he was returning with a warm washcloth and neater hair. His eyes widened when he saw you taste his cum.
He watched your face for a moment, then skeptically asked, "Like it?"
"Yeah," you nodded shyly. "'cause it's yours."
His face melted. "See, darlin'? You love me just fine."
-
As he gently nudged your legs back open with the washcloth, you asked “could you teach me how to touch myself better?”
He paused. “Better? You touch yourself now?”
“Yeah," you said hesitantly.
"That's natural, darlin'. Nothin' to be ashamed of. Just surprised, that's all."
"But I can't make myself, you know.” He paused what he was doing, and you regretted bringing it up.
“What're ya thinkin’ about?” He furrowed his brow and his face tensed as he slowly finished wiping your inner thighs.
When he was finished, you pulled your pajama pants back on “You know, what I said I wanted earlier.” You sighed and looked at the ceiling. "From you." You couldn't say it again.
His face softened. “That's good, baby. . . S'posed to turn ya on, thinkin' about that."
"But I don't come."
"I’ll make ya come anytime ya want, peaches.” There was a hint of cockiness tugging at one corner of his mouth. He tossed the washcloth to the laundry, then settled in next to you and slid his forearm under your pillow. "Any time." He admired your face affectionately. It still buzzed with heat. He looked you up and down and rested his massive hand low on your stomach.
“Thank you,” you said.
“Don’t thank me.” He pressed his lips to your forehead. "Love doin' it."
“For protecting me.”
“Course I do, peaches. You’re the most precious thing I ever had." He caressed your bare skin.
"Can't leave ya here alone today, baby. Gotta take ya home.”
You nodded.
-
Thank you so much for your engagement 🖤🖤🖤 I love you guys, and love hearing from you.
I have loved reading everyone's reactions! 💕 To let people read "unspoiled," won't be posting ALL theories, but you're still welcome to send them.
Thank you @dark-scape for conceptual beta / reassurance 😅
All Joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @lokanda @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires @taeslarityy @str84pedro @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname @weddingfairy
Lincoln: @fan-fiction-floozy @ivyblxnde @lhymer1995 @sugarspiceanthrax @isimpforfictionalmen @zynbsblogg @swedishscumfuck @sadgirlstoohightocare @steveharringtonswh0re @skythighs @aoziety @leeeesahhh @jupitersmoon-cal @peekymoon @dtfawn @pedrosbabygirl @shotgun-shelby @reader-without-a-story (ct'd in comments or reblogs)
You can also follow @toxicfics and turn on notifs, but it doesn't include all blurbs, HCs, drabbles, etc.
#joel miller x reader#joel miller smut#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal#joel miller/reader#dbf!joel miller#dark!joel miller#creepy!joel miller#pervy!joel miller#toxicanonymity ☠️#lincoln!joel☠️#lincoln! joel#cw trapped animal#tw gaslighting#tw manipulation#tw dubcon#pedro pascal characters#cw age gap
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
The dirty ground. Left in Lincoln, pt. 2
5k | dark dads' best friend!Joel x virgin f!Reader
story master list / joel miller master list
He was always so neat and clean. How despeate he must have been to kneel down right there. He really couldn't help himself. You sighed and he tore his mouth away. He looked up at you, captivated. "You're so beautiful, peaches."
WARNINGS/NOTES: NSFW 18+, creepy perv Joel, big girthy age gap, inexperienced but legal reader, angst, masturbation, fingering, dry humping, pressure, alcohol, pining, graphic descriptions of produce, playing fast and loose with how fruits and vegetables work. Slow-burn horror, you may have disturbing thoughts. Reader can sit on Joel and he can put his arms around her.
You were one big knot of tension after Joel left that night - the first night he kissed you. After showering and getting ready for bed, you laid on top of your comforter, fantasizing and eventually touching yourself. You thought about his hardness pressed against you and his lips on yours. You imagined what his dick was like, what it would feel like against your naked front, and what he looked like with his own hand wrapped around it. You had to assume he was pleasuring himself at the same time you were, and the thought of that had you closer than you’d ever been before to making yourself come.
Until a thump outside cruelly interrupted you, followed by frantic rustling and a muffled screech. Your skin erupted in the wrong kind of goosebumps. You stayed as still as you could. The rustling continued but became erratic. You couldn’t tell where it was coming from, but it was closer than the noises before. Eventually, you crept to your window and peeked outside, carefully nudging the curtain open just a smidgen to remain hidden. The moon was big and white, but you saw nothing.
You began to wish you asked Joel to stay over, but your independence meant something to you. You also weren’t quite ready for what might happen if he did. The rustling became less frequent and tapered off to blend in with the night. You slowed your breath and stared at a spot on your ceiling. Soon you were back to thinking about Joel massaging his hard bulge behind you. You closed your eyes and rubbed your clit, replaying it all. You were so, so close. Feelin’ this against you, knowin’ it’s there. You took a deep breath - you were on the very edge when a loud rustling jerked you back to reality.
You gave up, more frustrated than scared this time. You didn’t bother going to the window. You took some deep breaths, stared at the spot on the ceiling, and prayed for a sex dream. They brought you occasional relief in a world where you didn’t seem to have the confidence or attention span to do it yourself. Until now - you were so close, you were positive you could have.
-
In the following days, as you did chores and took care of the property, you thought about little else but Joel and his body against yours. You had never seen a hard dick in person. You tried to push away thoughts of how many women had probably seen and felt him. You had to be the least capable of any of them. The way things were going, and the way you kind of wanted things to go, you wanted to be more prepared, but there wasn’t much you could do about that. You dug out an old filthy magazine from the garage and studied it. The guys were so . . . naked. You liked Joel in his jeans and flannel. You wondered what he looked like under all that, but you were satisfied with his clothes being on.
You slept better the second night. The next day, you went for a walk. The community was so dead, it made the fresh air feel stale. The sun blazed and you wished you brought a hat. The crunch of dead leaves and broken asphalt under your feet was all you heard for a while. You walked past Joel’s property and thought about stopping but were too embarrassed. Maybe on the way back, you thought. You walked all the way to Abe’s place toward the back but didn’t see his truck. It was about time for him to come by the house to check the perimeter surveillance, but you hadn’t seen him yet. Sometimes you could hear the radio from there, but not today. He had invited you to come over and see the radio station some time, but you hadn’t yet.
You didn’t stop by Joel’s on the way back either. You slowed down a little, thinking maybe he’d come outside, but you were relieved he didn’t. You didn’t see him in the windows, but you felt watched. You felt naked. Your cheeks burned and you quickened your pace.
-
When you got home, you went out back to pick vegetables. You got on your knees and inhaled the dirt. It reminded you of gardening with Bill and Frank and you got your first rush of optimism about their return. You remembered how Frank and you tried to surprise Bill with a Strawberry patch for fathers’ day. The patch didn’t last - Bill was the gardener among you, and trying to hide the patch didn’t give it the sun it needed. But Bill loved it and had a good laugh about you and Frank bumbling around behind his back. Bill didn’t laugh often and you savored every time he did. They would come back, they had to - You still had to plant a new Strawberry patch.
You picked some carrots, then found yourself choosing an oblong eggplant for dinner. You ran your hand over it and felt a pang between your legs. You felt bad for not stopping at Joel’s house on your walk. You thought about going back and asking him to join you for dinner.
You started to stand up to go back inside, then the cucumber vine caught your eye and your heart rate quickened. You knelt down again. You looked at their sizes and shapes and stroked them, followed their pale stripes and little ridges. You squeezed them, first with your fingertips, then with your fist. You were embarrassed you didn't know how to do anything. You found one that felt right, and you plucked it off the vine. You held it in one hand and made a loose fist with the other. You ran your fist up and down the cucumber before tightening your grip around it again. You studied it and almost put it in your mouth, despite hating cucumbers. Your cheeks burned at your next thought about what to do with it.
“Aren’t you always pickin’ the cucumbers off your salad?”
You jumped when Joel's low voice startled you from your filthy thoughts.
“Didn’t mean to scare ya, darlin’ . . .”
Your heart was racing. You wanted to die. You had no idea how long he was standing there. You also didn't know he noticed these things about you - that you picked the cucumbers out of your salad.
You caught your breath and turned to face him. He was standing with his hands casually on his hips, shirt tucked in, hair neatly combed as usual. Your face gave you away, and a look of concern spread across his face.
“You okay, peaches?” He stepped forward and put his hand on your back, his first touch giving you butterflies as usual.
"Sorry, um." Your face was on fire. "Yeah. . .I’ve been hearing things at night. . .Guess that’s why I’m jumpy.”
“What kinda things?”
“I dunno, rustling, screeching. . .”
He reassured you it was probably just the house.
“Thumping. Scratching one night. I know it’s probably just animals. . .”
Joel squinted at the cucumber in your hand.
You panicked and explained the despised produce. “I was gonna see if you wanted to come for dinner."
He smiled kindly and looked you up and down. "Count me in," he said with a wink. "Here, I'll take those." He extended his hands for the basket and cucumber. Your ears tingled, and as you handed him the cucumber, you couldn't meet his eyes. You watched his hand. The way he gripped it with his thumb near the tip reminded you of the dirty magazines. If that weren’t enough, he slowly brushed it with his thumb. Your whole body got hot and you finally looked up at him. He raised an eyebrow that made you think he must have been watching you for a while before he approached. You looked away.
-
Joel brought the produce inside. “Wanna come over and go for a walk? Pick some apples, make some juice to have with dinner?”
“Sure.” You went upstairs to get a hat. You had been wanting to go to the orchard.
When you came back down the stairs, Joel’s face darkened as he looked at you. It caught you off guard and you said, “what?”
He brushed it off, mustering a quick smile. “Nothin’, peaches. Ready to go?”
You set off together toward Joel’s house and walked mostly in silence. That look of his when you came down the stairs bothered you. It was like you did something wrong. You couldn’t put it out of your mind, so you wracked your brain. It was a Red Sox hat - surely Joel wasn’t a Yankees fan. No, he wasn’t the type to care about sports at all. You could only come up with one theory. Jesse had a Red Sox hat, too. Joel would have seen it when Jesse was helping him in the orchard. It wasn’t exactly the same. Jesse’s was worse for the wear. But maybe Joel thought this was Jesse’s? A parting gift?
It would be a silly assumption. There were plenty of Red Sox hats in Massachusetts. If the outbreak hadn’t happened, the post season would have started the next week. You always heard the Sox would have won the World Series.
But just in case it was about Jesse, you tried to smooth it over.
“Papa gave me this when he started teaching me about the garden,” you said, adjusting the brim of the cap.
"Bill's a good gardener," Joel responded flatly.
You thought you saw a hint of relief on his face, but it was hard to tell because he was squinting. You wondered why Joel never wore a hat even when the sun was so high. You didn’t mind his squinting though. It looked good on him like everything else.
The rest of the walk, you talked about the Boston QZ. You asked why Tommy stayed there and didn’t come to Lincoln. Joel said not everybody liked the farm life. You said you often wondered what life was like in the QZ and that you’d love to try it. Joel assured you that you weren’t missing out on anything.
-
Once you got to his house, Joel grabbed an apple basket from inside. You walked through the orchard in silence. Everything felt too still, and you were glad to have Joel by your side. He started telling you about the different trees and how picking apples differs from peaches.
Your eyes fell on the corner of a garden bed near the back fence. “What’d you end up planting back there?” you asked and noticed the mess of dirt next to it. “Are you doin’ it now?”
“What?”
“The new garden beds?” You realized your mistake when it was too late. Joel stopped walking.
“How do you. . .” He trailed off, then sighed. “Hurts my feelin’s, peaches. When you come by and don’t even bother sayin’ hi.”
“Oh, I didn’t – Jesse mentioned–when y’all were digging–” You weren’t sure which was worse in his eyes, talking to Jesse or coming over without seeing him.
Joel clenched his jaw. It turned out Jesse was worse. “Heh,” he looked down and laughed in bad humor, as though Jesse should obviously be a sore subject. Maybe he ghosted Joel, too. Joel smoothed his hair and answered you. “Haven’t planted anything yet.”
You stared at the ground for a beat of tense silence, then Joel tried to get things back on track. “Why, got a request? Maybe some squash, watermelon?”
“Strawberries?”
“Strawberries. . .” he smiled. “Alright, peaches. We’ll plant you some strawberries.” He cupped your cheek and looked at you affectionately.
“C’mon, let’s find our tree.”
Our tree.
-
Joel touched your hand, then interlaced his fingers with yours, leading you off the path and through the trees, back toward the street. His thumb gently stroked yours and your chest felt light. At the tree of his choice, he let go of your hand and put the basket down. The leaves crunched under your shoes as you carefully stepped around fallen apples. You crouched down to pick one up, then Joel said, “better from the tree.”
“What do you do with the ones on the ground?”
“Perfect for cider.” Joel found a good looking apple on a branch. “For apple juice, you want one that comes off after a quarter turn.”
He was about to turn the apple, but something caught his eye on the tree.
“Would ya look at that. . .” He let go of the apple and grabbed your hand. “C’mon,” he said excitedly and pulled you to the other side of the tree. He pulled down a branch that didn’t have any apples and you followed his eyes to a flower.
“Li’l apple blossom,” he muttered. “Gorgeous.”
“Is it rare?” you asked.
“This time of year? On a tree with ripe apples? It sure is.” He reached for the flower.
“Why’s it there?”
“Well, I reckon sometimes they bloom late.” He stroked the petals, entranced. “And sometimes, it turns out that’s for a reason.” He plucked the flower and closed his eyes as he brought it to his nose, his chest expanding with a long, deep breath through his nostrils. “I think this one’s just for you.”
He stepped closer, offering it for you to smell. The velvet petals brushed your nose as you breathed in the sweetest, most beautiful scent. Joel watched you enjoy the fragrance, then gently nudged the cap off your head and it landed softly behind you. You looked into his eyes and saw a world of affection.
He tucked the flower behind your ear, then cradled your head and wrapped his other arm around you, bringing your body into his. You were anxious for him to kiss you again, unsure if you were doing it right. He was so good at it. His lips tenderly met yours, and your nerves washed away. After a few seconds, he pulled away to look you in the eyes. He kissed you again and his lips became greedier. His arm tightened around you, and his tongue slowly claimed every part of your mouth. He softly moaned into you as his hand drifted from your back to your ass, pulling your pelvis into him. You felt him harden against your body, sending a swarm of butterflies to your core.
He broke away from your lips to kiss the hollow of your neck, then your neckline. He nuzzled his nose between your breasts, overwhelming your body with desire. His hands scanned your back and sides as he began to crouch down. He kissed you through your shirt, between your breasts. He kissed you over your belly button, then just above your pants. He held onto your ass and knelt down on the ground to kiss the front of your pants, making you weak in the knees.
He was always so neatly dressed. How desperate he must have been to get his jeans dirty. He really couldn’t help himself, and that turned you on. He laid open mouth kisses all around your zipper, his nose and strong lips nudging your special place through the denim. You could even feel his tongue. A pool was forming in your panties. You sighed and he tore his head away. He looked up at you, captivated. “You’re so beautiful, peaches.”
He curled the fingers of each hand into your waistband and slowly started to unbutton your pants.
You had been so busy preparing to see Joel’s privates that you forgot to worry about showing your own. The way he looked up at you so hungrily, you hated to stop him, but he recognized the hesitation in your face.
“What’s the matter, baby?”
“I’ve never–no one’s ever–”
“No one’s ever seen you?”
You swallowed and looked down and away.
“You’re beautiful, peaches. . . every part of you.” He unzipped your pants slowly and his thumb dragged lightly over your panties as he pulled it down. “Every part.”
“I, um.” He froze and moved his hands to your sides, listening. You continued, “I never saw— I guess I don’t know if I’m . . . normal.”
He planted a kiss on the exposed sliver of your panties.
“There’s no normal, darlin’. . .I promise. They’re all different, very different. . . Different and beautiful. But especially yours, I just know it.”
“Plus. . .” You looked away again. “I don’t shave.”
“I know, darlin’,” he said. “And I’m glad. . . ‘cause I want every part of you just how you are.”
With that, you were convinced. He began to gently take down your pants, being careful not to bring your panties with them.
But then you both heard the unmistakeable sound of a vehicle coming down the street. It was such a rare occurrence that Joel stopped what he was doing and you both looked in that direction. Joel stood up and you watched him adjust the bulge in his jeans while his eyes narrowed toward the street.
-
“Damnit,” he whispered as Abe’s truck came into view. Your face lit up. You hadn’t seen anyone besides Joel since Bill and Frank left. Joel didn’t seem as happy about the visitor, but it was understandable given the interruption. “Do you wanna wait,” he started to ask you, but you were already zipping up and ready to walk with him.
“I wanna say hi,” you said.
“Okay, darlin’.” He kissed your head. As you and Joel walked toward the house, Abe came around back. Abe called out your name in surprise.
“Abe!” you called back.
When you got close, he opened his arms for a hug and you gave him one. You didn’t even know Abe that well, but you were so happy to see anyone. When you looked back at Joel, he was scowling. You swallowed, wondering if the hug bothered him.
But, did Joel ever look happy? Only when you were in his arms or about to be. Your heart fluttered as you realized it.
