someone get this guy out of his shitty job and into a community theatre

Guys I need to tell you about a horrifying toilet paper butler thing we had in my childhood. I recently found him in the attic. His name is Jenkins and there’s something profoundly off about him. Like whenever I speak his name i feel like he can hear me.

So this is Jenkins.

He’s right outside my door rn. I put him there but like jfc. Five nights at Jenkins. Tomorrow I’ll maybe post some postal 2 fan art.

(x) This has been killing me softly all day btw. Imagine your dreams coming true. Imagine seeing them actually manifested. This is a kid posing proudly with his class project but his project is an actual to-scale pirate ship

well jenkins won my poll from a while ago so i guess its my time to talk about jenkins. lemme kinda go back to the beginning about it.

So, Season 12 is when i started being a blaseball fan. I officially on the site roll up to the canada moist talkers on the election sunday that the big siesta starts so im out here like what the fuck is going on while my pal corvoda is a decent bit more interested than i am at that point but i digress.

I miss the coffee cup and related events and i finally start showing my face in the discord, i think i got started on jenkins because i had stumbled across some of the blaseball rp twitters and wanted to join in, so i picked a blaseball player who didn't have a twitter at the time which was jesús and jenkins and i picked jenkins.

there is a message specifically telling me that jenkins doesnt get much love compared to other players on the team and lemme tell you, i took that PERSONALLY.

the first couple things i learned about jenkins was assorted stuff from their wiki. Flaming eye, gamer, and from greer's wiki i think i learned that jenkins and greer were.... something. relationship something.

after a while, i took a crack at making a jenkins interp that combined two other interps i had seen, big lizardy jenkins and mostly humanoid jenkins and ended up with salamander jenkins, eventually switching over to leopard gecko jenkins.

the thing that both entertained me and made me sad is that nothing ever really happened to jenkins. this player who i loved so much didnt recieve a stat buff till late expansion, despite being active with the same stat total since s4 election. sure they got crows mod but rarely did they play in bird weather just cuz of how weather works.

if i can be salty a little bit, i've always had a weird relationship with greer because of how much we focus on her. i know buff greer was funny and it definitely is super funny dont get me wrong but jenkins was a great pitcher until the stat creep hit. we still has to spend several elections on greer because she was a fan favourite. i feel in my heart that if it had been jenkins in that feedback there probably wouldnt have been as much of a push to get them back and idk that always scared me.

its not that jenkins was truly irredeemably bad at the time but compared to a player like greer? if we had to choose between greer or jenkins in something i know greer is winning and that does weird things to my brain sometimes idk i will digress again

jenkins being an active player vs kennedy trevino tyvi who are (were, in tyvi's case) fuckin dead is a wierd space to be in too. especially now that jenkins is on the tacos in new era i rotate between happiness that the tacos like them and deathly fear that theyre going to misconstrue something about them because jenkins is just so specifically Talkers-fied that you really had to be there for the jenkins conversations to understand jenkins' vibes. Its one of those things that like, jenkins was an s1 talker, they had all this time on the team so you just Got the vibes.

my sad thing about jenkins on the tacos? i feel like i cant talk about them anymore. my jenkins is talkers jenkins and i dont know the tacos and i am afraid. this is not my jenkins good anymore this is a whole other jenkins now and i think.... thats really the thing thats fucking me up about this new era. but at least jenkins is doing okay last i checked.

uhhhh lemme actually say some fun headcanons here... Jenkins has a math related degree in Orb Studies and can determine the exact salt content in food just by licking it. they eventually get a pet gecko named Adkins.

I've been thinking about him for some time already (YOU KNOW WHO...) and I think. he's just Like That ™. the gentleman killer. Haskillcore boring old man stuff enjoyer that spends weekends reading newspapers and philosophy books. looks down on people that lack manners. DOES want to serve for the best of his abilities and be appreciated. But ALSO I get the vibes... that he's the way he is because he's a shitty wizard.

HEAR ME OUT... It was just a joke at first but his fiasco with messing the most basic spell and being thrown out of the train..... I feel like he, in fact, can be incompetent wizard and that can fuck him up SO BADLY... like inferiority complex... I can imagine him being young & dreaming of becoming a great wizard & failing painfully. So now he compensates it with self-taught magic and dark arts (his necromancy interest). “dark magic is just misunderstood, not evil"...

I also get vibes from him of being bullied? I would take away his lunch yk. And now he allows people to walk over him and it's not just a job thing he's just like that. Until the moment he snaps. And murder may be the way for him to feel being in-control, which he usually lacks. Feel like he hass power. He doesn't feel nor act like purple guy jeff the killer (he's too old for that) but. Sometimes he thinks “It would be nice to kill someone right now. I also need cash. Hmm.” and that's now it happens. Maybe he feels alive when he does that, but it's only in-moment feeling that doesn't stay. I feel like he's pretty sensitive and can say when he feels bad(offended) or good(proud), but doesn't really have emotional intelligence? The feelings are there, what to do with them? who knows. not him. he goes out on the streets at night. depreesion)

I think he knows a lot about magic and artifacts (found out about the relic by private investigation or smth) but he can't use that intformation himself! what a shame! I get the vibes that he can be almost . cursed . to be a bad wizard. he's probably not but it just feels that way. so many potential in such cringefail loser (/affectionate). and he knows that and mourns that! what does he do with his life!

I rotate him in my mind he's so interesting what is wrong with him . . .

