QUEEN OF THE SOUTH FINALE 5x10 POST-EP REACTION

spoilers! under! the cut!!!!!

holy fucking shit!! it’s over!!!! wow wow.

get ready for some ramble-y ass, v unorganized, first reactions to the finale, because i am wine drunk and emotional and still trying to get my heart down to a resting pulse and i have so many thoughts

- okay that was a damn gripping episode, i was on the edge of my damn seat the whole time. i went in with like 99% faith that teresa and james were gonna come out alive but they still had me STRESSED the whole damn time!!!! like even tho i was seeing the little signs throughout the episode that it was all a plan my heart was pounding like crazy!!

- i went into today thinking as long as teresa and james were alive in the end i would be happy but then rewatched a bunch of old episodes right before the finale and remembered that i did indeed care about pote and kellyanne and really actually would be upset if they had died, so i was quite stressed, especially for pote at the end!! when he’s fighting boaz!! which also! was super badass btw. all the sicarios backing off at the end!! lol at the random dude who save pote’s life by making boaz take the “sicario’s challenge” tho (which like? lol what?) like okay haha

- everyone loves chicho so much haha him and pote are so cute!!! i love how much chicho gave his all for pote and KA this episode, i’m sad he couldn’t come w them but it was SO CUTE to see chicho with marcel at the end!!! building a bunch of legit businesses and growing the PCCC!!! i love that journey for them.

- i really didn’t think pote was in on it because honestly i didn’t think he would be able to be that good of an actor (the character, not the actual actor, hemky is amazing lol) but i mean pote really pulled thru. he let all his damn emotions out for that performance cuz i was fully convinced he didn’t know until the end when it shows them telling him. actually i got an inkling when he was saying goodbye to marcel and chicho and gave marcel the ~gift~ from teresa lol.

- i do wish we had gotten more flashbacks because like when exactly did james figure out that devon was gonna order him to kill teresa? when did he tell her? did they figure it out together? teresa said she had a boat on standby for TWO YEARS does this mean the plan had been in place that long??? like before james left phoenix??????? or was the boat just always there and the plan came later??? idk tho. i watched 3.05 today and the “if they come for me, i’ll be ready” “if they come for you, I’LL be ready” REALLY HITS A LIL DIFFERENT NOW TBH what if james already had an inkling and when devon showed up that night it confirmed his suspicions.. and they started planning like. that night after they fucked. dude. idk the wheels are turning too fast in my brain rn. ik they probably just planned it this season after james was “let go” by devon and they knew it was too easy, and maybe just in the past couple weeks’ episodes. but who the fuck knows!!!

- i still wanna know how exactly they faked her death. no confirmation on the powder/ coke theory.. and no discussion of the coke habit if it was one. but if this was the long game situation and they’ve been planning all along.. maybe that theory still holds water.. idk y’all that’s the explanation i’m going w because i can’t think of anything else lol

- okay THE ENDING OMG!!!!! was it a bit cheesy and predictable and entirely too short? yes. did i LOVE IT ANYWAYS OMG LOOK AT THEM THEY’RE ALIVE AND HAPPY!!!!???? YESS BITCH okay by the end i was just so damn relieved that they were alive i honestly didn’t care that the teresa’s-alive-reveal happened like 4mins30secs before the end lmao because they were a beautiful almost five mins. i may get saltier about it but LOOK how happy she is!!! look how happy james is!!! and pote and kellyanne have a sweet lil child that teresa and james can be auntie and uncle to and it’s SO CUTE I NEED ALL THE FANART SINCE TERESA AND JAMES DIDN’T ACTUALLY GET A SCENE W THEIR HONORARY NIECE😭😭😭 FEN?? SOMEONE?? i’ll do it myself if no one else does, maybe even if someone else does because that’s so cute (eventually lol)

- do u think james and kellyanne coordinated their respective swim shorts (surf shorts?? lmfao) and nail polish on purpose because they are THE EXACT SAME SHADE OF HOT PINK and i think that’s so cute for them lmfao

- james in that button up w the wavy hair 😍 teresa in her cute lil beach top and her wavy hair 😍😍 them being happy and in love and alive in a cute lil beach house with their family 😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰 i’m so happy for them!!! they made it out!! they outsmarted everyone!! teresa outsmarted everyone!! without shutting out the people in her life!! we love to see it!

- even though we didn’t exactly get a callback to a jeresa moment, we did get a “you okay?” “yeah” which kinda counts and i’ll fucking take it because you know what?? SHE IS ACTUALLY OKAY FOR ONCE. THEY ARE ACTUALLY BOTH OKAY. MORE THAN OKAY. NOW I’M NOT OKAY WHAT THE FUCK.

-also i LOVED the appearance and disappearance of The Queen there at the end!! her little approving nod and willing departure!! and that james was the one to notice her floating off and bring her back to earth from her final vision or hallucination of her queenpin self!! and then he makes a toast to their new life!! the one that she risked it all to build with him!! ahhhh i’m emo y’all!

- i am also still a little confused about some things tho, namely, why exactly did devon suddenly order boaz to back down and send pote to solitary confinement for protection?? was it really just because he believed he was being the “good guy” and that pote was doing his “deserved” time (even tho it wasn’t even for cartel stuff but ok) and he didn’t like the way boaz did business? cuz i feel like he wouldn’t care that much about pote’s safety even if that were the case i mean.. he wanted them all dead like two seconds before that.. i really don’t get that so if anyone has insight please lemme know!!!

- oh my god i don’t even know y’all that was so much!!! i’m sure i have more thoughts but i can’t even think of them rn!! i just wanna reblog all the gifs and see everyone’s thoughts!!! woo! we did it y’all! we made it. they made it!!!! thank fuck! 🥰😍❤️🎉😂

Part 1 HERE

NOTE: OMG I really wasn't expecting for the previous first part of Heavenly Sins to blow up as it did, but I just wanted to give a huuuge THANK YOU to all of you amazing folks!! 🥰🥰🥰 Your support truly means so fooken much to trashy ol' meh and y'all are the reason I am writing this story series in the first place :')

I do have my ideas, but I still don't know much yet of what to do or even how long (or short) this story will get. So, if you would continue to give me your mindblowing support, it would seriously mean the W O R L D.

I do, however, very much enjoy writing Negan in particular so far. He's one of my absolute fave characters ever and JEFFREY DEAN FUCKIN' MORGAN NEED I SAY MOAR?!? 🥵💕💕

But this second part will be focusing a bit more on our beloved sheriff Ricky boi! Of course, Daryl will also get some much deserved love and attention tho I think he will appear in the story a lil later on.

Also, if you ever feel compelled, you are more than welcome to take some inspo from this story and make your own imagines and such! I'd love to see 'em, so please tag me 😁

P.S. There won't always be long ass notes like this, only if I wanna say something or bring up whatever is important. Also, if you wanna be tagged on any new/future story parts, then just tell moi and I will dedicate the latest one to the people who wanted to be tagged!

DEDICATED TO: The wonderful @buttercandy16 💖

"Heavenly Sins"

Part 2

After your little spiel, you haven't spoken to Negan since then. But on the way home after church, you passed by his house and found him tinkering away on his motorcycle (which you previously learned he interestingly named Lucille) in the garage. Not being able to help yourself, you paused in your tracks and just curiously watched him for a while.

His leather jacket was off, revealing a plain white t-shirt. The shirt was quite tight, and you noted how it perfectly hugged the taut muscles of his chest. Your eyes then slowly trailed to his toned arms, adorned by tattoos you wished you had a better look at. He stopped briefly, placing his tools down before grabbing the hem of his shirt and wiping the sweat on his forehead.

You didn't even think twice as your eyes dropped, hyperfocused on his abs. He wasn't the buffest guy out there, but he was lean and fit and--to put it bluntly--hot. A part of you screamed bloody murder to get a grip on yourself, to just turn your stiff body around and proceed on home. But another part completely squashed down those protests without even a fight; as if your pathetic excuse of a resolve wasn't even meant in the first place.

"Take a goddamn picture, darlin'. It'll last longer."

