#im sorry for posting the same characters twice in a row . i will keep going | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ainaraoftime · 7 years

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NDRV3, loooooong post, liveblogging end of chapter 5 part 1, lots of very big spoilers, etc etc, you know the drill

“so yeah i went there to kill ouma but i guess momota had the same idea. we all just really hate ouma”

no comment, i just really like these CGs so im compilating em here

MOMOTA WHAT FUCK. im gonna guess him and ouma were in some kinda cahoots

the GIANT toilet smack in the middle of this pic is kinda killing the tension. and also maki’s head poking thru the window

shit where was she keeping that

haha saihara’s calling ouma (or “ouma”) out on trying to pull a chapter 5 komaeda (edit: i forgot what i meant by this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

oh holy shit they make you vote without knowing who it is? that’s new!

...oh so the vote doesn’t count? aw

well, if monokuma doesn’t know either, im guessing this is not a computer simulation like in SDR2. well, we already know it wasn’t, but...

i thought ouma not being the mastermind was pretty fucking obvious but i guess in-universe it isn’t

“wait, ouma LIED?!” holy shit guys it’s been 5 chapters and ouma’s introduction was literally “HI I’M A LIAR”

i love how fuckin pissed yumeno is this trial, shes just yelling her way thru it

kodaka i will fight you

im not following the train of thought of these characters. i guess it’s one of those things about listening to the game being translated aloud

they make you play the minesweeper minigame twice in a row? omfg

yeah i guessed that was the trick used for filming it. still is kinda weird how after the pause the press just seems to... slam down?

maki said shes the culprit what. oh she doesn’t wanna accept it

the fuck you looking at. keep scrolling

CLIMAX INFERENCE TIME YEAHHH prepare for incoming pic spam

a sneaky girl...

GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT HARUMAKI

i find it funny how saihara describes momota and ouma having an “altercation” (well, that’s how jess translated it) and the picture looks like this

"whatcha gonna do, shoot me?” -ouma’s last words

1. the fuck’s wrong with his hand 2. is he blushing

“GOT YOUR NOSE!”

“ >:c ”

im assuming hes weak because of the poison? ..... =(

god this is... a really sad panel

ugh he looks like he’s in so much pain, jesus

i dont understand how the electrobomb disabled the safety feature but not the press itself. well i guess im not a mechanic

yeah momota i dont understand why he took his shirt off either

(maybe they knew that if the others managed to look into the press they’d recognize the jacket/scarf...? but momota made sure to cut the press’s wires. i mean, i guess they could’ve used some kinda leverage force to open the press(???) and ouma decided that better safe than sorry)

(i mean dont get me wrong the #1 reason is fanservice but after every single female character getting lots of creepy fanservice for no good reason (especially iruma) at this point it’s ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) (still a better reason than “stripping to my underwear would make gonta go away”)

i’m sad =( (im actually keeping most of my “ouma is making me sad” reactions in chats with friends) (but i’m very sad) (i’m gonna be thinking about this panel and the one where he’s being dragged a lot)

god this is like. the most (physically) horrible death in danganronpa. well, victim death, the executions are another ballpark. well, i guess being drowned wasn’t so fun for Hoshi either

ugh momota had to stand there and FILM IT

what a weird angle. i understand he’s sitting down on the exisal but

also check out saihara’s suddenly big meaty hand

aaaaaaalright and that’s the end of the climax inference, im guessing after this there’ll be some talking, voting time and then i’m guessing explanations. more detailed thoughts once explanations happen, hopefully. pshooo

#long post #ndrv3 spoilers #ainara watches ndrv3

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noodlenutter · 6 years

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i met my childhood idol TWICE this weekend and i dont think im gonna be the same ever again

super longwinded and probably kinda cringey/obsessivly detailed post under the cut

ok so when i was 11 there was a show on cbbc called mission 2110 and the main character, caleb, was this cyborg dude w a robot arm and headset and he was fighting against evil robots who’d taken over the world, and most importantly, he was played by stuart goldsmith.

