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mythologyfolklore · 3 years

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Trouble Earth-Born

(A/N: This fic is about the birth of Erikhthonios, one of the legendary kings of Athens. Contains mention of past attempted rape and attempt of indirect murder and insanity)

Athena wasn't quite sure of what to think, as out of nowhere a Protogenos manifested in front of her as a middle-aged woman holding a baby in her arms.

“Venerated Foremother”, she greeted the person in front of her.

“Daughter of Zeus and Metis”, the other returned.

To a mortal she would have seemed like your average chubby matron. But she radiated such raw and incomprehensible power, such cosmic and primeval might, that to a goddess like Athena there was no doubt, who she was.

Gaia, the Earth Mother.

The generous and the terrible.

The nurturing and the destructive.

The mother of the sky, the sea, the mountains, islands and the fair spirits of nature, also of the Titanes, the Hekatonkheires, the Elder Kyklopes … and the monstrous Typhon.

“What gives me the honour?”, Athena questioned the Protogenos.

The dubious honour. That she didn't say.

Gaia held out the baby she had been holding. “This is yours now.”

Athena's bright blue eyes grew to the size of saucers. “I beg your pardon?!”

“Do you remember that little non-consensual almost-tryst you had with the blacksmith god?”

Athena frowned. “As if a woman could forget something like that.”

“And do you remember, how you threw the cloth, which was soiled with his seed, onto the ground?”

“Oh … oh, holy shit, did I accidentally knock you up?! I'm so sorry!”

“I'm Mother Earth”, Gaia pointed out. “Do you have the faintest idea just how many children I have? I mothered half of the Kosmos, Ouranos included! That fucking arsehole”, she added, muttering. “Either way, this happens all the time. I'm used to it and I can't even say, that I mind. However, this baby here has a little of your essence within him. So congratulations, Pallas Athena, head-born daughter of Zeus – you are now a virgin mother.”

And before the goddess could protest, the Protogenos pressed the child into her arms.

Then Gaia sank into the ground and once more became one with … well, herself. Leaving a very flabbergasted Athena holding a godsdamn baby.

“Sooo …”, Athena sighed and regarded the child. It was a boy and he had jet black hair and big brown eyes, just like his father – but despite him being a baby, she could tell he had her aristocratic nose and her high cheekbones. “I guess you are my son now, huh?”

Whelp.

She might have been the goddess of knowledge and good counsel, but she was also a virgin goddess; she had no idea how to do this kind of stuff! This was something for … pretty much any other of the Olympians.

Oh well … she would just have to take responsibility and try to raise this child. After all, it wasn't his fault, that he had been conceived like that and there was no way she would approach the god, who had tried to rape her in his drunk delirium.

Somehow this troubling memory gave her the idea for a suitable name for the earth-born baby.

The baby cooed and stretched out his chubby little arms. Okay, that was cute.

Athena smiled: “Well, I suppose I will have to raise you in secret, so no one can find and tell the world about a virgin goddess having a child.”

And with the child in her arms, she flew away and off to her new city, the one that now bore her name: Athens.

“You want us to take care of this chest, Potnia¹?”, Pandrosos asked.

Athena, who was holding a small chest in her arms, confirmed: “That's right. I want you to take this wooden chest here to the chamber behind my altar and watch over it, until I come back in a few days. You don't have to do much, but always remember this: Do. Not. Open. This. Chest. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Glaukopis²”, the three daughters of Kekrops, king of Athens, replied in unison.

The bright-eyed goddess nodded: “Good. Now I need to tend to my other duties. See you in a few days. And I warn you, if I find out that you disobeyed my order to not look inside this chest, you will suffer a fate worse than death. Keep that in mind. Toodles!”

Then she returned to Olympos, before anyone there would question her absence.

A few days later, Athena was carrying a whole-ass mountain across Attica (how? Goddess strength, that's how!) for the Akropolis, when a crow joined her in flight.

“Oh, hello, Koronis!”, the goddess greeted the bird.

“Hello!”, the crow replied. “I'm sad to say, that I come with bad news.”

Athena stopped short. “What happened?”

“Well, you asked me to keep an eye on the Kekropides, if they would do as you told them, right? They didn't.”

Promptly the goddess dropped the mountain.

“They opened the chest”, she said blankly.

“Yes, but only Aglauros and Herse. Pandrosos doesn't know. I'm so sorry!”, the crow cried, “I tried to talk them out of it, but they wouldn't listen!”

“It's not your fault, Koronis!”, Athena hissed, suddenly seized by wrath. “Oh, when I get my hands on those little bitches, they're going to get it! As for you, don't tell anyone of what you have seen, do you hear me?”

“My lips- I mean, my beak is sealed.”

“Good.”³

The wrathful goddess teleported herself to her temple in Athens, where she found Herse and Aglauros screaming hysterically on the floor.

With measured steps, Athena approached the chest. In it lay a baby, obviously none other than her earth baby, who was crying softly. A snake was coiled around him protectively and hissing aggressively, though it calmed down as soon as it saw Athena. The baby's upper body was normal, but from the hip downwards, his body was that of a serpent. As soon as he saw his adoptive mother, he stopped crying, bubbled happily and lifted his tiny arms.

“Hello, sweetie”, Athena cooed, completely ignoring the hysterical screaming behind herself. “Sorry for being away so long. But now I'm back.”

She picked him up and cradled him in her arms and he fell asleep in no time, while she was crying on the inside and desperately prayed to Khaos, Ananke and the Moirai, that she would be spared the shame of having to explain, why she was raising a child.

With blazing eyes and fury in her heart the war goddess turned to the mortal women, who were still having a mental breakdown on the floor.

And with a mighty, divine voice, she bellowed: “Go to the cliff behind my temple … and jump!”

The women, completely out of their minds, scrambled to blindly follow the goddess's order.

Athena followed them. She craved the satisfaction of seeing the ones who had dared to cross her fall to their deaths.

Imagine her surprise, when they jumped and she saw two flashes (one bronze, the other crimson) descend from the sky – and a second later, the two madwomen were caught in their fall.

“Hermes! Ares!”, Athena exclaimed.

“Hi, Athena!”, Hermes chirped, while struggling with a raving Herse in his arms.

“What's the meanin' of this?”, Ares demanded to know, as he was holding Aglauros in a vice-like grip (for a second Athena marvelled at his impressive pair of crimson wings, which he was beating to keep his stability against the wind and his struggling, screaming captive). “Why'd ya drive these two insane and make 'em jump off the Akropolis?”

Hermes nodded. “Yeah, we'd like an explanation. For that and for why you're holding a baby in your arms.”

Oh shit. She was still holding the little one in her arms and now her two half-brothers had seen him! Ares hated her and would be all too happy to rat her out, while Hermes was a notorious chatter box.

By Ananke, this really wasn't her day.

Athena forced herself to calm down and step back, so the two could land.

“Come inside my temple”, she sighed. “And I'll explain everything. And while we're at it, you could tell me, what you're doing here and why their worthless lives matter to you enough to save them.”

With a scowl she pointed at Aglauros and Herse, who were still winding themselves in the gods' arms.

“It's a deal”, Hermes accommodated her and he and Ares landed carefully.

“But first we gotta restrain these two”, Ares stated. “They're gonna hurt themselves otherwise.”

“So, lemme get that straight”, Ares said, as he nibbled at his ambrosia. “My brother Heph tried to assault ya, while he was drunk. You kicked his arse, because obviously. Then some of his cum got on your thigh, you wiped it off and threw it away, also because obviously. And then Gaia thought it would be hilarious to turn this soiled cloth into a baby and push it onto you, even though she knows, that you have sworn to remain virginal and childless forever.”

Athena nodded.

The older god scowled: “Yeah, that sounds like something that fucking arsehole Protogenos would do.”

The wisdom goddess almost chortled at that.

“And then”, Hermes jumped back to the original topic, “you put him in a box, asked the daughters of Kekrops to take care of the box and not open it. But they opened it anyway and went cuckoo. And you were mad at their disobedience, so you told them to jump off the Akropolis.”

“Correct”, Athena confirmed. Then her face darkened again. “And now it's your turn. How are you related to those two? Don't tell me you've slept with my servants!”

It was Ares, who answered: “Slept with them – no. Courted them – yeah.”

“Good”, Athena nodded. “Only virgins like myself are allowed to serve me.”

“Speaking of the two”, Hermes piped up, “can you please give them their sanity back?”

The warrior goddess's eyes narrowed. “Why? They had it coming! That's what you get for snooping and disobeying my orders.”

“Pleeeease”, Hermes begged. “We'll carry them far away from Athens and you'll never have to deal with them again! How are we supposed to get lucky with them, if they're insane?”

“Get yourself mistresses that aren't deal-breaking bitches?”, Athena deadpanned.

In that moment the baby kicked in his wrappings and began to whine. She sighed and picked him up.

“I was going to give him nectar and ambrosia, once he became immortal, because that's what I was planning to do. But now that he's mortal like any other human, I don't know what to do!”, the goddess lamented. “I'm the goddess of wisdom, but I'm also a virgin and I can't handle babies for crap!”

Ares frowned: “Yeah, that much is clear. Well, Daddy's Owl, how 'bout ya take some advice from an actual parent, who's got experience in bringin' up kids. First off: you're holdin' him all wrong. Do ya think the baby can hold its big head up by itself?”

Athena cringed and hurried to rearrange her hold.

But the war god just shook his head, came over and guided her arms to show her how to do it right, until she managed to do it to his satisfaction.

“Better. Secondly: he's hungry. He needs mother's milk. I suggest ya find him a nurse, 'cuz the way I see it, you're not the kinda woman to breastfeed a baby.”

“Right!”, Athena huffed. “You two don't happen to know someone, who won't go insane at the sight of him and his snake guardian and who can keep her mouth shut?”

“I could ask my mother”, Hermes proposed, albeit reluctantly. “She is silent, a recluse and has adamantine nerves. And once the nursing period is over, she'll just give him back to you.”

Athena thought for a moment, ere she consented.

“Alright, thank you. Now that this is settled, there is one more thing I have to ask of you, before I cure these two women of their insanity and let you take them away.”

“Whatever ya want”, Ares promised. “If it's in our power, we'll do it.”

Hermes nodded affirmatively.

Athena's face became stern. “I demand the most sacred oath. Ares. Hermes. Swear to me by Gaia, Ouranos and the freezing water that drips from Styx, that you will never tell anyone about this child. And Hermes, I want you to let Maia know, that I expect the same from her.”

The two gods didn't hesitate to swear this solemn oath.

The goddess of wisdom sighed: “I still don't understand what you see in those two. But whatever. A promise is a promise.”

She snapped her finger and the two mortal girls passed out. Really, the things she did for her family!

“There. When they wake up, they'll be sane again. I suppose this is your lucky day, because these two are so fired from my service! So, if they consent to it, couple with them as much as you want. I literally don't care what you do to them, as long as it isn't rape.”

“Of course not. Thank you, Athena”, Hermes smiled politely.

“One more thing!”, Ares requested. “Before we proceed any further, can I hold my nephew?”

Athena tilted her head. “Huh? Uhm, sure.”

With great care the god of terrible war took the baby from his half-sister's arms.

