#im standing in for someone and these habits and interests arent of my own? but to replicate someone else’s?
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dumb fantroll ask meme, odd numbers for wyllow
Ok so this is gonna be Long’un I’m gonna put everything under cut
1. Biggest pet peeves? How much do they annoy you? Are they bad enough to be a deal breaker if someone you were interested did them?
“okay so..im a very patient person and i understand self-loathing..”
“but i have my limits..im not here for a pity-party please dont lament how much of a pathetic asshole you are expecting me to help you only to ignore any advice i give you and continue to lament your shitty life where nothing good happens ever ok???”
“...ok so that was..a rant...uhm...my pet peeve is when people don’t want to crawl out of the pit they’re in..or downright refuse to..mainly because they like the attention..”
3. What are your turn on’s turn off’s?
“tha-..thats a little personal hello?????”
“i choose to not answer that!!”
5. What is your least favorite and favorite parts of your body? Any feature you pride yourself on? Then least favorite would you change it if you could?
“my favorite parts? uhm..my horns i guess? and my hips”
“my least favorite are my eyes because i need glasses to see..id change that if i could i guess”
7. What is your least favorite food and why?
“i cant stand bitter greens like baby spinach..or kale..its just not what my tastebuds like..”
“and venison makes me legitimately ill..like bad stomach ache levels of sick..”
9. What are any tics you might have? Any nervous habits?
“under extreme amounts of stress ive been told i get the antlerbeast-in-headlights look complete with freezing..”
“im real bad about picking at the skin on my fingers especially if im real anxious..to the point of bleeding sometimes..but it keeps me from picking on the threads of my clothes until theyre unraveling..”
11. What is your earliest memory? Is it a happy or a sad one.
“my EARLIEST memory is of finding my ancestors hive..and consequently also finding my ancestors journals on herbology and botany..and its a happy one because its what jumpstarted my own career in it~”
13. If you could have any super power what would it be?
“i want to command plants!!”
15. What would you do with the ability to see ghosts? Would they scare you or would you be interested in them?
“id ask them about their life..or help them move on if they dont realize theyre dead..id also keep journals of everything i was told; preservation of history and all that”
17. How good a liar are you? How often do you lie to others.
“i cant lie for the life of me..like ill withhold the truth but straight up lie?? id die from the guilt.......or by the hands of whomstever i lied to”
19. How far would you go to be perfect? Are you ok with flaws?
“perfection is an impossibility”
“...that being said uhm..that depends on the..flaw i think..and flaws are subjective..that being said if a flaw is actively harmful to the individual or anyone around them im not as okay..if that makes sense?”
21. How much do you sleep? What is your typical night time routine?
“a full eight hours~! night time routine is typical: wash up, brush up, jammies on.. i have a cup of tea before bed and i read a little until im done”
23. How good are you with choices? Is it easy to make decisions or do you struggle with them?
“i...suck at choices if im under pressure to make them.. decisions arent too hard but if there’s weight to them its definitely a lot harder on me..”
25. What is the worst thing you’ve done to someone? Do you regret it?
“..........theres not a night goes by i dont regret it”
27. How good are you with computers? How much do you use them in every day life?
“fairly often! i mean im no savant but i know my way around a palmhusk or a tablet”
29. If you knew you had less then a sweep left to live how would you use it?
“probably by myself.. id quietly wrap up my assets..tend to my garden up until’ my final night before laying myself in the largest patch of flowers and herbs to be consumed by the earth as a way to give back”
31. Which would you prefer you dying before your loved ones, or them dying before you?
“uhm..probably them dying before i would..to spare them the grief”
33. What are your stances on the spectrum?
“in a social standpoint or a biological standpoint??”
“biologically i lowkey enjoy the diversity..how each group has something unique to them like the lower spectrum of trolls having a higher possibility of psionics..or purples with chucklevoodoos..”
“socially i really wish there wasnt such a divide..and its not like we have a choice in the matter were forced based on our blood color to fall into a certain level of financial and social hierarchy as a form of control and division..”
“honestly if i could give away all my money and not automatically get a refill i would..”
35. If you were empress for a day what would you do?
“upend the status quo and dismantle the hierarchy..”
“..also give lowbloods a lot of money to live comfortably so they can begin the careers they wanted to do but never had the means to do them”
37. What do you fear loosing most? A possession, your senses, loved one, ect?
“the thing i fear most is losing someones trust in me...to irreparably damage a relationship with no hope of returning...ha..”
39. What is your biggest dream in life and how far would you go to obtain it.
“i dont know...im pretty content in my life as it is; i have my shop..my garden..my hobbies..i just wish i had someone to share all of this with i guess”
41. Are there any people in your life you miss? What would you do if you could see them again?
“....apologize..”
43. Do you consider yourself a material troll? If giving up every thing you owned meant eternal happiness would you do it?
“as cluttered and material-filled as my hive is i could give it all up if it meant id find eternal happiness..”
“..that being said i do fear losing everything ive worked on because i..kind of lack a fallback plan..”
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love struck!au x tbz
find other love struck!aus here: monsta x | day6 | ateez
*this post was commissioned through kofi
sangyeon
confident sangyeon spends half the day flirting with you
then shy sangyeon spends the rest of the day running embarrassment laps around the creker building
he has high spikes of adrenaline where its just quite literally circling you with hearts in his eyes and doves singing
and then low long silent moments where he sits in a corner, muttering at the wall and everyone is like what is going on with him
if he could he might just spend eternity flip-flopping between the two
it’d take an intervention to get him to just seize the opportunity during one of his more positive moods to just ask you on a date
the only problem is he talks so fast and so jumbled and waves his hands around
and you’re like wh-
and he’s like datetommorrowcoffeeorteawhichdoyoupreferdoyounotevenwanteitherwhataboutumlikeamoviepleasesayyes
once again you are like ?
and sangyeons meter of confidence is slowly depleting hes about to run away until sunwoo is like
let me step in and translate:
sangyeon wants to go on a date with you tomorrow
when you brighten up and accept, sangyeon just breathes a sigh of relief and maybe almost tips over from the intense amount of feelings hitting him at once lol
jacob
no one takes him seriously when he starts saying he likes you
not because you’re unlikable but because jacob says it with such normalcy that everyone is like
nah
if you liked them, you would definitely be all mushy and shy and embarrassed about it
and jacob is like what are you talking about im not embarrassed to have a crush on someone i think is really awesome
even kevin is like dude don’t push it - you shouldnt make jokes about liking people
and jacob is just like *blinks*
but seriously, everyone expects him to be writing lyrics in secret and practicing some kind of grand serenade to ask you out - like you’re literally an angel dude so you have to like someone in the most cupid-esque way possible
which jacob is just like :/ about because there’s no right way to show someone how much you like them-
juyeon: sorry what i was not listening?
you on the other hand, don’t ever even catch wind of it because jacob is so sweet at all times
polite, caring, gentle touches, lots of eye contact, little smiles that make your heart melt, the usual
that you just assume he’s like this to everyone so of course you are clueless and his lack of grandiose confessions is making everyone else clueless too
until one day jacob is like fine if no one believes me ill just tell them a
nd everyone in the room is like pfft would love to see you try-
three seconds later jacob is standing in front of you and saying “want to date me?” and you’re so shocked you can’t speak
but the rest of tbz is so shocked at least three of them nearly faint
younghoon
keeps his mouth shut
literally like shut shut like not a WORD to you or to anyone in a five foot distance of you
he’ll be talking to chanhee about something and you’ll walk in and suddenly younghoon just hits pause
chanhee is like hello are you broken hello and younghoon is just _____
until you walk out of the room and then he’s like
“-that’s why i think we shouldn’t include that dance move”
and chanhee is like what the hael just happened
you will be in a conversation and pull younghoon over to join you and when you’re like what do you think!!!!!!!1
he looks at you and the cognitive function for speech just disappears
maybe its your cute face accelerating his heartbeat or maybe its the all the nerves in his body going haywire because all he wants to say is how much he really really likes you
but he can’t just SAY that so instead he says nothing
sometimes he’s lucky and members who understand this younghoon lovestruck glitch are around can save him
but sometimes its just you and him and silence until youre like ok- well-
you think maybe he just doesnt want to talk to you because he doesnt like you
so you apologize for bothering him
and its like everything that has ever blocked him from speaking before just flies out the window
because suddenly younghoon is holding your hands in his and saying
“no, im sorry. i just dont know what to say because i like you so much.”
it’s the longest sentence you’ve ever heard from him
and you are so flustered but all you can say back is
“you can keep saying ‘i like you’ if you want...........”
