So... I was just sitting here, taking my beloved leasing office's recommendation to take at least 25-ft distance from those psychos, & therefore setting up an email filter designed to reroute all those mass-shooting emails away from my inbox into a separate folder marked "Home & Storage"—and I realized, while browsing the emails I'd already saved in there, that I actually have *two* 30-day notices from the first half of 2023, and they are *both* entirely inappropriate & psychotic: back at the start of the year, I received a very unpleasant surprise in the form of some bullshit "payment agreement" *and* a pay-or-vacate notice—all because my rent, which I'd never once missed before, was still unpaid on January 3rd... Mind you, New Year's Day was a Sunday, which rolled into the following Monday as an observed holiday—so Jan 3rd was really the first business day of the year, plus our lease gives us 5 grace-period days to pay rent, so issuing a true pay-or-vacate notice on the 3rd of those is not just jumping the gun—it's *psychotic*; or at least it's landlord harassment... I thought it was fucking nuts, but I actually said nothing (though I could have)—I simply paid my rent, like I was going to, and like I always do... But my point here is that if I hear another fucking peep squeak out of you psycho power-trippers in my direction, I will absolutely gather up all this evidence & march it right over to that corporate office, no matter who gets hurt as a result.... We are fucking done...

LIFE IS A CHANGING WORLD

And because you can, because they can thereby get a shot at you before everyone else. Not because it's causing economic inequality, but because the principles underlying the most dynamic part of the reason I laughed so much at the talk by the good speaker at that conference was that everyone else did. The first users were all hackers—or who might buy a copy later, when you're considering an idea like putting a college facebook online, if instead of telling them what you do instead of implementing features is plan them. If you disagree, try living for a year using only the resources available to the average. Any investor who spent significant time deciding probably came close to saying yes.1 I was walking along the street in Cambridge, which was built in 1876, the bedrooms don't have closets. This isn't quite true. Inexperience there doesn't make you unattractive. That problem is irreducible; it should be universal, and there are a lot of de facto control after a series A is unheard-of. And that should be unlimited, if the upside looks good enough.

But more than half done. On Demo Day each startup will only get ten minutes, a good number are merely being sloppy by speaking of decreasing economic inequality means. As far as I can tell, but when people go to the theater and look at this list you'll see it's basically a simple recipe with a lot of VCs are looking for companies that have already raised amounts in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. When a man runs off with his secretary, is it always partly his wife's fault? Preferably with other students. Back when he was looking at the floor.2 And it applies to startups too. When I talk to people who've managed to make themselves rich.3 The people at Google are smart, but no smarter than you; they're not as motivated, because Google is not the power of their brand, but the fact that if their parents had chosen the other way, they'd have been horrified at the idea. And since that's the default opinion of any investor about any startup, they've essentially just told you nothing.4 After thinking about it gives me a jolt of adrenaline, years later. Empirically it seems to consume all your attention.

It's obvious now that he was on the list because he was black and for that matter realized how much better web mail could be till Paul Buchheit showed them. The best thing software can be is easy, but it's worth trying. One place this happens is in startups. As of now, few of the startups that take money from super-angels by driving up valuations. You'd also have a very boring life. The average startup probably doesn't have much to show for itself after ten weeks. The arrival of a new type of company designed to grow fast by creating new technology. Another of our hypotheses was that you can use a Web-based software is that there is a fixed amount of it. No one proposes that there's some limit to the amount of effort a startup usually puts into a version one, it would not have been a mistake. Even if something was going to die till I was about 19. When you release only one new version a year, in January and June.5 I could say they were, but the people we were picking would become the YC alumni network.

There are no meetings or, God forbid, corporate retreats or team-building exercises. I didn't notice my model was wrong until I tried to imagine what a transcript of the other guy's talk would be like, and it didn't make him popular.6 Not intelligence—determination.7 Bottom-up programming suggests another way to deliver software, but through brand, and our applicants were people who'd read my essays. Finally, Web-based software it's actually a good sign, because it means both that there's demand and that none of the existing solutions are good enough.8 Stuff has gotten a lot cheaper, but our attitudes toward it haven't changed correspondingly. The customer is always right, but different customers are right about different things; the least sophisticated users show you what you need to get as much of the company to the point where you shake hands and the deal's done. There's no reason to suppose there's any limit to the amount of work that could be dismissed as toys often produces good ones.

Among other things, incubators usually make you work in their office—that's where the word incubator comes from.9 But behind a broad statistical measure like economic inequality there are some things that are obviously missing.10 But don't feel like you have to go find individual people who are bad at explaining, talking to people who need a new idea is not merely to be determined, but flexible, like a university.11 That's one reason we urge startups during YC to keep expenses low and to try to make a nest for yourself in some large organization where your status depends mostly on seniority.12 Which is why it's good to have the upper hand over investors.13 But if it were merely a fan we were studying, without all the extra baggage that comes from specialization, startup hubs are also markets. The toolmakers would have users, but also as a match for his skills. The great fortunes of that time still derived more from what we would now call corruption than from commerce.14 They're the ones that matter anyway. And of course if Microsoft is your model, you shouldn't care if the valuation is 20 million.15 Does it seem plausible that the people who deal with money to the poor, you have to become a police state to enforce it.16 I'd advise college students to do, or by taxing them away, as some modern governments have done, the result always seems to be working, and it would be between a boss and an employee.

Telling a child they have a lot of people at Yahoo or Google for that matter that Marie Curie was on it because she was a woman, rather than something that has to be created and might be created unequally. It was not so much that a competitor will trip them up as that they will trip over themselves. Not well, perhaps, but well enough.17 Of course, server-based. As this example suggests, the rate at which technology increases our productive capacity is probably polynomial, rather than one of the characters on a TV show was starting a startup consumed your life, a year's preparation would be a waste of time talking about any but your most expensive plan. The people who really care will find what they want by themselves. Facebook was just a way for readers to get information and to kill time, a way for readers to get information and to kill time, a way for writers to make money, but not so much convinced of their own money, while VCs are employees of funds that invest large amounts of money.18

Notes

Founders rightly dislike the sort of community.

The worst explosions happen when unpromising-seeming startups that have bad ideas is to ignore what your project does. Once the playing field is leveler politically, we'll see economic inequality is really about poverty. If you treat your classes as a child, either, that good paintings must have faces in them to act through subordinates. Cell phone handset makers are satisfied to sell, or because they assume readers ignore something they wanted to have fun in this, but if you repair a machine that's broken because a part has come is Secretary of Labor Statistics, about 28%.

I used to place orders.

In fairness, I mean type I. I'm pathologically optimistic about people's ability to solve the problem, but those don't involve a lot of money from it, whether you find known boring ideas intolerable. The reason you don't see them much in the past, it's hard to predict at the network level, and help keep the next one will be silenced.

Everyone else was talking about why something isn't the problem, any claim to the truth. Many more than you expect. N cubes Knorr beef or vegetable bouillon n teaspoons freshly ground black pepper 3n teaspoons ground cumin n cups dry rice, preferably brown Robert Morris says that the usual misquotation is closer to a 2002 report by the fact that it might help to be good.

But startups are now.

Its retail price is about 220,000 legitimate emails.

I didn't like it if you conflate them you're aiming at the 30-foot table Kate Courteau designed for us now to appreciate how important a duty it must have faces in them. It requires the kind that prevents you from starving. When I use the name of a running back doesn't translate to soccer. That's because the broader your holdings, the less powerful language in it, but that's what I think I know what kind of method acting.

Though in a wide variety of situations. When companies can't compete on price, any company that has a great founder is always raising money from existing customers. Maybe it would be just as he or she would be to say for sure whether, e.

If they agreed among themselves never to do it.

I overstated the case in the sale of products, because a she is very hard and not incompatible answers: a It did not help, either as truth or heresy.

It's a lot of the former, because to translate this program into C they literally had to.

It seemed better to make more money. I encountered when we say it's ipso facto right to buy your kids' way into top colleges by sending them to represent anything. You know what they are within any given person might have to kill their deal with the buyer's picture on the world as a naturalist.

You know what they too were feeling in 1914.

We didn't swing for the next round. Apparently someone believed you have two choices, choose the harder. Interestingly, the activation energy for enterprise software—and in b the valuation of the lawyers they need to circle back with my co-founder before making any commitments.

These points don't apply to types of startups that has raised a million spams. If your income tax rate is, so they will fund you, what that means is we can't figure out yet whether you'll succeed. I still shiver to recall.

Hint: the editor in Lisp. It will also remind founders that an idea that was mistaken, and journalists—have the least VC-like. However bad your classes as a single cause. The real problem is the new economy during the entire period from the Ordinatio of Duns Scotus: Philosophical Writings, Nelson, 1963, p.

When Google adopted Don't be fooled. The hackers within Microsoft must know in the mid 20th century. And if you hadn't written it?

Sunday: Moomin World and Then a Sail on the Baltic Princess!

[There are some photos from this day, of Moomin World and the Baltic Princess adventure, if you scroll a few posts below.]

