siobhan saying “if you don’t want us at our goofiest, you don’t get us at our crying” has never resonated more to me

11 celebrities who've been called out for homophobic comments

This is gonna be interesting...

1. In 2020, Twitter users accused J.K. Rowling of transphobia after comments she made on Twitter. Rowling tweeted, "'People who menstruate.' I'm sure there used to be a word for those people. Someone help me out. Wumben? Wimpund? Woomud?" Fans on social media quickly told the writer she was not being inclusive to the transgender community. Rowling backed up her statement by tweeting, "I respect every trans person's right to live any way that feels authentic and comfortable to them. I'd march with you if you were discriminated against on the basis of being trans. At the same time, my life has been shaped by being female. I do not believe it's hateful to say so." She also said, "I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he's a woman – and, as I've said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth."

2. Kevin Hart stepped down from hosting the Academy Awards after his old homophobic comments surfaced, saying, "I am evolving and want to continue to do so."

Between 2009 and 2010, Kevin Hart made insensitive jokes on Twitter and in his standup specials. For example, in one tweet, the comedian said he would break a dollhouse over his son's head if it turned out he was gay. In his 2010 special, "Seriously Funny," he reiterated the point that he would act abusively if his son was gay. "I wouldn't tell that joke today, because when I said it, the times weren't as sensitive as they are now," Hart later told Rolling Stone. "I think we love to make big deals out of things that aren't necessarily big deals, because we can. These things become public spectacles. So why set yourself up for failure?" When it was announced that Hart was going to be the host of the Oscars in 2018, his past jokes resurfaced. After backlash from the public, Hart stepped down as host. "I have made the choice to step down from hosting this year's Oscar's....this is because I do not want to be a distraction on a night that should be celebrated by so many amazing talented artists," he wrote in a tweet. "I sincerely apologize to the LGBTQ community for my insensitive words from my past … I am evolving and want to continue to do so. My goal is to bring people together not tear us apart."

3. After Paris Hilton was caught criticizing the gay community in an audio recording, she apologized, saying, "Gay people are the strongest and most inspiring people I know." In 2012, an audio recording of Paris Hilton in a taxi cab was leaked. According to reports, she was in the car with a gay man who was showing her the gay dating app, Grindr. In the audio, you can hear Hilton say, "Gay guys are the horniest people in the world. They're disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS. ... I would be so scared if I were a gay guy. You'll like, die of AIDS." Her publicist confirmed that the recording was in fact Hilton but emphasized the socialite was not homophobic. (Are they sure about this? God...) In an apology statement, Hilton said, "I am so sorry and so upset that I caused pain to my gay friends, fans, and their families. Gay people are the strongest and most inspiring people I know."

4. After a member of the audience called out Tracy Morgan for his homophobic remarks during a standup set, the comedian apologized. In 2011, a man chronicled Tracy Morgan's standup set in Nashville on Facebook. In the post, the man said Morgan said being gay is a choice because "God makes no mistakes." The comedian also allegedly said he would stab his son if he came out as gay. (Kevin Hart, you here?) After backlash and a half-hearted apology on "Late Show with David Letterman," Morgan issued an official apology. "I want to apologize to my fans and the gay & lesbian community for my choice of words at my recent stand-up act in Nashville," he said. "I'm not a hateful person and don't condone any kind of violence against others. While I am an equal opportunity jokester, and my friends know what is in my heart, even in a comedy club this clearly went too far and was not funny in any context." (Good sir. There is more to LGBTQ+ then just gays and lesbians)

5. Sarah Silverman used a gay slur in a 2010 tweet. When asked about it in 2018, she said, "I'm certainly creative enough to think of other words besides that that don't hurt people." In 2010, Sarah Silverman tweeted, "I don't mean this in a hateful way but the new bachelorette's a f-----." Although the tweet went relatively unnoticed at the time, it picked up momentum again in 2018 when people pointed out that it was unfair for Kevin Hart to step down from hosting the Oscars for doing something similar. "Yea, I'm done with that," Silverman told TMZ when she was asked about it in 2018. "I think I can find other ways to be funny. I used to say 'gay' all the time like, 'That's so gay!' Because we're from Boston. We'd go, 'That's what you say in Boston. I have gay friends. I just say gay.' Then I heard myself, and I realized I was like the guy who'd say, 'What? I say colored. I have colored friends.' I realized it's stupid, and I'm certainly creative enough to think of other words besides that that don't hurt people. But I fuck up all the time."

6. Eminem has been criticized for using gay slurs in his songs, but he insists he isn't homophobic. In 2018, Eminem released his album, "Kamikaze." In one song titled "The Fall," he focuses on fellow rapper Tyler, The Creator. In the song, Eminem raps," "Tyler create nothin', I see why you called yourself a f----t, bitch." This wasn't the first time rapper had been criticized for using a gay slut. Throughout his career, he has used similar words in his songs and received a lot of criticism for it. Eminem, however, insists he is not homophobic. "The honest-to-God truth is that none of that matters to me: I have no issue with someone's sexuality, religion, race, none of that," the rapper told Vulture. "Anyone who's followed my music knows I'm against bullies — that's why I hate that f---ing bully Trump — and I hate the idea that a kid who's gay might get s--- for it."

7. Mel Gibson mocked how gay men act in the early '90s. While doing an interview in 2001 for Spanish newspaper El Pais, Gibson said, "With this look, who's going to think I'm gay? I don't lend myself to that type of confusion. Do I look like a homosexual? Do I talk like them? Do I move like them?" Throughout the '90s, GLAAD protested Gibson's films, but the actor refused to apologize. "I'll apologize when hell freeze over," he said. "They can f--- off."

