#im so so so obsessed dude i will be like . 100% be devastated if i dont have her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autisticempathydaemon · 5 months

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Busybee my dear, hello from a fellow queer trans asain! i would love a matchup if its not too much trouble for you :3c

What song are you currently fixated on?

Oh my god, my friends and I have recently started making monthly playlists and it’s one of my favourite things to do; just curate a playlist over the course of a month!! currently its a load of fnaf living tombstone music BUT I’ve also been obsessed with The Distance by Cake? As a drummer, i absolutely adore the bass of this song!! Or Super Bon Bon by Soul Coughing has also some absolutely amazing drums!! Apart from that, I’m generally in love with everything Crane Wives BUT particularly for this month, the song Back to the Ground is so delicious!!I would put my fave lyrics but then i might have to transcribe the whole song lol. Just- the entire vibe and meaning of the song is so good (like most every crane wives song ill be honest)

Enneagram type?

Oof oh i havent done thay quiz in a hot minute but last i checked i was a 9w1 which definitely speaks to my lazy ass lol. I’m also an INFP?? I’m also a huge DND nerd so I have taken the alignment quiz and im chaotic good id that helps in any way HAHAH!!!

favourite Redacted audio?

100% the whole of avior and starlights playlist. absolutely devastating. i had to pause the playlist several times and lie down for a minute because i was so absolutely insane abt them. i love them so deeply. I’m definitely more drawn to the more plot heavy characters and arcs as compared to like ashers or davids which is more like cute couple moments (not that they dont have plot but its like. ashers playlist vs marcus’s ykyk) but that being said my favourite video of all time is probably elliots HBS video!! He is my favourite boy i will not lie i am so utterly obsessed with him and i would absolutely write pages upon pages abt why i love him and why his character is so my favourite for the ever.

fave platonic boy?

ASHER !! OR GUY!! I love silly dudes and they are peak silly boys. honestly i could see myself being best buds with Guy because we’re both so dirty minded and very clingy silly?? but there are also aspects where i would balance him out, like while i do love being chaotic i also understand the importance of just stfu and being silent every once in a while so i thunk there wld be times where there ARE shenanigans but also times where hes rambling my ears off and i can just sit. and listen. And I do love the hc that Guy plays DND and now i can absolutely imagine us playing dnd together OR binging dnd playthroughs. AND for asher, I feel like i wouldve had a crush on him because hes so like silly but also hes such an absolute sweetheart darling and hes so endearing that u just cant help but love him yk? but it wld be one of those friendship crushes that just means we end up being super close.

what gets the big boy a-snoozin?

anythin thay involved peoples voices. like straight up listenin to people talk absolutely sends me straight to dream land asap!! its kinda specific though like, if its a podcast? I can’t listen to those. the voice quality just sounds different from like a video of someone talking?? to me at least. And i can only fall asleep to videos of people talking (which is lowkey how. i got into boyfriend audios in the first place. amen insomnia). so now i have a sleepin playlist that consists of boyfriend (and girlfriend) audios, video essays about SCP’s and internet drama (shoutout to the right opinion) and also dnd playthroughs!

do u like long form video essays??

I LOVE VIDEO ESSAYS ABOUT SCP’S. i put them on when i cook!! I love ones that just talk abt the SCPs cause some are truly mind boggling and world shattering! I also listen to video essays abt youtuber drama because im not better then that and also a lot of them have quite impressive video editing!

Imaginary friends?

I think as someone who started watching horror movies at a very young age and is also super obsessed with horror movies/books now, i fully believe that if you had a imaginary friend as a child, you’re absolutely cursed and haunted and u need to be exorcised asap. (/j) no my parents were always super realistic with me and told me point blank that santa wasnt real, imaginary friends were only for mentally ill kids, and the only real big guy is the big boy in the sky. so. no imaginary friends BUT i did and still have a teddy bear (very creatively named bear bear) and i used to cry when i lost him.

i think thats it! i hope. thats enoigh haha. oh, some extra stuff abt me! I love cookin food, it’s very fun if not incredibly tiring, plus im perpetually broke, so tryin to cook up my favourite restaurant meals is also fun! I love drinks too (firm believer that every meal NEEDS to have a drink to accompany it) i’m a particularly huge fan of bubble tea (before it was cool ok) i did try to make my own bubble tea but it got really time consuming and not worth it. i love collecting plushies, i have about 10 in my room and yes they absolutely trigger my sinus but its so worth it. i love gamin and one of my first big boy buys was a gamin PC that i used to play Stray, Sims, Minecraft and most recently, FNAF! please pray i save up enough to get BG3. ٩( ᐛ )و

ok now thats really enough! thank you for this!! even if u dont get round to doin a matchup for me, thanks for lettin me ramble abt my interests :3 the questions are actually so fun hehe <333

Oh, I really like you. Not just because you gave me a lot of info to go on but because you and I have so much in common! Us queer, trans, Asian Type Nines have to stick together which is why I’m so pleased to pair you with Lasko.

I know I say this all the time, but it’s the perfect amount of similarities and differences that make a good pair in my opinion. I think your shared love of DnD, your introversion, your queer trans identity (because Lasko is queer and a whole allegory for a trans childhood, bless his heart) would be a great foundation for a solid relationship. Yet, it’s the differences that bring the spark like your love of horror where he would be squeamish or your chaotic good to his lawful.

I have such clear snapshots in my head of what your relationship would be like; if only I were an artist. You remind me of @itsdaifuku’s lovely piece of Dear as a guitarist and Lasko watching, starstruck, from the crowd; that would be you but as the drummer. I also love to imagine the two of you in the kitchen: you cooking, him mindlessly grading papers, an SCP video on, and Lasko looking up aghast when he finally tunes into what you’ve both been listening to.

