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quartzite-wasps · 9 months

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pre mh brim *sobbing*

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whomturgled · 10 months

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i have so many feelings and i hate it

#and regrets of any time ive acted up or feel like in hindsight it wasnt cherishing the time i have w them as i shld be and #and things i want to do with them still and ways to love them and be loved and understand their way of loving and #i think we can be so good together and. i miss them. and i hope they miss me.#i really hope theyll miss me soon and want me again and . ik its maybe a little messed up but i want to believe and trust and #its hard and it hurts but. i really feel theres a great connection and if i need to chill out a bit and remember myself more thats fine #and on me for getting so like. moody recently. altho i kinda feel like part of that is med changes but u__u still i need to be able to like #be better and i think they make me better and so happy and. im so comfortable with them and i love them and i wld want to make it work #even if it had to be distance but i dont think i want to just be their friend like maybe but it would hurt a lot bc i love them so much #and i hope they wanna be with me too still and will allow me to romance them yknow flowers and adventures and love and take care and... yea #and maybe some of this was just them going thru a lot rn and im sorry for adding pressure to it and i want to be the comfortable respite an #auurgrgghfhdhdhhfhfdhh i miss them #i just keep thinking abt them like ill have periods of not but then i do again and. idk.#theres also a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts and its like i want to like. idk. know some of their friends n stuff n. :^( idk #i dont feel well from the stress and emotions and ow of it all #i really hope it isnt just a way for them to let me down i really hope they come back eventually like i wanna believe they will but #ourgsghthfhdhfhghghdhdhwkelftk4bfbhwiwjtjejAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i love them a lot. and need to listen more abt more alone time stuff bc it is good for both of us but not like this u_u #ok sorry for rambling i needed somewhere to write feelings so here we are #i guess part of me is hoping theyre thinking abt me at least a bit and maybe will check this and see it and be like wow i do miss them too #but ik thats silly and eitth3u2ieigjtb4jirifjwji24jgntn aahhhhhhhhhhh. i say a lot of things wrong esp when scared or overly emotional and.#urgevshehrhtjrjeitjtnjeeitjtjwjeiigvjiw9384847rhfbwjoe4j4n4j289djrnrnf #i just really really hope they come back soonish and like want me and are like yes i do want you sorry for that but not a huge sorry bc #like i understand where theyre coming from and. and. yeah. idk. soon doesnt have to be today or tomorrow but maybe a week or 2 idk #i just realy miss them and it hurts and i really dont want them with someone else or to just throw it all away andni want to prove i can #like. idk. love them and be better and more positive i guess we've both been dealing w a lot of stuff and i do need to learn to accept and #more patient w how we communicate differently and we do have to face that but its a difficult topic to confront ig and aurh4hwhshhrlffff #i think they love me i want to trust and i really hope they dont try to make any decisions for me or like based on what they think best 4 m #bc i get to decide that :^(#when i said let down i meant like. leave my life and never talk to me again and stuff.. ;^(. idk how to feel abt some things but. idk. idk.#theres so many feelings and that all is just a pretty vague tip of the iceberg ugh

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moonlitfantasyblr · 2 years

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yes it's almost a year since the show first released. yes none of us is over this show. yes someone should probably do a study on it.

#rn i was feeling very anxious and stressed about irl things so love my cute lil comfort show for distracting me again #i don't really keep up with the cast but the tag is filled with ohmnannon's tweets and insta posts and theyre holding a rewatch party??idek #glad to know everyone involved in the show is literally one of us when it comes to never getting over bbs #personally im living for the fandom being active again coz the memes and analysis posts are >>>>#atp if this show doesn't get a special ep or s2 when we live in a capitalistic world and the show is still this popular then #hats off to p'aof and the creators of the show lol #bad buddy #fyi back in 2021 this ep apparently trended with around 150k or smth

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freesomebodybyluna · 2 years

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....