8. Alec Baldwin went on a homophobic Twitter rant against a reporter he did not agree with. He later said his remarks were "in no way was the result of homophobia." In 2013, Daily Mail reporter George Stark wrote a story accusing Alec Baldwin's wife, Hilaria, of tweeting at James Gandolfini's funeral. Baldwin took to Twitter to express his anger at Stark, calling the reporter a "toxic little queen," among other comments. In an interview with the Gothamist after the incident, Baldwin stood by his decision to call the reporter a "queen." "The idea of me calling this guy a 'queen' and that being something that people thought is homophobic … a queen to me has a different meaning. It's somebody who's just above," he told the publication. "It doesn't have any necessarily sexual connotations," Baldwin said. "To me a queen ... I know women that act queeny, I know men that are straight that act queeny, and I know gay men that act queeny. It doesn't have to be a definite sexual connotation or a homophobic connotation." He later issued an official apology, according to The Hollywood Reporter. "My anger was directed at Mr. Stark for blatantly lying and disseminating libelous information about my wife and her conduct at our friend's funeral service. As someone who fights against homophobia, I apologize," Baldwin said. "I would not advocate violence against someone for being gay, and I hope that my friends at GLAAD and the gay community understand that my attack on Mr. Stark in no way was the result of homophobia."

9. Chris Brown also used homophobic language (no shockers there) when talking about another rapper, but he later said, "I love all my gay fans." In 2010, rapper Raz provoked Chris Brown when he tweeted about Brown's past assault on Rihanna. Brown responded by attacking Raz on Twitter, referencing the fact that Raz was molested by another man as a child and calling him a "#homothug." "I'm not homophobic! He's just disrespectful," Brown tweeted later. "BTW…I love all my gay fans and this immature act is not targeted at you!!!! Love."

10. Azealia Banks has a long history of problematic comments, but she has since said she will no longer use gay slurs. In 2015, singer Azealia Banks was caught on camera yelling at a flight attendant after getting into a fight with a fellow passenger. In the video, you can hear Banks call the flight attendant a gay slur, according to HuffPost.She later tweeted about the incident, writing, "I don't care. I've said it before and I'll say it again."Banks' history with the word doesn't stop there. In 2016, she used the word to attack fellow singer Zayn Malik on Twitter, leading to the deactivation of her account. She has also called the LGBTQ community "the gay white KKK. Get some pink hoods and unicorns and rally down rodeo drive."In 2016, however, she announced she is never using the gay slur again. "The amount of people that get hurt when I use the word vs. the amount of people I've said it to are just not worth it," she wrote on Facebook. "Honestly... This isn't a cop-out, it's just me realizing that words hurt. and while I may be immune to every word and be thicker skinned than most, it doesn't mean that I get to go around treating people with the same toughness that made my skin so thick."

11. Drake Bell received backlash after posting a transphobic tweet. He later called the remarks "thoughtless." When Caitlin Jenner came out as transgender in 2015, Nickelodeon actor and singer Drake Bell tweeted, "Sorry...still calling you Bruce." After receiving backlash, he deleted the tweet and then posted another, misgendering Jenner. "I'm not dissing him! I just don't want to forget his legacy! He is the greatest athlete of all time," Bell tweeted. "Chill out!" After that, he tweeted out an apology. "I sincerely apologize for my thoughtless insensitive remarks," Bell wrote. "I in no way meant to hurt or demean those going through a similar journey. Although my comments were made in innocence, I deeply regret the negative effect they've had on so many."

Here are some tweets that were mentioned earlier (I couldn't find all of them)

So... yeah

OFF-TOPIC: All the Rage

Dave Chappelle has just released his latest stand-up special on Netflix, Sticks & Stones.  This stand-up special comes after four other comedy specials that have been beleaguered with criticism over Chappelle’s material about the LGBTQ+ community, particularly transgender people, and about the women who accused Louis CK of sexual misconduct.  And Sticks & Stones has attracted just as much controversy as any of Chappelle’s other Netflix specials if not more.

And that’s by design.

The special opens up with this quote from Kendrick Lamar’s “DNA”

Tell me somethin’ / You mothafuckas can’t tell me nothin’ / I’d rather die than to listen to you…

In Sticks & Stones, Dave Chappelle sets himself up as some kind of defiant martyr fighting the good fight against so-called “cancel culture” or any moral busybodies who get offended by any jokes he or any of his other comedian friends might have told at any point.  Many of those who express praise and enthusiasm towards Sticks & Stones defend it on similar grounds, writing off any criticism of it as people being “too sensitive”, “offended”, and “trying to cancel Dave Chappelle”.

Enough dancing around the subject.  I found the special really tired and juvenile.  What he’s doing here is thumbing his nose at any critic who had dared to take issue with anything he has said in his prior Netflix special in a way that eschews the thoughtfulness that Chappelle is capable of for petulance.  That might have been okay if it was funny regardless, but I didn’t think it was.  A better version of what Chappelle tried to do here was more than 30 years ago, in Eddie Murphy: Raw.  Eddie Murphy opened up this special complaining about criticism he got for his last special from Mr. T, Michael Jackson, and the gay community with much funnier jokes.  The crescendo of this bit was his brilliant story of Bill Cosby calling him on the phone to browbeat him about his foul language.

A bunch of the critics praising Sticks & Stones are calling it revelatory and a breath of fresh air in this moment of time.  Really?  All this is is Chappelle’s version of “PC gone mad” in response to criticism, which is not a novel concept.  Carlos Mencia’s whole shtick 15 years ago was to crack jokes using racial stereotypes and then spend the next ten minutes guilt tripping the audience into laughing by expressing faux-martyrdom aggrievement over “political correctness” or “sensitivity”.  This is as cliche a comedy staple as “take my wife, please”.  Other comedians who have gone this exact same angle include Jerry Seinfeld, Roseanne Barr, Larry the Cable Guy, Ricky Gervais, Bill Maher, Chris Rock, Andrew Dice Clay, Lil Duval, Jim Norton, Patrice O’Neal, Nick DaPaolo, Joe Rogan, Doug Stanhope, Rob Schneider, Lisa Lampanelli, Eddie Griffin, John Cleese, George Carlin, Aziz Ansari, Sarah Silverman, DL Hughley, Tracy Morgan, Adam Carolla, Amy Schumer, Tim Allen, Aries Spears, Russell Peters, Redd Foxx, Dennis Miller, Mike Epps, Patton Oswalt, Jeff Dunham, Sam Kinison, and Louis CK just to name a few.