Abe talked to you for a minute. He asked how you were holding up and if it was spooky being alone. You admitted the noises at night were bothering you. Abe said it was probably raccoons and that he could swing by with some traps the next day. He was supposed to come by and check the security footage anyway. He promised Bill he’d look at the perimeter footage to make sure no one dangerous was showing up to the compound. You could have done it yourself, too, but Bill didn’t want to overwhelm you.
Joel shifted uncomfortably on his feet and Abe turned his attention to him. “How’s the harvest this year?”
“One of the best, I reckon.”
“That so? Got any cobbler for me?”
“Not today. Got some juice and cider, though.”
“Ooh, cider.”
“You got it.” Joel went inside and came back out with a jar. “C’mon, I’ll walk you to your truck.”
You said goodbye to Abe and he said “See ya soon.”
-
After a couple of minutes, you heard a car door open and shut. When Joel came back, he was quiet. Abe’s truck started and drove away. Joel put his hands on his hips and looked down at the dirt on his knee. “I’ve got some traps too, ya know. . .” He seemed wounded.
“Of course you do,” you said. “I bet you have everything I need.” It was sweet how he wanted you to need him, not Abe.
You wrapped your arms around him and watched the hurt leave his face.
“Tell ya what,” he said. “Why don’t we both get cleaned up and I’ll come over. We can make dinner together and do the juice another day.”
“Okay.” You were a little disappointed.
“We can drink wine instead tonight, how’s that?” You liked that idea. He didn’t drink with you the first time.
-
You put on a soft, roomy knee length skirt and pretty top before Joel came over. He had on a new pair of jeans. You made dinner together. He helped pick out a wine, and for the first time, you took a full glass. Maybe more than a full glass, based on the pours you normally saw from Bill and Frank. When you finished eating and were sipping on the rest of your wine, Joel reached out and touched your hand. You smiled shyly at him. The sun was going down outside.
You couldn’t put your finger on the way he was looking at you. It wasn’t the affection you saw earlier. It was something more. Like he wanted to consume you, make you part of him. And every sip of wine, you could feel it happening. You saw little molecules of yourself drifting over, getting sucked into the black holes of his eyes or caught in the flannel of his shirt. It was preferable to being consumed by grief or fear.
-
Joel built a fire while you cleaned the dishes. Then, you met him in the living room. Before you could sit down on the sofa, he intercepted you, wrapping his arms lazily under yours. He crossed his wrists at your lower back for a close hug that turned into his hands on your ass. His hands felt even better through the thin fabric of your skirt. He held your ass cheeks in the palms of his hand and a soft grunt escaped him as he pulled you into his body. You felt his cock harden in his pants, bringing with it a pool in your panties.
He inhaled your scent. He let go of your ass and took both your hands in his. He wet his lips as he looked at you and walked backwards slowly, bringing you with him, until he reached the sofa and sat down.
“‘C’mere, gorgeous," he said, lightly brushing your hands with his thumbs.
It dawned on you that you were supposed to sit in his lap.
“Oh, Joel, I dunno . . .” Your face got hot and you looked down and away as he shamelessly adjusted himself.
“It's okay, baby. C’mere just a minute. . . Let’s just see if we like what we feel. . . that’s all. Whatever you want ‘n that’s all.”
Whatever he had in mind, if you could stop at any moment, it was hard to argue with that. He let go of you then hooked his hands around the backs of your knees, lightly skimming up your hamstrings, then gently pulled and you stepped forward. At his urging, you hesitantly straddled him, staying back toward his knees at first, your skirt spread over both of you.
He took a deep breath and his rough, massive hands slid under your skirt and up your naked thighs as he sat up to meet your face with his. He kissed you softly at first, then began to slowly devour your mouth with his. He held the back of your head as one hand found your ass again and kneaded a cheek. As the kiss heated up, he gently pulled you down all the way into his lap. You came to rest on his hard package, greeted by a lift of his hips and a stab of desire.
He rolled his hips rhythmically as he kissed you, lifting you an inch or two each time, like riding a wave. He steered your ass and hips, guiding you to grind back against him. Ohh, it felt good.
You did that for a while, not talking, and at some point, your hips began to move a little on their own, seeking that delicious pressure.
“That’s it, baby. Just like that.”
You felt something begin to build inside you. He studied your face, and he saw it too.
“You feel that, baby?”
Oh, you felt it. Joel latched onto your neck. A moan fell out of your mouth and into his hair while his beard tickled you and the suction made your whole body weak.
“Ever had an orgasm, darlin'?” he asked over your shoulder.
He slowed his hips to talk, but never stopped them completely. He pulled back to look at your face.
“I –” you started to say.
“I reckon not, then. That's ok, darlin', it'll happen."
“Only in my sleep.”
“Good, good.” You kept riding the wave of his hips. “That’s your body takin’ care of you. It’s good for you." He looked at you like he was starving. He breathed heavily. "Gonna take this belt off, k?”
He reached under your skirt to his belt. He unbuckled and swiftly removed it, then his hands found your hips and he resumed his rhythm. “That better, baby?”
You nodded, captivated by the lust in his eyes. You could feel it gathering in your core like a storm.
“Wanna feel me without my pants?”
“I dunno,” you hesitated. Your clit throbbed.
“I got shorts on,” he reassured you, but you didn't come around yet.
“That’s okay darlin', we'll do whatever you want,” he said. He looked into your eyes and kissed you deeply, one hand guiding your hips. As his lips released your mouth, you felt a rush of need. “Whatever you want, baby,” he said.
"Okay, your shorts" you said, and dismounted him. You put your elbow against the back of the sofa and rested your head in your hand, admiring him. The way his biceps stretched his flannel. His muscular neck. His hair falling out of place. His patchy beard and the flecks of silver caught by the fire light. His thighs as his jeans came down.
"C'mere darlin'," he said and helped you back onto him. Your moist panties met the stiffness in his boxers and your mouth fell open. The tension thundered in your core.
"Yeah, that's it, baby," he said. He gradually sped up the rhythm of his hips. "Go on, let your hips go."
You throbbed madly and your arousal began to take over. "It's ok, go on," he said. "s'posed to let'em move." You rolled your hips down for more contact and were rewarded with an immediate rush of pleasure. "Mmmm, just like that, baby."
He let you drive the rhythm for a little bit, and you felt it getting closer and closer, that release that evaded you all your waking life. He saw it on your face, too.
"Ok baby, trust me for a minute."
You nodded. He slipped a thumb inside your panties. He took a deep breath, then exhaled, "yeah," when he felt your ample wetness. He began to stroke your clit.
Then he took out his stiff cock, and the sight alone almost sent you. The sight of his hand around it took your breath away. Then, under your skirt, he nestled it against your panties, right up against your clit, and you rolled into him and felt yourself twitch and throb.
"That's it, baby, c'mon."
You were so close, then you started having doubts. You didn't want to fail in front of him.
"I can't," you whined.
"Yeah you can, darlin'," he said. "Stay with me, it's okay, you're okay."
He lifted his hips in short, fast bursts, bouncing you on his cock. "I got you, baby." Ohh, he was hard.
Your face screwed up and you felt like you might burst.
“Good girl,” he said.
Finally, the tension burst and seized your whole body before it released. “I got you, baby.” You clenched around nothing, and your poor neglected clit pulsed against his hard cock as you rode massive waves. “Doing great, baby.” Your body jerked, and he wrapped his arms around you and slowed his rhythm, “Doing great.” Your eyes welled up in tears and you gasped for breath as your climax waned and you collapsed into him.
"You're okay, baby. You're okay." He slowly rolled his hips while you caught your breath. Then he gently nudged you back, making space to slip his flattened fingers into your panties to gather some lube for himself. He vocally exhaled as his digits gently dragged along your seam. He brought your slick to his cock and began to stroke himself.
As he pleasured himself, his other hand went into your panties, then he sucked his fingers. "Mmm," he said, still stroking himself.
Your eyes were wide as you looked down at his cock.
"First one you've seen?"
You swallowed and nodded almost imperceptibly.
"Like it?"
One side of your mouth crept up as you looked at him.
"It's ok, darlin, you're s'posed to." His breath deepened. “And I know I’ll like what you’ve got, too. Show me, darlin’.”
His free hand moved your skirt out of the way and he looked at your panties hungrily.
“Just a peek, baby.” His thumb tugged at the soaked crotch of your panties.
“Okay,” you said and tilted your hips. He pulled it to the side. He inhaled sharply through his nose, and stared at your pussy, hypnotized. He ran his thumb up and down your slick folds. “You’re perfect. . .so perfect. . .”
You felt like you could cry at those words.
He looked you in the eyes, then let your panties go.
"I wanna be inside you so bad, baby'," he groaned. And you wanted him inside you, too.
The pace of his strokes quickened. "It's okay, baby, we'll get there." Agony spread across his face, then he leaned back and erupted with a groan. You watched his cum spill into his hand.
He caught his breath, then after he was cleaned up, he came back and took you in his arms.
-
You both fell asleep, and when you woke up, you sat up to look at the clock, which woke Joel up, too. The fire had burned out.
“It’s after midnight,” you said.
He yawned and stretched, then asked, "want me to tuck you in?"
You felt a little bad having him walk home at that hour. If it were you, you’d be terrified. But you still told him, "Not tonight."
He picked up his jeans and started pulling them on. He tucked in his shirt before zipping up. "Not tonight. . . alright, darlin'." He smiled as he put his belt back on. Then he kissed you good night.
As soon as Joel left, a heaviness fell over the house. You became so aware of the space around you, the space around the house, around the community. The emptiness that was too empty to truly be empty. There was something else there. You peeked outside and watched the shadows of branches sway under the white moon. You regretted letting him go. You still could have gone out to catch him if you wanted, but something held you back. “Not tonight.”
-
I'd guess 1-2 weeks for the next one.
Main tag list is full but you can comment to get on the reblog tag list.
Thank you so much for reading and engaging!
Ty @dark-scape for letting me talk about him all the time and test out my plans
All joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @lokanda @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires @taeslarityy @str84pedro
Lincoln: @fan-fiction-floozy @ivyblxnde @lhymer1995 @sugarspiceanthrax @isimpforfictionalmen @zynbsblogg @swedishscumfuck @sadgirlstoohightocare @steveharringtonswh0re @skythighs @aoziety @leeeesahhh @jupitersmoon-cal @peekymoon @dtfawn @pedrosbabygirl @shotgun-shelby @reader-without-a-story @shewantstoknow @jaxxiepup @yvonneeeee @elvinaa @internetobssesed1234-blog @jbcalway @afterglowsb-tch13 @kamcrazy123
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller smut#joel miller fic#joel miller#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fic#pedro pascal smut#creepy!joel miller#creepy!joel#toxicanonymity ☠️#pervy!joel miller#pervy!joel#dark!joel#dark!joel miller#lincoln!joel#lincoln!joel miller#lincoln!joel☠️#content label#cw age gap
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Black Math. Left in Lincoln, pt. 5
8.6k words. dark dbf!Joel Miller x virgin!reader
story master list / spotify playlist / joel master
🍑 amazing art by @bonezone44 💙
Now spicier courtesy of the label
His smile faded as he looked at you, then he added hoarsely, “God, if you knew how many times I’d thought about you.” There wasn’t so much as a hint of shame in his voice. It had the warmth in your cheeks traveling down, down, down. . . “We’re almost there, baby, but we gotta do it right. We’re almost there, I promise.” He reached into his pants to tuck in his shirt and adjusted himself while he was there. Your eyes fixated on the bulge in his jeans. “God damn,” he exhaled. “Turns me on thinkin’ about it.”
WARNINGS: I8+, Not graphic, but it gets twisted. Lots of plot, including flashbacks, disturbing implicit horror (really), angst, brief self-shaming, big girthy age gap (reader is legal the whole time), pet names and praise, toxic dark joel/fluff, family fluff, gaslighting, manipulation, yearning, pining, obsession, grinding, mutual touching, oral f receiving. NO use of Y/N
A/N: This picks up right after part 4. Word-count wise, parts 1-4 were like half of it. There are two more after this, and I wrote a lot on those before finalizing pt. 5. Thank you all for your patience and enthusiasm. It's so rewarding to see people discuss. Additional thanks to @dark-scape for your help, Raider Joel for your support. I couldn't get the text off bold fyi.
---------------------------------------
You awoke to the sound of stairs creaking under heavy steps, a sound you didn’t often hear at home. You blinked awake, still disoriented as your eyes focused. The vanity, the dresser, the empty glass on the nightstand. The closet. Your mind was catching up when the bedroom door opened. Joel was fully dressed with his hair combed back. His brows were knitted in concern as usual, but his eyes brightened when he saw you waking up.
You lifted your head and squinted at him as you propped yourself up with one elbow.
Joel’s tone was as cheerful as you could ever expect to hear it. “Mornin’, sleepyhead. Makin’ sure you're okay.”
“What time is it?”
“Li’l past noon. Still sleepin’? I’ll leave ya ‘lone.”
“I should get up.” You put your head back down on the pillow.
He came over and sat down on the bed. “How’d ya sleep?”
“Good, once I fell asleep.”
“Does the trick, don’t it?” He nodded to the empty glass on the nightstand.
“Yeah,” you laughed.
“Dr. Miller, at your service.”
You giggled again and his eyes glazed over as they fell on your smile, your chest, then met your eyes. He leaned over and put his elbow down on the far side of you.
“Well, you’ve made me believe in beauty sleep, peaches.” He put a hand on your shoulder, dwarfing it with his massive palm as he brushed your skin with his thumb. “Always a beauty, but ya wake up even prettier.” Your face got hot and you looked away shyly.
Joel bit his lip, holding back a smile. He traced the outer curve of your ear with his fingers. “Hungry?”
“Kinda.”
“I’ll go make ya somethin’.” He looked at you warmly then kissed you on the forehead before he went back downstairs.
—-----
You took a shower and got dressed. As your hands glided over your soapy body, your palms lingered on your breasts. You imagined Joel showering and realized you couldn’t picture him shirtless. While you were picking out something to wear, you got to thinking again about the closet full of clothes. They were mostly dresses. You put on one of several soft, casual floral ones about knee length.
Before you closed the closet door, you stopped yourself. You had to face it – the dress you saw in the dark the night before. The one that kept you up. Heart racing, you reached into the far right corner and fumbled with a big, satin hanger. You squinted your eyes almost shut as you carefully brought the dress out where you could see it. You looked at it blurry through your lashes. It was more cream than white.
When you finally opened your eyes all the way, an unexpected sense of relief soothed your chest as if the dress were made of love and meant for you. It was simple, but breathtaking. Not the rigid, intimidating garment your anxiety had envisioned. It had a simple A-line silhouette. The high collar and long sleeves were a lace outer dress laid over a solid one with a sweetheart neckline. The skirt was flowy and came down around mid-calf.
It gave you butterflies and you couldn’t help but imagine Joel went out of his way to get this. It felt like a wishful conclusion, like a romantic story you wanted to believe. You tried to talk yourself away from it, not wanting to assume. But at the same time, you still couldn’t figure who would have left it behind. Your heart sank for a moment when you wondered if it could have been intended for Tess, but Ellie always said they were platonic and even slept in separate rooms. Not only were the clothes not anything Ellie or Tess would wear, but Ellie nor Tess ever lived in this house. They were gone before Joel moved down the street. You put the dress way back in the corner of the closet where it came from.
—------------------
When Joel first settled into the community, he moved into a house near Abe’s, clear on the other side of the neighborhood. You met Ellie first. You were in your backyard gardening when she appeared out of nowhere and asked what you were doing. She was a little younger than you, but much more experienced in life, having been out in the world. You were shy to ask her about the horrors of the infected, not wanting to upset her. But she told you all about it anyway – the different kinds, the way they connected underground. You were grateful for your life and recognized the privilege in growing up like you did. Growing up at all.
Bill used to remind you how lucky you were, especially as a teenager when you would have fits about wanting to go out into the world. Somehow, learning from Ellie in more graphic detail about the state of the world didn’t squash your desire to get out there one day. You asked her all about the quarantine zones and FEDRA school, and those sounded fun, even though she didn’t depict them that way. She asked you a million questions about your little community, too.
You never saw much of Joel until after Ellie left. Frank worried about Joel being all alone, having experienced so much loss, so they invited him over for dinner. The first time, Joel was surprised when you answered the door. He apologized and looked around as though he had made some kind of mistake. Then it occurred to you he might have forgotten your name. You couldn’t even remember a time you had formally met, so you introduced yourself.
He took a few seconds. “Right, sorry,” he mumbled. “I thought—well, Ellie, uh—I guess I thought you were younger.”
Joel was polite and didn’t talk much. Bill liked that about him, so they started having him over for dinner regularly. The two of you didn’t share much conversation, but when you did, Joel seemed in awe of how protected you grew up. It made you self-conscious. It wasn’t something you liked about yourself. When Joel noticed this, he clarified it was a really good thing. Rare. The terror of the world affected most people for the worse.
—
Joel didn’t move into his current house until after the Adlers died and someone needed to take care of the peach and apple orchards. He had already been helping them tend the orchards and also helped fix things up around the property as the Adlers’ age caught up with them.
When Joel moved, Frank had the idea to bake something to welcome him to your family’s end of the community. You made a blueberry cobbler. Frank combed his hair and tucked in a plain, button-up shirt. He didn’t ask you to put on a dress, but you did because Frank always had fun getting spruced. He liked to have a reason, even if the occasion was completely manufactured, like the nights he made dinner and claimed his restaurant had a dress code. You couldn’t deny it made for a nice change of pace, and Bill’s eyes brightened, too despite his obligatory grumbling.
