Women

What does ‘gay’ mean?

El arrived home to find Will sketching on the room they both shared. They lived in a small 2-bedroom apartment in Chicago. Jonathan was renting a flat a few blocks away. “Hi.”

Will looked up form his sketchbook, “Hey. Where have you been? I was going to call mom in the next ten minutes if you didn’t show up.”

“I was with Lily at the school’s library. And it’s 7-5-6 so I’m still on time for curfew.”

“El, remember it’s said 7:56, not 7-5-6. And it’s fine, I just got worried. Mom called, she’s gonna be late, again,” he looked sad, “We have pizza left overs. Hungry?”

“Sure! And, Will?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you help me with my physics home please? I was only able to finish English at the library.”

“No problem. Let’s do it while eat.”

“Perfect.”

El put the table and brought her homework. Meanwhile, Will microwaved the pizza and tuned in the radio. Once the pizza was done, and Under Pressure played on the radio, Will sat next to El, and started to explain physics.

They took a few snacks with them when they went back to their room. El took some chips and started to read a magazine. Will had some cookies with him, but pretty much ignore them since he was sketching. “Will?”

“Yes,” he said without looking up from his sketchbook.

“Do you think Jo-mom,” El was still not used at calling Joyce mom, it was a new feeling for her, having a mother, “would let me stay at Lily’s this Friday?”

“Uh, I guess so,” he wasn’t paying that much attention. All of it was concentrated on trying to draw Eddie’s D&D next to the Party’s characters. Eddie had become Will’s best friend on Chicago. Eddie had clear that he was only the ‘Best Friend’ there, and that Mike would always be Will’s best friend. Well, sometimes Will doubt that. Mike was barely calling lately. And most of the time he would stay talking to El. The tension after their fight in the summer hadn’t really left.

“Will?”

“Yes?”

He was getting kinda annoyed. Not because of El asking that much questions, that was as common as school homework, but because he really wanted to focus. Eddie’s character was standing next to Will’s, and to his other side stood Mike’s. From left to right the characters would go: Eddie, Will, Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Max, and El. Will hoped that if the rest of the Party met Eddie they would like him and it wouldn’t be like Max all over again. Eddie had the bonus point that he also liked D&D. Maybe that was why he was getting frustrated over the drawing, he really wanted to make Eddie fit in.

“Lily likes you.”

“Uh, nice.”

“She likes you like, boyfriend like you,” she was now sitting looking at Will’s bed.

“Good to now.”

“Would you be her boyfriend?”

“El, if she likes me then she should ask me.”

“But would you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Cause, no.”

“You never go out.”

“I just- don’t want to,” Will was getting, not mad, but sad. There was one clear motive for him not wanting to go out with her.

“What about Max?”

“No.”

“Princes Leia?”

Will throw his sketchbook to the floor and faced El. “No, El! I wouldn’t go out with any of them.”

“Why?”

“BECAUSE IM FUCKING GAY! I WOULDN’T DATE LEIA, I WOULD DATE HAN SOLO! I WOULDN’T DATE LILY, I WOULD DATE EDDIE! I WOULDN’T DATE MAX, I WOULD DATE MIKE!” Will stopped there, tears running down his cheeks.

He threw himself onto his bed and covered his face with a pillow. That was the first time he had admitted that truth aloud.

El looked curious, she stood from her bed and sat on Will’s. “What does ‘gay’ mean?”

Will sniffed and took the pillow of his face. “You- you don’t know what gay means?”

“I think I’ve heard it. I remember a guy at Hawkins called you that when you were missing. Mike pushed him.”

He laughed. “Of course he did,” not knowing whether he referred to Mike or, the Hawkins guy, most likely, Troy. “Gay is when, a guy likes another guy in a dating way. Like me, I don’t wanna have a girlfriend, I want to have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, well, then why are you crying?”

“Because, people tell me its wrong, sin, even a sickness. We are call ‘fags’, ‘fairies’. And I- I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore. My dad used to say I was a mistake. That he wouldn’t raise a gay son. And so he didn’t. I just, hate myself so much. I just wonder if I would do better to the world if I weren’t in it at all.”

El grabbed Will by the shoulders and made him look at her in the eye. “Will, there’s nothing wrong with you. You are not sick, you are not a mistake. I know what’s it like not fitting in,” she hugged her adoptive brother as he broke into her shoulder, “you just need to find people to help you. And I may not be an expert on what ‘common’ people do, but I’m there for you. You’re my friend and my brother.”

Will continued to cry, saying stuff like ‘thank you’ and ‘I’m sorry’. El didn’t know what he could be sorry about, but decided that that wasn’t a moment for questions.

��I just feel like all of this is so stupid, you know?” Will said after a pause.

“I don’t think so. We can talk about boys together now!”

They laughed let the hug lose. Involuntarily Will looked over a photo pasted on his wall he had with Mike and said, “Love makes you so dam stupid.”

