After Bite - Phone Guy and Jeremy

Summary: The more I analyze him, the more I realize that behind that cheery facade is a terribly depressed, self-hating man. (Jeremy's thoughts after the Bite of 87.)

…

As I lie in my hospital bed, I gaze up at the ceiling, transfixed by the shapes in the ceiling. It is quiet.

Then, someone walks over.

"J-Jeremy…?"

His voice is weak, and my heart feels a tinge of pity for him.

"Excuse me, but who are you exactly?"

"I-it's me… Remember? I c-called you every night at Freddy's…"

I nod, recalling the voice. It sounded less static-y in real life. Yet full of that nerdy adorableness nonetheless.

"Ah yes. The Phone Guy."

He gripped my hand tight, as though he'd been worried about me. Why would he be worried about me? I barely remembered my last shift, and looking at the clock I realized my next one was about to start.

"Uh, dude? I think I should be getting back to-"

If there was a word for how quickly he cut me off with just stutters and word fragments, I'd use it. He seemed to be trying to tell me some horrible news but was unable to speak it. I put a hand over his hand, wanting to reassure him.

"Come on, dude. I'm the one who should be worrying. You're the one who always smiles and tells people things'll be alright." I gave a playful smirk, hoping we were close enough now for him to get the irony.

"Jeremy, I…"

He cut himself off again, his eyes glazed over with worry and guilt. What would he feel guilty about?

A hair strand was bothering my forehead, so I moved my hand to brush it away. Then I felt it. The long scar that had to be stitched up.

"Oh." I said. Not entirely sure what else to say, I stared back at him.

He squeezed my hand.

"I-I'm sorry, Jeremy! I was scared, and they were threatening my livelihood. T-they said i-if I talked, I'd be b-blacklisted from ever working again!"

"Dude…" I offered him a hug. And the Most Affectionate Man at Freddy's hugged me, but it felt so unlike him. So hollow. "You don't deserve that. You did nothing wrong…"

Shaking his head, he mumbled under his breath.

"Y-you don't k-know me, Jeremy. I'm a company spokesman… W-we're paid to lie…"

I pulled him back from me and made him look me in the eyes.

"Tell me what happened, Phone Guy. I need to know."

He nodded.

And he told me about what had happened that night. How the company wanted me to work a double shift in the morning, and the weird requirements they had for me. Wanting me to wear my uniform and stand close to the animatronics. Back then I hadn't questioned it, but if I'd been able to focus on the call more I might have noticed that something was off. During a previous night, Phone Guy had told me to stay away from the animatronics. So why would he contradict himself now?

"T-they handed me a slip of paper. I-I read off what they wanted you to do… Uh, yeah."

"Mm. I remember now. And that fox thing chomped down on me!" I laughed, despite it all. "Yeah, but it was kinda my bad too… I should have noticed your cry for help. You even told me that you'd be taking the night shift after me. Duh!"

He looked away, trying to smile a little for my benefit.

I put a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, dude. Don't do this… The animatronics are- You know what they're like."

For the first time, I notice how defeated he looks, all pretense gone.

"Please. Don't do it, man." I keep going, hoping I can convince him. There must be a way. "If you go back there, they'll kill you!! Come on…"

He nodded.

"I know."

I squeezed his shoulder, and he instinctively turtled with the tiniest smile on his face.

"Aw. See, it's okay… I forgive you." I released my hand from his shoulder, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. "You-you don't have to do this."

He relaxed and looked at me for a moment. Almost like he was pondering something. I wished I could read his mind.

"Jeremy…?" He said at last. I nodded. "…I'm glad you're alright." He looked at the clock. "Ah. I-I have to be going soon."

"Good luck."

As I watched him leave, I felt an immeasurable sorrow. Like I hadn't done enough. What could I have done? Talking to him kindly was the only thing I felt could have worked.

He wasn't really going to take the nightshift, was he? I got up, ready to talk some sense into him.

I bumped into a nurse, who ushered me back into my room. My stitches still needed more time to heal.

"Please," I begged. "Let me talk to that man!"

"Sorry sir, visiting hours are over." She brought me back to my room.

"C-can you at least tell me his name? He was my coworker, for crying out loud."

She led me over to the guest book so we could see who signed in to see Jeremy Fitzgerald. But when we looked, the name had been blacked out. Try as we might, it was impossible to tell what had once been written there.

