#just having some FUNN
Text
Vampire Postal 1 Dude x Postal 3 Dude
Starting to get spoiled
Yep! We r about to get Twilight up in here 🧛♀️ uhh tw for blood, needles, cutting ppl open (not descriptive) !!! 😧 this is a bit more uhh sensual than I usually write but nothing super super crazy happens! Ask me to tag anything else
————————————————————————
A postal dude of all people should be used to changes in their life, almost everyday a new situation would present itself to Dude and for the most part, Dude could handle it well and go with the flow and P3 guesses this isn’t the absolute worst new thing he had to introduce to his daily errands list but it was certainly new. Usually after killing someone, he’d just go on his jolly way, perhaps whistling a tune while stepping right on top of newly deceased body now that one more annoyance had been taken care of, but now Dude had to spend a good while after with the cold dead body and occasionally drag them off for even more privacy so there would be less of a chance someone would come across the pretty disturbing scene of Dude trying to collect as much blood from the body as he could.
He was still trying to improve on how he actually went about doing this. The least messy way he found was using a syringe but that took a bit longer than other options and didn’t even really provide that much blood if he didn’t repeat his actions a bunch of times, so sometimes he’d go about it the bit messier way and just find a good place to cut open and drain what he could into some of the bottles he’d started to carry around in his backpack now.
It was kinda a pain to clean himself afterwards if he had other things to do and couldn’t exactly be covered in blood while doing so (which was most of the time) but he didn’t mind much. It was all trial and error since he was new to this but it was definitely worth it to know he’s helping out his boyfriend and to know how thankful he is for this. Seeing as p1 couldn’t go out in the daylight and even still had his phobia of being around people and being outside in general at night, p3 felt like it was his job to help him out and provide what he could for his little blood sucker. Coming home had actually became something p3 looked forward to even more now since when he did, and announced to his fanged boyfriend that he’d gotten him a new supply, the way p1 would perk up made his heart flutter every time..no matter how gay that sounded.
-
P3 was actually looking forward to this right now as he skipped as jolly as ever as his old trailer came into view. Throwing a wave towards Champs direction once he saw the old mutt in his beat up dog house, he quickly sped up to the door, opening it with a loud “Honey! I’m home!”. Only to be met with…no sight of his boyfriend anywhere at first. The light was off for some reason which was pretty unusual. By now P1 would usually be either watching TV or sitting on the couch watching..wolf documentaries on his iPad of all things..which the irony in that had been pointed out to p1 multiple times by now but he didn’t seem to change his interest in the animal despite the jokes.
Confused, P3 switched the lights back on, smiling as a groan came as soon as the lights filled the living room again. Apparently his blood sucker had been laying down on the couch. Tossing his backpack off for now, he made his way over to look down at him from behind the couch, only for his smile to drop as he saw the state P1 was in. He looked pretty miserable, somehow paler than usual as he scowled and pulled the blanket up more over him. “What’s wrong dollface? Did you not drink anything yet? I told you I left some extra bottles in the fridge.” He asked as he ran a hand into P1s long hair. That was another thing he was proud of actually. Since he’d came into P1s life, he’d actually helped him improve in a couple things. One being that he convinced P1 he was worth taking care of himself..so now his hair wasn’t always matted and tangled as it had been before.
P1 leaned into his boyfriend touch but didn’t seem any happier. “No. I know but…mm..” P1 grumbled, apparently not wanting to say exactly what was going on, instead settling to face his head to kiss the palm of p3s hand instead. P3s smile stayed as he ran a thumb across his boyfriends cheek bone. “But what?” He asked. P1 looked up at him for a moment, in thought about something before shaking his head. “You’ll..get mad at me if i-..” he yet again mumbled. The brunette of the two rolled his eyes playfully before removing his hand from him and crossing his arms on the back of the couch. “Did you manage to trick some poor pizza guy to come over and now he’s rotting in our room? Or maybe he kicked your ass and that’s why you’re all mopey?” P3 knew at times when P1 won’t spit out what he wants to say or is holding something in, humor or messing with him usually helped. They were a pretty good match in that way.
P1 rolled his eyes now too and finally sat up, giving p3 the chance to see how bad off p1 actually was at the moment. His face was even skinner than usual and his eyes looked ‘dead’ which was a usual sign he hadn’t drank in a while..which he already said he hadn’t but- “I don’t want some uh..like pizza guys blood.” The fanged Dude said. P3 nodded and joked “yeah you’re too good for that.” P1 glared at him for just a minute before rubbing his eyes and continuing. “I don’t want…Dude. I..The blood you’ve been bringing back is..okay. I appreciate it but it’s all so cold and-”
“You can probably heat blood up. Yknow we have a microwave..might make it smell bad for me but I dunno I might like it! When someone is burning they kinda smell like chicken so..”
P1 squinted a moment before sighing. “No. I’m just trying to say..the last time I had yours…it was so good and warm.. all these other random other people I’m drinking from aren’t as good.” He finally confessed. P3 couldn’t help but get..a tiny bit red at that (probably not helping the situation here since p1 sounds like he could eat him whole right now since apparently..he was ‘warm’). He gave a slight nervous chuckle before standing up straight again. “Didnt I let you do that at least twice last week? I think you’re just starting to get spoiled…” P3 said before starting to go over to grab his backpack to provide him with a bottle. And for fucks sake..a fucking whine sounded like it slipped out of his boyfriend. “Pleassee… I’m not getting spoiled…it’s just you taste really good and I’m tired of random peoples bland cold blood.”
Now one of p3s favorite things about his boyfriends whole ‘vampire’ thing was all the sucking and tasting innuendos. It was just too easy. He smirked and stopped in his steps to look back over at him. “I taste good, huh? In more ways than one?” Now either p1 knew what he was doing or he was just dense but either way..he nodded. “Mhm..and..maybe if you let me have what I want..I’ll ‘taste’ you the other way after.” It was a miracle in P1s mind he was able to get that sentence out with a minimal shake in his voice. He still wasn’t used to being with someone..or even being in situations like that with someone but he supposed fair was fair and well..he is his boyfriend so he obviously would wanna do that anyways. And of course, when p1 had gotten that offer out, p3 being the horn dog he is, changed his tune real quick.
“Yknow what? I’ll take ya up on that.” He smirked as he made his way back to him on the couch. P1 grinned as p3 made his way to sit down and scooted over but paused when p3 did while the smirk left. “Just..be good and don’t yknow fucking kill me. Or I guess you can. Dying because of you would be alright I suppose.” He finished, finally sitting down. P1 shook his head playfully and scooted up closer. “Of course not.” Now that P1 was this close…maybe it would have been a good idea to have drank some beforehand because the way p3 smelled was intoxicating..and the heat coming off him was almost too much. He hadn’t felt this much of a need for him in this way before.. not being able to really hold back, he made his way to sit on his lap, not wasting much time to lean in close to the side of p3s neck, taking in the warmth and how his vains seemed to pop out in P1s eyes. P3 felt the tip of his boyfriend nose slowly move across the side of his neck which caused him to swallow. He felt like fucking prey under him which..still wasn’t something p3 was used to. Not that it scared him, he trusts p1 but he was usually the one in control. To regain somewhat of a grasp of the situation, he held onto P1s thin hips as he continued.
“Let go.” He whispered, still not moving away from his neck. Before p3 could ask why, his boyfriend continued before licking a stripe up his neck. “Take off your jacket.” The brunette listened and shrugged off what he could while sitting down and p1 helped pushed the sleeve down out of his way from what side he was leaned into. Now he had much better access to the area he drank from last time which he could still see the scars from. A mix of feelings washed over him as he saw his old bite and fang marks in the skin where Dudes shoulder met his neck. Mostly he felt proud and content knowing he’d been walking around with that even though he rarely took his jacket off. For just a moment he imagined him taking it off just for some bitch to get jealous of him, seeing he belonged to someone else. But those thoughts could wait for later. He felt practically in heaven in this situation right now and not taking a bite already felt like he was just teasing himself..but he supposed a little preparation was always good.
Apparently he wasn’t only teasing himself however, feeling a sudden..sign in p3s pants that he was enjoying this in some way too. The ginger couldn’t help but giggle and go back in to lick over the spot he’d previously bit. He heard a small breath leave his boyfriend and his hands once again return to his hips. “You’re too good to me.” P1 whispered as he glanced down to his boyfriends tan skin. “I know. That’s wh- MM-!” The little fucker cut him off with one more lick from the flat of his tongue, only to finally sink his fangs in. P3 didn’t hate the feeling, it felt amazing the past two times and he sure it will start to feel better in a minute but the sharp first sting always had him biting his own bottom lip.
