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fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy · 3 years

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Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

#tales of arcadia #rise of the titans #trollhunters #rott #rise of the titans spoilers #rott spoilers #toa #3 below #athena's own original post!#jim lake jr #claire nuñez #toby domzalski

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laidbare-a · 2 years

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7, 22

Mun questions || Accepting!

7. What is one overrated roleplay trend?

Excessive text formatting, imo! When every single w o r d (has) a different effect on it it is genuinely physically exhausting for me to read and I honestly don't think it even looks that great in the first place. I think legibility isn't valued enough in tumblr's overall roleplaying scene. I definitely understand and relate to wanting to have a cool aesthetic, but there reaches a point where people should really think about whether or not their aesthetic will end up making their blog inaccessible to folks like me who already struggle with reading comprehension to begin with gjbkfhd please im cuil 27 and i never learned how to read, let me live

22. Are there any red roleplay flags for you that make you back off immediately?

Oh this one is going to get heavy real fast, so BIG HEADS UP for mentions of abuse, harassment, and suicide/suicide baiting.

If someone has ‘pr//o-shippers dni’ or anything to that effect in their rules, they’ll get a hard block from me. I do not identify as a pro-sh//pper, but I CAN say I have never had them write callout posts for me and tell me to kill myself in all sorts of ways because I thought 2 fictional space teen soldiers should hold hands. Something important to keep in mind is these two fictional space teen soldiers were, according to all official canon sources at the time, within the same age group as well!

I have also never had people who ship distasteful or triggering things tell me to hang myself and then laugh when I try to explain that’s super messed up, I lost a friend that way and I’m still so goddamn messed up over it after almost two decades. I have never had pro shipp//rs rifle through my trauma and decide it ‘wasn’t bad enough’ to allow me to cope through fiction. They even said as much in their callout. Imagine how hilariously ironic it was when the godawful writers went and pulled the rug out from under the callout poster’s ‘morally pure’ ship, too. Doesn’t feel great, does it?

Like... honestly im gonna say it, if someone has something like that in their rules I wholeheartedly believe that they’re not a good person. I just know they don’t actually care about the feelings of real humans, and that’s horrifying to me to the highest degree.

but yeah as a bonus for anyone who’s curious about why in my rules I say v///ltron blogs will be blocked on sight, you can probably put the pieces together now lol

#how can you just sit there and eat pizza?! || Mun #out of sight || ooc #abuse cw #suicide cw #suicide mention cw #abuse mention cw #im out of red flags they don't get any bigger than that for me #posting this shouldn't be as scary as it is and yet! i quiver like a chihuahua in the snow

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tanukyclaws · 5 years

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Hey yeah if you promise rep in season 1, get in season 2 only for it to be 2 lesbians, one of which is poc, that (shocking!!) die then dont include any lgbt at all. You dont fucking have to! Please dont! Id rather have 100% straight shows than lgbt people dying.

(ps guess what, exchange the lesbian couple with a single mom and the story wouldve been literally the same, that easy huh?)

I know this doesnt compare to v*ltron, but even if Shiro is gay and was treated like shit, at least he didnt die, but their poc died, and I know yall gonna be like “but tanuky the writers had some tweets about it theyre good people they will include better rep” you and I both watch rwby, THIS COULDVE BEEN AVOIDED. “this is based on real life” oh my fucking GOD you were friends with an elf and a dragon? And you saved magic? How come the only aspect of real life in your show is lesbians (and poc at that) dying?

I dont care if the dragon prince is gonna introduce 10 characters of each gender/sexuality, whats done is done, let me remember you this is a world after v*ltron, a world where people saw that fucking disaster and how being shitty to your lgbt fans can end up badly, a world after v5 of rwby, where you learn that people that actually give a shit about us wont hurt us like that and have the choice to not kill us with every chance they get. This isnt 2012 where the most we got was girls holding hands at the end of the series and a confirmation off show after that, or where writers were too scared to introduce lgbt and had to keep the lesbian pairing subtle till 2018 before they kissed in the movie. This is 2019, this is the time where even Disney is considering Elsa being a lesbian, this is a time where you get lgbt on cartoon network and disney, yet theyre doing the same fucking thing shows have been doing since like ever?

