#like i love how the boys and invincible pull off that trope but it's also led to people having serious misconceptions abt superman and- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

metalbatandzenko · 4 years

Note

all the numbers owo

GrCUnA gaoh god sdljhdkjshfkjsh

This is gonna get long so I’ll put it under the cut. I’m also gonna remove the ones I’ve answered already.

1. What fandoms do you write for?

OPM and AtLA. I have a Miraculous Ladybug fic, but the creator is a nightmare and I hate the way the show treats the main character (literally the creator said part of the show’s episode formula is the main character “learns a lesson” every episode: usually through humiliation) and all the characters of color so I really don’t write for it anymore.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Batarou, Mumensai, and I do general fics.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My Miraculous Ladybug fic. By like. a lot akfdjhlgkjhfdlkg

It’s got triple the subscriptions and bookmarks, double the hits, and more kudos than any of my other fics. And I haven’t updated since January.

4. Do you write original stories as well?

I do! I’m a creative writing major, so I do a lot of memoir nonfiction and poetry, but I also write fictional short stories.

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

I don’t think there is one! Different strokes and all. But if you weren’t aware, I’m working on an ATLA fic rn about Zuko trying to repair his relationship with Azula. Not for this fandom, but a fun fic for me because it’s a bit out of my wheelhouse.

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

Out of the ones I’ve been in, voltron.

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

There are...a lot. For the sake of my mental well being, I will not list them. But I will say any ship between a teen and someone in their mid twenties or beyond is a no go for me.

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

Begrudgingly, Ao3. I have my issues with Ao3 and I think I’ve made those pretty clear (and they’ve gotten me into some hot water lmao) but it’s a good place to put fics.

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

I could not tell you. I am so bad at staying motivated. Certain fics I love writing. Others feel like I’m pulling teeth.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Hidden Horns. By a lot. like 20k words a lot.

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

A bit of both, but I lean towards laughing. The world needs more light.

13. What is your planning process?

Depends on the fic. For short ones or oneshots, there really isn’t one. For longer fics, I’ll have an outline, but a lot of times I’m laying tracks as I go. If I think of a good scene or line, I’ll write it down and just keep it at the end of my doc until it comes up in the story.

15. OCs or no OCs?

OC’s only when they’re necessary for plot. For example, Madame Oshitani in Hidden Horns only really showed up because I needed a piano teacher, and I couldn’t have it be an existing hero. Outside of that, I tend to avoid putting OC’s in fics, because I find them disruptive when I’m reading fics.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Sometimes! Hidden Horns was based off of this fanart. If they are, I make sure to note that in the notes.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

Yeah you got:

A (Not So) Brief Hiatus-Miraculous Ladybug

Promises to Keep-OPM/batarou

Little Boy-OPM/Metal Bat centric

A Game of Chase-OPM/batarou

Not Invincible-OPM/batatou death

Someone Fun-OPM/Mumensai

Date With the Devil-OPM/Mumensai sequel

Something of Note-OPM/Mumensai

Conduct Evil-OPM/batarou

Grief and Other Intangibles-OPM/Zombiedad and CE death

Horns and Fangs Series (Hidden Horns and Fear and Fangs)-OPM/batarou

Spaghetti and Juiceboxes-OPM/Zombiedad and CE

I guess they don't like me but I never figured out why (I guess they think I don't like them either)-ATLA/Zuko reaches out to Azula

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

Conduct Evil at a whopping 354 words.

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

They vary! Mine tend to be pretty short, like 1k-4k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

*sweats* Like 17 at least

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Rude to assume I won’t finish all of them eight if I’m lucky

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

Third. I hate writing in first person except for in nonfiction.

27. Do you take requests?

Kind of. If people send me an ask that I vibe with, I might write something, but as a general rule, no. I’ve been considering doing commissions though, so if you want to toss a coin to your bitcher lmk

28. I will name you three things (object — scenario — fandom/ship): write a paragraph or two!

I can’t do this one without those three kdjhflkjsdh

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

They’re difficult in different ways, but original is way harder.

Original work means there’s zero scaffolding to build off of except for the scaffolding you make yourself, and there’s a lot of issues with worldbuilding and creating complex and relatable characters.

Fanfic relies on a solid understanding of existing characters and dynamics, as well as the internal logic of the world. The scaffolding is there, but often times it’s stifling.

30. What writing software do you use?

Word and Google Docs fkjhslgkjh

31. Do you use beta/sensitive readers?

Nope. I probably should though.