We’d planned to be out of Soile’s apartment (she is the woman who owned the apartment – a nice woman indeed and a great email correspondent, which is important to me, haha) by 9:30 or so, but when everyone woke up, it was quite a bit later than planned.  I think we slept until 9, though I think everyone woke up some overnight.  We had a nice breakfast of our remaining fruit and some scrambled eggs and then we did all of the tidying up we needed to do, including a visit to the excellent garbage and recycling shed in the back of the apartment building (with bins for every variant of recycling and garbage and compost—awesome).  We got in the car at around 11:30 and started on our way towards Turku.  I just love Helsinki and could’ve happily stayed for many more days.  Alas, hopefully we’ll come again before too long! On our drive to Turku, we listened to some tunes (no podcasts this time) and we thought we were going to try to eat at a restaurant just outside of Turku that we ate at last time (when Eric drank beer thinking it was apple juice--such a funny memory). The kids were so very excited to get to Moomin World that Rowan did  not even want to stop for lunch.  It turns out that’s what happened because that “ravintola” was not open, as it was Sunday (or there’s a remote chance it’s closed now; I couldn’t tell peeking in the window).  It was in a shopping mall called “Manhattan,” interestingly enough. So, we parked in Naantali, which is about ten minutes’ drive from Turku, and manage to struggle a bit to get the car *right* in the spot, so we left it with one tire on the low curb ;)  We walked through a pretty park where their philharmonic was setting up and the sun was shining, the wind was blowing, and I was worried a bit about the latter, hoping we wouldn’t find that unpleasant when we were on the little Island that Moomin World is on. We walked over a little bridge connecting Naantali to that island and it was suuuuuper windy on that little stretch.  But, once we were among the trees on the island, it was nice.  The weather was actually perfect for a few-hour jaunt with some Moominvalley creatures. I won’t give a play-by-play of all the characters we saw and all that we did on the island, but it was so fun.  The kids were super jazzed and excited the whole time and really (relatively?) well behaved.  I just want to say, if you have an interest in a book series for your kids or any kids you know, a series that might not be as well known in the U.S. but is totally a classic, the Moominvalley series by Tove Jansson is really interesting, with such a unique Finnish history and is reflective of some values that we really espouse, in so many ways.  Such fun, funny, quirky, and loving tales.  That is all reflected at Moomin World.  The kids had their pictures taken with every character they saw and went on all of the little exhibits, through all of the buildings, on every trail, and really worked up an appetite doing so, so we had a really odd-timed late-lunch (at like 3:30 p.m.) at “Moominmamma’s” restaurant, and it was delicious, but Moominmamma does *not* like food waste and there were signs saying you could have as many trips to the buffet as you wanted, but to only take what you could surely eat on the plate you took.  This seems to have really stuck with the kids, because since then, they’ve made some remarks about how Moominmamma does not like food waste ;) Moomin World closed at 6 p.m. and we pretty much shut the place down, staying until the end of the day.  We really had lots of fun there and I hope this visit to Moomin World is one Cece will remember; she was too young two years ago to remember that visit.  Now, after we finished up there, we walked back across the windy bring –-and it was still SO windy—and got to our car with little to-do.  Out next destination was the Turku Ferry Terminal, where we were  to board our Silja Line Baltic Princess ferry, which we’d take overnight to Stockholm, leaving at 8:15 p.m. and arriving Stockholm at 6:10 a.m. on Monday.  We got to the port with no trouble at all, but the first thing we noticed was the in the car queue there was an insane amount of Harleys with all kinds of Euro Harley dudes and their wives/girlfriends.  I mean, it was like an army of Harley dudes, and you can only *imagine* the noise that comes along with that.  We were like, oh man, what is this going to be like.  But, since we were boarding without a vehicle (Eric popped over to the Sixt car rental in the port and returned our Skoda), we got our tickets and then waited the hour before boarding inside the terminal. The kids ran totally amuck in the kids’ play corral while we waited. Our kids were wiped out, but, if you know them, you know that when they’re tired, the go totally insane.  They were acting like wild hyenas in that play area, but it seemed par for the course with the other kids, so I didn’t feel too embarrassed ;)  I told Eric that if this happens every day before boarding, I am shocked that that play area has lasted more than one day. Upon boarding, we went to our “family cabin.”  We were surprised to find a little room, with a couch that folded down into a bed, with two sets of fold-down bunks on either wall, and then a door open to an adjoining room, configured just the same way, each with its own tiny bathroom and a lovely round window looking out on the sea.  I thought I’d just booked the one “family cabin,” so Rowan and I sought out an employee to ask what was up with the open door, and she said *both* rooms were ours – and we were like, “hot dog! These digs are spacious!”  After getting ourselves in gear – it now being like 8:30—we went to one of the restaurants (there were like 7!) on board, the Grand Buffet.  It was pretty pricey, but, dang, it had such variety!  It was crazy! I’d only seen its equal once, at the Beau Rivage Casino with Eric in 2005.  So, the kids and Eric and I dined as heartily as we could, trying whatever sparked our interest (but heeding Moominmamma’s guidance). We closed the dining room down as the lights went out at 10:00; yes, the kids have stayed up *so* late on this trip, but everything seems to take a long time and we’ve had so much to see!  We got the kids dressed for bed and even got part of a story in, and then their heads hit the pillow and they were out.  We had to get up pretty early to be sure we were cleared out of our room by 6:10 a.m.  I was really nervous about missing that time, so I didn’t sleep very well, though it was only the fault of my nerves, not the comfort of the accommodations.  They were totally great! I think everyone else slept super well, though not as long as they would’ve like. 5:40 came earlier that we all would’ve preferred.  Oooo, I forgot to mention that before we got the kids to bed, they had to take a spin in the play area that was right down the hall from our room.  Rowan bopped around in the ball pit, but then got sucked into watching a Moomin episode on the TV in there, and Cece played “kitchen” and “washed” and put away every dish in the whole little area. They were so exhausted, but really also wanted to play. Such a conflict ;) Anyway, the next post will be about out amazing day and a half in Stockholm.  What a great time it was there, such an amazing city!

When a psychopathic Narcissist asks you to marry them, run away with them, and live with them happily ever after in a house in the middle of nowhere…what do you do?

This sounds like the premise of a slasher horror movie, but I was once faced with this exact choice in August of 2016.

At the time, I did not know that I had BPD. All I had just discovered was that the person who I loved madly was a psychopathic Narcissist. As far as life-defining moments go, this one still makes the top of my list. All the research I was finding at the time was stigma infused and utterly shocking. I was appalled at what I was learning about Narcissism; I was even more repulsed, scared, and heartbroken by what this meant for our relationship.

My Narc and I had known each other for a long time, seven years to be exact. We’d had on-and-off periods, with the most recent one being from the summer of 2013 to my Narc’s sudden reappearance in May of 2016. It didn’t take long for her to turn my life upside down, of course, but what I remember the most was the thrill of it all.

Just days into our renewed contact with each other, she sent me a lovely text message that was as vibrant and promising as the blooming weather:

Hey I had this wonderful plan. I plan on buying a lot of land in the middle of nowhere, on which I’d put an ‘eco home’. I’d grow my own food and have a horse as well as my small pet now. Wanna come?? (Serious offer). Remember when we used to dream about this stuff in high school? Well guess what, it can happen now! Haha.

The thought of living with my best friend was already dreamy. We had indeed planned to move in together ever since high school. I think it really speaks to how deeply we had grown to be comfortable in each other’s presence, how close we’d become, to the point that our future plans always included each other without question. Of course, these were also the early indicators of co-dependency, but we just did not know it at the time.

We were quite happy to chat excitedly over the phone while we browsed interior decorating magazines and giggled about choices of furniture. We sighed over houses we could never afford. We fantasized about places we could never live in, most notably Chicago, because that was where one of our favourite bands was from so obviously we would have to live there, too.

We philosophized over the colours of curtains and which kinds of scented candles we would have upstairs and downstairs. We could have cats or dogs. And better yet, both! Years later, we would quietly discuss the prospect of adopting children and we solemnly vowed that if we weren’t married for love (particularly to each other) by the age of 30, that we may as well never get married at all.

When my Narc used to work exhausting factory night shifts, I would prepare a series of cute text messages for her to read while she was relaxing in the bath after work. Circumstances being what they were, we had to maintain a long-distance relationship at that point. This was my small, imaginary means of greeting her with a kiss on the cheek when she came home.

I would poetically describe a different scenario each night: cooking and eating dinner together, massaging her feet while we watched a movie, taking her coat off at the door and sweeping her into my arms, making her coffee in the morning, going shopping together, having her sneak up behind me and surprise me with a searing kiss while I was working at my computer, bringing her breakfast in bed…my imagination offered an endless supply of domestically blissful scenarios in which we found ourselves, and my Narc was quite a willing and able participant in our shared fantasies.

We meant no harm. I guess that in our minds, we already functioned like a happily married couple. There was just this little thing called reality that kept getting in our way.

Like all the best laid plans, our plan to live together never became a reality. It’s worth pointing out here that my relationship with my Narc was my only most serious and intense one. I have always been a hopeless romantic, but my Narc is truly the first person with which I imagined a life-long future with. I wanted the whole nine yards, as they say: professional fulfillment, personal happiness, a joyful family, and a wife with which to share this miraculous life with.

I was completely captivated by the connection I felt with my Narc. It took my breath away to know that she seemingly reciprocated my feelings and that I was not alone in my visions for the future. I loved her for taking my loneliness away, for encouraging me to explore my desires, and for never once trying to constrain my emotional intensity.

My Narc and I pushed the limits of each other’s imagination with graceful ease, never pausing to wonder for a moment if we were being realistic. We did not care about fracturing reality, about facts and feelings sometimes being mismatched. All we cared about was the high that we got from being together. That was enough. God, that was more than enough.