#i feel so fucking shitty im so fucking exhausted i have no will to live tbh #im stuck in my sisters room all day trying to find internships or just feeling depressed bc im stuck in a room that doesnt even get light #and i feel a little less stressed bc her roommate + kid left earlier today so i can walk out into the kitchen more freely #but i havent even been eating much for the sake of not being seen by her roommate bc she wasnt entirely happy about me being here the other #day when she saw my sis for first time since coming back from a trip #and was quick to yell at my sis over stuff that my sister clearly communicated w her #and idk i feel like ive stressed out my sister more bc she needs to find a place regardless of whether she wants to keep me somewhere #more comfortable while i figure out my living situation bc shes been having trouble w her roommate as is #bc even though theyre friends shes been weirdly possessive over my sis for a while now apparently & will go off on my sis about her never #being home regardless of the fact that shes an adult w a bf & a life....and their friend in common has to step in as well occasionally to #defend my sis #and blah blah i feel so uncomfortable everyday i dont even leave my room or feel comfortable being in their backyard #when theyre not home bc idk i just dont feel comfortable w this situation #and im having no luck w finding an internship with less than a month until fall semester starts #and i hate having to rely on my sister sm when she has her own problems to worry about #and im not eating properly to avoid seeing her roommate #and im having trouble finding a driving school thats even holding classes rn #if i could id be willing to pay for ubers to be able to learn once & for all #nothings working out i feel like shit #dl #and unrelated but her roommate leaves her puppy in her crate for HOURS when shes not home & i feel so shitty hearing her cry all day #bc shes not getting the exercise she needs & her crate isnt even all that big #and the other day when she was out she called to ask me to take her puppy out so she could relieve herself #and i took her out for as long as i could so she could run around & play & i felt like a total dick when i had to put her back in her crate #and i can't even comfort her bc shes in the roommates room & i dont wanna get caught in there in case she comes home suddenly......

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lesbiten · 2 years

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the new finch has to be kept separate for a week to make sure she and acacia wont Kill Each Other but thats a whole other thing

#theres just so much. to do #i want to spend time making sure theyre both comfortable but god this is the worst week for getting a new bird #F to my ap tests its more important to me that this is done correctly #we have a second cage but its Small. intended as a travel cage if we ever needed it #im not sure its fit to live in and i definitely need to make sure its clean first #thats another thing im worried about. the avian flu going around rn #that cage has been sitting in our garage for months and im worried it might carry Things #i think itll do just for a week quarantine/trial period but still #i also dont know if i should still let acacia out during the first week #i dont think it would be a bad thing for her to have the option to check out the other bird up close but still seperated #but on the other hand i feel like that would be stressful maybe for the new bird ???? i dont know #i guess ill just learn as it happens #if theres no immediate violence upon the meet and greet ill let acacia out of the cage like usual #and then if still no violence after a week ill see about moving new girl to the main cage #which idk how ill do that #maybe just let her out and see if she follows acacia inside/for food/etc #hurhgygegguuf. stressful. man #i dont have a name yet either #not sure what color the new girl will be #oasis and acacia are the two most common colors of zebs as far as im aware but id rather not get one that looks like either of them #might not have a choice though #we'll see later today i suppose #simon says

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nerdyqueerr · 4 months

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The human body was a mistake

#who up experiencing discomfort in their neck shoulders and upper back so unpleasant theyre unable to sleep #ME #truly started sobbing like please..... please @ my body....... just be comfortable im begging u...... we are IN BED like stop that.......#idk we're gonna try and book physio appointments through my gp or whatever. dont care rn. that doesnt solve my immediate problem which is #the agonies!!#i dont know what the fuck im doing #like bad posture. not drinking enough water. being so full of tension and stress probably. fuck if i know. somethings wrong tho #god being on my phone also probably doesnt help with the going to sleep well whatever who even cares at this point #ugh #yuck #other such sounds of frustration #my shit

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kordbot · 6 months

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I can't believe I'm about to replay the s.igcorp games again it hasn't even been a year since the last time

#i think. i just need a stable source of comfort rn #its something i can always go back to yknow #im not doing very well this week #these games have been with me for such a long time and theyre so comforting in so many ways #and they sometimes make me realize sad things about my life but theyre mostly good #ive been going through this week without anything to latch onto in a stressed depressive state #so maybe the games will help bring me to. happier times. and make me feel less alone hopefully #ugghhhh. whatever. its not like im gonna suddenly make good art or anything #i just. need this rn

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lynksease · 11 months

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i should just flip a coin at this point RE: bottom surgery

#its good to wait but like. im also kind of tired of thinking about it 😭 like maybe i should just get it over with fr…#im still researching and whatever but its very accessible to me in my province and like :/#living with my parents still… the sooner i get it done the less stressful itll be for me later if i move out #but then also like so much can change in even a year 😭😭 its not like itll be a fast process to even start #also like my name isnt even legally changed yet so i should get that done first ???????? i live in a house full of procrastinators #also also also i dont really feel. good about having to TALK to my parents about it and be like Hey I Wanna Get A Life Changing Surgery!!!#theyre accepting and they would never stop me or make me feel like. i cant make that decision. but its still so awkward whyyy #i dont have anybody in this world rn that i would be 100% comfortable w during this process 😭#anyways privileged city t boy problems

