#kdj happiness rights!
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#happy birthday freak#u better b greatful i didnt miss it for the 3rd year in a row#kim dokja#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#omniscient reader’s viewpoint#my art#solar-drawss#i was gonna hand draw the bg but i . couldnt finish that in 2 days so its just a stock photo filtered to hell and back#didnt turn out all that bad atleast !#kinda wish i made it clearer that hes running tho#and i think tumblr severely fucked up the quality as per usual#really wanted to make kdj the clearest and the train all pixelly but idk if it ended up looking right#its fine i had to rush it in 2 days#just dont look to closely at Anything#i missed drawing kdj....
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i'll see the epilogue with you!
#POSTING THIS WHILE IT'S STILL TECHNICALLY KDJ DAY IN PST...#HAPPY BIRTHDAY#it's been almost a year since i finished orv and had my brain rearranged by KIM DOKJA#this stupid guy means so much to me#i even bought a cake LOL#happy birthday to my dear protagonist#for a birthday you should get to make a wish right?
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The 0th turn's ending had me crying loudly enough that i scared my rabbit and my gecko
#0th turn#yjh#kdj#yoo joonghyuk#joongdok#kim dokja#IM SORRY BUT DOKJA GIVING EVERYTHING FOR JOONGHYUK#ONLY FOR HIM TO LOOK AT THE 1864 REGRESSIONS HE'D HAVE TO DO ALONE AND ACCEPT????#ALL TO SEE HIM??#EVEN THOUGH HE WAS HAPPY!?!?!?!??!?!!!#chapter 525#aiden originals#am i queuing this right
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(WIP) At some point I'll stop trying to hurt you with my angsty art and just pull out a fucking gun and start shooting
#WIP art#orv spoilers#Yoo Sangah you wanted your turn with the white coat well Fuck your health and happiness#“Im not such a good person” Never speak again so i wont fucking cry#btw. To the left is kdj (?) pulling her towards him#to the right is hsy trying to pull her away
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ok i might be talking complete nonsense here, but. the Strict Order as a metaphor for an author facing writer's block.
"the Strict Order abandoned the world," yeah if i wrote a sweet potato story where the main character just keeps suffering with no sign of resolution, i'd drop the story too (<- has actually done this with a tesilid fanfic orz)
"The world rejected the Strict Order's abandonment, so to keep the world going the Strict Order made Tesilid keep rewinding time." That's just like when you get stuck at a certain point in the plot and keep rewriting the events leading up to that moment to try to make it work. nods sagely i understand. i too make my OCs go through scenarios lots of times until we get it right. sometimes it takes months. sometimes it never works.
"The saintess only exists in timeline ~86," oh yes, the classic 'idk how to solve this problem so i'll introduce a new character' trick. i'm familiar
"okay but if time looping is the Strict Order rewriting the story, then why can Tesilid remember it" because the author already wrote those scenes and it'll be sad to throw them all out. and also it's a cool gimmick to have a regressor story. (<- has drastically changed the premise and worldbuilding of a story just to make an alternate timeline relevant before)
"what about ailette's existence--" same as muriel, where you insert a new character in hopes of solving a plot problem. except this time the characters write the plot themselves, because just this once you give priority to their character traits & goals rather than where you thought you wanted the plot to go. (tesilid has someone he can be himself around and who can do certain things on his behalf, instead of being fully constrained by his obligations. ailette gets insane buffs instead of being restricted by the world's difficulty.) therefore the chars now have more agency and are not only solving problems, but also taking the story in a direction you never would have thought of before. (whatever the hell tesilid and ailette are cooking rn, separately, which is surely going to result in interesting developments later on)
tldr; the strict order as a metaphor for an author who hit writer's block. their friend World Shaper inserts their OC Ailette in and their writing style is to let the characters run away with the plot. it works. world shaper and all their friends are co-writers working on the story together and reacting to it in real time.
