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itsjustaphase-mom · 5 years

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Queer Eye: Umbrella Academy Edition

so the phrase “Luther on Queer Eye” came to me and I freaked out and uh yeah this happened... i basically wrote up how the Fab Five would help the Hargreeves siblings (its under the cut cuz it’s l o n g) (also Karamo signs them all up for therapy i didnt write that for each one because they all need it so bad) (oh also warning i dont know shit about anything these men are experts in so constructive criticism is appreciated thx xo)

Luther

Tan- surprisingly, Luther doesn’t seem to have any issue finding well fitted clothes, so Tan would probably just work on style- add some colour and prints, teach him how to make his torso look a bit smaller with the cut of his clothes and stuff like that

Antoni- big man need big food...find recipes that satisfy the monkey body??

Jonathan- Help that man deal with his monkey body!! shaving is an option buddy

Karamo- help him get over his leader complex and ALSO i was thinking about the fact that he doesnt realize how bad his siblings (namely klaus and vanya) were abused?? and that’s why he’s always brushing them off like that because he thinks his experience matches theirs even though he had superstrength and was their dad’s favourite...he just never stopped to consider that they had it so much worse so fill him in karamo plz

Bobby-He needs space, he’s a big man. Bobby’d be able to hook him up with stuff that was big enough to help him feel normal sized again (and also they’d hopefully help him find an apartment because he doesn’t need to live in that house)

Diego

Tan-he needs some colour in his life... also imagine Tan finding outfits that can hide his knives better that just sounds hilarious

Antoni-please antoni this man ate a raw egg....help him

Jonathan- He has some scars on his face but they make him look cool (and I think he feels that way too) so Jonny could give him tips to cover em but i dont really think he’d want em...he’d probably just tell him to moisturize

Karamo-help him grieve Patch, he barely got a chance to with all the apocalypse nonsense

Bobby- he’d make Diego’s place look cool and edgy but also be hella functional it would look so cool

Allison

Tan-she’s absolutely gorgeous and all of her outfits are stunning and honestly he has his work cut out for him with the next one so it’s his day off

Antoni- he’d teach her how to make some real good stuff that she can teach Claire how to make!! it’d be so cute!!! Maybe Claire would join em!!!! guys!!!!!!

Jonathan-give her the haircut that Emmy has please for the sake of the gays i am begging you

Karamo-he’d help her get her daughter back (i know that’s out of his paygrade but shhh) and teach her parenting techniques to use instead of her powers

Bobby- he’d make her a chic, childproof home and it’d be the best

Klaus

Tan-fashion is a spectrum that ranges from Klaus to that guy in season one (?) that said his style icon was Frasier... Tan would be simultaniously LIVING for Klaus’ outfits from a proud gay dad perspective and appalled by the things he wore...he’d find a balance that was very gay but more befitting a 30 year old man (would Klaus actually wear it? probably not. he’d diy that shit and the look on tan’s face would be priceless oh my gosh im crying at the concept yknow the end when they all sit down and watch their routine? Klaus would go through his closet and look directly into the camera, holding up the “new and improved” clothes while tan just loses his mind)

Antoni- teach him how to make easy, good food. He needs some quick, simple, healthy recipes for when he’s not feeling it okay wait now im thinking about klaus getting addicted to cooking as a way to occupy himself when he gets too close to relapsing and guys guys guys we have a CONCEPT here oh boy i might have to do smth with that

Jonathan- honestly he’s pretty good? Probably a haircut and also GIVE HIM ROB’S NATURAL CURLY HAIR

Karamo-help him get sober. and help him learn that he can be more vulnerable, he doesnt have to laugh off everything. He doesnt have to hide everything. he needs to get help sometimes. also get him to do yoga because i feel like he’d love that for some reason??? idk the idea just popped into my head and i think he’d be a big fan

Bobby-give him a place that’s functional and neat, but with his sense of style. Quirky and artsy. Very easy to clean and keep organised, because his stuff is in such a state of disarray.

Five

Tan-just like.... go buy clothes that aren’t your old school uniform? Something that is befitting of a 58 year old man but doesn’t look too off on a 13 year old’s body... I feel like Tan and Five would be bros

Antoni-teach him that he cant survive off coffee...also teach him how to make his own damn coffee instead of whining about it all the time

Jonathan- Teach him how to shave and just generally take care of himself properly because he didnt have anyone to do that the first time around im not crying youre crying

Karamo- Make him less of a dick. It’s okay to hurt, and it’s okay to be confident but you dont gotta be an asshole about it. also maybe discuss delores.

Bobby-he needs a study with lots of space to write lmao ooh imagine the style is inspired by all his favourite time periods, whatever those may be that would be so cool plenty of antiques in that place

Ben - ok i know no-one but karamo could really do anything cuz he’s a ghost but pretend they could

Tan- he needs that colour boy he’s too emo (for Tan, i fully support emo rights)

Antoni- uhhhh he hasnt eaten in like 10 years feed him smth good

Jonathan- He’s perfect so nothing to change tbh

Karamo- honestly Ben is the most well-adjusted??? and he’s dead?? idk what karamo would really do besides getting him therapy

Bobby- He needs a place for himself!! There’s theories that he doesnt exist without Klaus which tbh I kinda believe so even then Bobby could incorporate a little space for him in Klaus’ place... get him some bookshelves!!

Vanya

Tan-absolutely nothing, her style is impeccable... ok fine tan would maybe make it more gay and fit better, accentuating what she wants instead of hiding everything under the baggiest shirts she can find

Antoni- comfort food that’s healthy (what? do i hear vanya and klaus bonding over using cooking to cope???)

Jonathan-GAY HAIRCUT UNDERCUT OR SMTH (but also her hair is adorable so i kinda dont want him to cut it......)

Karamo-help her realize she’s gay, just look at her karamo... but also work on her self esteem because shit dawg that could use some work

Bobby-fix up her apartment!! make it sleek and cool with hints of violins everywhere and also make it brighter because that colour scheme cannot be helping her depression

uh so yeah this was just me ranting for no reason lemme know what you think lmao

#tua #umbrella academy #queer eye #klaus hargreeves #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #casey talks

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