Touch

masterlist //rules// request

Pairing: Haechan/ Lee Dong Hyuck X Reader

Genre: Fluff, super tiny bit of angst

Word Count: 1.9K +

Summary: 『 Touch seems to be just as essential as sunlight. 』- Diane Ackerman

『 I can’t even remember days without you or times I felt more comfortable alone... 』- NCT 127; TOUCH

☀️⭐✨☀️⭐✨☀️ ⭐✨☀️⭐✨☀️⭐

Lee Dong Hyuck certainly lived up to the name “Haechan.” It was a rather cute nickname that his CEO gave him the day he debuted as a part of NCT. Maybe it was part of because of his job as an idol, but to you, he “shone brightly” wherever he went.

That was what you’ve noted, seeing your boyfriend dance in his group’s Japanese debut music video. He definitely stood out to you more in this comeback, seeing him perform with such charisma and confidence. It disappointed you slightly that he didn’t have much of actual lines and mostly back-up vocals. You loved hearing his singing voice; it reminded you of the times he’d sing to himself when he busy cooking or traipsing around the grocery store aisles, looking around for condiments he thought you’d need for your rather bare pantry.

But, oh well, as long as Haechan is happy with his work and is giving his all in Japan at it, you’re happy, too.

You sighed, opening up your Messages app and tapping the first contact you’ve recently messaged:

📱📱[May 22, 2018, 23:45 PM]📱📱

You sent: heeellooooo my bootiful boyfriend ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

hyuckiepoo sent: aaaaaaaand the bootiful boyfriend arrives~

hyuckiepoo sent: and jfc

hyuckiepoo sent: yuta’s taught you to use the kaomoji app, huh? that’s so old-school

You sent: I know but they looked cute! So why not?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hyuckiepoo sent: since you’re up at this time and texting me, you probably just watched the new jap mv even tho it was released 2 weeks ago. you didn’t mention it last time bc you didn’t watch it, right?

You sent: (´⊙ω⊙`)！

hyuckiepoo sent: you’re just that predictable, boo

You sent: (ง •̀_•́)ง Fight me if you dare, poo-

hyuckiepoo sent: calm thyself, boo. I get it, work was probably being an ass to you during that time, right? 乁( ◔ ౪◔)ㄏ

You sent: Now, you’re using it? (o`Ao)?

hyuckiepoo sent: It’s cute when I use it (◡ ‿ ◡ ✿)

You sent: Whatever you makes you sleep at night, hyuckie (∗´꒳`)

hyuckiepoo sent: Well? How was it? Did I charm you all over again? (๑‾̀◡‾́)

You sent: (u v u)

You sent: You looked real cute.

You sent: Like I wanted to pat your head during your center time.

hyuckiepoo sent: YAH. 

hyuckiepoo sent: YOU STILL STUCK IN TOUCH?

hyuckiepoo sent: THIS IS A SEXIER CONCEPT. EMPHASIS ON THE S E X Y.

hyuckiepoo sent: I DID NOT PRACTICE LOOKING AT THE CAMERA FOR A MONTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS CUTE BY MY OWN GIRLFRIEND

☀️⭐✨☀️⭐✨☀️ ⭐✨☀️⭐✨

You laughed aloud in your bedroom, surprised at his quick response to your comment and the sudden lack of kaomojis. You started rolling over on your bed at the thought of him just practicing what his face must have looked like. He probably got advice from either Taeyong or Yuta.

Okay, you admitted, the first half of the time that he appeared, he looked really... really cool, but—

☀️⭐✨☀️⭐✨☀️ ⭐✨☀️⭐✨

You sent: BUT YOU LOOKED TINY WITH THAT BEAN POLE DANCING BEHIND YOU

You sent: DON’T PROVE ME OTHERWISE

hyuckiepoo sent: I CAN’T HELP THAT JOHNNY WAS PLACED BEHIND ME

hyuckiepoo sent: YOU-

hyuckiepoo sent: U W U

hyuckiepoo sent: Because I am a kind af boyfriend and am just that nice, I will not fly all the way back to Seoul to hit you

You sent: Yes, hyuckie poo, you are the best bf ever u v u

hyuckiepoo sent: But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook, boo

You sent: O v O !!

hyuckiepoo sent: Love me tons when I come back, k? We’ll see if I forgive you then. I want 10x the cuddles.

You sent: Yes, yes, the love of my life, I will spoil you rotten ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅

hyuckiepoo sent:  y o u b e t t e r (๑◕ㅂ▰)～♥

📱📱[-END CONVO-]📱📱

You smiled at the thought, him being back home. Your playful bickering together, your late night movie dates, your trips to the arcades and amusement parks, your day-long cuddling sessions, you waking up next to him the morning after a sleepover—

You stared at his contact photo in your messages before you looked to your other SNS accounts for pictures of him doing well in Japan. You chuckled bitterly as you scrolled down each feed. He really was a “full sun,” indeed, you thought, dropping your phone weakly onto the bed with a fan camera focused on him playing on the screen. 

Even though you sounded so close to each other, he felt so... unreachable.

Even though you two called yourselves a couple, the both of you were just so far apart from each other nowadays.

Yes, you guys were together for three months, but you barely spend any physical time together. Most of your time was spent online. Those dates where you actually got to be together you had happened only once in every blue moon just because your schedules just happened to give you both time off.

Even with all that, you had no reason to doubt his love for you even when the distance between you was so wide. You knew the trials that came with dating him. You had no reason to think he was being unloyal to you. He proved his love for you every single day and didn’t make you feel unhappy. 

So why did it still hurt you so much?

