The Sight of You (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Summary: Spencer’s disturbing dreams about his childhood bring him back to Las Vegas to face two of his childhood’s greatest enemies: his estranged father and his ex best friend.
AN: it’s a friends to enemies to lovers fic! Set in the episode “Memoriam” 4x07
Content Warnings: usual Criminal Minds stuff, mentions of child death, childhood trauma, descriptions of a dead body. Let me know if I missed anything!
Despite seeing Spencer around Pre-k, Y/N did not trot over to talk to him with their brightly coloured rucksack swinging vigorously and violently behind them. They walked faster instead once their parents had dropped them off. Spencer did his best to catch up to Y/N but lost them around the corner in the sea of students seeking their next class. He was meant to be one of them. Adjusting his glasses as they slipped down his nose, Spencer noted that he needed a new prescription before entering his own class and preparing to focus on a subject he was already well-versed in.
It was lunch time when Spencer finally found Y/N. They were sitting at the furthest end of the table in the canteen. But Y/N cowered away from him, his shoulders drawn up defensively.
“Are you OK, Y/N?” Spencer asked before getting to what was more significant to him: “Do you know when you will be free to play again?”
The next sentence out of Y/N’s mouth stung like a nettle. They stood up, their face contorted in their fit, and they pushed Spencer hard on the shoulders.
“Go away! I can’t look at you! You make me feel sick, you and your family!” They cried.
They went silent when Spencer was laughed at by those who heard what was said. Just grabbed their lunch and moved away, leaving Spencer spellbound in the middle of the canteen, heartbroken and with a new opening for a potential chess partner. Maybe that man they saw last week at the park would be kind enough to join him again.
But there was no replacement for Y/N, who now never said a word when they caught a glimpse of Spencer being bullied – only dithering about on the spot before fleeing the scene moments before a teacher would show up.
Spencer was hurt; that hurt warped into hatred when he was next out with his mother and father. They were at the shopping mall and had just bought Spencer his new glasses. Going down the escalator, he saw Y/N. They were smiling and skipping between their parents, a new pair of shoes shiny on their feet.
The second they spotted the Reids, Y/N ducked behind their parents. Spencer could still see their face: brow furrowed, eyes squinting, hands shaking now that nothing was holding them. Their parents didn’t seem to notice. They kept talking and walking even as Y/N stopped in time with the Reids stepping off the escalator.
Sudden footsteps running away was what dragged the public’s attention to a suddenly absent child.
“Y/N!” The parents called out as they chased after the four-year-old. They were quick past the Reids, not stopping to say ‘hello’.
Spencer kept his eyes trained after Y/N’s fleeing form, right until his mother’s face came into view. Diana looked saddened; she too was staring after the L/Ns.
Turned to his father. William was composed but his eyes were turned down and watering.
For making his parents react like that to their mere presence, Spencer despised Y/N.
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
The burning hatred from adolescence staled once Spencer reached adulthood. The protective nature that spawned from it for his mother remained.
Which is why, when Diana Reid casually mentioned Y/N when asked about Riley Jenkins, Spencer froze up.
“You remember Y/N?” He said stiffly.
Diana didn’t notice her son’s change in tone, “Of course, you two were opposites but you got on so well. So sad what happened to them.”
The first guess was that she was referring Y/N’s repeated attempts at running away before Reid cut contact with neighbourhood gossip at age fourteen. He didn’t bother with a second attempt to understand what his mother meant.
“I don’t care about Y/N. I want to know if you remember Riley.”
“And I told you: Riley was a boy you made up.”
“No, Mom, he was a real boy who lived in our neighbourhood, and somebody killed him. And, I don't know, I think-- I think that dad might have had something to do with it.”
“He was real?”
“Yes. And...”
“He was on that little league team, too.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
The whole case was surreal - “case” being a very loose term.
When they got into his office, Spencer thought that perhaps things might simmer down a little. Unfortunately, as soon as his father spoke about their history of similarity in appearance, Spencer’s usual comfort of statistics and facts on the elderly and pets failed to conceal his abandonment issues.
William Reid was clearly affected by Spencer’s accusations, calling the idea of fitting the profile thus being Riley’s killer “absurd”. Furthermore, he was confrontational when asked for access to his files and demanded a warrant. Coupled with Lou Jenkins’ absolute certainty that William was not involved in Riley’s murder and Penelope asking him “you sure about this?” concerning invading the aforementioned files, Spencer was very close to snapping.
“I really wish people would stop asking me that.”
Then there was the envelope posted beneath his motel room door. Suspicious timing aside, there was a brand-new suspect basically handed over on a silver platter. One Gary Michaels whom Spencer couldn’t remember him but he couldn’t be sure that he didn’t know him. Uncertainty being the feeling he hated the most.