32. Past or present tense?

Past. I can’t consistently write in present.

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

Some of my friends do. I’ve shared some with them! I use fanfic as warmup, so a lot of my writing friends know about my fics.

34. How did you find the world of fanfics?

I wrote Adventure Time fanfic on middle school and published them on an Adventure Time facebook group. They were wildly popular in the group.

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

I don’t think so tbh.

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

If it did, I wouldn’t know. But I highly doubt it.

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

No because I can’t stick to a deadline.

39. Collaborations or working solo?

I’ve never done a collaboration before.

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

I rely really heavily on dialogue and I’m suuuper aware of it. I think the thing is I do a lot of domestic fics, and even my story fics tend to be pretty domestic. I’m looking at you Hidden Horns

My original work doesn’t tend to lean on it as heavily.

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

I am a die hard found family bitch. Nothing guilty about it.

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

Yes, actually. The aforementioned middle school fic got mini fancomic for the first chapter, and I wrote a Miraculous Ladybug ficlet in a fic chain that got fanart.

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

I think there might be one that was inspired by my fic, but I can’t remember tbh.

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

My ATLA fic!!! give it some love tf :/ (kidding of course.)

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

Yeah, here you go:

The hero removed his coat and dropped it on the ground, where it landed with a solid “thud”.

He unhooked the holster under his arms, removed a knife from both boots, and unstrapped the machetes from his back.

They joined the trench coat in the pile.

Garou watched in equal parts awe and horror as Zombieman continued to produce weapons from increasingly improbable locations.

Finally, when the pile at his feet was large enough to arm a private militia, Zombieman stopped.

“I’ve got a pistol in my chest, but I’d prefer not to take that one out,” he said, pushing past Garou. “Feels rude to invite myself over then get blood all over the tatami.”

#hidden horns #Anonymous

3 notes · View notes

dangerliesbeforeyou · 4 years

Text

my top 10 series of 2019~

aka i gush about shiz i watched this year for waaaaaay too long lol...

i watched a lot of stuff this yr (well... it felt like a lot? there’s a lot more i wanted to watch but i’m terrible at time management lol...) so let’ssss explore that in a ~numbered list~ lol

(spoilers - there’s a lot of gay shit here lol... what can i say, twentybiteen really pulled thru lol)

10 - Stranger Things (series 3)

i know some people didn’t like this series, but i legit thought it was really good lol... i felt it had gone back to the style of the 1st series a lil more? (whereas series 2 had felt a lil disappointing in a way??) & i loved all the new characters introduced (robin is a personal fav, obv), & the whole splitting off into the lil groups was really effective in not just feel like it’s always the same group together, and it also allowed for some interesting character moments!

visually, stranger things always looks amazing! but i thought the whole summer/july 4th vibes really made it especially stunning tbh... as most things on this list, i’ve only seen it once, so i would like to rewatch it at some point (actually wanna do a full stranger things marathon tbh i was trying to explain what had happened in the show to my friend who stopped watching it early in series 1 & it was so difficult to remember exactly what had happened in it lool... )

there were obv things about it that i wasn’t as big on, like the whole evil russian-invincible guy was v cliche and kinda silly, & some of the actions scenes were a bit awkward(?) feeling... but i’m a sucker for any 80′s style media so those things just reminded me of the goonies or some shit lol

9 - Ghosts

actually the funniest & cutest series ever tbh!!! as someone who grew up with horrible histories with the original cast, this just made me immensely happy to see the whole team together again! the humour style is v similar to horrible histories too btw, though i feel they let themselves have a lil more ‘dark humour’ than in that (since this is more a general audience, whereas hh was definitely more aimed at kids tbh... tho they still won a comedy award for it lol! actual legends lol anyway...)

only downside is that it’s only 1 series atm & it’s pretty short... but i know there’s gonna be a new series at some point so i’m v excited for that!! i feel there’s sooooo many places they can go with the concept (i.e. exploring how/when the other characters died (like kitty!!! i need to know her story lol i love her!), maybe introducing another character who can see ghosts?? like a medium/psychic or something/etc ...) but legit, please watch this if u haven’t!!!