You felt the back of your eyes sting. You sniffed your nose and wiped your eyes immediately with your sweater sleeve. Nope. You were not going to cry about this again. Yes, it’s been nearly a month since you last saw each other but you knew what would happen if you agreed to date him. Three months ago, when you returned his confession, you figured this would eventually happen once you date someone so untouchable.

Your mind was brought back down to reality once you heard your ringtone blaring off from your phone. You wiped your eyes once again, picking up your phone and checking who was daring to call at nearly one in the morning.

📞📞“ hyuckiepoo is calling ”📞📞

What a fucking scare, you thought. It’s been quite a while since your last phone call with him. You sniffed again, clearing your sinuses to make sure your voice sounded at least normal enough and tapped the the green icon.

“Hyuck?”

“No, this is your social security service...” you rose a brow at the rather polite tone going off through the phone. “Yah! Of course it’s me, haha! Who else would be calling you?” You giggled at the sound of his voice. It’s been so long since you heard him laugh so heartily like that through the phone.

“Hm... Maybe Jeno? He said he’s going to call to check up on me since my boyfriend isn’t in Seoul to do that, anyway,” you mused, biting your bottom lip in expectation.

You heard him mock a scoff on the other side of the line. “‘Scuse me?!” you lightly snorted at his tone, disbelief laced into his voice. “Are you seriously talking to Jeno of all people behind my back?”

“W-Well...! What’s wrong with Jeno? He’s nice, isn’t he?” you asked, feigning innocence as you scooched over to grab the stuffed toy Dong Hyuck gave you on your first date on your drawer before you let your back rest comfortably on the pillows.

It wasn’t all untrue. Jeno did keep you some company but it was mostly limited to meme-sending and you asking if your boyfriend will ever return, which he is honestly tired of hearing because:

📱📱[May 21, 2018, 20:45 PM]📱📱

jeno my child sent: why don’t you ask him yourself?? you text him all the time smh;;; now lemme sleep early today. being an mc tomo = tons of work

📱📱[-END CONVO-]📱📱

“Boo. News flash, if you don’t remember. He’s called Je-no fun for a reason,” you scoffed at his mockery. “But you could have called me during this week, I wanted to hear your voice even for a little bit...”

“Boy, he’s not that bad. His memes are practically golden, I guess,” you huffed, trying to play it away. You froze for a bit there at his statement, biting your lip nervously. Even if you did, you’d probably be too busy to answer my phone calls, anyway, said the anxiety and insecurity bubbling up in the back of your throat. You had so much excuses to give to make up for the fear of him getting tired of you eating you up during the past month.

“Fossilized gold, probably. I send you the best memes and you know it, boo,” Donghyuck huffed through the phone. “When did that guy ever send you anything that actually made you laugh? That’s right. Never, haha!”

“Sure you do, bub,” you said in rather light agreement as if to tease him just a bit more. You could already hear him tapping his foot in frustration on the bedroom floor of his hotel suite. The thought made you giggle a bit. You could imagine him walking around the entire dorm room just trying to look for reasons why you shouldn’t be talking to Jeno. 

After a few seconds of silence on the other side of the line, you expected him to start to talk about what the members did today, complain about his how tiring his performance was in the showcases they held, maybe ask you how you were doing at work, talk about what he saw in Japan that reminded him of you, or ask if you were sleeping enough at night. 

Instead you were caught off-guard by the next three words his voice emitted: “I miss you...” 

You didn’t know if you held your breath or not but that seriously took your breath away. “Hyuck...” you tried to speak in an attempt to try to play if off like you would usually do but he just interrupted you, beginning to voice himself out.

“Hear me out. It’s been a month by now since we last spent time together. I know I may have said that I’ve been okay in our texts. Well, I technically am but...” he continued, the cheery tone in his voice disappearing. You swore, it sounded like he wanted to cry.

“I couldn’t get my head off the thought of you... I keep trying to focus but I keep thinking back to the days when we would stay in each others arms all day... I want to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you... And when I think about you not being next to me, it hurts a lot...God, it’s cringy, what the hell, but I seriously can’t take it... I know our schedules suck like shit but I really really want to be with you so so bad... I want to see you...” 

All this time about you silently worrying about yourself being a burden and you failed to even see if your boyfriend felt the same. What a great partner you were, you bitterly thought to yourself. You bit your lip as it quivered, finding it hard to breathe as he continued to speak.

“Hey...?” As much as you wanted to quickly respond to him to assure that you were fine and not going to cry, you couldn’t. All this time of feeling so alone without him just pent up within you and finally let loose.

“Me, too, Dong Hyuck...” You  finally replied, your voice trembling with every second. “I miss you so so much...” you hiccuped, wiping your tears away. “It felt so lonely without you... I wanted to fly to you so bad but I didn’t want to get in your way... I didn’t want to feel like I was being a burden to you... I didn’t want you to get tired of me and not love me anymore...”

“Who said I’d stop loving you?”

Your eyes widened, hearing his voice simultaneously from different places, one from your phone and the other as if he was in the ... same room...

You whipped your head to see the very same Lee Dong Hyuck you fell in love with, roller bag handle in one hand, his phone in the other one. You remembered buying him the jacket and shirt he donned for his birthday. He pulled down the hood and pulled his black mask down, his eyes looking at you with such a loving gaze as he flashed you that grin that made you melt a thousand times over. 

“Surprise, I guess?” he said, shrugging his shoulders. A small laugh escaping his lips when he saw that you drop your phone on the bed. 

You immediately jumped off the bed, rushing over to pull him into your arms, feeling his warmth envelope you as he returned the favour with just as much fervor, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

Gods, he couldn’t recall the last time he ever brought you into his arms like this. Did you always feel this soft and warm? He didn’t remember your hair getting longer either. Did you forget to trim your hair? Whatever, he didn’t care anymore.