The infant didn't seem frightened of Ares at all, quite the contrary: it giggled and coiled its serpentine lower body around his wrist, when he made silly faces.

“Awww, you're such a big softie! I wish I had a camera!”, Hermes teased.

Athena smirked: “Yes, I never thought I would see that day! Look at that, the little one really likes you!”

“Don't make me stuff you two into the next best volute krater⁴”, Ares warned without turning his gaze from the little one. “I'm sure, I can find one big enough for you both.”

The other two chuckled, but ceased their teasing; they couldn't fight with a baby in the room.

Hermes addressed Athena: “By the way, what's the little one's name? You gave him one, right?”

“But of course”, she confirmed. “His name is Erikhthonios.”

---

1) Potnia - "Lady/Queen/Mistress" 2) Glaukopis - "Bright-eyed/Owl-eyed", an epithet of Athena referring to her bright eyes (which depending on the translation are either grey or blue). 3) In some accounts Athena punishes the crow - which up to that point is her familiar - for either telling the girls what was in the chest or for being an overzealous tell-tale, by turning its feathers black, giving it a croaking voice and banishing it from her company. That doesn't really make sense to me, so I didn't include that version. 4) Volute krater - a big ancient Greek jar, used for wine.

#Greek Mythology #Gaia #Pallas Athena #erichthonius #Hermes #ares #herse #aglauros #a crow #give milk to the half-snake baby #athena is no good at parenting #but she tries okay

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xpwewarchive · 4 years

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XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (7-31-2020)

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro Date: July 31st, 2020 Episode: 437 Channel: VICE TV @ 10PM EST

*All or Nothing highlights capture - Lotus wins Case Your Luck - Myron & Kotto winning the titles - Joe Gacy and Audrey Carbine slugfest - Priscilla retains over Doxy - Romeo wins Case Your Luck - El Demonio wins PPV debut over Ethan Bedlam - Ruckus defeats McGraw by 1 point in Ironman Classic Bout

Opening Segment: We see The Set’s limo pull up to the parking lot area and the door opens and usually we see blunt smoke escape from the car but not this time which is odd. And slowly we see the XPWEW World Heavyweight Champion Ruckus with a hoodie tightly draped over his head with the title on his shoulder. GM Troy Clausen walks up Troy: Ruckus congratulations last Sunday on retaining the world title. (Ruckus undoes his hoodie) Troy: I just wanted to let you know you should have your driver park this limo somewhere safe because Leonard isn’t here, he hasn’t arrived yet and.. Ruckus: Are you trying to set me up? Troy: Set? Get it? Ruckus: Huh? Troy: Nothing, never mind I’m saying last time he was nowhere to be found he flung a chair through the windshield Ruckus: Maybe that punk learned his lesson, that he couldn’t hang with the champ for an hour and he’s afraid to show his face Troy: Tonight your gonna go 1 on 1 with GG Ruckus: I’ll do that. Boss. Thank you for letting me know Leonard ain’t here. You should fire him for missing work like the office told you when I no-showed Juneteenth. Do the right thing (Ruckus walks away: Troy ponders) (Jake Awesome exits the limo with a mean look, Jordan Oliver exits the limo with a grimace, Myron and Kotto exit the limo with a cocky grin, Siaka Lexoni exits with a serious face and head nods Clausen then lastly Chrissy Rivera exits the limo and doesn’t even look at Troy)

- The NEW XPWEW Tag Team Champions: THE SET: Myron Reed & Kotto Brazil enter with Siaka Lexoni - 3M Ultra & M3 Quintillo enter

Tag Team Match M1: The SET Myron Reed & Kotto Brazil (w/ Siaka Lexoni) def. 3M3

After the match: Myron and Kotto flaunt into the camera and boost that they are the best in tag team wrestling today

Backstage: Audrey Carbine is in Troy Clausen’s office and walks in Joe Gacy Audrey: Look here comes the town idiot Gacy: Shut the f*** up Carbine Troy Clausen: Will you two jagaloons please stop just for one itty bitty second. I saw the match at All or Nothing and damn it you two could be a good team if you tried to like each other a bit now I’ve hired you both an Anger Management Psycholigist Audrey & Gacy: *Groan* (indistinct chatter of disdain) Troy: So welcome your new anger management psycholigist: (Troy Clausen turns around and quickly puts on a white lab coat) Me! Troy: Audrey, say something nice about Joe, and Joe please…please say something nice about Audrey hmm Joe: What the f*** is this Troy: Just one thing, for god sake Joe: (hocks loogie) and stares at Carbine Carbine: Do it…do it pussy Gacy: (stalling)…. (Turns over) spits in potted plant in the corner of the room and walks away (Troy Clausen and Audrey Carbine stare as Gacy leaves) Troy: Believe it or not..I think we’ve already made significant progress Carbine: (ignores Troy)

- Doxy Deity and her protege Thunder Rosa join commentary with Kailtyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds - Priscilla Kelly enters - Kiera Hogan enters with 911 Brian Lee

1 on 1 M2: Priscilla Kelly (c) def. Kiera Hogan (w/ Brian Lee) ((During the match we see Chrissy Rivera watching the match on a screen backstage with Siaka Lexoni)

(After the match: Lotus comes out with the briefcase and fakes a cash in on Priscilla who’s still a bit fresh and ready instead Lotus clocks Kiera Hogan with the briefcase and avoids 911 Brian Lee, Priscilla wipes away the blood off her lip and bows to Lotus who walking uo the ramp gets clotheslined by The Set’s Chrissy Rivera, Chrissy hits that cheap shot and then jets it up the stairs like a coward. Siaka is such a loudmouth here and it’s great classic Jimmy Hart style heat.)

In ring segment: Golden Bryce enters the ring and cuts a promo about he’s upset he didn’t win CYL the other night at ALL OR NOTHING to where he is interrupted by his old rival earlier this year in Champagne Clausen - Champagne calls Bryce a LOSER Garrett Thompson enters with a purpose, he was very close to winning the CYL in fact it came down to him and Romeo at the very end so his promo against Bryce is one of conviction that he’s the one who really lost. Garrett calls Champagne a one hit wonder to which Champagne calls Garrett a “never was”. - The Marauder Simon Gotch enters with Mandy Leon To which Simon Gotch calls all three of them delusional and invalids - Alveno La Flare enters annoyed with Champagne, GT and Gotch all bagging on his cousin Bryce so Alveno defends Golden Bryce his cousin as an actual proven champion and Lockdown main venter, GT quickly chimes in “well me too” (Lockdown 5) and then Alveno challenge them to a 2 on 3 match right now and here we go:

2 on 3 Tag Team Match M3: Golden Bryce & Alveno La Flare def. Champagne Clausen, Garrett Thompson & “The Marauder” Simon Gotch

- After the match Golden Bryce gives Alveno a nod of approval, they work really good together however the trio of heels have no love lost as GT, Champagne & Gotch all equally despise each other and all separately disdain in their own bubbles

Ad: Heatwave 2020 ad

- El Demonio enters

ALL OR NOTHING rematch 1 on 1 M4: El Demonio def. Ethan Bedlam

In ring segment: Romeo Roselli cuts a truly star-making promo about how his legacy was always to become XPWEW World Heavyweight Champion and now that he has possession of the Case Your Luck briefcase that’s a reality - Jordan Oliver comes out with the XPWEW Juniorweight Title and also holding Ruckus’ world title, Ruckus lags behind with Myron and Kotto and Siaka at the ramp Jordan: Lil Romeo, pimp you gonna be the only dude to cash in and lose, How bout you take the junorweight challenge before you even cross the mane Ruckus Romeo: (signals Jordan)

1 on 1 M5: Jordan Oliver def. Romeo Roselli (Interference when Garrett Thompson comes out and hits his patented elbow on Romeo to which Jordan quickly wraps up Romeo for the 1-2-3)

- Garrett then grabs the briefcase while Bedlam holds Romeo Roselli up and nails Romeo over the skull with the Case Your Luck briefcase

- On commentary Kailtyn Khoas announces Death Machines will try to work together as a team as they take on the newly formed team of Golden Bryce and his little cousin Alveno La Flare next week on Friday Night Pyro

In ring segment - Jake Awesome with a bandage on his head enters with The Set: (Jordan Oliver, Ruckus, Myron, Kotto, Chrissy Rivera & Siaka Lexoni) [I gotta mention how THE SET is drippin' in gold here: Ruckus = World | Jordan = JrWeight | Myron & Kotto = Tag | Jake = International Jake: All or Nothing, was more of Something and Somewhat for The Set: Ruckus retained he squashed that maggot Leonard McGraw, Myron and Kotto got the job done against the Malfunction Machines; Good job boys. Chrissy was robbed of the women's Case Your Luck BUT I WAS GOING TO LEAD JORDAN OLIVER TO THAT BRIEFCASE. It wasn't for me, I was there to insure Jordan Oliver: The fastest rising star in XPWEW no in pro wrestling could secure the bag and if THE SET ever lost possession of the world title we would have hope. The great white hope himself Jordan Olvier to snag it right back for The SET Jordan: I have been the Juniorweight Champion for EXACTLY 355 days, that means in 10 days I will have held this title one calendar year because I'm young, dumb and fuckin OVERRRRR Jake: That's right. All Man....Let me tell you something. I thought I crippeled you and your little girlfriend but I guess I didn't get the job done. Because I'm making a challenge. Jake Awesome THE MAMMOTH. will knock Tenille Dashwood's TEETH down her FUCKIN THROAT...... - All Man and Tenille Dashwood appear on the titan tron Jordan: LOOK AT THE COWARDS! LOOK AT THE COWARDS! Jake: Via Satellite real smooth p**** All Man: Jake, you tried to kill me and that was one thing. Now you've threatened my wife. And as a MAN....I'm going to knock your teeth down your throat Jake: laughs it off All Man: I'm gonna be a Friday Night Pyro next week and I'm going to make you a challenge, that you can't refuse. Next week I'm gonna make the annoucement I want the world to hear because I WILL get my redemption and I WILL embarrass you All Woman: ............F**K YOU (Jake Awesome with his arms crossed on the rope in silence exits the ring and The Set follows)

Nick Simmonds: Wow, I'm at a loss for words. What will All Man's announcement be next week?