#s-class heroine spoilers#if the themes of this story are actually orv-esque in that it becomes meta about the writer-reader-char relationship#then my mind will actually be very blown#like im extrapolating a lot here#im only able to make these comparisons bc orv changed the way i read fiction forever#anw no one tell me if i got it right i legit have not read any spoilers#im at mirror dungeon now#wait maybe im onto something#the timelines being linear and not recursive (ie. reed does not have his own ailette) makes sense as well bc with this timeline#the story has finally reached its end and the authors can put down their pens#no more writing no more regressing in order to get scenarios right#like SPOILERS FOR ORV SPOILERS FOR ORV SPOILERS FOR ORV MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ORV#LIKE RLY MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ORV IM SO SERIOUS#like for orv it makes sense that the timeloops are recursive#because YOU are kim dokja#the story keeps being written bc the kimcom want kdj back#there is no world where the regressions wont occur bc yhk want each other to be happy#and they will keep the timeloop going if thats what it takes to keep the other alive#yhs dooms the world with her pen (keyboard) because she wants that teenager to live#because she realised he will type 'how to survive' and she wants him to survive no matter how cringe he is#no matter how ruined the world he will be living in would be#woah.... fuck orv (positive)
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epilogue au where kdj doesn’t wake up when yjh comes back but instead when kimcom all move into a house together, complete with a room for him
#yjh comes back and when kdj doesn’t wake up he’s immediately like ‘we should all buy a house together’#kimcom agrees immediately and right then kdj shows his first sign of improvement since he’s been comatose#his next improvement comes when they hire a real estate agent#then when they decide on what they want (they didn’t think things through before hiring the agent it’s fine)#then when they find the house#then when they put down the down payment#then when they get the keys#and finally after they’ve all moved in does he wake up#they all gripe abt him not having to do any work but they’re all happy#then they get their happy ending :)#orv#omniscient reader#kdj#kim dokja#orv novel#kimcom#kim dokja's company
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One of my favorite ORV headcanons is that TWSA has as much practical living advice as it does the metaphorical.
There's a 3-page long description of lsh dressing and bandaging yjh's wounds in the early rounds, intimately describing all the bruises and cuts and scrapes and the way they were handled. Kdj saw this as a humanizing moment for yjh and shipping fuel, but the next day he gets beat up by bullies and decided to dress his wounds himself since the school nurse isn't around (and they were getting tired of him anyway). It's sloppy and he had to rebandage himself after it unravelled, but it prevented an infection, and he got better over time.
In another chapter, yjh notices ljh having panic attacks in the middle of battle and teaches her a few tricks to steady your breathing and center herself faster as part of combat training. The description feels like text you'd see in a training handbook and completely breaks any sense of pacing. Kdj remembers it the next time he has one and was able to calm himself down before his relatives find him and punish him like they did before.
There was a chapter that came out around the time kdj was job hunting, where the party gets tangled in a subscenario involving securing a position through interviews. It felt contrived even with kdj's tolerance to TWSA shenanigans, but he takes note of what everyone does anyway and tries some of them in his job interviews. He comments that some of the actions felt unrealistic with his own experiences in job interviews; tls123 replied with a lighthearted apology (she's never had to bother with interviews, and she doubts she'll ever get to; she's grateful that it was still useful.)
In yet another chapter, yjh avoids the eyes of fellow incarnations and picks his words correctly in a game of three questions with nosy constellations. They were oddly dry and mundane for an apocalypse setting with superhuman powers. Kdj remembers them the next time he spots paparazzi lurking around the corners.
A chapter has yjh instructing knw, ljh and yma on how to make do with instant ramyun and add a few things to it to keep it somewhat nutritious (yjh isn't happy about it but it's the least he can do since they're gonna split for a multi-day scenario and he can't cook for them). Kdj remembers it when he tried to make ramyun for the first time in his new place after moving out of his relatives'. He remembers curling his hand to chop the scallions because knw got scolded for improper knife handling, and he remembers when to put in the egg because ljh got sternly corrected for confidently shouting out the wrong answer. Kdj didn't injure himself, and it was the fanciest and most delicious meal he ate in a while. (He remembers yjh patting his sister's head for getting everything right, and almost brings his own hands to his head before stopping; no one's gonna praise a college student for making ramyun right.)