When you were ready to take the cobbler to Joel, Bill said the two of you looked like you were going to a wake.
“It’s nice to dress up,” Frank protested. “It shows we care.”
When you and Frank were about to walk over there, Frank started tearing up thinking about the Adlers. They were your neighbors for as long as you could remember. “I can’t, I can’t do it,” Frank said. Bill didn’t want to do it either. He wasn’t planning on it to begin with.
“I’ll take it,” you offered. So they sent you.
—
You walked up to Joel’s (new) house, stopping to admire the gambrel roof. The front door was newly black and smelled like paint, so you weren’t sure where to knock. You rang the bell and it buzzed sadly in a low, broken tone, as though barely hanging on. When you were just about to walk around back and knock, Joel opened the door holding a dish towel and a salty look that softened as saw you. He let go of the door and looked down as he cleaned his hands.
His voice was deep as always, but it struck you more when you were one-on-one without anyone else’s chatter. “Need somethin’?”
“Uh, no. I don’t.” You smiled just enough to not look scared and countered, “Do you need anything?” His presence was intimidating. Handsome and muscular, with a quiet, powerful energy.
He didn’t say anything. Kept cleaning his fingers. Once he looked at you again, he didn’t look away. He stopped messing with his fingers. It was your only private conversation since the first time he came over for dinner. It was more eye contact than he had ever given you. You waited out the silence, then smiled and held out the cobbler for him. “This is for you.”
He put his hands around the dish, careful not to let his dirty fingers touch yours. “You made this?”
“Yeah,” you nodded and took your hands away. His eyes gave the hint of a smile, but his mouth didn’t budge.
“Welcome to the street,” you told him.
He nodded but didn’t offer any more words. He stood there and looked at you until you said, “Well, you know where we are if you need anything. Bye, Joel.” He nodded and watched you walk away.
—---------
Joel and the Adlers. Those were the only people you were aware of who ever lived in that house. You put on another dress. It was a lightweight, black fabric. Low-cut, flowy, came down to your knees with elbow length sleeves that were kind of see through and flared out.
You were too curious not to bring up the clothes. Over lunch, you asked, “The Adlers didn’t have a daughter when they lived here, did they?”
He seemed to be thinking it over as he finished chewing. “Not that I know of. Why?”
“Whose clothes are these?”
“Ah,” he said. “Well they’re yours now, peaches.”
You smiled. “Before, though.”
“Why? Do you like’em? They look good on ya. Are they the right size?”
“I like’em a lot. They’re nice, they fit well.”
He raised his eyebrows and proudly revealed, “Picked’em up at the boutique.” His cheeks turned pink as he looked at you for approval. “Wasn’t much left. Wasn’t sure you’d like’em.” He took a bite of his salad.
“Wow,” you nodded. You were nearly speechless that he stocked that room for you. If there wasn’t much left at the boutique, he must’ve grabbed anything in your general size. Maybe that’s how he ended up with The Dress.
“Wanted to have what ya needed here, just in case.” He nodded as he chewed. “S’why it took me a few days to come by after Bill and Frank left.”
“That’s nice, Joel.” It was a little awkward. You didn’t know what to say.
He continued to explain himself. “Men like me and Bill, we’re protectors.” He put down his fork to gesticulate. “So when your papa asked me to make sure you’d be okay, I took it real serious. Did everything I could to be ready for any scenario.”
You slowly nodded and he looked at you in anticipation of further response. You said, “Well, you went above and beyond.”
Your face must have given away your shock. Joel sighed. “Might’ve gotten carried away.” He looked down and lowered his voice. “Been a while since I had someone to care for. I guess the idea of someone even possibly needin’ me. . . ” Your heart hurt for him. “Hell, maybe I wanted to remember what it felt like. Look at me playin’ dress-up, right?” He laughed at himself, but his eyes were somber.
You took his hand into yours and looked him in the eyes. “Thank you, Joel.”
“I’m glad they fit,” he said. “Glad ya can use’em.” He took a sip of water, then quickly swallowed it to clarify, “I mean, I’m not glad ya had to leave home. Just glad I could be here.”
“Yeah.” You squeezed his hand. He kissed yours and let it go. “This is really good, by the way. Love the dressing.”
“It’s basil. Grew it outside. I’ve got some herb seedlings in pots down in the basement. We can try to plant’em if ya want.”
Your face lit up at the possibility of going outside. “Yeah!”
“We’ll do the arugula, too. I dunno about the ‘berries, darlin’, but we’ll try.”
—----
It was a cloudy day, but still nice out. Joel seemed to think it might rain later. After lunch, he loaded up a wagon full of plants and supplies from the basement, and the two of you walked through the orchard. The fresh air was invigorating after being stuck in the house.
“‘Member which tree is ours?” Joel asked.
When you correctly pointed it out, he stopped the wagon and let the handle sit. You looked at him shyly as he looked you up and down. “C’mere.” He gently turned you to face him. “You’re somethin’ else, you know that?” He cradled your head with both hands. You tilted your chin, then he planted a long, affectionate kiss on your lips.
When you got to the garden beds at the back of the orchard, Joel said, “we should plant’em together so they cross-pollinate. Where do you wanna put’em?” Joel watched your face as you walked around them and evaluated the options.
The garden bed to the right already had a pumpkin vine with beautiful flowers. That bed looked more settled, darker, and fertile. “I didn’t know you had pumpkins,” you marveled. “Maybe by those?”
Joel looked down at the garden bed. “Yeah, hopefully they’ll fruit.” He smiled up at you without raising his head again.
Joel used a spade to dig shallow holes, then you nestled the roots in the holes and both of you patted the soil down. First the arugula, then the basil, then the longshot–the strawberries,
“Pat it down, but not too tight,” he said.
When you were finished, you knelt by the vine and traced a flower with your fingers. Its warm colors were cheerful. “When the pumpkins grow, can we eat’em?”
“Sure, darlin’.” Joel looked down at the vine, squatting right beside you. “Y’know, the flower’s edible, too.”
“It is?” Your stomach rumbled at the thought of eating something new.
Half of Joel’s mouth curled into a small smile. “I reckon you’ve never had a flor de calabaza taco, then. Granted, not sure how ya would’ve.”
“Flor de calabaza?”
“Pumpkin flower. Haven’t had one in a while myself. Go on, pick a couple. Let’s try it.”
You plucked one. “Good choice,” he said, giving you a flashback to when he caught you with one of his peaches. The embarrassment flooded you all over again as you picked two more. Joel saw your face change, and he smiled, hopefully not thinking about the origin of your nickname. You wondered how often he thought about it. He picked a flower of his own, leaving a bit of vine on it, then stroked your cheek and said “c’mere.” He looked in your eyes and put his flower behind your ear. He kissed you on the lips, then wrapped an arm around you and began to stand, bringing you up with him.
Joel looked up at the sky, squinting. “Ah, hell. Gimme that cloth.” He knelt down and finished patting the soil as you retrieved the cloth from the wagon. You helped him cover the newly planted arugula, basil, and strawberries to protect them from washout.
—--
You hung out in the kitchen, helping Joel make dinner. The apple blossom in the jar still looked beautiful. He knew how to take care of things. You washed the pumpkin flowers, then twirled one against your nostrils as Joel cooked wild turkey. You inhaled the petals and tried to imagine what they’d taste like. Joel cooked the flowers with the turkey. They were delicious. Granted, anything new to eat was appealing in principle. Novelty was its own seasoning.
After dinner that night, Joel needed to do some work outside before the rain. He showed you a shelf of books and games near the fireplace, then watched your face as you browsed them. You picked up one that you liked as a girl but hadn’t read in years. Joel went out through the basement. You heard him dragging a tarp out.
There were a lot of thoughts distracting you from your book. Your feelings for Joel overwhelmed you. At certain moments, it felt too good to be true. You also reflected on your intimacy and felt like things were moving fast. You understood why: you felt safe and protected, and your body’s physical need for his was totally natural. But the speed also made it feel fragile somehow. Like if you looked down, you might be falling through the air, not realizing you ran off a cliff.
There was also the question: If a connection this special formed so quickly, could it come undone just as fast? You couldn’t rid your head of his wounded face when you said you were lonely. You hurt his feelings and panicked, as if you needed to give him everything you could at that moment to prove that you loved him. As much as you enjoyed having him in your mouth like that, it felt impulsive in hindsight. Desperate, and you hoped he didn’t see it that way. Pathetic, even. But the memory of it turned you on all the same.
You replayed other encounters in your mind and felt like you were largely the one driving things. Burying your fear and grief in his lap. It embarrassed you to think about, but you also felt relieved that there wasn’t really any pressure. It was like Joel said, whatever you want and that’s all. You said you wanted it in your mouth, and of course he wouldn’t discourage it. Then he wouldn't be giving you everything.
The sound of metal banging then scraping on concrete stirred you from your thoughts. Then the basement door opened and shut twice.
—------
When Joel came back inside, it was nearly your typical bedtime and you were cozy on the sofa. You were curled up on your side with the book on your thigh and your eyes closed. You were only half asleep, but you let him take the book. He also spread a blanket over you. When his bedroom door closed, you sat up and opened the book again. There was a black thumbprint on the open page, and it smelled like ash. It gave you butterflies to see his thumbprint. You liked the idea of having part of him in the book as you read it. You knew how irrational these feelings were, but it didn’t stop them.
Joel’s shower turned on. The walls were so thin that you could hear everything. A cabinet opening, the shower door, changes in the rhythm of the water flow. You could hear that he brushed his teeth in the shower. Maybe not just in the shower. He always seemed to taste fresh. A few minutes after the water turned off, Joel came out of his room in jeans and a white t-shirt that wasn’t tucked in. The shirt hugged his pecs and arms and gave you an even deeper, needier appreciation for his physique. The casual look was really attractive on him. You needed him so bad it hurt. If you couldn’t have him forever, you weren’t sure what you would do. If he ended up with anyone else—there was no reason for this thought to even cross your mind, but the fleeting idea of it made your temples weak. He was too perfect.
You were sitting on the couch hugging your knees when he sat down next to you. He put his hand on your knee and dipped his head to look at you. You took a deep breath through your nose. Mint and pine. His post-shower fragrance made your chest tingle.
“You okay, peaches?”
“Yeah.” You mustered a smile. “Just tired. Guess I should go to sleep.”
“Sure, darlin’. Want me to tuck you in?”
Your heart sank at the lack of an invitation. “Yeah.”
Joel took your hand and led you upstairs. While you were in the bathroom getting ready to sleep, Joel made the bed for you before turning the covers down for you to get in.
“There ya go.”
“Thanks.” You got under the covers, tempted to make room for him but not wanting to come on too strong or look desperate.
He sat down on the edge of the mattress and leaned over you like he had in the morning. “Need anything at all, I’m right downstairs.”
“Thank you.”
Joel kissed you goodnight. You were a little sad when he didn't try anything, but you had already said you were tired. In your heart, you felt like he'd always be patient with you. If you wanted to slow things down, it was yourself you had to worry about. But in your heart, that wasn’t what you wanted anyway. You just hoped Joel didn’t think less of you for needing him so much.
—-----------
You woke up in the middle of the night to a deafening clap of thunder. You sat up and your hand went to your chest. You could feel your heart pounding. The wash of your blood through your valves echoed in your ears. Outside, branches rustled loudly and snapped in the wind.
You were unsettled lying there awake and alone. You wondered why Joel didn't just have you sleep in his bed. Maybe he was trying to be respectful, but these were the things that made you second guess the pace on your end. You lay there alone, and began to hear creaking and clattering indoors that made your heart race. Joel was right downstairs, but he never felt so far away. The thunder was okay, but the other noises made your mind race with thoughts of whatever happened the other night at your house. Whatever Joel saved you from. The distorted version of Call Me echoed in your mind.
You worked up the courage to get out of bed. You crept downstairs like you did the night before. A flash of lightning startled you. When a louder, longer crack of thunder followed, you quickened your steps, hanging onto the bannister for dear life so you wouldn’t slip in the dark.
Joel’s bedroom door was cracked open, so you let yourself in. It was almost pitch black dark. He was on his back in the middle of the bed with the covers pulled half down. You couldn’t make out his face, but his breathing told you he was fast asleep. You went around to the side farthest from the bedroom door and smoothed your nightgown under you as you lifted up the comforter and gently sat down. You brought up your feet and slipped under the covers. Joel’s breathing changed, but he didn’t move until there was a louder clap of thunder. You scooted closer and whispered his name.
His head jolted up and he gasped. “You okay?”
“Yeah. But I got scared of the storm.”
“‘C’mere, darlin’.” He turned onto his side to face you and stretched his arm out. You scooted over and laid your head on it. He draped his other arm over you. “You’re okay, I got ya.” He pulled you closer and planted a kiss on your forehead.
You lay there with your arm nestled between you and your hand on his chest. He touched your hair and kissed you on the head a few more times, then dipped his head to kiss your lips, nudging your head up to face him. The kiss was languid and both your lips came to a rest without pulling away. You stayed like that, both of you breathing through your noses with your lips nestled between each other’s. His breathing slowed again, and your breath began to match his. Your lips finally fell away as you drifted off in his arms to the sound of the storm.
-
In the middle of the night, you woke up on your back with Joel half on top of you, one of his legs between yours. You stirred and he put more weight on you. He sighed your name without waking up, and the sound of it in his mouth gave you butterflies. Then he fisted your nightgown over your breast and slurred, “‘m sorry.” His body jerked and he gasped, then relaxed again. A few seconds later, he mumbled, “had to.” His breath deepened. “For us.”
Your mind became an empty pit, and your heart raced. “Had to what,” you whispered.
“Please." He became unintelligible. "Please," he repeated in distress.
“Had to what, Joel?”
He jolted awake at the sound of his name. He jerked his head up then relaxed as he felt you beneath him. “You ok, baby?”
“Yeah, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
He took some of his weight off you, rolling back onto his side and resting a massive hand on your chest. “Sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.”
He sighed and rested his forehead on your shoulder for a few seconds. Then you asked, “What were you dreaming about?”
“Hmm. . . didn’t know I was dreamin’,” he said. “But I reckon I’d dream about you, darlin’.”
“What about me?”
“Ohh, you and me. . .” He kissed your nose, then your lips, then whispered, “and the rest of our lives.” His words bypassed your mind and wrapped your heart in the tightest little hug. It was already getting difficult to imagine a future without him. You could hardly picture it at this point. What would you even be doing? The same things you’d done your whole life, at the same house, with no hope of meeting someone to share it with. Even if you met someone, you couldn’t possibly imagine anyone else making you feel this way.
—-----------
The storm had died down. By then, it was just the loud patter of rain, darkened with a steady rumble. Joel pulled you close and planted light kisses on your mouth. Then he slid his tongue between your lips and the kisses became deeper. He shifted to hover over you, and you reached out to trace his form, starting with a hand on each pec, sliding them over his shoulders and down to where his triceps stretched his sleeves. You could imagine nothing hotter than Joel with his hair out of place, shoulders and biceps bulging through his white t-shirt. He leaned down to kiss you like he hadn’t seen you in days.
He lowered himself to lay half on top of you again, and you felt the warm shape of his cock hardening against your hip. You and me, and the rest of our lives. . . Between his words, his weight, and his passion, you melted under him. He rested his forearms on either side of your torso. He planted a kiss on your cheek, then your chin, then your throat. His lips opened and closed, opened and closed, crawling wetly up and around your throat without ever breaking contact. His hips pushed his hardness against you and you sighed. He sealed his lips in the crook of your neck and sucked, moaning quietly into your skin. He tore his mouth from your neck with a low sigh to say, “You’re gorgeous, baby.” His voice was hoarse from sleep or want.
He sealed his lips around yours and you could feel his affection with every brush of his tongue. You could taste all the words he wanted to say–that he was desperate for you, would do anything for you, could never lose you. You kissed him back, slowly but hungrily, your hips lifting into him, telling him without words that he could have all of you, you were truly his. You kissed harder, your mouth hanging onto his for dear life, and he moaned into your mouth. A groan was building in your chest but you just wanted to hear him.
—
He sighed as his hardness dug into you, then his hand reached down between your legs, under your nightgown. He lightly dragged his middle finger up and down the crotch of your panties, still kissing you deeply. Then he traced the same line with several fingers flattened together. He broke the kiss to try to read your eyes in the dark. Then he said, “God, I love you so much.” Before you could say it back, he covered your mouth with his. His hips slowly rolled into you as he sucked and tasted your mouth. The rhythm of his stiff cock against your hip made you physically weak with desire.
You tried to shift your hips under him. He got the message and put himself between your legs, resting both his forearms on the bed again. With his cock laying heavily against your mound, you ached with need, dying to be filled, at least by his fingers. But you were also a little shy about how needy you felt. He kissed you with so much love, and you felt just as much for him, but your brain took over for a moment and your lips stopped moving.
The moment you started overthinking it, Joel noticed and pulled back. He experimentally grinded his cock against your front. He leaned his temple against yours and whispered, “Just ‘cause it's there don’t mean ya gotta do anything with it.”
You breathed an internal sigh of appreciation, even though you were salivating to have it in your mouth again. To have it anywhere, everywhere.