- GG enters

- Ruckus enters with Myron Reed, Kotto Brazil & Siaka Lexoni

1 on 1 M6: Ruckus def. GG

After the match on the TITANTRON: We see Leoanrd McGraw dragging a XPWEW camera man around in his truck Leonard: Well I'm here in the city of brotherly love Philadelphia, Pennsylvania aka the home of XPWEW World Champion Ruckus (Ruckus looks perplexed staring at the titan tron while standing in the ring) Leonard: Well hell would you look at that? Ruckus's house. I remember seeing this brick shit house in that VICE tv special. Well Ima just stand here on the porch and I got this jerry can here...ooops I spilt some on ya front porch (Leonard drips the jerry can all over the front porch to the mail box) (Ruckus is screaming at the titan tron like a maniac as The Set tries to calm him down) Leonard: Well hell I ain't much for smoking weed like you do, but hell I'll try anything once (Leonard pulls out a match and lights up a cigarette and inhales) (Zoom in on bug eyed ENRAGED Ruckus in the ring) (Leonard takes a big drag off the cigarette then spits it out "Bad for the lungs I can't go sixty minutes after smoking one of these sum bitches" (Leonard lights a match and stares at the camera "See you in hell Motherfu****" *throws match into gasoline*) (Ruckus' safehouse porch goes up in flames as Leoanrd stares at the camera) (Ruckus screaming and he is extremely pissed) (Ruckus' house in Philly 2700 miles away is engulfed in flames) as the show ends Show ends

#XPWEW #Friday Night Pyro #Ruckus #Leonard McGraw #Golden Bryce #Alveno La Flare #Jake Awesome #The Set

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xpwewarchive · 4 years

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XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (6-26-2020)

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro

Episode: 432

June 26th, 2020

Location: The Barracks in Los Angeles, California | XPWEW training facility

Opening Segment: The Set (without Ruckus) (Siaka Lexoni, Myron Reed, Kotto Brazil, Jordan Oliver & Chrissy Rivera) enter Siaka: I know some of y’all have to be asking just how long does our world heavyweight champion Ruckus have to be on hiatus from appearing on this show? Kotto: And I know some of y’all have to be wondering well is he going to be at the pay-per-view The Devil’s Playhouse this Sunday Myron: That’s 19.99 on FITE TV right now use the promo code “RUCKUS” for the next five minutes to save a few bones. That’s R-U-C-K-U-S. Ruckus Jordan: That’s right! Until The Set receives a formal ‘thank you’ from the VICE network you won’t see the world champion on this show.

Un-named gentleman in a suit enters Unknown Sir: My name is Shane Sloth and on behalf of Viceland and Vice Media I wanna say thank you..... (Silence) Siaka: Mahn that shit ain’t good enough! You ain’t thanking me you thanking Ruckus! Shane Sloth: Well how can I... Myron: Get him on the phone, Get him on the phone

Leonard McGraw enters to a huge pop (Leonard comes in and hits a devastating clothesline on Shane Sloth that knocks him out of his dress shoes) ((Leonard grabs the mic)) Jordan: Hold it, Hold it, Hold it, Hold it, Hold it. You come out here and think you can do whatever you want Leonard: That’s right Siaka: BOY DO NOT LET ME SPEAK ON THAT. YOU BETTER STAY YOUR PLACE Leonard: Shut the hell up! Wah Wah Wah. Siaka Lexoni? You don’t even wrestle anymore so shut the hell up Leonard: Jordan, Myron, Kotto Brazil y’all three stooges sum bitches got a world title match in 2 days but do you really, because I know I got a big red target on my back and I wanna warm ya. Don’t think that match with Jake Awesome is gonna have me on a half tank of gas cause im coming for all three of ya and I’m coming for the xpwew world title. Which meaaaans I’m coming for Ruckus’ ass and I want a piece of Ruckus’ ass cell phone rings (Comedic moment of a mouth gape-opened McGraw staring at a fretful Jordan Oliver who slowly holds up the cell phone to the microphone) Jordan: Hello? ..... Jordan: No no no I’m in the ring right now it’s the opening segment...... Jordan: ......No no no I’m looking right at him.......Yeah. Ugly as hell. Oh Leonard, Ruckus said he has two words for you and he wanted me to hold it up to the microphone Leonard attacks Jordan but Myron and Kotto join in and even the score a bit and now it’s a 1 on 3 onslaught on McGraw who then gets help from Jacques Dudley and then assistance from Alveno La Flare who makes the request for a 6 man tonight! Myron: Y’all got it!!!!

Tag Team Match M1: Chrissy Rivera & Lotus defeat Doxy Deity & Prisiclla Kelly

James Westerbeck interviews Golden Bryce “Ever since Lockdown I’ve been doing some soul searching and all I can say is if TakaNaka really is the greatest tag team then surely they can beat me this sunday? I doubt it!”

Taka Michinoku enters with Masato Tanaka

Golden Bryce enters

1 on 1 M2: Golden Bryce defeats Taka Michinoku (with Masato Tanaka)

In ring segment: Garrett Thompson and Ethan Bedlam point out they are on a 3 win in a row winning streak; and they deserve shots at the tag belts regardless of what gender is holding them. And that’s a promise

Tag Team Match M3: Garrett Thompson & Ethan Bedlam defeats 3M Ultra & M3 Quintillo

(After the match Simon Gotch and Mandy Leon come down flaunting their new tag team gold and Gotch bites off a little more than he can chew getting up in Bedlam’s face to which Garrett steps in between them and says “Wanna try getting physical with me?” Gotch responds Garrett Thompson “Go back to your bathhouse” Garrett responds “I’m always watching and your fresh meat, Tell your little girlfriend I won’t hesitate to knock both your heads off” Gotch uncomfortable walks forward and Mandy Leon slumps her shoulders and that was actual bit of an uncomfortable segment and why Gotch and Mandy aren’t all that ‘heelish’ it puts over Garrett and Bedlam as proper scumbags

Based Fabian and Genevalisse enters

Tag Team Match M4: Simon Gotch and Mandy Leon defeat Based Fabian & Genevalisse

Romeo Roselli cuts a promo directly into the camera from what appears to be a dark alley “Joe Gacy, you think I’m rusty cause I haven’t been in the ring in two years. Well rust never sleeps big boy and I’m gonna remind you why I am the most important person in sports entertainment today. As for Audrey Carbine. You wanna take a shot you can’t reach, try it because if you think you got voices in your head well I’m gonna be singing the chorus and I’m gonna be loud. So stay in your place and understand my vengeance is all inclusive.....”

• AWESOME BOMB ACADEMY COMMERCIAL

Priscilla Kelly and Lotus join commentary with Nick Simmonds and Kaitlyn Khaos to push the women’s playhouse match but first Kaitlyn Khaos throws it over to XPWEW backstage correspondent James Westerbeck as he gets a word with XPWEW International Champion Jake Awesome going into tonight’s contract signing and Sunday’s Last Man Standing match with Leonard McGraw

James: Jake, you don’t think it’s a bit compromising you made the challenge so supreme for Leonard knowing he’s gonna compete in The Devil’s Playhouse later in the night Jake: Ask Leonard McGraw why he cashed not one check but Why he cashed two big checks his ass CAN NOT cash. He’s gonna be in hospice after Last Man Standinf. Key!!! Last Man Standing, he won’t be in two matches Sunday. But...James have you ever heard the saying “If your gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough?” Well Leonard is dumb. Very dumb. But tough? Meh the verdict is out and I’ll be the judge and the executioner ....

Death Machines: Joe Gacy enters followed by Audrey Carbine

All Woman enters with All Man

1 on 1 M5: All Woman defeats Audrey Carbine when Romeo Roselli interferes with a swift kick to Carbine’s head giving All Woman the go ahead roll up victory, Gacy comes in and bodies Roselli they brawl to the ringside area ultimately with Gacy picking up Romeo and All Man in one slam and running towards the barricade and breaking the barricade and leaving them in a heap. Gacy walks off and Carbine walks off but not before stepping to Priscilla Kelly at commentary but Kelly did not flinch Lotus “Camera needs to focus on me, neither of those girls are leaving that playhouse on their own two feet and that’s not a threat”

Some suit walks up with the contract and tells Jake “Leonard’s already signed Jake, he said he doesn’t wanna talk, he only wants to fight”

Jake angrily yells in the gentlemen’s face: Alright huh huh that’s cool, that’s different that’s unique, How cute McGraw... (Jake signs the contract on James Westerbeck’s back) “I like closed casket funerals. Quick and easy. No pain. Sunday’s gonna be fun”

Pre-Recorded Segment: Champagne Clausen driving in his Bugatti vehicle in the streets of Philadelphia. Presumably looking for Ruckus as he wants to create a bridge so he can be friends with The Set to helps his chances of winning at The Devil’s Playhouse: Champagne pulls up to this very “Elm Street” looking house and approaches a man at the door who thinks Champagne is trying to buy weed and Champagne responds “I’m looking for Ruckus” Man 1: Follow me......camera follows them inside this smoke filled house Man 2: Knocks on door, Ruckus, Champagne Clausen is here Ruckus: (opens door) Champagne: I came all this way to say look I’m on your side, I’m on the side of The Set Ruckus: exhales blunt smoke...”The Set got a plan A and that’s me retaining the title Sunday, The Set got a plan B that’s you, that’s Champagne Clausen helping get rid of McGraw and we can work out a deal on getting you opportunities. Right but if you fail to deliver and if my dudes somehow fail and then yeah I got a plan C. Plan C gonna change the whole game, and shit Plan C really already in effect people just don’t know. Plan C gonna take care of McGraw, 1 way or another. I’m leaving Devil’s Playhouse still the heavyweight champion of the world and McGraw gonna leave me alone for good, I’m finna dead this nigga’s career. He a problem and If The Set can’t dead this shit in THE SET’s PLAYHOUSE. Plan C will. Ruckus slams door in Champagne’s face

Jacques enters

Alveno La Flare enters

Leonard McGraw enters

The Set enters (without Ruckus)

6 Man Tag Match Main Event M6: THE SET (Myron Reed, Kotto Brazil and Jordan Oliver) with Siaka Lexoni defeats Alveno La Flare, Leonard McGraw and Jacques Dudley

Myron Reed hits his finishing move “Sky Walker” on Alveno La Flare for the 1-2-3 as The Set wins the match

After the match Leonard McGraw clotheslines Kotto, then Jordan then Myron sells it like a champion flipping after the clothesline and a fired up McGraw does the “belt wrapping around the waist” motion twice as to signal he’s gonna have 2 belts come Sunday. Show ends

#xpwew #ruckus #the set #jake awesome #Leonard McGraw #Golden Bryce #XPWEW Leonard McGraw

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XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (6-19-2020)

XPWEW Friday Night PYRO (6-19-2020) results

XPWEW Friday Night PYRO #430

Location: Los Angeles, California in ‘The Barracks’ XPWEW training facility

Episode: 430

Friday June 19th, 2020

[[Recap video airs of the casket match between Ruckus and Alveno La Flare last week then transition to Champagne “trying” to align himself with The Set to their decline then the video transitions to the on-going rift of teacher and student that is the rocky relationship of former world heavyweight champion Golden Bryce and sure-fire future Hall of Fame first ballot inductee Masato Tanaka which then transitions to the crashing of the wedding between All Man/All Woman that was thrashed by Simon Gotch and his irritating puppet show mockery.]]