Song:

I mean she even cooks me pancakes/ And Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches/ If that ain't love then I don't know what love is/ We even got a secret handshake/ And she loves the music that my band makes/ I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun/ I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun

Sorry but not sorry, I’ve projected and given Lasko my elder emo taste in music. It’s cute, it’s iconic, and he’d know all the words- shyly, sheepishly joining in if you start rapping along with it as you cook. I like to imagine 2000’s emo music brings out a silly, karaoke-esque exuberance in Lasko, and then you could be silly together.

Runner-ups:

Milo is one of your runner-ups because (and I know I say this all the time too) it’s so fun to pair that scaredy-wolf with a horror buff. Everything he’s learned about SCPs has been against his will and because he loves you. Hudson is a runner-up because I’m obsessed with pairing musicians with DJ Anxiety; he’d love you and your drumming so much.

note: thank you so much for waiting 💕 I’m glad you had fun!

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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hwaightme · 1 year

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gorrrllll i just finished bang bang. omg what a masterpiece once again!!! like i have no words!!!

first just gotta say paradigm hwa was the perfect fit for this! when you described the fingerless gloves, the slicked back hair… absolute devastation!! paradigm hwa’s got me in a chokehold and tbh i dont mind at all.

before i gush over the narrative, the character development and the ending (which you already know i loved it because… open endings>>>>>>) i want to talk about my fave excerpts!!

DISCLAIMER IF YOU DIDNT READ BANG BANG DONT SPOIL YOURSELF BY READING THIS AND GO READ IT

“He is a cutie, though, aren’t you, Sannie?” smirk gracing his lips, Seonghwa teased the cutie, who, judging by the sheer broadness of his shoulders, could probably snap a person in half with his bare hands. Not that the person would complain since the last thing they would see would be that pretty face… but that was besides the point.

when she almost deviated from her goal for San… so relatable. we are all like mc. i mean im ready to give it all up for san anytime. and gosh the way he’s so strong and mighty then a small little docile kitten with hwa. ughhh i love this duality so much!!! tbh i wanna own him. i want him to be my guard dog in public and my docile kitten in private <3 (san if you read this give me once chance lol)

“Ah how I missed you saying my name.”

my heart: *instantly melts into a puddle of pure 100% simping*

Do you really think that the judge was benevolent? Fuck… girl, you’re naive. That bastard passes his bank account around the courtroom, you really think he woke up one day and felt like being nice just because? Oh no…

the way i thought of judge jongho instantly hahaha that made it even better!

but girl this : You stared out at the metropolis through the windshield, registering your beloved criminal’s movements towards you. As you studied the glinting whites, reds and yellows that formed the urban starscape, you could not help but ponder how, out of all the millions of people, in this architectural phenomenon that seemed to stretch on forever, on a day when you were not even supposed to be where you had ended up being, you had run into none other than Park Seonghwa. And as fate would have it, you were naive enough to let him take everything from you. And being the loved up, hypnotised fool that you were, you thanked him for the misery in which you found yourself, because at least he made you feel. With him you were a disaster, but you saw life in colour. With him it was impossible to tell whether there would be a tomorrow, but you could exist in an exuberant today. With him, the everchanging palette of emotion had a canvas to paint on. And tonight, you were going to let the masterpiece create itself.

i literally ASCENDED!!! this is absolutely beautiful! the scenery! the resignation in mc! you can really feel she’s letting go, giving in to the monster! i loved that and the word choice!!!! every single one of them slapped in the face and i said thank you everytime!!!! such powerful poetry!

ok the main course

i absolutely LOVED the narrative style in this!!!!! i loved how the exposition wasnt linear! how as the reader you kinda had to piece the info and hints together to actually understand what happened between mc and hwa. it was brilliant how you were able to keep me on the edge of my seat wondering what the hell he did to her. and when you finally get it when you piece that he framed her, that he killed her ex for her! it’s a beautiful and complete puzzle ughhh so good.

and good god the character development!!!!!!! how mc goes from obsessed with revenge, obsessed with him and then resigned! it’s beautiful like as you read you can feel her very soul tearing with each conclusion she makes!!!!!! when she realizes hwa manipulated her fate once again with the dude in the back alley!!!!! and she just turns into a maniac for a second just to touch absolute serenity seconds later!! so gooooddd!

which brings me to the man of the hour!!!! hwa!!!!! i loved him !!!! i loved every wicked aspect of him! i loved that he was obsessed with mc but not really her more like the girl she could be. i love how you stated at the beginning that when hwa wants something he gets it. and what he wanted from mc was to break down the woman she was just to rebuild her into the woman he wanted her to be and he did that perfectly. planning every little detail until she was exactly where he wanted her to be. she became just as crazy as he wanted her. the cold hearted bitch he wanted. someone he could hate and love and love and hate on and on. until he would eventually grow tired of his toy and kill her and she accepted this fate she decided to own it ughhhh i love desperation so much <3333

AND THE ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH that was legit my reaction!!!!!!

when mc said “didnt you say you’d keep my hands clean…” i was like omg nooooo bai is about to go there isnt she ???????? then she continued with the questions and i was just screaming!!!!!!!!!! and i just know hwa knew that he succeeded!!! he knew he transformed her!!!! i just know he had the biggest boner hahaha and the fact that throughout this masterpiece you depicted him well enough that we KNOW he could do it!!! he could just take the gun to his head and shoot because he’s that crazy!!! that would be the ultimate test for mc! framing her for his own murderrrrrr omgggg im foaming at the mouth like a rabid racoon because im going completely crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was so good thanks bai for this once again!!!! it was perfection !!!!! you’re so so good it’s crazy!!!!!

