thinks really hard abt the lobcorp pre-suppression cutscene choices and their repetition, how it represents how this decision was never yours to make (this is an action picked out by someone who isnt and can never be you; your decision does not matter) yet the decision was Always yours to make (there is no other option because this is What Happened, and Would Always Be what happened; you would never make another choice. your decision is the only one that mattered.)
the line between ayin and x is so blurred. much like the rest of the sephirah, ayin too creates a split in himself not terribly different from the split between elijah and malkuth, gabriel and yesod, michelle and hod, and on, and on. and yet, despite how differently each iteration of x is described or implied to be, after the memory sync, it is always implied to still be Ayin. to be Ayin once more. and yet, each of the sephirah seem to feel as though they are entirely different people. where is the line drawn? and who is it drawn by?
if x is not ayin, what becomes of him when ayins memories return? the sephirah made their own choices of who they decide to be-- but did ayin make that choice for himself too? was he simply too stubborn to allow himself to disappear under the weight of that many resets, that many retries, that many reshuffles of the mind? how much of x remains afterwards? how much say does he have in the right to exist, as someone who defines himself out of existence on the sole account of Being? intrinsically temporary. but i suppose, since when did ayin care of the voices that were not his own?
but if x Is ayin, what does that make of how we see him from the start? how does this redefine his character, who he Is, what he Searches for? what he Prioritizes? an open ended question becomes a well trodden trail, always destined to return to the same point, over and over. the implication that no matter what he does, what becomes of him, any choice he makes will inevitably be the same. he too has a part to play, and he too must see it to fruition, just like everyone else. and so he marches forward, and so he marches forward.
of course, nothing is ever really so black and white, but its not like we will ever really get to know. we dont get to see much of the man behind the curtain, only the hand that directs. no matter what path, what circumstance, what action, it will always end the same way. the hill must be climbed, the wheel must be ran, and the sun always rises at the end.
it was never his choice to make. it was Always his choice to make.
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loop if they were Birds are a group of warm-blooded vertebrates constituting the class Aves (/ˈeɪviːz/), characterised by feathers, toothless beaked jaws, the laying of hard-shelled eggs, a high metabolic rate, a four-chambered heart, and a strong yet lightweight skeleton. Birds live worldwide and range in size from the 5.5 cm (2.2 in) bee hummingbird to the 2.8 m (9 ft 2 in) common ostrich. There are over 11,000 living species, more than half of which are passerine, or "perching" birds. Birds have wings whose development varies according to species; the only known groups without wings are the exti
DAY 41: sorry i turned your guy into a weird creature instead
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pmmm rewatch live notes: ep 10
ep 10 wough all the homura content and seeing the flashbacks is so great but also so heart wrenching what if i exploded. the scene where madoka asks homura to kill her before she becomes a witch ugh head in hands homura's scream as she kills her echoes around in my skull
Homura has bows in her hair in flashback! Just like madoka
Madoka leads homura to the nurse’s office on her first day so it makes sense that she knows how to get there in our timeline
Madoka tells homura to call her by her given name on the way there just like homura tells madoka to do in the first ep
Madoka tells homura about how her name is so cool that it would be a waste not to become cool to match it
Foreshadowing lol
Just like how homura became the cool/cold person she is now because she followed madoka’s request to go back in time and save her before kyubey could trick her
Red sky in the background of the labyrinth that homura gets trapped in before she is a magical girl
They talk about being magical girls over tea and cake like its no big deal and complement each other and laugh like wtf that does not match the weight of the topic
Madoka’s duty to protect other makes her try to kill walpurgisnacht on her own in the original timeline even though she knows she will die
It's like the places are swapped where homura cries and tells her to just leave it all and run away and be safe together like madoka is trying in the main timeline
Homura is sooooo survivors guilt and inferiority complex and lack of self worth
“What is the wish that will make your soul gem shine?” raw ass line considering that the soul gem is THEM so he’s really saying what is the wish that will make YOU shine
Red background when homura tries to tell all of them about kyubey in the third timeline and sayaka shuts her down
In the old timelines the magical girls work in teams like madoka has been saying they should in the main timeline
Blue lighting when mami tries to kill the others before they can become witches
In the scene where both homura and madoka are about to become witches it starts with a super up close image of them bc nothing else matters it's just them
Homura wants to despair and give up on everything else whereas madoka uses her last actions to save others bc she is the embodiment of hope
Water around them is purple when madoka asks homura to mercy kill her
Even when she is despairing enough to become a witch madoka wants to protect the world
Yellow and blue lighting on black silhouettes as homura kills madoka
Mostly grayscale and purple once homura decides she has to do everything on her own
Screen is dark and black as kyubey tries to convince madoka to make a contract to help homura defeat walpurgisnacht (the scene that was her dream in the first ep)
The way madoka becomes the most powerful witch when she makes a contract to destroy the most powerful witch is so heartbreaking
Like the epitome of the witch/magical girl cycle
Homura steels herself to put on an act before going forward to face madoka after madoka finds kyubey running away from homura
This ep ending with the opening is so representative of the cycle of the repeating the timeline and also the cycle of witches and magical girls
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