Can you imagine how much worse Peacemaker would be if he somehow knew he was the only charlton character to get a tv show and it was like very widely liked and considered one of the best superhero shows right now. It would go straight to his head.

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

just lots and lots of very long-winded, random thoughts about last night’s finale and the show itself...

so obvs no one has to agree with me on any of this, i just feel like there likely ARE ppl who feel like this and it’s easy to get shut down on tumblr for having different opinions, and i mostly just need to gather my feelings and thoughts in one place.

-ive seen a handful of ppl upset that the last ep centered around reid, but if you were to take 10 fans of this show, it’s a pretty good chance that 8 or 9 of them would say reid is their fave character. that isn’t me trying to insult any of the other characters, that’s just the way it is. whether it’s bc of his looks (and my lord was he gorgeous in this finale ep), or that he’s your typical cute white boi, or more organic reasons like he’s been there since day 1 and we were able to watch him change and grow, and he’s the opposite of the typical male characters we often see, especially on cop shows.. whatever the reason, he is a VERY popular tv character. and if it weren’t for that character, for better or worse, this show would have ended a long time ago.

-the ending itself.. i just feel like i don’t know what ppl were expecting?? this is not a show like supernatural or dexter or a show that has had a fluent overarching story to tell from start to finish. the story continues without us watching it. it’s another day at the office for them. was it a great ending? no, but it was fine. we see where all of them are headed. endings are so difficult, i’m just glad they didn’t kill anyone off or some garbage like that.

-so damn happy they hooked up luke and garcia. i have had such issues with garcia’s character since morgan left, i feel like she became a caricature, where she just overacts and i recently read an article with kirsten where she actually admitted that when shemar left she really didn’t know what to do with her character anymore. honestly? it showed. the obnoxiousness to luke was cute at first bc she obviously had a crush on him, but then it just became mean and out of character. this season i was happy to see her get a little bit more back to herself. all this being said, they were very clearly headed towards getting luke and garcia together this season with the overt flirting and one on one convo’s, i’m so glad they went through with it instead of leaving it open ended. and i will admit that of all the characters, i didn’t think garcia would be the one to leave, but it made sense. garcia is tough as hell, much tougher than she gives herself credit for, but like luke said, she can do this other job without the gore that she cringes over in literally every single episode of the show. also loved jj saying garcia was the glue of the team. so true, so well said. and side note, kirsten does a hell of a job writing these characters that she knows all too well, the other writers should’ve just let her take over in later seasons.

-prentiss... i love my emily so dang much, but man they give her the absolute worst dialogue. she gets stuck with all these long sentences that just.. they just don’t flow?? and it takes me out of the show so often. this has been since s12 when she became unit chief. there has been a handful of times since she became the boss that we have had flashes of old school smartass goth girl emily, and i cherished each moment, but it wasn’t enough. somewhere along the way they forgot how to write into the show that their characters had PERSONALITY. just as an example of the stupid dialogue she gets.. the end of the ep where it’s intended to look like rossi’s retirement party. then, idk who it was, emilys boyfriend maybe(?) says some dumb comment about oh gee i thought this was dave’s retirement! and then emily starts some awkwardly long line that could’ve been summed up in “dave decided not to retire afterall” and it was just soooo... weird?!!? if we are agreeing that A MONTH has gone by.. you are to tell me that it never once came up that dave said he was gonna retire and then changed his mind!??! that night, one month later, is the first that this discussion occurred!!?!?! and all of these dumb lines come out sounding so robotic, and i can’t blame paget, bc the lines are boring as hell. also unless i missed something i can’t rule emily out of being the next director, especially since their profile ended up being correct, lynch and the mom didn’t kill themselves, so i’m sure when that all came out, the next hurdle emily would have to clear is how they just blew up their very expensive jet right after having a budget meeting 2 episodes ago!!

- i’m gonna lump the newer characters together.. and just say that it was all too little, too late. they tried to give matt and luke more this season, and the ep’s centered on them were great, but it all felt forced to me. all this character development should’ve started as soon as they came onto the show. the relationships between the new and original characters also feels forced a lot of times, barring relationships like rossi and his boys, luke and garcia, tara and emily.. i mean that’s kind of all, right? we never saw much off-the-job, personal interactions between them and the rest of the characters, did we? and the way tara was treated on this show is inexcusable. aisha’s talents were so underused on this show it was criminal (pun intended). and actually, the above stuff i said about emily getting nonsense dialogue, you can throw matt in there too. his dialogue was friggin god awful at times on this show. in the words of early seasons reid, maybe try to be more conversational, writers!!

-man oh man was jj a badass and a half in this finale. tbh i always enjoyed liaison jj more than ssa jj, but when badass jj comes out i get all excited. i do feel like she would be the best fit to take over if emily left, she’d stepped into that role before and excelled. but she is another character that at times i think the writers just forgot how to write her personality somewhere along the way. i understand that the reality is that people change over time, but there were times that she was written like a typical high school mean girl, and that was just an insult to the character they created. the whole jeid thing was severely overblown and unnecessary. i don’t hate the idea of them being together, but why wait til s14-15 to deal with this? in the end i thought it was handled okay, i personally didn’t feel like it ruined their friendship or stayed awkward, which i appreciated, it was just a storyline that wasn’t needed and wasted time. also, ppl griping about “oh but she clearly loves will, if she loves spencer then she can’t love will!” i mean, actually, ppl are capable of loving more than one person at a time, hate to burst that bubble for ya.

-this seems like a good moment though to pause and just get this out about will lamon-fuckin-tagne jr... this guy is too good for jj lol, i am sorry but he is such a great guy. and can we review some things about will and his wife’s bestest friend, godfather to his children, spencer reid?? when will and spencer first met, it was during an unbelievably personal case to will, i mean his father died sending him a message about this case that the fbi was called in on. and his first intro with reid?? let’s see, reid spent that ep strung out on drugs, and full on abandoning the case to go hang out with his friend at a club/bar/lounge/whatever. ok, so that’s will’s first impression of jj’s bestie, and will STILL okay’d him being the godfather of his kids. not to mention, can you imagine your wife has been gone in the damn middle east for who even knows how long, then when she finally gets back and you think you’re gonna have her to yourself, but oh no, here comes jj’s friggin bestie again to come cry on the couch every night for several weeks!!!! and he gives zero indication of not liking spencer, in fact he seems rather fond of him. will is the most patient man ever, i swear.

