Hello ☺️, I’ve heard from your lovely lady companion Emily that you’re a very seasoned DM! I was wondering if you had any advice for beginners to DMing when it comes to things like improvising and making sure your first session has an impact on the players as their introduction to the world. Any advice at all would be a lifesaver! Thank you ☺️✌🏻

holy shit, a question about DMing. you have freed me, stranger. I can stop blogging about Troy (2004). 

First of all, I’m really excited to hear that you’re going to be DMing for the first time! DMing is understandably intimidating, but it’s also incredibly creatively fulfilling, and it’s something you’ll still be learning how to do better after 25 years. 

Okay, so let’s talk about session 1.

Your first session has a lot of lifting to do. You want to make an emotional impact, you want your players to learn about the world, you want to convey tone and genre, and you want your PCs to have a chance to band together and form quick connections.

I really can’t say enough good things about session 1 being about An Escape, because an escape scenario immediately poses a whole bunch of really valuable questions.

What is a crime in this world?

Who are your natural adversaries?

Why should you trust & rely upon your new party members?

What is violence like in this game? This says a lot about your game’s tone.

What will the next few sessions be about?

Literally, in 3 of the last 4 campaigns I’ve run, session one was An Escape. I’ll walk you through the set-ups for 2 of them (the third is a one-on-one campaign, so maybe not as useful to you).

In Vampire: the Masquerade, the party (all vampires) woke up staked to the ground in the basement of an abandoned school, captives of the fanatical inquisitorial group, the Society of Leopold. None of them had met each other before, all of them were confused, angry, scared, and low on blood.

What is a crime in this world?

Just being a vampire is a crime. You can be brutally attacked, captured, and murdered for being what you are. Your only recourse is to fight for your life.

Who are your natural adversaries?

Vampire hunters. They are not as strong or as fast as you, but they have dirty tricks up their sleeves and fanatical conviction on their side, and they do not see you as human.

Why should you trust & rely upon your new party members?

Without them, you will not escape your predicament. You know you can trust them because you have a common enemy. Each of them will have a chance to solve a problem with a unique skill that you do not possess, driving home that you can solve dangerous problems together that you could not overcome on your own. 

What is violence like in this game? This says a lot about your game’s tone.

Fast, flashy, bloody, and dark. Descriptions of injuries are savage; heads get torn off, chests get ripped open, shadows pinwheel wildly as the sole hanging light in the ceiling gets knocked around amidst the violence. But there’s a slick cool to all of it. You are in real danger, but you are also capable of dealing out grievous and acrobatic harm.

What will the next few sessions be about?

Upon your escape, the Prince of the city charged you all with seeking out the leaders of the hunters. Best not to disappoint him.

In my Call of Cthulhu campaign, the characters were all prisoners on a bus to the gulag, in Russia in 1938.

What is a crime in this world?

Literally anything, if you have displeased the wrong people. One of you received a letter you shouldn’t have seen. Another one wrote seditious poetry. Another was rude to a secret police officer during an investigation. Another literally has no idea why he’s here. There is a cold, kafkaesque indifference to the notion of fairness in this world. You have been disenfranchised and shipped off to do hard labor for almost nothing at all. Do not bother to look for reason in the machinations of the state.

Who are your natural adversaries?

The NKVD. They are all-powerful, all-seeing, and brutal. They could kill every last one of you right here in the snow, and so long as they filed the correct paperwork afterwards, there will be no follow up investigation. They have the key to the vehicles, they have warm clothes, they have all of the guns, they have the radio that is your only way of contacting the outside world. You don’t even have coats that will keep out the freezing wind. If you want what you need to escape this place, you will have to take it from them.

Why should you trust & rely upon your new party members?

You will be shot, if you try to escape alone. The tundra is vast and the NKVD are always watching. Your only hope is to cause confusion and hope that your numbers count for more than your jailers’ guns. And once you’re out, into Siberia? conditions are so hostile you have no choice but to band together for survival.

What is violence like in this game? This says a lot about your game’s tone.

Almost instantly fatal. You are shown fellow prisoners (NPCs) get headshot by the NKVD captain and drop to the ground, dead. Another NPC has a broken leg, and cannot participate in combat at all. If you get hurt, that’s it. There are no health potions or magic spells that will mitigate the effects of bullets and the biting wind.

What will the next few sessions be about?

As you escaped, you saw strange apparitions across the snow, which caused the radio to malfunction. You are fleeing in your stolen truck from the NKVD, but where are you going? Where can you go, except towards the mystery?

Escapes are great, too, because as a DM, your list of things you need to prepare is pretty concrete. You need:

- Mooks

- A boss for the mooks

- a map of the immediate area, so your players know what avenues of potential escape they have

- a couple of NPC fellow prisoners for them to talk to & for you to kill along the way (alternately, this can be a great way to link the party up with future quest-givers straight from the jump).

- A list of possible resources to aid in their escape that they might be able to get their hands on (a fire axe? a radio? a car?)

- A couple of ideas for spanners to throw in the works (if things are too easy/going too quickly, maybe this NPC fellow prisoner turns on them, hoping to curry favor with the NKVD; maybe one of the hunters has a flamethrower to force the vampires to double back; maybe it starts to snow with white-out conditions, maybe something is being filmed right outside and the vampires can’t bust through the steel doors without potentially breaking the Masquerade).

Another great thing about escapes is that they’re geographically isolated. So you don’t need to have The Entire Starting Zone figured out from session 1: you just need to know about this one truck stop in Siberia, or this abandoned school in Queens. When they gain access to the wider world, the session ends, and you should have an idea of where they want to go next.

And if any of their captors survive, you may have an act 1 villain on your hands. Don’t get too attached to the idea that any of them WILL survive; but if they do, and the party bears them a grudge, find them a place in the story, flesh them out as an adversary. Your Big Bad means nothing to them yet, but Captain Volkov, the NKVD captain who pursued them across the ice like a relentless automaton, scares them.

Another thing I like about escapes is that they feel very natural. There is no quest giver; they have an obvious goal they can all agree on, and the obstacles to achieving it are built into the situation. It’s a solid framework for an adventure that you can pack a lot of worldbuilding detail into along the way.

Good luck!

Surprised by the sudden question, I reach back into my memory, but I don’t recognize him... He hands over me something like that — “—··· I hope to see you again.”

CHAPTER 02

The man with crimson eyes “...Have we ever met somewhere?”

Surprised by the sudden question, I reach back into my memory, but...

MC “...I don’t think we ever met, probably...”

MC “Because I just came to this place a month ago...”

(...At any rate, it just doesn’t seem that I’ve forgotten. I think I’ll never forget such a beautiful person if I ever meet one.)

The man with crimson eyes “Really...?”

MC “...? Yes...Ah!”

When I *get a hold of myself, I notice that there’s a wagon with flowers is placed beside the person.

(*領き返し - 領 means territory, reign, possession, something you acquired, get hold and owned, while 返し means return, put back and restore. It’s still in hesitation, but I put my own mixture and analyzation that the sentence means ‘something that you possessed being returned and restored’, hence getting hold of herself. But if other readers have better explanation, or perhaps better translation, drop in the comments or DM, alright?

The flowers are unprotected and exposed to the snow, dyeing the petals white.

(That’s not good...!)

MC “If we let them get hit by snow as it is, the flowers might be ruined, you know? Let’s carry it over there!”

I put my hands on the wagon and run towards the eaves of the confectionery in the snow.

(...They won’t get hit by the snow here, right?)

MC “...I’m glad they are all right. It would be sad if such beautiful flowers wither.”

The man with crimson eyes “...”

The moment I feel relieved, I realized the person is staring intently at me, as if to probe into my heart.

MC “...I’m sorry. Did I do something unnecessary...”

Then, the person in front of me gently shakes his head.

The man with crimson eyes “No...thank you.”

After saying that, he suddenly turns his crimson eyes towards the flowers in the wagon, and touches the flowers with beautiful gesture.

And then, the person makes a bouquet of colorful flowers in a blink of time, as if he’s using magic.