younghoon for the rest of the week: i like you
you: giddy
tbz: kinda wishing he’d shut it again
hyunjae
there’s no lovestruck period, it’s straight up infatuation from day ONE
and it comes at full force
hyunjae is like bubblegum, stuck to you and only you
sugary sweet and always reminding you that he is available whenever you decided you want to take him
it can really overwhelm someone, because his attention is fixated and forthcoming
and i mean you’d really have to lack all the common sense in the world not to see that he’s interested
but that’s the thing interest is not always a form of sincerity so you just kind of chalk it up to him trying to be funny
and he sprawls across your lap like a cat
happy with the fact that you just giggle and smile because ok you might never believe that he’s so in love with you it hurts but at least you still let him near you
really people probably ask you if you’re dating him and when you say you’re not their follow up is usually like well arent you exhausted having someone you dont love always around
and you’re like um - no well - i mean - and you are like ok i mean i do love him but im not going to be a fool and fall into a trap of thinking im special
and hyunjae will literally be like they are special. i feel nothing for anyone else, it is just them
and you’re like see! he’s so sweet!
and at some point i think you either drive hyunjae crazy and he kisses you because words are pointless - actions are everything
or chanhee pushes you two into each other from pure, unfiltered annoyance
“if you love each other stop pretending like it’s a big joke and just DATE!”
juyeon
return to kindergarten romance
literally he sees you and goes pink to the ears and slinks behind his friends even though he’s taller than most of them
and he can barely hide the fact that he jumps over the rainbow when your shoulders brush in the halls
if no one knew any better, juyeon probably scribbles your name in hearts on a notebook page somewhere
but then crumples it up and almost eats it if anyone tries to see what he’s up to
but again you enter the vicinity and he’s goo - muttering and forgetting to string nouns to verbs or whatever
everyone is so amazed that someone with so much charisma on stage can turn this goddamn goofy around someone he likes
and you are energetic and bright - you always want to pull juyeon into the loop - and you think the flustered look on his face is just from genuine surprise or confusion
and you’re like “oh! let me explain what we’re doing blah blah blah” and yes juyeon knows you guys are going to play monopoly but like words? dont? come ? out ? of ? his ? mouth?
and just like kindergarten he probably ends up writing you a note about how much he likes you (tick this box for yes and this box for no) or some form of that
maybe like a text where he is like hi do you want to go on a date and it was actually supposed to be like a ten page essay about why he likes you but then he got too nervous to send it so yeah
its a text that comes out of the blue and when you agree and see juyeon in person the next day you’re like why didn’t you just ask me like months ago
and once again, words? dont? come? out? of? his? mouth?
kevin
gift giving
nonstop gift giving
like to a point where jacob is worried about kevin’s spending habits
but it is all like handmade items and cute stuff he sees that reminds him of you
and everyone knows he has a crush before he can even process it because they’re doing a show halfway across the country and everyone is like practicing or doing something on their own
and kevin’s like guys look i saw this in a shop and it reminded me of-
all of tbz looking at him like: we know who it reminded you of
he plays it off though when he gives you the gifts, he’s like ah this was just like in my bag or whatever or oh i made this extra keychain when i had a day off like do you want it
and kevin thinks he is so sly and covering it up so damn well but he isn’t
you try to give gifts back, mostly because you feel bad that he’s always offering something to you
and one day you are like - at first as a kind of jest - like “here ill just give you myself in return”
and you throw your arms around his neck like you’ve done a million times before and oh shit you think kevin is going to pass out with how fast his heart starts beating and how he overheats
and you’re like kevin?!??!?! are you ok!?!??! and he’s like areyouserious
and you’re like wh and he’s like are you serious about that,,,,and you’re like oh well i mean do you even want someone like me
and kevin unblinkingly is like of course you are the only person i want
and suddenly you realize that these gifts youve been getting are kevin’s love language and its so freaking cute
(but also stop spending money just give kisses instead) (kevin agrees but he is still like im buying you anything cute i see because u are cute and cute people deserve cute things we love kevin moon logic)
changmin
ignores his feelings by throwing himself into his work
much to the surprise of no one, because he’s naturally a workoholic and perfectionist, but this time something is off
no one should be beating themselves up over such miniscule mistakes like he is
and hyunjae is convinced changmin has finally lost it, like the goddamn lid has flew off the kettle with this one
because they finish practice and everyone is clapping and changmin looks like he’s going to crush the speakers with his bare hands
less lovestruck as he is loveconfused because the real reason he’s so upset is like
he wants to focus so hard on being a great performer and whatnot but when he shuts his eyes or takes a moment to breath
his brain is fuzzy with thoughts of you and not like super romantic flowery thoughts like you see in movies or read in comics
its just little snapshots of you being,,,,,,,,,,,you
laughing along with eric, fixing the hem of your shirt in the mirror, waving at changmin before looking both ways and crossing the street to his side
GOD WHEN HAS SOMEONE CROSSING THE STREET MADE HIS HEART DO A BACKFLIP
the worst thing is he can’t seem to find a way for it to stop until like you are actually in front of him
like the real you - not the memories and thoughts he has daily of you - no just you
and you’re putting your hands on his face and he’s sweaty and hot from dancing for god knows how long and you’re like
“don’t wear yourself out like this, take care of yourself - if you don’t want to do it for you - can you do it for me?”
and changmin realizes oh right - for you, for you he could move mountains, for you he could fly, like seriously for you he could do anything
and he thinks he just says this to himself but he just said it outloud and somewhere in the room hyunjae is slapping his knee like
“AH! he’s not nuts - he’s just in love.”
chanhee
falls head over heels for you and expects you to read his mind about it
you walk into a room and he sits up a little straighter and is like ok one step two step ok come over to me, look at me, pay attention to me
and you - because you are not a mindreader - go to talk to juyeon first
and chanhee is like OH I SEE HOW IT IS and gets all moody there on out
honest to god he probably knows he’s overreacting but he just does not get why you cant tell how he’s feeling
and he asks like everyone this question and theyre like what? because you aren’t making it obvious at all?
and chanhee is like what the hell do you mean i totally make it obvious and everyone is like did you ask them out? did you get them a gift? did you compliment them?
and chanhee crosses his arms like no......but like......i smiled at them in a way i dont smile at the rest of you clowns
tbz: :/
either way, you start to notice this pattern, that when chanhee is not getting your attention he gets a little like a cat and curls himself away from you
so you, much like one with a cat, start to shower him in attention
and he just uncurls and gets all giddy and swats anyone away who tries to get into your little bubble with him
and its a bit entertaining really lol but you think its just chanhee being chanhee
till it keeps happening over and over and over again and you’re like ok wait
and chanhee is like hmm and you’re like why dont we just go somewhere alone together like on a date or something if thats what you like so much
and chanhee, who has been under the suspicion you have been going on dates sitting together in the tbz practice room is like
“oh right! a date, um i guess sure!”
inside he is screaming
haknyeon
does not waste time, he puts his detective hat on and makes a plan
for one of the youngest members he probably puts the most diligence into liking someone
its not just lovestruck butterflies and running away whenever you’re around
haknyeon swats all that gooey-mushy stuff away and is like ok lets see what movies do you like? what kind of food do you like? he has to know so that when he asks you out he is ready to impress
it shocks some of his other members, sangyeon has never seen haknyeon almost bite younghoon’s hand when he tried to as him to get off the shared desktop
haknyeon just wants to know everything about you - which kevin says he could probably do by talking more to you
and haknyeon is like go away grandpa and kevin is like WH-
either way, when it all comes to a head and haknyeon has memorized what he’s going to say in his confession to you for the one millionth time
he does not prepare for what actually happnes
which is you bound up to him with your arms open and you’re like let’s hang out! just the two of us!
and he’s like ok ill go get the other- wait
haknyeon.exe has stopped working
because truth be told he’d spend so much time trying to research and be perfect when all you really like about him is how fun and eccentric he can be
so you just ask him out first and this was not in the plan, but haknyeon is not about to let go of your warm hand as you pull him along beside you
sunwoo
swears to deny it to his grave because one) it’s embarrassing and.........no that’s it. it is embarrassing to have feelings
jacob: feelings aren’t embarrassing! they’re the reason we can care so deeply about others <3
sunwoo: ok nerd........keep it moving
and unlike younghoon who just goes silent around the people he likes or juyeon who tries to find sangyeon to hide behind
sunwoo just straight up is like cold. and you are like what didi i do?
