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been-taking-muay-thai-classes · 2 years

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Because I Love You

This story was inspired by @love-thanatopsis Jamil angst. Go give it a read so you can have the full context (also because it’s really good, like their whole library is sooooo gooooodd) as this is meant as a sequel.

You know Jamil doesn’t love you, not like you love him, maybe not at all. But you don’t need him to love you, you know he’s hurting and angry, so you try to give him your love to help him heal, to know that he is cared for, wanted.

And you know he doesn’t take it to heart, to him it must be a ploy to make yourself look better. But you don’t care so long as he allows you to tend to his broken heart and tired mind and help him however you can. It’s not perfect and it’s not easy, but slowly you think he’ll feel better, maybe even trust you for real.

Because you love him.

One day you overhear him asking himself why he indulges your crush, he doesn’t understand how you can love him when you barely know him, the true him. You want to laugh, that is just the thing he would think. Because you knew him. He was brilliant, hardworking, cunning, quick witted, overbearing and mistrustful. He couldn’t believe that someone would care about him for him but he also believed he was so much better than other students. It’s funny and sad how much being forced to live in Kalim’s shadow has affected him.

So you come up with a plan. Jamil doesn’t like letting Kalim do things on his own because he doesn’t trust he can handle the responsibility and it’ll end up being more tasks piled on his already busy schedule. Really you think it might be a bit much, it’s putting a lot more responsibilities than necessary on Jamil and forcing Kalim to rely on him for probably the rest of his life. Being this overbearing won’t do either of them any good. So you decide to “kidnap” Kalim to teach him to be more self-reliant. What better gift for Jamil than that? Well, a paid vacation to some foreing country but you lack the funds for that.

Kalim seems happy enough, peeling and chopping fruits to bake a tart for Riddle’s unbirthday party that you invited him to. Meanwhile you guide him closely, ensuring he won’t cut his fingers or burn his hands. But you can’t keep your eyes on him because eventually Grim gets bored and tries to eat some of the ingredients so you have to stop him and Kalim is both trying to focus on his task and laughing at Grim’s antics.

He cuts his finger.

Just a nick mind you, nothing serious or deadly, but it is noticeable. You panic, thinking of how annoyed Jamil would be if he saw this. You can practically hear him reprimanding you both ‘How could you be so careless to leave Kalim unattended? And you, I told you Kalim not to hold knives!’ Immediately you grab his hand and run it under the faucet to clean it. You tell Kalim to stay there while you retrieve your first aid kit.

It takes less than two minutes to patch him up and soon Kalim is peeling fruits again. You asked him to stop so he won’t hurt himself again but he says his thumb barely stings a little and that he wants to keep cooking with you, so he doesn’t have to burden Jamil with this all the time ‘Besides I know what I did wrong, I should’ve drop the knife when I started laughing but I wanted sooo bad to finish slicing this apple. It won’t happen again though, so don’t worry!’ Seeing his proud smile, you let him continue. Even if this was your plan all along, you still feel a bit guilty seeing him work with the bandaid on his finger. Guess it’s true what they used to tell you “sometimes you must hurt in order to know”.

A few days later, you and Kalim are meeting at the library to study together. Riddle and Azul offered to help you catch up on the history of Twisted Wonderland and you asked Kalim if he wanted to tag along so he could review for his upcoming exams. He agreed happily and now here you were, searching for the Housewarden duo.

Azul signals for you from the back, a stack of books already splayed open on the table and a couple of notebooks filled with neatly organized notes waiting by their sides. You and Kalim sit in front of them and pay close attention to their explanations…well you more than Kalim who gets distracted every once in a while. Still your study is going well, Kalim gets a lot of answers right and you learn a lot of interesting facts about this world. All in all it was a good evening with your newest friends.

Today you are visiting Scarabia at Kalim’s behest. He asked that you help him prepare a surprise for Jamil since he classified for the basketball team’s starting lineup for the upcoming tournament. Naturally you said yes immediately, wanting to give Jamil a nice surprise for finally showing off some of the skills he has honed so much through the years but was never allowed to actually show.

So here you are, in Scarabia’s kitchen preparing a dinner with all of Jamil’s favorites. Curry for the main course and some kleicha cookies with walnut paste instead of date. Kalim had instructed some of the other students to decorate the lounge and you managed to convince him to ask for something light instead of the usual spectacle he liked to put on banquets, since Jamil himself doesn’t particularly like the more bombastic parties.

Ace and Floyd had been tasked with keeping Jamil occupied until everything was ready and in exchange, they’d get to partake in the party. A pretty good deal considering Floyd’s mood swings meant he could have just rejected the offer all together.