P1 brought his other hand up to hold onto p3s other shoulder to hold himself up steady as he quickly felt himself getting lost in the way p3 tasted. In all of his life nothing compared to the warmth and taste of him. Something about it was just so much better than anyone else he’d ever drank from and it certainly helped that his boyfriend eventually started to raise one of his hands up to his back to ‘soothe’ him when he was the one getting fucking drank from. P3 ran his thumb up and down a area of his boyfriends spine as he listened to the little noises that escaped from his vampires throat. He (correctly) assumed this was also satisfying more than his literal thirst ..especially when p1 would occasionally grind in closer to him and it didn’t take long for the ginger to get worked up himself too to where his boyfriend could feel it and him panting.
P3 couldn’t help but to groan a couple times and let his body relax as more and more of blood was taken from him. All of this made his body feel hot and his head feel dizzy like usual but this time..he felt a bit more dizzy than usual. It was probably because p1 was..really drinking more from him than he usually did. He’d never felt a liquid start rolling down himself during this before but he certainly did now. He also felt his boyfriend huff even more as he continued and felt the fucker even bite down harder, like he was forgetting, ‘hey you’re drinking from ur boyfriend here’. And it was getting all too much when P1s knee pressed in between his legs more and the room felt like it was spinning.
With what energy he could muster, he let out a silent “hey…” when p1 didn’t answer and just kept on ‘enjoying his meal’ that he was taking a bit too much enjoyment of, he gave a slight pat to his hip. “Hey. C-calm down already..y-you’re gonna- I’m not gonna have much blood left sk-skippy.” Thankfully this got P1s attention this time and he finally slowly unhooked his fangs out, quickly licking up what was still pouring out before sitting up straight to look at p3. And sure, p3 felt super fucking light headed and probably wouldn’t be in the mood for his bj anymore now that he can’t focus on one thing much and was tired as shit but what he did notice and take immense pleasure of was how fucking blissed out his boyfriend looked now..only being slightly terrified that his boyfriends mouth and chin was pretty well covered in his blood.
The life in his eyes was back and even some color was in his face now. His cheeks were back to looking a bit plumper again too. He watched as p1 licked his lips and a slurty grin appeared on his face. “Guessed you had fun hm??” P3 asked as he rested his head back on the couch. “Mhm~ thank you babe.” P1 sang as he leaned in to give him a quick kiss. P3 only hummed ‘mhm’ back before closing his eyes. The ginger stared at him for a moment longer while licking more of the blood off his lips before going to slip back down onto the ground to get started on his side of the deal..until a hand grabbed his upper arm and p3 only shook his head. “Forget it. You nearly damn killed me I just wanna chill for a moment.”
“Oh…sorry…do you want me to patch up your arm?” P1 innocently asked as he looked back over to the bloody shoulder. Again p3 shook his head and now pulled p1 up closer and wrapped his arms around him. “Nope. Just stay still for a minute would ya?” The vampire grinned and nuzzled into him. “Fine..you know we wouldn’t have this problem maybe if you’d let me turn you into a vampi-”
“We’ll get there when we get there” the brunette mumbled as he got moved to get more comfortable. P1 chuckled and finally closed his eyes too. “Of course”
#postal dude#p2 x p3#postal 2#postal 3#postal fanfic#sorry if this is uhhh BAD or whatever#the ending was kinda my first time writing like that so 😳😳😳 it’s prob not good but oh well#just having some FUNN
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think what I personally really enjoy about AroAce Rudyard is that I know, in my heart, that he would not ONCE spend a single thought thinking he was broken. This man is fully convinced everyone else is just being unnecessarily weird, which really resonates with me, who also spend like 22 years of his life not even considering the possibility that there's something "wrong" with me and that everyone else is simply a little overdramatic over love and sex.
#i know it's a different experience for everyone but besides like one or two little 'oh god this will affect my adult life' realizations that#i only had once i REALIZED i was aro and even then that was less a 'this is problem with me' and more a 'this is a problem because of other#people's expectations#anyway Rudyard Funn i love you sgdhsgshdh#love looses#rudyard funn#wooden overcoats#i think if like Georgie tried to explain being aro or ace to him he'd dismiss it too#he'd be like that's ridiculous georgie#he might think about it some more later tho#who knows#younger me thought he was simply a better person for not being silly about love and sex like#and that's very Rudyard#(and i have since grown and realized that I'm not a better person I'm just aroace)
250 notes
·
View notes
Text
AOAOAOA Ep #55: We got the four young superstars of the nostalgic horror sensation "Creepy Stuff" to talk about secrets of their new season, adjusting to an unreasonable amount of fame, getting emancipated, and bullying your agents.
#laughed so hard coming up with my queue tag i had to make the gifset of the context asap#the way that angela says back off has lived rent free in my head since i heard it#im going to have to do a second set at some point cause the follow up where they just continue bullying angela/her agent is so fucking funn#BUT YOU SHOULD WATCH IT IT IS ALL GOLD#aoaoaoa#aoaoaoa gifs#angela giarratana#jeremy culhane#kylie brakeman#patrick mcdonald#how do queue know that my reps aren't good? back off!
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
she's so arrogant and annoying and hot it pisses me off !!!
#like have some shame omg . have some respect#shes soooo certain i will date her she keeps saying shes not worried she doesnt care etc etc bc she knows i want to date her#not even that. she Declared we were dating. like when i was like do u even want this. not just going on dates but acc dating. and she was#like wdym? im already dating you . like ok??? i wasnt informed ig#anyway i said she was arrogant and she said she knows so.#also she did several things when she was drunk that i found cringe/i personally would b embarrassed if i was her but she just found it funn#like genuinely does she have no sense of shame#also her reasoning is that shes too hot to be rejected and since im talking to her instead of... not that makes her certain that#no matter what i say i wont reject her#WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO REJECT HER. DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT OR WHAT TO DO. UGH.#I WANT TO FIGHT HER FR MEIN GOTT#also i want her to be more romantic i literally told her im not asking her out on the next date lmao#also if we do end up dating properly i have to swear and oath never to argue w her and just communicate slowly and clearly bc imagine#lawyer and philosophy student get into an argument and theyre both scorpios. insane combination imo#INSUFFERABLE. she was also 40 mins late and tbf she did warn me and keep me updated but i was still rly mad at her bc#i was waiting for so long . and i was like . listen im gonna leave. and she walked thru the door. but anyway she apologised but also she#said no ones ever threatened to leave her b4. what do you mean before?? anyway i told her to respect my time more and she was like i cant#believe im being told off by a 21 yr old like bitch ur literally 24 stop acting ancient fuck off#UGH SHES SO IRRITATING. WHY DOESNT SHE CALL ME MORE.#crushposting
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
According to a conversation which @pixeldinostorytelling recounted on this post, David K Barnes said that he scrapped an episode idea in which Rudyard bumped into a childhood sweetheart, because it didn't feel true to the character.
I am of course a committed believer in Rudyard being an oblivious sex- and romance-repulsed aroace, and it occurred to me that the only way I could imagine Rudyard having a childhood sweetheart (or honestly any kind of romantic relationship) is by accident - i.e. if he ended up in a situation where the other person assumed they were dating and he was none the wiser.
So now I'm imagining this theoretical storyline where someone turns up on Piffling and introduces themselves as Rudyard's ex, astounding anyone within earshot. On hearing this, Rudyard asks "X what?" and completely denies the accusation that he is anyone's ex-boyfriend. The ex starts listing increasingly romance-coded things they did together while Rudyard responds with increasingly farfetched reasons why he interpreted those actions as indicating mutual platonic tolerance of each other. For example:
"You gave me your jacket." / "If you caught a cold it would have ruined our class presentation."
"We went for dinner on Valentines Day." / "I wanted to get away from Antigone moping and I was hungry."
"You gave me flowers!" / "I didn't mean to. I was trying to take them to a funeral I was meant to be helping out with, but I bumped into you and dropped them."
"What about that romantic candlelit evening?" / "The power had gone out."
"We kissed!" / "I thought you were trying to practise mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. You were bad at it."