(Kim Dokja, rereading TWSA over and over again in the train, feels the love and has no idea what to do with it.)
(05/06: added the food segment because i loved all the food-related notes <3)
#orv#orvposting#this was an excuse for me to go off the rails and ramble honestly#love love love thinking about what could've been written in twsa#it's at least 6 times orv's length. it could've been the homestuck of its time. so long that you can link anything back to it#orv spoilers
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thanks to another post, i tried picturing how yoohankim would introduce each other to people. specifically yoohan. cause like, doksoo would say they're friends, and joongdok would say they're companions/friends, but yoohan. all i can picture is both of them opening their mouths and then closing them like wait how DO i introduce this guy? acquaintance is too distant but friends makes me cringe and coworkers may have been accurate at some point but doesn't quite fit and it's different than what YJH and KDJ have going on but like. they both love the same person so much they'd do anything to help him be happy. she made him. he's her protagonist. they are deeply intrisically interconnected. so what should they say...oh wait that's right she made him, so...
then han sooyoung is like "uh...he's my...kid?" and it immediately feels so wrong she full body shivers and yoo joonghyuk has never looked so disgusted in his many many lives. "if you were my mother i'd kill us both" he says. "if you were my kid i'd beat you to it" she says.
person who they were introducing each other to is just standing there like. can i go home.
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In canon, KDJ ships YJK with HSY
Chapter 381:
"Yu Junghyuk and Han Sooyoung – the First Prince of the Kaixenix Archipelago, and the esteemed daughter of an Earl.
Sure, there was quite a difference in height to overcome, but..... When looking at them some more, they did seem well suited to each other. Their personalities were a bad match-up, but then again, they had a surprising amount of similarities, too."
Forget Lee Seolwha. There's a line during the 1863rd regression, during the 'happy memories' thing, where KDJ brings up one of YJK's happy memories was seeing Lee Seolwha married and had a child with someone else. (173rd round if I remember right). Meaning KDJ read over 1000+ rounds of a version of YJK who was completely and absolutely over his ex-wife and knows better than anyone else that he the ship doesn't sail for YJK with LSW.
So he ships him with Han Sooyoung of all people.
Those two would be SO MAD if they knew.
#excuse me HSY literally spent decades writing about her getting married to KIM DOKJA#dont forget the life and death companion#these two are beyond obsessed#and kim dokjas is like HMMM they seem to have something in common (being in love with KDJ) they should date each other#the sheer amount of idiocy is OUTSTANDING#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#yoo junghyuk#lee seolwha#han sooyoung#doksoo#joongdok#yoohankim
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Have a silly plotbunny, because I'm too lazy to actually write this fic
A joongdok au where the hounds kill yjh and he regresses again. Except this time kdj is right there, yjh refuses to let him go and acts like an aggressive mother hen.
Everyone assumes joongdok are exes when yjh very emotionally accuses kdj of leaving him, jumping on the train and disappearing without a trace. Meanwhile, kdj is having an internal meltdown because he apparently somehow seduced the protagonist in the previous regression, what the fuck?
ysa: Wait, so when you said you have plans at seven and left work early...
kdj: Well, yeah. I was secretly meeting him (in a sense that kdj was reading a book about yjh).
ysa: Oh. That makes sense. Can't blame you.
yjh staring cheong inho right in the eyes and saying, dead serious: If something happens to this idiot while I'm away, I'll kill everyone in this station and then myself.
ysa: I can see why Dokja-ssi broke up with this guy. He's... intense (read: a walking talking red flag).
kdj actually kisses yjh for the first time when yjh finds him after the broken throne and helps him deal with the former bullies. Because it was something straight out of teenage!kdj's daydreams.
After joongdok meet kdj's mom and face her disapproval, legend spreads that joongdok broke up in the past because of lsk being homophobic. lsk is not amused. Uriel personally contacts lsk to tell her that god is not against lgbtq, actually.