Your head snapped up, meeting the tantalizing hazel stare of Negan. His lips were curled in a smug smirk, and nevermore in your entire life have you wanted to both slap and kiss someone so badly.

But you only clicked your tongue, shooting him a sharp glare before (at last!) turning and walking away as you hid your blush. In the distance, his amused chuckle begrudgingly sounded like the sweetest fucking music to your ears.

♡♡♡

You woke up at 7:05 a.m. like you typically did the next morning, Monday. It was the dawn of a new week, and while most people dreaded it you actually didn't mind it so much. You had your job to thank for that.

Sure, it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it in the end. You loved teaching and spending time with the children, and you were even more ecstatic since you knew Judith was going to be at the daycare.

As you finished eating breakfast and preparing for the day, you grabbed your bag then went out the door. You opted to walk again today, the weather far too beautiful to miss plus the daycare really wasn't that far away.

Eventually arriving at your destination, you approached the daycare building's doors with a little spring in your step. Once inside, a young woman with her blonde hair high in a ponytail smiled and waved.

"Hi, Y/N! Goodmorning!" Beth Greene greeted energetically.

"Morning, Beth." You chuckled, the girl's radiant smile infectious. You've known Beth for some time now, especially since the Greenes were one of the oldest families in Alexandria and they were well respected. But you got along best with Beth, you thought she was the friendliest and she was also the latest hire of the daycare.

Stashing your bag away in your personal locker, you fixed yourself up a bit before getting your nametag and sticking it on your top. Looking up at the wall clock, you read that it was 7:50 a.m. Perfect, just in time for the kids' drop-offs.

You waited outside with Beth and the rest of the daycare workers, until finally the parents started rolling in. It was the usual; some of the children were wailing, snot snivelling down their nose as their embarrassed parents tried to tug them away from clinging onto their legs. You could only offer a sympathetic smile as you tried to help, while other children were much more relaxed and didn't even spare a second glance at their parents as they were dropped off.

"Well, that's about all of them." Beth piped up.

"Wait, we're still waiting for Judith." You said, searching for the toddler. "Rick said she'd be here."

Beth checked her watch, her brows creasing a little in worry. "That's odd. Sheriff Grimes is never late when he's dropping Judith off."

Just as she said that, there was a honk that disrupted the peace. You and Beth both spotted a crying Judith being held by Lori, the woman appearing utterly exhausted before her eyes locked with yours and didn't waste another second dashing towards you.

"Please don't run when you're holding Judith. Also, no honking is allowed on the premises." It was hard for you to keep the malice out of your voice, but you mentally gave yourself a pat on the back since you miraculously managed to not make it sound the worst it could get.

Lori raised a brow at you, but only handed Judith over to you. Judith immediately quieted down when she saw it was you, you cooing gently at her as she giggled and snuggled up comfortably against your chest.

"Rick will be picking her up later." Was all Lori said, pressing a quick peck on Judith's curly little head before parting ways. As Lori rushed back to the car, you saw Shane in the driver's seat shamelessly attack her neck with fervent kisses and you couldn't restrain an eyeroll.

"Fucking bitch..." You grumbled.

"Uh-oh. Bad!" Judith giggled again, clapping her hands gleefully.

"Right, right. Bad. Don't copy me, okay?" You laughed, completely forgetting about your aggravation as you rubbed your nose with Judith's and went inside.

♡♡♡

The rest of the day rolled along splendidly. No one threw a tantrum and for the most part, all the kids properly shared the wide assortment of toys and even did their activities orderly and on time. So, you decided to indulge them with a small yet much sought after reward.

Painting.

When it comes down to children, painting can be utter chaos. But you figured since they were being so good, you'd allow it. At the daycare you worked in, painting was quite a rare occurrence and that only solidified how much the kids adored it.

Once the materials were set out, it was a dizzying flurry of excited hands grabbing anything it could latch on to. As the kids went about doing their creative business, you found Judith all alone sitting in the corner playing around with some blocks.

"Whatcha doin' there, Judi?" You asked, sweetly calling out her nickname. "You don't wanna paint?"

"I wanna, but not with papers." She replied, shaking her head.

"Oh? Then where do you wanna paint?"

"I wanna paint on faces, but no one wants me to!"

"If that's the case, then I'd be more than happy to let you paint my face." You smiled.

"Really?!" Judith's whole face lit up, jumping up and wrapping her tiny arms around you as tightly as she could. "Thank youuu!"

You chuckled, ruffling her hair and watching as she happily gathered some paint and brushes.

♡♡♡

It was finally the end of a long day, and your face felt a bit itchy from the paint Judith put on you. But it didn't matter; as long as the little girl was happy, it was the best damn day ever.

You were holding Judith's hand as you waited outside for Rick to pick her up, and once he came up with his car Judith beamed.

"Daddy!"

"Hello, sweetheart. Did you have a nice day?" His face looked tired, his greying beard making him appear slightly older than he really was, but his smile was genuine as he carried Judith in his strong arms.

"The bestest! Y/N lemme paint her face!"

"She did, huh? What did you pai--oh my god."

You bursted into laughter at his reaction, flashing him a toothy grin. "In the words of Judi: You're a pretty tiger! Grr!"

"Now that you mention it, I can see it." Rick joined in your laughter, nodding his head. "Looks like we've got a talented lil artist in our hands!"

"Daddy, I wanna paint your face next! You can be daddy tiger and Y/N can be mommy!" Judith proclaimed.

You and Rick flushed pink at the same exact time, but Rick was quick to clear his throat and change the topic. "A-Anyways, Y/N, how 'bout me and the kids give you a ride? Thank you for today, by the way."

"No problem, and sure! Thanks so much."

As you settled in the passenger's seat, two hands covered your eyes from behind. "Guess who~?"

"Hmm..." You hummed, making a show of thinking. "Are you an elf?"

"No!" The hands were removed, Carl popping his head out from the backseat to look at you as he laughed. "It's me!"

"Oh, sorry! You're just so short, I thought you were an elf." You teased good naturedly.

Carl huffed, sticking his tongue out at you. "Y'know, in a few years, I'll be way taller than you!"

Once Rick was done buckling Judith into her carseat, he took his place in the driver's seat and drove out of the premises. You just talked about anything that came to mind: work, the weather, Alexandria's local shops, etc. To anyone else, maybe it seemed like regular boring conversation. But speaking with Rick was truly one of the highlights of any of your days. He was extremely easy to talk to, and he never failed to cheer you up. And it was obvious Rick was the same. He was allowed to simply be himself around you; to loosen up, momentarily forget about the stress and sometimes even the woes that came along with being the town's upstanding sheriff.

As you were nearing your home, Carl decided to cut in.

"Y/N, can we stay at your house? It's been a while since we had a sleepover." Carl asked, his baby blue eyes identical to Rick's alight with hope.

It wouldn't be the first time Rick and the kids would be staying over. You were very close to the Grimes family, sometimes even almost considering them as your own. You didn't mind it. Since you lived alone, it can get pretty lonely. And having people around surely brightened up the house and made you keep your sanity.

"I don't mind, but you gotta ask your dad." You chuckled.

Carl turned to Rick, pouting and giving his best puppy dog eyes. Rick rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress an inkling of a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. But let me drop you and Judith off with Y/N first. I'll be back, I just need to get some extra clothes and essentials."

"YAY!" Carl cheered, Judith following suit as they both raised their arms and hollered.

"You're so whipped for them." You laughed, shaking your head as you looked at Rick.

"I ain't denying that." He sighed dramatically, grinning.

Okokokay, I’m awake, lemme explain this particular post because uh. It was like 2 AM when I posted it and I was hardly awake to explain it properly. I might write about the event itself in the future, but I have a LOT of projects going on rn so I need to uh. NOT SUBJECT MYSELF TO TEMPTATION. Lmao. ANYWAY. If you want the full explanation behind this post- it’ll be under the RM for the sake of not angering all of my followers :’)

TW: Internalized Manipulation, Internalized High-Expectative behavior, Suicide, also for uh. A generally Long ass fucking post. 

