#kinda love to just highlight with this au xu’s uncanny ability to attract the undying devotion of young traumatised murderers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

misspermitted · 1 year

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AU where everything is the same except Zhou Xu is super acquainted with Scorpion because they both (used to) head the two biggest assassin organisations and came across eachother many many years ago.

They despise one another but in a bickering “I’m better than you” way which disguises legitimate admiration on Scorpion’s side (because the scorpion sect was founded after Window to Heaven and is clearly somewhat inspired by Xu) and begrudging affection on Xu’s side (because Scorpion is a traumatised young psycho and we know Xu has a soft spot for those).

I imagine it’s kinda like Ye Baiyu and Wen Kexing’s semi-sibling dynamic except a lot less aggressive threats and fights and more extremely venomous passive aggressive remarks, suiting their different characters.

Of course for this au to work it means Xu knows a lot more about that side of the empire. I’m imagining he’s told to bring Chengling to Zhao Jing he’s like, oh for fuck sake, that guy? The Scorpion’s owner?

Wen drags Xu to Jing’s celebratory banquet and he still ignores everyone but entirely more pointed. He’s more guarded and protective of Chengling after seeing how the douchebag snake (Jing) treats him.

Xu discovers the Scorpion Sect and the Window of Heaven are working together and he’s personally offended.

Wen’s all “Why does the Scorpion Sect matter if Chengling is safe?” and Xu is like “Because, unlike Window of Heaven, Scorpion’s assassinations are messy and lack tact, it’s a complete misuse of recourses” and Wen’s just like “…what”

The three have their dramatic meeting after killing two of the four scorpion assassins and Scorpion is like “Chief Zhou, a pleasure to see you, an unexpected pleasure, however, given I thought you were hiding away like the traitorous coward you are :)” And Xu bites back “Scorpion King, I sincerely hope you’re enjoying life as a pet dog. My apologies for killing your assassins, I truly believed they were trained enough to withstand a sick man. My mistake.”

Wen just stands there like bad news: my soulmate and Scorpion seem to know and are currently on the verge of killing one another, good news: I am very turned on right now.

Scorpion is still like “why the FUCK have those two psychos found eachother this is not good” like the icon he is.

Possible subplot of this AU: Scorpion tries to manipulate Xu into rejoining the Window of Heaven because quite simply it is so much less useful to him without Xu heading it. They just mindlessly use Xu’s previous plans and trinkets. There’s no ingenuity and it’s far less brutal and organised than it used to be. Sure the poisons are useful but that’s it.

His plan is to piss off Xu and frame the current head of Window of Heaven, hoping to make Xu angry enough at them to stage a mutiny.

He attempts this 1 time. Xu realises quickly that it was actually Scorpion, proceeds to set one of Scorpion’s bases on fire, killing a bunch of his subordinates. Scorpion gets the ‘don’t fucking try me bitch’ message and stops.

Side note to this: Xu disappears for a few days to do this. Wen goes insane. Where the fuCK IS HE ILL KILL ALL OF YOU

Xu comes back to calamity. Wen is literally the embodiment of “I thought you were never coming home so I panicked.”

Another side note: Xu realises it was Scorpion because he brutally tortured the person directly responsible for the action. Safe to say he was pissed off.

Yes I might just want more of Xu being a brutal and epic assassin lord. In my defence I think Wen would enjoy that too. Also I want Scorpion to have more friends because he’s a baby and I love him.

Ghost Lord Wen later has to deal with the dead ghosts because most of the subordinates at the base were actually his and he’s just like: Xu did w h a t

“Yeah they’re all dead, mainly burned to death because they were drugged with smoke and locked in the base.”

Bad news: my soulmate has killed a bunch of my subordinates. Good news: I am once again turned on

I just like the idea of Scorpion immediately triggering Xu’s inner incredibly brutal and violent assassin lord because Xu often fools us audience into believing he’s not a psycho just because he’s retired and I think it would be a nice juxtaposition.

“Don’t kill innocent people!!” proceeds to murder 40 people as a warning.