#Wooden Overcoats#Rudyard Funn#I'm still glad Rudyard having a childhood sweetheart wasn't actually canon#but I have talked myself into this concept#I haven't specified the ex's gender because I feel like this could work with them being any gender#Tho probs more likely with a girl cos of ✨heteronormativity✨#Yes aroaces can have all sorts of both present and current relationships#but to me this is the only way Rudyard Funn would have an ex#Its so wild to me that there are some people out there who don't see Rudyard as aroace#No shade but it's just so true to me that he is#long post#Aspec podcast thoughts#Honestly I'd be on Rudyard's side here. Nothing is inherently romantic unless the people involved understand it as such#but that's a separate ramble
125 notes
·
View notes
Text
some random headcanon that idk where it came from in my head: radford n robert both have those cheap little plastic spider rings. they got them from a gumball machine and they wear them to match sometimes for a lol
#spooky month#spooky month radford#sm radford#spooky month robert#sm robert#i just randomly doodled it one time and thought it would be a funne lil thing#shoutout to people who have rlly cool spooky month headcanons! i dont#i like thinking of random little details that would probably never come up casually#for some reason it is fun to think of that stuff#once i get more comfy on this blog i am probably gonna spout out more of em with very little thought jst hit u w em liek a baseball bat
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
eeeeeeEee I have vip tix to a show tonight where Ill get to meet a couple comedians I've LOVED for years, who's podcasts I've listened to multiple times over, who've literally kept me company when I've moved to new cities countless times & knew nobody. I literally talk abt them to my friends like I know them HAHAHAHHA omg I'm NERVY AND EXCITED I MAY CRY I literally love them
#i wanna express how important one of them specifically is too me without coming off weird or like make him uncomfortable#like he literally without fail always makes me laugh and hes also just so himself and so vulnerable sometimes but also so annoying and funn#and some ppl are such assholes to him cuz they dont like his characters or hes abrasive sometimes which is fine to have ur opinion#but theyll comment mean shit abt him on the patreon which is fucked and he reads it obviously and sometimes it makes him sad#and that makes me want to fight ppl#so j wanna express that his brand of comedy is not for some but its also EXACTLY for some people like ITS EXACTLY FOR ME#i dunno feeling defensive and emotional abt someone who doesnt know me yet again HAHAH#mommys musings
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
me: okay im pretty tired so im just gonna find something light to watch
video about the rms laconia: exists
me: oh hey, i know that one pretty well, i wont end up angry crying about it this time. clicks on video
an hour later
me: is angry crying about it this time
#kai rambles#...listen#ive said like ten thousand times that im a ship person but not a warship person#but i know about a fairly decent amount of them#mostly because a lot of liners got requisitioned on ww1 or ww2#or were secretly helping the war effort like lusitania#so like i know about lusitania or the captain or hood or sydney etc.#olympics dazzle paint for the war effort is actually a really cool topic#but like#obviously a lot of warship stories are very tragic like the uss indianapolis#and the laconia#but the laconia is just like being punched over and over and over again#because even before the disaster youve got italians pows on board who were being treated awfully and someone having to stand up and stop it#them youve alsl got her being unaccompanied on her route despite being a target and needing it because the navy just didnt have the boats#which led to some officers and civilian passengers feeling overconfident because ''we dont need an escort'' and oh yeah there were civilian#specifically the wives and CHILDREN of the sailors or soldiers#and to make it worse shes over 20 years old and needs new boilers and anywhere she goes a giant black cloud of smoke follows from her funne#so shes an easy target which led to her a u-boat torpedoing her and her sinking which also had this thing where they tried to trap the pows#in the ship so everyone else could get off which fuck that and also it was listing so not all the lifeboats could be launched and most were#overcrowded and also there were sharks atfacking them#and then the u-boat is coming nearer but when the captain realises who were on board HE STARTS A RESCUE EFFORT#and he lies to base and manages to organise a rescue with other u-boats (preventing an attack actually) but then hitler gets wind of it and#he cancels that and tells them to leave the survivors to their fates SO THIS GUY DISOBEYS HITLER AND MAKES A DESPERATE CALL IN ENGLISH TO#THE ALLIES ASKING FOR RESCUE PROMISING NOT TO ATTACK IF THEY DONT ATTACK AND GIVING HIS POSITION TO THEM#and they don't even believe it for two days straight but eventually a few more u-boats arrive to help with promises from italy france &#britain to help and like theyve got a 1000 people mostly in lifeboats tied to the u-boats flying the red cross. and in the night the u-boat#on scene get separated and an american bomber arrives on scene and the survivors think rescues coming but then the bomber gets orders#TO SINK THE U-BOAT SO THEY FIRE OFF THREE ATTACKS WITH ONE JUST LANDING WITHIN THE LIFEBOATS KILLING PEOPLE#and the u-boat guy ends up having to leave the scene because hes fearful for his crew now understandably and the survivors just have to wai#for rescue which does come. but wanna know what happened to the bomber and the guy who gave the order? NOTHING. NOT EVEN AN INVESTIGATION
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
So the biggest exam of my semester is in 59 hours and I'm too tired to do any kind of work. Please send help. This is fine.
#sorry for spamming on here but im too tired to care#chronic illness is so funn yall#ive gotten through 66% of my preparations/the curriculum so this is shaping up to be my worst semester result wise ever#which is fine. i mean it is what it is but i had a full on week long break down a year and a half ago for getting a c so this might be fun#gotta love gifted kid syndrome#what do you mean i cant just get straight As now that im only able to do like 25-30 hours work a week and also had major surgery#this semester 😲#i mean itll be fine. unless i have spectacularly bad luck i wont be drawn both in orthopaedic and kbp#and barring that i really probably wont fail or anything#i might even get lucky and get drawn in like SCa and oncology or pain conditions in which case i might even get an a but like...#im probably realistically speaking at like a D. which is fine. its fine. really.#ill just have to get comfortable with the idea and also maybe if im not too sick work some on kbp#orthopaedics can suck my dick honestly. except fractures. fractures can stay theyre alright.#fucking knee and shoulder pathology in orthopaedics however is the fucking worst and i hate the existence of both shoulders and knees wirh#a burning passion atm#he said having been unable to study for like two days and needing a 5 hour lie down after attending a 3 hour seminar earlier in the week#surely that has nothing to do with my current condition#or predicament rather#anyways yeah i love rambling in the tags when im too tired to function properly#not space
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wish tfa used sparkplug (dog) more mostly cuz of my robodog bias but also i think that it would have been interesting to explore his relationship with sari (or just the sumdacs in general since he was one of professor sumdacs first creations) and maybe he couldve been like saris version of roller and he could like idk transform into smth cool lol
#maybe some dog angst all the cartoons had that for some reason#i dont know how to properly explain this i just like imagining what it would be like if sparkplug had been a recurring character i guess??#like how they could excuse keeping him around but maybe that would land him in the scrappy doo category for some ppl#(i say that as a scrappy doo apologist)#OH AND THE SOUNDWAVE AND SARI SIBLING THING ISNT ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGE IN-SERIES BUT THEY COULD HAVE TH PARALLEL OF FUNNE PET
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hiii, I'm back for one night, and then I'm back offline for a few more days!!!
#im still dealing with some shit but i want to hang out yknow. have fun?? hopefully l ol.#also ignoring T witter not bc i don't have a lot to say but bc i wouldn't be calm about it and i don't need that rn lo l#but just look at this blogg maybe you already know what i would say...#anyway i don't remember what's on the card besides h angman vs k ip but that sounds funn#rin posting#there better be an e lite p romo or it's on sight t k#im j oking btw...#i h ope i don't miss anything. im waiting for a phone call. hope it's during something i dc about or I'll be☹️
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
𐦍༘?can i 𐦍༘⋆
↬ choi seungcheol
𓇣 pairing- nonidol!cheol x fem reader, dom!seungcheol x sub!reader, bestfriend!cheol x fem reader, friends to lovers<3
𓇣 summary- your best friend calls you late at night for something other than a innocent hangout.
𓇣 warnings- dumb confessing love to each other, oral sex (m receiving), fingering (f receiving), dirty talk, cum swallowing, kissing, MDNI, lmk what else
𓇣 a/n- this is just a random fic that u wrote a long time ago.. i liked it enough to post so lmk what you think!! should i write a part two? ALSO IM BACK FROM LITERALLY NOT POSTING FOR DAYS!!!! im posting a lot of fics today<3 luv u guys 😡
tossing and turning in your bed has gotten you wide awake. you’ve been trying to fall asleep for the past hour. it now being 1:30am as glance at your clock.
you sigh closing your eyes again before you start to get a call. you groan reaching for your phone. seeing it’s seungcheol you make a confused expression, pressung answer.
��cheol? it’s so late what’s up?” you question and he just sighs. “okay- um this is gonna sound crazy but can i pick you up? i’ve been thinking you all night.” he confesses. his voice sounding tense but lust filled.
“thinking about me? what do you mean?” you are beyond confused now, wanting him to explain it. of course cheol has said something like this to you before, but this time it feels different.
“just let me come get you and i’ll explain then. can i?” he asks. you don’t even know why but your mouth is immediately saying that you would love for him to pick you up.
you having no control when it comes to cheol. you sigh again as you force yourself out of the warmth of your bed to grab some pants to throw on.
quickly changing as you know cheol, how fast he would get to your house. speaking of, your phone lights up with a text from the boy telling you he’s outside. you slip on your slippers and head out of your house into his car.
