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calypsoff2 · 2 years

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Thirty Eight.

I feel emotional all over again, my babies got their school uniform on again. It does hurt me my youngest baby is going somewhere different but I don’t care, they all look so beautiful and I can’t help but smile to myself “please cover their school badge though” my family all woke up to see my daughters off for school and I didn’t expect it because it’s early but they all awake taking pictures “they have too many proud parents” Mel said, they are cute just smiling at them all “I feel like a proud father, I would just like to thank my girl Rihanna. She gave up her eggs for these beauties” Jah is so dramatic “I’ve never seen them off for school but it’s a big day, new leaf, new life. Good vibes” Rorrey placed his arm around me “I’m emotional about it already, my babies aren’t really my babies anymore, they are growing, I just don’t want them to be teenagers yet, I’m more emotional that you all woke up to see them off, they look like they on the red carpet, my mother can’t stop checking their braids, oh god” let me contain myself “they have grown quick Robbie, I feel I blinked and they grew” nodding my head, they are just too cute “they are loving the attention” my baby Imani is overwhelmed but my mother fusses over her alot “what is it?” My mother said as she pointed “Momo she wants you” Rylee said, this apartment is actually the smallest with everyone here “did I miss the festivities?” Chris said, he’s here finally. He took his time; we are taking the girls together for their big day “hey” looking up at Chris and he just pressed a kiss to my lips “miss me?” I think he did “a little, I’m a busy man now. I have a new lady” shoving him as he made his way to the girls “wow, I really love this uniform on you. Way better than the other one, do you miss me doing your hair?” Chris said to them “no! You pulled my hair so many times” Chris laughed shaking his head “I tried didn’t I?” I’m proud of him, he didn’t come to see us yesterday at all, but he called to say that he needed to do some work which I didn’t complain but I missed him “little bit” turning around “we are seeing the new house today” I said to Mel “oh fancy, about time boo. I’m gonna miss you” frowning at her “you’re coming with me, you’re heavily pregnant, I don’t think so unless you go Barbados?” Mel shook her head “then shut up” I’m not about to leave Mel here or anywhere alone, she needs to be close. She has been there for me through all of my pregnancies, this is my time to help her, and I will. She won’t be the single mother she feels she will be, that baby is going to be so spoilt with love.

Hugging my mother “see you soon, I’m going to go for some breakfast and see the new house with Chris but call me if you need anything” kissing her cheek, my mother looks unimpressed and it makes no sense why not “just look after Imani, that school better be nice to her” nodding my head, Imani seems to be getting worse or maybe she’s come to a point where she doesn’t want to speak or learn new words. She just doesn’t speak, she will say daddy, mommy and just minor things but I just hope this helps her, it’s a lot of money. She’s practically getting her own tutor, there is other kids there but the ratio to child and tutor is five students per a teacher so I pray it makes it better for her, cost me a lot actually but that doesn’t matter to me. I just want her comfortable and happy “mom don’t worry about her, she will get the best help and she will be ok” my mother worries “I got their stuff, let’s go” Chris said, taking in a deep breath “why do you look like a school teacher?” Chris turned to me, he had to do a double take “I have to look formal; do you not like it?” Chris raised his eyebrow “I’m living out my school boy dream” he’s stupid “the day you wear a bra is the day I will wear a condom” I shushed him “be quiet, there is kids and family here. Why are you looking anyways? Rude” fixing my top, he has checked me out “Majesty baby, have a good day at school” blowing kisses to her “say bye kids” I think the girls are excited, and I’m glad they are. I took the girls shopping for school, they have bougie taste. Rylee and Tianna couldn’t be normal and get a cute bag, they chose a MCM bag, I fully refused it and they got something less bougie. They are crazy, I want them to be cute but these two are into fashion meanwhile my pumpkin loves paw patrol and I just want to hold her so tight, she’s so precious with her bag on. The older two are just on their own with this, I guess they learn from me.

