#like im so ridiculous for having anxiety | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

falldogbombsthemoon · 14 days

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Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.

#vent following #its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother #no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism.#there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that.#he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that #anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like #“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case #yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me.#and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping #and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline.#and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me #not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad.#i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute #i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself.#but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion #i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing #but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone #and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after.#i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn #quinns daily yapping post #rather #quinns personal hell

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wekillitwithfire · 25 days

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truly something so empowering in just saying ‘fuck it we ball’. what a life changing mentality

#i’m a whole lot braver than i used to be #like of course the fear (anxiety) is still there but i’ve gotten a whole lot better at managing working through it #and often this is just brute-forcing my way through the anxiety. and that’s by saying fuck it we ball and just doing it scared #what’s gonna happen? i’m gonna embarrass myself? WHATEVER! i’ve embarrassed myself so many times in my life #it’s a regular part of my routine at this point. this is the nature of finding your place in this world. being clumsy and stupid.#this isn’t to say that anxiety doesn’t hold me back from things still. it definitely still absolutely does #i do some ridiculous shit because of anxiety #such as. oh shit i started walking the wrond direction. well i cant just turn around in the middle of the sidewalk ill look stupid.#i’ll just do a full loop around this building to turn myself around #fucking stupid. and very real thing that i have done.#i’m also weird about not knowing where i’m going inside a building. i get scared to walk around to look for a bathroom #ESPECIALLY in restaurants. i always ask where the restroom is before looking for it if i can’t see it from my seat #but then i realize im just walking and no one cares and im so brave

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quirkle2 · 1 year

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question!

i've been wanting to stray away from lu for a while now and do my own thing with wars n ledge and the rest of the links (mainly bc i feel restricted by jojo's rules/don't agree w her takes, and wanna pursuit my own stuff), but there's one big thing holding me back, and that's lack of views to put it bluntly

if i make my own au and don't tag its content as #lu, then it will most definitely get a fraction of the attention my lu content does. and i know it sounds self-centered of me to worry abt something like that, but i put months of work into the fics i post. i put days of work into each art piece i post. if i work on something for months and then 10 people on ao3 read it and an astounding 0 of them even leave a comment, that will be Devastating to my motivation And confidence

what im asking y'all is this: should i finally make my own au to separate myself from lu and risk the plunge in notes, or should i stay in the lu fandom and suffer?

#qktalks #i feel like my links are far enough apart from lu's canon to justify this #ESPECIALLY my wars #my wars is Nothing like lu wars; he's silly and goofy and not at all serious #not even accounting for the fact that he Looks completely different design-wise i think he's pretty far from canon lu now #my sky design is Nothing like lu sky's and i have my own characterizations of him despite not posting abt it much #to put it bluntly once again i wanna post stuff of them all cuddling and being a family without dipshit lu fans coming in and correcting me #so far it's only happened like Once but the fear and anxiety of being ridiculed is still very much apparent #im afraid to post stuff. i don't wanna be afraid to post stuff #i wanna have my own au where i have my Own rules #and i wanna be in a fandom that doesn't fuckin suck VGIEAYGV #but im terrified of switching over and out of the fandom bc then my stuff won't be viewed at all #and without reblogs of my art and comments on my fics i have a feeling i will simply stop producing anything altogether #i know the whole ''u should make art for yourself'' thing but . it's no fun if nobody else is gonna see it yaknow ?#i wanna show other people what makes me happy and maybe make them happy in the process #that's hard to do when u don't tag ur posts w a popular fandom tag that everybody searches through #idk . willing to hear anybody's takes on this

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jorvikzelda · 6 months

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onlu have 1 out of 3 balls of yarn left on the brown & beige half of my crochet blanket and then i get to move on to the blue half but the first stripe of the blue half is just a slightly colder shade of white than the last stripe of the brown & beige half which is off white and I gotta crochet 3 full balls of yarn of that

#z talks #not horse game #I am having a ridiculously bad anxiety night and I was like. crochet will fix me. so now I'm working on my blankie #and changed into comfy clothes #still anxious as hell but at least I'm not on the verge of hyperventilating anymore #I've yawned twice and I'm starting to feel more tired than anxious that's usually a sign that the worst has passed i think #oh yeah. ohhh yeah. the headache is coming on. we're coming out of it folks B)#anyway blankie is going well. it is soothing #when im done i think i might order some more yarn and make a nice frilly border #thinking maybe some glittery yarn tbh