AAAAAHHHH CAT!!!!! Thank you so very much for your time, for sharing this space and for this beautiful review oh my goodness ;~; <333 I am out here melting into a puddle of joy ;~; (also completely agree with you there, paradigm Hwa is… something else… really…)

For the main course <3 :

Honestly you mention this just as I am currently on a little bit of a san brainrot wave, and this is hitting different – perhaps the signs had been there even earlier and I was either in denial or oblivious to them lol; Both mc and Seonghwa try to act all ‘cool’ and smooth, be it to inflict wounds of jealousy or desire, or to present an odd version of nonchalance either way they are on interesting terms~ Ahahaah and the way I was thinking of Jongho when writing that part you mentioned~~ corrupt judge Jongho is pretty much canon so it had to be done~

;~; please you are too kind, thank you from my whole soul <33 Imagery is something that I enjoy quite a bit, since I would say I am a visual person generally and need to imagine how things look like to understand them, so I am really really glad that this flowed for you and was even… POETIC!?!?! Pls I am ;~; <33

Aaaah I am really happy that you liked the narrative style <3 I wanted to try my best to keep to a more ‘show’ rather than ‘tell’ style here, since there is more dark aspects to the story, crime/mystery tinges here and there (at least attempts at them), and I wanted the ‘what in the world happened’ to be hanging above the character’s heads like a sword, and then come together as these memories, that betrayal, the intensity of it all comes flying back. <3 And dfkjsglfsdf please I bow to you, am on my knees, bless you, really; thank you so much for your words on character development ;~; <3 I wanted to interlace emotional development (or turmoil lol) with the narrative itself so I am just incredibly glad that you enjoyed that!

Oh my goodness I am genuinely speechless, thank you ;~; It was a challenge to try and depict Seonghwa in a villain role (especially when constantly seeing updates on SNS and edits etc of him being literally the softest sunshine ahah) so really I am grateful that you liked his character in Bang Bang <33 At the end of the day, mafia!Hwa does not love, and if he does, it is the idea that he has crafted in his head, and will stop at nothing to bend the foundation (aka the person) to fit said idea. He wants to see people break, and he wants to be their demise and then their creator. And then, decide exactly when their time has run out. Effectively, he loves control. He desires nothing more than to take it away from others. Really I am just elated that you enjoyed!!!!! <33

Cat I am so so happy that you enjoyed the ending and the way in which mafia!Hwa’s character has been set up and grew to be the man, the monster, who actually could play into this ‘final request’ and potentially still win in some sense, or at least have his final thought be that he did. Also, while writing this I had the notion of the ‘sunrise’ and what that time of day means kind of replaying in my head, since if such an event (that is implied) is to occur, it could be seen as redemption, it could be seen as a new chapter, or it could be seen as an eradication of darkness (but who is it that perishes?). Overall the ending was in some ways a surprise even for myself, because initially I had one avenue planned out, and then… well I guess the two characters in the Rolls Royce steered themselves in another direction (and ahah I am right there with you in terms of open endings – closure? What? Huh? Lol)

Again, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for your kind words, for the time that you took to read and to respond, and generally for being such an amazing person <3333 Much love<3

#hm/asks #hm/bang bang #cat <3

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ricksanchez-z420 · 2 years

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for the music asks, can you answer either all of them or at least 5 of your choosing? I'm very curious 💜

queen bee wants em all she gets em all 💜🤙

(putting this all under the cut cuz its a lot 😅)

1. Song that always makes you happy

ocean man by ween for sure, its hard to be upset listening to that one

2. Song you listen to when you're sad

forget it by getter is def one of my go to feelsy songs

3. Top 5 songs of an artist of your choosing

island in the sun, say it ain't so, my name is jonas, beverly hills, sweater song

4. 3 most played songs on iTunes or Last.fm etc.

doin time by sublime, by the way by rhcp, i wanna get better by bleachers (on spotify cuz i dont have that other shit lol)

5. Favourite song right now

ive been weirdly obsessed with buried alive by terror reid lately

6. Favourite album of all time

probably sublimes self titled album if i have to pick

7. Favourite song of all time

santeriaaa

8. Favourite artist of all time

subliiime

9. A memory associated to an artist of your choosing

my dad really liked selena...he used to say she had an angelic voice. i was only 8 when she died but i remember my dad being devastated

10. Song that you feel you must always dance to

i literally dance to everything lmaooo must be a drummer thing but as long as it has a beat im groovin to it

11. First album you bought

my first album was dookie, unintentionally pissed my mom off but it was totally worth it

12. A song that reminds you of someone you love

😒

youtube

13. A song from your childhood

gonna have to put this here for reasons

youtube

14. A song that reflects your personality

def gonna have to go with alien boy by oliver tree

15. Most hated song of all time

honestly anything by tool i cannot stand tool

16. Most overrated song

oblivion by grimes

17. Most underrated song

youtube

18. Most overrated artist

grimes 😏

19. Most underrated artist

everyone should go check out peach prc shes great her music is great

20. Favourite vocal performance

i just have to share a video for this one lol the whole thing is a ride from start to finish

youtube

21. Favourite guitar solo

i mean this 100% jack blacks solo in school of rock at the end where they perform in battle of the bands is fuckin choice dude

22. A song no one would expect you to love

i love terror jr ive been kind of following her for a while, this is a fave by her

youtube

23. A song you get stick for liking

i have a couple of lana del rey songs on my smoke playlist and i get mad shit from c137 AND morty 😒

24. A song you'd like at your funeral

i want im a believer by smash mouth blasting at my funeral (definitely joking)

pls play i miss you by blink 192 at my funeral (very much not joking)

25. Karaoke song

likely anything by sublime or weezer 😅 talking heads is fun to do too

26. Favourite summertime song

summertime by sublime 😏

27. Favourite Christmas song

oh my goood ive been waiting my whole life to share this because no one believes me but SIMPLE PLAN PUT OUT A CHRISTMAS SONG

youtube

28. An artist you used to love but don't really listen to now

im actually embarrassed to admit this but i had a very short lived obsession with limp bizkit when i was a kid 😅 lets just say i was an angry child lol

29. A cover that's better than the original

ive really been digging doja's cover of celebrity skin

30. A song that you have to crank the volume up for

i always crank my girl doja up

youtube

31. What song was top of the charts when you were born

ok so i had to look this up and the first thing i saw was everybody have fun tonight by wang chung lol

32. C.D. that's always in the car

i havent really done cds since like...2009 maybe 2010 lol

33. Which genre of music features most heavily in your collection

grunge and pop punk mostly but id say i have a pretty good mix of everything

34. Which genre(s) do you try to avoid

im not the biggest fan of most metal tbh (mort and i clash a lot when it comes to this 😅)