Despite this being a cliche, I think taking the angle Dave Chappelle took here is more expedient for himself than ever.  A part of the reason is because our society has become more politically polarizing than ever.  A lot of the discourse around Sticks & Stones falls along politically partisan lines (yes, I know that includes myself too).  Most of the people defending Dave Chappelle so ardently are right-wing pundits/publications like Breitbart, Dana Loesch, and Gavin McInnes and most of the people criticizing Chappelle are liberal/pro-LGBTQ+ publications.  Chappelle and his defenders are using this special as a denouncing of “cancel culture”.  I hate that term and I hate the framing around it even more because it’s so vaguely defined other than the fact that it’s nakedly partisan.  The screeds against “cancel culture” are not so subtle digs at the left and reinforce a narrative that the left wants to censor everything and that the right are the true defenders of free speech and free expression.  It’s weird that the “cancel culture” designation never applies when the right-wing gets upset about Nike, Gillette, or Keurig coffee makers.

I think a better name for all of this is “outrage culture” and it’s nonpartisan.  So much of our public discourse is handled on social media, particularly Twitter, that rewards shorter and more attention-grabbing hot takes over lengthy, nuanced analysis.  And one of the easiest ways to grab attention is by being outrageous or inflammatory.  In response, online publications of all political stripes write their headlines in inflammatory ways that grab attention in order to be shared on social media.  Even if the actual article has more nuance to it, most people don’t read past the splashy headline anyway.  In regards to politics, it has further defined people, whatever their personal views may be, in reaction to what they aren’t or what they disagree with.  It’s partially why so many people have blamed things like the 2016 Ghostbusters film or Star Wars: The Last Jedi as the reason they voted for Trump or why they’ll vote for Trump again.  It’s also why so many of the people praising Sticks & Stones so zealously have attempted to use it as a rallying cry for Trump and Trumpism.  This also goes for any liberals who expressed a desire to buy Nikes or Gillette razors after the right-wing meltdown over them.

Sticks & Stones was a rallying cry to anybody that has defined themselves or their politics to being anti-politically correct (which isn’t only right-wingers, but largely encompasses right-wingers) to look to Dave Chappelle as a hero to wrap themselves around.  I felt the same way about Louis CK’s stand-up “comeback” where he mocked school shooting survivors, millenials, and non-binary kids.  CK was hugely popular on college campuses and liberal crowds despite never being “politically correct”.  He was also often very thoughtful in the way he towed that fine line when tackling touchy subjects.  But in light of his sexual misconduct scandal, he must have figured that he permanently burned a bridge with that crowd so he pivoted to a crowd that doesn’t care that he sexually harassed multiple women.  This same crowd also tends not to think too highly of the Parkland shooting survivors for their gun control activism or trans and non-binary people.

The thing is, Dave Chappelle and Louis CK don’t give a damn about any of these right-wingers or their pro-Trump causes.  They’re just looking out for number one.  Breitbart wouldn’t write fawning articles about Chappelle if the focus was on him expressing discomfort over a white person’s laughter over a blackface sketch he was doing on his show.  They wouldn’t rally around Louis CK either if he was still telling jokes expressing confusion as to why women would want to date men based off violence against women statistics.  Conversely, Nike and Gillette don’t actually give a damn about putting an end to police brutality or toxic masculinity.  If they were to discover that they could make more money off of using “Blue Lives Matter” sentiment or objectifying women, they would do it in a heartbeat.  This is all this whole shit is.

I suppose that’s ultimately the joke in all of this.  I don’t find it very funny, but I suppose I’m just too sensitive, right?

"(I’m happy for you to post this, just please keep my url out) I’m the pewdiepie anon from colours and you’ve changed my mind a bit on the whole pr team thing. I was thinking more along the lines of you’d think he’d know by this point not to say that sort of thing on his channel and a pr team would help not to make those little slip ups that humans do make, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that would lead to all the things you listed. And in terms of the whole voice thing, I kinda got...

...fucked by the ask limit and that ended up being a thought cut short. I wasn’t trying to say that by making dark jokes he condones the act (id be pretty hypocritical to say that given my sense of humour), I’m approaching it more from the fact that I know jokes like that can upset some people so I only make them around people I know won’t be. I won’t loudly tell an abortion joke in a pub because I don’t want to upset people. I tell jokes to make people laugh. I don’t think it makes him a ...

... a racist, just that if a person I didn’t know well made a joke like his (or mine) in public it would make me a bit weary. Not because I immediately brand them as a racist, but just the fact they think that sort of humour can be used with people you don’t know is okay. Same way I don’t make weed jokes around my family because (although they’re fine with me doing it) I know they just don’t find that sort of thing funny and it would just make the atmosphere awkward. Maybe I’m more ...

... thinking about how it almost feels like pdp is just being a bit socially oblivious or ignorant. He knows that he has a huge audience so maybe making a n word joke won’t go down well. Does that all make sense? Like I said, I’m bad at wording things out sometimes so sorry if some of this is a bit confusing, just ask if something isn’t clear :)"

Yeah, a PR team sounds like a good thing on the surface until you remember that it just becomes this divide between creator and real world. Heck, mishaps like the black kid being put in the monkey hoodie for that clothing line happened in spite of PR teams, and potentially because PR teams are just as susceptible to the kind of detachment that they can create in others.

I know that some of this is personal preference, but I prefer watching a human being who makes somewhat regular dumb little mistakes and engages with the conversation about them in a human way (even if that can include defensiveness), to watching a smiling figure who's words are chopped up and siphoned through by faceless people in pursuit of inoffensiveness, only for said figure to seem to have "let the mask slip" when they fuck up because we've got such high hopes and it all comes tumbling down when they have no idea how to interact with the real world, and who then give the most cookie-cutter apology that is hard to believe.

The ask limit is an asshole, I'm sorry you didn't get everything out.

Yeah, I do try to be careful with my sense of humour around people that I know could be upset by it, but if I'm making a joke at the bus stop with my incredibly crude friend and somebody starts glaring at us, I'm not going to give that stranger a heartfelt apology because they made the mistake of listening in to a private conversation at a normal volume and taking it personally when we hadn't even noticed that they were there or could hear us.

I give people heartfelt apologies if I'm talking to them and I forget that something is a sore topic for them, but not people who are eavesdropping and certainly not people who could click away from a video or walk out of a comedy club at any time. I think ultimately you have to pick your apologies as much as you have to pick your battles, because it can be as bad to be a doormat as it can be to be confrontational.

I think there's a difference between being in a group of people you know with whom a certain joke would be awkward, and being on your own channel making a dark joke - people can click away from your channel and never see you again, you don't have to hold up a pleasant relationship with them for the sake of the future. The ability to leave at any moment is also very important in this conversation, and it's what's lacking in the social interactions we talk about and experience.

I can understand why people think that it is okay to make jokes around people that you don't know, especially people who've faced hardship in their lives and have had to learn to have a "tough outer shell" and think that the rest of the world should too. Even I'm guilty of sometimes internally thinking "Man, if I went through all of that shit and came out the other end, how come some people can't handle a bad word?" even though I know that it's not that simple.

Contrapoints tackled the "huge audience" thing in a new video, mentioning how it holds people to this ridiculous standard of perfection when they're still human and no matter what you say, if you're saying it to enough people, somebody is going to be upset by it.

It's a new frontier too - I think that younger people forget how new the internet is and how, at least for those of us who are a bit older or who grew up very poor, this is a very difficult world to adapt to, especially when you're somebody who had to adapt while amassing literally millions of people monitoring your every move and thus less chance for genuine social interaction in this medium (I mean, a lot of his interaction is with fans who he can't truly let his guard down around, or other creators who also can't truly let their guard down and navigate this world as a "nobody"). Even classic celebrities never had this kind of instantaneous connection to millions of people to deal with.

Add to that the fact that comedians can say and have said much worse jokes on stage, but they're not (or at least didn't used to be) judged for it because we recognise that the on-stage comedian is somebody there to make us laugh and not somebody who's word should be taken at face value and interpreted as an offence. He's expected to perform like a comedian without the freedoms that we grant to comedians, on a stage that is only a stage when we the audience deem it one.

He, like most of us, comes from a world where this wasn't normal, and we've had to adapt quickly to it - if you grew up watching massively more offensive stuff coming out of comedians, it's not unreasonable to be surprised when you're on your "stage" and people decide that you're not allowed to make those jokes.

I think that I understood what you meant, at least I hope I did! I'm not good at doing the whole words thing either though!

a review of the Netflix show “Bonding”

summary of the show: pete is having financial troubles. his best friend tiff offers him a job. tiff is a professional domme (they say “dominatrix” in the show). she works in a dungeon during the night, studies to become a psychiatrist by day. she tells him to show up at the dungeon, but fails to mention it is a dungeon, and that she is a domme. pete is essentially coerced into being her assistant, without tiff explaining what that entails. cue the kink shaming and “fun” shenanigans.

*

long rambling summary, including all the weird shit (spoiler alert, except the show is predictable as shit, so not really):

first off, there was no consent given at any point, it was dub-con from start to finish. no aftercare, no nothing. clients were showing clear signs of discomfort and distress at severel points, but nothing was done to make them feel safe.

the whole bdsm aspect of the show feels so weird. the story isn’t centered around it. the actual story is that tiff works as a domme, but is ashamed of it, so she doesn’t tell people, and that takes its toll. she could’ve had so many other jobs, and the core story wouldn’t have changed at all. it’s really not about the kink stuff - and thank god for that, because it was BAD.

the opening scene of episode one is pete walking up to the dungeon, being confused about having to give a password, as he was under the impression it was tiff’s apartment, walks down a hallway, is lead into tiff’s room (or mistress may, as her domme name is), to reveal tiff in a (cheap, ill fitting) domme outfit. she knows he needs money and will have a hard time turning a job offer down, and still decides to pressure him into being her assisstant/bodyguard. her client then comes barging in, in fetish gear. pete has no idea what his role is, or what being an assistant entails (she never explains what his role is).

tiff tells pete that what she does is not sex work, which is?? people pay you to turn them on and make them orgasm, how is that not sex work??

the whole show is essentially pete showing up to a scene with tiff, and some poor client they kinkshame to their face. they dicuss their private matters, while clients are tied up in the background. pete gets more and more involved with the scenes. he moves from being the gear holder/bodyguard, to being actively part of the scenes.

we see tiff in what is supposed to be a psychology class? i think? where they discuss the relationship between client and therapist. it’s supposed to draw parallels between sex worker/client and therapist/client. this happens over and over.

pete lives with a roommate and has no money. pete is gay and they try to push that as a plot point, but it’s really not. the roommate is a weird subplot. the roommate has a girlfriend, and because the apartment is so small, pete can hear them talk and have sex. roommate wants the girlfriend to finger him, but she doesn’t want to. it’s clear that this is something he really, really wants. this is supposed to be funny, i guess? kudos to him, though, the guy is clearly very passionate about ass play and is discussing it openly with his partner.

let me tell you about some clients:

there’s a guy who’s into humiliation and watersports, and the guy shows up trough out the show, as a punchline. he gets off on being told he has a small dick. he seems nice, i don’t understand why it’s funny he’s into those things. instead of a red/yellow/green scale, he uses flintstones characters, and tiff knows what the characters mean - which i thought was really neat! but they make fun of it, when the client can’t hear it.

another client is present everytime they’re in tiff’s apartment. the guy is essentially her maid. she yells at him over her shoulder, to do a better job washing her dishes/dusting/etc, in between speaking with pete. she has a CLIENT in her PRIVATE HOME. this client knows her HOME ADDRESS and is present when she makes appointments with other clients on the phone. while tiff is on a date with a guy, this client shows up, and tells her he’s in love with her - HE KNOWS WHERE SHE LIVES. luckily, we don’t see him again.

meanwhile, pete is trying to come to terms with his new job. he wants to be a comedian, but is too shy to go on stage, and is shown bailing on a performance many times. the first person he talks to about his new profession, is his roommate. the roommate is supportive and excited and asks if tiff puts stuff up people’s butts. pete calls tiff, but tiff is not picking up. roommate suggest pete do it instead. pete says ok. pete fingers his roommate (again, they clearly did not discuss anything beforehand). roommate loves it (i liked that part. it was nice seeing what appears to be a straight dude enjoying getting fingered). he compliments pete on his eyes and there’s some “omg does roommate like pete??” going on. it was kinda cute. anyway, pete fingers him, roommate likes it, is seconds away from coming, roommate’s girlfriend shows up, and punches pete in the face.

there’s another client. this one, oh boy, this one. a nice looking lady wants tiff to domme her husband. the husband DOES NOT KNOW THAT SHE IS DOING THIS. her husband has a tickle kink (i think?) and we’re not told why the wife can’t/won’t do it herself. pete and tiff show up at their house, where the husband is told there’s a domme here for him. he has no idea what is going on. tiff ties him up and tickles him and it’s clear nothing was discussed beforehand. meanwhile, pete waits in the kitchen with the wife. the wife is clearly upset about her husband being with someone else. pete talks to her and suggests she punch him in the face, since he already has a black eye from roommate’s girlfriend, which she happily pays for (???).

tiff starts seeing a guy from her class, but freaks out because she feels like she’s wearing a mask all the time, and clearly the guy won’t like her if he knows she’s a domme. pete is telling people now, and since pete can do it, tiff wants to do it too. eventually she tells the guy and he’s ok with it. he doesn’t mind at all, although he clearly isn’t entirely sure what being a domme is.

there’s also a weird subplot where tiff saves a girl from her class, when their professor hits on her and touches her when they’re alone?

there’s sort of two endings. first one is in episode six. in class, they have to do a thesis on why they want to be a therapist. tiff stands before her class, in full domme getup, and tells them why she wants to be a therapist. this is also when she tells the guy she’s seeing she’s a domme. 

pete finally goes on stage with his comedy. he does it in fetish gear and the jokes are all centered around doing bdsm. (pete’s character developement boils down to pete starting out timid and shy, and then blossoming into a natural dom (tiff and pete had a fight, which leads to pete having to take on a client without tiff. the guy wants them to wrestle while wearing penguin costumes. the guy wants to kiss, pete says no (the first clear “no” in the whole show) and proceeds to spank the client - which they didn’t discuss - luckily the client is into it, and before pete leaves, the client calls him “master”).)

the other is in episode seven (the last episode). we meet the husband and wife again. since tiff and pete were there the first time, the couple have talked, and now the husband lets the wife tickle him until she gets angry and starts punching him. it’s not working out for them (the husband flinches everytime the wife moves), so they want to hire pete and tiff again. the wife is shown HITTING HER HUSBAND who whimpers and laughs nervously. tiff is there alone because pete and tiff are fighting. that whole plot just ends there.

then pete and tiff go to a client’s place, where the client proceeds to lock pete in the bathroom, and threaten tiff with a knife, because he’s paying for her time, so obviously, he can do whatever he wants with her. pete breaks out of the bathroom, distracts the client, and tiff stabs him (???), and they run away. no police or nothing.

in conclusion: yikes™

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On Point With: Megami

If ComicCon and DragCon had a baby, she’d grow up to be this new queen! And in a modern queer pop culture where drag and genre cosplay are increasingly melding together, it will be goddesses like Brooklyn native Megami D.Vil (better known simply as Megami) who will be leading the freaky masses to a new horizon of performance entertainment.

Thotyssey: Hello Megami, seasons greetings! The heat just came on in my apartment today. This is great drag weather, isn't it?

Megami: It really is! Gür! I’m a Thicc Woman. I sweat walking to the train!

Oh me too, it's tragic! So, what were you more excited about these past few months: DragCon or ComicCon?

Ugh! That’s so hard! It’s like choosing between my children! Do I choose the pretty one, or the fun one!? I was really looking forward to both for different reasons. At DragCon, I got to see all my fav NY girls (from on Drag Race and off), buy their merch, feel beautiful! And this has been my 10th year going to NY ComicCon, so it’s been my yearly geek pilgrimage since I was 19.

I mean, for both Cons it’s so great to just be in a place where my weird hobbies and interests are celebrated; as both a Queen and a Geeky Cosplayer. Although, I did get to dress as Sailor Moon Darth Vader for NY ComicCon... so I suppose that edges out DragCon by a hair. Haha!

Understood! It actually feels like the worlds of drag and sci-fi fangeekery blend a little more each year, don't they?

They do! Crazy characters, stunning looks... they’re highly compatible. And I certainly try my best to make them blend as much as I can.

I started doing drag about two years ago when I won the Gay Geeks of New York cosplay lip sync show GeekSync (which I’m hosting at the West End Lounge for the second time this October), but I’ve always loved to do cosplay drag looks, even before I performed. 

It’s always been my goal to merge gay culture with geek culture as much as I can--to let all the queer geeks out there know, like, “Hey! It’s not weird at all to geek out about Star Wars and Game of Thrones as much as Drag Race, or...” ugh...I don’t know what gays like...”the gym!” Like the things you like with your full heart. Your geeky passions are what make you unique!

Werk! I was in the judge’s panel for Miss Nerd at Rockbar in June... your Bowie / Labyrinth look and number was a crowd pleaser!

Yeah. And I mean, I won Miss Fan favorite, so the crowd definitely responded to my geekery! I’m not much of a pageant girl, but I definitely already have some highly ambitious gags planned for next June. I’m coming for that crown! Haha!

You’ll be the queen to beat! “Megami,” by the way, is a video game reference, right?

Yes! Megami actually means “Goddess” in Japanese. I took [Japanese] for two years in college ‘cause I’m a super anime loving Otaku Weeaboo and thought I could learn enough to not need subtitles! (Spoiler: I did NOT. Japanese has three alphabets, and is one of the hardest languages in the world to learn).

But yeah, Megami D.Vil was inspired by the video game Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga ‘cause I’m a Goddess and a Devil. I know. Incredibly convoluted. Nobody understands my name. I have to spell it out all the time. But like I say at all my shows: I’m a Puerto Rican man pretending to be a Japanese woman who acts like a white girl who thinks she’s a black girl... so eat your heart out Rachel Dolezal! Step your pussy up! 

And Megami is actually my old cat’s name. So every time I go visit my parents and someone calls “Megami!” It’s very confusing for the both of us.

Are you, like, a JPop and KPop fan, also?

Oh I love KPop and Jpop! Koda Kumi, Twice!, Girls Generation, of course Utada Hikaru... there’s not a single self-respecting weeb out there who doesn’t know every single word to Utada’s “Simple and Clean.” It’s the weeb anthem! And I’ve performed songs in Japanese and Korean before. And in Spanish too, while I’m at it.

I draw my inspirations from all aspects of my life. If it’s my own Latin culture or gay culture or geekery or music... I will never be shy about saying “Hey everyone! This is an awesome thing I love and that inspires me! Love it, too!”

Side Geek Question: lots of fans seem unhappy with the casting of Ruby Rose as a lesbian Batwoman... even LGBT fans. What are your thoughts?

Okay, real talk. I wasn’t gonna watch even if, I don’t know, Ellen was Batwoman. Haha ...Maybe if it was like... Meryl... or Gaga... or Cher... Cher Batwoman would be AMAZING! I have two X-Men / Dark Phoenix tattoos on my arm, so I’m staunchly on the Marvel side of the fence in these kinda fights. I’m more upset that the godawful-looking Dark Phoenix movie is getting released than about Ruby being Batwoman. Like, Sophie Turner apparently graduated from the Kristen Stewart school of Non-Acting, with all 2.5 facial expressions she’s capable of emoting. I really, really wanted Disney to give X-Men the MCU overhaul.

But at the end of the day, fans (LGBT or not) will always get their panties in a twist about EVERYTHING! EVERY SINGLE THING! (Hey, myself included, proven by my previous statements).  Across all fandoms, these stories and characters are sooo precious to us Geeks. They were our friends, and reasons to keep going on and be brave when the world told us we were too weird, or too weak, or too queer. We all have deep connections with our fandoms. So it’s hard sometimes when a story or character that’s precious and personal fells like they’re being mishandled by greedy corporations. Art is personal.

You’ve been hosting Thirsty Thursdays at Mom’s Kitchen & Bar in Hell’s Kitchen for a few months now. There are certainly no shortage of queens in that neighborhood, but your show seems to be a hit! What’s Thirsty’s winning formula, and how did you land that gig in the first place?

Well, landing the gig was partially luck, partially just impressing the right people. Mom’s was looking for a newer queen to spearhead a Thursday show. They’ve never done anything like this, so they wanted someone they could grow with and establish something fun in a relatively new establishment. So I stepped in with a game plan and a few good recommendations, and we’ve just gone from there.

I think the formula that works for me has been choosing a different theme every week to build each night around. It forces me to come up with fresh material and numbers consistently. I’ve done themes like “Geeks & Gaga” (for the week of NY ComicCon and the A Star is Born premiere), “Ladies of the 80s,” “Extra Divas,” “Ladies Who Rock,” and many others. “Latina Night” and “Halloqween Spooktacular” are coming up very soon.

I think above all, I just like people. Aside from drag, I volunteer with the LGBT organization GGNY (Gay Geeks of NY) as their VP and Art Director. So I’m very used to talking to people, running events, and just letting my terrible personality shine! 

Well, it seems like you’re doing great work! And speaking of new gigs, tell us about The Creek & The Cave in Long Island City, where you will be premiering a new monthly drag revue, Gender Blender, on Sunday the 28th!

Yeah! The Creek and the Cave is a well-known comedy club that’s hosted a TON of the world’s best comedians. But they’ve been looking to expand and have different kinds of acts. So I’m bringing the Queer to Long Island City! I have a lineup of cosplayers and queens to kick of this monthly show with a geeky bang!

Wonderful! anything else to report as far as gigs or projects?

Well, on top of hosting Thirsty Thursday every Thursday at Mom’s Kitchen in Hell’s Kitchen from 9-11, I will be hosting GGNY’s Third Annual Geek Sync (the cosplay lip sync competition) Saturday, October 20th at the West End Lounge, from 6-8pm...

... premiering Gender Blender: A Monthly Drag Show, Sunday October 28th at Creek & the Cave, and in the near future doing a Miss Nerd 2018 Miss Fan Favorite show at Rockbar. And of course, whatever other little gigs I can wiggle my size 10 rainbows pumps into.

Excellent, have fun with everything! Last question: best video game ever?

This is a hard question!!! Again, cruelty to animals. I’m calling PETA!

Final Fantasy X. I have it on PS2/ PS3/ PS4 and soon the Switch. I’ve played through it a million times, and I still cry at the end every time. And the sequel X-2 is the SINGLE gayest piece of media that has ever existed. The Sailor Moon costume transformations, High Summoner Yuna becoming the Pop Star sensation, Leblanc the Drag Queen. Gay gay gay!

Though I do plan on getting married to my imaginary boyfriend on November 7th because of Mass Effect... so it’s Sophie’s Choice... or Shepard’s Choice, actually.

Play on, Megami! Thank you!

Megami hosts “Thirsty Thursdays” every week at Mom’s (8pm), and “Gender Blender” monthly last Sundays at  The Creek & The Cave (7pm). Check Thotyssey’s calendar for all her scheduled gigs, and follow Megami on Facebook and Instagram.

On Point Archives

Saudis Come To Grips With Swift Changes

Jackie Northam, NPR, May 2, 2018

On a balmy Thursday evening, dozens of young Saudis stream into the AlComedy Club in the western port city of Jeddah. It’s the start of the weekend, and the crowd snacks on popcorn and ice cream before grabbing some of the sagging seats in the theater.

Comedian Khaled Omar takes the mic and begins his act, lamenting how he has no baby pictures of himself. His parents ripped up the family photos in the early 1980s, when ultra-conservative religious authorities deemed photographs haram--forbidden, they said, by God.

The audience is lively. Some women wearing abayas and headscarves banter with Omar and men in the audience.

Omar’s punchline gets a good laugh: Now, he says, not only are photos suddenly not forbidden--but all the people who banned or tore pictures up are now happily posing for selfies. He still wants to know what happened to all his baby pictures.

Omar’s routine is a gentle dig at the Saudi government and religious establishment reversing decades of social restrictions. Much of what was forbidden in Saudi Arabia--cinema, music, theater, women driving--is suddenly acceptable. In fact, the Saudi government is encouraging it. But for many Saudis, their whole way of life--their whole belief system--is being upended.

The founder of the comedy club, Yaser Bakr, says the changes are long overdue.

“I think that this is what to do after 40 years of being asleep, honestly, in Saudi Arabia,” he says. “Honestly, this is what you need to do. Some of it is dramatic, some of it is extremely fast, but it is the way to do it.”

Bakr points to his own club, which operated in a low-key way, largely underground, when it first started. Now it’s sponsored by the government’s General Entertainment Authority. Until recently, it was strictly segregated--women sat in one section, men in another.

