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anangelicday-mrwolf · 4 years

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Wolfsbane : Noblesse Fanfic (post-ending)

(previous chapter)

Chapter 16 – Sudden Shift

“Here.”

Though Lunark gingerly offered her hand, Frankenstein maintained his speechless stance, merely staring at her hand.

“What is it? Did you need more?”

“No... I felt that you’ve gotten better at this lately.”

Frankenstein’s eyes were noting the plastic bags she dispensed from her robe, packed with pink petals.

Her first trial at botanical excavation did not turn out beautiful. The bag she submitted to Frankenstein contained balls of dirt and soil dangling from roots of the wolfsbane plants, which later turned out to be partially mangled, thanks to Frankenstein’s inspection.

But this time she brought what looked like samples ready to be used at a lab. Frankenstein could not fathom what happened to her in the meantime.

“Did you ask your medical staff for a tutoring session on sampling?”

“Of course not. No one is supposed to know we’re seeing each other on...”

“I’m just saying. Or did I just get you?”

Lunark had to force an extraordinary calm on her mind in order to keep her body from a flinch.

Because, yes – he got her. He got her good.

Prior to this trip, she paid a visit to the medical staff of her kind, particularly those in charge of collecting and managing medicine. While pretending to check if they are doing what they are supposed to, she watched how they harvest, wash, and pack herbs and plants that will be used at labs and wards.

Lunark did not trust in her own acting skills, so she opted to change the subject in order to stay safe from Frankenstein’s uncanny skills in piecing together what he could see to deduce what he was not there to see.

“Anyways, where’s that damned roommate of yours?”

Though she changed the subject to get herself out of what could be an awkward situation, her excuse was more than legitimate.

It has been two days since the 3rd Elder promised her the list, and she intended to get it.

Thus she expected him to be waiting for her arrival, with Frankenstein, if not alone. Her eyes were displaying foul curves in displeasure as she looked around the lab yet again, knowing that she will pick up no signs of him.

“He’s outside, getting some food. He asked me to make the delivery before he left.”

Lunark pouted as she accepted a thin envelope Frankenstein passed on to her.

“That’s so not like what an elder of the Union would do. I bet he didn’t even dream that he’d turn out like this, wasting your resources and tasked with something that only the bottommost servants would do.”

“Sounds like you have sworn to hate him for the rest of your life. Not that I don’t get why.”

“But is it okay to let him spend time all by himself away from you? What if he uses this opportunity to get in contact with the Union?”

“Don’t worry. That’s why I implanted in him a special recording device, equipped with a tracker. Once it stops functioning, gets destroyed, stays immobile at a given coordinate past the set amount of time, or gets separated from his body, I will get an automatic notification.”

“You devised it yourself?”

“Yes. He’s also wearing a nano-camera on his shoulder, so I can get a visual record of his whereabouts. And of course, he consented to all of this beforehand.”

Lunark nodded, as she could finally see why Frankenstein did not seem worried about the 3rd Elder.

“You must be running out of time every single day. I mean, you must be busy checking what he does inside and outside this island.”

“Nah, not really. Unbeknownst to the 3rd Elder, the recording device and camera do not work while he is within the shorelines of this island.”

Instantly Lunark’s eyes popped wide open.

“What? So you don’t give a damn about what he does as long as he’s on this island?”

“Nope.”

“What are you thinking?! There’s no telling what he’d do on this island once he decides to do something! And this isn’t a moral issue – you said he consented to your surveillance!”

“I’m not like the Union. I have no intention whatsoever to do what those fiends would have done to M-21, Tao, Takio, and countless other test subjects. Since the 3rd Elder believes his camera and recording device are running 24/7, he wouldn’t dare plot something behind my back. Besides, now we’re in this together. So it can’t hurt to give him the least of my hospitality as an ally, can it?”

Lunark fired a huge ball of air from her body, as if she wanted him to feel guilty upon hearing the noise of the air current.

‘I knew it. He’d do anything he can in order to offer the very least of his generosity.’

She tried another complaint out of concern and frustration, only to give up when Frankenstein jokingly bickered, “Please don’t tell me you don’t trust me. And please don’t question what I can do; otherwise you’d kill my pride.”

Lunark then knew there is no way she could talk against his decision or benevolence.

‘Well, what did I expect? This is one of the many reasons that I fell for him.’

Lunark realized how the corners of her lips were tugging upwards on their own at the last part of her own thought and stiffened her facial muscles.

And she just had to meet Frankenstein in the eyes when she has done so. This time, she chose to turn herself somewhat unintentionally towards the entrance.

“You’re leaving?”

Lunark produced a reply that she had composed beforehand in case he calls upon her like this, and it was more than just an excuse.