8 - Good Omens

this pretty much took over the internet this year lbr lol & tbh i’d def say it was worthy of the praise!! ineffable husbands aside, the main story is super engaging and enjoyable, with some really awesome side characters (& some of my fav character designs in anything ever tbh!!) but definitely the biggest draw was the ‘6000 years mutual pining’ romance which they did so well lol & it was something that was genuinely so lovely to watch tbh!! i also really loved the ending message of the show! i really hope to rewatch this next year when i think it’s gonna be aired on british tv at last????

downsides would be that the plot can be a bit confusing at times? but maybe that’s just me being dumb lol... but i imagine it’s a lot easier to understand if u’ve read the book lol?? i don’t have a problem w/ aziraphale & crowley not being “explicitly” gay or whatnot (i know i’ve seen some people annoyed with this?), since the whole idea of their relationship is so much larger than just them bonking or whatevs lol? (in general i think more media should have less focus on kissing/intimacy as an indication of love/romance... which is something i’ve already talked about lol)

oh, and the title sequence is INCREDIBLE lol i seriously loved it so much!!

7 - Killing Eve (series 2)

finally finished this the other day & it was so good!!! i really love the dark comedic tone of the show tbh & i def feel there was more of it in the 2nd series then the first! i also liked the further development of villanelle & eve’s relationship, which is obv the highlight of the show tbh! there was also a nice lot of twists tbh, though i’d say it was a lil less intense than the 1st series? (overall i’d say i prefer the 1st series, but the 2nd was a fab continuation... btw i also watched the 1st series this yr lol)

negative points are that the plot wasn’t quite as interesting as the 1st series... i think cos the focus of the murders was taken off of villanelle that we lost some of that drama from the 1st? i thought the ghost was gonna be a more integral part but she was kinda weirdly pushed aside once we learnt her identity? & the creepy son dude just annoyed me lol (but i suppose that was the point lol...)... so like yh there were lil things that didn’t engage me as much as the first, but overall i still really enjoyed it lol

this is def fulfilling the hannibal-shaped hole in my heart tbh... (another series i finished this yr...)

6 - Dark Blue Kiss the series

look, it’s no surprise this is on my list lol... i was hella hyped for this series when it was announced last yr, even though my expectations were VERY LOW after kiss me again the series (which, lbr, is a massive mess lol... like it’s My Mess tho)... but for real, this series really exceeded all my expectations... & then some! like i’m legit shook at how good it was ngl! especially morksun’s storyline, which was by far my fav in the show (as much as i’m petekao trash lol...) also, i was surprised by how genuinely pretty this show is! esp in comparison to kma (like i know i keep going on about the goddamn bruise makeup but it is so ugly in kma, but they really did a great job in dbk tbh!)

ok so there’s a lot of flaws lol... like... a lot (i’m already complained a lot so i won’t bore u with that rn lol...) but for real, the thing that i love the most about this is the discussions of coming out/homophobia/general young people struggles/etc etc which is so refreshing to see in these series! like i love that despite the cheesy tropes, it still knows when to be serious & genuine...

5 - He Is Coming To Me

another thai series, i believe this has the same director as dbk? (don’t hold me to that tho...)... legit one of the best, if not the best, thai series i’ve ever seen tbh! so adorable, so well acted, so funny & heartwarming like... legit it’s so good!! i was already excited about it from the trailer, but the way it really delivered on the emotionality, whilst keeping it lighthearted, was truly wonderful tbh! the main actors did a brill job i gotta say, and all the side characters were amazing too (there really wasn’t a character i didn’t like i’d say tbh? i need to rewatch tbh... there’s a lot i’ve forgotten since this came out p early in the year lol)... also, visually it’s so pretty!! i swear the cinematography in these thai series just keeps getting better & better & it def improves the watching experience tbh!

a down point would be that the first ep is a bit slow/awkward to get in to... & i think it def could put someone off? but i’d say to stick w/ it since it just keeps getting better & better! i’d actually say there isn’t really anything else i didn’t like about it ngl? it’s just so good guys... u really need to watch it!

4 - Russian Doll

probs the only series on this list that i actually actively went to rewatch straight away lol (didn’t do a full rewatch btw)... it was SO good for real! i already loved the premise lol (it’s basically groundhog day, which is already such a great film, but they explored those ideas even more in this which i loveeeed) the leads are fantastic, and the story is generally so interesting! plus the editing & song choices are really brill tbh...

my one complaint would probs be that the series loses a lil momentum at certain points (esp later in the series), but it still keeps ur interest, and the ending is really well done too! i know there’s gonna be a 2nd series, so i’m really hoping it’ll be able to live up to this one, and also explore more of the characters/concepts/etc! i’m def hyped for it tbh!

i feel like this series is simultaneously underrated and also v well known lol?? like i know everyone sees that ‘thursday! what a concept’ meme but i feel like i didn’t see as many people talk about it as much as other series this yr???