“I missed you so much, Hyuck...” you murmured, your tears dampening that precious jacket you got him. Dong Hyuck could care less, anyway. You were here. Right beside him. That was all that mattered to him.

“... I missed me, too, haha,” you laughed softly against his chest, lightly hitting his shoulder before he pulled you away from him. “But I missed you more...” he breathes out, his voice shaky and desperate.

“I love you so so much, (Y/N)...” he whined softly, resting his forehead against your own before cupping his hands over your cheeks and leaning over to graciously plant kisses on your forehead, each of your cheeks, your nose, and each area at the side of your lips before pulling away to take a good look at your face, as if implanting the image of you into the very back of his head. Every crease, wrinkle and imperfection you had on you and were insecure about just made you seem so... so... you and Dong Hyuck wouldn’t have you any other way.

Being Haechan, the idol who “shone brightly” beyond your grasp, was definitely a huge part of his life. But you definitely cannot ignore the fact that behind the light shining brightly was the shadow of Lee Dong Hyuck, the witty, mischievous, brusque, yet soft-hearted man who declared he’d love you like there was no tomorrow.

Yes, your relationship was rather complicated and there was no telling if you both would last long. There will definitely come days where you’re forced to do nothing but watch him from afar and bask as he shines on stage like the star he was born to be.

All that mattered to you, though, were moments like these, where his touch was just as important as sunlight.

-END-

☀️⭐✨☀️⭐✨☀️ ⭐✨☀️⭐✨

A/N: Hello! This is my first time to post up or show any of my written works so comments/critiques/feedback of any sort is super helpful! >v<!!

“The Lord Who Obeys Me”

Setting: Non-Despair AU, after graduation (characters are +18)

Gundham’s fem-dom S/O who is in love with him and also likes to praise and tease him a lot decides that it’s time to give the boy what he deserves- so she takes his virginity.