everyone is just like he’s complicated, it’s just who he is and he’s young so just ignore him
but it makes you sad that sunwoo just doesn’t want to be your friend
and in sunwoo’s head he’s like I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE YOU ARE MY DREAM PERSON BUT THATS SO FREAKING CORNY TO SAY SO LET ME JUST MAKE GRUMPY FACE
he also has such a bad luck, even when he’s not trying to come off mean he probably accidentally spills something on you or breaks something of yours
and instead APOLOGIZING like everyone is telling him to do he just yoinks out of the room and you’re like damn :(
to be honest, i think the more you guys get distant the more sunwoo falls deeper into it because even with everything
you are always so kind and sweet and how? like how? how are you doing that?
it probably takes a miracle or actually just like someone spilling the beans to you that sunwoo stayed up all night trying to fix the bracelet of yours he broke for it to all change
for you to find sunwoo and hug him and thank him for trying to fix it and the minute you touch him its like
all these stupid little walls he built melt into nothing and sunwoo is just like i like you so much im sorry im so dumb and you’re like
well you’re like shocked but youre like im sorry i also like you and im also dumb sometimes
both of you standing there wide eyed but also like super super super giddy
one day you aren’t even talking to each other the next day you are cuddling on the couch
kevin: these people are giving me literal whiplash
eric
thinks you’ll never feel the same way so he does the next best thing, he tries to be your bestest friend
for someone so spunky and confident in himself most of the time you’d think lovestruck eric would just GO for it
but more than he is like outgoing and brave, he is devoted to people he loves
and losing you as a friend over confessing his feelings would probably spiral him into a dark place
so he’ll just take his spot as a super close friend, and horrible wingman
who tries to get you to admit that you like someone in the group when you have told eric ten times no you dont like changmin like that and yes juyeon is cute but youre not interested
and eric just wants you to be happy and he thinks youre lying and keeping it from him because like you think it would be weird to date someone in tbz
and he’s like cmon tell me! or do you like someone from skz, im friends with felix - do you think he’s cute
and at some point it wears you down and you are just like over to play video games and have fun with eric
and he’s like hey felix said you were pretty when i showed him a photo and you are like ERIC LISTEN TO ME and he’s like blinking like oh?
and you’re like i do like someone but its you and so since that isnt going to happen lets move on
and eric is like lets not move on because from the minute i saw you i thought cupid lodged an arrow so deep in my heart its been stuck their permanently and yes i watched hercules last night so i made that analogy isn’t it about time you kissed me so i would shuttup?
and when you do you’re like ok i have wanted to do that SO many times and he’s like well you should have
and youre like dont be sassy i will bring up every oppurtunity you tried to hook me up with your group member if you do and he’s like
i will shut my mouth forever if that is what you wish <3
#the boyz au#the boyz imagines#the boyz scenarios#tbz au#tbz imagines#member: the boyz#tbz scenarios#the boyz#tbz#sfw#the way younghoon is the ideal man: nothing to say just heart eyes in a stupor JK trgkdls
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I think yes, i deserve to be free of this. It really is me bearing these burdens. After i wrote to u, i had a realisation,, i imagined what do i want from them nd it was like i want them to see how much pain i m in coz of THEIR conscious actions... I realized i want THEM to pity me, as pathetic as it sounds. yes i deserve to allow me to be happy no matter whos sayjng what to me. ik im fixating on them, they're my world, my twisted, pain filled world. when the strange thing is my world is what i think of me? is that right?
i dont want to feel this way anymore. how do i put the focus off off what they're doing or not doing? off the memories nd off my body nd mind's reactions to them?
thank you for the comforting words. i want to apologize for the message. Idk if its a good or bad habit, but i dont show ppl how much they hurt me irl, sometimes im irritable but i never show my weak vulnerable side to them and it got too much for me then, so i had to clutch at a straw. But this means I tklerate too much ig. They say u can't heal from the place of sickness but im scared,, what if i don't change inside and then even if im independent i may have these same patterns in people? like at school. i have a deep fear of just existing. ive always thought others have a right to exist to do whatever they want no need to justify, but somehow i cant ever find the courage to do that for myself?
first i don't want tk give the duo so much standing that im havjng misery on my own based on their actions to me. so how could i do that, how could i start? im not looking for a quick fix, but for this change, does it mean me expressing thjngs they want to hear or changing my values? So they don't do that to me? In fact, do u think, is it possible I'm not getting this 'treatment' coz of something I am but coz of what I secretly expect from them?! 😦
second: is everything i have seen in ppl reflecting me inside? that is neville's concept that u reap what u sow. Is it possible for someone to have someone who's evil to them, become nice? Without saying anything to them? i also am realizing rn that i m still subconsiously searching for someone to blame! Ur right! There's no wrong or right. only me nd a deep loneliness ig. I don't mean it in a victim way. This time :) It's terrifying to think we realy are alone to reap what we sow
😶
yeah, your world is what you think of you... in relation to the world and everyone in it. so you see yourself as this person who gets treated this way, you see your family as people who act this way, it all comes together to become your experience.
if i was you, i would just take a step back... internally. because perhaps you cannot escape them physically, maybe you live with them. that isn't a barrier between you and freedom unless you make it so. you have to let yourself feel bad, think the thoughts, wallow in victimhood, but each time you do that fall back into your power. in other words, surrender. "i dont want to feel this way anymore, it's time to feel better (so i won't give in to these feelings willingly anymore)." "love is behind all of this behind, love is waiting for me." "i am supported by the godself within, i am okay." idk, these type of thoughts can help you through it. they help me. so it's just a suggestion. you've clearly held onto this for a while, you've experienced it for years, and it sounds like you're have this painful story in a chokehold. like you arent exactly ready to let it go, but you're also interested enough to begin finding inner freedom. and that interest will guide you. find the light of it even during the darkest moments. it's time to allow yourself to heal, for you. let the facts remain and let your faith to your inner world be your guide through this.
its okay to send this type of message. sometimes we have to vent it out and we open our own eyes through it. the habit you mentioned, it's a neutral habit. you're the one who essentially decides if it's bad or good. it's really unimportant though. we can sit here and think about our habits and how they have got us to Y which lead us to X and perhaps it explains Z. or we can just accept, "okay this was my habit. this was my story i held onto tightly. i dont want to anymore. it's time to change."
if you don't change inside, it will have been a choice rather than something you just couldn't do. so it's not really anything to worry about. don't settle for less, make the decision to change because you have no choice but to anymore. it's time.
in my opinion, wondering about why and how is a detour, when there's an easier way to get to the end destination. how do you want to feel? and practice staying there. don't ask for permission, don't expect anyone to help you get there. (i am guilty of this, wanting someone to change so i can finally feel better... no. i have to change, then i can finally feel better. this goes for all of us.) if you have a human moment where you feel like speaking your mind, okay. we are human. the human experience won't stop the inner world, because we are always experiencing the contents of our inner world. simply get into the habit of experiencing a more beautiful inner world, more frequently.
yeah, everything you have seen in people is reflecting you inside. that's actually the only explanation for it. there is no other reason. now, don't get confused. this doesn't always mean, "so i am a terrible, mean-hearted person just like them?" no, people also can only reflect who you think THEY ARE. so when you see someone as toxic, of course, they will play the role of the toxic person. and you just see yourself as the person who is as the receiving end of that kind of behavior. so yeah, that stands to reason a person can become loving, beautiful, and wonderful to you without you saying a word to them. you didnt have to ask them to become terrible, you don't have to ask them to become loving either.
yes, it can feel scary to reap what you sow on your own. because we are all imagination, we have to imagine better. no one can help us to do so. it's heavy sometimes, but the thing is you don't have to do this overnight. it's okay to breathe, it's okay to start with you. you don't have to worry about changing anyone else. worry about changing you, let yourself feel those things you've been refusing to let yourself feel because of others. it's time to free yourself.
plus, i find it helps you don't have to carry the burden of "i am god" that sometimes comes when you are starting in a lower place. sometimes "i am god" feels more suffocating than liberating, when you already feel so out of control. it's okay to think, "i am god's child" "i am supported by unconditional love within" or things like that. as one of my wonderful friends once said, "sometimes you have to fall, and let your godself catch you." (@astraldoll) it may feel heavy, but let limitless love be your guide.
i will link this article, i have linked many times, because it's so relevant. this person didn't ask for permission from her family to feel better, she decided to. she didn't even bother to try and change them. she just changed herself and because of her refusal to accept less from her family, they changed too. because people can only reflect you.
No One to Change But Self
i can't wait to hear about how you successfully transformed your life 💖
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Sorry to bother you, but I keep seeing posts about a future Goten AU and I keep getting really curious! However, when I try to find links to anything about it I end up at some abandoned URLs.