El didn’t notice Will staring at the picture. “It also makes you crazy,” she said. A voice inside Will said Well, if we are going crazy, then we are going crazy together, right? He smiled and dried the last tears that had fallen. “Yeah, I guess it does,” and after a pause he added, “El, please don’t tell anyone. I think mom and Jonathan have guessed it but still...”

“Sure, promise.”

Will stand up, took a stretch and while yawning said “I think I’m going to sleep, I’m sleepy.”

“It’s 1-0-4-,” she stopped to correct herself, “10:43. I think I’ll sleep too.”

They washed their teeth and put their pijamas on. Once each one was on their bed Will whispered “Thanks for being a good sister El.”

“No problem.” She smiled for herself.

“Good night.”

“Night.”

True happiness

True happiness Brohm R"Luke I'm sick of fighting with you! We've been engaged for almost a year now! This is bullshit!" L"ohm I know you're cheating on me it's obvious! It's Bryce isn't it? Its always been there and it's just gotten worse since he's moved down here! You will barely look at me anymore!" R"that isn't true toonz you've been distant for the last 8 months of our relationship I don't know what to do anymore we barley hold hands or kiss we sleep in separate rooms it's like I just have a roommate not a fiancé we've never had sex it's like you're ashamed of being gay and regret your decision to ask me to marry you." L"maybe you're right, maybe we rushed into our relationship after our drunken make out at delirious and Evans engagement party maybe all the ship stuff got to my head maybe the liquid courage took over and I was lonely geny just broke up with me and I'm sorry about that I'm just so confused and don't know if Im in love with you anymore..." Ryan's face was of pure shock but somehow understanding R"I'm gonna leaving to cool off." Ryan picked up his gray hoodie wallet phone and keys pulling the gray fabric over his muscular bare chest before stepping out into the crisp North Carolina air. He and toonz worked out together most of the time they were together both invested in their channels not really ever acting like a couple. This was the 4th time this week they started arguing and Ryan again was always the one to apologize first tonight wouldn't be the same he had to really think if he loves luke or not sure as a friend always but as a lover? He drove around till he heard his phone ding he knew it would be like asking where he'd gone he looked down but was surprised it was from "brycie-poo~" asking if he wanted to play dead by daylight. Ryan smiled there's always been a connection between them they always joked/teased eachother and ohm was sure if Bryce were bi he'd be all over that booty. Ohm pulled out his phone to reply to Bryce "sorry not home at the moment brycie not really in the mood toonz and I had another fight..." Bryce immediately replied "wanna come over?" Ohm smiled and made his way to bryces house he lives about 30 mins from their house. L"Del I fucked up! Big time I should've listened to you before ohm and I should've never gotten together.." D"toonz you're an idiot! I told you not to break his heart and if you wouldn't have gotten so drunk that night then my plan would've worked!" L" what the fuck are you talking about?!" D"that night I was trying to get Bryce and ohm together Bryce told me he'd fallen for him and wanted to be with him." L"oh my gosh I really am an idiot! And Del to tell you the truth geny and I have been talking again and she wants to get back together and I'm considering it I don't want to hurt ohm tho so I don't know what to do help me please!" D"Evan! Get the fuck off me I'm trying to talk to Luke! Sorry toonz Evan just came hope and tackled me to the floor umm I would talk to him he's a great man I'm sure he'd understand I'm not to sure if he's really in love with you I know he loves you but most likely as a friend. EVAN! Luke i gotta go vanoss won't fuck off and is dragging me around the kitchen table want me to call ohm and see what he says?" L"no..I'll talk to him when he comes back I just hope he comes home tonight we gotta hash this out." D"alright brother I'll stop by tomorrow and see how things are I gotta deal with this owl boy!" L"good luck clown man you may be taller but he's buffer." Jon and Luke hung up and luke started walking around the house looking at all the pictures on his wall the first of Jon ohm Bryce and himself the first time they met. They were all so happy, now Bryce is miserable he put his feelings aside for his 2 best friends he's a good man he and ohm would be perfect together. L"damn I fucked up!" Ohm got out of his car walking to the door ringing the doorbell. Bryce opened the door smiling B"hey ohm you okay? Wanna talk about it?" Ohm shook his head looking down B"come here bunny man." Bryce pulled ohm into a bone crushing hug shutting the door behind him. Ohm might be older but he's shorter he leans his head on bryces shoulder sliding his hands around his waist leaving no space between them. B"want to play Mario kart?" Ohm nodded into his shoulder B"okay but you gotta let me go so I can set it up." Ohm squeezed Bryce one more time immediately missing the warmth as he let go. They sat down on the couch and started playing soon Ryan forgot all his problems and got really into the game! R"oh Bryce! I'm coming for that booty!" B"uhuh! No not gonna happen! Can't catch me!" O"is that a challenge?" They played a Grand Prix getting closer and closer with every race. Bryce was now in between ohms legs practically sitting in his lap. R"FUCK! Damn it Bryce! Why are you so good at Mario kart?!" B"you just suck sorry ohm." R"oh yeah?" Bryce nodded ohm took this opportunity and started tickling his side till he was gasping for air trying to get away. B"ohm! Stop please!" Bryce got a hold of ohms hoodie trying