This man could fit the profile; his previous of exposing himself to a minor was a precursor to molestation. But that wasn’t what Spencer wanted to hear from the shady file slipped to direct his attention away from William.
Garcia reported back about his father’s drives, “No kiddie porn, no membership to illicit websites, no dubious emails, no chat room history.”
“What about his finances?”
Hotch joined the conversation, “We went back ten years. No questionable transactions that we can find.”
Spencer sighed while Emily decided to crack a joke: “Well, he did buy a ticket to see Celine Dion six months ago, but I think we can overlook that.”
“He’s smart. Is it possible he kept things under the table?” Spencer persisted.
“Well, of course,” Hotch answered, “But from what we can tell, Reid, he doesn’t fit the profile.”
“We can tell you other things about him, if you want to know.”
A peace offering on behalf of Emily. Clearly she had improved after her night out and subsequent hangover. Spencer gave the go-ahead and Emily listed her profile:
“He's a workaholic, he actually logs more hours than we do. He makes decent money, but he doesn't spend a lot of it. He has a modest house. He drives a hybrid. He doesn't travel much. He stays away from the casinos. Um, and according to his veterinary bills, he has a very sick cat.”
“He appears to spend most of his free time alone,” Hotch added, “He goes to the movies a lot, and he reads. And from his collection of first editions, it seems his favourite author is-”
Spencer interrupted his boss, “Isaac Asimov, I remember that one.” He pressed his lips together. They were right; William Reid did not fit the profile.
Garcia piped up once more, “He does have one other major interest. On his home computer, he's archived, like, a ka-jillion things on one common subject.”
“What?”
“You, kiddo. He's got, like, everything that's been published online. Every article you've been quoted in, pieces you've written for behavioural science journals, He even has a copy of your dissertation.”
“He's keeping tabs on you,” Rossi said, That's saying something.”
But Spencer smoothly dismissed this attempt to make excuses for his father, “Yeah, he googled me. That makes up for everything. I'm going to get some air.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
After getting said air, Spencer went to the local bar and began playing an
computerised poker game. His paying attention was only to distract himself, clear his head with something he knew he could control. And thankfully, a chance interaction with a lady at the bar spawned the inspiration for a sporadic hypnosis session.
Doctor Jan Mohikian allowed them a session. Reminded of the limitations that a four-year old’s memory could provide, not including the bias he already had as a son and a profiler, Spencer lay on the couch. His feet hung over the end so that his head could be comfortable in a pillow. There was no time for self-consciousness with Rossi in the room observing. He closed his eyes and felt his hand be placed upon Doctor Mohikian’s body.
She spoke low and calmingly, “I want you to hold my wrist in your left hand. And if you should feel any fear, I want you to squeeze, do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Go back to the night you were just telling me about. You're at home, in your room. You can't sleep because your parents are arguing.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
His eyes were closed still, but the couch shifted into a bed. His bed. A floor below, the faint shouting between his mother and father was heard.
There was someone else there too. A child wailing, and it wasn’t him.
Suddenly his father was at his side, touching his arm, saying, “I know you’re awake. Daddy loves you; you know that?”
Spencer didn’t want to be there, and then it was the following morning.
Putting his glasses, the room fell into focus. His mother was there, she didn’t see him because she was too busy looking out the window. Her body language told him that this was not a meltdown, but what she saw was distressing. She’d been crying. As she walked away into the house, she hid her face as if she knew Spencer was watching and she wanted to hide her reaction from him.
Spencer ran to the window the second Diana had left the room.
His father was in the back garden and burning clothes. A bloody shirt, a tiny cardigan, landed on top of the pile already set alight.
“5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and wake.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
And Spencer was shocked out of the scene, back to the doctor’s couch and gripping her wrist with an iron grip. Rossi was by his side, bringing him back to peace with his voice.
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
Derek was clearly disturbed that Spencer was very set on his father being a paedophilic murderer as much as he had been that Spencer was taking something that was said after his mother’s fit seriously. He continued however to assist with Rossi in Spencer’s investigation.
As if everything else hadn’t been hard enough, the captain took some time to agree to holding William Reid in custody. Finally, he settled for twenty-four hours. William was as resistant to the questions as he had been upon the initial reunion. All he could say was that he didn’t hurt Riley. Spencer wore him down, getting him to drop the Gary Michaels bomb plus the threat that he “didn’t want to go down that road”.
Garcia’s search of Gary Michaels’ DNA on the databases brought to light that their suspect was dead. Buried across state lines, beat over the head with a pipe or bat, and the body was discovered in 2001.
“Maybe it wasn’t Riley’s blood on the clothes he was burning.” Derek was about to hang up when Garcia began to speak again, a new discovery ready for her team.