i saw a sign around uni for a comedy show at the basement, york, by (you guessed it) stuart goldsmith. so of course i had to go, if only to make childhood-me happy

i turned up alone and Very early. i waited outside the venue for a while and saw stu leave and go for a walk around york but I wasn’t 100% sure it was him so i didnt approach him then

when we finally got in i sat on the front row between a group of elderly people and a drunk hen party - as soon as stuart got on stage, he started his introducing himself/the show, talking about the venue and warming up the crowd spiel, but instantly froze when he saw the hen party (he was surprised that they were there and kept sort of forgetting his train of thought and going back to the fact the entire front row was a hen party, cos they’re not his usual audience)

he started the gig and im not gonna go into huge detail about that in this post cos there’s no way i’d do any of it justice thru words (plus theres gonna be a tour dvd sometime ;) ) but at some points he interacted with the audience (usually the front row) so i’ll mention those

the first Direct Interaction was when he spat directly onto my shoe while talking. he looked right at me, stopped his joke, and said ‘yes, i know what just happened. i know. it was Entirely Intentional.’ and kept going as if nothing had happened at all (it was fuckin hilarious cos no one else even saw it happen so the crowd was like ?????)

& for the part where he asked about jobs, he asked me and i said i was a student so he firstly asked what i wanted to do after - but straight away asked what i studied. i shrugged as a response to what i want to do after the degree (cos who knows lmao) but he took that as a response for what i study and made some quip about me not even knowing what i study n how that’s just a Typical Student Thing isn’t it?

(apparently when robots take our jobs, psychologists will be replaced by tape recorders on legs)

during the break (NOT an interval) i was talking to the people beside me (not the ones in the hen party) about york and scarborough and floods and bands and everything, they were so nice

not much happened in the 2nd half of the show (other than the fact i almost CRIED laughing, honestly that dude is SO funny), but he said he was gonna hang around afterwards to sell tshirts and say hi to people, so i decided to ask him about cbbc’s mission 2110 (which was my favourite show ever and also the place i know him from)

so, after he’d told his last joke (one about raisins, which i remembered on the drive home and had to pull over cos i was laughing so hard i thought i was gonna crash the car), he said goodbye and got off stage etc etc, i queue up to say hi. straight away he reaches out to shake my hand & say ‘hi mate, thanks for enjoying the show’, that kinda thing

i asked him about m2110 and his face LIT UP, i thought he was gonna hate me for reminding him of it but he was happy and said that was his dream job, all the robots were played by his street performer friends, and he cant wait for the day that one of the kids from the show turns up to his gig

i asked him for a photo after that and he was like ‘yea, of course!! ill even do the pose!’ and put his hand to his face like caleb from m2110 did (im grinning at the memory while typing this, its such a dumb photo but i look insanely happy and he looks exactly as i remember caleb looking)

i asked how m2110 ended (i never got to see the last ever episode), and he looked like he was going to tell me but when i said i hadn’t seen the last ep he said ‘i’m not gonna tell you then!!’ (cmon mate its been deleted off the internet for like 8 years now :(!! )

all in all i think the first show was just how a typical comedy gig goes, but the 2nd show things got different (in a good way)

i decided to go again when i found out he was going to be in leeds 2 days later, and i took my friend who was disappointed that she’d missed the first show

we got to the front row and had to sit directly in front of him (we were gonna sit a bit further across but other people wanted to sit there first), so when he came up on stage to do his intro he glanced at me, then snapped back to do a double take - ‘are you BACK???’ he asked, pointing at me, ‘you were in york the other day, weren’t you?’

i gave him a thumbs up, high enough for most of the crowd to see, and he grinned, crouched a bit and started talking to me about the york show’s crowd - the fact there was a hen party, how surprised he was about them, and then that the weren’t as rowdy as we both thought they were going to be - after a minute or so, he stood up again and said ‘this is more of a chat than a show, isn’t it?’ & got on with the show.

