”Who’s this then?” she asks, as if she doesn’t know, and only to hear the excitement in Jamie’s voice as he tells her all about Roy Kent.

She’s a City girl through and through and it is a little jarring to see different colours up on her wall, but that’s what being a parent is all about, isn’t it? Loving someone enough to love what they love, even if it turns out to be the captain of bloody Chelsea. 

--- 

Posters come and go, there are girls and footballers and other girls and other footballers and then others still, but Roy Kent stays where he is, slap bang in the middle and staring right at her with those weirdly intense eyes whenever she gets in the room to hoover.

Needs to relax a bit, that one, she thinks, more than once. For all the pictures and clips Jamie has shown her, she’s never seen Kent smile. Plays like a god, though, one of those vengeful ones, so she guesses she can see the attraction.

---

It’s obvious that Jamie’s not happy, and she’s not either, what with having him move down all the way to London to play for AFC Richmond of all teams. Still, she supposed a loan make sense, get him more minutes and bit of experience.

“Didn’t Roy Kent move there after he quit Chelsea?” she asks, and is pleased with the way Jamie’s eyes light up a little at that. “You’ll get to play together now.”

---

“He’s a nasty bastard. Right fucking bitter about not being as good as he was, yeah?”

She doesn’t hear much more about Roy Kent after that, not for another year or so. Doesn’t hear much from Jamie at all, really, not even after he returns to Manchester. When he does stop by – for Christmas, for her birthday – he talks about just about anything but football. Doesn’t mention fighting Kent on the pitch, doesn’t say a word about calling him a knob on national television.

Doesn’t take the poster down either, though, she notices when he’s gone.

---

“Jamie Tartt is a muppet and I hope he dies of the incurable condition of being a little bitch,” Roy Kent says and she’s already halfway out the sofa when Simon’s hand on her arm holds her back.

“If Jamie wants it down he’ll take it down,” her husband tells her.

---

She sees her son crouching, defeated, on Wembley grass, and her heart breaks for him. Two days later he’s outside her door and in her arms and he’s talking like he hasn’t talked to her since he was loaned to Richmond and her heart breaks for him all over again.

She can’t wish she had never gotten with his wanker of a father, for how can she, when she got Jamie out if? Still, there’s no stopping her from wishing James falls down a sewer and drowns in shit, gagging on it as he goes.

“And I’m just standing there, like I couldn’t move or something, right, but then Roy walks over and I though he was going to fucking punch me, but he just hugged me, like really tight, and I fucking bawled my eyes out. Dead embarrassing, it was, but… made me feel safe, too. Made me think of you.”

She stops flipping the poster off, after that

---

“So Roy offered to train me, special,” Jamie says, and she thinks it sounds a bit like torture personally, the things Kent is apparently having him do in the middle of the bloody night, but Jamie’s nothing but enthusiasm and barely contained pride so she’s happy for him.

---

She knows that other parents might have been surprised to see their son befriend and then bring home people whose pictures he still has on his wall, but their sons are not Jamie, are they?

Roy Kent proves far less domineering than she might have suspected. Doesn’t shout once, is polite about Simon’s baking, and tells her he loves her before he leaves. Definitively has some issues, but seems a nice enough lad for all of that.

--- 

Simon drives them down to London for Jamie’s 26:th birtday and it’s only the third time she’s ever been to his Richmond home. As she exits the car, Roy Kent exits Jamie’s front door and pauses at the sight of her.

“Hey,” he says, and it’s a bit endearing, the way he sounds unsure, like he doesn’t know what to make of her or how to act around her.

No need for any of that, though.

“There he is,” she exclaims, adding, “I’m going to hug you now,” before doing just that.

His body is solid and hard and held so fucking stiff, but after just a moment – surprisingly quickly, really – he relaxes into the embrace, like maybe it’s one he’s been wanting for a very long time. He holds her tight and she lets him and she can see what Jamie means about him being a great hugger.  

Eventually, she gently pulls back a little, so she can smile up at him as she says, “Thank you.”

Off his furrowed brow, she continues, “For what you’ve done for our Jamie. I know it’s meant a lot to him, you training him and being his friend and everything.” 

“Oh. Jamie’s told you about that, has he?”

And she must raise her eyebrows at that, kindly but incredulously. “Of course he has, love. Never shuts up about you, does he?”

As it turns out, Roy Kent does know how to smile after all.

Roy/Jamie silly prompt: Somehow someway Roy loses a bet and as a result, he has to have his chest waxed for charity. Jamie has no idea but he walks into the locker room just in time to see Roy about to lose his famous fur t-shirt and he goes nuts! Like full on shrieking and throwing himself over Roy's beautifully sculpted upper body and promising a painful death to anyone who comes near. Roy's stunned but grateful, and then stunned again when Jamie says that they can shave his whole head for charity instead. They come to a compromise and have Isaac giving Jamie a stylish fad cut with it still long on top and Roy stays whole. Roy is deeply touched that Jamie would be so protective over him and allow his own hair to be changed. He lets Jamie know just how grateful he is and how much he likes Jamie's new look. Everyone wins, and video of Jamie's shielding Roy from the evil wax goes super viral.

This is unhinged I love it anon.

Isaac brought out the stupid fucking hair chair for this shit. Roy can’t believe he’s doing this at his grownup age. Hates that he agreed. Despise that he’s letting Colin video.

Insane.

The things he does when people tell him it’s for kids with cancer.

He’s sitting awaiting his doom when he hears Jamie come into the room. He asks Dani if his boyfriend is about to be sacrificed. Fuck Roy supposes it does look like that.

He hears a shriek, Jamie looks horrified.

Roy blinks and all of a sudden he has a lap full of boyfriend. Always a nice experience but they do have an audience.

“Hello. Can I help you?”

Jamie slaps his chest, “why the fuck is this happening. No it’s not happening I’m not allowing it Isaac you can’t do this to me.”

Roy stares at Jamie for a second. “My chest hair?” Jamie smacks him again, “yes! What the fuck! It’s mine! You can’t get rid of it. Isaac I see you, put those fucking clippers down if you want to keep your dick.”

Roy pats Jamie’s hip, weird reaction but Roy can honestly say he feels the same way. But you know, charity. “Shave my head.”

There’s a chorus of ‘what’s’ and ‘Jamie are you mad’ around the room, Roy looks at Jamie for a second, “you sure baby? I’ll be fine.” Jamie nods, “I refuse to let you sleep in bed with no chest hair.”

Roy nods “no you can’t shave your whole head just have Isaac do the sides. You’ll look great.”

Isaac pipes up from where he’s been leaning with the clippers, “compromise mates, Jamie gets a fab new cut and Roy gets Jamie’s name shaved into his chest. Opinions?”

Jamie nods, “I’m down.” Roy thinks about having Jamie’s name on his chest and promptly has to stop thinking about it because of how many people are still in the room. “Alright sounds good to me.”

Isaac spins a pair of scissors around his finger with a smile, “right who’s first!”

They both end up looking fabulous and have to pose for official pics and it goes as wild online as you think.

•

“Isaac leave enough hair on top so I can still get a good grip and pull it.” — “ Mate never say that again but will do.” — “Love being objectified.”

(He’s actually being fully serious when he says that but everyone else laughs besides Roy.)

Make It Up To You

a between-scenes ficlet for 3.10: International Break | roy x jamie | roy x keeley

i'd been saving this bit for later on in my series but since it doesn't work for my plans post-3.10, please enjoy it cleaned up and contained in this ficlet. :) let's place this while roy is working on his apology chicken scratch letter, but before he gives it to her.

“Do you…want to come inside?” 

Roy leans heavily on his good leg, hands at his hips, and scuffs his foot against the pavement. He shakes his head, mouth tightly pressed closed. The sky is a milky early morning blue; a post-dawn sort of blank slate that casts the shadows of Jamie’s face in a strange greyscale.

Jamie frowns, stepping outside as he closes the door behind him. “You sure? Because you look like you’re about to throw up.” 

“I’m a really shit boyfriend,” Roy bursts out, hands still on his hips, his whole body tense for a blow. Jamie just looks at him like there must be something else Roy has to say, so Roy gropes wildly for more words, each of them like holding a lump of hot coal barehanded to get out. “No, really, I am.” 

“An’… so am I?” Jamie says, head tilting as a furrow appears between his brows. “What’s your point?” 

“But you’re not, that’s the thing,” Roy continues, gesturing angrily with one hand. “That’s the whole fucking problem. You’re not, and you haven’t been for a while. I don’t think you’ve been Jamie ‘only out for himself and fuck the rest’ Tartt for months and months and fucking months now. You just pretend to be sometimes. It’s like… like a joke you’re having with yourself, or, or a fucking mask you wear.” 

Jamie goes very still, hands in the pockets of his joggers. Picking his words carefully, he says, “Ain’t that a good thing, Coach? Being a good person? Thought that’s what everyone wanted.” 

“Just listen,” Roy grits out, and hates how it sounds like a plea, like he’s begging. “You are, and you should be, and it’s… it’s good. Catching you being kind is like, a sort of.” Roy swallows. “It’s a gift.” Somehow it feels like almost too much to say, especially after turning up for fucking 'Uncle's Day' and getting subjected to the sort of multi-front emotional terrorism on par with Never Let Me Go.

Roy has always thought that Jamie wore all his emotions right on his sleeve even back when he was being a self-centered idiot; the way he could pout like a toddler or happily gambol like a child on the first day of the summer holidays. But there’s something trembling and complex unfolding across Jamie’s face right now, Roy can’t parse what it means but it’s taking his breath away. 