Female Reader x Gundham Tanaka

Genre: n//fw, sm/t

Gundham's hot and flushed face did excite Y/N quite a bit. He seemed to be struggling super hard- but seemingly not as hard as he was down there. Deciding to tease him, Y/N grinded against his crotch slightly; making Gundham let out a muffled breath. This made Y/N giggle, which drove Gundham even more crazy; making him buckle up to her, albeit his face still very much red. "Are you playing games with me, woman?" Y/N nodded then looked at his lips, while biting her bottom lip. "Y-you dare to challenge me, huh? I, G-Gundham Tanaka, will not lose to a dirty feeling that is l-lust-" His words were cut with a groan caused by Y/N's hand on his crotch, stroking his manhood slowly. "Are you sure about that?" Y/N teased, making the breeder even more of a blushing mess. With a mischevious grin, the H/C haired girl looked at her boyfriend, who seemed to be barely containing himself from jumping on her. She wanted to push his limits even more. She wanted to see his submissive face even more. So she hopped off of his lap and got on her knees. While her hands were still tracing his erected penis, she said something that she knew that would drive him completely crazy: "Let me pleasure you, my lord." Even though he was shivering because of her words, Gundham tried to look cool and composed as always: "D...Do what you will, you... You... Succubus..." With his permission, Y/N leaned into his cock and unzipped his pants. She obviously wouldn't expect Gundham to not wear any underwear, so was taken aback by his huge dick that almost hit her face. After his secret was revealed, Gundham couldn't help getting embarrassed. This didn't seem to bother her, though, it even seemed like she was pleasantly surprsied. "Oh, I didn't know that," Y/N said, while staring at Gundham's penis with a contented smile, "so you don't wear any underwear?" "Of course I do!" Gundham protested, "you just... Can't see it..." "Hmm," Y/N's innocent smile turned into a more devilish one, "so... You can't feel it directly when I do... This?" Without a warning, Y/N started to plant kisses on Gundham's manhood, one after another. She couldn't help giggling when she heard Gundham moan a bit. "You are so pure, aren't you," she teased. "Me? I-I am.... Supreme Overlord of Ice, not... anything like..." "Your persona is quite ironic you know? You are maybe the nicest person I know, no, you ARE the nicest person I know. Yet you act like you are some sort of villain," she said, while stroking his cock and watching him get more hot and bothered as she talked, "but maybe... You aren't that pure after all. I mean, look at how hard you are!" she laughed. "Whose fault is that..." Gundham murmured, "you are too powerful, Succubus of the Dark Forests. Even a powerful being such as I cannot help surrendering to your incredible power... You just know how to seduce me, with that... Sweet mouth of yours." "Only my mouth? Is that it? Or did you specifically said my mouth because you really want me to use it right now?" "...I want you to use it." Y/N grinned at his helpless expression once more. "What do you want me to do with it?" "S...suck..." "Please be more clear, my lord." "I want you to suck it..." "Suck what?" Even though he was still very much embarrassed, Gundham buckled up to her lips. "...My m-manhood." "Good boy- I mean... Whatever you wish for, my lord," she said, right before taking all of his cock in her mouth. Gundham moaned at the sensation, it was the first-ever blowjob he was receiving and he didn't expect that it would feel this good.. He had to hold himself back from face-fucking her, he didn't want to choke her because damn- he was huge. Soon enough (right after managing to control her breathing), Y/N started to bob her head slowly. She was slow enough to torture Gundham who was dripping with pre-cum already. "Y/N... Haah... Q-quicker for me... Please... Ah..." Y/N put her hands on Gundham's inner thighs and started to rub them to pleasure him more. She still didn't pick up the pace, though. She was still slow and steady. "Y-Y/N... Why must you torture me like that? If you keep your pace this low, I will not be able to control mysel-" Sensing the danger, with an erotic pop, Y/N pulled her head back and grinned at him. "Maybe I like it this way?" Gundham frowned a bit in frustration. "...Such a wicked soul... As expected from Succubus of the Dark Forests, I suppose." "I am wicked, huh? I guess I am. I have a hard time controlling myself when I see you like this, you know, helpless and completely at my mercy. So I apologize... But, you know," Y/N said, before standing up and lifting up her skirt, revealing her panties which were getting darker in color as it went down, right at where her pussy was. "I am so, so turned on right now." Dazed and tongue tied, Gundham looked at her underwear, his mouth agape and his breathing quickened. He couldn't even deny her words of him being "completely at her mercy", he was basically speechless now. "Oh? You are interested?" Y/N teased, once again. Gundham closed his mouth and nodded silently. "That's nice," she said, pulling her underwear down, showcasing her pussy to him. "Come to me, Gundham," she then extended a condom to him. Gundham gulped, then wrapped the condom around his manhood. He then walked over to Y/N, suddenly putting his hand behind her head and slamming her onto wall. "Oh my," Y/N said with a surprised expression. "Guess I pushed your limits too much..." "Yes, indeed you did, my queen," he said, before lifting her leg slowly and planting kisses on her knee and inner thighs, making her gasp in pleasure. "Ah... It's alright, I don't mind-ah!" Suddenly, Gundham's dick was inside Y/N. Y/N was wrapping around him real tight, almost like pulling him in, wanting to taste every single bit of him. She wanted all of him. And he wanted all of her. "Tight, hm?" "Haah... I can't help it... I think you are the hottest person to ever exist..." Even in this position, Y/N didn't give up on her dominance and once again managed to make Gundham blush hard, causing him to bury his head on the crook of her neck. As he started to pump into her, he didn't have much patience- she teased him too much. So even when he tried to slow down, he just couldn't- his hips went on faster and faster, their moans mixing together as they held onto each other. "I love you," Gundham whispered, his head still on the crook of her neck, sending her slight vibrations with his deep voice. "Gundham... I love you too... I really do... You are the best..." He blushed once more, yet was more confident this time: "Yes, I am. I am the best for you, my queen. Exactly like how you are the one and only for me." "I am yours... And you are mine..." Y/N said, her arms wrapping Gundham's body tighter. "Indeed... I am..." Suddenly, Gundham pulled Y/N to the nearby couch, making her sit on his lap while he still thrusts deeply into her. Y/N being the Y/N she is, also rode him with her shameless expression and loud moans. "You... Wanted me to ride you, didn't you?" No answer, only both of their moans mixed together. "Well, I don't mind it... It was my original intention anyways, but I thought you would like to be on top..." Gundham averted his eyes. "You like being topped, don't you? Maybe you are more submissive than I had initially thought after all!" "Y/N..." "You like the attention, don't you," Y/N  was barely able to talk right now, the more she talked, the more her words got more and more breathy. "Ahh, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, really..." she said, hugging him while still riding him, "I like giving you attention... Because I... Love... Ah, fuck!" With that, she let out a long and loud moan, her back arched and her head swung back. She has reached her climax. What a sight that was to be seen! Seeing her all messed up for him and him only was too much for Gundham that was already been tortured by Y/N for a while now. Gundham has never been turned on that much before, so it was only natural that he came with a loud grunt right away. They stayed in each others' arms for a while like that. Then Y/N got up from his lap, and unwrapped the now filled-with-semen condom of his, throwing it to the nearby trash can. "T...Thank you," Gundham said, his chest still visibly going up and down. "For what," Y/N asked with a tired smile. Gundham's expression turned into one that seemed distant and... Painful. Y/N's heart ached a bit. "Why the long face?" she asked, visibly worried. "I do not recall anyone calling me such words as 'gentle' or 'nice' before. Even though I am exactly the opposite of such descriptions, you... Are kind to me. It is you that is gentle, my dear." "It's upsetting to hear you say that, Gundham. The things I had said, I meant every single word of them. I do think you are the kindest person I have ever known," she held his hand and gazed lovingly into his aloof eyes. "You are the kindest, coolest and well- most evil person I have ever known." She had finally managed to get a little smug snort out of him. "Your words contradict each other, you are aware of that, yes?" "Yes I am. Now, come on, let's go shower, okay?"

Please excuse my grammar mistakes, if there is any, for English is not my first language. Also, I don’t write smut often, so I apologize if I made you cringe.

King Push v. 6ixGod

OCTOBER 12, 2016

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~H.G.T.V. FREESTYLE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Half a year later, still ain't heard an album greater The natives want me out of the office, back on the pavement Jokers at the top know the king is nothin' to play with 9 to 5 money is just as sweet as the grave shift El presidenté, Blowbama, blow by ya Chopper next to me in every picture, Osama Oh mama, they question my starting line up You only find a diamond from diggin' like coal miners Don't listen to 'em, Desiigner The same rappers talkin' next year will be Uber drivers (Fuck 'em) Chanel dad hats, but you don't know that they got 'em Trap door shopper, they rotate the wall So you will never see me as you rotate the mall 330 spin, cook a steak up on this grill Me myself and I, we like a hamster in the wheel Rolls emblem, Black Virginia Pull in a neighborhood I don't blend in Album of the year contender every year The kitchen's full of work, it's blenders everywhere Blended bitches everywhere that do the most They never seen with him so they fuck his ghost Invisible man, timepiece with the invisible hands MJ, remember the time they counted in sand hourglass But mine come with purse and heels And the DIY Gucci with the crest and shields 