NODS VIGOROUSLY ALONG WITH YOUR POINTS im sitting here taking notes for my fic fr!! i actually hit on a lot of the same conclusions you did which makes me so happy, but one of the main differences was i thought he might actually be a good wizard, BUT i think your reading that he's ACTUALLY just a shitty wizard is more interesting character-wise....

like you said "he knows a lot about magic and artifacts but he can't use that intformation himself" <- YESSS. i think the exact way that he's shitty is that he definitely has the theoretical knowledge, but he can't apply it for shit. <3 like at the end of rockport limited he clearly knew the flame spell he was going to use, he just... fucking misses by a country mile LMFAO, even the meat monsters seem a little cobbled-together, like he knows the the theory but there's little finesse in the execution.

"he's the way he is because he's a shitty wizard." <- OK BC THIS BASIS IS SO GOOD. hes got so much ambition but no talent, and that informs everything about him!! - it's my headcanon that he grew up lower-middle class, and i think combining that with being bullied and being bad at magic contributed to an inferiority complex. and he likes refined things precisely because he likes the image of himself as this powerful refined (rich) person when he's really just grasping at it desperately :)))

aaand i think the dark arts provide shortcuts to power for the price of sacrificing another living thing, SO FOR JENKINS, who was a shitty wizard and an asshole who's totally willing to sacrifice people for power, it suited him perfectly :)))))))

not to mention all the points u brought up abt why he kills are so good. i think it's firstly a practicality thing (he needs the money, like u said), but then secondarily an outlet for his anger (he's a bit emotionally unintelligent like u also said lol). i think he learned how to deal with this simmering hatred in the exact wrong way, where he bottles it up during the day when ppl push him around and then lets it out during his murders. instead of yknow... learning to not let ppl push him around, and manage his anger and deal with it less destructively SDFLSDFKJ. and it became a cycle. so now he's a serial murderer cos he's into this repress-release pattern, someone get this man into therapy or get him a boyfriend who can fix him !!

AND... okok final point bc its getting a bit long. "so many potential in such cringefail loser (/affectionate). and he knows that and mourns that! what does he do with his life!" <- YES. perhaps even. he is not cut out to be a wizard..... he clearly has ambition, and good taste, and a flair for the dramatic, and mental problems, which means. of course. he is perfectly suited for the theater--//SHOT

i was looking through the graphic novel to find good images of jenkins and got a little carried away.... so im spreading my favorites out here like im scrapbooking hehe

happy valnentintens …… i think jenkins hates valentine’s day <3

VIBRATES AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT. the excellent jenkins character analysis in my inbox reminded me of how well Psycho Killer fits him

"achieving my hopes / I throw myself toward glory" <- his shitty-at-magic ass will NOT succeed

i know this has been said before but it really tickles me that the other TAZ arc antagonists had to be corrupted by the relics before doing anything evil but that jenkins was ALREADY an awful person. this man killed people and took their money. he was NOT corrupted his ass didnt even TOUCH the relic

i say, i'm getting really curious about jenkins, is he a fidus chappie or one of those approach-at-your-own-risk types? and now that we're here could you tell me your favourite thing about him?

thanks muchly

AA ty for this ask!!!! im so glad someones curious abt him i'm vibrating at the speed of LIGHT thank YOU muchly

is he a fidus chappie is a tough question. hes polite/cool/professional but thats mostly cos of his job (he's a train attendant so he's gotta be a gentleman). HOWEVER his temper is kind of short when he's teased, so he gets snippy quickly.... but he can also be?? playful?? he has some vaguely-flirty lines. he contains multitudes lol

overall, under his politeness i think he's got a sore spot about being underestimated and overall is a bit of a misanthrope. i mean he kills people hehe >:] so i think ill leave it at, you'd probably only want to have a pleasant passing conversation at the train station or at a coffee shop before he gets ideas LMAO

as for my favorite thing its actually SO hard to choose one.... i like his whole physical appearance (stupid little pince-nez, slutty little waistcoat etc) but i choose his hair bc cos it comes down in the finale as a representation of how he's coming unhinged and this trope SUSTAINS me. slay jenkins

I CHECKED JENKINS FROM TAZ OUT OF SHEER CURIOSITY (YOU CURSED ME) AND OH MY GOD I'M HYSTERICAL HE'S SO FUNNY I SEE THE VISION NOW (THANK YOU)

AAA HI BETH!! OMG TY FOR CHECKING HIM OUT im so glad you see my vision ASBADSBDSN

I KNOW RIGHT hes the funniest ever... hes like a human in a muppet movie <3 i hope u saw some of his more famous quotes they get sooo disdainful its amazing

"how do we summon you, jenkins?" / "well, the train has four goddamn cars, so just open all the doors and yell"

"--so is it, like, a magic word, or like a whistle?" / [sigh] "yes, a witch kissed me and cursed me so that anytime anyone yells a secret word, I have to attend to their every need, and that word is my fucking name: Jenkins"

every time i hear these i lose my SHIT... god. the guy ever. the 47-y/o elf train attendant ever. i cannot get enough of his beleaguered smarmy ass. tysm for the ask <33

i have a complex about not disliking blaseball characters for any lore related reasons, if theyre lored to be 'unlikeable' or are gradually disliked by a team and i feel like its odd to be like that 🤔

like, you were given this guy and maybe they arent good at the game but someone decided that they were unredeemable (exaggeration) and then it became popular and its like... i dunno

i also have a complex about players who are bad at the game and get ignored and i accidentally went on a rant about it in the tags for yall eho know moist talkers players lol

midnight jenkinsposting AGAIN….