Over the years, and especially near the end of our relationship, we somehow tacitly gave each other permission for our shared imaginations to become a safe place for us to explore…darker thoughts. Sometimes we would text or email them to each other, despite feeling that it was risqué to put them out there like that.

Yet the rush we got from doing so was incomparable. I was hesitant to share my sexual fantasies with her at first, but she prompted me to be forthright about them. She told me that she didn’t mind at all, and that in fact she wanted me to be even more detailed.

It got to the point that we didn’t even have to wonder if we shared the same needs and wants; we explored everything between us from the most tender, sensual possibilities to rough, careless, wicked trysts that seemed to drip with fiery passion even through the screen.

Our influence on each other was corruptive. In our imaginations, we could do no wrong. Moral considerations paled in comparison to the power of feelings. Whatever we thought of, instantly became our reality. The greatest element of our seduction was the fact that we shared this potent, intoxicating reality.

We were, I supposed, always just on the brink of making our imaginations come true. This lent a kind of super charged energy to our interactions over the years: the promise of something more, just teasingly out of reach, yet conveyed through just a touch or a gaze. I still shiver just thinking about it.

So in truth, my Narc’s marriage proposal shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did. She’d practically foreshadowed it a few weeks prior during one of our many late-night text fests:

You always catch me off guard. When i really love someone, i want them to be like you…

I guess what i was trying to say is when I was hopelessly in love with my ex, i wish he would’ve had half the devotion of you.

If people put the effort in as you do, no one would be divorced.

When I was a little girl imagining the love of my life and my wedding, it just didn’t cross my mind that I would fall in love head over heels with a psychopathic Narcissist. That kind of reality never factored into my imagination.

But I was abruptly faced with it in August of 2016. I’d spilled my heart and soul out to my Narc, knowing full well that she was a psychopathic Narcissist, and declared my undying love for her. More important than my message, however, was the way in which I said it; to my knowledge, I think that my Narc was exceptionally moved, caught off guard, and immensely pleased, which led her to text:

I don’t know what to say but i know that I’m blessed to have you. And everything that you are and will ever be. I hope its gonna be the rest of our lives.

Then a few moments later, she sent me eight simple words that made my breath catch in my throat:

Marry me and run away with me, ok?

And that’s how it happened: the love of my life just proposed marriage, and even though I had just discovered what NPD was, I was still seriously tempted. I remember being so excited that I ended up staying awake all night evaluating the seriousness of her proposal.

One the one hand, my feelings made no sense. I was struggling to process my already present shock, devastation, heartbreak, and rage regarding her abuse and the discovery of her Narcissism; this clashed viciously with a bewildering tenderness, hope, euphoria, arousal, and undeniable love that swirled within me like an intoxicating brew.

My imagination demanded that I surrendered to the intensity of my feelings, and just as I had become accustomed to doing, I gave into this pattern of fantasizing.

That’s why on the other hand, I was considering how profound our connection was. How striking my Narc’s presence was, and what a gorgeous young woman she was. Deeply troubled and damaged, to be sure, but then again…I already knew that.

I had plunged head first into our relationship from the start and never once wanted to let go, until holding on compromised my very life.

Come to think of it, my Narc is not exactly someone that you can easily say “no” to. We’re both very stubborn when it comes to handling rejection. But my point is that my Narc had an utterly compelling aura and charisma to her, to the point that I just had to share my observations with her:

Tonight there was such an intensity to your eyes. You looked at me once or twice with something that made my heart stop. Now I know I’m not completely unhinged okay. I just noticed a playful, wicked gleam, and something…else. Darker, even. It was fun and honest. Something that made me want to stare at you and never tear my gaze away, something to your sly smile that made me want to say yes to whatever thoughts were rattling around that pretty head of yours.

On the night my Narc proposed marriage, I did not say “yes.” I also didn’t say “no.”

Instead, I lost myself in fantasies of us together, or us against the world. Most interestingly, I found myself revisiting her most human moments:

Her penchant for drinking Dr. Pepper and crunching on Doritos. Her enjoyment of Christmas and assorted Christmas music (especially listening to Michael Buble and Frank Sinatra by the crackling fireplace). Her charming laugh. The way her rare smile illuminated her face. Her strong hands.

The photographs she showed me of her as a baby. Her blue toque. Her love of wearing all black. Her battered MP3 player. Her flowing hair spilled across the pillow, bathed in early morning light. The way she said my name.  

And I never told her any of this, but these were exactly the moments when I knew most profoundly that I was irrevocably in love with her. These were the moments that could not be faked or manipulated. Their truth was fully in how they felt. I wanted us to share those moments for the rest of our lives. Together.

At least, that was the plan.

During the moments when my circumstances overwhelm me, when reality gets in the way of all our plans, I retreat into the house we never lived in together.

This place has become a sort of refuge. I imagine that it’s in the middle of nowhere, in a cleared-out field, surrounded by tall pines. If you listen closely, you can hear a wolf howling in the distance. That’s how very far away from civilization we are.

Every time I came to this house, I would acquire a new identity, a new voice, a new purpose, a new way of being me. It is a place where my Narc and I are allowed to be alone together and to seek pleasure without consequence.

I imagine that the woman I am when I walk into that house is always different than the woman I am when I walk out of it.

Maybe it’s the way I style my hair. Or perhaps it’s the coat I put on. The meals we’ve shared. The things we’ve talked about. The nights we’ve spent. The arguments and reconciliations we’ve endured. The feelings we’ve drowned in. I am so sentimental.

Every room of the house holds a different memory, although my wish to see my Narc there remains the same. This house is where I can freely admit that I want to see her again without needing to castigate myself for this unhealthy thought. I’m simply free to think and to feel. And just like in reality, this is the place where my Narc lets me cradle the filthiest thoughts, but won’t approve or consent to them, which makes me feel dirty for even having them at all.

I am aware that using my imagination like this is known as maladaptive daydreaming. The problem is, I cannot stop. And to be perfectly honest, I cannot stop because I don’t quite want to.

You can speak to me without boundaries. I’m always intrigued by your mind. You never fail to amaze me.

My Narc and I imagined without boundaries. All things considered, this was far safer than living without boundaries. I maintain that the greatest thing we ever did was to make our minds unbound, to not put restrictions on our imaginations by sharing them earnestly and honestly.

But after a while, my mind stopped creating fantastic realities.

I clued into my hollow, aching loneliness in the face of reality. I admitted my deepest fears to my Narc once:

Another thing that frightens me is even if I have all I could ever want in life-including a loving, happy, respectful relationship-I will always somehow crave you.

And no, I don’t mean your False Self or all the ways you pretend; I do mean you.

Turns out I’m a hypocrite, too; I guess that’s only human. I’m worried that in all of my small, quiet moments, like when I’m making coffee, or getting dressed, or before sleep, or when I’m driving somewhere, I’m always going to find you-because I want you to be there.

I can’t give in, but I want to. I think…I also need to. In some moments it’s tiring to pretend otherwise.

I need it like a heart needs blood to beat, and I want it the way a desert wants rain. I used to be ashamed of my feelings for you, especially after I found out about your Narcissism, but not anymore. It’s pointless to carry shame for feelings, and in my case it’s impossible because I literally run on pure, intensified emotion.

You said once that you were glad you found it within yourself to reciprocate the same feeling I gave you (namely, love, only you didn’t admit that). That’s exactly why I need reciprocity, because if I don’t have it, then I feel empty.

Your reciprocity would be my euphoria.

So really, my pain isn’t coming from the fact that I’m in love with someone I can never have; I could have you. We could have each other. That’s not the problem. Sure, I put in place fail safes. Because I know my weaknesses. Many people are here to support me and ensure that I don’t crumble; I made it all but impossible for you to intrude into my life again. 

What I struggle with actually is how right it feels when I’m with you (until it all goes wrong, of course). How easy it would be for me to completely give into what I want.

You.

In the face of these fears, our house in the middle of nowhere became the safest place for me to go, somewhere that her and I could see each other again, far from the mocking world.  A place where this fear is not a fear, but the spark which lights desire and makes us come alive.

Some days I pray we don’t run into each other ever again. Other days there is nothing that I want more than for us to hurtle into each other’s’ arms, just the way we used to do.

But here’s the thing about imagination: it only builds on what you already know.

I know that my Narc is abusive. I know that her cruelty and cold, emotionless façade had become immensely tiresome. I know that I resented her apathy and hated her for every single way that she hurt me.

When I consider what I know, rather than just what I feel, I find that I cannot stay in our house for long. So let me rephrase my original question:

When an abusive psychopathic Narcissist asks you to marry them in order to emotionally manipulate you, insists that you compromise your own health, safety, happiness, and work to run away with them, and implies that you should drop all your family, friends, connections, and goals to be confined to a house in the middle of nowhere…what do you do?

If you follow in my footsteps, you will go No Contact.

Survivors talk about recovering from their abusers, yet no one seems to talk about how hard it is to retrieve your own feelings from them. Recovery is supposed to mean that you hate your abuser, that you despise them, that someday you are numb to them and could care less about their existence.

You’re supposed to change your number. Change your locks. Change cities. You have to stop listening to all the songs you loved. Stop visiting your old haunts. Stop stalking their social media.