35. A song that is always stuck in your head

ngl this is on loop constantly in my head

youtube

#just stoner rick things; asks #do you have any idea how hard it was to spread this out and not make every answer a sublime song??? 😂😂😂#also i lied about doing all of them there were couple of duplicates and a couple i didnt feel like answering 😏

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icharchivist · 2 years

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*slides into your inbox* um. in case it hasn’t been clear I’ve been having a3 thoughts and while that’s nothing new it IS new that I have the motivation to be emotionally devastated by some plays!!! soooo… ginji the wanderer it is. i am sooo hype for a sakyo lead. knew that colead was gonna be juza since there’s been a pattern of getting everyone as lead/colead for the event plays except for the troupe leaders… smart choice imo since the act 2 plays are the leader and rookie right?

watching the play i actually almost thought taichi was the co-lead for a bit! his power of being so damn charming and compelling that he becomes the heart of a autumn's plays i suppose... i'm obsessed with how literally every single autumn play so far has been about a loner that is for sure not a loner. take banri and juza working together and bonding in the roman episode, then omi befriending taichi in the stranger, and then now sakyo with taichi as his follower and also pledging himself towards this yakuza family! it's like... i see u autumn. the slashing noises during the play are so funny. also i think its very cool to have juza play a character thats insecure about his own abilities! i feel like... he projects this air of confidence so well that its actually novel to have him act out something that's a bit closer to his true self! and i liked that banri was like “the mental strain of having to be hyodo’s underling is what’s killing me” um,,, oh,, the underling that he literally welcomes back even after a huge betrayal?? the underlings he swears to protect? like i obviously get his meaning lol but its so funny like. 1) you betray him dude so clearly it was killing mr.underling (i know his name is mogi) in the play and 2) juza / ken likes you. dummy.

gah the poster is soooo good too. like the text and the sword and no glasses sakyo with his kimono improperly worn <3 they know what the ppl want. oh speaking of the costuming i thought it was such a sweet detail that taichi specifically greets yuki when he comes in! and abt sakyo's kimono yuki says “tsuzuru specifically requested it” i imagine it went like tsuzuru: we're using sakyo's sex appeal to get tickets. get that man into a kimono! he knows what the people want. i thought omi was gonna get more of beard though like. that's not even 5 o'clock shadow it's the shadow when u stand right under the sun at noon. yes i understand that 5 o'clock shadow does not refer to the suns position and the shadow it casts but something else entirely. however this is just how i am. citroncore. i was surprised yuki knew how to do makeup tho! didnt remember he could.

loved it when the other troupes ran into their practice particularly homare writing down “crossin’ into my turf” bc sparkle eyes I ALSO write down turns of phrase I like! it was also so nice to see sakoda bc he's so sweet! i love how he has like an absolutely maniacal cackle laugh while all hes saying is omg im gonna watch sakyos play and cheer for him!! also while banri has the absolutely buckwild suggestion of "maybe he got married" i think its funny that hes like well why else would he leave. no other reason. though i cant make fun of him too hard because i was sitting there worried like "they already paid off their debt in full right?? was sakyo planning on leaving once that was done???" oh but speaking of banri i rly felt like he was. he jokes that well at least we wont have to hear him yelling at us anymore and its like. wow dude u are coping so hard. bc he's even the one who most actively reaches out to sakyo by saying that like he can come to him if hes having any big issues or whatever. anyways this whole scene was a real reminder They Are Children. bc juza and banri don't quite look it bc of how they act but They Are. omi's like the only adult, but like about 100% of a3, he has abandonment issues by the mile (seriously. who in a3 Does Not have that) it was so funny when sakyo realized something was wrong and called himself a grandpa that was 10 years older than them. i was like *regina george voice* so you agree? you think you’re a father figure to them?

sakyo: guess i'm a bother figure to them. his convo with izumi was rly illuminating lol. he was very much like. and it's so like... yeah sakyo you think you have to isolate yourself from everyone i get it because you're too different and you'll hurt people when you're near them... juza's exactly like that too, yknow? i really loved that about this event--it really called out the sakyo-juza parallels which i enjoyed, and I think it was definitely like. incredibly About Sakyo, which feels like a smart choice given that juza was highlighted so much during the first autumn play (because sriously, rather than lead and co-lead, his and banri's roles felt pretty even?)

okay onto muku appearing and mentioning kyuchan... i get so hype whenever kumon is mentioned!!! it's like. my boy!!!! wants 3 flyers to he can save one display one and carry around one... i don't know you yet but i love you. juza also thinking abt stopping by the bakery on the train was just. it was so sweet (pun intended) like. juza is just a scary looking 15 year old who thinks about mundane things like let me grab some pastries on the way back and smiles. i also like that it seems like juza's family really loves him because it's like... well sometimes you can have problems even if your family loves you, yknow? im not saying i dont love awful family situations because um. well i absolutely do but its nice, seeing this as well.

i thought juza following sakyo was so funny because like. he's a tall eye-catching teenager that absolutely has never tried to follow anyone or be stealthy in his life considering his history. also i love that hes like. gah. this is totally something banri would do and then goes and does it. also when he was like "wow, that ladys old i didnt know sakyo would date someone that older than him" i immediately was like. ok so thats definitely his mother. you dumbass. i did like how juza is like... so polite to sakyo's mom and like very clearly speaks to her abt sakyo doing theatre and stuff like. it checks out that he'd actually be quite good at that thing. also i felt like a3 was rly accurate in getting that embarrasment of introducing your friends to you parents from sakyo lol. and i loved that sakyo is like "here juza ill buy u dessert and narrate by tragic backstory" and then he has everyone make tea the second time its so funny (also that juza is just chowing down on sweets during it). also the amt of "..." going on in this whole event is so autumn.