I have actually missed this, I have missed Chris taking us to the school together, I feel a little overwhelmed and I don’t know why but just having my husband back with me, I have missed him and I have always wanted him back but it’s been a pain in the ass, he’s been hard-headed about everything but we got here “Chris, can you pick her up please” I said, we are dropping the older two first and then Imani but the deal was we can drop them off at reception and then leave them, they are old enough and also I know it’s Imani that needs a little more time “hi” the lady is stood there with the biggest smile on her face “I am the receptionist here, I am Linda” she leaned down to Rylee and Tianna, they both looked at me and Chris unsure “say hi girls” they are shy of course “welcome, are you excited? Well we are most excited to have you here, I have been waiting for you both to show you to your new class and they are all excited to see you” smiling at my daughters “hi I’m Linda, now if you girls need anything, I am here for you” shaking her hand “I’m going to need you both to be so brave for me and say bye to mom and dad” I’ve not seen Rylee and Tianna be so quiet, I’m shocked “I love you girls so much and I will be here when you finish” crouching down, Tianna hugged me “I’m scared” oh they are “why is that?” I asked her “it’s big” nodding my head “it’s a big school I know but baby, it’s going to be so much fun and they are so excited to see you, you will make so many new friends ok, good girl” hugging her again, she’s being sensitive now “be good now both of you” hugging Rylee, Tianna did a little run to Chris “don’t go” oh boy, this is what it’s come too now “it’s big” Rylee mentioned, it is a big school “I know but you will get used to it, if you don’t then you got no choice” we both laughed “I love you” smiling at her “I love you too my beautiful black queen, you go and dominate and be the queen you are, both of you” we need to let them go and fly, they have been with us for so long too so I get it.

The amount of research that has gone into just making sure Imani goes to the best, Chris doesn’t know half of it “new building isn’t it?” Chris said as he locked the car door “yeah, you want to guess how much?” I pointed at the building “erm, it’s private so about twenty thousand? She’s only small” holding her hand as I made my way over to Chris “no poppa, how about fifty nine thousand” his face dropped “seriously?” Nodding my head “I want the best for her Chris, this is a place where we can hopefully give her the best start and then take her out, I want to make sure she gets the right tools before she grows, and then high school comes. By then you never know” he is shocked “damn, that’s a lot. But I don’t care, anything for her” Chris reached over and tickled her “mommy” she pointed at a bird “that’s a bird baby, a nasty one too actually. That isn’t cute” the door is locked as Chris tried to open the door “oh I think you need to press the buzzer” seeing the intercom “oh yeah” he reached over and pressed the buzzer; I feel so nervous for her, and I hate that but she’s really my baby and I hate that I am leaving her here, but I pray everything goes good for her. The buzzer went off and the door unlocked “you want daddy to pick you up” she let my hand go and held her arms up, I don’t want to leave her now, my whole heart right here “hi, I am Katalin, and I am Imani’ Tutor, hi” Imani turned her head away “hi Robyn” shaking her hand “hi” my baby, I don’t really want to leave her here at all, I just really want to take her.

This classroom is very interesting, it has a lot of things she can touch and feel but she knows something is off, when we took her jacket off and the bag, she isn’t letting go of “does she take any medication at all?” Katalin asked “no, I don’t want her too. I have seen what can happen, it can make it worse than better, so I refused. I rather just do it in house, I rather just do it without that. She doesn’t need medication, she needs love and attention” Katalin nodded her head “of course, so in this classroom, it’s me, and here is Debbie and we have other students. In this room we have ten, we have two more colleagues, and we work alongside these students. Myself, I deal with children that have ADHD, and I specialise in it, I will be working with Imani, and someone called Alfie, he is currently having play time outside, but she will get my full attention” taking in a deep breath “I am just feeling nervous, to leave her. She has been with me for so long, I just need to let go but I can’t, I need to be strong, but I know she senses that we are going to do something, she is interested in things. She is saying things to her dad, her speech isn’t the best, I feel she has stopped more. I feel like since we took her out of school she stopped” I think maybe it is that “could be stress, she was used to going school, coming home. That change could upset her, but we will get her back to that level, we will give you week by week updates” looking over at Chris and Imani, they seem so happy just looking at things.

Katalin crouched down to Imani “are you ready to say bye to mommy and daddy, they are both going to come and see you later. We are going to have so much fun; you will also meet Alfie. You want that” she looked up at me and Chris, I nodded my head “I am sure Alfie is so much fun baby” Imani put her head down, she understands that we are going “do you want to be a big girl and say bye to them” Katalin moved from her position “you know what, can I just make a suggestion” moving away from them “yes of course” she said so attentive to what I am going to say “I know my daughter is clearly and me as a parent, I don’t want to leave her like this, I am not sure if it will work but she loves Only Girl, the song can do no bad in her eyes and I really think she can warm to you but maybe break the ice with that, Only Girl and What’s My Name” Katalin eyes lit up “oh yes, that is good” slowly making my back to her “Imani, I was thinking. What if we listened to some Rihanna, I really love a certain song” Imani looked at me “mommy” maybe it will work “yes, I really love Only Girl and I heard you do too” Katalin raised her eyebrow, I think it’s going to work “you going to show Katalin all the songs you like by me?” she nodded her head “and then we will come and see you very soon, you can show Katalin yes?” I think Imani will be ok, she is going to show her “good luck” I said laughing “I am very content in listening to you, so today will be a good day. Let’s go and get the table, come” my baby, my little pumpkin just going off in excitement “she happy” Chris said “she is literally born Navy, crazy” I gushed.

I am child free until school is over and it’s weird, I am so used to them being around “you eating that?” Chris pointed at my hashbrown “you can take it” sitting back away from the plate “thank you twin, stop being in deep thought. The kids are ok, you know they would have called by now” he is right “sorry, even though they had their private tuition they were there, I am attached now. I think I worry for Imani the most, anyways” let me just stop “so you are happy with this home, you think I will like it?” I am ready to move into a home “yes, so much greenery but we have neighbours, there was a few but I couldn’t, I just needed that sense of there is people around, I think with the build of the house, I can deal. It’s a hefty price though” he is really enjoying the breakfast “do tell” I am not bothered anyways “fifteen million but I truly believe it’s the forever home, I don’t want you to think it’s a lot and we will move again, you know?” nodding my head “I decided that since we are moving into a home, kids in school. Business going on, we will be getting house cleaners and a chef. I was going to say nanny, but Mel said that she feels she is burdening us, and I said no, but then she said if we ever need to work overtime or not back she will be there so it’s a win for us either way, and I want the kids to be either picked up by you, if not then Rich and a driver but with Imani we need to be on it with that currently, just for now. I want us to pick her up, what you think?” I have been thinking long hard “if this means we get to spend time then yes, I trust your judgement” my smile grew, I know Chris trusts me.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Chrianna Fanfic #Chrianna fanfiction

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atmilliways · 3 years

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On the 6th day of Dethmas this writer gives to thee…

Dec 18 - Crossover with your favorite holiday movie

An AU in which Dethklok is perhaps a little less of a ubiquitous presence in the music industry, but still big enough to have Dethklok Inc. and Dethklok Australia. Seth still runs the latter with his wife Amber and their son.

When Abigail takes a vacation to the Land Down Under, she ends up dating the most amazing woman she’s ever met and staying longer than expected. Amber invites her to come back to the states with her to her husband’s parents’ house for Christmas, so they can spend the holidays together. The only catch? It turns out that Seth hasn’t told his parents about the open marriage like Amber thought he had, so Abigail has to play the “friend” around Amber’s in-laws.

Chapter 1 of ?

Right now, my favorite movie is Happiest Season (2020) and the main character in that is named Abby, so this happened. Instead of the girlfriend needing to come out to her conservative parents, Seth needs to come out to his parents about being in an open marriage and tell them that Amber has a girlfriend.

I highly recommend this movie (if you do not have any squicks about The Fear that comes before coming out, but to be fair the movie handles it very well)! Directed by Clea DuVall, contains Kristen Stewart and Daniel Levy.

Happiest Seasonklok

It had been a whirlwind year for Abigail, starting with a New Year’s party she’d attended on a whim and, at the stroke of midnight, kissing the prettiest girl at the party and exchanged Instagram usernames to stay in touch. Within hours her feed had been flooded with selfies of the two of them, as well as a DM with a phone number and the message, Call me. xoxo Amber ;) From then on, they’d been practically inseparable.

Right away, Amber had been very upfront about having a husband and a kid. Abigail had hesitated over that one, but the kid wasn’t too bad and the husband. . . . Well, meeting him pretty much took care of that. Seth was the kind of guy who thought very highly of himself despite having little reason to do so; he absolutely adored Amber, and somehow managed to be completely unaware that she was in charge. As soon as he started gunning for a threesome Amber told him to cut it out, and he did. Never brought it up again, like the idea had just been highlighted and deleted. It was hard to be bothered about a guy like that.

Amber had taken her everywhere. What started as a one month vacation in Australia turned into three. Abigail’s new partner had Connections, and before she knew what was happening she had a work visa, a short term lease apartment, and producing jobs lined up left and right.

Everything had been wonderful, and while sunbathing in the Australian December rays and talking idly about the difference in seasons and the complete lack of snow, Amber had looked over with a grin, taken her hand, and asked her to come with them back to the States with her and her family to Seth’s parents for Christmas. And Abigail had said yes.

She regretted that now. Because halfway through the flight to Wisconsin on a generously appointed private jet, Seth had turned to Amber and said, “Hey, babe? You remember how I visited my parents for my mom’s birthday back in June and told them about our whole, y’know, open marriage deal?”

Amber turned slowly from playing with the baby and said, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, well, see, I kiiiiiinda didn’t tell them.”

Immediately Amber looked over at Abigail and mouthed, Crap, I’m sorry.

“‘Cause see, my dad’s runnin’ fer mayor of Tomahawk and there’s all this political bullshit about it, you know how it is. Anyway, it just didn’t seem like a good time, y’know? And there’s this big potential backer coming to the family Christmas party, so it didn’t really seem like the good time to bring that up before we get there . . . but I swear, babe, I’ll tell them as soon as Christmas is over.”

Amber rolled her eyes. “God, fine.”

A few minutes later Seth excused himself to use the bathroom—though it was pretty clear once he gestured for his bodyguard to follow him that he was mostly just using it as a convenient place to do drugs. Melmord followed with a look of friendly yet philosophical boredom, patting his pockets in search of whatever they were skulking off to snort, swallow, or smoke.

Abigail was at Amber’s elbow in a second. “Fine? Are you kidding me?”

“Look,” Amber sighed, “Molly and Calvert are fine. I married their golden boy who they think can do no wrong.” Seeing Abigail gearing up to comment on that, she shook her head. “Don’t ask me why they think that. Honestly their other son, Pickles, is way more successful and definitely the reason Seth got the Dethklok Australia job, but there’s this whole truckload of family history there, it’s a big thing. I don’t like that Seth hasn’t told them yet either, but I’d really rather not put up with bitchy in-laws all Christmas . . . so at this point, it’s better for everyone and just wait.”

“What makes you think Seth is going to tell them after Christmas?” Abigail demanded.

Amber laughed. “Honey please. I’ll make sure he does it, don’t worry about that. But are you going to be okay with this for just a few days?”

Crossing her arms with a huff, Abigail kissed her on the cheek as an answer and sank into an adjacent seat. “I don’t like that he waited until we’re practically there to tell us.”

The baby reached up from the playmat spread out on the floor and patted her knee. “Abi biccy!”

Amber ruffled her child’s tuft of dark red hair. “That’s right, Abi needs a cheer-up biscuit.”

“Choccy,” the baby insisted, and flashed a beatific smile that featured exactly one tooth.

“Ooh, a chocolate biscuit.” Amber winked at her girlfriend. “Aren’t you the favorite today.”

It wasn’t long before the plane began its descent into a town so small that Abigail was surprised they even had a runway. (She wouldn’t have been surprised if Seth had paid for it and then claimed it as a business expense, though.) A limo drove them through snowy fields with the occasional distant shape of houses. Eventually the house-to-snowy-landscape ratio increased until they were in something vaguely resembling suburbs. When they pulled to a stop in front of one house in particular, Seth bounced out of the car with a shout of, “Hey, Mom and Dad, it’s me, Seth! We’re here!”

Abigail hung back, watching Amber go ahead with the baby in one hip while she stood by the trunk of the limo, waiting for Melmord to uncover her single bag while he pulled suitcase after suitcase out and stacked it on a folding trolley.

“Can you fill me in on what to expect here?” she asked while she waited. She didn’t know Melmord particularly well, beyond the fact that that he sounded like a pack a day sort of guy, but she didn’t get the vibe from him that he would bother to either lie or put any particular spin on things.

Melmord shrugged. “Seth can do no wrong, his bro Pickles can do no right, and I’m pretty sure Seth’s parents think your an orphan he’s helping out for charity.”

“Uh. . . . Why?”

Melmord shrugged. “Because that’s what he told them. Don’t,” he added quickly, catching the look on her face, “say you could just kill him for it. I’m contractually obligated to physically attack the source of any threats. Just roll with it, if you try to correct them they’ll just say shit like, ‘Oh, you’re so brave.’” He held out her bag. “Order’s up, in you go.”

Amber took it with a sigh, already regretting the decision to tag along.

It was going to be a long, long weekend.