Finally, Jamie asks, “Like I said Coach, that isn’t a bad thing, is it?” The way his voice turns up at the end makes it sound like could be a bad thing somehow, if only Roy explains exactly why. As if Roy could say that the best training was walking on his hands from nine am to six pm, or gravity went up instead of down, and Jamie would agree because Roy’s the one saying it. 

It’s a heady concept; something that alarms Roy even as it speaks to some greedy little grasping monster that’s wound through his guts. It’s a different quality of pleasure, knowing how much weight his words have with Jamie, and it makes Roy a little ashamed. 

“Of course it’s not,” Roy responds, and that greedy little monster gives a kick as he watches Jamie relax. He shifts his weight nervously from foot to foot, backing Jamie closer to his front door with his hands out like he’s calming a wild animal. “It just feels like, like fucking everyone’s motoring along, being better fucking versions of themselves, and here’s me, just… spinning my fucking wheels.” That’s not all there is, but Roy can’t get any of his other words in order; something flustered and too honest twisting up his tongue. “It’s like all I can do is dig myself deeper.” 

A cheeky expression plays at Jamie’s lips as he says, “Well, y’know what they say about finding yourself in holes.” 

Roy squints at him. “Is this some kind of dirty joke?” 

Jamie tips his head back against his front door and rolls his eyes, and something about the arched motion of it makes Roy burn and avert his gaze. 

“Nah, just that… if you find yourself in a hole, you should probably stop digging, yeah?” 

Roy feels like his strings have been cut, the tension holding him taut disappearing. Jamie’s not wrong, but the truth of it feels at odds with what Roy really wants. When he lifts his eyes back up, Jamie’s still looking at him like he’s a bomb that might go off if only he says the wrong thing. Horribly, Roy knows he’s not even wrong about that, either. 

He sighs. “Not that I’ll be regularly taking your advice about holes, but I guess I could take it under consideration.” 

Jamie looks up at him through his lashes. Roy feels like he could count them individually if only he had enough time. There’s a puff of his breath in Roy’s face, warm and vaguely minty. Roy doesn’t know what to do with his hands, and Jamie just…waits. The sun continues its inexorable journey into the heavens.

Finally, Jamie asks with a cartoonish waggle of his eyebrows, “But. You’re taking my advice about holes today, eh?” 

Roy reaches down past Jamie’s hip, twists the doorknob, and lets Jamie Tartt fall backward into his own house. 

“I fucking said it’s under consideration,” he spits a little childishly, and steps over him inside. 

"one of the worst things I’ve discovered about people is whether or not they loved the Ted Lasso finale" yes you're so oppressed and surrounded by horrible people who, let me check my notes, don't misinterpret the show and character so badly as to make it clear they never watched the show to begin with (ted wanted to go home the whole time spoiler alert) and demand that ted take his son away from his home and his mother to give to rebecca. it's truly worse than racism

genuinely tedbecca shippers have made me hate hetshippers in general and your ship in specific. y'all ain't used to not getting your way and it shows

hi! thanks for the inbox. you know what, I think it’s fair to say the language I used in a (since deleted) post was strong. that’s something I made and sent out into the infinite void of the internet and it lacks the context in which I created it. so that’s on me.

it was intended to vent my frustrations about a conversation I was having irl and was a judgment based on those people. they were completely invalidating my opinions and not listening, just shutting me down because I disagreed with them. not being heard can hurt. it made me feel horrible and like they were entitled to believe what they wanted but I wasn’t entitled to believe what I did. so, it lead me to post something with rather harsh language and break the Ted Lasso life goal of “be curious, not judgmental”.

but again, as I answered in another post, I think we can disagree about art/media. and I was rude and I think it’s fair to call that out. as your inbox is also filled with some rather harsh language though, I again just feel attacked for an opinion. nothing about my post for the finale had anything to do with tedbecca. I was dissatisfied with the finale for many reasons: Ted’s robotic reactions, the fake-out first scene, Beard and Jane’s marriage, Roy and Jamie’s idiotic fight when the entire season arc had been developing a beautiful friendship, etc etc.

I think what this shows is that the finale has really brought out some strong feelings all over the internet. I believe what I believe and you the same. but there are things you say that I just think we’re written in bad faith. and to be cruel. the racism piece? dude. that’s just…a wild take. come on.

also just saying: I am a gay shipper in my bones and so it was weird to find myself shipping a heterosexual couple. I can count on one finger the time I’ve got my way, but that leads me to writing fan fiction and finding wonderful communities on here to discuss my ships that never happen. that’s the beauty of places like tumblr and ao3. if seeing tedbecca discourse or a random fired off tumblr post from a hurt fan of the show that just needed to get their feelings out makes you this upset and makes you hate people, then I don’t know dude. that’s a rough life.

final piece: I know saying “one of the worst things I’ve discovered about people is whether or not they loved the finale” can be taken very rudely, what I really mean is how people react when I disagree with the fact that they loved it. because I didn’t love it, I disliked most of it. and, further, the way they treat me when they find out I was a tedbecca fan is that worst thing. it’s not the opinion. it’s the way I’m treated for it.

ultimately, I’d say, I can get better and hell so can you anonymous. let’s try and be more curious and less judgmental, and let people engage with media the way they want to. hate doesn’t have a place in the Ted Lasso fandom, nor any fandom.

tips for writing Ted Lasso ships like Colin/Jan, Jamie/Colin, Jamie/Roy, and Jan/? their relationship?

ooh this is tough! it’s probably cliche at this point but Colin’s “thing” in season two and three was being unappreciated by the coaches and being told that he’s not the best on the team, and dealing with his self-esteem issues, so the dynamic that I love, because both Jan and Jamie are VERY confident people, is in either ship, Colin being like, “oh no, I suck” and Jan or Jamie being like “uh no, I wouldn’t date a loser, you’re amazing” and them just doing whatever they can to make Colin feel better.

I know it can be annoying when a character gets the Flanderization and one trait gets amplified and the others are annoyed, but I just love that dynamic. obviously other people can choose to focus on and develop other parts of Colin.

for Jamie and Roy, I think a lot of times Roy is written as SO mean and yeah, he can be, for sure, but we also see him be SO soft around the people he loves so I prefer him being like, rude to everyone else and then being like 😍 around Jamie. I don’t find it romantic, personally, for him to be rude to Jamie. Jamie is sassy on the show and can give and take it too but I prefer the idea of “assholes who are assholes to everyone but so nice to their partner.”

for me, I’ve seen all the episodes, and the stories I’ve written are almost all inspired by little moments in the show where maybe they interacted for two seconds and I was like “bam! they’re in love.” I have a couple WIP for Jan/Richard where I did the same thing, they have a moment and I turn it into a whole thing. for me, that’s the most fun, so if you see a moment where they even have like .01 seconds of eye contact, go for it lol. find the inspiration wherever you can. or make up whatever you want and just go wild.

I got a question that you don't have to answer. What's all your fav ships from any fandom whether they are canon or not. And all the reasons why you like them.

ohhhh anon this is a good question!

i honestly wish my brain wasn’t such a frying pan of obsessions that change every other week, but off the top of my head the ships i’ve been thinking about the most lately are probably:

roy/jamie (ted lasso) has been my main ship for ages by now and it’s honestly a little unhealthy how often i think about these dumbasses. i think its mainly because both characters are just so incredibly complex, and they both have some of my all time favourite arcs. the two of them have always felt like two sides of the same coin to me. i could talk forever about roy's urge to protect his loved ones vs jamie's inherent need to feel protected (as shown in the ep. 'mom city'.) not to mention the good old grumpy + sunshine trope. there's also just the undeniable chemistry between them because brett and phil are literal platonic soulmates irl.

roy/keeley/jamie (ted lasso) is another one of my faves. a lot of it is for the same reason as stated above, but with keeley added to the mix because we can't deny that she is the center of roy and jamie's universe, whether that be romantically or platonically. she's the only person that has bothered truly getting to know both of them: and she's the only person to stand up to them and tell them they need to work on themselves. their traits all add up: when keeley feels suffocated by roy's need to be close, roy doesn't have to feel rejected and alone because jamie will literally cling to him like a koala any chance he gets.

fatin/leah (the wilds) and listen its been so long since i watched the wilds but i will never forget Them. leah singing "home is when I'm alone with you" while cradling fatins jaw. the looks they share. "why are you looking at me like that?" she asks wHILE LOOKING AT HER THE SAME WAY.

lottie/nat (yellowjackets) i am a casual shipper here but all i’m gonna say is: the bathtub scene. nat helps wash and patch up lottie. idk they’re just precious.

steve harrington/eddie munson (stranger things) is one of those 'i didn't really consider it until i saw someone else ship it' things for me personally, but listen they're just cute to imagine. its the whole jock x nerd thing, but i'm not as emotionally invested in this ship as much as i just enjoy the idea of it.

i probably have so many other ships that i should be mentioning but i think i've already talked too much. also! feel free to scream about ships to me, even if i don't know the ship i'll probably scream back

I Thought You Hated Me (Jamie Tartt x gn!reader)

When the reader is forced to share a bed with Jamie feelings are shared.

Rating: T

Warning: small angst

A/N: Wrote something up for Jamie and will probably write something for Sam as well. But if you have any ideas or requests please send them my way!!