i honestly can’t stop thinking about the “what’s your name, where you from, where d’you do your howling?” part of the show cos it’s never something i thought of before, but every day since then i’ve screamed in my car to a song and it’s kinda therapeutic (he pointed at me when he asked about howling, he points at a random audience member for each question) (also SOIL) (also also the bit about wanting to do a mic drop but with a microphone made of meringue)

in the break, the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked whether it was different from york or better/worse than york, and whether i’d been a fan for long, etc etc

after the break, stu got back on stage and thanked us all for coming back - then asked whether there were any ‘guilty empty seats’ next to anyone. the guy in the seat next to mine didn’t return after the break, so the person next to him and i pointed at the empty chair on the front row (he said something about how he respects that decision cos the guy came alone anyway)

“shall we mix this part up a bit? could you shuffle these?” he asked, and gave me the flashcards while explaining how this part of the show worked (he workshops jokes from flashcards, they’re in a set order for every other show but he wanted to make it different for leeds, and so gave me the cards to decide the order)

i panicked a bit though cos I was so shocked, so i just shuffled them randomly instead of reading the cards and what they said (oops), and i put an interesting one on top - it just said ‘R’ in a circle and i couldn’t think what joke that would have been so i put it first.

i gave him the cards back and he looked at the top one like ‘uhh, no, i cant do this one first, that’s possibly the best bit of them all it’s gotta go at the end’ (which made me realise it was the raisin joke at the end of the show, so i told him how it really is because I had to pull over on the drive home it made me laugh so much - to which he fist pumped and yelled ‘now THAT’S a review!’)

before moving onto the content on the cards he talked about how he wishes he could go on stage to an audience who’s already ‘warm’ to him so he doesnt have to waste his 2nd best joke so early in the show, so he was planning ideas to get the crowd hyped before he even came out. he sat on the empty chair next to me and talked about how if everyone’s hyped enough then he’ll get a standing ovation etc etc, then stood back up, jumped on stage, and we all stood with him and clapped - ‘yeah, keep going!!! no one sit down! dont do it!’, after a few seconds i was losing my balance but i thought it’d be Funny if someone sat down, and Funny if that someone was me, who everyone knew had been to the show before. so i sat.

‘NO!! she’s sat down! that’s it i guess, it’s over isnt it, alright then, you can all stop now i suppose’ (tbf i feel slightly bad for it BUT it made it all funnier anyway so it’s chill, i hope)

because i hadn’t looked at the cards every time there was an unexpected one he glanced over to me, ‘is this really what you want? you want this one?’, sighed ‘okay then’ and did the bit. the one about the squirrel (’you really want the fuckin squirrel one???’) kinda flopped cos it built off a previous one in york so he said that at least he’s learnt that it has to be in a certain order to be funny (youre welcome)

after the show when i went to say hi & thank you for letting me control the cards etc (i never actually said that cos i got distracted, ended up talking about how one of my twitter friends & her family is friends with him and his family but he asked who i was talking about and im like ‘uhhh i dont know her name we use nicknames online uhhhhhhh sorry’ lol), when he saw me he lifted his arms and went straight in for a hug (I HUGGED MY CHILDHOOD IDOL) & thanked me for coming back again so soon

i asked if he could sign something for me but all i had was a yellow envelope (’oh! a yenvelope!’) nnd a sharpie wrapped in tissues cos it leaks (’uhhhh lucy, why is it wrapped in tissue? oh, it leaks? well, if i were you i’d wrap it in something, maybe a tissue?’) & signed the envelope with ‘you are too big a fan! :)’ which is the most true thing anyones ever said about me, ever. he also asked if i wanted a photo or anything but i said i’d already got one n he was like ‘oh of course you do’ lol

anyway yea we left after that and i’ve been screaming internally ever since cos i never thought id ever even meet him but then i saw him twice in 3 days and he recognised me, let me influence the show AND hugged me. im still amazed. im in awe. stuart goldsmith is such a wholesome guy and im waiting (im)patiently for his next tour

EDIT: i just remembered that during the last joke i was laughing so much that i was crying and i was fanning my face, and he saw and was like ‘are you ok there?? you good??’ which made me laugh even more, jesus,