Basically...Ren has a secret. One they had completely forgotten about until their memory was retrieved post TTH- or rather...a few weeks following the memory retrieval. One secret that...as far as they know- they’re taking with them to their own fucking grave, rather than tell anyone what happened. 

Sure, they had a crush on Makoto. Sure, they were always too afraid to tell him how they felt- both out of fear of rejection, but for another...much more guilty reason.

See, when they ran away from home- ran away from their family...it was because they were controlling, yet neglectful. The family they “loved” never really gave them the emotional support they needed at a time when they were suffering- and in some people’s cases, only added onto it. They ran away because they were tired of being bound by their family’s stubborn expectations, and were tired of feeling like they weren’t good enough to do what everyone else was doing.

The problem was... They never truly resolved that trauma by running away. They had NO idea at the time how to do what they needed to give themselves that emotional support that they needed desperately growing up. Which of course, resulted in them taking that same sort’ve controlling, high-expectative behavior...and turning it on themselves.

Joining as many clubs as they wanted, studying late at night, getting double shifts to pay the rent of their apartment...They did everything they could to stay on top. It was a habit they didn’t know they were doing to themselves- they just saw it as being hardworking to maintain the idea that they were doing alright on their own. And of course, she- Junko- was no help to this. Manipulating them to work even harder- and that if they fall from the throne they were building for themselves, that they’ll be left alone. After all- for the first time in years, as a result...they were relatively popular. But not because of economical status, or because of beauty- or anything relatively of the sort. Because of their intelect. Their talents. Their ultimate...they were appreciated for something they could DO for others. And it was that, that gave them what they thought was the emotional support they craved since growing up- and they would be damned to let go of that now.

Ontop of this, they never really told anyone about being transmasc. They never told anyone they were AFAB. Everyone just assumed they were AMAB and nonbinary- which they agreed was fine with them. 

They were elected student council president, due to their uncanny ultimate to figure out that something was wrong with their class- and have the compassion to sit down and talk with others about it. When a student was struggling in a class, they’d either personally tutor the student or have someone they know who excels in that class tutor them. They were advocating for the luck students classes to be more personalized and catered to their talent, much like how all the other students had their classes personalized and catered to theirs. They did everything in their power to make a difference, to make an impression that they knew would never leave the class- unknowing that them just...being themselves, would’ve been more than enough. 

However...it was all too much for them. It was draining, it was exhausting, it was driving them crazy. They hardly got any sleep, they hardly had time to take care of themselves due to their various after-school activities and jobs they maintained. It was at this point they realized something was horribly, horribly wrong with the way they were living, but...that seed of internal expectations had burrowed itself too deep. Basically threatening themselves that if they couldn’t manage this- what they perceived to be a “normal” school life, albeit with some disadvantages- then they were just...weak. They HAD to keep themselves busy, because that’s how they make a difference in this world!

For being an empath...they’re terrible at taking care of themselves.

Despite themselves, they felt that sinking emptiness that they felt back home starting to return to their heart. So what do they do? Pour themselves further into their classes, their work, their social life- what little of it they maintained after class- their clubs, their student-council presidency. 

Even then, that wasn’t enough. They tried on their life. They broke under that pressure, and they have the scars to prove that. It was the first time anyone in their class knew that something much deeper resided within their class president. 

...Yet, at the time, Makoto was the only one who yelled at them for it- both out of his own naivety and his own sense of guilt.

Skip to a few months in the future- a good 2 weeks before Junko’s perceived plan would go into full effect, and a few days before the supposed fuzzy memory they’ve had in the past came into fruition. 

Makoto and Ren had been getting closer, yes. Ren wanting to learn and, as a result, be better to themselves- so they could in turn be better for their class. Makoto just wanting to help, seeing as he looked up to them.

Still, they didn’t hang out that often- both due to their own class schedules being all over the place, and Ren never having much time out of school. Sure, Kyoko would be helping pay their rent- which let them have the option to quit one of their jobs...but they still had to afford food each month, so they still kept one job- both for the experience and because they felt they had to. They didn’t want to ask the school for more help than they “needed” to.

So, when Makoto was hosting a small sleepover with several of the boys from his class- including them- they were a bit excited. Due to their business, they never really had the time to really...hang out with other people. Develop an actual social life. They never had the chance to hang out with friends outside of class, and never had the chance to do normal teen things- like sleepovers and school drama and shit. 

Naturally, of course they went. 

They had...such a fun time that night. Goofing off with the boys- even some of the more reclusive and uptight boys would eventually loosen up around Makoto. Of course- it wasn’t like usual more “Feminine” sleepovers- the boys would mostly be playing a lot of video games, eat snacks, what-have you. Makoto would try to get them to watch anime, only to be teased for it. Ren had to break up that little spat before it got out of hand- wanting just as much to protect Makoto. 

Soon enough, everyone was falling asleep. Most of the others didn’t want to sleep in Makoto’s room themselves- saying that was too “gay” for them-- Only to get ribbed at by Ren as a result, despite what they tell themselves about being a straight enby (a contradictory statement in and of itself). So, Ren, wanting to prove a point to them, decided they’d stay with Makoto. Unaware of how flustered they were at the thought, Makoto headed back to his room with them in tow- ignoring how the boys were calling out various...unsavory one-liners. (Much to his dismay, seeing as Makoto would eventually have to drag Ren by the arm- lest they start an actual fight in his house, his parent’s would fucking END him, Ren stop it--)

At the very least, it was calmer. The two sat, talked for hours, goofing off and watching anime until close to 1 AM. By then, they’re still watching anime through his laptop- Makoto braiding their hair out of their eyes so its easier for them to see. 

This entire night, they’ve just been feeling so...so flustered around him. So flustered, so confused. They just want to do something about the feeling, they want to understand what it is they’re feeling...this feeling that they’ve felt since they first met him- and has only intensified over time...has intensified over the course of the night. 

So, they do something impulsive. They do something they didn’t think they KNEW they were doing until they did so. They kiss him- genuinely and caringly. Its then they did realize how they felt- someone not so straight, not so ‘perfect’...and for that brief moment it was okay. For that brief moment, being perceived as who they actually are...was okay. 

And then that moment was broken, hearing a knock on their window- one of the boys had gone to investigate what was going on, and was peering through the window. 

And that sudden panic, that fear of losing what they have- of losing the respect of their class...it held its grip on their heart. They start freaking out, mumbling to themselves about how they were going to be made fun of. Makoto tries to calm them down, tell them its okay- that it’s fine- trying to insinuate that he kinda felt the same way.

But, they leave. They flee with one last final word to him; 

“...You don’t even know.”

A message to themselves- about what they know about love- and to him...that he doesn’t know what would happen if they loose that social status. 

...The following day, they pour their heart out to Junko. They explain everything that happened- and they’re told of the device that can wipe memories. That can, essentially, erase the past. Of course they’re reluctant- their good morals and goody-two-shoes nature makes them hesitant. But, when she reminds them of what would happen once rumors starts to spread... They agree its for the best. That no one else should remember what happened that night. But to ONLY erase that night. 

...Little did they know, that a few weeks down the line, there would be so, so much more erased than a single night. 

So, by Monday, everyone has seemingly forgotten the whole event. They swore to themselves that day to never tell anyone- especially him- about what happened...both because of the event itself...but because of if he found out what they did following it- they didn’t know if he’d ever forgive them.

Losing their social status...losing that emotional support from their class...at the time; nothing else was worth it. Nothing else; even love. 

After all, they’re expected to be little mx. perfect. 

When their memories are finally retrieved... Or rather- the weeks following it, as an after-effect- they remember the whole event. That guilt they carried with them about what Junko did to them only multiplies when they remember their other massive, massive mistake. Sure, things turned out well in the end- they’re with Makoto, everything is getting better... He’s shown that even through their past- he’d be there for them...but even so, they can’t tell him.

It’s a secret they’re taking with them to their grave. And with any hope, that’s exactly how they hope it’ll stay.

...And they forget, that just as well for everyone else, the procedure had brought back all their school memories, as well.

