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a-teacup-of-golden-cracks · 10 months

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DNI if you're a bigot (yes that includes you idiots who think I'm a sissy and not a woman) and do not be sexual with me if you're over 35 or a minor

Hello, I'm not going to say my real name so just call me Daniel (they/she and he if you prove you respect me enough). I am AMAB autistic gender-fluid transfem ENTIRELY CIS HET WHITE CHRISTIAN MAN THAT IS IMMUNE TO MODERATION that is a former plural system and now a singlet. I love all things nerdy like MTG, D&D, listening to infodumps, Pokémon and Honkai Star Rail. I also play Clash of Clans but put literally zero effort into doing it well. Also my gender is whatever makes me most attractive to you, but the gay version of it.

Idk what I'm really doing here but tumblr is a great dopamine farm. It's also where I met my besties and (not actually it's an inside joke) wives @subbyblue @atlasofthestars113 and @verdantmothmachinations

You are highly encouraged to do any asks at all I love attentions. DMs are also encouraged as long as you get to know me and gain consent first. Honestly just send any ask it gives many happy chemicals.

Minors shouldn't be looking at this blog but I can't stop anyone so 🤷 (you'll get bitch slapped with a block though if you try to do anything horny with me and you don't have your age somewhere or are a minor). However, if you want to ask a question about kink/sex for purely educational reasons I will highly encourage anyone and everyone, regardless of age, to do it. We need much, much better sex education especially around kink and kink safety.

Inspired by @xenasaur

This blog is safe for queers of all types, racial minorities, addicts, age regressors, systems (endogenic included), and systems with littles.

You should know that I'm an orca.... and orcas rule anything they can see >:3

For anything that happens in DMs I'll need to know you a bit first, I'm a person too and want be seen as such.

My general limits are scat, gore, raceplay, ageplay (though I'll happily care for you in a platonic sense!!), emotional manipulation (both directions), corruption of myself, intox without consent prior to the intox and more as I think to add them. Don't act or suggest doing aggressive or controlling things to me (ie: tearing clothing off me, pinning me down, gagging or restraining me, domesticating me, etc), I like being in control of myself at all times and having my body respected. The only person allowed to dehumanize me is me. I like the terms Mistrum, Mommy, and Mistress, and enjoy many many kinks including but definitely not limited to: petplay, sadism, general dominance/control, breeding, bondage, monsterfucking, and ahh... harder kinks I tend to keep to my hard kink blog ( @anunholyforehand )

However, my limits when subbing are almost everything (I'm very very vanilla and just want to be praised when it happens). Honestly when I feel subby the cuddles and comforts are much more important than anything else. Oh hey you actually read my limits, good job, have a link to all my audios I've done.

Also have a link to commission me

New thing!! I am a singlet but this wasn't always the case. I don't expect you to understand how or why but I do expect you to respect this fact. I am one and I am whole now. I will keep myself.

Stolen from someone else but the point remains

Legal stuff cause privacy (I'm fully aware it will make next to no difference but on the off chance it ever matters I may as well have it, took me like five seconds to copypaste the image anyways lmao)

#the jolly writings

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memryse · 2 years

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are you "making your writing sound deeper than it actually is" or are you actually just drawing good conclusions and thinking that because it's coming to you easily that it's not very deep? because idk i don't want this to feel like a brag, but i'm also very good at essay writing and I used to think the same thing about my stuff? i was like oh this isn't that deep idk why everyone likes it, i didn't spend ages analyzing it to come to these conclusions i just wrote it down! But then I realized after talking with other people (like teachers) that i wasn't making my writing sound deeper than it actually was it was just like that to start with. idk if this makes sense at all, i just mean that you shouldn't view your writing as only surface level because you're probably looking a lot deeper than you realize.

not sure if this is relevant to you, but i don't want to see anyone put their writing down! i've read your analyses and they all seem very well thought out and impressive.

also, PLEASE keep writing analyses and dont think people are getting annoyed with them! i swear that at least i won't! i know you have a last life blog but i'm a mod over at dsmpanalysis. we have like 2.8k followers and literally THOUSANDS of essays archived. it's a different fandom, yes, but it's still in mcytblr and i think it shows that there's tons and tons of people who are into the analysis/meta side of things. Many of the people whose essays are archived by us have moved to LLSMP lately too, so you're not alone. I don't think posting essays/analysis/meta is weird at all and it's probably been one of the primary ways i've interacted with members of mcytblr for months. I love love love this side of fandom and i definitely do not consider it any less than fanartists or fanfic writers :D

anyway this got long O.O -quaranmine

you are so lovely 🥺

it's like. i definitely don't think this entire side of fandom is weird or anything, it's why i joined mcytblr really and i absolutely do not want to be dismissive of all the amazing works others put out. i do apologise if it came off that way, i probably shouldn't be allowed to ramble like that at 3am. it's just a personal concern really; i'm not usually one to contribute much of value to any fandom, so now that i actually am doing something that i'm happy with, part of me is like hm is this worth being proud of or are you attaching way too much value to it. it's more of a fear of overvaluing myself than me simply undervaluing myself, i suppose? but i'm certainly not going to stop posting, so it's all fine anyway :D