This isnt a mistake, you have to be impossibly blind to not realize what clexa and v*ltron did and the huge impacts those things had, you have to be really cishet to think “hm, gonna write some fantasy, with some aspects from real life and my own experiences, oh and the only aspects im talking about are lesbians dying lululul”, and the apologies? Fuck them. They KNEW what was gonna happen, they KNEW how much this would hurt, what this would mean

And im SO glad I got barely emotionally invested in this show, cause god this hurt without even really caring besides “oh this looks so cool, and the characters are cute”. Im so sorry for lgbt fans that were devoted to it, only to be stabbed in the back again.

Dont even dare to come to me with “but! Theyre good people” “They promised more rep!” “its gonna get better!” youre either a fool, lying to yourself, trusting people too much or all of them. Hey, you know who else promised rep? V*ltron did, look how that turned out. Wake up, stop hoping that their apologies are real, actions speak louder than words, and they did enough talking for me.

I, along others, have been here before. Unless they make everyone lgbt they can fuck off, I know where this is going, promises and apologies while we end broken hearted.

#the dragon prince #fuck them #fuck the dragon prince lives #im so glad for watching rwby #im so glad for having roosterteeth #im so glad those people showed us what decent people that care for lgbt are like

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madefate-a · 5 years

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the big headspace meta. | shiro & trauma psychopathology.

> the big character meta.

> quick & dirty key points guide.

okay ! after the better part of a year, it’s here: the Big Meta on what, exactly*, is going on in shiro’s head. asterisk on exactly for a few reasons, the largest being that psychology is not so black and white as to have a simple plug and play causality chain. there are certainly touchstones in terms of diagnoses, and it can be incredibly helpful to have these guideposts in terms of understanding why and how changes in the body and mind occur, but the way those diagnoses present are different in every single person, and no one label ( or multiple labels ) is a definitive way to understand or categorize someone. with comorbidity at play, there are multiple axes at work in the human response to any trauma. and, well, it’s a show about space magic. so we need a little wiggle room.

and, of course, I am in no way a professional. this meta is merely meant to more fully flesh out some of the whys and whats of shiro’s mental state, behavior, and reactions to things. some of these I do try to weave into my portrayal, for the sake of healing and realism, while many others might be true but not a facet of what we see under most circumstances. I will attempt to source my information wherever I can, but please know that psychology is not my area of academia and don’t have access to scholarly / peer reviewed sources, nor necessarily the ability to understand denser medical material. I will be avoiding the DSM, though, because fuck the DSM.

time for some trigger warnings. below the cut, there’s going to be discussion of the arena, which includes captivity / enslavement, death, injury, medical experimentation, memory loss, loss of agency / consent, and everything that goes along with that setting and time period. I don’t intend to be gratuitous, extremely vivid, nor darker or more brutal than what we can reasonably extrapolate from the s1 / s2 show, with a few things cherry picked from seasons 3 & 6. ( where we cultivated a better understanding of haggar’s abilities and motivations. sort of. ) there will also be discussion of trauma psychology, including PTSD and CPTSD, sensory deprivation / isolation ( as in: the void ), body dysphoria, disordered self images, and mourning. what there will not be is condoning of using mental illness as a way of othering or dehumanizing people, or otherwise proving some kind of inability / incapability.

ultimately, my goal is to simply better understand shiro -- not to create and in and out box of if this, then that, but simply to understand how circumstance and trauma inform behavior, and then how to use this knowledge for a character arc full of Healing and the reclamation of agency.

so, here we go !!

PTSD & CPTSD: a brief overview

the easiest place to start is the most salient: PTSD. it is not necessarily textual to the show canon* ( *which, of course, I always take very lightly ) as in, it is not said out loud. however, it is clearly portrayed in the visual narrative with some of the more recognizable symptoms: flashbacks, freezing ( ep o2 ) and frightening thoughts ( ep o9 ). tellingly, without the ability to avoid reminders of traumatic sites, these symptoms are often triggered under those conditions ( galra battleships, fights that mimic arena experiences ).

newer then PTSD in the field of trauma psychology ( originating in 1992 ) is the idea of Complex PTSD, or CPTSD. CPTSD is a way to explore the changes that occur in individuals in situations of captivity, prolonged trauma ( as opposed to single-event ), or otherwise loss of agency. at the current time, CPTSD is diagnosed with a cluster of symptoms, and is often associated with abuse in childhood. still, there are some symptoms within these clusters that affect shiro, both on their own and as they overlap with PTSD.

which we’ll get into, right after we figure out where this all starts ! so --

the traumas.

it starts with the galra.