Makoto won’t...say anything on the matter- knowing how their anxious self might react. If they want to tell him, they will. But if not...it’s a secret for their past self to keep, forever. 

...It definitely does explain some of their behaviors though, now that he does think about it. 

Let’s Talk About Steven Universe

*WARNING* This … “essay” has my opinions only. I am not speaking for the community, I am speaking for me because I like to express myself and there are people like @susanaaatc​ out there who like these kinds of discussions. So if you want, I’d like for others to give me their whole opinions on the show as well. Hell make a whole post about it like I did and tag me in it so that I can see your opinion. With all that stated, let’s get down to Bismuth.

So Steven Universe came out in 2013 and I was 11 years old at the time. I liked Regular Show and Adventure Time, not to mention I was obsessed with Rise of the Guardians and Monster High, so I was a bit preoccupied to watch the show. Eventually though, my best friend at the time talked about it constantly and she brought up the concept of fusion. She showed me the art book of the show that she bought and it showed how two completely different gems could fuse into one gem to become stronger. This is where my interest started, and it was the same concept that started pushing me away from SU later in it’s show run. 

So fusion in Steven Universe is mostly treated as a relationship, and it’s not always just romantic. It can be between two friends, it can be seen as a more sexual relationship between two gems, a romantic relationship, or a parent-child relationship like with Steg (Steven and Greg’s fusion). This is an amazing concept and I love it so much but… I’m not here to talk about what I like, I’m here to talk about what I dislike. 

One of the best characters in the show is Garnet. Garnet was revealed in season 2 (I think) to be a fusion between the two tiny gems Ruby and Sapphire, and Garnet is the manifestation of their love. She’s an amazing example of not only a healthy, respecting, and loving relationship between two people, but also is an amazing example of a healthy same-sex relationship. You see, Steven Universe uses “code” to represent something like race, gender, and age… But we’ll get to that later. My problem isn’t really with Garnet herself, but what Rebecca and the Crewniverse has made her in to. Many have said it before, and I agree. After her reveal as a fusion, Garnet was no longer the cool, collected, fun-in-her-own-way “mom” we knew before, she turned into a fusion, and a symbol for fusion, and a representation… of a fusion. After the reveal, all the crewniverse seemed to view Garnet as… was a fucking fusion! She lost a lot of personality in the 3rd and 4th seasons in my opinion and was really only used in the plot when it had something to do with fusion. To me it’s like having a friend group with only one Asian friend and the rest a different race, and then only inviting the Asian friend to hang out when you’re going to watch Anime, or a Kdrama. It’s a bit racist is it not? Just because you can relate a character to something in the plot does not mean that character has to be there. Maybe instead of putting Garnet in every fusion episode (with the exception of “Earthlings”) just mention her. She doesn’t have to be in every damn episode that has to do with the subject. 

A lot of people have an issue with Bismuth… and I can understand that. Let me explain why. “Coding” is what a creator of any media does to give the consumer an idea of a character’s personality, race, age, gender, etc, without it being too obvious. Off the top of my head I’ll state what I view the “coded” characters as.

 Garnet, Sapphire, Sugilite, and Bismuth are coded Black.

Amethyst to my knowledge is coded Hispanic or Latina or something like that.

Pearl, the Diamonds, Opal, and Rose Quartz are coded White.

Rainbow Quartz and Aqua Marine are coded White and British.

And I’m not sure about Peridot, Lapis and Jasper are supposed to be coded as.

So the race thing has brought up some issues. In the official artbook that I mentioned earlier there was a concept design for Concrete and the design was a little… oof. People weren’t very happy… lemme just show you.

So obviously people weren’t happy that good ol’ Concrete here looks like a blackface character from the early 20th century animations. And I agree it’s pretty bad, but I don’t think it was intentional. 

Some controversial things that come from the show (other than countries like Kenya being assholes and trying to act like LGBTQ doesn’t exist) are the portrayals of two specific characters, who also happen to be fusions, and I agree with most things people don’t like about them.

Let’s start with Stevonnie. Stevonnie is the nonbinary (but let’s be honest she’s a girl) fusion of Steven Universe and his love interest Connie Maheswaran (I had to look up how to spell her last name smh). They’re supposed to represent Steven and Connie’s closeness as best friends and their growing crushes on each other. Rebecca Sugar has also stated that they’re a representation of puberty…. Excuse me? Puberty must have went swell for you Sugar. There’s someone who made a video about why they hate SU, that person being the ever controversial Lily Orchard, and she covered why Stevonnie is just… honestly she’s waifu bait. I agree with probably everything Lily says about this character because… it’s true. Puberty seriously ain’t pretty, and it sure as hell ain’t sexy until after it’s done… sometimes. Also, Sugar is contradicting herself saying that the Crewniverse isn’t sexualizing two very under age kids because Stevonnie is Steven and Connie’s ages added up… which would make the fusion 26 years old… that’s a bit old for puberty Rebecca. It feels to me like they wanted to make a sensual character, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but they didn’t really want to add a new character so they just put the two love interests together. But that’s so fucking wrong. I’m sorry, but sexualizing Stevonnie, which they are doing btw, I will make a post if you question it, is like people shipping siblings or an underage person with someone way older than them and saying “it’s totally fine because they’re just characters” (*cough cough* Ereri *cough cough* Hitachiin shippers *cough*). If you’re going to use that excuse, but then get angry at people who don’t take the character seriously because they are just a cartoon, then you’re a hypocritical asshole. Sorry to tell you. Stevonnie is a very good character overall though. I’m just uncomfortable when they appear because they’re two kids in a trench-coat with curves like an anime schoolgirl and moves like someone who just successfully seduced a poor guy into giving them the secret to the Crabby Patty formula.

Now let’s move on to Steg, the fusion between father Greg Universe, and son Steven. There’s nothing wrong with them fusing because fusion in SU symbolizes a relationship, no matter what kind. However… why do two chubby men make a sex symbol rock idol??? That’s… that’s gross. Why the fuck is Steg so “hot”? Why on earth would you create a fusion out of a father and son and think it’s appropriate to sexualize them and make them gyrate their genitals like they’re an Elvis Presley impersonator? Just… WHY? Do I even have to explain why this is so wrong? Really? Honestly??? You can fuse Steven and Greg and not make it so sexual, but nah let’s give them rock hard abs, a humongous bulge a sharp jawline that neither of the two have, and a tight ass. What the actual fuck?? 

That’s not my biggest issue though. My biggest issue is giving the Nazi bitches a redemption ark smaller than my nonexistent cock. Endeavor from My Hero Academia is an absolute prick right? He abused his children, notably his youngest, and his wife, and is an absolute asshole to everyone, but he gets a redemption arch. Do you know why it makes sense though? First off because as far as we know Endeavor never committed genocide, and second because he’s not a Nazi, he’s an abuser. Abusers, whether we like to admit it or not, can eventually see the error of their ways and understand that what they’re doing is both wrong and that it doesn’t work. Endeavor is getting a redemption arch because he obviously loves his kids, he just doesn’t know how to show it because of some circumstances we may not know. 90% of the time an abuser was abused themselves growing up, so they grow up with that resentment and they go one of two ways. They see how wrong it is and knows that it won’t get them anywhere in life if they bully others to stay on top, or they think that since they went through it and came out alive, then others should go through it too. I should know, because my dad was from an abusive family, and he turned out fine(ish… long story) while his brother and sister are pieces of shit that can’t hold a job or a home because they’re too involved in criminal activity to do so. 

What does Endeavor from MHA have to do with the Space Nazi Diamonds in SU? Well people were sending Horikoshi Kohei death threats because he had the gull to redeem an asshole, and SU fans are pissed because Rebecca Sugar had the lady balls to “redeem” space Nazis. The difference being, you can be redeemed if you were an abusive cock, but not if you’re a genocidal bitch. There’s a huge difference. 

Rebecca and the Crewniverse giving the Diamonds a 4 episode redemption arch is absolutely abominable. Peridot’s redemption? Fucking amazing, beautiful, couldn’t have done it better myself. Jasper’s? It’s currently going amazing and they’re doing a great job keeping her in character while also making her likable and even a bit charming. Lapis? Oh… let’s talk about her shall we?