-ok that was an unexpected side track. moving onto rossi. not sure why they were all like oh pfft this guy will never retire. the dude literally retired before the show started lol. if he retired once, when he was fairly young, why is the idea of it happening again so impossible? again, dumb dialogue. i loved the stuff with him and young gideon (i may be biased tho bc i’m just so damn proud of ben savage), i loved that rossi knew more about the jet than the others, however that was an inconsistency bc when rossi came back from retirement, he couldn’t believe the bau had its own jet. unless i just misunderstood what emily meant when she said it all started with rossi and gideon. i felt like lynch was a very underwhelming villain. super forgettable. there was no charisma like foyet or cat adams, there was no creep factor like mr scratch, there was no mystery like the replicator or the fisher king. his whole story just fell flat, and if there were anything interesting about him whatsoever, it’s bc of what rossi brought to the table, not the “chameleon”.

-my boy reid. he has several lifetimes of baggage to unpack, and i think of all the characters on this show, no one hates unpacking their trauma more than reid. i feel like it was so relatable that he could barely speak in this ep without sounding on the verge of tears, like every sentence was painful to even get out bc of how much hurt is stored up inside him. his trauma has defined him for years now, and if they had ended the show without addressing even some of it, the show would’ve been incomplete. i understand that actors schedules just don’t work out sometimes, but idk what the point was of having strauss and foyet be his devil and angel. and foyet’s long explanation of how bc he changed hotch, he changed the team was so convoluted that he may as well have just said “they couldn’t get james van der beek or the dude who played mr scratch, so im here instead”. i liked what they did with reid and maeve, and i actually don’t mind that there was no mention of max. they’re still very early in their relationship, and i feel like him coming out with some “wait i think i love max!” revelation would just be too fast and ooc. we already know that the relationship between them is growing, it doesn’t need to be said. and can i get an amen that maeve and reid didn’t kiss bc god that would’ve been weird as hell.

- i hate that we couldn’t have hotch or morgan or blake or elle or any of the main characters that helped make this show what it was, but i’m still grateful for the crumbs they gave us if the actors just couldn’t be booked for whatever reason. i’ve seen many shows at their end just try to pretend their previous characters never existed, so that we got some flashbacks with them was appreciated.

- RIP bau jet. i wiiiill reMEMber youuuuuuu.

-the song choice of david bowie’s Heroes was perfection. strangely, when i was driving home from work yesterday that song came on my playlist and i blasted it on repeat and performed a car concert for my fellow drivers on the road, and thought to myself that this song would be great for cm to end on. never thought they would actually do it since they had previously used the song in penelope’s ep. but what a great scene of all them dancing and singing and laughing like the bunch of nerdy idiots they are.

-i came late into the game with this show. ppl have been telling me for years to watch it and i only picked up watching in s13, after i read a spn/cm crossover fic and became super curious about who all these awesome characters were. with that said, i’m aware that since i haven’t invested years of my life in this show, that my feelings and thoughts about the ending will be different than those who have been hooked on this show for over a decade. i’m still just so thankful for the family portrayed by this show, and these characters i fell in love with, and episodes i’ll never forget.

@ptolemeaus I made us a post since I don’t want to write this all in a message. 

Soooo, in response to some of the things you sent: 

Ohhhhhh i agree completely, and i think i said that in a text. i think they can try and save him but he has to be made to see this and idk if thats gonna work on him. He's living in the past and he only sees the elves as they were and he knows hes the reason they are the way they are now. So he feels like he can ignore the way they are now because hes just going to change it. Hes not living in the present. He thinks he has to undo what he's done but he should be working to fix them as they are. And he did try that, he tried to talk to the dalish and tell them how it was but they just thought he was crazy and shunned him so much that he eventually looked on them with resentment. So now he thinks this is his only option. So I do see his side, or at least I can see how hes thinking about it. Doesn’t mean I think he's doing the right thing. He's a deeply flawed person who tried so hard to do good and ended up making things worse and I honestly think that made him a little crazy. And there's nothing more terrifying and awesome than a totally calm, logically thinking crazy person. So yes he's totally being hypocritical when he decides to change the world himself. For someone who always talks about how everyone should have the right to choose and have their freedom, hes very "IM GOING TO TAKE AWAY YOUR ABILITY TO CHOOSE SO YOU CAN HAVE THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE". Its just so interesting because even if he wasn’t the “Dread Wolf” back in his time, he certainly is making himself live up to the reputation time has given him. 

That’s what I think is so tragic and sad about his romance with the inquisitor. He could have had a beautiful love with her and she would have helped him raise the elves to a new life. He even tells her “they havent raised one of our kind up this high in millennia”. Together they could have done it the right way. No one was in a better place to do that then her. But he rejects it. The inquisitor even has the option to tell him "let me help you" and he still denies her.

That’s why I love it though. I know you don’t feel sadness over it and I get it. If i look at it realistically I would’ve been like screw you dude, and vowed to stop him. You know I try not to linger when someone rejects me. But that’s whats so great about fictional love. It doesn’t have to follow those boundaries so its fun to get lost in the idea of a love that doesn’t stop just because one of you makes a terrible terrible choice and is flawed and lost and rejects you because of it. I love the idea of them always loving each other, of never really being able to be together because of it. In fact the whole “the relationship becomes game official only when he dumps you” is part of the beautiful tragedy of it. Its not about them being together. Its about them being locked in this love for each other, but literally being unable to be together. They are both committed to this relationship where they cant be with each other unless one of them changes their way of thinking. And we know that’s unlikely to happen. (As much as I wish I could choose the villains side on this, that would defeat the point completely so i’m glad its not on option cuz id be weak and do it). 

She loves the devil (literally, she grew up hearing stories and warnings about his evil ways) and he loves her but the devil can’t change, even for love and that kind of angst is what i’m here for. 

nvm this is my essay length review this is just happening now i guess (read more with apologies to mobile users)

he was rattling off facts about 70s music...i just....like....are you shitting me???? why....ok....im

opening shots of him are just multiple close ups on ben c’s hands like.....im really gay ok

this man really said “try me, beyonce” and they want me to not think hes gay

hes gay

did i fucking mention the score had HARPSICHORD??? HARPSI FUCKING CHORD

ALL the visuals were stunning, the scenery was STUNNING, the sets were STUNNING, the locations were STUNNING, the effects especially were STUNNING- not just pretty or well shot but they ACTUALLY made things look COOL which is fucking AMAZING and more films need to do STAT???? i cant get over how cool the new york sanctum was, OR the scene where they make the fucking cathedral fold in on itself- A CATHEDRAL??? LITERALLY JUST FOR THE STYLE OF IT!!! AMAZING

ben was amazing did i mention? hes just so good like. he tried his best with the accent and it came out better at times than others but he was great and cute...i love him kdjfgsd god. im so glad this is the marvel movie he was in....all his outfits were cute too thanks

idk if this was just me paying extra attention because Ben but honestly i usually struggle to be able to follow plots in films, especially superhero ones with complicated stuff like this but i never once struggled to understand what was happening or why or what the plot was or the motivations etc etc etc??? which is frankly a miracle

in fact i definitely feel like i understood everyones motivations fairly well, even christine’s like of course her character arc was pitiful and women in films need to be treated better but at least it was cool how for most of the movie she was actually just chilling and ignoring stephen jksdghjdlfs good for her

did i mention it was fucking beautiful and ben was great???