“well good morning to you.” you say sarcastically as you get into the passenger seat. “can i just drive and explain? it’s kind of a lot to take in.” he starts to drive to your guys usual spot to watch the sunset. you couldn’t do that now obviously…
“so.. were you asleep when i called?” “no unfortunately i haven’t been sleeping very well and these were one of the completely sleepless nights.” he sighs not taking his eyes of the road.
“i’m sorry i hope you can sleep better tomorrow.” he says looking at you for a moment to give you a soft smile before finally arriving at your spot.
“are you gonna tell me why you wanted to pick me up at 2 in the morning?” you turn your gaze to him and he just nods. “don’t freak out okay-“ he cuts himself off.
“y/n- i’m in love with you. and everyday i’m more and more in love with you. i couldn’t get confessing to you off my mind. i wanted you to know in person.” he says looking at you for a reaction, response, anything.
“cheol i-“ he sighs thinking he already knows what you’re gonna say. “i know you don’t feel the same. i had a feeling you didn’t but i just need to tell you okay? it was killing me and i just don’t want anything to be weird now-“ you stop his words with your finger.
“cheol shut up. i’m in love with you too.” you confess as well catching him completely off guard. “wait are you serious? don’t mess with me that’s not funn-“ you cut him with a kiss against his lips.
“you believe me now?” he nods pulling you to kiss him again. “you don’t know how bad i wanted to do that.” he admits with a deep sigh.
“cheol-you know-i- me too.” his hands intertwined with yours. you feel so safe with him. you want nothing more than to be his. you want him to be yours.
“y/n i- please let me kiss you again.” and that’s how you ended up here. on your knees in the backseat next to your best friend, reaching for his dick as he fucks his fingers into you.
“cheol-“ he smirks down at you. “feel good baby? keep going.” you nod at his words finally pulling his dick out of his pants. shocked at the size of course. you have never been with anyone with a dick this big- nearly coming on his fingers.
“go ahead, let me see you baby.” he’s looking down at you with intimidating eyes. you give his dick a couple strokes causing him to hiss but mindlessly ruts his hips up with your hand.
you kitten lick the tip of his dick not breaking eye contact with him. a load groan erupting from him. his fingers are starting to fuck into you faster. your moans against him making him crazy.
“fuck just like- that. feels so fucking good.” his hips moving with your mouth as you fuck yourself back onto his fingers.
“look at you. o-oh fuck” your mouth speeding up on his cock. his fingers curling inside of you causing you to moan. you gag on his dick as his hips start to meet your mouth.
you cum on his fingers hard as you feel him start to fuck your mouth. he fucks his fingers into slowly before pulling them out to bring them up to his mouth.
he hums before groaning when he sees you looking up at him. he pulls his fingers out his mouth, his hand inching to your ass rather quickly.
“i’m gonna- fuck i’m coming. you’re so beautiful.” his cum shooting deep into your mouth as his hips fuck up with his groans.
you keep eye contact with him as you swallow. he groans trying not to fuck your mouth again. you sit up to kiss him.
“you’re so pretty.” he gives you a big smile as the two of you get dressed. you blush and look away from him. “want to come to my house?” he smiles at you.
#choi seungcheol#seungcheol x reader#Spotify#seventeen#svt#svt fanfic#svt smut#svt imagines#cheol#seventeen seungcheol#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol smut#seungcheol imagines#seungcheol scenarios#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol x you#seventeen smut#seventeen fanfic#svt x reader#svt fic
541 notes
·
View notes
Text
.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.𝝑𝝔 He's just not you !! ´ˎ˗
Percy Jackson x Fem!Dionysus!Reader
Synopsis: After a messy break-up and reader moves on, she realizes that no one can be Percy.
Warning(s): cursing, allusions to sex(I basically said it I just didn't describe it), reader and Percy are 18 at the beginning.
Word Count: 2770
You and Percy met back when you first came to camp a few years ago. The two of you were never close, but you both had the same friends so you were friendly with each other.
One night a couple of the other campers decided to get together and throw a party. The party was in a deep neck of the woods where not even the harpies could locate. While everyone was dancing and having fun, you and your brother Pollux snuck off to bring some wine back for the party. When you and Pollux ran back with the wine everyone began to cheer and start drinking, and as quickly as you ran in, kids started getting tipsy.
As the party continued, it was now nearing 1AM. You decided to sneak off for a little bit to enjoy some quiet by the creek, only hearing faint sounds of music behind you. Along with the rest of the party, you yourself, despite being a daughter of Dionysus, were quite drunk. Your senses were off and before you know it, Percy came and sat down next to you, with a nearly empty bottle clutched in his hand.
"Hey Percy" you slurred out, causing the both of you to laugh a little. Dionysus kids were supposed to have a higher tolerance, clearly it's not showing.
"Heyy Y/N" Percy dragged out. You both sat there giggling for no apparent reason. You were both so intoxicated neither of you had a coherent thought for the past 30 minutes. You both were so intoxicated you didn't realize how close you were currently sitting. You both were so intoxicated you didn't realize you were both leaning in. And you both were so intoxicated, you didn't realize you two were now making out.
The kisses you both were sharing were hot and sloppy. The taste of the wine was dripping from the both of your mouths, and the need to take each others clothes off was absolutely suffocating. You both had ran back to Percy's cabin as fast as possible, trying your best not to stumble over each others feet. After you both made it you stripped of each others clothes and had a longgg and funn night.
When you had woken up at around.. 6AM?? You were fighting a massive headache, courtesy to the long night of drinking. When you finally came to your senses you realized the arm that is currently wrapped around you was Percy's arm. You tried to sneak out of bed while trying not to wake Percy, but failing miserably when you were trying to get up but slipped and rolled to the floor, creating a loud thump. You were groaning loudly as the Poseidon boy started to stir awake.
"Do you have to be loud while you sneak out, the whole point of sneaking is to be quiet." Percy muttered as he rubbed his eyes awake.
"Sorry.." Silence filled the room as Percy sat up and you both stared at each other. "We probably shouldn't have.."
"Well- we already did. And I know you had fun" you looked away as you were absolutely flushed in the face as you recalled last nights activities.
"Yeah um" you paused "yeah, but still.. I should probably start heading out." You grabbed one of the sheets and kept it tied around you as you started to pick up your clothes from the floor. Percy just stayed in bed, planning on returning to sleep after you left and staying in till noon.
As you finished getting dressed and headed toward the door Percy began to speak. "Hey, uh, don't be a stranger you know." You stopped and turned back to Percy, giving him a thumbs up before leaving. You stood outside the doors taking a deep breathe before running back to your cabin and slipping back into bed before your brother woke up and noticed you.
The rest of the week went by as normal, at least that's what you wanted to say. You and Percy still hung around the same people so things were kind of awkward for a while, thankfully no one said anything about it. The two of you silently agreed not to say anything about that night. You were just drunk.
At this point a month has now passed. You and Percy were past it and were actually now conversing as normal friends. Things were going good in your eyes.
One evening while Pollux was anyway for a quest, you were sat alone reading a book in your cabin and listening to the rain drizzle in from outside. Suddenly there was a knock at your door. When you went up and opened the door, you didn't expect to see Percy standing there. He was slightly wet from the rain, looking nervous.
You tilted your head at him, confused as to why he needed to get here in the rain so urgently. "Percy?"
Percy didn't respond before just leaning forward and kissing you. You began to kiss back, running your fingers through Percy's hair. Then you realized, you're running your fingers through Percy's hair. You pulled away and looked into Percy's glossy eyes.
"Percy! What is this" you said quickly. You didn't mind kissing him if you were being honest with yourself, but you had thought that this would never happen again.
"Please- I, I just reallyyy need you right now. Y/N please?" The desperation in his voice was kinda turning you on. You looked between his eyes and quickly down at his lips before jumping up in his arms and reconnecting your lips. As Percy began to walk toward your bed, you made sure to kick the door shut so no one got a free peak at what was about to happen.
And yeah, it happened again. And yeah, things were a little awkward again. Percy made the effort to talk to you, but you were still kind of confused with what the two of you were. While campers were finishing up their lunches, you sat high up in a tree playing with the leaves and growing some grape vines. As you plucked a grape off the vine and ate it, Percy had climbed up and sat in front of you, leaving you no where to run.
"Why are you avoiding me, I thought we stopped that" Percy spit out.
"Oh um, hey Percy" you didn't know what to say. You didn't specifically know why you were avoiding him, you just knew you didn't want to fall for a guy who only came looking for you when he was horny.
"Can you please answer me?" Percy was basically pleading.
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?
"I mean, are you just using me? Because if you are can you just stay away from me" you begged.
"What makes you think that's all I care about?"
"You never come and seek me out, and last time you did was just to get in my pants. So what's your deal?"
"My deal is I don't know how to talk to you, but I know I like you."