Lapis Lazuli’s character is an absolute disaster. She’s a cunt, she’s a horrible friend, and my god is she abusive! Lapis was supposed to be a sympathetic character, and for a while she was. You could feel bad for her because her gem was damaged and she was trapped in a mirror for thousands of years and when she’s finally released, you understand her want to go back home and why she took the Earth’s ocean to try and reach it. It was understandable when she didn’t want to break out of the prison ship because she was anxious and scared of being locked away for another thousand years. It was easier in her mind to just behave and wait. When Jasper convinced her to fuse with her Lapis didn’t really want to, but saw an opening for the freedom of the humans and mostly for Steven, the one person who saved her from hell. But then everything went south.

Lapis and Jasper were fused as Malachite for months, obviously in a very stressful “relationship”, and apparently a very abusive one as well. When they were finally able to unfuse, Lapis was played off by the Crewniverse as a victim of abuse. This may be half true. After all we don’t know exactly what happened with them at the bottom of the ocean. What we do know however is that Lapis admitted to being abusive. This makes her an abuser. She described how it made her feel happy to abuse Jasper, or “taking my anger out” on her. She admitted to abuse and the Crewniverse still painted her as a victim. They’re both victims of abuse, and they’re both abusers. But that’s not what makes Lapis a horrible person… gem…

Lapis is a cunt… again. It’s okay to be antisocial, it’s okay to be cautious and stand-offish because you’ve been trapped, imprisoned and used so many times. What’s not okay is being a bitch to people trying to comfort or make friends with you, or try to cheer you up. Poor Peri, she was just trying to make amends and comfort Lapis after her whole ordeal with Jasper. Peri offered the cunt the thing that helped her organize her thoughts, the thing that calmed her in situations that made her anxious, the thing that comforted her and the first gift given to her by her first friend and the first person that listened to her thoughts, and the cunt destroyed it. She destroyed Peri’s recorder right in front of her, calling it garbage. Oh and the abuse doesn’t stop there, it only really began, because when shit started to hit the fan, instead of helping each other through it, Lapis abandoned Peridot and took the home they shared. Without a single thought she just took it and abandoned her, and it devastated Peri. I don’t remember her apologizing, and if she did it doesn’t matter because if I don’t remember then it must not have been very sincere. 

I’m sick of spitting negative shit so I’m gonna end this here. Personally I’ve been liking the last few episodes, but I’m not too confident that the finale is gonna be satisfying. Those are my thoughts, do with it as you will, but for God’s sake be fucking adults about it. If you don’t got the guts to curse without saying “h3ll” or “pu$$y” or something like that then you’re not mature enough to respond to this. I’m not gonna argue with 9-year-olds. I’ll only have a conversation with mature people.

WILDCARD: Mysmes as gbf units (what element, what weapon they'd use, what race they'd be and so on)

*rubs hands together* I was MADE for this

Zen: Light element- I’m kinda gonna base this on his outfit for when he played Zorro. He’d be kind of mysterious but over-dramatic- he’d introduce himself as an aspiring actor, flirt with Danchou for a bit and be all ‘hehe obviously the god’s regret making me this handsome’. He has a rapier on his side and Vyrn roasts him literally every second like ‘yo dodo bird do you even fight bro????’ and Zen gets SO offended. His fate episode has him basically chatting your ear off and you’re like ‘why is he even in my crew-he’s as chaotic as Aoidos???’ But as you level him up he is the sweetest thing ever and his v-day+ white day cutscenes would be the absolute cutest things ever!!! He’d be so suave you’d have a heart attack!!

Rarity: I’d go off on a limb here and say maybe r or Sr, since he’s the “easy” route, he’d prolly be one of the easiest to get. I’d also say he’d be a fan favorite real quick, so he gets an sr summer skin and sr event character, maybe an outfit or two as well. 

Skills: Based on his personality, I think he’d be one that can charm enemies with a cheesy skill name like ‘dazzling skin’ or ‘blinding smile’. Also based on his rather hot-headed personality, he’d prolly be someone with ‘hostility-up’. I’d even say when you get him to level 45 and earn his last skill, he’d have a skill that heals or takes hits for you, the MC. 

Weapon: Rapier, as said before. I think he’d call it ‘Zorro’ or something else that’s entirely stupid. When you summon his weapon, it’d be called ‘radiant rapier’. 

Yoosung- Wind element. He’s an absolute cutie and would prolly be a hermit in the forest chatting it up with his animal buddies and you gotta drag his butt outside while he screams about the sun. His whole character arc is him getting utterly ROASTED by Vyrn and literally everyone because of how much of a NEET he is. Lyria and Danchou try to reintegrate him into society and trust people more. He starts off as ‘happy’ in his fate episode, gets melancholic in his skill episode, then becomes truly happy in a cross episode with another character. 

Rarity: Sr. Unfortunately he’s not as popular as most, so he probably gets an event unit at most besides his original. I think he’d eventually be recognized as being a great character and may get a summon stone though. 

Skills: I think he’d be a healer/buffer to the crew. So he’d be healing with a skill called “Superman Yoosung to the rescue!!” and then a buff for wind characters like “NERF THIS WIND LOLOL!!!” And then his last skill will be a really sentimental one like “I’ve become stronger now” and it places a defense shield on him and ally. 

Weapon: Staff. He’s a healer, but his sprite has like a bird and deer somewhere. If you were to summon him, it’d be called “Staff of Life”. 

Jaehee- Is a tired woman who you bump into because she’s busy trying to deal with Jumin’s shit. She apologizes quickly and Lyria is like “OMG BUT WE NEED TO HELP HER!!!!’ So her whole character arc is you helping her she should achieve her dreams and then suddenly she’s like ‘yeah LEMME QUIT AND START A CAFE!!!’ She becomes great friends with Sandalphon becuase they both bleed coffee and are done with everyone, but have a soft spot for the captain, and have massive crushes on their white haired besties (i mean whaaaaat). 

Rarity: Sr. She gets an original, but a second sr version where she has finally achieved her dream. It’s a really cute closure to her character, and Jumin doesn’t act so OOC to fill a quota lol. 

Skills: She’d be debuffer/ buffer extraordinaire. Cooldown times shorten, atk goes up, and she has a stackable skill ‘The faster you finish, the faster you can leave!!’ in which her hostility and atk goes up, her def goes down, and she HITS HARD!!! 

Weapon: stack of papers Idk tbh, maybe a tome, but it’s referred to as a staff (call it a gd book jfc Cygames lol). She’d probably earth element and WILL BREAK THE EARTH IN HALF!!!!

Jumin- The rich, stoic prince of a kingdom you end up meeting on accident. He only joins you because you found Elizabeth the 3rd and he was very grateful. So imagine Percival on steroids and that’s Jumin as a GBF character. He’s quick to call bullshit, but every time Vyrn or Zen roasts him it flies over his head/he roasts them back a thousand times harder. His arc is him learning to trust his FEEELINSS!! Also becomes close with Dante and they both philosophically discuss cats like they’re their gods. His V-day and White Day cutscenes will be the EXACT SAME AS SIEGFRIED!! HE’S AWFUL ON V DAY BUT ON WHITE DAY HE’LL BE COMPLIMENTING YOU AND BEING HAWT BUT THEN HE’S LIKE ‘I RESPECT YOU’. DUMB IDIOT STILL DOESN’T KNOW FEELINGS!! 

Rarity: SSR. He’s quickly become a fan favorite and has two ssr versions, his original and maybe a halloween/ christmas version, and then an anniversary skin where he’s wearing a dashing tux and it will say on the description, ‘Can you keep up with me’ or something safdsjgnfljsnjkn I’m dying CYGAMES MM COLLAB WHENST????

Skills: He’s a dark debuffer/ defensive character. He can hit hard but he is more focused on longer battles where survivability is more necessary than him nuking. He’d have a def down for enemies and it’s called ‘I get checks’ and a def up for all allies called ‘Ahh- to be with Elizabeth the 3rd again’ 

Weapon: A beautiful sword/ lance that is very pristine and glorious. It’s gonna have a diamond on it somewhere and it’s gonna be a reference to how his father gave him that pen. 