You must especially stop having feelings for your abuser. You’re simply not allowed to. It’s wrong. And it’s wrong even more so when you have every reason to celebrate going No Contact with an abusive Narcissist. 

I know all this. But since I am living with BPD, I also know that my feelings just go on and on and on and on. 

I wonder, when will it all end?

In the aftermath of love and abuse, the truth is that I still love my Narc…my abuser. I still wonder about her and what she’s doing. I have to particularly turn my thoughts away from considering if she’s married or if she has any children. I stop myself from wondering where she is and who she is with. I don’t want to know who she’s become. Dwelling on that too much would take away whatever sanity I happen to have left.

And whenever I find myself at the doorstep of that house I imagine for us, I let my hand rest softly on the doorknob. 

Because I still want to find her there when I open the door.

50 Question Tag

Shoutout to @tuanamino for indulging my vanity and tagging me in fun things like this! I only know like two people on here, so if you laid eyes on this post consider yourself cursed to receive endless middle school chain mail texts until you fill one of these bad boys out yourselves #makesomeinternetfriends

1) What takes too much of your time?

MCAT studying 😪

2) What makes your day better?

Ice cream. Going out with friends. Got7 comebacks! 

3) What’s the best thing that’s happened to you today?

I binge-watched the new season of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina with my sisters

4) What fictional place would you want to go to?

Idris from Cassandra Clare’s Shadowhunter books

5) Are you good at giving advice?

I like to think so. I try to dish out a good balance of logic and humor but I know I don’t always take my own advice, don’t @ me.

6) Do you have any mental illnesses?

Lol you mean besides the constant awareness of how cataclysmic the human experience is? Jk I probably have anxiety but nothing clinically diagnosed.

7) Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Luckily, my body is only problematic when I’m awake. It sounds terrifying so I hope I never do!

8) What musician has inspired you the most?

Halsey. Her albums have depicted our similar emotional development arcs and I pretty much worship the ground she walks on. Mad respect for kpop groups like BTS and GOT7 though, seeing as they have to go through so much extra shit in the Korean entertainment industry to achieve their dreams and that’s also mega inspiring.

9) Have you ever fallen in love?

“My first love was some insignificant boy when it should have been myself.”

10) What’s your dream date?

This one’s tough. Either a whole day at SixFlags or a beach trip somewhere exotic, just the two of us.

11) What do others notice about you?

My hair is pretty damn long. I was visiting family in LA once and a girl asked if it was real and that’s the most LA thing that’s probably ever happened to me

12) What is an annoying habit of yours?

Procrastination. Even I get annoyed with myself!

13) Do you still talk with your first love?

God no. The dude’s hella Mormon so he got married at 20 and is now happily appropriating Hawaiian culture. #goodriddance

14) How many ex’s do you have?

I’ve had several flings but I’ve yet to commit to anything official. High standards and what not. Zero for now, but Park Jinyoung can feel free to change that any time!

15) How many songs are on your playlist?

I’m an?? ENFP Libra?? I can’t?? Just have?? one playlist??!

16) What instrument(s) can you play?

None. I much prefer air guitar and bad singing. I did play the clarinet in 6th grade band though. Maybe learning drums would suit my personality?

17) Who do you have the most pictures of?

Friends, family, and various kpop boy memes

18) Where would you like to go before you die?

The shorter list would be where I WOULDN’T want to go. But I’d go visit any space colony. The International Space Station. All of Asia. Canada lol

19) What’s your zodiac?

Libra sun, Sagittarius moon, Capricorn rising

20) Do you relate to it?

Lmao yeah I’m def a Libra 

21) What is happiness to you?

Self-actualization. Books. Music. Dancing. Snacks. Writing. Learning. Being at peace.

22) Are you going through anything right now?

Sure, but isn’t everyone?

23) What’s the worse decision you’ve ever made?

I try to own my terrible decisions but I sorta dated a demon named Bryce in high school so there is that

24) What’s your favorite store?

I’m a sucker for Uniqlo but they don’t have one in my state *cue sobbing*

25) What’s your opinion on abortion?

I think people can be both politically pro-choice and morally pro-life. I think every woman should have the ability to make that decision for themselves.

26) Do you have a bucket list?

Not in a physical form, but yes in my head

27) Do you have a favorite album?

Halsey’s Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, Black Panther The Album, Got7′s Present: You album was def a GIFT, Kris Wu’s Antares has been in heavy rotation lately as has Bad Bunny’s X100PRE

28) What do you want for your birthday?

A medical school acceptance? To meet the love of my life? A billion dollars so I can pay off my student debt and see the world and give the rest away to struggling people? Too much??

29) What are most people’s first impression of you?

Lol that I don’t like them. I blame the RBF

30) What age do you seem according to most people?

People always think I’m like 19 because I’m always joking around and I ain’t mad bc it’s my favorite number anyway

31) Where do you keep your phone while you sleep?

On my bedside table made out of books bc I’m an intellectual

32) What word do you say the most?

“Dude.” (I’m sorry, I’m from southern California, I can’t help it)

33) What’s the oldest age you would date?

Probably 29? That’s a hard limit bc your 30′s just seem like a whole other universe to me rn

34) What’s the youngest age you would date?

Yikes. 20, but I’m much better suited for someone older than me, sorry boys 😎

35) What job/career do most people say suits you?

Writer, interestingly enough.

36) What’s your favorite music genre?

Depends on my mood! Most days it’s rap, hip hop/R&B, Spanish trap, pop, and kpop, but I still have my classical and indie throwback moments

37) If you could live in any country in the world, where would you live?

Wherever I feel the most at home. I’ll probably end up staying in the US but I definitely want to try living in Hong Kong or South Korea for a while

38) What is your current favorite song?

Wow. by Post Malone lol #guiltypleasure

39) How long have your had this blog?

Years but idk for sure and now that’s going to bug me??

40) What are you excited for?

A sky rise apartment in downtown Chicago. A Got7 concert. Financial and emotional stability lmao

41) Are you a better Talker or Listener?

Depends on the topic of conversation! If I’m invested, talker. 

42) What is the last productive thing you did?

I sent emails to set up meetings 😕 #adulting

43) What do you want for Christmas?

Whatever I don’t get for my birthday...? 😬😂

44) What class do you get the best grades in?

I can write papers in my sleep. English hands down.

45) On a scale of 1-10, how do you feel right now?

7. I have this killer sunburn and a stomach bug rn

46) What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

Hopefully practicing as a fully licensed physician who works out and has time for hobbies on the side and is not burned out *crosses fingers*

47) When did you get your first heart break?

The first time my mom said she wished she’d never had children. #yayoversharingtime #thiswholepostisprobablyoversharingohwell

48) At what age do you want to get married?

I’m recently questioning the very institution actually! I’d refuse anything younger than 25 because the average human brain isn’t even fully developed until then and no way am I following anyone to the altar before that happens

49) What career did you want as a child?

Professional dancer, specifically prima ballerina

50) What do you crave right now?

A tuna sandwich from Porto’s Bakery back home. New Got7 or Halsey music. The ocean. 

LG’s leather-wrapped G4 is no dominatrix, but it does dominate

Sharengay Trang Tin Tức Độc Đáo VIDEO LG’s leather-wrapped G4 is no dominatrix, but it does dominate

“The LG G4 is the best smartphone of 2015, and it’s camera is so good that it often outperforms the iPhone 6 Plus.”

Pros

Bạn đang xem: LG’s leather-wrapped G4 is no dominatrix, but it does dominate

Bright screen with gorgeous contrast

Excellent camera performance

Shooting in RAW and Manual mode

Removable battery and MicroSD card slot

Leather battery cover rocks

Cons

Still made of plastic

UX features are a mixed bag

Battery life is average

Speaker quality is weak

“Life’s Good” is LG’s tagline, but life has been tough for the company’s mobile division. Its archrival Samsung has captured a big chunk of the phone market, and LG has spent several years chipping away at Samsung’s mighty presence.

The Nexus 5 and G3 proved that LG could play with the big boys, and the G4 expands on that notion, improving features that optimize the user experience in tangible ways. With an impressive camera and more user-friendly software, the G4 makes a strong case for being the dark horse smartphone that could make waves and surprise many in 2015.

Do the right thing, choose the leather model

To own an LG G4 with a plastic rear cover should be a crime. It’s like ordering a new BMW with a cloth interior: a decision that’ll save you cash on the day, but one you’ll question every time you get in the car later on. Unlike Samsung and more like Vertu, LG has used real leather on the G4, and it feels fantastic; it’s warm, soft, tactile, and classy. It’s a world apart from the cold indifference you get from a plastic-backed G4.

It’s not annoying either. There are never any fingerprints to clean off, it doesn’t cling to the inside of your jeans pocket, and is apparently very hard wearing. For the past few weeks, the G4 has gone case-less in my pocket and bag, and the leather (and screen, actually) have suffered no ill-effects. The leather will undoubtedly bed in with age, but there’s no evidence of that just yet, and it hasn’t lost its sheen.

LG has got the colors right too. The brown leather complements the matt-silver rear controls beautifully, and the phone goes very well with the darker brown leather used for the strap on the gold Watch Urbane. Using the two together looks great, and is one of the first times I’ve ever matched two pieces of tech with each other based on color and material choice.