but about sakyo's backstory... i got a very clear image of like. a bruised beaten up kid (20 is young enough for SURE) on the verge of collapsing into fever due to the rain just absolutely breaking down and telling his life story. what the hell. like i know sakyo's fine (more fine than before at least) but i cannot imagine the pressure of thinking u are a fuckup for so long and then joining the yakuza to make your mother believe you're less of a fuckup only to have the guilt of being part of it make you feel like EVEN MORE of a fuckup than before... anyways him joining the ginsenkai family rly puts it into perspective like hm. why sakuya feels like he has to respect the play so much and work so hard. though i imagine that is also because this is his first leading role and he wants to really respect mankai's legacy.

like i sort of mentioned before i think it's so well done that juza catches onto sakyo saying "one last time" because that's probably how he was with pushing away muku (and perhaps kumon? i don't know) so it's obvious that he'd be like. hey. be with your family. because that's what juza so obviously does now. and love how he intuitively understands that but then compulsively just admits "yeah banri said he's prefer it if you weren't around to yell at us" like YOU KNEW HE WASN'T SERIOUS WHY IS THAT WHAT U LEAD OFF WITH WHEN SAKYO IS LIKE YOU GUYS PROBABLY HATE ME YELLING...

it's all good though because juza's line of “isn’t that what people call love, or something?” is so worth it. obsessed with this coming from juza "so many repressed feelings" hyodo. also i love how as soon as they come back izumi has learned about the issue and immediately confronts sakyo. she is so funny to me. and again the juza sakyo relationship is sooo good here. sakyo saying “he reminds me so much of myself that I ended up blabbing about everything”... juza talking about how he felt like sakyo was always someone to respect and who was above him but now he realizes that they both struggle with the same thing... like man! sakyo spent this event thinking juza and autumn found him annoying but juza thought he was literally TOO COOL to treat as an equal!

the icebreakers were also so cute. loved the lil generation gap and that izumi knew what they were. taichi leading them works because really. autumn needs him he is rly good at bringing those guys together i think.

the play itself! sakyo sans glasses is a Look ofc and the taichi: wow u almost look like a yakuza ur so scary / sakyo: I AM ONE. made me laugh. yuzo crying because he was so happy to see how sakyo's grown really got to me too like. huh he really has seen sakyo for the last 10 years or something. and i KNOW sakyo slayed that action scene at the end.

i was so worried when juza was like where's kumon? but then he came barrelling in and HE IS SO CUTE. so sweet to juza! love how quickly juza is like you are NOT joining the yakuza. u can tell he's an older brother. now personally i've never had a sibling that liked me that much but I'm willing to believe in it being possible. cannot believe izumi has to ask who he was though like. purple hair yellow eyes who else would it be. the "how’s baseball" question and the "still a bench warmer lets change the subject!" answer tho... eyes emoji. man. realistically high school sports can be so tough like. u have to be there all the time for practice but not getting to play makes it look like you've done nothing at all... i wonder if that's kumon's issue (hes really proud of juza but doesn't feel like he has anything) or it's something else! i'm excited to find out... and he brought cookies! great kid. the "oh! but u don’t have to share with that banri dude if you don’t wanna!" is also so sibling and it's nice to see how :) juza is around him.

the parallel with sakoda hugging sakyo so hard was so sweet! as well as taichi basing his role off of sakoda... yeah. i think framing it against kumon and juza's interaction was a rly good way of showing how important sakoda is to sakyo! onto dinner with the yakuza i loved how taichi was still so :D and how juza and banri are still bickering. these guys do not change for anyone. it was a surprise to see ichiro's sprite pop up! i like his outfit design here especially too.

the "where’s the brat?" has me going…boss’s son… AUTUMN ROOKIE??? AZAMI!!!??? i feel like I’ve heard he hates his dad!! so. hype. also when the boss is like "I didn’t think a theatre troupe would take in a yakuza…" sir u do not know how desperate this troupe was. also they were literally in debt to that yakuza (though, in that case, asking them is even more wild lmao) and the "i wouldn’t want you as my sister. you’re something else to me." sakyo you are so obvious. i love seeing sakyo izumi interactions tho. it always feels like. she has a lot more personality when he’s around? like that first conversation they had when she asked him if anything was wrong was also really good like... it feels like they just rly talk to each other head on? i like it they're cute.

anddd that's abt it for my thoughts! i listened to buzama at the end and i don't have much to say except wow, sakyo and juzas voices go REALLY well together!! so to end this I'll say i looked at the belial design again and realized he was drinking apple juice and i was like "that is so mild what the hell. thats so funny" until i had the epiphany that if he's in a story that involves a character named lucifer then. then is his school au self drinking apple juice as a reference to sin in the garden of eden. thats even funnier if thats the case.

oh my god TWO a3 rambling messages from you in two days? It must be my birthd- wait. BUT I MEAN BY THAT, WHAT A GIFT! i'm so glad aaah it's my pleasure!!! Ginji time!!

under cut as always ;D

And yeap pretty much, act 2 play is leader and rookie, so for the 3rd play you can expect pairing whoever is left in the troupe yeap!

oh my god what you say about Taichi… this is so true. He becomes so damn good sobs. It's funny bc on one hand it can also just justified by "he looks vulnerable so Tsuzuru alway smakes him go through hell to pull the heartstrings" but in the end it's Taichi who pushes through and shine with them!!

Your observation about how every autumn play is about loners who are not fully loner… so real. I didn't notice before so it's such a nice thing to point out thank you!! But yesss Juza's chara fit him so much sobs. This play was really good. DLKFJDKLFJKDFL THE ROAST ON BANRI. BEAUTIFUL. DESERVED.

and GOD YEAH the poster is REALLY GOOD i love it. They sure indeed know what the people want. DLKFJDLKFJLDKFJDFKLJDFKL I love your observation. Yes i love Taichi welcoming Yuki, and Tsuzuru deciding to whoring out the old man right away is a delight. But agreed Omi should have a better bear shh. And no no i think your language analysis is pertinant. Citroncore. I guess Yuki picked up some stuff out of fashion stuff? but yeah, surprising indeed.