(for my top 3, i’d say i love them all equally/for different reasons... so the order they’re in is changeable lol)

3 - Gentleman Jack

one of the greatest bbc series of the year, maybe even the decade lol! actually a masterpiece of cinematography, incredible acting, gorgeous costumes, beautiful depictions of love and intimacy, hilarious characterisation & just generally a wonderful series!! like i can’t praise it enough! it’s literally everything i could ever want from a series, and more!!!!!!! like everytime i think about it i just feel like ‘!!!!!’ constantly lol... like... what did we do to deserve such a series for real?? something that i esp loved was that i vividly remember not that long ago w/ people complaining about the bbc for having minor lgbtq characters in things, so to have a actual main lesbian couple series be on prime time bbc telly is kinda mind blowing lol... like.. i know we’ve got a long way to go, but it does make me immensely proud!!

i have no complaints lol... other than - needed to be longer (i think we’re getting a 2nd series right???? i hope so tbh!!)

2 - The Untamed

look, i don’t make 15 piece series’ for nothing lol... this show really got to me ngl... like i knew it was gonna be amazing from seeing tonnes of mutuals start watching it & praising it.. .but ohhhhhhhh boy i wasn’t reading for the angst and heartbreak and just generally how invested i’d be in all the characters lol... like genuinely there’s so much to praise about this show! it may not be as super ‘polished’ as some of the other shows on this list, but it really has so much heart and hard work and dedication put into it which really shows in the final product!

there’s obv issues with it, but i feel like it’s kinda unnecessary to go over them lol? there’s so much more of this series that has brought me genuine joy, the biggest being the fact they were still able to depict a really beautiful, loving and /romantic/ relationship despite the strict censor is truly incredible lol!! like w/ good omens, it just shows what you can do to depict love/romance without having to over-sexualise something...

i feel like i’m saying less for these top 3, but it’s just cos i’ve already gush to high heavens about how much i love them lol...

1 - HIStory 3 - Trapped

you - *pretends to be shocked that this is my number 1*

yeh... no surprises that this is in my top 3 lol... what can i say that i haven’t already screamed about for months??? this series truly surpassed any expectations i could have had for a HIStory series... the story line is complex & pretty well done (it’s not perfect... but nothing is so....), the characters are wonderful & also brilliantly acted! i think the thing that i love the most is that the director wanted to create a series that wasn’t just a cheesy gay series (don’t get me wrong, i loVE cheesy gay series’ lol... ) but also would have a more interesting, well developed & more ‘mature’ story line (i think esp in comparison to other HIStory series’ which are usually school/uni based)... it’s also one of the few lgbtq series i’ve seen that isn’t just about ‘first loves’, and doesn’t place a big emphasis on a sexuality/identity crisis... it’s just so unabashedly a mystery-romance drama, which is just so refreshing to see! & i genuinely hope we can see more series like this, where gay characters don’t need to ‘prove’ themselves in order to be in a series or to be in relationships (which it often feels like, where writers need to explain /why/ characters are gay...)...

phew... that’s a lot of text lol, just like w/ the untamed, i feel like i’ve already talked about the negative points of the series (plot holes, awkward moments, weird editing/sound choices, bad tropey plots), but the positives of this series seriously make it worthwhile, and i’m just so so SO happy this show exists lol...

all 3 of these series have a special place in my heart of inspiring lots of my own exploration of art, as well as writing, which has been really crucial in me understanding what i wanna do with my life (i know that sounds kinda weird, but at the start of the year i really didn’t know what i wanted... and i wasn’t even sure what i was good at lol... so thru these shows i was able to discover a lot more about my own style of working & thru all of them i was able to meet some wonderful new people on here which has made 2019 actually one of my most enjoyable years on tumblr!

this has been an...... interesting year lol... but definitely these shows made it just a lil bit better!!!

Happy new year to anyone who actually read thru this & let’s hope 2020 brings us even more brill shows ~~~

#personal #favourite tv shows #2019 tv shows #long ass post lol... with pics (oooooh... fancy)#i rambled a lot here lol...#if u read thru (or just skim - or even if u just look at the pics lol) let me know which series u agree with?#or what ur fav series r?#there were other things i watched & didnt finish this yr which i enjoyed but decided to just stick to the series i finished lol...#not gonna tag any of the series cos i want y'all to click 'read more' to find out lol...#tho... if ur following my blog i feel it's p obvious what i've chosen lol....#also that ~numbered list~ thing is in ref to jenny nicholson... cos i love her lol #i think this might b the first time i've done this/?? maybe??#idk...#time is an illusion am i right ladies?