TO DRAKE 

It's too far gone when the realest ain't real I walk amongst the clouds so your ceilings ain't real These niggas Call of Duty cause their killings ain't real With a questionable pen so the feelin' ain't real Rap's John Grisham I can paint the picture with the words if you listen (shh) The bar's been lowered, the well's run dry They beefin' over melodies, but no, not I (yugh) See I'm so top 5 If they factor in the truth I just might blow by Blowbama

~~~~~~~~~~~TWO BIRDS W ONE STONE by DRAKE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OCTOBER 29, 2016

More time with family and friends, more life
More time to get it right
It's only me, but I'm seeing four shadows in the light
My demons visit me every night
To the most high, I'm forever indebted
I know I gotta pay somethin', I know that day's comin'
I put it all in the music
Because if I don't say it here, then I won't say nothin'
Could feel my hand getting tired from holding the grudges
Two birds, one stone, my aim is amazin'
I need to start losing my shit on you niggas that's hatin'
Too reserved, like I called ahead for me and my lady
Free C5, how the fuck we got the boss waiting?
Ever since the blue basement, I found God and I lost patience
Between rocks and hard places of all places
Spotted everywhere, like Dalmatian
Cops snoop around now, 'cause all of my dogs famous
Please welcome the October fall baby
Vaughan Road Academy, star player—my mind's not all there
Used to carry a lot of dead weight like a pallbearer
People too scared to tell the truth, so it's all dares
Count it, it's all there, and we all square
Quick money, I'm in and out
My dad used to use a soap bar 'til it's thinnin' out
But, shit, look at Dennis now
All Stacy Adams and linnen'd out
More blessings for Sandy and him, more life
My parents never got it right
But God bless 'em both, I think we all alike
We all wide awake late at night, thinking on what to change
If we do get to do it twice in another life
Scared to go to sleep now
'Cause being awake is what all my dreams were like
Back when the bar that I had set for myself was out of sight
Tell me how I went and did chin-ups
On this shit when I can't see it
Pin-ups of Meagan Good and Pam Grier
Soul sisters inspired my old scriptures
Now that feeling's gone like them old pictures
Mixin' liquor got us both twisted, words get so vicious
You just stare at me while you roll Swishers
Girl, I love you, but I don't miss ya
And no matter what year it is, I'm a 06er
Go figure, cold nigga, stay in school, man
Fuck the rap game, it's all lies and it's all filthy
Two percent of us rich and the rest of these niggas all milk it
Got two of my niggas off with a "not guilty"
Gave back to the city and never said it if I didn't live it
But still they try and tell you I'm not the realest. 
Like I'm some privileged kid
That never sat through a prison visit
Or like it was just handed to me tied with a ribbon. 
I never worked to get it

TO PUSHA


But really it's you with all the drug dealer stories
That's gotta stop, though
You made a couple chops and now you think you Chapo
If you ask me though, you ain't lining the trunk with kilos
You bagging weed watching Pacino with all your niggas
Like, "This what we need to be on," but you never went live
You middle-man in this shit, boy, you was never them guys
I can tell, 'cause I look most of you dead in your eyes
And you'll be tryna sell that story for the rest of your lives
Can't show us where the cash is
Me, I don't judge, I'm just going off what the math is
Numbers inflated
They all look at me, like, "What have you done for me lately?"
"I like your older shit but wasn't in love with the latest."
Aw, baby, stop debatin', I'm just a creative
My numbers out of this world
No wonder they got me feeling so alienated

TO CUDI


You were the man on the moon
Now you just go through your phases
Life of the angry and famous
Rap like I know I'm the greatest
Then give you tropical flavours
Still never been on hiatus
You stay xann'd and perk'd up
So when reality set in, you don't gotta face it
I'm down 200 in Vegas but winning life on a daily basis
It seems like nobody wants to stay in my good graces
I'm like a real estate agent, putting you all in your places
Look what happens soon as you talk to me crazy
Is you crazy?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~INFARED~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[on the album]

TO DRAKE

The game's fucked up Niggas beats is bangin’, nigga, ya hooks did it The lyric pennin' equal the Trumps winnin' The bigger question is how the Russians did it It was written like Nas but it came from Quentin At the mercy of a game where the culture’s missing When the CEO's blinded by the glow, it's different Believe in myself and the Coles and Kendricks Let the sock puppets play in their roles and gimmicks, shit Remember Will Smith won the first Grammy? And they ain't even recognize Hov until "Annie" So I don't tap dance for the crackers and sing Mammy 'Cause I'm posed to juggle these flows and nose candy (yugh) Ferrari, my 40th, blew the candles out Tom Brady'ed you niggas, I had to scramble out They be ridin’ these waves, I pulled my sandals out Jefe Latin my Grammy, I went the Spanish route

REFERENCING BACKLASH FOR DISSING BIRDMAN & CASHMONEY

Oh now it’s okay to kill Baby Niggas looked at me crazy like I really killed a baby Salute Ross 'cause the message was pure He see what I see when you see Wayne on tour Flash without the fire Another multi-platinum rapper trapped and can’t retire Niggas get exposed, I see the cracks and I'm the liar? Shit I've been exposed, I took the crack and built the wire

BACK TO DRAKE

Now who do you admire? Your rap songs is all tryin' my patience Them prices ain’t real without inflation I done flew it, I done grew it, been a conduit Moynat bags on my bitches, I done blew it See through it, neck, igloo it Habla en español, I y tu it Let Steven talk streamin' and Shazam numbers I'll ensure you gettin' every gram from us Let's cram numbers, easily The only rapper sold more dope than me was Eazy-E How could you ever right these wrongs When you don't even write your songs? But let us all play along We all know what niggas for real been waitin' on, Push

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~DUPPY FREESTYLE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAY 25 

{ALL TO PUSHA}