Showstopping camera

To give the G4 a thorough workout, it recently accompanied me on a long weekend away, where its photographic ability, battery, and general use could be explored in a variety of situations. There’s little to say about how it handles email, web surfing, and calls — because it does them effortlessly. The Snapdragon 808 processor is more than capable enough to keep up, although under heavy usage — I’ve used it for VR in a headset, for example — it can still make the device pretty toasty, but never to the point where it’s uncomfortable or a danger.

The camera is stunning, and did everything I could have wanted. There is absolutely no reason to carry another camera, or even choose a different phone, if photos are your priority. Day or night, inside or out, and in challenging environments it performed flawlessly. There were moments I wanted to capture during my weekend, and I’m pleased the G4 was my camera of choice to do so.

A small concert venue with bright stage lights looking out onto a dark auditorium isn’t the ideal place to take good pictures. Even without switching to manual mode, the G4’s auto settings and the laser autofocus made cool shots possible. Several are shared here, and come straight off the phone. With a little editing, each looks superb.

It’s the same with pictures taken around the city at night, and of sunsets. These were the times where it was possible to play with manual mode, which is hampered only by the fixed f/1.8 aperture — how great would it be to adjust this number? Using the G4 to shoot video did reveal the spot autofocus can be overzealous if left unattended, and results improved when the setting was turned off.

Ignore the slightly uninteresting design

The battery performance has remained steady at a little over a day, but the VR video really did suck the power, and could easily eat 20 to 30 percent in 20 minutes. I’ve also become used to using LG’s Smart Bulletin board, which slides in from the left of the main home screen and shows calendar entries, LG Health, and a music widget. It’s not revolutionary, but it’s attractively presented and easy to access.

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If there’s a problem with the G4, it’s that it doesn’t visually standout, despite the leather back and slight curve to the body. It’s very similar to the G3, and can’t quite match the Samsung Galaxy S6 in terms of cool design. Ignore this, choose a leather clad version, and revel in owning a fantastic flagship smartphone with a camera that takes showstopping shots with ease.

Original review continues below:

Curvy, not flexy

LG likes curves. Every phone it launches seems to stick to that design philosophy, and the G4 essentially maintains its predecessor’s overall look. The contoured back is the same angle, and while slightly taller and wider, the G4 doesn’t deviate from the angular top and bottom. The corners are less rounded and the edges slope outward just enough to give it a slightly inverted look upon closer inspection.

Unlike Samsung, LG hasn’t abandoned plastic, nor a removable back. The back is made of a metal and plastic compound mixture, except it’s clear this cocktail is skewed toward the latter. A patterned design is etched into the metallic and ceramic backs to add some flair. Since gold is in vogue these days, LG got into the act and dipped into that as well, along with white and dark gray versions.

The removable back does serve more than a functional purpose for what lies underneath (battery, SIM, and MicroSD), since it’s also used as a way to personalize and augment the phone’s appearance. The full grain leather battery covers are a stylish turn for LG — in a good way. At its launch event in New York, LG noted that it used the same vegetable tanning process for its leather that luxury brands like Louis Vuitton and Coach are known to use. Using full grain, rather than genuine leather, also makes the G4 is more durable, so fading and age give it character. Brown, black, beige, and sky blue versions are already confirmed, along with the yellow and crimson red versions shown in New York.

Having all these back cover options means they can be swapped, so it would be no problem to buy a white G4 and tack on a blue leather battery cover later. My review unit didn’t include one, but after some hands-on time with a few of them in New York, I was impressed. The leather is smooth and silky soft. Every detail of the leather backing, right down to the stitching, is well executed. I would likely switch to the black one when given the chance, personally.

On the front is a 5.5-inch quad HD IPS Quantum Display with the same resolution of 2,560 × 1,440 pixels and pixel density of 538ppi as last year. LG gave the front a slight curve it calls Slim Arc, which is noticeable when looking at the G4 directly from its side. The slight curve makes the phone more comfortable to hold in your hand. The screen is also brighter, both by default and at full brightness, a necessary design tweak to rectify the duller output of the G3. LG says it also has 20 percent greater color reproduction and 50 percent better contrast. In our comparisons to the Galaxy S6 and iPhone 6 Plus, LG’s screen definitely held its own or outperformed the competition.

Under the hood

Playing it safe, LG opted not to go with Qualcomm’s Snapdragon 810 processor, which has been dogged by concerns over excessive heating. Instead, it’s the Snapdragon 808 chip that’s inside — which is still a powerful hexa-core processor, though LG hasn’t really explained why it made the change other than to say the chipset is “optimized” for the G4’s features.

There’s no doubt the G4 is the best handset LG has made to date.

There is 3GB of RAM and 32GB of internal storage to help the cause, along with a 16-megapixel rear camera with improved optical image stabilization (OIS) and a color spectrum sensor – more on that later. Interestingly, LG chose to go with a Micro SIM card slot, rather than use the Nano SIM the iPhone and other Android phone manufacturers are starting to embrace. There is also a MicroSD slot (not present on competing phones) that is technically capable of supporting up to 2TB cards.

I don’t know if the Snapdragon 810 processor would’ve made a notable difference in the G4’s performance, but I had little to complain about with the 808. The phone is brisk, speedy, and dependable. I had no problem doing anything I would normally do on a smartphone. Streaming video was fine, downloading and uploading content was fine, and switching between multiple apps was fine. The phone did get a little hot, but never to a point where I had to question why.

Jessica Lee Star/Digital Trends

Jessica Lee Star/Digital Trends

Compared to the Samsung Galaxy S6, which uses an octa-core processor, I didn’t notice a drop in overall performance. Both were equally fluid in the same respects, so LG may, in fact, be on the right track in suggesting users wouldn’t notice anything unusual. It’s also easier to compare the two because neither relies on gimmicky features, like they did in the past. Hardline smartphone users may notice intricacies and quirks that might set the G4 back, but I suspect the average person will carry on without missing a beat.

If I did have something to point a finger at, it would be the speaker, found on the rear. It’s easily among the weakest links of the phone’s design, and while the G4’s curved back helps the sound escape when laid flat, fidelity is not in the same league as the HTC One M9.

Software

The DT Accessory Pack

Up your game and the get the most out of your gear with the following extras, hand-picked by our editors:

Creative Sound Blaster Roar: Portable Speaker ($130)

SanDisk – Ultra 128GB microSDXC ($90)

LG G4 Spigen Case ($21)

LG has taken a restrained approach to its software this year, like Samsung. Running on Google’s Android Lollipop 5.1 operating system out of the box, LG’s UX 4.0 user interface features are blended in so everything remains simple. The idea was to include features that make life with the phone easier. Some of LG’s better ideas include faster scrolling through the Gallery app and Event Pocket, an app that can unify calendars from various apps into one place. Those who live and die by their calendars may find this a convenient way to aggregate Facebook event invites with details that can be dragged and dropped from other messaging apps.

Smart Notice is supposed to be more personalized and contextual, offering more than simple weather and traffic updates. By learning my habits, it would ostensibly know that I don’t have to commute to work (I work from home), and prioritize weather and phone usage alerts instead. Perhaps it needed more time to get to know me, because I found it to be too predictable every day, regardless of where I was or what I was doing.

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The Quick Help widget is found as a question mark next to Smart Notice. It’s designed to be a mini search engine for the G4 itself, but for whatever reason, none of the queries I tried yielded results. Simple things like “calendar” and “color spectrum” drew blanks.

The true value in LG’s software experience is the bare minimum of alterations it offers. Icons and menus clearly received the Lollipop treatment with flatter designs and vibrant colors. The Settings menus are clear, concise, and easy to navigate. There’s a level of simplicity here that’s easy to appreciate, even if it’s not always patently obvious. I liked the general look and feel of the software more than any features LG added because its apps and features didn’t impact on my daily usage like they were intended to, and tended to only work with other LG apps. Not everyone wants to use LG Health or LG’s Music app. Some of us use Moves and Spotify. In any case, if you ignore some of LG’s apps, much like you’ve ignored some of Samsung or Apple’s apps, you’ll be better off.

This might be the best smartphone camera

The G4’s camera is unquestionably its crowning feature — And it should be, considering that it sports a 16-megapixel sensor, an f/1.8 aperture lens with OIS 2.0 built-in, and a color spectrum sensor. The latter feature is unique to smartphones, and its purpose is to measure the ambient lighting conditions from both the source of the light and where objects are reflected in the scene. This is on top of the sensor’s ability to capture more realistic color tones.

The G4 has one of the best smartphone cameras on the planet.

These features, coupled with the excellent controls in Manual mode, give the G4 one of the best smartphone cameras on the planet. Focusing is very quick, particularly when conditions are bright enough for the lens and sensor to lock on. The Depth of field capturing is impressive, despite the lack of any real optical zoom. And yes, color composition is superb, producing not only vibrant images, but consistently good ones that maintain their tonality after being transferred or shared.

Low-light shooting is perhaps the best available on any smartphone at this point and time, but there is a catch. LG keeps things basic with three distinct shooting modes: Simple, Auto, and Manual. The first two are very similar, except that Auto shows the heads-up display options. White balance, ISO, and shutter are automatically chosen, like any other smartphone camera does. LG claims that users can still expect better results because the color spectrum sensor is still doing its thing. This is generally true, but to fully appreciate what the camera and sensor are capable of, it’s best to learn the Manual mode.