Re: the plot. Secretive Plotter isn't there because he's already found his happy ending and is now chilling in another worldline, raising his adoptive kids. The Plotter's absense is compensated by yjh giving kdj spoilers about the turn of events in the past regressions.
When the Disaster of Floods!sys asks yjh about the regression number, yjh honestly says "1866". Cue kdj freaking out. sys immediately feels kinship with kdj because she too is freaking out.
yjh casually reveals the truth about hsy being tls123. hsy is indignant because she can write better than that, damn it, don't insult her writing skills!
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"Who are you?" Yoo Joonghyuk x Reader
Summary: Assuming to find Kim Dokja in his fourth regression, Yoo Joonghyuk regresses. But Kim Dokja isn't there. Instead, you are.
I BROKE 2 FINGERS LMAOAAO BUT ITS OKAY BC SPEECH TO TEXT SAVES LIVES 😋😋🙏🙏
Requested by anon
It took quite a few scenarios for Yoo Joonghyuk to realize that Kim Dokja did not exist in his fourth regression. The two of you met when the hidden scenario to kill the master of the Theatre Dungeon.
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Yoo Joonghyuk had awoken after being controlled by the master of the Theatre Dungeon. He quickly grabbed his sword and pointed it at your neck. "Who are you? What have you done to Kim Dokja?"
You stared at him and sighed. "Please, calm down Joonghyuk. I'm also searching for him."
"Do not address me so casually. How do you know him if he doesn't exist in this regression? How do you know so much?"
You pushed the sword away from your neck and began to speak. "I'm similar to him, for example the way he seems to be omniscient. In fact, I wield more knowledge than him. I'm not going to hurt you."
His eyes widened as his skill told him your words were true. "What is your goal then?"
"I want to find Kim Dokja. And I want everyone to have a happy ending. Lets work together."
Yoo Joonghyuk relaxed a little after hearing your words to be true. "Alright. But if you dare to try anything on me or the others, I will kill you."
You chuckled softly. Yoo Joonghyuk has changed. If it was the previous regression, he would've probably killed you. It seems that this world really cannot exist without Kim Dokja.
"Say, is your constellation sponsor still the same?"
"Yes. How else would I be able to regress?"
"Oh right. Oops. That's intresting though..." You mumbled the last part.
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Scenario by scenario, the two of you had gotten a little closer each time. It was nice to not have to worry about your companion sacrificing themselves at every waking moment you know?
He slowly started to view you as your own person, and not just 'the girl who replaced Kim Dokja.'
Perhaps because Kim Dokja was a man who could not be replaced. Or perhaps Yoo Joonghyuk started to feel a certain way towards you.
It's not like he didn't know what he was feeling, after all he did get married and have children in his previous regressions.
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Maybe he should confess soon? You walked in front of him before turning around. "Oh don't worry. I know a way to get Lee Seolhwa on our side. You can marry her again!"
You instantly crushed this man's spirit in one go.
Why did you say that? Well, thats because you wanted nothing more than to see your favorite character from orv to be happy. You loved him more than anything, but you saw yourself as a mere pawn to try and fill the void of Kim Dokja.
"I don't...." Yoo Joonghyuk started, but slowly quieted down into a mumble.
"Huh? Sorry I didn't hear you." You apologised.
"I don't like Seolhwa..." You gasped. Oh no! Did you change up the plot?!?!
"W-wait what??!" You stuttered, a little shocked.
He sighed, and walked up to you and flicked your forehead. "I like you, you stupid pufferfish."
(I tried to give you a nickname like how yjh has the sunfish and kdj the squid.)
"I'm not a pufferfish! And-hold on. You like me???" You stood, stunned and mouth agape.
"Yes, you stupid pufferfish. Hah, you reject the idea of someone calling you a pufferfish but not the stupid part? I can't believe I fell in love with someone stupid." He shrugged sighing.
Man, sometimes you wished he was more like his old crusty strict self. He became so sassy after Kim Dokja.
