#im starting lessons next week!
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love Steely Dan so much that i bought myself a bass to play their songs
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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put in my application for my vet nursing course yippee
#got approved for work placement on monday#and got name shit cleared up with them today so now my application is in someone elses hands#which means i may start in the next few weeks! just depends on when theyre running on campus lessons#cause there is NO way in hell im doing this online only#no way#i cant wait to be doing something with my time again
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heyyyyyy <3 <3 i feel terrible.
i had planned to stay off longer but i genuinely have had like three nervous breakdowns since i left bc right as i decided it was abt time i just chill for a little bit everything started happening all at once. so i came back to see my silly little internet friends, but like the second i logged back on some ppl were talking smack abt me sooooooooo... ya know. my day (two weeks) be so fine,, then BOOM my entire schedule fills up and i become hollow on the inside! (hey sorry like vent post n tags i need to get things out of my brain)
#spikes rambles#i was happy there for a minute too :<#heres what its looking like rn....#i have three weddings. one of which i am a bridesmaid for and was left to get my own dress#but i cant afford a nice dress that matches. so i have to make one my damn self. and in two weeks.#i have a graduation.. and a graduation party both for different ppl#even tho i had to push back my own graduation by a full year bc things were just not going as planned. and now everyone thinks im a failure#im volunteering to teach at a kids summer camp like thingy. i was supposed to have a partner but i was told that she actually#wants nothing to do with me and was forced into this but i was under the impression that we would be teaching TOGETHER#and not her being an assistant. so now i have to call her and be like heyyyyy what the fuck is going on i need to know the lesson plan#im also volunteering for a church summer thing. if i could i wouldnt be doing this but my self made mother figure asked me personally#to help and i cant say no to this. we get to hang out and i get to paint like murals and shit and we've been doing this together for years#i have to spend the weekend with my bio mother to go to a celtic festival thing bc my younger brother wants to go.#i'm having some pretty severe best friend problems which i am honestly not well equipped enough to deal with and its eating me away inside#summer has officially started here so that means 24/7 headaches and sensory problems. straight up category 5 autism moments#i had to pick up the slack and become a paternal figure to my youngest brother. which is just sad that i have to at all#my dear beloved friend is trying very hard to make a young adult like hangout (???) thing in own town and really wants me to go#but i just dont wanna. i dont really care for social gatherings#hey guys btw all this has happened or was planned for next month in the two weeks i was gone#what the fuck.
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me, very unfit and prone to injury due to Problems: I have decided to become a Figure Skater
#yes this is a terrible idea but i havent broken anything so far!!!#i start Proper baby beginner lessons next week and i'm super excited#just thought I'd yell a life update into the void#tho i HAVE been doing lil workouts and stretches and stuff to prepare etc!!#also picked up violin recently and i suck but im having so much fun trying Proper Hobbies
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i slept for 9 hours and now im going the rest of the day doing nothing
#technically i have a lesson but im not in uni town anymore so that's not gonna happen#but for the 1 project we're going to send an email to get an approval on our sources today so that we can start writing next week#and for the other we'll go take the measurements next week and then we have enough time to write the paper#so i have a few days of doing nothing#jo says stuff#university update
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failing my exams on account of the Beast in my brain preventing me from thinking about anything other than old man yaoi
#im literally so fucked. its not even funny#i have threeee weeks until my exams. thats enough time to learn everythibg right. haha.#on the plus side. afterwards i think i have a week or so until lessons start again.#alsooooo next year im on placement. so i can spend like all my free time#. hit the wrong button. spend most of my free time doing whatever i please
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hi! hi hello
