me: excited to start my new job at better pay and forty hours a week

my boss: bc this mall only open for 8 hours most of your days will be open to closes so you can get your hours

me:

thinking about trying to do rangeland firefighting for at least one summer while I’m still in my 20s with derangements that make me love toiling like a medieval peasant but in order to do it next summer I would need to undergo a second, less illegal and contentious but some would say more difficult transition with my body. theatre kid to jock

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

I'll tell you what I want what I really really want

I wanna- (my adhd interrupts me with a new idea) I wanna- (my adhd interrupts me with a new idea) I wanna- (my adhd interrupts me with a new idea) I wanna- (my adhd interrupts me with a new idea)

JUSTICE FOR NAVIGATING 📢📢📢

Shuffle your on repeat list and share the first 10 songs

Thank you @itbmojojoejo (is that you? i hardly recognize you 😅😂🤣)! You know, I've been tagged a few times in similar song games and I've avoided it because I am currently curating my Summer 2024 playlist for the family beach vacation (which is always a certain vibe) and that list only has 9 songs, sooooo..... (and I won't pull from Liked songs cause that shit's waaaaaayyyyy too random and I don't listen to that list on repeat sooooo.....

1. BODYGUARD - Beyoncè

2. Houdini - Dua Lipa

3. Murder on the Dancefloor - Sophie Ellis-Bextor

4. Too Sweet - Hozier

5. Feather - Sabrina Carpenter

6. Espresso Sabrina Carpenter (this will have to be moved eventually; I simply cannot have two songs by the same artist side-by-side on the same playlist, but we're still in the planning stages; editing comes later)

7. Late Night Talking - Harry Styles

8. Run Your Mouth - The Marías

9. Changes - Empire of the Sun

That's it. That's all I can give you and it's the whole list for now. If anyone wants to check out the vibe and tell me if I should put any of these first Spotify-suggestions on the list, lemme know. I often find this particular algorithm of their's to be sorely lacking (though the one I wish worked the best; like of fucking course I want you to suggest songs that fit this very specific and niche vibe I'm trying to pull off what do you mean you can't read my mind and don't really know how to compare the nuances of the songs in your vast repertoire and give me what i don't even know i'm looking for? It's almost as if you aren't real, Spotify...)

If you've tagged me and I'm retagging, sorry not sorry! Have fun again anyway! 😘 @geralts-yenn @mayloma @raccoon-eyed-rebel @ellethespaceunicorn @littlefreya (not tagging anyone else because I don't need one more paragraph in this already-too-long lazy Sunday ramble)

me: MY HAIRLINE IS RECEDING OH NO OH FUCK

also me: full time student (worth noting i wrote stupid here at first without realizing), 20-30 hours in customer service every week, teaching myself 3/4 classes, teaching myself advanced algebra with a teacher (basically just a proctor) who shuts down any/all asks for help, juggling college financial woes, navigating dying relationships/people abandoning and/or attacking me bc i don't have time for things i used to anymore, none of my hobbies are making me happy when and if i have time for them,, i have no time for myself, i'm on my second all-nighter this week, i'm perpetually exhausted in a way sleep isn't fixing, my body aches because i'm so tired, and i'm barely able to stay asleep when i do get the chance bc the anxiety wakes me up

my hairline: two hops this time!

mike gets on the others’ cases about eating enough food and getting enough nutrients as if he doesn’t follow a hummingbird diet. like he doesn’t let davy leave the table till he’s finished his mac and cheese meanwhile he himself has eaten approximately one (1) clementine and handful of semisweet chocolate chips and its 3:30 in the afternoon

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

screw whatever else i've said; the most important thing you can do in this lifetime is watch tv

neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"

There is a special pit in hell for people who are so fucking loud before 9:30 am, especially when they know other people are still sleeping.

breaking news! area student has, after 36 hours of incredibly stressed research and notetaking, finally written an outline and one (1) page of the first draft of her term paper

she now has ~22 hours to complete the other nine (9!!!!) pages she needs to submit for peer review

the application is asking me to list my available hours and I feel like this is a trap 😭😭 I don’t wanna give too much information should I just put down hours I would want to do 🫣

Its ok maybe if you look up the lyrics to was für ein grausames leben and read them in english you will be okj<3

morning class will have you on the dumbest sleeping schedule i s2g. on the weekends you’ll be like woaw i slept in so late today……….. and the “late” will be fucking 8 am