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 2 years

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okay this has been A Long WeekTM so!! its time for me to think about my lil blorbos so i forget this week exsisted at all 👍

hurt/comfort my beloved. beat trope ever i eat that shit up like icecream on a steaming hot summer afternoon

i love the idea of Yan just being a really loving and protective BF instead of a full on yandere. my man still has and will murder for y/n but hes also just!!! so shaped!!! i love him sm. aaa imagine coming home after a LOOOONG day and just being smothered in love!!! he is a human-shaped golden retriever istg. if his s/o expresses ANY sign of discomfort or pain istg this man WILL just drag them straight to bed. resistance is futile and will NOT work because with his logic "if s/o hurt or tired, we drag their ass straight to bed and basically become their butler until they feel better!!!" (lowkey would love someone like that rn. im so tired </3 )

and murdock... my love... ive actually played his route only once but when i tell you i fell in love with him. love at 1st sight. he reminds me of JD from heathers SO much but it might be the coat. and the fact hes definetly a musical nerd at heart. hes gotta be. he looks like he saw JD once and based his entire personality off him and honestly, i 100% see that happening. he would def sing soft songs to y/n when theyre feeling stressed or overstimulated. he just would, i know he would. he may be a murderer but hes still soft for his s/o. thats the law with theese kinds of characters. i also see his hugs being... so warm.. and nice... man he would have been GREAT to have earlier today for me. i'd hug the shit outta him <3 <3 <3

also... consider.... yandere.. and murdock... in a poly relationship with y/n... 2 murderers who are in love with the same person whos just tired of their antics but is also in love with the 2. i see them trying to ""compete"" with eachother for y/ns affection and praise. they'd definetly kill a man to get his heart as a cute lil valentines gift. y/n would just look at it like "aw ty <3 thats sweet <3 <3 who the FUCK did you kill now tho?? huh?? im waiting >:(((" while yan and mur both look at eachother like "shit theyre onto us--"

or them both teaming up... since yan basically knows what we're doing 24/7, he also knows which people insult/hurt us... so.. consider him asking mur to distract y/n for long enough so he can get rid of the person while mur is like "oh yeah i gotchu fam"

bonus :

imagine in the old friends au, y/n lives and is with yan and manages to get murdock there, so theyre like "oh hey, i know a place" and bring him home. yans like "hey love <3 <3, who the FUCK is this" while y/n is just like "ive met him once, he reminded me of you so now hes gonna live here" while murs like "wait huh i will-?"

think of the "what do you have there?" "a smoothie" meme

yan cant say shit tho cuz he loves us too much <3

YES YES THIS IS EVERYTHING I WAS LITERALLY JUST THINKING ABOUT THESE TWO

#clanask #murderiplier #yandereplier

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daisyvisions · 1 year

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*crushes you in hugs

you should follow @/jasminexox5's advice and get into atz and svt adkfnaksoig theyre both such amazing groups. i think my bias in atz is wooyoung rn (his studio choom aotm vid is INSANE its currently my favorite yt video to ever exist 🫠)

ajdnfnekso ive been falling out of love with seventeen for some reason ideky but BSS (their subunit(?) of sorts) is having a comeback very very soon!! i think the concept of having two eps of gose a week each 30min long scared me and now i just dont watch their content imsosad

anyway, both groups are amazingly chaotic w/ absolutely beautiful discographies so 👍 👍

im terrified of posting on weverse because i swear im gonna be so embarrassed if they dont notice but even more embarrassed if they DO so 😩

taking a break from kpop every once in a while is a good idea tbh it can get too overwhelming sometimes and u just needa focus on reality. but yes do listen to srr if you have time :))

also just a general question...are you okay with being tagged in like those tag game things? and if so, do i tag this acc or your main?

I am following her advice! It's more of I have shitty time management so I tend to go with things that are already comfortable 🥴 slowly but surely!