"Are you serious?" Your eyes were wide. You really thought you were just being used.
"Very. I've been wanting to figure out how to just ask you out or something, but I don't know how. And after sleeping together its been awkward.." Percy looked down. "Not that I regret it though" you chuckled at the last part.
You smiled subtly as you reached and grabbed for Percy's hands, bringing him closer to you. Percy looked down at you, slowly leaning in and kissing you tenderly. Not even caring that your dad was roaming around somewhere.
After a few days, you and Percy were now officially dating. Your friends were utterly shocked when you told them the full story as to what happened between the two of you.
The next few months went by as a breeze, the two of you couldn't have been happier. Now of course, the honeymoon was coming to a close. The two of you seemed to have been arguing over the smallest things. Like 'why were the two of you so friendly?' or 'why couldn't you just do the one thing I asked of you?' These screaming matches made you both glad you didn't have siblings, or at least many of them, all the yelling would just lead to sex and to having a good next day, then the cycle would start back up.
Fast forward, today was now your one year anniversary. You had woken up In Percy's bed, just to turn over and see that he wasn't there. You decided not to think much of it as you just got dressed and left the cabin to find Percy. You began walking around till you saw Percy sparring with head Hermes counselor, Luke. You continued to make your way toward the two when Luke was the first to notice you.
"Hey Y/N" Luke greeted still fighting with Percy.
"Hey guys" you said.
"Oh hey Y/N, sorry for leaving earlier, just felt like working out" Percy said as he swung at Luke before they both stopped and put their swords down so Percy could talk to his girlfriend.
"Yeah no.. it's uh, fine." Did he not remember or something? "Anyways do you have plans or something later?"
"Um I think I'm leading a sword class for some of the younger campers later, why?" Oh.
"Um, no reason it's fine. I'm gonna head back to my cabin see you later" You rushed as you ran back to your cabin trying not to let the rushing tears fall from your eyes.
"Whats up with her" Percy questioned as he turned back to Luke who looked at him like he was the biggest moron ever.
"There's no way even I remember and you don't" Luke said bluntly.
"What are you talking about?"
"Percy. What day is it?"
"Um Tuesday, I think?"
"No dude, the date." Then it finally clicked in Percy's head.
"Holy shit, I'm such a dick. Look I gotta run" And with that Percy ran off to your cabin. He ran in and saw you curled up in your bed crying. He went to sit right by you as he began apologizing "Look Y/N I'm so sorry, please forgive me it just slipped my mind."
"Really? The day you finally asked me out just slipped your mind?" You said as you stood up, you sadness turning to anger. "Percy what are we even doing here?"
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying all we do is fight, when was the last time we had a good day that was followed up by another good day instead one full of fighting?" You wanted to say more but Percy cut you off.
"Look Y/N I'm sorry but please, we can work it out. Just please don't say it, don't say what I think you're going to say."
"I have to Percy. We aren't working. And us wanting it to work isn't what's going to make it work. We have to stop." You were basically sobbing at this point. And when you rubbed your eyes to remove the tears, you saw Percy was also crying at this point.
"No please I'm sorry don't do this."
"I'm sorry Percy" you kept crying. "Please just leave" you said the last part quietly, but loud enough for him to hear you. He didn't continue to fight you, he just began to leave. The second he left you went back to the spot in your bed you were curled up on and continued to sob.
The next few weeks were hell, but they were needed. You slowly began to heal and enjoy the argument free days you were having. On a sunny afternoon, you were hanging out with your friend Silena in her cabin while she gave you a makeover. It was something she enjoyed doing, so you just let her. As she finished up, her sister walked in telling her she needed her to oversee something as head counselor. When Silena began to walk out, she asked you to deliver something to Charles as the Hephaestus workshop, which you did.
When you got there and did what Silena asked of you, you made you way to leave. As you did so, you tripped on some left over scrap on the floor, falling toward the floor landing on your knees.
"Woah there are you okay" said one of the Hephaestus kids as he came up to you and helped you up.
"Yeah that's my bad, hopefully that wasn't anything important" you said sheepishly as you looked down at the scrap metal.
"Nah you're good don't worry about it" he then extended his hand toward you. "Anyways, I'm Caleb."
"Y/N" you said as you shook his hand. "Anyways I've got to head out, see ya around."
"Yeah," Caleb said. "I sure hope so" he whispered the last part as he watched you walk away.
The next few weeks, you kept seeing Caleb around. He continued to spark up conversations every chance he got and the two of you began to become friends.
After about a month into your friendship, things started to shift. Caleb started to shift at least. You noticed he'd try asking you to hang out alone more often, and he'd make you little things while in the work shop. Of course you found it sweet, and your friends in the Aphrodite cabin found it even sweeter. You weren't blind, you could see Caleb's budding crush that he had on you. You didn't want to stay hung up on Percy, so you tried to let your self get closer to Caleb.
At first it worked, you were having fun. It felt free to just hangout with someone without all the fighting. Until one day he took you out to walk by the river together. You both were just talking like normal when Caleb suddenly started to get quiet.
"Hey Caleb, are you okay? Why are you so quiet?" You stopped walking and just turned to look at him.
He got shy and was looking down at the floor before looking at you in the eyes. "I can tell you anything right?"
"Yeah I mean, that's what friends are for right?"
"Right.. friends." he said with a weird reluctance on the word 'friends.' And with that, he just leaned in and kissed you. You felt nothing. There were no butterflies, and no want to kiss back. Just a single tear sliding from your left eye.
When Caleb pulled away and say your expression he began apologizing profusely. You just shook your head and told him it wasn't his fault, but that you had to go. You apologized and started running as fast as you could.
Finally, you saw the famous sea-green cabin. You walked up and a few more tears had slid down as you started banging and banging on Percy's door, praying to the gods that he's in here and he answers. Which thankfully he did.
"Y/N? Are you okay whats wrong?" Percy looked concerned, like he still cared. That look alone made you feel more than the kiss you shared with Caleb.
"Percy, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I thought we didn't work and I tried to move on. But oh my gods, there's no one ever who could compare to you. Fighting just showed we care-"
Percy's lips were pressed onto yours. His lips were so warm and familiar and you couldn't have felt better that they were back on yours.
"I hated seeing you with that fucking Hephaestus kid." He kissed you quickly before pulling away and saying "I'll be better, and I'll swear it on the river of styx. I'm never letting you go again." He whispered this last part. "And I don't want to see that Caleb kid sniffing around my girl every again okay?"
You giggled as you just brought him back into a kiss. That was something you didn't mind agreeing to and if you were Caleb, you also wouldn't have minded agreeing to it. This may have been the best make-up sex the two of you ever had.
Now the two of you were in over a year into your relationship. And when Percy swore it on the river of styx, he truly meant it. You guys weren't fighting and you learned to talk. You just needed the time apart to truly feel what you were missing. And now you both were happier and healthier than before. It was all just perfect.
#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#percy jackson pjo#percy pjo#percy series#percy jackson fluff#percy jackson angst#pjo series#pjo x reader#percy jackson x reader#percy jackson x y/n#percy jackson x you
404 notes
·
View notes
Text
TARGET : UCHIHA, SASUKE.
LOCATION : @retributes
ASSIGNMENT : INBOX CLEAROUT.
ENCRYPTED : " look , i'm not here to fight you , alright ? "
❝ could’ve fooled me. ❞ she scoffs, just a touch too casually. even at his clarification, she is reluctant to lower her gun. it’s not that she does not trust him, not entirely at least. she doesn’t trust most people. sasuke is only slightly above that category.
it takes a moment of study before she can relax. for her, that moment is hours, days, even. at a glance, she takes in his figure, every slight twitch of muscle, where he could reach for a weapon, if that look on his face is truly honesty. a thorough search tells her he means it. gun is holstered back into the waist band of her pants. it would not be difficult to brandish it again.
❝ what is it that brings you here? did you need me for something? ❞ dead serious but then a beat, a teasing grin. ❝ or did you just miss me? ❞
#「 ACCESS FILE :// OUTGOING. 」: target eliminated˒ mission success.#hands u an rl icon for funsies#but imagines this still takes place in nart verse#just cuz#bel being the One person with a gun in ninja world#is fucking hilarious to me#like she still probably has some form of power#i mean im toying w the idea of using french mythos to create an equivalent n such for her#which i did w the Caribbean with a friend once#idk idk <3 take this#her having a glock is funn
1 note
·
View note
Text
youtube
new video about Edgar Wright's Cornetto Trilogy, and how everyone* keeps getting them wrong! this video is sponsored by Nebula, a place where you can watch the original version of this video before I had to tweak it for YouTube's copyright bots. (by clicking that link, you can get an annual subscription for 40% off.) or you can just back me on Patreon, which is also cool and good.
transcript below the cut.