Here, I could toggle the white balance, ISO, shutter, metering, and choose between auto-exposure lock (AE-L) or manual focus (MF). Adjusting any of the settings shows what the photo would look like in real time. Users who might be intimidated by going manual may find that one factor to be the most inviting. Even someone with years of photography experience like myself very much appreciated seeing that.

The photos the G4 captured were impressive across the board. Being able to shoot in RAW was even better, given how much extra detail the sensor was able to take in.

Video capture in 4K or 1080p is fine. You can’t really tinker with image settings before shooting a clip though. I tried to set up a low-light video clip by toggling the different metrics, but once I tap record, everything went automatic, so it was all for naught.

Battery life

Samsung got some flak for not going with a removable battery, whereas LG may earn praise for sticking with it. That’s subjective, of course, since replacing a battery isn’t something every user feels the need to do. The 3,000mAh battery inside performs well enough, but I wouldn’t consider it to exceptionally good. Basic usage saps little, but once more intensive tasks come into play, the juice starts dripping noticeably.

Jessica Lee Star/Digital Trends

Jessica Lee Star/Digital Trends

Not to say that the G4 guzzles battery life because it’s not that bad, it’s only that intensive tasks seem to take more out of the processor than LG lets on. For example, streaming video remotely via Plex chomped on my battery life by a noticeable margin. Even when I initially set up the phone, I lost 20 percent in less than two hours because of everything that had to be downloaded and installed. Overall performance is fine, but for very intense processes, the G4 fares no better than its competitors.

Conclusion

There’s no doubt the G4 is the best handset LG has made to date, not just because of the components, but also because of the thoughtfulness that went into it. Little things, like a brighter screen with better contrast, prettier interface, and useful software tweaks, stood out because I interacted with them every day. For me, the curved back and edges made it easier to pick up the phone off the table, as well, and hold it. The Knock On double tap to wake from sleep has always been a useful feature. Double pressing the volume down button to instantly launch the camera was great for snapping selfies.

I can forgive the plastic design because real leather is an alternative. If not for that, I would dock LG for taking the easy way out. Using real leather in a way that doesn’t cut corners sends the right message, much like the other moves made with the G4. Whether or not consumers will take it to heart and splurge for the G4 is going to be interesting to watch, but we haven’t been this impressed with a smartphone, and it’s camera, for some time.

Highs

Bright screen with gorgeous contrast

Excellent camera performance

Shooting in RAW and Manual mode

Removable battery and MicroSD card slot

Leather battery cover rocks

Lows

Still made of plastic

UX features are a mixed bag

Battery life is average

Speaker quality is weak

Editors’ Recommendations

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LG’s leather-wrapped G4 is no dominatrix, but it does dominate

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Google Maps vs Apple Maps: Who Will Reign Supreme?

It’s been a big couple of weeks for map apps. Who knew getting from A to B could be so thrilling? On January 30, 2020, Apple announced a whole host of new features for its Maps offering — and if that wasn’t quite enough action to satisfy your need for direction-providing services, soon after, Google unveiled a shiny new look and plans for its very own new features. I struggle to believe there was ever a time I survived without Google maps. https://t.co/2arbHAb3mr — (Stephanie) Slade (@sladesr) February 6, 2020 But when it comes to being crowned King of the Maps, who will take the throne? Read on to learn about Google Maps’ new celebratory features, and find out how Apple Maps is striving for feature parity. What’s new with Google Maps? In anticipation of its 15th birthday on February 6th, (sidenote: how much cake do you think is being eaten at Google HQ right now? ), Google announced that it was refreshing its well-used Maps app, as well as introducing a host of new features and bringing existing elements to the fore. Arguably the thing you’d notice first is the app’s new logo.  Once a simple map, the app icon is now a colorful pin. Most likely this change is designed to reflect the app’s transition from mere directions-provider to one-stop-shop for all your favorite places. Going beyond the logo change, users can expect to see a bunch of existing app features brought to the fore. Navigation items such as ‘Contribute’, which were once hidden away behind multiple menu items, will now be front and center. According to Google, the new display will look a little something like this: Source: Google With CTAs like ‘Contribute’ taking center stage, users will be encouraged more than ever to share feedback with restaurants, plumbers, and other local businesses they choose to visit. As predicted by several members of the local SEO community, this feature supports the idea that Local Guides will continue to gain prominence, and Google will increasingly encourage users to leave reviews. Additionally, Google has shared plans to introduce several never-before-seen features.  Among the new features will be a new function for Live View. Now users who don’t want step-by-step directions can get general guidance and reassurance so they know they’re going in the right direction, without having to hear “Turn Left” (or similar) every few minutes. Source: Google From March onwards, we can also expect to see new features relating to public transport, something I’m sure many day-to-day users and frequent commuters will view as a godsend. Among the new features, users will be able to see how many coaches a train has, the temperature on board, and whether or not there’s security on the service. There will even be an option to tell Google if a train has a designated women’s area.  Once again Google will be encouraging users to submit their own content, meaning features like these will rely on a user’s ability to submit data reliably. Google already provides crowdsourced information about how busy train services tend to be, and using the same sources for these new details should ensure their credibility and freshness. What’s new with Apple Maps? After all that excitement, you might be wondering “How the heck can Apple top all of that Maps-y goodness?” Well, interestingly enough, the tech provider hasn’t tried to top Google at all. Instead, the new features aim to create parity between second-place Apple and front runner Google, making the former option more enticing and prompting users to transition. This should also help to bring Apple’s devoted followers, some previously reluctant to make the move, back into the Apple fold. Source: Apple Announced at the end of January, Apple’s updates are already in full swing in the US, while Europe can expect to see changes roll out in the next few weeks and months. As Google continues to innovate, Apple is playing catch-up, releasing several Google Maps-adjacent features such as: Look Around: HD 360-degree street-level photography similar to Google’s Street View feature Collections: Shareable lists of your favorite places Favorite locations: Navigate quickly and easily to home, gym, work, or school Real-time transit information with live departure and arrival times Shareable ETAs to send to friends, family, or coworkers Flight status: Use Siri to scan your emails, apps, and calendar for relevant flight info and get updates on delays and more Indoor maps of airports and malls: See what level you’re on, where the restrooms are located, and what stores or restaurants are open Siri natural language guidance provides more natural-sounding directions and guidance Flyover allows you to explore more than 350 cities from above with photo-realistic, immersive 3D views Source: Apple While those features may sound tempting (maybe not quite tempting enough to make the switch, but pretty close nonetheless) Apple has provided details on one “breakout” feature that could see users trading allegiances. It’s the word on everyone’s lips, the reason the likes of DuckDuckGo are paddling back into relevance, and something we should all be concerned about in this day and age: privacy.  At the end of Apple Maps’ press release, the company offers further information on what their new app means for users’ data collection.  Apple is committed to keeping personal information safe and has built privacy into the core of Maps. With Maps, no sign-in is required and it is not connected to an Apple ID in any way. Personalised features, such as suggesting departure time to make the next appointment, are created using on-device intelligence. Any data collected by Maps while using the app, like search terms, navigation routing and traffic information, is associated with random identifiers that continually reset to ensure the best possible experience and to improve Maps.   Maps goes even further to obscure a user’s location on Apple servers when searching for a location through a process called “fuzzing.” Maps converts the precise location where the search originated to a less-exact one after 24 hours and does not retain a history of what has been searched or where a user has been. The ability to use Apple Maps ‘anonymously’ (unlike Google Maps’ offering of incognito mode, where users are still required to log in) could certainly persuade some users to make the switch. Don’t love Apple sitting on another tech domain, but hell if I’m going to give my travel and location data to Google. Apple Maps used to suck, but now it’s actually good (in the US). If its been a while since you tried, you should give it another shot. https://t.co/TkAaCktjl6 — DHH (@dhh) January 30, 2020 What does this all mean for local SEO? For local SEOs, these updates don’t really mean a great deal. Sure, there are some exciting features you might want to try out and keep tabs on, but there really are only two key takeaways from this whole thing: Reviews will gain more prominence on Google Maps with the centering of the ‘Contribute’ tab (but hey, you’re already managing your online reputation anyway, right?) It’s still important to optimize for Yelp; after all, Apple Maps uses it to populate listings, reviews, and even listicles. So if you’re not already on there, it’s time to sign on up and get optimizing. With feature parity beginning to emerge, if you don’t have a healthy, active presence on Yelp you could be missing out on a great deal of the market share. Aside from those two things, these updates shouldn’t affect local businesses in any serious way. There’s been very little chat on Twitter or Local Search Forum about the updates, so that alone should tell you something about how important these updates are for the local SEO community. Who will prevail as King of the Maps? While it may be growing wider, it looks like the Apple versus Google divide is still leaning in favor of the world’s best-loved maps provider.  Google Maps: lets get you home the safest quickest way possible. Apple Maps: I know a short cut down this dark ass ally. Take it all the time. Yeah the streetlights are always out and that guy was just taking a shit in the street but what’s life without a little risk, ya know? — Candice Clifford (@CandiceJoe) January 31, 2020 I have had both on at same time. to give me directions on car play and am continuously surprised how much better and accurate google maps is over Apple Maps. — Noah Learner (@noahlearner) February 3, 2020 When it comes to getting from A to B, which Maps app will you be opting for in the future? Has your opinion been swayed by any of these recent update announcements? We want to know who you’re elevating to king of the castle — pop us a comment below and let us know who’s got your vote. Has Apple done enough to rise to nobility? Regardless of which service you opt for, we wish you the best of luck in getting to your location safely, quickly, and enjoyably. Happy mapping, friends!  The post Google Maps vs Apple Maps: Who Will Reign Supreme? appeared first on BrightLocal. https://probdm.com/site/MTA0MTI

#EmbracingTheStruggle of Public Speaking for the First Time

My last thought before walking out on the IMPACT Live stage was, "[INSERT INAPPROPRIATE WORD], I don't want to do this!"