#probably the longest post ever im writing it all down cos i have a shit memory for details #i listened to darkshines on repeat while writing this too cos everything else was too distracting #i warned u that its lik embarassingly detailed i didnt wanna forget any of it so u dont have to read the tldr is baso all u need to know #this is mostly for if anyone asks me how my weekend was i can read this to them n not forget anyhting lol!!#personal i guess #uni tag #stuart goldsmith #not even proofread #like if u read i guess but also i dont thnk i wanna know who read it lol

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vee-blackwell · 7 years

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i got a bout of depression that hit tonight from not being distracted enough to avoid getting in my own head and i think i had too many bad thoughts about who i am VS family acceptance

my queer things, my interest things, my (lack of) set goals.

it hurt a lot to try and explain transgender things to my gramma while watching I Am Jazz, when talking about nonbinary people using “they/them” pronouns, she essentially said that if you dont use he/him or she/her then you have no gender “so you’re just nothing” which was just too close to home (literally) for me to hear as someone who doesnt feel anywhere close to any definition of gender, and am definitely not enough % to feel comfortable going on the male side of the binary.

that’s the hard part of that. it seems like it would be easier to tell her i’m bisexual or something (another term that doesnt really match me, but explaining asexuality or the differences between pansexual and bisexual self-identities is another thing thats hard to do with an 86 year old woman). but then what if it changes how she asks me about anyone i hang out with or makes weird assumptions about my relationships?

but at the same time, in watching this show with her, where she’s trying her best to be open-minded and learn about transgender people via watching I Am Jazz, she starts asking me to explain things in the show. not in a negative way, again, shes trying to understand which is more than i could hope for other 80+ year old grandparents. but then she asks me how i know so much about transgender people and issues they face when its things she doesnt expect people i know in real life, close to me, to have dealt with yet. and i have to play the “Educated Ally” instead of the “Depressed, Closeted Transperson” and hope she doesnt go from asking about my friends that are out to wondering about me. because it just makes me fearful of being in another time period of living in an abusive and unsupportive / negligent household where i never feel safe and im constantly arguing with my family. and i dont need that, or even to feel like im risking getting to that point again

i at least want to feel like i wouldnt be kicked out of the house and become homeless, or stop getting money from my family if i came out at all... but how many other transpeople had the same thoughts and were totally wrong? my mom who watched some of the show with us today almost immediately misgendered one of the transgirls on the show, talking about how **she (i dont want to misgender even by quoting my mom) clearly didnt have hormone blockers as long as Jazz because **her voice had changed. and it’s like, alright, she uses a feminine name, looks like any other normal high school girl, and has been working to try and get her voice to pass better, and it’s still so easy for ignorant people like my mom to pick up on that one thing they feel doesn’t fit right and just misgender someone immediately. and it’s worrisome. because i know how easy it is for “the average adult” around my mom’s age to miss the point entirely on how someone works to transition and making their own personal choices

...

im just queer and tired and fearful. my mind screaming at me “do SOMEthing” every time i wake up is like the echo of a broken record player that’s playing somewhere i can barely hear it. so i do something. i get a food. i grab a game. i grab my phone for games. i grab a video, or a game tutorial, or ANOTHER computer game, or i go on social media sites. and i do all these empty “SOMEthings” to mute the bad thoughts like the ones above. the ones that both overwhelm me into submission and also make me numb to any emotions.

i get bored of the phone game, the magickarp jump cooldown timers are all that’s left.

i get bored of harvest moon, after realizing that i was 1 floor away from the bottom of the mines last time i get frustrated. do i go back for it again and make the long boring trek, or do i go back to grinding cooking recipes so i can finally make that god damn tempura meal? each day passes as quickly or as stagnantly as i please thanks to my emulator. freeze time and do my daily farm chores, use the inventory item dupe glitch to keep stocked every gift item i need to give everyone, show everyone on the local islands my pets for bonus friendship points, unfreeze time so that the one fisherman character will finally show up to talk to and i give him his daily gift and show him my dog, i go fishing with frozen or unfrozen time as i choose. the day is done. time for the next one.

i get bored of the computer games that both tantalize me into playing them because i love them and want the mental stimulation, yet the other screens beckon to me stronger, and i sit on the 3 blue hellsites, toggling between them in mixed intervals.