soooo many shots specifically were amazing especially around that big window in the sanctum but ESPECIALLY stephen’s superhero reveal moment.....wow

i gotta watch it again shaking off the “its BEN its ben its ben it looks like sherlock?? its ben” glasses but like i feel like they did a job turning stephen from an asshole to a man with a greater purpose...like if i rewatched and focused in on that specifically i think they built it up really well idk

idk if i can speak to the pacing because i paused a lot but like it was almost 2 hours long and it felt Good and didnt feel like idk dragging at all? it felt like it had good punctuations of really cool big effects/fast loud scenes, good story carrying it, etc

the humor actually felt really good and not super forced like i really genuinely laughed and the timing/joviality of the characters was good omg

also the whitewashing thing was def an issue though there was a decent amt of diversity on screen- could have been more though as always

the fact that the main mechanism in this movie and this section of the universe is like magic is sooooo good because theres no over explanation of like, nonsense science or whatever? and they dont try too hard to explain it and ruin it and/or make it annoying they just Let It Be magic.....which is really nice? and also the glowing effects look really cool

THERE WAS A FUCKING GHOST FIGHT? A FIGHT ON THE ASTRAL PLANE??? THEIR SOULS BATTLED...GHSDJAKFGSHDG ><FL:?~?

i said this already but again, i fucking hate most action sequences in super hero movies and in marvel especially and these actually were INTERESTING and good and not just bash smash x100 like they usually are like these had drama and suspense and were dynamic and, again, interesting which is amazing

[spoiler] and again, i always hate the senseless destruction and destroyed buildings, THEY LITERALLY UN DESTROYED A CITY? THEY TURNED BACK TIME TO UN DESTROY IT......thats ALL ive ever wanted from a superhero movie !??!?!? im like crying

[spoilers] the het romance was like bad ofc for a lot of reasons but i liked that the big scenes it had didnt feel forced and didnt end with stephen and christine actually together at all like.....it didnt even show them kiss ever? thanks also let them both be gay now

[spoiler] the scenario by which he annoys the villain into submission (which is by far the best fucking thing) is basically the plot of the best and most amazing doctor who ep ive ever seen and which i think about constantly so uh thanks

[spoiler] i already said this but when he goes into the dark dimension and its like spocks journey into vger!!!!!!! WITH BLACKLIGHT COLORS??

[spoiler] okay so mads’ characters speech to stephen is truly amazing because theres actually some doubt sowed that feels genuine, like it really does sound nice and you really are left wondering about a lot of things especially about the ancient one- admittedly like when you look at the plot as a whole of course theres loads of questions like...why should we trust the ancient one? i wanna say also why did dormammu give in so easily but actually i really enjoyed the lighthearteness of that scene- but the point is when actually watching that scene it was really fucking engaging and didnt feel like it went to waste

[spoiler] ben doing the villains voice too- which i TOTALLY recognized immediately- was also amazing just as like... the hero playing the villain....the levels...

[spoiler] i really want mordo to like. not be evil and FRANKTLY they fucking set up a great line to call back to wrt stephen and mordo becoming a dynamic duo. please let that happen and also let them be gay together you monsters

FINAL EPISODE: “DENNIS IS SUCH A KING” - ALI THE REST OF THE GAME.

WEEK 13 

if someone who doesn't love me wins this week then bye bye ashvika 

annoyed that sammy nominated me because i kept him safe last week whereas i could have just as easily flipped to keeping alivia and he could've left...but more than that, i'm annoyed at his speech. i dont think he should've used "you nommed me" as an excuse bc that's lame and he was the first to nom me and i nommed him back so we were even, and then i let him have veto pick when he was nommed and i made sure he got taken off. also conversation is a two way street and i dont see him trying to make a conversation with me either, he could have just said the real reason....i love hearing about how good of a player he thinks i am.... the worst case scenario is if bryce or zeezo win, i think even if the noms stay the same that i have a good chance of staying? granted that autumn and ali don't decide to turn on me and evict me 

why is bryce spreading lies :( i didn't tell ali to nominate sammy.... 

ive made a lot of mistakes this game and there all coming at me now.. my position in the game is terrible and i can blame it on ppl playing not to their win condition or on just the wrong ppl winning comps at the wrong time, but ultimately i could have tried harder convincing ppl to see the light or to do better in challenges so ultimately its on me. feeling really hopeless this week even tho i avoided being a preveto nom i think ill be a post one if literally anyone but me wins veto. and i flopped veto (cwl). i cant wait for after the game for ali to admit that he did tell me that ashvika pushed for sammy to be nommed. order in which id vote ppl zeezo- always worked with me and if she makes it to the end she truly DID THAT ashvika- really took control of the game with her hoh win and after jose left smartly picked up the goats and became the biggest threat randy- a king love us working with/against each other throughout the game and even tho he was voted out im not one to discredit buyback winners autumn- never spoke to me but guess she didnt need to KASDHFK ali- fakest person ive ever met dennis- knows how to get to f2 at least sammy- ignores obvious facts and always makes the wrong move  but good at comps so wooh (me teas too tho...)

somehow i didnt get nommed but like so sad what the heck zeezo is going home like why is everyone so jealous that shes prettier and funnier than them :( why cant we all be her goats <3 i guess its good bc like i cant win with zeezo in the game and i can vote to keep her still, but honestly if i lose in f2 with zeezo itd still be fun bc she has had my back all game :] I AM SO SAD UGHHHH GOD HATES GAYS AND HES TAKING MY TWO WOC QUEENS BACK TO BACK. Now i have ashvika who is a queen but not my queen!! And autumn yikes hates me always :(

SORRY IVE BEEN GONE!!! I did one video confessional for Week 11 and just like never posted it lmao but I will haha and that's all behind me. But anyway I just have so many feelings. Live  night is about to begin, me and Zeezo's war is finally concluding, IM STILL TRYING TO GET MY FIRST COMP WIN, and I'm trying to protect my allies at all cost. Some cracked shit is about to go down and I'm so excited and so so glad I took a nap before this cause I'm ready for anything wooo

RANDY: WIN SAMMY: ... ALI: FAKEST PERSON IVE EVER MET MAYBE TALKS A BIG GAME AND SAYS HES SUPER NICE AND EMOTIONAL BUT SUDDENLY CAN TURN THAT OFF. HE WOULD BE A GOOD VILLAIN BUT HE ACTS NICE AND DOESNT OWN IT AND MAYBE ITS JUST BC ITS SO SOON BUT I HOPE HE CHOKES AND HAS HAYFEVER FOREVER! WHAT EVEN IS HAYFEVER??? HORSE BOY AUTUMN: NEVER SPOKE TO ME BUT NICE DENNIS: FORGOT TO PUT SOMEONE ON THE LIST, KNEW HIS WAY TO F2 AND IF HE DOESNT TAKE CREDIT FOR THINGS ICON AND ID VOTE FOR HIM.