“I have a job to do – related to the QuadraNet project.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just the day before, a noble messenger visited our land to ask us to escort the researcher sent by KSA. And since I already had a trip to this isle scheduled, I volunteered for the job.”

“Don’t you think you’re making yourself too busy? You should give yourself some rest from time to time.”

“I can’t do that. Not at a time like this.”

“...In that case, make sure you don’t starve.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m about to feed myself on my way.”

Not having anticipated her to give a positive answer, Frankenstein retorted by raising half of his eyebrows.

“Actually, there is this personal dining spot of mine, close to the Lukedonian boundaries. I’ll get there and wait.”

“What do you mean, Lukedonian boundaries?”

Frankenstein’s voice hit a pitch lower than usual. He was rather startled by what she revealed.

“Are you saying you have a history of waltzing near Lukedonian boundaries on regular basis?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Why would you do that? What if you get in troubles with the nobles?”

“I said it’s close to the boundaries. I didn’t say it’s at the boundaries. And you honestly think I didn’t take the nobles into consideration?”

“You never know when you might slip and...”

“Well, I’ve never been caught. So why worry?”

Lunark stared straight at him, as if posing incomprehension at his response, which rendered Frankenstein’s eyes no longer pacific.

‘What is with this woman? I knew she’s fearless, but...’

Frankenstein was about to scold her again, before he stopped short in his attempt.

Because he remembered that he, too, has a history of trespassing Lukedonia in order to thwart nobles’ hunt for him, thereby proving he contains no definition of fear in his brain.

And if she has never been caught for nearing Lukedonian boundaries, there was no point or reason for him to reprimand her. Not to mention now the conflict between nobles and werewolves is history. With diplomacy between two kinds set on a smooth sail, nobles will not protest about her behavior whatsoever, as long as she does not bring any threat to them.

“Need I remind you, I’m a warrior. Please don’t question what I can do; otherwise you’d kill my pride.”

She tilted her head and reiterated what he had said before.

She was, in a way, sassy.

Something Frankenstein has never imagined he would get to witness from her, who was usually shy and rather unjust to her genuine feelings.

Which is why he could not get her image out of his head even after her departure.

‘To be honest, she looked kind of adorable.’

As soon as he mumbled in his head, he stomped his own tongue with his teeth in horror.

Did I just dub her adorable?

Ever since he was young, Frankenstein took interest in the influence that illnesses and science would bring upon mankind’s welfare. It was not long before he bowed to dedicate his all to medical arts and technology.

Because of which he naturally cut himself from all means to associate himself with women.

And because of which he got to stay single for more than 2000 years.

In other words, he was clumsy in treating women as women.

So it was no wonder Frankenstein could not understand why he evaluated Lunark as adorable.

However, Frankenstein was a scientist. His instinctive gift in pinpointing causes and effects kicked in, and he soon reached a potential theory at work behind all this.

‘Do I really love her...? No, that’s impossible!’

Frankenstein attempted to negotiate with his mind, to stop it from occupying itself with Lunark.

Unfortunately for him, his curiosity refused to cooperate.

‘I have had spent at least 1000 years at Lukedonia under the wings of my master, but during that time I have never heard for once about a werewolf constantly showing up near Lukedonian boundaries.’

So either Lunark has never been caught by nobles upon her visits, as she asserted, or she has been caught, but not during the timeline when Frankenstein had made Lukedonia his home.

After weighing several options, Frankenstein came up with a new inquiry –

‘Just how old is she? She’s obviously more than a couple centuries old. So how many years are there between our birthdates?’

Then Frankenstein realized there was no reason for him to be curious about their age difference, wasting his time and mentality like some soon-to-be-40-years-old who received confession from a young lady who just became an undergraduate.

And Frankenstein was appalled once again that he just had to come up with such a metaphor.

Frankenstein sighed, his head drooping in defeat after a battle lost against his mental algorithm, infinitely far from sane.

Although the chances are slim, he hoped that Lunark would take as much time as she can to take Yuhyung to her kind’s territory. That way he would get to reserve some time for himself before she revisits, during which hopefully he would sort out his head and free it from thoughts about the werewolf lady so very successfully blowing his mind upon every appearance.

And thus Frankenstein once again ignored his sudden shift of heart, albeit with pain and struggle.

*****

“...This is not what I had in mind.”

Lunark ruefully sucked pink-orange flecks of flesh remaining on her fingers.

It has been less than 24 hours since Lunark left the island (and the owner of the island in mental knockout), until she reached a certain point close to Lukedonian boundaries.