Homare is as good as ever and i'm so happy it's more details for you to relate to!! Sakoda has such a nice presence this event too, he's truly adorable and i love him and his stupid laugh so much. Sakyo numba one fan.

oh my gOd you managed to get worried for Sakyo this is so sweet. But yesss totally agree with what you point out, Banri was coping hard and it really does remind that they are children, you shouldn't infantalize them in any way and all but. yeah sobs. Omi is indeed the adult figure aside from him but esp as someone who had to take the "mom" role at a young age he probably just, didn't have a healthy "adult" way to step out and could easily get in his own head about all of this. DLKFJDFLDF THIS IS SO REAL THOUGH Sakyo is out there realizing he's a father but he only sees the "old" factor not the FATHER FACTOR.

(genuinely think that the whole scene from b99 would happen to them one day tho.)

I FUCKING TYPED THAT. BEFORE SCROLLING DOWN AND SAW YOU REFERED TO THE BOTHER FIGURE THING LMAO. But yess you're so right about everything else. I also really love that Juza is the one calling him out since Sakyo did mention that he saw a bit of himself in Juza (and it made him feel bad because Juza never gave up on his dream and Sakyo did). So Juza being the one to call him out, seeing right through him, really drives this point even more home. It was honestly so good. (agreed about the Roman Episode having equal time tho)

WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT KUMON.. YES. YES. BABYBOY. This is the spirit. But yeah i agree i really love Juza's family and how, no matter how rough life is for him, at least home is a safe place. He has support and people he loves, though it adds to the guilt and fear to give them a bad name, but none of them actually blames him. It's just gnhhh i love the Hyodo Sakisaka household so much.

Juza following Sakyo is funny for all you said + the fact that Sakyo, yakuza, didn't fucking notice at first sobs. "banri would do it" says he as he does it is really funny indeed tho. man the meeting with Sakyo's mom was really sweet. I did absolutely love to see Juza bond a bit with her and her getting so sweet with him, he was probably so intimidated and yet. what an angel.

And god yeah. Sakyo's backstory is really pulling the heartstrings alright. He wants to be less of a burden on his mom so much that he's willing to take SO much more burdens than needed on his shoulders it's just man. man!!

god all you summarize brings me back the feelies i'm going to choke up. You're totally right on Juza catching Sakyo's drift and even more calling him out (and throwing Banri under the bus in the process) I LOVe Izumi's reaction too. I love how Izumi is her own character that way, she's just as bonkers as the rest of them. And god man. The dynamic between Juza and Sakyo really is so soft and it's just. so good. man.

Everything after that was so good. The icebreaking scene as you sia,d and the lead up to the play, and the play itself man.

AND WOUHOUUU KUMON!! coming like a storm. He's so damn adorable! And omg yeah i feel you on that. I saw some people poke fun at their dynamic like "how unrealistic that they love each other this much" and i'm just no!!! they're sweet!!! Juza is a sweet boy who takes care of others and his little bro is a baby having to be stopped from following his impulses else he'll probably do something stupid. What else do you expect!! this is genuinely so cute of a dynamic tho sobs. AND YEAH LEGIT IZUMI IT WAS OBVIOUS IZUMI COM'ON. hohoho i'm excited for you getting to see what Kumon's deal is. It is an interesting to catch on about him so do hold on to that but i'll say i adore your keen eye for the Hyodos. It'll be a ton of fun. AND YEAH Kumon, the first ally on the battle against Banri with the war on cookies.

AND GOD YEAH. Sakoda/Taichi/Kumon team up in the future which is just "geeking over Juza and Sakyo" while Sakyo slowly dies of embarassment. But yes!! it really does help framing how much they care about one another.

But YEAH genuinely it still kills me how cosy Mankai is with the Yakuza. Having a Yakuza in the cast is one thing, having an entiere Yakuza family chilling, supporting us, and inviting us to dinners, while the kids can be normal around them? genuinely this boggles me more than the supernatural stuff in the Winter chapter. Like. What is happening. BUT YEAH i love the little cameo from Ichiro. I love when the backstage guys are acknowledged, godspeed.

EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH 8D Love the Brat we exist to cherish the brat. This event does so much to prepare for the rookies. it's so good.

We were desperate. We were not wise. And the Yakuza took us first by saving the theater even OKAY. SAKYOOO HE IS SO OBVIOUS IT'S DISGUSTING. JUST TELL YOUR FEELINGS ALREADY OLD MAN. But i agree yes she does have a very strong personality around him and man their dynamic is really adorable. they're so damn cute. I root for them.

But YEAH Buzama really is SO good. Their voices is so so good.

Thank you so much for your thoughts on the event, it truly was a blast to read through and a pleasure to relive <33 those guys make me all so soft, always and forever.

About Belial, yeAH tHIS IS SO STUPID AND FUNNY. And yeap you nailed it, kind of, there's also the fact that in the actual game Belial is associated to the apple too, this is one of his official art:

He is supposed to be a bit associated to temptation and stuff, one of the quests to get stronger (that is a must do for every player) involves him tempting the player, so yeap! but it's so funny they translated it with him always drinking apple juice in the event

it's also funnier to me knowing that Vyrn, our little dragon friend, is a lover of apple, and i'm pretty sure his face is on the apple juice's box AU!Belial drinks around. I feel like Vyrn is yelling as we speak.

but yeah also in the AU Belial is supposed to be 15yo and every. single. one of us. had a laughing fist about it when it was announced. I remember even some VAs and official cosplayers (bc we have a lot of cosplay shows with official cosplayer/actors) tweeting about how much they had a major whiplash from reading it and had to pause what they were doing for a second. This is so funny to me.

Belial, 15yo, slurping on his apple juice: ah hell welcome to my feast time to start the hedonist. (check the link it won't disappoint! just don't let anyone you're afraid to disappoint eardrops on you.)

This is terrible, but yes. the more you know!

thanks once again for sharing your thoughts it's always a blast <333 take care!