Also!!! He gets a cross-fate episode with Zen where they both roast each other before actually talking out their feelings and working it out. I can also imagine an episode where he delves more into his distrust of women and why he focuses on his Elizabeth so much. 

707- He’s so god damn chaotic you wonder WHY THE HELL IS HE EVEN ALLOWED??? Okay so you end up meeting him when Rackam is trying to fix the Grandcypher and homeboy shows up, suggests some ideas and him and Rackam go nutso over ships (this version of cars). He has a lot of inside jokes and is very memeable for a GBF character, becoming a notorious part of the April Fools event. His fate episodes start off happy before becoming depressing and you’re like wow why don’t you just run me over with a boat huh???

Rarity: SSR. Super popular and has like…five variants lol. I say he’d be a fire nuker all the time except for one ssr variant, in which it’s a dark version where it was a ‘what if he fell into despair?1!!!!???’ Super depressing story holy cow. He’s got an event sr in there, it’s pretty good. He’s prolly also got a summer, Christmas, or Halloween variant somewhere there. Of course, because of his popularity, he gets skin or two as well. 

Weapon: I imagine him using a fire gun. Like imagine a better Rackam. It’d be called something like, “hacker’s resolve”. 

Skills: Fire nuker. He’s horrible for long distance fights, but he focuses a lot on enmity, hype, and hostility up fights where he needs to hit hard and fast. For sure has a skill called, ‘I’m in’, and “Defender of Justice-707!!’ and after you complete the heart-wrenching skill ep. he gets his final skill called, “god forgive me”. It’s so depressing T-T

Also!! Has a cross-fate with both Yoosung and Unknown where they focus on family and growing past their own background. 

Unknown- A very scary dude when you first meet him, who tries to kill you on sight. Lyria…does something and he’s like, ‘I need to get revenge so I’ll stick with you if you let me kill people’. His episodes start off VERY dark and disturbing, but gradually get happier as he becomes more acquainted with the MC. I’d say he’s basically like Azazel where he’s so tsundere about everything and you’re ‘okay brooooo’. His valentines day cutscenes would be absolutely hilarious as he’s like ‘ew why would I take anything you make’ to ‘i dreamt of eating your chocolate again’. His white day scenes would be SOOOOOO worth it tho, he gets you a bouquet of flowers with special meaning and is blushing and tells you to take it before he freaks out. 

Rarity: Originally a water sr, but then got a wind SSR version that represents him growing and becoming ‘Saeran’ again. It’s a super amazing growth that makes everyone weep when they!! see!! the!! baby!! smile!! He prolly has  a Halloween version where he dresses as the phantom again. 

Weapon: Firearms. Tons of guns and explosions. 

Skills: He’s an attacker/debuffer. He can hit hard like his brother but can ACTUALLY TAKE A HIT AND NOT DIE!!! I can imagine he’d have a self heal skill called ‘mint eye elixir’ where he drinks a potion and heals, but if you do it too much he eventually can be knocked out or raise his atk a lot but get killed by getting slapped too hard. He’d have tons of debuffs where he blinds and confuses foes, and his last skill would be called ‘unraveled chains’ where he boosts his atk and def. His SSR version would be a lot different and more focused on buffing everyone up, and he’s so good at it. They’re mostly related to flowers and how he’s grown and changed as a person, and how he finally reached happiness.

V- He is a blind wizard. That’s it. That’s literally how you meet him you go ‘lol there’s no such thing as a-’ and V saves your ass from getting run over by a cart or something. You beg him to join and he’s like ‘well of course I’ll help you wonderful children!!!’ His v-day and white day scenes are absolutely heartbreaking yet so emotional because he talks about his past with Rika yet says how he can finally ‘see’ the light since joining you. His story IS SAD!! SAD!! SAD BOI HOURS AT ALL TIMES!!! A BLIND MAN IS CRYING OVER HOW HIS SINS WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WASHED AWAY AND HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO GET A SECOND CHANCE AND!!! SO SAD!!

Rarity: Water SSR plus a dark sr from an event where he’s in his mint eye clothes. Gets a Halloween skin where he’s dressed as a detective trying to find his happiness and will to live. 

Skills: Self-sacrificing skills that buff everyone up. It’s so sad because he’s so good at buffing everyone and making everyone a tank but you just… dude you wanna talk about it?? Do you want a healer omg man, I’m so sorry. 

Weapon: Blind wizard. He uses a staff, which doubles as his walking staff. 

here, lemme just-- get all of my thoughts out there. WARNING: THERE’S A LOT.