#im on my ten minute break for the harvard free course i signed up! its the CS50 introduction to computer science course#i managed to sign up on the exact day the course starts‚ so thats fun#the course has taught us about how binary works‚ ASCII‚ unicode‚ some main ideas‚ some coding language firsts to know‚#and some extra stuff in between i won't bother to mention.#its lovely so far! im really enjoying it and taking notes in the notesapp on the laptop. im very much so enjoying myself#i cannot wait to start learning C‚ as that's the lesson of next week#the course is 11 weeks long! its self-paced which means its perfect for me#the teacher of the course also gave a lot of talk at the start which got me pretty confident#i can't wait to learn all this stuff ^^#my dad directed me to this course‚ which i didn't know existed beforehand#oh also the subtitles are nice. if there was none i would fail this course instantly#its introductory so im not having any problems processing what he's talking about#im hoping to sign up for that CS50 introduction to video game development after im done with this course! but thats for next summer break#its very convinient that this course is 11 weeks long‚ exactly enough to get it in for summer break and finish it before school starts again#you could also get a physical certificate for some money once you're done‚ but my parents said they'll consider it once im done#anywho! very excited#im an hour and ten minutes into the course - theres about an hour left#the lecturer told the audience to take a ten minute break so im taking one too. will be back to learning in three minutes#🌙rambling
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the upcoming days will be a bit busy so im going to take the time i have rn to atleast finish up some requests
#(📌— spam)#although its online school for next week#ITS F2F AFTER#SO I NEED TO BE BETTER AND DO MY BEST AND IMPROVE#i am going to be valedictorian and nothing will stop me 😠😠🤬#okok wait ngl this cld lead to two things#i either 1.) develop an unhealthy lifestyle of putting everything like my grades and friends and moots and this blog first before myself#or 2.) my feelings and emotions get in the way 🧍♀️#the first on cld probably lead me to burn out fast#because there also my hobbies i want to develop and improve on...#writing and art and theres the piano lessons hmhmmm#im also planning on joining clubs and the student council#and then theres taking care of my brother and helping out with chores while also preparing for moving...#😭#ITS OKAY I'LL DO MY BEST AND I CAN DO THIS#there is absolutely 0 time for me to start hesitating or being shy in front of ppl if i want to do all those things#!!!!!!#god if only my grandma cld stop comparing me to my older cousin ejjsksnskwms#'look at ur older cousin at kindergarten shes always the highest honors'#sighdjsbisbsjsnsnsm#OKOK REQUESTS WRITING STARTS NOW!!!!
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Man this day sucked balls
#i had to get up at 5:45am#that was the first worst sign#it was well until i went home for my zoom lesson#since i was like the main coordinator for one big event which had multiple small events#my boss called me and was like hey where is the portable ultrasound for the event#and she found it but the charger was missing#so i asked people responsible for the smaller events who used that ultrasound if they know anything and they were like nope#and one even managed to throw shade on me bc it has been like 2 weeks since the event#after my zoom lesson i cried abt that stupid charger#but i was like hold up i have 20 minutes only to cry bc i have my next lesson in person and i have to go#and then i went and i managed to forget abt that stupid lost charger#and i was like yay i will learn python#and then i did learn the basics and then it started to get complicated and i was lost and then our task was like#hell#and then i tried to make something at least of my task. to like define functions and stuff#and it wasnt possible#and then our teacher kind of wrote the script for the 1st part of the assignment#and i was like okay#and i tried it and the int thing didnt work it was like no you cant put it there where your teacher put it#and i was like fuck then#i just learned how to write a if else and now i have to make two different triangle area scripts baded on input and so that it would work#for non existing triangles#and like what does it mean a triangle with 4 3 and 9 as edge lengths#what do you want from me? an error output? triangle does not exist? what?#either way im fucked#i have to wake up just as early tomorrow#and i have to do a lecture for schoolkids on saturday and my ppt is not finished#and its not like ill have time tomorrow bc i work from 7am to 9pm bc im maybe a masochist#which means even less sleep#i think i have so much going on i want to just. scream.