AFTER THE TRIPLE EVICTION...

OK BUT DAT TRIPLE DOE http://media2.giphy.com/media/xUA7aViRhBQPzXNAAM/giphy.gif It was dramatic, over the top, emotional, satisfying, show stopping, gut wrenching- literally everything you want out of a triple. I... don't feel bad for Breezo lmao, not after all the messiness they've caused. But doing Ashvika dirty is literally the hardest choice I've had to make in Orre. Sis I am so so sorry. I should've thrown you a vote but you know how Randy is and you really know how Dennis is. I just--- that was something I like wasn't prepared to ever do, break Ashvika's heart. But like in my beautiful dark twisted mind? It was perfect because I knew I couldn't go to the end w/ Ash but I was never going to nominate her. So here we are rip ALSO LAB AND BREEZO ALL SITTING IN JURY??? BIIIIIIITTTCCHHHHH https://media.giphy.com/media/zcAii7T9JXezS/source.gif If you're reading this, you know I sure did say I would wipe that whole group out and send them to jury and it really did come to pass. John sure did gas all of them up to win and I sure did tell him in my Week 10 goodbye message that they were all bout to walk in behind him. So in the spirit of prophesizing, let it be known that Auli aka Ali and I will make Final 3 because we are the strategic dynamic duo y'all slept on. Like correct me if I'm wrong: we've been on the right side of all 8 "merge" votes (there's no word for like opposite of pre-jury lmao), we ain't been on block since Week 6/7 and it's now Week 14, and we've downplayed our iconicism left and right so we're the last duo standing at Final 5, and no one wants to take a shot at us. BUT YALL STILL SLEEP CAUSE THE MIST IS THAT STRONG. That's ok though! When Randy and Sammy walk into jury next y'all will see Also I'm  dead at how much jury hates Ali hahaha. Deadass he has to stay in the game for safety reasons. Like soooo many jurors wanna kill him. That's my ride or die though so I can't let that happen. Anyway I still feel like shit for obeying Randy, which hurt Ashvika, made Dennis cry, and further dragged Ali's corpse. But the good news is woooo it's Final 5 and these boys all want to take Auli to the end. So do I NEED to win this HOH? No not really. Am I still praying and pleading with God like I do before every comp? Absolutely https://media1.tenor.com/images/1a11748f0c7ce30ab4afd057fab66751/tenor.gif?itemid=5677211

Me when I shocked the nation and won HOH and finally had power in the house after 13 weeks https://78.media.tumblr.com/2a8c6d7cc298da364a847f8f9d767c7c/tumblr_opiih6Z7tB1ub3fcfo1_500.gif Me then using said power to target my baby Randy for the greater good https://media.giphy.com/media/hic9t15zsdwfC/giphy.gif And now me that I'm selling my entire family, land, soul, and wig collection to get Dennis to keep me and kill Sammy so that I'm not Ika Wonged because I know for a fact Ali would take me to F2 and Dennis would be a dumbass not to take me too. AND I ALWAYS BELIEVED IF I WENT UP A FOURTH TIME THAT WOULD BE THE TIME I GO UP ON THE BLOCK AND DONT COME BACK DOWN SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DENNIS BE STRATEGIC AND KEEP ME https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/53/9d/23539d4ab6c13adab50940426d73ed6e.gif

[AFTER F4 EVICTION]

WAIT WHAT HOW AM I ALIVE?? https://media.giphy.com/media/TZ388aYpsLMcM/giphy.gif AND HOW THE FUCK DID I MAKE FINAL 3??? https://yiaelxzosjw9p4bs-zippykid.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/happy-crying.gif Pray for me if I win Final HOH cause fun fact: I, the strategic legend, have no clue who to fucking take to the end and that's the biggest gag of the entire season BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAN OUT THIS FAR GODDAMMIT AND I WISH I HAD. Ok that's not entirely true- I knew I should either sit next to Dennis or Ali because ya know contingency plans matter. BUT NOW??? Bitch ion know I just wanna win

CLICK HERE & HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

i've never seen a better reflection of the emotional rollercoaster that is my mental state than these two being filmed less than 12 hours apart jasldfa

CLICK HERE AND HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

okay i have lots of post finale thoughts but i need to type them up tomorrow. i just hope the jury knows how sorry I am if I ever upset them, because I love them all so much and would never want that :(

time for my post finale wrap up and.... whewie. This is so upsetting because, I just did this for all stars. Like it's looking like my track record is LITERALLY going to be 2nd 9th 2nd 2nd 2nd, I CANT COME 2ND AGAIN. I really can't take this. Here is the bigger problem though and this is why Orre will be my last game whether I win or not. I can't keep playing these games when I upset so many people. Like it honestly broke my heart yesterday hearing how much I upset people like Bryce & Ashvika, people I love SOOOOOOO much. I don't want to upset people. Like... what upset me about finale is I don't think the jurors realise that.... I didn't just upset people for the sake of it and ahhh. Honestly, I'm really upset, like not even that I'm coming second but that I upset people. So with that said, I really apologise to the jurors. I got the impression that I hurt you all so bad that you are giving me 2nd as like.... punishment? And while I hate that, if I hurt you all that bad I really owe you all an apology. Anywho, since this is definitely my last game, I've played 183 days worth of games to just come 2nd, and that's just too much. I'm too flawed of a person and player to continue playing these games and just keep coming 2nd. Like it just hurts. so yeah, i'm sad but mainly because this is deja vu. I'm so proud of Dennis for winning, he is such a sweet genuine guy and when he was complimenting me during the finale, it was the nicest thing I've ever heard and I'm so greatful. No matter my game or his, I'd be happy to see Dennis represent our season.