Honestly what's the harm in posting on weverse?? as long as you don't nag about it and trauma dump on them you're good (ps I fucking hate those kinds of posts grrr)

yeah you have a point there about the Kpop / reality thing! though sometimes I feel like its the other way around sometimes where I need a means to escape from the all the stressful things in life but I havent had to time nowadays 😭 (and I listened to srr! it's very txt idk how to explain that but I think you know what I mean haha)

oh! you can tag my daisy account! das fine hehe 💕

#Daisy & maybeifyoutrieddd 💐

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fakeloveaskblog · 2 years

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Hi, me again. I have a long string of numbers from the ask the author. I thought that I’d go through and type out a couple that I’d like to know about and that ended up being most of them, don’t feel pressured to answer all of them. The numbers are 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,17,19,20,21,22,23,24 and 25. Sorry for asking so many.

Also make sure not to stress out over the long ask. I don’t know about the other Watchers but I’m happy to wait until you’ve finished it, even if it takes a while, I know it will be worth the wait if your other asks are anything to go by. I don’t know if you are worried about not getting it done quickly or not, but if you are I figured this might help.

Glow Eyes

Aw thanks. That does help. Tho honestly im more frustrated i havent gotten any day off to just rest and have time to write bc i really want to write!! Especially since i’m averaging a 5/10 on the pain scale every single second im awake rn. I deserve my rest dfhkjgfh

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

I am only capable of writing 1 story at a time so I’m basically holding off on uh everything until this blog is done. I am very excited to get to write more for my other AUs. Like my “New eden” au which is like the sides happening to meet at a specialized inpatient and there’s loceit and rem(2) and angst and stuff. And I got 2 others i’m excited for bc they’ve got lots of worldbuilding and i havent done much of that in my writing but when i made those AUs i realized i really dig worldbuilding. I am planning on letting y’all vote on which of my AUs should get an askblog when this story is done btw

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

Jfkfk the one stucky fic i wrote at like 12. In 1 chapter i put in a self insert and had cap validate my non binaryness. Apparently i thought it was so embarasing i have deleted several chapters from it but i dont remember actually doing that

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Front to back babeyyyy always. Sometimes i scribble down a future scene so i dont forget it but otherwise its all first scene to last

4) favorite character you’ve written

I really did enjoy writing Roman as Jaws in my James Bond au just bc it was such a stupid concept. I also have a soft spot for my son Envy. Before Remus existed Envy was my green side. He was also a gremlin. I love writing dogs <333 Thomas as a dog <3 Roman as a dog <3 Virgil as a big fluffy service dog <333

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I usually tell people i write. Usually not that i write fanfic

8) favorite genre to write

I guess drama? Slice of life? Romance? Whatever you call this. I have written action and thriller stuff as well but i prefer this. I just love angst 💗💓💚🧡💛 even whump 😈 and some good comfort

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

I ramble with my beloved best friend 💚 our brainstorm sessions get so ridicolously long. For some aus like the New Eden one the plot would look Completely different if it wasnt for him. I probs wouldnt have expanded it so much

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I always have to have music on or i cant concrentate. Cant even sit in the same room as other people while writing if theyre chatting loudly

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

Bro i used to over explain everrryyythhing. I know i still ramble a lot and put in way too many details in my writing but somehow i used to be even worse!! I also was one of those who wrote like "The boy with the round glasses said" instead of just saying their goddamn names

12) your weaknesses as an author

Uhm everything? Jk. But i really do think that writing in of itself isn’t my strong suit. I always feel like i use the same words too much. The same metaphors. Same flowery texts. My grammar isn’t good either.

13) your strengths as an author

If i would have any strenght it would maybe be uhhhh concepts? I’m shit at writing but i do like to think i can come up with some interesting concepts for stories? i like how many times I’ve made the sides into a literal dog in my AUs. thats fun i guess. maybe my strenght could be uhh funny?? people say im funny sometimes?? i dunno in my opinion i think im pretty average. nos trenghts

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

....I.......I just remember it.......in my head...I know, i’m horrible. I have tried to write up timelines but it never works for me. Sometimes I use the brainstorms with my bestie on discord as a type of timeline but most of the time I do just keep everything in my brain. Which is stupid bc my memory sucks

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

I really wanna say i prefer longer sit downs but the thing is my attention span is shit so it usually becomes me “writing” for like 3 hours but half the time was spent watching youtube

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Not that I can think of. When i’m writing im in control of what happens obviously so things that make me dissociate or super uncomfy if i saw it in my day to day life dont have any negative effect on me bc im the one writing. Tho one thing i stray from writin nowadays is eating disorders