You were sort of Keeley’s assistant. That was your unofficial title. So you joined the team on away games. And usually you got to share a room with Keeley. Most hotels had two beds per room so you each would take a bed and stay up talking and watching tv. She was a great friend to you so you quite enjoyed the away games.

But ever since she’d started dating Roy she usually slept with him. You understood why of course, but you usually ended up bunking with whoever didn’t have a room. Sometimes it was Ted, sometimes Rebecca, sometimes it was a player. All of the time it was purely professional and nice. You each went to your separate beds and got good sleep.

But of course this time a wrench had to be thrown into the whole system. First off, you were stuck with Jamie. Sure, he was better nowadays, but you couldn’t help but still have a bit of a bad taste in your mouth when it came to him. He was a prick to you. He hadn’t been recently, but that still didn’t matter. And on top of that he had the audacity to be attractive! The nerve of that guy.

Second off, the room you got stuck with only had one bed. Well, that was just great. Everyone else had two and Ted offered to change with you, ever the gentleman, but you didn’t want him to have a hard time sleeping. He was the coach after all. You could afford to not get good sleep.

No, you just sucked it up, making your way to the room. When you walked in, Jamie was on the floor.

“What are you doing?” You questioned.

“Getting settled for the night.” He said as if it was obvious.

“No, this isn’t going to work. You should take the bed. You have to play tomorrow.” You were surprised he hadn’t already taken the bed. But apparently he was reformed. This was slowly starting to make you think he was.

“Slept in worse conditions.” He shrugged. Knowing a little bit about his dad, you felt bad for him.

“That doesn’t change anything, get on the bed.” You said. He smirked.

“Are you propositioning me?”

“I’m surprised you know that word.” You said sarcastically. He only laughed but made no signs of getting up. You sighed and shook your head. “Stop being dumb. I’m gonna go get ready for bed.” You said, taking your night stuff into the bathroom.

When you exited the bathroom he was still on the floor. He got up though, but headed for the bathroom, not saying anything. You saw this as the perfect opportunity. When the door shut, you laid on the ground in the spot he’d previously been. Now he had to take the bed.

When he made his way out of the bathroom and saw you, he gave a small laugh before walking over.

“Get your ass up, we’re both sleeping in the bed.” He said, accompanying it with an eye roll. You raised your eyebrows.

“Are you sure? That wouldn’t make you uncomfortable?”

“It’d make me more uncomfortable knowing you were sleeping on the ground. Now come on, I don’t have all night.” He said, offering a hand to pull you up. You accepted it and took the pillow with you.

“If I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re on the ground I’m dragging you back up here.” You threatened, though you knew that was probably impossible. He was a professional football player and you? Well, you weren’t.

He laughed but shook his head, moving the covers to get in after turning out the light. You joined, keeping as much distance from him as possible. He seemed to notice.

“I’m not gonna bite or anything. You don’t have to fall off the bed or anything. Or am I just that revolting to you?” He said jokingly, but it didn’t sound like he put much effort into it. You rolled over to face him.

“I don’t think you're revolting. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Would you be uncomfortable?” He asked. You thought for a moment but shook your head. “Alright then. Neither would I.” He said, gesturing for you to come closer.

You finally relented, scooting closer, but only by a few inches. He didn’t seem like he was going to say anything else on the matter.

But he wasn’t done talking.

“I know this isn’t ideal for you but it’s just for a night.” He said. You were confused at this.

“I mean, yeah, this wasn’t what I had in mind for tonight. But I wouldn’t say it’s not ideal.”

“You practically hate me. I get it, don’t get me wrong, but I figured you’d object more to this.” He said.

“I don’t hate you. I’m actually really proud to see you aren’t a prick anymore. But you were rude to me and I can’t help but be a little suspicious about the whole thing.” You said frankly. He sighed. “I know. And I’m sorry. There was no reason for it except that it made me feel a bit better. Only for a second and then I’d feel like complete shit again. But I never intend on doing that again. I’m trying to be better.”

“I can tell. I’m glad you’re trying. I’d say it’s a success.” You said with a small smile.

“I’m happy you think so.” He smiled back. You laid like that for a moment until something hit you.

“So is this ideal for you?” You questioned. He seemed to not hear at first and you were about to ask again until he finally spoke.

“What? I mean, it could be worse. I don’t mind who’s with me.” He said with a shrug. “Just thought the first time we’d share a bed would be under other circumstances.” Your eyes widened but he shook his head. “Shit sorry. Force of habit.” He quickly said.

You stayed silent for a moment and he scooted away, adding more space between the two of you. You spoke up suddenly, heartbeat running wild.

“Have you thought about that?” You asked, looking anywhere but him.

“Yeah, but I’ve thought about it with pretty much everyone. Except Ted.” He said and you laughed, though you were a bit disappointed at that.

“Wouldn’t expect anything less.” You tried to keep the disappointment out of your voice. But he seemed to catch it anyway.

“I keep coming back to you though.” He said and you met his eyes.

“Why is that?”

“Because I think you’re amazing. And funny. ...And fit.” He admitted. You laughed at the last bit. But it did make your face heat up. You hoped he didn’t notice in the darkness of the room.

“High praise. Thanks.” You said. “But I think you’re amazing too. You’re strong, not just physically, but mentally too.” You said. “And you’re not bad looking either.”

You could see his smile in the darkness, brighter than before.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. You nodded, moving closer.

He cupped your face and kissed you. It was passionate, laced with words unspoken. Feelings just now realized. It was breathtaking.

You both pulled back after a few moments, but neither of you moved too far away from each other.

“I really like you. After the game can I take you on a proper date?” He asked.

“I’d love that.” You said.

You kissed a few more times before sleep took you both. You woke up to his arms around you. You wouldn’t mind waking up like that more often, you thought to yourself. And you couldn’t wait until your date.

Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I’m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.

Greyhounds Quotes

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• Anger does not come easy to me. It is something I have to encourage, like a greyhound in second place. – Joe Dunthorne • As to the old history of Ireland, the first man ever died in Ireland was Partholan, and he is buried, and his greyhound along with him, at some place in Kerry. – Lady Gregory • Ay, in the catalogue ye go for men; As hounds, and greyhounds, mongrels, spaniels, curs, Shoughs, water-rugs, and demi-wolves, are ‘clept All by the name of dogs: the valued file Distinguishes the swift, the slow, the subtle, The housekeeper, the hunter, every one According to the gift which bounteous nature Hath in him closed. – William Shakespeare

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Greyhound', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_greyhound').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_greyhound img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • By nature a philosopher is not in genius and disposition half so different from a street porter, as a mastiff is from a greyhound – Adam Smith • Capitalism lures us onward like the mechanical hare before the greyhounds, insisting that the economy is infinite and sharing therefore irrelevant. Just enough greyhounds catch a real hare now and then to keep the others running till they drop. In the past it was only the poor who lost this game; now it is the planet. – Ronald Wright • Greyhound Bus Lines motto: “We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards.” – Dave Barry • Greyhound racing is a self-regulating gambling business that depends on the uncontrolled breeding and unaccountable disappearance of thousands of dogs every year. That is a situation that is unacceptable and indefensible – Annette Crosbie • He looks like a greyhound, but he runs like a bus. – George Brett • I hate the bloody highways. I hate hamburgers, I hate Greyhound buses. I’d have liked to have been in America during the Jazz Age, or the Golden Age of Hollywood. – Shane MacGowan • I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, Straining upon the start. The game’s afoot; Follow your spirit: and upon this charge, Cry — God for Harry! England and Saint George! – William Shakespeare • I tell everyone very plainly that I take bribes, but what kind of bribes? Why, greyhound puppies. That’s a totally different matter. – Nikolai Gogol • I think writing a poem is like being a greyhound. Writing a novel is like being a mule. You go up one long row, then down another, and try not to look up too often to see how far you still have to go. – Ron Rash • I thought I was going to die a few times. On the Freedom Ride in the year 1961, when I was beaten at the Greyhound bus station in Montgomery, I thought I was going to die. On March 7th, 1965, when I was hit in the head with a night stick by a State Trooper at the foot of the Edmund Pettus Bridge, I thought I was going to die. I thought I saw death, but nothing can make me question the philosophy of nonviolence. – John Lewis • I used to run away to New York from Baltimore all the time.I would get on the Greyhound bus and tell my parents I was going to some sorority weekend. I’d even make up fake permission slips, come to New York and just ask people on the street if I could stay with them and go see midnight movies. – John Waters • I was washing dishes at the Greyhound bus station at the time and I said, ‘Awap bop a lup bop a wop bam boom, take ’em out!’ – Little Richard • I’d really like to get on a Greyhound bus and go backpacking across America. – David Morrissey • I’d wanted to be a writer my whole life. But when I finally made it, I felt like a greyhound catching the mechanical rabbit she’d been chasing for so long–discovering it was merely metal, wrapped in cloth. It wasn’t alive; it had no spirit. It was fake. – Anne Lamott • If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese? – Edith Sitwell • I’m born originally in Toronto, and I have what I call my ‘Fame’ story. I took a Greyhound bus and went to Alvin Ailey and received Dunham, Horton, Graham technique there, but I could never take my eyes off of Balanchine doing ‘Nutcracker’; to me he’s the best who ever did it. – Laurieann Gibson • In his youth Michael Owen was literally a greyhound. – Jamie Redknapp • It seems wrong and unfair that Christmas, with its stressful and unmanageable financial and emotional challenges, should first be forced upon one wholly against one’s will, then rudely snatched away just when one is starting to get into it. Was really beginning to enjoy the feeling that normal service was suspended and it was OK to lie in bed as long as you want, put anything you fancy into your mouth, and drink alcohol whenever it should chance to pass your way, even in the mornings. Now suddenly we are all supposed to snap into self-discipline like lean teenage greyhounds. – Helen Fielding • Ive fostered five dogs for the Best Friends Program, which is an amazing no-kill sanctuary for animals, as well as a greyhound named Natasha from the greyhound rescue. All of my fosters have taught me great lessons like patience, nurture, and responsibility. My last foster dog was a Cocker Spaniel, and I couldnt let him go. I adopted him! – Olesya Rulin • I’ve noticed that Henry needs an incredible amount of physical activity all the time in order to be happy. It’s like hanging out with a greyhound. – Audrey Niffenegger • She bounded before me, and returned to my side, and was off again like a young greyhound; and, at first, I found plenty of entertaiment in listening to the larks singing far and near; and enjoying the sweet, warm sunshine; and watching her, my pet, and my delight, with her golden ringlets flying loose behind, and her bright cheek, as soft and pure in its bloom, as a wild rose, and her eyes radiant with cloudless pleasure. She was a happy creautre, and an angel in those those days. It is a pity she could not stay content. – Emily Bronte • Some folks like to get away Take a holiday from the neighborhood. Hop a flight to Miami Beach Or to Hollywood But I’m talking a Greyhound On the Hudson River Line. I’m in a New York state of mind. – Billy Joel • Sometimes the fluffy bunny of incredulity zooms around the bend so rapidly that the greyhound of language is left, agog, in the starting cage. – David Mitchell • Thank God and Greyhound you’re gone. – Roy Clarke • We commend a horse for his strength, and sureness of foot, and not for his rich caparisons; a greyhound for his share of heels, not for his fine collar; a hawk for her wing, not for her jesses and bells. Why, in like manner, do we not value a man for what is properly his own? He has a great train, a beautiful palace, so much credit, so many thousand pounds a year, and all these are about him, but not in him. – Michel de Montaigne • What a creature he was! Never have I felt such a horse between my knees. His great haunches gathered under him with every stride, and he shot forward ever faster and faster, stretched like a greyhound, while the windbeat in my face and whistled past my ears. – Arthur Conan Doyle • Why not be oneself? That is the whole secret of a successful appearance. If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese? – Edith Sitwell • You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower. – Nick Thune • You look sad even though we just met No need to get upset But I got a show, gotta go, so I thank you And if you wanna still get sexed down You could catch the next Greyhound But until then, I gotta go, so I thank you – Eamon • You may bury my body down by the highway side. So my old evil spirit can catch a Greyhound bus and ride. – Robert Johnson