The “personal dining spot” she mentioned to Frankenstein happened to be the Bermudan Treasure Chest. Even centuries before humans named this spot Bermudan Treasure Chest, Lunark made it her personal hotspot for dining.

Because for a reason she could not decipher, the fishes of this place were much bigger and tastier than the identical species elsewhere.

She could not find time at all to look after something other than battles or missions, much thanks to the Union. Therefore, she was thrilled to find this place after all this time. She has exaggerated to herself how it has been at least centuries before she could make this trip, and she was excited for the fireworks that would soon take place in her mouth, which will surely bring glee for which she would not be surprised to find her eyes teary.

Alas, the taste and volume presented by the fish she had hooked up barehanded was not even close to what she remembered. She could find out the fault did not lie in her taste buds.

“Just what on earth is going on here...?”

She muttered upon spotting miniscule pieces of corals drifting by the surface of water, where she dumped the guts and bones of fish she ate.

Lunark was currently standing on a body of rocks stranded in the middle of water, distanced from coral reefs. Nevertheless, she could see pieces of dead corals wherever she turned.

Now she could not name the exact year or date of the time she was last here, but she could bet she had never once seen something like this in the past.

She would have made her move to check and see if this is something happening widely across this marine region, only if she did not happen to be waiting at the rendezvous.

“Greetings.”

The moment she settled with herself to come back here later, a voice beckoned her, not extremely familiar, not completely strange, either.

Rael was addressing her with his eyes, his entrance made so subtle she could not even feel his presence.

“Long time, no see. First time ever since the last showdown against 1st Elder, isn’t it?”

“Quite. I was at your kind’s territory the day before, to negotiate the escort of KSA researcher. But I don’t remember seeing you when I was there.”

“I had something to do. You must have visited when I wasn’t there. Anyways, is he the one?”

“Yes. Uh, so...”

Rael’s face distorted in an unspeakable way. In fact, Lunark was barely holding onto laughter from the moment she had recognized him.

For Yuhyung was clutching onto Rael with his entire body. Lunark would have mistaken him for a koala, had he not been born with limbs too long to be those of the said mammal.

To top it off, he had his face buried into Rael’s back, as if he were actually playing koala.

“...Is there a problem?”

“He assumed such position, saying how he is not used to transportation not using human transportations. I would like to offer an apology in advance; your trip will not be a comfortable or convenient one.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’d be nothing with what we had gone through against Union, and that was only weeks ago.”

Rael tapped Yuhyung’s arm, to hand him over to Lunark. At last Yuhyung peeked and clumsily detached himself from the noble, to go ahead and sheepishly offer his hand.

“P-pleased to meet you. Yuhyung Jang is my...”

Yuhyung got to look into Lunark’s face, which brought about a sudden shift out of blue.

His face turned pale as he squeaked in panic, and his body dropped and made an audible “plop.” His eyes backflipped, and his entire body fell to the ground as he started emitting bubbly fluid from his mouth.

It all happened so quickly Rael and Lunark could not even react.

Fortunately, it did not take long until they lunged towards the human in alarm.

(next chapter)

Personally I really enjoyed writing this chapter. You keep denying it, Frankie, but you know you love her. XD

#fanfic #korean webcomic #korean webtoon #noblesse #frankenstein #frankensteinxlunark #lunark #wolfsbane

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monicalorandavis · 5 years

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I was an intern at Comedy Central and it mostly sucked

File this under the category of “Who Cares?”

Everybody knows interns (at basically every company) are treated like shit. They are used strictly for running errands and little else. It was likely that a TV network should follow suit. To no one’s surprise, Comedy Central treated interns like shit. I was. The interns around me were. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time. I had so little work experience and I was so grateful for the opportunity that I figured it was part of the process of getting to where you wanted to be. It wasn’t until I ran into Joe, an assistant (who had particularly made my life hell) at a party a few years later that I even thought about how mean he had been to me. I wanted to let it go. But he had been really fucking mean and it stung to think about. He wasn’t alone. It was actually a whole group of assistants who I’d felt had humiliated me. I remember going to lunch at the same time the assistants were leaving for lunch. They caught the elevator and I had asked to join, trailing just a step behind them. Joe barked “No”, closed the elevator doors in my face and I heard them all laughing at me on the way down. I stared at the closed doors, shocked. Never in my life had I been treated like such a loser. I was in a fucking teen movie being bullied by complete pricks. And the worst part was, these people were definitely the kids who’d been bullied.

I caught the next elevator and when I arrived on the ground level, they were waiting for me. They didn’t say anything. They looked guilty like they’d realized they’d been mean to an intern who would likely say something to someone in HR and decided to extend me the kindness of waiting for me. Only I didn’t want them to wait for me and I would never say anything. Unlike them, I didn’t like making people feel like shit. We walked to get salads in silence. They resumed their conversation but I paid and left before them. It was so weird after that. For like a day. And then, it started all over again.