SECOND TIME TRYING TO ANSWER THIS CAUSE MY IDIOT ASS FORGOT I HAD ONE TYPED OUT AND CLOSED EVERYTHING :)
some disclaimers im getting most of this from an old draft i had written about the au, i havent watched the specific scenes in dbz and dbs that these are based on in well over 2+ years so i dont remember the timeline of events that well so im sorry if some of it just straight up doesnt make sense lol
this whole thing did start out as an excuse to replace the romantic scenes with mai in dbs with goten actually so the truten themes are pretty significant but that aside future goten is a very good boy with a much different personality and outlook on things… much like how future trunks is compared to his main timeline counterpart :3c the whole thing was developed by me and my gf together and we never rly posted too much about it and the broken links you did end up finding were probably from like the one or two times we did but here u go im glad u asked
I HOPE THE READ MORE LINK WORKS ON MOBILE IF NOT IM SORRY
the big change is it starts out with chi chi getting pregnant before goku dies of heart disease or whatever in the android saga instead of the cell saga, so even after he dies in that timeline she still has their 2nd son and he grows up in the future timeline with trunks.
when they were kids (like 10-15) goten was stronger than trunks just bc gohan and chi chi were there to teach him just a little bit. trunks and goten sparred a lot though so he was able to keep up but never really passed him. (that part isnt really important but i figured it was a nice detail that made sense)
thats when history of trunks comes into play, and they both get really serious about gohan training them. the scene in the movie where gohan knocks trunks out before flying off and getting killed is the same except now he just knocks out 2 kids instead of 1 i guess.
i feel i gotta add that this au was created when the future trunks arc in dbs was airing, and mai was introduced as his love interest, and honestly in my opinion the scenes were written really well but i just wasnt digging the fact that before she was granted a younger appearance she was already middle aged, like she was old enough to be his mom if that makes sense. so it really isnt a dig on mai at all cause i love her and id die for her its just the romantic plot that i didnt like. so when that was airing i thought “WELL what if that was someone else”
she’s still with them though in this timeline and she still has her younger appearance!
the future timeline is still progressing the same as it did in canon, the androids still wrecked the place and no one was strong enough to do much about it so trunks is still set up with a time machine to meet with the other timeline. goten stays back and does his best to protect everyone while hes gone just in case
some stuff happens in between here but skip ahead to trunks coming back from the trip after the cell games i guess! lots of stuff happened obviously like trunks literally dying, spending years in the time chamber with his dad, meeting a whole gaggle of clowns that he’d only heard stories about, seeing gohan as a preteen. hes got a lot of stuff to share!!! now hes back and he can take care of the androids + cell + and goten can catch up and lifes pretty good over there! 😇
during the rebuilding period goten would spend a lot of time with chi-chi and ox-king and still slept over there occasionally which she really appreciated, and he invited trunks and bulma over there with him frequently.
despite this he wasnt present when she died as no one really expected goku black to wipe out the landscape so far from the city, but she and ox-king died along with more than half of the population. (ugh god im so sorry queen i love you😓)
as i said before mai is still here and she’s still the leader of the resistance!
events of future bulmas death is the same as well as mai originally intending to go with trunks when they meet up together in an abandoned building. goten is already there as the three of them rest up a bit and start making their way to capsule corp. goten was planning on staying behind anyways but he wanted to see the two of them off. when goku black interrupts them as they arrive, trunks and goten encourage mai to escape, seeing as she only has a gun and everyone already knows bullets arent gonna work.
this scene is the same as it was in canon, where trunks tries to rush black but gets beaten quickly. mai trying to buy him time to let him escape is replaced with goten actually fighting him and taking a hit for trunks but getting knocked out as mai did. trunks under extreme stress from already losing his mom today assumes hes dead instantly, (he has dumb bitch disease, he didnt even check for a pulse in canon!🤔) and fires a masenko to escape into capsule on his own
after trunks pops back in time and black is focused on searching for him, mai sneaks back in to retrieve goten (even though they told her to leave she really just ducked behind some rubble and stayed close, because she wasnt just gonna leave them!)
she takes him back to an underground bunker with other members of earths resistance and when he wakes up she tells him that trunks made it to the time machine and that hes presumably in the other timeline now.
idk if yall remember it well but i rewatched some of the episodes just for this, and trunks in the main timeline believing goten was killed and mai is alone and he wont be able to get back is so sad. and when he spent that day with gohan and his family and cried thinking about how if black hadn’t have shown up, he couldve had a family too… he doesnt deserve to be this sad 😥
skip to when he’s finally able to get back home with goku and vegeta with him and they make their way to the bunker where he sees mai and goten together! the scene in canon where he rushes over and starts spilling his heart out is the same, with him telling goten he thought he died
they get a really sweet hug moment here when theyre both happy to see the other is still safe and it gives both goku and vegeta some Food For Thought, because goku actually didnt know there was a goten in this timeline, and he doesnt really recognize him at first. vegeta has the idea in his head that this is probably goten.
goten never really had any sort of real attachment to his dad. it makes sense hes never met him, hes only ever really heard about him through others, (his mom, his brother, trunks, and probably bulma has mentioned him as well) so he definitely knows OF him its just that, he doesnt know him. so when he sees the real goku standing there for once a lot of thoughts run though his mind, like, “that looks A LOT like goku black!” “thats definitely my old hairstyle” and “holy shit is that my dad?” but the first thing he actually says out loud is “Holy shit its goku orange” and vegeta really almost loses it because cause any doubt in his mind about this kid being related to kakarot just went right out the window cause only someone related to him would say that
and as you probably know a lot happens after that with them all finding a way to defeat zamasu but i dont want to include all of the rest when you can probably just interpret which scenes were changed
ANYWAYS now instead of trunks surviving the apocalypse its trunks and goten surviving the apocalypse. thats why its not a really super romantic deal like Who has time for dates when goku black Might possibly be hiding in this abandoned olive garden?? so theyre just very close and privately affectionate
the ending where trunks and mai get to live in a new world with their counterparts is the same except gotens there with them of course, dbs left their ending pretty open
so that takes care of the story changes, heres some additional details and information on gotens character in this au!
heres his design, drawn by my girlfriend @ssj2 uwu !!
he kept his natural hairstyle for a while, but i think he changed it sometime during the rebuilding period after the androids and just let it grow out a bunch. up until then he kept his natural style purely to honor the guy he’s heard so fondly of even if it brought him a lot of mixed feelings when people said he looks just like him. a really distinct feature about his new hairstyle is that the spikes look like horns and i love that a lot !!
and the shawl he wears was the same one chi chi wore
some personality traits for future goten is that he has a habit of bottling up his negative emotions and has trouble taking care of himself, as hes always more focused on the well being of his loved ones. he can be mischievous and cocky but hes not overconfident (or he hasnt been since gohans death) however in some situations he can be charismatic and assertive which works really well imowhen their timeline is erased and theyre temporarily in the main timeline, goten gets to meet a bunch of people like gohan and his family, chi chi, and even his counterpart
sorry if this post was messy i wasnt really sure how i wanted to make it look and im kinda bad at dumping information out so if any of its confusing just redirect me to it and ill try again gdjfksjdgsfk 😭❤
hmmm anyways thank u for reading!! its an au we made years ago and we love a lot and i hope u do too! be nice pls!! and send asks about it if you’d like cause its fun to think about!
#future goten au#goten#trunks#truten#i GUESS. im shy#long post#made an edit cause i rewatched the android saga a few days ago and i forgot trunks fucking died lol#tumblr stop deleting my tags challenge
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OC Interview Meme
This looks fun. Also some answers drastically differ depending on around what time this "interview” takes place. So i got thinking and since I was tagged by@sakurabunnie who’s getting to know my pre-inquisition Soren, i choose to time this before Inquisition. Then i was tagged by dear @hadiden-lavellan too, but by then i was halfway through his post, and hey why not, some looking back :)
Thank you both!!!! :3333
For Soren (Lavellan):
1. What is your name?
“A lot of people have called me by a lot of names. You can call me Soren.”
2. What is your real name?
“It is actually Soren. Yep, just Soren. I lost my original belonging and i didnt take any of my families surnames. Not permanently nor in any way official.”
3. Do you know why you were called that?
“Oh well, my parents wanted a pair of short and strong names that ring together, even if they had to get a bit creative. Also, as i learned, a pair of names that can be lilted and growled equally well haha “
4. Are you single or taken?
“i am free like a bird. Does your nest have some extra space on a cold night by the way?”
5. Have any abilities or powers?
“Im a highly trained assassin, among … other things. If you ever get in trouble… *slides over a strange little object* flash this around the shady parts of any city. They will take care of the rest. But for your lives sake, do not try to lie”
6. Stop being a Mary Sue.
“ I dont think i ever used that alias… “
7. What’s your eye color?
“Oohhh you are welcome to gaze into them closer, yes ;) no low light excuses, they have their own, so just lean over… “
8. How about your hair color?
“ Oh yes that is harder to tell in different lights. Its dark red, like good wine or blood from the liver .”