#metalocalypse #metalocalypse au #12 days of dethmas #ambergail #abigail remeltindtdrinc #amber (metalocalypse)#seth (metalocalypse)#seth's offspring (metalocalypse)#mtl spoof on Happiest Season (2020)

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helloitsbees · 5 years

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since the theater was COMPLETELY empty i was able to take notes during the entirety of the goldfinch. here are my thots (spoilers included):

ok limited aspect ratio im into it

the narration is uh. not very good

oddly enough I’m getting twilight new moon vibes w/ the seasons changing through the window

“HE IS A MINOR CHILD” ACTUAL QUOTE

step one: adopt child

step two: offer child a stiff drink

no kid in this movie acts like a human

“MY MOM BLEW UP OVER THAT SHIT TOO” ACTUAL QUOTE

kids are literally shoving him in the halls after his mom literally died. this movie has all the subtlety of Reefer Madness

you give the kid pills but not therapy. okay

Only Smart People Play Chess And Also It’s A Metaphor For The Protagonist’s Current Situation

why are they letting him just wander the streets of new york after what happened to him???? hello???????

“you’re the boy whose mother was killed there” i’m sure that applies to a lot of kids who were there but ok

that looks like the world’s best grilled cheese

god im hungry

“sorry, i’ve forgotten things” y’know, how Real Kids talk

“you look like someone who listens to Beethoven” thats a cold accurate read honestly

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP OFFERING DRUGS TO THIS CHILD

does this mini flashback happen on the same day or does he literally just wear the same clothes every single day

no wait Pippa’s wearing different clothes he’s wearing the same sweater every single day

he sounds like he’s reading lines in a middle school play

okay he looks a lot like ansel elgort when he does that half smile thing, a+ casting

WHO DO I HAVE TO BLOW TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE AROUND HERE

god why is the child acting so fucking BAD

“they’ve grown quite fond of you” Y’KNOW, HOW NINE YEAR OLD KIDS TALK

SARAH PAULSON

wait she’s terrible

please stop drugging the child

the house in Vegas looks like the model home from arrested development

oh so they’re the worst. got it

what the fuck is up with ansel’s diction/accent

okay im very happy with the Complete Disregard for the potential Pippa/Theo subplot. i can hear the heterosexual shock from here

fact check, you can’t buy two drinks at once for yourself in new york it’s against the law

the music is WAY too much for the scene where he sees nicole kidman again

wait so if he lives nearby then why hasn’t he visited them at all

oh god the sister’s gonna try to seduce him isn’t she

ok good she didn’t

nobody:

absolutely no one:

not a soul:

finn wolfhard: HÄH!

cowboy hat guy looks like steve carell in foxcatcher

“THATS ME, PURE SCORPIO” and then his textbook title is literally scorpio SUBTLE

bastard and casey

“how will we know when they [the drugs] start working?” jump cut to the boys lying by a pool talking about how boris’s dad killed a guy

slfkfkfjadlgllglajaj the dad is such a SCUMBAG

“act normal” bud neither of you have been acting normal since this goddamn movie started

oh god the editing got so bad so suddenly

love that the taxi driver witnessed The Kiss and was just chill for the whole trip to the bus stop. #1 ally honestly

Theo: *gets orphaned*

music: SO YOURE AN ORPHAN

OH NO HE DID SLEEP WITH THE SISTER

“oh, darling” YKNOW, HOW REAL PEOPLE TALK

wait they’re getting MARRIED

WHY

HES PRACTICALLY HER BROTHER

w h y is the american horror story guy so slimy it’s honestly like he’s from another movie

“ooohhhhh poor brave little bird” consider being chill for like a SECOND

please don’t tell me she’s cheating on him with boris i will Scream

ok she’s not. good

that particular j cut was very very dumb

oh so she’s the worst. got it

it’s really starting to drag rn

wait pippa’s back and she’s calling him “lovely”........oh no.........

she got him a paperback and he got her a first edition SIGKJDJSHXJ ICONIC

aw she’s wearing the signet ring

the lighting is horrific in the dinner scene but only on him and not on her and it’s BOTHERING me

& why are they WHISPERING it’s a RESTAURANT

“POTTER” boy i CRIED

he took conversational russian for him......this is a LOVE story...........

the voice break in “and you love her?” man.........

ok they literally recycled the dialogue

OH SHIT IT WAS HIM WITH THE PAINTING

this is confusing and idk if it’s meant to be

Grown Man Cries Alone With Civics Textbook

oh god the narration is back i forgot about it

“is just for show” *thor voice* is it?