"I. AM. NOT. STUPID. OR. A. PUFFERFISH. WHY PUFFERFISH???? CANT YOU CHOOSE SOMETHING NICER LIKE-LIKE A SEAHORSE???"
"Seahorse doesn't have the same ring as pufferfish. Besides you're just like it. You're clumsy, stupid, and you inflate your ego when someone verbally attacks you."
"DO-DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME?" You cry dramatically.
"Yes, but im starting to question my taste. I mean, do you even love me back?"
"Is that even a question? Anyone who doesn't love you is on my hit list. Maybe you're the stupid one. I've loved you ever since I knew of your existence."
"And how long is that?"
You started sweating. "A-A few years..."
"What? But we've only known each other for a few months? [Name]? What do you mean?"
You laughed nervously and started backing up.
"[Name]!?!"
#orv#orv x reader#omniscient reader's viewpoint#omniscient reader's viewpoint x reader#kim dokja#kdj#yoo joonghyuk x reader#yjh#yoo joonghyuk#yjh x reader
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quick procrastination break and also thank u @what-ye-egg for allowing me to unlock my personal pandora's box:
orv spoilers under the cut <3
the creation of 49!kdj is just. 51!kdj looking at himself, all of himself, and saying "okay, i will give them the parts that they love". he creates a version of himself that he thinks they would love most.
this dokja isn't haunted by the past that led him towards WoS. this dokja doesn't hide in an office cubicle scrolling on a smartphone during lunchtime. this dokja doesn't jump headfirst into danger. this dokja wants to live.
its like this poem i wrote a while back: "today i woke up as the one you would love/ i knew what i did wrong, and so i knew what to do right"
this dokja plays with gilyoung and yoosung and buys them all the pizza they ask for. this dokja doesn't get hurt and lets heewon and seolhwa fuss over him. this dokja stays with them, and is happy. which is what they should want, right?
but this dokja doesn't read. he doesn't look at joonghyuk the same way. this dokja eats tomatoes and doesn't remember the novel and characters that saved his life. this dokja doesn't make that stupid, unlucky smile, when he's about to sacrifice himself out of love. he doesn't habitually reach for his phone in his pocket, or bicker with sooyoung about cliches in webnovels. this dokja doesn't read.
tim kreider (the dude from "the mortifying ordeal of being known") also wrote this fucking banger of a line:
But the things people love about you aren’t necessarily the things you want to be loved for. They decide they like you for reasons completely outside your control, of which you’re often not even conscious: it’s certainly not because of the big act you put on, all the charm and anecdotes you’ve calculated for effect.
49!kdj is what 51!kdj thinks kimcom should love. after all, who would want the loner who only knew how to read and doom 1864 worldlines over and over again?
he doesn't know that they love the things he doesn't even notice. his hatred of tomatoes. his eyes when he finds a new book to read. the way he always kept a portable power bank on hand.
so imagine his surprise when they overturn a whole new worldline, show him scenarios he couldn't have imagined, and then.
knock
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I’m just gonna go on a fucking rant, might make zero sense but I have to get this out of my system.
Fourth wall right….let’s all gather and sit around, head bowed, hands under our chins, deep in thought about this shit right here
KDJ says that the Fourth wall makes it so that he perceives reality as separate from fiction of stuff that was mostly related to TWSA.
Yeah, makes sense.
Just think of this…we know that 4thwall protects him from the effects of ‘fiction’, grounding him in ‘reality’ and helping him make calm, sound, rational decisions. We also know that the Wall shakes and thins when faced with said ‘reality’
Now, here’s another thing we know about Dokja—he likes to see everything through a reader’s eyes, viewpoint if you will
One of the first things we find about him interacting with others is with Sangah and he immediately puts her into a story and gives her a role. He’s been doing this shit since before the scenarios and the apocalypse and all. So we can assume that he’s done this like almost all his life, being the ‘reader’ and seeing others essentially as characters—until they interact with his little bubble.