- The Set enters without Ruckus but Jordan Oliver has Ruckus’ world title as well as his own Juniorweight Title both around his waist 2006 RVD style. - (Where is Ruckus? He has a huge champion versus champion matchup against International Champ: Jake Awesome later tonight? - Kaitlyn Khaos)

- Kotto Brazil front and center informs the viewing audience “Our world champion Ruckus is not here tonight” - Myron Reed grabs the mic and says “That’s right and Ruckus told all of us that he will no longer appear on Friday Night Pyro and ALL XPWEW programming until he receives a ‘thank you’ from the network! That’s right! Until Ruckus and The SET as the most-watched stable in VICELAND history receive a proper thank you, Ruckus will no longer be appearing on VICE” - Jordan Oliver says “YEEEE!!!! Oh yeah that’s what sup Vice Media! That’s whats up Shane Smith! Spike Jones! James Murdoch! We demand respect! - Siaka Lexoni then caps off with: “And some of you at home might be asking yourself why? The answer is simple. Respect. I mean the whole social network of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and even Reddit, whatever that is..Were buzzing about Ruckus being not just the XPWEW world champion but the true World Champion of Professional Wrestling as it stands today! So when he gets that proper thanks of gratitude then he’ll return” - Jake Awesome enters - Jake: “So Siaka, You are telling me I have no match tonight? Since Ruckus isn’t here I gotta have a replacement and seeing how I’ve already beaten Jordan, Myron is busy with Joe Gacy. I think I’ll call out Mister Brazil. You and me tonight!!!!!! - Kotto Brazil responds “I’ve been itching for this moment, I used to watch you growing up and now in the year 2020 you are calling me out. I’d love to dance, if you can keep up” - Jake Awesome nods his head and tonight what was originally scheduled to be Ruckus his opponent will now be Kotto Brazil; this is the first time ever.

Ad: The 2020 Devil’s Playhouse is streaming on FITE TV for the price of $19.99 ORDER NOW! June 28th

- Rosemary enters - Priscilla Kelly enters

XPWEW Women’s Title on the line! 1 on 1 M1: Priscilla Kelly (c) defeats Rosemary when Rosemary submits to the Osteoporosis and Priscilla absolutely is not letting go of the hold no matter how much pleading is done by Lotus at ringside. Priscilla baiting her in and Lotus bites and Priscilla bites Lotus’ nose and she is possessed here. It’s a bloody, gory scene as Priscilla lets go and Lotus’ nose is bleeding dark red and Priscilla starts beating her up, we’ve never seen Lotus look so vulnerable here but Priscilla is fed up with all the blindsides. Kiera Hogan, Doxy Deity run down and try to separate her from Lotus, Lotus rolls out of the ring coveting Rosemary, Kiera then blindsides Doxy with a steel chair and misses Kelly but Kelly ducks and dodges until Kiera’s manager Brian Lee hops into the fray and grabs the throat of Priscilla and hoists her up and connects 9-1-1 chokeslam on the chair held up by Kiera Hogan and the slide out of the ring as Devil’s Playhouse plot thickens. As Kiera and Brian Lee walk up the ramp, Priscilla says “you c**t” which was censored by VICE’s west coast feed but the east coasters heard it. Priscilla: “Brian Lee, I beat your daughter’s ass and I’m not afraid of you, you big son of a bitch” *Brian Lee turns around slowly and starts walking back down to the ring *Priscilla is mouthing “bring it, I don’t care, c’mon” *Brian Lee enters the ring and then hits 911 choke-slam on Priscilla AGAIN to which this time Lotus crawls in the ring and applies the helm sharpshooter but Priscilla bites her arm to escape and then she slugs Lotus out of the ring and tells Brian Lee to come back *Kiera Hogan at the ramp; on the mic “Priscilla you should never call 911 if it isn’t an emergency. Too-du-loo”

Backstage: James Westerbeck interview and he is joined by Leonard McGraw McGraw: Ruckus wants a thank you, why isn’t he here, being a champion, he’s not my champion. And look at ol’ Jake calling shots, making matches using that political brush he has, well he might knock Kotto’s head off his damn shoulders tonight but shit I might knock both em off Next Sunday. Including Ruckus, so I’m not saying Thank you. I’m saying You’re Welcome

- Golden Bryce enters - GT and EB enter - Masato Tanaka enters

Tag Team Match M2: Garrett Thompson & Ethan Bedlam defeat Golden Bryce & Masato Tanaka

<<match ends when Bedlam uses the brass knuckles, GT picks up Bryce for Wasteland for the 1-2-3>>

After the match: Tanaka looks at Bryce with disdain. Bryce gets in his face.

Bryce: “You wanna criticize something? Well you lost also tonight, It’s a tag TEAM, And if you can’t understand that, then leave. Just leave. Hell retire, it’s over for you… Tanaka: *dangon fists* Bryce and they start trading blows. Tanaka screams “You wanna end my career then do it” Bryce: At The Devil’s Playhouse, It’s gonna be ME! Golden Bryce vs YOU! Masato Tanaka….and If I win you gotta retire and leave….in fact leave forever and never ever ever come back” Tanaka: extends for a handshake that pulls them in and Bryce headbutts Tanaka…. *Bryce walks up ramp angry* *Tanaka looks at him with a wicked smile* <<As Bryce is walking up the ramp, Taka Michioku’s banjo music plays…HUGE POP>> <screen says “FOCK U” followed by Taka’s music. NEXT WEEK ON PYRO! Take Michinoku vs Golden Bryce!!! *Crowd Pops* - Bryce looks up at the screen in disbelief then looks directly in camera and says…..”okay, okay that’s how it is, I’m game. You wanna get evil? Huh? Indeed. Ok” - Lola Starr (already in ring) - Audrey Carbine enters

Final Women’s Playhouse Qualifying Match 1 on 1 M3: Audrey Carbine defeats Lola Starr via submission

Backstage: You see All Man and All Woman watching their rival on tv

- Audrey Carbine walks up ramp as Joe Gacy is walking down “Don’t fuck this up” says Carbine to which Gacy “flips the bird”

- Myron Reed enters with Siaka Lexoni and Jordan Oliver

Final Men’s Playhouse Qualifying Match 1 on 1 M4: Myron Reed defeats Joe Gacy * After the match Romeo Roselli disguised as a fan jumps the rail and tackles Joe Gacy (this is revenge for the attack he suffered last week during The Wedding, Carbine doesn’t intervene and instead opts to let Gacy get jumped. Gacy and Romeo brawl up the stairs, and then end up at the concession stand where Romeo hits Gacy with a big bag of popcorn, pouring beer on him. Romeo gets up in Gacy’s face, My return to pay-per-view is in 9 days and I wanna win so I want Joe Gacy * *Gacy sitting there against the concession cart slumped, spits in Romeo’s face as a response to which Romeo kicks him more and walks off.

Backstage: GM Troy Clausen on the phone with what we discover to be Ruckus “Well we need you on the show……Let me thank you first Clyde, really, I look for you to have a Bruno-esq run. Surely…. - Champagne Clausen walks in ……I gotta go Troy: Curtis, What do you have to complain about this week? Huh? Champagne: I came to ask you how you let your world champion not appear for an advertised match Troy: Ruckus, is unique Champagne: Ruckus is lazy and undeserving Troy: And what are you? Because to me you look like you fell off…Hard……exits…..

- Leonard McGraw joins commentary with Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds

- Kotto Brazil enters with Myron Reed, Jordan Oliver, Siaka Lexoni and Chrissy Rivera - XPWEW International Champion Jake Awesome enters

1 on 1 M5: Jake Awesome defeats Kotto Brazil

(McGraw’s commentary was a lot of shoot promo blending what could be reality with show, unsure but great on the mic)

PUPPET SHOW: Simon Gotch puppet says he’s gonna pillage ALL in the FAMILY and capture his first title in XPWEW in mere moments fades into entrance

- The Marauder Simon Gotch and Mandy Leon enter

- XPWEW Tag Team Champions All Man & All Woman enter

XPWEW Tag Team Titles on the line!!! Inter-gender Tag Team Match M6: Simon Gotch & Mandy Leon defeat All Man & All Woman

Match ends when Gotch makes All Man submit to the camel clutch and in their first defense they lose! Gotch and Leon win! Even more impressive Mandy Leon wins the tag team title in her debut match!!!! WHAT AN UPSET. All Man looks so defeated and All Woman looks upset

“When they tied the knot they agreed for better or worse and wow I think we just witnessed the worst” - Kaitlyn Khaos

NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! "The Marauder" Simon Gotch and Mandy Leon!

Show Ends!

#XPWEW #Ruckus #The Set #Jake Awesome #Friday Night Pyro #TakaNaka #Golden Bryce #Pyro On VICE #VICE TV

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XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (6-12-2020)

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro #430

Episode: 430

June 12th, 2020

The Barracks

Los Angeles, California

Pyro ignites and we are introduced to our commentary team Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds as they discuss the events tonight

Ruckus enters with The Set

Alveno La Flare enters

XPWEW World Heavyweight Championship [on the line!] 1 on 1

Casket Match [[to win you must successfully place your opponent in a casket sitting at ringside and shut the lid completely]] M1: Ruckus defeats Alveno La Flare

The match hits a climatic apex when mid match, Jordan Oliver comes out of a casket and dropkicks Alveno off the apron into the casket below and quick as a cat, Ruckus jumps on the lid and puts his body on top thus shutting the casket and using his body weight to hold it down as Ruckus wins and successfully retains his world title for the 2nd time. Myron Reed, Kotto Brazil and Chrissy Rivera push the casket up the ramp and then they turn around and get a running start and they push the casket down the ramp with a gust of velocity, the casket lid opens mid ramp and Alveno sees the ring and the casket turns over and crashes as Ruckus kicks Alveno around who just took the sickest bump of his career. Masato Tanaka comes down and fights Ruckus punch for punch to which The Set is about to get involved but both Jacques Dudley and Leonard McGraw come down and attack The Set and clear the air of them and fighting together arm in arm, now Leonard and Jacques must do battle 1 on 1 with the winner qualifying for the playhouse

Backstage: Romeo Roselli is prepping All Woman and complimenting her dress All Woman: It’s a big night, I just hope it doesn’t get ruined y’know Romeo: Don’t worry about Death Machines. Let me worry about Gacy and Carbine. This is your night

The Devil’s Playhouse Men’s Qualifying Match 1 on 1

M2: Leonard McGraw defeats Jacques Dudley

After the match: XPWEW International Champion Jake Awesome comes out in a suit with the title on his waist and speaks from the ramp toward McGraw in the ring who has just qualified for a world title chamber match and also has to challenge Jake 1 on 1 for the International Title all on the same night. Jake: Bold, Now you have two things to worry about. The Devil’s Playhouse, a structure I know very very well and I can say that because I’ve won every single one No! Correction! I survived them Now you wanna bite off more than you can chew. I like that attitude but your gonna look absolutely ridiculous if you think your gonna get past me, your gonna enter Satan’s chamber either in a wheelchair or a body bag. Leonard: Well you confident son of a bitch. I’ve been called every insult in the damn book, hell are you calling me dumb? You’re calling me an idiot? Huh? Well Jake your gonna look like a moron when I say this next little diddy? Jake: huh? Leonard: How bout this, Me and you, 1 on 1. Last Man Standing! Jake: I guess if you’re gonna be dumb, You gotta be tough and your ass is on crowd pops

Backstage: Masato Tanaka is in the trainers room holding ice to the back of his head

Golden Bryce enters Tanaka........what? Bryce: You want a reaction outta me I know it, Well I’m not going to give you the satisfaction.... Bryce walks away

GT & Bedlam enter

3M3 enter

Nick Simmonds points out the winner of this match has to be put into serious tag title contention

Tag Team Match

M3: Garrett Thompson and Ethan Bedlam defeats “3M3” (3M Ultra & M3 Quintillo)

Backstage: women’s champion Priscilla Kelly is laid out backstage, trainers cater to her injury. Lotus appears cracking her knuckles to which Rosemary laughs menacingly

Backstage: All Man is adjusting the bow tie on his tuxedo and in the reflection of the mirror Joe Gacy and Audrey Carbine is looking at him, he turns around and no one Is there but BIG POPPA PUMP himself The Big Bad Booty Daddy Scott Steiner “Tonight it’s about the late night, sure the pompy and circumstance is oh so beautiful but remember to consummate the marriage” All Man? Sex? Scott Steiner walks off Moron

Genevalisse enters

Kiera Hogan enters

The Devil’s Playhouse Women’s Qualifying Match 1 on 1

M4: Kiera Hogan defeats Genevalisse

Backstage: Champagne Clausen enters The Set’s locker room

Listen guys were all alike, and I’m in that chamber match too just know I’m willing to team up

Ruckus: ain’t no teams

Champagne: but we can work together

Ruckus: until the end?