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Greyhounds Quotes

Official Website: Greyhounds Quotes

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• Anger does not come easy to me. It is something I have to encourage, like a greyhound in second place. – Joe Dunthorne • As to the old history of Ireland, the first man ever died in Ireland was Partholan, and he is buried, and his greyhound along with him, at some place in Kerry. – Lady Gregory • Ay, in the catalogue ye go for men; As hounds, and greyhounds, mongrels, spaniels, curs, Shoughs, water-rugs, and demi-wolves, are ‘clept All by the name of dogs: the valued file Distinguishes the swift, the slow, the subtle, The housekeeper, the hunter, every one According to the gift which bounteous nature Hath in him closed. – William Shakespeare

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Greyhound', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_greyhound').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_greyhound img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • By nature a philosopher is not in genius and disposition half so different from a street porter, as a mastiff is from a greyhound – Adam Smith • Capitalism lures us onward like the mechanical hare before the greyhounds, insisting that the economy is infinite and sharing therefore irrelevant. Just enough greyhounds catch a real hare now and then to keep the others running till they drop. In the past it was only the poor who lost this game; now it is the planet. – Ronald Wright • Greyhound Bus Lines motto: “We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards.” – Dave Barry • Greyhound racing is a self-regulating gambling business that depends on the uncontrolled breeding and unaccountable disappearance of thousands of dogs every year. That is a situation that is unacceptable and indefensible – Annette Crosbie • He looks like a greyhound, but he runs like a bus. – George Brett • I hate the bloody highways. I hate hamburgers, I hate Greyhound buses. I’d have liked to have been in America during the Jazz Age, or the Golden Age of Hollywood. – Shane MacGowan • I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, Straining upon the start. The game’s afoot; Follow your spirit: and upon this charge, Cry — God for Harry! England and Saint George! – William Shakespeare • I tell everyone very plainly that I take bribes, but what kind of bribes? Why, greyhound puppies. That’s a totally different matter. – Nikolai Gogol • I think writing a poem is like being a greyhound. Writing a novel is like being a mule. You go up one long row, then down another, and try not to look up too often to see how far you still have to go. – Ron Rash • I thought I was going to die a few times. On the Freedom Ride in the year 1961, when I was beaten at the Greyhound bus station in Montgomery, I thought I was going to die. On March 7th, 1965, when I was hit in the head with a night stick by a State Trooper at the foot of the Edmund Pettus Bridge, I thought I was going to die. I thought I saw death, but nothing can make me question the philosophy of nonviolence. – John Lewis • I used to run away to New York from Baltimore all the time.I would get on the Greyhound bus and tell my parents I was going to some sorority weekend. I’d even make up fake permission slips, come to New York and just ask people on the street if I could stay with them and go see midnight movies. – John Waters • I was washing dishes at the Greyhound bus station at the time and I said, ‘Awap bop a lup bop a wop bam boom, take ’em out!’ – Little Richard • I’d really like to get on a Greyhound bus and go backpacking across America. – David Morrissey • I’d wanted to be a writer my whole life. But when I finally made it, I felt like a greyhound catching the mechanical rabbit she’d been chasing for so long–discovering it was merely metal, wrapped in cloth. It wasn’t alive; it had no spirit. It was fake. – Anne Lamott • If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese? – Edith Sitwell • I’m born originally in Toronto, and I have what I call my ‘Fame’ story. I took a Greyhound bus and went to Alvin Ailey and received Dunham, Horton, Graham technique there, but I could never take my eyes off of Balanchine doing ‘Nutcracker’; to me he’s the best who ever did it. – Laurieann Gibson • In his youth Michael Owen was literally a greyhound. – Jamie Redknapp • It seems wrong and unfair that Christmas, with its stressful and unmanageable financial and emotional challenges, should first be forced upon one wholly against one’s will, then rudely snatched away just when one is starting to get into it. Was really beginning to enjoy the feeling that normal service was suspended and it was OK to lie in bed as long as you want, put anything you fancy into your mouth, and drink alcohol whenever it should chance to pass your way, even in the mornings. Now suddenly we are all supposed to snap into self-discipline like lean teenage greyhounds. – Helen Fielding • Ive fostered five dogs for the Best Friends Program, which is an amazing no-kill sanctuary for animals, as well as a greyhound named Natasha from the greyhound rescue. All of my fosters have taught me great lessons like patience, nurture, and responsibility. My last foster dog was a Cocker Spaniel, and I couldnt let him go. I adopted him! – Olesya Rulin • I’ve noticed that Henry needs an incredible amount of physical activity all the time in order to be happy. It’s like hanging out with a greyhound. – Audrey Niffenegger • She bounded before me, and returned to my side, and was off again like a young greyhound; and, at first, I found plenty of entertaiment in listening to the larks singing far and near; and enjoying the sweet, warm sunshine; and watching her, my pet, and my delight, with her golden ringlets flying loose behind, and her bright cheek, as soft and pure in its bloom, as a wild rose, and her eyes radiant with cloudless pleasure. She was a happy creautre, and an angel in those those days. It is a pity she could not stay content. – Emily Bronte • Some folks like to get away Take a holiday from the neighborhood. Hop a flight to Miami Beach Or to Hollywood But I’m talking a Greyhound On the Hudson River Line. I’m in a New York state of mind. – Billy Joel • Sometimes the fluffy bunny of incredulity zooms around the bend so rapidly that the greyhound of language is left, agog, in the starting cage. – David Mitchell • Thank God and Greyhound you’re gone. – Roy Clarke • We commend a horse for his strength, and sureness of foot, and not for his rich caparisons; a greyhound for his share of heels, not for his fine collar; a hawk for her wing, not for her jesses and bells. Why, in like manner, do we not value a man for what is properly his own? He has a great train, a beautiful palace, so much credit, so many thousand pounds a year, and all these are about him, but not in him. – Michel de Montaigne • What a creature he was! Never have I felt such a horse between my knees. His great haunches gathered under him with every stride, and he shot forward ever faster and faster, stretched like a greyhound, while the windbeat in my face and whistled past my ears. – Arthur Conan Doyle • Why not be oneself? That is the whole secret of a successful appearance. If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese? – Edith Sitwell • You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower. – Nick Thune • You look sad even though we just met No need to get upset But I got a show, gotta go, so I thank you And if you wanna still get sexed down You could catch the next Greyhound But until then, I gotta go, so I thank you – Eamon • You may bury my body down by the highway side. So my old evil spirit can catch a Greyhound bus and ride. – Robert Johnson

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'a', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_a').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_a img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'o', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_o').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_o img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

Party police raids, drug 'stings' & divas: The Drum's Cannes Lions 2018 gossip column

New Post has been published on https://getyourgossip.xyz/party-police-raids-drug-stings-divas-the-drums-cannes-lions-2018-gossip-column/

Party police raids, drug 'stings' & divas: The Drum's Cannes Lions 2018 gossip column

Cannes Lions is over for another year, but as the rosé turns sticky on the floor of the Gutter Bar and you think of ways to explain the ROI on entertaining clients with €30 burrata every night to your finance manager, there’s one thing that’s sure to follow you home on that Jet2 flight – all the gossip.