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pepprs · 7 months

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my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared

#purrs #delete later #ask to tag #(putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw)#i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my #fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of #nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region #but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self #centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know #how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be #supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent #people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws #are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough #as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name #but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is #extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering #rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make #it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure #and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago #i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this #nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so #many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at #this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment #i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do

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whsprings · 7 months

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hahabsbbdbdbdvd anxiety exposures are going great why do you ask

#i told her what C said abt wanting my providers to like me and now T also wont tell me if she likes me or not 🫠#and i have to pracrice saying no which feels bad and wrong and i hate it #so T kept doing things like asking me to hand her stuff that i could very easily do and i then was supposed to say no #it sounds dumb but i was actually dying #also im having issues initiating tasks so thats what im working on this week #just starting and stopping tasks #why is this so HARD just typing it out i feel ridiculous #social anxiety exposures

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thewanderingace · 2 months

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I just found a section on my new job's scheduling app (who knew such a thing existed!) where I can set my preferred availability!? They didn't tell me about that! So I set it up so I'm unavailable/prefer not to work every other weekend. Along with the Tuesdays and Thursdays I cannot work. This way I can pick up a shift those weekends if I want to but I could avoid working every single weekend AND it leaves my WWII reenactment weekends available and I'd only need to put in time off requests for the fridays before. I HOPE THIS WORKS AND THAT I DID IT RIGHT AND IT WON'T UPSET MY NEW BOSSES! I'm still gonna work weekends just hopefully every other one and not every single one.

#mod post #personal #i know this all seems ridiculous to fret kver but when you have anxiety thet partially stems from the fear of upsetting someone #or being a burden or anything in that realm #then shit like my work availability becomes a big deal #i dont want to look lazy by not working the full 30 hrs a week #i dont want my bosses to think im lazy or a flake #but i also don't want to make my household schedule any more complicated than it already is #im trying to please everyone and i just end up making myself insane #story of my life #if this availability works with my bosses then that gives me 3 days a week occasional weekends of for life things #while also still working weekends which are peak traffic days for the museum #and i can always pick up a weekend day if needed and im available #they said theyre pretty good at accommodating people's preferred schedules #so i guess ill see how this goes #cant wait for the newbie feeling is gone and fully into jaded exhausted long time worker #i much prefer that stage cause then the job is easy and second nature #this beginning stage i just feel useless and awkward and nervous and dumb and i hate that so much

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princekirijo · 2 months

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Think I got a little too excited for Shadow of the Erdtree 💀

#im sorry last post i am probably annoying someone LMAO #but yeah maybe it was something i ate tbh but my stomach is doing flips or some shit rn #and as well my anxiety levels have been ridiculously high since like start of February #so it's prob all just come to a head rn #but it is kinda funny to think yeah i got so excited over the dlc my stomach started flipping around too #i just have so many thoughts

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steampoweredskeleton · 5 months

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Ignore

#delete later #god i wish i was neurotypical #found out my flatmate is going to be away for a few days after they left and bc id had no warning my anxiety spiked so hard #that i had such a wave of nausea i had to lie down #idk why that fucking happened. ridiculous. irs not like it really affects that much. just the thing of my home being changed in any way #without warning freaks me the fuck out. couldnt do any work til id laid under my weighted blanket at lunch #and like obvs this is an entirely me thing. i dont expect my flatmates to tell me every detail of what they're doing #not sure how to keep myself from freaking over it though. will think on it #but yeah. if i was neurotypical id be fine. i also want to play ky video games after work but im akways so exhausted that all i can do #is lie in bed under my weighted blanket. it is so frustrating. im so tired. not helped that pain is fucking me up in new ways #so im also upset aboit that. and that christmas is approaching abd that changes the routine completely #and is always overwhelming #but this year im staying home so i will be able to keep it quiet and low key and it'll be just me so i dont have to think about #masking in any way which is kind of nice as even the vibe of Christmas takes a lot oit of me #i enjoy the thought of it and always hate the day. same as my birthday. fun in theory. incredibly stressful actually #idk whether it's work stressing me oit long term but right now any change to what im expecting from my routine is making me #so so so frustrated and upset #i had to go get meds after work on tiesday and became so upset by it that i was awake until 1am and was super nauseous #not enjoying that as a primary symptom of anxiety rn. i find eating hard enough as it is #the hair washing routine has given ne sone stability this week which was very nice abd made me feel calm. abd mt physio routine #the energy it takes to do it is outweighed by the relief i get when ive done that part of my routine and then go to bed #work is hard. working full time is so hard. im coping but not well. defo think i need to try getting regular therapy sessions if only #to help me plan for what i need to do and work through coping strategies bc im really hitting a wall. i need to problem solve all #these things but im so exhausted that i can't. so they just keep piling up