There were exceptions during that time and I would like to name them and give them all their credit. Tony, one of the early writer/producers of Workaholics (a gig he got during my time there), was fabulously kind to me. He never made me feel lame or stupid and I was sad to see him go even though I knew writing was his goal. Walter was nice. Gary was nice. Seth. But I have forgotten many people’s names and you’ll forgive me as this was almost a decade ago. That time exists in a haze. I was living downtown with two of my girlfriends in a loft apartment that didn’t have walls. I had no bedroom. Just an upstairs “room” with a bathroom with a toilet but no shower. I paid $500 a month for a glorified port-a-potty and thus, acted like a degenerate. Every night, I either smoked weed until I fell asleep or scoured the streets for a cute boy to spend the night with. It was during that time that I was lucky enough to get an internship at a company that could change the course of my life - Comedy Central. It was a gift to work there and I knew it. I didn’t have any Hollywood connections.This was it. I would take it seriously, I promised myself. So, I did.

Comedy Central used to be the mecca. Before Tosh.0 and Jim Jefferies, it was the home of Chappelle’s Show. I am not exaggerating when I tell you this: that show changed the whole goddamn world and I was no exception. it changed me. It was the blueprint. Comedy could be brutal on white people. It could get real and gross and political and stupid all at the same time. Comedy nerds like me ate it up.

Dave Chappelle’s two season masterpiece of a show infected college campuses in 2004 when it was released on DVD. That was the year I started college. By happenstance, I was part of the DVD revolution. We would crowd into each other’s dorm rooms and cry laughing and then watch the same episode again. It caught fire. Dave Chappelle bridged the gap between black and white, famous and normal while still keeping himself removed from the whole thing, aloof - distinguished...better than us. His skewering of racism was a glass through which we could see in fact, we were all participants in the same system albeit on other sides.

So, Chappelle’s Show was important to me. I wanted to work at a place that had created art. I would try to shine there and let my own ideas blossom into projects.

But in spite of my eagerness, I was aware at the time (as we all were) that Comedy Central had paid Dave Chappelle $50 million for a third season but instead of delivering, he walked off set and fled to Africa. This was the story we were told. This was before Twitter and Instagram. The internet swirled with rumors that he had gone crazy and was going to live in Africa forever. He had abandoned Hollywood for good.

But the whole thing stank of racism, buried just underneath the surface. Why was Chappelle suddenly crazy when he didn’t want a huge sum of money? Yes, that’s a huge sum of money but deep down I thought, those people are trying to exploit him. Intuitively I felt like Chappelle knew he was part of a bigger racial-bridging that was allowing white people access to private areas of black culture. He had invited fans to shout famous lines back at him. Lines that Chappelle himself and other black actors had killed with. But, lines that white fans should never say. They were insensitive to the privilege shared by black people to communicate to other black people. White people want to say the n-word and it’s not theirs to say. It’s a truth other black comedians have shared.

When Chris Rock was caught in conversations with racists who relayed his “niggers versus black people” bit back to him he retired it permanently. The price of being an honest black comedian in this country is that white people can retell your insider information as intel. White people who would otherwise have no interaction with black people now has an arsenal of information. They have evidence that was not acquired through firsthand experience. They have heard the inner monologue of black America and instead of fixing racial injustice, they are repeating their favorite lines. And in spite of all of that, in spite of all the drama between Comedy Central and Dave Chappelle, in spite of the racial implications the media had thrown around, I got a job as an intern in hopes just being in the same office that created Chappelle’s Show could imbue me with some genius or good fortune.

It didn’t.

It was whack. There were like 40 of us on a rotating schedule where three of us would work certain days together and then another three would work another group of days and sometimes you would see other interns on your day because they couldn’t come in on their regular day. Since there were so many interns doing the work that one capable assistant could perform we were all basically twiddling our thumbs, trying to look useful and eager. Some interns dazzled executives with their epic notes on scripts, replete with a solid three act structure and relevant examples, figures, marketing suggestions. Others buried their noses up anyone’s ass who lingered near them long enough, offering to get coffee, lunch, snacks, dry cleaning, children from daycare, gifts for spouses, you name it. I employed none of these strategies. I scoped the most eligible bachelors and tried to dazzle them with my charms. The married ones would have been the smarter bet. Married men are more willing to go out on a limb for a cute, inexperienced graduate with a lot to prove. They won’t cheat but they like feeling important to women still so they’ll toss around bread crumbs. The single ones are still so obsessed with themselves that they can’t see far enough past their noses to help. I was vying for the attention of one executive I was sure would marry me, given I had enough alone time with him in the kitchen, when I learned he was getting engaged. It was devastating. Of course I would choose to be in love with someone just about to propose.