sort of. but we’ll touch briefly on that later. for all intents and purposes, shiro’s trauma is courtesy of the galra. thanks, sendak. I’ve done some work fleshing out the arena between HCs and writing, so you can check out some of that:

the arena, pt 1.

gotta lose that arm.

the champion.

nightmares after the resurrection.

aftermath of that arm.

the black lion.

body basics.

as a fighter, and a leader, you bring hope.

the big character meta

the shorter character meta

but we do need to run down a few of the things that are relevant to symptom presentation. during shiro’s time there, he experienced both single and repeated instances of trauma, and while they both contributed to the overall environment of that year, it’s important to understand that while some things were chronic, others were not.

single-instance experiences

separation from the holts

loss of his arm

chronic / repeated experiences

loss of freedom of movement

untreated injuries

restraints

physical / life threatening danger

need for self protection

forced performance ( both in the arena and as an act of self preservation around guards )

semi repeated experiences

helplessness to touch ( haggar, most saliently )

interrogation ( initial, as well as a few sessions of haggar’s memory extraction )

killing ( many fights, but not all, end in victory or death )

nonconsensual anesthetization ( with the galra, and at the garrison upon his return )

medical experimentation & examination ( most of it for information gathering purposes )

conditioning to believe that he would become a weapon / attempts to sway him to the galra without brainwashing ( see fic linked above )

this is where the overlap between PTSD and CPTSD comes largely into play -- it would be impossible, and unnecessary, to try to draw direct lines between experiences and the consequences of those experiences. rather, it’s far better to look at how all of these contributed to a certain environment or mentality:

everpresent danger / no one to trust

loss of choice and agency

conditioning to use power in a specific, and deadly, way

we know that shiro did not lose himself entirely. from the flashbacks to his escape, we know that o1. ) shiro fought for his freedom until the very end, and was never swayed to compliance by haggar or any druid / galra, and o2. ) that he exhibited qualities that made him a symbol of hope. this cannot be accomplished if he behaved in accordance to haggar’s designs and lost himself to rage or following orders. this is important! because resistance and a desire to retain a sense of self and purpose are through lines that follow him long past the arena, and are what allowed him to keep as much clarity and focus as possible. this quality, in fact, is what allows him to hold any semblance of trust in others after he escapes -- trust that he gives to allura, keith, and the black lion. which brings us to the other major event that we need to consider --

let’s talk about death. briefly.

here’s a perfect example of where the lines of mental health blur and overlap: some of the reactions he has are a result of the combination between putting his faith in the black lion and team voltron, and dying in the process. this is going to be a brief section -- mostly because there’s a more Descriptive and Creative and Prettily Worded fic coming dealing with the specifics of Life in V*ltron’s Void. but we do need to touch on the mental and physical trauma of losing his body and existing in the void and -- yes, yes it can spiral into a much larger, longer topic. I’ll try my best to compress!

part one: the reckoning.

there’s really no getting around how scarring it is to know that your body has been destroyed. that single instance, though, is processed much, much later than it occurs. that’s because in the void, he couldn’t physically react to the knowledge -- with no heart or nervous system, shiro could not properly process nor react to the loss of his body. it was more learned and known than felt, which in and of itself makes the process more difficult than it might be otherwise. ( might be -- we’ll never know for sure. ) the loss of his body will come into larger play down the line when he is dealing with issues of his body, as well as understanding and mourning kuron.

part two: the physical.

shiro spends the better part of the year with no physical body, and no sensations. none of this registers in the void, because that is the nature of the void, but as strange as time feels there, he absolutely feels this when he is brought back. this will get touched on in the latter half of the meta, but it’s important to know that everything is delayed, distorted, and simply not felt in the void.

part three: the mental.

as the forbidden season tells us, every moment in the void was a struggle to stay conscious. this fluctuated, depending on shiro’s mental strength, as well as what was happening around himself. he spent every conscious moment trying to reach any of the paladins -- keith or kuron particularly, as they were the ones piloting black and, thus, had a better chance of hearing or sensing him. his best opportunities for someone to hear him came when v*ltron was formed and all the paladins occupied the same physical and mental space. losing the connection he almost formed with lance informs much of shiro’s actions after he is restored. it was proof that his emotional isolation might have been the reason that he was unable to connect with the others, and spurs him to be more open down the road, lest the consequences turn deadly again.