All in all, everything was coming out pretty well.

You two were finishing the last dish when Jamil arrived and made his presence known ‘What are you two doing?’ Kalim jumped from the surprise, not expecting him to return so early. You on the other hand were more worried about the tone of his voice, there was something off about it.

‘Jamil! We didn’t expect you here so soon!’ Kalim responded with a big, bright smile. He clearly saw nothing wrong with his answer since it was the truth but to Jamil it was almost a confession of something terrible.

Truth be told, Jamil had noticed how in the past few weeks you had been spending more time with his charge. At first he didn’t care, it simply meant he had more free time if you two could get your social needs met together instead of separately, two birds one stone and all that. Unfortunately, soon he realized just how much time you two were spending together…without him.

Now he wasn’t jealous, why would he? He didn’t have actual feelings for you and he certainly didn’t mind having to babysit Kalim less, but he still felt something ugly and hot twisting in his stomach whenever he spotted you giggling carelessly with that idiotic, clumsy, pampered little rich boy.

Pff, he should have seen this coming, really. Why would you settle for him once he proved unfixable when you could just move on to the friendlier, richer Kalim. It still stung though, even knowing that deep down it was his fault. Maybe he could’ve been more attentive, more careful when spending time with you. But at the same time you claimed you liked the real him, and the real him didn’t feel like putting in a lot of effort in a relationship he entertained mostly out of pity and pride.

This relationship was bound to fail from the get go. Jamil wanted to be number one, and while it annoyed him having to care for you, he knew he was number one to you, so he kept coming back no matter how tired he was. You on the other hand wanted to fix him, be seen as a kind and caring person for helping the guy who betrayed resident sunshine boy Kalim. And yet…a tiny part of him hated that thought. He wanted to care, really care and he wanted you to care too, despite his venom.

His mood, high from seeing the results of the basketball lineup, hadn’t been shaken in the slightest by Ace and Floyd’s antics, stealing his clothes and forcing him to run around the locker room trying to get them back. But seeing you two so close together, cooking curry like you’ve done this before… Jamil wanted to scream yet felt undeserving. ‘And why would that be? Did you plan something without telling me?’ Really the rational part of his brain told him he was being paranoid. Kalim may be oblivious to a lot of things and he may be careless but he was no traitor, surely this was just a friendly hangout. He saw Kalim’s arm drop a knife (didn’t he tell him not to touch knives?) onto a cutting board full of sliced onions and drape across your shoulders.

His ire rose. Enough so that he barely heard what Kalim was saying.

‘We’re almost done here Jamil, so why don’t you go ahead to the lounge and wait for us there? I promise you won’t want to miss what we have to show you!’ Was he being cryptic on purpose? Or was he taunting him? No, Kalim lacks the bite to do that… Jamil wants to scream again, what is going on here?! Why won’t you meet his eyes and soothe his fears? Sure, he’s never been the most attentive boyfriend but you promised you didn’t mind that, and besides he still treated you better than those two idiots and a half that always followed you around, so say something! Tell him this is all just a misunderstanding, a prank, anything to calm his racing mind!

‘Actually Kalim, I think it’d be better if he stayed here. Otherwise it may ruin…it’ Surely Jamil was losing his mind. There was no way you were giving Kalim a seductive look…you told him you saw him like a puppy or a little brother, nothing like you saw Jamil… No, he was sure you were giving Kalim a look, you two were hiding something but he couldn’t decipher what and it was driving him crazy.

‘Alright, if you think so. Jamil, please stay here for a moment while I go check on everything. And don’t worry, (Y/N) made sure to prepare your favorites!’ Kalim left the kitchen in a flash, dropping his apron on the table and pushing him closer to his partner.

Finally alone, Jamil opened his mouth- ‘I can’t tell you, it’s a surprise for a reason’ You spoke before he could utter a sound and caught him by surprise. He frowned, thinking of how else to phrase his questions so he could get answers but, once again, you seemed to know what was on his mind ‘Don’t worry Jamil, it’s nothing bad. Just a little something we wanted to make for you. Kalim and I had to convince a bunch of the students to help since they are still unsure on where they stand but in the end I think this will really help your standing in Scarabia, what with all the good times Kalim reminded them of’

He took a few steps closer, just enough to be at arm's length from you ‘Since when are you and Kalim so close? I’ve never allowed him to hold a knife and yet here he was, peeling and cutting like it’s a regular occurrence while chatting with you like an old friend’ He hoped the accusation on his voice was imperceptible and maybe to someone else it may be, but to you it was obvious. Now that you heard it closely and saw his reactions to Kalim’s words and movements you understood what was off about his voice earlier.