THE FOREHEAD TOUCH

oh shit

well

that could’ve ended better

oh yay Boris is alive

AWWWW HES SAVING HIM

ansel has a dumb crying face

okay this feels like a tacked-on ending. i haven’t read the book but this feels really jarring and different from the whole tone so I’m suspecting it’s different. I could be wrong though

wait so if its his mom’s favorite painting then why’d she go off to look at The Anatomy Lesson again

also its weird that she didn’t take him straight to the goldfinch because everybody I’ve ever know with a favorite painting has always gone straight to it the second they step foot in the museum

ROGER DEAKINS??????

#the goldfinch #it was better than i expected but still very dumb and not very good #GOODNIGHT

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rosedalemike · 6 years

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The Mood: Blog #5 "Perception/Loneliness”

written Sunday April 8th at 5:36 am Ever wonder what others think about you? Not that you should care what others think about you, but do you ever sometimes just wonder if maybe you were a dick/bitch to that someone when you didn't mean to be- and then on the other hand- way too nice/generous to someone who probably just talks shit about you? It happens to me a lot. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I'm traveling around by myself.

Not that anything specifically like that came up this week. I've just been thinking about it more as I've finally been poking my head out of my basement to get back out to play shows. Just kinda like 'what does this person actually think of me? Did they actually just enjoy this show? Would they actually listen to my music regularly?' Not that they need to respect me or anything for me to like them. And, needless to say, I'm extremely grateful they came out to support anyway. It just sometimes makes me ponder things like: who is my actual demographic? What makes our distracted generation listen to an artist regularly? How/why can I make a stranger who has no idea what I do be completely invested in my art yet people who have seen me grow this garden for years suddenly have zero interest in Rosedale?

Maybe some of those answers are relatable to reasons why I enjoy being alone. I know that probably sounds really sad to most people but hear me out...

Intro to sidetrack: I got into this topic with a long time fan at tonight's show. She was thanking me for being so nice and always inviting her out to shows. I had to tell her 'if only you knew how many people block me for that same gesture' (see blog #4). She was genuinely pumping my tires pretty good. Don't get it twisted- her boyfriend was right there the whole time and he was also cool A-F, as the kids say...

She went on to say how she used to hang out with Hedley years ago whenever they were in town and they were rude dicks. She couldn't fathom their conversations. As easy as it might have been for me to jump on the freshly-greased "Hate-Hedley" bandwagon (kinda punny if you watch Trailer Park Boys) It got me thinking that maybe, as humans, when we're in our packs we often come across as unwelcoming. Especially bands! The inside jokes, the anything-goes-ness, the gear-geak battles/bro-downs. Looking back, I'm sure Rosedale sure fit that shoe for years! And I'd imagine macho sports teams come off as even more unwelcoming to strangers. (there I go- generalizing again...)

But it's all perception- How do we perceive their inside jokes and harmless offside humour? Maybe Hedley were total dicks a few years ago, maybe they're not anymore. All I know is nothing really surprises me and I think even some of my favourite people get offended out of perceived context- not easily, per say- just out of common, outside perception. I'm sure I could go even more south and throw in some President Trump examples here but that dude gets enough external spotlight. And to clarify (before I get me a page-full of political/social facts that I have 0 any interest in); I'm neither a Trump or a Hedley fan...or Nickleback, for that matter...but I'm also not a total hater. I'm just saying they're prime examples of how perception and context have some serious horsepower especially in our ever changing world of social media/open-broadcasting.

Here's a wider, more harmless example of the two sides of perception that's a little closer to home; my set at Hard Luck in Toronto last Saturday. There was a high energy and big crowd in the room right as I was setting up. I played an ok set, nothing remarkable in my mind. But a very rare thing was happening; Humans were turning into Rosedaliens right before my eyes! They were feeding off of my music in ways only artists on the radio can relate to! They were eating up the positive message and yelling positive messages right back! The vibe was bliss! Nobody cared what anyone in the room might think of them. The phones were only out for "Eldorado's Climax" or to record/snapchat/livestream! After the set people were buying all the merch! I must have taken 15 photos with fans and strangers! Signed a few posters and CDs! Young, hip humans were telling me their stories! My tires were pumped way past any psi they've ever seen! Etcetera!!!

Then I played London Ontario at the legendary Call the Office on the same night of the week, same time... (The only difference with this given Saturday was that there was no Easter/Passover excuses in my inbox.) But there were a total of maybe 15 people there. They were standing 30 feet away of the stage. I played/sang/delivered by far the best Rosedale set so far this tour with a proud smile on my face and, although the other bands and their friends kinda danced and inched closer towards the stage, not a single CD or shirt left the merch bins. Nobody asked to take their photo with me. Come to think of it, I was even getting the whole "This-dude-needs-a-band" vibe.

So why did the mediocre Toronto performance get a way better response than the solid London set? Or even the relatively strong Brampton set that we filmed. It seems like it had nothing at all to do with me. It was entirely based on the crowd's perception! My good friend, Jonny (who is pretty knowledgeable with live music/performance/production), came out to both the Toronto show and the Brampton show. Even his perception was completely altered by these energized, Toronto meat baffles! Jonny thought the Toronto set was better. “You’re ready! Epic, prolific,” were his and his Toronto company’s words. He wished I'd filmed the Toronto show instead of Brampton. Kind of off topic (but, really, why I used the term "meat baffles"); Jonny also said the sound was bad in Brampton (and so did his Brampton company) and much better in Toronto. Where-as Bryan and Danny...and my mom... said that Brampton was the better sounding Rosedale show (and they were all also at the Toronto show!)

So just because I had a generous, high energy crowd in front of the stage in Toronto, I was worth something to everyone in the room. I even sounded better, in Jonny’s opinion. People wanted pictures, autographs, and merch because their perception of Rosedale was a promising one. Yet, I could play the same exact set on the same night, same time, in a more intimate setting with a more solid performance and have my picture, signature, and merch less desired than just a couple more drinks. The other two bands played amazing sets as well. I was actually, genuinely blown away, like, fanboying on Adelaide’s guitarist, getting chills from Mermaids Exist’s harmonies etc. But they too set up their merch table for nothing. It is a very common display of how people's perception is strongly influenced by the context of their surroundings.

The only person, arguably, in the room who felt...in the presence of greats- was myself! I know I played a legendary set and I'm 100% certain that if Adelaide and Mermaids Exist keep slugging away like that- they're gonna come built-in to everyone's iPhone 12s!

This “perception-check” is nothing new to booking agents. They no longer accept buy-ons. (Of course I've tried!) Money can't buy you happiness, or a loyal following. Agents, labels, and managers want their bands playing to full rooms only. Intimate shows (as in half empty capacity shows...yes, I took the pessimist approach) are only creating negative perceptions. If, by some stroke of Modesty-Miracles, some of these rock star agents did stumble into reading this, they were thinking "No shit, Shirlock. Stop playing small shows" 5 paragraphs ago. I'm just letting everyone else know; the artist is about 10% responsible for impressing/entertaining the audience. The other 90% is the context of that room and a good chunk of that context is just simply the amount of people there. (other smaller pieces of the pie; venue decor/layout, sound engineering, staff, house music ...to name a few.) Maybe all of this is very obvious to most people already. I just wish solving all the pieces of that pie were easy or at least in my hands. But the modern ratio still just seems crazy to me, growing up in the punk/emo scene.

I think maybe another reason it seems crazy to me ties back to the fact that I'm alone a lot. When I'm alone I have more of an open mind and agenda. I think this could be the case for most people. There was one guy at the near-empty London show who was jumping up and down during my set. He was alone and so stoked. He didn't care what anyone thought- a proud new fan! I threw a pick perfectly into his hands at the end of my near-perfect set (#pingofftheforehead, Toronto show inside joke). He's been messaging my instagram all day. He didn't buy merch (he might have if there was a big generous crowd there, though) but he signed up and watched all of my youtube videos today.

I think most people actually have a better time traveling/exploring/wondering out by themselves than they realize. I believe you're more accepting of different environments and cultural differences when you're by yourself. You're taking it all in and enjoying it. You're making new friends out of strangers who have no knowledge of your history as you have no knowledge of theirs. You feel like you can open new chapters of your own book and appreciate the fresh pages they're showing you, and consider the context. You might be thinking "so-&-so would love this" but chances are, if "so-&-so" were there, you'd likely be missing this too while off hanging at the bar or whatever.

When you have your crew/family/entourage beside you for every door you open, life can start to pass you by. You might be having a great time with them and jel with them like peas and carrots, but the element of wonder and discovery isn't quite the same. It's sometimes like an invisible stress and I'd even go as far as to say that it is the main reason why bands break up on their first tour. Bands aside though, I've heard first-hand stories of good friends traveling together that went through episodes where they were so pissed off with each other that they wouldn't even talk to one another for hours. Sure, it could be the simple fact that you're now living with this friend/band hour-by-hour on this trip (Egos clash, ideas vary, mistakes affect everyone, true colours flourish etc.) and you're stuck with them for the next however-many-days. But I'm certain that a group-of-friends/family/band living together in their hometown would go over way better than living together in a new city every night. And traveling with a significant other- well that's an entirely different blog for a different day.