the smaller instances: fighting with haggar, his family, illness

another important thing to note that there are other contributing factors at play. his fight with haggar after rescuing allura provides a visual motif that he cannot unsee: himself, irrevocably stained in the darkness of her magic, looking ruthless and deadly. it is a large contributing factor to the shape his self image issues take.

also, let’s talk about the few things that began to shape his mental landscape before the galra: the loss of his parents at age 18 and the diagnosis of his illness at 19*. I go more in depth into the illness in the big character meta, so check it out if you like, and both of these are my own, personal headcanons since we received no ages on either from the Powers That Be. ( truth be told, I wasn’t expecting him to deal with so much shit -- I placed these timeline events when he was older to try to mitigate the angst. incredible. ) both of these contributed to being confronted with helplessness or loss of control over his life, as well as a heightened sense of responsibility that found an opportunity to fester when he began to blame himself for the holts’ capture, in any attempt to restore agency*. ( *but we’ll get to that. )

the symptoms.

getting back to PTSD and CPTSD.

oh yes, that good, good full circle-ness. so we’ve arrived back at the start, but knowing that all of this is less than a line of dominoes than it is a spiderweb, with different strands sometimes tugging the same things. let’s lay out the symptoms that shiro is dealing, all to different degrees and at different frequencies:

PTSD

Intrusive Memories, which include:

Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event

Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks)

Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event

Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event

Avoidance, which includes:

Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event

Negative Changes in Thinking and Mood, which includes:

Negative thoughts about yourself

Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event

Feeling detached from family and friends

Changes in Physical and Emotional Reactions, which include:

Always being on guard for danger

Trouble sleeping

Trouble concentrating

Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior

Overwhelming guilt or shame

Misc. / Specific

Difficulty being physically vulnerable -- ie, without armor or unable to see where exits might be

The trigger of being restrained / someone unexpectedly grabbing or holding his chin / face in place -- this is something haggar would do

Symptom list courtesy of mayoclinic -- if you peruse, you’ll notice that he does not exhibit every symptom of PTSD.

CPTSD

CPTSD is less extensive than PTSD, and, in shiro’s case, secondary to PTSD, as many CPTSD symptoms are fostered in childhood, as the direct result of the violation of trust in guardians or authority figures. Shiro’s symptoms include clusters:

alterations in attention or consciousness

alterations in self-perception

and specifics:

Changes in emotional regulation, such as dysphoria, as well as changing expressions of anger ( inhibited, and explosive )

Episodes of depersonalization

A sense of being different from all other human beings

A sense of defilement or stigma ( irrevocably stained )

A belief that no one can understand ( “they don’t know what you know” )

A feeling of a non-human identity ( sometimes slips and thinks of himself as a robeast or weapon )

*** An inflated sense of responsibility. Shiro uses responsibility as a way to feel that he has some semblance of control over himself and the world around him.

for this one, I did reference the wiki -- apologies, the more trustworthy sources are behind paywalls!

Sensory Issues

The sensory issues largely come from his time in the void. I break it down a little more thoroughly >> here << so if you want to, check that out. Essentially, he has phases after his restoration to a body, immediate issues and lasting ones.

immediate issues ( the roadtrip home timeline )

a lack of energy, which manifests as inability to participate in longer conversations / conversations with more than one or two other people, frequent naps, and listlessness that comes with feeling heavy in a physical body

attention issues, which manifest in difficulty holding long conversations

overstimulation, which manifests in shiro being very physically sensitive to all senses: touch, sight / light, sound, smell, and taste.

lack of appetite, which is mostly due to the fact that he has to get used to eating again.

lasting issues

intermittent tiredness -- he naps much less frequently the stronger he gets, but he never quite gets to where he used to be in that regard.

openness -- shiro gets a lot more emotionally open with people; terrified by being stuck in a realm with no exit and how he failed to connect with any of the paladins, he is less likely to be closed off entirely the way he was previously

a fear of being lost / not being heard -- both in waking hours and in sleep, shiro gains a persistent fear of no one knowing where he is, or otherwise not being heard or seen

dysphoria -- shiro struggles greatly with being in kuron’s body

his nightmares change after the void -- they become a combination of scattered memories from kuron, as well as nightmares of drowning or not being heard when he yells. he also wakes up from them differently; before the void, he used to wake silently. now he might physically roll out of bed, choke, or touch himself in some way ( press a hand to his chest, or splay his hand around his throat )

What Doesn’t Change

everything, basically.

yes !! I just wrote up an embarrassingly long meta on shiro’s trauma and how it affects him. but at the end of the day, shiro is still shiro. he loses none of his ambition, drive, humor, optimism, hopefulness, compassion, or sense of fun and adventure. he is not afraid of space, the front lines, or giving his all to keep the earth safe. no matter the severity of his symptoms on any given day, he is still a decisive leader, empathetic and supportive, and still holds seeing the world, and the universe, as his dream.

none of what he has gone through or deals with now defines him. it merely explains some of his behaviors and gives him a tangible place to start on his journey to healing.