9. Have you any family members?
“ I have tons. If you meant blood relation… other than my twin sister i have some distant family. Literally distant even, like few and far between, out in the world. Some of us exchange awesome birthday gifts some years though, regardless of the exact date. Who has time to time that. “
(Scattered by the wind, but firmly standing like the trees)
10. Oh? What about pets?
“ Sadly animals are deadly afraid of me. It takes just a sniff to run for dear life… Even predators… it takes a special blend of proud and crazy to befriend me it seems. I would kill for such treasures. Like that Hart i once fought for an apple in that deep forest and lately rode to far destinations… i think it starts to get even attached!!! If he sticks around im gonna call him Captain. But remember, Dont go close to him! For your dear life, please dont. He is easy to recognize.
Big as a mountain and looks like “Oh, Shit”. “
(’Where to, Captain?’)
11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.
“ Those things are about to change. Or drop in numbers significantly in the world. Just wait. …as truly as i want to mean that, unfortunately some things never change. Like the darkness in people, festering hearts. There will always be things like betrayal, prejudice, hatred, discrimination, envy, greed, cruelty,... i could go on. People who mostly keep themselves above those shades of their nature are all worth to be protected.“
12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?
“ Oh there are so many awesome things in the world and so many exciting things to do! I cant even count them. Like there’s hunting dragons for one! Speaking of hunting, there is also treasure hunt and demon hunt and manhunt and wyvernhunt and countless others, the bigger and meaner the better!
But then theres also MAGIC! Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Everything magic and everything it touched. Putting together and using magic objects for so many things! And spells??? Potions, lotions, weapons...
And there are also PEOPLE! The most magical thing is the warm light in ones heart. And they are so various and unique! There are different languages and codes and symbols and oh the stories! And dance and music and pleasures and laughing and caring and helping and…. oh … haha… im sorry, are you awake? Please ask away. “
(’Ah, what a beautiful day!’)
13. Ever hurt anyone before?
“ I think you snoozed off and forgot about my profession already. :) “
14. Ever… killed anyone before?
“ Hahaha oh these sharp and pointy things and stuff arent for chopping and cooking vegetables either.”
15. What kind of animal are you?
“Pfffft i am my own species! Hehe! A unique hybrid i guess! But definitely a big animal, yes. Sis’ won that argument long ago, so there you have the answer. “
16. Name your worst habits.
“Hmm? What?” (*Muffs out with one of the interviewers -already leafed through-notebooks between his sharp teeth, booth on table...*)
Hey! That is… how did you… *sigh*... nevermind
(exhibit 99: ‘”I’ll go straight there!”)
17. Do you look up to anyone at all?
“My sister, definitely. She is the best. She is indestructible in every way i swear! Gotta be the strongest person alive. She is also really cool. But hot. I mean explosive! Not that shes not hot, technically... she is my female version after all haha. And caring for me with great big sister love (*mumble*:even if i am like 5 minutes older), but dont spread that ;) Might harm her notoriety.
I also look up to several of my tutors and many other people for many different reasons. People can be so many kinds of amazing.”
18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?
“You can not expect me to label my interests in a world full of so many differently beautiful people with warm hearts.”
19. Do you go to school?
“Yes. Life. 24/7.
Got less intense since i learned how to survive and sustain myself, and grew a strong body to back up my needs and will, but there are always new things to learn and lessons you never asked for too. I had some actual teachers along the way too, but lately mostly i just teach myself what i dont just encounter by diving into new things. Which is not only fun by the way, you are bound to learn a few things. Then there are books, theories, researching, digging, honing instincts and reflexes, combining and refining techniques or theories, trial and error... Life is a bottomless school “
20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?
“Wow, wow, you mean like.. babies? Sweet Fade, i wouldnt dare breathe their way, they are so fragile... little young PEOPLE, persons who arrived so recently and understand so little and cant even tell whats up just cry and i cant understand them, i understand every language but i can not understand babies for my life and ... and... thats terrifying! And do you have any idea how EASY it is to kill someone? And then there is that small bundle of vulnerability, my proximity could be lethal to it! And .... *sigh*... sorry just... It all would depend on that special person i might find who would want to keep me for life, for better or worse, and if they wanted kids... even if babies, i would be on board. I would do anything for that special someone. Even learn baby care...
Bigger kids, well, i already have :D . In good care. If any of them were to be taken under my constant and indirect care, would depend on a lot of things. Right now they are much safer otherwise.”
21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?
“Most certainly ;D.But none of them know much about me, of course. With that comes a transformation of those feelings”
22. What are you most afraid of?
‘Im not afraid of ANYTHING!” *eyes instantly betraying*
“Fine, fine, gotta be loss. Ironic, isnt it, for i have but what is on my person. Replaceable come and goes. Im mostly afraid of losses that arent even really “mine”, but others. Loved ones or even barely known ones loosing their lives or their light. Loosing my sister, myself, my heart... that is all i am. The only thing i cannot live without is my heart, i AM my heart, and loosing pieces of it or have it broken or freezing through a hole... I hate how selfish that is. But yeah. There you go. I still tend to leave pieces of it everywhere, and it only grows with that, funny how that works, but it also tends to get wounded on every turn. I fear the numbing cold. I fear the day when i cant hold it together and go on anymore.”
(from “When you are away”)
23. What do you usually wear?
“What you see is my whole wardrobe, hahah.
But i shift and change to blend in from the dirt of Orzammar’s dust town to the shining halls of Orlesian palaces. Its fun.
What i like to wear mostly are well covering clothes, that allow a great scale of mobility, but not baggy to catch on things. Made of high quality materials only. My clothes MUST be of great quality materials, more for comfort than durability. Heightened overall senses arent always fun. Oh and for outer wear i like leather, especially dragonskin stuff for light armor, and long boots are the only footwear i acknowledge, some with high heels, and a matching pair of long gloves from soft fine leather are necessary too. Long coats from mostly leather and all the necessary leather straps and harnesses and pouches and belt too of course. If it counts, all my current favorite necklaces with magical pendants and bracelets are a constant wear too. It also doesnt hurt if my clothes look great. But fine materials tailored to my body and my needs usually bring that effect without further touches.”
(*his gear gotta let his smooth ass move*)
24. Do you love someone?
“I love all good people. ...and some others”
25. When was the last time you wet yourself?
"Bahahahhahaa now thats some blunt question! It deserves to be answered truthfully. I wish i could say when i was a baby, but truth is i think it happened a few times during the wilder rides of intense poison training with blood magic assistance, but im not really sure, i was barely conscious through those parts from pain and all kinds of nasty sensations, i came to my senses naked and tucked in after them. I never do extreme limit pushing training alone.
There were also times when i was subject to some blood spells and experiments unwilling too. I have some suspicious blurry memories that i have made all sorts of messes. Egh. Lets move on to more fun questions”
26. Well, it’s not over yet!
“Perfect!”
27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)
“I live outside of such systems. But i took part in every class during my life, thanks to current families or goals.”
28. How many friends do you have?
“Plenty, but one cant have too many. Helping each other goes a long way. I tend to make some friends everywhere i go, but i have few close friends. The closest one is my sis’. She knows me more than i know myself, and she is always there for me, at any cost.”
29. What are your thoughts on pie?
“Pie? One of the most fun cakes. It was invented for throwing i swear!”
30. Favourite drink?
“Hmmmm... old, red wine, hot and seasoned, spiced with a nice kick of that special antivan poison blend. I dont recommend you trying it, but you dont know what you’re missing out.”
31. What’s your favourite place?
“Wherever i am welcome.”
(*one favorite place example. It is not Where, it is Who*)
32. Are you interested in someone?
“I am interested in everyone. Are you fishing for some special interest?”
33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?
“Hahahha oh you never disappoint! Well, it was a long time ago when i last i wore a bra, back when i could still pull off the young girl appearance, to get in paces and so on. I always made sure to have a proportional but quite evident bosom. Oh it was such fun, my long hair helped too, and i dished out that act spot on! Like that time in Val Royeaux, when the heads i turned waltzing in as part of a rich antivan court were spinning all around in frantic search in the chaos, while i walked right out as a male servant. Oh sorry, i got distracted. You also asked about my “willy” if i recall correctly. If you would like to measure it so badly we can discuss that later ;) “
34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?
“Hmmm.... whichever promises more sunk treasures and secrets. Some lakes hide quite the surprises let me tell you.”
(’Looks like a perfect place for some diving..’)