The man with crimson eyes “Hmm, this is fine. If it’s this big, it should fit in your arms.”

The man with crimson eyes “Here, as thanks for your help.”

A big bouquet gently jumps into my chest.

MC “...I can’t afford to receive such a big bouquet. I didn’t do much...”

The man with crimson eyes “Just accept it.”

The person untied his pursed lips and smiles sweet enough to captivate me instantly.

The man with crimson eyes “Since I was so happy.”

The man with crimson eyes “Well then, I’ll go with this.”

With a delightful smile, the person puts his hand on an empty wagon and starts walking through the snow.

MC “Excuse me...”

When the person stops walking, he looks up at the sky again...and draws an arc on his thin lips.

The man with crimson eyes “Oh...the snow will stop soon.”

(Huh...?)

Staring at the similar scenery as reflected by the crimson eyes, the snow gradually becomes sparse...

Then, the snow stops.

(...It was a sudden snowfall.)

As I look up at the sky, leaving behind only the signs of snow, a clear voice flows into my ears.

The man with crimson eyes “—··· I hope to see you again.”

When I look back in a sudden, there is no one there anymore, 

I feel like I’m dreaming while it was snowing...

(He was a beautiful person...)

(Somehow it seems that he’s a human, but sort of like not human too...he was such a person. Even so —)

I wonder why did he look at me as if we had met before?

(...Have we ever met somewhere after all?)

While I’m thinking about it, I heard footsteps right next to me.

Leonardo “I’m sorry to have kept you keep waiting, Mimi. Huh...? What’s with that big bouquet?”

Leonardo “Leonardo-san! To tell you the truth, just now —”

***

Leonardo-san grunts and stifles his laughter as I tell him the whole story of what happened while it was snowing.

Leonardo “I think he was happy with your kindness. ...Hmm?”

Leonardo's fingertips touch the light blue petals that bloom quietly among various kinds of flowers.

Leonardo “Forget-me-not flowers shouldn't bloom in such a cold winter. Is he growing them in a greenhouse? Or.”

Leonardo “—*Off-season flowering, huh.”

(*狂い咲き - 狂い means insanity, madness and crazy while 咲き means to bloom. Literally it means a crazy flower that’s blooming out of order

Shakespeare sets foot into an old castle and finds the lord of the castle in a beautiful garden.

Vlad “···— 𝅘𝅥𝅮 ···”

Wearing a coat that’s darker than the night, the figure that’s gazing on the flowers illuminated by the moon is so beautiful that you leave it as it is. 

Slowly approaching, Shakespeare stands next to Vlad and opens his lips.

Shakespeare “My lord, is there anything good happened to you?”

Vlad “Yeah, something really nice.”

Nevertheless...as he mutters, the pair of eyes with different colors directed his gaze towards the flowers that are blooming in the flower bed.

Shakespeare “Forget-me-nots shouldn’t bloom in this season, and this flower too. ...Ah, this flower too.”

Shakespeare “How on earth are you growing them...?”

Vlad “Rather than that sort of thing, it’s rare for you to come here, Will. Don’t you have something to talk about?”

Shakespeare “...”

Shakespeare’s expression becomes stiff when a straight gaze is directed towards him.

After a seemingly eternal silence, a faint shaking voice echoes through the night.

Shakespeare “In search for tragic real experiences for my creation, on that day I left the mansion...I joined hands with you.”

Shakespeare “I’m in pursuit of tragedy, while you’re trying to revive the great men for your ambition. Our interests were aligned.”

Shakespeare “My heart was certainly moved by the person you revived for your experiment.”

Vlad “...”

Shakespeare “But things like disregarding lives and treating them with disdain, I just can’t accept it no matter what.”

Shakespeare “...I understand that it’s a selfish excuse, but I don’t want to get my hands dirty anymore —“

Vlad “Hey, Will.”

Shakespeare “...?”

Vlad “Do you know why forget-me-nots came to be called by this name?”

Although confused by the sudden question, Shakespeare easily/leisurely repeats the words.

Shakespeare “Knight Rudolph tried to pick flowers that bloom on the river quay for his lover, but...he accidentally fell into the river.”

Shakespeare “I know it got its name from the anecdote that was left behind saying [Don't forget me] at that time.”

Vlad “Yes, that’s correct. As one would expect, a rare playwright has an extensive knowledge.”

Vlad “I think, the great men in the Count’s mansion look a lot like this flower.”

Vlad “Although their lives have ended once, they were afraid that their existences would disappear from this world.”

Vlad “That straightforward obsession so far as cruel and abnormal has brought them back to life again. Hey, Will.”

Shakespeare “...Yes.”

Vlad “They will surely be the cornerstone to grant this heartful ambition. That’s why I have to choose.”

Vlad “—··· A strong person to help me, right? I thought you understand what I wanted to do.”

His voice is calm like a calm sea, but the air Vlad’s cladded in is too sharp and ferocious...,

But Shakespeare raises his voice to encourage himself.

Shakespeare “I can’t dance in your palm anymore, but I’m the first one who took your hand.”

Shakespeare “If you want to kill me, do it then. Since for you...I’m an unnecessary flower.”

Vlad’s hands extend towards Shakespeare’s neck.

Shakespeare “— !”

But, the beautiful hands on his small neck move away on a whim.

Shakespeare “...Why...”

Vlad “’Cause it seems like a severe punishment for Will is to continue living and suffering. See you then, Will.”

When Shakespeare’s figure disappears, the footsteps of Charles and Faust echo in replace.

Faust “Is it fine to overlook the playwright easily, Your Excellency? It seems to me that the treatment is very sweet...”

Charles “Lord Vlad has Lord Vlad’s own *consideration. Isn’t that right, Ōsama?”

(*考え - thought, idea, intention, expectation

Responds with only a smile, Vlad turns his beautiful crimson eyes towards the night sky.

Vlad “The world is still beautiful today. That’s why I can’t give up this ambition in my heart.”

Vlad “We still have a long way to go, but...I’m sure it will be done.”

Charles & Faust “...”

Without minding both of them who are becoming speechless at the profile with appalling madness in his beauty, 

Vlad straightly crouches down on the spot and watches forget-me-not flowers intently.

Vlad “Don’t forget me, huh. Did that girl forget about me?”

Vlad “We met on a distant snowy day...”

Charles & Faust “...?”

Vlad “I hope we can meet again. Fuaa~...”

Charles “Eh, Ōsama?”

Charles “...He falls asleep.”

Faust “Sleeping in a place this, after muttering an incomprehensible monologue.”

Faust “Truly a selfish old man. Shall, I’m going back.”

Charles “Eh, let’s carry him, Doc.”

Faust “If you leave him alone, it seems that he’ll wake up soon.”

Charles “Eh? People would usually die if we leave them behind in this cold winter.”

Faust “Your Excellency is unusual, so there’s no problem.”

Charles “But, he’ll catch a cold, right?”

Faust “Haa~ He’s really such a troublesome old man.”

The profile of Shakespeare who’s leaving the castle is as lifeless as a doll.

As he looks up at the night sky with dark eyes, the moon, which is about to transform into a full moon, comes into view and brings back a certain memory.

A month ago, a woman who appeared in front of him in what sort of fate, was an ordinary human without any talents. 

Vlad doesn’t need that kind of person...he thought so, and didn’t give any information about Mimi.

— That’s to say, he put up a façade.

Somehow she felt like a factor that could change this chaotic situation, for better or worse.

He felt that even God didn't know if Mimi’s fate and that beautiful person would cross.

Shakespeare “What can I do right now is keeping an eye on what’s about to occur after this, and if anything happens, I’ll *firsthand —”

(*身を以て - with one's own body/action/experience

Every time I went to the city from that snowy day, my eyes came to search for that person who looked like a snow spirit.

However —

(...Isn’t it hard to find him in this big city?)

(If only I asked for his name at least, I could get a clue to search for him.)

I want to convey a proper gratitude for giving me an armful of flowers.

Also...I can’t put it well into words, but I wish to meet that person again, truly from my heart.