Champagne: I’m willing to compromise and I know you like a good payday

Ruckus: If you and your rich daddy weren’t beefing, I’d probably fall for this little stunt, get the hell out my face

Champagne: Or what...?

The Set encroaches

Champagne: Every man for themself, Good day

Ruckus stares off... oh yeah and Troy Clausen! Aha! Nigga I know you watching? What happened to PK? Huh, I think my girl Chrissy just qualified for the playhouse hahahaha, It ain’t safe Kells (Chrissy Rivera admits she was the one who blindsided Women’s champ Prisiclla Kelly earlier tonight, not Lotus and Rosemary who just took credit for it like chumps)

Former Pyro GM, Reverend and Wedding Planner and Ultimate Master of ceremonies Romeo Roselli enters

All Man enters with his best man Scott Steiner Romeo begins the ceremony

Steiner interrupts to read off some words of his own that begin very funny but actually are very Kind, I mean after all he is from a highly educated university Romeo informs us All Man wrote his own vowels and as he goes to read them

lights go dark

A wooden box appears at ringside and it’s 4 puppets in the likeness of Romeo, Steiner, All Man and All Woman

As they do a mock wedding mocking the tag champs

All Man: Romeo? I said no entertainment! I said no entertainment

Romeo orders the lights turn on

All Man walks outside to the puppet show going on and says “I know it’s you Gacy”!

“I know it’s Audrey Carbine probably in the cake , right? Classic”

All Man grabs one of the puppets and pulls the sock off to reveal a white hand, yep it’s Gacy, and jumping out of the puppet stand The Marauder Simon Gotch pops out and attacks All Man and shoved him into the guardrail, Romeo tried to jump over the top rope, Gotch catches him with a fist then throws him into the same barricade and this time spears Romeo and All Man thru it

Mandy Leon even jumps from out the puppet stand and she runs in and has a brawl with All Woman, ultimately dunking her face into the giant cake

The Wedding of All Man & All Woman With the reverend Romeo Roselli is a disaster

Mandy shoves All Woman in the cake and they run up the ramp yelling they want a tag title shot

Show ends

#xpwew #Ruckus #The Set #Friday Night Pyro #XPWEW The Set #Golden Bryce #Leonard McGraw #Jake Awesome

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Monday Night XPWEW (5-25-2020)

XPWEW Monday Night XPWEW May 25th, 2020 Dubai, United Arab Emirates 🇦🇪 Coca-Cola Arena

Opening Segment: Golden Bryce enters “stone-faced” with emotion after his heartbreaking loss last Saturday night to Ruckus.

Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds are on commentary as they show the highlights and recap how Ruckus/Bryce ended with Ruckus becoming a grand slam champ and capturing his first world title Crowd Chants “Asshole” in unison

Bryce: Last night I Crowd Chants “Loser” trilling him by interrupting Bryce’s promo

Bryce: Lockdown 6. I failed and Lockdown night I failed again... Crowd cheers in joy at his pain

Bryce: Sounds like a vocal majorly here in Dubai are happy at that outcome. Crowd chants YES! YES! YES

Bryce: Look it was a wild week for me, I became a father. My son Stefan was there in attendance, My wife. I told them I wouldn’t fail. I told my fans I wouldn’t fail and more importantly I told myself for a calendar year I wouldn’t fail. The last 365 days I’ve been emotionally deranged from my loss in Berlin, to now my loss in Dubai. But in the last 40 or so hours I’ll be honest I don’t think I’m cut out for this business. I just.... I think maybe I can’t get that big blockbuster win on the grand stage and maybe I should just hang it up... Bryce lays the mic down and goes to exit the ring

Masato Tanaka enters

Masato walks to the ring looking at Bryce in disappointment Masato: Don’t you do that! Bryce: Huh? Masato: We all lose, We all come into trials and tribulations along the way, but we do not let them beat us. Your giving up. I told you if you bring a TikTok dance to Lockdown....(Bryce interrupts angrily)

Bryce: I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! I get it alright! Well this time you listen to me! You listen to me! I tried! I gave everything in that ring! I have bled for this company! Twice now! Twice I’ve been the main event! Twice I’ve been the main match, the main attraction! Where were you last night? Mr. narrator? That’s right? You didn’t have a match?

Masato: That’s not my point! I didn’t want a match! Now stop cutting your ties, this locker room doesn’t like you that much so don’t lose another friend, you don’t have many of em in the back, most notably The Set. Ruckus earned the title, He beat your ass without help, He didn’t even need a Posse. You got your ass handed to you last night. God damn it look me in my eyes. Tell your son! Tell your wife! You main evented Lockdown two years in a row and the birth of your son mere hours before! Tell your mother the greatest day of your life was also the saddest second of your life

Masato Tanaka slaps Golden Bryce

Golden Bryce pushes Tanaka back down and stands over him intensely “Don’t you speak a god damn word about my wife and my son” spews Bryce

The Set enters with new xpwew world champion Ruckus. Oliver is holding Ruckus’ world title and his own Juniorweight title

Ruckus: Tanaka’s House Season 2 looks wild. Bryce are you going to retire? You might as well pimp.

Jordan: Or should we just end Masato’s career right now, cause we left his punk ass folded on the mat 2 weeks ago

Myron: HA! Ha! Ha! Roll the footage!

Kotto: Ay run that back, run that back

Footage of The Set’s beatdown on Tanaka plays

Ruckus: Bryce you gonna have to take the Golden off of your name boss, cause I got the gold and I got the winners share of the purse.

Lexoni: Dubai money be hitting different

Masato Tanaka: Ruckus, Why don’t you put your money, where you big fat mouth is and put the title on the line against me! Tonight!!!!!

General Manager Romeo Roselli announces over the Titan-Tron directly that with The Devil’s Playhouse coming up the first qualifying match will take place tonight, right now between Jordan Oliver and Golden Bryce

M1: Devils Playhouse Qualifying Match Jordan Oliver defeats Golden Bryce

Ad: Captain Falcon now on Netflix -

Kiera Hogan joins commentary M2: Prisiclla Kelly defeats Doxy Deity After the match Lotus beats down both Prisiclla and Doxy choking the life out of the women’s champion as Rosemary on the mic screams “She lost her father! She lost her way but I will guide this tortured soul to the Golden lakes! Gimme that title! This is ours!” Rosemary and Lotus steal the women’s title from Prisiclla’s possession and walk away with it up the ramp. Rosemary gets up in Kiera’s face “I never forget a pretty face”.

M3: All Man & All Woman defeat Based Fabian & Genevalisse

Chrissy Rivera and Myron Reed take heed to the new tag team champions. Chrissy: I’m a female! I wanna be tag team champion! Myron: and I’m a man, more man than all man could ever be!

Backstage: GM Romeo Roselli is in his office is looking at his phone when Death Machines kick the door down, Romeo: well I‘m sure that door was expensive I guess I was gonna make this announcement in the ring but since you two are here now I guess with this camera I’ll make my announcement that I’m resigning as General Manager and have left my duties up to who is the appointee for the position. And. Audrey: Oh really Joe Gacy: Well now we don’t feel remorse about what we’re gonna do right niw *Audrey and Gacy mercifully beat down Roselli ultimately with Carbine locking him arm in the Art of Ballistics and Gacy spits the yellow mist in his face, Joe Gacy: Suit up, Bitch

In ring segment: Leonard McGraw comes down to a huge pop. Well Dubai it’s been a helluva Memorial Day weekend, and I’m an American and nothing is more American than kicking that tea sipping bastard GT’s ass in front of 40 thousand of you sum bitches, I had a blast.

Champagne Clausen enters and says he left Freight Train and his father as well as the entire city of Dubai speechless as he stole the show Leonard: You beat a 65 year old man kid, humble yourself. You sparking wine sum bitch!

Troy Clausen enters Troy Clausen shakes Champagne’s hand and respects their bout at Lockdown 7 then reluctantly announces he’s replacing Romeo Roselli as the new XPWEW General Manager and I won’t hesitate to go back to the man I used to be, and you might be my son, But you aren’t safe by a long shot. So next week I welcome your opponent! Leonard McGraw!

Triple Threat Match M4: Kotto Brazil w/ Siaka Lexoni defeats Alveno La Flare & GG

In ring segment: Jake Awesome declares himself a fighting champion! Jake wants to defend the XPWEW International Championship tonight

Mandy Leon interjects with her client “The Marauder” Simon Gotch Mandy Leon: My client Simon Gotch was snubbed from the biggest show of the year and he is angry! Simon: Jake Alfonso! I’m answering the bounty you put upon your own head. The mammoth is extinct and so is your reign as the International Champion

Jake: I’ve heard promos but that one was corny, If you want a shot, come take it Carny

Gotch speeds down the ramp to where Jake meets him and they exchange in fisticuffs

Jake Awesome brawls with Simon Gotch up the ramp to where Mandy Rose hits Awesome with the steel chair up the ramp, Awesome bulks up and sizes up Mandy to which The Marauder Simon Gotch chops the giant redwood at the back of the knees as they run down back to the ring and over the ramp up the stands. Awesome grabs a mic as he stands strongly and proud among the Dubai faithful fans “Gotch! You just signed your deathwise. And I’m coming for you”. crowd pops

Ad: Lockdown 8 will take place on May 22nd, 2021 in Madison Square Garden in New York City, New York!

Main Event time! Ruckus is making his first world title defense

Backstage camera shows Golden Bryce watching Ruckus’ entrance on a monitor

XPWEW World Title 1 on 1 M5: Ruckus w/ The Set defeats Masato Tanaka

Interference from The Set makes a difference up until Golden Bryce comes in and takes out Kotto, Myron, Lexoni and Jordan to even up the odds, Tanaka looks at him and hits the Dragonbomb on Bryce while his back is turned! crowd pops

Tanaka turns on Bryce who came in to help him fend off the set

Ruckus hits The Bankroll on Tanaka

Ruckus pins Tanaka to retain the World Title

A downed Bryce and a downed Tanaka look at each other, They both stand up and start slugging each other with hockey style fists as the show ends with a slugfest between Tanaka and Bryce

#xpwew #monday night xpwew #Lockdown 7 #Golden Bryce #Ruckus

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XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (4-17-2020)

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro #422 April 17th, 2020 Los Angeles, California The Barracks

Opening Segment:

Leonard McGraw enters “On April 26th I see 29 others. I see 29 pathetic sodomites pissing their damn pants at the idea they gotta fight me. Well I’ve been in fights before and I ain’t scared to fight again and if any sorry son of a Bitch think they got the guts to tell me I’m done then they need a god damn reality check. Golden Bryce.... Golden Bryce? What exactly makes you golden boy? Cause all I smelled last week was a trail a piss running down your damn leg. I sensed fear. I smelled fear. Then you opened your damn lips and said “I’m the world champion” Turns out I was just smelling bullshit -Golden Bryce enters Spills typical babyface rhetoric Leonard: You got that pretty piece of hardware up in your shoulder there. Lot of gold. What kinda wood is that Cherry? Oak? Pine? Bamboo? Did I say something funny? Cause like I said from the beginning next Sundey I will win the rumble match. I will look you in them beety little eyes and as far as I’m considered son. . .