I adore Edgar Wright’s Cornetto Trilogy. I flirted with making a video about it ages ago, had a draft of a script, but ultimately decided it wasn’t about anything except “here’s a thing I like, and here are its (I thought) very obvious themes.” So I shelved it. But, in the years since, I have seen multiple video essayists on this here website claim that these movies are about growing up and taking responsibility. (I say “multiple.” It’s not a lot. But it’s more than one! And that’s enough.)
These people are 100% wrong.
Lemme lay it out: the Cornetto Trilogy is not about growing up. It is not about taking responsibility. It is the exact opposite, and that’s not subtext. It is three movies about stunted manchildren thrust into extraordinary circumstances, and each, in the end, is saved - is redeemed - by abandoning his character arc and failing to grow or change. It is a three-part love letter to immaturity.
And I guess I have to set the record straight.
Sometimes making a video about a thing you love is an act of appreciation. And sometimes it’s out of spite.
The Cornetto Trilogy is three movies: Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End. All three are written by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright; Pegg stars, and Wright directs; all three center on a relationship between Pegg and real-life best friend Nick Frost, which makes each film a reunion of the core team behind Spaced (excepting, but for a small role in Shaun of the Dead, Jessica Hynes). The three films span three genres: zombie apocalypse, buddy cop, alien invasion; each features a Cornetto ice cream cone: strawberry to represent blood, original blue to represent the police, and mint to represent little green men; this is a joking nod to Krzysztof Kieślowski’s Trois Couleur films, Bleu, Blanc, and Rouge, which were based on the colors and themes of the French flag (I don’t care what you say, Emily: #TeamRouge); that nod is funny because Trois Couleur is high-art drama and these are comedies. All three are parodies of, tributes to, and actually surprisingly good executions of their respective genres. And the hook, the gag at the center of all these movies, is that Simon Pegg plays a character wholly unsuited to be starring in this kind of film.
Shaun, the burnout, is the wrong person to survive the zombie apocalypse; by-the-book British bobby Nicholas is the wrong person to lead an American-style bombastic actioner; and alcoholic asshole Gary is the last person to save the world from aliens.
And I think that’s where people get stuck. Because “schlub finds himself protagonist of a genre film” is the elevator pitch for like a dozen Adam Sandler movies. The genre trappings may be as mundane as parenthood or mandated anger management classes, or as high-concept as action movie, whodunnit, or time travel It’s a Wonderful Life if Clarence were Christopher Walken as the angel of death (that… that makes it sound good, it’s not, don’t see Click; leave Frank Capra alone, Adam). But all these movies have the same basic shape: an extraordinary situation forces a guy to confront his shortcomings, which always stem from having never grown up. And you probably haven’t seen all of these movies, but if you’ve seen any, I bet you have assumptions about how the rest end: even though “Adam Sandler acts like a child” is generally the selling point of an Adam Sandler movie, they all end with some lip service toward becoming an adult: hey man, grow up a bit; appreciate your family a little more; square your shoulders; clean your room. This is so standard, it was parodied mercilessly in Funny People.
And this was a formative microgenre for my generation! Whole universe turns itself upside down to teach some shitty dude to, like, do the dishes and pay his wife a compliment now and then - Liar Liar, Bruce and Evan Almighty (all directed by the same guy, by the way). So I don’t blame people of a certain age for seeing the first act of Shaun of the Dead and thinking “I know where this is going.” And when, at the last minute, it swerves and goes someplace else, you could read that as a gag, a final subversion of expectation, still the same basic shape. But no! No! Once is a gag - thrice??? Thrice is a thematic statement!
So lemme make my case. I’ma take you through these movies one by one - we’ll talk about the manchildren and the expectations set by the genre, and then we’ll talk about that last-minute swerve and what it means. And then you’ll tell me I’m right and apologize!
Shaun of the Dead:
Shaun is a man in his twenties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the slacker.
What is his problem? He needs to sort his life out. Shaun doesn’t know how to take action. He hasn’t advanced since college - he’s been working the kind of job a teen takes over the summer for like a decade, lives with the same best friend, has the same petty fights with his stepdad, goes to the same pub every week with the same group of people. He can’t make a reservation, he can’t manage a calendar, he’s a washup. This makes his girlfriend, Liz, feel stifled, trapped; he is a weight around her ankle, taking her on the same date week after week, keeping her from living her own dreams, having her own adventures. She gives him one last chance to prove he can sort his life out, and he blows it, and she dumps him.
And then: a zombie movie happens.
The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: to survive, and save his loved ones, he’ll have to take action, make plans, be decisive. This is a common fantasy: when you feel ground down by the mundanity of life, you might imagine, oh, if only a crisis would happen, like a zombie virus outbreak, where my normal-life problems like “am I gonna make rent,” “is my girl gonna take me back,” “is my roommate gonna kick out my stoner buddy who’s crashing on the couch” become meaningless, and it’s immediately clear what’s really important, what matters. Then I’d know exactly what to do. It’s why disaster movies work as escapism: a necromantic plague - or at least the fantasy of one - is sometime preferable to normal life.
Hot Fuzz:
Nicholas is a man in his thirties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the hall monitor.
What is his problem? He can’t switch off. He is a hypercompetant police officer with a rulebook where his brain should be. He’s so good at being a cop that he’s spotting and unraveling crimes even on his day off. He can’t maintain a relationship, has no friends, all his coworkers hate him because he keeps finishing their work for them, and his stats show up the rest of the force so badly that they scuttle him out to the country.
Now you might be thinking, “Mmm. A fastidious police officer who can’t have fun? How is that a manchild? Sounds pretty grown-up to me. You’re reaching, bud.” Ohhhh ho ho, smartass, do you remember this scene? [bar scene] Yeah! Nicholas Angel has a five-year-old’s notion of law and order. He’s still playing cops and robbers.
And that’s a problem, because then: an action movie happens.
It doesn’t happen all at once: he goes out to the country and finds they do things a bit differently there. They are (ostensibly) less concerned with rules than what than the rules are for: if the purpose of drinking laws is to keep the streets safe and orderly, and letting some people off with a warning or allowing kids drink so long as they do it inside achieves that end, the rule can be bent. That’s a judgment grown-ups can make; I mean, they’re the ones who wrote the rules in the first place. So be lenient with shoplifters, don’t hassle people for speeding; this isn’t the Big City, you can use your better judgment. But Nicholas never got past doing whatever Mom & Dad said; obedience, and trusting whoever’s up the chain, is his entire moral framework. He can’t accept that bending the law could be more righteous than following it.
But also maybe there’s a criminal conspiracy murdering people and writing it off as accidents and the police chief might be in on it. Or maybe Nicholas is so desperate for a big case with no moral ambiguity that he’s seeing things where they aren’t.
The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: either there’s nothing going on and he needs to chill out about procedure, or the department is corrupt and he’ll have to go rogue like it’s Point Break - and this is how he experiences Point Break. [“paperwork”]
No matter what, he’ll have to bend the rules, which he constitutionally cannot do.
The World’s End:
Gary is a man in his forties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the delinquent.
What’s his problem? Pfffft. What isn’t his problem? Gary is a manipulative, narcissistic, lying, self-destructive, ignorant, violent, thieving, shit-talking, unapologetic asshole who peaked in high school when being all those things was still kind of badass. The greatest night of his life was the drunken pub crawl after graduation he and his friends didn’t even finish, and he’s been tumbling downhill ever since. He’s spent his life ruining everyone who knows him until there’s no one left to ruin but Gary King. So now it’s time to bully the old gang into going back home with him to relive that night by finishing the pub crawl, because, in his own words, it’s all he’s got. And he and his friends have to confront how home has changed since they left - the bars have gentrified, not everyone recognizes them; the defining, epic deeds of Gary’s youth have been forgotten. You can’t actually go back because that place doesn’t exist anymore.
And then: a sci-fi movie happens.
Turns out the town’s been taken over by aliens, and all the people who couldn’t conform to their new order have been replaced with robots! That’s why no one recognizes them! And that’s why the pubs all look the same: the aliens are homogenizing everything! And it’s clear, if they can’t get Gary and his friends to play ball, they’ll roboticize them as well! The obvious move is to get the hell out of town, but Gary keeps inventing excuses to stay and finish the pub crawl, and they sound pretty sensible because the group’s already five pints in. The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: sooner or later he’s gonna have to give up on recapturing his youth and do what’s best for him and his friends now, even if it means running back to the city where all his problems live.