“Also, Todd found something in your father’s finances. There was a standing order for a therapist, specifically a child therapist from 1985 to 1995. I thought it was for Spencer, but William left when you were twelve, and these sessions continue irregularly after he left you!”
“Who was the patient?”
“One Y/N L/N. Local to North Vegas, born 1980 to Shelly and Finley L/N.”
Both Rossi and Derek looked away from the phone to Spencer and he knew. He knew he’d have to face another villain from the past – like a knight in one of Y/N’s stories.
“Still alive?”
“Yep, already pulling up an address. There’s a lot of short leases attached to this name. Lucky for you, they keep going back to live with their parents.”
Spencer wasn’t entirely sure that he could handle two bitter reunions in one day.
“We’ll send off the fingerprint while we visit Y/N. They could have been a potential victim of Michaels before he died. They might know something.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
It was a normal home in a normal neighbourhood. Spencer had never visited Y/N’s house. Their play-dates were always at the park.
“Hello, Mr L/N,” held up their badges, “I’m Agent Derek Morgan, this is Agent David Rossi and Doctor Spencer Reid. May we come in and ask you some questions?”
“Sure. My wife is uh out at work at the moment,” Finley opened the door wider and stepped aside for the trio to enter, “I’m the house husband as it were.”
Looking about the kitchen, Spencer spied several photos of an adult Y/N but very few of them as a toddler and even less as a teenager.
“You have a child, Mr L/N?” Rossi asked.
“All grown up now, Y/N,” Finley smiled with a nod. Then he squinted at Spencer, “You’re not related to William Reid by chance, are you?”
Masking his bitterness, Spencer said shortly, “He’s my father.”
Finley seemed in awe at the prospect, so Derek redirected the conversation back to the matter at hand, “What was Y/N like as a child?”
Nodding still, like a bobble head, Finley looked weary at the notion, “Troubled. They were very young when they withdrew into themselves. Used to run away from home a lot. I don’t know what happened, but Y/N never told us.” He then jumped to protect his child’s reputation at present, “They’re doing better now, went to therapy and they’re doing very well for themselves.”
“I’m glad to hear.” Rossi replied.
Finley continued his defence of Y/N, “They’re a published author, they write fantasy things for kids and young adults. We’re very proud of them.”
“Did Y/N know Riley Jenkins when they were a child?”
“Riley Jenkins, that’s Lou’s kid who died, right?” Finley sought confirmation and, when he had it, he spoke, “Not personally. I think they might have played at the park once or twice. Before he died, Y/N would play with anyone. But you… you know that.” And Finley gestured to Spencer, much to his disgust.
“Is Y/N in the area?” Spencer asked briskly.
“Well, they’re due for a visit in a few hours. They went on holiday.”
“They still live with you?”
“A month ago, they got a new flat in the city. But they’ve got their own room here, for whenever they need it.”
“May we see it?”
The wallpaper was barely visible beneath exam revision notes, posters of
Fresh sheets on the bed and the clear space on the floor were the only tidy things about the place. It was a haven of organised clutter.
A chess set caught Spencer’s eye. It sat upon the windowsill, recently dusted. The pieces were not that of a classic set; each was painted prettily but with enough error to indicate it was a personal touch.
“You and Y/N were close then?” Derek was holding up a photo album. Upon inspection, the photograph the page was open on was of Spencer and Y/N dressed up for Halloween as Doctor Frankenstein and the Monster respectively – accurate to the book of course.
“Yeah, ‘were’,” Spencer turned back to the chess set. He didn’t bother to ask when his friends had figured out he knew Y/N.
Rossi decided to further test the waters, “You think that Y/N could have killed Riley?”
“Of course not. A four-year-old couldn’t kidnap, tie up, rape, and kill a boy their own age. No violent history that indicates they would ever do something like this. Do I think that Y/N knows something about what happened and my father is trying to keep them quiet? Yes.”
Rossi moved beside Spencer, picking up the knight. Except it wasn’t a knight. It was a wizard of some kind in purple robes.
“We’ll stay up here for a bit then go down once Y/N’s inside and settled,” He gestured with the knight to the window. Spencer blanched as he spied a cab at the end of the driveway. The trunk was open and someone was retrieving a suitcase from within.
Y/N appeared around the corner, waving off the cab and turning to the house.
Mr L/N appeared on the drive and they met in the middle for a hug. Over Mr L/N’s shoulder, Spencer could see that Y/N had grown into their chubby childhood features. They looked genuinely happy.
He would have to go through with it, but he didn’t have to like it. And he couldn’t go hide in the bathroom like with his father.