The Set enters Siaka gives Ruckus a epic entrance on the mic Ruckus: McGriddle you must new around here nigga. If you wanna call your spots you better call them shits early. But homie last week I said I was winning the rumble and I’m gonna SET my claim and main event Lockdown 7

Garrett Thompson enters with Ethan Bedlam Garrett Thompson: You blokes must’ve bumped ya bloody heads together. If anyone is gonna main event Lockdown it’s me. See in 2013 I did just that at Lockdown 5 and now I’m making my way back but Leonard McGraw I’m gonna do it over your dead boy smiles Bryce: You wanna back that up? Ethan Bedlam: You wanna fight? Leonard McGraw: Can y’all just shut your damn traps. Ruckus I respect what you do in this ring and I.... Garrett Thompson: Hey! Hey! Hey! Don’t overlook me? That’s a sign of weakness McGraw... Leonard McGraw: Bryce give me a beat (Golden Bryce smiling shaking his head) snaps ^fangers Ethan Bedlam and GT. fingers in they ass - Crumpets and Tea. Get in this ring and you’ll see. Hit you with my buckshot D-E-A-D Hahahahahaha well that was rap wouldn’t it? Jordan Oliver you silly sum bitch you look like Ellen Degeneres put a god damn shirt on boy Siaka Lexoni? Lexoni? What is that tired? You’ve been around a while ain’t ya boy? I can tell I see the tread marks on your damn face. Look at ya Butch Reed? What exactly Natural about you son? Myron: it’s Myron..It’s Myron Reed Leonard: Oh my bad my bad. Butch must be Jordan cause he looks like he’s on Queer Street and liking it. Calm down Kotto B. Ware [[[SEGMENT OF THE FUCKIN YEAR RIGHT HERE]]]]

Kaitlyn Khaos & Nick Simmonds on commentary inform us tonight’s main event!

Golden Bryce will team up with Leonard McGraw to take on Ethan Bedlam & Garrett Thompson

Alveno La Flare enters

Jacques Dudley enters *They shake hands before they begin 1 on 1 M1: Jacques Dudley defeats Alveno La Flare

PROMO! All Man will enact his XPWEW world title rematch against Golden Bryce at the Xtreme Rumble. All Man:

Backstage: James Westerbeck tries to get an interview with Kiera Hogan and cant get around her security guard 911 Brian Lee Eventually Kiera opens the door and says that Priscilla is a bitch for messing with her hair last week but that’s fine because she’s challenging her to a hair vs hair match at Xtreme Rumble. “This isn’t about my title, you’ve made it personal. Period”

Joe Gacy on commentary (((Commentary recaps what’s transpired between Gacy trying to find Croyle’s replacement as tag team champion and we take a look at the last 2 weeks of try-hard Solomon Nasty)))

Solomon Nasty enters

Slayer, Rosemary & Lotus enters

M2: 1 on 1 XPWEW International Title (not on the line) Slayer w/ Lotus & Rosemary defeats Solomon Nasty

Joe Gacy challenges Solomon Nasty to a tables match at Xtreme Rumble shoves mic onto him. Cause I got a partner and I’m gonna reveal that partner after I make an example out of you next Sunday.

XPWEW Women’s Title (not on the line) 1 on 1 M3: Kiera Hogan (c) w/ Brian Lee defeats [[Jobber]] Melanie Weister

After the match: Prisiclla Kelly with some hair clippers starts wildly and manically shaving the head of this jobber talent Melanie Weister as a warning to Women’s Champion Kiera Hogan ahead of their HAIR vs HAIR match next Sunday at the 2020 Xtreme Rumble

Backstage: Golden Bryce putting on his knee pads and adjusting ring gear; Leonard McGraw approaches him. Leonard: I know out there it was all jokes, Hey I can be a funny guy. But when the cards are down and the chips are in I’m here for one reason and that’s to be the world heavyweight champion...inhales cause a great man once said if you don’t wanna be world champion then why the fuck are you here. I say piss on everyone else and get what you want. Tonight we’re a team but not really. slaps his bicep

*Winner will get the “best” number in the Xtreme Rumble 1 on 1 M4: Champagne Clausen defeats Jake “The Boy Scout” Manning

slow applause Troy Clausen and Freight Train (holding Lockdown 7 contract) Troy: Bravo Curtis. You’ve won the”best” number in the Rumble. But you should really call it the best AVAILABLE number because son ive hired someone and I myself have purchased #30...

Mandy Leon enters Mandy: Troy kisses her hand My client is a Marauder. A raider. A highwayman and the road to Lockdown be damned. Champagne consider yourself warned ;) -Mandy Leon exits Troy: She’s pretty huh and Curtis your fiancé is beautiful as well. Hell Tonight I was suppose to be interviewed by Mrs. Khaos (((Camera shows Kaitlyn Khaos hiding her face looking a bit embarrassed)) Troy: Hey Kaitlyn you’re welcome for your job. Glad to see you are two faced for seeing what he did to me for the past 6 months yet you remained silent. I know you knew about it you snake in the grass Kaitlyn Khaos: He’s out of line, this isn’t my business. Nick Simmonds comforts her a bit to ease the tension Champagne: Dad Shut you mouth and eat you mush. If you keep pushing me, now you’ve pushed my fiancé. I don’t care what vanilla midget she’s behind but he’s gonna have one hell of a lackluster debut. And as for Troy Clausen. You are an attention seeker. You are a clout chaser and I’m not gonna let you use your Memphis-ass promo on my family. My new family. If you so much as mention her again I’ll do more than put you to sleep Troy: You wanna play hardball. Then I’ll play. Just don’t injure your hand in the rumble. I want you to be able to sign this contract after :)....

Ethan Bedlam enters

Garrett Thompson enters

Leonard McGraw enters

Golden Bryce enters

Main Event Tag Team Match 2 on 2 M5: Leonard McGraw & Golden Bryce defeat Garrett Thompson & Ethan Bedlam

. Bryce is in position lying in wait to hit Bedlam with his 6 Rings spear but out of camera view McGraw blind tags Bryce jumps over the rope does a spin and basically hits a “Tornado”. version of the Buckshot clothesline for the 1-2-3

Bryce and McGraw celebrate the win in their own ways separately. McGraw then extends his right hand for Golden Bryce to shake but then hits a classic “too slow” and then rolls out the ring and walks up the ramp without looking back with a sly grin on his face. Bryce then looks down knowing he “got, got”. Leonard talking to camera: I didn’t come hear to make friends (incoherent dialogue) ((Bryce pounds his chest and screams with the title above his head)) Show ends

#xpwew #friday night pyro

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XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (3-27-2020)

Friday Night Pyro Episode #419 March 27th, 2020 Los Angeles, California The Barracks

Show Intro

Commentary: Kaitlyn Khaos & Nick Simmonds

Opening Segment: Champagne Clausen comes down dapperly dressed. Champagne: “It was last January at Guilty as Charged I was in the midst of the most dominant world title run in this promotion. And I warned the All Man not to metal in that and what did he do..he did. I told him then that “consequences will never be the same!” And it took this long, whether it was our bean-headed general manger Romeo Roselli who told me I couldn’t challenge for the title as long as he was champion well then just like I thought and just like everyone else All Man proved he was indeed “just a TRANSITIONAL champion” and now here we stand. 2 days! 2 days! I get my hands on that rat and I get my hands on that smiling, that fake, that fraud, that snake in sheep’s clothing Golden Bryce. I get my hands on both of them. I don’t gotta pin em, I don’t gotta knock them out, I don’t even have to snap their leg in half. ALL I HAVE TO DO is hit one move. Three times. In the blink of a second, in the pop of a cork I can be world champion again

Freight Train enters Train: “I think you might have a bad memory Curtis cause I remember it was only 6 or 7 days ago in this building you pushed my friend. You hit your daddy. You did a bad thang. Well you know what you might have just pissed me of. I took Troy off the medicines and Sunday he’s gonna have a lot to say so you better cover your hind-end or say I’m sorry cause I bet he’s real mad Champagne: Huh...haha Do they call you Freight Train because your the size of a train or do they call you Freight Train because your mind tends to slip off of the tracks. Because NEWS FLASH idiot! He’s a vegetable! He has no memory, no frame of reference since Halloween! Y’know the one with candy! Bring em out! I’m sure he’ll come out here and tell nobody in the crowd that he’s the best, we’ll I’ll say this if he does anything again to impede MY SPOTLIGHT. I’m gonna do more than sedate him. I’ll sedate him permanently and you can whisper that to that human bag of meat. So why don’t you go do that

Freight Train slumps his shoulders and leaves he keeps looking back sadly

Champagne: LEAVE!

All Man, All Woman & Scott Steiner enter

Steiner : Your daddy issues are nobody’s concern your moron. Nobody gives a damn about your carrot cake brain daddy ok all people wanna see is THE POPPA BACK ON PYRO! LOOK AT THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD

2 weeks ago! I got checked into the hospital and I looked the grim reaper right in his beetie eyes and told him I ain’t leaving until the ALL MAN wins the title 2 times! 2 times!

All Man: 2 times! 2 times!

Champagne: that’s cute, I’m looking to do what neither of you have done. Win that title a second time myself, All Man really? Let’s recall your title reign, you beat me after I had a hard fought match, you beat me with a low battery okay and then you defended it at Flirting With Disaster and Golden Bryce beat you in 8 minutes and let’s see Scott I’ll use your math here.

Steiner: HEY THATS MY GIMMICK! GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK TO ME!

Golden Bryce enters with the TITLE

Golden Bryce: I feel like I’m watching Step Brothers right now lol both of you sound the same. Complaining. Not doing. I MEAN GUYS! 48 hours! 3 finishers. ZERO FANS! Oh wait sorry Tenille, I respect women!! Scott! glad to see you’ve made a 100% recovery

Steiner: SHUT UP GOLDYLOCKS

Bryce: corpses tries not to laugh

Steiner: Listen up!

All Woman: Scott Steiner!, This Sunday it’s going to be a 3 Way Dance for the XPWEW World Title at Blitzkrieg between All Man, Champagne Clausen and Golden Bryce! What’s your opinion on the upcoming bout?