2 notes · View notes

theheavymetalmama · 7 years

Text

Top Ten Characters Who Could Kick Saitama’s Ass

Ooh boy. Not going to make any friends with this post.

Full disclosure, I hardly ever watch anime anymore. Seems like everything new these days is either an ecchi, a harem, or both. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with ecchis or harems, but when that’s all anybody wants to produce these days it gets old fast. And all the newest stuff that everyone says I should watch I just can’t get into. Attack on Titan feels like something that was never proof-read before production began, I find Kill la Kill obnoxious, and Monster Musume would actually be enjoyable if it didn’t milk tired roommate and girlfriend tropes for everything they were worth and if the male lead wasn’t such a terminally unlikable dumbass. Seriously, if Kimihito is supposed to represent the typical Japanese every-man then it’s no wonder Japan’s birth rate has dropped like a brick.

Having said all that, I fucking LOVE One Punch Man. It’s funny, action packed, and you can tell that everyone making it is just having the time of their lives. It has good animation, memorable characters, and the majority of the jokes land which is always a plus. The best way I can describe OPM would be if the people behind the Cornetto Trilogy made a superhero thing, and it’s every bit as enjoyable as it sounds. Seriously, check it out if you haven’t already.

What am I building up to? Well, when something gets popular it gains a fanbase, and that fanbase always gets more than its’ share of loudmouth assholes that not only make the rest of the fanbase look bad but also deter new fans from ever wanting to check it out. One Punch Man is no exception, and loudest and most vocal of these fans have decided to constantly get up in other people’s faces about how Saitama beats everyone because...one punch. Others say that Saitama is a parody and ergo typical rules about “Who would win in a fight?” type of discussions don’t apply to him. All the while stating again, again, and again that he’s completely unbeatable and nobody can even scratch him because he’s not meant to lose and one punch. But the most annoying of these fans are those who wave the banner that Saitama’s creator said that his power trumps the Big Bang and would win against characters like Goku or Superman easily.

No. Sorry, but no on all of those points. First of all, Saitama is awesome and a great and fun character, but he’s not unbeatable and he certainly isn’t invincible. In fact, both the anime and the web-comic repeatably make points that Saitama is still only human, and that despite his power he still needs to eat food, drink water, and breathe oxygen in order to survive. Sure, he has no specific weaknesses (other than the fact that he’s not the brightest guy around) but he’s still mortal.

Second, One Punch Man isn’t a parody. No, it really isn’t. Sure, it has plenty of funny bits and there’s plenty of superhero deconstruction to be found, but it’s not a parody. Freakazoid is a parody. Squirrel Girl is a parody. Captain Hero from Drawn Together is a parody. Duck Dodgers is a parody. One Punch Man is not. See, I compared it to the “Blood and Ice Cream” trilogy for a reason. Like those movies OPM is a comedy up-front, sure, but it takes the genre seriously. There are real stakes and risks taken, people do get hurt, and if somebody dies then they stay dead. It doesn’t rely on cartoon physics and real-world physics do still apply, hence there being no shortage of collateral damage.

Third, “The creator said Saitama is stronger than the big bang and can beat *insert powerful character here* so ha!” Yeah, the creator never said such a thing. For a while it was believed that it was a producer of the anime who said that, but while I could be wrong as far as I can tell nobody said such a thing and was something the fanbase made up and said it enough times that people started believing it. But here’s the thing. Even if the creator said so live on every major news outlet that Saitama can beat anyone ever, it doesn’t matter. Why? Because talk is cheap. “Because X said so” is not a valid argument and it damn sure doesn’t hold any water. What does hold water are documented feats of strength and power. Saitama has an impressive record to be sure...but he’s not number one. Hell, he’s probably not even in the top 20.

Now let me be crystal clear here. I’m not making this post as a disparaging or discrediting of Saitama or the anime One Punch Man. I think Saitama’s a great character and the show’s a ton of fun, and I’m not trying to make him look dumb or incompetent or whatever. This also isn’t a list of ‘fights to the death’ or anything like that, hence the title being “Kick his ass” and not “Kill him.” I’m making this post as both a form of catharsis AND a big middle finger from me to all misinformed fanboys about their caped bald godchild.

So, without further adieu, here are the top ten characters who could kick Saitama’s ass.