I felt a chill run through me as I realized he might not have been the one to do it.

GDS3: Challenge 2

Challenge number 2 for the third Great Designer Search was designing to a list of theoretical card names, each themed around a presumptive circus world (Bigtopia). Contestants were allotted one existing named mechanic with which to create their designs.

Commons

The name Contortionist seemed like it lent itself to a Blue creature with a shape-changing ability - I settled on the old Flowstone mechanic. I needed something on top of that both to better evoke the circus theme and to add some originality to the design, but to survive at common it needed to be something simple. One other design had already used Gold tokens, so I settled on 'tipping’ you if the Contortionist had put on an impressive performance before leaving the show. I worded the leaves the battlefield effect as I did because it made better flavour sense than saying “dies”.

The Clown Car feels like an obvious design, but it is something that doesn’t exist in Magic already. If memory serves, I believe several of the actual GDS3 contestants turned in a similar Clown Car, and I almost replaced it for that reason, but I decided to leave it as a functional common. I was tempted to use the same rider I did for Contortionist, rewarding the Clown Car if it crashes while crewed with lots of creatures, but I was worried that A) having the same text on both of my commons would seem unoriginal, and B) Vehicles are already pushing complexity for common without the secondary effect. The original version had a static pump effect, and I changed it after realising a common likely didn’t want creatures to be able to jump in after blocks to change combat math.

Uncommons

Traveling Circus was one of the first ideas I came up with as I looked over the list - a Green enchant land that hopped from one land to another. Originally it made carny tokens (1/1 Rogues) whenever it attached to a land, but that proved to feel less Green and hard to balance. Realising that Gold tokens felt circusy, I switched it to a Fertile Ground variant. I like the feeling of it jumping back and forth between your lands and your opponents’, the circus potentially profiting you multiple times per untap

I designed Tightrope almost instantly after reading the name. The design is simple and elegant, and leans into space not used in Magic - and yet is a reasonable and versatile removal spell. This is the one card I went back and checked to make sure I didn't overlap with the GDS contestants on after I made it - of the 3 Tightropes that appeared in the contest, one was a Black removal spell, but it was substantially different. I was pleased enough with its simplicity that I opted to give it flavour text.

Rares

Circus Tent immediately stood out to me as a card name, and I knew I wanted to make a land designed around it. I had already introduced Gold tokens by the time I designed it, and making it an Holdout Settlement variant seemed flavourful: show off your animals, make some money. I wanted one more flavorful element to make it feel more like a circus, and the creature requirement for the Gold tokens led me into it: if one of the animals attacks someone, the circus closes down.

I have a soft spot for designs that attempt to physically represent the thing they’re trying to evoke beyond just flavourfully doing so. When I read the name Juggling, I immediately knew I wanted it to be juggling cards in your hand. This was the card that went through the most iterations, ranging from bonkers broken (”until end of turn, whenever a card leaves your hand, draw a card”) to simply unplayable. I settled on a sort of Ancestral Recall variant, that allowed you to juggle the cards out of your hand to access the cards it drew.

Mythic Rares

The contest demanded exactly one Legendary card, and Lion Tamer was the card that immediately stood out to me as one. Making cats for each player while protecting you from them seems reasonable in multiplayer formats, with the Jerephon serving as a possible commander. This went through several iterations, the last one weaving the Gold theme I’d built into several of the other cards into this one as well.

Feats of Strength went through more templating changes than any other card, all trying to achieve roughly this effect. It spent some time as a Demonic Pact variant that an opponent chose, or at random. Even once I settled on the alternate win condition version and the feats I wanted to achieve (modelling one’s physique, bending a steel bar, and lifting a huge weight, respectively), templating it to achieve that proved tricky. The sacrifice wording allowed me to do it without tracking counters, which was just the breakthrough I needed.

AAAAA OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING. OH MY GOD. AAAAAAAA. Hey, let’s break the universe a little bit more! Jeremy! Pheremy! (Jerephone?) Can you two interact, or would that cause a rift in space-time?