The trio plodded down the stairs when the sound of the front door closing was replaced with a joyous gathering in the kitchen. It all changed when Y/N went to take off their jacket and caught sight of the three FBI agents standing in the doorway. Taking out his badge, Rossi led the way.
“Hello, Y/N, I’m Agent David Rossi, this is Agent Derek Morgan, and Doctor Spencer Reid. We’re looking into the death of Riley Jenkins, and we were hoping to ask you some questions.”
To the naked eye, very little changed about Y/N’s appearance. To the three profilers, there was a visceral reaction: Y/N’s right hand started trembling, the hard swallow, the dropping of their gaze from Spencer to the floor.
“OK,” They said, a great deal quieter than they had been with their father.
Rossi sat next to Y/N at the dinner table. Derek was beside Rossi; Spencer stayed standing. Mr L/N stayed in the kitchen, at Y/N’s request.
“Can you tell us what you remember about Riley?” Rossi began.
“Not very much, I don’t really remember much about school.”
“Oh, you don’t?” Spencer blurted, “Well, I do.”
Derek glanced back at him with a look that just screamed “shut the hell up”.
It seemed to cut down Y/N’s resolve, their jaw quivering.
“Sorry, can you give me a moment?” They stood up quick, the chair legs scraping loudly against the floor as they walked just as fast to the kitchen. Through the open door, Rossi, Derek, and Spencer watched Y/N grab a glass from the open dishwasher. The water from the tap hit the bottom of the glass harsh, crashing out like a wave of the ocean hitting a cliff. Y/N didn’t seem to care. Their hand dripped water onto the surface as they chugged back some of the drink before returning to the table with a topped-up glass.
“Are you alright?” Rossi inquired, leaning closer to Y/N.
They answered wearily, “Fine, just feeling woozy.”
“You’re a writer?”
“Yeah, you’re a writer too. My mom reads your stuff before bed.”
“Bit of an odd nightcap,” Rossi said with a little chuckle.
Y/N shared that smile for the briefest of moments, replying “You’re telling me.”
From their pocket, they pulled out some painkillers, popping them back with a slug of water then speaking again. “I remember Riley was smaller than me. Still figuring out coordination, but he liked to play chase. I know he was killed; I didn’t find out how until I looked into it last year.”
“Why did you look into it?” Rossi gently probed.
Y/N rubbed two fingers back and forth across their head as they spoke, “I was back here, I felt sick so I went for a walk in the park, and I just remembered him tripping over while trying to tag me. No one ever told me what happened, just that he had to go away. I wanted to know what happened to him.”
“Are you sick often?” Derek asked suddenly, his voice soft to match Rossi. Spencer grimaced at the treatment Y/N was receiving but said nothing.
“Headaches and stomach aches mostly.”
“You get them whenever you come home?”
“I do. Figured I was allergic to something but never figured out what.”
That would have to be a very quick response, like a dog allergy. And coincidental, seeing as the symptoms didn’t start until they saw Spencer.
“Y/N?” called their father, “Can you come here a moment please?”
“May I?”
“Of course,” said Derek and Y/N was out of the room. Derek pivoted in his chair to include Spencer in his theory, “I think they know something, but they don’t know they know it. I think they repressed this memory like you did, Spencer. We should take him to the therapist, see if we can jog his memory.”
“You can’t be serious,” Spencer covered his face with his hands, dragging them down with irritation.
Derek was persistent though, “Spencer, like it or not, Y/N’s linked to this investigation. Put aside your differences for a moment, please.”
Spencer all but squawked, “Put aside my differences?”
“You have brought a lot of bias to this case. Let us at least pursue this lead.”
“Sorry,” Y/N interrupted Spencer’s retort, sitting back at the table, “He needed someone to get unhook the loft door. Mom usually does it.”
“That’s alright.” Rossi waved a hand dismissively. Once Y/N accepted that, he moved in with Derek’s suggestion, “You know, some people have strong physical reactions to memories, trauma. Maybe you’re not getting sick. You’re rejecting something.”
“Rejecting?” repeated Y/N. There was no doubt in their voice, more cautious curiosity.
Derek nodded, “A memory, repressing it, and your body has linked the physical responses to your home. We think it has something to do with this case, and we’d like to see if we can retrieve any memories you might have. Would you be alright to come with us?”
“Yeah,” said Y/N, though they didn’t sound too certain, “Yeah sure.”
The resigned, too tired look on their face, and Spencer felt a tug in his chest. A longing to see Y/N smile like they had when they first entered the house. He’d rather hate someone who was happy than someone who suffered the same as him.
Leaving the house, Spencer took a deep breath of fresh air.
“Spencer?”
He ignored Y/N’s voice for a moment, but he couldn’t disregard Y/N standing in front of him and speaking again, “Spencer, can we talk please?”