—
He cupped your cheek and stroked it with his thumb. “I just wanna make ya feel good. Can I do that?” You nodded “mm-hm,” and his hand returned between your legs, ghosting your clit through the fabric. “Cause I don’t have to,” he went on. “Won’t hurt my feelings if ya go back to your bed, okay?” You nodded. “We’ll just do what you want,” he said. Except for what I want most, you thought to yourself.
Joel reached down to adjust his boxers, then he backed up and kissed his way down your body. Every press of his lips through the satin gown made you throb more. The faint silhouette of his hair made you imagine he was looking up at your face after every kiss, making sure you were still with him. Of course you were. The nightgown had already ridden up. He pushed it further, planted his head between your legs, and kissed you through the cotton of your underwear—softly, then harder. His mouth drew a long sigh out of you as the tension inside you swelled.
His fingers hooked into the hem of your panties and he slowly dragged them down. He covered your warmth with his mouth before you could feel the cool air. The underside of his tongue licked down your dripping seam as his fingers on your thighs continued pulling your panties down.
His head broke away to finish taking them off, and he breathed, “you’re my favorite taste in the world, baby.”
His mouth returned between your legs, and he devoured you just like before. Licking, sucking, flicking his tongue, moaning into you. When he began to fuck you with his tongue, your need to be filled by his cock only strengthened and demanded attention. You said, “Get me ready.”
“Hmm?”
“Ready for you. . .You said my body has to be ready, too.”
He dabbed the corner of his mouth with his wrist, and you could almost see his smile in the dark. “That what ya want?” His hair was out of place already, which made you want him even more.
“Yeah,” you whispered.
“That’s what we’ll do.”
—-
He started while he was still between your legs. He inserted a finger and kept kissing your clit while you sighed. He pulled his head away and flattened his fingers. He gently rubbed you as he crawled back up the bed and stopped with his face near yours. His face hovered an inch from yours as he rubbed your desperate, slippery, beautiful mess. He stroked you just right, then pushed his finger back into you, his lungs audibly sucking in a long, deep breath.
Your head tilted up and your mouth fell open. He pushed the finger to the hilt and an obscene moan fell out of your mouth.
“Oh baby, you sound so beautiful.” He began to move his hips against your thigh. “This okay? Or you want me to take it away.”
“No, no, don’t take it away.”
He exhaled half a laugh and slowly pumped his thick finger, staying mostly inside you, curling against your front wall. “How’s it feel?”
“Really good,” you whispered. “Gimme another like last time.”
His cock twitched against you and he kissed you as he slowly pushed another finger in. He moved them in and out and his hand hugged your mound as he did it. Your hips lifted into his hand and you broke the kiss with a sigh that became a whimper. He groaned softly at your desperation and kept rutting against your thigh, fucking you slowly with his fingers. After following a steady rhythm for a while, he clamped his palm down on your mound, adding friction to your clit as he worked his hand. He began to bring his fingers out a little more to slicken your clit again. You throbbed and moaned and could hardly stand it.
“Joel,” you sighed, and struggled to find words. You sputtered out, “I —Joel, I just — I want–ugh–want you, so bad.”
His voice was low and soothing. “Ohhhh, I know it darlin’,” he commiserated. He planted a kiss on your neck as he continued the push of his fingers inside you and his cock against you. “You’ll have me, baby,” he murmured huskily. “We’ll have each other.” He worked his fingers and grinded his cock against you in opposite beats of the same rhythm.
“Another one,” you whispered.
“It’s too much, baby.”
“It’s not,” you whined.
“Let’s add one of yours.” He removed his fingers almost entirely and lifted his palm up to make room for your hand under his. “C’mon.” You nestled your hand under his and carefully added your middle finger. You slid your finger in against your front wall, nestled in a triangle with his two fingers as he pushed inside again. You couldn’t reach very far, but it was enough to feel the stretch. His hand engulfed yours and controlled the rhythm. It was a different feeling, touching yourself with your finger nestled under his. You enjoyed the stretch and his hand engulfing yours, but you could only imagine how much better the smooth tip of his cock would feel.
Moving your finger with his, Joel asked, “Feel good?”
“Yours feel better.”
He lifted his palm and you removed your hand. He kissed you as he began pistoning his fingers deeper and harder. He swirled and scissored them as though making room inside you.
“Joel,” you sighed and your spine curved, jutting your breasts into the air. Your nipple fell out of your nightgown and his mouth was on it right away.
He kissed your breast, moaning into your nipple. Then he kissed your chest, then your neck. “God damn, baby,” he murmured hoarsely.
“Just one more,” you begged.
He grunted with a strong thrust against your hip. “Ahh—Might be too much.”
He paused his rhythm and slowly added his ring finger. So slow it was torture.
“No, don’t stop,” you whined. “Just give it to me.”
He gave it to you, grouping his fingers as close as he could together. The stretch burned by the time he was half in, but you asked for more. You winced at the burn and he took the finger back out.
“I’m okay, it felt good,” you reassured him, but he went back to fucking you harder with two fingers instead, and that felt even better since he didn’t hold back. The burn quickly faded, drowned out by a throbbing tingle that consumed your whole torso, and spread to your thighs, down your legs, making your knees weak.
Before long, you were writhing under him. He sucked your breast again and you moaned his name. He sucked your neck, then whispered into it, “You’ll be a beautiful bride.” Your breath hitched and your eyes widened at his words, but you didn’t want him to stop. He continued, “You want that, right?”
You nodded and heard yourself whisper, “yes.”
Joel sighed and brought his lips back to yours. He pressed his hand into your clit as he worked his fingers to bring you over the edge. “Yeah,” he breathed. Your body jerked and you moaned. His hand hugged your cunt as you came. “Ohhh, gooood giirrrl.” He kissed one half of your mouth as your climax continued. His breath was hot against your cheek. “Love feelin’ ya like this.”
—------
The rain had slowed even more, and the thunder was fading. Joel used his wet hand to pull his stiff manhood out of his boxers with a quiet groan. You reached down to feel it and he shivered at your touch.. The tip was shiny with precum, smeared from rutting against you through his boxers. He must have been aching as bad as you were. You took your hand away, opting to wait and see what he had in mind.
“I don’t have to do this here,” Joel said, his voice weak with need. Then he added in good humor, “But it does need doin’,” and those words landed between your legs.
Your lips parted and you took a deep breath, your eyelids heavy from your orgasm. “Do it here.”
Joel gathered more slick from between your thighs, and the contact gave you an aftershock. He stroked himself and breathed heavily. He rested with his hip and forearm on the bed, and you turned onto your side to face him.
He got closer, right up against you with just enough room to stroke himself. You listened to the wet slide of his hand around his shaft, his breathing, his soft grunts. It occurred to you this was something he did regularly, and now you could imagine it so vividly. The idea of Joel thinking about you and getting himself off was almost too hot to bear. You draped your top leg over him.
He fisted himself and kissed your shoulder. He nosed your nipple, then dragged it up until his face lifted off your chest. He grunted softly as he pumped himself and pressed his nose, then his mouth, into your neck. He was farther down than you on the bed, and the head of his cock was so close to where you ached for it, you could feel the heat radiating as he stroked himself. Then it grazed you, sending a zap of energy through your loins.
“I swear I'm ready,” you whispered.
His voice became shaky. “God damn, I wanna pack you full of this.” He grunted with hastening strokes. “That’s what it’s for, baby.” He bowed his head, and his disheveled hair grazed your cheek. He brought his face up again and kissed you on the lips. “Gonna be all yours,” he murmured hoarsely into your cheek, then added, “and you’re all mine."
"I'm all yours."
"Oh, God," he shuddered as he rolled onto his back. "Baby, I—Ohhh," He exhaled loudly and his body jerked as he came onto himself, sighing "ohhh God, baby." He caught his breath and laid there in silence with you. You rolled onto your back again. He sat up and took the soiled t-shirt off, then laid on his side facing you and rested a heavy hand on your chest.
–
With your blood finally flowing back to your brain, you considered what Joel asked and what you said. Yes, you wanted to be his beautiful bride. On some level, it occurred to you that yes was perhaps the only answer, but did that matter if it was your heart’s desire, too?
You asked, “You think we’re meant to be together?”
“Oh, peaches,” he sighed. “I’m sure of it.” He kissed you and stroked your cheek, then held you tighter. “You’re my world, and there is nothin’ I wouldn’t do to be with you.” He rolled you toward him, nestling your head under his chin, and held you until you fell back asleep.
—------------------
When you woke up in the morning, Joel was freshly showered and standing next to the bed, buttoning a flannel shirt as he watched you sleep. When you yawned, his eyes brightened.
“Why don’t I always sleep here?” you asked sleepily.
He laughed silently to himself with a side-eye at the floor. “Don’t trust myself, darlin’.”
Your face burned at the implication and you shyly hid half your face. His smile faded as he looked at you, then he added hoarsely, “God, if you knew how many times I’d thought about you.” There wasn’t so much as a hint of shame in his voice. It had the warmth in your cheeks traveling down, down, down. . . “We’re almost there, baby, but we gotta do it right. We’re almost there, I promise.” He reached into his pants to tuck in his shirt and adjusted himself while he was there. Your eyes fixated on the bulge in his jeans. “God damn,” he exhaled. “Turns me on thinkin’ about it.”
He lightly rubbed his bulge in just one stroke and adjusted himself again from outside the jeans. It didn’t seem like he was trying to start anything, but he got on the bed and hunger spread across his face as he reached you. He kissed you needily and tore the sheets off you. You let him in between your legs and wrapped them loosely around his thighs, your feet resting near his knees. He pulled down your nightgown and sucked your nipple, inhaling deeply through his nose. Then he sucked his neck, and your clit throbbed against the friction of his jeans. He hardened against you and kept on for a minute, not escalating things further. Then he tore himself away with a groan.
—-
“Wish I could stay here all day and just do this,” he lamented as he got off you to sit on the edge of the bed. “But I gotta go to the QZ.”
You protested, “What for?”
“Somethin’ I gotta do every month, as long as the radio says so.”
“Can I come?”
He shook his head. “Too dangerous.” You expected as much.
“You really have to go?”
He sighed. “Yeah, darlin’.”
“You’re leaving me alone?”
“Your parents left you here for a reason, ‘member? Cause it ain’t safe out there. You think they want me takin’ you there anyway?”
“I know. But you said it isn’t safe here either.”
“It’s safe-er here.”
“Just don’t go,” you whined.
“If I don't, they're gonna know somethin's wrong, baby.”
“I don’t-.”
“--nothin’s wrong, but they're gonna think somethin's wrong.”
“Something is wrong,” you reminded him. “Abe’s missing.”
“He–Abe–darlin’.” Joel sighed, shook his head, and abandoned the topic. He looked down and rubbed his temples with his middle finger and thumb. “I’m sorry, peaches. I gotta go, and I can’t take ya with me.”
“Will you check on Frank at the Army hospital?”
Joel hesitated, then said, “Sure, baby.”
“Are you going to Tommy’s? Bill’s staying there, right?”
“I’m gonna try, darlin’. Don’t wanna leave ya for too long, though.”
—----
While Joel made you breakfast, you went upstairs to change. You also sat down at the vanity and used the stationary to write a short note to Bill and Frank.
Love you and miss you so much, but Joel is taking good care of me.
Joel read it. “This is real sweet, peaches. But do you want’em thinkin’ I’m takin’ care of ya? Thought you wanted to show you could do it.” He made a good point. You went upstairs, started over.
I love and miss you both so much. Frank, Please get well soon.
When you gave it to Joel, he folded it up and put it in his pocket. He told you to stay inside, and reminded you not to open the door for anyone but him. He would be back in a few hours.
—----------------------
After Joel left, you lay around for a while thinking about him and your life together. You went to the kitchen and were about to idly open the pantry, when the counter beside it seemed to move, catching your eye. There was a trail of ants leading to the apple blossom in the jar. You stepped back. The blossom that had looked so nice the night before was yellowed and crawling with them. It was like time was moving in slow motion. You left the scene as it was. You grabbed a shiny apple from the basket on the opposite counter and went to the sofa to read. You couldn’t wait for Joel to get home and tell you how Frank was doing. The minutes crawled by, and you tried to immerse yourself in the story to pass the time.
Only a few pages into your book, you were about to bite into your apple when you heard squawking outside. You set down the book and went to look out the kitchen window. You couldn’t see where the noise was coming from. As you looked out into the orchard, you were startled by a tickle on your arm and flicked off an ant with a gasp. You hadn’t so much as touched the counter–it felt unfair. The squawking continued, and you were going stir crazy wanting to go out and see what all the fuss was about.
Less than an hour after Joel left, you decided to break his rule. You knew he was protecting you, but it also didn’t seem fair to expect you to stay cooped up inside all on your own. He could have taken you with him. You knew he could have protected you from any harm that found you. You looked around and couldn’t find your shoes. Not in your room, not by the front or back door, not in the living room. You wouldn’t let that stop you.
You went outside barefoot, careful to look in front of your feet so you wouldn’t step on anything dangerous. The sky was gray and dim and the cool air was refreshing even with its humidity. Branches were scattered everywhere from the wind of the storm. The ground beneath the peach trees was carpeted with yellow leaves sticking wetly to each other. One third of a peach tree was hanging by a thread off its trunk, the tips of the branches scraping the ground with every breeze. It could have snapped off at any moment, while the rest of the tree stood proud like it didn’t know.
You followed the squawking and found an apple tree full of crows. When you approached, they swarmed into the sky, forming a cloud before settling together on another tree. With nothing better to do, you followed them. The second tree was near yours and Joel’s. They flew toward the back of the orchard and you didn’t follow. You shuffled around your tree, looking on every branch for a fresh apple blossom. On the ground, there were layers of leaves and lots of fallen apples. You were moving your feet slowly and carefully, and your toes caught on something inorganic. Something rigid, fabric. You lifted your foot and when the bill of a hat emerged, you reflexively kicked it away as if it were alive or worse. As if you could simply kick away the pit in your gut. Your stomach turned as you looked at your Red Sox cap on the ground.
The crows squawked and squawked, and your heart pounded. You looked around the orchard as if something might be closing in on you. The trees seemed to get closer, the sky seemed to darken. Your thoughts kept repeating, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to be with you. Nothing. Nothing in the world, peaches. You refused to articulate the gut feeling into a thought. You wouldn’t dignify it. You took a deep breath and grounded yourself, focusing on the feeling of the wet leaves stuck to your ankles.
You covered the baseball cap with leaves again, burying the feeling as best you could, and rushed back toward the house. On your way back, you stepped on a broken twig. When you got inside, you saw it was bleeding.
You cleaned up your foot, then it occurred to you to check the living room closet. You opened the closet door, and the other cap—Jesse’s cap—was still there, exactly where you saw it. To your relief, you also found your shoes neatly laid on the closet floor alongside some loafers and boots. You left them untouched.
You settled in with your book again, hoping to distract yourself. You bit into the apple. Your teeth sliced right through the skin and sank into soft, mealy flesh that almost making you gag. You tossed it outside into the leaves because you didn’t want any more ants, then you locked the door behind you. You sat back down on the sofa and didn’t even try to pick up the book again. You resigned yourself to facing your thoughts.
You explored the worst case scenario of what Joel might have done to be with you. You concluded it was silly to think you had been that important to a man you hardly knew. It was narcissistic, you told yourself, to think he loved you that much. That he would really do anything, just to hold you in his arms. It was the fabric of fairy tales, and it was grotesque. Especially because it didn’t disgust you. It gave you butterflies, and not just the nervous kind.
—-------
As soon as you heard Joel’s truck pull into the driveway, your mind returned to Frank. You had a few seconds before Joel came in, and in that time you realized you should greet Joel before asking about anyone else. You didn’t want to be rude. When the door opened, you got up and kissed Joel and told him you missed him. On your way back to the sofa, you noticed a spot of blood from your foot on the flooring and hoped Joel wouldn’t see it.
You sat down on the couch and asked him how Frank was. Joel’s face was solemn as he took a seat next to you and put his hand on your knee. Your chest tightened at this gesture and the next few seconds felt like an hour until Joel spoke.
"He's doin' better, baby."
You broke down in tears of relief. You would have cried no matter what. Whether Frank was better, worse, or even if Joel didn’t see him, there would’ve been tears of happiness, sadness, or fear. Joel took you in his arms and you buried your tears in his neck.
“So they think he’s gonna recover?” you asked.
“Think so.” Joel looked at you, concerned.
“What do they think it is?”
“They’re not sure, darlin’. S’pose it could be an allergy, or environmental. So it’s a good thing you’re here with me.”
“Did you give’em my letter?”
“Yeah.” Joel leaned forward, lifted himself for a moment, and reached into his back pocket. He handed you your letter and you unfolded it so quickly it almost ripped. Joel slowly rubbed your back as you looked at the piece of paper and tried to steady your hands.
There was a note in Frank’s handwriting:
We love you so much. Protect yourself.
----------------------
----------------------
Thank you all so much for reading and engaging with my unhinged story. Y'all are truly the best. 💙
I challenged myself to do the smut scene with little if any visual description, hope it worked out okay.
I do not expect the next chapter to be nearly as long.
There are more virgins on my joel master list, and you can follow @toxicfics and turn on notifications for fic alerts.