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raksh-writes · 7 months

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I got my results today, so Im back to uni starting tomorrow (yay!), but at the same time it has not assuaged my stress levels whatsoever sooo yeah, that's fun 🙈

Damn you, anxiety!

#personal #Raksh posts #vent #*shaking my fist angrily at my ridiculous anxiety and overthinking brain*#classes start tomorrow but also I gotta like Officialy sign with my paperwork and all first #plus the internet sign ins start at the same time classes do and I have no idea when I'll get access to the platform so #fun #it's all stressing me out so much grrrr #Ive prepped some food already tho and Im gonna finish up the paperwork now #get an outfit ready and get my old backpack out of my closer oooof #I'll have some hours before I'll have to leave for the train tho so thars for making some sandwiches and buying tickets #tho that one might be better to get now hmmmm #at this point Im just venting anythinf and everything hoping it'll help with the stress 🙈#sorry to anyone that's still reading this rambling mess 😅#its gonna be a long and stressful day tomorrow and even a longer one on thursday #(god the fact I'll prob have to wake up for a train that leaves at 5.50 Im gonna hate it so much 😭)#my commute depending on the day might add up to a total of 3h so big OOF #but still cheaper than trying to find a room in the city prob 😬#and I get wednesdays and fridays off so that's nice #maybe I'll try looking for something part time for those days later on too who knows #for now gotta survive this week and see where it goes 😅

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elftwink · 6 months

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related to my last post about my writing habit of trying to hide things i didnt want to figure out by having a character not think about, notice, forget, or dismiss it, i was forced to confront it constantly while writing precipice because i would not want to look something up about the show or whatever and i'd start to be like "well it's fine he'll just be fuzzy on the details—"

then i would remember. about caleb's keen mind trait and therefore near perfect memory. this was the biggest pain in my entire ass i tell you. many scene revisions because i was relying on him to not know something only to start writing and realize how obvious it was that he would Definitely Fucking Know That. redoing the entire scene and/or having to go look into something and just fuming. now, am i a better writer for not being allowed to take this admittedly lazy shortcut? well yes of course. but i dont see why i cant complain about it all the same

#good idea generator #writing calebs pov sometimes felt like trying to get a cat to come out from under the couch. i could say much more about this #also this reminds me i have to reply to all the comments on that fic #i literally have already written my replies i just did them all at once in a google doc because i have like. problems responding to comment #i explained my anxieties out loud to a real person awhile and realized how ridiculous they are its so silly #im constantly worried i will come across as insincere or people will compare my replies to their comment to my reply to someone elses [???]#& i get stressed if its too long or too short or i dont respond to every part of the comment and its like. i KNOW this Doesnt Matter At All #like just say thanks for reading my fic & thanks for commenting. no need to get weird about it #unfortunately i have problems disorder and i cannot stop worrying. i can only be weird about it

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widevibratobitch · 7 months

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uni on monday. kicking myself into the sun.