the flashback in the beginning was nice. i know it was meant to be kinda sad and whatnot bc of their dad getting cancer but lemme just say that javi’s “hey, i was reading that!” and david’s “oh my gooood!!” was cute. also, i couldn’t stop focusing on how #tragic david’s outfit was, but that’s why i love his outfits bc they are tragic, so...... anyway, moving on. i was SO FUCKING RELIEVED TO SEE KATE AGAIN!!! her beautiful face wasn’t messed up at all and i was so glad!!! she just straight up hugged javi and completely ignored david and it’s like, you’re not even gonna ask david if he’s okay? really? bc my kate would’ve. but i digress-- i was glad when gabe finally started coming around and realizing that david wasn’t all that he was cracked up to be, but i got really mad at all the times when gabe would get hit by david. accident or not, it pissed me off. david breaking fern’s arm and shooting rufus made me uncomfortable, lol. and like, i get why he did it, but still. that whole situation could’ve been handled better. i’m at least glad that he didn’t let kate and javi get shot. i stood beside my brother and it was a nice moment and made me happy, but i couldn’t be too happy bc i knew everything was gonna get fucked up by the end of the episode. i felt bad about ava, a little, but tripp was my husbando™ and i didn’t want him to die (even tho he did gdi) and so she was rightfully pissed off at me. she said she’d pick david over me anyway so i didn’t feel too bad. the bit where david’s like, “kate walked right past me and hugged you. why is that?” and i’m like, MY KATE wouldn’t have done that, i’m sorry!!!!!! but i couldn’t actually say that so i just went with, “ask her yourself.” bc lol nah son. but then the fact that she’ll hardly speak to him, just-- kate why? i mean, i kinda get it, but still. ALSO GABE TELLING JAVI THAT HE WANTS TO BE LIKE HIM GAVE ME SO MANY EMOTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BABY BOY IS GROWING UP SO FAST!!!!!!!!! the scene where ava saved my sorry ass and proceeded to die fucked me up, dude. i thought she’d last longer than that. and david’s reaction was just so-- idk. but i get it bc people handle grief in different ways. but the whole thing with the group going across that edge spiked my anxiety and i was just hyper-aware of kate the entire time. the helicopter scene didn’t help my anxiety lmao. i was just glad that we all survived that bs. plus when javi finally gets up there and he’s like, “great job everyone. just like how we rehearsed!” and kate’s like, “i think we can do better! lets go back over there and try that again!” and it just-- i laughed so hard, fffffff. the walker scene was gross af, but the fact that JAVI LITERALLY TALKS TO ONE OF THEM KILLS ME JUST-- walker: *looks at javi, makes guttural noises* javi: *looks at walker, makes guttural noises back* i died laughing at that, okay? it was fuckin’ great. and the scene in the garage-- HOLY FUCK. kate slapping david and proceeding to break up with him and THEN GOING OVER TO KISSING JAVI (AND JAVI KISSING HER BACK LIKE THERE’S NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER) LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????? KATE!!! THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO IT!!!! (i mean, i told david that i was in love with her afterwards, but still...) ofc that set david off, and he attacked me, but i refused to fight him. i kept telling him that i loved him, and then he warped gabe upside the head with a fucking wrench and didn’t even fucking bat an eye. like, i’m sorry, but even if i was seeing red and was trying to kill someone, the moment that happened, and i realized that i’d just hit my son UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A FUCKING WRENCH i’d immediately snap out of it and try to apologize to my kid or something at least. i also felt like gabe agreeing to go with david was ooc af, but the writers did that shit on purpose. otherwise how could they get those separate endings they wanted sooooo bad, y’know? i went with kate, and i don’t regret it at all. i trusted clem enough to get gabe back safely and i just knew that if i left kate, she’d die and i wasn’t having that. so i went with her and helped her clear out richmond with the HELP OF MY MAIN MAN JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT’S GOOD, MAN???? I MISSED YOU BRO!! YOU LOOK HELLA GOOD LIKE THAT, DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!! but yes, so we did all that, and then clem’s back and she’s GOT GABE AND HE’S ALIVE AND SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but then we find out that DAVID’S FUCKING DEAD AND IT’S LIKE WTF?! NO! WHY?! bc as much as i might’ve not always liked david, i never wanted him to fucking DIE WTF?! also the fact that gabe’s like, “dad said for us to take care of each other.” seriously FUCKED ME UP, MAN. like damn. so kate and i go to his body (which i really hated looking at, btw. too much sad.) and she grabbed his dog tags, while proceeding to tell me about what david wanted and ish. and i was like, fuck man. that’s fucking sad af. we respected his wishes, buried his dog tags, and i said my peace and KATE DIDN’T HAVE SHIT TO SAY AND JUST SMILED AT ME AND LEFT HER FUCKING RING THERE AND I’M LIKE WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK -- and then we put up david’s pic on the memorial wall, and say a few more words, and kate brings up the fact that she wants to have a BABY??????????? naturally, i was like, ‘fuck yeah, babe.’ but still, lollllllll. i didn’t see that coming at all. AND THE BIT WITH JESUS HOLY FUCK. him thinking javi was flirting and i’m like, “heyyyyyyy boiiiiiiiiii how you doin????” bc fuck yeah. sorry, i’m weak for jesus, man. i fuckin’ ship it. and then the “hey, uh, jesus?” and “hey, uh, gabe.” IT WAS SO FUCKING CUTE OMG. THE HAIRCUTTING SCENE WAS ADORABLE TOO!!! being able to tease clem about gabe, and giving her hope about aj, AND giving her that adorable haircut???? A+++++ i loved every bit of it! tho i will say that clem has some big ears, lmao. i still love her tho. <3 THE HUG SHE GIVES GABE, THE FACT THAT JAVI AND KATE HAVE THEIR ARMS WRAPPED AROUND EACH OTHER, AND THE WAVES THEY ALL GIVE EACH OTHER, I’M JUST-- LOVED IT. and the ending scene with her looking like a total badass with that new haircut and jacket????  👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit Clementine’s story will continue... like omggggggggggggggggggggggg. though i do wonder when they’ll finally let clem rest, lmao. and OKAY!!! i’ll now take this opportunity to say that it killed me how ooc Kate was at times. like, the fact that she didn’t at least look at david and ask him if he was okay didn’t seem like something she’d do, imo. also her ignoring david for that long and only talking to him when they’re fighting??? mmmm no. i don’t approve. the fact that she loses her shit and slaps him and breaks up with him and  THEN goes over and kisses Javi just to add more salt to the wound felt soooooooooooooooooo ooc for her. MY KATE would, at the very least, attempt to have a civil conversation with david. she wouldn’t have ignored him for so long up until that point. she might’ve been nervous to bring the topic up and that’s why she was ignoring him, but i feel like she would’ve pulled him aside after a while and talked to him calmly about the situation. she would’ve picked a better time to do it than when she did in the game. she just-- she would’ve handled it so much better than they had her do, bc that whole thing was a fucking mess. that wasn’t the kate i’d been led to believe. also the fact that she just stops caring about him at all? like, you loved him once, enough to marry him! You even admit to loving him once. so you mean to tell me that you have not even the tiniest shred of emotion left for him? unrealistic. blocked. but no, for real-- i could understand it in some situations, but it just find it hard to believe that she wouldn’t care about him at all. kate and david’s relationship reminds me sooooo much of my mom and dad’s and even though they have their issues and aren’t in love with each other anymore, and even though they don’t always get along, they still care about each other, so i’m like??? sigh. oh well... also the fact that she doesn’t say anything at david’s funeral, and just lays her ring down on the dirt pile? ooc. i feel like she would’ve at least said something. anything would’ve been better than the silence. and then to top it all off, she tells javi that she wants to start a family with him, and i’m like???? you were literally just talking about how glad you were that mariana wasn’t there to suffer through that shit and now you’re telling me that you wanna have a baby? idk. i just didn’t expect that from her. i still love kate, and i’m very weak for her, and everything else that i didn’t mention about her seemed p in character to me, but yeah. those are just my thoughts on that. and lastly, david seemed to be mostly ic throughout the game, but i feel like there were plenty of moments where he was wayyyyyyy OTT. like, whoa. like, i know that the game was trying to use him to show more depth to his character, but would also turn around and use him for confrontational purposes. also the fact that even if you don’t pursue kate, AT ALL, he STILL doesn’t believe you when you tell him that, and he loses his shit and tries to kill you. david’s character could’ve been handled better as well, i think. but yeah, i think that’s about it for now. i’ll make another post later if i think of anything else, and i’m sorry that this is so long, but i had a LOT of thoughts about this, so...

Wedding Crash

Because I did not receive an invitation to the wedding I felt a desire to attend.  I reasoned if they really didn’t want me to come, the bride and groom could’ve taken better steps to prevent me from knowing about the impending nuptials.  Seeing how they brazenly mentioned it on social media, I felt indirectly invited.  Alluding to an open bar, frankly, they might as well have told a moth about a flame. So, in the interest of saving money, with hope of kindling a chance of romance, I ventured downtown to the wedding of Jackie Sanchez and some guy.  

I met Jackie in high school.  The first time I saw her I learned an erection can swell to a painful degree – dick feeling like a rock about to explode apart.  Long licorice colored hair, caramel skin, and sneakers decorated in white out doodles, she inspired feelings I’ve never learned to properly express.  Mainly that’s because there’s no way to charmingly say, “So I was jerking off the other day, thinking of you, and…” whatever comes next is irrelevant.  For some reason most folks aren’t flattered to learn they’re in the spank bank.  Maybe it’s something everyone fears they won’t live up to.  I don’t know, I’ve never had a problem failing people.

Hitching a ride from my buddy Sid, I told him to head to the Art Institute.  He pulled over to the curb, put the car in park, and said, “Do not go to Jackie’s wedding.”

Struggling to put on a tux while seated passenger side, “I resent the implication of your accusation.”

He sighed, “You had four years in high school, four years to ask her out.”

I nodded, “Truth fact.  However, life is a continuous opportunity for those willing to try.  I’m not dead.  Ergo…”

“Fuck yourself,” Sid said, then for emphasis, “Error go fuck yourself.”

“Are you gonna drive me to the Art Institute?”

Shifting the car into gear Sid remarked, “Only to see you fail.”

I truly believe it’s the amount of faith we have in one another that explains why the world is the way it is.  

#

Sneaking into any kind of event is an art form.  The amount of security dictates the level of infiltration skill required to achieve a successful sneak.  For instance, breaking into an eighth grade graduation is very different from photo-bombing the President at the State of the Union.  One simply requires ice cream cake and a hammer, while the eighth grade graduation involves chloroform, white wine, peanut dust, and a child sized coffin.

I originally considered crashing the actual wedding, but since it took place in a church I could not.  God and I have an understanding, and though we clearly have little respect for one another, I abide by our agreement:  I stay out of the churches, God stays out of evolution, and the Winter Olympics.  So instead I aimed at the reception.  

Security didn’t appear to be anything other than Art Institute guards.  Instead of preventing flash photography two doorstops in blue blazers checked invites and IDs against a list on a clipboard.  Once again I felt like they left the door wide open. Out of myriad gambits, the way one guard blatantly scratched his ass, hand down the back of his pants to get at bare skin, I decided to go with the maneuver known as the Hideous Hideaway.  