“I’m busy,” He said, already walking off as he pretended to call someone, “Hey Garcia.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
“Hold onto my hand, use it as an anchor, and squeeze when you feel fear.” Doctor Mohikian accepted Y/N’s hand on her wrist and their silence nod as they lay back on the same couch Spencer had been just hours before.
“I want you to think back to your childhood, back to when you were five. You’re at the park, your parents are on a bench watching nearby to keep you safe. What do you see?”
“Spencer Reid.”
Derek and Rossi glanced at Spencer, who did not react. They kept quiet so that Y/N could immerse themselves in the hypnosis.
“What’s he doing?” Doctor Mohikian continued.
“Teaching me chess.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
Sat on opposite sides of the table, Spencer and Y/N’s eyes were glued to the chess pieces that were neatly organised between them. Spencer was thinking strategy. He could not say the same for his companion Y/N. They reached a hand out and hovered over the pieces before finally selecting their last knight.
Their tongue clicked as Y/N trotted the piece on the spot.
“What’s this one again?”
“The knight,” Spencer recited, “It moves two spaces up, down, left or right, and another step perpendicular to the first direction.”
“Brave creatures riding into battle,” Y/N narrated before continuing their clip-clopping to its new position, “Pawns in the game of war.”
Spencer didn’t understand how they were coming up with this whilst playing. Well, actually, he did. Because Y/N was clearly not playing to win. They were playing for the best possible story.
“Where do you think this story will end?” Y/N asked.
“I don’t know.”
“You’re lying,” said Y/N, pushing back the sleeves of their white cardigan, “Come on, you can tell me, with your magic powers.”
“It’s not magic. It’s logic.”
“That’s magic to me,”
Narrowing his eyes, Spencer decided that he should give his friend the information they sought: “I see checkmate in fifteen moves.”
“See? Magic! The gift of sight!” crowed Y/N, clapping their hands together. The cardigan sleeves fell back in place as they did so. Spencer felt his cheeks heat up; he dropped his head so he could smile in privacy while Y/N began to decide their next move.
“How’s your mommy today?”
Shrugging, Spencer said, “Better than normal. But that means a bad day is around the corner.”
Y/N nodded solemnly. “Do you want another ice cream? I got more birthday money.”
“No thank you.” Spencer moved the piece but was immediately intercepted by Y/N, “You’re getting better.”
“Fank you.”
“You’ll have to wait longer to beat me though.” And he snatched Y/N’s knight away, just as planned and much to Y/N’s dismay.
A new voice from their left spoke, “Hey you’re pretty good.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
Y/N’s grip tightened on Doctor Mohikian’s wrist, “Someone’s with us.”
“Who do you see?” Doctor Mohikian asked patiently.
“A man. He’s asking us if he can watch us play, listen to the story.”
“Do you want him to stay?”
“No,” Y/N flinched, “But Spencer keeps talking to him. The man won’t go away.”
“It’s OK, it’s OK, you’re safe, Y/N.”
Y/N flinched again, this time letting out a whimper, “He’s on the floor.”
“Spencer is?”
“No, the man.”
“What’s he doing on the floor?”
“He’s,” Y/N began panting, their face tensing and body jerking, “I can’t get to him. There’s glass in the way and the ground is shaking.”
“Y/N.”
“I can’t look, I’ll be sick! Whenever I see them, sick.”
“OK, you’re going to wake up in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!”
Their eyes snapped open with the click of the fingers and Y/N leapt out of Doctor Mohikian’s couch. Their head aimed over the bin by the door and they retched. Nothing came up but their stomach continued to squeeze up
Spencer fidgeted in his seat, trying his best not to look at Y/N. The choice words of the session, three in particular, wrapped around his head.
“Floor”.
Y/N had seen Gary Michaels inside, somewhere that wasn’t the park.
“Glass”.
A window, Y/N was watching what Gary Michaels was doing.
“Sick”.
“Go away! I can’t look at you! You make me feel sick, you and your family!”
“Them”.
It wasn’t just Michaels in the room alone. They had been a witness to his murder.
Derek’s movement to help Y/N took Spencer out of his analysis. Sweaty, Y/N was led back to the couch, the bin between their legs, head lolling forward. Spencer tried to move beside them for questioning, but Y/N winced and began heaving again. He felt that ache in his chest again. He was causing this and nothing he could do would change that. Not until they both knew what happened to Riley and Y/N got help through it.
“What did you see, Y/N?” Derek asked as he replaced Spencer’s spot beside them.
With watering eyes, Y/N looked at Spencer, “The man we played with, he was on the floor. His head – thank you.” They accepted the water from Doctor Mohikian, gulping some back, “It was smashed in.”
The three agents left the room, Doctor Mohikian following after Y/N left to get some air.