35. What’s your type?
“My type of what, exactly, dear? ;)”
36. Any fetishes?
“I am very flexible in many ways, let me tell you, in case you are planning to bend me to your will. And if id have some suggestions, well, let it remain a little mystery for now ;p”
37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?
“Depends. What would you like me to be?”
38. Camping or indoors?
“Nothing beats a warm bed and a well secured resting place. Especially with my... condition, and experiences”
39. Are you wanting the interview to end?
“Are you kidding me? You have such awkward, uncomfortable questions... Let me get a new round of drinks for us and lets do this till morning!”
“What do you mean new round... when did this cup of hot wine get here? It has my name on it??? What the... I better go i think.”
40. Now it’s over!
“What? Oh come on, we just got to some really “embarrassing” parts! Talking about “embarrassing”, would you like to hear the story of my encounter with this qounari dreadnought captain and ended up on board to Ostwick? Maybe you can tell me some stories yourself too in exchange..” *puppy eyes+shining grin combo*
“Well, im not exactly in a hurry...”
“Excellent!” *shifts closer and pours more wine*
I tag @quizzikemen @pelle-lavellan @hadiden-lavellan @sakurabunnie @elalavella @nipuni and everyone who wants to do it! For those who already did this consider this a tag for another OC! Gotta love them all :D (if you feel like doing it. I always feel like reading it)
#finally i got around to finish this post#soren lavellan#oc meme#dragon age inquisition#dual wield assassin#male lavellan#screenshots
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Depression
You don't enjoy your hobbies
You sleep too much/too little
You don't think you matter
You wish you could kill yourself
You feel more sad than happy
GAD
You get anxious for no reason at all
You have nervous ticks (biting nails, hair touching,etc)
You always have a nervous stomach
You always feel like youre on the edge
You get a lot of body aches
OCD ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
You have obsessive thoughts that you cant make go away
You have a special routine and if you dont do it exactly...
you will have a panic attack
you have to double check things
If things arent exactly how you want them you get constant anxiety and you cant stop thinking about it
You have a fear of losing control
PTSD
You have gone through something traumatic
You get flashbacks all the time from the trauma
Loud noises cause a panic attack
You have night terrors (different from nightmares)
You zone out/black out and relive the event
Bipolar
You feel extremely sad
You get extremely happy/excited
You talk so fast people can't keep up
You have sleep problems
You are constantly thinking of death/suicide
Schizoprenia
You constantly hear voices in your head
You have word salad (disorganized sentences)
You hallucinate
You have the flat effect (no emotion/zombie like)
You have laugh at the wrong times
Dissociative Identity disorder
You are detached from your emotions
You have amnesia of certain events/people
You dont remember faces or you have a difficult time remembering
You get anxious
Youre suicidal
BPD- Borderline Personality disorder
You take major risks
Youre very sexually active (many partners)
You have unstable relationships
Extreme mood swings
You have explosive anger
Autism (broad, there are way too many so im just gonna list to common )
You have a hard time in social surroundings (relating to people..communicat
You resist change
You have at least one learning disability
you CANT make eye contact
You cant share enjoyment with others
SAD- Seasonal affective disorder
You feel more happy during the summer time
Seasons changing can make you feel sad/depressed
You think about death but not suicide
You have insomnia
You get irritated easy
Bulimia Nervosa
You eat a big portion of food at once
You have bad self image
You eat a lot but force yourself to puke it all up
You feel like you cant stop the eating / out of control
You self harm
Anorexia
You see yourself bigger than you actually are
You enjoy the feeling of starving yourself
You have extreme weight loss in very little time
Your hair is falling out
You have anxiety if you have to eat
ADHD
You are always moving (tapping pen, shaking leg)
You cant pay attention long
You act before thinking
You lose interest quickly
Youre always talking too much/too fast
-
I know all the words to some of the songs from Grease
I have seen a show on Broadway before
I have ran up and hugged a stranger, mistaking them for someone I knew
I have drooled all over my pillow before while in a deep slumber
I’m listening to my favorite song right now
I have/had a mood ring(s)
I have an Apple Mac
I have taken an art class in school before
I have owned a disco ball at one time or another
I can speak fluent Spanish
I’ve been to a roller rink and fallen flat on my butt
I can write in Japanese
I have been hospitalized for more than a month before due to a terrible injury
I would streak for 50 bucks
I have pole danced before just for fun
I have a ridiculously large purse
I have ridden a camel before
I love carnivals and fairs
I have spent the whole day at the mall and just walked around
I live/lived/visited in Germany
I love to people-watch at the airport
I don’t have a favorite flower
I have seen the movie Love Actually
I have a lot of random shit hanging on the walls of my bedroom
I drink as much milk as I’m recommended to
I keep my movie ticket stubs
I’m going to go see a play or musical soon
I have studied abroad before
I don’t drink enough water
I love yogurt
I’m trying to lose weight
I HATE my toes
I’m trying to gain weight
I love the show “True Life” on MTV
I loathe reality TV
I have taken a College Algebra math course
I can count from 1-10 in two or more different languages
I need to paint my toenails
My internet homepage is my email provider’s page
I never send e-mails anymore
I have a cell phone
& I don’t think it’s a piece of trash
I have an iPod/MP3 player
& a really kickass case for it, too
I put my shoes in the dryer
I still watch the Price is Right and Jeopardy
I love to bargain shop
I could live off of breakfast cereals
I wish I could be a member of the opposite sex for one day
I dislike standardized tests
I hate 90s music
I can’t wear watches because I have too much electricity in my body
I just don’t wear watches because I think they’re ugly
I text in class or at work
I can’t WAIT for summer
I once wore something that was 5 times too big for me in public
I have been to Canada
I hate it when guys leave the toilet seat up
I have a really cool 6-CD changer stereo
I own all the CDs from my favorite band
I hate Myspace
My favorite band has a “The” in front of it
All I wear is band teeshirts
I’m a loner
I can speak another language fluently
I like Dave Matthew’s Band
I practically live in my pajamas when I’m at home
I love mashed potatoes
I have seen my favorite band in concert more than twice
I love string cheese
I hate The White Stripes
I’m homophobic
I have a certain order in which I put on my socks and shoes
I’m a morning person
I have a High School diploma
I love Chinese take-out
I think sushi is disgusting
& I’ve never even tried it
It’s raining right now
I love listening to old-school Madonna
I’m picky
I’ve volunteered before in my community
I’m always sore
I hate back massages
I give a mean back rub
I’m interesed in acupuncture
I love foreign food
I listen to my iPod/MP3/CD player in class or in the office when I’m supposed to be paying attention or working
I fall or have fallen asleep in class
I would never wax my legs, even if you paid me
I have tried Nair before
& it hurt like hell and didn’t work
I suffer from sleep apnea
Someone in my family or someone I know battled cancer and won
I have a shirt hanging in my closet that hasn’t been worn for over 2 years
Snickers is my favorite candy bar
I had an imaginary friend when I was younger
I do my chores every day
My favorite soda is Dr. Pepper
Okay, this survey is going on for way too long
I know the difference between “to”, “two”, and “too”
& when is the appropriate time to use them
I have/had birds
I have been to Hawaii before
I want to go on a Cruise
I always read before going to bed
I passed Geometry the first time I took it
My nails are not painted
I have a song stuck in my head right now
I have watched at least one episode of “Friends” before
Chocolate chip pancakes are pretty much the bomb
I have no clue what IHOP is or stands for
I’m currently avoiding someone
I know morse code
Facial hair hot
I’ve been dehydrated before
I love to run!