I called up a video on my phone then approached the entrance.  

A guard said, “Good afternoon.  May I see your invitation?”

“Sure thing.” Smiling I fumbled in my pockets, pretending to be unsure of its location.  In the process I pulled out my cell phone which seemed to inspire my remark, “Oh, hey, have you seen this yet?”

I pressed play on the video.  It featured insects devouring a man’s penis while he writhed in agony.  The millipede scrambling down his urethra is as far as most get, missing out on the young woman who comes along to save his cock by stomping the bugs to death.  These two made it all the way to the end.  That made things easier.

As expected, one guard asked, “Where’d you get that?”

I informed her of the link’s location, and while the two hurried to share the hideous spectacle with their friends, I slipped inside.  It almost felt too easy.  Then I stepped into the banquet hall where I immediately bumped into Jackie’s brother Alvaro.  

Alvaro Sanchez Junior always impressed me until he spoke.  He possessed the regal bearing and beauty of an Aztec emperor. Unfortunately, he often spoke with a toxic tone symptomatic of silver spoon poisoning.  This stemmed from the fact Sanchez Senior held a low level, but well connected political position; and many expected Alvaro, as eldest, to assume his father’s spot; regardless of the realities of democracy that political seat belonged to him – voters be damned.  Groomed, practically from birth, to be, as Alvaro liked to say “a leader of men,” he took a method approach to his future.  Like a Strasburg disciple, he stayed in the character of king almighty every moment of the day.  

We literally bumped into one another when, as I stood perfectly still, he walked into me. For a moment I tensed, expecting him to recognize me.  Alvaro never cared for me.  I based this on the fact he often told me, “I don’t care for you.”  However, he assumed from the second rate quality of my tux that I worked as a server.  An assumption made plain when he said:

“Watch where I’m going, and get me some crab puffs, or I’ll have you fired.”  He and a buddy high fived, yet didn’t linger.  So I headed for the open bar.  

There I collected a pair of cocktails, one for each hand.  Draining the glasses steadily, I orbited the banquet hall.  Staying in one spot ran the risk of prolonged conversation, chancing the development of holes in my cover – anonymity my best camouflage.  Still I paused every so often to dance in and out of conversations, killing time saying things like:  

“Baseball is a hell of a game if you can stay drunk… I’ve never been to Guayaquil, but that iguana park sounds fascinating… well, you’d be surprised.  Tuberculosis kills all kinds of career opportunities lemme tell ya (cough, cough)… Oh, I know the best man.  We used to sell runaways to the circus… No ma’am, I don’t think the bride’s dress is too tight.  She’s having trouble sitting because the groom, well, he likes to drill that ass.”

In retrospect, I could have been milder in some regards.  Yet, no one caught on to the presence of a crasher.  I’ve been to several weddings.  They all tend to be the same affair.  A nebula of tables adorned with floral centerpieces, ringed by a smattering of guests with various degrees of connectivity.  Wedding receptions are the only occasion where it’s okay to openly rank family and friends, status defined by seating assignments. Therefore, the trick to remaining discrete involved finding a table with the least desired family and friends. There I could sit, pretending to share in the minimalist joy of having at least been invited.  

“That’s better than Aunt Frida.  No one invites her anywhere.”

“That’s because she’s dead.”

“Only on the inside.  She’s a real downer.”

Still, I occasionally chanced brief hellos with those I recognized.  Her Aunt Morena, who wrote Xicana literature, a woman with a helmet of hair redefining Chicana archetypes.  Grandpa Emilio, whom I always thought of as the old guitarist.  I saw his beloved instrument beside his chair – Ana from the alley of the kiss – and hoped I’d get a chance to hear him play once more.  Cousins Fabiana and Facundo forever locked in a debate about the realism of football.  Friend of the family and party regular Vincent Redon in the 800th retelling of the woman at her toilette he saw after the hurricane ripped her house open. Jackie’s family and friends gathered, while I snuck booze in the background – it felt like old times.  

When dinner arrived, instead of eating I slipped outside for a smoke.  Exiting the room, I jokingly asked the guards if I needed a hand stamp to get back in.

One laughed, “Nope, but you gotta watch this.”  

He showed me a video of four women explosively shitting on the floor.  They then used the excrement as finger paint to draw floral designs on one another like sewer hippies.  I made an exaggerated display of comical disgust.  Delighted, the guards waved me off, and returned to finding more revolting videos.  

Outside I felt my phone buzz.

Sid texted, “I can’t believe you’re still in there.”

“Believe it,” I typed back.

“How much longer?”

Good question, I thought.  

After high school Jackie and I didn’t keep in touch.  By then we’d gone down very different roads.  We used to be kids searching for how to be who we wanted to be, following breadcrumbs laid out by albums, films, and books.  We could agree on the significance of a song, but not the whole album; the brilliance of a line from, though not the entire film, or book.  It seemed to me we were only off by a slight degree, that one shared element would bring us into sync.  But by the time we graduated… we took comfort in dissimilar realities, that one thing never having materialized.

Over a decade later, when social media blossomed, we got back in touch; however, it rarely amounted to more than peripheral interactions.  

Post:  Look at dis cutest kittie!

“Liked” by Jackie Sanchez. 

Strolling back to the banquet area, it dawned on me my infatuation with Jackie stemmed mostly from not dating her.  We never had a romantic relationship, so it never failed; therefore it could’ve been anything.  Possibilities are endless in the absence of contrary evidence.  Because I could only imagine us together I could always imagine us perfectly.  And oddly enough, fantasies have a way of making promises.  

Promises like if I got the DJ to play Patti Smith’s “Because the Night”, the song would inspire the words I needed to say to win her heart.  Seizing one last bold chance for love go up to the head table while the song fills the air, and speak – about this time I realized I hadn’t merely been vividly imagining the scenario, but actually now stood in front of the head table, Jackie staring over her pollo relleno in wide eyed disbelief.  

“Howdy do?” I said, immediately regretting my very existence.  If nothing else, I doubt any romantic victory ever began with howdy do, although I could be wrong.

Jackie blinked, “I’m good.  How… how are you?”

“Not bad.” I put my hands in my pockets, wondering how many times I’d have to punch myself in the throat with my keys before I finally killed myself.  I said, “It’s been a while.”

“Yes it has,” she nodded, “The last time I saw you, you set my boyfriend’s car on fire.”

“This is that guy?” her husband said.  He suddenly looked desperate to call the police.  

Smiling, I said, “That is indeed me.”  

“What are you doing here?” Jackie asked.

I sincerely believe honesty is the best move.  However, on this occasion, I lied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I’m here to steal a painting, saw y’all in here, and thought I’d stop by to say congratulations.”

“Thanks?” her husband said.

“Thank you,” Jackie smiled.  She got up, hurried around the table to hug me.  She smelled amazing, the kind of aroma that cures depression.  She whispered in my ear, “You’ll go to jail if you steal a painting.  Please tell me this is some deranged romantic stunt.”

It felt like an opening, yet I oddly enough knew better.  I squeezed her gently, “Nope.”  Stepping away from her I waved to the groom, “Once again, congratulations.  I’d stay, but timing is everything.  Don’t want to miss my moment.”

Heading out, feeling several eyes on me, I texted Sid:  "be out front, engine running, backseat open.“

Minutes later, running down the steps of the Art Institute, carrying one of Monet’s “Haystacks” – I had to steal something to diminish the lie – I found myself wondering what else I needed to let go of.  Diving into the backseat of Sid’s car, we peeled out, rocketing home.  

Glancing in the rearview Sid said, “What the fuck is that?”

“One of six, 25 technically – they can spare one.”

He cracked a beer, “So how was the reception?”

“A little too clear.”  

My impression of the past would no longer be the same, but that’s just growing up.  I tapped Sid on the shoulder.  He handed me a beer.  Opening it I thought, "Here’s to you Jackie.  I’m glad you’re happy.”

Sid said, “You know alotta marriages end in divorce.”

“Yeah.” But I didn’t feel like hoping for that. I felt like finding another dream girl, only this time actually trying to hold her instead of chasing the mirage.