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society if they just got rid of the last week of school
#im being so fr I can't deal w it#same levels of anxiety as I had before the first week#okay at least tomorrow isn't too bad I only have 3 lessons and finish early and start late#Tuesday is just pure pain only 1 free#wednesday also kind of shitty but at least I can skip games#Thursday train strike 🥳#Friday last day and also a half day...#so just need to get through these next 3 days. is what im getting.#will have to buy copious amounts of Snacks and Beverages. I can do this... I can do it.#and I have a chemistry test somewhere in the middle of it as well. what if I killed myself#Idek what its on either. you could put a gun to my head I couldn't tell you
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Saw 4 SEPARATE SPECIES OF BUG IN MY STUPID APARTMENT TODAY (none of them were bed bugs at least but they were some of the other bug species I loathe and fear the most) I know the fact that its really hot is probably the main reason they're being so active and getting in here, but God damn I'm already crawling through zillow to find my next apartment and I've still got 11 months in this lease. If I ever see a cave cricket in this house with my own two eyes I'm breaking the fuckin lease tho I can promise you that
#please god let autumn and winter here be peaceful#also ive definitely learned my lesson about cheap rent and older homes#i was so enamored by the historic crown molding and original floors when i toured this place that i didnt notice the cracks and holes#methinks i will go for a newer renovation next time#budget be damned#i also might try further out of the city like northwest#but i dont think the bf will be into that#(even though he really liked the house my parents lived in when we started dating WHICH WAS IN ALMOST THE EXACT AREA IM LOOKING)#i didnt like that neighborhood that much bc there were no trees but in the neighborhood just northeast of there#its more tree lined and spread out#and theres a really nice luxury apartment building thats got big units within our budget and its only a 5min walk from the train#but his response to that one was 'i dont want to spend 6 buckd getting to work every day' well bitch. you only work 3 days a week#and its only 4 bucks so shut up#ive decided that if he doesnt help me find a new apartment then he doesnt get any input bc he didnt help me find this place#and look how that turned out#all he did was veto most of my ideas#he didnt lift a finger to contribute#well thats not completely true he did suggest a lot of apartments but they were all ones id already vetted#and he didnt help with lease negotiations at all
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After 4 days full of things to do and places to be having a day (mostly) off seems so weird
#I need to planned things for next week asap!#Im finally starting driving lessons!#I want to draw every day#and apply for the comics masterclass after I create a portfolio#I want to really improve on my character design bc that's fun#maybe create a short comic next week#cause I need to show comics in my portfolio!!#Im really inspired by past events + reading comics
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#did a somewhat practice driving test today and fucked up like 3 times 😔😔#so . good job it was only a practice bc otherwise thatd been a failure 😣#but like. after discussing it. i truly am my worst enemy#bc my instructor has said past few weeks the amount of times i second guess myself or lose confidence#is when everything goes wrong and that usually i’m actually doing okay#but bc i start fretting i mess up 😭😭😭#and tbh its smth i already know. ive always been my own worst enemy with literally everything#and its so frustrating#i feel like im so close to getting it right and being ready#but i literally got next weeks two lessons and then its test day 🧍🏻♀️#i feel like the only positive is that she at least said i handled the lesson much better than she thought i would 😭😭#and that except for those 3 big mess ups. i passed off most mistakes quite well#its the most amount of times shes had to physically stop me/move the wheel for me 😔#but if she thought it wasnt an absolute disaster then im taking that as a good thing#next week ive asked to practice parking bc every time ive like. done it fine so i actually dont know how to fix parking mistakes#i mean i know its small adjusts but like ive never actually had to do it 😭😭#and even tho in lessons ive parked in the lines everytime. knowing my luck during the test will be the one time im out of the lines#and will need to fix it 😭😭#personal
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Saddened and filled with rage at the time lost
#this is about the last few months at work#i started learning guitar at the start of the year#had to shelve it while i was getting promoted at work and my schedule was in flux#finally sat down to practice it#i have basically forgotten all i learned#which was everything since im a beginner#and now im basically gonna have to redo those lessons#and idk when thats even gonna happen#since im back next week#and i cant practice after work b/c my bf will be sleeping#and i cant practice before b/c i will be sleeping#and the weekends are hit or miss#just... so angry and sad at the time ive wasted at that place#ignore me its ultimately just whinging
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I hate going to work everything huuuuuuurts
#my last weekly assignment is due this week & after this i just have to turn in my journal & my final eval which is like 3-4 pgs#ewwwwww but anyways i wanna turn that shit in within the next 2 weeks so i dont have to worry about it anymore#and i can start applying for jobs#and can hopefully skedaddle from here before the year ends im tiiiiiired#this internship is so draining................#also tmrws my last/5th driving lesson which would have turned into the driving exam#if i had been doing well but since ive panicked every lesson so far it wont be.........#i just wanna get my license already so i can get a car & stop relying on the goodwill of my coworkers/bosses & ocassional expensive#cabs to get to & from work 😭😭😭😭😭#everything is awful friends..........#i got payed today though yippeeeee
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