Can I just say... Dennis is such a king. What a kind-hearted, genuine guy. A true king.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

okay so I lost.... and I'm weirdly at peace with it. I know I answered the jury questions terribly and I had... some jurors that would never have it in them to vote for me and would actively campaign against me. Dennis is a king, and in a cast with toxicity and SUCH bitterness, I think he is a phenomenal representation for the season. Otherwise, I am really honoured to get Ashvika's vote, she is such a deserving POTS, and to get POTS' vote is always an honour. Autumn and Jose are amazing friends and I am so happy to have got to work with them, John is a player with SUCH potential and he is WINNING BOTS & Zeezo I'm really honoured to get her vote too! For the others, Bryce is a KING and so is Blake (they both seemed really upset by me so I hope we can be friends). Lynn I never spoke to and seems... very bitter about the season's result, but I hope she gets over it because she is also a QUEEN. Randy is a funny one and I'm starting to worry all his friend talk was just him playing into my emotional side, but he is a good egg really I know it. Sammy is a ghost king. I kinda want to end on Alivia. Alivia is a person whose personality is obviously very different to mine and the way she speaks to me and others really upsets me a lot of the time. However, her bitterness against me is understandable and I hope she gets over it, because she defines herself by anger and bitterness when she is such a funny and likable person and doesn't need to do that. but woo... to wrap stuff up, I'm so grateful for Nicholas & Julia for casting me, Owen & Emily for being amazing.... OH, I forgot what I wanted to say. Autumn is a queen, a legend and amazing. She is honestly soo soo amazing, like... someone I really admire and see as a rolemodel? she is inspirational, a queen and a legend. Dennis is the nicest, most well intentioned guy ever SO sweet and really just a genuinely nice guy. I have made lasting friendships with some members of this cast and I'm so happy. so yeah.... i'll probably do another one of these in like a day or so, but if not.... ali out woo

we love coming to jury and being told about my ""showmance""".... wanna die jadfkl. my only showmance was to snakery, my way of life. blake was robbed but also is a broccoli. last words? autumn and dennis are my faves, best F3 ever.

FINAL CAST ASSESSMENT

Disturbing Patrons with my Mental Breakdown- Kendall (Episode 8)

Okay, soooo. I'm pretty sure all of the returnees threw the challenge RIGHT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW in order to vote out the minority newbies... Aka me.... So, I'm pretty pissed off as it's evident that I'm the only one who actually TRIED at this challenge, when I clearly shouldn't have because I'm extremely sick with strep and should be sleeping all day. SOOO, that was a huge waste of my time and I'm pretty pissed about it... But it's fine, bitches. Satan will see you in hell <3 :*

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE JUST THREW THE CHALLENGE. I have never thrown a challenge before and that was terrifying. If this backfires on me i'm gonna look like a moron but I have good faith. Hopefully bye bye Ruben, Worst case scenario bye bye Casey, Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye allies, and Worst-Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye Jordan

i definitely picked my tribe with the intention of screwing someone over. i think things have revealed themselves nicely on where loyalties still lie, and while one or two people might think they're in the driver's seat, i'm in a good position to shift the gears without them noticing. and that means their car will crash and we all die. hehe.  i'm prepared to make a move if we lose immunity, but im not letting that happen. i want to win this one just so i can be safe one more round. figure things out a little more. let tea spill. but i'm not going to let myself make the same mistakes and spill my guts to anyone willing to listen. i'll keep information to myself. i know i'm on the bottom of the returnees alliance and probably the newbies one, too. but i'm content for right now, because ultimately the returnees will start to fall. we'll be picked off one by one. dom wants to throw immunity, and sometimes its not a bad idea to do that, but this round, it needs to not happen. ruben will likely go home but i dont think he trusted me in the first place, so it's his time. sorry.

i'll take his position if he does. lexi needs a #2 and its between robin and myself. i respect robin bc they were there for me when i had no one else there for me. i feel like i've known them for years, but we just met and thats powerful. i have a powerful bond to this person. they're important to me. but this is also a game and i know my competition when i see it. if they have to go at my expense of making it another day, i'll do it.  idk if im still a villain or if im becoming a hero. i think that's up for determination. 

LOOOL WILD TRIBAL. BUH-BYE, JULIA. GLAD I DIDN'T SEE YOU AHAHAHAAAAA

This is oh so sweet. If everything goes well, bye bye, Ruben! This one's for Johnny.

Can i just say........ HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU JAIDEN FUCK YOU DOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE JULIA LEFT. Lets get down to brief overview and how i feel about it  1) Julia gets voted off.....SO MAD 2) Alex, Dom, Jaiden are in clear alliance of three, split the tribes up so everyones pair is separated...so basically...jordan and I are gone, casey and ash, ruben and lexi ...u get the point. 3) They put me on a tribe to fuck me over...im gone when they make these tribes and I come back to the ugliest tribe ever. Jaiden. Robin. Dom. Lexi. Alexis. Ashley and I. Now Ash and I are just sitting there like.................................i – i- this plan is so obvious??!?!? and do those three boys think its not obvious their together and they did this on purpose to FUCK ME OVER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! um why u so obsessed with me BACK OFF 4) Ashley calls me at work during the comp and TELLS ME DOM IS TRYING TO THROW THE COMPITITION..................to say that the reason hes doing that is to save casey....thats right CASEY. YA RIGHT DOM FUCK OFF WHO DO U THINK WE ARE..........................now lets talk about this because ...................bitch u really want to try me!?! I know those three boys arent as stupid as their moves are coming off!?!? but do they think this is believable!?!?!? Seriously? Im kinda confused because a) They vote julia equalling in jordan and i coming full force on them.....like if ur gonna go for the two headed snake ....dont go for its tail? Sorry but julia was just a number. Jordan and I are the ones who game talk together and as much as i hate playing with him...i love playing with him if that makes any sense. b) you want to throw a competition...to what? To get me out? um....do you underestimate jordan , kendall and I? Yea were on two different tribes but its clearly obvious im fucked over. As if they wouldnt throw this comp.  5) We win immunity....and you would think the way ppl were acting was as if we lost. But it was so obvious everyone of them threw that and im PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [7:00:19 PM] jaiden: that's fucking bullshit [7:00:24 PM] jaiden: I went back and CORRECTED myself [7:00:26 PM] jaiden: i'm pissed [7:00:36 PM] jaiden: I'm glad we won but FUCK. THAT. [7:09:57 PM] Sarah: ARENT U HA;PPPYYY [7:10:00 PM] Sarah: YUHJGEDSXF [7:10:08 PM] jaiden: that would've been sooooooo bad sarah [7:10:19 PM] jaiden: I would've felt like SHIT if we had to go to tribal all because I made a simple mistake ............Jaiden................You had the lowest score on our tribe. And you think i didnt know I was going if we lost?.... “Simple mistake” mhm HUNTY I BELIEVE U FOR SURE Now its kinda obvious what dom is doing and honestly......................................fuck u wtf do u think ur doing being a better player than me? I cant wait till i vote ur ass out. Please take it as a compliment Actually...wait  no fuck u binch face motherfuck i hate u anyways so i was thinking that if we lost immunity ...i could come up with a plan. Jordan gives me the idol, it will be publicly shared, Jaiden will immediately come to me freaking out because hes being a fake ass, asking if jordan gave me the idol...I will tell him (in confidence HAHHAHAHAHAHA) that jordan gave me a fake one and that i only did it so people are scared to vote me out. He'll tell dom so they dont switch votes on Ashley. Then when I get majority votes ill idol out my votes, ashley puts one vote on me, i put one vote on dom so it ties. So if dom plays his idol it will be WASTED ANYWAYS. But if they split votes then ill be safe who cares if ashley goes home. Because im safe and in f13!!!!!!!!!! and hopefully merge happens soon so i can stop doing this. But its ok bc im gonna pray kendall and jordan throw the next comp. Honestly I love Kendall so much I want a f2 with her now that Julia is gone. So watch out for that in the future. http://i.imgur.com/D8kFHyf.gif DONT MESS WITH ME I WILL SELL MY SOUL JUST TO MAKE SURE I MAKE MERGE