“J-Jerephone?” Worried the taller Phone Guylooked over to the smaller one in the distance. “Uh…” Meanwhile, on said other side, the Phone Guy was trying to count the currentstock of party hats, getting confused and then starting over again, in hopes ofgetting it right this time. When Jerry approached and touched his elbow after being ignored first,naturally reacting in the Phone to yelp and jump. “A-Ah- Uh- h-hello? You’re one of the- uh- one of the other guys…uh…” A bit puzzled he stared at him. “You, uh- lookfamiliar…” But he couldn’t place it. Certainlynot a person he ever met on the streets. “I do? That’s… really weird. Usually people mentioned they never seenanyone like me before- hah! I mean- I… I kinda do a little weird.” “No! No, you’re uh- you’re not weird, not a-at all!” Nervously thePhone Guy played with his fingers.Cheery Jerry reacted. “Don’t worry! I know I’m weird and that’s okay!People are different and that is good for everyone. My name is Jeremy! May Ihelp you here, sir?” “I, uh-” Looking around, he shook his head. “N-no, no, I wouldhate to bother you…” “Oh, it is not a bother, sir! I would LOVE to help you out!” “Y-yeah, but, uh- you know… you probably have your own things you needto do, and uh-” “No! No, I don’t have- not THAT much, I mean, nothing even, at themoment!” “But- uh- they m-might really NEED you somewhere-”“They will call me over for sure if that is the case! Please- let me helpyou!” Finally the Phone Guy gave up. “Ah. Well… uh… I- fine. B-But promiseyou uh- stop if it gets draining!” They worked for a while, until Jerry finally gave him a skeptical glance.“You’re, uh… you’re really stressed, aren’t you?” “Well- uh- you know, the job is demanding…” Uncomfortable he movedaround. “Then… what do you do to relax?” Friendly Jerry pushed theconversation a bit. “U-Uh- well- I- uh… rarely get home… and I- don’t even… have much todo there…”“Not much there? Well… have you tried baking? It doesn’t take a LOT ofequipment and it makes everyone around you happy!” “Baking…?”Uncertain he he rubbed his arm.“… actually… I DO, uh- enjoy helpingin the kitchen whenever I can…” “That is great! How about you borrow afew thing from the kitchen if you go home- or just bake there! You will see, itwill be delicious and everybody’s smiles will make your day instantly better,no matter what!” Encouraging Jeremy patted his shoulder. “Also- Icould suggest you a few cartoons! U-uh- well, not sure- okay, so- I KNOWcartoons usually are… for kids… but- they- they REALLY help relax! So,before you, uh- before you just decide that you don’t want to do that!”“N-No! No, I- Ha- I would never, uh- never judge you for the way yourelax- I, uh- I know the entirety of Fredbear’s and Friends…” “You do?! It was my FAVORITE cartoonof all time! It’s just perfect!” “P-perfect is a bit much… but uh… it’s… nice… yeah, uh- I don’teven know why I don’t watch it anymore- then again, I maybe… n-never actuallywatched it…” Confused Jeremy tilted his head at the comment, then frowned a bit. “Uh…what do you mean…?” “Nothing! Nothing!” Frozenstiff Phoney looked off into nothingness. “No problem! No issues- I uh- Ihave to go now- we’re done here, thank you for your help! I- I appreciated it-and uh- if I bake something, you will be the first to get- uh- a piece!” “Mr. Phone Guy, areyou-” “YES! Iam OKAY! H-Haha! Uh- Goodbye!” With that the man dashed away. When he arrived at the bathroom, he washed his hands frantically, just to havesomething to do. For some reason, he got a pounding headache and that signface was haunting himin the worst way possible. It became worse and worse and in an impulse reaction, he shoved his head underthe flowing water, pretty sure it would make him shot-circuit. It didn’t.Instead, he slowly slid down onto the ground and began sobbing. Why was he feeling so miserable…WHY-Time passed, plenty of it, until he finally forced himself upwards and stoppedthe wasting of water going on in the back, rubbing his dial. Sweep it under the rug, Phoney.It’s probably fine. … maybe he should avoid Jeremy as good as he could. After giving him the promised muffin.

kinthulou replied to your photo: He needs a name.

Sir Jerephon the Perpetually Chill

I like that, except it’s a lie.  He is Never Chill.  He pumps up and down and flares his dewlap at anything.  Other lizards?  Dragonflies?  Leaves?  Peri?  Me?  He doesn’t care, he’ll fight anything.