Sorry baldy. =P

10.) Doomsday

Doomsday is a character that’s every bit as iconic as he is one-note and boring, but while his usefulness never ventures beyond a plot device when the Justice League need a big scary monster to fight nobody can deny his sheer, raw power. The fact that he can go toe-to-toe with the likes of powerhouses like Superman, Wonder Woman, and even Darkseid is nothing to sneeze at, and short of destroying every single cell in his body there’s really no permanent way to keep him down. While I have no doubt in my mind that Saitama would ultimately win the fight, this is a case where it’s going to take WAY more than just one punch. Looking for a challenge? The monster that killed Superman will certainly provide it.

9.) Spawn

Icon or relic? Legend or has-been? The jury is still out on whether or not Spawn earned his popularity and cultural omnipresence in the early to mid 90′s or if the writers and artists at Image simply got lucky, but as far as power goes he’s still a god damned beast. Fueled by sin and Hell itself, Spawn’s powers go from crazy all the way to absurd. I don’t exaggerate in the slightest when I say that Spawn can use his hellish to do pretty much whatever the hell he wants. Slow down time to a crawl while he can move about freely? He can do that. Increase Saitama’s molecular density to such an extent that he becomes so heavy he plummets straight into the center of the Earth or so light he rockets into orbit? He can do that. Alter Saitama’s mind so that he believes he’s a sea urchin? He can do that. Look, the guy defeated both Satan AND God and reshaped the universe in his own image (heh heh...) so there’s really very little Saitama can actually do to hurt him. At best he can punch Spawn’s head off, but doing that would just Spawn back to Hell where he can recharge his batteries and come back with a vengeance. Seriously, Spawn’s literally walked out of Hell so many times it’s comical. Facing off against Spawn would be one hell of a fight for Saitama.

8.) The Juggernaut

Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. He’s completely and utterly invulnerable to all forms of both might and magic. Curses? Forget about it. Spells? They bounce right off him. Weapons? Please! You could drop a hundred nukes right on his head and he’d just laugh it off. He’s bested the Hulk multiple times, trashed Thor, manhandled the Sentry AND Hyperion, and let’s not get into the kind of grief and misery he’s brought upon the X-Men over the years. The only thing ol’ Juggy is weak to is telekinetic attacks, which is not only something that Saitama doesn’t possess but even then they can only hinder him, not kill him. The one thing you can do against the Juggernaut is find a way to use his own momentum against him and send him running the other way...but Saitama likes a challenge, so we know he won’t do that even if he does figure it out.

7.) The Flash

Saitama’s speed clocks out at supersonic, right on par with the world’s fastest fighter jets. The Flash’s speed puts the world’s fastest fighter jets to sad shame, capable of moving over a million times faster than the speed of light and can vibrate his molecules to phase through attacks and even turn invisible. Not only does the Flash have the speed advantage, saying nothing of the Speed Force, he can hit plenty hard as well. By vibrating his molecular structure to just under light speed, the Flash can use the Infinite Mass Punch, an attack with the same destructive force as a 100 megaton nuclear bomb. In the time it would take for Saitama to charge and unleash a Special or Serious Punch, the Flash can hit him in the face (and all over the rest of his body) with a thousand Infinite Mass Punches. Defeating someone in one punch is less impressive when you can’t hit your opponent.

6.) Yang Xiao Long

What happens when you pit a guy who can defeat anyone in one punch against a gal who can absorb attacks and kinetic energy and send them back to her opponent tenfold as if she were composed of living vibranium? You get a caped bald guy skipping across the Pacific Ocean like a stone and getting stuck up George Washington’s nose on Mt. Rushmore with a wavy-haired blonde laughing her tits off from the sight.

5.) Lobo

They don’t call him “The Main Man” for nothing. This fucking guy could very well be the most vicious character in comic book history, which is saying something in a medium where characters like Wolverine and Vegeta exist. Not only is Lobo meaner than a horny rattlesnake, he’s strong enough to match blows with Superman and has beaten him twice, he escaped the pull of a black hole, he shrugged off Darkseid’s Omega Beam, he can survive in space, and his healing factor is nothing short of completely absurd. Lobo can regenerate, I shit you not, from a single drop of blood. Basically nothing short of throwing him into the sun is going to stop Lobo for good, and he’s every bit as stubborn as he is ferocious. Remember; he single handedly wiped out his entire race except for himself when he was an infant. More to the point, of all the characters on this list so far, he’s the one who makes the most sense for WHY he’d fight Saitama. You don’t think someone would want Saitama dead and wouldn’t hire Lobo to do it?

4.) The Silver Surfer.