It dawned on me that marrying your way into the entertainment business was sort of gross and I was at Comedy Central to make a name for myself. Meaning, I should make it for myself. Not rely on somebody else giving me a handout. I had to go out and earn my job. Unfortunately, it seemed that only a few at Comedy Central had actually earned their job from sheer hard work. Most people had arrived there from a combination of knowing someone and favors and white privilege that is the winningest cocktail of all time. But, even they didn’t really like their jobs. It made no sense. The ones with the worst attitudes, who were the most lazy, cranky, emotionally unhinged seemed to know the most people. And they hated everything and everyone.

Below them, were us, the interns. And to my chagrin, I’d been wasting entire weeks of time pining over some man who’d hardly noticed me while these nerds were working their asses off. I was light years behind and frankly, unwilling to break my back for a job that didn’t seem like it would ever come my way. I was this sore thumb. I felt like a step sister and everyone else was The Brady Bunch. Primarily, I looked very different than everyone there. I wore ripped jeans and had tattoos and listened to hip hop. Wearing hoop earrings to work basically identified me as a member of the Crips. These people were so white and goofy that the only person of color they’d managed to hire had gone to private school their entire lives.

This sounds bratty already and I swear to God, I am not an ungrateful asshole. I am writing this to say that the experience crushed me a little bit. I left the internship at the end of the summer with no interest in staying in touch with anyone. With the exception of running into Joe at a party, I’ve run into one girl, Sarah, at my exercise class. I reveled when she feigned confusion when I asked if she’d remembered me from Comedy Central three years prior. I thought to myself, “I’m about to ruin this bitch’s day” and I’d like to think that her trembling, noodle-like legs during my class were some karmic retribution for her unkindness.

Besides that, I have no ill feelings towards anyone presently. To be fair, the assistants were only a year or two older than me at the time and wielding an unnatural amount of power. They did not handle power well. Not many do.

#comedy central #dave chappelle #workaholics #comedy #intern #2000s blog

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cmarionthewilkid-blog · 5 years

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C.O.N.S.U.M.E.D

What happens when we consume more than we need? What happens when our choices are influenced by societal pressures of how things should be? Part 1 of my reflective journal will aim to provide a glimpse at two weeks of a working mom, head of a house of five, who also coincidentally adds event planner often to her job tasks.

Day 1: I specifically started my consumption journal on Friday, October 25. The day before a large case competition I was hosting on campus. Day 1 starts like most every other day of my life. The 20 minute drive to daycare, followed by the usual ice cap pit stop at Tim Horton’s. This day is special though, with the pressures of ensuring everything was just right for our judges and sponsors. I stroll off to Ferme Beaulieu to spend $328 on gifts. I am thinking that at least I am buying local products (honey, herbs, ketchup aux fruits) and feel pretty great about that. But why do I feel obliged to buy gifts at all? Wouldn’t a sincere thank you be enough? I guess according to Jonathan Porritt (2011), I have fallen victim to consumerism at its best. Somehow, I feel OK about it though.

A quick stop at Dollarama for gift bags, disposable coffee cups (cringe!), and plastic plastic trays. Finally, a $148 trip to Provigo for snacks for the case competitors and coaches. Oops, did I mention the trip to the t-shirt printer to pick up the 60 red printed competition momentos. Let’s add the 250+ pages I printed that day! As I sit here and reflect on the necessities (needs) of running a case competition versus expectations (and wants), I come to the realization that most of what I have purchased is simply there to enhance image.

Day 2 (October 26): Tim’s ice cap (check!). 60 Donuts, 60 pre-packed lunches, 24 cans of Perrier, 60 cans of soft drinks, 40 coffees in disposable cups, 100 plastic glasses of wine. Today, I am completely influenced by materialism and keeping the “image”. Let’s keep in mind that I work for a business school and that comes with some rather large assumptions around how things are supposed to look and be. Not to mention, I am hosting five people from the company who is sponsoring the event, so I need to keep them happy and ensure the event lives up to their expectations. I am reminded of Amitai Etzioni, (2012) and his sentiments about “keeping up with the Jones’”. It is true, when one party sets a certain expectation, we all rise to meet, or better, exceed them.