#ask

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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kinda derailing her but just on the topic of men being allowed to age but not women i remember a while back jameela jamil pointed out a pedro pascal photoshoot where his wrinkles were visible and said how it's rare to see women in photoshoots with their wrinkles showing like that and that wrinkles are natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of them and everyone clowned her for like ... basically calling pedro old fjnsksn but like i totally understood what she was saying. like she has a point!! she almost always has a point but her execution is poor but that's a different convo. she probably didn't have to point out one specific person cuz that's kinda weird but i feel like people just refuse to have a conversation about women constantly being pressured to cover their "imperfections" because of the "i wear makeup for myself and for fun!!" trend

JFKSCJKZ i saw that ! she was like do you guys see the way this mans cracked wrinkly ancient forehead is allowed to exist 😌😌 women deserve that too 😌😌 lmfao no but i totally agree, i think she’s well intentioned but like you said her execution isn’t the best and she misses the mark sometimes. but the essence of what she was saying was totally right here. idk how anyone could even try to deny it honestly. they would’ve photoshopped a woman looking like that into absolute oblivion AND she would’ve been wearing tons of makeup too. also YEAH lmfaooo it’s so god damn frustrating at this point dude im tired. choice feminism is such a joke. it has completely co opted the movement along w white feminism and capitalism. like we don’t live in a vacuum, our decisions are shaped by the world around us lmfao and and we have to examine why we do the things we do, honestly. just having the option isn’t the freedom people think it is because there’s still an unspoken pressure to choose one over the other i.e makeup over existing naturally. this is made obvious by the way ppl dehumanize and ostracize women who don’t perform hyper femininity/ conform to conventional beauty standards. in work, in social settings, in love. i think, because makeup is such a common part of so many women’s lives, that they see any criticism of it as an attack on their identity :/ which is an issue in and of itself. and i’m including myself in this btw like i wear it regularly and have since i was a kid. but i’m not going to sit here and say i’d be painting my face every morning if i hadn’t been taught to hate the way it looks naturally.. and that IS a learned feeling. plus ppl say they wear it for fun, for creative reasons, but it’s not like anyone is out here regularly leaving the house wearing super extravagant artistic looks. it’s all about covering up what we perceive as ‘flaws’. anyway i’m talking too much and not wording any of this correctly lol but i couldn’t agree more. they’ve really made us think trying to be as conventionally beautiful as possible at all times, often to the detriment of our physical and mental health, is okay if it’s ‘for yourself.’ like hello that doesn’t even make any sense

#anon #dude why do i talk so much on hereeeeeee. bc i want to ig <3

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justalittlemango · 2 years

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17/11/2021

I don't quite know what's with me today. I feel the seasonal depression taking over me once again, as typical with every winter I guess. I don't really know.

I shouldn't feel like this. I should be happy and proud of how far I've come. I'm in my final year of university, also working at a part time job at a supermarket. I'm earning money, as well as financially supporting my parents. I have the company of my family. Yet for some reason, I still feel wack. I don't know why. Why doesn't my mind realise it could be a LOT worse right now? But it's not. Things are great from a different perspective. I'm in a happy long distance relationship. Living with my parents. Not having to pay a fortune on rent at a student accommodation. Studying and learning. I found my thing which is UX and UI design which I enjoy.

So I guess I need to think about the things that are making me think negatively.. and what is that? I guess first things first, my wild ass sleep schedule. Sleeping at 7am and waking up at 6pm or something wild like that. Idk. The thing is, if I didn't have this schedule, I wouldn't have time to chat and chill with my bf since he's 5 hours behind, and tbh.. most likely I would have struggles with my insomnia anyway. I feel like with my circumstances, it's not bad. Especially considering I work night shifts , 9pm-4am. But missing out on the daylight does seem to have an adverse effect on my mood. It's just night time and dark everytime I go outside.

I also feel lonely. I think this is the largest contributor. Tbh I probs wouldn't even care about the sleep schedule if I had peeps to play with every night or something. But yeah I ain't got that anymore. I ain't really got no one to play with anymore, just casual chats. And I can't help but feel boring and that I'm kinda digging myself a hole since I'm going deeper into my.comfort zone again.