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Girl ive looked up the most random shit. Different types of mazes, hotels in kentucky, etc. But really i wouldnt say im an expert on these things but i appreciate how much fics have made me learn about different disabilities. i do have chronic pain and some other shit which has made me put in disabled sides in my fics but its not like i have fibro or im deaf or have a brain injury so i have to read up on this stuff and it’s genuinly fascinating to learn. My fics have also let me learn a lot more about different cultures, in this AUs case i’ve learnt a lot about judaism to write the twins C: i would love to write romani sides in the future bc my family is partially romani but until i do that i like putting in that jewish rep. the fandom needs it hfkjhf

i hope me just talking about myself wasnt too annoying sorry

#thanks for the ask <3 #glow eyes #my fam got a new heating pad!!! so im managing the pain dw #i think its just impacting my grammar a little #hard to focus 100% on grammar anf stuff

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ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall · 13 days

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this past monday I took smores to the vet to check his condition of chewing on his back legs and on his butt/ back area.

the vet gave him and allergy shot which fixed him and mentioned for long term care to have moisturizing wash baths and benadryls

vet also took his blood to test his liver values, bc in may 2023 when he went to a diff vet for stomach issues and they tested his blood and saw his liver values were off and they gave him liver vitamins to help support his liver which he has not been taking bc theyre chewables but he has not been taking them bc he does not like them

on wednesday his blood work came back and his liver values are still bad and also his kidneys are showing b.u.n? which i need to give the vet a pee sample

so now vet said to do an ultrasound for smores which will cover his liver and kidneys and if necessary will do a biospy after.

and I'm in disbelief because my baby dog is now sick and idk what is going to happen and not sure how much longer he will be with me

this mid week i was so depressed and stressed out bc of costs

the ultrasound i called about to 2 vet specialists our vet recommended and they have both quoted about $745-$920. which means to get an xray alone is already 1,000 dollars.

I can pay 1 ,000 dollars but what is next? how much will treatment be? i googled liver disease in dogs and one person said they paid 14,000$ just to get a diagnosis. I don't have 14,000 now, nor will I ever have it all at once.

I feel so helpless that I can not do more for my baby, and i dont know what to do, am I just suppose to not get him medical care??

I read posts from the rainbow bridge and people who say things like they wish they could have done more for him/her. i now know what that really means.

I thought about how I only have 4,000 and i just let my mom borrow it because shes fucking irresponsible and needs to pay back her debt. and she wont be paying me back for a while but I didnt think i would need that money rn and how wrong i was.

then my fucking big credit card is maxed out due to my mom's usage also. it would have 5,000 which i could have really used for the ultrasound.

and so i was sitting there flipping through my accounts and looking at my balances like a few thousand dollars was going to magically pop up in them and save me and my dog

i looked at my digit savings and even if i cash over absolutely everything I will have CLOSE to 4,000. not even 4,000 :(

then my paypal credit which i asked for a credit line increase and they gave me 2,000 but it said i do not get an actual card for it and its mainly for online purchases so that doesnt help me at all.

so finally i applied for care credit and luckily was approved for 5,000.

also to note i just bought my tesla and the payments are so high and insurance is through the roof and i will turn over this car if i need to to free up money to set aside for smores treatment so we'll see if it comes down to that. it's my dream car but i can always buy another one later and my baby dog needs me right now

so hopefully care credit is enough for everything and i really hope a biopsy will not be 14,000. if things can stay below 8,000 for everything than that is something that i can reach but if they start quoting me 20k or so I'm afraid i will have to make some tough decisions and start considering end of life services for smores.

I have been thinking about it and if it comes down to me absolutely not being able to afford paying for smores services then i will have to start having a conversation with his vet on what i can do to make sure he is comfortable for the rest of his time :(

this week has been me taking so many pics, spending so much time, making sure he feels loved and looking at him like i will never see him again. i keep thinking of how i dont want to think of what it will be like without him, im not sure i will be able to breathe. he is my soul dog and i love him with all of my heart

I called around to see if i could find a better deal on an ultrasound but it looks like i can't. i also have an option of 2 places and right now I have booked with the "better place " but its 3 weeks out and being that long out also stresses me out and idk

I been putting his liver supplements in his water so he can actually take some of it. I really wish I had been addressing this sooner.

with the death of my aunt who i love so much, stephen who was such a good friend and poor daniel. I just want to try to stay positive bc i jsut dont know what to do or think anymore.

the sudden deaths of my loved ones in such a little time has been so hard on me, I remember after finding out about each one my mind goes to a dark place and my body kind of falls apart for a time and it just feels like it gets weaker with each one. I have questioned my own health and then i get scared of what if

anyways so thats whats going on w smores so far

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inkats · 4 months

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🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

For both of em! (Also if u can pls tell me their names DX)

I like forgot how to draw them today so. ill put old doodles where relevant. thank you for not asking name origins they're embarrassing. Theyre named Rinnie and Minho and they're only still called that because. Minnie. rest under cut.