Today; however, my biggest disappointment was food waste. The boxed lunches were good, but about 25% of people didn’t eat all their meal. Almost 100% of the people didn’t eat the dessert included. We don’t have access to compost, so it went to the trash. Above the clear environmental impact of my event, I am reminded of the fact that one fifth of the world’s richest people consume 45% of all the meat and fish (Shah, 2014). Despite the company providing compostable cutlery and cups, I feel guilty that I sent so many things to the landfill today. To top it all off, Sodexo served a less than stellar menu at the Gala dinner (veal sous-vide). I swear I wanted to eat it, but alas, two bites in and I am done. More to the trash. Exhausted and mentally drained, I wonder to myself where the balance between convenience and waste needs to come into play. Why can’t we have compost stations on campus?

Day 3 (October 27): But first, my ice cap! A friend’s child’s birthday party today so I scramble to get things together. I run to Provigo to grab stuff for mini pizzas to share (forgot my grocery bags, so plastic it is). My friend insisted on no gifts at the party, which I wanted to accept, but quite frankly couldn’t. I’m glad I didn’t because apparently no one else respected it either. I think about this social obligation more deeply (Goodwin, Smith, & Spiggle, 1990). I try my best to make a compromise, we opt for a movie day among friends instead of a traditional gift. I am hoping this small intrinsically motivated action may decrease future landfill waste in the future. Nonetheless, we are filled with waxed juice cups and plates. Back to the Provigo to grab something for the family for supper. I grab peppers in a plastic bag, sausages in a styrofoam package, pasta sauce in a glass bottle, cheese in plastic packaging and pasta in a cardboard box. Nothing much to compost or recycle unfortunately.

Day 4 (October 28): Monday and back to work. Ice cap, yup! I am starting to get quite the collection in my office recycling bin. My boss just commented on it. I guess it is a bit of an eye sore..haha!

Two trips to Provigo today. One at lunch to grab George’s bread, deli ham, Coaticook cheese, carrots and dip. Next stop on the way home from work for supper, chicken, baby potatoes and stuffing.

Day 5 (October 29): If you haven’t guessed by now, ice cap time! Today, my brother (who lives with us) did a fridge clean up. Sigh! I can’t believe how much stuff we threw away. Past date, wilted vegetables, moldy fruits. Why don’t I just throw money directly into the garbage can? Is it normal that the first thing I think about is wasted money? According to a study by Graham-Rowe, Jessop, and Sparks (2014), wasting money is indeed a major motivator to minimize food waste. Inspired by this revelation, I am determined to have leftovers for lunch and transform the chicken salad sandwiches tonight for supper. I don’t even have to stop at Provigo today! WOW!

Day 6 (October 30): IC (that’s all I will say). Wednesdays are always tricky because I am running around and teach a class at night. It is one of those days. I grab lunch at Subway (steak sub, chips and a drink) -> garbage.

Run to Provigo after work and grab steak, carrots, potatoes and gravy from Provigo and throw it in pot to cook. I also realize that I haven’t really bought any candy for Halloween for my students in case class. $65.30 later and we have meat and candies! I’ve also been putting out chocolates outside my office door for students.

Day 7 (October 31): Another ice cap to go please. I don’t even eat lunch today. Now I realize we have no candy for the kids. Drive to Walmart and $68.03, we’ve got goodies. No lunch again, and we go to a friend’s for supper. Off with the 4 year old trick or treating in the rain. She gets a pail of treats, we have 2 boxes of stuff leftover.

Day 8 (November 1): Day of the dead? I think so! Actually order breakfast with my ice cap at Timmy’s this morning. No lunch today. We decide to go shopping after work today as my brother has a 40% discount at L’Equipeur. $218.58 later, my husband enjoys new shoes, jeans, sport jacket, t-shirts, and a pair of sneakers for my mom for Christmas. Oh wait! Marlee needs new winter boots, so $86.22 later, we have new winter boots for her. I also see the cutest dress boots at Marshall’s (fake baby Uggs). I suppose these is what the marketers are hoping for. Top it all off with super for the family at Guido’s. (Wow! I have really been eating like crap!) Day 8 hurt the bank account! Day 9 (November 2): Maybe I should actually buy some groceries for my empty fridge. I sludge off to Provigo early Saturday morning to spent near $200. At least I have meat, veggies, fruits, and some of the other basics for my family to actually live on. Stop at Tim’s on the way home for the usual.

Day 10 (November 3): Beautiful breakfast with family (and an ice cap). Spent the day making food (soup, roasted chicken, pasta sauce, etc....). Trying to cut down on the restaurant stops this week. End up at the library with some dear colleagues from GSE503, so I think another ice cap is in order to stay awake (and leftover Halloween Candy).

Day 11 (November 4): Check that thought. Day went to hell, running late, dead tired, no breakfast, grabbed Rima for supper. Fridge full, but I don’t even care at this point.