Jamil was jealous.

You couldn’t help the smirk that pulled on your lips. Oh this was amazing. Jamil, full of venom and mistrust, afraid that you only liked him as a project instead of as a person, was succumbing to his feelings for you. This was too good to pass up.

‘I’ve been teaching him a few things these past weeks, cooking and cleaning mostly since he wanted to be more independent and I thought it might help you too, not having to do his every chore for him. He’s a fast learner’ You praise the boy earnestly, Kalim really is a good friend, always doing things with a smile, eager to do his best. You can see why everybody in Scarabia is conflicted over who to chose, Kalim is a natural leader, knowing when to defer to others, motivating people to give their all to whatever they have to do, while Jamil was a specialist, doing anything with great skill and showing the others how to do the same, even if they never quite reached his level of expertise.

‘Hmph, could’ve fooled me with how long it takes him to learn a few incantations’ Jamil’s murmur was loud enough that you heard it and chuckled, there it was, his mean side was oddly charming to you. He stared at you when he heard your chuckle and it made you self conscious. You ordered the utensils in the kitchen to hide your blush but Jamil simply kept staring at you as you moved around the kitchen.

‘Jamil! We’re ready! Come on out!’ Kalim’s yell wasn’t enough to break the staring but it did give you an excuse to leave the suddenly too-tiny kitchen. He followed you closely.

As soon as you two entered the lounge, a chorus of ‘Surprise!’ greeted you and Jamil’s eyes finally left you to focus on his dorm mates congratulating him. He looked confused for a second so you quickly explained ‘We heard that you classified for the basketball team’s lineup so Kalim and I decided to make you a dinner to congratulate you, seeing how hard you work all the time’ You could tell he was speechless from the way his mouth closed and opened. You wanted so bad to know what was going through his mind right now.

‘Thank you…all of you’ Jamil addressed the rest of the dorm but his eyes returned to you in the end, searching for something. ‘Ace and Floyd helped too, though I’m not sure if their method was all that great seeing how you got here before you were supposed to’ You explain as you signal to his teammates standing near some pillars laughing animatedly. He made a comment about them taking any opportunity to play pranks on him but how he’d get them back before he turned around and grabbed your hand.

You let him drag you to the table, sitting side by side as everybody started eating. Some Scarabia student’s congratulated him as he served himself some curry and one even commented how he would make their dorm proud in the tournament. Jamil smirked, thanking them for their support before eating from his plate. The curry was delicious and he hated that it was because it meant that you and Kalim truly worked well together, but he also loved it because you made it just the way he liked it and so he had to grab another plate.

When he was done with the curry, he ate some cookies, happily surprised to find that they had no date paste, sure it was the traditional recipe but he couldn’t stand dates after the bug incident.

At the end of dinner, Jamil excused himself to go take some air, he needed to think.

You had done so much for him these past few weeks, things that proved that you did know him. That he was your number one priority, even if he didn’t give you the attention you deserved. Damn his traitorous heart, beating wildly on his chest at the thought of you doing all of this so he could feel relaxed, appreciated…seen. He is no longer invisible. No longer overwhelmed. Jamil can take a step back and see the stars, the stress slowly leaving his body.

When he hears you approaching, his heart beats faster. He has to admit it, he wasn’t sure what to make of your admission in the kitchen, but the more he thought about it and about how he felt seeing you with Kalim, the more he knew he didn’t want to lose you.

‘Did you enjoy the party? I told Kalim to not go overboard since I didn’t want to overwhelm you’ You sit beside him on the sand and wait for his reply.

Jamil looks at you silently, debating whether to say what’s on his mind. You look at him with so much adoration he can’t help it, he has to be selfish, for his own sanity. ‘I don’t want you and Kalim to cook together ever again’

‘Huh?!’ Of all the things you expected to hear from him, that was not one. ‘Wh- What do you mean? Why?’

Jamil smirks at you, one hand grabbing you by the chin and the other caging you by the waist ‘Because I love you’ In his kiss, you understood at last. Jamil doesn’t love you like you love him… You love him enough to spend your days lessening his burden, he loves you enough to burden himself for you.

#twisted wonderland #twst mc #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader #I wrote this as soon as Ciel gave me permission #it took me like 3 hours (in the am because I have no sens eof responsibility) to finish and I gotta say I'm pretty happy with it #the brainrot is real #could have queued this but I have no self control #hedgehog originals

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