I have a crush on someone right now
& they don’t even know I exist
Bolding surveys are calming
I’m listening to a sad song right now
I still use old-fashioned bar soap to wash myself in the shower
I have an electric toothbrush
I have taken professional studio photos with friends or family
I have seen Steven King’s movie IT
When I was younger, my friends & I always used to make up dances and perform them
I think I’m going deaf
I’m getting bored of this stupid survey all ready
I’m an accident just waiting to happen
I’m so clumsy
I have licked someone else’s shoes before, for money or just because
I’m always indecisive
I have kickass bunny slippers
I need a tissue
I have watched the Disney movie Mulan before
& loved it
I have attended a tea party before
I have seen a bear before, and it wasn’t at the zoo
I have walked in on someone having sex before
The drawers on my dresser don’t close all the way because they’re so full
I hate my 3rd period teacher
I read Manga
I used to collect beanie-babies way back when
I sell or buy stuff on eBay
I have been to a museum before
I have plans tonight
I like Spongebob
Captain Hook is one of my favorite Disney villains
I hate the movie The Sound of Music
I need to charge my phone
I like elephants
-
[Vacation Editon]:
Thailand or Hawaii
Mexico or Costa Rica
Santorini or Amalfi Coast
Caribbean or Tahiti
Yellowstone or Yosemite
New York or San Francisco
Paris or Barcelona
Miami or Ibiza
Australia or New Zealand
[Food Edition]:
strawberries or blueberries
iced coffee of hot coffee
oatmeal or cereal
hot dog or hamburger
chicken or steak
smoothie or milkshake
potato chips or french fries
ice cream or gelato
[Personal Style Edition]:
sneakers or sandals
jeans or leggings
leather or suede
neutrals or bold colors
heels or flats
hoodie or zip-up
thigh fit or loose fit
statement accessories or simple/no accessories
closed-toed or open-toed
blue jeans or jeggings
long sleeves or short sleeves
curly hair or straight hair
cowboy boots or riding boots
necklaces or bracelets
natural nails or fake nails
canvas shoes or sport shoes
bun or ponytail
sweat pants or leggings
[Celebrity Edition]:
Kim Kardashian or Kylie Jenner
P!nk or Ke$ha
Emma Watson or Emma Stone
Kate Middleton or Meghan Markle
Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie
Nicki Minaj or Cardi B
David Beckham or Tom Brady
Jake Gyllenhaal or Ryan Reynolds
Ariana Grande or Selena Gomez
Oprah or Ellen
Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon
Steve Jobs or Elon Musk
Kendrick Lamar or Drake
Taylor Swift or Katy Perry
Beyoncé or Rihanna
[Workout Habits Edition]:
leggings or shorts
squats or deadlifts
planks or crunches
treadmill or free run
elliptical or Stairmaster
free weights or machines
Nike or Under Armour
[American Food Edition]:
grilled cheese or mac&cheese
french fries or onion rings
potato chips or popcorn
fried chicken or chicken wings
pizza or sandwich
pancakes or waffles
pasta salad or potato salad
cookies or cake
apple pie or cheesecake
sausage or bacon
Burger King or McDonald’s
Coke or Pepsi
[Candy Edition]:
Reese’s Cups or Hersey kiss
Sour Patch Kids or Jolly Ranchers
Jelly beans or Gummy bears
Baby Ruth or 3 Musketeers
Almond Joy or Mounds
Hersey bar or KitKat
Snickers or MilkyWay
Skittles or Starburst
Junior Mints or York Peppermint Patty
-
You have an iPhone.
You have a pink or blue phone case.
One of your contact name starts with W, Y or Z.
One of your contact is labeled, Doctor.
You made a call before 7:00 am.
You have your alarm set on your phone to wake you up.
You have headphones with you.
Your ringtone is a song.
One of your recent calls was to one of your parents.
You have a text saved from over a year ago.
You have a selfie taken.
Your screen saver is a picture.
Your battery is more than half full.
You have a picture of you and a guy saved.
You have a video saved.
You have a text saved with ‘What’s Up?’
You have at least one game downloaded.
Your significant other is #1 on your speed dial.
You have more than 50 photos saved on your phone.
You have 1 - 5 downloaded applications.
You have 5 - 10 downloaded applications.
You have 10+ downloaded applications.
You have at least 10 pictures of you.
You have at least 30 pictures of you
You have at least 20 pictures of your family.
You have at least 20 pictures of your friends.
You have more than 10 songs.
You have more than 50 songs.
You have more than 100 songs.
You bought it.
Your parents bought it.
Your grandparents bought it.
You have more than 1 phone case.
You hate when people want to look through your phone.
You have a few contact but not a lot.
Your phone is next to you.
You have a white phone case
You have the latest iPhone
You checked your phone before 7:00 am this morning.
Your most recent call was less than 30 minutes ago.
Your music collection contains a song with ‘baby’ in the title.
You have Facebook installed.
You have a picture with more than 4 people in it.
You have a picture of you and a guy with no shirt on in your phone.
You have Candy Crush installed as an application.
You have a Lady Gaga song in your collection.
You made a call after midnight.
You have a black phone case.
You have a picture of the graduate saved in your album.
Your music collection, includes a song with ‘school’ in the title.
You have more than 5 voicemails saved.
You have YouTube as an application.
You have Instagram as an application.
You have Twitter as an application.
You have Tumblr as an application.
SnapChat is one of your applications.
You have a Mike in your contact.
You have a song with the word ‘money’ in the title.
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All 100 Questions.
Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄
1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.
2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)
3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.
4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.
5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.
6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.
7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.
8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.
9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆
10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.
11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)
12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂
13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.
14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.
15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!
16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!
17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.
18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!
19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).
20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.
21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah
22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah
23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.
24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂
25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.
26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.
27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.
28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.
29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉
30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.
31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏
32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one
33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig
34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.
35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.
36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.
37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.
38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂
39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful
40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉
41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february
42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)
43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.
44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao
45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)
46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh
47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never
48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???
49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it
50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam
51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?
52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.
53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.
54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg
55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses
56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.
57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess
58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered
59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.
60. Are you in love?I wish
61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really
62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.
63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?
64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling
65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!
66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.
67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.
68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.
69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.
70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??
71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.
72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no
73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no
74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂
75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)
76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂
77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…
78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.
79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.
80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.
81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?
82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!
83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.
84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.
85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.
86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂
87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true
88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.
89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.
90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)
91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl
92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.
93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.
94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves
95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.
96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.
97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂
98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)
99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.
100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.
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‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda
Welcome, welcome, welcome. After last weeks very entertaining trainwreck, I gotta say I was pretty fucking pumped to revisit the AYTO cast. Nothing makes these recaps easier to write than failure of other people. Lucky for me, this cast not only fails but also does some straight-up stupid shit in the process. I mean, between Tyler and Carolina these recaps practically write themselves.
Anyways, Im drinking cheap wine and my laptop is charged. Lets begin now.
AFTER BLACKING OUT AND LOSING A SHIT TON OF MONEY
Carolina has produced enough tears to give the town of Flint some clean water. Shes literally moving from one location to the other just fucking sobbing. Joeys pretty upset toonow hes a loveless trashman. Sad!
They are both like kneeling on the floor, praying to sweet baby Jesus that they can overcome this horrible hardship of losing your love of two weeks. Joeys low-key kneeling down to pick up some trash off the ground because you cannot take the man away from his livelihood, goddammit.
Kathryn/Rushboobs is like ARE WE DONE?? to Ozzy and its like, uh, is this a trick question? Oh duh, I forgot shes an education major from FSU. Someone needs to basically fucking spell out how this game works for her.
Ozzy tries to let her down easy and she storms off because how dare he try and focus on the whole object of the game!?
Kam, the girl with the grey/purple hair as my mom calls her (like, mom its a three fucking letter name), is like “OKAY EVERYONE STOP FUCKING CRYING.” I am Kam, Kam is me.
Rushboobs cant help that she has a lot of feelings and the fucking mentality of a 14-year-old.
Tee is like “I WANT A BOYFRIEND WITH A BRAIN.” And when you want an intellectual boyfriend the first place you should go is an MTV reality show. *cough, cough BULLSHIT cough*
Shes into Oswaldo, who is low-key hot but also looks like Austin Ames friend from (the one in the middle). YEAH, I KNOW, IM FUCKING RIGHT.
He is talking about how he wants to be a businessman and watches Animal Planet because knowledge is power. Yeah, I bet watching episodes of is really going to put you ahead in your fuckin career.
Honestly, I cannot hear him saying anything besides diner girl.
THE CHALLENGE
Can I just saylots of slow motion running this season. We get it. You use special effects.
The game involves the casts social media and they have to answer questions based off their profiles. Apparently they all are fucking crazy online too, further solidifying the fact that they will never get jobs in the real world.
Except Joey. Trash collecting doesnt have a lot of requirements to it.
They all are asked the same questions and need to find the answer for their partner in a maze like web that Ryan so cleverly calls the inter-net.
Whenever Ryan says something fucking cheesy that cast cracks up like its the best shit theyve ever heard. I imagine producers are standing behind them with like guns pointed to their backsfucking laugh at Ryans pun or Ill murder your family. Carolina, shed a tear if you need help.
Thats not really a thing, you fucking idiots.
It goes like this:
Question: Biggest turnoff in a guy?
JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who listens, because I listen.
ALSO JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who eats food because I eat food.
Joey, be a doll and never speak again. Thanks!
Question: If I won the lotto what would I buy?
NORMAL PEOPLE: A plane ticket anywhere in the world!
NORMAL PEOPLE: I would donate to charity!
NORMAL PEOPLE: I would pay loans!
HAYDEN: ME BUY LARGE TRUCK.
Question: Whats a gross habit you have?