As it would happen, the people who interact with him and his bubble aren’t exactly very welcoming or nice most times but that aside, here’s what I’m rambling about
If you think about it, the first attributes and skills people get are related to what they were already good at and stuff
So fourth wall is essential a powered up version of KDJ’s dissociative tendencies. It’s a coping mechanism.
Him being a ‘reader’, not intervening in anyone’s story, only reading and forming opinions
Because the last time he played a major role and defeated the villain, the consequences weren’t pretty and he didn’t get the happy ending. Even after his mother ‘reread’ it to him, the ending wasn’t one he liked
The pre-apocalypse version of 4thwall (and his generally tragic life) kept him from being anything more than a ‘reader’ to other people’s lives
But this is not going to be satisfying at all —we know it, Dokja knows it, 4thwall knows it—Dokja craves to be something more than a ‘reader’
But his life is realism, he prefers fantasy novels. His story is a bore compared to the other ones he sees
And “it’s not too bad, being a reader”
Can’t we say that the 4th wall was protecting him from reality than fiction? In his mind, he’s always seen life as stories, whatever genre they were, they were always stories and the fourth wall kept them as stories….
*sighs heavily* yeah, this isn’t going out of my head anytime soon…just Dokja and his trauma….excellent…
#orv#orv analysis#orv rant#fourth wall#kim dokja#omniscient readers viewpoint#woke up with this in my head#did not help with my depression#dokja you lovely soul#why do I have so many feels about this little bastard??#whyyy???#kim dokjaaaaa#let’s all cry rivers and stare into voids as we stew in our orv feels
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/ orv main story ending spoilers , mentions of kdj's suicidal mindset
mindless rambling
my friend who just finished orv asked me why kdj couldn't just split like 2% off of himself into an od avatar and leave that in the train while he joined kimcom, and while my initial reaction was "there's no way he could just do that" I remembered i thought a similar thing when I first read through orv too? and maybe it got explained down the line but I forget things real easy (which is why i'm rereading orv) and so I'm just trying to make sense of it using my existing knowledge
There's this bit in epilogue here:
Sangah's words "protecting the world by dividing himself in half, one becomes the reader, one becomes the character". the first being 51 and the second being 49,
I think there are layers to it. Right after being shaken by the OD ordeal, kdj's mindset that he's to blame for the whole world is reinforced stronger than ever before in his head, because he had just witnessed living proof of it. And that's not something he can overcome just because sp and 999 gang took od away to take care of him. Even then, kdj was confused why they weren't angry.
There's also the persisting mindset kdj has that he's twsa's reader and not a proper part of kimcom, and he probably felt like he should bear the burden of consciously continuing to read the world until the very end. He managed to see himself as part of kimcom over the course of the story but od's appearance sort of undoes all that progress he's ever made, and its sad but its pretty common for self hate mindsets to spiral like that,
He probably felt like he deserved it, yet him wanting that extra 2% difference to prove he knew and loved kimcom more than his avatar. Him regretting splitting in half right after the avatar left and he saw them all walking away. He knows what he wants and in the end he can't bring himself to think that he deserves it
And honestly I don't really know why the way singshong writes kdj's self hate and suicidal tendencies get me so badly, I mean I do, kind of, the feeling is there, but it's incredible how long the set up was and how real it feels when you see it all go downhill.
i think od reveal truly truly fucked up kdj to no repair. like if you read the passages, its fucking heartbreaking.
"My own tragedy couldn't even compare to their pain. The sin of creating an even bigger tragedy because of my own should not be forgiven."
"Something was wrong. A blade… I, I needed to find a blade."
and the thing that gets to me is how easily anyone who has had self loathing thoughts can empathise with him. The want to disappear for inconveniencing things that would've been perfectly fine and pretty and happy had you not come into contact with it, the idea that you are a disgusting monster and its easier to shut yourself off than do any more damage. and its Fine if youre in pain because They will be happy and theyll will be happier without you.