What happens in Cannes famously doesn’t stay in Cannes. The Drum’s moles were on the ground, and our very own pub – The Drum Arms – which gave us plenty of access to the scandals happening behind the scenes.

Find out what went on away from the buzz of the Palais from noise complaints to entitled celebrities, The Drum’s drummers causing chaos on the strip and the magnetic pull of Sir John Hegarty… ooh la la indeed.

Duty free

A French air traffic control strike the weekend before Cannes led to topsy-turvy, rerouted trips across Europe for hundreds of delegates on route to the Riviera; we heard of attendees flying via Cologne, Milan and even Luxembourg to make sure they didn’t miss that 9am breakfast meeting.

But which programmatic supremo was spotted making the most of his delayed flight in the airport bar? His penchant for Gatwick’s champagne led to an impulsive – and most likely expensive – Lacoste shopping spree.

Don’t call it a comeback

He may have lost the ‘most powerful man in advertising’ crown but yet again Sir Martin Sorrell managed to become the biggest story of the week. There were plenty of whispers about whether he’d show up to Cannes following the events of recent months – but oddly, we’ve rarely seen him look so relaxed. Some attendees even asked The Drum what we were really planning on doing, assuming the interview at the pub was really a publicity stunt (as if we would ever…!)

But from the moment he arrived at The Drum Arms for his first post-WPP interview (through the back door, naturally) it was clear that the outspoken bean counter was back with a vengeance.

After laying into the big six networks, the Financial Times’ reporting and WPP’s handling of his resignation, he slipped out faster than you can say ‘Q&A’.

Martin Sorrell on why he wants Mark Read and Andrew Scott to replace him as co-CEOs #thedrumcanneshttps://t.co/3lp8PKQpsdpic.twitter.com/slwCT3EK5s

— The Drum (@TheDrum) June 21, 2018

Do ad execs shit in the woods?

Which glamorous party had a distinct lack of toilets for the 500+ people it invited to its celeb-filled celebration? One desperate marketer charmingly told The Drum staff he was going to do a Bear Grylls and “poo in the woods”.

It’s not clear if he was joking or not but he did wander off into the night, which begs the question: if a client does a number two in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Diva on the docks

This East End pop star embraced her inner Mariah Carey this week. When arriving at the port for a night on the yachts she refused to leave her bejewelled high heels on the jetty, forcing staff to choose between a great PR opportunity and their boat hire deposit.

Later, when the same London diva was refused entry to an over-capacity agency party she loudly declared the shop’s comms director was a “jobsworth” in front of their colleagues. It must have been a damned good party! Brits abroad, eh?

A sticky situation

The Carlton’s unfathomable pricing strategy leaves many a suit feeling extorted when the bill arrives. But which creative director was stung big time by Cannes’ hustling drug dealers?

After requesting a wrap of unidentified white powder and paying out €200, his teenage vendor scarpered into the night. Only later did he realise he was actually the proud owner of a rolled-up wrap of sticky tape.

Cooking doesn’t get tougher than this

This year’s News UK party, once again hosted a atop a giant hill at the Château de Garibondy was an absolute hive of gossip. With a set from Kylie, Idris Elba and Fatboy Slim on the decks and a pool stocked with pink flamingos, the glitz and glamour was unrivaled elsewhere.

Aussie chef John Torode was even spotted cooking up a storm at the BBQ, but The Drum’s roving reporters couldn’t help but notice he looked grumpier than a unsuccessful Masterchef contestant.

To be fair, it’s probably not much fun grilling brisket in the blistering heat while drunken ad execs guzzle elderflower gin and tonics around you. It looked like he cheered up a bit later though, when he and his wife Lisa Faulkner got a snap with the Spinning Around singer.

The crowd went absolutely wild for Kylie, with one chief marketing officer dancing non-stop for the whole session and another top creative giving it his all during Can’t Get You Out of My Head.

Praise you like I should

Fatboy Slim, meanwhile, wins the Gold Lion for nicest celebrity of the festival. We heard he spent an hour before his set hanging out with fans and taking pictures. Eat, sleep, network, repeat, right?

Post-party chaos

It’s a shame then, that the plug was literally pulled on Fatboy Slim’s set. Organisers were believed to have been sticking to strict timings to avoid catching the attention of the French police; a plan which ultimately failed.

Hearsay on the ground said this was due to noise complaints, but as more officers showed up just as the party was ending, rumours swirled that it was because a rowdy group of underage teenagers wanted to rave to Fatboy.

The police presence then stopped planned pick-up cars from driving up to collect worse-for-wear guests from the château. This resulted in dozens of high-heeled delegates winding their way down a steep, tree-lined hill in the pitch black to hitch a ride back to their hotels – lions, and tigers and swears, oh my!

Heartthrob Hegarty

In case you were wondering, Sir John Hegarty has still got it. After he spoke at a press conference, the scenes of female fans flocking for some facetime with the BBH founder were akin to Channing Tatum’s media lounge appearance in 2016. One journalist even invited him to spend a holiday with her in Colombia – whenever, wherever!

Sacré bleu!

Which restaurant along Le Croisette doesn’t believe in ‘going dutch’ – or, indeed #TimesUp? During one dinner, we were told waiting staff handed out gender-specific menus where the women don’t see the prices.

Staff from one media firm were shocked to discover this when they noticed that only the sole male of the group could see the cost on the menu he was handed. Lucky fella.

No cameras please

This US star came to the speaker’s corner of the press lounge to talk business, but was left frustrated after the reporting media failed to ask any her questions at all about the announcement she made.

She rolled her eyes when a bunch of journalists instead swarmed around her for videos and selfies once she was done.

On the ball

Speaking of celebs, did we mention that we interviewed former England manager Sam Allardyce?

In conversation before the England v Tunisia game at the TalkSport bar, he predicted the right score and told us over a Guinness that he doesn’t think Stevie G, Frank Lampard or Joey Barton will still be in a job come next summer.

Here he is with The Drum’s video producer Jamie McMurray and editor Stephen Lepitak.

Jambon ou fromage?

A journalist’s diet at Cannes usually consists of aspirin, coffee and rosé, accompanied by agency dinners if you’re lucky or McDonald’s if you’re not. But this year it all changed with the introduction of the press room buffet – a revelation that appeared around 3pm every day.

On the Monday there was cheese and bread. On the Tuesday there was ham and bread. Rumours spread that the much-anticipated French coupling of cheese AND ham would arrive on the Wednesday. But alas – never the two did meet.

Band on the run

We were so enamored with The Drum’s new branding that we flew a band of drummers from London to France for the week. Their job was to disrupt the industry – literally – with the harmonious sounds of banging and hollering. Unfortunately, not everyone was a fan.

The police and event security asked the troop to “allons-y!” on several occasions, and Campaign sent them packing from outside their 50th birthday celebrations.

The biggest reaction came when the band surprised our friends at Ad Age – and were subsequently manhandled out of the area.

[embedded content]

The Drum’s editor-in-chief and founder Gordon Young even got involved in the action earlier on in the week. Here he is leading the merry band in front of a refined audience at the Gutter Bar.

All stood up

Which social figure left The Drum reporters waiting 90 minutes for an interview? After an hour and a half of waiting (with only frantic texts from her PR to give us hope) we gave up – only to land an interview with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, aka Game of Thrones’ Jaime Lannister, a few boats down. Both his hands were fully operational.

ForgetfulLAD

Which well-known industry PR was said to have his laptop at the Lad Bible villa, only to realise it was missing on is way to the airport. His cab had to turn around so he could return to collect the computer.

It’s not clear whether he left it during the social publisher’s party on the Tuesday night, which looked a bit like a session at the Love Island villa.

Live From The @ladbible Villa Pool Party #Cannespic.twitter.com/70fuAdvm7n — DJ Luck & MC Neat (@LucknNeat) June 19, 2018

There’s no doubt the Lad Bible crew were partying hard the rest of the week, since the group’s ‘Trash Isles’ campaign scooped a number of Lions.

Too brave?

The Marketing Society’s well-intentioned ‘brave’-themed lunch proved a bit too bold for some attendees, with one unadventurous guest suggesting that even Heston Blumenthal might have snubbed some of the concoctions on offer.

Can’t fight the moonlight

One Australian agency got a bit excitable in the car on its way to one of the many events. As the poor driver weaved his way through the rolling Riviera hills, too much pre-8pm rosé (we heard them say they paid €350 for a bottle) had gone to the execs’ heads.

Unprompted, one of the group put LeAnn Rimes’ 90s classic Can’t Fight the Moonlight on full blast in the backseat, loudly singing along and trying to get our reporters to dance. We preferred the original.

You can follow all The Drum’s Cannes Lions coverage here, with more exclusives and one-on-one interviews to follow next week.

Party police raids, drug 'stings' & divas: The Drum's Cannes Lions 2018 gossip column

New Post has been published on http://gr8gossip.xyz/party-police-raids-drug-stings-divas-the-drums-cannes-lions-2018-gossip-column/

Party police raids, drug 'stings' & divas: The Drum's Cannes Lions 2018 gossip column

Cannes Lions is over for another year, but as the rosé turns sticky on the floor of the Gutter Bar and you think of ways to explain the ROI on entertaining clients with €30 burrata every night to your finance manager, there’s one thing that’s sure to follow you home on that Jet2 flight – all the gossip.