“It’s logical to assume that Y/N tied that sickness, that repulsion because of what they thought they saw your mother be involved with, to you and your family,” Doctor Mohikian evaluated.
Interrupting again, Spencer stammered his way through his analysis, “That’s why they avoided me. They associated me with being ill. It’s probably also why they ran away so much; they had to get away from this horrible feeling they had associated with their home.”
Doctor Mohikian shook her head, “We won’t be able to use this in court, I told you when we started.”
Derek’s phone started to ring. As he answered, Spencer somehow managed to slip away for long enough to find Y/N. They were leaning against the ramp’s railing in front of the practice, their body lifting and slumping with each deep breath they took. Against his better judgement, he moved toward them.
“Y/N? Can I have your number?”
The breathing slowed again.
“I need it to call you with an update on the situation as soon as we get one.”
Without looking up, Y/N pulled out their phone and handed it over to Spencer.
He punched his number in a new contact, using this time to gather the courage to maybe say something else. The hurt and pain went beyond him now. Y/N was suffering and had been much longer than he had.
“Thank you, Y/N,” Spencer said quietly, hoping that his didn’t add to the illness, “I hope you feel better soon.”
Their head still down, Y/N croaked, “You too, Spencer.”
“Spencer, get over here! We got a match on a print on Michaels’ body!”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
“What makes you think Gary Michaels killed your boy?”
“He admitted it,” Lou Jenkins said, as monotonous as he had been for the last fifteen minutes of the interrogation.
Derek’s quickfire was on Jenkins instantly, “You beat a guy with a baseball bat, he's going to admit to a lot of things. How do you know he was the right guy?”
“I know. He approached another kid in the neighbourhood.”
“And how do you know that?
“I was told by a concerned party.”
“Who? Another parent?”
Jenkins leant back in his chair, “That's all I'm going to say on the subject.”
“Who was it?” Spencer suddenly spoke up.
Caught off guard at his interjection, Jenkins awkwardly parroted himself, “I told you that's all I'm going to say on the sub—"
Reid slammed his hands on the table, getting right up in Lou’s face, “Who was it?”
The door opened, Detective Hyde appeared, “Agent Reid?”
“Do not interfere with this interrogation, detective,” shouted Spencer, “This is not your case anymore!”
Once again, he was cut off. This time, by the arrival of his own mother, Diana, and her admission of guilt: “Spencer, it was me”.
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
Of all the things this case had brought him, Spencer least expected to be sitting in a room with his mother and father together for the first time in years. To have Diana explain to him how she was involved in a child’s murder was also up there with the unthinkable.
But he stayed quiet and listened to her confession.
The reveal that she had seen Gary Michaels playing chess with him and Y/N, that she and got a feeling that something was wrong before anything had even happened, opened the story. Lou Jenkins’ involvement was next on the menu. Two days after the chess game, he drove Diana to Michaels’ house, disclosed his history of child abuse, and demanded she leave while he went into the house.
Upon reaching the point where she entered the house, Diana struggled with her words. William reached over and took her hand.
She described seeing Lou with the bat, standing over the body, slipping in the pool of blood, finding Y/N standing in the window and their face, their little face as innocent as the white cardigan that covered their shoulders and absorbed the blood from Diana’s hands as she shook their shoulders.
“And the rest... It's all dark after that.”
William continued for her. Diana came home and brought Y/N with her. Eventually he came to understand what had happened and decided that nobody could ever know.
“You were burning her bloody clothes,” Spencer concluded.
His father nodded, “But the knowing, you can't burn that away. It changes everything.”
“You paid for Y/N to go to therapy.”
William didn’t seem surprised that Spencer knew this, going straight into explaining: “They went into a dissociative fugue state after seeing what Lou had done. When Diana brought them home, they were just stiff. I asked them for their home number, to call their parents, but they started screaming and throwing up. We had to take them to the police station.” He mopped his brow with a handkerchief, “They needed help, but their parents couldn’t afford it. And they didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t drag another person into this, Spencer.”
“Is this why you left?”
“I tried to keep us together, Spencer. I swear to you, but the weight of that knowledge, it was too much.”
“You could have come back. Could have started over.”
“I didn't know how to take care of you anymore. When I lost that confidence, there was no going back. What's done is done.”
“At least now you know the truth,” Diana made an effort to smile at her son
Choking on his words and the overwhelming remorse he felt, Spencer refused to look at his parents any longer, “I was wrong about everything. I'm sorry.”
And William said something that Spencer had been waiting for, for a long time, “I am, too, Spencer.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
All of this was repeated when Spencer walked with Y/N through their old park the following day. Filling the final gaps in the memory would hopefully bring some respite to them both. Or at least maybe something to start the recovery process, easing Y/N’s sickness and Spencer’s pain.