All Joel:@ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires @taeslarityy @str84pedro @lokanda @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl @feministfanboi @gracieispunk @prettypartyfavor @am-3-thyst @babeincolor @milla-frenchy @switchbladedreamz @within-the-depths @am-3-thyst @may-machin @pedromania91 @sloanexx @paleidiot
The Lincoln tag list will be on the toxicfics reblog 💙
#joel miller x reader#joel miller fic#dark!joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#dbf!joel miller#toxicanonymity ☠️#lincoln!joel☠️#tw manipulation#joel miller smut#the last of us#the last of us smut#content label#cw age gap
758 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello dear favorite writer I have a question and am a too shy to ask so that's why I'm on anon. Is there a chance you would write some smut with one of the joels with a watersports/piss kink? Like reader pees in her pants by accident, Joel is so turned on by it and fucks her or he/she is pissing on her/him, idc I'm happy with anyyyything you give us cause I'm always happy with what you post. A l w a y s ♥ I hope this doesn't gross you out I know it's a really special kink not anyone is into. If it's weird for you then please delete this ask and then I'm sorry to bother you. Hope you have a great day x
Not kink but here is a 300 word HC/hypothetical . . . Of all the Joels, I think Lincoln would be the most undeterred or most likely for it to turn into a sensual moment although I think most of them would be undeterred (no HCs on this for the rest of them sry 🖤🖤)
300 words, not smut / Hypothetical - when popping a squat in the woods gets messy.
Let's say it's a warm day and you go on a hike or a long walk and you have to pee and it can't wait. You don't have any toilet paper, and when you squat, it's a really awkward angle and you accidentally pee on your foot, ankle, sandal, and the cuff of your jeans. You're taking a long time to come back and he's like, "you alright over there, darlin'?" Then he hears you sniffling because you don't have anything to wipe it off and don't know what to do. "I'm comin, peaches, hold on." / "Please don't, I made a mess, it's gross." The leaves crunch louder as he reaches you, but you're too ashamed to turn around and face him. / "Darlin', nothin' from you could ever be gross." He rubs your back. "Every single part of you is beautiful to me." He squats down next to you and his beefy thighs catch your eye. You show him what happened. "That's okay, darlin', it happens, here gimme your leg." He cuffs your jeans for you so the dribble is hidden. Now you're matching his cuffed jorts. "The rest of it'll dry. C'mere." He moves to hug you. / "It feels gross," you whimper. / "It's not, darlin'. But if it feels bad to you, here." He untucks and unbuttons his flannel shirt then uses it to dry your foot and ankle.
He looks really hot in his undershirt, too 🥵. Then maybe he sees you looking at the way his biceps bulge out of his short sleeves. He looks down at his arm "ya like this?" You smile shyly. "Only natural, baby. Here.". He puts your hand on his bicep. You rub it, then give it a squeeze and feel weak in the knees. Your touch turns him on. "Let's go get you changed, if you want." // So basically his obsession with every part of you outweighs his neat freak tendencies in this case. 🍑
p.s I'm so embarrassed that I kept calling this waterworks and didn't realize it's watersports instead even when someone asked me what it meant on my about requests page lmaoooo anyway this is prob about as far as I'd take it.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Forever for her. Left in Lincoln, pt. 7 .
10k, softdark!Joel Miller x virgin f!reader
Series Master List | official playlist | floorplan
WARNINGS: I8+, virginity loss, big girthy age gap, angst, dark fluff, reader menstruates, p in v, fingering, grinding, creampie, subtle intimidation, manipulation, horror background elements. Joel is creepy, dark, delulu, and cringe (reader is sheltered, isolated, hormonal). Enthusiastic but dubious consent (brainwashing?), playing fast and loose with climate and fruit. Reader wears a flannel from Joel's closet. Haphazardly edited. This is not the last part.
"We're givin' each other everything, right?" You nodded, then he continued, "So listen." He paused and wet his lips. "I would do anything for ya, peaches." He looked down. "Anything." He met your eyes again and swallowed. "Anything to keep ya safe. . . " He lowered his voice. "an' anything to keep ya mine."
You woke up in Joel's bed, and he was nowhere in sight. You were warm, almost too warm. The dress was hanging on the back of his bedroom door. Your undergarments and a pad were on the nightstand.
You took a bath, then put your robe back on and laid on the bed staring at the dress on the back of the door. You could hear the rhythmic scrape of a rake outside and inwardly smiled, picturing Joel doing yard work. You put on your robe, crossed the room to look out the window and felt a refreshing draft as you held the curtains back. In the bottom right corner of the window's top pane, there was a spiderweb on the outside of the glass. The rake continued to scrape against the ground in the distance. The web was well-defined and irregular, some of the fibers thicker than others. You admired its intricacy and followed the design, looking for the spider, wondering if it was a male or female.
The rhythmic scraping of the rake lulled you into a trance as you followed the web from the outer edge in, until a black, out-of-focus mass fell right in front of your nose, then you felt a tickle on your chest. You gasped and stifled a squeal. Your body jerked into panic mode. You rapidfire slapped yourself on the chest and felt it smush against your robe. You wiped it on the window pane, then looked at the crumbled spider with its legs drawn in on itself, still moving but barely. It looked like a slow death, but you hoped it wasn't painful. Surely it never thought about its prey this way.
You took a deep breath and tried to slow your heart rate. You recalled that time back at your house, outside the spider shed, so long ago – Frank's words through laughter, "we're gonna get through this, honey." You took slow, calming breaths, then swallowed and whispered "sorry," before abruptly turning and walking to the bathroom. You washed your hands and chest with soap again, then came back and sat on the bed. The rake had stopped moving.
You finally stood up and retrieved the dress, bringing it to the bathroom with you and locking yourself in. You didn't want Joel to see you if it didn't look good on you. Plus, you had to do something really private.
First you went to the toilet. It was its own room within the bathroom. You locked it, too. You sat there for about fifteen minutes trying to let as much of your period out as you could after being horizontal all night. You didn't want all the built up blood pooling in your pad right away.
Once you did all you could, you washed up and looked in the mirror. You stood there and looked at yourself in your underwear for a minute, mostly looking at your face. You looked different, serious, but vibrating with a new energy. You imagined Joel standing behind you, as if you were in a portrait. Something you'd never have. But at least you had each other.
-
You finally put the dress on, over your head. You could just barely reach the back zipper to finish it. It felt much less cumbersome than you imagined it would. It was light and unrestrictive. The lace sleeves had enough room. It felt as comfortable as any other dress. You didn't look in the mirror right away. You looked down at yourself, then looked over your back, and down your arms. You looked in the reflection of the shower glass and the silhouette looked good enough.
You turned around to look in the real mirror, and you looked nice. The lace made you feel like a doll, but somehow you looked older than yourself at the same time. You turned around and admired it from the side and over your shoulder from the back, then smoothed it down over your butt and you didn't see the bulkiness you feared from your pad. You looked at yourself head on again, and the only thing out of place was the redness on your chest from scrubbing away the spider. With the dress on, there was a new smile behind your eyes, thinking about how Joel got it for you.
You went to the kitchen to look out the back window. You didn't see Joel and were somewhat relieved to have another moment to yourself. Your tummy felt nervous. You knew it was excitement, but the physical sensation was in discernable from anxiety. There was a little jar of apple juice on the table with a pill and a note that said "cramps?" You were feeling okay but thought about taking half of it anyway.
You sniffed the juice and it smelled good. You sat at the kitchen table and stared at the apple juice in the jar, then took a long sip and watched the tiniest bit of apple sediment settle back to the bottom. It was delicious. You took half the pill and downed the rest of the juice, then your stomach rumbled. You got an apple from the kitchen counter and sat back down. You inspected it and pressed it. You cut it with your thumbnail to make sure it wasn't rotten. It was crisp, and juice beaded along the crescent moon from your nail. You took a bite and it was fine. You relaxed into the chair and ate the apple.
Joel had let you sleep late. It was almost mid day. Just as you were finishing up your apple, you noticed him outside through the kitchen door window. He was standing there and looking at you like you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He was wearing a white button-up shirt that looked like one Frank might wear to one of his black tie dinners. Joel came inside and as he turned around to close the door, you admired his lower body in a pair of form fitting khakis.
"You look nice," you told him.
He exhaled a small laugh and looked at the floor as he crossed the room to you. He sat down at the table and took your hand. "You look like an angel." He kissed your hand and scooted closer. He smelled like aftershave (although he wasn’t shaved, thank goodness) and a hint of sweat from his yard work. As comfortable as he made you feel, you still got butterflies around him.
He asked, "Hungry?"
You nodded. "A little."
"How bout a lil picnic, somethin' light?"
You nodded "is it nice out?"
"Prettiest day we could want, peaches."
—------
He made some grits and you sat at the table watching. He pulled the wagon with a basket, quilt, and blanket, and held your hand as you slowly walked. He squinted and looked at the trees, then at you.
He asked, "How ya feelin'?"
"Good, I'm fine."
"Good."
You assumed you were going to "your tree," but instead you arrived at a peach tree. He had cleared the area around it so no debris was in the way. He looked around and asked, "Whatcha think?"
You looked around. It was a good spot, away from the back, but not too close to the street. Insulated enough to feel private. You nodded, "yeah, this is nice."
Joel spread out the quilt, then the blanket, then, before sitting down, he took both your hands in his. "I feel so lucky, peaches. You're the most special girl in the world." His eyes bored into yours. "Really mean that. There's no one like you, darlin'."
You looked down then met his eyes again, biting your lip. "I think you're special, too."
A breeze came and swept your dress out, making the scene feel like a postcard.
He dropped your hands, then fetched something out of his pocket and looked at it. Your heart skipped a beat. His thick fingers were blocking your view.
"Now darlin', I'm gonna give ya somethin', but first. . ."
He held it up. It was gold and shiny. Your birth father's wedding band. Your heart skipped a beat and a knot formed in your stomach.
"My. . ." You couldn't finish the sentence. This meant he knew about the gun, too. . . and your mother's knife.
Joel must have seen it on your face. "Left everything else how ya had it. You're a smart girl, peaches."
You tried to read his face. It was soft, sympathetic. You nodded hesitantly.
"It's okay, darlin'. I don't blame ya. I woulda done the same." He held the ring between his forefinger and thumb and you opened your palm. "Smart to be prepared."
You breathed a sigh of relief as the knot in your stomach relaxed. But even as it faded, you still had that nervous–no, excited–tummy.
Joel put the ring in your hand and closed it. He held his hand there around yours and seemed like he might say something else, but he didn't.
You didn't have anywhere to put the ring. You had a passing thought to put it on your thumb but it felt stupid. You felt an urge to say you were going to give it to Joel, but you didn't say anything since he let you off the hook.
Joel reached back in his pocket and fished out another ring, smaller. It was silver with inset stones. He held it up and said, "I want you to have this one." He stepped closer, so his feet were outside yours. "We're givin' each other everything, aren't we?"
You nodded, and his eyes watered.
He nodded with you and his brow furrowed. "I love you. . . And I love bein' a family, the two of us."
Your own eyes felt misty. "I love you, too."
He took your hand, and slid the ring onto it. It was old fashioned, simple. "Ain't never gonna let ya go."
"Good," you whispered.
—
He kissed your hand, and when he tried to hold your other hand, too, you realized you were still holding your father's ring.
"Um," you cleared your throat. "Would this fit you?" You asked and opened your hand. His face relaxed.
"I dunno, peaches," he whispered. His eyes sparkled at you. He held his hand palm-down. The top of his ring finger's knuckle was a little red as if he'd already tried to put it on. You slid the ring part way on, but his finger was too big.
"Sorry," you muttered and felt a lump in your throat. You didn't have anything to give him. It rested above his knuckle.
"S'okay darlin', it's the fact that ya tried." He unbuttoned his shirt pocket, dropped the ring into it, then buttoned it again. "I'll keep it safe for ya."
You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth and nodded, looking up at him shyly, somehow feeling like you ruined this.
He cupped your face and read your eyes, then closed the gap between your faces and his lips pressed into yours.
He hugged you into him, kissed you harder, then murmured, "wanna sit down?"
You nodded.
You smoothed your dress under you and sat down with your knees to the side, leaning toward him. He unpacked a thermos of grits and two bowls. He unbuttoned his wrists and rolled up his sleeves and his forearm flexed with every lift of the spoon. You ate mostly in silence, but he looked at you adoringly the whole time and your nerves faded. His wrist nudged his inner thigh and when your eyes drifted there, the shape of his cock sent a pang between your legs. He followed your gaze and your face heated up as he raised his eyebrows.
—
When you were finished eating, you washed it down with the apple juice, then Joel packed up the basket and put it back in the wagon. When he settled back onto the blanket again, he had a serious look about him.
He sat down with his legs folded to the side so his knees were toward you, and he braced his hand on the blanket, leaning toward you. He kissed you again. He tasted like apples and you imagined he did, too. As he pulled away, he read your face and cupped your cheek. "You're the most beautiful angel, darlin'," he smiled. His gaze lingered, then he swallowed and looked down. He sat up straighter and cleared his throat. He asked again, "We're givin' each other everything, right?"
You nodded, then he continued, "So listen," then wet his lips and paused. "I would do anything for ya, peaches." He looked down. "Anything." He swallowed. "Anything to keep ya safe," he met your eyes and lowered his voice. "And anything to keep you mine."
Your heart raced and you slowly nodded as he let it sink in.
"Get what I'm sayin', peaches?"
"Bad things," you nodded.
His brows remained furrowed as he studied your face. His voice was low and gruff. "Yeah, you could say that."
You looked down to his shirt and the outline of your father's ring in his pocket. He continued, "and darlin', I've felt this way for some time."
Your chest fluttered.
He looked up at the leaves of the peach tree, and it hit you that this was where he found you that day.
Your whole body felt warm, especially in the lace sleeves. He looked at you with anticipation and you admitted, "I had a feeling."
He lifted his eyebrows as he searched your eyes. "Okay," he whispered with a small nod. He looked down again.
"Yeah," you replied. ". . .and maybe you already did bad things." Your chest pounded. He looked at you blankly, and once he blinked, you rephrased, "Necessary things. To be together."
His jaw shifted back and forth. He looked at your mouth, then back up at your eyes. "Would ya wanna know?"
Tension gathered between your eyebrows. You took a deep breath, looked at his lips and watched his jaw clench. His eyes watered. After a moment, you slowly shook your head no. He inhaled and his eyes narrowed. Your voice was a near whisper as you told him, "No. . . Doesn't matter now."
Joel exhaled and nodded. He looked at you intensely and whispered, "Okay, baby."
You didn't need to know. You told him, "We're together, that's all I care about."
"Me too, darlin'." He chuckled, then relaxed and said, “so glad we got each other.” He folded his knees toward you again, leaned in, and cupped your cheek, his eyes locked with yours. “Me and you, baby.”
“You and me,” you whispered, lashes fluttering as his face drifted toward yours.
—-
Your lips locked, and yours tingled with excitement.
His hand moved to the back of your head. His tongue parted your lips, and he pulled you into him as he became more passionate.
As his kiss intensified, he gently lowered you into lying down on the blanket, with one of his knees between yours. His hand ran up your side and came to a rest on your breast as his mouth devoured yours. He palmed your breast, gently bit your lip, and his length hardened against your thigh. When he pulled back, he cupped your face and raised his eyebrows, and his voice was husky. "I'm never," he kissed your lips, then lowered his volume and looked into your eyes, "gonna let you go." His thumb stroked your temple. His lips brushed yours, then kissed you deeper. He pulled back, shook his head with a small smile, and his voice became a whisper as he repeated, "Never."
Your skin prickled with goosebumps, Joel's beautiful face hovering over yours under the peach tree, his body pressed against yours.
"Good," you whispered, and took his head in both your hands. You pulled him down on you. He braced himself with one forearm on the blanket near your head and his other hand traveled back down your side, down your dress, and reached under the skirt of it to your thigh. His hand slid up your thigh and he squeezed it, then lifted your thigh against him.
He lowered his hips to rest against yours, and his cock grew stiffer against you. The warm shape of his stiff length made your whole body go weak. He lifted himself off you just long enough to get the skirt of your dress out of the way. You felt warm and wet between your legs and didn't know how much of it was blood. You knew he didn't care, but it didn't entirely leave your mind.
He had the front of it bunched up at your hips, with his hand between your legs. You flinched as his palm glided over your panties, feeling the shape of your pad. But it didn't phase him at all. He gently reached into your panties.
Your face tensed. “Remember, I–"
"I know, baby," he reassured you with kind eyes.
"What about the dress?”
“Dress don’t matter, darlin’." He kissed you again. "Long as you're feelin' good." He planted another kiss and pressed his hard-on against you again. "Are ya?"
You nodded an unequivocal yes. It was certainly what your body wanted.
"Hell, let's paint it red,” he mused.
You relaxed and laughed softly.
"No?" He asked with a smile, then leaned his forehead against yours. He kissed you gently.
The time of the month wasn't ideal, but you wanted it. If you waited, he might think you weren't ready after all. Plus, you were more comfortable than you ever thought you could be. A month ago, you would have died at the thought of a man seeing any evidence of your period at all. But Joel was so reassuring, so comforting, and he really wanted all of you. He was turning it into something beautiful, and you had no doubt he felt that way. He looked at you again, then asked, “Sure you’re feelin’ good enough?" He kissed you again. “‘Cause that's all that matters.”
“I am,” you nodded earnestly.”
“You sure?”
"Joel," you sighed on the edge of irritation.
"Ok, darlin'."
He slid his hand down and exhaled vocally when his fingers met your warm, moist folds. He ran his fingers up and down your folds, moistening your clit, then he slowly, teasingly circled it. His cock swelled harder against you. "You wanna go to bed?"