What happens in Cannes famously doesn’t stay in Cannes. The Drum’s moles were on the ground, and our very own pub – The Drum Arms – which gave us plenty of access to the scandals happening behind the scenes.

Find out what went on away from the buzz of the Palais from noise complaints to entitled celebrities, The Drum’s drummers causing chaos on the strip and the magnetic pull of Sir John Hegarty… ooh la la indeed.

Duty free

A French air traffic control strike the weekend before Cannes led to topsy-turvy, rerouted trips across Europe for hundreds of delegates on route to the Riviera; we heard of attendees flying via Cologne, Milan and even Luxembourg to make sure they didn’t miss that 9am breakfast meeting.

But which programmatic supremo was spotted making the most of his delayed flight in the airport bar? His penchant for Gatwick’s champagne led to an impulsive – and most likely expensive – Lacoste shopping spree.

Don’t call it a comeback

He may have lost the ‘most powerful man in advertising’ crown but yet again Sir Martin Sorrell managed to become the biggest story of the week. There were plenty of whispers about whether he’d show up to Cannes following the events of recent months – but oddly, we’ve rarely seen him look so relaxed. Some attendees even asked The Drum what we were really planning on doing, assuming the interview at the pub was really a publicity stunt (as if we would ever…!)

But from the moment he arrived at The Drum Arms for his first post-WPP interview (through the back door, naturally) it was clear that the outspoken bean counter was back with a vengeance.

After laying into the big six networks, the Financial Times’ reporting and WPP’s handling of his resignation, he slipped out faster than you can say ‘Q&A’.

Martin Sorrell on why he wants Mark Read and Andrew Scott to replace him as co-CEOs #thedrumcanneshttps://t.co/3lp8PKQpsdpic.twitter.com/slwCT3EK5s

— The Drum (@TheDrum) June 21, 2018

He recycled a handful of pre-prepared jokes when he spoke at the Palais on Friday, however the audience was less sympathetic to the freshly tanned millionaire: delegates booed as he filibustered his own session instead of answering questions from journalist Ken Auletta.

Do ad execs shit in the woods?

Which glamorous party had a distinct lack of toilets for the 500+ people it invited to its celeb-filled celebration? One desperate marketer charmingly told The Drum staff he was going to do a Bear Grylls and “poo in the woods”.

It’s not clear if he was joking or not but he did wander off into the night, which begs the question: if a client does a number two in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Diva on the docks

This East End pop star embraced her inner Mariah Carey this week. When arriving at the port for a night on the yachts she refused to leave her bejewelled high heels on the jetty, forcing staff to choose between a great PR opportunity and their boat hire deposit.

Later, when the same London diva was refused entry to an over-capacity agency party she loudly declared the shop’s comms director was a “jobsworth” in front of their colleagues. It must have been a damned good party! Brits abroad, eh?

A sticky situation

The Carlton’s unfathomable pricing strategy leaves many a suit feeling extorted when the bill arrives. But which creative director was stung big time by Cannes’ hustling drug dealers?

After requesting a wrap of unidentified white powder and paying out €200, his teenage vendor scarpered into the night. Only later did he realise he was actually the proud owner of a rolled-up wrap of sticky tape.

Cooking doesn’t get tougher than this

This year’s News UK party, once again hosted a atop a giant hill at the Château de Garibondy was an absolute hive of gossip. With a set from Kylie, Idris Elba and Fatboy Slim on the decks and a pool stocked with pink flamingos, the glitz and glamour was unrivaled elsewhere.

Aussie chef John Torode was even spotted cooking up a storm at the BBQ, but The Drum’s roving reporters couldn’t help but notice he looked grumpier than a unsuccessful Masterchef contestant.

To be fair, it’s probably not much fun grilling brisket in the blistering heat while drunken ad execs guzzle elderflower gin and tonics around you. It looked like he cheered up a bit later though, when he and his wife Lisa Faulkner got a snap with the Spinning Around singer.

The crowd went absolutely wild for Kylie, with one chief marketing officer dancing non-stop for the whole session and another top creative giving it his all during Can’t Get You Out of My Head.

Praise you like I should

Fatboy Slim, meanwhile, wins the Gold Lion for nicest celebrity of the festival. We heard he spent an hour before his set hanging out with fans and taking pictures. Eat, sleep, network, repeat, right?

Post-party chaos

It’s a shame then, that the plug was literally pulled on Fatboy Slim’s set. Organisers were believed to have been sticking to strict timings to avoid catching the attention of the French police; a plan which ultimately failed.

The Drum understands News UK was issued fines of €60 and then €1,000. Hearsay on the ground said this was due to noise complaints, but as more officers showed up just as the party was ending, rumours swirled that it was because a rowdy group of underage teenagers wanted to rave to Fatboy.

The police presence then stopped planned pick-up cars from driving up to collect worse-for-wear guests from the château. This resulted in dozens of high-heeled delegates winding their way down a steep, tree-lined hill in the pitch black to hitch a ride back to their hotels – lions, and tigers and swears, oh my!

Heartthrob Hegarty

In case you were wondering, Sir John Hegarty has still got it. After he spoke at a press conference, the scenes of female fans flocking for some facetime with the BBH founder were akin to Channing Tatum’s media lounge appearance in 2016. One journalist even invited him to spend a holiday with her in Colombia – whenever, wherever!

Sacré bleu!

Which restaurant along Le Croisette doesn’t believe in ‘going dutch’ – or, indeed #TimesUp? During one dinner, we were told waiting staff handed out gender-specific menus where the women don’t see the prices.

Staff from one media firm were shocked to discover this when they noticed that only the sole male of the group could see the cost on the menu he was handed. Lucky fella.

No cameras please

This US star came to the speaker’s corner of the press lounge to talk business, but was left frustrated after the reporting media failed to ask any her questions at all about the announcement she made.

She rolled her eyes when a bunch of journalists instead swarmed around her for videos and selfies once she was done.

On the ball

Speaking of celebs, did we mention that we interviewed former England manager Sam Allardyce?

In conversation before the England v Tunisia game at the TalkSport bar, he predicted the right score and told us over a Guinness that he doesn’t think Stevie G, Frank Lampard or Joey Barton will still be in a job come next summer.

Here he is with The Drum’s video producer Jamie McMurray and editor Stephen Lepitak.

Jambon ou fromage?

A journalist’s diet at Cannes usually consists of aspirin, coffee and rosé, accompanied by agency dinners if you’re lucky or McDonald’s if you’re not. But this year it all changed with the introduction of the press room buffet – a revelation that appeared around 3pm every day.

On the Monday there was cheese and bread. On the Tuesday there was ham and bread. Rumours spread that the much-anticipated French coupling of cheese AND ham would arrive on the Wednesday. But alas – never the two did meet.

Band on the run

We were so enamored with The Drum’s new branding that we flew a band of drummers from London to France for the week. Their job was to disrupt the industry – literally – with the harmonious sounds of banging and hollering. Unfortunately, not everyone was a fan.

The police and event security asked the troop to “allons-y!” on several occasions, and Campaign sent them packing from outside their 50th birthday celebrations.

The biggest reaction came when the band surprised our friends at Ad Age – and were subsequently manhandled out of the area.

[embedded content]

The Drum’s editor-in-chief and founder Gordon Young even got involved in the action earlier on in the week. Here he is leading the merry band in front of a refined audience at the Gutter Bar.

All stood up

Which social figure left The Drum reporters waiting 90 minutes for an interview? After an hour and a half of waiting (with only frantic texts from her PR to give us hope) we gave up – only to land an interview with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, aka Game of Thrones’ Jaime Lannister, a few boats down. Both his hands were fully operational.

ForgetfulLAD

Which well-known industry PR was said to have his laptop at the Lad Bible villa, only to realise it was missing on is way to the airport. His cab had to turn around so he could return to collect the computer.

It’s not clear whether he left it during the social publisher’s party on the Tuesday night, which looked a bit like a session at the Love Island villa.

Live From The @ladbible Villa Pool Party #Cannespic.twitter.com/70fuAdvm7n — DJ Luck & MC Neat (@LucknNeat) June 19, 2018

There’s no doubt the Lad Bible crew were partying hard the rest of the week, since the group’s ‘Trash Isles’ campaign scooped a number of Lions.

Too brave?

The Marketing Society’s well-intentioned ‘brave’-themed lunch proved a bit too bold for some attendees, with one unadventurous guest suggesting that even Heston Blumenthal might have snubbed some of the concoctions on offer.

Can’t fight the moonlight

One Australian agency got a bit excitable in the car on its way to one of the many events. As the poor driver weaved his way through the rolling Riviera hills, too much pre-8pm rosé (we heard them say they paid €350 for a bottle) had gone to the execs’ heads.

Unprompted, one of the group put LeAnn Rimes’ 90s classic Can’t Fight the Moonlight on full blast in the backseat, loudly singing along and trying to get our reporters to dance. We preferred the original.

You can follow all The Drum’s Cannes Lions coverage here, with more exclusives and one-on-one interviews to follow next week.