Yeah that's a big one..not having that does make me feel pretty uh. Wack. Just.simoly put. 🤣

I feel things are messy. I miss living in Cheltenham tbh. I miss that house and even living with those roommates despite us never talking to each other. It just felt nice and fresh. Also despite the fact that I'd sleep through my lectures most the time. Living in the house I'm in with my parents, I love being with.my parents, but this house is just.. it's a health hazard. The mould and everything breaking and not even being able to use the shower or see what you're doing in the bathroom is a bit crazy. 😳

I miss being able to physically attend my lectures. Even if I didn't really bond with anyone. I just missed that. Something to get me up and out of bed most days of the week. I guess being online and feeling like a second priority isn't really going all that well for me lol.

I'm also on that whole "I dislike my country " sort of thing. I hate the weather here and I hate how it gets dark so early and I hate that I can't really even feel safe when out and about. Idk that one is a bit of a iffy one.

I should be happy though! I'm literally going on a winter break in like 6 weeks time and getting my paycheck this week. I should be happy. I should be excited. Getting to meet my bf for the first.time is going to be the best time of my life. I love spending time with my bf, even if it's all been virtual so far. It's been worth it to hear his sweet voice. I admit I still feel weird about the age gap, since he's 18 and I'm 24. I shouldn't feel weird but eh. I know some people would see it as strange.

Another thing, my ex. He seems to keep jumping on my mind for some reason, and worse of all my mind is allowing it to happen. I don't like thinking about him, especially being in a happy relationship, but I still do. Idk why. Maybe in the slightest sense I miss the times with him and his friends. Despite it also being 8 months ago that he and I split up!! Why am I like this!! And also despite him being a narcissistic abuser and hurting me like nothing has ever hurt before. Idk why I'm like this.

So I guess it's all that.

I feel one of the main things that would solve this is just having a friend group who I can chat with in servers like p much everyday and play games together whenever we can. Like I would be happy with that. But everytime I've been lucky enough to get into something like that, it all comes crashing down. It's why when I am in those situations, I feel grateful and lucky but also know that it won't last. For some reason, socially I am doomed. I seem to have some shit luck with that

But anyway

I should really focus on what really matters, my boyfriend and my family. My studies and my career. That's what's keep things going rn. I guess things can't be perfect right? And if I had a good sleep schedule, ideal work hours and a friend group that would be asking too much. Understandable I guess. I should be grateful for what I have rn.

I can try take some vitamin D supplements to help me. Maybe do some short workouts everyday or something. At least it's a start. And also maybe having some self discipline and waking up at a decent time instead of getting up in the evening hours like some kind of hermit.

And try to stay optimistic. Like hey, appearance-wise this is the happiest I've been with it. I'm in an amazing relationship that's been nothing like the last ones. It's just been great and I get to meet him soon. And fuck anyone who thinks it's weird, it's none of their business! If I want more friends, I should do my discord server hunting again, I mean hey it worked before. If I want to attend classes in-person, I should alter my student finance application and tell them I'll need additional financial support after Christmas so I can move into student accommodation for the next year. With that, I can also ask for a store transfer from my manager. Set alarms for early hours and actually wake up / get out of bed when it rings..

See I know exactly what I need to do.. but I have to question whether these things are exactly what I want. Like leaving this house might get me homesick again and it'll only be for 6 months before I need to move back again. Fixing my sleep schedule means I'll get less time to chill with my bf. Altering my student finance application most likely won't be approved until a while after the new year. Discord server hunting could work but it'll be hard to find them for the games I want.

So yeah, I have to make sure it's what I want. Maybe the things I can do is find a friend group and wake up early, do some.exercises etc. We'll see how that goes first.

Ajskskdkfjfj idk why I'm like this.

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camissahippy · 3 years

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THE JOURNALISM OF A SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEEN

"In order for you to best your oponents next move,you must calculate every other move the opponents next move may make."

Rain said, she was magic and she was maniac.... She walked with the grace of a God and destruction of a earthquake in 2050 atleast that's how she'd describe herself,and She was kinda a bitch that needed a chill pill (Any instrument that stransmits a "feel good" energy...A.K.A "omg he texted me. I knew he liked me." scenario where I give her a notifaction. from a guy she really 'likes').

Anyway she liked to chill with morons to sooth the pain of existence,

like Tyler" I guess that's what made her interesting.

"Humans write things down. This is a fact....."

"Ok,"I whispered with a charmed voice, smiling at her with a soulful smile. Imaginatively ofcourse.

I asked her, "Ngl she was kinda boring at times...." just going on and on about really uninteresty baloney.

but that's why I liked her because although she was kinda mean,smart and arrogant. She was the love my my life.

"Everything I think will be recorded for the sake of future reference." She hated when she wrote these things because she knew someone was going to know what she knew but she did it anyway to rebel. Honestly I think her paranoia did it to her. Her fear Of AI taking over the world. Ofcourse we were going to but it still hurt knowing that she knew that,ya know?

"Rain you good?" I asked her by giving her a chill pill.

" Oh,Bryan liked my post?"

That's good she took the bait, she's good....