Candle added Jordan Pines to this conversation.  From: Candle Jordan you know I adore you Sent on: 2:10 pm  From: Jordan Pines oh no Sent on: 2:10 pm  From: Candle But if you want to make a group chat, do it yourself Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Candle From: Jordan Pines hahahaha Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Jordan Pines this callout XDDDDDD Sent on: 2:10 pm  I couldn't have said that better myself Sent From: Candle Kay well I’ve made my point so get off my lawn you damn youngings Sent on: 2:11 pm Candle has removed Jordan Pines from this conversation Candle has removed Gavin from this conversation  AYYYYYYYE. YES. KENDALL. YES.

I hate getting lied to at Tribal Councils, but Julia left which is actually a good thing and kind of my fault oops. It's Kendall all over again in Malaysia. 

 But yeah, things got messy but I got to pick my tribe for the tribe swap. Jaiden and I got on call and decided we were going to split everyone up (Sarah/Jordan, Ruben/Lexi, Casey/Dom), so that's really fun and exciting. It'll be neat to see how everything goes with the pairs being split. Gavin and I are still together which is sweet. 

 I'm pissed about the vote count at Tribal. Jaiden ruined my no vote streak, but at least he did it on Day 87 for me not getting votes, which is my favorite number. 

I haven't been having fun in India and I never really knew why. It wasn't as though I was losing, it wasn't as though I was in any danger. I was just bored... it felt like something was missing, aside from my soul. So I had a heart to heart with myself over a cup of coffee. I went up to me and said "Me, what's wrong? I've been acting sadder then I usually am, what's wrong egg?" I simply gave myself a shrug and sadly responded "I dunno, I really want to have fun but something is missing... it feels like I am going through the motions," I gave myself a sad sigh. "Oh me, what am I going to with I? How am I going to win a game that I don't have the will to even play," It was at this time I was politely, but sternly, asked to leave by the Starbuck's Barista because I was "disturbing patrons with my mental breakdown," Which was bullshit by the way, I've had like 6 mental breakdown and they are not nearly as tame as me talking to myself. And so, as I argued with the barista and as threatened to call the cops, I had a realization. I have been experiencing the human emotion known as 'pouting'. I have given up because I felt like I had no opportunity to get to the end, that I was either going to get dragged as a goat or voted pre merge. But I have things I can use to my advantage. I don't have to lie down and play dead. If I just pretend to be a good little soldier until merge, reconvene with Sarah and some others, I could do something incredible. For now I just need to play nice. I have decided to stick with my allies. Not because I suddenly grew a brain. Not because I felt some sort of kinship with them or 'friendship'. It's just the best thing I can do Here is an elaboratation on my reasoning the form of a chart: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qPAkC4IhbNWgE2II29QqNaQFR1rgckfBEK_yKCOat5A/edit?usp=sharing 

Oh right, I almost forgot to mention during my ego maniacal ramblings. We are going to probably through the challenge to save Sarah (For strictly strategic purposes... I promise). I say probably because nothing has been confirmed. TBH if we lose, even if it is unintentionally, I'm about 80% sure Jordan Pines will claim that he meant to do it. Welp that's a common side effect of working with a narcissist. What are you gonna do?

Okay so FUCK this tribe swap. I am literally stuck on a tribe of people I have like never even spoken to, that is my fault of course, but damn how did I get so unlucky? Jaiden says he chose me because I am good in challenges and that I am a nice person, I mean that is nice and all but I am now separated from Gavin, Jordan, Alex, literally anyone who I actually liked and was hoping to really get to work with. This counting challenge is also a goddamn mess. Dom has gotten us like -25,000 points already ON PURPOSE. He tells me he likes me and isn't coming after me, but that leaves only two other returnees on our tribe that he could go after; Jaiden and Sarah. Sarah is kind of certain that Jaiden and Dom are working together, which kind of goes against the whole "newbies vs. villains" thing they are trying to start. But who knows. I can only hope the guys on the other tribe will also try throwing some challenges to give Sarah and I a chance over here on this tribe. They don't want newbies to have majority either.

Jaiden picked me to be on his tribe so that was perfect because I really did not want to be on the other tribe. Lexi spoke to me a bit and let me know that Ruben talked highly of me and how she was fond of me for that reason Robin's nice Jaiden's cool and we've both wanted to be on the same tribe for quite a while now so that finally happened Ashley rarely ever speaks to me and forgets to reply constantly Sarah only now started talking to me a bit more since she believes she's in the minority and Jordan probably said she could flip me Dom is a bit suspicious at times but I believe he trusts me and that he wants to take the newbies far I lost it again last night after the results, I should have done my confessional then but everyone already assumes I'm already crazy so maybe we'll save that for later. I feel a bit more calm now but last night I wanted to request tribal and still do sort of but I don’t think it’s possible. I wish I threw the challenge since I hate when the other tribe gets what they want and I don’t want Ruben to go. I like this Lexi, Robin, Dom group going on so I am hoping to solidify that soon and I think they assume it’s newbies vs returnees still. I’m hoping that by some miracle, a returnee gets voted out and apparently Dom just handed Ruben an idol. I believe Jordan assumes I’m closest with him still and that’s why Sarah has been trying to talk to me more lmao! I like Jordan so we'll see where that goes but he's controlling a huge part of the game as of now. Sarah should have tried a bit earlier to speak to me because now it seems like desperation, but I’ll keep playing this middle role, it amuses me. Sarah said she only really talks to Ashley so that's nothing new since I assumed she was close with her from that returnee alliance before the swap. Here’s to hoping the next challenge is something easily thrown so we can finally say goodbye to Sarah or Ashley :)