to push him off but ohm grabbed both his hands in his holding him down but lost his balance on the rug and fell onto Bryce. Both inches from the others lips both blushing a deep shade of red. B"Ryan.." R"I'm sorry!" Ohm released his hands Bryce gripped ohms hoodie pulling him closer. B"don't be I've been meaning to tell you something for the longest time.." Ohm looked down at the blonde blushing mess under him averting his eyes. B"umm..well I know you're with cartoonz but I'm in love with you....have been for awhile now I was planning on telling you at dels engagement but then I saw you and Luke kissing so I keep my mouth shut even tho it's been killing me seeing you guys together." Bryce was on the verge of tears pouring his heart out to the maskedgamer. Bryce let go of ohm to wipe away his tears holding in a sob. Ryan moved bryces hands and wiped the tears falling with his thumbs. R"Bryce I..I love you too I feel like I always have I love Luke but not in the same way I did a few months ago and I really need to talk to him about everything but I don't want to hurt him or you I'm so happy!" Bryce pulled ohm towards him wrapping his arms around his neck B"yay I can't believe you like me too if you want I can help you talk to Luke." Ohm wrapped his arms around bryces waist again. R"I don't think he'll be too hurt I got a call from geny the other day asking me if Luke would take her back...I think they've been talking a lot recently and I don't blame him she's a big part of his life and I truly believe that's his soul mate." Ohm pulled Bryce up off the floor placing his hand on his hips holding him. R"alright I'll go back and talk to him I just got ahold of you I don't plan on letting you go or cheat on toonz." B"well I'll let you go this time but he prepared because once you come back I won't let you leave my arms for the rest of your life got it?" R"I'll hold you to that promise brycie." Bryce backed ohm against the wall rubbing his hand against his cheek. Before leaning down to kiss it. B"I don't want to let you leave but I know you gotta." Bryce took ohms hands off his hips kissing his knuckles before handing him his keys and walking him to the door B"see you soon bunny man." R"soon my little angel." Ohm kissed bryces cheek then headed home. He's been away since about 3 in the afternoon it now being 5 he figures luke would be in the small gym they had set up in the garage. Opening the door to the garage he heard voices luke and genys L"gen look I'm happy to see you but I will not cheat on ohm he and I are still an item and I won't betray his trust so until we hash this out you and I can't be together." G"I love that about you Lukey you're a great man, both of you are great men and these past few months have been hard on both of you. Both wanting and longing for your true partners I'm yours toonz and Bryce is ohms we all know that. I've waited 8 months what's a few more days?" Ohm peeked his head into the garage luke was on the press up bench and geny was on top of him. I think 9 months ago I'd be in a jealous rage but they just melt together like a puzzle piece. So I knock before heading inside L"ohm! You're home welcome back!" Geny and luke separated to fast geny hit the floor. Luke was helping her to her feet when Ryan came walking in. R"yeah I'm back um toonz listen before you say anything let me just say I love you but more like a brother than anything I think that's the same with you we don't act nor seem like a couple it's been fun being roommates and we'll always remain friends but my heart has belonged to Bryce for sometime now I was just too stupid to realize and I know you and gen are soulmates so we're good no need to explain we'll be alright." Geny was practically in tears L"ohm you'll always be my brother from another mother and I wish you and Bryce a lifetime of happiness because we both deserve to be happy and geny is where I'm happiest so i don't plan on letting her go." Ryan and luke made there way across the room to each other pulling the other in a hug. Letting go of the other luke pulled geny in to his chest holding her as if it would be the last. R"take care of that Viking of a man geny alright?" G" I plan to never let him out of my sight again thank you Ryan for being so understanding so what's the next move?" R"well you better move your ass in here cause toonz is gonna need a roommate and I have a promise to keep so I'll come back tomorrow or the day after to grab some stuff and don't be too loud guys we have neighbors." L"speak for yourself ohm see ya man thank you." Ryan and Luke shook hands before ohm was heading back to bryces house. Bryce was pacing around his house waiting checking his phone every 2 seconds to see if his masked gamer was coming back or not. The only text he got was from delirious asking if he talked to ohm yet and if brohm was officially canon! Bryce told him to suck a dick and Jonathan replied not married yet bitch! Ryan made it back to bryces house with a small duffle bag of cloths. He rang the doorbell once more waiting for the blonde YouTube to answer the door it only took Bryce 4 seconds to come running. Bryce opened the door smiling from ear to ear B"welcome home ohmie!" Ohm walked past Bryce inside pushing him into the wall lifting him off the ground, Bryce was caught off guard but wrapped his legs around ohms waist his arms around his neck immediately kissing those lips he's wanted for a good year and a half. Ohm closed the door, dropping his bag in the process. The two of them gasping for air was the only reason to stop the kiss. B"so ohmie does this mean that you're mine now?" R"yeah brycie I'm all yours!" Ohm leaned back in to kiss Bryce again knowing this is where he was meant to be. Who knows maybe at their engagement kryoz or John will finally make a move on Smii7y but we'll see....