i get bored of neopets, because it is after midnight and its the 3rd day in the row i forgot to do my dailies. god DAMMIT i’m never going to get trudy’s shitty 30 day bonus spin for those 100k neopoints if i keep this up. i go onto the help boards, and bump up the lottery board. copy and paste my old post, add the moneybag emoticon and congrats the winners. short list gives the UNs. long list gets generalized. the regular group of lottery players and bumpers congratulate and recognize each other, making the odd chat message about their lives. this is as far as i chat on the neoboards now because i have no social energy otherwise to talk to other neopets friends about how life is still depressing, and trying to speak around the child filters and character limits.

i go to my mom’s room, its hard to predict if she’ll be home at 5 pm or 8 pm or 11 pm or gone to her shitty boyfriend’s house. it had been GTA V. then crash bandicoot warped (ps3 port). and now skyrim with the DLC. i play it as i spend my life, there are markers telling me where i should go for quests to progress, yet i wander aimless around the world finding something more interesting to explore until i finally remember what i meant to do. my mom comes home, and i ask if she wants me to get out so she can sleep. she says its fine, and leaves the lamp on shining on her bed. it becomes after midnight, my gramma scolds me for staying in there when my mom is sleeping. while i agree, my hyperfocus is hard to break, and it still takes me more time than it should to simply save and quit in the middle of my doing nothing of importance in the game that i play for the middle of my doing nothing of important in my life.

i eat wherever i spend my activity. TV tray by my bed at all times now, my propel bottle sways like a top heavy asshole everytime its moved. the tissue box takes up space for food, but everytime i move it on my bed its either in the way or not close enough to use when i need it. my nose is still almost ready to bleed from the dry summer air. im still dehydrated because i lack the ability to remember to drink the juice, milk, or propel bottles within arms reach.

it’s 3 am, or probably later. i ask joey if it’s time to sleep. i take my melatonin, we both brush our teeth and say goodnight. am i lying to him again this night, and apologizing and saying i’ll do it for real? this could happen twice before the guilt takes over and i either cave and do it for real, or stay awake focused on my daily nothingness distractions.

on the days its 5 am or later, my mom wakes for work. we talk about the cat. we always talk about the cat. sometimes she says her work is shit and that shes in pain. things that are obvious. she leaves for work and says goodnight to me in the hopes i go to sleep soon.

i sleep. around 11 am to 1 pm is around the time i get woken for my medications. anxiety, depression, birth control pill (1 daily for 3 weeks at a time). i have to eat and drink with it, so its something simple. on bad days i fall back asleep for over an hour. like a sloth, i drag the tray of food to me, resting the plate or bowl on my bed to eat as i stay laying down. sitting up means i feel more obligated to stay awake after this. i finish the food, drink, and my pills, and shove the tray back against my closet, and lie back down in bed forcing myself to sleep.

it becomes anywhere from 3 pm to 5 pm, on bad days its 6 and later. i lay in bed after waking up maybe two or three other times from sweating, or tossing and turning with bad dreams or being awake enough that i could get up, but unmotivated or too depressed to get up and have to be awake for that much more time. i crawl to the computer first, turning off my nightly music and going online on steam. just so whoever cares knows im awake. i go adjust the thermostat as both i need as well as what wont freeze my gramma to death (or at least to complaining for hours). i say that i dont know what i want for food. she offers a suggestion, and i say sure. i return to my room until food is brought to me, and i grab juice or milk to have with my meal. it probably gets cold if it was meant to be eaten hot.

i get a food. i grab a game. i grab my phone for games. i grab a video, or a game tutorial, or ANOTHER computer game, or i go on social media sites. and i do all these empty “SOMEthings” to mute the bad thoughts like the ones above. the ones that both overwhelm me into submission and also make me numb to any emotions. the pattern repeats.

...

this has been Vee Life Simulator. sorry. no refunds.

#vee's pathetic little life #i'm too tired to tag much #it's just depression talk so #you know. avoid it if you want #long post #text heavy

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