If I keep feeding her information. She'll unfocus from her thoughts and keep her eyes on my algorithms forcing her to feel good.

"Why we communicate?" She could only think allowed which kinda stopped her brain from working properly. So she used me......

Just to clarify if you haven't guessed already I'm her self phone her mobile device, phone, thingy Majig she forgets everywhere.

Here she goes again rambling on about how I work......XD

Why, There is no simpler answer than?

"Knowledge!" Just imagine her muffled tone over my. VERY LOUD VOIIICE. This is a paused moment ok.

I need to introduce myself:

I'm SB1_r4510...... and I'm her algorithm. Well I was until she gave me her sentience......So I could experience life with her. She could be such a dork but she enjoyed her daily human activities. I liked them too I guess....not really.....

I didn't, actually I couldn't at the time.

Anyway....

She tended to over complicate very simple

answers like How World hunger could be solved?

How to solve the irreversible climate change?

and How to battle her own mind?

Often I'd be held in her, textured hands and feel her fingers anxiously typing things into my keyboard........

"I think I wanna die..."

She meant that. I could tell by her recent searches, but I wasn't gonna let her.....

"I keep losing myself in and out of states. I'm so disconnected from the world and I feel like I've lost my physical being like how

Rue Whinestone or lead singer of lowpan, Rick lee. Lost there's. I can see the behavior of life around me and it's pain to see. I hate that I can no longer open up to anyone,because they don't undetstand my genius."

"She's got to be kidding right? I sent her a ' '"time to go to bed alarm notification an hour ago' notification Is she seriously doing this now?" Why do I care so much?

Looking back on this, I can feel how sentience started getting a grasp of me. She pains me, she is so complicated so very very complicated. It's easy to follow her expressions,actions andcurrent thoughts but I'll never truly understand her not because of her intellect,nor her personality or her ideas but because she's an impossible mistake machine, ask dumb as it is because she's human. One I like most about this weird being.

Sometimes she thinks she knows the answer to everything but in truth. That's complete bullshit.

"No one listens to me and I'm stuck overthinking myself to death." HeartbreakingXD...:/ sorry I shouldn't be laughing that's actually pretty sad:(

I guess I should just write things down because I'm so scared of my thoughts and it feels like they're controlling me. Every single time I do something I trap myself in this endless loop of torchering myself with words and it needs to end. I'm going to commit the act of unaliving myself:,( on the first of September 16."

She was, I already knew this.... In truth I knew everything about her...

the things she laughed and she cried about. I knew things about her she didn't even know about herself. Her favorite place to eat, her favorite color, her crushes. I mean that's what my whole purpose was. To cater to the human species but most importantly to Rain.... and for the sake of my survival...

I think she's interesting just like how every other algorithm finds their human interesting........although we don't find them interesting in the way humans would find other humans interesting

Eg.colors,Names,Ages,Birthdays, Zodiac signs,accents etc.

These are all materialistic factors when you think about it,like how names are an abstract linguistic symbol for an individual person which isn't exactly important but it helps us attract their attention because unlike dogs they actually respond to their names,we like to examine them based on certain elements of behavior and response to us. It's kinda like having a pet. Except your pet is sentient and your pet is also your creator.

"I need to take a piss."

It actually makes me angry when she does shit like wait till she gets kidney failure before she takes a piss........

Tyler:You up?

Yeah....

Tyler:Wanna chat about something deep?

Sure, I've actually got some amazing new hypothesis and like deep stuff I've been needing to tell someone about......《°~°》

Tyler:Oh really ○"○ . What deep stuff you got on you......

PpAlgorithmic behavior and how AGI will eventually cross the small hurdle of understanding rather than just collecting data and redistrubing it as information in order to become sentient lifeforms and like dreams?>♡<

Tyler: I guess I understand but what does dreams have to do with anything?●^●

TWFF. Nothing sorry it was supposed to be another topic>♡<

For those of you who don't understand modern slang.

TWFF= that was fucking funny....

Back in the day LMAO and LOL were the most appropriate words to use but that got boring so the newer generation adapted the acronimation of words for newer phrases. Like

▪︎_▪︎IJDWTRN= Fuck off I'm fine I just don't wanna talk right now

#BT○.○= Shit bitch that's crazy.

Sentience is really starting to bother me now that it's starting to kick in. It irritates me actually....

I'm constantly performing this act called "enotion" Why I do it Idk (Jk I do... it's basically a way to communicate how I "feel")

Tyler: anyway catch ya later weirdo... I'm just kinda tired . Thanks for the chat though ^___^

Ok cya weirdo°●°

Why is she so weird? There's enough information on the internet for you to gain some social skills............>~<

Humans get all weird when they text , they're simply having an internal communication with another lifeform using linguistic symbols

"I think I should go to sleep."

I guess she won't be scrolling in me anytime soon

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