Party police raids, drug 'stings' & divas: The Drum's Cannes Lions 2018 gossip column

New Post has been published on http://gr8gossip.xyz/party-police-raids-drug-stings-divas-the-drums-cannes-lions-2018-gossip-column/

Party police raids, drug 'stings' & divas: The Drum's Cannes Lions 2018 gossip column

Cannes Lions is over for another year, but as the rosé turns sticky on the floor of the Gutter Bar and you think of ways to explain the ROI on entertaining clients with €30 burrata every night to your finance manager, there’s one thing that’s sure to follow you home on that Jet2 flight – all the gossip.

What happens in Cannes famously doesn’t stay in Cannes. The Drum’s moles were on the ground, and our very own pub – The Drum Arms – which gave us plenty of access to the scandals happening behind the scenes.

Find out what went on away from the buzz of the Palais from noise complaints to entitled celebrities, The Drum’s drummers causing chaos on the strip and the magnetic pull of Sir John Hegarty… ooh la la indeed.

Duty free

A French air traffic control strike the weekend before Cannes led to topsy-turvy, rerouted trips across Europe for hundreds of delegates on route to the Riviera; we heard of attendees flying via Cologne, Milan and even Luxembourg to make sure they didn’t miss that 9am breakfast meeting.

But which programmatic supremo was spotted making the most of his delayed flight in the airport bar? His penchant for Gatwick’s champagne led to an impulsive – and most likely expensive – Lacoste shopping spree.

Don’t call it a comeback

He may have lost the ‘most powerful man in advertising’ crown but yet again Sir Martin Sorrell managed to become the biggest story of the week. There were plenty of whispers about whether he’d show up to Cannes following the events of recent months – but oddly, we’ve rarely seen him look so relaxed. Some attendees even asked The Drum what we were really planning on doing, assuming the interview at the pub was really a publicity stunt (as if we would ever…!)

But from the moment he arrived at The Drum Arms for his first post-WPP interview (through the back door, naturally) it was clear that the outspoken bean counter was back with a vengeance.

After laying into the big six networks, the Financial Times’ reporting and WPP’s handling of his resignation, he slipped out faster than you can say ‘Q&A’.

Martin Sorrell on why he wants Mark Read and Andrew Scott to replace him as co-CEOs #thedrumcanneshttps://t.co/3lp8PKQpsdpic.twitter.com/slwCT3EK5s

— The Drum (@TheDrum) June 21, 2018

He recycled a handful of pre-prepared jokes when he spoke at the Palais on Friday, however the audience was less sympathetic to the freshly tanned millionaire: delegates booed as he filibustered his own session instead of answering questions from journalist Ken Auletta.

Do ad execs shit in the woods?

Which glamorous party had a distinct lack of toilets for the 500+ people it invited to its celeb-filled celebration? One desperate marketer charmingly told The Drum staff he was going to do a Bear Grylls and “poo in the woods”.

It’s not clear if he was joking or not but he did wander off into the night, which begs the question: if a client does a number two in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Diva on the docks

This East End pop star embraced her inner Mariah Carey this week. When arriving at the port for a night on the yachts she refused to leave her bejewelled high heels on the jetty, forcing staff to choose between a great PR opportunity and their boat hire deposit.

Later, when the same London diva was refused entry to an over-capacity agency party she loudly declared the shop’s comms director was a “jobsworth” in front of their colleagues. It must have been a damned good party! Brits abroad, eh?

A sticky situation

The Carlton’s unfathomable pricing strategy leaves many a suit feeling extorted when the bill arrives. But which creative director was stung big time by Cannes’ hustling drug dealers?

After requesting a wrap of unidentified white powder and paying out €200, his teenage vendor scarpered into the night. Only later did he realise he was actually the proud owner of a rolled-up wrap of sticky tape.

Cooking doesn’t get tougher than this

This year’s News UK party, once again hosted a atop a giant hill at the Château de Garibondy was an absolute hive of gossip. With a set from Kylie, Idris Elba and Fatboy Slim on the decks and a pool stocked with pink flamingos, the glitz and glamour was unrivaled elsewhere.

Aussie chef John Torode was even spotted cooking up a storm at the BBQ, but The Drum’s roving reporters couldn’t help but notice he looked grumpier than a unsuccessful Masterchef contestant.

To be fair, it’s probably not much fun grilling brisket in the blistering heat while drunken ad execs guzzle elderflower gin and tonics around you. It looked like he cheered up a bit later though, when he and his wife Lisa Faulkner got a snap with the Spinning Around singer.

The crowd went absolutely wild for Kylie, with one chief marketing officer dancing non-stop for the whole session and another top creative giving it his all during Can’t Get You Out of My Head.

Praise you like I should

Fatboy Slim, meanwhile, wins the Gold Lion for nicest celebrity of the festival. We heard he spent an hour before his set hanging out with fans and taking pictures. Eat, sleep, network, repeat, right?

Post-party chaos

It’s a shame then, that the plug was literally pulled on Fatboy Slim’s set. Organisers were believed to have been sticking to strict timings to avoid catching the attention of the French police; a plan which ultimately failed.

The Drum understands News UK was issued fines of €60 and then €1,000. Hearsay on the ground said this was due to noise complaints, but as more officers showed up just as the party was ending, rumours swirled that it was because a rowdy group of underage teenagers wanted to rave to Fatboy.

The police presence then stopped planned pick-up cars from driving up to collect worse-for-wear guests from the château. This resulted in dozens of high-heeled delegates winding their way down a steep, tree-lined hill in the pitch black to hitch a ride back to their hotels – lions, and tigers and swears, oh my!

Heartthrob Hegarty

In case you were wondering, Sir John Hegarty has still got it. After he spoke at a press conference, the scenes of female fans flocking for some facetime with the BBH founder were akin to Channing Tatum’s media lounge appearance in 2016. One journalist even invited him to spend a holiday with her in Colombia – whenever, wherever!

Sacré bleu!

Which restaurant along Le Croisette doesn’t believe in ‘going dutch’ – or, indeed #TimesUp? During one dinner, we were told waiting staff handed out gender-specific menus where the women don’t see the prices.

Staff from one media firm were shocked to discover this when they noticed that only the sole male of the group could see the cost on the menu he was handed. Lucky fella.

No cameras please

This US star came to the speaker’s corner of the press lounge to talk business, but was left frustrated after the reporting media failed to ask any her questions at all about the announcement she made.

She rolled her eyes when a bunch of journalists instead swarmed around her for videos and selfies once she was done.

On the ball

Speaking of celebs, did we mention that we interviewed former England manager Sam Allardyce?

In conversation before the England v Tunisia game at the TalkSport bar, he predicted the right score and told us over a Guinness that he doesn’t think Stevie G, Frank Lampard or Joey Barton will still be in a job come next summer.

Here he is with The Drum’s video producer Jamie McMurray and editor Stephen Lepitak.

Jambon ou fromage?

A journalist’s diet at Cannes usually consists of aspirin, coffee and rosé, accompanied by agency dinners if you’re lucky or McDonald’s if you’re not. But this year it all changed with the introduction of the press room buffet – a revelation that appeared around 3pm every day.

On the Monday there was cheese and bread. On the Tuesday there was ham and bread. Rumours spread that the much-anticipated French coupling of cheese AND ham would arrive on the Wednesday. But alas – never the two did meet.

Band on the run

We were so enamored with The Drum’s new branding that we flew a band of drummers from London to France for the week. Their job was to disrupt the industry – literally – with the harmonious sounds of banging and hollering. Unfortunately, not everyone was a fan.

The police and event security asked the troop to “allons-y!” on several occasions, and Campaign sent them packing from outside their 50th birthday celebrations.

The biggest reaction came when the band surprised our friends at Ad Age – and were subsequently manhandled out of the area.

[embedded content]

The Drum’s editor-in-chief and founder Gordon Young even got involved in the action earlier on in the week. Here he is leading the merry band in front of a refined audience at the Gutter Bar.

All stood up

Which social figure left The Drum reporters waiting 90 minutes for an interview? After an hour and a half of waiting (with only frantic texts from her PR to give us hope) we gave up – only to land an interview with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, aka Game of Thrones’ Jaime Lannister, a few boats down. Both his hands were fully operational.

ForgetfulLAD

Which well-known industry PR was said to have his laptop at the Lad Bible villa, only to realise it was missing on is way to the airport. His cab had to turn around so he could return to collect the computer.

It’s not clear whether he left it during the social publisher’s party on the Tuesday night, which looked a bit like a session at the Love Island villa.

Live From The @ladbible Villa Pool Party #Cannespic.twitter.com/70fuAdvm7n — DJ Luck & MC Neat (@LucknNeat) June 19, 2018

There’s no doubt the Lad Bible crew were partying hard the rest of the week, since the group’s ‘Trash Isles’ campaign scooped a number of Lions.

Too brave?

The Marketing Society’s well-intentioned ‘brave’-themed lunch proved a bit too bold for some attendees, with one unadventurous guest suggesting that even Heston Blumenthal might have snubbed some of the concoctions on offer.

Can’t fight the moonlight

One Australian agency got a bit excitable in the car on its way to one of the many events. As the poor driver weaved his way through the rolling Riviera hills, too much pre-8pm rosé (we heard them say they paid €350 for a bottle) had gone to the execs’ heads.

Unprompted, one of the group put LeAnn Rimes’ 90s classic Can’t Fight the Moonlight on full blast in the backseat, loudly singing along and trying to get our reporters to dance. We preferred the original.

You can follow all The Drum’s Cannes Lions coverage here, with more exclusives and one-on-one interviews to follow next week.