It fascinates me how a portion of readers of orv who self blame or self doubt love kdj so much, because the act of loving him is also some form of self reassurance that they can be loved as well, because if someone like kdj can be forgiven, then surely they can, for all their small or big mistakes that are definitely not on the scale of plunging the universe into a space apocalypse. or something.
but i might be assuming so. don't take my word for any of this.
tldr he doesnt split out a small avatar to take the place of od because he thinks he deserves it. which is quite obvious if you take a look at the big picture, and i dont really know why i rambled so long. maybe ill reread orv and theres gona be a small bit that's like "ohh well actually if it was too small of a percentage that became od the universe wont hold up" and i will be like Ah yes i just missed that part. and this ramble will be void. uhh yes. have a nice day
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one of the many things i hate orv for is making me be so dependant on yoo joonghyuk getting a happy ending— it's all kim dokja's fault i swear i wish for it so bad. the thought of this man not being able to be at peace and happy in a world where his friends and family are there without the scenarios, makes me mad with a grief i didnt know i was capable of feeling for a 'character' 🥲
(what's also funny is that yoo joonghyuk's happy ending, where his friends and family are happy and well, kim dokja is also there standing besides them. But kim dokja cannot even imagine a world where he can be together with them without 'failing' and atoning. 💀✌️) a happy ending for yoo joonghyuk would be one with you as well kim dokja you fool
aughh anon the entire content of this ask has been on my mind for months. do we have some sort of a mind link be honest. also this will have spoilers for epilogue and side story below
aghh kdj wishing for and working so hard for yjh's happiness truthfully translated into us wishing for the happiness of that sunfish too I'd say. 1863 abandoned lives and worlds existing solely to meet his sponsor and find the reason he exists, which is also linked to said sponsor, made him feel liberated and at peace. a feeling which only kdj, said sponsor, took issue with. his guilt is so huge, so strong, he cannot fathom that yjh will not resent him after having his tragedy be used as someone's sustenance.
after kdj split himself into 51 and 49 in order to atone and sustain the world in which yjh and the rest of kimcom will continue to live, he'd already started imagining how their lives would be. 49 and yjh would search for tls123, 49 would read hsy's novel, 49 would attend ljh's graduation etc. what he didnt count for was kimcom regressing to get him back.
after the group regression, yjh says that his story has already ended now that his reader is no longer there. some time later, astronaut yjh sets on a space journey to spread orv and piece kdj together except that he fully expected to die and the mission to fail because just like kdj had learned to live from him, yjh no longer knows how to live without kdj anymore. in fact before sp and 999 gang save him and biyoo appears yjh fully expects that his -- will be 'death' (as if kdj would allow that smh).
after nearly a hundred years he descends into lhh's worldline. i think most of us know that lhh is 49 kdj's reincarnation by now, what i didnt catch the first time around however was that yjh and lhh met right after lhh considered committing suicide (lee "i have no trauma" hakhyun is a fucking liar) but chickened out in the end
a few thousands more years pass and yjh returns to the 1864th worldline. he talks more, he smiles easier, he no longer cares what his -- will be. and hes let kdj choose for himself whether or not he wants to return. he has been kdj's reader for thousands of years, he Understands what it means to get the will to survive by reading someone's story.
and in the side story he wants to take that choice back. he'll bring kdj back himself. cuz hes obsessed. hsy failed so now is his turn. except that his turn hasnt started yet. so who knows.
anw tldr yeah you cannot divorce kdj from yjh's (happy) ending. if any number yjh hears abt kdj in whatever way shape or form he'll get curious abt him. 41, for example. even after excluding lhh, 41 got curious abt kdj. hsy shows him a happy memory of our yjh which included kdj and 41 fucking collapsed (i become more excited abt the side story the more it progresses) and lost consciousness. it was such a strong memory of kdj and kimcom eating yjh's cooking and kdj saying how he cooks so well and he should bring more beef next time that hsy described it as yjh dying from happiness. yjhs -- is kdj related in one way or another. kdj just has to Get It that yjh cannot be happy without him
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The fact that the "Yoo Joonghyuk from the 0th turn was willing to go through 1864 regressions solely to see Kim Dokja again" notion is so popular kinda irks me because of how it 1) strips YJH of any nuance in his character by reducing him to a pining lovesick man 2) kinda disregards an arguably more heartfelt reading of the scene
To clarify, I'm not gonna argue that YJH did not consider KDJ in his decision to regress, he evidently did, but it drives me nuts when people act like that's the only reason why YJH regressed.