So if you rebuke me for working with someone else on a couple of Vs What do you really think of the nigga that's making your beats? I've done things for him I thought that he never would need Father had to stretch his hands out and get it from me I pop style for 30 hours, then let him repeat Now, you popping up with the jokes, I'm dead, I'm asleep I just left from over by y'all putting pen to the sheets Tired of sitting quiet, and helping my enemies eat Keep getting temperature checks They know that my head overheats Don't know why the fuck you niggas listen to Denim or Steve Must've had your Infrared wrong, now your head on the beam Ya'll are the spitting image of whatever jealousy breeds Don’t push me when I’m in album mode You not even top 5 as far as your label talent goes You send shots, well, I got to challenge those But I bring Calicos to the Alamo I could never have a Virgil in my circle and hold him back 'cause he makes me nervous I wanna see my brothers flourish to their higher purpose You niggas leeches and serpents I think it's good that now the teachers are learning, yeah Your brother said, it was your cousin then him, then you So, you don't rap what you did, you just rap what you knew Don't be ashamed, it's plenty niggas that do what you do There's no malice in your heart, you're an approachable dude Man, you might've sold the college kids for Nikes and Mercedes But, you act like you sold drugs for Escobar in the 80's I had a microphone of yours, but then the signature faded I think that pretty much resembles what's been happening lately Please believe your demise will be televised, yeah And as for Q, man I changed his life a couple times Nigga was at Kroger working double time Ya'll acting like he made the boy when I was trying to help the guy Yeah, who gassed you to play with me? Man, you made this shit easy as ABCs Whoever supposedly making me hits, but then got no hits sound like they need me My hooks did it, my lyrics did it, my spirit did it I'm fearless with it, yeah I really shouldn't have given you none of my time 'Cause you older than the nigga you running behind Look, holla at me when you multi-million I told you keep playing with my name and I'ma let it ring on you Like Virginia Williams I'm too resilient, get out your feelings It's gonna be a cruel summer for you I told Weezy and Baby "I'ma done him for you" Tell 'Ye we got a invoice coming to you Considering that we just sold another 20 for you

WHEN ADAM MET HAWA

The Purpose of Creation by Shaykh Aslam

A brief summary of his lecture, May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ ala bless him and his life, for delivering such beautiful lecture. Masha Allah.

The first creation of Allah : Pen The pen was told to write, so it wrote.

The first creation of Allah Ta’ala that was sent to Earth: Adam and Hawa (as a pair)

The sole purpose was to regenerate offsprings just so to be reconnected and rejoice, to be the dweller of the Garden of Paradise.

“We will connect the children & parent in the Garden of Paradise”

Regardless of the condition of the children. Pious or not, Allah Ta’ala will grant them the same ‘rank’(darjat) as their parents– just as long as the parent and the children die with Imaan.

“ There is no conditions in rejoicing the children with the parent because a parent’s love for their children is UNCONDITIONAL; good or bad, they love their children nonetheless.”

Masha Allah, the mercy of Allah Ta’ ala. Indeed, He is All-Merciful (Al-Rahīm).

JUST AS LONG AS THE PARENT AND CHILDREN RETURN TO HIM WITH IMAAN.

//

The Purpose of Mankind: Worship Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ ala

The prophets were given scriptures to HIGHLIGHT the Garden of Paradise. i.e. Torah, Bible, Al-Qur’an Al-Kareem.

“I did not create Jinn & mankind except that they worship me”

“Worship” -> To submit oneself totally to Allah Ta’ ala. (desires, needs, wants, etc.) 

Worship also means to “recognise and know”

But indefinitely, mankind will ask: “But Allah, how do I devote myself to you in totality? I have mouths to feed, bills to pay, survive. I need to work in order to survive”

Surely, Allah knows mankind will question.

“And I do not want no mankind or Jinn to be the provider of risks”

Indeed, it is Allah who is the All-Provider(Al-Razzāq).

Fulfil your duty diligently to please Allah, and rest assured everything will be blessed upon you and be provided for you.

“If we die without recognising Allah, our entire life is wasted.” – Anon (mgbh)

//

There are people amongst us whom is the ‘friend’ of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ ala.

How to recognise them: When you look at them, you will be remembered of nothing but Allah and His magnificent and perfection creation. You would look pass that person’s features, you look pass his name, you basically look pass him as a person, but Mashaa Allah, you will be reminded of nothing but Allāh Ta’ ala

They will have an “aura” radiating them.

It is because their hearts are drowned in Allah. It is their honour and dignity towards Allah that reminds you of Allah, through their face. It is when in their presence, you will try not to sin. you will try not do anything that is an act of disobedience for when you see their face, you are reminded of Allah and you fear displeasing your Creator. Mashaa Allah, magnificent.

“Its like a realisation of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala radiating on their faces” – Shaykh Aslam

Even if the ‘friends’ of God isn’t perfect, even if their actions and faith are a juxtaposition, what matters most is the love they hold for Allah Ta’ala, that is planted in the depth of their hearts.

“ Love patches the discrepancy of actions, but actions can never patch the discrepancy of actions. “ – Shaykh Aslam.

//

“ God gave mankind freewill despite it being predestined by Him” – Anon

It is true; God gave us a conscious mind and Imaan to pick between choices, be it good or bad, and each choices leads to a series of paths which leads to a never-ending series of paths; to think that every possible path are all predestined and written by Allah Ta’ala. Subhaan Allah.

Mankind will ask: “So if God knows what’s the good and bad of each path, why doesn’t He just lead us to it?”