Day 12 (November 5): Today is a new day! I started making iced coffee at home! No Tim’s! I actually did not spend $1 today! Why do I feel so great? Apparently it is something referred to as perceived consumer effectiveness (PCE). When is comes to sustainable buying practices, this PCE is influenced directly by guilt and pride. This becomes important because it means that as a consumer, my behaviours could be modified by using emotions (Antonetti, & Maklan, 2014).

Day 13 (November 6): Another no spending kind of day! Feeling all pride and no guilt! Maybe Atonetti and Maklan are on to something!

Day 14 (November 7): Last day of recording! No ice caps and going strong. My husband and I are feeling like we need a little extra family time, so we go out for supper at Mike’s with Marlee. We follow it up by a little Chocolat Favoris. I asked myself why we went to Mike’s again? What a waste! A quick stop by Provigo to grab snacks for my basketball girls. I make an orzo salad plus pull together fruits, yogurt, cheese and granola bars.

Stay tuned for Part 2 to see if I actually made some changes and what this whole process has meant for me. Until then, I leave you on this note: Waiting on the World to Change

REFERENCES

Antonetti, P., & Maklan, S. (2014). Feelings that make a difference: How guilt and pride convince consumers of the effectiveness of sustainable consumption choices. Journal of Business Ethics, 124(1), 117-134. Retrieved from www.jstor.org/stable/24033218

Etzioni, A. (2012). You Don’t need to Buy This. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/FN3z8gtDUFE

Goodwin, C., Smith, K.L., & Spiggle, S. (1990). Gift giving: Consumer motivation and the gift purchase process. In NA - Advances in Consumer Research. 17, eds. Marvin E. Goldberg, Gerald Gorn, and Richard W. Pollay, Provo, UT : Association for Consumer Research, 690-698. Retrieved from http://acrwebsite.org/volumes/7086/volumes/v17/NA-17

Graham-Rowe, E., Jessop, D.C., & Sparks, P. (2014). Identifying motivations and barriers to minimising household food wasteby. Resources, Conservation & Recycling, 84, 15-23. doi: 10.1016/j.resconrec.2013.12.005

Porritt, J. (2011). The trap of materialism. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/DtwXryPNciM

Shah, A. (2014). Consumption and Consumerism: Global Issues. Retrieved from http://www.globalissues.org/issue/235/consumption-and-consumerism

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chrissyh75-blog · 7 years

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My husband and I are keeping the faith through this hard time. We are counting our blessings every day. I’m not saying I am perfectly at peace with everything, I am just saying that I am keeping my eyes on God and the prize of a happy ending to all of this.

My husband’s Veteran’s Pension and Social Security is still not decided on, we are still waiting to find out about housing, and we are enjoying our last night in this hotel room.

I have secured a part-time job doing ghost tours in the area and studying to take my required City Tour Guide test. This job will not pay all our bills, but it’s a start. I will be applying to full-time day jobs tomorrow and Tuesday. I have a job I can do in sales, but they may not hire me because I have no address and they are not sure what store to put me at because of this. What started out with a job offer turned into,”We will let you know by the end of the week.”

We were told by our housing case manager that we might have to live in a town that is about 40 minutes from here. I will find out more tomorrow but, if I take a job here and we move 40 minutes away, that means I will have to find a job closer to that area. I’m just going to take any job I can get and pray we can find housing here. Otherwise, I will pay a lot in gas to commute each day. Either way, I need a job now.

Tomorrow we will be in the truck and will be living in it until we can get housing secured. The Veteran’s organization could only pay for our hotel until tomorrow. We can’t go to the shelter because of my husband’s seizures. They would separate us and, if he has a seizure, someone may not know what to do. They might not even know he is having one. We feel it’s better if we just stay together in the truck. We can eat a hot meal, take a shower, and do laundry at the shelter if we have to. He hasn’t been having day seizures and is rarely having them at night now, but I just don’t want to take that chance unless we have no choice.

My husband finally got his medical and mental health transferred to the VA in this area and he has his first appointment tomorrow morning. We meet with his housing case worker after that and then I have 5 interviews to go to. He has another Doctor’s appointment Tuesday and we set up all his other appointments as well. He has to get his sleep study done ASAP, see the neurologist, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and get back into anger management classes. After his sleep study for apnia and seizures is done, he has to start seeing a speech therapist and neuro-psychologist. I might have to work a day labor job just to pay for his gas to get to all these places.