Steiner: **You know they say that ALL MEN are created equal but you look at the ALL MAN and you look at Champagne Clausen and you can see that statement is not true. See normally if you go 1 on 1 with the another wrestler you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But All Man is ALL IN and he’s not normal. So you got a 25% chance AT BEST of beating All Man at Blitzkrieg! Then you add GOLDYLOCKS to the mix! Your chances drastic go UP! Because he can’t win a big main event match to save him life and he ain’t even gonna try! See the 3 way at Blitzkrieg. You got a 33 1/3rd chance of winning, but All Man! All Man has got a 66% and 2/3rd’s chance of winning!

Senior Champagne! The numbers don’t lie and they spell disaster for you at Blitzkrieg!

Kaitlyn Khaos: “I’ve just gotten word from General Manger Romeo Roselli that tonight! The world champion Golden Bryce will go 1 on 1 with Champagne Clausen and All Woman will act as the special guest referee. That’s gonna be interesting and that is tonight’s main event!”

<<Let’s get this COVID-19 awareness episode of Pyro under way and take it straight to the action!

1 on 1 M1: Doxy Deity defeats All Woman w/ All Man and Scott Steiner @ ringside

<<<Back and forth contest, both competitors were able to get action and offense, This match showcased All Woman even in LOSS because she’s had very limited ring time in the Fed since joining last July but this match we got to see her shine a bit because she really has only had a handful of matches here. In the end Doxy would catch All Woman mid air off the top rope then hits her finish in a great matchup. Quick and fast paced. Steiner’s ringside commentary made it funnier” Steiner: “Do it for my freaks?!!!!”

[PROMO\Hype] Lockdown 7 in 56 days May 23rd, 2020 Dubai, United Arab Emirates mini documentary showing performers hyping up the biggest event of the year

[In-ring segment] Interview from James Westerbeck! XPWEW INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION! Slayer w/ Rosemary& Lotus

Priscilla Kelly bathtub promo }}} Priscilla via Titan tron challenges Slayer to a match for the xpwew international title this Sunday at Blitzkrieg

Slayer accepts So just like that! BREAKING NEWS! This Sunday at Blitzkrieg Slayer will defend his XPWEW International Title 1 on 1 against Priscilla Kelly! Sheeeeeeeeee’s baaaaaaaaaaack

((Slayer walks to the back)) (((Rosemary joins the commentary booth with Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds and she’s in character the whole time and Rosemary is creeping Kaitlyn Khaos our the whole time, absolute golden on the mic during this match. Hyping Lotus up!

1 on 1 M2: Lotus defeats Genevalisse

PROMO: XPWEW commercial informing all the UK fans that we sincerely apologize that Blitzkrieg set for this Sunday was suppose to take place at the O2 in London but not to worry because! *Anarchy in the UK by Sex Pistols plays “Because this September we are bringing the XPWEW Anarchy Rules pay-per-view to you! That’s right! We can’t wait to bring the best fans in the world some Xtreme wrestling!!!”

The Set enters Ruckus joins commentary but he is silent the whole time (he goes to light up a blunt) Nick Simmonds: Do you mind um I uh have bad asthma Ruckus: hits blunt coughs intensely/ Damn Vro me too < Siaka Lexoni is sensational at the commentary booth putting over Jordan Oliver, Myron and Kotto over big time >

Tag Team Match M3: Myron Reed & Kotto Brazil defeat Jacques & Dragon Kid

1 on 1 [XPWEW Juniorweight Title ON THE LINE] M4: Jordan Oliver defeats Based Fabian

(((Match of the night, total spot fest #Dive)))

Garrett Thompson and Ethan Bedlam enters GT @ McGraw (speaking into camera) “Last week McGraw it was merely a flesh wound! Merely a mercy beating! I could have beaten your bullocks within an inch of your life, but your little wee damsel in the distress saved your backside huh. Ryu come to this ring.

McGraw enters with a neck brace on

Ryu steps in front of him “it’s not worth it, he’s scum, he’s scum, don’t do this. Not now.” GT and Bedlam wants McGraw with his hand motions just baiting him in to come get this 2 on 1 beatdown < McGraw jerks the mic out of Ryu “You gotta be the luckiest muffin eating sum bitches I’ve ever seen! Ethan Bedlam get your finger outta Garrett’s ass GT: “Your not funny....Not funny mate” Leonard: Oh that ain’t funny. Not so funny. Well hell son I’m not a modern day Monty Python here shit But if this is all comedy, if this shit is just a joke to you GT I’d suggest I get your input on this next bit ive been working on! [[[MCGRAW SLOWLY PULLS AWAY THE NECK BRACE REVEALING THAT HE IS NOT INJURED THIS WHOLE TIME] <<GT cocks his head sideways and Bedlam looks back and forth in confusion>> McGraw: Oh well hell it ain’t funny but it damn sure is peculiar. This neck straightening device here don’t mean shit to me because damn son I don’t need it I’m not injured I don’t have broken neck, I don’t have a broken bollocks or whatever the fuck you said, I don’t have a bedfellow named Ethan and I sure as hell don’t have a fanger stuck up nobody’s ass but what I do have is a challenge I want you in this ring 1 on 1 this Sunday you big bastard GT: Leo, You don’t deserve a match against me you peasant. But I’ll say this. If you can beat...Ethan Bedlam...1 on 1 inside a steel cage this Sunday then you’ll get your match Larry the Cable guy Leonard: So this is how we’re gonna play it? Your gonna put your life partner in harms way like at? I’ll step in a steel cage Sunday but right now I’m just gonna get a piece of your ass first ((Mic slams)) Leonard hits the ring and takes out both Bedlam and GT but GT gets out of dodge by throwing Bedlam in front and Him quickly

LEONARD MCGRAW DECKS ETHAN BEDLAM WITH THE BUCKSHOT AND DAMN NEAR TAKES HIS HEAD OFF!

McGraw in ring flips off GT standing at stage

[PROMO] Dark Side of The Ring commercial airs “The death of the Xtreme Giant” premieres this Tuesday only on VICE

Leonard McGraw and Ryu join commentary Ryu is nice and polite Nick Simmonds: “Leonard why did you pretend you had a neck injury” McGraw: “I got kids to feed man and sometimes it’s a good way to get out of work shit! But even I get complacent I wanna get back in there and I’m fixing to beat Ethan Bedlam’s ass in that cage match come Sunday

1 on 1 M5: Genevalisse defeats Lola Starr

Match Announcement!!!

Kiera Hogan will now defend her XPWEW Women’s Title against Genevalisse this Sunday at Blitzkrieg 2020

Special Guest Referee: All Man & All Woman enter

Champagne Clausen enters

XPWEW World Heavyweight Champion Golden Bryce enters!!!

SpecialGuestReferee: All Woman 1 on 1 M6: Golden Bryce defeats Champagne Clausen

Bryce raises the title up high and All Man low blows him and attacks him from behind at the cheering and behest of Scott Steiner who encouraged him to blindside Bryce but Steiner slides in a steel chair All Man sizes up Bryce but Bryce ducks and All Man cracks Champagne over the skull with the steel chair and Bryce stands up in All Man’s face and they press up against each other s foreheads and it’s an epic finish but you can hear Steiner in the background “Hit him! Hit him! Hit him he’s right on ya”

Show ends

#xpwew #friday night pyro #champagne clausen #golden bryce #all man #kaitlyn khaos #nick simmonds #xpwew pyro

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XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (2-28-2020)

Friday Night Pyro February 28th, 2020 New Orleans, Louisiana UNO Lakefront Arena

Opening Segment: Golden Bryce enters the arena to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Half boo/Half cheer; Bryce then enters the middle of the ring and awaiting him is Pyro Interviewer James Westerbeck. James asks Bryce “Well Bryce it seems like the XPWEW audience is a bit split on you winning the world heavyweight championship last Sunday night at Flirting With Disaster over the All Man” <<crowd boos hard>> Bryce: “......James everyone in NOLA tonight paid hard earned money to buy a ticket and cheer or boo whoever they want, And the people of New Orleans have spoken and I think they are upset. Listen I’m upset too, but All Man had a chance and he fought his heart out though so let’s give him a round of applause y’all “NOLA! STAND UP!” <crowd somewhat claps for All Man> Bryce: All Man left it ALL in the ring and gave me one of the best matches of my career that I dedicated to a young man named Zayden who’s watching LIVE from Little Rock tonight. We’re pulling for you Zayden! But James, The reason I have you here is because I like your style and I like your voice I like your whole demeanor and presentation and I know you could do this justice. (Holds up title) This title is what I’ve been chasing for 9 months now and after winning it the other night I have the confidence to defend it and by defending it I thought i would put my own drip on it. So Nola you are the exclusive audience right now. This is the NEW XPWEW World Heavyweight Championship Bryce pulls black curtain off of podium The new title is revealed | Gold Strap, Oval big plate and 3 small oval side plates. 12 millennium star diamonds circle the oval making the title a net worth price of 120K Bryce: This marks a day in my career and to my supporters I thank you and I love you and I will always fight for you. To the people that boo me and boo my actions and my character when i know deep down I’m doing the right thing, I will pray for you, I will still care for your well being and I hope you find happiness. I am the champ and I am the man. Get it. Got it. Good <music hits> <Bryce exits ring triumphantly>

Plagueground enters

Kotto Brazil, Myron Reed, Siaka, Chrissy Rivera & Jordan Oliver enter and cut a promo on how Plagueground need to go back to there Neckbeard Nests before they think they are better than THE SET

M1: Myron Reed w/ The Set defeat Brodie Croyle w/ Joe Gacy

PROMO: 86 days until Lockdown 7

PROMO: PYRO on VICE promo with Action Bronson & Golden Bryce

In ring segment: Garrett Thompson with tag partner fellow Brit Ethan Bedlam; talks about how next week Friday Night Pyro will be in London England! His home country and he looks at the current standings is 4-3 in the ring and why is he being overlooked in the xpwew world title picture; Alveno La Flare comes down and says well I’m undefeated. I’m 2-0 why am I not in the conversation Ethan Bedlam speaks up “oh that’s bollocks! Well come on down and see who is bettah.”

Backstage: All Man holding an ice pack on the back of his neck, Tenille Dashwood says “You gave it your ALL the other night” All Man responds: “Did I? Sure. I guess. I knew that getting to the top was hard but I learned staying on top was harder, but I don’t care if it’s Golden Bryce, Champagne Clausen or God himself I. WILL. Be World Heavyweight Champion again....