“We used to have partitions in the first five years. This is the first year where crowds are sitting mixed together,” he says. “It surprises me how fast all of these changes became normal.”

The social liberalization is being driven from the top, by Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. The hard-charging, tech-savvy 32-year-old launched an ambitious plan called Vision 2030 to open the kingdom, diversify its economy and create jobs, especially for young people. More than 70 percent of Saudis are under 30.

Many of the social changes are popular with the kingdom’s younger citizens.

“I’m really happy that it happened now that I’m young, and, like, I can live all these changes,” says a 19-year-old woman at a café in Riyadh who asked that her name not be used so she could speak freely.

Others--like her own sister, who is 29--are nervous about the sheer breadth and pace of the social changes underway.

“We have to change, that’s something I know is a fact,” the sister says. “Just, the way we are changing, I wish it was mindful of everyone. I talk to younger people, they are happy with it. But older people are not.”

Rules about music, cinema and the like were supposed to be based on guidance from God. Government-issued edicts came via clerics. So far, the new rules are coming directly from the Saudi government. It has been confusing for some Saudis.

Consider the changes in April alone: The kingdom rolled out its plans for its first-ever tourist visas, held its first Arab fashion week and opened its first cinema in 35 years.

A 26-year-old man in Riyadh, wearing a thobe, a long white gown, says the changes are nothing short of shocking.

“I’m not sure if one can have a culture shock within their own country, but that’s what I’m experiencing right now,” he says.

He describes himself as a traditionalist and says he comes from a large and conservative family. He asked that his name not be used so as not to anger his family by talking to the foreign press. The man worries his family members will be alienated and left behind because they’re not fully on board with all the recent changes, and feel they can’t express their concerns publicly because it is dangerous to appear to criticize the government.

“So on a personal level, when I see them just shrinking and excising themselves from the public sphere--for me, that’s a bit sad,” he says. “That’s sort of upsetting that they believe that the future doesn’t include them. You know, Saudi Arabia should be big enough for all people.”

Princess Reema bint Bandar al-Saud, a cousin of the crown prince, runs the Saudi General Sport Authority, which is allowing and encouraging more girls and women to take part in athletics--in schools, at gyms, or even just attending sporting events like soccer games. She’s making the rounds to promote the changes abroad, but acknowledges the government and the religious establishment needs to do a better job explaining them at home.

“When you live in a community where, overnight, what was a ‘no’ is a ‘yes,’ it’s very hard to rationalize if there’s no ‘why,’” Bandar says.

It reminds her of raising her kids. “They’d ask me why, and I’d be, like, ‘Because I said so.’ That’s not an answer that most people can accept anymore,” she says.

Some Saudis wonder if these sudden changes will last. Abdulrahman Khawj, a filmmaker in Jeddah, says all this is happening because of one man’s vision.

“If another man comes and takes his place and he has a different vision, it could go away,” he warns. “So [Crown Prince Mohammed] is good for us. But who knows who’s going to be next.”

Some worry that even with the changes, there is still no room for dissent. Last September, the crown prince cracked down on and jailed opposition figures, including clerics, economists and journalists and bloggers.

Two months later, about 200 government ministers, businessmen and members of the royal family were rounded up and detained without due process at Riyadh’s Ritz-Carlton hotel, as part of the crown prince’s anti-corruption crackdown. Most have since been freed, after paying large settlements, but in certain cases, the whereabouts of some detainees are unknown.

Adam Coogle, a Middle East researcher for Human Rights Watch, says he doesn’t want to belittle some of the crown prince’s moves, such as allowing women to drive. But political repression in Saudi Arabia, he warns, is extremely high right now.

“If you criticize [the crown prince] or the king, you not only have exposed yourself to arrest, you will be likely charged with a terrorism crime carrying a sentence of between five to 10 years,” he says.

While some rumblings of discontent are apparent in the kingdom’s big cities, it’s more obvious in smaller towns, such as Huraymila, about an hour’s drive north of Riyadh, past plenty of camels and new construction in the desert. The town of wide boulevards and squat, sand-colored buildings has a conservative reputation. You can’t buy cigarettes, and music in public remains unwelcome. When the government entertainment authority tried to stage a concert here a few months ago, the town refused to attend it.

The N-Word and How To Use It

It's what blacks have always done since we hit America's shores: we take what's given us and we find a way to make it our own. By Bennie M. Currie

N-I-G-G-E-R. I'll never forget the first time I accidentally used that word in mixed company. It was 20 years ago at the University of Missouri, and I was engaged in lighthearted chitchat with Kent, my white roommate, when I casually called him a "nigger."

For a second I'd forgotten that I was not among my black friends in my old neighborhood in Saint Louis, where calling a buddy "nigger" was synonymous with calling him "brother" or "man." It was just another way to talk cool, using a word that had become a part of our vocabulary long before we were aware of all its varied meanings and usages.

I was barely conscious of my accidental utterance, but there was nothing casual about Kent's reaction. His eyes widened, and his body flinched as though he'd just absorbed a boxer's jab. Then he snapped to an upright position on the edge of his bed, narrowed his eyes, and pointed an index finger at me. "I'm not a nigger," he said, his tone implying that he thought I was a nigger. He never actually called me a nigger, but the mere suggestion was enough to put me in a fighting mood.

"Do I look like a nigger to you?" I shouted.

"But you just called me a nigger," he replied.

"Well, that's different. You can't call me that. Not ever."

Fortunately, our dorm mates stopped this exchange before I could throw a punch at Kent, who probably thought I was nuts. Actually I was simply too angry to realize that I was the one at fault.

By calling Kent a nigger, I'd exposed him to what my old neighborhood friends called a "black thing" he didn't understand. The "thing" is the love/hate relationship many black people have with "nigger," one of the most complex, perplexing, and emotionally incendiary words in the American lexicon. And to be truthful, black people are hardly unified in their understanding or usage of this piece of slang.

There have been times in my life when I've felt very comfortable using the word, but I've also struggled with its usage. And now that I'm a parent I cringe at the notion that my two children will someday have to try to understand what these six letters mean to them, their friends and foes, and the larger society. While my wife and I are readying ourselves for questions like "Where do babies come from?" I know that none will be more vexing than the first innocent query about the N-word.

