#katie what the actual fuckhell is this
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foodboard for simon snow
#snowbaz#carry on#katie what the actual fuckhell is this#idk man i had an idea and just kinda went with it lmao#egedit#food#food mention#egedits
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i want to expand a bit on this post i made earlier today but first i want to backtrack a bit and say that i made it with writers like me in mind and by that i mean people who do this for fun (aka not trying to get published)
because that’s what writing (especially fanfiction) is supposed to be right? it’s a hobby that you enjoy that you like to do and that makes you happy
until it doesn’t
so that post was kind of a result of my pent up frustration at myself for taking this all so seriously
since i started actually caring about rules in both writing and storytelling (imo) the quality of my fics has improved but as the quality improved my enjoyment went down
so i guess it’s less that the advice is causing the problem it’s more like listening to the advice helped me improve my fics which made people like my fics more which made me want to write even better fics which led me to caring way too much about technical crap and not enough on telling the story i wanted to
i’ve gotten so obsessed with the validation that comes from posting my work online that i’ve forgotten why i started writing in the first place and fuck that’s a terrible feeling because i don’t enjoy this anymore?? like i’m putting out stuff that i’m not happy with or that i didn’t enjoy writing and for what?? for notes on a website?? for kudos?? what do those even mean?? why do i care so much about them and why do i let the fact that other people have more bother me to the point of tears?? (lmao that’s embarrassing to admit)
and then my need for that meaningless validation leads me to set impossible goals for myself that i can’t meet and then that just stresses me out even more which contributes to my block and i end up in the state i’m in rn where the idea of sitting down and writing something makes me feel physically ill and that’s not okay!!
i’ve stopped writing for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my friends and instead started to focus on the approval of people online and only felt like my stuff was worthy if certain people noticed it which omg makes me the biggest hypocrite cuz anyone who knows me know that i detest the idea of “big blogs” yet i fall into the trap of only really caring when certain people reblog my stuff because only then would it get read and if no one read my stuff well then gotdamn i must be terrible at writing
and it’s not even just that it’s like...fuck this feels like a whole other post type of rant and it’s less about writing in general and more about fandom and fanfiction and fandoms attitude towards fic writers like y’all!! fanfic writers are just ur fellow fans who love a pairing or a character or a universe so much that they express that through this medium but holy fuckhell do some people not realize that!! fandoms have become so entitled that they treat fanfiction like it’s...idk...something that is just supposed to always be there rather than something a fellow fan has poured time and effort into for their own enjoyment and (hopefully) the enjoyment of others
like there’s nothing wrong with wanting people to enjoy your work art is meant to be consumed after all but it can be hard to remember that you should be writing for yourself first when you feel like what you are producing is an obligation jfc stop making people feel like they have to be contributing something to a fandom in order to be part of it!! it’s so bad!! and stop acting like once someone creates something for a fandom that it belongs to the fandom forever!! yes this is aimed at people who get upset at writers for taking fics down!!
okay deep breaths katie
i kinda lost the point of this post yikes and if you’ve read this far then rip u lol
/rant
#this is a mess#and i have a lot more to say#but i'm tired and i kinda just want to lie down and be sad for a bit#because it's gotten so bad that i'm considering quitting#which i always say i can't do#cuz i go a bit crazy when i'm not writing#but honestly?#writing is hurting me rn#to the point that i don't want to do it#fuck how did i let this spiral so out of control#i put so much pressure on myself and for what?#all it's done is ruin writing for me#i keep saying the same bits over and over again i guess i should have planned this yikes#basically i'm sad and wanted to vent#please don't reblog unless you have something to add thank you#i'm cranky enough that i'll probs end up blocking u for that#js#okay bye#holy shit i#just scrolled up and i wrote so much#ahahahaha#yes i'm fine :)
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