#( shiro. )#( shiro hc. )#( the big metas. )#do not reblog /#trigger list above the cut #holy shit guys!!!! holy SHIT !!!!!!!!#ive been working on this for MONTHS !!!! ITS DONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#honestly i SHOULD be embarrassed at the sheer amt of content ive produced but like ..... im not .....#en ee way pray i get into my phd program so i can take all this energy & direct it elsewhere skdjgh

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mytearsricoshay · 5 years

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i’m already seeing v*ltron fandom toxicity seep into the young justice fandom please kill me

#yj for ts #shut up shay #i just saw with my own two eyes #someone suggest that bart is only 13 in season 1 bc greg is homophobic and was trying to discourage people from shipping bp #nevermind the fact that bart was confirmed after between darkest and before the dawn #when bluepulse wasa relatively small ship #and that that's what happened on voltr*n with sh*eth #which i'm not touching with a 10 foot pole lest i summon the hell storm to my doorstep #voltr*n fans stay 100 feet away from young justice at all times challenge

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madefate · 2 years

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the big character meta !

this was written after the last season aired & basically copied over, so there’s definitely some emotion and editorializing. but this is the base character meta! there’s also: the timeline, post resurrection notes, and the history & trauma notes. (links tba)

before we get started! i’ll be discussing issues in mental and physical health, as well as the consequences of trauma and torture. nothing explicit or harped on (i hope), but they’re part of his characterization so please read with a grain of salt. there’s also discussion of degenerative medical conditions and ~magical space healing~ and all the other bullshit that went down in canon.

a word of introduction.

the main tenets of my characterization & canon are there are consequences and Shiro is human, and healing. as i go through the timeline, there are moments that i do eliminate unnecessary Torture Porn scenes altogether because enough already. however, i think that one of the worst disservices beyond using shiro as the requisite punching bag / stakes raiser for the entirety of the show and in lieu of most everyone else we see on screen, is that it has been shown – narratively and in interviews – that he is being consciously and willfully denied any kind of meaningful emotional support (outside of his frequent damseling/rescue by keith). there is – a lot at work. a lot of insidious tropes that undermine the mentally and physically ill, gay moc once-leader of v*ltron, but other people have written better essays so suffice to say – i might not be diverging wildly from canon but i do believe, firmly, that he deserved a hell of a lot better than what he got so there are consequences to what he’s been through as well as healing and recovery. not all of my canon choices will be free from problematic roots – some of these come from personal fulfillment as a chronically ill lesbian, and as such might not count as perfect representation. if something i touch on, however, is more hurtful than i realize, please let me know and i’ll readjust accordingly.

the plot breakdown.

so, how ‘bout that backstory?

let’s get one thing clear. the fact that the writers didn’t name that disease nor did they incorporate it in any way in the early seasons means that it was shoehorned for the tragic backstory and to ?? idk, make a martyr of adam before they killed him or w/e. so we’re going to go ahead and say – okay. he’s sick. i won’t erase that. what i will do is build it out. at this point in time, my gut instinct is to say that he has type 2 myotonic dystrophy. in summary, its adult onset version presents with symptoms like muscle weakness or muscle contractions in the extremities, and does lead to more serious complications down the road (include adverse effects from anesthesia). prognosis for DM2 places deterioration at a slower pace, over years, and there are methods for treating the symptoms in its earliest stages – methods that, on v*ltron’s earth, are more effective. this is not a death sentence, nor is it Tragically Quick. it is something that would interfere with daily life as the years went on and cause for concern among more conservative upper brass. the fact that sam was willing to place the mission, and both his and his son’s lives, in shiro’s hands is proof positive that his condition was not so unstable that it would reach critical mass within the next few years. shiro is diagnosed at twenty, and begins to manage the condition through routine checkups and electrostimulation therapy.