#ichareply #aranarumei #ichafantalks a3

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daimonhalos · 3 years

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Appreciation post for the eggpire and more during the red banquet cause I'm not seeing enough love for how well they organized and delivered and because I'm so proud of cc!Bad for how far the Bloodvines arc has gone ♥ (this stuff is from Bad's vod btw)

Also something to cheer people up a bit in case the lore got u hard like it got me cause I'm still not okay bestie <3

The starting soon screen being an animation (with glitches to show another frame!!) plus the jazzy electro-swing soundtrack underneath. Just such a good intro, I felt like I was actually in the waiting line for an event, just awesome.

Ponk. Just Ponk, dapper man, handsome Ponk just standing there. Gorgeous, thank you, standing ovation, I love him.

Just everything Bad and Ant did with the building of the room, the stairs!! The coat room!!! The statues right in front of the table, everything looked SO pretty.

ANT MY BELOVED LOOKING HANDSOME AS ALWAYS I just loved all their outfits. The banquet's skins just SLAPPED HARD.

The little moment where Bad changed view of his character and we could see him, Ant and Ponk cwc

Bad singing >>>>>>>>>>

Everyone getting lost despite the oak signs

THE ARC ABOVE THE DANCEFLOOR, WHAT THE HELL YOO

Bad complimenting everyone on their outfits and giving out some gapples here and there

Bad also always repeating the same catchphrases

Sam just drinking copiously and the dumpy situation

People actually dancing + HBomb being the dj

Puffy walking around Bad to see his outfit and complimenting him, just felt like their old friendship cwc

FOOLISH GAVE BAD A FLOWER <3

Bad scolding George for not wearing an outfit (Sam's "his name is Gogy and he is beautiful")

"It's almost time for the feast. It's gonna be delicious." the foreshadowing

Everyone dancing together cwc

"minecraft dancing is speed squats" eret ilu

Bad and Ant complimenting moment ♥

The eggpire all on the same side of the table. Them

Ponk's little "Hello!" after Bad said he made the soup, plus everyone going "good job!!" just twt

When Bad started asking if anyone wanted to give a toast, I realized eventually that this was more of a disguised "Want to say your last words before death?" and it now sounds s o freaking cool. ye s

P O N K 'S S P E E C H

"you look beautiful right now" sam i will cry

When in the middle of his speech, Bad turns to Ant who's already looking at him, nods, Ant nods back, and as Bad turns around again we can see Ant walking away from his seat. I am OBSESSED with this scene, like you already know something is about to go down and oh gosh it was delivered so good

THE LAVA COMING DOWN FROM THE CEILING AS BAD KEPT TALKING, NONE NOTICING, HIM TALKING ABOUT HOW THE BANQUET WILL BE UNFORGETTABLE. SO HOT

"And yeah! Thank you for coming everybody" the little mischievous giggles right after "And prepare uh ... yep. Prepare to die." AND THEN HE FUCKIGN DRINKS FROM HIS GLASS LIKE COME ON YOU CANT BE ANY COOLER THAN THAT YOOO

"The leaf is staying the way it is" you can hear the laughter in his voice like HAH GOTTEM that's so good

Bad still giving Hbomb gapples cwc

"Where you looking for this perchance?" AND THEN EQUIPS THE ENTIRE ARMOR AND WEAPONS E Y E when the twists started dude. this si where the twists started and never ended

HANNAH CROSSING SIDES AND SIDING WITH THE EGGPIRE. QUEEN SHIT that was such a cool moment for her i'm so glad she's getting her moment

The eggpire laughing, just pure villainy, love them

"Time to get on the main event" the nonchalance. The way they equipped the crossbows and readied the arrows at the same time. B r u h fucking awesome they are

The eggpire faking being afraid when Sam was talking about blowing the egg up. Sad that we already knew about the obsidian thing, but still made it a very cool scene. Especially right after when they started laughing at them again. I don't know what it is about it but I love them being so sassy.

FREAKING EXECUTIONS THEY WORKED FOR MASS EXECUTIONS they were able to trap all those freaking people!! And trick them and counter attack all the time! what the fuck, I'm so impressed

Thank you Fundy for sounding super terrified /gen ♥

Wait ahah they really said EGGSECUTION-

THE EGG HATCHES THE EGG HATCHES THE EGG HATCHES im not saying IT but im saing Velvet

"Follow me! Follow me!" HANNAH SOUNDED SO ENTHUSIASTIC i love

"We trusted you!" "Well, that was your first mistake-" THE WAY BAD WAS ABOUT TO LAUGH. DUDE they definitely had so much fucking fun making this

sassyboyhalo

Foolish acting thank u ily. Also the thunder not working what the heck i wanna know what was going on inside his mind right then he sounded so lost. THE ACTING

"Sacrifice!" Hannah idk how to say this but I love you

ANT MOMENTTTT

When puffy called them selfish i was expecting bad to just do a huge double take. I wanted him to snap immediately PLEASE SNAP-

BAD DELIVERING AGAIN WITH THE AMAZING ACTING

"Not just for the egg but for what the egg is going to give us" he's so desperately trying to make them udnerstand it promised him his friend back he literally mentions it every single time but everyone calls him selfish because they think he wants power when he just wants skeppy's friendship back in this essay I will- Anyway yes I love that he never explicitly says it because it kills us viewers with pain cause we KNOW and then the reveal will be 100 times more powerful. This is so awesome

"I can't stop Quackity and you know why I can't stop. If I stop I can't get what I need." his voice grew so much lower like he's just holding back MAN I HH IT WAS SO GOOD

SECRET RETREAT ROOM YOOO

Ponk giving Bad some food and telling him to stay safe, Bad telling both Hannah and Ponk to stay safe too. My tears

And now the solo Bad lore part, where we actually see the true part of him that's absolutely devastated and makes me cry, the way he acted all confident and then saw everything crumble in a few seconds and now he's destroyed again because what if they find a way to destroy the egg what then? what if he never gets skeppy back? dude, you can just read his emotions it's so sad and i love how it was portrayed

"I know where I can go. I know who I can see!" BDI REF BDI REF FOR SURE I have a feeling that's going to be explained in the next lore stream with Skeppy and I'm so hype. I love the little crumbs of references here and there.