“I’m sorry for my behaviour during this case,” Spencer sniffed, “When you said we made you sick, back when we were four, I thought you had seen my mom during one of her episodes and thought she was a freak, like everyone else.”
That stopped Y/N in their tracks, their hands coming up to cover their mouth, their eyes misty, “Oh Spencer, I’m sorry too, I’m so, so sorry I caused you so much pain.”
Spencer’s hands rushed up as if to create belated damage control, “It’s ok! I hurt you too. I made you sick.”
“That wasn’t your fault though.”
“It wasn’t yours either. We were kids.”
Almost pedantic, stropping, like a child again, Y/N moaned, “It’s all been such a waste. We could have been friends all this time!”
“We can be friends now,” Spencer pushed his hands down into his pockets to stop them flailing about anymore. His sentence was phrased more like a question.
One that Y/N gladly answered, “I would like really that.”
Sitting in the reply for a moment, Spencer followed up on his concerns,
“How are you feeling? I mean, are you feeling sick again?”
“A bit, but I can handle it.”
Spencer could not see any changes in their behaviour from the day before. So obviously they were lying about that. But he didn’t protest. The lie meant Y/N wanted to stay with him, which was good - Spencer wanted that too.
They kept walking, only in silence for half a minute before Spencer broke it again, “I read your books last night.”
“Yeah?”
“‘The Siege of the Lost Faiths’ in Rogue’s Mask, that was our first game of chess.”
“It had by far the best narrative,” Y/N dragged their shoe a little on the grass before coming to a stop, “Do you still play?”
“All the time.”
They nodded over to where the old chess tables still stood, “Fancy a game before you go?”
Spencer grinned, “Just promise that this is the only setting where we’ll be on conflicting sides from now on.”
“Promise.”
Brushing the debris from the table, they both took their places opposite each other. From Y/N’s bag was revealed a box, spilling their painted chess pieces across the board. Remembering how they had stood in Y/N’s room, Spencer helped to set up the match. They took their seats opposite one another. Y/N was the green side, Spencer the purple.
Spencer moved first. After a second’s deliberation, Y/n moved their pawn.
“Isn’t there a story with this one?” Spencer said, an implicated teasing in his tone despite his shyness.
With an equally bashful eye roll, Y/N started their new story, “First begins the battle with the royals on both sides sending intrepid messengers to meet and pass along their deeds.”
Spencer took Y/N’s pawn. As he lifted their piece away, he spoke quietly, “One not as intrepid as the other.”
A gasp dropped from Y/N’s smile. He had never joined in the narrative telling before, always too taken up in the match to invest in whatever story they spun.
“He’s not a coward,” They said, still smiling, much to Spencer’s delight, “Prisoner’s dilemma, he just couldn’t trust the other with his life.”
“Did they know each other before this battle?”
“Yes,” Y/N moved a knight across, stealing Spencer’s pawn, “They were brothers who once shared a crib and now they share a grave.”
Throughout the game, Y/N continued the story with Spencer asking questions just to hear them talk more. The maturity of the stories had grown just as Y/N’s voice had. They knuckled their eyes a few times, but they didn’t complain about the headache.
“I know what endings you like,” Spencer moved his rook, “Checkmate in five.”
Y/N didn’t seem to mind that little dig, “This’ll have to be a short story instead then.”
Spencer’s next sentence got away from him, trailing off the closer he got to the end of it, “You could write an anthology series, if we see each other again and play more games.”
Where Spencer’s voice disappeared, Y/N’s returned with invigoration, “That’s not a half bad idea, Spencer.”
The checkmate never came. Y/N diverted the ending into a draw.
“A peace treaty has been forged by the survivors, because too many lives have been lost to justify this violence anymore. If only they realised sooner that no blood had to be shed for peace to rule the lands.” And they smiled at Spencer, clearly chuffed as they leaned back in their chair, “Bit of an upgrade from the horse noises, I’ll say.”
Spencer rotated the purple knight – the illusionist – between his thumb and forefinger, “I liked the horse noises.”
“You should have said during the match! I’d recreate them, for you.”
One by one, the pieces were placed back into their box until the last piece remained in Spencer’s palm: the knight or Soren the Illusionist, distractions and deceptions but he loved the tricks that delighted most of all. Just like Spencer with his magic tricks but a little to the left. The character was always one of Y/N’s favourites. Some solace away from the pain of thinking of who he was based on.
Y/N pushed Spencer’s hand away, closes his fist around it, “Keep him. He was made with you in mind anyway.”
The information sank in and Spencer’s nose wrinkled with the little smile on his face as he cupped the little Illusionist, “I’m Soren?”