Now granted, YJH did kinda start this whole conversation with "If I choose you as my Constellation sponsor, will I finally get to meet you?" and so I understand when people think that meeting KDJ face-to-face is the reason why YJH chose to regress despite the slim chances but I also want people to consider one of YJH's enduring characteristics.
YJH has always been portrayed as wanting to know the truth of the world he lived in and wanting to understand his origins. He seeks to reach the conclusion because he wants answers for his suffering and the hardships he went through. Hell, one of the things he says to KDJ during this scene was "Who am I?" and then he goes on to ask whether "the secret of this world lies beyond the wall, where you are?"
YJH of the 0th turn has reached a point in his life where he is happy but he says that it's because of that that he's "even more curious about what lies beyond the wall". He wishes to take the time to understand himself after achieving such happiness and this really feels like an example of someone seeking self-actualisation.
And this also ties into my second point because understanding YJH's (imo) primary motivation ultimately frames this scene as one where two individuals who deeply love each other have to separate because one of them has decided to dedicate their life to a certain goal while the other (reluctantly) accepts their decision because they understand that it would make their loved one fulfilled.
It's a different flavour of bittersweet from the popular reading because what separates them is ultimately YJH's desire to reach self-fulfillment and KDJ accepting his desire even if it he thinks YJH is a "dumb bastard" for doing so.
After spending so much time with YJH, both as a character and as a companion, KDJ understands better than anyone that this is what YJH needs to do. And so he lets him go.
Even if it hurts. Even if he knows that YJH would eventually resent him for it. Even if he thinks regressing will just make him miserable. He lets go because he knows that this is who YJH is and he would be remiss if he let his own personal feelings get in the way of respecting his agency.
And yes, this sucker punching line right here "Tell me, you fool. If I continue to regress, will I ever get to meet you again?" does imply that half of his reason to regress is to meet KDJ irl but! I also wanna point out that KDJ never really confirmed to YJH that he could meet him again. And taking that into consideration alongside YJH's final words to KDJ, "I shall pray that you may continue to exist somewhere too" and that he still didn't stop to second-guess his regression, you're kinda left with the impression that YJH would have still gone on this journey even with the possibility that KDJ may never show up again in the future. He regresses with the small hope that they will meet each other again but he doesn't move forward solely because of that small hope.
I like to think that it's because in the 0th turn, YJH already considers them to be companions and even if he doesn't meet KDJ again, that doesn't mean their bond didn't exist.
Because, as he said about his other companions, "Just because I will forget about them, doesn't mean they'll suddenly stop existing".
Much like how the Demon King of Salvation won't stop existing even if he forgets him.
But like, regardless of whether my interpretation is right or not, I just think that YJH going forward for his own truth rather than just a desire to see KDJ again makes for a sweeter narrative after the bittersweet ending of the 0th turn.
Because as luck would have it, KDJ would once again guide YJH towards the end on his 1864th turn in the future/past, just like how he did during the 0th turn.
Regardless of YJH's personal motivations and KDJ's personal hangups, the two are irrevocably linked and that small hope from seemingly aeons ago finally became reality after countless lives.
Maybe this is why they are called "Life and Death Companions".
#tldr#I think there's a way to interpret this scene without taking away YJH's nuance while still emphasizing Joongdok's connection#maybe one day I will actually be concise in what I'm saying#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv spoilers#orv novel spoilers#orv analysis#orv meta#yoo joonghyuk#kim dokja#joongdok#-gesturing wildly- as with everything orv‚ it's about the sacrifice and the salvation#The Cloud Talk
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