#the uni groupchat is waking up again and when i saw the notifications on my phone i threw up in my mouth a little #i hate wrocław. i hate that uni. and i have such an insanely toxic relationship with the girl who's my uni-friend? ig?#the thought of seeing her again makes me go insane with this ridiculous fucking anxiety which is stupid af cause i really do like her #its just that arghhhhhhhhhh #anyway. the closer i am to monday the more i think about dropping out #also ive been doing so well with my ed. but going back means Going Back. so all that progress will probably go to shit all over again lmao #my internet is kinda working rn (not really it took like 10 hours for tumblr to load) so im using it to vent about uni hell yeah #sorry if you texted me and im not responding - the dms wont load 🫠

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aemondtragaryen-archived · 1 year

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having the worst day known to mankind so pls tell me something that has made you really happy recently.... or like any kind of happiness you want to share <3

#pls pls pls I am not doing well #tw rent in the tags!!!#I really thought I was doing well with my roommates #but my one pretty much told me in the kitchen how terrible she thinks I am #all because I sent a text to our group chat saying the dishwasher was dirty and we could put our dishes in their #because I was the one who did it. that is why I sent it. and there was a million dirty dishes in the sink #she said to me and I quote. I do not like being told to do thing #things*#I didn't even tell her to do them... I said I did them and that we could put our dishes in their that were dirty.... I dont get it #and we have pet rats and she told me I basically she does more than me in the house (she doesn't lol)#her reasoning was that she does the rat cage more than I do which is NOT okay because that to her is a shared responsibility #but doing the dishes is somehow not something that should be a shared responsibility ????? I cant explain it BC IT MAKES NO SENSE #she literally just got sooo aggressive and went on to say if the dishes dont get done in a few days that is okay. I have no reason to expect #expect her to help with the shared spaces being cleaned. it will get done when it getsdone #there is more but it is just the same level of entitledment #she was talking over me and calling me passive aggressive when I stood up for myself it gave me an anxiety attack #and she knows I have bad anxiety and I guess she saw my hand shaking from anxiety and said so condescendingly that SHE gets anxiety too #like im so ridiculous for having anxiety #I told her we should talk when my other roommate was home and she ignored that and told me it WOULD happen now. it was so disrespectful #idk im so upset also bc I have a really good day with my friend until I came home to her doing that #going to try and write fanfic to distract myself now ugh #if anyone actually read this and wants to voice how insane she is feel free lmao I am not okay rn

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abysslll · 1 year

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SHOULD I. SHOULD I PUT MY NICKNAME ON DISCORD AS LUCE.

#without context this looks ridiculous #anyway #dnd server is going well ! one guy decided to put his like. Name as his nickname and if everyone else follows suit i will have to as well #and idk #i want to go with luce but im scared for some reason #bc one of the members is from my old group and he knows my deadname skdjgnsgln #im p sure he knows im trans and hes chill anyway so its not like it would matter but . yeah #anxiety

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like-wuatafauq · 8 months

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I'm so ridiculous, the doctor asked for me to squeeze her hands just so she could test my strength and as soon as she leaves to get the heart monitor I wipe my hands on the hospital bedsheets. I hate the feeling of anyone else touching my hands that isn't her.

#personal #txt #i had another anaphylactic shock that was much worse and now i just sit here on the porch and stare at the sky #i dont know what to do ive been trying to move out but i cant imagine what would've happened if i was alone #i feel like im burdening my best friend too he just has to sit there and watch my body jerk around on the way to the hospital #i probably make his anxiety even worse and he cant do anything but just sit there and watch people inject things into me #i cant put that weight on someone #i cant even look at my family group msgs cuz how am i supposed to explain im trying so hard #and if by any chance she wanted to be with me shed think i wouldn't want to deal with her bcuz i already have so much to deal with #but thinking that is ridiculous cuz this stupid world isnt perfect

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twistedmp3 · 1 year

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being the comedic relief is sooo over need a new typecast asap

#my day started at 6:30am; my day started going downhill at 6:45am #i sliced my finger so bad there’s an actual flap of skin . girl #then after the almost fainting fit was over i applied pressure w a little toilet paper and headed on off to work #got to work my manager said ‘i dont think so’ bandaged me up sent me to HOSPITAL #guys i am so phobic of hospitals and all the surrounding experiences its so bad #so anyways my mum picks me up from work and drops me off w my girlfriend bc i need my hand held #i also lost my worry stone when i was in the hospital last week so thats great cos i was significantly more worried today .#and anyways the nurse is like ur being very calm im like yes also im having an anxiety attack it’s unrelated #she puts on my little steri strips after she LIFTS the flap of skin to check if its clean … and sends me on my (un)merry way #literally straight back to work against her advice sorry to the nurse #like ……. be so fr #sic #also the bandage situation is ridiculous like i need to wash my hair so bad also what do i do

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