You shook your head. "It's magical out here."
"That's right, peaches," he murmured lowly into your neck, lightly circling your clit with his moist fingers. His breath was warm and humid against your neck. "Special, ain't it?"
You nodded, and pulled his head back down to yours. Your lips met again. His thick fingers tensed, slid down, and prodded at your entrance. You tilted your hips and he gave a short, low "mm" as he brought his fingers back to your clit.
His tongue slid against yours in rhythm with his fingers. His mouth grew hungrier for yours every moment as he massaged your most sensitive place. He got you almost to the edge. You whimpered as his hands worked within the confines of your panties. Then he asked, "Let's take these off, hmm?" You nodded. He started to do it, then looked at your face to confirm, "You want me to?"
"I can do it," you lifted your hips and slid them down, and once they were mid-thigh, he finished taking them off.
–
He lowered his torso against yours and his massive hand nudged your shoulder up toward him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and he lifted you into sitting. He traced the back neckline of the dress and murmured, "want this on or off?"
You shrugged.
"up to you, darlin'. But I sure would like to see ya." He kissed your neck and you could feel him smile against your skin. "If you're warm enough"
You were warm all over. You were so warm at your very core that it was hard to imagine ever being cold again. You asked, "you'll keep me warm, won't you?"
"Course I will."
You cracked a shy smile and planted your hands on the ground to lift your weight off the dress. Joel brought the dress up to your stomach, his fingers smearing it red, then you lifted your arms and he took it off. He planted delicate kisses on your chest at the base of your neck, and your shoulder as he gently nudged your bra straps off. Then he unclasped the back, and you let it fall in front of you. He put the bra aside and you were naked. He folded the dress into a pillow and put it under your head.
You looked at Joel's clothes and didn't say anything, but he replied to your silent question with a teasing smile. "no, I don't have to be so dressed..." you silently unbuttoned his pants, eye on his cock straining against the khakis, as he unbuttoned his shirt. Before pulling down the zipper, you traced the hard shape of his cock, and his chest let out a nearly imperceptible growl at your first rub.
He made quick work of the remaining shirt buttons, smearing a few of them red. His chest flexed as he peeled the sleeves down his bulging arms. He took his undershirt off over his head, tousling his hair, which he didn’t fix. It was the hottest you’d ever seen him. You were sitting back on your hands, naked body laid out for him. He looked at you lustily every few seconds as he took his pants off, then his boxers, leaving his commanding cock bobbing heavily before you. You pulled your eyes back up to his face and he looked at you adoringly.
–
He knelt on the blanket. Was this really going to happen? You reached out, and he nodded. You wrapped your hand around his shaft and whined, "I'm ready, you know I'm ready."
"Ready for what, darlin'?"
"To put our bodies together."
He nodded. "yeah, baby. You're ready. Gonna be real special."
He got between your legs where a fluttering ache was pounding, begging for relief. He held his cock in his hand. You felt your body making space for him. There was a place inside you that needed to be filled. He slowly lunged toward you and braced his hand on the blanket above your hip. He ran his tip through your dripping folds and his manhood further hardened. He spread the moisture over his cock. He laid his hard cock on your mound and brought his face to yours again. He rested about half his weight on top of you, his bare body flush with yours, his forearms braced on the blanket.
He kissed you deeply, grinding his erection against you, slick with your arousal and blood. Your lips embraced his and your mouth practically sucked in his tongue. He licked into you in rhythm with his slow thrusts against you. Your clit twitched against his cock and you lifted your hips, making him moan into your mouth. You needed him in you yesterday. You lifted your hips again and his mouth curved into a smile against your lips.
He reached between your legs and the breadth of his hand took up all the space. You whimpered at the first contact of the padding of his fingers with your naked heat. He slowly, lightly rubbed you as he kissed you, then slid his fingers down through your folds, gathering your moisture. He entered you with his middle finger, then his ring finger. You moaned into his mouth as his fingers slid all the way into your warm core. His cock swelled harder against your thigh as he pumped his thick digits in and out of you. He moaned softly, then added a third. Your hips rocked into his hand.
You were tense, afraid of coming too soon.
"Joel," you whimpered.
"Yeah baby," he murmured.
"What if I–ohh–what if I come too soon."
He chuckled, "you can come, baby," he kept working his fingers inside you, pressing his upper palm into your clit. You sighed and the tension swelled in your gut. "'s'a good thing, darlin'. gets ya ready for this." He rolled his stiff manhood against you as he said it. "Nice 'n ready."
"But Joel," you whined, unsure. "I want you inside"
"You wanna come on my cock?"
"Yeah, on your cock."
"Oh, baby," he moaned, his cock leaking against your thigh. "You will, baby. You will. You'll come again."
"Really?
He nodded. "Yeah. C'mon darlin, You'll come on my cock, too."
His eyes were sincere. He returned his attention to your clit and you let go. As you began to contract, he slid his fingers back inside you. "Oh, good girl," he sighed as you squeezed his fingers. "Like that, don't ya? Like squeezin' me?"
You nodded and whimpered, unable to speak as you rode out the orgasm.
"Oh, baby." He continued grinding against your hip and kissed you again as you recovered.
He pumped three fingers again, and under his breath, he muttered, "good. . .good." He moaned and pushed his hips against you. "Now I've got ya stretched, nice and relaxed."
"Joel," you begged. "Are you gonna–"
“Oh darlin’, I’m comin’.” he whispered. “Ready to be full of me?”
“Yeah,” you nodded. "Fill me with you," you begged. "Put it in."
“Givin’ each other everything now,” he reminded you. “Can’t get it back.”
You nodded, “you can have it all.”
“And I’m gonna give it to ya, too.”
You nodded and your walls twitched in anticipation.
"Gonna give it all to ya."
He read your eyes and as you got lost in the black holes of his pupils, the clear fibers of his affection wrapped around you, tethering you to him and the moment. He pulled his hips back and his knees spread slightly. You spread your legs to make room. He looked between your legs and the affection on his face faded into desire. “My lands, peaches.”
He hovered over you. Your hands skimmed up his sides, and came to rest around his neck.
He used his hand to notch himself at your entrance and pushed his tip inside, stretching you open. You gasped softly, breasts heaving in anticipation of the rest of it. You dragged your feet toward your butt on the blanket, lifting your knees to frame his hips.
“I love you, baby,” he whispered, and put his forehead against yours.
“I love you too,” you whined, brows furrowed.
His forehead lifted off yours, his lips returned to your mouth, and his hips pressed forward, inching his cock into you with a stretch. His lips broke away from yours and his mouth stayed open. He watched your face as his girth spread you open, dividing your walls. You gasped and nodded for more. He pushed further, taking you apart from yourself inch by inch. You imagined even a smidgen more girth wouldn’t feel good. He bowed his head and backed out an inch of his length, watching your body suck him back in as he pushed in a little more than he had before.
“God damn,” he whispered, then wet his lips as he looked back up at you with half his length sheathed in your warmth.
“You feel so good, joel”
“Oh, darlin’,” he breathed. “You got no idea.”
“I want it all,” you begged.
He nodded, “Okay, baby.” then slowly pushed his hips forward, gradually burying his length with some effort, stuffing you full of him. “Oh, darlin’.” The look of pain on his face told you how hard he was trying not to slam into you. He was slow and gentle, and his tip pushed through your core with even more heft than you imagined. Each inch of him spread you more and filled you fuller than you thought you could be. Your body made more space and he took it up right away.
“Joel,” you breathed.
He whispered your name and said, “you’re doin’ so good.” His flesh didn’t just complete you, it made you more than you were. He took you apart and made you something new, something wrapped around him so tight. “almost there, baby.” And then he groaned “Ohhhh, god,” as you swallowed up the rest of him. It was a perfect fit.
You whimpered as he came to a rest. His cock filled up the whole space and made more for itself. The fuzz of his balls brushed your skin. Your mouth hung open and you breathed, savoring the fullness of feeling him there inside you for the first time.
“Oh, darlin’,” he sighed, staying all the way inside you. He pressed his lips into yours, then pulled back and asked, “You okay?”
You nodded, happy tears prickling your eyes. His brows knitted.
“Are you okay?” you asked.
He nodded. “First time in years,” he whispered, and looked up at the tree. His cock twitched inside you and his tip nudged your cervix. “You tell me when you’re ready, baby.”
“I’m ready,” you nodded.
He looked you in the eyes again. “Our life starts now.” He withdrew most of his length, then let it back into you, his belly flush with yours while his cock dragged heavily inside you. He closed his eyes as your bodies became flush again. He retreated again at a snail’s pace, then pushed in a little faster.
“Saved this just for me, didn’t ya?”
He met your eyes again, then added, “Never be anyone else.”
He lowered his face for another kiss. Each time his flesh filled you up you could hardly believe how your body hugged him. It was like your body had been waiting for him all along. It really had been. This was what your bodies were made to do. Complete each other.
He looked at you and his brow furrowed again.
You asked, "What? What, Joel?"
“Now that I’ve been inside ya,” he breathed, "I’m not sure I know how not to be.”
You knew exactly how he felt. You couldn't bear the thought of being pulled apart.
He reached a slow but steady rhythm, gently filling you with his cock. You traced his shoulder, then his bicep. His bare stomach was resting against your skin, his happy trail touching you with each thrust m. He had about half his weight on you, and he let gravity help as he thrust into you. You imagined it as a magnetism. Each time he retreated, your bodies pulled back together. He bowed his head and watched himself disappear between your legs, and watched your body clinging to his shaft, hugging him tight, trying to pull him back in, not letting him go. “God damn, baby,” he breathed as he watched. “most beautiful thing I ever seen.”
When your caress reached the crook of his elbow, he braced on one forearm so he could take your hand and interlace.his fingers with yours. He held your hand to his chest and whispered, “All yours, darlin’,” his hips still moving, his cock sliding snugly against every ridge of you .
You nodded tearfully, pressing your palm into his chest, feeling the soft hair and the hard muscle.
“Every beat of it, peaches.”
Your other hand cupped his cheek, then slid up to tangle in his hair as his face returned to yours, kissing you as he buried his length in you. When your faces separated, you watched the surreal beauty of his form – his messy hair, his tan skin glimmering, his brown eyes flickering with affection as he filled you to the brim with his flesh.
“Oh, baby, you feel so good”
“I–I’m so–it’s so–”
“Packed full of it, aren’t ya baby?”
You nodded. “It’s so much,” you whispered. “But not too much,” you quickly added. “‘s’perfect.”
“So perfect, darlin’--Ohhh god, baby-–always knew ya were.”
All you saw was him, and the rhythm of his chest over yours. Beneath his heavy breaths and moans, leaves danced in the breeze, birds chirped, and the occasional piece of fruit thumped in the distance as it hit the ground. “Oh baby, I've been starvin’ for this.” His hips moved steadily, filling you with his cock every second or so, whispering your name here and there, marveling at your beauty.
“It feels so good, Joel.”
“how’s it feel?”
“Meant to be there,” you whispered, then sighed as his cock dragged through your core, completing you again. “Like it’s filling my body” More than that–it was creating space for itself, space you didn’t have before, that's the part you didn't expect. It was moving the most intimate parts of you out of the way and replacing them with him.
You tried to describe it. “It’s like –” He lowered his mouth to your neck and sucked “--oh, joel–it’s–it’s–.”
“Oh, baby,” he sighed against your neck, his hips moving steadily. “I know it, darlin’,” he murmured, grinding his pelvis into yours with each smooth thrust. He slowed his hips, still grinding against you, stiff cock dragging inside you. “Meant to be right here.” Your leg wrapped around him and his thrusts became more measured, his pelvis closer against you, grinding into your clit. “Meant to be fillin’ you.”
The pleasure was swirling, nearly coming to a boil in your gut, humming for release against his front, around his cock. “I love you,” you breathed, lifting your hips into his.
“Ohhh, baby I love you too,” he whispered with a smile and near laugh. “‘n’ I love how ya take it.” His eyes darted around your face affectionately, then he bowed his head to look at where your bodies met. “Look so pretty wrapped around this cock,” he looked back up at you with bright, glistening eyes. “Look so pretty, peaches.” Your clit twitched. His movements had your hips lifting into him all on their own. “Yeah, that’s right, darlin’.” You let yourself grind up into him. “Jus’ like that,” he whispered, his body grinding against your mound as his cock moved within you. The tension hummed louder and tightened your core on the edge of bliss. You both moaned.
“Now I want ya to come, peaches,” he said in a serious tone. “Ohh, oh baby—want ya to come and squeeze me real good, can ya do that?”
You nodded, biting your lip, vision getting blurry with the moisture in your eyes. You couldn't take any more tension but unsure if or when the peak would overtake you.
“C’mon, I got ya,” he breathed as you teetered on the edge. “Breathe, baby. c’mon.” You remembered to breathe, his pelvis grinded into yours again, and then you whimpered as the tension burst. “Jo–ohhhh,” your voice was shaky as it overtook you. Your clit spasmed and each wave pulsed outward through your body. Your tears overtook your eyelashes as you moaned and gasped. Your walls clamped down around his cock, and he groaned.
“You–Ohgoddamn,” he muttered as though losing control. Then he groaned, bottomed out hard, and erupted with a shudder. A burst of warmth flooded your core, then your whole body. He dipped his head to kiss you as he came. His cock pulsed into your walls again and again and your walls squeezed in return. His lips pressed into yours, then his tongue. He kissed you and moaned into your mouth. He sucked and gently bit your bottom lip as he filled you. He was filling you all the way up, every single part of you full of him, his essence rushing through you.
There was before this and after this, you finally got it, after all this time he tried to make you see. You understood everything. Like how there was so much beauty left in the world, and it was right there between you. It wasn’t an abstract wish, it was the physical presence of you and him, your bodies together, pulsing against each other’s most intimate parts, his seed spilling into you, his lips on yours, your bodies inseparable, on the ground in the orchard. You saved it for him. Your whole life led to him.
His kiss became more tender as he finished coming. He pulled back and his eyes glistened as he read your face.
You locked eyes for what felt like forever, with Joel still breathing heavily, most of his weight on top of you.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too.”
His eyes fell to your mouth and he kissed you again. “gonna pull out now, okay?”
Your lip trembled and your temples felt weak at the idea of your bodies not being joined. He could tell.
“It’s okay, darlin’. We’ll lay here, long as ya want.” He nodded at you and raised his eyebrows for permission to pull out.
You bit your lip and nodded.
He lay half on top of you, with a hand on your breast. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” you whispered. “How did it–how was it?”
“Like nothin’ i’ve ever known, baby.” He sucked in a shaky breath that made you look down at his face and his cheeks were wet.
–
You took a short nap like that, naked under the peach tree, until a dead leaf fell and tickled your arm and you jolted awake. A bird cawed at your sudden movement, and Joel asked, "you okay?"
When you got up, you only put your underwear back on. Joel wrapped you in one of the blankets, put his arm around you as he brought you back inside.
As you were walking back to the house, you heard the car noise again, toward the front of the orchard, and you froze, your eyes wide, looking toward the street. But this time it came with a breeze and the rustling of leaves.
“Just the wind, darlin’. What’s got ya so jumpy?”
“I dunno,” you mumbled. “Sorry.”
You didn’t realize you were jumpy. Maybe since you found out Bill and Frank could come home soon, you kept expecting them.
—-
When you got back inside, he laid the dress across the back of a chair in the living room and traced one of several red smudges with his fingers. There was bright red and dark red. "See? It's beautiful." He patted your hair. "gonna remember this forever."
He ran a bath. You sat on the edge of the garden tub as the bath filled up, and he kneeled in front of you in his boxers. He curled his fingers into the waistband of your panties and you stood up as he helped you take them off. There was diluted blood drying on your inner thighs. He dipped a sponge into the hot water to clean you. When you noticed a bit of his cum leaking out of you, it made you sad. You hoped he’d give you more.
Joel got in the tub first, then you got between his legs and laid back. You laid in silence for a while, then said, “I loved that." Hearing yourself in the bathtub sounded crisper than usual.
“What’d ya love, darlin'.”
“I love having you inside me.”
“Oh, baby, it’s my favorite place to be.”
"Good”
His cock twitched against your lower back. “‘Course it is, baby.” He kissed the crown of your head.
"I feel empty now"
"'S'okay, darlin'. You're s'posed to. 'S'posed to want somethin' there." His hand came between your legs and gently fingered your floating curls.
He shifted his hips under you. "Gotta pace yourself, but it'll feel better and better, I promise."
"Okay."
"We’ll rest up and do it again later."
"Yeah."
—---------
That night, you did it again. He was deep inside you, pressing sweet kisses into your neck as you whimpered beneath him.
“How’s it feel,” he murmured into your neck. “Still feel good?”
“Feels good,” you whined
“S’only gonna get better, baby. Better every day.” He slowly retreated, then sighed "ohh, baby" as he filled you with his cock again. He was still fucking you slowly, carefully, grunting and moaning with your whimpers and sighs. His hair was messed up again, moving to the beat of his thrusts, and his neck veins were bulging.
There was a loud rap at the door, startling you both. Joel’s hand reflexively covered your mouth as he froze, then composed himself and completed one last slow thrust, one that felt even better with you frozen in fear.
“Gonna be okay, baby,” he whispered, then pulled out. He slowly released his hand from your mouth, pressing a kiss into your lips. Your eyes were wide. You hadn't heard the car over your mutual pleasure. "Gonna be okay," he repeated.