this is not a factor in his motivation or desire to go to kerberos or any other mission. shiro’s love of flying comes from solely himself and his dreams since childhood. he is not cured by the galra. this is where we skate on a morally grey line – i do not intend to say that he needs to be ~magically cured~ because that is, in and of itself, ableist. (despite the fact that the entire degredation of his arc is also, in and of itself, ableist.) however, the introduction of a hastily shoehorned in disease in the same season where he is also revealed (i say this tentatively as i do not believe his sexuality is explicitly written in the canon) to be a gay man, is also deeply ableist as well as wildly homophobic. this is the kind of allegory i’d expect from a piece of 90s fiction (lookin’ at you, potter) so due to the fact that he is never written in the present timeline (yes, even seasons 1-6) as having a disease, and as it’s been stated by the showrunners that he no longer has it, shiro has been “cured.” it’s not so cut and dry as that. it’s certainly a stretch, materially speaking, but i’m going to go ahead and say that shiro is “cured” the first time he uses an altean healing pod, after the fall of the castle of the lions.

ah yes, that road trip.

hey, at least we got a canonical line about shiro feeling out of sorts after everything he’s been through. a glimmer of hope, then. i wrote a very abbreviated version of how he’s changed post s6, and have another post in the works about the specific traumas and mental illnesses that he’s currently dealing with, but let’s just. work with one thing at a time. we know the meta textual reason for his sidelineing is because the writers finally got their wish of writing him out of the show. but in-universe – krolia’s not wrong. he is recovering. mentally, emotionally, and physically. withdrawn, he doesn’t speak much with the team unprompted about what he’s feeling (too – overwhelmed and too used to keeping his problems unspoken), but he does seek out their company, particularly when he realizes the growing rift between himself and team v*ltron and the fact that he feels much less like a part of the family he thought they’d created. he’s dealing with overstimulation, diminished energy, guilt, gratitude, brain fog / exhaustion, a change in his role and position which strips him of his only healthy coping mechanism (piloting black), and the creeping sensation that he is no longer useful, required, or wanted. among many other things. so, paradoxically, his walls have been dismantled and he finds that he’s much softer and more open with the team – but also cannot find the will or the words to explain everything that’s going on in his head. you’ll also have to pry out of my cold, dead hands the HC that he grows closer with coran in the interim.

road trip pt II: floating in space.

really quick, the journey within? i don’t know what to do with this. because he was. wearing. the paladin armor?? like i don’t know how to reconcile this beyond – the lions took the blow for their paladins which is why they froze and the paladins didn’t, and shiro’s bond has been severed. (he is also, at the time, not even in the lion that would have done that for him.) if anyone has a better idea – let me know.

oh? something good?

yes, actually. i’ve always HC’ed that the garrison felt more like home to shiro than anywhere else on earth, and him being welcomed back with kindness by iverson and like, all the higher ups but sonda, is something i’m more than happy to keep. even if i was cheated by a heart to heart with any of the holts.

remember that time shiro flatlined after getting fitted for a new prosthetic? no? me either.

it’s gone. it was an uncomfortable experience and the arm did not respond right away – i’m still willing to have allura offer the crystal of her headpiece as a replacement but only if they both have the agency to make the choice to give / accept. i’m also willing to scrap the floating arm entirely and give him an attached prosthetic or none at all if the earthly power sources don’t work because while shiro does love his arm (he sees it as an act of love & caring on the parts of sam & allura) i hate it. he doesn’t need a sendak style arm to further dehumanize him, sorry.

shiro is deeply mourning the loss of his connection with Black, and it’s not pretty.

this, i think, is the most salient sticking point to me, and the hardest to grapple with. the narrative is stuck between a rock and a hard place – because it is unfair for any paladin to lose their place on that team (allura, especially, is in a difficult position as a newer introduction and the only other person on that team besides shiro who has explicitly stated she wants to be a paldin) and it would be a wild departure from the show to have him back in his lion. however, kuron was right – to shiro, there was nothing more fulfilling than being a paladin. the black lion was the first being in the entire universe he openly trusted after what he’d been through with the galra – it was a big deal for him to place his fate in her hands and was rewarded when she came through time and again – unlocking the lion’s eyes in the second episode, the battle with zarkon on the astral plane. this was not just something he was good at – it was something he adored. it was the kind of purpose he’d been looking for for most of his life and represented major strides in his healing. there is nothing so singularly devestating as losing black*. not his position in the team, not the chance to Fly a Cool Robot, but that connection with someone he trusted intimiately and against all odds. he is in severe mourning over this for the entirety of the season. however, it is also not something he is going to broach with anyone – especially not team voltron. because at his heart, he is still as supportive and considerate as he’s always been, and believes fully that they can accomplish great things. to him, there’s no real solution – he’s not going to fight to black back – so to him, there’s no reason to dig up these hurt feelings with a team who has enough on their plates without an unsolvable problem.