I could take the easy way out and tell our kids that "nigger" is a bad word that good boys and girls should never use. Or maybe I could recite the old "sticks and stones" adage and tell them it's a name that can never hurt them. But neither tactic is likely to work, especially the second, since I don't believe it myself.

If my kids are destined to be introduced to a word born of racial hatred, then their parents should be the ones to do it. But television, the Internet, the school playground, and other competitors for our kids' attention may get to them first. Or a dictionary.

Last February Kathryn Williams, curator of the Museum of African American History in Flint, Michigan, was asked by a little boy, "Am I a nigger because I'm black?" She told the naturally curious child that a nigger was any ignorant person, then advised him to look up the word in the dictionary for reassurance. The kid paged through the venerable Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, where he found that "nigger" is a term for "a black person--usu. taken to be offensive." With only minor revisions, this definition has existed for nearly half a century.

This was a shocking revelation for Williams, who started a petition drive to pressure Merriam-Webster to revise the definition. Her campaign gained momentum last September, when Emerge magazine ran a brief article about it. Since then, scores of people have joined her, many of them contending that the current definition inaccurately explains the meaning of the word. Some of them also believe the racial epithet is undeserving of inclusion in a dictionary and want it deleted altogether.

I know why Williams and others like her are upset. Being called "nigger" by a white person or a white-run institution is a slap in the face for many blacks. It evokes thoughts of the sorry legacy of slavery and the racism that haunts the nation. And it hurts. When I checked out the definition in my own copy of the Collegiate edition I felt stung--particularly since I knew that dictionaries are almost as ubiquitous as Gideon Bibles.

I don't believe the publishers of the collegiate edition meant to offend anyone. Most likely, they were simply reflecting the confusion that stems from the paradoxical usage of the word among Americans of all hues, cultures, and generations.

Since my dorm-room experience, several whites have told me of their own struggles to understand the term--and to understand why a word that was used for centuries by white people to disparage and dehumanize their black slaves and today is a chief element of hatespeak (witness the Nigger Joke Center on the World Wide Web) is cool for blacks to use but taboo for them. They ask, How can any self-respecting black person stand to use it? Why do black kids call each other "my nigga" in such endearing tones, privately as well as publicly? Is this a "self-hatred thing"?

I say no. It's what blacks have always done since we hit America's shores 400 years ago. We take what's given to us, or thrown at us, and we find a way to make it our own. Blacks melded African rhythms and European music to create jazz, this country's only original musical art form. We took the parts of livestock whites didn't care to eat--intestines, tongues, ears, and feet--mixed them with our native African dishes and conjured up soul food.

In the same manner, blacks took the loaded term "nigger" and disarmed it by making it a household word. In fact, we went on to embrace it by using it to spice up poetry, rap lyrics, and many a comedy stand-up routine. A case in point is Paul Mooney, a comedian and writer (Saturday Night Live, Good Times, and In Living Color). He doesn't just use "nigger" to accent his stand-up act. It's often the focal point of his jokes. In one bit he complains about the flak he catches from whites who sometimes object more vociferously to his liberal use of the word than do many blacks. "Make that nigger stop saying nigger. He's giving me a nigger headache," he jokes. "Well white folks, you shouldn't have ever made up the word. You fucked up. I say nigger 100 times every morning. It makes my teeth white."

Chris Rock, who currently hosts a weekly HBO talk show, is another funny man at peace with his use of "nigger." While my grandmother has never heard of him, she and Rock assign a similar meaning to the term. The hot comic told B.E.T. Weekend magazine he uses it to describe "a certain kind of black person who wallows in ignorance and likes being ignorant." During a recent HBO special, Rock expressed this point of view with these one-liners: "Niggers react to books the way vampires react to sunlight." "Niggers always want credit for something they should be doing. 'I take care of my kids.' You're supposed to take care of your kids!" "Black people don't give a damn about welfare reform. Niggers are shaking in their boots."

Rock, who used to lampoon CBS anchor Bryant Gumbel for "talking white," recently apologized publicly for using such a label. But he doesn't plan to cut "nigger" out of his act anytime soon. "I'll stop when niggas stop," he said. "Niggas robbed my house, robbed my mother's house. Black people didn't do that." He adds, "I would love to have no reason to use the word. I'd love for it to be obsolete."

Richard Pryor, one of Rock's role models, was at the height of his legendary career in 1982, when he vowed never again to use the word to refer to another black person. He said he'd had an epiphany during a visit to Africa. He didn't see any "niggers" in the motherland and realized that blacks there had no need to use the word. Pryor shared his pledge with the audience during a stand-up routine that was later released as a feature film, Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip. The statement inspired lots of blacks to make the same vow.

I haven't made that pledge, but before I saw Pryor's film I never thought twice about why I used "nigger." I'm less comfortable using it now, but because of my lifelong cultural association with the word, I can't foresee total avoidance. Because my kids have a different culture, I've never used it around them, and I don't intend to.

Since my kids aren't going to grow up hearing "nigger" under our roof, the question still remains: How should I explain this word to them? There's only one way to do it--candidly and carefully. I'll tell them that the word is a national shame and at times a painful reminder of their ancestors' struggle for freedom. And I'll explain that the term has a history just as relevant as Jim Crow, the Revolutionary War, lynching, or Watergate, which is why forcing a dictionary to delete it would be a mistake, would be censorship.

Meanwhile the people at Merriam-Webster are busy mulling a revision of their definition of "nigger," according to spokesman Steve Perrault. He wrote me via E-mail that it's too early to pinpoint when or if a change will be made, but he assured me the issue will be resolved before the dictionary's next scheduled major update, in 2003. "The problem for us is that it's not simply a matter of changing one entry," Perrault said. "If we revise our treatment of the offensive word, we also have to revise our treatment of the many other offensive words in the dictionary. That makes it a fairly major undertaking, and our feeling is that we want to be sure we're getting it right."

Sounds like a good idea. But does this really require much deliberation? I don't think so. The third edition of the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language already has it figured out. Its definition of "nigger" begins with the words "offensive slang...used as a disparaging term for a black person." As an illustration, a quote from James Baldwin follows: "You can only be destroyed by believing that you really are what the white world calls a Negro."

This interpretation seems fair and accurate to me. It's even suitable for the eyes of a child. And it may even enlighten a confused college kid or two.