Party police raids, drug 'stings' & divas: The Drum's Cannes Lions 2018 gossip column

New Post has been published on https://getyourgossip.xyz/party-police-raids-drug-stings-divas-the-drums-cannes-lions-2018-gossip-column/

Party police raids, drug 'stings' & divas: The Drum's Cannes Lions 2018 gossip column

Cannes Lions is over for another year, but as the rosé turns sticky on the floor of the Gutter Bar and you think of ways to explain the ROI on entertaining clients with €30 burrata every night to your finance manager, there’s one thing that’s sure to follow you home on that Jet2 flight – all the gossip.

What happens in Cannes famously doesn’t stay in Cannes. The Drum’s moles were on the ground, and our very own pub – The Drum Arms – which gave us plenty of access to the scandals happening behind the scenes.

Find out what went on away from the buzz of the Palais from noise complaints to entitled celebrities, The Drum’s drummers causing chaos on the strip and the magnetic pull of Sir John Hegarty… ooh la la indeed.

Duty free

A French air traffic control strike the weekend before Cannes led to topsy-turvy, rerouted trips across Europe for hundreds of delegates on route to the Riviera; we heard of attendees flying via Cologne, Milan and even Luxembourg to make sure they didn’t miss that 9am breakfast meeting.

But which programmatic supremo was spotted making the most of his delayed flight in the airport bar? His penchant for Gatwick’s champagne led to an impulsive – and most likely expensive – Lacoste shopping spree.

Don’t call it a comeback

He may have lost the ‘most powerful man in advertising’ crown but yet again Sir Martin Sorrell managed to become the biggest story of the week. There were plenty of whispers about whether he’d show up to Cannes following the events of recent months – but oddly, we’ve rarely seen him look so relaxed. Some attendees even asked The Drum what we were really planning on doing, assuming the interview at the pub was really a publicity stunt (as if we would ever…!)

But from the moment he arrived at The Drum Arms for his first post-WPP interview (through the back door, naturally) it was clear that the outspoken bean counter was back with a vengeance.

After laying into the big six networks, the Financial Times’ reporting and WPP’s handling of his resignation, he slipped out faster than you can say ‘Q&A’.

Martin Sorrell on why he wants Mark Read and Andrew Scott to replace him as co-CEOs #thedrumcanneshttps://t.co/3lp8PKQpsdpic.twitter.com/slwCT3EK5s

— The Drum (@TheDrum) June 21, 2018

He recycled a handful of pre-prepared jokes when he spoke at the Palais on Friday, however the audience was less sympathetic to the freshly tanned millionaire: delegates booed as he filibustered his own session instead of answering questions from journalist Ken Auletta.

Do ad execs shit in the woods?

Which glamorous party had a distinct lack of toilets for the 500+ people it invited to its celeb-filled celebration? One desperate marketer charmingly told The Drum staff he was going to do a Bear Grylls and “poo in the woods”.

It’s not clear if he was joking or not but he did wander off into the night, which begs the question: if a client does a number two in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Diva on the docks

This East End pop star embraced her inner Mariah Carey this week. When arriving at the port for a night on the yachts she refused to leave her bejewelled high heels on the jetty, forcing staff to choose between a great PR opportunity and their boat hire deposit.

Later, when the same London diva was refused entry to an over-capacity agency party she loudly declared the shop’s comms director was a “jobsworth” in front of their colleagues. It must have been a damned good party! Brits abroad, eh?

A sticky situation

The Carlton’s unfathomable pricing strategy leaves many a suit feeling extorted when the bill arrives. But which creative director was stung big time by Cannes’ hustling drug dealers?

After requesting a wrap of unidentified white powder and paying out €200, his teenage vendor scarpered into the night. Only later did he realise he was actually the proud owner of a rolled-up wrap of sticky tape.

Cooking doesn’t get tougher than this

This year’s News UK party, once again hosted a atop a giant hill at the Château de Garibondy was an absolute hive of gossip. With a set from Kylie, Idris Elba and Fatboy Slim on the decks and a pool stocked with pink flamingos, the glitz and glamour was unrivaled elsewhere.

Aussie chef John Torode was even spotted cooking up a storm at the BBQ, but The Drum’s roving reporters couldn’t help but notice he looked grumpier than a unsuccessful Masterchef contestant.

To be fair, it’s probably not much fun grilling brisket in the blistering heat while drunken ad execs guzzle elderflower gin and tonics around you. It looked like he cheered up a bit later though, when he and his wife Lisa Faulkner got a snap with the Spinning Around singer.

The crowd went absolutely wild for Kylie, with one chief marketing officer dancing non-stop for the whole session and another top creative giving it his all during Can’t Get You Out of My Head.

Praise you like I should

Fatboy Slim, meanwhile, wins the Gold Lion for nicest celebrity of the festival. We heard he spent an hour before his set hanging out with fans and taking pictures. Eat, sleep, network, repeat, right?

Post-party chaos

It’s a shame then, that the plug was literally pulled on Fatboy Slim’s set. Organisers were believed to have been sticking to strict timings to avoid catching the attention of the French police; a plan which ultimately failed.

The Drum understands News UK was issued fines of €60 and then €1,000. Hearsay on the ground said this was due to noise complaints, but as more officers showed up just as the party was ending, rumours swirled that it was because a rowdy group of underage teenagers wanted to rave to Fatboy.

The police presence then stopped planned pick-up cars from driving up to collect worse-for-wear guests from the château. This resulted in dozens of high-heeled delegates winding their way down a steep, tree-lined hill in the pitch black to hitch a ride back to their hotels – lions, and tigers and swears, oh my!

Heartthrob Hegarty

In case you were wondering, Sir John Hegarty has still got it. After he spoke at a press conference, the scenes of female fans flocking for some facetime with the BBH founder were akin to Channing Tatum’s media lounge appearance in 2016. One journalist even invited him to spend a holiday with her in Colombia – whenever, wherever!

Sacré bleu!

Which restaurant along Le Croisette doesn’t believe in ‘going dutch’ – or, indeed #TimesUp? During one dinner, we were told waiting staff handed out gender-specific menus where the women don’t see the prices.

Staff from one media firm were shocked to discover this when they noticed that only the sole male of the group could see the cost on the menu he was handed. Lucky fella.

No cameras please

This US star came to the speaker’s corner of the press lounge to talk business, but was left frustrated after the reporting media failed to ask any her questions at all about the announcement she made.

She rolled her eyes when a bunch of journalists instead swarmed around her for videos and selfies once she was done.

On the ball

Speaking of celebs, did we mention that we interviewed former England manager Sam Allardyce?

In conversation before the England v Tunisia game at the TalkSport bar, he predicted the right score and told us over a Guinness that he doesn’t think Stevie G, Frank Lampard or Joey Barton will still be in a job come next summer.

Here he is with The Drum’s video producer Jamie McMurray and editor Stephen Lepitak.

Jambon ou fromage?

A journalist’s diet at Cannes usually consists of aspirin, coffee and rosé, accompanied by agency dinners if you’re lucky or McDonald’s if you’re not. But this year it all changed with the introduction of the press room buffet – a revelation that appeared around 3pm every day.

On the Monday there was cheese and bread. On the Tuesday there was ham and bread. Rumours spread that the much-anticipated French coupling of cheese AND ham would arrive on the Wednesday. But alas – never the two did meet.

Band on the run

We were so enamored with The Drum’s new branding that we flew a band of drummers from London to France for the week. Their job was to disrupt the industry – literally – with the harmonious sounds of banging and hollering. Unfortunately, not everyone was a fan.

The police and event security asked the troop to “allons-y!” on several occasions, and Campaign sent them packing from outside their 50th birthday celebrations.

The biggest reaction came when the band surprised our friends at Ad Age – and were subsequently manhandled out of the area.

[embedded content]

The Drum’s editor-in-chief and founder Gordon Young even got involved in the action earlier on in the week. Here he is leading the merry band in front of a refined audience at the Gutter Bar.

All stood up

Which social figure left The Drum reporters waiting 90 minutes for an interview? After an hour and a half of waiting (with only frantic texts from her PR to give us hope) we gave up – only to land an interview with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, aka Game of Thrones’ Jaime Lannister, a few boats down. Both his hands were fully operational.

ForgetfulLAD

Which well-known industry PR was said to have his laptop at the Lad Bible villa, only to realise it was missing on is way to the airport. His cab had to turn around so he could return to collect the computer.

It’s not clear whether he left it during the social publisher’s party on the Tuesday night, which looked a bit like a session at the Love Island villa.

Live From The @ladbible Villa Pool Party #Cannespic.twitter.com/70fuAdvm7n — DJ Luck & MC Neat (@LucknNeat) June 19, 2018

There’s no doubt the Lad Bible crew were partying hard the rest of the week, since the group’s ‘Trash Isles’ campaign scooped a number of Lions.

Too brave?

The Marketing Society’s well-intentioned ‘brave’-themed lunch proved a bit too bold for some attendees, with one unadventurous guest suggesting that even Heston Blumenthal might have snubbed some of the concoctions on offer.

Can’t fight the moonlight

One Australian agency got a bit excitable in the car on its way to one of the many events. As the poor driver weaved his way through the rolling Riviera hills, too much pre-8pm rosé (we heard them say they paid €350 for a bottle) had gone to the execs’ heads.

Unprompted, one of the group put LeAnn Rimes’ 90s classic Can’t Fight the Moonlight on full blast in the backseat, loudly singing along and trying to get our reporters to dance. We preferred the original.

You can follow all The Drum’s Cannes Lions coverage here, with more exclusives and one-on-one interviews to follow next week.