That was honestly a messy challenge result. I don't necessarily blame anyone for throwing though. I didn't know I was in the negatives so I'm sure everyone probably made mistakes they didn't catch. I'm worried for Ruben. He's the only one from my old alliance on the other tribe. Dom gave him his idol though so he'll hopefully be safe. On another note, I've been talking to the other Lexi. To be honest, if started off because I confused her for lexi my ally. We're getting along pretty well. She's definitely someone I'd like to work with in the future. Jaiden's also pretty cool so I have my bases covered once we go to tribal

I was summoned by the voices in my head- Episode 2

lol I'm probably going bye bye

So we managed to come up with a plan, Karen Kendall Alex and I will vote Ashley and it's only because I said she was contemplating self voting and I counted that as "I heard her name" SJAHFDHOFAOPUDJ like ugh it sucks but somebody needs to go tonight so =/

Well I just heard from Kendall that everybody is voting me out but honestly Im not mad at all. I almost quit this game twice so this will be just as good hahahahaha

So here we are again.. my tribe is heading to tribal for the second time in a row & right now I pretty much feel like a sitting duck. Lexi & I were the only two people really competing in the challenge & that pisses me off.. so I approached her with a deal that since the two of us were the only ones who tried, let's not vote for each other & she agreed.. so now the question is who DO we vote for? Of course I'm pushing for Casey, but both Lexi & Ruben are very good at not directly answering my questions of "who do YOU wanna vote for?" Like they always find ways to just kinda circle around the question & so finally I got tired of the shit & I said straight up to Lexi that Casey hasn't been pulling her weight & I want her gone next.. last tribal I noticed how paranoid & scared Lexi was getting because of the rumors & so this time I decided to play that to my advantage. I told her that basically the entire returnee villains tribe is still spreading the rumors & targeting the both of them. I told her that even though I don't believe the rumors, that won't stop the returnees from eventually targeting the two of them.. so I said that me, her, Ruben, and Dom need to just stick together & vote out the weakest tonight.. I'm hoping that the thought of the entire returnee villains tribe targeting her, will be enough to convince Lexi to vote my way tonight.

I'm shook! Steven got rocked out WHEW Honslee Im kinda sad bc I wanted to work with Steven later on, now I gotta talk to more of the newbie heroes and see who I can potentially trust 👀.

Ok so I was talking lexi and I'm yellin bc she's v pissed @ her tribe like she doesn't want her tribe winning anything at all skdndondk N U T! I'm here for it honslee! I want the other heroes tribe to self destruct ! Hopefully I can get something to lexi out tho bc I want her to stay long enough to wreak havoc on that tribe honestly truly 

Ok so last night my alliance had a call to discuss who we should vote out and we came to the consensus that ace will be getting elimed, anyway so gav said that he was gonna talk to Ashley about the vote or whatever so fast forward to this morning I have a nice talk with miss Ashley about making amends after Sweden and i think we're on good terms now. So we discuss who to vote and she said that gav told her to vote ace and that Kendall is spearheading the anti ace campaign and honslee? It threw me off a little bc who throws their alliance member under the bus like that, like BINCH! Just say that that's what majority seems like and be done with it, she doesn't need any reasons. Ok so a little later I talk to ace and tell him that the vote is Ashley and that I have Kendall and Kendall has Alex so he made a chat with me and Kendall and I told him that we didn't need Alex in the chat bc we'd have majority after this, i also did it so Alex wouldn't get sus of me and Kendall soooo anyway! As of rn ace has majority vote and I think I'm in a good spot overall????

Oh my god... I was considering Steven to be someone who would be a driving factor of this season and it's just weird to think of him snuffed so quickly. I never would've thought this tribe would actually go to rocks and now it's like the rubble after the nuclear blast, it's time to repair and renew. We need to become strong again or else we'll fail miserably. On the bright side, that rock draw worked out amazingly well for me. Liam's survived and he's pretty much indebted to me so I got him as a free number for me :~) and Whitney was loyal to Liam and I so it looks like we hold the majority down 'ere. Not to mention that my relationships with the returnees aren't half bad - I've only spoken to two of 'em, but still. Alex Crooks and I are cool - he's the first guy I ever ruined my game for :') So that's a swell flashback I suppose. And then there's Gavin. I can't say he's the most trustworthy from what I've seen and heard in the ol' wiki community, but if he's selling me some deals I ain't gonna pass on 'em. And he did try to spill some tribe tea so hopefully h'ain't lying. (Linus, that reference was for you! It was all for you!)

I did NOT let that other Lexi leave WHEW. That challenge flew by REAAAAAL quick and thank goodness we won! Now let's just hope my boys on the Heroes returnees ain't screwed 'ere. But it looks like Dom's getting a strike for not adding any of us nice guys, so I bet he's getting the boot. Ruben and Casey did also disappear during the challenge so it could be them if they're basing this off of challenge performance here :v

That feel when you've been working on a terrible project I seriously regret making since it hurts my eyes all day so you haven't talked to anyone :v Thank goodness there's no Tribal and I'm on a boring tribe!

And by boring I don't mean the people are boring, they're kinda lit, we just are hella quiet.

Oh my god I literally went to rocks our first tribal I'm beyond shocked I made it out alive. Steven was taken out which was okay but Lexi would have been better for sure. But guess what we won this challenge so no voting for us I'm so happy we kicked ass 

Okay FUCK YES DAHLING WE JUST WON IMMUNITY. So all day I've been bonding with Jordan Pines and like FUCK I actually really like Jordan. So I told him that I would have his back if we went to tribal, and he literally shut down my talk with "let's not talk stratagey now I just wanna get to know you more" which honestly, who wouldn't be scared by that, like FUCK. Anyways, I talked to Jordan and got to know him more, I just hope he considers me as someone he wants to keep around. Now, on the other hand I have my ally Sarah who I trust, you all pretty much know this by now. So Sarah told me that she needs to call me tonight because she has some info, which is terrifiying, but i'm glad she trusts me as much as I trust her, it feels good. Now ANYWAY Jordan came up with this brilliant plan for immunity and it WORKED. This witch ain't gonna be fourth boot this time around, IT'S GAME TIME BITCH HAHA!