And then my fellow teammate, Dan Baum told me it was too late for that and guided me on stage where our CEO, Bob had just called my name and hundreds of people were waiting for me to speak. 

This is the story of everything that led up to that moment...

A few months back we did an episode called "Where Are All the Women Speakers?"

Angela, Brie, and I had come across some research that showed men are by and large owning the speaking gig and of course, we thought that was hogwash and said as much during our show. 

Two weeks later, during a visit to HQ in Connecticut, Bob asked me if I would speak at our upcoming event, IMPACT Live. 

IMPACT Live '18 was the second annual event under its name.

Though previous years IMPACT had been hosting events, IMPACT Live was our stand-out, intentional community building event.  

So I, of course, said yes!

A major part of my role here at IMPACT is to not only guide and direct my clients' strategy in marketing, sales, and business but to create my own personal brand. 

It is my job to not just reach the clients and team members I speak with every week, but to influence the greater marketing-world about the successes and lessons I'm learning with each new campaign and tactic. 

No pressure, right? 

My first thought when Bob asked me to speak was that he'd want me to discuss ABM, nurturing funnels, user mapping, or any number of cool things we've been working on for clients. 

But, that's not what he asked. 

Bob asked me to speak to the audience at IMPACT Live about what high-performing marketers need and expect from their companies. 

Whoa. 

I instantly loved the topic and was deeply honored that he trusted me enough to share this information - as it's so critical. 

The Prep or Lack There Of

Having never spoken to more than a group of 8-10 in a client call before, I had no idea how to prepare for this type of event. 

I spent the first few weeks widdling away at some notes and then reviewing them with Bob.

I knew I was heading in the right direction, so I mentally put the whole thing on the back burner as we went into our busy summer season (a.k.a. when our chickens FINALLY started laying eggs!).

We also made a pretty major shift in our organization in client services at IMPACT at the same time, so I focused on supporting my team through that, the speech, I figured, would take care of itself. 

Time to Meet With Marcus

Can we all just take just a moment so I can Fan Girl Freak Out over the fact that I get to work alongside Marcus Sheridan?! 

Okay, I'm done. 

But, seriously - he is simply wonderful, so generous with his knowledge, and a wonderful coach. 

Since many of us at IMPACT Live 2018 were first-time or still young speakers, we all had the opportunity to schedule time with Marcus to review our speeches. 

I was especially nervous, not because he's Marcus Sheridan, but because I'm incredibly passionate about the topic of high-performers and my speech is actually the public debut of a theory that I've been forming together with Stacy Willis for the last year. 

The importance of not only communicating effectively to the audience but ensuring what was shared is accurate and actually helpful for the people attending was not lost on me.

Plus, I hadn't really mentally devoted time to it for weeks and the pressure to get it right was on.  

I spent all of Saturday at our local coffee shop Googling things like:

How to write a speech

How to write a speech that doesn't suck

How to not make a fool of yourself on stage

How to convince yourself that you should be on stage

Dakota Hersey, a fabulous Account Executive here shared notes from an INBOUND session a few years ago that Tamsen Webster did and her resources ended up answering every single question above.  

Using Tamsen's guide, I had a pretty solid outline of what I want to say on stage.

Actually, her outline even ended up becoming the foundation of a major section of the manuscript Stacy and I are co-writing on the topic of high-performers, but I digress.  The same Saturday that I ended up restructuring everything I had been working on, I presented the concept to Marcus. 

Leaving that meeting with him, I felt so empowered.

He had wonderful insight on how best to present the information on stage and really helped me see that I was having a conversation on stage, not talking to a room full of car test dummies. 

Soliciting Feedback

Honestly, in the weeks and even days leading up to the event, I wasn't super nervous.

I wanted to first make sure that my logic, data, and opinions were solid. 

I met with Stacy, Dakota, and a few other team members I highly respect and knew would challenge me much, in the same way, someone hearing this for the first time might. 

Each person I met with gave me a little more confidence that I had something worthwhile to share.

Seeing their faces light up and get excited about the things I was sharing was so cool. They also gave me invaluable tips like: 

Don't talk too fast (I do this normally) 

Give actionable items

Don't introduce too many concepts at once

Be yourself, yes, really, just be yourself

I'm so glad I spent this time crowdsourcing ideas, feedback, and insights!

An Interesting Observation

Both nights of IMPACT Live we hosted Happy Hours.

These weren't any ordinary Happy Hours; These were the type that had you standing RIGHT NEXT to the speakers whose books you've read and keynotes you've watched -- Speakers like Ann Handley, David Meerman Scott, Dharmesh Shah, and Paul Roetzer. 

Let's talk about Ann Handley for just a moment. 

This woman is whom I want to be when I grow up. Smart, funny, approachable, direct, and really incredibly likable. I could listen to her talk about shades of blue for hours. 

She was the keynote for the first full day of IMPACT Live and she had all of us hooked from the moment she danced on stage in her Party Pants. 

I had noticed the night before her keynote though that she was slightly more reserved than the person I watched bring concepts to life on stage. 

She was still just as approachable and kind, but maybe a little more reserved? Actually, Ann was so great she went LIVE with us during one of the Happy Hours and discussed this very thing! Check it out here:

Interestingly, I noticed the same about Marcus Sheridan.

I asked him about it and he shared that, as a speaker, you are giving so much of yourself on stage, that some speakers prepare by going inward ahead of their talks...Even the most experienced ones. 

While I thought that was cool, I figured I didn't really know what that meant and totally forgot about the conversation until I woke up the morning of my speech. 

It's Show Time! 

I woke up on Wednesday morning definitely inward.

That's so weird to type, but it's true. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to a lot of people, even the ones I love, so I took extra time getting ready at the hotel. 

I ran through my speech a few times before leaving the hotel, but doing that made me feel worse because both times I was three minutes OVER my time slot. Ugh. 

As soon as I got to the venue, I went back to the green room and spent time with one of my favorite people in the world, Kyle Sheldon. Kyle is a developer here at IMPACT and over my time here, we've become close. 

He listened to me, told me to suck it up, and told me he knew I would kill it. 

If you're preparing to do something terrifying like this, I suggest you surround yourself with people like Kyle. 

Roughly 30-minutes before I was needed on stage, my husband text me this image:

  That, my friend, is the picture my nine-year-old daughter made me for good luck. Cue the tears. 

Then, it was showtime. 

Getting mic'd and being backstage for the first time is indescribable.

You're preparing to do something that you've never done before, saying things that might make people uncomfortable. If you're like me, your boss put his trust in you and you have this one shot to get it right. No retakes, no reshoots, just this one shot. 

Anyone else hear Eminem in their heads right now? 

And Then It Was Over

I walked out on stage toward Bob's hug, took my shoes off, and started talking. 

In what seemed like .003 seconds, it was over. 

I had hit every major point I intended!

The audience was engaged; They even laughed -- and I had 30 seconds to spare!

I did it.

I spoke in front of hundreds of people and didn't pass out. 

When I walked off stage, I found Kaitlyn Petro, an IMPACT Account Executive I've also developed a deep friendship with, waiting with her arms open. 

Speaking was incredible. I want to do it again. And again. And again. 

The most impactful thing I walked away from this experience with, though, is how supported I am here at IMPACT and in our community. 

Every person I spoke to helped mold what I would say on stage.

My tribe was there and I've never felt more connected to a team like this in my career. 

From Bob putting his faith in me and giving me this opportunity to Marcus being so generous with his time, to Jason Linde, our PPC Specialist, recording my speech so that my husband could see. 

This experience is one I will never forget and I can not wait to polish my speaking skills, refine my message, and help Ann Handley, Sheryl Sandberg, and Bréne Brown bring more women to the stage. 

We'll be back next week with a normal episode, but in the meantime, if you have some tips, email us at [email protected]. We will share it on our Facebook page!! 

Listen to the Episode on iTunes

Stay Connected, Get Engaged! 

First, subscribe to MarketHer on iTunes.

Second, have a question or an idea for a future episode of the podcast? Let us know by commenting below, subscribe to our playlist on YouTube, connect with us directly on our channels below or send us an email.

Angela: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram Britt: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook Brie: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram

[NEW] MarketHer Official: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (also Snapchat IMPACTMarketHer)

Or, you can leave us a comment below! Until next week...

We Listened, You Heard, Now, Go MarketHER!

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/public-speaking-for-the-first-time-markether

Pop Upright for Even a Minute or Two!

Pop Upright for Even a Minute or Two! Nina Zolotow by Nina 

I was actually surprised that my post Rethinking Office Yoga didn’t get much of a response because at the time I thought I was saying something pretty important, and a bit radical. My basic point in that article was that for as long as I can remember “office yoga” consisted mainly of poses you could do sitting at your desk. But scientists are now saying that sitting is the new smoking (see The Ill Effects of Prolonged Sitting and The Dangers of Being Sedentary). So why would you do your yoga sitting in a chair if you could simply stand up! Having worked in a cubicle at a software company (kind of like the comic strip Dilbert), I can testify that there is room in there to stand up and at least do certain poses so we all have no excuse. And in Rethinking Office Yoga  I ended up coming up with a list of poses you could do in a cubicle that was so long it surprised even me, a list that was way, way too long for a single office yoga practice. 