MC “I don't know when, but...I want to see you again."

As I mutter alone, I could smell something like floating spring mixed in the winter air.

When I follow the scent that gives color to the cold winter —

The man with crimson eyes “...”

The person is beside the wagon with plenty of flowers, as if he’s bringing along the spring.

(...At last, I met him.)

As I approach him, his crimson eyes slowly catch me —

The man with crimson eyes “I found you ‘again’, after all.”

DMs

Pairing: Ben Hardy x F!Reader

Summery: You run a nsfw snapchat account. Ben's horny.

Warnings: SMUT (18+), partially written as chat text, video chat sex, masturbation, fingering, sex toys, nipple play, voyeurism I guess, fuckboy ben

Words: 3774

A/N: Inspired by something El posted. I love Ben but he’s got them fuckboy/lad vibes and im positive he’d get down on some sc porn

Taglist:  @laedymoon​  @dtfrogertaylor​   @ezmina98​  @vee-ndetta​ @atomic-watermelon​ @kellypenac​ @labessieisallama​ @deakyclicks​ @jennyggggrrr​ @drowseoftaylor​  @hannafuckingsucks​  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​ @queenmylovely​

@veriloquently​

Your phone buzzed, the familiar noise distracting you from your book. Considering you’d just posted a new photo, partially hidden by emojis, to Instagram and updated your snapchat story with the uncensored version, it was hardly surprising you were getting messages.

YourNewDaddy: Mmm baby let me pound you

You clicked through to his profile. Absolutely nothing. The profile picture was some abs that could belong to anyone. No recent snaps, nothing. For a few seconds you considered replying with your payment details but decided against it. He wasn’t worth your time.  

The whole NSFW account thing had started a while ago on Tumblr and then Instagram. A way to kill time and get some attention that you weren’t receiving in the real world. But then the porn ban had happened which severely limited what you could post, so you’d mostly moved to Snapchat, using everything else to advertise. A few months after the move you started getting guys offering to pay you to do specific things. One had wanted an audio recording of you calling him Daddy and begging for his cock with a few moans thrown in. Another had wanted a video of you and a dildo, though he’d had to pay more. Since then you’d used your accounts to pick up a bit of extra cash here and there. Nowhere near enough to live off of, but it came in handy.

You clicked back out of the app, put down your phone and went back to your book, hoping someone entertaining would at least comment on the photo soon. Barely half a page later another ding pulled you away. This time Instagram.  

Benhardy: Just came over you

Quick and to the point. Fuckboy energy. You clicked onto his profile half expecting another faceless timewaster. No description or links to other sites but he had a profile picture. And some fifty odd photos. Not many posts considering his million followers but at least you knew he was a real person. You scrolled through his feed trying to put gather what info you could before you responded. Lots of photos of himself sometimes with friends. A few that were clearly modelling jobs or, more likely considering the movie trailers and saved story called Oscars 2019, promotional photoshoots for magazines. And he was a proud dog dad. Definitely attractive. You wondered briefly why someone so handsome was getting off to half dressed girls on Instagram but put it out of your mind as you opened his conversation up again. Who cared why as long as he was talking to you? After all, he was hot and willingly giving you attention. Plus, if he was an actor or whatever he probably wouldn’t mind paying for something special, once you’d given him a taste. The only question left was how to approach the conversation.  

You: Really? That’s so flattering!

You: Kind of wish you’d cum over me for real tho, bit bored

Benhardy: dirty girl

Benhardy: could probably think of some way to keep you busy

Benhardy: you’re fit

You: haha aww thank you! I post more often on snap if you wanna follow. don’t have to hide behind swimwear and emojis there. easier to chat too, unless you prefer kik or something

He didn’t reply. You frowned at your phone wondering if you’d shown your hand too soon. Perhaps you should have kept up the flattered damsel act a little longer, waited before mentioning Snapchat. Maybe he wasn’t looking for a chat, just genuinely wanted to compliment you, even if it was in a gross slightly derogatory way. Or maybe he just got cold feet. You sighed as you swiped back to check what other people had been sending you. A few more ignorable accounts, a couple messages you didn’t like enough to respond to straight away. And then another Snapchat notification.  

Ben Jones: had to create an account but I’m here

You: oh! you’ve changed your name

Ben Jones: Hardy’s the stage name lol

You: hmmm hardy… little bit of a pornstar name

You: or could be if you changed the ben part.

Ben Jones: that’s my backup plan in case actual acting doesn’t work out lol

Ben Jones: not too out of place right now tho

You: haha that because of me?

Ben Jones: maybe. loved the photos in your story you’ve got great tits

Ben Jones: kinda wanna see you pinch and pull on them

And so it began. You leaned forward to pull your shirt off and then settled back against the pillows, running your fingers around your nipple until it was hard. Angling the camera towards your chest you pinched your nipple between your thumb and forefinger, rolling it between them. The camera clicked as you took a photo and then clicked again as you tugged your nipple away from your body, hissing a little at the pain.

You: Like this?

Ben Jones: perfect

Ben Jones: really are lovely tits.

You: surprisingly don’t hear that much irl so ty

Ben Jones: u don’t? criminal

You: lmao yeah but that’s what I have you for

Ben Jones: happy to help

Ben Jones: What are you wearing?

You: Just a pair of knickers now

Ben Jones: sexy

Ben Jones: can I see?

You: just the knickers or the whole look?

Ben Jones: whole look first

Ben Jones: then just the knickers so I can see the wet spot you’re making

You wriggled against the pillows, shuffling further down the bed. Long ago you’d learnt which angles were the easiest to take photos in and which were the best to show off your body. A full body shot was easiest when you leaned your phone up against a stack of books or something at the foot of the bed and used the timer on the camera to get a few shots of you kneeling. It left your hands fee to squeeze your tits if that seemed appropriate or slip into your underwear, or to put behind your back in a pose that seemed innocent but actually pushed your hips and chest forward. For Ben though you felt something that appeared a little more casual would be appropriate. You lay back, head raised slightly on your pillows, feel flat against the mattress so your knees were in the air and pressed together. Carefully you positioned the camera, wrist twisted a little to get the angle just right. You brought your free hand up to your breasts, pulling your nipple again since Ben seemed to like it, and snapped a photo. The shot of your underwear was easier, legs spread, pushing your hips up slightly to get a clear shot of the wet patch that had been slowly growing since the start of the conversation, though a little added saliva to make it more obvious didn’t hurt. He wouldn’t be able to tell.  

Ben Jones: hot

Ben Jones: like got me so hard again hot

You: does that mean I get a picture in return?

Ben Jones: Only if you take your knickers off for me

Ben Jones: wouldn’t be fair otherwise since im not wearing underwear😉  

You took your time sending him a new photo and got one back almost straight away. You would have scoffed at his eagerness to show himself off but, with a body like his you couldn’t really blame him. You zoomed into the photo, trailing your eyes over every inch of it. Messy blonde hair, though whether it was intentionally messy or just like that from him grabbing it while he jerked off over your photo you weren’t sure. Gorgeous eyes, heavy lidded and a little fucked out. One arm behind his head as he lay on his bed. It looked carefree and spontaneous, like someone else had taken the photo at the very moment he looked at the camera, but it showed off the muscles in his arms too well to be coincidence. And speaking of muscles. The boy was a fucking Adonis. You were instantly struck by the desire to drag your nails down his chest and leave a trail of hickeys and bite marks all the way down to his toned stomach and tight waist. You clenched your thighs together at the thought as you slowly revealed the bottom half of the photo. He had his legs outstretched though one was more bent than the other, knee jutting out to the side. Almost too casual to be casual, especially with the way he had his hand wrapped around his cock, like the photo was taken mid stroke. You couldn’t help linger over that particular part of the photo. It was a lovely hand, big with noticeable veins, exactly the sort that could make you weak in the knees. And the same could be said for the dick it was holding. You wondered briefly where this Ben guy had come from and what you could possibly have done to catch his attention.  