He pulled on a pair of jeans and white t-shirt. He took a gun out of his nightstand. There was another loud rap at the door, longer this time. A deep voice with the same drawl as your husband. “JOEL, IT’S ME. OPEN UP.”
Joel looked at you and whispered, "Tommy."
Joel put the gun in the back of his jeans and shut the bedroom door behind him.
—--
The front door creaked as Joel opened it. “Tommy.” You heard the slapping of a hand on a back as they greeted each other, then the door closed. “Didn’t know ya were comin’, woulda gotten a room ready or–”
"Just dropped off Bill ‘n Frank.”
“Shhhh.”
“Hey, what the hell's goin' on? Where's the kid?”
“Tell’em she’s safe. Asleep upstairs."
"You don't think she'd wanna see'em?"
"No sense in wakin' her up."
There was a long pause, then Joel asked, “Why’d ya drive’em?"
“Their truck gave out.” After a long pause, Tommy added “Frank said somethin’s off with you.”
“What're you talkin’ about? Why would Frank said that?”
"Said ya smiled. Made'em uneasy."
Joel scoffed. "I was bein' nice."
Tommy laughed. "I told'em you're weird about hospitals, prolly overcompensatin'. Told'em everything's fine. . ."
Joel said, "good, ‘cause everything is."
"You gonna invite me in?"
"Come on in." A few footsteps, then the front door shut.
Tommy asked, “She’s upstairs?”
Tommy’s boots thudded away from Joel's bedroom, toward the stairs.
“Tommy, wait.”
Tommy didn’t wait. Two sets of footsteps climbed the stairs, with Joel’s quieter steps following Tommy's boots. You couldn't hear their conversation. A door opened and closed upstairs. Then another. And another. You turned the ring on your finger.
Footsteps, then indistinct heated words.
The lighter set of footsteps descended the stairs with the boots following behind. Tommy's voice got closer on the way down the stairs. “somethin’ ain't right here.”
The front door locked before Tommy made it down.
Joel was calm. “Slow down, take a breath.”
Tommy replied, “I don’t like that look you’re givin’ me, brother.”
Joel told him, “You need to sit down and listen to me.”
“Joel, if I don’t come back, Bill’s comin’ over here.”
"She's safe," Joel insisted. "C'mere, let's have a drink."
The footsteps faded into the living room, then stopped abruptly. "What the hell's that?" The footsteps slowly resumed, then stopped again. Then, the rustling of fabric. Tommy's voice was shaky. "What the hell is this, Joel?"
"Shhhhh. Ain't what ya think."
"Don't look like it," Tommy laughed in bad humor, then composed his nerves into calm anger. "What'd you do, Joel?"
"Nothin', Tommy. It’s her period, damn. Now sit down."
"I may be the only one who knows how dangerous you are, but don't act like I don't fuckin’ know.”
Your heart skipped a beat.
Joel responded, “You don’t."
You held your neck, looking around the room. Your pulse was pounding against the heel of your palm.
“I don't? What the hell’s that s'posed to mean?”
“I’m in love with her, Tommy." Your heart swelled.
"Jesus. . ."
Tommy mumbled something else, and Joel responded, “She's not a kid."
"She's Bill's kid," Tommy countered.
"Not anymore. And I’ll do anything to keep her." After a pause, Joel added, “I mean anything.”
"I fuckin' know you do," Tommy snapped.
"Then we’re clear," Joel said. "Tell'em ya didn't wanna wake her up."
"Not ‘til I see her," Tommy insisted.
There was a beat of silence, then Joel offered, "Cool off first, have a drink. Don't wanna scare her."
Your heart raced. Their voices became indistinct as they moved towards the kitchen.
—---------
You sat on the bed stunned. Your parents were home, and you weren't as happy as you imagined you'd be to hear it. You were wholly preoccupied by Tommy's words. Joel was dangerous. You had already come to know it in your heart, but hearing someone else say it out loud had your mind racing. You never thought about what that meant for you. The worst part was the fear in Tommy’s voice. Would Joel do something to Tommy? His own brother? They were family. You and Joel were family.
You got up and went into Joel's closet. You pulled out a flannel and put it on over your nightgown. You built up your courage, then slowly opened Joel’s bedroom door.
—---------------
You emerged from the bedroom, unsure how either of them would react. You pulled the flannel over your hands, hiding the ring. As you tiptoed into the living room, Joel was on the sofa facing away from you. Tommy was facing you and saw you first. He was holding a mostly empty glass of whiskey. Joel's glass was already empty on the coffee table. Tommy sat upright and swallowed. He put his glass down on the side table.
“Hey,” Tommy's voice was soft, like he didn't want to startle you. “You okay?”
Joel looked over his shoulder, then turned his body.
“Yeah,” you nodded and walked over to them, looking at Joel. Joel's face softened as he looked at you. You sat on one of Joel’s thighs, your bare feet on the floor holding some of your weight.
“They're home, darlin’,” Joel said and looked at you with pleading eyes. “wanna go now, or let’em get some rest, see’em in the mornin’?”
You didn’t hesitate. “Let’em get some rest.”
Tommy sat back and raised his eyebrows in surprise. When you looked right at him, the dress caught your eye on the other chair and your chest felt hot.
Joel cradled your head with one hand and kissed you on the cheek. “Ok, peaches. Give Uncle Tommy a kiss goodnight, then go back to bed."
You looked at Joel hesitantly. He nodded toward Tommy and flexed his jaw.
Tommy watched you curiously as you approached. You gave him a loose hug around the neck and the lightest peck on the cheek.
“Night, sweetie,” Tommy mumbled.
You went back to Joel's lap and put your arms around his neck. He looked at you and you searched his eyes. He gave you a chaste kiss on the lips and whispered, "Go on. I'll be there soon," with a wink. His hand was big and warm on your back as you stood up to walk away.
—
Before you closed the bedroom door behind you, Tommy said, "Okay, she's not a kid. . . Don't mean it's right."
Their conversation became indistinct until Tommy was leaving a few minutes later.
Joel said, “I’ll leave it unlocked. You can stay upstairs.”
The front door opened and closed.
—------
You weren't planning on it but as soon as the front door began to close, your legs carried you into Joel's bathroom, and your shaking hand closed the door. You sat on the tiled floor against the door. Your heart pounded. Joel would never do anything to hurt you. Why was your body reacting this way? Your eyes felt weak. You didn't want him to see you scared or upset, but this couldn't be much better. You closed your eyes and tried to get back to that place you were in the orchard where everything in the universe made sense.
Joel came into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. "Aw, baby" he said to himself as he realized where you were. He took off his pants and put the gun back in the drawer, then approached the bathroom door. "You in there, peaches?”
“Yeah,” you managed weakly.
“Can I come in?” Joel tried to open the door and found it was locked.
“Not now.” You wanted to stop crying first.
After a moment of silence, he slid down the other side of the door and sat down. “Can ya talk to me, baby?”
You sniffled, then whined, “I dunno what to say.”
Joel sighed and you heard the soft thud of his head resting against the other side of the door. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” you whimpered.
“We’re a family now, baby. Gotta work through whatever you’re feelin’.”
You scooted back and slowly opened the door.
Joel came in and sat on the tile next to you, your backs against the door. He stroked your thigh. His voice was soft. “Wanna come back to bed or wanna talk in here?”
“Here.”
“Okay,” he whispered. He was studying your eyes, desperate to read them.
You winced with a cramp and put your hand where it hurt. He went to get you a pill and came back. He handed you the pill and a glass of water. “Want me to run you a bath?”
You shook your head no. You didn't need a third bath.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“What’s wrong?” you repeated.
You looked at him, hating the fact that he was going to make you ask him. Earlier, you said you didn't want to know. You wanted it to stay an abstract, romantic concept that he would kill for you. But the way Tommy was talking, you felt like you needed something. You felt like you needed to know Joel better.
Joel took a deep breath in through his nose. His voice was soft and careful. “Tommy’s my brother, and I love’m, but .. .sometimes, brothers. . . .” He was searching for words, and at the same time, searching your face for an out. He gave up and his voice dropped an octave. “What’d ya hear, darlin’?”
You heard the words come out of your mouth before you could stop them. "How'd you kill him?"
Joel squinted and searched your face. “Who?”
“What happened to Jesse?” you asked. Joel looked up at the ceiling and his nostrils flared. His chest expanded with a calming breath. You continued, “I don’t care about him at all. I don’t even care if you killed him but I wanna know."
"Thought ya didn't wanna know."
"Now I do."
“I dunno if that’s a good idea, peaches.”
“You said you’d do anything for me. This is what I need, I need you to tell me.”
Joel sighed and swallowed, then nodded. “There was an accident.”
"What kind of accident?"
"He fell."
“What? Like from a tree?”
“No, when he was diggin’.”
You felt lightheaded imagining the garden beds, and the way Joel tucked the pumpkin flower behind your ear. Something told you he was still out there. You tried not to show anything on your face.
You asked, “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“‘Cause it was my fault. I scared him. Didn't want ya to be afraid."
“What happened?“
“Won’t do ya any good knowin’ that, darlin’.” Joel sighed. “Might make ya feel bad.”
“I don’t care, just tell me.” What bothered you was that it wasn't even serious with the boy. It was nothing like it was with Joel. So Joel didn't have to do whatever he did. All Joel had to do was love you and you would've dropped everything else in an instant. All Joel had to do was hug you. You really believed that.
“He was gonna hurt ya, darlin'." You found that hard to believe, but heard him out. You reflexively squinted but tried not to look too skeptical.
"Hurt me how."
“He was talkin’ like. . . he was talkin’ disrespectful.”
Your face burned, thoughts flying around in your head about what he possibly could have said.
Joel did a double take at your face and noticed how embarrassed you were. “Darlin’, you really don’t need to be hearin’ this.”
“Just tell me.”
"So when he tried to touch ya. . .”
“You were watching us?”
“I was worried, darlin’. Just lookin’ out for ya.”
“So you saw me stop it, then.”
“Sure did, and I was proud of ya.” There was nothing to be proud of. It wasn't on any moral grounds, you were just nervous in Joel's orchard. And apparently, you had every reason to be.
“So what happened?”
“So, next time we were workin', it came up again. . ."
Your mouth felt dry.
Joel continued, "I told him that’s not how to treat a woman, that you deserved better.”
Your heart pounded. “And you were really mad, that's why he fell.”
Joel nodded, and you nodded. You could picture the rest of it, but you didn't want to. You imagined that when he fell, that wasn't the end of it.
You took his hand. “Thank you for telling me.”
Joel kissed your hand and breathed a sigh of relief.
“And thanks for doing that," you added.
Joel squinted at you, taken aback. “Doin’ what, darlin’?”
“Whatever you had to do. . . for me.”
Joel studied your face as though it might have been a trick. It wasn’t. He slowly nodded. He kissed your hand again. “You don’t hate me.”
“Of course I don’t hate you, I love you.”
Joel’s eyes watered. “This is true love, baby. Unconditional.”
You asked, “Can I ask you something else?”
“Anything, peaches.”
"Who else?”
"Uh," Joel squinted.
"I asked you how you killed him, and you asked who."
"Oh, darlin'," he chuckled.
"Did Abe really leave?"
Joel inhaled then puffed out his cheeks as he let out the breath and hesitantly shook his head no.
“He was in bad shape when I found him. Gettin’ sick, talkin’ crazy..”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were already scared. . . didn’t wanna make it worse.”
You barely nodded, trying to process all this, wondering if there was more to it, but consciously pushing the thought away. You wondered whether you would've been more or less scared if you knew something happened to Abe.
"You're a smart girl, peaches."
“What’d Tommy mean when he said you’re dangerous?”
Joel wiggled his jaw and looked away, then back at you. “I’ve made some mistakes. Used to let my temper get the best of me.” He looked down. “Don’t drink like I used to.”
He scooted around on the tile to face you. He picked up both your hands and looked at you with big, pleading eyes. “But no matter what, you gotta believe I would never, ever hurt you, baby." His eyes were glistening. "There’s no part'a me that would. I’d sooner hurt myself.”
You looked at his mouth and just as you saw the smallest quiver, he wet his lips and swallowed.
You whispered, “I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Good.” He sighed in relief.
You took your hands away and tightened the flannel around you, then said, “and you wouldn’t hurt anyone I love, because that would hurt me."
Joel swallowed and inhaled through his nose, waiting uncomfortably for you to continue.
You looked at each other for a few seconds, then you asked, “Are Bill and Frank gonna be okay here?”
He looked away, then back at you before muttering, “I hope so, darlin'.”
“Even if we can't be together right away?”
Joel squinted at you incredulously. “What're you talkin’ ‘bout, can’t be together?" He scoffed coldly, making your temples hurt. "I’m sure as hell not lettin’ Tommy tell me what to do. You gonna let them tell you what to do?”
“No. . .” You didn’t know what else to say.
“We talked about this, darlin’. You change your mind?”
You shook your head. “Guess I’m still nervous. Thought maybe it'd take time."
Joel clenched his jaw, opened his mouth to speak. Then closed it again. When he did speak, he was calm and measured. “There’s no scenario where we’re not together, peaches." He raised his eyebrows at you and added flatly, "We promised each other forever.”
“I know,” you whispered.
“And I meant it,” he added with a hint of accusation.
You protested, “I did, too.” You did.
"Well I still mean it."
"I do, too." You weren't lying. Somehow, you didn't want it any less. If anything, your heart wanted it more. You wondered if you went too far in your questions.
He pried your hands off the flannel to hold them. You tried to relax but your hands were still tense.
He dipped his head to make eye contact with you and didn't blink. “You and me together. No matter what.” He closed his eyes for a breath and sighed. When his eyes met yours again, he added, “No matter where.”
Your heart fluttered.“No matter where?”
He nodded with a deep inhale through his nose. His eyes wandered, then found yours again. “yeah, no matter where."
This tugged at your heart. Was he really willing to take you out?
"There's another town . . . Ain't easy gettin’ there, but I reckon if we're real careful. . .”
You pondered it silently. You wanted to see the world outside, but you never thought about moving. You wanted to live with Joel on this land forever, but you wanted your parents to be okay, too. Leaving altogether seemed so sudden, so huge.
You asked, “Really? You would take me out?”
“Scares me to death,” he admitted. "But I just wanna be with you, peaches."
You stayed quiet for a minute.
"Ain't right they kept ya here all your life," he muttered.
The thought of leaving forever was scary, but if that's what it took to keep your parents safe, you would. Joel was your home anyway. You could feel at home anywhere with him.
You asked, “Would I get to say goodbye?”
His mouth tensed and he looked at the floor.
"Not out loud," you conceded. "But could I see them again first?"
He was quiet, reading your face. "If that's what ya need," he nodded somberly.
“Spend a little time with them?” You asked.
“How much time?” Joel countered.
“I don’t know, a few days?”
“You wanna be apart that long?”
“No, but. . . no”
Joel sighed. “Let’s figure this out tomorrow, k?”
He cradled your head and whispered, “We’ll figure it out.” He pressed his lips into yours, giving you the slowest, most tender kiss. He pulled back and your eyes clouded up.
“I love you,” you whispered. “More than anything.”
He nodded, tears in his eyes.
You added, “And there’s no ‘but’. I’ll go anywhere to be with you.”
He pulled you into straddling him. Your arms wrapped around him all on their own and you were soothed. It was true, you had given him everything. You were hollow without it, without him. But up against his body, wrapped in his big arms, you felt complete again. You felt safe.
You could feel his manhood beneath you, warm and soft. He hugged you tight and drew in a ragged breath. He held you and stroked your head for a minute. His cock hardened a little with your crotch against it. You were beginning to feel the painkiller. “Sorry, baby,” he whispered. You yawned. “Thought we’d have more time.” The front door opened, and you flinched.
“Just Tommy," Joel whispered. "He’s gonna stay upstairs tonight, okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s go to bed, baby.”
You braced yourself with your hands on his shoulders and stood up. He hooked his thumbs under the flannel collar to help you take it off, but you pulled it tighter around yourself.
Joel pulled his hands away, then rubbed your back. "Okay, darlin'."
You got in bed, curled up on your side. Joel draped his arm over you and asked, “this okay?”
“Yeah,” you nodded and loosely laced your fingers with his in front of you.
“‘S’gonna be fine, baby. We’ll figure it out.”
“I don’t wanna be apart,” you sniffled.
“We’re not gonna be,” he reassured you. “Ever.”
-----
THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. AND YOU WILL HAVE MORE SEX.
However, this is on soft hiatus until after Halloween unless i really feel like putting out the next chapter. Too many seasonal things to cook.
Thank you so much for reading and engaging <3
I'll reblog or comment with Lincoln tag list.
@toxicfics for notifications. The tag list is not long for this world.
All Joel:@ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires @taeslarityy @str84pedro @lokanda @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl @feministfanboi @gracieispunk @prettypartyfavor @am-3-thyst @babeincolor @milla-frenchy @switchbladedreamz @within-the-depths @am-3-thyst @may-machin @pedromania91 @sloanexx @paleidiot @yourmistysecret @bean-is-reading
#joel miller x reader#joel miller smut#joel miller fanfic#dark!joel miller#joel miller x innocent!reader#joel miller x virgin!reader#toxicanonymity ☠️#lincoln!joel#lincoln!joel ☠️#possessive!joel miller#joel miller fic#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x f!reader#tw arachnophobia#cw age gap
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
This protector. Left in Lincoln, pt. 1
3k | dark dads' best friend!Joel x virgin f!Reader
story master list / joel miller master list
Premise: Bill and Frank raised you after you were orphaned by the outbreak. They left Lincoln to get treatment for Frank and asked a neighbor, Joel, to look in on you (early 20s) while they were gone.