Nodding, Y/N confirmed, “You’re Soren.”
“But what about your set though?”
“I can always make and paint another knight,” and Y/N tilted the piece upside down in Spencer’s hand, revealing the signature on the underside, “You and him are the originals, it’s only fair you stay together.”
In a moment of pure instinct and nostalgia, Spencer clicked his tongue as he twisted Soren in time with the noise. Y/N let out a burst of laughter that dragged the air out of Spencer’s chest.
“Hey, do you wanna get dinner tonight?” He said, running out of breath very quickly as a result.
It had a similar effect on Y/N, “I thought you – don’t you have to get back to Virginia?”
“I have time for dinner. For you.”
---> ---> ---> ---> --->
The bookstore was packed but the breath of the patrons was held as one.
All eyes were watching the mini stage where a crouching figure lifted their head up slowly. A jump as the tension broke with the figure leaping up to their feet with a bang.
Y/N pushed up the brim of their cap. Snatching a deep green hoodie from the purple trunk – silver constellations painted on the sides – they swung it over their back before picking up the page where they had left off.
“Nasima looked up at Mason and said, ‘Well that was just unnecessary.’”
A burst of laughter shot through the pre-teens in the front row, spreading to the adolescents sitting further back who had grown up with the author’s other works, finally reaching the adults at the back where Spencer was fiddling with his cane. He adjusted the sleeve of his costume absentmindedly. He was just like everyone else in the room: captivated by how Y/N was so immersed in their reading.
They had just mimed kicking down a door, plus sound effects from their mouth.
Swapping back and forth between the two conflicting characters arguing with one another, changing between the hoodie and the cap with every other line of dialogue and taking both off for the role of the narrator, it was certainly a workout.
An exaggerated breath was drawn into Y/N’s lungs, flopping over in a melodramatic state, which caused another laugh in the audience.
Spencer’s nose scrunched up as he grinned. He knew this was part of the scene; he’d seen Y/N rehearse this story in their sitting room. It was so much better to share this with an audience, for their reactions to fuel Y/N’s energy.
Y/N finished the short story A Battle of Bent Truths with a flourish, leaving the rest of the anthology for their audience to read in their own time. The kids were up on their feet first. Some of them were jumping up and down as they applauded with the rest of the shop. Y/N gave a big grin as they bowed, sweeping their cap off for extra drama.
There was a book signing and a photographer that followed, and Spencer waited patiently at the end of the queue, thankful that the store allowed him to bring a chair along with him. He was happy to entertain his godson and friends with a few tricks to pass the time.
“Another one please!” Henry jumped up and down when Spencer revealed his card.
A minor commotion arose by the photographer’s backdrop. There was a teenager was crying; she was clutching her copy of Untold Tales of Human Nature. Y/N was holding their shoulders, rubbing gently and speaking softly. Only half paying attention to his next trick, Spencer kept an eye on Y/N as they hugged the teenager, looking near tears themselves.
“Spencer?” J.J tapped him on the shoulder and Spencer realised that Henry was looking a little mad to have lost his godfather’s attention so easily.
“Sorry, Henry, can you pick another card please?”
When they reached the front of the queue, JJ went up first and took Henry and his pals up to see Y/N. They instantly recognised JJ and welcomed her with a tight hug. Henry was delighted to see his favourite babysitter and show them off to his school friends, boasting that they had read to him before today.
“They read me bits for bedtime, Mommy!”
“I know!” JJ tickled his cheek, “I read them to you too.”
“Who do you like better?”
“Mommy,”
Y/N gasped, dropping to their knees which made Spencer wince, “Henry, you wound me!”
Rossi approach next, knowing that once Spencer got to Y/N, they would not be left alone.
“You really know how to captivate an audience,” He kissed them on both cheeks, “Though don’t take offence if I don’t use the same tricks at my readings.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it! Thank you for coming.”
Y/N then caught Spencer’s eye and began meandering over to him with a smile they were desperately trying to stifle. Spencer rose from his chair, meeting Y/N in the middle.
“Hi, Spencer.”
With his free arm, Spencer flaunted his cloak, “Who is Spencer? I’m Soren the Illusionist!”
Giggles from his godson, his godson’s gang, his co-workers and friends, they almost caused Y/N to lose their composure. They held on just long enough to continue the banter.
“Oh, forgive me, you look so much like my boyfriend.”
“Hmmm, he must be very handsome,”
And Y/N burst into peals of laughter, waving their hands about, “OK, stop, stop, stop, I can’t.”
“Hey!” Spencer pretended to take offence, pouting as Y/N brought him into a hug.
“Don’t worry,” They kissed his cheek between giggles, “You are so very handsome.”
“To think you were once sick at the sight of me.”
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