🌼 they are my little chew toys, so I draw them at literally every age ever. Usually though they're around 17-25? ish. few months age gap usually to like. 5 years sometimes. 👍

🥊 Minho hates. he hates. hes a little hater all he likes doing is sleeping and looking out the window and watching creatures when hes outside. He loves the whimsy but doesn't believe in it. Rinnie plays/ed hockey for a while thats sort of his thing, he has fun. He really doesn't hate anything, or more can't hate anything? He's very if I'm positive about it things'll work out! It has to happen anyway! That being said cooking is stressful scary dont like it.

🎹 Minho makes music! I know very little about music so. I dont draw this a lot but it's a big thing for him :) And then Rinnie knits, but he's a very stressed out everything is hard any time not spent on the grind is time wasted kind of guy, which means. he doesn't hobby loads.

✂️ When I say they're my chew toys... in the zombie au which im like. really into rn. when it happens minho loses a lot of people fast which sucks ass for him. and then rinnie. when his love gets sick <3 oTL If you had a specific ver in mind. sorry.

🧠 This is a hard one I just love them oTL My favourite thing about Minho... hes. cute <3 hes pretty. and mean. love that in a man. Rinnie is just a very comforting figure hes like. everything. hes cozy and nice and warm <3

🎓 oh wait i think i still have my first drawings of them.

uhm T.T this is. rinnie. i guess. from 2018 this was his birth. and then. agh the second one is only from 2020 ! ? Ive been on that grind huh. this is definitely not my first drawing of minho bc he was made in peak kpop era (2018-2019) but was all I could find 👍theyre. 5ish year old now god. but theyre barely the same people too.

#i wanna do more w/the skating but.#it'll take a while for me to get to it i think.#anyway!#thank you very much for the ask <3 #my ocs

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straykats · 5 months

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small ramble/vent ???

ive been hanging out w one of my friends a lot recently (primary school friend that i lost contact w and then met again almost a decade later lol; we work together now too) and i really enjoy his company and feel pretty comfortable around him (as in as comfy as i do with my friend of the last decade) but our manager made a joke about us dating and my brother also thinks we have a thing (he talked to his friend who is the younger sibling of one of my friends, who told me HAHA) and i. im scared again?

like. im scared the friendship is gonna start.. dying, drifting, etcetc. and i dont think it'll be like what it was in highschool but i feel like im gonna be super sensitive to it if people start talking about it behind our backs?

like if theyre upfront and are just asking then thats fine, but if its constant jokes and whispering behind my back and if it makes my friend uncomfortable and leads either of us to start distancing ourselves from the other, im gonna ??? be really sad?? and i know this sounds super childish and im hoping all my current friends are more mature than the people in highschool but yeah idk i.

im seeing him tomorrow and i kinda wanna be upfront about it (ie explain my worry and ask him to just lmk if it happens and if it makes him uncomfy etc and just communicate if he doesnt want us to talk/hang out as often/give me lifts often) but i qlso feel like. it's gonna make things weird?

and yet at the same time i think (i hope?) hes like. idk the word but i think/hope he can understand that and not let it make it weird? idk if that makes sense.

we did talk about relationships and stuff and i feel like he really is emotionally mature/rêcptive/intelligent (.????) compared to the other people around me HAHAHAHAH and in a serious way, not in a dismissive way, so i feel like it'll be okay but also 😃😃😃 scared. always scared.

((was gonna leave the following out but then i started thinking more hm)) also between you and me, im actually seriously lowkey scared i actually have a crush on him??? but also im happy being friends/with the way things are rn so i dont think so. i think my main worry is that when i get comfortable with someone, i get worried about the rumours etcetc and so some part of me wants to have something solid/legit so thatpeople CANT spread rumours and whispers etc. you cant tease people about them dating if theyre actually dating? /// i feel like level of comort w some of my other male friends too but they have partners so im like. idk i dont have the same stress because people wouldnt say the same things yknow idk if that makes sense.

#kat talks #kats personal ???

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