So there we have it: the characters cross the threshold into an unfamiliar world where an external conflict cannot be addressed without resolving the tension within. The slacker will have to get his shit sorted, the hall monitor will have to break the rules, and the delinquent will have to do what’s good for him. And, to an extent, all three know this! The movies Wright and Pegg pay homage to exist in these stories - Shaun knows what a zombie is, Danny keeps Nicholas up watching Point Break and Bad Boys II, and Gary and friends know bodysnatcher movies so well they have philosophical debates with the robots about whether “robot” is the PC term.
So, yeah, if you turned the movies off there, I could forgive you for thinking that’s where they’re headed. But you goofballs watched them to the end and then made content about them, what is wrong with you???
What actually happens in the second halves of these movies?
Shaun twigs that he’s in a zombie movie and, at first, tries to play the part - his survival plans are miniature hero’s journeys with him as protagonist, wherein he’ll save the day by neatly confronting all his flaws. He’ll resolve parental conflict by saving his mom from his zombified stepdad, resolve romantic conflict by showing his girl he can come through when it counts, and resolve internal conflict by being a man who saves the day. And all his plans suck! It’s just the same plan he always comes up with! Dragging around the same useless liability of a bestie, collecting the same group of people, and holing up in the same pub! He doesn’t save his mom: his stepdad apologizes, resolving their conflict for him, and then survives in zombie form but Shaun’s mom gets killed; most of the friend group gets killed because the crisis does not actually suspend but in fact amplifies their personal grievances; and he doesn’t save the day, just manages not to die long enough for the military to show up.
But… well, Liz wanted adventure and now she’s had enough for a lifetime, so… she’s down to just be boring with him for a while - sit on the couch, watch TV, hit the pub. Beats running for your life. Tensions with the roommate are gone cuz roommate died, but rent is covered cuz Liz moved in. Zombies don’t get eradicated, just folded into normal life, so Shaun can mindlessly play video games with his bestie forever, and it’s not a problem that bestie doesn’t have an income cuz he doesn’t need food or shelter.
The zombie apocalypse doesn’t make Shaun sort his life out, it changes the world til he doesn’t have to.
When Nicholas discovers that, yes, there is definitely a murderous criminal conspiracy inside the police department, he recognizes the only way to bring about justice is to become what Danny has always wanted and go Dirty Harry on the town. It’s either that or just swallow the crimes. But he does neither. He and Danny go on an epic shooting spree, recreating famous movie scenes, taking out the entire criminal organization against all odds, and spouting badass one-liners… but everyone who helps them is a cop, they don’t actually kill anyone, all perps are formally arrested, and they fill out all the paperwork. I think he even properly signs out the weapons. He never switches off, never breaks a rule, does absolutely everything by the book, only… louder. And this violent showdown saves him from the chill town with lax rules he thought he’d moved to. Now he, with his five-year-old notion of right and wrong, is in charge of the police department.
The buddy cop actioner doesn’t make Nicholas bend the rules, it changes the world til he doesn’t have to.
Gary knows exactly how a movie of this sort is supposed to go and spends the whole movie running from it. Friends and secondary characters keep sharing these poignant moments with him, because they know this story, too: yeah, he’s gonna reject help at first, but sooner or later he’ll hit rock bottom and then someone will get through to him. And, as the night goes on, and the characters get drunker and drunker, and Gary passes up more and more opportunities to abandon the pub crawl and go home, these moments take a tone of desperation. They start to sound more like interventions; like, Gary, we all know you’re going to come to your senses but could you hurry up with it??? How many of your friends need to literally die for you to shape up? Are you gonna get them all killed?
And the answer is: Gary will never shape up! To Gary the Human Dril Tweet, his friends trying to save him, psychiatrists trying to treat him, and aliens trying to assimilate him are all the same thing. He doggedly makes it to the end of the pub crawl and confronts the alien overlord who tells him all the technological advancements of the past few decades - all the efficiency and homogenization that’ve changed the face of his home town - are their doing. The Information Age is an intervention on behalf of Earth, a pan-galactic effort to save humanity from itself. And the reason they’ve been replacing people with robots is some people are too fucked up to go along with it.
And here’s Gary, King of the Fuckups, brashly declaring that fucking up is what makes us human. There is no freedom without the freedom to ruin your life. We are endowed by our creator with the right to be drunken, ornery pieces of shit.
He tells the aliens to piss off and he’s so fucking annoying that they do, and they take the Information Age with them.
Now… I know… ugh… I know a lot of people love this movie, say it’s the best of the three. Some friends who’ve struggled with mental health or just being an adult under late capitalism really identify with Gary, and the valorization of being a mess. I see you, you’re not wrong, I get it, I really do. But can we just… not “but” but “also” can we… can we also admit that this ending is… this is Space Brexit.
Like, literally it’s an alien invasion but symbolically this is Gary rejecting the adult world of rules and authority and doing what’s best for the community and that’s how Brexiters view the EU. And people keep telling him “Gary, this is in your best interest” and Gary says, I don’t want my best interest! I am registered in the anti-Gary’s Face Party and I will cast my vote by cutting my nose! I choose to do what’s bad for me.
And, like a true Brexiter, he chooses for everybody.
Now tell me that’s a movie about growing up. Gary collapses human civilization in its entirety rather than change, and in the world that follows, he thrives… by being an immature, irresponsible bag of garbage.
To Wright and Pegg, growing up is death, and these are movies about being alive. These characters don’t cross the threshold back into the ordinary world with the ultimate boon of character growth; all three stay in the extraordinary world. The zombies remain, the robots remain, Nicholas is offered his London job back and chooses to stay in the country. These are stories about normal life spontaneously turning into a genre film, and they are made with deep love for those genres; why would they end with leaving those genres behind? Because it’s what Adam Sandler would do?
So there you have it. I rest my case.
“Okay Ian. Why does this matter?”
…what was that?
“You’ve made your point: these movies aren’t about growing up or taking responsibility. So what?”
Uhhhh.
“Bring it home for us.”
…
“Why do you care so much?
[breath]
I wrote the first draft of this script when I was around Shaun and Nicholas’ age, and “so what?” is why I shelved it. Now I’m Gary’s age, this video’s been in the back of my brain the whole time, but I got this far and “so what” is where I got stuck, again. This is why the CO-VIDs came out quicker, cuz I let myself end with “so that’s interesting!” and got on with my life. But there’s clearly something sticky here, more than “someone is wrong on the internet.” (Also, to the YouTubers I’m vaguebooking, who said these were movies about growing up - I’m way more annoyed at the folks I’ve argued with on Twitter about this, you just made a better rhetorical device; you do not owe me an apology!) (Also, to the commentariat: I am not extrapolating this from like two data points, this is chronic and recurring and has been bothering me for years.)
There are a few directions I could take this to give it some “cultural weight.” I could put on my social justice hat and talk about how the “crisis of adulthood” doesn’t play as broad comedy unless you look like Adam Sandler or Simon Pegg, or put on my class analysis hat and talk about how signifiers of adulthood are, traditionally, ways of spending and accruing capital which are, today, often inaccessible to people under 40.
And that’s all legit, but here’s the real deal: I’m just mad at Gary. The world changed around Shaun such that he could stay a child. And Nicholas ended up somewhere he could stay a child. If you missed that, you’re wrong, but whatever. But to say that Gary grew up grinds me, because Gary chose this. The whole movie is people telling him to grow up, and he says no! He says it out loud! He says it to the literal end of the world. To walk out of the theater and say “that’s a movie about growing up” is more than a mistake, it’s a refusal. It’s trying to “fix” the movie by fitting it into a more familiar shape, so it doesn’t say what it says, so Gary isn’t who he is, who he chooses to be.
I’m being cheeky when I say this because he’s a fictional character, but saying Gary grew up is enabling.
Gary says there’s no freedom without the freedom to ruin your life, which is the problem with alcoholics and libertarians: it’s not just your life, Gary! You live in a community, a culture, and an ecosystem! Your actions - everybody’s actions - impact other people! That’s just the way the world is! You can’t shit yourself at the bar without other people having to smell it. We’re all fuckin’ connected, man! You don’t want anyone’s will imposed on you; you spend the whole movie imposing your will on everyone else! You say humans don’t wanna be told what to do, and then you decide humanity’s future by yourself with no input or consent from anyone!
People point to Gary ordering water in the last scene instead of beer as evidence that he got sober, like that’s proof that he did grow up in the end, which are you fucking joking??? Getting sober is a shorthand for maturity the way buying a house is, it doesn’t signify anything in and of itself! Gary drank to escape the adult world of rules and responsibilities! So, yeah, under normal circumstances getting sober would mean he’s made peace with that world and is ready to integrate. But that’s not what happened! The thing he was escaping doesn’t exist anymore! He literally destroyed it!! People died! Probably millions! Now he lives a happy life LARPing as Omega Doom - no I don’t expect you to catch that reference! He doesn’t need to drink! He is literally reliving the best day of his life forever. And even if it did mean personal growth, the idea that a person could make what would be, unequivocally, the most selfish decision in human history, and then spend his life celebrating the outcome, oh but if he overcame a personal demon in the process then on balance that’s maturity? That is lightspeed solipsism! Who are you if you think that way? Are you all Adam Sandler???