Xu realising Wen is the Ghost Lord goes pretty much the same except hes like “but did you HAVE to work with the Scorpion Sect.” And Wen is like “I have literally killed people. I led to the death of Chenglings family. This is what you’re upset about??” “yes”

ALSO before the offical reveal I want a discussion where Wen is like: “Do you dislike the Scorpion Sect so much because they’re… ghosts??” And Xu, having been asked this before by people in the Window of Heaven when he was still the leader, immediately triggered “The fact that they’re ghosts is not an excuse for Scorpion’s idiocy! Clearly the current lord of Ghost Valley has no issues having a well organised and competent group!!”

Wen: *blushing* oh ok

Xu, recovering himself, “oh an also murder is bad of course and ghosts are evil and everything.”

Also headcanon that when he’s really mad Xu calls Scorpian Xie’er and it’s kinda terrifying and kinda sweet

Possible extreme plot divergence where Scorpion is like ‘hey if I can heal the nails can you work for me’ and Xu is like ‘no’ but Scorpion puts it on his list anyway because he’s gonna open the armoury anyways so why not? Plus, you know, the Ghost Lord seems to care about Chief Zhou, so it could be good leverage. Totally not because Scorpion cares whether Xu dies or not. No. Definitely not. In fact he’d kill him himself if it wasn’t so inconvenient for him. Why is it inconvenient for him? Oh you know because the, uh, because, um, are you dARING TO QUESTION HIM

Wen and Scorpion end up fighting over the Yin Yang book and they almost kill one another until Xu arrives and breaks it up like “it’s fine Wen leave it alone if you die I’m going to kill you.” Wen begrudgingly backs off and Scorpion is like “fantastic now Chief Zhou come with me I’ll use the book to remove your nails.”

Wen: What

Scorpion: What?? He said he’d work for me if I removed them

Xu: no I didn’t

Scorpion: yes you did

Xu: No I didn’t. I specifically said “Respectfully, I would rather die right now then spend more time with you than necessary.”

Scorpion: Well yes but you will work for me

Xu: no I won’t

Scorpion: just come, say you will work for me and then break your word and don’t Jesus Christ do you have no survival instincts

Xu: what

Wen: you do realise I was going to use the book to heal him right? You could’ve just let me win the fight and avoided all this??

Scorpion: … oh

CONCEPT (yes I know this au post is becoming way too long but my brain box will not shut up so neither will I):

So they’re first meeting is preluded by a bunch of vicious attacks on eachother because they’re assassin organisations fighting for dominance what do you expect

And then Scorpion kidnaps one of the Window to Heaven members and tortures them to get information out of them. He reasons that this member is a lower member and the information he’d know wouldn’t be worth the manpower to save him, but it’s still information and he can’t really get anything on Window to Heaven or their mysterious leader, so worth the risk to kidnap. 2 things make this not go to plan.

1. This member is stupidly loyal to the leader of Window to Heaven. Like, will not break. Closest useful thing he says after hours of torture is when Scorpion’s main assassin says this member will not be rescued, to which they responded “I will suffer and die for my lord.” Insane.

2. While Scorpion was right that this lowly member wasn’t worth the manpower, he failed to account for the fact that Xu is feral. He literally just travelled over there himself, with no backup, slaughtered everyone, and rescued this guy. Technically not a single manpower was wasted. Less technically, what the fuck.

Scorpion arrives to check on the situation, after hearing the guy won’t break, only to find everyone dead, the young Window to Heaven member crying about how the fact that he got kidnapped put Xu in danger, and Xu in his assassin get up, covered in blood, with an awkward hand on the member’s shoulder. Scorpion just stands there for a solid minute watching this like what??? the??? fuck???!? This member has literally no importance why is he getting such treatment????????

Im just super here for Scorpion being very confused by Xu for a while because he doesn’t understand the idea of kindness. He only understands being treated well for a purpose. Our poor traumatised boy.

Tbf Xu is a merciless assassin lord out of all the people who you’d expect to express kindness you would not think him but hey the duality of Zhou Zishu we love him

Scorpion defends this confusion by being very aggressive of course which Xu responds to in turn because he’s mad he can’t pay back the losses Scorpion caused (his whole “I never suffer a loss that I don’t pay back” is very unhinged and I love that for him) as he’s been ordered to stop attacking the Scorpion Sect and come to an agreement.

“But they are disorganised and the assassins follow their own whims we could easily take them.” “Zhou I gave you an order.”

By the time Scorpion realises Xu is straight up just a kind person the rivalry has already started and he can’t really go back now woops.

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