*except. let’s talk about adam.

real talk: my feelings on adam are intensely personal and conflicted and come from both objective criticism and deep, personal grief. because – i’m aware of the “trophy relationship” bullshit (again, hey there potter). the “reward partner.” but god damn it, on every fucking level that plot line was a goddamn disservice. when i say that black’s parting with him was the single greatest tragedy – i mean that narratively. because we have no canon information to go on about what their relationship was like beyond bits and pieces from the showrunners and josh’s fantastic interview. so of course he’d mourn his only canonical family / love more than his position – if we had anything to work with. this is another moral grey line – i think it’s totally valid for some fans to want to keep adam’s death and mourn it and honor it and give it the weight and attention it deserves (bc there was nothing in the show). 100%! but to me, personally, as someone who identifies with shiro on such a deep level – as someone who, after the news of his sexuality broke – felt like i had the chance to celebrate my own identity in a way i never got the chance to as a kid, i cannot fathom this death. they knew about the trope. they knew that shiro suffered the most in the show on-screen. jds’ apology did nothing but enrage me after they dangled this relationship as a marketing ploy knowing full well that it was nothing but insubstantial tragedy porn. does this mean i’m going to force an adam is alive plot?? absolutely not. what it does mean is that i am going to build them the sappiest, sweetest, most loving and supportive backstory – that they loved each other. were committed to each other. that they wanted to get married. that they left on a bad note but it was because they were so afraid of losing the people and things they loved that they shut down and didn’t communicate.

i guess we have to talk about the atlas.

please understand that them writing shiro as so happy in the atlas was the same kind of excitement baiting that they’ve been doing about the atlas itself. the show, ultimately, is about voltron. the atlas will never be more than b-plot secondary character support. but like with everything else! let’s work with it. because there are parts that are good – it’s not flying the way shiro loves (because he loves the physical process of flying more than the order issuing) but it’s something. it’s being in the fight, working with a crew he trusts (every father figure! a sister figure! huzzah!) – he’s extremely fond of that crew and was, in fact, happy to work with them. he thinks highly of every single person on that ship. and he was able to pitch in and help rescue the lions from the more dangers / difficult to extract locations after everything was said and done. i genuinely. don’t know. what to do. with the mecha aspect. i don’t know how it works or why that would be a thing i just. i’m really flailing here.

the rematch.

god in fucking heaven, it keeps getting worse. so i guess we’re gonna ?? just go with that shiro was computer hacked by sam and electrocuted again? i’d be more than happy to throw that out the window but how else do you explain how useless he was in that not-a-rematch. after explicitly fighting sendak to a draw that he might have even won in s1 if he didn’t, uh uh uh, care about other people and their wellbeing. again – metatextually, he’s not the BP anymore, so he can’t do anything to outshine the paladins / voltron. but if he deserved one damn thing, it’s taking sendak (one of his main abusers, and the actual symbol of his inner demons as proven by crystal venom) down for good. i will never HC that he feels guilty because he crash landed on earth and set off the motions of the entire plot bc allura specifically stated in s1 that an attack on earth was inevitable so – you fuck off now, showrunners. what he does feel somewhat guilty for is jettisoning sendak off the ship in crystal venom, because it’s tied into his frustrations when his mental state interferes with his life and functioning (ie, freeing sendak because he was having a severe panic attack). and he couldn’t even land the final blow. so, hey. i’m going to make a canon divergent executive decision and say: shiro’s arc is working together. being a team. learning how to accept help no matter the position he holds as a leader or a guide. so he does get some help – a narrative foil to sendak, shiro relies on the team to help lift him while sendak will burn his own to achieve victory or death. keith does arrive – in time to distract sendak’s attention long enough to [handwave] give shiro the opportunity to land the final blow himself. narrative and personality resolution, with a dash of teamwork. (remember that thematic motif, vld??)

that ending, tho.