It is only because He gave you a mind and Imaan to pick good and evil on your own. It is only because He wants you to choose your own path of life on your own, with the knowledge and mind He has blessed you with. So to speak, if you pick your own choice, and alhamdulillah you succeed, you will feel satisfied and contented, and you surely will say “I made the right choice”. Even if you fail in succeeding, it is still satisfactory for you picked YOUR OWN choice, YOUR OWN path.

//

The best thing is to submit in totality to Allah Shubanahu Wa Ta’ala (in regarding to the heart)

When you are in love: tired, sleepy, hungry will not be in your dictionary. You will not sleep just to spend every waking moment with the thing/person you love. You will not feel tired for them/it, anything just for them/it.

To be in love is like having a burning, warm sensation deep within the core of you.

The heart is the most consuming organ in your body. It is the core of you. Other organs, limbs are just accessories and is all working because of the main source; the heart.

The heart consumes anything & everything it is attracted to. Social-Media, Gadgets, Anything and Everything. As long as the heart is attracted to it, it consumes it.

Fasting of the heart is the righteous thing to do. That way, you safe guard and keep the purity of your heart.

“ Fasts your heart from anything & everything other than Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. “

Fasting of the heart is to detach your love from the temporary worldly wealth and the ephemeral pleasures of this world. For love towards the temporariness of this world is dissatisfactory and insufficient; which will leave your heart bereft and enmeshed.

Attach your heart to Allah. Submit yourself in totality to him. Quench your heart with the knowledge and wisdoms of God– The Al-Qur’an Al-Kareem. For Allāh Ta’ala is ever sufficient.

“ The heart is too precious to be given relentlessly. ” – Shaykh Aslam

Those that fasts the heart:

“ They played the richness of the dunya(present world) at their fingertips but they do not let the dunya play the richness of their heart. ” – Shaykh Aslam regarding millionaires who fasts their heart.

Nonetheless, that does not mean you can not enjoy the luxury of this dunya. Just remember that the paradise of this world is to recognise & know Allah.

“ Seek the Jannah of this world in hopes our path and journey will be directed and guided to the Jannah of akhirat (hereafter). All in the essence of Allah“  

Ameen.

The end of the 2h Lecture given Shaykh Aslam (mgbh)

Q & A:

1. Incest between first generation of Adam & Hawa children?

Ans: In those days, marriage between siblings are permissible/allowed in the sole purpose of regenerating, and repopulating.

Permissibility depends on time of accurance, Now allowed -> Last time forbidden Last time allowed -> now forbidden

2. Soulmates in Islam? YES. YES. YES. Soulmates exists.

Soulmates are souls that recognises each other and has an immense instant connection, despite never have met before. “Hey, I feel like I know you, met you before. But I can’t remember. Have we met before?”  Instant love. Unconsciously and unintentionally, the soul falls in love with each other. Soulmates do not necessarily happen between opposing gender. Soulmates exist in the same gender as well.

Those that are not meant to be with each other, no matter how much you try, you put in effort, there will still be disputes, constant fights. At times, it could be so drastic that when you see a person’s face for the first time, you are instantly repulsed and already generating a sense of dislike.

THERE ARE SOULMATES. Mashaa Allah.

3. How to guard/ purify one’s heart? Ans: KNOWLEDGE.

“ And know there is no GOD other than Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.”

intelligence VS. knowledge

KNOWLEDGE WINS.

“ Intelligence has limitations, whereas knowledge knows no limitations. Knowledge is like the ocean; its vast. “ – Shaykh Aslam

Allah is Al-‘Alīm (All-Knowing), HE does not have an akal (intelligence).

3 simple steps to guard/purify the heart: #1: Seek Knowledge #2: Practice acquired knowledge #3: Share knowledge

4. Was Adam taking the forbidden fruit the original sin? Ans: No.

A sin is making a firm intention of doing an act of disobedience that displease God.

Unintentional are not sins.

5. How do I keep my faith strong and firm while being in an environment that does not practice/ may affect my practice of Islam?

Ans: “ Be around the good company, and good will come your way ”

UNLESS

Circumstances that you are the only one in the household that is practicing Islam.

Do not worry about how They will affect you but rather think of how YOU can affect them that, with your practice can encourage or affect (positively) to your surrounding. Keep your faith strong, stay rooted no matter what comes your way. Allah tests those that HE loves. Inshaa Allah, He will grant you strength, for the right cause.

Sincerely, love Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.

disclaimer: These are derived from whatever I could afford to note down. And some are explanations are based on my own perceptions, but I do try to keep it vague and neutral. May Allah Ta’ala have mercy on me if I have wronged. May Allah Ta’ala ease your affairs, shelter you from harm, heal the hearts that are suffering in silence, and may HE be the sovereignty to your heart.

Assalamu’alaikum.

Q&A with Richard Cain

I took a dive into CH’s back catalog and came up with Richard Cain’s God Hates Me. I remember Vox featured it earlier in the year and though the accompanying text and review highlights made it sound good, I could never get past the cover but I’m glad I gave the book a chance. This really is a case of “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. 

  When it comes to supernatural fiction I don’t enjoy cheap and gruesome thrills and concentrate on the underlying theological background; think the opening of The Exorcist  at an archaeological site in Iraq over the famous “pea soup” scene. Well, Richard Cain has created an intriguing backstory with an unique story line featuring a demon seeking redemption. Unlike The Exorcist, Cain’s book is humorous, so don’t expect a depressing or overly violent read. The demons know their time before judgement is limited and they pass the time in causing as much mischief as they can. If you are going to suffer for eternity you might as well get your money’s worth. Another aspect that comes out is the ennui many demons suffer as they await their fate. Atrocities and inflicting pain can only remain interesting for so long and many demons are heavily involved in hobbies such as running historical reenactments in haunted houses and we meet some that take their LARPing as aliens so seriously they can only be described as demonic otaku. 