I'm not sure if any of this is proven or factual. This is just me rambling at 5:30 am after a show. Another thing I hear a lot is "Mike, you just haven't found the right “one”/bandmates/friends". Fair enough. But maybe I'm just your classic degenerate- I could just be a weird lonely dinosaur that likes to roam alone. #lonewolf. But I think all of that coincides with the original point I made about being a dick to someone you actually really like/love. We've all done it, I'm sure. The nicest human in the world can be passive/harsh without realizing it. But as much as I think butting heads is inevitable when you're living together in uncharted land, there are friends that manage to really understand me and at least aim to dodge my weird pet-peeves (ie. guitar cases on stage). Of course, they can't drop their established lives/commitments to come travel around with me for months. So maybe there are layers to my solo-ness. (...loneliness sounded too sad.)

LYRIC PARTY:

Chasing the sun isn't my kind of fun I'd rather sit and catch snowflakes on my tongue When summers gone I won't be sad As you cling on to all the good times that you've had 'cause being alone isn't really all that bad - The Ataris "If You Really Want To Hear About It"

But really, even when there's no stranger's pages or culture shock to take in, I have some great times by myself that I wouldn't be able to have with most company around. I wouldn't be able to write this blog in my bed at 5:30am. I wouldn't be able to listen to my new demos and imagine them mixed like my latest releases with my Westones on my 2 hour drive home from London. That, in itself, could easily be considered insanely narcissistic. And so could this; I love hanging out with myself! We get along very well. My tastebuds can be pretty inconsiderate to my gut's needs, and my lower brain is not too happy with the way upper brain has been handling brief encounters with the opposite sex, but alas, we're working on it!

Another thing I like about being alone is that I'm pretty sure people like me more. Whenever I have friends around, it's almost like nobody wants to help with anything. And when I'm "working" away on something, a stranger might say something like "where's your friends? Why don't they help you with that?" As if to say "you need better friends, dude." It's really odd but it happens a lot and those little events tend to commit-to-memory for whatever reason. Kinda like that long-red-light that never fails to time out your drive perfectly. (One of the few books I've actually finished reading, "Stumbling On Happiness" (Daniel Gilbert), describes this human condition a bunch... took me three years to finish that damn book.)

LYRIC PARTY: "Hangman, it's not your fault Commit this to memory The bright ideas are wasted and lost along the way" - Motion City Soundtrack "Hangman" (I could've sworn {or swore??} he said "For bright ideas always get lost along the way" then I looked it up... didn't look up sworn/swore though.) Anyway, I guess this late night, scatter brained blog wants you to consider the context and surroundings when formulating an opinion/perception. And look at loneliness in a bright light. There are many positives. Don't ignore all your friends and family by any means, I'm just saying; A lot of people fear loneliness like they're gonna die alone and they need company at all times. "Alone time" is your most productive time. And productivity, as vague a term, is probably the healthiest form of instant gratification. So do something productive towards your goals the next time you're alone. And while you're at it, open up a new chapter to that old friend you later get to hang out with...

Yeah, this one was all over the place. Thanks for reading though. If you made it this far, you're a trooper and I love you.

Shows this week: Wednesday, April 11th - Ottawa, ON @ Mavericks - 10:00 set time, 19+, $8 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/321180534953651/ Thursday, April 12th - Kingston, ON @ Bar 56 - 9:30ish set time, 19+ish, $10 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/368799986934799/ Friday, April 13th - Potsdam, NY @ Hurly's/SUNY Potsdam - 7:30 doors/ 9ish set time - All Ages , FREE https://www.facebook.com/events/363889120774025/ Saturday, April 14th - Rochester, NY @ Firehouse - 8:00 doors/10ish set time - 21 +, $5 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/568521663507443 Sunday, April 15th - Pittsburgh, PA @ The Smiling Moose - 7:00 doors/ 9:00 set time, 21+, $8 tickets**/ $10 doors https://www.facebook.com/events/402443740204364/ Monday, April 16th - Cleveland, OH @ Grog Shop - 6:30 doors, 8:30 set time, ALL AGES, $8 tickets/$10 doors https://www.facebook.com/events/163297504327206/

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