He rubbed your arms harmlessly, then his hands grazed your breasts lightly enough to pass for accidental as he hugged you. His breath deepened and his jeans twitched. He slipped his arms under yours and you tried to settle in, still nervous. You sat for what felt like a long time. Eventually, you relaxed into him.
Warnings/Notes: NSFW 18+ (not graphic yet), creepy!joel, dark!Joel, pervy!Joel, big legal age gap, very inexperienced/naive reader, angsty premise, dry humping, touching over clothes, pressure, blue balls, alcohol, pining. Slow-burn horror. Post-outbreak but playing fast and loose with a couple of ages.
When Frank got sick, he and Bill went in search of treatment and left you safe at home in Lincoln. They knew you could manage on your own, but they still asked a trusted neighbor, Joel Miller, to look in on you. You knew Joel from when he came over for meals, but he didn't talk much, so you didn't feel like you knew him very well. You felt like he knew you, though. He knew a secret.
- - -
The secret was that one time, you went on Joel's property and helped yourself to his fruit. It wasn't your first time there, but it was your first time picking any fruit. You snuck in from the back and stayed deep in the orchard. You didn't think he'd see you.
Joel would've been more than happy to pick some fruit for you, or even with you, but you were shy. He was intimidating. Plus, you wanted to take your time to enjoy the orchard. He had the most beautiful peach and apple trees. You were still getting over Jesse and being there reminded you of him. Jesse kissed you there, way in the back, after dark when no one would know. This was your first time there in broad daylight.
You admired the peach in your hand, lightly brushing your thumb over its curves, captivated by the gradient of yellow to pink, then plum.
"You picked a nice, ripe one." Your face went cold as you looked at the peach in your hand. You turned around to see Joel Miller half smiling at you, then he slowly stepped forward and put his hands on his hips with his knee out. "Should be juicy," he added. He didn't seem mad at all, but it made your heart race. It was your first time stealing and you got caught.
"Mr. Miller, I–"
"Call me Joel," he said. "Come on in, let's make some apple juice."
"I really shouldn't. . ."
“C'mon, I just cored a bunch of apples."
He was reassuring, but you were too embarrassed and said you should get home. He told you to come back any time, but you never did.
-
The next time Joel came for dinner, you answered the door and he handed you a jar of apple juice. He normally just brought hard cider. Knowing you didn't drink, he brought a jar of juice that night to commemorate your trespassing.
"Wow, thanks," you said.
"’welcome, peaches," Joel whispered in your ear, and his thumb brushed your opposite cheek as it burned.
You prayed he'd never say it in front of anyone else, but that brief teasing was the most personality you ever saw from him. He almost always wore a scowl - he and Bill had that in common.
That was also the night you realized Frank was truly unwell. He tried not to show it, but he kept steadying himself, and it wasn’t because he was drunk. He only drank one cider and Bill teased him for not having any wine. Later, you overheard your dads weighing the options. They mused that Joel could check in on you if they left. You were embarrassed at the thought - you could still feel Joel's touch on your cheek.
When Frank's health got worse in the following weeks, they decided to go.
- - -
Your first night alone in the house after your dads left, it took you hours to get to sleep, then you barely slept. There was an eerie silence, eventually broken by a creaking sound. You brushed that off as the house settling, but soon you heard rustling, then a thump. You couldn’t recall what the night normally sounded like. Each one of those noises made your heart jump. Unable to sleep, your mind drifted to Frank. You worried and cried.
The second night was even worse. You got to sleep but awoke to a repetitive scratching noise that sounded like it was right outside. You knew it was probably an animal, but you were too afraid to look. The wind howled, and you could have sworn you heard voices.
-
Once Joel came by, you were relieved to see him. Too relieved to be embarrassed. He was somber when you answered the door, though.
"Sorry 'bout your dad…"
It brought everything back to the surface. You nodded, unable to speak with such a knot in your throat. Your head throbbed and your eyes welled up. He jammed his hands in his pockets and hung his head. You could no longer hold back the tears.
Joel's Adam’s apple bobbed with a thick swallow. "Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldnt’a mentioned it." He hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and awkwardly opened his arms for you. The hug was rigid and obligatory until you collapsed into his arms like you really needed him. Then it changed. His body relaxed. His thick arms wrapped softly but strongly around you and he rubbed your back. His broad chest swelled against yours with a deep breath as he inhaled you. His flannel smelled like pine, cotton, and sweat.
You stood there resting in his arms for a good minute or so before sniffling, "sorry," and pulling back to dab your swollen eyes and look at him. His eyes were different. Less aloof. His scowl had softened. You wondered how long it had been since someone hugged him. You asked, "do you wanna come in?"
Joel sat you down on the oversized sofa and got you a glass of water. Then, he comforted you as you tried to get a hold of yourself. It was refreshing having someone there. You hugged him from the side, and his armpit was warm and a little damp against your shoulder. Then you started thinking about Frank again and folded forward with your face in your hands.
"Hey, it's okay," he said, rubbing your back. Then he put his feet on the ottoman and gently pulled you back against the couch with his arm around you. You cuddled up to him again like a big, surly teddy bear. He rubbed your arm, then began to brush the inside of your elbow with his thumb. It was a comforting gesture. Entrancing, too. A little sensual. It certainly relaxed you. Somehow, you fell asleep with your head on his thighs.
-
You woke up when his lap shifted under you. He was stroking your head, and you could feel he was hard. You pretended not to notice, but when you sat up, he didn't shy away from adjusting himself like it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was.
You wouldn’t know. You were mostly homeschooled and there was barely anyone your age, or even generation, in the community. By this point, it felt like there was no one left in Lincoln. Jesse was just gone one day, no kiss goodbye, not even a word. He always talked about going West, but you thought it was just a dream. Even Ellie and Riley went their own way when Ellie turned 18. You knew how hard that was for Joel, especially when he already lost Tess.
You averted your eyes from his jeans, then asked Joel, "What do you do? To deal with everything?"
Joel swallowed and clenched his jaw. His his eyes were dark. He hesitated, looked you over, then said, "Tell ya the truth? I'm the worst guy to ask. . . Shit, I knock myself out. I drink. I take pills."
You were flattered by his honesty and felt respected as an equal. Emboldened, you asked him, "Can you gimme some? I can't stop thinking about it. . .I cry every night."
“What, give you whiskey and pills?” Joel laughed, then saw how serious you were. It was surprising because you were so straight laced. You were of age but still never drank more than a sip of wine, and that was only if Bill or Frank insisted you taste a pairing. Never really snuck out. Never done more than kiss a guy - although you'd like to think you would've.
"I don't think your dads would like that, darlin'. I'm s'posed to keep ya safe–not sayin' you need keepin' safe–but I'm sure as hell not s'posed to give ya drugs 'n whiskey."
"I'd never tell," you promised, desperate for anything to get your mind off it and let you sleep. "if either of them ever makes it back." You started to cry again.
"Sorry, peaches." He kissed you on the head and you got butterflies. He stayed with you awhile longer until you stopped crying, then said good night.
You didn't expect to miss Joel, but you did, as soon as he stepped out the door. When you sat back down on the couch, it was even worse. You never realized how huge and deep that sofa was until you sat on it alone that night after Joel left.
You thought about Joel more and more. It was hard not to – he was the only person left. At least Jesse hardly crossed your mind anymore. Finally, after all that time wondering why he didn't say goodbye, you decided he just wasn't man enough. You wondered if you were ever truly attracted to Jesse anyway, or if he was just the only guy around.
- -
The next time Joel came over, you surprised yourself with your girlish reaction. Your cheeks burned as soon as you saw him, before you even answered the door. And when you noticed the whiskey bottle in his hand, your whole chest went hollow, making room for your affection. He was really treating you like the adult you were. You greeted him with a hug and his nose brushed your ear as he inhaled you. He smelled like whiskey, aftershave, and pine.
You got two glasses from the kitchen. He poured you a drink and slouched with his legs wide open and his long arm on the back of the couch. His other hand rested on his inner thigh. You asked if he was going to have a whiskey.
"Nah, had enough. Any more and I won’t be good company."
You wondered what that meant, but didn't pursue it. You sat shyly at the other end of the sofa and winced as you took a sip of your drink alone. You coughed and he came over and patted your back. Then he talked you through your next sip.
"Straight to the back of the throat. Can’t let it linger. Do the rest all at once.”
You took it as a shot.
“There ya go, darlin’. Good girl."
He resumed his splayed out posture at the other end of the couch and you sat where you were, still wincing and recovering from the drink. He gave you a subtle, knowing smirk and nodded toward his end of the couch.
You only moved half way down the sofa. "Get over here, darlin'," he said and patted the space right in front of his crotch. He brought his closest leg up onto the couch then coaxed you back between his arms and legs. You settled back into him, a little stiff at first. Nervous.
"Relax," he whispered. "You're safe. . . You're with me."
He rubbed the sides of your arms harmlessly, then his arms wrapped in front of you. His hands grazed your breasts lightly enough to pass for accidental as he hugged you. His breath deepened and his jeans twitched against yours, giving you butterflies between the legs. He slipped his arms under yours and you settled in like that, still nervous. You sat for what felt like a long time, and eventually, you relaxed into him. You felt the buzz of the whiskey.
Your head fell back against his shoulder. He stroked your head. He kissed you on the crown of your head every minute or so, comfortingly. Then, one time, his lips lightly touched the bare skin of your temple. Then your cheek. Then his hand nudged your face up toward his. You shifted your body to look at him and your hip moved against the bulge in his pants. He inhaled deeply at the friction, and your cheeks burned.
You studied his furrowed brow, wondering what he was thinking. Your heart raced and your skin felt hot from the buzz. Emotions ran high. You kind of wanted to do something, or you wanted him to do something. You just didn't know what, or how. He was still intimidating. You didn't know anything at all and were afraid to make a fool of yourself.
With heavy eyelids and rosy cheeks, Joel looked from your eyes to your mouth and back, then leaned in. When his nose brushed yours, you offered your lips and he closed the distance. He sucked in a chest full of air through his nose with his lips pressed into yours. You stayed mostly still as his tongue parted your lips and he seemed to suck the air out of your mouth. His tongue brushed yours and arousal flooded you. Then your lips embraced his and you let him taste your mouth.
His manhood swelled against you, much harder now, sending a rush to your core. Your heart pounded when you realized how wet you were getting. You scooted your butt forward, self-conscious of your contact with his privates. When you broke contact, Joel broke the kiss.
-
He stroked your head gently again and kissed your temple.
"You’ve never felt one before, have ya?" He asked soft and low as he slowly palmed the hard bulge in his jeans behind you.
Your face burned and you just barely shook your head no.
"It's ok, baby. It's s'posed to feel good."
"What is?" you asked shyly even though you figured you knew. You wanted to shrink into the sofa, but you'd be shrinking into him.
He gently pulled you back against him. With his hand on your stomach, he pulled you all the way in. His arousal was already stiffer, larger.
He lowered his voice and said, "Feelin' this against you, knowin' it's there." His hips lifted gently, and his hard package swelled against you. "It's s'posed to feel good. Nothin' to be ashamed of"
Butterflies swarmed inside you, multiplying, filling up your ribcage, your pelvis. He coaxed you into relaxing back on him again. He cradled you from behind and caressed your thigh for a minute, then his masculine hand slid between your knees, gently nudging them apart. His hand slid up one inner thigh and your legs opened for him all on their own.
"Feel it here?" he asked before he flattened his fingers and slowly, lightly felt the crotch of your pants. You didn't answer. You didn't have to. With several fingers, he ghosted a line from the seam of your pants up to your clit, driving you mad.
He pressed his hardness into you again with a soft grunt. His voice was low as he reassured you with his hand still between your legs. "See, what you're feelin' right here, it's natural. It’s right."
His other hand stroked your stomach, gradually approached your chest, then caressed your breast lightly with his hand mostly flat. His chest rose and fell under you. You inhaled deeply, your breast swelled into his hand, and he cupped it, grinding his hardness into you harder than before. Your nipples hardened and you got goosebumps all over.
You knew there was a pool in your panties, and you didn't want him to feel it if it seeped through your pants. If it hadn’t already.
As though reading your mind, Joel said in a near whisper, "and when it's wet here, that's a good thing." His thick fingers ghosted the crotch of your pants. "Means your body wants more."
"More what?"
"Well. . . We can figure that out together, darlin'." You weren't that naive, you just wanted to know what more meant to him.
He pressed his crotch into you again, hard as a rock, his fingers still lightly stroking you between the legs. “When you’re wet. . .makes me feel good, too. . . .” His breath was hot on your neck, then he began to leave open mouth kisses there.
Joel shifted behind you so you could see each other again. He took your hand in his. "Wanna feel it?" He put your hand on the hard bulge in his pants and thrust against it, biting his lip and lowering his already half-closed eyes. He was so hard, it made your whole body tingle. You could feel the outline of the head. It overwhelmed you with a level of arousal you never knew was possible.
-
"I think I should go to sleep," you said. It came out as a whisper
"Want me to tuck you in?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye, wrapping you in a hug. It was tempting. You suspected he meant more than that. Maybe he'd even stay over. You hated to see him go. It would be a jolting contrast to be all alone in this big house on all this land, not knowing when he might come back. But you couldn't bring yourself to say yes. It was something in your gut.
"Not tonight," you said.
Joel looked in your eyes and studied your face thoughtfully, then brushed your cheek. "Ok baby," he said. "Not tonight." He kissed your cheek. Feelin' a lil better though?"
"Yeah," you said. At least your mind was off things. You stood up and fidgeted with your hands behind your back.
He put his hands on his knees and stood up with a groan. You tried not to stare at the major protrusion in his jeans. He hugged you tight, and when you felt him from the front, it took your breath away.
"Why don’t you come by this week? We can go for a walk, pick some fruit. Trees are lookin’ real pretty.”
“Okay,” you said.
"Night, peaches." He kissed you on the cheek.
He left the whiskey there, but you wouldn't touch it without him.
-
You felt like you were aging a year a minute that night. Adults did these things. Even teenagers did these things. You were embarrassed to be several years into adulthood with no experience, no idea what you were doing. You were so far behind. You thought about Bill and Frank's attempt at "the Talk" – how precious you were and that you could love anyone, but needed to protect yourself. Especially from men. Joel seemed like the protector. Not someone you'd need protection from.
It was all happening so fast after years of nothing. You worried that if you didn't slow down, you'd miss it.
-
PART 2
Thank you so much for reading and engaging! It's really motivating to me and means the world 🖤
While you're waiting for the next part, consider catching up on my series that just wrapped (different story, Joel, & AU): Silence can never be bought, only rented.
-
-
Lincoln tag list: @fan-fiction-floozy @ivyblxnde @lhymer1995 @sugarspiceanthrax @isimpforfictionalmen @zynbsblog @swedishscumfuck @sadgirlstoohightocare @steveharringtonswh0re @skythighs @aoziety @leeeesahhh @jupitersmoon-cal @peekymoon @dtfawn @pedrosbabygirl @shotgun-shelby @romanarose @reader-without-a-story @shewantstoknow @jaxxiepup @yvonneeeee @elvinaa @internetobssesed1234-blog @jbcalway
All joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxiousus @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller smut#joel miller fic#joel miller#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fic#pedro pascal smut#creepy!joel miller#creepy!joel#innocent!reader#virgin!reader#toxicanonymity ☠️#tlou joel#tlou smut#pervy!joel miller#pervy!joel#dark!joel#dark!joel miller#lincoln!joel#lincoln!joel miller#content label#cw age gap
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
I'm dying for Left In Lincoln... 💚
We're close! I just need to read/edit then tag list etc. but it's 6.5k so that'll likely take me a day or so bc life.
Beware, he's the most toxic Joel and he only gets worse. 🍑🌸☢️☠️
14 notes
·
View notes
Note
I made my friend take the quiz and she got Lincoln Joel and she was “oh he seems nice” after she read the little description until I gave her more context☠️
he does seem nice!!! quiz
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
!!WARNING THIS A HATER ASK!!
I can't wait till Lincoln is over so I don't have to talk about him! MAYBE WONT BE SO STUCK UP AND RUDE IN THE BROTHEL.
Lost? FAQ
Well, well, well, if it isn't our favorite unhinged slasher!Joel stan. As it turns out, a lot of the brothel drama between the two of them was producer-driven, and here we all are playing into their hands. When slasher!Joel was camping out in the yard, producers kept asking Lincoln questions like "could you ever see yourself going two days without showering or picking up readers all willy nilly just whoever happens to call for a tow?" I think the two of them might be warming up to each other, stay tuned for more on that.
midnight tow - slasher!Joel (3.6k)
Left in Lincoln (dbf x virgin)
joelkémon sitcom ☠️ for prior episodes.
15 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
yourlovs
Lovs' Book Blog
softprincessu
𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒾𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒾𝒶
quartzwriter
i write ig?
avery-needs-more-fics
Reads fanfics 24/7
goldbuyersindelhi
Gold Buyers In Dwarka Delhi