Power. Cosmic. ‘Nuff said.

3.) The Incredible Hulk

Contrary to what Death Battle claimed, if you tore off the Hulk’s head he’d just grow a new body in a matter of minutes with the off-chance of his headless body being taken over by one of Banner’s many, many different Hulks that inhabit his psyche.......comic books are weird, okay? Point is the Hulk is one of the strongest beings in all of fiction. He’s picked up a 150 billion ton mountain, held two tectonic plates together, destroyed a planet while fighting another world breaker, and while his healing factor can be overtaxed what everyone always leaves out is that anybody who does manage to punch the Hulk back into Banner always leaves Banner alone. Why? Well, remember that scene in the Avengers?

That wasn’t just a cool quote, stuff like that actually happened in the comics. You could walk up to an unconscious Bruce Banner and drop a thermite bomb right on his head, and before your brain can register that’s shit’s on fire the Hulk will be standing with his hand around your throat and scotched purple pants. Not only that, but with Banner no longer in the back seat, it’s a Hulk that’s completely unhinged and unrelenting, not to mention no longer vulnerable to puny human factors like fatigue. Loki once employed the Enchantress (no, not that one) to use her magic to separate Banner and the Hulk into two different beings in a petty plan to kill Thor, and in doing so the Hulk not only effortlessly plowed through Asgard and all of its’ armies and defenders, including Thor, he then did the same thing when he was sent to Hell. Yeah, you read that right. Not even Hela, who like Mephisto is basically Satan, could tame the Hulk, and in the end only putting Hulk and Banner back together was what calmed the Hulk down and stopped his rampage.

That’s not even the craziest part. Given enough time, the Hulk can recover from just about anything. One day the Maestro, a possible future version of the Hulk, was sent back in time and vaporized by the very gamma bomb that created the Hulk......and he fully recovered! Yes, the Hulk can fully recover after being turned into fucking ashes! Seriously, look it up! ...did I mention comic books are weird?

2.) Son Goku

I’ve made it no secret over the years that I don’t care for DragonBall anything. Look, I’m 31. I’m a 90′s kid, I was there when DragonBall really blew up in the US and became such a cultural phenomenon that you couldn’t get away from it, and I was sick to death of it long before shows like GT were even a thing. Still, franchise fatigue aside, I can’t deny Goku’s incredible skills and power, especially recently with DragonBall Super. Oh, I still don’t watch it, but this being the Internet you can’t get away from DragonBall anymore than you can get away from cat videos. Lists, paragraphs, and videos of Goku’s feats are easier to find than white bread so me listing them here would be all but redundant.

What I will talk about is that if Saitama wants a challenge then Goku is right up his alley. Who is and isn’t more powerful is a crapshoot because we don’t have a definitive measure of what either of them are fully capable of as far as raw power goes, but we do know that Goku is faster and his skills and finesse outweigh Saitama’s by a wide margin. While Saitama can track people moving at supersonic speeds, Goku can move much faster and the whole “lol, takes forever to charge his power” thing has been vastly improved on. Now it only takes a few seconds to charge up instead of three and a half episodes, spirit bomb not withstanding. Even if we do buy into the narrative of “Saitama beats everyone and anyone in one punch because ONE PUNCH”...well, death never stopped Goku before. He’s bested cosmic entities and gods that make the biggest, baddest villains in One Punch Man look like puny peons and is so tenacious that he always keeps fighting even if the odds are hopelessly against him; that’s kind of his whole thing. He goes up against people he’s clearly no match for, gets the Super Saiyan-snot beaten out of him, yet he still manages to come out on top. And given that Saitama is always seeking a challenge, a clash between these two titans would be inevitable. Maybe Goku will emerge the winner, maybe he won’t. What’s certain is that it’s going to take a lot more than one punch to put down the Super Saiyan.

But as strong, fast, skilled, and tenacious as Goku is, neither he nor Saitama can hold a candle to...

1.) Superman

While the whole “Goku vs Superman” thing is still going strong despite overwhelming evidence the odds are hopelessly against Goku, a new fanboy/fangirl and geek-culture kerfuffle riding shotgun to that is Saitama vs Superman and it’s every been as asinine. Not helped by the fact Superman has been in a bit of a rut on a cultural level whereas OPM is at the height of its’ popularity, meaning that the latter is going to win pretty much every popularity contest by default and thus fuel the fanboy fire on both sides. For whatever reason, anime fans seem to have a big hate-boner for Superman that they just can’t rub off.

So, to each and everyone reading this who think Saitama can beat Superman.