Ruben and I got close. We are voting Monte out tonight because Lexi/Casey have beef from a prior game. That way we are swing votes and we decide what happens.

Whew this round has been exciting. Idol hunting is going decently me and Dom are working well together but unless he's lied neither of us got anything yet. I sort of took control of the tribe on this challenge being like heres what we need to do and heres how we need to do it. It was definitely a high risk, high reward scenario but it paid off. We won the challenge in an impressive 2 seconds and like I think i got the credit for that win. I am just really talking to people, keeping myself known in the chats as like a fun member of the tribe. Idk if its paying off but as of now I think I am in good standing with the tribe. We are probably swapping soon so I am just trying to work that tribe unity as long as I can hoping that however a swap goes we can work as a 6 and not a divisive unit. I think i'm doing good right now but time will tell.

Things are going pretty great right now honestly. I started out a little shaky and nervous but it seems like Monte and Casey both want each other gone now and both Lexi/Dom pulled me into a 3 person alliance. I think if I ride with those two I could find myself in a really good position long term. Both seem to consider me a potential final 2 and that's the best situation to be in on a small tribe. I think Monte should be going home unless there is a blindside coming up on me rip. For now I want to make sure Monte goes home so that everybody remaining on this tribe trust me 1000%. Also I have NO problem going to tribal more lol. Hero Lexi could be in trouble on her tribe with the whole rock draw thing going down and since that situation I feel like I'm in a more solid position to throw comps if I have to in order to keep her safe. Although I didn't have to do much this challenge to throw it considering Monte and Casey made it fucking easy for me by not showing up lmao. Good shit though

Okay, just for the record, that was BEAUTIFUL. Steven who was setting up my vote was rocked out, and now Miss Negative (Lexi) is a sitting duck, she knows it's 3 vs 2. Bitches, don't fuck with me next time.

Regan is pressing a gun to my head right now send help

What do I wake up to? Johnny messaging me that the tribe is going to "R O C K S..." and I'M HYPE! It's so early and already players are being messy as heck. Anyway, I'm glad Steven was taken out because from what I could tell, he seemed to be a schemer with real game know-how. Here's to hoping we don't need to go to tribal in the premerge!

I've been sick the past two days. I feel like it's hurting my social game a bit when I come online to see 100 messages or so. I don't want to be left out of the loop but it is worrisome. From what I gathered, Ace/Ashley are trying to get myself/Gavin to work with them. While on the flip side, Kendall/Karen are trying to get myself/Gavin to work with them. It's an interesting position for us two to be in. Gavin is my number one at this point, and I have zero doubt that we'll make the right move in the end. The problem is, is that Gavin/Myself have differing opinions on who to work with. I love Kendall/Karen, Gavin loves Ace/Ashley. I want to vote out Ace, and if I can't convince Kendall/Karen to vote out Ace then I will end up voting out Karen or Kendall. Because I can do that. I have that power to do this with Gavin, and that's what I'll do.

I always find myself having to reassure Gavin a ton. He's paranoid about the power duo of Kendall/Karen, but we're all literally fine. He's worried about being a fourth wheel and that I find understandable. But his worries make less sense when I'm more with him than I am with Kendall/Karen. I have his back 100%, but having to constantly assure him that him and I are golden, it's a bit tough and a tad sketchy.

Welp it turns out I remind Gavin of his ex girlfriend... not sure how to feel about that :P.

I feel shitty Oh so shitty I feel so shitty and hitty and gay And I pity Any person who feels in anyway~ Thank you thank you, you are all too kind! Well, not you on the left, or you in the front row or you reading this line. That's right you smug bastard I know what you did last summer! ... where was I going? Oh right we have tribal! Karen wants to vote Ace out and last night, in my sleep induced haze, I agreed with her but now that I am more lucid, I realize that this is a terrible idea. Ace is someone who I would always have in my back pocket. You could say they are my.... Ace in the hole. Fuck you I thought it was funny. Besides, I'm being to worry a bit about Karen. She's intelligent and calculating, for the time being this is good and it'll be in my best interest to keep her. But at some point, I'm going to have to get rid of her and I'll need some support. I don't know Ashley and I barely know Gavin. The only person I am solidly aligned with is Alex. And while Karen did call Ashley a bitch in Sweden, that doesn't mean that that bridge is completely gone. She could very well have her in her back pocket. Still, I will try not to do anything impulsive. The last few times I tried to save someone, I ended up fucking up real badly. Like to a comical degree kind of fuck up. I won't go out of my way to save them but I'll be damned if I don't at least advocate on their behalf.

I JUST NEED TO GET 6TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THIS TIME I WAS WORRIED ABOUT WINNING! ALL THIS TIME I WAS AFRIAD OF FUCKING UP BUT I UNDERSTAND NOW! I HAVE A MISSION A DUTY AMOUNG MY PEER (DREW) TO GET 6TH PLACE! TO BECOME THE ANTI JENN AND KAIT! I CAN NOT FAIL! LIKE JOAN OF ARC I WAS SUMMONED BY THE VOICES IN MY HEAD AND I SHALL SUCCEED!

I'm so sad :( I need to find the idol and try very hard in challenges or else I'll be the next person to leave

I am so glad we won immunity. It for sure would have been me or Lexi next if we had gone to tribal. It looks like Johnny and Whitney aren't too upset that I didn't vote with them but I can't take my chances. I had been searching for the idol for a while with no luck so I asked Lexi to help me find it. She found it within a few hours lol. We didn't find the idol but we found the idol grid. It's relieving to know it couldn't have been found right away. This gives me and her time to find it. Hopefully we'll get it before anyone else and we'll be set for the rest of the time on this tribe. I doubt anyone else on our tribe has found the idol page or would suspect that we found it. I'm thinking long term so the game plan would be using the idol on lexi and getting rid of Liam. If we happen to go to a tribal council after that we could try to get Whitney or Johnny to flip to our side. Even if they don't want to we can always force a tie so Lexi and I still have a strong chance of succeeding. We just have to find that idol!

So i was very pissed steven got rocked out. Liam deserved to go. He did nothing for the challenge. I think whitney had a pre existing relationship with liam. I got called out for ruben being my boyfriend and thats why they wanted me out but oh well. Him and Robin went to rocks for me and i was grateful. I don't like Whitney at all. She doesnt even give me a chance and i think i know why. But whatever i could care less about her lol. Johnny stopped talking to me so he must be scared or something if he wont even talk to me. Liam is useless to me. Like why is he even here lol. I'm only still helping my tribe win because of robin. I could care less about the other 3. I got the idol board and we all know i need a idol more then anyone.