Ben Jones: is that silence because you’re so impressed

The message made you roll your eyes. Hot he might be, but he was still just another desperate fuckboy looking for a naked girl to drool over and a quick orgasm.  

You: well I’m not not impressed

Ben Jones: no need to be shy. just say you’re imagining riding me and I'd understand

You: wasn’t before. Am now.

Ben Jones: what were you picturing before?

You: doggy

Ben Jones: be happy to let you try both and compare.

You: let me film it and watch the tapes back to study your game?

Ben Jones: wait this is dumb.

Your frowned at your phone. For such typical guy, the sort you’d dealt with so many times before, Ben sure was hard to pin down.  

You: what?

Ben Jones: you comfortable doing live chat?

Ohhhh

You: umm sure thing

Ben Jones: you don’t have to

You: i know that. you couldn’t force me to even if you wanted, beauty of doing this online. i just don’t do live very often. or I charge for it.

Ben Jones: that desperate for me?

You: you caught me in a good mood

You let the call ring for a bit, wanting to make sure Ben understood how in control you were and how much more he needed it than you. But eventually you picked up, settling back against your pillows. Ben seemed to be in a similar position, leaning against his headboard, the screen showing you his face and bare shoulders. “Hi,” “Hi,” his voice was deeper than you’d expected, thrown by how soft and, dare you say, feminine his features were, and yet it suited him perfectly. You could only imagine how that voice would sound growling out sexually charged complements, the thought appealing enough to have you pressing your thighs together. There was a moment of silence as you took each other in, not quite sure how to continue now that you’d switched from text.   “So you going to show me how wet you are?” Once again his demeanour had you wanting to roll your eyes though you refrained, “No.” “No?” His confusion was entertaining to say the least. So many of the men who contacted you assumed you were going to be outright submissive and meek, taking whatever photos they demanded and doing everything they told you to with a smile and a yes sir. So proving them wrong, defying them, taking control, that was fun. Almost an aphrodisiac in its own right. Sometimes you’d eventually submit, play the brat and then let them win, and if they were paying it was a different story. But Ben struck you as the kind of guy who could use a little more pushback. Probably used to getting his way, having his pick of the litter. Lord knows had he hit on you in real life you probably would have agreed to whatever he wanted just to feel his hands on you. But here, on your profile, you had the power. Plus, in the back of your mind you suspected that being a little more assertive might just make him more interested in seeing you submit and maybe a little more willing to pay for the pleasure.   “Not yet.” “Bit of a bold move considering I could just go find someone else to look at. There’re these things called porn sites, yeah?” “But they’re so impersonal. Isn’t this more fun?” He paused, eyeing you, and then let out a breath, “You got me there.” “Figured, since the video chat was your idea and all.” “Just got sick of typing one handed.” “Mmhmm, sure.” “So are you going to show me your cunt then?” “Eventually. But what’s the rush?” you stood up, making sure to let the camera dip just a little so Ben got a quick flash of your chest. “How about I’m hard as hell and want to get off?” “You’re not the only one who wants to get off so just hold your horses for a second while I get my toys.” “There are toys now?” You could see Ben’s shoulder move as he started to stroke himself again. “Told you to hold your horses. Stop touching yourself.” Ben’s arm stopped its movement though he seemed a little taken aback by his own obedience. “Good boy,” you watched for Ben’s reaction, not disappointed as he swallowed hard, his cheeks going pinker than they already were. That was interesting. “Yes there are toys, you wanna see?” “Do I get to pick which ones you use?” “Maybe,” “Go on, show me then,” You flipped the camera around as you opened your chest of draws. There wasn’t much in there, a couple different dildos and vibrators, a set of nipple suckers, mostly things you’d bought to fulfil requests guys were paying you for. You picked up the nipple suckers and held them up to the camera. “I assume you’d like to see me in these since you liked watching me play with my nipples.” “Mmhmm, absolutely. Also want to see you with a dildo. You got one with a suction base? Might tell you to ride it the way you’d ride me,” he seemed to be doubling down on the pull for control after you’d seen his reaction to being told what to do, determined to put you in your place or whatever. “Unfortunately, no. But this one will do,” you took hold of a silicon dildo, pulling it from the draw, “Don’t think it's as big as you but it does vibrate and that’s guaranteed to work.” “I’ll allow it, though I think we both know I’d be better.” “I’m going to ignore that,” you said as you turned the camera back towards you and headed back to your bed, settling against the pillows again. You propped the camera up against a pillow so Ben could watch as you placed the suckers over your nipples, whimpering at the sudden taught feeling. You picked the phone back up, giving Ben a closer view of your boobs. “They suit you. And you can ignore it all you like but when you start doing what I say and I let you fuck yourself into your third orgasm I’ll remind you. Maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll tell you where you can meet me in real life and show you exactly how good I am.” “You’re a cocky one, aren’t you?”   “In every sense. If I remember correctly you were speechless at the sight.” “You’ve got a bad memory, Benny boy.” Slowly you let your fingers trail down to your pussy. You didn’t believe he was as good as he thought he was – you’d dealt with too many overconfident wankers, both in real life and online, to believe another one – but the game you’d fallen into, the back and forth teasing, not entirely sure who was in control at any one time, was arousing to say the least. It was certainly one of the less predictable conversations you’d had recently.   “If not speechless then certainly wet. Show me your pussy, wanna see you touching yourself.”” “Who said I’m touching myself?” you slipped a finger into your entrance, trying to keep your breathing even.” “You’re not as good at hiding it as you think you are. So show me.” “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Ben gave you a fleeting look, eyebrow raised, before his camera flipped and you were once again looking at his hand wrapped around his cock, red and leaking precum. You turned your camera too, making sure he had a good view. “Add a second finger for me.” You did as he asked, “You been a good boy and not touched? Or do I have to tell you off for misbehaving?” “I didn’t but it wasn’t because of anything you said. Just didn’t want things to finish before I heard you beg me to cum.” He began to stroke himself, keeping in time with the slow pace you’d set as you pumped your fingers in and out of your pussy. “Sure,” you panted, adding a third finger, “so if I told you to stop now,” His hand halted. “Well aren’t you just so obedient,” You removed your fingers from yourself, reaching to grab the dildo, “you wanna see me fuck myself properly? Watch me cum all over this toy, pretend it’s your cock making me moan?”   “God yes,” his voice cracked a little, fingers twitching against himself as he briefly let the cocky, controlling persona fall away. It didn’t last long, “Show me how deep you can take that cock. C’mon, I know what a fucking slut you are, getting off on people watching you.” You didn’t bother arguing, sliding the dildo along your dripping folds before pressing it into yourself with a whine. “Wait, hang on a sec.” The was the sound of shuffling and the screen went black as Ben moved around but, eventually, he flipped the camera again and settled back on the bed. He’d propped his phone up somewhere in front of himself, letting you see every inch of him from his face to his hard, leaking cock, “better?” “Oh much, hang on I’ll do the same," you carefully pulled the dildo from yourself and sat up, leaning your phone against a stack of books on your bedside table and then adjusting your pillows in front of it, “we good?” “Yeah, take the nipple things off though, wanna see your tits properly.” You did as he asked, letting out a soft moan at the sensation. Ben chuckled, “God I can’t wait to hear how loud you moan imaging how hard I’d fuck you.” You slid the dildo back into your entrance, slowly pumping it in and out of yourself as you brought your other hand up to squeeze your breast, “mmm, you look so pretty when you’re all needy Benny.” It wasn’t a lie, between his lust blown eyes, flushed cheeks and soft pout, Ben looked incredible and it only turned you on more, “Want to show me how needy you can get? Want me make you beg?” “Faster. Harder,” he ignored your questions in favour of giving you another order but you were sure you’d heard his voice crack just a little. You sped up, whining with each thrust, Ben’s hand matching your pace as his slid his thumb over the tip and spread the precum over his length. “Fuck your wet, I can hear it. That all because of me?” “Maybe a-a bit. Also just like, fuck, being watched,” “Turn on the vibrator and rub your clit,” Ben’s voice was husky, impossibly deep and rough, “don’t stop until I say.” You moaned as the vibrations started, angling the dildo to rub against your g-spot on every pass.   “There you go, being a good little slut. Gonna cum how I tell you to.” “On-only if you cum how I tell you to.” You almost let the dildo fall from your grasp, so shocked were you by the whine Ben let out, “Like that idea? Want me to tell you what to do? If I told you to stop and watch me would you?” “No,” he said, steadfastly sticking to the game although his hand faltered and his voice had mostly lost the controlling edge he’d had before, all desperate, whiny need. “N-not sure I beli-eve you.” “Please don’t stop. Wanna cum so bad,” “I know y-ou do Benny.” “You close?” “Yes, fuck Ben, so close.” “Cum for me, come on, be a good slut and cum,” “Not. Yet. Play with your balls Benny, wanna see you cum first.” His gasped turned into a strangled cry as he ran his fingers over his testicles before lightly squeezing them “T-turn the vibrator higher,” Neither one of you were in control anymore, too caught up in getting yourselves and each other off, though you were both determinedly looking at the screen, watching each other. Ben’s lip was caught between his teeth, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he let out some of the prettiest moans you’d ever heard. It only served to push you closer to the edge, your own moans escaping as you bucked your hips rhythmically in time with the dildo moving in and out of your cunt. Ben finished a split second before you did, your eyes glued to the white now painting his stomach as you held the dildo in place, its vibrations making your toes curl.

The was a moment of quiet as you both collected yourselves, the only sounds his panted breaths and your soft whine as you removed the dildo from yourself, and then Ben spoke.   “Fuck that was hot.” “Yup,” “I thought your tits were good enough to wank over but Christ. That’s gonna keep me going for a bit.” You laughed, relaxing as your heart gradually fell back to its normal rhythm, “Well not too long I hope. You’re fun and I’d be happy to chat again sometime.” “Did I see in your bio that you take commissions?” “Yuuup,” “Huh, well, I’ll keep that in mind then.” “I look forward to it,” “Well, I should be off then, gotta clean up,” he gestured to the mess drying on his stomach. “Yeah, me too, maybe have a nap. That really was fun though so next time you’re bored or whatever hit me up. If you’re lucky I’ll let you boss me around. If you’re luckier I’ll do the bossing,” “I’d like to see you try,” “That whine you made says you’d enjoy it quite a lot,” “My whine? What about yours? Needy little brat.” Guess you’ll have to come back and settle this then.” “Guess I will. See you later.”

[+18]

Mutual masturbation

[Rumi Usagiyama x Fem!Reader]

[Warnings: dirty talk, mutual masturbation, phone sex, you taking Rumi's strap bro I dont make the rules.]

[I don't own any of the characters or art work, all credit goes to the original creators. The story is mine tho]

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"Ah baby carrot you're doing so well for me~ Keep rubbing that pretty little pussy for me yeah?~" Rumi's voice was low, husky almost and with earphones on you could hear it so damn well. Right now you had your laptop open in front of you, legs spread and your fingers rubbing on your sweet spot as your free hand gripped the bedsheets beneath you. You were on a video call with your girlfriend Rumi, more well known as the number five hero Miruko. She told you that even though she was at work she was able to sneak off to get some time to tease you or at least watch you masturbate for her, the reason being she hasn't been at home.

Hero duties have become increasingly harsh lately and well you missed your rabbit girlfriend. "Ah, baby carrot ya gotta rub that clit a little more before you can slide your fingers in that pretty little hole..." once again her voice was low and it sent shivers throughout your body. "Ah... I know, but please... please Rumi... I want it in so badly." You whined, your eyes were basically glazed over with pure and utter lust for her. "What do you want baby carrot?" Your fingers caressed your clit making your hips buck. A sharp inhale coming from the rabbit soon after seeing your face twist in pleasure.

"I-I want to cum please~ please please I want it so badly~" you begged the rabbit hero. "Ya wanna feel yer' fingers pumping in and out of that slutty little pussy? Edging ya on till ya cum nice 'n hard all over those pretty fingers of yours?" Her words made you shiver and nod furiously, gods you wanted it. You wanted to feel something filling your pussy. "Then go for it~ c'mon show me how slutty you can be~" her words edged you on at this point your middle finger and index finger slid inside you, pumping in and out of your soaked hole. "Ah fuck look at that, the way yer' juices glisten on those cute fingers of yours, I can't wait to get home and eat that pussy out~ fuck I might even fuck ya." There was a pause as you mewled the rabbits name, hips lifting slightly and pressing more into your hand causing some friction between your palm and clit which edged you on more.

"That's what ya want right? Do ya want me to fuck ya? Fuck ya nice and good with my big fat cock?" Her words were driving your body insane, you wanted it, you wanted to be fucked by Rumi over and over until you couldn't think straight as usual. So all you could do was nod vigorously. "Ah fuck baby, if ya don't say it I won't do it~" she hummed happily licking her lips. "Please. Fuck please, I want it... i want to be fucked by your big fat cock until I can't think straight please?~" the way you pleaded had the rabbit feel far more excited than expected. "Fuck you make it hard to say no baby~" she hummed. "By the way, ya still haven't noticed that I'm in the apartment baby." As she said that the door flew open almost making you jump but there she was.

The rabbit hero dressed up in her hero uniform, but what was this? She had on your favorite black strap that imitated a normal cock, it was about ten inches long and rather girthy. Rumi loved this one too because she loved watching your expression as she slowly slid it inside you and not to mention that it pleased her too so you both had some good sexual experiences. "Yer such a good girl for me ya know that?~" Rumi teased as she pulled off her gloves and moved the laptop aside before settling between your legs, giving you a deep kiss.

"Why...? Why didn't you tell me you were home...?" You whimpered quietly against your lovers lips making her chuckle. "I wanted to give ya a nice surprise baby~ did ya like it?" Her fingers threaded through your hair as she placed soft kisses on your forehead. You nodded slowly. "Next time tell me, I wanna dress up..." you said with somewhat of a pout making her chuckle, her lips giving yours a soft kiss before pulling back. "Of course baby carrot~" she said, pulling you to lay on your back, putting your legs over her shoulders. The tip of the fake cock rubbing against your pussy lips making you whimper quietly. "But as an apology, I'll fuck ya till ya can't think straight~ just like I promised~" Rumi hummed before slowly sliding herself in by inch into your sweet pussy making you moan, hands gripping tight onto the bedding. "Ya know what I like 'bout this cock? I can feel ya pussy squeezing on it like crazy~ did'ya miss it that much baby carrot?" She asked giving your leg a soft kiss.

"Y-yes..." you answered in a breathy moan, the cock was about half way now your legs already trembling a little from how filling it was and gods Rumi was happy, the way your face contorted into pleasure and those desperate whimpers falling from your lips had Rumi riled up. The rabbit leaned down slowly and captured your lips in a deep kiss, her tongue running along your bottom lip making you instantly part your lips allowing her to slither her tongue inside. At that moment too she gave one last thrust shoving in the last five inches of the cock making you yelp out against her mouth.

"Ah fuck baby... that expression always turns me on..." Rumi mumbled against your lips. "I couldn't help myself at all." At this point your legs were trembling even more and you felt like you were about to cum and Rumi felt it. "Ya gonna come just from me shoving my cock inside ya?" She teased and you managed to shake your head letting out somewhat of a breathy moan. "Don't lie baby carrot~ I know ya wanted to cum nice 'n hard around my big fat cock~" she teased nudging your head to the side so she could kiss your cheek. "I-I did... please lemme cum.." you breathed out heavily. "I can never say no to you bunny~" she hummed giving you one last kiss before her hips started moving.

The pace started off slow and sensual, slowly picking up pace. Slowly the sound of skin smacking against skin filled the room. "S-shit..~" even you couldn't hold back with how harsh the rabbits thrusting was becoming it was driving you crazy, especially with how it hit all your sweet spots. "Shit baby... look at ya, yer so pretty taking my cock like that~" Rumi huffed out. The pace was becoming rough but pleasurable, your moans along with the skin slapping against skin was also becoming louder. "G-goood~ fuck... you're gonna make m-me ah~ cum~" you couldn't really talk with out letting out breathy moans. "Ya gonna cum? Ya gonna cum... shit... nice 'n hard for me?" She was edging you on  getting you to reach your orgasm.

You nodded vigorously, whimpers and moans escaping your lips. "Careful bunny, the neighbors might complain if yer' too loud again~" Rumi teased a little, but with little restraint she moved her hips faster, still continously hitting your sweet spot. You definitely couldn't hold back that whiney moan. "I-i can't... help-... fuck... it, you're fuckin' me so good.. ah!" Just as you finished the sentence you let out a loud mewl from that thrust Rumi gave, your pussy walls tightening around the cock that was relentlessly moving in and out of you. "Horny baby carrot~ cum all over my cock...~" her voice faltered a bit, but she didn't stop not until you started cumming.

Your back arching as your love juices squirted put all over her cock, legs trembling and breathy moans escaping your lips as your eyes screwed shut. Rumi took in every inch of you, from that expression to how your knuckles had gone white from gripping on to the bed sheets. "Ah fuck look at ya~ so pretty even when ya cum~" she hummed letting ride your high, she even moved her hips in a slow sensual pace for you. "I ain't done with ya bunny, I'm gonna fuck ya after dinner cause I'm starving, so don't think this is all yer getting tonight~" she said.

You nodded slowly as she pulled out pressing soft kisses to your temple. She definitely wasn't lying when she said that she wasn't done with you. By morning when you had woken up you were sore and covered in a plethora of bite marks and your hips were very much sore. Not that you really complained it was always good when Rumi went wild like this.

-

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(Moose doing kinktober? You're absolutely right. If you wanna be tagged in any of the next 30 days of Kinktober just dm me or tell me in my asks, also if you got any requests and what not you can send em through loves :3 although I dunno when I'll get to em cause I'm busy I'm uni stuff :3)

all blog info below the cut, 

apologies now to my mobile users 

RULES 

Before we interact you must…

have a properly displayed muse

have easily accessible posted information regarding your muse in a section or page

have easily accessible posted rules / guidelines in a section or page 

for AU’s, you must have posted information regarding your muse within the fandom universe in its own section or page

make sure I am following you

cut threads

I Won’t

roleplay sex, generally. there may be a few exceptions, but keep the standard that i probably won’t. sexual content, perhaps, if all muns involved are over 18. If we do, it is with the understanding muses involved will be aged up appropriately. 

tolerate any sexual advances toward myself ooc

roleplay inserts

always follow back, nor will I follow personals

tolerate pressuring, be it to rp in general or consistent pestering to answer threads

answer everything in my inbox. It’s not often I ignore asks, but I won’t answer something if it violates my rules. If I have difficulty answering something, I will privately message senders or make public inquires about anonymous messages. 

follow everyone back / interact with everyone, even if you technically follow all my rules. i’m selective. 

Please Don’t:

reblog meme asks. I don’t mind this so much, but it keeps things cleaner when they’re moved to a new post. 

reblog inbox answers for non starter memes. examples would be mun opinions and the like but extend to headcanons and other writing. violators will be asked to delete the post and may be blocked. 

reblog threads you are not a part of. warnings will be given to violating rp blogs, but personals will be instantly blocked. 

reblog personal posts, especial images of myself. violators will be instantly blocked. this means anything tagged ooc. 

force ships with me. I am a p easy going shipper, but I will be a bit more restrictive with Hayner. most of it has to do with his muse in general. he’s not thinking about romance atm. if it comes up in plot, great. if it doesn’t, you’re more than welcome to put it forward, but please do not expect me to go along with it. on that note, don’t expect me to always agree with your interpretations of my muse in ships. ideas and suggestions are fine, your own take is fine, but i cannot stress enough, please do not push hcs. 

I am open to

multiple threads

duplicates of other muses (i do not rp duplicates of my own muse, but I usually have other muses in the fandom which I will be more than happy to interact with there, no twins etc) 

shipping, though I will be highly selective, possibly exclusive. I will not instant ship, but I don’t mind developing our muses’ relationship privately over DMs. 

mutli verse and/or polyshipping as befits all the muses and muns involved

rping toxic relationships of any sort, will be tagged accordingly and placed under cuts.

angst and/or triggering threads, though I would prefer to discuss  the thread and tagging beforehand

crack threads

select AUs

ask/tagged initiated threads/starters but I ask for some warning if they are not from a meme or other prompt

responses of any length, so long as it is enough to reasonably work with for the pace of our thread

group threads

generally questionable plots. regardless of whether or not I approve of such practices ooc isn’t usually relevant. this is fictional, exploration of an idea– not a real-world execution of that idea. Feel free to DM for details.  

Please Also Note:

I do not require length to be matched and may not always match partner’s length. I will respond as much as I feel I am able to or that I feel is necessary. 

If my response is inadequate, difficult to respond to, or otherwise distasteful, FEEL FREE to ask me to redo my response.

Understand that my selectivity will depend on my comfort level and that I am not obligated to explain myself.

I tag all my threads as “thread”

I tag my partner’s url

if partner’s url changes, I will tag both old and new urls for the first response then only the new url going forward.

I generally tag triggers as “trigger tw”. same with general cw’s. i’m not the best with tagging, so let me know if I should watch for stuff in particular

my activity is generally a joke, but I’m constantly lurking, so feel free to drop a message

I am incredibly anxious. It doesn’t matter if we have late night conversations for like a month straight i will still be afraid to talk to you every. single. time. so always feel free to come whack me on the head or smth

while I can be very laid back / crack-ish, I do prefer to explore darker themes and my thread responses are much more serious than I come off as. 

Blacklisted / Ask to Tag:

food

nsfw (for general safe scrolling, just let me know what your tag is since t simply wont show not safe for wombats content anymore) 

“little space” related

“daddy,” “mommy,” etc

literally anything in this vein. in the vaguest, most removed sense. idc what you tag it. either let me know or just tag it “jade don’t look” whatever.

in fact feel free to tag any and all of these as just “jade don’t look” or some variant.

a/o/b related 

anything pregnancy related

vivid depiction of sensory / memory alteration (particularly in images, but not excluded to)

unreality (also especially, but not limited to, images)

Of course I can’t require people tag these, but I will most likely not follow you if your post these regularly and do not have some warning which will be picked up by blacklist applications.

In regards to the sensory alteration, I mean things like seeing/hearing/etc things that aren’t there, mis-remembering or outright tampering with memory, etc. It’s kind of situation to situation on what gets me, but when it does it tends to hit me pretty hard. If you have any questions about it, fire away! [ example text post ]

On unreality, this somewhat relates to the above, I use this as a catch all phrase for images, vivid descriptions, and most especially videos/gifs of things that basically don’t behave or seem to behave as they should. Sometimes, I’ve seen these things tagged as “trippy” and the like, but they those posts tend to be too…idk how to put it. Extra? What tends to get me is when things are going fairly linear and then suddenly go for a loop. That’s not the greatest description, but here’s a few posts that have triggered me the worst that I’ve slowly gotten used to.  There are also things which should seem fine or normal but aren’t. If anyone has a better description for this, by all means let me know! example posts [ one ] / [ two ] /  [ three ] + a weird image that also gets me for some reason. hmvent is actually a blog I use to store things that trigger me so I can slowly get used to them or try and figure out what it is / why these things get to me.

META 

Hayner is a young lad who resides in the sleepy Twilight Town. He is described as “impulsive and determined, and is always looking for a new adventure. He is bold to the point of recklessness…He gets bored easily during uneventful times… also easily angered/irked…thirsts for some kind of recognition…” During the events of KHII, he is 15, the same as Roxas/Sora. He has deep brown eyes, dirty blond hair and is a bit tall and, while still skinny, muscular for his age. He is the leader of his quartet trio including Pence, Olette and Roxas himself.

While he does have parents, he’s rather distant from them. While he does receive support from his folks, they were just never really there. Because of this, his loyalties lie greatly with his chosen family, his friends. He considers it his duty to help, lead and, if needed, protect them, even if he’d never admit as much even to himself. If any of his actions or ideas end up hurting someone he cares about, he takes it very much to heart, often beating himself up about it for weeks and weeks after.

Hayner, despite his hotheadedness and brashness, is a very observant leader. His tough guy act, while not entirely based on this, is partially to build himself up, make other less inclined to pick fights with him and his friends. Whether or not this works out, however, is certainly debatable. He also does his best to incorporate his friends’ wants and needs– or at least what he perceives these as– into his plans.

As oblivious as he may seem, he is quite mindful of the people around him. Whether it’s picking out the shady figure on that street corner or this one, or noticing some random kid’s not having a good day - he sees a lot of it, but often it doesn’t strike as a huge priority. He thinks things through a lot more than he’s credited for, but unfortunately, he doesn’t go through the whole process before starting his plan of action.

Hayner also isn’t exactly the most social person. He is outgoing and nice to people out of politeness and giving people the benefit of the doubt, but as a whole he’d much rather just stick with his friends. The only exception to this has been Sora, as he feels a “familiar vibe” about him, and therefore is also open to his circle of friends.

A couple more misc hcs below:

Is a very exceptional swordsman (at least with the training swords). However, his skills do not seem as outstanding compared to that of Roxas and other more major characters.

As much as he hates school, his best subject science. And although one would think he’d be a good athlete because he is competitive, he actually doesn’t have good PE grades because he doesn’t try if he doesn’t have to. The only way to get him to really participate is to make it a competition.

MORE WILL BE ADDED MARCH, 2019 TO INCLUDE SPOILERS FOR KH3

AU Info will be added shortly. 

A little trip down memory lane about my comic and what I’ve been through in the process of making it. 

Mentions of suicide, death-threats, grooming, PTSD. 

I'm so glad that I'm finally having so much fun making my comic. Every time I open my comic files, I'm just so full of joy and energy and I enjoy writing and exploring the world and my characters.

For so many years the experience of looking at my characters and trying to delve into the story, was poisoned by past experiences by people I shared it with. At the time, it seemed like the only way I *could* share it, and I’m glad I’m almost able to separate those experiences now.

SO, I have PTSD and sometimes I’m pushed back into old memories and my characters have been such a huge part of those exact memories, that they sort of go hand in hand, and sometimes it’s nice to just get those thoughts out of my head because they take up a lot of space. 

These characters have been through so much with me and I’m just glad I didn’t abandon them despite of it. I created them when I was 12 and I had a couple of friends and classmates who was into manga like me, who was into my story and encouraged me to keep working on it! 

I then got a friend who was two grades above me, I was 14/15 and they were so into the story that I was just overjoyed to share it with them, especially because they could draw and she started drawing my characters. At the time I had just moved school because I was severely bullied at my old one, and making friends was still very new to me so I latched unto her. In the end she wasn’t a very good friend and would threaten to kill herself and me if I didn’t hang out with her, she faked to faint whenever I was talking to someone else but her, so I had to take care of her, and on my 16th birthday, she faked to faint again and woke up as my character, Kain. She pretended for the entire day that she was Kain, I was so worried and horrified and fearful that it was real and that she would faint again, that I didn’t dare to leave her side and talk to my other friends (just as she wanted) and I couldn’t eat for the next two days, because she kept the act going for two days straight. She pretended to also wake up as the villain of the story which was Satan (I was 12 when I came up with this story, sssh) and threatened to kill me again if I tried to stop her or tell anyone that this was happening. 

She did a bunch of other stuff besides this and I ended up breaking contact with her completely a year or so after because my parents had continuously urged me to stop talking to her. In the end one of my very good friends told me that they couldn’t handle looking at me anymore because I was a wreck because of her. I had to tell her that I would call the police if she got near me, for her to stop talking to me. 

I very rarely drew my characters after that and ended up joining an rp group on deviantart for the first time when I was 17/18, and was instantly pulled into it - the cool people in the group were about 20+ and I wanted so bad to impress them and fit in, but I wasn’t nearly as out there as everyone else was when it came to rp’ing smut. I was honestly repulsed by it, and I tried to laugh it off when people tried to force my character together with someone else in the group, and I ended up going along with it because I didn’t dare to say no. At one point in a Skype group chat, two of the people in the chat had rp’d very hardcore porn that I woke up to reading mid-way and they told me that they did it on purpose, to shock me, and I knew then that if I wanted to fit in, this is what I had to do. I had to write about the same things as them, or not be a part of the group. I tried initiating it when I could because I genuinely thought I had to and I kept pushing my own boundaries. During this time, I was also rp’ing with my rl friends from cosplay groups, with my OC’s from my story. At the time I had given up on ever turning it into a comic, but I still wanted to do something with the characters, so I tried rp’ing with them and ofc, with loads of shipping, because that had become the norm. Especially in the cosplay community were everyone was yelling “YAOI” “RAPE” and “GLOMP” at everyone and *everything*. I was once tackled at a convention where someone yelled ‘rape’ at me and tried to pull my clothes off because I was one of their favourite characters and I had no idea how to get them off until they eventually ran off on their own, and no one did anything because everyone thought it was the norm and so I didn’t say anything and slotted that into the “I guess this is normal” box, along with everything else. 

Eventually, in the rp group, everyone began to call me a whore behind my back, which I found out because one of my friends in the group actually came to tell me about it and I felt disgusting, dirty and shameful, like I had misunderstood something or I was genuinely just a gross person through and through. I still have a lot of fond memories from those groups, and I don’t think anyone pushed me into smut-writing deliberately or with ill intent, it felt like everyone were sort of playing along with the same “this is the norm” idea. Especially the events that were hosted were super fun, so it thankfully it wasn’t all bad and I still chat to some of the people from those groups. 

I quit the rp groups all at once and instead just rp’d with a single friend at the time, both our own characters and established franchises. At the time, there was an incredibly popular artist on dA, who happened to be danish and who was attending a danish convention for the first time. Another friend of mine, who was a huge fan of her, invited her to her sweet 16 and she said yes to come along. This artist was around 27 at the time. I was at the party too, turning 18 that year, and she commented on how special and pretty my face was and that she found it so unique she had to walk around me to see it from all angles. We became friends and I suggested we do an art-collab. I drew my character Kain hugging someone because I thought hey, that’s kinda cute and I had hoped she would draw someone else hugging him back. She drew her paedophilic priest hugging him back, licking his lips and ready to rape him. 

I didn’t dare to say anything despite how uncomfortable it made me, and it was another instance of - well shit, this is just how it is apparently - and I went along with it. She told me stuff like we were fated to meet and that we both had to meet five people in every lifetime we ever live, and once we’ve met those five people, we would both die. I had apparently met about three of them, so guess how terrified I was to meet the remaining two. I felt like I depended on her and that we were connected because of the things she said, and my mental health derailed completely. We also mashed our characters together, and I offered to bend and twist my characters until they fit the likes and dislikes of hers because at this point, it meant so much to me what she thought of me and my art that I didn’t care about anything else. 

She encouraged her followers to write smutty fanfics about *us* together, which I for once told her I didn’t like, but she laughed it off and kept encouraging them. 

I lost my irl friend during this as well because I was convinced to stop writing to her, because this artist always showed interest in me and always wrote to me every single day, but my other friend didn’t, and so this friend had to “prove” herself to care - “if I stopped writing to her, would she write back?” she asked. She never did and we lost contact completely, and looking back I don’t blame her for that with everything that was going on and how affected I was by this person. 

I ended up cutting contact with this artist from one day to the next because I ended up feeling sick near her. I felt nauseous, scared, sick, clammy and uncomfortable and I blocked her from everything. We met briefly at a convention some time after and we exchanged a couple of dm’s on deviantart to try and reconcile where I was honest and told her I couldn’t stand being near her, I wasn’t sure why (at the time), but I just had to get away. 

She told me the same, that I disgusted her and she couldn’t handle being near me either and she thought I should know that everyone in the cosplay community were spreading rumours like;  “she’s the type of person who makes people fall in love with her, and then break their hearts”. 

These experiences in particular completely soiled my relationsship to my characters. It took me a while to break away from them and sometimes, because the memories are still right there in my mind and jump out at me from time to time, I feel like they’re going to physically come back to haunt me and ruin it for everyone else as well. Because of all of this, I wasn’t able to trust that I could ever make it into a story or deserved to, like I wasn’t worthy to tell it because I felt just as used and broken and bended and twisted away from my original person as my characters. I had forced myself into fitting in with people and scenarios I wasn’t supposed to fit in with, I forced my characters into that as well, and it still takes so much mental power to tell myself that I’m not a broken person and my characters are not apart of those people anymore and neither am I. 

I’m so glad I have my friends like Anja, who was there when I first created the story and she was the first to encourage me to keep working on it and she always knew the heart of it and was ready to remind me, because sometimes I’m still pushed back into old memories, I forget the heart of my story and myself and I just feel shame. 

There’s a Special Set of Rules for You

Dear Reader,

 Welcome back. This month has been a busy one. Lots of shifts and changes in my universe, so expected, some reflective, at times bittersweet. Such as life. Speaking about life, let us circle back around to my very first blog post, there are layers to my ish. During which, I touch upon things very definite about myself and will most likely never change. I am an introvert by nature and although as open minded and loving I can be to people because I choose the path of “do unto others as others undo to you,” I tend to often get the short-yet somehow – long NEGATIVE end of the society stick. This as I said in my post is why I end to loath people as collective since they tend to be short sighted in human nature and empathy. I blame stereotypes and social bias that mass media continues to shove down the throat of the masses which feeds the tradition of treating all black and brown people like trash because of what someone “saw on TV.” Let me speak on fairly my personal experiences of this negativity as an adult.

 Ah little innocent wide eyed, glass is half FULL, Peppercorn. After taking on college, she was ready to take on the real-world head on, no holding back, kicking asses take names, breaking barriers with her persistence and can do attitude. Watch out! Or so she thought. Two years of interview struggles. She knew she had a descent GPA, short yet steady work history, professional speech, and personality. So, often was Peppercorn, presented with glowing opportunities to work here, there, everywhere, as her glowing recommendations made her a stellar candidate for the entry level position. She would speak to interviewer with a touch of eager and hope with every breath. Obviously, when the in-person interview day came, she dresses like the job you want to have, pants press, shirt and blazer crisp, hair pulled back, smile on her lips, and resume in hand. Walk in the building head held high and gave the receptionist her namesake and patiently waited as she arrived 15 minutes before time.

 The employer walks through the door, depending how not so good their poker oh face was she would know instantly if she even had a chance at landing the position. That’s the thing with me. Name white on paper, bachelor’s degree major in a science that has 98.8% white classmates, and “white” phone voice. SURPRISE! I’m BLACK. Which your facial expression just let out your not so secret, secret out. Countless of interviews that were shorten due to an automatic “company culture” no from them. Nothing like, spending hours reading up on a company, fretting on your look, sleepless night due to anxious excitement of full time work, and driving 30+ minutes to have, what should be a 30-45minute interview turn into a 5 minute one due to you being the wrong color. My skin by stereotypical default made me a liar, cheat, and incompetent worker. Heartbreaking. My wallet as drier than my phone’s DMs.

 I finally landed a part time work at a local bookstore. I was happy just be given a chance. I was told by my manager that he gave me the job because I had a good attitude even after I was told by him that all the positions were filled. That’s right my personality won me a job that wasn’t even open. That happy high didn’t last long. That particular manager got transferred. In walks in new manager who, looks at me and my name and puts a vindictive target on my back. nothing like having a coworker ask you, “Why is Yuko so mean to you. You were just doing your job and she starts questioning you like you were just messing around and doing nothing.” So why me you ask? Oh because another black girl with the same name from Yuko’s old store was rude so, I must be the same as her. Eye roll. Needless to say, despite me openly seeing people I helped right good reviews on comment cards and working there nearly 3 years, I never got a single raise.

Next job I got, I got because my cultural knowledge but, mostly how I demonstrated how I truly am a quick study when it comes to doing computer tasks. And it was a temporary full time, even better. I was only working a week or so before I got a random phone call asking me if was still looking for work. An interviewer from nearly a year prior was looking to hire me full time with benefits to come work at their Asian food company. It was closer to my home and paid a dollar more so, I left my temp job for one with more promise. Ha, short sided and misguided decision.

 I ended up at a job that any Asian culture and food lover would have jump at it. I was excited to show what I already knew, to learn, to grow, toprosper. But that all took a nose dive quickly into no matter what you say or do you will NEVER be excepted. I arrived bright eyed and came out jaded. I can safely say that due to horrible management, segregation, slanderous gossip, and stereotype orchestrated by an evil person turned a entire group against me. It was all hearsay and I paid for it with my optimism, empathy, and mental health. It rocked my loving core. I became so jaded and saw nothing but unacceptable behavior. I’m so sad there will be no repercussions for the man who made my life a living hell because I was BLACK AND FEMALE. I know karma will get him eventually but, I wish he would have lost the job he managed to keep while being rude racist sexist vindictive cold hearted person. He was rude to a number of Asian women in the office but, I was the only one who spoke up to HR (whom I learn only looks out for the company’s best interest, not the individual). It’s just like protest, most people only pay attention to a problem if there’s large enough push back, big enough voice, and an event ultimately affects them. Sadly, being the only BLACK PERSON, working in a company Asian owned, where only Asian men only hold any positions of power, and refuse to talk to people respectfully in English (no matter how little or broken spoken) there is no lawful justice for you.

Why was I moved to a desk literally tucked away in a corner away from everyone else for 18 months straight. The only social interaction you have is with people who don’t know where to find the toner for the Xerox machine.  No one invites for you to the weekly meetings, where your job performance and tasks are discussed at large before your new supervisor, who changes as frequently as dirty underwear before it your required list of tasks changes again. OHHH the departmental luncheons, you can forget about those because you are never invited by email or in-person unless the only woman, who treats you like you are her work-daughter, invites you.

 I ended up connecting more with warehouse staff than the people I spent 40+ hours a week stuck in a huge fluorescent lit room with. They, my fellow brown people (of the Latin background) treated me with human respect and welcome me as I was. That was that messed up jobs one saving grace, that at least at the hour lunch break, I felt like I belonged when most of the day I was treated like a diseased leper.

After coming back from my big birthday vacation, I decided I had had enough and quit this hell on earth job. It was no longer servicing my spirit and would not allow me to grow career or finance wise. I ended up spending 2017 unemployed without collecting unemployment because I quit and wasn’t fired. I started the horrendous cycle of online application and interview process again and got the same results I saw back when I first entered the real world in 2010. I am so jaded and cold inside. I filed a discrimination claim with EEOC only to learn that although my evidence against the company was insidiously bad, that I filed TOO LATE. The acts mentioned had be aged out passed the 120 allowed time to speak up. In other words I should of reported the onslaught of abuse and harassment to the government instead of HR. I do not trust people and I vow to no longer work for a company that is mostly Asian again. Note: I will continue to love my Asian brothers and sisters because I will NEVER judge a person off their cultural background.

I learn my lesson. Doesn’t matter how quiet, polite friendly, I am. Doesn’t matter how many loaves of banana bread I bake and share with my office mates. I will NEVER symbolically break bread with them even if I PHYSICALLY break bread from my home with them. Hell, I don’t even want to permanently tattoo a Japanese phrase on my skin anymore. It would just be a reminder of how badly I was treated. I am not them. I don’t look like them so, I cannot SIT with them. If could have told my 14-year-old me that this was going to happen, warned her to be closeminded cause the world is closedminded. They won’t see your heart they will only see your skin, my dear. I would hope bright eyed, bushy tailed me would listen. But time doesn’t work in reverse it only pulsated forward.

I am unique, so there are a special set of rules for me. It’s a BLACK TAX, and I cannot take it back.