No. No he can’t. Oh sure, Caped Baldy is going to make the Man of Steel work for his victory, but fact of the matter is that anything Saitama can do, Superman can do better. Has done better, in fact. Again, I’m not knocking Saitama or trying to discredit his feats. We’ve seen Saitama destroy a meteor as big as a mountain, crush kaiju-sized monsters and machines, survive being punched to the Moon, and parted a mass of clouds as big as a continent with one punch. All very impressive feats that nobody in his league is going to top any time soon.

And that’s just it. Superman isn’t in Saitama’s league; he’s up, up, and a WAY above it. His feats of strength, speed, and durability put those of Saitama to shame. Seriously, the differences between Saitama and Superman is like the difference between a high school track star and Usain Bolt. Superman has held a black hole, spent a week straight bench-pressing the weight of the planet and only broke a single sweat while out of direct sunlight, cleared 20 light years worth of distance (each single light year consisting of trillions of miles) in a matter of minutes, can survive in space, survived being tossed from orbit to Earth with such force that his impact devastated the planet and caused nuclear winter, flew through a red sun, survived multiple supernovas including one that made Kepler’s Supernova (the only supernova that could be seen from Earth by the naked human eye despite being 25 THOUSAND light years away) look like a sparkler, tanked a Source Wall explosion (basically the Big Bang,) split a moon in half, atomized a planet in a single punch, vaporized another with his heat vision, fought demons in Valhalla alongside Wonder Woman and Thor for a thousand years (yes, I know, this is starting to sound like a story the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past From the Future would tell, but bear with me,) lifted both eternity personified and a book of infinite pages, was sandwitched between two colliding planets, and bested the likes of Samson, Atlas, Hercules, and even Zeus himself in strength and power. Superman has a genius-level intellect with a super brain that can process information thousands of times faster than normal humans, having read the entire contents of the Library of Congress within an hour. He’s only just SLIGHTLY slower than the Flash in terms of speed and agility.

And that’s not even the craziest thing.

One day, the forces of nature themselves, Earth, Water, Fire, and Wind personified, decided that they didn’t like humans anymore and sought to exterminate them and every other living thing with hurricanes, tidal waves, earthquakes, and erupting every volcano on the planet, taunting the Man of Steel that not even he could save the human race from such a calamity. Superman threatened that if they did that, he’d vaporize the ocean, burn every plant, freeze the Earth’s core, and finally destroy the Earth utterly and completely so that there wouldn’t be an Earth for nature to rule...and Earth, Water, Fire, and Wind folded.

No, I’m not making that up. Nature was going to destroy the human race and Superman told them to fuck off...and Nature fucked off! Look it up, I’m not kidding! And all that stuff I described? None of it was pre-Crisis. Pre-Crisis/Silver Age Superman would beat Saitama even faster. Not only was he strong enough to effortlessly carry a bunch of planets daisy-chained together, wipe out whole galaxies with a sneeze, blow out the sun like you and me would blow out a candle, travel through time by flying backwards (fucking really) and could make up brand new super powers right on the fly.

A battle between Saitama and Superman would be an epic spectacle without question, but in the end Superman would come out on top. Not only do his feats and accomplishments fly circles around that of Saitama, but even if the “Saitama beats everyone because he’s unbeatable” thing did apply and he truly was impossible to defeat...well, that’s what Superman is all about. He makes the impossible possible. He’s as strong as he needs to be. Superman isn’t meant to lose. Why? Because his story isn’t about being the best, being a hero for fun or profit, or even about whether or not he’ll win or lose a fight. Superman’s story is that he’ll always do the right thing, even when the right thing isn’t the easy thing, the smart thing, or the popular thing. If doing the right thing means taking on a caped bald guy looking for kicks causing untold amounts property damage because of his reckless if well-intended behavior and then putting him in his place, then Superman will do just that.

One more thing. To all of you arguing “Well Saitama is a parody, so he wins because of that!” Again, he’s not a parody, but even if he was the whole “Well he’s a parody” is exactly why Superman would win. Think about it. Who do you think would win in a fight?

The walking punchline...

...or the real deal?

So that’s my list. Again, not taking anything away from Saitama, I love OPM to pieces, but this whole “He beats everyone ever” is like telling a Chuck Norris joke without even the barest hint of irony. It does nobody any favors, it pisses people off, and it makes the entire OPM fandom look like assholes. Other than that, what did you think of my list? Anyone else you think can take on Caped Baldy? Let me know.

22 notes · View notes