OZZY: Im just here to fuck Carolina, so Im picking the first thing I see
*picks wipes boogers on the wall*
CAROLINA: Omg he knows me so well!!!
Note to self, never, ever go to Carolinas booger house.
Hayden and Rushboobs get in first, Joey and KARI get second. To make it even more awkward, Ozzy and Carolina get third. Oh, I love this.
Ryan tells them they are all going hiking with monkeys and Ozzy has to act excited, like he doesnt do that every other day.
BACK AT THE HOUSE
Michael is like I WAS AN EMT BUT I QUIT BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE, AM I RIGHT? Thats like being like I WAS A VET, BUT ANIMALS, RIGHT? Michael, further implicating himself as unemployable.
Gianna is like, still having a lady boner over Michael and Hayden has developed a city on Friendzone Island where he is now the mayor. Shes like, laying all over him and totally loving the fact that hes more whipped than a girl in BDSM porn.
Carolina is in love with Ozzy faster than President Trump can delete the LGBT Rights page from his website. Quite suddenly, hes the hottest guy in the house and she liked him the whole time she was with Joey. Hmm, sounds like alternative facts.
Shes like “MY PARENTS WOULD LOVE YOU” hes like “mmmm okay, Booger rubber.”
Also, when talking to the camera separately, Carolina seems like the most boring person literally ever. Was she on a sedative? Why do I feel like they put her on this show like, mid-wisdom teeth removal?
Rushboobs is pounding wine, honestly same, while Ozzy and Carolina start making out.
Tyler, this seasons resident fuckboy, is like Shannon is fun and flirty! Which is the way of saying easy! Shannon, you seem nice, but when you speak I want to throw myself in front of a fucking train. Her voice truly sounds like everything annoying in the world just took a massive shit in her vocal chords. Did she do the voice over for Bubbles in ?
Taylor is like “dafuq is this?” And straight-up calls Tyler out. Shes like you didnt even get to know me very calmly and Tyler is like WOAH.
TYLER: YOU ARENT MY GIRLFRIEND
TAYLOR: I know, I just wanted to get to know you because you seem cool
TYLER: WOW, WHAT A CRAZY BITCH
Rushboobs is talking to Ozzy about how she still cares about him and shell never forget the 14 days they had together on a reality show, where everything is pretty much superficial.
Carolina comes in hot and is like “RUSHBOOBS DOESNT KNOW IF IM GOOD FOR OZZY OR NOT! not even understanding that they arent talking about her.
Joey comes in to defend Rushboobs and mostly just shit talk Carolina. Joey starts yelling at Carolina about how she juggles guys and shes crazy and all this other bullshit. Joey, pull your tampon out and quit being a little baby about this. Move the fuck on. Youre a single trashmanyour life can only go up from here!
Joeys like “WHY DONT YOU TAKE A FIRST CLASS FLIGHT HOME WITH OZZY!!!!” And its like, ooooohhh good one, bro, and Ozzys like uh, Im from here. Ozzys mom will be picking him up after the show, thanks for the concern though.
Shannon is talking to Tyler and I swear I have heard more interesting shit come out of a Baby Born doll. Why do you sound like you survive on a diet of rainbows and helium? Whatever, they annoy me. Moving on.
THE DATE WITH ALL THE LITTLE BIRDIES AND THE MONKEYS
They go to play with the monkeys and Carolina is like we took food out and the animals attacked us. Wow, groundbreaking.
She and Ozzy start making out and its like, could you just chill for a second? There are fucking animals eating corn off your head.
Joey starts complaining to KARI about Carolina and shes like I think you still like her. KARIs in med school man, dont fuck with her. Also, she can literally see into your mind with those big-ass eyes of hers.
Hes like “I SWEAR ON MY LIFE IM OVER IT! I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LOVED THAT I AM SO OVER THAT HORRIBLE, HATEFUL, CRAZY BITCH CAROLINA.” The trashman doth protest too much.
KARI leaves because she doesnt need this bullshit. She can fucking read minds and save people. Time to move the fuck on.
Am I watching ? Because I swore I just heard Joey say can I steal her for a minute? Joey, do not fucking try to hybrid my reality shows rn!
He pulls Carolina aside and is like KARI WONT TALK TO ME BECAUSE OF YOU!!! Uh, wait what? Carolina starts yelling and this is just a goddam mess. Honestly, the sexual tensionyou could cut it with a knife.
Ozzy goes to save Carolina before she starts rubbing boogers all over Joeys face.
THE TRUTH BOOTH
Carolina and Ozzy are in the Truth Booth, thank god. Put me out of my fucking misery.
But wait, Ryan offers a deal where they dont send Ozzy and Carolina and they take $150,000 bucks instead. But if they take the money, they can never send those two in the truth booth again. Damn Ryan, back at it again with the shitty trades.
The house is divided with Kam being like CAROLINA IS CRAZY TAKE THE MONEY and everyone else being like hmmm idk.
Ryan asks Derrick, who is like the unofficial spokesperson of the house, what their plan is and they decide to not take the truth booth trade. Damn, Ive heard stupider shit come out of Kellyanne Conways mouth.
And lookie here, NO MATCH.
Moral of the story: Listen to Kam. Listen to me. Never make a decision on your own. Bye!
Carolina is crying again. Someone put a Brita filter under this bitch.
Rushboobs is like wow this is so sad *smiles* *dances* *throws flowers around the room* *throws party*
Joey and Rushboobs bond over alcohol and their hatred of Carolina and start flirting. This is how it goes, I shit you not:
RUSHBOOBS: Stop!
JOEY: No, you stop *leans in closer*
RUSHBOOBS: No, you stop *leans in closer*
ME: NO SERIOUSLY, FUCKIN STOP.
Ive seen better flirting skills from a fucking third grader. Where did you learn to communicate with the opposite sex, Rushboobsyour students? Joey, I dont even want to know how your livelihood has affected your lovelife.
Tee is like “I CANNOT WAIT TO FUCK OSWALDO,” and its like, wow okay. Shoutout to her parents. But also, do you girl #womensmarch
KARI and Tyler start talking. Tylers playing the role of the victim like I cant help that every girl wants to bone me! wow, life must be so hard for you. How do you even get up in the morning?
Tyler is hot though, dammit. Always the pretty ones. KARI ends up straddling him and they go to bed together. Well. Okay then.
Meanwhile, Kam and Eddie are hanging out and giving me couple goals. If they arent a match Im fucking throwing hands.
MTV: Kam and Eddie, you are not a couple
ME: CASH ME OUTSIDE, HOW BOW DAH
THE MATCHUP CEREMONY
The girls pick tonight so hopefully it wont be too much of a shit show.
Rushboobs picks Joey, a trashy match made in heaven.
Tee picks Osvaldo, the knowledgeable son of a bitch. I imagine he is just whispering animal facts into her ear all night.
Hannah picks Derrick/Kellyanne.
Casandra and Jaylen. Yawn.
Kam and Eddie, because duh.
Shannon picks Tyler. Yuck. Ryans like Tyler, hows it going? And Tylers like “I GOT TO KNOW KARI INTIMATELY!” Okay. Not the question but whatever. So classy. Goddam, I want to kiss your face but also hit it with shovel???
Hes like I was sauced and tries to act like it was a drunken thing. Very cool of him. And STOP USING THE TERM SAUCED. Like I literally just picture you rolling around in marinara.
KARIs like fuck it, yeah I gave him a handjob. Wow, okay MTV youre really doin the damn thing. Honestly, who hasnt given a regretful handjob?
Taylor is crying because shes like wait you never even spoke to me! Everyone, including me, feels bad for Taylor because like, Tylers fucking gross.
Tyler: The funny thing about a conversation is give me a handjob.
Tylers like I guess Im the bad guy and its like, hmmm, what gave it away? I shall play you the worlds smallest violin. Can you hear it?
Carolina picks Hayden and Giannas like “WTF NO.”
Gianna picks Ozzy and Ozzy literally looks like he wants to kill himself. Relatable.
Alicia picks Mike. Cool story.
Taylor comes up and crying and Ryans like how do you feel? Uh how do you think she fucking feels? Is the crying not a clue? Shes like I feel disrespected but honestly, when am I ever not. This is like a speech from a movie.
TAYLOR TO TYLER: But waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing. (name the movie)
Taylor picks Michael as her perfect match.
Andre is like “Taylor is hot and sad. I make happy. We bone. Yay!”
Im endorsing that couple RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
Andre and KARI are left.
They are all like we cannot get another blackout! and Im like just fuck me up, fam. Give me another blackout, make my goddam day.
But alas, they get 4 BEAMS. Not bad for a bunch of pretty degenerates.
Cant wait to see what fuckery next week holds!
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from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda
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