alright, so. if the name of shiro’s consolation prize (atlas) wasn’t indication enough that shiro has become a throwaway character – that ending was. do i think it’s in character for shiro to take on the responsibility of stepping into his lieutenant role at the garrison and doing the work of cleaning up the mess and deliving the hopeful speech? yes. even to his own detriment and sacrificing time to be human? yes. do i think it’s a narrative fuck you to this character the writers hate? absolutely. no bonding moment, no celebration, no consideration for his wellbeing mentally or physically. so here’s what’s going down. in the immediate aftermath, shiro does throw himself into working – the paladins are recovering so he takes on the start of damage control and rehabbing the garrison and, eventually, the world. he’s asked by these people who’ve welcomed him back to be a point person, a visible face for people to latch onto, so he does. he gives the speeches and meets with the upper brass and welcomes in the coalition allies. he is injured in that fight with sendak. it’s explicitly shown that he eschews the atlas’ medbay despite multiple people pointing out he needs it. his injuries are not threateningly severe, and most originate from being kicked from one end of the cruiser to the other and slamming into the fin. he has a fracture in his sternum, bruising of his lower ribs, a fracture at the top of his scapula, as well as neck trauma from the force and oxygen deprivation, all after muscle weakness from his previous electrocution. otherwise – there’s no way that the champion would stay down in that final scene if he really, genuinely, could not get up. even then – all he needs is enough time to gather his strength and resources to finish the fight. shiro has trained himself to compartmentalize his physical pain to the point where he can get to a point where he doesn’t feel it until he’s forced to think on it. it’s a trick born from the arena – and then the war that followed. and it keeps him on his feet in the atlas, then lets him latch onto the work at the garrison once he’s done. he needs to be seen, though, by a doctor.

dust settles, the aftermath.

in addition to the work with the garrison, he makes frequent rounds to check on every paladin. he keeps track of their progress and asks after their statuses and does for them what needs to be done while they’re hospital bound. it’s mostly, maybe 90%, for their sakes. he still cares deeply for all of them – he’s so inspired by them and proud of them and grateful for their presence in his life. but there is a part of him that recognizes that he’s no longer a part of that team and acknowledges that once they’re up, doing their things, and don’t need him for this – he’s going to have to find a new purpose. again. and here’s where everything comes to a head: it might be the showrunners’ distaste for him, but shiro, by the end of s7, is subconsciously shaped by his constant gaslighting. he already deals with a newfound fear of being lost / unheard / unseen (after his time in the astral plane, calling out without the ability to connect with the team), but it’s magnified by – everything. no family to reconnect with, no team to plan with, no connection with a lion, no real place besides a desk in the garrison – it takes his toll. for a while, after everything, he is noticeably exhausted, diminished, and less able to keep that perfect composure that’s let him stubborn his way through even the direst of situations. this is difficult for him and, for the first time in his life, he finds that his usual method of ignoring himself and his own problems doesn’t work to distract him from the difficulty – and that his other coping mechanisms don’t really exist anymore. see, being the universe’s (or the writers’) punching bag has consequences and as fulfilling as it is to be able to have done anything at all to save earth – he’s finally, after spending his entire life running after a dream and forgetting himself in the process, faced with the fact that he can’t ignore himself any longer.

the summary.

canon divergences. shiro is cured by the altean pod, not the galra. shiro is not almost killed by the new arm. shiro lands the final blow, finishing sendak off himself.

mental state. at the end of s7, shiro is dealing with the onset of depression, the continuation and exacerbation of C-PTSD primarily with reoccuring PTSD symptoms, difficulty with / fear of not distinguishing what’s real, a new phobia of not being heard / seen or simply being lost, a continuation of his issues with guilt (primarily survivor’s guilt) and self image, an increase in his body dysmorphia (bc that’s a real trip – being in a different body), severe mourning over the black lion.

in conclusion.

honestly? as much as it’s ableist as fuck to torture him and almost always only him this much, and to demote him and degrade him constantly, it’s just as ableist to put him through all this shit then say, in an interview, that he doesn’t need support and he’ll get through it himself. he is a human being. these things have taken a toll and i don’t want to ignore that because it’s both a narrative and personal failing. i love him. i want him to get the love and support he (and any human being!) needs – and if i have to do it myself, i will. shiro, as a character, has been really important to me for a long time. after spending (now six) years watching him, writing him, seeing him achieve greatness despite his health and everything he’s been through – i might be devastated but he deserves better and i can use this as an exercise in creativity and healing.

#( shiro hc. )#( the big meta. )#( shiro. )

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