"But now they have it.." he sounded so broken??? bad your acting please ill cry

"I didn't really want to hurt anybody" his true self trying to get back cwc especially because he's farther away from the egg. I just love the transition between the guy Bad portrays who's so sure about the egg when it's in front of others and the doubts and anxiety he actually has when he's alone. Just so cool

"Did I screw up?" im just pointing out everything that moves me emotionally cause these people's acting is so cool

Ending the stream with simple black background my beloved

Okay but really I'm so so so proud of the ccs for making this happen and it's only going upwards, I'm literally so in awe, they really said go big or go home

Free space for Ant's villain speech I wasn't able to hear yet, but they said it was v cool, so I'm trusting people on this

Thank you for listening, stan Bloodvines arc /hj

If I made typos no I didn't

#badboyhalo #antfrost #ponk #hannahxxrose #captain puffy #awesamdude #fundy #foolish gamers #hbomb94 #georgenotfound #velvetiscake #skeppy #quackity #dream smp #dream smp spoilers #purp pls stop #long post #red banquet

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asbcblog · 3 years

Text

TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty,

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

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pitifulschwein · 4 years

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sex is so overwhelming. i haven’t even done it yet. but I met someone who I think there’s like a 60% or 70% I'll have sex with eventually. I really like him. I haven’t known him very long yet but I like him. I don’t trust him entirely yet, obviously. I'm nervous to meet him, but excited (we met online but live in the same city). but I've spent the last two years or so obsessing over the idea of having sex. I've been filled with very intense dread over it for so long. I met him and he is the only person I've ever been able to see myself losing my virginity to. I don't even believe in the concept of virginity, I think it’s stupid and made up by men. but it’s just easier to use the term for the sake of this post. but he’s nice and understanding and patient. so far. he’s made it clear to me so far that he understands and values consent. we have a lot of the same or similar kinks. he’s not into feet or piss or whatever. there’s a couple things he’s into that I'm not 100% about but nothing whatsoever that just makes me wanna ghost him. I've told him I want my first time to be more “””””vanilla””””” just more simple and not too intense or kinky. and he seems to be 1000% okay with that. just glad to have me however. I've told him I need to hang out with him a few times before we have sex at all. I have good intuition and I can tell he is genuinely a good person. but however I feel, I'm still going to be as cautious and as safe about everything as I possibly can. the first time I see him, I’m going to tell at least three people (my brother, and two of my girl friends) exactly where we are, every location if we go to a few places idk. my therapist suggested I tell them that I'm going to let them know I'm okay every hour and if I don’t check in, to call the police for me or something like that. he asked if I would be free to come over to his place the day before thanksgiving or on christmas eve. I thought I could do it and even spend the night before thanksgiving, but then I talked to my therapist a couple days later and he made me realize that me and this dude are definitely getting ahead of ourselves. I definitely was just blinded by my own feelings at the time, and not thinking very much about my own safety. so I told him I'd rather meet in public a few times before doing anything like that and he seemed a little upset that I was feeling uneasy about it but still understanding and everything. but maybe by Christmas Eve we will have spent enough time together in public that I'll feel safe going to his place

anyways just the concept of sex is so overwhelming and it’s driving me crazy. I've been obsessing over sex for years and dreading it. but in the last week I've been doing a ton more research about it. the actual act of having sex, protection methods, STDs, abortions if I get pregnant somehow. I always thought/hoped that my first time would be with a woman so that would have been one less thing to worry about (plus I probably wouldn’t have to worry about pain as much lol). and foreplay and making out (i’ve never even kissed anyone yet lmfao im such a pussy ass loser lmfao). I don’t know how to suck dick. I'm scared I'll fart or sneeze or both or something even more embarrassing like what if I just pee in his bed while he’s fucking me???? I think I'd immediately just die from embarrassment lmao. I'm scared of what facial expressions I'll make or how my fat will move around and look so disgusting and I won’t be able to angle it away or pose a certain way like I can in photos.

I’m terrified I'm going to forget to google and research one thing and it will be the most important thing. I know I need to ask him about whether he’s been tested and if he’s clean and everything but Jesus that’s going to be so awkward and embarrassing. but I know it’ll be so so much worse and like devastating if I find out he gave me something a few weeks later. what I do get sick? or what if I get PREGNANT?????? I know already that if I get pregnant somehow then I'll want an abortion. it’s just a matter of how to do that without my parents ever finding out about it.

I just got out of a serious relationship and have been in a very vulnerable and depressed state of mind. there was a few days we just talked like friends and flirted a tiny bit and it was kind of great and kind of a relief. I haven’t cum nearly as much as he has throughout our online intimate relationship so. and I started taking my antidepressants again and on top of the breakup and my depression/stress levels/anxiety being out of control lately, I haven’t really been in the mood anyways. so it was nice tbh. I love talking to him anyways. he seems to like talking to me too, just normally. he told me just talking to me in a normal platonic way turns him on still (I don’t think he would have said that if he thought it would make me uncomfortable) so win/win I guess. but then I tried to be all seggsy again and it didn't work out and I got kind of panicky and oof and he suggested we not talk for a little while so I can have time by myself to process things and actually start feeling better. in the moment I felt more mad and sad and annoyed at him for not wanting to talk to me for a while but now I realize that was actually a really nice fucking thing to do for me. he seems to really care about me and my mental wellbeing and safety and all that. so. that’s nice.

I'm just terrified of getting pregnant or getting an STD. those are my biggest fears about losing my virginity, but I'm also scared about so many little things. idk how to do anything. what if the way I make out is so gross? and he hates it? or I'm just boring as fuck during foreplay or actual sex. idk idk idk. it’s just a lot. but I'm doing my research and trying to take every single possible precaution and be as smart about it all as possible.

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