M2: Garrett Thompson defeats Alveno La Flare [thus ending his undefeated streak]

Backstage: <Gorilla Position> Alveno comes back from the curtain and runs into Jacques Dudley who says man don’t pay attention to the stats and the standings go out there and give your best and if you keep doing that the win will come <enters Jordan Oliver “Jacques that’s loser talk you know that right, I mean to think man you were once unbeaten for 89 matches and now you are a shell of your former self I mean meanwhile I’m undefeated I can’t relate. Jacques well why don’t I challenge you ...for that title next week Jordan: ahhh oh you’re serious. Bro you don’t get title shots for losing records. <looks at Alveno> and that applies for you too Bum! Aha Jordan: How bout next week I’ll tag with my boy here Kotto Brazil and you two Bozos can tag and we’ll see who wins. Alveno: You got it bitch Oliver: Man fuck you huh bums <Jacques and Alveno look at each other in approval>

In ring segment: Kiera Hogan puts the women’s locker room on notice and says she’s not afraid of anyone in the Locker room; she then joins commentary

M3: Genevalisse defeat Audrey Carbine

Kiera: Genevalisse! Pa-lease what is that her first win ever lol <Lotus enters> Lotus in ring; At flirting with Disaster my dad challenged me to a shot at his title but I’d rather go after yours first Kiera: You need to stick to being the social justice warrior, ain’t no problematic stuff about me. I’m the first ever gay xpwew champion. I’m a role model. You are just a face painted freak Lotus: <Lotus grabs Kiera and attempts to put her in the helm sharpshooter> <<Slayer and Rosemary come down and hold Lotus down>> Rosemary: Why would you hurt a member of the larva, Mother doesn’t like to be disturrrrrrrbbbbed Slayer: <looks at Lotus> if you wanna fit in your gonna have to learn your place first <<Lotus in ring collecting herself>> <<<Kiera waves by ironically>>>

PROMO: Dragon Kid didn’t reveal his mask at Flirting With Disaster despite his loss to McGraw Interview: James Westerbeck with Dragon Kid and the importance of the mask. Dragon Kid has challenged McGraw to a flag match

[[However: Twitter would translate that Leonard has challenged Dragon Kid to a patriotic showdown at Blitzkrieg: Flag Match???? Japan vs USA in the UK?]]

1 on 1 M4: Leonard McGraw defeats GG

After the match: I don’t give a rat’s ass about England. As a matter of fact I think it’s one of the worst damn countries on this old dirtball. And I might not have much to say on Japan cause I’ll be honest I don’t respect them, I hate samurai culture, The food sucks, But I’ll say this nothing beats that Cajun Food that they got down here in New Orleans baby But first things first Dragon Kid with your STUPID mask and your STUPID name. Everything about you I can’t stand boy and I’m challenging you to a flag match. USA verse Japan in the UK you gotta grab the flag what kind of horse shit is that, well I’ll say this. I’ll accept the match but that doesn’t mean I won’t knock your teeth down your damn throat while doing it. <<<<Ryu remains wholesome during that intense sweaty promo from McGraw>>>>

Pre-Recorded Segment: Champagne Clausen backstage segment where he sends off Troy Clausen to a old timer’s home and has a bit of funny banter with the employee. Employee: Name: C: Troy Employee: Last Name? C: Are you serio..Troy. Troy Clausen. Xpw Employee: I have no idea I don’t watch football C: Hes pretty well know Employee: I have no idea C: Whatever it doesn’t matter Employee: Is he asleep C: He takes naps, Long long naps. But he’ll probably wake up soon and let him know that it is the year 2038. Tell him that his daughter was perished in a car accident on lol television and that he’s been in the care of Lenny from Mice and Men for the last 4 and a half months Employee: And do I tell him about you C: Yknow what. Tell him that his son is the xpwew world heavyweight champion and did it all without his help. <<<<walks away>>>>

Dragon Kid enters

Golden Bryce enters

Main Event 1 on 1 M5: Golden Bryce def. Dragon Kid

<During the match All Man and All Woman come down and join commentary; All Woman speaks a lot but All Man is watching the match very closely> After the match: General Manager Romeo Roselli comes down with Champagne Clausen almost hassling him at his side announces. Well as Champagne has informed me: He can now challenge for the world title since All Man is no longer the champion but gentlemen I’m going to tell you like this. On March 29th, 2020 From Manchester England. Golden Bryce will defend the xpwew world title in a 3 way dance against Champagne Clausen and The All Man in the 1st ever.....BLITZKRIEG Match !

[Match rules appear on screen and Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds break the match down on commentary] It’s a 3 way dance but you must successfully perform their finisher 3 times on any opponent to win, first to do so is the world champion. It’s Bryce vs Champagne vs All Man ie: It will be the battle of the finishers: 6 Rings vs The Chardonnay vs The Allman Joy

#xpwew #Friday Night Pyro #Golden Bryce #All Man #Champagne Clausen

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XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (9-7-2018)

Friday Night Pyro September 7th, 2018 Chula Vista, California

Match Card: M1: Croyle def. Awesome (immediately after) M2: Tanahashi def. Awesome (blackman attacks awesome, foley attempts to help Infantry attcks Foley) *Foley makes Anarchy Rulz challenge for an unconscious Awesome - Blackman vs Awesome "I Quit" match.. **1776 urge Alex Jones to appear on XPWEW, burn Nike shows** M3: (1776) Dennis McGraw def. Masato Tanaka (Takanaka) ***Clausen reveals new world title to Slayer and Jaques backstage*** **Slayer vs Jaques is set for Anarchy Rulz contest to a 60 min Iron Man Match** **tonight Slayer and Jaques will take on opponents, win and you get a point for the Ironman** M4: Ruckus def. Jaques *Ruckus asks Clausen to join the match for the title, Clausen says "Ruckus, I can't put a tag team wrestler in a world title match.." **Ruckus temper tantrum** M5: Slayer def. Golden Bryce **Clausen awards Slayer 1 point advantage for Anarchy Rulz Iron man title match** Titan Tron***Ruckus seen threatening to water-board Champagne Clausen if he doesn't get his title match **Clausen pleads as Pyro ends in a scurry*

Jake Awesome in the ring frustrated vows that tonight he will get his first win since returning to the ring

Steve Blackman, Olaffub, Edwards & Croyle appear Croyle says “you wanna try getting physical with me” Awesome vs Croyle tonight right now

M1: Brodie Croyle def. Jake Awesome

*awesome starts throwing stuff around and kicking it Mick Foley appears Jake you don’t have to keep trying to prove yourself, why we don’t we go out to the ring and we tell the world why you are not like you used to be Jake says don’t say that to me, I’m still the same Mammoth I Always was and tonight I’m gonna show that to Tanahashi Jake walks back to the ring challenges Tanahashi

Feebe Kinoshiba introduces Tanahashi

M2: Tanahashi vs Jake Awesome

Tanahashi wins with the attitude adjustment and after the win Feebe Kinoshiba translates for Tanahashi “John Cena, i just beat the man you never beat”

Jake sits in the ring frustrated Foley enters the stage with Delisa Alfonso (Jake’s mother) Delisa: Jake i think it’s best if you get out of the ring right now. For your health. Jake: after sitting in silence.....and blindsided from the back takes a Shinzo kick from Steve Blackman

Steve Blackman says “Jake, 10 years ago you took the world title from me. 10 years later I’m gonna take your career. I will never forget.

Steve Blackman walks up to Foley and Delisa Alfonso “I suggest you get your son before he gets hurt”

Foley comes to the ring to help Jake get up after the assault Jake scrambled for a microphone “I want Steve Blackman. Get your ass down here!

Steve Blackman runs back to the ring and beats Awesome down with 2 Singapore Canes and beats Awesome to a bloody pulp. Foley gets involved Foley now attacking Steve Blackman from behind but in comes Eddie Edwards and Croyle

Edwards slaps on the cross face with a kendo stick on Foley

Croyle hits Awesome with the con-charito

Steve Blackman grabs the mic. Steve Blackman says “Jake, you want me. You got me. Anarchy Rulz. Queens New York. In an I Quit Match....

As for you Foley, why don’t you pick your carcass up and go awayyyyy You have done nothing but stand around since you’ve been here You don’t belong Just go and take the Jake Awesome fan club with ya

Truth Infantry leave Awesome inca pool of blood and Foley holding his arm from the cross face

Foley: hey, Jake awesome isn’t done with you Not only will Jake Awesome take you on Steve In an i Quit Match Jake Awesome doesn’t have any problem taking on you Eddie Edwards or you Brodie Croyle either

1776 - invite alex jones to be their new manager 1776- burn a new pair of Nike shoes in protest

Takanaka come out and Taka grabs the mic “We want the gold SUCKA”

M3: Masato Tanaka def. Dennis McGraw

Backstage: Troy Clausen has Jaques Dudley and Slayer in a room. Gentlemen this is the new XPWEW World Heavyweight Championship *shows title*

And I’m here to let you both know I’ve selected both of you At Anarchy Rulz it will be Slayer vs Jaques Dudley The match will be decided in a 60 minute Iron Man Match

But tonight i wanna see who’s fit to be champion A nice filter test

Jaques Dudley will take on Ruckus next

Slayer you will take on Golden Bryce

And here’s why this is interesting If you can both win your match. I’ll add that as a point for the iron man match. So getting the win is important

M4: Ruckus def. Jaques Dudley

Troy Clausen comes out Jaques don’t worry. It happens huh. No negative points. It happens.

Ruckus grabs the mic “hey, i just beat your hand picked champ. Why don’t we make this match. A triple threat iron man match. *crowd pop* Troy Clausen: huh Ruckus i don’t think i could add a tag team into a world title match. I can’t have you and Siaka running around co-champs. Ridiculous

Ruckus walks over the commentary tables Hey Clausen come outhere boy. I just beat ya mans. And I’m getting curved. Fuck this shit. Throws Joeys headphones. Ruckus exits thru the crowd

Delisa Alfonso I want to address the fans of my son Jake Awesome He will not be competing at Anarchy Rulz on the 29th He’s wished to keep this information from all of you but my son has been *mic cuts* Mick Foley gets Delisa and brings her out the ring bit of peculiar bickering going on. Awkward segment there

Romeo Roselli with protected Kalalikiali’i in the ring with Kandi Khaos Interview Romeo Roselli talks about his designer clothes babbles on and on and on

GG in the crowd Romeo I hate to ruin the fashion show but i gotta day this whole bit you runnin with is trash As a matter of fact i think you are everything wrong with this company I always thought the X stood for extreme but if you ask me you are the softest wrestler I’ve ever seen

Romeo starts going off

You are a peasant I’m the reason people watch I’m the taste maker of professional wrestling You are just a pissant camera guy that i made famous

If you aren’t as much of a bitch as you look *GG pulls out Janice (2x4 with nails) I wanna make a challenge I’ve never even seen you get physical in that ring I’m talking barbed wire Fire Thumb tacks Romeo if you wanna prove to me that you ain’t soft Then at Anarchy Rulz you’ll take me on in a Queens City death match

Romeo: I’m not gonna give you the pleasure sweeetheart

GG: Romeo, you couldn’t even beat me A no name cameraman in a 7 minute match I think you have a lot to prove I think you know why your old tag team partner is in the title hunt and you had to make your own title to stay relevant

GG: Now if i can get some crowd participation Pay per champion

Chant starts

GG is now in the ring

Romeo slaps him to the ground and Kalalikiali’i holds him down Romeo hits him with Janice

GG is busted open but smiling It’s on

For Anarchy Rulz Queen City Deathmatch GG vs Romeo Roselli

M5: Slayer def. Golden Bryce (thanks to Marc snow distraction)

Troy Clausen awards Slayer 1 Point up over Jaques Dudley for Anarchy Rulz

Champagne Clausen all tied up on the Imperial Beach in Chula Vista Ruckus threatens to water board him until Clausen gives him title shot

Clausen pleads yes yes yes as show goes off the air

#xpwew #friday night pyro #jake awesome #golden bryce

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