And none of that makes this a bad ending, or Gary a bad character. I mean, he is the reason The World’s End is my least favorite, and I don’t like the ending, but I don’t think it’s bad that I don’t like the ending. Rather than watch another addict pull his life together or destroy himself, we watch a downward spiral with so much gravity the whole world self-destructs alongside him. And that’s why The World’s End is the most interesting of the three: it is a bold choice, and I think we are free to feel however we want about the conclusion Gary engineered for himself. I don’t think it’s valid to pretend it didn’t happen.
In the context of the trilogy, we see that Shaun’s immaturity is mostly a problem for Shaun: he would be, at worst, a footnote in the lives of the people who love him; “yeah, I liked Shaun a lot, but I couldn’t carry him through life anymore.” Nicholas is the kind of overachiever that is useful if pointed in the right direction; juvenile code of ethics aside, he is, empirically, helping the community (within the entirely fictional framework where that’s a thing police do). If the world hadn’t changed to turn their flaws into strengths, they would still be relatively harmless. Gary is what happens when immaturity isn’t harmless, and shows us how a world built by that immaturity would look.
There is an appeal to Gary King, a wish fulfillment. Letting your id fully off the leash because you no longer care what anybody thinks - it’s why some people drink, and it’s why some people would like to drink with Gary. But if that’s not just your Friday night, not just your twenties, but that’s your life? There is a destination at the end of that road, and it’s Gary doing something truly ugly. And we see that ugly thing the way Gary sees it: as awesome. But then you see the reality: the Monday morning after the Friday night. We went out with Gary and he did something terrible.
And I’m not telling you to hate Gary for it; I’m not saying Gary can’t be forgiven. In fact, seeing it for what it is is the only way Gary could be forgiven, because, if he “grew up and took responsibility,” there’s nothing to forgive.
I think this is the only way the trilogy could have ended. I mean, you make stories about boys who get older and older and don’t grow up, it eventually becomes a problem. There’s only two ways to resolve it: you either end with a guy actually sorting his shit out, or you go for broke and show what happens if he doesn’t. And I think some of us boys saw that and said, “no, noooo, they did grow up! all three of them!” rather than say, “haha! hahaaa! ……………shit.”
231 notes
·
View notes
Note
leah being boyfriend leah (cause we al love boyfriend leah) and trying to get the reader to take her medicine AND then BOOM teammates walk in (specify if you like) and like nobody knew they were together they though like FRIENDS
HAVE FUNN ILYYY DOMESTIC
Medicine
Leah Williamson x fem!reader
It was the time of year when the weather started to shift a little and everybody got sick. You, of course, are one of those lucky participants. This morning you woke up congested with a pounding headache, and your girlfriend took quick notice of this.
And here you are, still in bed arguing with Leah that you are perfectly fine. She stands at the end of the bed in a tank top with her arms crossed over her chest, giving you a look.
“Baby, I’m fine.” You assure her, yet you still remain in bed with the covers resting over your body. Your girlfriend has noticed you kicking and pulling the blankets up constantly through the night and morning, most likely because you have a cold and you’re experiencing temperature fluctuations. But you being you, you are too stubborn to let her know she’s right.
“I will give you €20 and I will leave you alone if you close your mouth and breathe through your nose.”
You squint your eyes at her, knowing where she is getting at. The chances if you do follow through with it, you’ll either suffocate or you will get proven wrong. Her eyebrows are raised, waiting for you to do something. You shake your head and get up out of bed.
“I gotta pee.”
Leah rolls her eyes at your obvious attempt to avoid the situation. “Would you stop being so bloody stubborn and just admit you are sick!” She shouts over the closed bathroom door. After a few seconds, she hears the toilet flush and the door open. You step out for just a second and give her a pointed look.
“I am not sick.”
Turning around, you make your way back into the bathroom to brush your teeth. “It’s not a bad thing you know. It happens to you almost every year.” Leah follows you, demanding that you give up on your front.
“Well lucky for me, it’s not happening this year.” Your words are muffled by your frothy mouth, but Leah understands every syllable. She sits on the standing tub and just stares at you through the mirror.
Once you’re done, you wipe your mouth with a rag and turn your body to look at the blonde. You place your hands on the counter behind you and look back at her. Finally, she stands up and puts her hands up in surrender.
“Fine. Then I guess you wouldn’t mind on Mills and Rach comin’ over, would ya?” Leah was already walking out of the bathroom, too ahead to see your eyes widening. Of course, you love the two but together? Together they are chaotic. And that would just add more pressure to your head, but you have to act like you’re excited to see them or Leah will question why you don’t want them over. While walking away, the blonde has a smug smile etched on her face, knowing exactly what she’s doing. She just wants you to admit that you’re feeling under the weather so she can wrap you up and take care of you.
“That sounds great, baby!” Her smile drops at your reply, and little does she know, so does yours.
—
A couple of hours later, both you and Leah lay on the couch, snuggled up in a blanket, watching Brooklyn 99. Your head leans on her shoulder while her arm is wrapped over yours, her hand rubbing up and down your arms, keeping you close. You feel a tickle in your throat and you bring up your fist to try and muffle your cough, but Leah notices your body jerking.
“Alright, that’s enough. I’m getting you some medicine.” She gets up from the sofa and heads toward your bedroom to get the cold medicine.
She returns to the living room with a spoon in one hand and a bottle in the other, making your eyes pop out of your head. “Leah, I am okay-“
“No, you’re not, and you are going to take this medicine right now.” Her voice is stern as she pours the syrup on the metal. You bounce up and start to make a run for it. “Y/n, I swear to god!” She places the spoon gently on the table and runs to find you.
As Leah is chasing you around the house, the door opens revealing Millie and Rachel with a few treats in their hands. They’re about to call out for the both of you before they are cut off by you sprinting past them, Leah hot on your trail.
“You will never catch me!”
“I will force this down your throat and you will take it!”
Both of the guests' eyes widen and they look at each other, Millie mouthing a wow as Rachel nods in agreement. They hear a huge thump along with a few screams.
“Get off of me!” Leah had somehow tricked you and hid herself in a corner where you were running past, giving her a chance to tackle you to the ground. Her legs clutch together your legs while her arms pin yours to the wooden floor.
“Millie, Rachel! Get me the syrup from the table, now!”
“Don’t listen to her, you guys!”
The two cluelessly drop the snacks and grab the medicine to give to Leah. When they come into the kitchen, they quickly hand the defender the spoon and bottle and back away, seeing you struggle underneath her. You gasp and look at the two.
“Traitors.”
Leah moves up so her knees are pinning your arms, leaving her hands free to gather what she needs. You continue to move your legs, hoping she might spill and give up, but much to your dismay, she has a steady ground. Millie and Rachel have already made their way to the living room to find something to watch so they can eat their food.
Your girlfriend pours the red liquid onto the spoon and starts to move it towards your mouth. You continuously shake your head back and forth, making it almost impossible to make it in your mouth, but the blonde uses her other free hand to grab your jaw and hold it in its place.
“Baby, please. We- we can talk about this.” You try and reason, but she just shakes her head with a smirk on her face.
“Nuh uh, now open wide, doll.” Her hand squeezes your cheeks, causing your jaw to slack open. The cold metal clanks against your teeth as the cherry syrup glides its way down your throat. You squeeze your eyes in disgust, hoping for the taste to go away as soon as possible. “See that wasn’t that bad.” Leah smiles when you open your eyes and leans down to place a chaste kiss on your lips.
Your tongue hangs out in disgust to show that it really was that bad. Your girlfriend rolls her eyes and gets off of you, offering you a hand which you take. The two of you walk into the living room to see Millie and Rach laughing at what seems to be the movie Grown Ups on the TV.
“Hello there, love birds!” Rachel says with a laugh. Leah places her arm over your shoulder and chuckles at your pouting face. She brings you back to the sofa to resume the position you were in not too long ago.
—
By nighttime, the duo left, leaving you and your girlfriend in the house alone. Your headache had luckily gone away, but your nose was still clogged, you constantly felt like you had to cough, and your hearing felt muffled.
Once in bed, you cuddle up to Leah with your head on her chest and her arm wrapped around you. Her eyes are closed but yours are still open.
“Baby?”
“Hmm?”
“I think I’m sick.”
With her eyes still closed, she laughs at your final admission and kisses you on the forehead, pulling you closer to her.
818 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
vulcansalute
albino alligators.
gamersansblog
mama's little disappointment
thenib
The Nib
fastcardotmp3
the rest is confetti