Looking at his appointments, you would think that this man is so bad that he can’t work. I feel he can. He may be limited in what he can do, but I think he can work doing something if he just tried. I am starting to feel resentment and anger kick in. I do just about everything for us. I take care of all the business, medical, pension, social security, bills, and more. My husband sits around watching tv and smoking. When I am in pain, having a panic attack, or feeling like my heart is messing up (shooting pain in my neck and chest)…he just sits watching tv or he might glance over and ask, “what do you want me to do?” He rarely moves a muscle to help me. Once, my back was hurting so bad I was screaming in pain and asked for a back rub. He was right beside me and got upset because he was trying to sleep. I never got that back rub. His needs come first. This hurts so much! I feel taken for granted and alone. He is able to work when he wants cigarettes. He will go to a day labor place and do construction clean up for a days pay just to fun cigarettes or his gas. He can, therefore, work. When I tell him he needs to find a job, he reminds me of all the medication he is on and appointments he has to go to. When I remind him that he works a couple times a month for smokes and can find an evening job, he then reminds me of how hard I have worked for his pension and social security thus far and how he would hate to see it all go to waste. Am I being too hard on him? Why should I work and take care of everything while he gets to sit around doing nothing. I have to beg just to get a half assed, 5 minute back rub. He enjoys the fruit of my labor doing fun walks around town with me. I just feel so alone and uncared about in this marriage. He’ll even eat up a snack or drink up a whole bottle of soda and not even think so save me any. Conserving food, money, or anything is not an option with him. If this just all part of his brain injury? It also not uncommon for him to get upset with me and tell me to shove things up my ass or fuck off at any given moment. Then, an hour later, he will be all nice and loving. I don’t know what to think anymore. I feel like I am just living with a room-mate that I take care of. We don’t even make love but maybe once or twice a month anymore.

Wow, this post was just going to be about where we are heading and I am now venting. I think I am just tired of holding it all in. I do love him, but feel so taken for granted. I wish he would just contribute more to this marriage. He is capable of making his own appointments, capable of doing some sort of work, able to write his own notes down, and so much more. I need to stop doing everything for him. I don’t even take care of myself anymore. When I do try and care for my own needs, I feel so guilty. When can the world stop revolving around him? His first wife he had in Germany, before he was disabled, said she left him because he refused to work or keep a job. He had no seizures or doctors then. She said he would just play video games all day while she worked. How is he any different now?

Maybe I am just overwhelmed and will feel better once I get us on our feet. I am not sure how I am fully feeling at this point and not making any rash decisions until everything is better with us. I do know that we have been talking about our marriage and he is asking how I feel about things and what he could do better, which is a start. He did say that if we keep getting the run around with his pension and social security, he will go call his employment case worker and see about finding a job he can do. This caseworker works with disabled veterans and can find him work that will not interfere with his disability or appointments. Even if he worked a part-time job, that would help us tremendously. I am happy to hear that he is willing to try to work on us and his career options. I know many people have seizures and brain injuries and work. If his seizures start getting bad again OR his brain damage gets worse, I will understand and support him not working. I will also support it if his doctor puts in writing that he is not able to work. If they can explain to me why he can’t do anything work wise, I will understand. I also understand that he is limited to what jobs he can do now and I am willing to let him take his time in finding a job he will succeed at. I do love him and will always support him as his wife as long as he is making an effort in this marriage.

As I am writing this, we got an email from the Veteran’s homeless organization stating they will be paying for us to live one more week in this hotel. I am SO SO thankful! Things will be ok, I know they will. I am just overwhelmed and feeling a little worried. I got this! We got this! WE can do this! WE will be ok! In Jesus name, we will be ok!

As I was writing this, I also got a call from my oldest daughter. Poor kid (she’s 25 in May) broke her little toe. She was walking around her living room an caught it on a the side of her couch. She heard it pop and knew it broke. As you can see from these photos it is, in fact, broken. At least she got a pedicure first. Poor kid! She’s a housekeeper and so worried about losing her job. I think she will be ok. I doubt they will fire her over something that was not her fault. Plus, she is coming into work anyway, which looks good on her part as well. I know she worries about her job and bills. She is mom, we do that. She will be ok.

I want to end this on a cool note. We went on a ghost tour for free through the company I am going to work for soon. I caught something in these two photos that I think my fellow ghost hunters will like. Dust? Bug? Ghost? It was taken at a place were slaves used to be kept and it was not raining. You can be the judge. I can’t explain these photos, but I am not fully convinced they are ghosts either.Yes, I believe in ghosts. I have heard them, seen shadow figures, and seen things moved. However, I have yet to see a full-body apparition. I would love to catch an EVP or photo someday.

Keeping the Faith My husband and I are keeping the faith through this hard time. We are counting our blessings every day.

#brain injury #broken bones #Faith #ghost hunt #ghosts #God #homeless #Jesus #marriage #orbs #prayer #seizures #social security #VA #work #xray

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