  For the dudes that can’t get over the cover we discuss Richard Cain’s next book in the Q&A which he promises will have a cover easier on hetro male eyes. I don’t have a release date yet but it should be soon and I’ll update this post when I get the word.

  Q&A on the next page.

Scott Cole: I have to admit I wasn’t expecting much from God Hates Me, maybe the cover threw me off (more on that later) but it was an enjoyable read and the story line is definitely unique…

  Richard Cain: Thank you. Some argue that the demon/angel thing is overdone. It’s not. Like communism, it’s simply never been done right – until now. If you’re expecting Frank Peretti – don’t. He missed the chance for humor in the dark lives of the damned. In God Hates Me, we meet Malach, a put-upon demon unjustly kicked out of heaven, leaving his unfinished rock garden behind. Now he’s stuck in the Kingdom of Darkness, dealing with Nephilim, working for Moloch and having to put up with LARPing demons in UFOs. It’s a sad, sad life for a misplaced angel. To make himself feel better, he possesses random and forces them to tell his story to anyone who will listen. Including Tinder dates.

    SC: Where did you get the idea to write about a demon seeking redemption?

  RC: I am friends with an exorcist and she hooks me up with the juicy stuff. “Touched by an Angel” ain’t the way it works. Demons are here and they want to party before they hit the flames – except for Malach, who just wants to get back into Heaven. On his own terms, of course.

    SC: The demon mentions portals between the physical and spiritual realms which are actually created by humans (e.g. blasphemy, sacrifices, sites where atrocities have taken place). Human souls can’t pass through the portal because they are tied to their physical bodies but entities from the spiritual realm are free to cross over. What does your exorcist friend report as the most likely avenues of possession?

  RC: She’s told me that demons hang out where horrible things have taken place. Lunatic asylums, old human sacrifice sites, etc. If someone has a horrible event in their life, that can be a point where a demon jumps in and makes himself at home. If you’ve ever had the hair stand up on your arms when you’re walking through the DMV, you know the feeling.

    SC: What can one do to help prevent interaction with demons?

  RC: Don’t play around with the occult. Burning witches is always a good idea. Interacting with the spiritual realm is that it is like swimming in the ocean. You are out of your element, with no protection and do not knows what lurks beneath the surface. In fact, you are at the mercy of any shark that decides to come out of the depths and take a bite out of you. There are protections, of course, but don’t play in their field. I’ve seen a guy go from a quiet drunk to a ranting madman when I mentioned the name of Jesus Christ. It was like someone grabbed the strings of a puppet and spoke through his mouth. Even if you think you can deal with them and say the right things, if you’re not allied to the Kingdom of Light, they may strip you naked and beat you senseless.

  SC: Let’s talk about the cover. I went on a trip recently and had the book loaded on my AMZN Fire device. When I went to read in the airport lounge or on the airplane I noticed a couple of funny looks when my seatmates would see the romance novel style of cover with the bare chested model on the front. Not sure if the cover is congruent with the story?

  RC: Sexual insecurity is a sign of demon possession. Since God Hates Me is rather like CS Lewis meets Douglas Adams, The Supreme Dark Lord naturally decided to give it a lurid homoerotic romance cover. This represents three standard deviations of cover design conceptuality. It’s okay, though. My next book features a scantily clad female on the cover.

    SC: Details, please, about your next book?

  RC: My upcoming novel Vessel of Venus tells the story of a hopelessly gamma IT professional who discovers a cheesy sorcery app which grants him some strange abilities. He also has a genetic secret which makes him a person of great interest to ambassadors from the long-dead planet Venus. His quest to hone his occult powers and fight global warming as a Venusian ambassador turns into a trainwreck thanks to his possessed girlfriend and his own neuroticism. It’s like Alpha Game: The Novel, except with aliens. And a demonic locust named Timmy.

    SC: Does Vessel of Venus tie into the God Hates Me story line?

  RC: Somewhat. Both stories are in the same universe but the second story stands alone.

  SC: I’m looking forward to it.

  RC: It’s 666 times better than the first one. And the first one was damned good.

  S

C: Why it is better?

  RC: God Hates Me was my debut novel. Since writing it two years ago, I’ve been honing my pen on other writing projects and deliberately sharpening my writing skills by studying pulp authors as well as writing theory. I’ve easily written 500,000 words in between the time I wrote the first book and finished the second book. Readers will notice the difference. If you liked the first one, you’ll like this one even better.

  SC:

Talking about writers, who do you read on a regular basis?

  RC: On the non-fiction front, Dr. Michael Heiser’s theological writing was quite helpful. As for fiction, two years ago I read through all the works of Lovecraft. I also read the first two Tarzan novels by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Out loud, to my tank of poisonous toads. They weren’t sure about the anthropomorphic apes at first but still got into the story. G.D. Stark’s Wardog novels are a very good read, although he needs more demons. I also finished reading John C. Wright’s Count to A Trillion series recently – amazing concepts, which he carries over into Superluminary. I’m waiting expectantly for the second half of Vox’s A Sea of Skulls but have entertained myself during the wait by reading all the Arkhaven and Dark Legion comic book titles.

  SC: Thanks for your time and good luck with the new release.

Q&A with Richard Cain published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames