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wolfepack · 7 years

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Jerrel Cleftling

So while I was out, taking notes for the station, I bumped into…A BLOGGER!!! AGFGHaFhkjzghGyaYUGeRHHj–

*Deep breath* *Smile* Anyways. He knocked over all my notes, and kinda messed up my hair, but at least he didn’t sting me. He says his tentacles don’t sting, but I don’t believe his filthy lies *mutters something about bloggers* he sounded a bit panicked at first, and he shrunk away from me before apologizing and–

Oh, wait. I mean he literally SHRUNK. Listeners I should probably have mentioned that Jerrel has the body of a floating jellyfish. Or he is a sentient floating jellyfish? Well, I’m not exactly sure what he is, but he was floating a little bit taller than me, looked like a jellyfish, and had all sorts of galaxy filled void in the squishy part of his head…Body?

So he shrunk a little and frantically tried to calm his tentacles (which made them splay more erratically) and he introduced himself as Jerrel. He helped me pick up my notes, and asked that I excuse his uncontrollable tentacles display, which I didn’t not, and slowly he started to grow in size as he spoke, going from fit-in-my-palm to the size of my head.

And he would not stop talking! He kept going on about his “amazing blog”(yeah, I checked and he had like ten followers). Ugh. And it’s all about him! Or, about what’s inside him? I don’t know it’s like a bunch of weird mini stories about the people that live in the planets in the galaxies in his brain, except they are just normal people watching TV and eating dinner and stuff. (Not exactly news.) What a weirdo. And he kept using the word “fasinating” to describe it, like, who told him that word and has he never seen a thesaurus? Jeesh. This guy.

So I took my notes and cut him off while he was saying something or other about his blog and told him I had to keep working, but maybe we could talk more later. He seemed really excited.

But you know, I shouldn’t judge people by their jobs. Maybe there isn’t much work for a floating jellyfish in the desert. And his planet filled galaxy membrane was really pretty and soft.

If he stings me or talks about blogging the next time I see him though, I may come at him with a hatchet.

-Intern Victoria

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wolfepack · 7 years

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I too ponder over her explicit use of Times New Roman, and the message declaring myself, quote, "Next". Then again, are not we all next? Anyhow, I have found myself in quite the predicament. How do you suggest I go about my life with the ever constant danger that is the world? - Your most beloved cosmic jellyfish, Jerrel

NO ONE FUCKING BELOVES YOU, WHO THE FUCK WOULD BELOVE YOU? TECH V, GET THE TURTLE, I HAVE MY HATCHET, YOU COME ON HERE AGAIN YOU BLOGGER, I SWEAR---

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