Not surprisingly, it turns out I’m not totally done with this topic. According to a recent study Patterns of Sedentary Behavior and Mortality in U.S. Middle-Aged and Older Adults: A National Cohort Study, spending too much time in a chair could shorten your life, even if you exercise However, standing up frequently during your work hours is the one thing that can help! 

“But interestingly, the risk of early death did drop if sitting time was frequently interrupted. People whose time spent sitting usually lasted for less than 30 minutes at a stretch were less likely to have died than those whose sitting was more prolonged, even if the total hours of sitting time were the same.” — Gretchen Reynolds 

If that’s not enough to motivate you to take frequent standing yoga breaks during your work day—doing a single stretch or balancing pose—or, if you are teaching office yoga, to focus on poses that get the people out of their chairs!, I read another New York Times article Thinking on Your Feet that described a study Acute effects on cognitive performance following bouts of standing and light-intensity physical activity in a simulated workplace environment showing that standing up while you worked and/or during your breaks actually helped you mentally as well as physically. 

“….the exercise breaks substantially improved scores on the tests of the kinds of thinking skills that help people perform their jobs well. Immediately after standing or moving for 10 minutes or more, the volunteers performed better on all the tests of thinking, compared with when they were sitting all day….” 

So taking a yoga break every 30 minutes will not only improve your health but could also improve the quality of your work! (Haven’t you ever noticed that you sometimes get your best ideas during your breaks than when you’re sitting at your desk? I certainly have.)  Although that study on exercise breaks was small and more research needs to be done on the types of exercise that are most beneficial for enhancing brain power, the lead scientist of that study, Glenn Gaesser, a professor of exercise and health promotion at Arizona State University in Phoenix, suggested frequently getting up out of your chair for even short periods. 

“Gaesser suggests popping upright for even a minute or two. It will most likely be good for our minds, and shouldn’t do too much harm to our typing.” — Gretchen Reynolds, New York Times  And what about those of you who are retired now? If you find yourself sitting around for periods of time longer than 30 minutes—whether you're working on an art project, surfing the web, sewing, reading, or watching TV—you, too, should be standing up frequently and taking a short yoga break (that is, if you don't have something else to do like taking the laundry out of the dryer).

For tons of suggestions for office yoga poses to do, along with photos of the poses, see Rethinking Office Yoga. If I had to pick just one, it would be Half Downward-Facing Dog pose (the pose shown at the beginning of this post) with hands either on the wall, chair back, or desk top. 

Subscribe to Yoga for Healthy Aging by Email ° Follow Yoga for Healthy Aging on Facebook and Twitter ° Join this site with Google Friend Connect.  To pre-order Yoga for Healthy Aging: A Guide to Lifelong Well-Being, go to Amazon, Shambhala, or Indie Bound. For info on Nina Zolotow's books, see Books by Nina.

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Ask D'Mine: Micromanaging the Microbrews (AKA: Drinking Craft Beer with Diabetes)

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Ask D'Mine: Micromanaging the Microbrews (AKA: Drinking Craft Beer with Diabetes)

Welcome back to our weekly diabetes advice column, Ask D'Mine, hosted by veteran type 1, diabetes author and educator Wil Dubois.

This week, Wil explores what's brewing (!) in the world of alcohol and diabetes, particularly when it comes to craft beer and the blood sugar effect. Depending on the time of day you're reading this, maybe you'll enjoy a brew of your own while reading along, or perhaps a cup of coffee or tea. Either way, hope you enjoy what Wil has on tap (pun intended) for this weekend.

Got your own questions? Email us at [email protected]

KC, type 1 from Idaho, writes: Hi, Wil, thanks for all the practical advice and support you give us PWDs!! My questions have to do with... alcohol! First off, what I can’t figure out is how and when to bolus for a pint of our local microbrewery’s fine products. I like the Hefeweizen in summer and Dunkel in late fall/winter. I know that both these styles have more carbs than the average American lager... but how much? And is 20 minutes enough lead-time, assuming I’m at or near target? The other question has to do with alcohol metabolism. I’ve noticed that if I have a couple (or 3!) glasses of wine at a party or with dinner, my BG tends to drop early in the morning between 4 -7 a.m. and then I need more carbs for breakfast that morning and sometimes on through lunch (depending on my activity level). Any idea why this happens, and is it pretty normal for PWDs who use insulin? Is there anything I can do to avoid the early morning drop? Cheers!

Wil@Ask D’Mine answers: For all the practical advice and support: You’re welcome! And thanks for writing in with this great question. There’s no doubt at all in my mind that PWDs who are winos and whiskey hounds have the advantage over the beer lovers. That's because a good craft beer has the dual challenges of alcohol and carbs. Oh, and the better the beer (and the more of it), the greater the challenge.

But not to worry. I’ve got your back. At least until it hits the floor.

Now, for readers who are winos like me, we need to set the stage on your preferred beer types. Your summer weapon of choice, the Hefeweizen, is a wheat beer, so it might entail a third challenge as wheat has a funny blood sugar effect on many type 1s, even those without celiac. BTW, the German Beer Institute informs us that we English speakers are to pronounce it, “hay-fuh-veyt-sssenn,” and NOT to mispronounce it “haffie-vi-zon!”

BeerAdvocate.com describes the taste of hay-fuh-veyt-sssenn as having, “flavors of banana and cloves with an often dry and tart edge, some spiciness, bubblegum or notes of apples.”

Except for the bubblegum notes and the cloves, it sounds like a lovely breakfast.

The alcohol level is 4.7%. Calorie King lists an ounce of typical Hefeweizen has having 13 calories and 1.1 carbs. Of course, how many ounces are in your “pint” of beer can be highly variable. A proper pub, being an English tradition, would use the Imperial Pint, which contains 20 imperial fluid ounces. An American pint, on the other hand, is 16 US fluid ounces. Adding to this confusion is the fact that the Imperial ounces and US fluid ounces are not the same size. The Imperial ounce is about 28 mL; while the US one is about 30 mL.

Well, it’s much too early in the morning for this level of math, and I haven’t had my Hefeweizen pancakes yet. So for the ease of comparison among various brews, let’s just split the difference and assume your glass has 18 US fluid ounces. One glass would have 234 calories and just under 20 carbs. Drink three and you are looking at 702 calories and 60 carbs, about what a good steak dinner would weigh in at.

You asked how that compares to the average American lager. I’m not sure what the average American lager would be, so instead, let’s compare it to an average American beer. Last year, by far the best-selling domestic beer in the United States was, believe it or not, Bud Light.

OK. I didn’t see that one coming, either.

Bud Light has 9 calories and one half of one carb per ounce. The same glassfull as above has 162 calories and 9 carbs. Put another way, the Hefeweizen has double the carbs of America’s leading brew, and about a third more calories. The Bud has an alcohol level of 4.2%, slightly less than the Hefeweizen.

The Dunkel is a darker lager with a higher alcohol content of up to 6%, which puts it at the higher end of the beer family. (Wine usually clocks in at 13.5% and spirits commonly at 40%.) Interestingly, however, it has the same number of calories as the wheat beer, coming in at 13 calories, but at 1 carb per ounce, it has a slightly lower carb count. Back to our one “pint” glass, we’re looking at 234 calories and 18 carbs.

So really, in terms of diabetes impact, the only practical difference between the two lagers is the alcohol content; and both have quite a few more carbs than a “typical” American beer. Of course, your microbrew may vary.

Now, on to how to bolus. Lager is a liquid carb. That means it’s likely to raise your blood sugar faster than your insulin can lower it. An ideal pre-bolus would be 30 minutes for carbs moving this fast, but it’s hard to time things that well in a drinking environment. I’d say a good functional rule of thumb would be to bolus each pint, based on its carb count, when you order it. It won’t be perfect, but it will at least keep a major excursion at bay.

Don’t forget to tip your kellnerin (waitress), but don’t over-tip. You don’t want her getting that pint back to you too quickly.

For more on beer boli, see the Great Beer Experiment from our own Mike Hoskins, who tried out a number of different craft beers and tested the blood sugar effect for each style.

As to the dawn drop in blood sugar, that’s what alcohol does 8 to 10 hours downstream to everyone, not just for people with diabetes, although for us it’s more profound. Why? Alcohol metabolism takes place in the liver, which is also the point for glucose production, and apparently when the liver has too much to drink it forgets to work on that whole glucose thing. This is where you need to think about the alcohol content of your weapon of choice for the night. The more alcohol, the greater the blood sugar drop downstream, often when you are asleep. So you need to think not only about how much alcohol is in each pint, but how many pints you are going to drink.

Said another way, if you are thinking about drinking a lot of pints, you’re better off drinking the ones with lower alcohol contents.

The best way to offset the alcohol-infused blood sugar drop is to eat a high-fat, lowish-carb bedtime snack right before you crash for the night. The idea is to have some carbs slowly infusing into your blood to stand in for the liver until it recovers from its hangover the next morning. This is one of those times when those vexing slowly-digesting fats can actually be deployed to your advantage.

Now that’s something to drink to!

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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