I’ve always been hypocritical. Quite frankly its one of my most consistent traits, thinking myself immune to the rules i hold for others. It’s kind of funny honestly, becuase hypocrites run rampant everywhere and never seem to like their own kind. I can’t say i’ve avoided this either, i despise hypocrites myself which in turn makes me even more of one i suppose. Normally my hypocrisy shows most when discussing bad habits, when i urge my friends to eat despite having been starving for days at my own volition, when I say to put down the blade while my wrists are still painted red, when i indulge in hate for my parents while black out drunk with a cig nested between my fingers. I guess thats more excusable then other kinds of hypocrisy at least, as it comes from care for others and a lack of care for oneself. But that always feels flimsy to me, a rose tinted hue over my actions. Besides justifying my actions encourages me even more right? It doesn’t really matter what you answer there because at the end of the day i will still be starving. I will still be in a pool of blood. I will still have cigarettes for breakfast and whiskey for dinner. Maybe theres still hope for change but i won’t persue it. I’d rather die like this then risk being worse for the chance of being better. Thats my biggest crime - being to set in my ways to get better.
Best thing about cql is the part where you see the hitherto indomitable Wei Wuxian scared to death to the point of begging by this slightly oversized wolf and they don't even tell you that he has a dog phobia until several episodes later. Excellent world building